Title: You're the One
Author: Audrey Higgans
Email: audrey.higgans@tiscalinet.it
Rating: R - adult situations
Classification: Shipper/Romance - Harm and Mac
Spoilers: Up through season 7 until the "I'm glad you're here" scene in 
"The 
Mission"
Summary: No, I won't say anything otherwise I'll spoil all the fun!! 
Please 
bear with me, as I am an overseas fan who has only seen season 7 in the 
episode clips and jagfan comments. This is the result of my shipper 
frustrations!! Anyone who isn't a shipper had better be prepared. It is 
very 
Harm/Mac oriented. I particularly dedicate this story to my dearest 
friend 
Joanne. Thanks to Kim for beta reading it for me.
Disclaimer: JAG, its characters and premise are the exclusive property 
of 
Bellasarius Productions, Paramount Television and CBS Entertainment. No 
monetary gain is appreciated from this endeavour, nor is any copyright 
infringement intended. This story is created purely for recreational 
purposes. 
******************************************************************************
AIRCRAFT CARRIER PATRICK HENRY - ATLANTIC OCEAN
LATE EVENING

Harm was standing on vultures' row on the carrier Patrick Henry 
watching the 
takeoffs. The noise was deafening and it was extremely windy but there 
was no 
other place he wanted to be at that moment except perhaps on one of 
those 
planes. One had just made a smooth landing when he heard someone shout 
his 
name from behind. He turned around and saw Mac.
They exchanged a smile.

"Hey," he asked.  "How did you know where I was?"

Mac smiled a conspiratorial smile and replied, "Where else would you be 
on a 
carrier during ops?" She knew him well.

"In the front seat of an F-14?" he suggested.

"Not this trip," Mac quipped back. His flight status qualifications or 
'quals' were not up for another three months yet. 

"I can dream," Harm shouted as the noise from the planes grew deafening 
once 
more. 

Mac grabbed the rails next to him and faced the wind.  "You know, I 
think I'm 
starting to understand how you feel, Harm. When I was aboard the 
carrier LHA 
I had a sense of what it's like to be out at sea. Everything else… 
whatever 
personal problems you might have… it all goes away. Nothing seems 
important 
in the face of what you're doing."

Leaning next to her on the railing, Harm turned towards her and 
remarked, 
"There was a time you hated it here."

"Nothing stays the same," she replied.

"Tell me about it," he answered, thinking of how far they had come 
since her 
break up with Mic. Not as far as he would have liked but they had made 
progress. 

The last time they had been on a carrier together she hadn't been 
around to 
say goodbye to him before he left. That had hurt but he didn't want to 
think 
about that right now.  He turned around and gave her his full 
attention. Her 
short brown hair was blowing about her face and her eyes were watering 
with 
the force of the wind. But she had the sweetest smile on her face and 
to Harm 
she had never looked more beautiful. 

"I'm glad you're here," he said watching her. He waited for her 
reaction. 

They had been on shaky ground recently and he didn't want to rock the 
boat 
and risk her estrangement yet again. They had been tiptoeing around 
each 
other, each trying to pick up the fringes of their friendship without 
causing 
too much havoc.  But he needn't have worried. She smiled back at him 
and her 
eyes said she was happy, too. If he didn't know her better he would 
swear she 
was blushing.

They stood there watching the F-14s and savouring the feeling of peace 
and 
empathy between them - something that had been missing lately.  After a 
few 
minutes Harm realized that he was hungry and even if he was in no hurry 
to 
eat he imagined she must have been starving too, seeing as it was 
rather late.

"Shall we go and get a bite to eat?" he asked.

Mac nodded. She turned and he opened the door for her and followed her 
inside.

There weren't many people around in the mess hall as they sat down to 
eat. 
They discussed the outcome of the last case they had been working on 
but the 
expression in their eyes belied their pretense at normality as they 
bantered 
back and forth on the technical details of the case. Mac was starting 
to feel 
uncomfortable. He kept giving her intense looks and she remembered a 
time 
when she had been bold enough to ask him what passed through his head 
when he 
looked at her just that way. He had said that he saw a desirable woman.

She flushed at the thought and Harm noticed it immediately. "Hey, Mac, 
are 
you okay?" 

"Y…yes, yes, I'm fine," she stammered. 

She didn't know how long she could keep this friendship thing up. Ever 
since 
she had admitted to herself that she was in love with Harm she had 
started 
feeling shy when he was around. She was scared of betraying her 
feelings, not 
knowing how he felt at this point. Yet every time he smiled at her in 
that 
boyish sort of way, his whole face lit up and she felt her insides 
melting. 
Why did he have to be so handsome anyway? she frowned. It wasn't fair 
on a 
poor girl!

"Aren't you going to finish your dinner?" Harm questioned.

Mac looked down at their plates and realized that Harm's plate was 
empty 
while she had hardly touched her food. "I'm not really all that 
hungry," she 
replied in control once more. "I think I'll call it a night. I'm beat," 
she 
continued standing up abruptly. 

"You're right," Harm agreed getting up himself. "It is rather late and 
you 
need to be fresh in the morning. We'll be leaving early."

"Good night, Harm." Mac's brown eyes smiled straight into his. 

"'Night, Mac," he answered.  She was turning to leave when Harm did 
something 
that surprised them both. He took her right hand in his left one and 
caressing her palm with his thumb he added hesitantly, " I … we 
really do 
need to talk, you know. I know you said you didn't want me to pressure 
you, 
but … don't you think it's time?" 

Mac felt a jolt at his words. The soft caress of his fingers on her 
skin and 
the vulnerable look in his eyes were causing her stomach to do funny 
flip-flops and it had nothing to do with the fact that she had hardly 
eaten 
anything all day. Suddenly she didn't want to run anymore. She was 
scared 
because she knew that this would be a turning point in their 
relationship. If 
it didn't work out their friendship would possibly suffer, but then 
again 
this could be the chance of a lifetime. Her gut feeling told her to go 
for it 
but could she trust her instinct? She had been wrong before. She had 
almost 
married the wrong man. What if this was another mistake? But looking up 
at 
the handsome man before her she thought it was well worth the risk. He 
had 
told her he would always love her as a friend and she had said as much 
back 
at her engagement party when they had both been convinced that she was 
marrying Mic. When Harm had been reported lost at sea on the eve of her 
wedding day she had finally realized how important he was to her and 
from her 
reaction to the news Mic had realized it, too, because he had called 
the 
wedding off and left for another continent. He had understood before 
she did 
herself the extent of her feelings for this man.  It was becoming 
increasingly difficult to ignore them and pretend that all she felt for 
him 
was a deep friendship. 

Using a tactic which she had often adopted in the past when she was 
trying to 
say something without seeming too intense she looked mischievously up 
at him 
and said, "Well, Sailor, what would you say if this Marine asked you to 
take 
her out to dinner Friday night? I think we need to live it up a little 
after 
all the work we've been doing lately. What do you say?"

"Is this your roundabout way of asking me for a date?" Harm asked, his 
blue-green eyes twinkling.

"You figure it out, Harm," she taunted. And with that she took off.

"It's a date," Harm said quietly standing there looking after her as 
she 
left, a satisfied look on his face.

20.15 ZULU
MAC'S APARTMENT 
FRIDAY NIGHT

Mac was giving herself a final critical inspection while she waited for 
Harm 
to come and pick her up for their dinner date.  She felt elated and 
anxious 
at the same time. Were they doing the right thing, she wondered? He had 
said 
that he wanted to talk and so did she. Would he kiss her again or would 
he 
hold back? The last kiss they had shared had been a brief though 
particularly 
sweet one under the mistletoe at Christmas. They had been on such good 
terms 
ever since, although she had caught a brooding look on his handsome 
countenance once or twice when he thought no one was looking. Was he 
regretting it already? No, he couldn't be. He had seemed sincere on the 
carrier. Harm wasn't one to make idle conversation where she was 
concerned. 
If he said something he usually meant it.

She frowned at her mirror image. This was ridiculous. She had been out 
with 
Harm lots of times over the years they had known each other. Why should 
this 
time make her feel any different? 

"But that had always been as friends and colleagues," a small voice 
inside 
her head whispered. 

This was the first time that he was actually asking her for a date. 
Come to 
think of it, she had asked him to ask her. 

"Mac," she scolded herself out loud, frowning even harder. "You are a 
bundle 
of nerves." 

She had agonized over what to wear all day and had finally decided on a 
lovely figure hugging jersey dress in old rose hues, which exalted the 
highlights in her hair. Harm had never seen it so it had seemed like a 
good 
idea. Slipping on a pair of black high-heeled shoes, which she had 
bought 
only last week, she was taking a last look at herself when the doorbell 
rang.

"Mac, it's me," Harm's muffled voice came over from the other side of 
the 
door. 

Taking a deep breath she grabbed her purse and opened the door. 

"Am I late?" Harm asked his eyes roaming over her appreciatively.

"Only by 30 seconds," she smiled taking in the dark gray suit enhancing 
the 
breadth of his shoulders and the blue tie, which highlighted the blue 
in his 
eyes.

"Shall we go?" he added smiling down at her.  Even in her high heels he 
was 
still a head taller. "I booked us a table at Giuliano's." 

Locking the door she took his proffered arm and followed him to his 
car. 

23.00 ZULU
GIULIANO'S

Giuliano's was an exclusive Italian restaurant, which specialized in 
all 
kinds of meat, fish and vegetarian dishes. This suited them both fine, 
as 
their taste in food was anything but similar. Mac was touched by all 
the 
trouble Harm had gone to just for her. The decor was exquisite, the 
food was 
excellent and there was even a sizable dance floor. More than a few 
heads, 
both male and female, had turned when they had entered the restaurant. 
They 
made a striking pair. But they were too engrossed in each other to 
notice 
anyone else. 

"You're looking particularly lovely tonight, Mac," Harm remarked as 
they 
savoured a delicious creamy lemon-flavoured desert. 

Mac smiled sweetly at him and told him that he looked quite dashing 
himself. 
This was Harm at his most charming! A refreshing change, since he 
wasn't one 
to mince words when they were working together. Mac teased him about it 
and 
Harm gave her that cocky look which so reminded her of the first times 
they 
had joked together like this. Her anxiety had long since been forgotten 
as 
Harm had noticed it and had gone out of his way to put her at ease.
Harm, on the other hand was aching to hold her in his arms. She was so 
beautiful and he wanted to … well, never mind what he wanted to do. 
He had to 
take it slowly. He didn't want to scare her off. 

"Just take it one step at a time, Harm," he told himself. 

Sooner or later she would have to come round and realize what they felt 
for 
each other. In the meantime he had to be patient. That was one thing he 
was 
good at.

"Care to dance, Mac?" he asked as she finished her coffee. 

"I'd love to," she replied.

They got up and headed towards the dance floor. It was packed. The band 
struck up a tune with a slow theme. Something about a man loving a 
woman. 
Harm took Mac's hand and moved in first, making way for her with his 
big 
body. As they moved towards the central part of the dance floor the 
other 
couples there surrounded them. Turning towards her, Harm opened his 
arms and 
Mac slid into them as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He 
placed his hands on her waist and pulled her towards him. Mac lay her 
head on 
his shoulder and in unison they moved to the music.  She let out a sigh 
of 
contentment.  It felt so good to be in his arms. She had dreamed of 
this for 
so long and now that she was here she closed her eyes to better enjoy 
the 
sweet sensation of dancing in such close proximity with Harm. Her hands 
were 
on his chest and she could feel his body heat through the thin material 
of 
his shirt where his jacket was open.  His hands moved up and down her 
back 
and he pulled her closer. She felt the light touch of his lips against 
her 
hair but she wasn't sure. She leaned back a little to better see his 
expression and when he looked down at her she was mesmerized by the 
intense 
look in his eyes. His lips came closer and closer and then touched hers 
lightly. His arms tightened around her and she could feel his hard 
contours 
merging with her softer ones. As his lips pressed down on hers once 
more her 
hands acquired a will of their own and slid over his muscular arms and 
shoulders up to his neck where she ran her fingers through the short 
brown 
hair at the base. Harm deepened the kiss and she responded gladly.  A 
jolt of 
desire ran through them both and Mac moaned softly. 

Suddenly Harm pulled away and she felt bereft. As she looked up at him 
with 
confused and passion-filled eyes, he cupped her cheek gently, his voice 
unsteady. 
"Let's get out of here," he whispered. 

Mac vaguely remembered Harm paying for their bill and then they were in 
the 
car park. When they got to Harm's car he pulled her towards him again 
and 
this time she met him halfway as their lips met. She ran her hands up 
his 
back and reveled in the rippling strength she felt under her fingers. 
Harm felt his desire for her mounting as she caressed him and absorbed 
her 
sweetness as their mouths clung together.  He pressed her closer, 
crushing 
her petite form to his larger one as if he couldn't get enough of her. 
This 
time it was Mac who pulled back. 

"If we keep this up we're going to be arrested for indecency in public, 
Harm," she whispered in a husky voice and a smile meant only for him.  

Feeling somewhat dazed Harm cursed himself for getting carried away 
like 
that. He had wanted to take it slowly and here he was on the point of 
ravishing her in a public car park. Smiling down at her ruefully and 
with a 
trace of amusement in his eyes he put her in her seat and growled 
playfully, 
"Now you sit there and behave until we get home." As he got in the 
driving 
seat he took her hand and held it all the way to her apartment only 
letting 
it go to change gears.
At her door she gave him her key and he opened it. As he slammed it 
shut they 
faced each other. 
Harm could see the conflicting emotions on her face. He knew what she 
was 
afraid of. 

"Listen, Mac, it's okay." She could hear the contrition in his voice. 
"I 
didn't mean to push you. We can do this some other time, when you're 
ready." 

Seeing the tenderness in his eyes Mac marveled how he could be so 
patient 
with her. She had treated him badly the last time he had wanted to talk 
about 
this by walking out on him in mid-sentence. But she had been confused 
and 
disappointed that he had gone to his girlfriend when she was devastated 
over 
Mic's sudden departure. He had still been going out with Renee at the 
time. 
Granted, Renee's father had died and even if their relationship had 
been over 
for a while he couldn't just send her away when she was hurting. Harm 
just 
wasn't like that. But he had left her alone in a crucial moment when 
she had 
really needed him and that had hurt, even if it had been the force of 
circumstance, which had pushed him to do it. When he had come after her 
she 
had been too mad at him. But he had come and she owed it to him to hear 
him 
out now that they were friends again. 

"I think I'm ready now, Harm … to talk, I mean," she added hurriedly 
as she 
realized the double meaning behind that simple statement. 

Harm hesitated and then decided to take the plunge. She had moved to 
the 
couch and was looking up at him expectantly and he suddenly felt 
tongue-tied. 
It was not often that he was at a loss for words but then it was not 
often 
that he talked about his deepest feelings to anyone. Self-control was 
second 
nature to him after years of training in the Navy. Mac was one of the 
few 
people who had managed to dent his armour. He searched around in his 
head for 
a way to begin. 

As he sat down next to her he ventured, "Mac, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Mac answered.

"How are you really?  I mean, since you broke up with Mic?  Have you 
come to 
terms with that?"

Mac smiled wryly. "You've got that the wrong way, Harm.  He broke up 
with me 
remember?  Actually…" she lowered her eyes.  "I felt so unwanted and 
alone 
when he left. It was no more than I deserved after all. He had been so 
good 
to me and I wanted to put off the wedding. I suppose it was the last 
straw 
and he gave up on me.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it with you 
lying 
in a hospital bed."  Her voice was thick with emotion as she added, "I 
felt 
so guilty, Harm.  We hadn't parted on the best of terms when you told 
me you 
had your quals on the eve of my wedding day.  When I heard that your 
plane 
had fallen into the Atlantic I couldn't help thinking you had promised 
me 
you'd come back for the wedding and that if I had been less insistent 
you 
could have been sleeping safely in your bunk on the carrier."

He could see how much this was costing her. He could hear the pain in 
her 
voice. Tilting up her face he saw that her eyes were brimming with 
unshed 
tears.  A telltale drop formed a rivulet down her cheek. 

In a familiar gesture he wiped it away with his hand and said, "Mac, it 
wasn't your fault. You know how stubborn I can get. It was my decision 
not 
yours. If I had listened to you in the first place and stayed put in 
Washington I wouldn't have found myself in the middle of that storm. So 
you 
were actually right in asking me to stay. Then again, if I had, you 
would 
have gone on and married Mic so perhaps it was the lesser of the two 
evils." 
He smiled devilishly at her then and she couldn't help smiling through 
her 
tears.

"You never could stand him, could you?" she said.

"Now that is putting it mildly," he answered quirking his eyebrows and 
looking at her with amusement.

"Harm, I wanted to come to the hospital so much after we all came to 
see you 
together but I couldn't with Mic around me all the time," she continued 
seriously. 
"But all I really wanted was to come to you."

"And you did," Harm replied. "I was impatient for you to come to me 
when you 
phoned me after Mic left for Australia. But then Renee came on the 
scene 
crying over her father's death and I was torn between you and her need 
of me. 
I didn't want to deal with her at that moment and I felt like such a 
heel 
leaving you alone like that. But I comforted myself with the thought 
that we 
would talk when I flew back from the funeral. I'm glad we've got our 
old 
friendship back. You don't know how much it means to me. How much you 
mean to 
me, Mac," he finished looking straight at her, a haunted look in his 
usually 
cheerful green eyes. "Let me show you how much."

His heartfelt words struck an answering chord in Mac. They both moved 
at the 
same time and as Harm's mouth came down on hers, Mac opened up like a 
flower 
to the sun. He kissed her deeply and she kissed him back with all the 
desire 
and love, which had been pent up inside her until that moment. Her 
hands were 
busy and when Harm felt them at his shirt buttons he helped her remove 
it. 
His undershirt followed and she pressed her face to his chest loving 
the feel 
and smell of him. Harm picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. He 
had 
been to her apartment enough times to have no trouble knowing where it 
was. 
Helping her off with her dress he embraced her and they fell on the bed 
arms 
and legs entwined. Removing their last vestige of clothing they stared 
at 
each other for one heart-stopping moment. 

"Sarah, you're beautiful," he breathed reverently and she reveled in 
the 
worship in his eyes. 

"So are you, Harm," was her answer. "We're beautiful," she added 
sincerely 
referring to the special bond they shared.

"Sweetheart," was all he managed to say before he kissed her again even 
more 
passionately, his mouth devouring hers. Finally Harm could not hold 
back any 
longer. "Are you protected?" he asked in a strained voice. "I didn't 
imagine…" 

Mac understood what he was trying to tell her and was touched by his 
thoughtfulness. "It's okay, Harm," she replied. 

And with that, he finally linked their bodies and it was no longer just 
Harm 
and Mac but one single being. Two hearts beating to the same rhythm 
with Mac 
leading the way and Harm following soon after. It was everything she 
had ever 
dreamed of and more. She felt utterly complete as she held him in her 
arms in 
the aftermath of their love. There was no doubt in her mind that she 
loved 
him. She pressed her lips to his temple and Harm rolled off her, 
settling her 
in the crook of his arm. Her back to him, they cuddled in each other's 
arms, 
each lost in their own thoughts. 

"I love you," Harm whispered eventually but she didn't hear him. 

The anxiety and the sweet lethargy she was feeling had taken their toll 
and 
lying in the protective haven of his arms, she had fallen asleep like a 
child. Harm smiled as he settled down to get some rest himself. There 
would 
be time to tell her again and next time he would make sure she was 
wide-awake 
when he said it!


15.00 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH VIRGINIA
10 DAYS LATER

Mac walked into the bullpen oblivious to the people around her.  Gunny 
looked 
up as she passed. 

"Afternoon, ma'am," he saluted. 

Mac didn't even hear him. She went into her office, closed the door and 
sat 
down with her briefcase still on her lap staring into space. A knock at 
the 
door shook her out of her reverie.

"Come in," she managed. It was Gunny again and he was staring at her 
strangely. 

"Afternoon, ma'am," he repeated. "The Admiral wants to see you in his 
office. 
He asked me to tell you that as soon as you came in."

"Thanks, Gunny," Mac called after him as he left. Placing her briefcase 
on 
the desk she stood up and tried to get hold of herself. She was a 
Marine, 
dammit!  

She was trained to deal with unexpected situations. Somehow she would 
deal 
with this one, too! With tremendous effort she schooled her features 
into the 
professional mask she wore to work and headed towards the Admiral's 
office. 
Greeting Tiner, she went in. 

Harm was already there and her stomach plunged as she saw him. He 
turned 
round to greet her and noticed that her greeting was stiff and formal 
and 
that she was having difficulty meeting his eyes. He was puzzled. It had 
been 
ten days since they had last seen each other. The Admiral had sent him 
on a 
mission on the Seahawk and she had been immersed in another case here. 
Ten 
long days when his thoughts had kept wandering back to the night they 
had 
spent in each other's arms while he was supposed to be concentrating on 
his 
work.  They had agreed to keep it to themselves for now. She had 
answered his 
first e-mail but not the second one. That had set him thinking and when 
he 
got back he had curbed the urge to go straight to her apartment and 
called 
her instead. All he had got was her answering machine and she hadn't 
replied 
to his messages. She seemed distracted.

The Admiral spoke and they broke eye contact and paid attention to what 
he 
was saying.

"A certain Captain Clancy is accused of shooting his wife. She has been 
hospitalized. Apparently the neighbours called the police and they 
passed it 
on to us seeing as he's a Navy officer. They were due to be separated 
and the 
woman has been living alone with her two children for the past month. 
The man 
is currently under arrest. He handed them each a file. "You will both 
be 
working together on this. Our man has hired a civilian defense lawyer. 
You 
will prosecute, Commander Rabb," he looked at Harm. "You will be in 
charge 
this time. I want to see this sorry case wrapped up as soon as 
possible. Any 
questions?"

"Eehm… sir," Mac cleared her throat hesitantly. "I have a request. Is 
it 
possible to assign someone else to this case instead of me?"

Both the Admiral and Harm turned surprised eyes on her.

"Any particular reason, Colonel?" the Admiral asked.

Mac could feel Harm's gaze on her. She knew the confusion and hurt he 
must be 
feeling but she had to start somewhere and working together wasn't 
going to 
make it any easier.

"Just… personal reasons, sir," she replied not daring to look at 
either of 
them.

"Are you ill?" the Admiral asked.

"No, sir," she reassured him. 

"Well, then I'm afraid that you will have to put those reasons aside, 
Colonel. This is a particularly delicate case and I want you two to 
work on 
it. You know I consider you a good lawyer."

"Yes, sir," Mac replied not knowing what else to say with Harm standing 
there 
gaping at her. 

"Dismissed," the Admiral concluded, going back to the work on his desk.

"Aye, aye, sir," Mac and Harm saluted in unison, standing to attention.  

They both turned and left the room. Mac went straight to her office and 
Harm 
made a beeline after her a grim look on his face.  Closing the door he 
grabbed her arm and turned her round to face him as his angry eyes shot 
daggers at her. The tension of the last few days was finally getting to 
him.

"What was that all about?" he demanded. "You avoid me, you don't answer 
my 
e-mails or my phone calls 
and now you request permission not to work with me? What is going on, 
Mac?"

"Let go of me, Harm," Mac said tensely, looking up at him with a 
shuttered 
look. "I just think that things are moving a little too quickly. We 
…we made 
a mistake. I've been giving it some thought and I don't think it would 
work 
between us."

Harm felt as if someone had just dealt him a blow in his solar plexus. 
"You 
don't think…?" He mimicked. "Are you out of your mind?" he burst out, 
his 
voice rising. "What are you talking about? I thought we'd been through 
all 
that. Are you saying that what happened between us didn't mean 
anything? That 
it was just a fling?"

Looking away from the pain in his eyes Mac bit her lip, her resolve 
wavering. 
"What I'm saying is that we have to work together and I don't think 
that a 
personal relationship would work under the circumstances." 

The excuse sounded lame even to her ears after what they had 
experienced, but 
what else could she say?  It was better to do it now than hurt him even 
more 
later on.  He deserved better. A whole woman not the shell she had 
discovered 
in the past few days. 
Harm suddenly felt very tired from lack of sleep and his overwrought 
emotions. He couldn't take this for much longer. One minute she had him 
up on 
cloud nine and the next she was crushing him with her cold 
indifference. 

"Why are you doing this?"  He looked away. 

"Please, Harm," she begged. 

He closed his eyes thinking of another tender, intimate moment just a 
few 
days ago when she had said the same words while she was lying in his 
arms. 
Then she had wanted him. Now she was rejecting him.

"I'm not good enough for you, is that it?" he asked sadly.

"No, Harm. It's not that. You're a great deal too good for me. It's me. 
It's 
for your own good, believe me."

Moving towards him she touched his arm and then pulled back as he 
inhaled 
sharply. Her touch brought back such bittersweet memories.

"Please, Harm," she repeated. "I know it's hard for you to understand 
but I 
just need us to go on being friends. I value your friendship so much 
and I 
will always need you but it just can't be."

"Why?" Harm asked in a pained, husky voice.

"I… have my reasons," she answered and he could see the sadness in 
her eyes 
as she said it. 

He wanted to hold her and wipe that sadness away but she didn't want 
him to. 
She was pushing him away all over again. Harm heaved a long shuddering 
sigh 
and opened the door. 

"Have it your way," he threw back at her as he went out and his quiet 
voice 
was an antithesis to the storm inside him. He slammed the door shut 
with such 
force that the glass rattled. 

Curious eyes followed him in the bullpen as he made his way to his 
office. 
The Commander and the Colonel were known to get into a fight now and 
then. 
Nobody took any real notice. 

Mac drew a sigh of relief. So far so good. At least he hadn't said he 
didn't 
want anything more to do with her. She had lost him as a lover. She 
couldn't 
stand losing him as a friend, too.  Going to her desk she sat down and 
made a 
semblance of studying the case before her. Hopefully they would be able 
to go 
on working together without too many problems.

Back in his office Harm wasn't faring so well. He was trying to come to 
terms 
with what had just taken place.  At first he had been angry and hurt 
but now 
he felt sad and defeated. What they had was so special. Why did she 
want to 
throw it all away? When she had that look in her eyes he knew it was 
useless 
to argue. She had built walls around her innermost self over the years.  
Her 
difficult childhood had seen to that and she managed to shut everyone 
out 
completely - even him. He had thought he had managed to get beyond them 
and 
here he was banging his head against them once more. And it didn't look 
like 
they were giving!
Still, that sad look she had given him when she had begged him to 
continue 
being her friend was something to think about. He knew then how much he 
loved 
her. He couldn't refuse her anything if his life depended on it, even 
as she 
dragged him through the coals. 

There was something nagging at him. What was it she had said? "It's for 
your 
own good." What the hell did she mean by that? Did she know something 
he 
didn't? He was sure of one thing. Something had happened to her. 
Something 
she refused to tell him but it had nothing to do with the fact that 
they were 
working together. He suddenly came to a decision. He would go along 
with her 
for now, pretending to give in to her wishes. Meanwhile, he would wait 
for 
the right opportunity to get her to open up to him. He was damned if he 
was 
going to let her ruin everything. 

The next morning Harm arrived early at the office as he had some 
backlog to 
take care of before they went out to talk to the defendant's wife. As 
Mac 
came in he called her to his office. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Okay," she replied, eyeing him warily.

"Listen, I just wanted to tell you that our friendship means a lot to 
me and…"

"Harm…" she began.

"No, no, you don't have to explain …for now," he interrupted her. "I 
just 
want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk about it."

"Thanks, Harm," was all she could manage.

A brief moment of embarrassed silence followed. Harm was pained by it. 
Was 
this what they had come to?

"So what do you think of the case we're working on?" Mac decided to 
change 
the subject to a safe topic. 

Harm saw it for what it was - a deliberate attempt at leading him away 
from 
their problems. He humoured her as they discussed the possibility of 
the 
defendant pleading 'not guilty' but his eyes told her that this 
confrontation 
was far from over, just postponed.

"We have to go to Bethesda hospital to speak to Clancy's wife." He was 
all 
professional now. "Then we'll discuss the way we're going to handle the 
preliminary hearing which is…" he paused to look at his watch, "…at 
1500 
hours and any pre-trial discoveries we can present," Harm continued. 
"Did the 
police report say if there were any eyewitnesses?" 

She nodded. "Two women." 

"Okay, let's get down to it," said Harm.

17.30 ZULU
MAC'S APARTMENT

Mac had just come back to her apartment. She left JAG headquarters 
early 
because she was feeling unusually fatigued and thought that a hot bath 
and an 
early night might help. Harm had looked at her worriedly but she had 
waved 
him off flippantly telling him she just felt like playing hooky for 
once. 
There had been no answering smile from him, though. She realized it was 
going 
to be difficult to get back to the easy and light-hearted relationship 
they 
had had before they had become so intimate. 

She and Harm had gone together to the Bethesda hospital that morning as 
planned. She shut her eyes tight as she thought about it. She hated 
hospitals!! She had been there only four days before and they had 
pricked and 
prodded her until she couldn't stand it any longer. On entering the 
hospital, 
she had felt it all rushing back and she had felt dizzy.  Luckily Harm 
hadn't 
noticed anything much or at least she hoped he hadn't although he had 
eyed 
her strangely. 

The preliminary hearing had gone well. The defendant had been refused 
bail 
and, following his lawyer's advice, he had changed his "not guilty" 
plea to 
"guilty" after they had informed him that there were two witnesses who 
had 
seen him following his wife from the nursery and threatening her. That, 
added 
to his son's accusations and the very real possibility of both his son 
and 
his wife testifying against him had done wonders to stall any hopes he 
might 
have had of getting away unscathed. Mac had felt her skin crawl at the 
unrepentant look she had seen in the man's eyes. She was sure they 
would 
incriminate him one, way or the other. They had to for his little son's 
sake 
if no one else's, she thought. They had met the two Clancy offsprings 
at the 
hospital cafeteria only a few hours before.  One was a tall and gangly 
looking boy of nineteen while the other was a little three-year old 
boy. He 
was so small and innocent. He had looked up at them in awe, his 
trusting blue 
eyes wide as he stared at their uniforms. When Harm had placed his 
cover on 
the little boy's head, the little mite had smiled engagingly up at them 
and 
all she had wanted to do was to wrap her arms around the child and 
shield him 
from the ugliness she knew awaited him. 

But he was not hers to shield! Her heart had contracted in her chest as 
she 
watched his smiling face. God only knew if she would ever have one of 
her own 
to cherish. That was what was killing her inside - the uncertainty and 
unfairness of it all. The specialist had been kind and tried to 
reassure her, 
telling her that lots of women suffered from problems like hers and 
that 
chances of a recovery existed but that they would only know for sure 
once she 
had finished the therapy she would have to undergo. She still had to 
call 
back to fix an appointment with him to discuss the details. He had been 
very 
emphatic about that. 
Feeling a familiar ache in her lower abdomen Mac winced. She had been 
having 
these pains on and off for the past few months now, but she hadn't 
really 
given them much importance. So much so that she hadn't thought of 
anticipating her yearly check up. When she had finally fixed an 
appointment 
they had run some tests in hospital and the news had taken her 
completely 
unawares. 

"You are suffering from what is clinically known as endometriosis, 
ma'am." 

That hated word flashed across her brain, wiping out everything else. 
The 
fact that her condition might improve with hormone therapy did nothing 
to 
ease her burden. She was too busy thinking how unfair life had always 
been to 
her, how unfair it would always be.  If the problem remained she 
wouldn't be 
able to conceive, and with her luck she knew she had to prepare herself 
for 
the worst. That, above all else, had been dominating her thoughts as 
she had 
left the doctor's office, her dreams of a radiant future with Harm 
shattered. 
The doctor had only let her go after extracting a promise from her to 
go and 
see him the next day to start her therapy but the case had kept her 
occupied 
all day. With a fatherly look in his eyes he had also advised her to 
talk 
about it to a close member of her family or a friend. She had smiled 
bitterly 
at that. There was no one she could go to. She would just have to come 
to 
terms with it by herself. She had actually felt a compulsive need for 
something strong to drink but had gone straight to JAG headquarters 
instead.  
Not daring to face the loneliness of her apartment and was still in 
shock 
when the Admiral had called her into his office to assign the new case 
to her 
and Harm. 

"Poor Harm," she mumbled out loud, as she slowly shook her head. 

Their argument hadn't helped things and she realized how confused he 
must be 
feeling. She couldn't blame him if he hated her. She hated herself at 
the 
moment. The news had left her feeling fragile and frightened and also 
very 
lonely. But underlying everything was a strange feeling of guilt, which 
she 
couldn't quite understand. Her reaction had been instinctive. She 
didn't want 
to saddle him with a woman who might never be able to have a child. She 
loved 
him too much to do that to him. In time, he would learn to care for 
someone 
else although the thought of another woman in his arms made her sick.
Turning away from her dark thoughts, Mac moved listlessly towards the 
bathroom. She would call the doctor as soon as she had finished her 
bath, she 
thought as she undressed. She really couldn't put this off any longer. 
Sighing heavily she put on her bathrobe and turned the tap off. She 
decided 
to fix herself a cup of coffee first. Then she would try and soak away 
her 
troubled feelings in the lavender scented water. She was heading 
towards the 
kitchen across the living room when she stopped abruptly in mid-stride.  
Her 
face twisting in agony, she doubled up in pain and cried out. It 
happened so 
suddenly that one-minute she was standing and the next she was lying on 
the 
floor panting with the excruciating pain. She lay there for what seemed 
like 
hours to her but which in fact amounted only to a few minutes, 
incapable of 
uttering a sound, breathing deeply as she willed the pain to go away. 
As the 
pain increased she felt herself losing contact with reality. Calling on 
all 
her years of training she tried to move. 

"The phone," she thought. "I have to get to the phone." 

Inching her way slowly across the living-room floor she finally reached 
the 
corner where her phone rested on a low rosewood table. Crawling onto 
the 
armchair beside it she pressed her finger on the button with the first 
digit 
and waited. 

"Please, God," she thought, "Let him be there." She was shivering with 
the 
pain and effort and she realized that her blood pressure had to be way 
above 
normal. 

"Hello." His strong voice answered on the fourth ring.  

"Harm….it's Mac. Help… please… help me!" she dragged out 
incoherently before 
she lost consciousness and slipped to the floor dragging the phone 
along with 
her. She lay there motionless with the phone next to her, still lying 
off the 
hook, no longer able to hear Harm's voice as he frantically called out 
her 
name.

30 MINUTES LATER

Harm's car screeched to a halt outside Mac's apartment. Getting out he 
ran up 
the stairs two at a time to the first floor of the building. It had 
taken him 
a full half-hour to get there. He wasn't even sure if she had called 
him from 
her apartment! When he had redialed her number it had given an engaged 
signal 
so he had decided to try here first. He felt sick as he thought of what 
could 
have happened. In his mind's eye he kept seeing her lying somewhere 
alone and 
helpless and if he didn't find her soon he was sure he would go crazy 
with 
worry. He hoped to God that she was all right. His hands shook as he 
inserted 
the spare key Mac had given him a while back to keep for emergencies. 
He 
remembered teasing her when she had asked him to keep it as he had 
asked her 
if this meant he could come over as often as he liked. He was glad now 
that 
she had thought of him. Not that it would have been a problem. He would 
have 
broken the door down if he had to.

The first thing he saw as he entered was Mac's still form on the floor. 
Too 
still, he thought! He didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief 
or fly 
into a panic. At least his hunch had been right and she was here but as 
he 
approached her he could see that her eyes were closed and that she was 
breathing with difficulty. She looked so pale!

Stooping down, he picked her up bodily and sat her on the armchair 
nearby. As 
he ran his hands over her to see where she was hurt she cried out in 
pain and 
her eyes snapped open. He searched her face. 

"Mac, it's me, Harm. It's okay. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"It hurts!" she murmured as she looked at him her eyes filled with 
pain.

"I know," he told her tenderly. "Be brave, honey. I'm here now. It'll 
be all 
right."

Realizing she had nothing on underneath her robe he ran into the 
bedroom 
calling out to Mac for instructions as he searched the drawers for some 
clothes. Crossing to the bathroom he stuffed some toiletries he thought 
she 
might need in an overnight bag. Moving towards her, he knelt in front 
of her. 

"Mac, we have to get you into these clothes and then we'll go," he 
entreated 
gently. 

Mac felt no embarrassment as he helped her put on her clothes. She was 
too 
glad to see him. It would be all right, she thought as the pain receded 
somewhat. Harm would take care of her.

Back in his car, Harm was aware that he was driving too fast but he 
just 
couldn't help himself as his foot pressed down on the accelerator. He 
had 
already called the hospital to warn them of their arrival. When they 
got 
there he parked his car at a crazy angle and carried Mac inside not 
even 
bothering to place her in one of the available wheelchairs as he 
hurried in. 

A woman in a white coat came up to him. Taking in the situation at a 
glance 
she barked some orders and another two white-clad nurses appeared by 
her side 
as if by magic. Harm relinquished Mac, placing her gently on the bed 
they 
provided.  He followed them as they wheeled her away into the emergency 
room.

"Where does it hurt?" the woman asked Mac. As Mac touched her abdomen 
she 
could see that the woman was a doctor from the tag on her coat. 

"She was already in pain when I found her," Harm volunteered. But as he 
went 
on to explain what had happened he realized that he didn't know what 
was 
really wrong with Mac. 

The doctor was in the process of pulling up Mac's T-shirt when she 
suddenly 
stopped. 

"Are you her husband?" she asked him her eyes moving from one to the 
other. 

"No, we're…very close," Harm said as she watched him. He could see 
where this 
was leading.

"Please, I need to know what's wrong with her," he added his eyes wide 
and 
pleading. 

"That's up to you to decide, ma'am," the doctor answered looking at 
Mac. 
"Would you like us to remain alone while we discuss this?"

Glancing over at Harm, Mac could see his worried expression. All she 
could 
think of at that precise moment was how she wanted to smooth away those 
frown 
lines from his forehead. He looked so lost! She shook her head as she 
realized she couldn't leave him in the dark at this point. Not after 
all he 
had done for her.  Haltingly she poured it all out. The pains she had 
been 
having, her visit to the hospital a few days before and the tests she 
had 
undergone. She felt so tired as she revealed her condition. She didn't 
really 
care who knew anymore. The pain was so intense she just wanted them to 
get on 
and do what they had to do. She didn't think she could take much more 
of 
this.  As they wheeled Mac away again, the other woman told her that 
they 
would contact the specialist who had visited her a few days before. He 
was on 
duty in another part of the hospital. 

Gesturing to a stunned Harm, she sent him to the front desk to fill in 
all 
the necessary papers for Mac's admission into the hospital.  He had 
just 
finished when Mac's doctor came to inform him that she had to undergo 
an 
operation immediately.  When both doctors finally returned Harm had 
reached 
the end of his tether after two hours spent walking back and forth 
waiting 
for news of Mac. 

"How is she doctor?" he asked anxiously. 

"She had an internal hemorrhage due to a ruptured cyst," the doctor 
proceeded 
to inform him.  "Unfortunately, this kind of thing can happen 
unexpectedly. 
She was supposed to start her therapy today but she left it too late. 
Luckily, the operation went well so there should be no complications. 
She 
will still have to undergo therapy for another 4 months and with luck 
she 
will still be able to conceive after that. She will have to start 
working on 
that immediately, though, if she wishes to have a child," he added 
looking up 
at Harm.  "She might have a relapse in the future. Then again she might 
not. 
All in all she was lucky you found her in time, sir," he finished.

"Can I see her?" Harm demanded.

"Yes, but she's still drowsy from the anesthetic," the doctor warned 
him. "I 
take it you knew nothing about her condition before this happened?" It 
was 
more of a statement than a question. 

Harm shook his head.

"She's very fit so I don't think there will be any problems, physically 
speaking," the doctor added. "But she needs to talk to someone about 
this. 
Patients with these problems often have a hard time dealing with them 
even if 
they have a supporting partner. You must try to draw her out, sir," he 
finished. 

"I'll do my best, sir. Thank you," Harm answered as he followed them to 
wherever Mac had been taken.  

BETHESDA HOSPITAL
A FEW HOURS LATER
  
The room was in shadow except for a dim light, which filtered from a 
small 
bedside lamp. Mac was lying on the bed flat on her back and she had an 
IV 
tube in her left arm. She was still asleep.

Harm sat beside the bed in an uncomfortable chair, his face in his 
hands. It 
was close to four o'clock in the morning give or take a few minutes. He 
had 
arranged for Mac to be put in a single room so she could have more 
privacy. 
For the second time that night he thanked the Heavens that she had 
thought to 
call him first. He could have been lying peacefully in his own bed 
while she 
went through all this alone. Gazing up at her free hand lying limply on 
the 
stark white bed sheets, Harm enfolded it in both of his and softly 
planted a 
kiss on her fingers. Mac stirred and muttered something unintelligible. 
Thinking she might be better off if he left her alone Harm went to put 
her 
hand back on the bed but her fingers grasped his convulsively. 

"Harm, don't leave me. Don't leave me," she muttered softly. Harm's 
eyes 
darted to her face and he saw she was still sleeping albeit fitfully.  
She 
was just talking in her sleep. An overwhelming feeling of tenderness 
came 
over him. 

He thought to himself, "It must be the anesthetic." Still, it was 
comforting 
to know she reached out to him instinctively in her dreams. Something 
he knew 
she hadn't wanted to do consciously. He knew his Mac. She had wanted to 
face 
this alone. He understood now her strange behaviour at the office two 
days 
before. Had it only been two days? It seemed like aeons to him since he 
had 
last held her close. One question tormented him. Why hadn't she come to 
him? 
It hurt that she hadn't trusted him with it. He had known there was 
more to 
this than met the eye when she had said they weren't meant to be. How 
could 
she say such a thing knowing what they meant to each other? Did she 
really 
think he was going to give her up? Well, she had another think coming, 
he 
thought and the grim look was back in his eyes. When she woke up he 
would 
talk some sense into her and he wouldn't take any of her headstrong 
arguments. This time she would have to listen. It probably wasn't going 
to be 
easy but they would work it out somehow. They had to!

Mac stirred and her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," Harm smiled down at her. "Welcome back, sleepy head."

Mac smiled back and grimaced in pain.

"What time is it?" she asked, seeing it was dark outside beyond the 
curtained 
windows. 

"Did I hear you right? What happened to your infallible internal 
clock?" Harm 
asked in an amused voice.

"I think the system is temporarily down," she replied emitting a slight 
laugh.

"It's still early," he continued. "Listen, you have to rest now. I'll 
call 
the nurse to tell her you're awake and then I think I'd better go 
before they 
kick me out! I've already broken all the hospital rules by staying here 
all 
night," he joked. "The doctor will be around later," he added at the 
silent 
question in her eyes. He gave her a reassuring smile. "It's going to be 
all 
right. You try and get some sleep now," he finished.

"Yes, sir," she said with some of her old cheek. As he turned to leave 
her 
hand on his arm stopped him. "Harm, thank you," she said simply and her 
deep 
brown eyes spoke volumes.

"Any time, Mac, anytime," Harm answered, gently caressing her soft 
cheek with 
the back of this hand. 

Her eyes were already closing as he left the room in search of the 
nurse who 
had checked in on them previously. He felt tired but his step was 
lighter as 
he rubbed his hand over the stubble on his chin. He barely had time to 
shower 
and change. Then he would call the Admiral and fill him in before he 
came 
back to check on Mac.


2 MONTHS LATER

Mac felt her spirits rise a few notches as she sped along in her 
corvette 
toward Ocean Shores. The fresh ocean smell and the wind in her hair 
gave her 
a carefree feeling she hadn't experienced in a long time. 

When Harriet and Bud had invited her to housesit a friend's beach house 
with 
them for the weekend her first instinct had been to refuse. It was 
something 
she had been doing a lot lately. Which was probably why she had grown 
so 
morbid. She spent far too much time alone mulling over her problems.  
Harriet, however, had insisted there was plenty of room since the house 
had 
three bedrooms and she had her friend's permission to invite whoever 
she 
wanted. Harriet and Bud had proved to be valuable friends to Mac over 
the 
years they had known each other. She smiled as her mind conjured up a 
picture 
of little A.J., the couple's two-year old son. Mac and Harm were his 
godparents. They both adored him and the feeling was mutual if the way 
his 
eyes lit up every time they met was anything to go by. He had only just 
started talking a couple of weeks ago and he often mixed their names 
up. 
Harriet said it was because he always saw them together so to him they 
were a 
couple. Mac had felt more than saw Harm's eyes on her at that but she 
had 
pretended not to notice. 

She was looking forward to spending some time with her godson. The 
Admiral 
had insisted she take another two weeks of convalescence after her 
first 
week's stay at the hospital.  Although she had appreciated his concern 
she 
had been going crazy at her apartment with only her thoughts for 
company. A 
cold feeling of dread and fear would come over her every time she was 
alone 
there and it scared her. She was anxious and confused and all she could 
do 
was wait. Nobody really knew the pain she was going through.  Naturally 
she 
did her best to cover her feelings. Harriet and Bud had been sweet and 
dropped by a few times. She hadn't gone into detail over the operation 
and 
Harriet hadn't asked. She was that kind of person, but the other woman 
seemed 
to sense her melancholy and had brought A.J. over often knowing the 
little 
boy's love would cheer her up.  

Harm, too, had come by every evening when she was still at home. He had 
brought her flowers that first day at the hospital and when she came 
back to 
her apartment she had found another bouquet of red roses in her living 
room. 
Another evening he had brought her a delicious beltway burger, which he 
knew 
she loved and yet another time he had brought her a couple of films to 
watch. 
 He had been kind and affectionate but she had still kept him at a 
distance. 
She didn't know what to say to him and always ended up crying in 
frustration 
when he left. It was such a strain on her nerves to pretend she didn't 
want 
any romantic entanglements with him. Even as she shut her eyes each 
night 
when she went to bed his face was sketched plainly inside her heart.  
Her 
mind just wouldn't let him go. 

"Where do I go from here?" she kept asking herself. She still had to 
find the 
answer. It would have been easier if they hadn't taken that fatal step 
to 
deepen their relationship. Now, she knew what it was like to be made 
love to 
and caressed by him and she found it was sheer torture just being in 
the same 
room with him, knowing he could no longer be hers. 

When she had finally gone back to work he had helped her whenever he 
could 
and his behaviour was faultless. No one at work would have thought they 
were 
anything but friends. But the slightest touch of his arm brushing 
against 
hers as he leaned over her to explain something while she was working 
at her 
computer would send her heart hammering foolishly in her chest.  And 
sometimes his face was so close to hers she could smell his tangy 
after-shave 
as they sat across the desk facing each other pouring over a case or 
other. 
She knew she owed him an explanation but she just couldn't bring 
herself to 
do it. 

This weekend was a godsend. She really needed to get her mind off her 
problems. The ocean had always had a therapeutic effect on her. As she 
took 
the final turn, she found herself on a seemingly endless road along a 
beach, 
which stretched for miles with only a few houses dotted here and there. 
She 
checked the address Harriet had given her and pulled up in front of a 
well-kept two-story beach house. It faced the oceanfront and she 
noticed that 
the back door had to lead right onto the beach. Her idea of paradise! 
She had 
always loved the beach and the ocean ever since she was a little girl. 
As she got out of the car she ran her hands over her hips, which were 
fitted 
in a pair of stonewashed, figure hugging jeans and pushed up the 
sleeves of 
her red knit top. 

"Harriet," she called as she rung the doorbell. "It's Mac." 

She waited for a full five minutes before anybody came to the door, 
which 
seemed weird to her as Bud's car was parked next to hers in the 
driveway.
A very flustered Bud finally opened the door and ushered her inside.

"Excuse me, ma'am," He would never get round to calling her Mac when 
they 
were off duty no matter how many times she had invited him to do so. 
"I'm 
sorry I kept you waiting but A.J. is running a fever. He was crying and 
wouldn't let me leave the room."

"Is it serious?" Mac asked, deeply concerned as they climbed the stairs 
to 
the bedrooms.

"Well, ma'am, he has a few spots so we think he might be coming down 
with 
something," Bud answered.

At that moment Harriet came out of one of the bedrooms with A.J. in her 
arms.

"Hello, Mac," she greeted the other woman. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid 
we're 
going to have to go back. Bud get our things, will you?" she added as 
she 
trotted efficiently down the stairs with Mac at her heels.  "I have to 
take 
him to a doctor and I'd rather go home then risk having him visited by 
a 
stranger."  Harriet had grown decidedly more anxious when anything 
concerning 
little A.J.'s health came up since she had lost her second child the 
previous 
year. Mac knew better than to contradict her.

"It's okay," Mac touched A.J.'s forehead. "I can drive back just as 
easily."

"Oh, no!" Harriet stopped her. "I couldn't let you do that. Besides 
someone 
has to look after the house anyway. Would you mind staying over or 
would it 
be too lonely?"

"Well, no," Mac admitted. "Actually I was looking forward to these two 
days 
by the ocean but what about A.J.?"

"Oh, he'll be all right, Mac," Harriet reassured her. "I would just 
hate to 
spoil your weekend after you drove all the way here and I'm so glad 
you're 
staying. It's a load off my mind. I really appreciate it."

"Hey, my pleasure," Mac answered. 

"The fridge is stocked and the house is furnished with all the 
comforts. 
There is even a fireplace in the front room," Harriet continued, as 
they 
toured the house still trying to convince Mac to stay.

"Harriet, this place is lovely. There's no need to convince me any 
further. 
Now you take care of A.J.," Mac replied as Harriet finished showing her 
where 
everything was. 

As Bud carried their luggage to the car, Mac made Harriet promise to 
call her 
with news of A.J. Then she kissed Harriet and A.J. goodbye and waved 
them 
off. 

She had just gone back inside and was doing a second tour of the house 
when 
she heard their car come back. Imagining that they had forgotten 
something 
she ran back to the door.  But it wasn't Bud's car standing there. It 
was 
Harm's and she gazed at him in surprise and something akin to panic as 
he 
walked towards her.  

"Hi," Harm greeted her, moving to stand in front of her. He had 
replaced his 
uniform with a pair of black trousers and a black v-necked sweater, 
which 
fitted snugly over his large frame. 

"Harm," Mac blurted out in confusion. "You're the last person I 
expected to 
meet here."

"Yeah, well, Bud and I were talking yesterday and he mentioned the 
three of 
you were coming down here and I kind of invited myself over," he 
answered.

"Bud and Harriet just left with A.J.," Mac started to explain.

"I know," he interrupted her. "We crossed each other on my way here a 
few 
minutes ago and they stopped and told me. Can I come in?" he ventured.

"Yeah, sure," Mac moved back to make room for him to enter.

"Nice place," Harm commented as he looked around the living room. 

A comfortable looking couch and a thick carpet were placed in front of 
the 
fireplace. The oak wood furnishings gave the house a lovely lived-in 
atmosphere and large glass windows covered the entire wall, which faced 
the 
ocean. The light curtains were drawn to reveal a terrace, which in turn 
led 
to the beach. They could see the breakers rolling in right from where 
they 
stood. 

"Just look at that!" Harm exclaimed and crossing over he opened the 
glass 
doors and walked out on the terrace.

Mac followed him outside.

"Harm, what are you doing here?" she asked finally when the silence 
between 
them grew too much for her to bear.

"I came to see you." He spoke in a low voice and gave her a sidelong 
glance 
before he turned to look back at the ocean.

For the life of her Mac didn't know what to say to that.

"Walk with me?" Harm asked her.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Mac replied.

"Humour me," he insisted holding out his hand to her.

Mac placed her hand in his in bewilderment and did as he bid. He was in 
a 
strange mood.  They walked along the beach for a while, neither of them 
speaking as they skirted pieces of driftwood, which the ocean had 
thrown out 
during a recent storm. A slight breeze played with Mac's hair as they 
walked. 
Eventually, Harm came to a halt and they stood there looking out at the 
water. The sun was already low on the horizon. There were a few other 
people 
in the far distance but otherwise they were alone with only the birds 
and the 
noise from the surf for company. Mac inhaled deeply trying to take it 
all in 
and store it in her memory. She knew she shouldn't but it was such a 
poignant 
moment. Her small hand felt so right in his larger one and although she 
knew 
she would regret it later she just wanted to savour the feeling. It was 
one 
of those beautiful memories she would cherish forever and bring out to 
dwell 
on during the lonely days ahead of her. Tears pricked her eyelids and 
she 
forced them back defiantly. She was not going to cry!

"It's not going to work, you know," Harm said finally still not looking 
at 
her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning and turning her face towards 
him.

"You pushing me away," he replied facing her. "It's not going to work. 
I'm 
going to keep coming back until you realize that you can't keep me away 
from 
what I want most in the world. And that's you," he finished touching 
her 
cheek with the back of his hand much like he had done at the hospital 
the 
night he had rescued her. 

His voice was a caress and Mac closed her eyes. Only then did she 
realize 
just how much she had wished to hear him say those words to her.

"You and I understand each other so well," he continued. "It's what 
I've been 
looking for all my life. It's what I keep coming back for." 

"Harm, don't. You don't understand," she began.

"Try me," he coaxed.

"Please, Harm, don't do this.  It's too painful for me to talk about." 
Moving 
away from him she started walking back the way they had come. 

Suddenly she broke into a run and sped towards the house. She had a 
head 
start on him but Harm was a strong runner and he caught up with her 
just as 
she reached the terrace. He yanked her towards him.

"Don't ever run away from me again." He dragged out breathlessly with a 
look 
that tore at her heart.

"I'm sorry, Harm, so sorry," was all she could say as tears started 
running 
down her cheeks. 

Pulling her towards him, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her 
fiercely. Still with his arm around her he led her into the living 
room.  Mac 
was crying openly now. It was like a dam had burst. She had been 
holding back 
for too long. She needed to talk to someone and he was someone she 
could say 
anything to. 

"Mac, talk to me," he entreated, reading her mind as he sat her down on 
the 
couch, his eyes deeply concerned. 

Mac found herself drowning in the warmth of understanding they held 
when he 
spoke to her like that.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Mac. I can see you're hurting and 
whatever 
hurts you hurts me, too. Don't you know I'll always be here for you?" 
Harm 
encouraged her realizing this was a rare moment when she was letting 
down her 
guard. He wanted her to feel safe with him.

"Oh Harm, I'm just so scared that things won't work out. I mean, who's 
to 
tell what will happen when I finish the therapy. What if I can never 
have 
children?" she said brokenly, wiping away at her tears in vain as they 
continued to fall relentlessly. She had finally uttered the words, 
which had 
been haunting her for the past three months. 

Harm brought out his handkerchief and wiped her tearstained cheeks. He 
tucked 
a strand of silky hair behind her ear and smiled tenderly at her as she 
blew 
her nose. 

"This is why you decided it wouldn't work between us, isn't it?" he 
said. 

She nodded. "I couldn't burden you with that, Harm. I know how much you 
want 
to have children one day."

Harm searched for the right words. Deciding to say what was uppermost 
in his 
heart he took her hands in his and answered, "Mac, don't you think I 
should 
have something to say about that, too? I only ever spoke of having a 
kid 
together because you seemed to want one so much. Mac, all I need to 
know for 
tomorrow is that I have you. All the rest comes second for me. If 
children 
are a natural consequence of being with you then fine. If not then so 
be it. 
You have to believe me. Maybe I'm not very good at making you see how 
much 
you mean to me but you fill my world. I love you. You must feel that," 
he 
finished, his eyes deepening to a dark blue as he said it. 

Mac sat there staring at him. "You really mean that, don't you?" she 
said 
incredulously.  

"I do," he nodded giving her the lopsided smile she loved. 

"But what I really want to know is how you feel about it," he 
continued. "You 
have to get it out of your system if you're ever going to be able to 
face 
this."

"I'm just scared of what the future holds for me, Harm," she revealed 
and the 
look of pain was back in her eyes. "I've always wanted children. It's 
something I used to dream about when I was a little girl - a husband 
and a 
family. Isn't that what most girls dream of? Now I don't know if it 
will ever 
happen and I'm not sure if I can face that. I feel this void inside me 
every 
time I think about it. It's the not knowing part, which really kills 
me. I 
keep asking myself "what if?" questions and I can't come up with any 
answers. 
What am I going to do?" she finished looking up at him helplessly.

"Well, first of all you're going to start hoping again," he answered 
grasping 
her by her upper arms, willing his strength to flow into her with the 
sheer 
force of his words. "You can't let this take over your life. It's 
possible 
that things might work out just fine, you know. I spoke to the doctor 
about 
this so I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. We just have to 
start 
trying as soon as you finish your therapy." 

"We?" Mac said, a tremulous smile on her face.

"Mac, I … I know that maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this 
but … 
I want you to marry me."

Mac drew back sharply at his words. She stood up and moved away from 
him. Her 
knuckles were white as she clung to the mantelpiece above the 
fireplace. If 
his offer had come at any other time she would have jumped at the 
chance. But 
now…?

"Don't feel sorry for me," she pleaded in a low voice.

There was an infinite sadness in Harm's eyes as he approached her from 
behind. He couldn't stand to see her think so little of herself.

"How can you even think that? I just told you…." His voice died out 
as she 
shivered. "You're cold," he noticed. It had grown dark and the cold 
ocean air 
had chilled the room. "Will you at least promise me you'll think about 
it?" 
he asked her. 

She nodded imperceptibly not trusting herself to speak.

"That's good enough for me." He went to shut the glass door giving her 
some 
time to regain control of herself. When he came back she was still 
standing 
where he had left her. Placing his large capable hands on her shoulders 
he 
turned her round to face him. He had known she wouldn't capitulate 
easily.

"Why don't you go take a shower while I hunt up something to eat in the 
kitchen?" he suggested.

She looked up at him gratefully. He was going to give her the breathing 
space 
she needed.

"Ok," she nodded and fled the room before he could say anything else. 

Kneeling before the hearth Harm worked until he had a fire going to his 
satisfaction. The firelight danced on his handsome features as he 
stared into 
it for a moment. This was proving to be more difficult than he had 
thought. 
He had already told her he loved her. But there had been no answering, 
"I 
love you too, Harm." Why wouldn't she admit it to herself and him? He 
knew he 
could help her in this but she still had to let him in on her deepest 
feelings. Maybe he was wrong about her. "No," his heart protested. She 
had 
been so loving and giving in his arms that night. He couldn't believe 
she 
would react to him that way if it weren't love she felt for him. 
Realizing he 
had to be strong for both of them he stood up, mentally bracing himself 
to 
appear cheerful and smiling when she came down even though, if the 
truth be 
told, he felt like hell. It wasn't every day that he asked the woman he 
loved 
to marry him and her rebuff had turned his guts inside out. Moving 
slowly, he 
walked to the kitchen. 

When Mac came down she was wearing a gray tracksuit and her hair was 
wet. She 
looked endearingly childlike with no make-up on and her cheeks still 
rosy 
from the shower.

Harm smiled beguilingly at her. "Think you can handle the pasta without 
ruining it while I take my turn at the shower?" he joked.

"You know I don't survive on Beltway burgers. I do cook sometimes," was 
her 
pert answer.

"Right." He gave her a curt nod and left.

Mac bit her lip. He was doing his best to appear untroubled but she 
could see 
through him. 

When Harm returned they ate in companionable silence and cleared the 
dishes 
together. When they finally went up to their respective bedrooms Harm 
stopped 
in front of her door. 

"Would you like to go running with me tomorrow?"

"I'd like that," she smiled back.

"Good night, Mac." Harm bent down and brushed his lips over hers in a 
brief 
hard kiss. 

He looked down at her pensively as he drew away. Then he was gone and 
she 
heard the click of his bedroom door next to hers.

As she got into her own bed she wondered how she was ever going to get 
to 
sleep with Harm sleeping only a few feet away from her. She touched her 
lips 
tentatively. She could still feel the imprint of his mouth on hers. His 
kiss 
had taken her by surprise and had left her wanting more than that brief 
contact. Memories of their night together came rushing back to fill her 
mind 
and she felt a familiar heat rising through her.  It was a good thing 
he had 
gone immediately to his room. All he had to do was quirk his little 
finger at 
her and she would come running. Her thoughts went back to his proposal. 
Did 
he really mean it or was it just her current situation that had 
prompted him 
to say those words? Feeling decidedly unsure of herself she closed her 
eyes, 
willing herself to relax. She would think about this tomorrow. Right 
now she 
was so tired her head ached. It had been a long drive down and she 
really 
needed to get some sleep. Settling down she turned off the light and 
despite 
all her misgivings she was soon fast asleep.

The next day passed swiftly; too swiftly for Mac. They were up running 
at 
dawn and after having a delicious breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit 
and 
coffee on the terrace, they set off to visit a nearby village. Her 
problems 
were momentarily forgotten as they browsed through the various souvenir 
shops 
and market stalls. They had found an adorable soft toy - a gray whale 
with a 
soft white belly, which moved its tail from side to side in tune with 
the 
melody of "Oh Susanna" when Mac pressed one of its fins. She had been 
enchanted and insisted they buy it for A.J. Harriet had called to say 
that he 
had the measles but that his fever was down. They had dinner at a cute 
little 
seafood restaurant and then strolled along the pier, holding hands 
simply 
soaking up the atmosphere. Everything had been fine until they had come 
upon 
another couple also enjoying the day there. The woman was in an 
advanced 
stage of her pregnancy and had her head on her partner's shoulder as he 
stroked her stomach lovingly. Mac had suddenly grown tense and had let 
go of 
Harm's hand. She was quiet on the way home and hardly uttered a word as 
Harm 
drove them back to the beach house. 

It was now late evening and they were lying side by side on the beach 
in 
front of the house. The sun's rays threw blinding reflections on the 
crests 
of the waves as they rolled towards the shore. It was the time of day 
she 
adored most. All the holiday- makers had left and the beach was 
deserted. 
Turning over to lie on her stomach, Mac played with the sand in front 
of her, 
running her fingers through it. Squinting up at her, Harm lay on his 
side, 
his head resting on his upraised arm.  As she continued to play with 
the sand 
his hand suddenly stalled hers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"What is there to talk about?" she answered.

"All right." Harm sat up.

"Why did it have to happen to me of all people?" Mac spoke softly.

"You'll never find an answer to that one," Harm responded. "I felt like 
that 
for a while when I found out my father was dead. It's just life, Mac. 
It's 
never easy."

"Harm, what will I do if the worst happens?" 

"You will continue living your life," he said. "You're the strongest 
woman I 
know. You're a kind, sensitive person and a good lawyer and you love 
what you 
do. Which is more than most people can say for themselves."

She was quiet for a while trying to absorb that.

"Each day, I feel like I'm making progress with myself," she began. 
"But then 
I see a pregnant woman, or someone tells me a friend of a friend is 
expecting 
a baby, or even if I just see a couple walking by with a kid, it starts 
all 
over again. I don't know if this sadness will ever go away, Harm. It 
runs too 
deep." Her voice was thick with tears. 

Harm was moved by her words. He touched her shoulder in comfort and she 
sat 
up. Suddenly she was sobbing in his arms, hanging on for dear life as 
she 
clung to him. Her pain was his as she finally let go. He enfolded her 
in his 
embrace and whispered words of love and stroked her hair as he rocked 
her 
like a child. She cried for a long time and he let her do it. He knew 
she 
needed to pour out all her anguish and frustration. The fact that she 
was 
opening up to him like this was already a big step in the right 
direction. 
When her storm of tears was spent she detached herself from him.

"I've ruined your shirt," she told him as she touched his chest.

His voice was a low whisper. "I don't care." Looking up at him she saw 
tears 
glistening in his eyes. "You're not alone any longer, Sarah. I'm here 
with 
you, we'll work this out together."

"Oh, Harm, what have I done to deserve you?" she cried, cupping his 
cheek. 

His blue-green eyes bored into her liquid brown ones. "Tell me you love 
me," 
he pleaded almost childishly, his pride thrown to the winds as he faced 
the 
one person he loved most in the world. But there was nothing childish 
in the 
way he was holding her. He was a grown man with an urgent need for the 
woman 
lying in his arms. 

Mac was overcome with emotion. "I do," she confessed, holding his face 
in 
both her hands. "God help me, but I can't say no to you any longer. I 
love 
you, 
Harm. I need you so." She kissed him and their tears blended.

Her lips roamed over his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his cheeks, his 
neck. 
Anywhere she could reach to make him see how much she loved him and 
chase 
away that haunted look from his eyes. When she next looked up at him 
she 
caught her breath at the blatant happiness she saw there. 

"I can't believe you finally said it," he smiled his beautiful smile at 
her. 
"Nothing can keep us apart now." He hugged her tightly and she hugged 
him 
back. It felt heavenly to be in his arms again. If this was what life 
had to 
offer her who was she to argue? Maybe she wouldn't have everything she 
wanted 
but she knew that a large part of that lay in the arms of the man she 
was 
holding. If she could have his children she would be the happiest woman 
alive. If she couldn't then she would do her best to spend the rest of 
her 
life making him happy. 

Pulling her up with him Harm accompanied her indoors and carried her 
upstairs. They lay together on his bed and she trembled as he pressed 
his 
cheek against hers, drawing her into the circle of his arms. Their 
lovemaking 
was swift and urgent, borne of a love that had been denied for too 
long. As 
their bodies linked she cried out and he covered her mouth with his 
own. 

"I love you," she repeated just before they reached the pinnacle 
together. 

As he planted his seed inside her she felt a surge of elation. No 
matter what 
problems she would have to face, Harm made her feel like a real woman, 
wanted 
and loved. They lay there for a long time with their arms around each 
other 
talking and dreaming about their future together. 

Mac's eyes roamed his face. "When you hold me it feels like everything 
will 
be all right." 

"I love you, Mac," he answered, his lips covering hers in a deep 
drugging 
kiss. 

It was some time before they spoke again. Pulling away from her with 
difficulty Harm looked down at her. "You never did get round to giving 
me an 
answer."

"I thought I had made it quite clear," she flirted. Her eyes turned 
suddenly 
serious "I can't wait to marry you, Harm. You awaken feelings in me 
that I 
have never felt for anyone else. You make me feel whole again."

"The best is yet to come, Sarah. I promise," he replied as he sealed 
the vow 
with a passionate kiss.

Fitting her to him like a sail to the wind they both fell into a deep 
sleep, 
each secure in the presence of the other. And that is how morning found 
them.

THE END

The deep friendship between Harm and Mac inspired this story. I really 
enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. I would 
appreciate any feedback but please be gentle since this is my first 
story 
ever. 
Audrey