TITLE-When We Don't Talk
AUTHOR-devinsnama   mysweets530@hotmail.com
RATING-G
SPOILERS-any episode with Harm and Mac is fair game
DISCLAIMERS-I don’t own them. I’m Just borrowing them for a little 
entertainment. They belong to DPB. I will return them when I’m done 
playing 
with them. Story inspired by
Ilse de Lange with the title song.
SUMMARY-After Paraguay Macs finds herself alone, with only a photo 
album and 
a song on the radio for company.
NOTE-Written February 1-2, 2004. Also, a huge thanks to Barb for 
beta-reading this, you help give my words meaning.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

MAC’S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA

It was another Saturday night, Mac again was alone in her apartment 
with 
nothing to do, nothing to keep her company but her thoughts, and some 
music 
softly playing on the radio. The loneliness seemed to start to overcome 
when 
she, almost without thinking, reached for their photo album. The album 
was 
one of two identical ones that Harm had made just for each of them.

Silence that’s fallen between us,
Is the loneliest sound I’ve heard.
How can we find forgiveness,
We can’t find the words.

‘From the moment I met Harm‘, thought Mac, ‘my life has never been the 
same. 
I knew from the start that he would be a part of my life, forever.’

‘We met in a rose garden, its beauty paled in comparison to the 
blue-green 
of his eyes, and his glowing smile. And then our hands touched and I 
knew 
for sure, Harmon Rabb, this tall handsome stranger, was to become an 
important part of me.’

‘There were times on an investigation, that I thought that my life was 
at an 
end, only to have it saved by this man. He seemed surreal.  Almost able 
to 
ride up on his white horse and save the day, just like a super hero. I 
guess, in a very special way he was, He was my super hero. There were 
times 
that I saved his life as well, only bringing us closer together, and 
tighten 
  this strange bond between us.’

When we don’t talk,
When we don’t speak.
When we don’t share our feelings, that are buried so deep,
How can we what’s hidden behind these walls.

‘We always knew we could count on each other, we even knew what the 
other 
was saying, even without words. Many times the words that needed to be 
said 
were never spoken, Too many times those chances were lost.’ As Mac 
turned 
the pages of the album, it seemed she was turning the pages in her 
heart as 
slowly the memories inundated her.

As Mac studied at the photos, each scene played out in her mind. Photos 
of 
Harm standing with his biplane, and his arm platonically resting across 
her 
shoulders tugged at her heartstrings. ‘That was the first time I flew 
with 
him,’ she thought. ‘I should have known then, we were in for a bumpy 
ride. 
There were photos taken at the Embassy Ball, where she recalled his 
strong 
arms around her as they danced. The memory of the warmth his hold 
produced, 
strengthened her idea that he had not thought of her as his sister 
after 
all.

A photo of Harm holding the baby that he help deliver, at the time the 
hospital had been held by terrorists, brought a smile to her face, and 
a 
tear to her eye. How proud she was of Harm that day. Having injured 
himself 
while pushing her out of danger, saved a hospital full of people, and 
helped 
bring a new life into the world. All in a day’s work for the man she 
was 
proud to call her partner.

Turning to the next page, Mac found the photo of the two of them, taken 
after her return to JAG.  Recalling how much she wanted the life Dalton 
offered her then, she had found she only belonged at Jag, and in her 
own 
special way, she belonged to Harm as well.

The next picture was one of Harm and her at the wedding of Bud and 
Harriet 
as they were dancing. A warm safe feeling surrounded her as he held her 
close and she wished she could experience that intimacy once more. 
After 
their recent events in Paraguay, she wondered if she would ever feel 
that 
safe again.

When the doors lock,
When we lose touch.
When you and I lose sight of hope,
The honesty’s lost.
And the tears say it all,
We don’t talk.

The next page held the photo of her holding Baby AJ, and Harm was 
sitting 
beside her with one arm draped around her shoulders. Their promise rang 
in 
her ears just as if an audio tape had been recorded at the time they 
spoke 
those fateful words to each other and was now playing back. Her 
biological 
clock increased to a deafening sound which each second ticking with 
longing. 
Not only for a child, but for “his” child. She thought about how many 
nights 
she lay in bed, dreaming of Harm lying next to her, and how it would 
feel to 
finally lose herself in his warm, gentle touch.

Photo after photo, she remembered their times together, some happy, and 
some 
were not. One of which was taken of the two partners before he left 
JAG, to 
go back to flying. Tears sprang to her eyes as she remembered being 
left 
behind, alone,  with just her desire to keep her warm at night. Six 
months  
after that, Harm had returned to JAG, but not to her. She had moved on 
with 
her life, and taken a new partner, but he was no Harmon Rabb, nor would 
he 
ever be. As Mac turned the page, her memories brought her back to 
Sydney. 
This was a time in her life, she wished she could forget. The pain in 
her 
heart was an image on paper, forever captured in front of the 
Australian 
Courthouse; the two of them standing there pretending to be happy after 
his 
denial on that ferry ride. He “couldn’t let go,” he had said, and so 
she 
proceeded to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

In the next picture of them both, the sparkle seemed to be gone from 
their 
eyes. The Surface Warfare Ball, had nailed the coffin shut on what 
relationship they ever held and she remembered that she had used Mic to 
punish Harm for rejecting her in Australia. So deep that pain went.

So much goes unspoken,
Sorry is left unsaid.
The silence remains unbroken,
And our hearts are breaking instead.

Flipping another page, Mac take a deep breath as the image of her 
engagement 
party flooded her memories. There they stood together again, Harm 
looking 
particularly handsome that evening with a hint of love in his eyes. She 
recalled the intense conversation they had as if it were yesterday. 
“You’ll 
always have someone who loves you,” his words echoed in her memory. 
“And you 
have someone that loves you,” was her answer. ‘How could things get so 
messed up?” she wondered.

Arriving at her Christmas gift made by Harm, a photograph of the two of 
them 
in Afghanistan, standing side by side, both smiling and happy to be 
together. This one looked like they finally got it right, in both their 
friendship and partnership.

The blank next page reflected the blackness in her heart. It seemed as 
though their time together had just came to an end, an end without 
notice. 
Mac’s memory then took her back to the beginning of the end, in their 
relationship.

It started after the murder charges of Loren singer had been dropped 
when 
Harm had been released from prison. She had gone with Clayton Webb for 
a 
secret mission in Paraguay and stopped by Harm’s totell him she was 
going to 
be away.

When we don’t talk,
When we don’t speak.
When we don’t share our feelings,
That are buried so deep.
How can we know what’s behind these walls.

Recalling how things had gone terribly wrong on their mission, and how 
she 
and Clay faced certain death, her thoughts wandered back to go back to 
the 
man she wanted most in the world, and how so very far away from him she 
was.

His entry through that door at just the right time, releasing her 
before she 
was tortured by Sadik’s men, made its way back to her thoughts. Once 
again, 
Harm had saved her life, but she had been unaware of just how much he 
had 
given up to rescue her this time.

The chill of the darkened room could not cool the image of when Harm 
had 
entered her bath. His eyes had been transfixed while she bathed, 
watching 
her every move and every drop of water cascade down her body. It 
brought a 
small smile to her saddened face as his admission, “I forgot how 
beautiful 
you are,” continued to sting. Later, they had lain beside one another, 
close 
to the intimacy she had waited for that would lead to a kiss. A kiss 
never 
shared as Webb had barged through the door at just the wrong time.

The sad memory of learning Harm was there UA, and how that evening, 
they had 
said some of the worst things they had ever said to each other. Now all 
she 
wanted to do was take back all the pain she had inflicted on him.

When the doors lock,
When we lose touch.
When you and I lose sight of trust,
And the tears say it all.
We don’t talk.

As if the words of that horrible night weren’t bad enough, the memories 
of 
the following day were even worse. Mac had seen the hurt in his eyes as 
she 
told Harm that “there could never be an us.” How stupid it must have 
sounded 
to him, after everything they had meant to each other, and done for 
each 
other over the years. It had come down to those six horrible words.

The day he was sent away from JAG burned a hole in Mac’s consciousness 
as 
she relived how powerless she had felt trying to save Harm’s career. 
The 
anguish she experienced overhearing Harm’s visit with Clayton in the 
hospital that led to Harm joining the CIA invaded her thoughts.

With tears welling, Mac felt totally alone. Six months had passed since 
she 
had heard from Harm. Although she had left seventeen messages for him, 
he 
never returned her calls. She had stopped by his apartment several 
times in 
the past months, but he was never home. Feeling she was totally 
excluded 
from his life was becoming too much for Mac to handle. She knew she had 
to 
do something, but she had no idea of what it was that would help.

The honesty’s lost,
And the tears say it all.
We don’t talk.

Music from her radio seemed to echo in her ears, as it sang her a 
lonely 
song, bring a torrent of tears. She cried for the lost chances, the 
words 
left unspoken, and their broken trust. Mac knew she had to find Harm, 
and 
make him understand.

Mac wiped her wet face, she took a deep breath, and picked up the 
phone.  
Then, saying a silent prayer that he would answer, she dialed his 
number.

Fear almost got the better of her when she heard his answering machine 
pick 
up. Her nerve lost, she almost hung up when she heard his soft, caring 
voice 
say, “Hi Mac. How are you?”

“I’m better now that I know you’re all right,” her gentle reply told 
him. 
“Harm I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to say that . . . That” . . .

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison.

“Harm, can I come over? We need to talk. Wouldn‘t you agree?” Mac 
pleaded.

“Sure Mac, come on over, I’ll be waiting,” Harm answered with 
anticipation.

That night turned into morning, with two people who thought they had 
lost 
everything, finally recovering the friendship, trust, partnership, and 
the 
love they had thought was lost forever. Each promising to never stop 
communicating their feelings, but more important, they promised never 
to 
stop listening.


The end