TITLE: "What We Leave Behind Us" Chapter 4 [concluding
                      AUTHORS:  Anne R. and Pat Steiner
                        SUMMARY:   Summer 2003.  Paraguay is over.  And 
life will never be the 
same.
                        CLASSIFICATION/RATING:   J/S/R/A    PG for 
language and some violence.
                        SPOILERS:  A Tangled Webb especially, but in 
any of our work, any JAG 
episode may be referred to.
                        FEEDBACK:  If you're so moved but never 
expected nor begged for.  Addy is 
ssbpmn@aol.com.  Please however, we request you respect the work, and 
the effort that goes 
into writing it.
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  ===================
  
  Authors' note:  A while back there was indication that had DJE not 
signed for season 9, JAG 
would have gone on.  That Season 9 might in fact open with Mac weeping 
at Harm's grave.  
So herein is exactly that scenario.
  
  To keep in mind as you decide whether to invest in this story [and it 
will be an investment as 
it's not a story but a novel]:  Harmon Rabb will not come back to life 
at the end.  Not this time.  
And Mac and Clay are a factor.  BUT-huge BUT-Harm is a big big part of 
the story.  His 
presence is very there throughout.  Also throughout the love that 
existed between Mac and 
Harm is a major player.  
  
  We hope that everyone who normally reads our work will give this one 
a chance.  But if you 
have to bail, or simply don't care to start, we of course understand.  
Our work receives 
phenomenal support and for that we are ever grateful.
  ===========
  
  From the conclusion of Ch 3---
   "No I should stay" Mac said adamantly. "Sturgis thank you for the 
ride but I 
 am going to stay with Clay. Tomorrow I'll just get a cab home."
 
 "Sarah you don't have to do this" Clay sighed.
 
 "I know. But I want to."
 
 "Okay I'm not going to fight with the Marine" Clay smiled. "You can 
stay."
 
 "Good, now the Sailor can go get some rest too," Sturgis smiled.  "You 
guys know where I 
am."

"Yeah we do," Clay spoke up.  "And Sturgis, thanks.  For a lot more 
than I can say without 
being reduced to blubbering."

"You'll owe me big time.  How bad can that be."  He threw them a quick 
salute and left them 
alone.

"He's a good man," Mac sighed, leading Clay inside.

"Yeah he is but if you tell him I agreed with you I'll deny to the 
death I even like the guy.  You 
going to tuck me in or what?"

"Yes of course.  Let's go."
  ===============
  "It's not what we take when we leave this world behind us---it's what 
we leave behind us 
when we go".
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

  "What we Leave Behind Us" Chapter 4
  
"I hate this," Clay muttered twenty minutes later as she made sure he 
was safely in bed.

"Clay you nearly died.  You're not going to bounce back like you had an 
ingrown toenail," she 
admonished him.  "Honestly I don't mind."

He bit his lip and caught her hand.  "You don't do you.  At least so 
much."

"The hate was destroying me," she said candidly.  "I knew it, but for a 
while I felt like I was 
powerless to stop it.  And for a while it seemed like I was feeding off 
it.  But it wasn't just you.  I 
hated myself, and Harm too.  Besides you."

"I know.  And you're right.  That kind of hate is self-destructive."  
His eyes closed as he spoke 
and he forced them open again.  "Sorry.  Not a good conversationalist 
tonight."

"You should be sleeping anyway.  Good night."  

He still had hold of her hand and he gave it a soft tug.

"Sure," she smiled, knowing exactly what he wanted and she leaned down 
to touch her lips to 
his.

"I can sleep now," he sighed and his eyes closed for good.

The house was pitch black when she heard it.  Her sense of time told 
her it was a good hour 
until dawn and she sat up straight in her bed.  Her room was across the 
hall from his and she 
had left both doors open part way.  At first she thought she was 
dreaming, but as she became 
more awake, the sound from his room became more distinct.  Sobbing.  
Muffled sobbing.  
Sobbing being quieted by a pillow but sobbing nonetheless.  She had 
done enough of that 
these past weeks to know exactly what it sounded like.

Silently she slipped from the bed and crossed the hall.  For a long 
moment she stood in the 
doorway to make sure she was correct.  And she was.  Enough light came 
in the window from 
the streetlamp for her to see him on his side, the other pillow pulled 
up to his face and he was 
crying softly.  It could have been her on many a night.  Now she was 
undecided whether to go 
to him, and finally her heart could listen no longer.  She walked to 
the far edge of the bed and 
climbed on, pulling the pillow gently from his grip.  "Clay?"
 
 "Sarah" he whispered.
 
 "Clay it's okay. Whatever it is, it's going to be okay." Her arm 
reached 
 around him and she drew him against her.
 
 "I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you. That should have been you 
and Harm 
 tonight."
 
 "Yes" she whispered as she felt the tears stinging. "But Harm is gone. 
And 
 nothing will change that. And neither one of needs to keep blaming 
 ourselves."
 
 "Why don't you hate me still?"
 
 "Since that day at the hospital when you almost died, something 
changed," 
 she said softly. "When Harm came to me, all the anger went away. He 
wants me 
 to be happy Clay. And I think he means with you."
 
 "Sarah I have loved you forever. And I didn't want to have you this 
way. I 
 wanted you to be with Harm."
 
 "I know you did" she sniffled. "And I wanted that. But Clay I can't be 
alone 
 forever."
 
 "I'm so scared of hurting you more" he whispered. "You've been through 
so 
 much already."
 
 "Clay you could never hurt me."
 
 "Yes I could. I have. By taking Harm away from you."
 
 "You didn't take Harm away from me. That wasn't your decision. It was 
in 
 someone else's hands."

 "I know. Deep down I know that. But it seems so unfair. To you. To 
him."
 
 "Clay we can't change it" Mac whispered. "No matter how unfair it 
seems."
 
 "You are so strong Sarah. I don't know how you've done it."
 
 "I've done it because I've had others to lean on. I couldn't have 
gotten 
 through this alone. No way. I would have joined Harm a long time ago."
 
 "Have you actually thought about that?"
 
 "Joining Harm? Yes. A lot at first. I didn't really think I could live 
 without him."
 
 "I'm glad you're here," Clay said softly. "I don't know how I'd ever 
handle 
 losing you."
 
 "Is that why you took the bullet that was meant for me?" she asked.
 
 "I'd do anything for you. Sarah I love you. I know this isn't the 
right time 
 or place but I had to tell you."
 
 Her answer wasn't what he was expecting for a moment later she leaned 
closer 
 and kissed his lips gently.
 
 "One day maybe I'll be able to tell you the same thing" Mac whispered. 
"But 
 right now know that you are very important in my life."
 
 No other words were said as they held onto each other, neither sure 
how or 
 why they had been drawn to each, only that they were.
 
 ************************
 Two Weeks Later
 
 "Yes Grams we'll be up Friday night" Mac smiled as she paced her 
office 
 while she talked.
 
 "We?"
 
 "Clay and I" Mac blushed. "If that's okay with you."
 
 "More than okay honey. He's a good man. And I'm glad to hear you have 
found 
 your way to not hate him."
 
 "So am I Grams. And when I get up there, I want to talk to you about 
 something. About Harm."
 
 "He's visited you hasn't he?"
 
 "How did you know?" Mac gasped.
 
 "Both Peter and Harm Sr. visited me shortly after they passed on," 
Grams 
 said softly. "I was waiting for you to tell me Harm had told you it 
was 
 going to be okay."
 
"He's been trying to yes ma'am," she sighed.  "I've got a dipsy doodle 
of a Chegwidden 
wedding story I can't wait to share with you."

"I'm really looking forward.  Sarah, one bedroom or two dear?"

She blushed and giggled at the same time.  "Two please.  We're a long 
ways from there, if 
ever.  I just know that right now he holds a warm spot in my heart and 
I can't even explain how 
he got there because while I wanted to stop hating him, I don't know 
that I wanted him that 
much in my life."

"But there he is and you're not asking him to leave."

"No ma'am I'm not," Mac sighed.  "I'm afraid I need him."

"I think you probably do.  I'll know better when I see you guys 
together," Grams said softly.  "Be 
safe driving.  I'll have food ready for you."

"Thanks Grams.  Love you.  See you Friday."  Mac hung up the phone with 
a long sigh, seeing 
Sturgis waiting a few feet outside her doorway.  "Come in Commander," 
she called.  "And 
you'd better be ready with your surrender terms for Darrien."

"Not while I'm conscious.  You're going to take Clay up to Grams?  
Sorry, overheard."

"Yeah on Friday night."

"Remember what happened when you and I went," he teased with a 
mischievous smile.

"Yeah well that's not going to be repeated with Clay," she sighed.  
"Learned my lesson there."

"How's he doing?"

"Back to work on light duty.  Still gets tired pretty easily.  I have 
to make him slow down.  He 
won't be doing any canoe paddling this weekend."

"Well careful there Colonel, your feelings are starting to show."

"I guess.  Harm told me. . ."

She paused at Sturgis's raised eyebrow.  "OK just send for the people 
from the psych ward."

He threw up his hands in capitulation.  "Not me.  Whatever works for 
you.  Besides when 
you've been around a man who preaches the Gospel for all your life you 
learn not to discount 
anything."
==========
Friday afternoon found the two of them again talking when Clay arrived.  
"Hey I'm sorry.  I'll 
wait up front," Clay said at once.

"Nah we're through here.  I can't talk any sense into her," Sturgis 
grinned.

"Hey shouldn't she make up her own mind if she wants to be with me?" 
Clay growled, at once 
suspicious as to Sturgis's meaning.

"Whoa power down Mr. Webb," he replied in that easy tone that lulled 
witnesses.  "We were 
talking about a case."

"Oh.  Well don't I feel like a total jerk," Clay sighed.

"Probably, but that's OK, you're allowed," Mac smiled.  "Sturgis this 
will keep until Monday 
won't it?"

"You bet.  You two have a good time.  Drive carefully."

"You have a good weekend too," Mac told him, giving his cheek a quick 
kiss as she passed 
him and slipped out the door.

Clay felt Sturgis's eyes on him as he started to follow and he turned 
back to the Naval Officer.  
"You know I'm going to take care of her."

"Of course you are," Sturgis nodded in that same calm tone.  "You'd be 
too afraid not to."

"I'd sooner slit my throat than see her hurt," Clay told him quietly 
before hurrying after Mac.

"That makes two of us buddy," Sturgis said softly.

  ***************
  "You okay?" Mac asked as they neared the Rabb property. "You've been 
quiet 
  since we got off the interstate. You feeling okay."
  
  "Just a little nervous" he admitted.
  
  "About what? You know Grams."
  
  "I know and she was nothing but kind to me when we were there for the 
  funeral."
  
  "And she won't be any different to you now" Mac assured him. "Clay 
she never 
  blamed you for Harm's death. There's no reason to be nervous about 
seeing 
  her again."
  
  "You're right of course. I'm just being silly."
  
  "Is there anything else bothering you?" she asked.
  
  "Nothing except I haven't been there since Harm's funeral" he sighed. 
"It's 
  just going to bring back all kinds of weird thoughts that's all."
  
  "I was hoping we could go to his grave together," Mac said softly. 
"But if 
  you're not comfortable with that it's OK."
  
  "No that's fine. I'd be happy to go with you. And I promise I'll try 
and 
  lighten up for the weekend."
  
  "Please do. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. This is supposed to 
be a 
  nice relaxing weekend."
  
  "And it will be with you" Clay smiled. "And there's the farm house."
  
  Mac pulled into the drive and a moment later the front door opened 
and Grams 
  stood out on the porch waiting for them.
  
  "Sarah it is so good to see you" Grams said as she gave Mac a long 
hug. "You 
  have to come up here more often. I miss you."
  
  "I miss you too" Mac smiled. "How are you?"
  
  "Same as always. Clayton it's good to see you again."
  
  "Nice to see you too Mrs. Rabb" he said with a small smile. "Thanks 
for 
  having us."
  
  "It's Grams and this house is always open to Sarah and her friends" 
Grams 
  smiled. "And I am pleased to hear that you two have managed to put 
the past 
  behind you."
  
  "Yes ma'am so am I" he nodded.
  
  "Well I've got supper on the table so let's get your stuff and get 
you 
  inside."
  
  "I've got it" Mac said when Clay reached for his bag. "Come on. You 
know Grams has 
  the best cooking."
  
  They kept the conversation to happenings at JAG during dinner and 
finally 
  when they retired to the living room the topic of AJ's wedding came 
up.
  
  "Sarah you had a story to tell me about that" Grams smiled. 
"Something about 
  Harm."
  
  "The bouquet" Mac said softly. "I was standing all the way at the 
back and 
  Meredith barely flung it over her shoulder. And then suddenly it was 
like it 
  had spouted wings and a moment later I had no choice but to catch 
it."
  
  "Sounds like Harm is trying to tell you something. Like he wants you 
to get 
  on with you life and be happy."
  
  "You believe that?" Mac asked.
  
  "Of course I do honey" Grams smiled. "Harm would have wanted you to 
go on. 
  To be happy. To love someone again.  And to marry if you can see your 
way clear there.  
That was his way of letting you know  it."
  
  "Well that wasn't the only time he's communicated with me," Mac said 
softly. 
  "I had a dream when I was waiting for word on Clay. Harm was there."
  
  "Sarah he's always with you. He's going to watch over you just like 
Peter 
  always watched over me when I was raising Harm Sr. alone."
  
  "And knowing that makes it easier" Mac sighed.
  
  "Of course it does dear. But one day you'll be able to think about 
Harm 
  without bursting into tears. It won't happen tomorrow or the next day 
but 
  one day you will. Especially since you have friends like Clay here."
  
 "My life would be much less without him," she sighed, and her tender 
words brought a bright 
pink to his ears.  "In fact it wasn't that long ago I almost found out 
what that would be like.  To 
lose Harm and then Clay."
 
 "Sarah told me you saved her life," Grams nodded to Clay.  "Thank you.  
She's pretty special 
to me.  And it bothers me greatly that she engages in a job where her 
life could be at risk in the 
first place.  As if losing a husband, son, and grandson wasn't enough."
 
 "Grams you know full well most of my time is spent behind my desk or 
in a stuffy courtroom," 
Mac admonished her gently.  "Paraguay not withstanding.  Frankly I'm in 
far more danger on 
the Capital Beltway twice daily."
 
 "You wouldn't be if you came up here," Grams smiled.  "See Clay I've 
tried to persuade her to 
come here and live and work in Altoona.  Some nice safe lawyer job 
there."
 
 "Ma'am with all due respect, Sarah is a Marine," Clay said, not 
bothering to hide the 
admiration in his voice.  "While I don't want her in dangerous 
situations, I can't imagine her in a 
civilian office all day either."
 
 "Thank you," Mac smiled.  "Change of subject."
 
 "Sorry fresh out," Grams sighed.  "Oh except that the church is having 
a workday tomorrow.  
You two any good with hammers and paint brushes?"
 
 "I hit my thumb every time," Clay grinned.  "Sounds fun."
 
 "Yeah it's a good time," Grams nodded.  "And there's pot luck supper 
at dusk."
 
 "I don't get much chance to do normal stuff like that.  Sometimes that 
all seems really 
appealing."
 
 "Like getting married, having kids, that kind of normal stuff?" Grams 
asked gently.
 
 "Yes ma'am," he admitted, not daring to look at Mac at that moment, 
knowing it was exactly 
that which she craved--for her and Harm.
 
 "When the time is right, it will happen," Grams told him.  "Now why 
don't you two go enjoy 
some of that fresh air outside and see the moon come up over the 
mountain while I go 
upstairs."
 
 "Grams reads and watches her soap tape," Mac smiled.
 
 "Yes I do.  It's kind of my constant," she sighed.  "Church, and the 
Lord first of course, but 
that's one thing I can count on too and my family.  And because I'm old 
and can get away with 
this sort of comment, I'm going to add that I hope to be a great 
grandmother someday before I 
go to Glory."
 
 Both Mac and Clay simply stared and she waved them a good night.
 
 "I love her," Clay declared as soon as he could speak.
 
 "Can you see Harm coming from her lineage?  His humor, his strength, 
his determination."
 
 "Very much.  Did you say something about getting some air, and then I 
think I'm ready for bed 
myself."  Clay offered her his hand and she frowned as she took it.
 
 "You're tired aren't you?"
 
 "Of course, but never too much so to enjoy a beautiful woman in the 
moonlight," he grinned 
mischievously.
 
 Mac fell silent as they walked, keeping her eye on Clay, and 
deliberately choosing a path 
other than the one she and Sturgis had take that night.  The night that 
almost cost her the 
man's friendship; and what a huge loss it would have been.
 
 "This is wonderful," Clay declared a few minutes later when he sank 
down onto a large rock 
by the river.  North of where she had taken Sturgis, the river was not 
calm here but rather was 
funneled angrily through a narrow area and the water churned and spit.

 "Yeah I really need to get up here more often," she sighed, her eyes 
wandering back over the 
property to the spot beneath the mountain where lie Harm's grave.  
"There is an amazing 
sense of peace here I think.  Like the song says, life is old here.  
Even that Harm is buried here 
seems like it's fading into the past." 
 
 "You'll never forget him Sarah" Clay said softly. "He'll always be a 
part of 
 you. Like Grams said."
 
 "I know. But now that I've talked to Grams about the bouquet it all 
makes 
 more sense. Harm does want me to move on. He wants me to be happy and 
have a 
 life. Even if it isn't with him."
 
 "Of course he does. He loved you very much and he wouldn't have wanted 
you 
 to live your life alone."
 
 "I never thought I could find enough room in my heart for someone 
else" she 
 said softly. "But with time I think there's more space."
 
 "Space enough to love someone like you did Harm?" he asked.
 
 "Maybe. If it's the right person." And as she spoke she felt herself 
being 
 pulled to Clay. Not physically but emotionally.
 
 "Sarah I want to kiss you" Clay whispered as he looked at her. "But I 
don't 
 want to do anything to hurt you. You're so vulnerable and I don't. . 
.hurting you 
 would kill me."
 
 "You won't hurt me" she whispered as she moved closer, just inches 
from him.
 
 He hesitated until a moment later it was like someone had pushed him 
closer 
 to her. A gentle nudge and their lips met in a gentle kiss.
 
 "I'm sorry" he whispered when they parted.
 
 "Don't be please. I wanted that as much as you did."
 
 "Sarah what's happening to us here?" Clay asked. "It's like we're 
being 
 pushed together."
 
 "We are" she whispered. "By Harm."
 
 He pulled her against him and let out a long sigh. "I wish so much 
that it 
 was him with you instead of me."
 
 "He's gone Clay. And he wants us to be together."
 
 He nodded and hugged her tighter. That he loved her with all his heart 
there 
 was no doubt. It was just a matter of her loving him back.
 
 *******************
 "Morning Sarah" Grams smiled as Mac made her way into the kitchen the 
next 
 morning. "How are you?"
 
 "Good" Mac said honestly. "It's so peaceful here. I feel so much more 
 relaxed when I'm here."
 
 "You're welcome to stay."
 
 "Grams you know I can't."
 
 "I know. So how was your walk with Clay last night?"
 
 "Good" she blushed. "He's a good man."
 
 "You don't have to tell me that" Grams smiled. "I've always known 
that. And 
 he cares very much for you. He always has."
 
 "Yes he has. And right now I'm very lucky to have him in my life."
 
 "Talking about me?" Clay smiled as he walked in. "Morning Grams. This 
place 
 is so wonderful. I haven't slept this well in a long time."
 
 "It's the fresh air and quiet. You get used to it and you'll never 
want to 
 leave."
 
 "I could live with that if Sarah was here" he answered and Mac blushed 
at 
 his words.
   
"You'd be crazy inside two days," Mac told him, giving his arm a 
playful jab.

"I wouldn't bet on that," he replied, rubbing his arm.  "And Grams that 
breakfast smells 
wonderful.  You know I don't want you doing a lot of extra just because 
I'm here."

"Nonsense.  I don't get to do this enough," she replied.  "You see this 
big house.  Well when I 
was a child it was bursting at the gills."

"You lived here then?" Mac frowned.

"Two farms down the road.  Peter Rabb was the eldest son of David and 
Grace Rabb," she 
smiled.  "He was eighteen and I was sixteen when we married and we 
moved in with his folks.  
Harm Senior was born but of course Peter never saw him."

"So you were eighteen and a mother and a widow," Clay breathed.

"I was.  Peter's two brothers and sister married eventually and moved 
on.  I raised Harm 
Senior with the help of his Grams and Gramps.  They died when he was in 
high school and it 
was just us for a while.  Then he lived out his dream of going to the 
Academy, where of course 
he met Trish.  They married in the chapel when he graduated and Harm 
was born in October 
and don't bother to do the math."

"Yes ma'am," Mac giggled.  "And then we know the rest pretty much.  How 
they came and 
stayed with you and all."

"I can still see that black car coming up the drive," Grams said 
quietly.

For a long moment there was silence and finally Grams shook her head.  
"OK no more.  Way 
too beautiful a morning for maudlin thoughts.  What would you two like 
to do?"

"We're going to see Harm," Mac smiled softly.  "After that, well maybe 
just relax some."

"If you just want to do something totally unstressful, we could go to 
the bazaar in town," Grams 
offered.  "Food, antiques, quilts, Christmas decorations, that type 
thing."

"Like Amish?" Clay asked.

"Yeah a lot of it is.  And there's a lot of hand made things by locals 
as well," Grams explained.  
"Our church has tables and I contribute lace and such.  People drive 
from Altoona and even as 
far away as Pittsburgh and Allentown."

"Clay?" Mac asked.

"Sure.  I want the whole country experience," he declared seriously.

The breakfast conversation turned to the swapping of stories and by the 
time they had 
finished, all three were laughing.  "That felt good.  Really good," Mac 
declared.  "I'm going up 
to get ready.  Clay put on some walking shoes."

"Yes ma'am. I'll be right there."

Mac dropped a quick hand on his shoulder, trailing it across his back 
as she left the room and 
Clay gave a small contented smile.

"Things have changed between you two," Grams smiled as well.  "I'm 
glad.  The kind of hate 
she was feeling before was not only misplaced but self-destructive."

"Yes ma'am," Clay sighed.  "Though I've done my share of self-loathing 
and second guessing 
too."

"You care a lot for her.  That's real obvious."

"Well that's not something new.  I don't ever hope to have what she and 
Harm had, unacted 
upon that it was, but maybe someday she'll see her way clear to want 
something for her and 
me."

"You think you can wait for her to be ready for that?" Grams asked 
quietly.  "And before you 
answer that, know that that's a mood thing.  What is fine next week 
might not be the week 
after."

"Yes ma'am I'm aware," he answered and leaned forward.  "Grams, I love 
her.  And I'm willing 
to wait.  Long as it takes."

And it was those words that Mac heard when she came down the back 
stairs.  
  
 She froze midstep, Clay's words surprising her. For a moment she 
wanted to 
 turn and run. She didn't want Clay to love her. Not when she could 
never 
 love him back. Not when her mind stopped as she once again felt a 
gentle 
 hand to her back. And as she closed her eyes she could hear his voice 
again.
 
 "Sarah I will always love you. But you have to go on without me. One 
day 
 we'll be together again."
 
 "Harm" she murmured.
 
 "He loves you Sarah. And you can love him. If you let yourself."
 
 The unseen hand guided her to the kitchen and she gave Clay a small 
smile. 
 "You ready for the walk?"
 
 "Shoes" Clay smiled. "Give me one second."
 
 Soon they were heading down the trail that lead to Harm's grave, Mac 
keeping 
 slightly ahead of Clay.
 
 "Hey wait up" he laughed. "I thought we were doing this together."
 
 "Sorry. You need a slower pace don't you?"
 
 "Just a little please. I want to enjoy the rest of today and not be 
worn out 
 before noon."
 
 Mac nodded and slowed her pace, thus allowing Clay to reach for her 
hand. 
 "You don't mind do you?" he asked.
 
 "Of course not."
 
 "Sarah is everything okay? Or is it because we're going to Harm's 
grave that 
 you're suddenly acting weird on me."
 
 "Clay I heard what you said to Grams" she admitted softly.
 
 "About loving you" he whispered and she nodded. "Sarah you knew I 
loved 
 you."
 
 "I didn't realize you would wait your whole life for me."
 
 "I love you. I want to make you happy one day. But that's only when 
you're 
 ready. And if it never happens, well that's okay."
 
 They walked the rest of the way to Harm's grave in silence and Clay 
took in 
 a deep breath as he looked at the small marker that bore Harm's name.
 
 "This makes it so real" he said quietly. "And it makes me hate myself 
so 
 much for causing it."
 
 "Clay you didn't cause it" Mac whispered. "Please don't do that to 
 yourself."
 
 "You loved him so much and because of me you'll never have what you 
could 
 have had."
 
 "One day I will" she sniffled. "One day Harm and I will be together 
again. 
 But until that happens, I have a life here on earth to live."
 
 "You should have had a life here with Harm."
 
 "Clay we can't change what has happened. God knows if there were any 
way to 
 go back I would. But I can't. I can only go on from here."
 
 "Can you go on?" he asked softly.
 
 "He wants me to. And I guess maybe now I'm ready to."
 
 "You've come to grips with the fact that Harm is gone?" Clay 
whispered.
 
 She nodded as the tears slowly slid down her face. She would never 
stop 
 loving Harm. But he was gone. From this life, he was gone.
 
 "Sarah I love you. And when you're ready, I'm going to be here for 
you."
 
 He took her into his arms and for several moments both of them cried 
softly. 
 Finally Mac gently pulled back and looked at Clay.
 
 "I'm ready," she said softly.
 
 "To go back?"
 
 "No. I'm ready to move on. Harm and I wasted too much time. I don't 
want us 
 to do that."
 
 "Are you sure? You don't have to make this decision now Sarah. I'm not 
going 
 to go anywhere. I'm going to be with you for as long as you want me 
around."
 
 "Clay that's what Harm and I thought. That we'd always have time to 
make 
 those decisions. But we don't know how much time we have. It's not in 
our 
 hands."
 
 "No it's not" he nodded. "But I don't want you to rush into anything 
you're 
 not ready for."
 
 "I'm ready Clay," she said softly. And as she spoke the words, she 
felt 
 Harm's hand again. Letting her know it was okay.
 
For a moment she did not move, and then that self-same hand pressed on 
her once again, this 
time urging her face to turn to Clay's.  And this time it was she who 
initiated a kiss.  Still soft 
and gentle, and slightly off centered, it was a beginning nonetheless.  
The beginning of their 
time on Earth together.
===========
THANKSGIVING 2003

"Sarah I bet you looked beautiful twenty minutes ago," Clay fussed from 
her living room, 
pacing another lap and looking at his watch.  

"I'm not going."

"Excuse me?"  

"Clay this is not a good idea," she yelped.  "Meeting your mother and 
her friends and you 
announcing our engagement over Thanksgiving.  I mean I've been under 
fire and not been. . ."  
Her voice trailed off and she added in a much softer voice.  "Clay I'm 
terrified here."

He walked to the door and knocked gently.  "Can I come in?"

"Yeah why not," she murmured, dropping onto the end of the bed after 
carefully smoothing her 
skirt beneath her.

"Honey, my mother is so looking forward to this, and you make it sound 
like it's going to be the 
immediate city.  Not at all.  This is three couples and it's her turn 
to host Thanksgiving dinner.  
The food will be great--she doesn't do it herself of course.  These 
people are pleasant, if not a 
little stuffy, and what's the problem?"  He bit his lower lip as he 
looked at her intently, dropping 
down to one knee and taking her left hand.  The hand that bore his 
ring.  The finger that should 
have worn a ring that made her name Rabb by now.

"You're having second thoughts?  Regrets?" he asked almost fearfully.

"Oh good lord no," she sighed.  "The night you asked me, I got rid of 
any doubts then."  What 
she had not told him that night, nor even since, was that another force 
had made up her mind 
for her.

>>LABOR DAY WEEKEND 
10 weeks earlier
JAG HQ

"Your honor, counselor is badgering."  Mac got to her feet yet another 
time in objection.

"It's his witness," Admiral Shaunessy frowned.  "Colonel, I want you 
let the proceedings 
proceed.  Please."

"Yes sir," Mac replied, meekly sitting down, though not missing a 
chance to send a searing 
glare to Sturgis, getting an amused smirk in return.  "Turner you are a 
dead man," she 
muttered, looking longingly at the wall clock.  In an hour it would be 
a long weekend.  A long 
weekend wherein she had no plans.  Clay had been out of town for the 
week, and Grams had 
invited her to join her and two other ladies for a holiday weekend in 
Atlantic City but fighting 
those crowds was nothing she could handle.  

"Please god just let it be 1800 so I can go home," she sighed, 
envisioning locking the door and 
turning the air conditioning up full so she could lie in the dark. . .

"Colonel Mackenzie. . ." Adm. Shaunessy's voice finally broke into her 
thoughts.  "Colonel I've 
declared a recess until Tuesday morning."

"Yes sir thank you."

"Mac sorry if I gave you a bad time," Sturgis smiled as soon as they 
were alone.

"You did and you're not but thanks for at least saying so.  Plans for 
the weekend?" she asked 
as he guided her toward the big double doors in the back.
 
"Going with Dad to Cape Hatteras.  Kind of a reunion thing with some 
guys.  He's promised me 
there's going to be people there my age including the grand-daughter of 
one who supposedly 
wants to meet me.  That I'll believe when I see it but who knows.  
You?"

"I'm going to walk into my apartment, lock the door, draw the curtains, 
and not come out until 
Tuesday."

"Or you could come sailing on the Chesapeake with me."  

Startled by his voice, Mac looked up to see Clay leaning casually 
against the wall.  "Hey.  
You're back."

"It would seem so," he grinned and nodded to Sturgis.  "Commander.  How 
are you?"

"I'm good Mr. Webb, thank you.  And I'm out of here.  Mac, I think 
you've had a better offer."  
He gave them both a quick salute and hurried away.

"Better offer?" Clay frowned.  "Did I miss something? I was only gone 
this week."

"I know, and I'm so glad you're back," she said softly.  "Missed you.  
Missed our food and 
movie nights."

"Missed me snoring on your sofa before the first act is done?"

"Yeah I did.  Really."

He stepped forward, taking advantage of the empty corridor, and cupped 
the back of her head, 
giving her a gentle kiss.  "Sailing with me.  Please.  Rocking on the 
water like the old song 
says?"
  
 "You're kidding right?" she laughed.
 
 "Totally serious. What you say? Just you and me and well of course the 
guy 
 who actually knows how to sail the boat since I am no sailor."
 
 "It sounds like it could be fun. Yes I would love to go sailing with 
you."
 
 "Great" Clay smiled. "Can you escape out of here now?"
 
 "I don't think Admiral Summers would mind" Mac smiled. "Do I have time 
to go 
 pack my bag for the weekend?"
 
 "I've already got one packed for you. Hopefully I didn't forget 
anything."
 
 "You packed my bag?" she giggled. "Clayton Webb if I didn't know you 
any 
 better I'd swear you have plans for this weekend."
 
 "Maybe. You'll just have to wait and see."
 
 Hours later they took off from the Baltimore Harbor with Skip as their 
 Captain.
 
 "Skip buddy it's all in your hands" Clay said as they started off. "My 
lady 
 and I are here simply to enjoy."
 
 "And you shall" Skip smiled. "The quarters below are well stocked and 
I 
 believe dinner is waiting for you as well."
 
 "Clay this is amazing" Mac gasped when they made their way below deck. 
"I 
 can't believe you arranged all this."
 
 "I wanted to show you a special time," Clay said softly. "Because you 
are 
 very special to me."
 
 "And you are very special to me" Mac whispered. "Thank you for all 
this. I 
 really wasn't expecting anything but a long weekend at home alone."
 
 "Like I'd let that happen. And why are we standing here talking when 
dinner 
 is waiting. You do like crab cakes don't you?"
 
 Once dinner was over he led her back up on deck where the sky was a 
canvas 
 of colors as the sun began to set.
 
 "You like?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her.
 
 "Very much" she murmured contentedly. "This is wonderful. And you are 
 wonderful to plan all this for me."
 
 "I love you Sarah" Clay whispered as he reached deep into his pocket 
for a 
 small box. A small box that he'd bought only hours before he'd picked 
her up 
 at JAG. A small box that held the promise of how long he was willing 
to wait 
 for her.  "And that's why I want you to have this. So you know that I 
love 
 you and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes."
 
 He pulled the box and handed it to her, her eyes widening as she 
realized 
 what was in the box.
 
 "Clay" she started.
 
 "You don't have to answer me now. I just want you to have this so that 
you 
 know I'm serious when I say I love you and I want to be with you."
 
 She sniffled back tears as she opened the box to see the large diamond 
ring. 
 For a moment she didn't move and Clay gently lifted the ring from the 
box.
 
 "May I?" he asked as he reached for her hand.
 
 She nodded and as he slid the ring onto her hand, tears trickled down 
her 
 cheek. Once again her hand bore a ring. A ring that she would have 
wanted to be from 
 Harm.
 
 "Whenever you are ready," he said softly. "It doesn't have to be today 
or 
 tomorrow. This is just to remind you how much I love you."
 
 "I love you too" she whispered. "And if you ask the question, I'll 
have an 
 answer for you." She was just as surprised as Clay was by her words, 
not 
 knowing where it had come from.
 
 Clay swallowed hard, not sure if it was good or bad that she was going 
to 
 give him an answer already.
 
 "Sarah I love you" he said finally. "Will you marry me?"
 
 "Yes Clayton Webb" she whispered. "I will marry you."  The words came 
from 
 her but to Mac it was as if she were watching someone else speak. And 
in 
 that moment, she knew Harm had made the decision for her. He wanted 
her to 
 be with Clay. And he was going to make sure that happened.
 
 "You will?" A wide smile crossed Clay's face and he pulled her into 
his 
 arms. "Sarah you have just made me the happiest man on earth."
 
"You have someone else to thank," she said softly, her thoughts still 
with Harm.

"I. . .what?"

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.  "Never mind, not important."  
And it wasn't.  Clay 
did not need to know that as he slipped the ring onto her finger, an 
unseen hand was holding 
hers steady, if not pushing it forward.  Harm was entrusting her life 
on earth to this man; this 
man who wanted nothing more but to love her.

Clay put his hand at the back of her head and kissed her softly.  "I do 
love you."

"And I you," she replied, tears on her cheeks as she spoke.  It was not 
the future she had 
envisioned but nevertheless it was a future that would be fraught with 
love.   

 The moon sparkled off the Bay water as the lights on either side 
slipped past.  The mammoth 
Bay Bridge structure dwarfed all that was around them and even at this 
late hour cars 
streamed past on their way to and from the Eastern Shore.

He took her hand and led her all the way to the stern.  For a long time 
they simply leaned 
against the rail, his arm over her shoulders.  Finally there was a 
kiss, and then another, and 
then two bodies pressed together.  Pressed together and held firm by a 
force neither could 
identify.  "We uh. . .we could maybe. . .move this down to that cabin," 
Mac heard herself say.

"Yeah I think that might be a great idea," he replied huskily once he 
had recovered his 
surprise.

An hour later they laid together, wrapped in each other's warmth.  In 
the glow of the bedside 
lamp turned to dim, Clay suddenly realized there were tears on her 
cheeks.  "Sarah?  Did I 
force you into something?  Or is it just. . .well you know that I'm 
not. . him?"

She gave a long sniffle and reached up to palm his cheek, drawing her 
to him for a long kiss.  
"It's only that I'm happy.  Honest."<<<

PRESENT DAY

"Sarah where did you go?" Clay asked gently.  "Are you OK?  Listen we 
do not have to do this.  
I can pick up the phone and tell my mother that something came up.  
Lord knows I've told her 
that dozens of times before.  Sometimes it was even true."

That got the giggle he expected and he kissed her softly as he reached 
for the phone.

"Drop that phone Webb," she ordered.  "I'm just being stupid here.  Of 
course we're going."  
Her gaze fell to her ring and she held up her hand to let the light 
catch it.   

"You know a guy could get whiplash here," he teased.  "You sure?  You 
know we don't have to 
mention the ring if you're unsure."

"Unsure?  Unsure if I want to marry you?" she demanded.

"Well that, or even just of making it known yet."

For a long moment she stared into his clear blue eyes, seeing nothing 
but love shining back at 
her.  "No.  I want to do this.  It's time.  Honest to god Clay it's 
time.  And this weekend we're 
going to Grams and tell her.  Then Monday morning I'm wearing this 
beautiful ring to JAG for 
the first time, and I'm going to tell them.  In fact you're coming with 
me, and we're going to tell 
the Admiral together."

He grinned broadly and kissed her gently until she pulled back from 
him.  "Wait, there's more."

"Well by all means, you're on a roll."

"I'm ready to set a date.  I want to be a Valentine Bride."
 
He sucked his breath in sharply at that.  "Wow.  Are you sure?" 
 
  "Clayton Webb how many times do I have to tell you yes I'm sure" she 
smiled. 
  "I want to marry you and I want us to get married on Valentine's 
Day."
  
  "Then that's when we're getting married."
  
  *******************
  Christmas Eve
  JAG HQ
  
  "Colonel what on earth are you still doing here?" Noah asked as he 
and 
  Sierra walked into Mac's office. "Only us flunkies are still here. 
You 
  should have been out of here hours ago."
  
  "I know" she sighed as she looked up at them. "I'm getting there."
  
  "Something wrong ma'am?" Sierra asked. "You seem a little down 
today."
  
  "No I'm fine," Mac said with a forced smile. "Honest."
  
  "Okay so if everything is okay why are you here?" Sierra countered. 
  "Especially when your fiancé is probably at home waiting for you."
  
  "My fiancé is likely still at his office. And I'm out of here 
shortly."
  
  "How about now?" Noah smiled. "Come on Colonel it's Christmas. Go 
home."
  
  An hour later she packed up her stuff, bidding happy holidays to her 
  coworkers before heading to her car. Once there she sat there for 
several 
  minutes, her mind not thinking about going home. For most of the day 
her 
  mind had been on Harm. And all the Christmas Eves he had spent at the 
Wall. And 
  suddenly she knew where she needed to be.
  
  *******************
  "Mr. Webb what a surprise" Sierra smiled as Clay walked into the JAG 
offices 
  just before quitting time. "But the Colonel already left."
  
  "That's funny" he frowned. "I called home and there was no answer. I 
figured 
  she was still here and tied up with something since she didn't answer 
her cell phone either."
  
  "No she left a while ago" Sierra frowned. "I figured she was going 
home."
  
  "Maybe she went shopping" Noah offered.  "You know picking out a last 
minute 
  gift for you."
  
  "She always has her phone on when she goes out. And the only reason 
I'm 
  worried is because she seemed a little out of it when I talked to her 
  earlier."
  
  "She did seem down today," Sierra admitted. "But she said everything 
was 
  okay."
  
  "Thanks Sierra" Clay sighed. "Maybe I just missed her at home."
  
  Repeated calls to Mac's cell phone yielded him nothing and as he made 
his 
  way home he couldn't help but thing something was wrong. That she 
wouldn't 
  be out of touch with him unless something had happened to her.
  
  "Sarah where are you?" he moaned as he turned into the townhouse to 
find the 
  driveway empty.
  
 Cold fear was seeping into his belly.   What if she had gone off the 
road and was in a ditch 
somewhere.  Or had stopped for a last minute Christmas gift and been 
mugged?  Never mind 
that in this area so congested with people it would be hard to hide 
either of those events plus 
she never was without her ID.
 
 He stepped from the car and looked up at the dark house before him.  
No welcoming warm 
light came from inside.  His gaze traveled further to the roof that 
bore patches of last week's 
two-inch snow, to the sky above.  No stars tonight.  Not even the 
Christmas star, for the 
weather report had been accurate.  The flakes were drifting down and 
the temperature was 
beginning to drop.
 
 "Sarah where are you," he moaned aloud, and all at once he knew.  The 
answer came to him 
as clearly as if he was reading it in flashing neon green.  "OK honey, 
I'm coming there too," he 
said softly, adding sheepishly, "Thanks Harm.  Watch over her until I 
get there would you 
buddy."
 ==============
 VIETNAM MEMORIAL WALL
 Same Time
 
 There was just enough snow on the walkway for her boot to leave a 
light imprint of her boots 
as she made her way to the wall.  She had visited there before of 
course.  To the Wall and to 
the panel that bore the name Rabb.  Not with Harm.  He had never asked 
her to join him; and 
she had never asked him to let her come.  That seemed like it was meant 
to be his time.  
Though she always had harbored a secret hope that should they manage to 
figure it out, he 
would want her on these pilgrimages.
 
 "Hello Lt. Rabb," she said softly as she approached, and when she 
reached the marble, her 
fingers automatically went to the slightly indented letters, tracing 
his name.  "Hi Harm."  The 
words came from her mouth as easily as if he was standing there; for in 
fact to her he was.  
His hand was covering hers as she made another pass over the letters.  
Her wish had come 
true.  It was midnight Christmas eve and she and Harm were together 
visiting his dad.
 
 "I miss you Harm, and I love you," she said softly, not bothering to 
stop her tears.  There was 
a hard squeeze to her hand and it was over.  She was alone.  For all of 
thirty seconds.  
Footfalls behind her and she froze in place.  Only then did she think 
about her safety and well 
being.  The only people moving about this time of night were not likely 
to be ones she wanted 
to meet up with.  Except for. . .
 
 "Clay.  I should have known."  The breath she released was long and 
loud.
 
 "Hi," he called softly, stopping when he was a few feet from her.  
"You OK?  You look cold."  
He did not mention that with the street lights he could see that she 
had been crying.
 
 "I'm fine thanks.  And I'm glad you're here."
 
 At once he stepped forward, stripping his coat as he moved, and when 
he reached her the 
coat and his arms all went around her.
 
 "Harm was here Clay."  The words were muffled by his coat and he 
tightened his hold of her.
 
 "I'm not surprised.  He told me where you were."
 
 "Now I'm not surprised.  I should have called you.  I know  you 
worried and I'm sorry."
 
 "Yes you should have and yes I did.  A lot, but it's OK.  You've for 
sure got someone watching 
over you."
 
 "Yes I do.  Uh. . .Clay, when he was here--when I felt him--I told him 
I loved him.  I just wanted 
you to know that in case. . .well he told you and yes I know how 
ridiculous that sounds."
 
 "Not as much as you might think," he smiled.  "And for the record, I 
have fully accepted that 
you love him and always well.  I'm just glad you made room in your 
heart for me."
 
 "Always Clay, always.  Take me home."
 =============
 14 Feb 2004
 
 "Sturgis says Clay is about to have a stroke," Harriet giggled when 
she came in to the bride's 
room to make sure Mac was dressing.  Which she was not.  
 
 "Is he OK?" Mac asked without looking up.  
 
 "Better than you are," Harriet chided her.  "You haven't moved in the 
fifteen minutes I was 
gone.  It's Harm isn't it?"
 
 "I uh. . .yeah.  I mean I thought maybe he would let me know that this 
was . . . Never mind.  I 
just heard myself."
 
 "Does he uh. . .stay in touch?" Harriet stammered in surprise.
 
 "If I say yes can you just accept that and not have me hauled over to 
Bethesda," Mac sighed.
 
 "Yes ma'am of course," Harriet replied.  "Look if you're having doubts 
here.  Well just don't do 
this to yourself, or to Clay."
 
 "I know.  And I want this marriage very much," she sighed.  "I had 
just hoped. . ."
 
 The sharp rapping at the door cut off her words and Bud's voice came a 
second later.  
"Harriet, Mac, sorry but this was delivered here and the guy said I had 
to put it in your hands."
 
 "Bud not now," Harriet yelped.
 
 "I'm sorry, but the guy who brought this said it was imperative it be 
given to Mac.  He even 
slipped me twenty bucks.  Harriet, I'm serious here.  If you'd seen 
this guy. . .just please open 
up."
 
 "Bud you're all a-quiver," Harriet groaned as she opened the door.
  
 A huge bouquet of red roses greeted her and finally Bud's head popped 
out 
 from around them.
 
 "Bud what on earth?" she gasped.
 
 "Ma'am these are for you," he said as he walked in and set them down 
on the 
 small table.
 
 "Who are they from?" Mac frowned.
 
 "Probably the Admiral" Harriet smiled. "He was really upset that he 
and 
 Meredith couldn't make it up for today."
 
 "Is there a card?" Mac said as she looked through the flowers. Finally 
she 
 found it buried below and she pulled it out.
 
 >>>You were the most beautiful rose in the Rose Garden. And today 
you're 
 even more beautiful. <<<
 
 "So who's it from?" Harriet said as she tried to peak over Mac's 
shoulder.
 
 "Harm."
 
 "Okay" Bud said with a low whistle. "I think I should go now."
 
 "How do you know they're from Harm?" Harriet asked.
 
 "Because of what the card says" Mac whispered as she held it to her 
chest. 
 It was the blessing she'd been waiting for from Harm. He was telling 
her she 
 was doing the right thing. "And I'm ready to get dressed now."
 
 "Good" Harriet smiled. "Bud get out of here. We have a bride that 
needs to 
 get ready."
 
 Fifteen minutes later she stepped out of the bride's room, Sturgis 
waiting 
 outside to walk her down the aisle.
 
 "You look incredible," he said softly. "Clay is a lucky man."
 
 "No I'm lucky" Mac whispered. "Is everyone here?"
 
 "Grams and Trish are right up front" Sturgis nodded. "And Mrs. Webb is 
with 
 them."
 
 "Do they seem okay?"
 
 "They're happy you're happy," Sturgis said softly. "And when I see you 
like 
 this I realize how good Clay is for you."
 
 "I love him a lot Sturgis. Not like I loved Harm, but as much as I can 
love 
 anyone else.  In fact I might wish it was the same but it's not."
 
 "I know. And I'm sure Harm is smiling down on you."
 
 "Yes he is.  That I do know." she nodded. "I'm ready Sturgis."
  
 He walked her to the altar where Clay stood nervously waiting. A smile 
 crossed his face as he caught sight of her and a moment later he took 
her 
 hand.
 
 "I know you'll take good care of her" Sturgis smiled before kissing 
Mac's 
 cheek.
 
 "Hi" Clay said softly to Mac. "Everything okay?"
 
 She was about to answer when she saw the bouquet of roses on the 
altar. 
 They'd been in the room when she'd left it but now.
 
 "Sarah?"
 
 "It's okay Clay" she smiled. "It's very okay. Let's get married."
 
 "Bud when did you bring the flowers out to the altar?" Harriet 
whispered as 
 she leaned over to Bud. "I thought they were in the room."
 
 "I didn't bring them out" he whispered and both of their eyes widened 
 momentarily.
 
 It was a short service and as Mac repeated her vows to her Clay, she 
could 
 feel Harm next to her, feel his hand on her back supporting her.
 
 "I Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, take you Clayton Aaron Webb, to be my 
husband."
 
 Chaplain Turner pronounced them husband and wife and Clay smiled as he 
took 
 Mac into his arms for their first kiss as a married couple.
 
 "I love you Sarah" he whispered when they parted. "Thank you for 
loving me."
 
"No, thank you for loving me even when I tried to hate you," she 
replied and before he could 
move took him in a second long kiss, much to the approval of those 
watching.  On this day 
their life together was officially started.

And there was another life started about that same time.  For sometime 
during the next week 
as they enjoyed a Caribbean cruise, life formed and began to grow 
inside Sarah Mackenzie 
Webb.
 ==================

And on a cold day in November, the week before Thanksgiving, that life 
was determined to 
make an appearance.  

It was a long and hard labor.  She had passed the point where drugs 
could be safely 
administered, and now exhausted and dripping with sweat, she lie weakly 
on the soaked sheet 
in the labor room, panting hard, her face covered with tears of pain 
and frustration.

"Sarah honey, come on.  Please," Clay whispered urgently.  For what he 
had not shared with 
her was what the doctor had told him earlier.  That the baby's heart 
rate was dropping 
dangerously low between contractions.  Terms like oxygen deprivation 
tore at his heart and 
fear gripped his inner being.

"Sarah we need to get this baby out," Dr. Michaels urged.  "It's only 
going to take a few quick 
pushes now."

"C section.  Do it," she gasped.

"Yeah that would have been a good thought a while back, before the 
baby's head was 
engaged," she told her.  "Sarah this is got to be all you.  Next 
contraction you're going to have 
to hold your breath and give me a big push.  Please."

"I can't.  I don't have anything left," she sighed.  

"Sarah, I don't want our baby to die," Clay whispered to her sudden 
horror.

In reply she could only stare, her eyes glazed with pain.

"Suck it up Marine."  The words were as plain in her head as if Harm 
was standing. . .she 
turned in the direction from which she heard them and a second later 
she felt his hand close 
over hers.  Harm's hand.  "Mac you can do this.  I know you, and I know 
all the fight isn't out of 
you.  Not yet.  Suck it up.  The man who loves you and gave you this 
baby that I didn't get the 
chance to is waiting to see his son.  You're not going to let him down.  
And God doesn't need 
another angel today."

"Sarah."  Clay gestured to the monitor.  After many hours of watching, 
he knew exactly how to 
read it.  "Come on Sarah.  It's coming again.  Make it count."

She nodded dazedly and suddenly she was sitting up once more, bending 
forward and taking 
a deep breath.  Harm was behind her.  She was leaning back against him 
as she began to 
push.

"Whoa atta girl," Dr. Michaels cheered.  "You must have your second 
wind.  I got a whole head 
that time.  Lots of dad's hair.  Once more now.  One more push and give 
us the rest of him."

"Here comes your son honey," Harm whispered.  "Go on now you can do it.  
Remember I love 
you."

David Clayton Webb screamed in protest as the journey from warm womb to 
outside world 
ended.

"He's beautiful Sarah.  Nice job.  Clay congratulations.  You do nice 
work."  And with that Harm 
was gone.

"Sarah.  Oh my god Sarah he's great," Clay breathed as the nurse handed 
him the now blue-
blanketed bundle.

"Harm saved his life," she breathed.  "I couldn't push him out and Harm 
helped me.  He saved 
him for us."

"Yes he did," Clay nodded, his mind finally wrapping around what had 
happened.  "He's 
always going to be a part of our lives, and our children's."

"Are you OK with that?" she asked softly, taking the squirming package 
from Clay.

"Oh yeah.  A guardian angel, what more could anyone ask."
==============

 356 Days Later
 JAG HQ's
 
 "What on earth are you still doing here Colonel?" Admiral Summers 
chided her 
 senior officer as she walked into her office. "I know that little guy 
of 
 yours is sick. You should be home with him."
 
 "I was just trying to finish the Waterman case" Mac sighed. "But Clay 
just 
 called and said the roads are starting to get slick and I still need 
to stop 
 at the store and pick up some more medicine for David. So I guess I'd 
better 
 go before traffic becomes an absolute mess."
 
 "Go" Veronica Summers smiled. "Waterman can wait. Your family is more 
 important."
 
 "Yes it is" Mac smiled as she thought of her son. He was her and 
Clay's 
 world, truly a gift from heaven and Harm. He'd picked up a cold just a 
few 
 days before and she and Clay had both fretted over him.
 
 "Besides I don't want you on the roads when this becomes a mess."
 
 "You either" Mac told her CO.
 
 "You grab your coat and I'll grab mine" Veronica smiled. "And we'll 
leave 
 together."
 
 Mac pulled her coat tighter as she stepped out of the JAG offices with 
Veronica, 
 the temperature starting to fall quicker than the weatherman had 
predicted 
 it would.
 
 "Drive safely" Mac called.
 
 "You too" Veronica nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."
 
 As Clay had told her the roads were starting to form a thin layer of 
ice as 
 the morning cold rain started to freeze and Mac kept her speed down to 
a 
 minimum as she made her way to drug store near home.
 
 Her cell phone rang just as she used reached the store and she smiled 
when 
 she saw it was Clay.
 
 "Hey where are you?" he asked anxiously. "I just heard the roads are 
turning 
 to ice."
 
 "At the drug store. I'll be home in five. How's David?"
 
 "Still a little feverish" Clay sighed. "But he's a lot less cranky and 
I think 
 he'll be okay for the party."
 
 "Good. I'm just going to run in real quick and then I'll be home."
 
 "Drive safely" Clay ordered. "It's really bad out there."
 
 "I will. I love you and I'll see you soon."
 
 Mac hurried into the drug store and a few minutes later emerged. She 
was on 
 her way across the parking lot when the car came skidding through, the 
 driver losing control when he'd made the turn too quick. There wasn't 
even 
 time to scream and a moment later the car plowed into her. Pain shot 
through 
 every inch of her body and Mac could hear the screams of others that 
raced 
 to her side.
 
 "Ma'am just hold on," a tall Naval Officer said as he knelt down 
beside her. 
 "911 is on the way."
 
 She finally forced her eyes open and for a moment a small smile 
crossed her 
 face. All she could see when she looked up were the familiar green 
eyes of 
 Harmon Rabb.
 
 "Harm" she whispered. He was there for her. She was finally going to 
join 
 him. With one last painful breath she closed her eyes and waited for 
him to 
 take her home.
 
 "Sarah no. You can't leave them."
 
 The pain had left her body and as she opened her eyes again she saw 
him. 
 Looking exactly as she remembered him to be.
 
 "Harm I'm here" she smiled as she walked to him. "Finally we can be 
 together." Her arms opened to him and a moment later she felt his 
strong 
 arms around her.
 
 "Sarah" he whispered. "I want you so much but you don't belong here 
right 
 now. Clay and David need you. You have to go back to them."

"I love them, but it's you I belong with," she whispered back, folding 
herself more deeply into 
his embrace.  Not only was Harm there, but it was warm and soft.  She 
could tell this was a 
place without trouble or pain.  Over the Rainbow.  As a child she had 
sung that song so often 
when she needed escape.

"There will be a time when you and I will have our eternity," he 
promised her.  "But that time 
isn't now.  You have a lot of life yet to live on Earth.  There's a man 
who adores you waiting 
and wondering where you are, a baby boy who doesn't deserve to grow up 
without a mother, 
and. . .honey I probably shouldn't tell you but David's got a sister 
and two brothers due him."  
His hand rubbed her middle and he smiled softly.  "You don't know it 
yet, but there's two baby 
boys growing inside you right now.  And in a couple of years there will 
finally be the baby girl 
you'll crave.  You should see her Sarah.  She's you."

"Harm I. . .I don't want to go back," she gasped, reeling from his 
revelation and yet clinging 
more tightly to him.  "Please.  I need you."

"You don't have any choice in the matter," he smiled.  "I'll be here 
waiting for you.  And 
meanwhile whenever you need me, I'll be there.  For you and Clay and 
the kids--I'll be there."  
His arms pushed her away at the same time strong arms on the other end 
pulled her from him.

Gone was the warmth and softness.  Gone was Harm.  The pain was back.  
The pain and the 
cold November air.  "Ma'am you're going to be OK," the Naval officer 
was saying.  "Police and 
paramedics are on the way.  Thank god you were wearing your seatbelt 
huh.  Good for you.  
What's your name?"

"Sarah Rabb. . .I mean Mackenzie. . .uh Webb.  Sorry.  I hurt  
Lieutenant."  She closed her 
eyes against the pain but this time there was no Harmon Rabb to console 
her.
=============
ALEXANDRIA HOSPITAL
90 Mins. Later

"Sarah Webb.  W-E-B-B.  How hard can that be?"  

The IV they had given Mac had sent her into a pleasant state of half 
awake euphoria, which 
was now being intruded upon by the insistent voice of her husband.  She 
forced her eyes open 
and got the attention of the young student nurse.  "Hey, that obnoxious 
noise in the hallway 
would be my husband.  Maybe you should tell him I'm here before he 
starts dismantling the 
place."
 
 A moment later Clay rushed into the room, his face a mask of concern.
 
 "Sarah thank God" he whispered as he reached her. "I have never been 
so 
 scared in my life. They wouldn't tell me anything and I was about to 
lose 
 it."
 
 "Sorry" she murmured.
 
 "No it's not your fault. The nice young man who came with you told me 
 exactly what happened. You were lucky you weren't killed."
 
 "Harm didn't want me."
 
 His eyes opened wide at her words. "Sarah what are you talking about?" 
he 
 whispered. "You didn't see Harm did you?"
 
 "Yes I did. He was there right after it happened. I thought I was 
going to 
 stay with him but he sent me back."
 
 "Sarah no. There was someone with you but it wasn't Harm. I mean he 
sort of 
 looks like Harm if you glance real quick at him. But it wasn't Harm."
 
 "No Clay" Mac said as she tried to sit up, her voice growing more 
agitated. 
 "I saw Harm. He held me in his arms. It was Harm. I was with him."
 
 "Mr. Webb I didn't let you in so you could upset my patient" Nurse 
Connie 
 Mullins said as she walked in.
 
 "I'm sorry," he said quickly.
 
 "It was Harm" Mac wailed. "I know it was Harm. He held me and I could 
feel 
 him. It wasn't a dream."
 
 Connie quickly administered another sedative into Mac's IV line and a 
moment 
 later her eyes closed, tears still trickling slowly down her cheek.
 
 "She's going to be okay isn't she?" Clay whispered.
 
 "She's actually extremely lucky. She has a concussion, which might 
account 
 for whatever she thinks she saw. And of course some bruised ribs and a 
lot 
 of other assorted bumps and bruises."
 
 "But she's going to be okay?"
 
 "We're keeping her at least overnight."
 
 "I want to stay with her" Clay sighed.
 
 "Mr. Webb you look like you're barely on your feet yourself" Connie 
smiled.
 
 "Our son has been sick all week" Clay explained. "And we've been up 
most 
 nights with him. Right now he's with some friends so I don't have to 
hurry 
 back."
 
 "Go home to your son and get some rest" Connie said softly. "She's 
just 
 going to sleep."
 
 "I don't want to leave her" he whispered. Normally when Mac had 
mentioned 
 Harm it hadn't bothered him. But this time it had. He'd come closer to 
 losing the woman he loved than he wanted to think about. If she really 
had 
been with Harm.  Clay quickly shook the thought away.
 
 "She's in good hands Mr. Webb. I can't make you leave but there's 
really 
 nothing you can do for her."
 
  Clay let out a long sigh. "No but I can make sure she doesn't leave 
me" he whispered as he 
sat down and took Mac's hand in his.
  
"She's not going to get up and walk out.  Not with what we're dripping 
into her,"  Connie said 
softly attempting to lighten the moment.

"No that like that," he sighed.  "I mean. . .you know. . .leave me for 
good."

"Well if the doctor told you she was OK, you can just about take that 
to the bank."

"Yeah well the problem is, what she's got waiting for her is maybe 
something she wants more 
than what she's got here," he sighed and shook his head when Connie 
started to speak again.  
"Thanks.  Don't worry about it."

He didn't move for a long time.  Didn't take his eyes from her still 
form, until finally he looked 
upward and with a soft sigh murmured, "Harm I know you can hear me.  I 
know she was with 
you and I know you sent her back to me.  Thank you.  She'll be with you 
soon enough for all 
the rest of eternity.  This time on Earth is ours.  For her and me."

It was another two hours before Mac moved and opened her eyes.  Her 
mouth worked a few 
times as Clay felt her hand jerk in his.  "David?" she murmured.  

"Honey he's fine," Clay assured her at once.  "He's with Harriet right 
now.  How do you feel?"

"Sore and tired and sad," she whispered, reaching up to press her palm 
against his cheek.  
"You look terrible."

"I feel terrible and I wish I knew how to help you.  Before Sarah, you 
said you were with Harm, 
and that he didn't want you.  I'm not going to say I'm sorry.  See I'm 
selfish.  Selfish because I 
love you.  I need you and David needs you.  He should not have to grow 
up without a mom."

"That's what Harm said," she sighed.  "And a couple other things too."  
Absently she rubbed 
her hand across her belly.  Just the month before with David leaving 
his baby-hood and turning 
into an active toddler, and given that she was not getting any younger, 
they had decided it 
would be time to try for another.  Nowhere had they figured on twins.  
Twin boys no less, and a 
small smile came over her.  She opened her mouth to share Harm's 
revelation with Clay and 
then changed her mind.  

Still the smile continued.  Harm had promised her they would be 
together when her life here 
was done; and that whenever she or her family needed him he would be 
there.  For now that 
was enough.

She lifted her arms to her husband, wanting to feel his arms around 
her.  

"I love you Clayton Webb.  I love you and we're going to have a long 
life together."

For a moment he did not move hearing her words, and then gathered her 
to him, all but 
crushing her to his chest while he looked up once again.  A special man 
had given over to him 
the woman he adored and cherished when he was alive.  Given her to him 
to care for and 
make happy.  He would spend his life doing just that.

=============
10 DAYS LATER

David Rabb was a happy healthy active to the point of exhaustion one 
year old, now over his 
cold.  His first birthday brought Harriet and Bud along with Little AJ 
and their new baby boy 
Dylan, with Sturgis and the someone special in his life now, Lt. 
Mallory Marsden to the Webb 
abode for his party. Also bringing gifts were Sierra and Noah, Carter 
and Malinda, and Gunny 
and Jen.  Or rather Gunnery Sergeant and Mrs. Victor Galindez.

"Mac you look radiant if I can use a cliche," Sturgis told her, 
catching her alone for a minute.  
"It's been a good year for you.  Except for your accident that scared 
us all to death of course."

"Yes it has.  Other than that.  A very good year," she smiled.  "I 
didn't think I could ever feel 
happy again for a while but Clay makes me feel loved and wanted and 
being a mother. . 
.nothing like it."

"I'm glad for you," he smiled.  "Very glad."

"And you and the Lieutenant look good together too," Mac observed and 
Sturgis smiled 
sheepishly.

"We'll see.  Best thing I've had going in years though."

Later they brought David to his presents and helped him open them. 

"No wait something's wrong," Clay frowned.  "Look there's what Bud and 
Harriet brought,  
Sturgis's and Mallory's, AJ and Meredith's, Carter and Malinda's, Noah 
and Sierra's and the 
Galindez's.  Now where did the red fire truck come from?"

"Clay, think about it," Mac smiled and kissed  his cheek.

Later that night, it was a tired David Webb who climbed onto Clay's lap 
for his nightly snuggle.  
It took but five minutes for his eyes to close.  

Eyes that were Rabb green.

THE END
*********************

Epilogue
January 3, 2027

It was cold and somber January day in December and David Webb helped 
his 
father from the funeral home after the arrangements. In the early hours 
of the morning Sarah 
Mackenzie Webb had bid a final farewell to those she loved on earth 
before 
peacefully slipping away, finally giving in to the cancer she'd battled 
the 
last two years. Back at home, the twins Jared and Jonathan were 
consoling 
their little sister Allie.

"You going to be okay?" David asked his father once they were in the 
car.

"You know what today is?" Clay said softly.

David shook his head. "No clue Dad. Tell me."

"Thirty years ago today I introduced your mother to Lt.  Lieutenant 
Harmon 
Rabb" Clay whispered. "And now they're finally together."

"Dad you know she loved you. She was so happy being married to you. And 
being a mother to us."

"She was definitely proud of you. Graduating the Academy top in your 
class 
was quite a feat."

"I had help you know."

"I know. He was always with us."

"Did that bother you?"

"No" Clay shook his head. "It was like having a guardian angel. Course 
I 
knew one day he would come back for her."

"You think she's happy there?"

"I know she is" Clay sighed. "She's been waiting twenty four years to 
see 
him."

And at that moment in heaven, Sarah Mackenzie Webb looked down with 
tears in 
her eyes, Harm's arms going around her to comfort her.

"You loved him a lot didn't you?" Harm said softly.

"Almost as much as I loved you" Mac whispered as she turned around to 
Harm. 
"I can't believe we're finally together."

"For all of eternity Sarah."

The End