TITLE: "Wounds to Bind " Chapter 2 AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: Summer 2003. Paraguay is over. But Harm and Mac have been irreparably changed by what happened. Life changing decisions are made both professionally and personally. CLASSIFICATION/RATING: J/S/R/A PG for language and some violence. SPOILERS: A Tangled Webb especially, but in any of our work, any JAG episode may be referred to. FEEDBACK: If you're so moved but never expected nor begged for. Addy is ssbpmn@aol.com. Please however, we request you respect the work, and the effort that goes into writing it. NOTE: All parts of this story and previous chapters, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} ======== From the Conclusion of Chapter 1— CLAYTON WEBB's TOWNHOUSE 2 hours Later "I was worried about you," Clay fretted, pulling her inside as soon as she reached his door. "Clay I was having dinner with a perfectly nice former Naval aviator. We talked, ate, and now here I am," she smiled. "But it is sweet that you worried. Are you feeling OK?" "Of course," he laughed, his hands going to her face, holding her gently for a soft kiss. "Still limping, but I expect I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. Now what did you have in mind for the weekend. Beach? Mountains? Big city?" "Well you're not up for a weekend at the mountains" Mac frowned. "Unless you plan on parking it in a cabin." "One of the ones with a hot tub on the deck" Clay grinned. "That sounds very tempting Mr. Webb. Course a couple nights in New York City might be fun. We could shop and see the shows." "Which ever you want. Though getting away to somewhere quiet sounds good. And I am supposed to do some walking to build up more strength." "Mountains then" Mac said finally. "Turn on that computer and let's find a place" he smiled. An hour later they'd located a place tucked away in the mountains outside DC and a few minutes later it was there's for the weekend. "Think you can get away earlier on Friday?" Clay asked. "Don't see why not. We can leave around noon and beat the traffic out." "Sounds great. Now tell me about your dinner with Elliot." "Not much to tell. Just had dinner with him so the poor guy wouldn't have to eat alone again. It is hard to meet people you know." "That was nice of you. But he might get the wrong idea." "No I've made it pretty clear that I'm not interested. I'm not getting caught in that trap again." "Which trap is that?" Clay asked. "Getting involved with someone I work with. Never again." ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Wounds to Bind" Chapter 2--- CIA HQ Friday Afternoon "So what's your plans for the weekend?" Taylor asked Harm. "Not much actually" Harm admitted. "That doesn't sound right" she smiled. "You have no plans. I can't believe that." "Well Catherine is out of town this weekend. And I haven't really been in touch with anyone from JAG since I left." "Why is that?" "Just haven't" he shrugged. "That's the past. This is my life now." "Do you regret leaving JAG?" Taylor asked. "There was nothing there for me anymore." "Nice words Harm. But I don't believe them. You ran from JAG because of your feelings for Colonel Mackenzie." "And when did you get into psychoanalysis?" Harm said with a smile. "My minor in college was psychology" Taylor smiled. "In fact if I hadn't joined the Agency, I would have gone onto med school to become a psychiatrist." "I dated a shrink once" Harm sighed. "I don't like people analyzing me." "Did you break up with her?" "She broke up with me actually," he admitted. "Because she thought I chose my flight career over her." "This was when you went back on active flight status four years ago?" "Yeah. When I came back I found out she'd applied for a position in Spain. And shortly after she returned here two years ago, she was murdered." "Wasn't someone else you were close to murdered?" "Just how much of my file did you read?" Harm frowned. "I like to know everything about the men I work with" Taylor answered. "I need to know what they're strengths and weaknesses are. And I like to know what makes them tick. And the only way to do that is to learn everything about them." "So I have no secrets from you," he said with a small smile. "Only the ones in your head" Taylor smiled. "But I might even be able to get to those." "What makes you think that?" "Buy me a drink tonight and I'll tell you." "Harm don't let it be known you can be plied with liquor and women." "OK. It's our secret," he grinned. "But only Jack Daniels and a woman as attractive as you." "This blarney from a man who told me he wasn't letting anyone get inside his head. Or his heart." "Well I'm nothing if not flexible," he sighed. "Taylor you and I have to work together, and I am very leery of getting involved with you for that reason." "Then there's the other reasons, named Sarah and Catherine." He gave her a helpless shrug. "You're already too good at reading me." "Does this mean the drink is off?" "Hell no. Long as we understand each other. I think a drink would be great. Georgetown club? Some light jazz?" "Are you picking me up?" Harm grinned and nodded. "And buying the first round." ================ JAG HQ Same time "Sir thank you for letting me slide out early. I really appreciate it," Mac smiled, catching AJ beside Tiner's desk. "You'll make it up next week." "I'm sure I will. But still thanks." "How about sharing what your plans are for the weekend while you're in this grateful mood? You said you were going away?" "Yes sir. Just taking a few days away from the city in the mountains. Need some quiet." "So you're going alone?" "Can I take the fifth sir." "Right after you confirm or deny your companion's initials are HDR." She gave him a sad smile. "Deny sir. I haven't talked to Harm in days. I assume he's immersed in getting into this new life." "That new life doesn't have to be without you." "Yes sir it does. For now. Permission to be dismissed." AJ nodded and walked slowly back to his office. Not that long before a man on the verge of devastation had stood there telling him he was leaving everything behind to find the woman AJ had just spoken with. He had fully expected them to come back as one. Back to JAG together. "Damn you Webb," he sighed, dropping into his desk chair. ============== CLAYTON WEBB's TOWNHOUSE Alexandria, Va. Same time "Clay I'm not at all sure this was a good idea," Mac frowned, watching him limp to the SUV, having insisted on carrying one of his bags. "On the contrary, it is a most excellent idea," he returned, dropping his other arm over her shoulders. "Lewis Mountain here we come. And just to show you what kind of a guy I am, I'm going to pop a pill, and rest most of the way there so I can enjoy the company and the scenery." "You sure you're up to this?" "Positive" he said as he kissed her cheek. "Come on. We're burning daylight here." As he predicted he slept in the car and when Mac pulled up at cabin he finally stirred. "You should have woken me sooner" he sighed. "How was the drive?" "Not bad actually" she said as she climbed out to help him out. She didn't miss his grimace when his feet touched the ground and she quickly helped him inside and down on the large oversized sofa. "Sarah let me help" he offered. "No. You just sit tight. We don't have that much stuff and I can manage. Now you can flip on the TV and see what the satellite has." "Can I at least start dinner?" "That you can do" she smiled. "I'll help you as soon as I'm done unloading." He was in the kitchen happily stirring the spaghetti sauce when Mac finally joined him. "Smells wonderful. Thanks for cooking." "My pleasure" Clay smiled. "Have a seat. Maybe after dinner we can take a walk." "You up to that you think?" "Oh yeah. That nap did me good." "Good then" Mac smiled. "We'll do that." She sat down at the table and looked over at him, her thoughts for the moment going to Harm. She hadn't really thought about him until AJ had mentioned him and since then he'd been on her mind. "Sarah you okay?" "Yeah sure. Just zoning for a minute. Can I help with anything?" "I'm good" Clay nodded. "I'm just worried about you. You seemed a little lost there. Are you okay with us being out here?" "Why wouldn't I be?" Mac smiled. "Because you're still thinking about Harm. And if you should really be here with me when you're thinking about him." "It's over Clay. Harm and I are over for good this time." ******************* "Harm you better slow down" Taylor smiled as Harm downed another drink. "I can't carry you to the car you know." "Trust me I can handle it" Harm said as he put down the glass and motioned to the waitress that he needed another. "Don't say I didn't warn you. You know the old saying. Loose lips sink ships." "Not in the Navy anymore Taylor" Harm smiled. "And you already know everything about me." "Not quite everything" Taylor smiled. "But I might be able to get the rest of my answers tonight." "Ask me anything." "Are you in love with Sarah Mackenzie?" "No." "Liar" Taylor said softly. "I'm trained at reading people Harm. And I can tell from your eyes that you're lying. You do love her." "Mac isn't here" Harm whispered as he moved closer to Taylor. "You are." "Why did you leave JAG?" "I wanted to do something different," he said as he looked away. "I was getting bored." "Partially a lie. I do believe you were getting bored at JAG. A man with your history can't be happy in a court room all the time." "And that's why I'm here now." "Harm the CIA isn't JAG you know. It's a different ballgame over here." "You don't think I can handle it?" he demanded. "I think you can. The question is can you deal with the fact that each mission might be your last. That one day you may not come back to Sarah Mackenzie." "Allow me to point out that Colonel Mackenzie has one Clayton Webb with whom to seek comfort should I not return." "She'd be settling." "It wouldn't be her first time." "And you're not doing the same?" He shook his head. "When something isn't attainable and you set your sights elsewhere, I'm not sure if that's settling." "Maybe so," Taylor allowed. "But when I asked you that question, your eyes told me the answer. I'm good at that kind of thing. I'm rarely wrong--rarely, not never--but I don't think that's the case this time." "So does that mean you don't want to. . .that my attentions aren't welcome?" "No not at all. Far from it," Taylor smiled. "It's just a matter of having my eyes open going in that's all." To emphasize her point, she ran her hand down the length of his forearm. "Right now, right this moment, there's no where else I'd rather be and no one I'd rather be with." "Good, because I want to be with you too. And it has nothing to do with anything but a man wanting the company of a beautiful woman whom I enjoy being with. No games being played." =========== LEWIS MTN, VA. Clay reached across the table and took Mac's hand, threading their fingers together. "You and Harm can't end something you never really started." "Then we're ending our attempts to start," she snapped and at once was sorry. "Hey that came out all wrong. I'm so sorry." "I understand. He's been a large part of your life for most of your time at JAG," Clay soothed. "In just a couple of fast months there's been a lot of changes, and you're having to change the way you think. I don't know if you'll ever change the way you feel though." "I'm here with you aren't I," she reminded him. "That would tell you I want to move on." "Is it settling? If you can't have the one you love, love the one you're with?" "I just know that in this life, some things are unattainable no matter how much you want them or try for them. So if not doing that any more means I'm settling, yes I am. I'm happy I'm here. I'm happy I'm here with you Clayton Aaron Webb. I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to be with you. And I can promise you it has nothing to do with getting back at Harm. I don't play those games." "I know you don't. And I'm sorry for even bringing it up." "It's okay. Can we just not talk about Harm for the rest of the weekend? This is supposed to be our weekend." "Of course" Clay smiled. "How about a walk? After than nap this afternoon I've got some energy." "How about we save that energy for tomorrow" Mac countered. "And we just go get comfortable on the sofa over there and see what's on the dish." "I can live with that too" he nodded. "But I'm not going to just sit around this cabin all weekend. There's a lot of trails out there we could be hiking on." "Since we did you hike?" Mac laughed. "I never pictured you as the outdoors type." "Since I got a Marine to show me the way" he grinned as he led her to the sofa. **************** Harm's Apartment Same Time "That's a record" Taylor sighed as she lay contentedly in Harm's arms after they'd made love. "What's a record?" Harm smiled. "Normally it takes more than two weeks before I end up in bed with the man I'm training." "So I'm not the first?" "You didn't think you were did you?" Taylor giggled. "But you got me here faster than any one else. Must be that smile. I bet it's been getting you want you want for years." "Sometimes" Harm sighed. In the back of his mind he could hear Mac's words when they were in the desert in Arizona looking for her Uncle. She'd said almost the same thing to him, along with telling him it wasn't going to work on her. And it hadn't. "Except it didn't work with the Colonel did it?" Taylor said as she moved closer to him. "Taylor don't go there." "Did you ever sleep with her?" "I'm not answering that" Harm sighed as he looked away. "You don't have to. I already know the answer. I'm impressed with her will power. To work with a man like you for so long and never give into the urge." "Taylor I don't want to talk about Mac." "Sorry. What would you like to talk about?" "When I'm going to get a real assignment." "Itching for something more exciting huh?" she laughed. "I'm working on it Harm. But before I go out in the field with you, I want to make sure you're ready." "Taylor who saved Webb's six in Paraguay?" "I know. And I'm about ready to recommend you be placed in the field." "Good. I'm looking forward to getting away for a while." "Oh we'll be getting away for a while," Taylor said seriously. "Harm I'm not sure you've considered what this all means. You could be gone for months on an assignment." "Fine. I don't have a problem with that." "You can walk away from Mac and not care?" "I already have" he sighed. "We'll see" Taylor murmured. There was a reception coming up at CIA HQ's. A chance for spouses and significant others to see just a part of what went on. And she was betting that Clay would bring Mac. And then she'd see exactly how in love Harm really was with Mac. "What's that supposed to mean--'we'll see'?" "Well for one thing you've walked away I'll grant you that. For the moment. But not care. That I'm not ready to buy into." "Yeah well get out your checkbook." "You keep right on convincing yourself," she smiled. "Now since you're obviously not taking Mac, would it be too formal for me to ask you to the dinner dance? Unless of course Catherine has gotten to you first or you plan to ask her." "I haven't talked to Catherine in a while," he replied. "And I really wasn't thinking about going." "Yeah you are." "No I'm not." "Yeah you are," Taylor told him firmly. "The firm considers itself this close knit family unit thing. Well except on a mission when there's expendability issues. But otherwise---well trust me, you want to go. Even if you don't go with me. Team player BS and all that." "Do I have to wear a tie?" "Whoa that's right. You don't have the old dress whites to fall back on any more. Guess you'll need to get fitted for that tux." "Kill me now." "Before I do that, I need to know if I can count on you," Taylor laughed. "Of course. The things I do for my country." ======================== LEWIS MTN. Mac clicked off the movie and turned to Clay, surprised to see his eyes glistening. "You're crying." "No I'm not." "Oh you are too. So am I a little. It was a sad ending. But such a good story. He was so tender and caring when she was sick." "Yeah he was. And of course that scene in the hot tub was. . .well hot." "But showed them really caring for each other at the same time," she sighed, letting her arms snake around his neck. "And it's all dark and quiet out there where our tub is. How about some soft music and you and me. And we try to duplicate that scene." His mouth dropped open slightly as he realized what she was proposing. "You sure?" "I am. And when it's time--don't ask me that OK. I'm sure now, and I will be then." An hour later, the music still playing, they lie in the warm bubbling water, sated and content. "I think we did it," Mac sighed. "I know you had the same look on your face as Sam in the movie." "I felt the same," Clay grinned, reaching up to cup her cheek gently. "Sarah is it OK now to tell you that I love you?" "Permission granted," she whispered. As he said those exact words, soft in tone and texture, it was only then the face of Harmon Rabb floated before her. She had managed to not think of him during the actual fact of love making, but now as Clay's words caressed her ear, she closed her eyes and when he repeated, she heard them in Harm's voice. ********************* "Morning beautiful." It was those words that greeted Mac the next morning and for a moment she didn't remember where she was. But as her eyes opened, it all came rushing back. "You regret it don't you" Clay said quietly. "I can see it in your eyes." "See what?" she sighed. "I can't even see out of them yet. How can you see what's in them?" "Sarah I know you." "Clay I don't regret anything" she said softly. "Last night was very special." "You still love him don't you?" "No. Whatever feelings I had for Harm, they're gone. I'm with you now Clay." "I want to believe that" he said softly as he stroked her cheek. "I want to believe that you and I can really be together." "Then believe it. I made love to you last night Clay. Not Harm. I'm spending the weekend with you. Not Harm." "Okay I get the point" he smiled. "But you understand why I'm a little insecure." "It's over Clay. Harm is not an issue anymore." "So then if you see him at the dinner dance that I'm taking to you won't care?" Clay asked. "What dinner dance?" "It's an Agency get together. I'm sure he'll be there. Probably even with his new partner Taylor." "That's fine. So he's with her." "It won't bother you?" "Never" she smiled. "Now can we stop talking about Harm and talk about how we're going to spend today?" "Right here in bed works for me" Clay grinned. "Course the hot tub would work too." "You have to feed me first" she giggled. "Of course. What would my lady like?" "I was kidding," she said as she sat up. "I'll make you breakfast. You're supposed to be taking it easy." "I wouldn't call last night taking it easy" he grinned. "And please let me cook." "You trying to tell me something?" "Never. But I always serve my ladies breakfast in bed the next morning" he said as he climbed out of bed. "You stay here and relax." He was gone before she could protest and with a long sigh she dropped back down on the bed and closed her eyes. She'd made love to Clayton Webb. Not Harmon Rabb. The dream of her and Harm was slowly fading away for good. ****************** Harm's Apartment Same Time "So what's on your agenda for Saturday?" Taylor asked as she snuggled closer to Harm. "Nothing why? You have some ideas?" "Actually I have work to do." "Anything I can help with?" he asked. "Maybe. I might bring you in on this one." "What will it take to let me in on it?" he smiled. "Come on Taylor. You know I can handle whatever it is." "You think you can bribe me?" she giggled. "With that smile and charm?" "Of course" he whispered as he rolled her over so that he was on top of her. "So what will it take?" "What do you think?" she whispered. "You want a piece of me," he murmured. "You've got any piece you want." Afterward, he raised himself on his elbow and looked down into her deep eyes, now covered with wisps of her hair. "I think I've earned my place." "Yeah Navy you probably have," she smiled. "Actually what I'm doing right now is just some research so it's pretty dull. You knew that's what we were about ninety percent of the time right? That things like Paraguay happen only rarely." "Same with JAG lawyering," he nodded. "For every minute I got to show off in court there was a hundred other minutes of tedious prep work. Even flying, cockpit time is nothing compared to the training hours, not to mention the off duty time which once the thrill of shipboard cards with the guys wears off, you're pretty much consigned to lonely." "OK well long as you know what you're going into," she nodded. "His name is Baracas. At least that's what he calls himself. We haven't found out his real name yet, or much about him. He's got a sweet little life on an island off Venezuela." "OK so far. And he's into what, drugs, weapons or what?" "Drugs but not what you think. Mr. Baracas is into germs." ================== SATURDAY NIGHT Two Weeks Later "The florist told me something in white would be the way to go," Clay said awkwardly as soon as Mac took the lock off the door and he was pushing it open. He held the small box to her and froze as he looked her up and down. "Sarah" was all he could gasp. The ankle length pale blue gown was stunning on her, clinging to her curves. The fact that it was tantalizingly low-cut made him stare even further. "Thank you. This is perfect," she told him. "Would you care to pin it on for me?" "Oh yeah," he breathed. "And if my fingers do a little wandering, well I can't help it." "Right. Save the wandering for later." Deft fingers made short work of the job and for a moment he held her at arms length before kissing the corner of her mouth ever so gently. "I'll save the real kissing to accompany the wandering. You ready? I don't want to miss the cocktail hour. This is the only time of the year the drinks are free at something like this." "OK, but for the record I don't drink remember." "Yeah I do," he smiled. "Even better. You're sober-driver tonight." =========== TAYLOR WALLINGS' APT Crystal City "Harm I'm not quite ready but come in," Taylor called while she opened the door, paying no mind to the fact that she was in a soft green bra and matching pants. "You look ready for me," he smiled. "I hope I'm going to see those things later." "Of course. While you're removing them. That is as long as you're being a really good boy tonight," she giggled. "Hey I'm warming up with a glass of wine. Help yourself while I finish." "No thanks I. . .on second thought, thank you. I will." Ten minutes later when she had not emerged, Harm walked to the bedroom door. "Taylor, we're going to be late." "Only fashionably so," she called. "Two minutes. Have another glass of wine." "No thanks. One if I'm driving." "See that wasn't so bad," she laughed when she opened the door exactly two minutes later. "Hell no it was more than worth waiting for," he whispered. She was in green, a rich green that pulled color from her eyes and made them sparkle and he held his hand out for hers. "You're beautiful Agent Wallings." "And you look pretty neat yourself Commander. . .uh ex-Commander." "Thank you ma'am. And let's keep that in mind. Ex-Commander is right." "Still not missing it?" "Not in a New York minute. But tonight is about a dinner-dance that I'm told is crucial to my career. My new career. But I suddenly don't mind. Shall we be off?" ================ CRYSTAL BALLROOM SHERATON PARK Hotel "Looks like the gym after the decoration committee got done for the prom," Clay laughed. "I wouldn't know about that," Mac laughed as well. "Oh come on, you went to your prom. Surely." "No. I didn't. I was getting drunk with Chris that night." "OK. Sorry I asked." "Me too. And I just realized I'm not going to know a soul here." "Sure you are. Harm." As he spoke he nudged her and when she looked in the direction he was indicating, "And that would be Taylor I'm sure," she said softly, suddenly feeling totally self conscious about being there. "None other." "She's pretty." "Well yeah if you like that sort," Clay smiled. "But long brown hair is over-rated and her figure doesn't compare to yours." "You say the nicest things," she sighed. "And I want to meet her, and speak to Harm." "Why in god's name would you want to do that?" he gasped in surprise. "Because it's better to be up-front about that kind of thing. Otherwise I'm going to feel awkward all night waiting to deal with it." "Sarah." "Clay I'm serious. I want us to enjoy tonight and the only way we'll do that is if I go over there right now and meet her and say something to Harm." "You really want to do this?" Clay asked. "Yes. Now come on and let's go say hi." They walked towards Taylor, arriving just as Harm did. For a moment Mac's eyes met Harm's, her gaze going over him. He looked even more handsome than usual in the black tuxedo and when Taylor wrapped her arms around his waist, Mac felt a small stab of jealousy. "Hello Taylor" Clay smiled. "Clay. And this must be the famous Sarah Mackenzie. Pleased to meet you." "And you" Mac smiled before looking at Harm. "Harm how are you?" "Fine. And you?" "Fine" she said as Clay reached for her hand. "How's your new career?" "Great" Harm nodded. "I can't believe I didn't do this sooner." "Well I'm glad it's working out for you" Mac nodded. "I guess we'll see you around." She and Clay turned and headed towards the bar, Mac keenly aware that Harm's eyes were on them as they walked. "See now we can relax" she smiled to Clay as they reached the bar. "You okay?" Clay asked. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?" "Sarah you don't have to pretend you and Harm never had feelings for each other. I know you did. And I'm sure it's not easy seeing him like this." "I'm fine" Mac smiled. "What I could use is something to drink." "Tonic water?" "Yes sir. And you know you can drink in front of me. I don't mind." "Tonic water sounds good to me," Clay said as he turned to the bartender. "How about a drink Harm?" Taylor asked. "Uh why don't we wait a minute?" he said as he looked across the room to where Clay and Mac were. There's a big crowd up there." "And Sarah's there." "Taylor don't start" Harm sighed. "I'm not in the mood to be analyzed tonight." "Harm just admit you still care about her." "No. Because I don't." "Liar" she said as she walked towards the bar. Harm watched her for several seconds before following after her. Somehow he would get through tonight and then he wouldn't have to think about Mac again. "Yeah right Rabb" he muttered to himself. Nothing would ever take away the memories of Mac. No matter how hard he tried. Their eyes met once again when he reached the bar and Mac quickly looked away. This time it was Harm that did the studying until he finally forced himself to turn his attention to Taylor. Mac belonged to Clay now. And he was with Taylor. "Are you OK," Taylor asked him as he led her to their table, carrying their drinks. "Harm you and I--we have no formal commitment--you can talk to me about Mac, about what you're thinking and feeling, anything." "I know, and I appreciate that. You don't know how much," he said softly, setting their drinks down and pulling out her chair. "I know you and I can talk and that's important to me." "Well just don't forget it," she smiled. "Besides, we'll soon be. . ." She stopped speaking when she realized she did not have his full attention. He was distracted. By the arrival of another beautiful woman in his life. Catherine Gayle. Wearing a low cut backless gown that had all the men, including him, staring. "She does like to make an entrance," Taylor giggled. "And before you ask, no I don't know who that is she's with. But he's hot." "And ten years younger," Harm groaned, staring at the Marine Major in dress blues. "Obviously that's been keeping Catherine busy." "Or maybe you just haven't called her," Taylor observed. "Well I've been busy." "Yes and the last thing you need is three women in your life." "Three?" His blood ran cold as he recalled a similar conversation over two years earlier with one Kate Pike. 'I'm not involved with Mac' he had insisted back then. No not actively, but his heart had been another matter. As was the case now--or would be if he was being honest with himself. "Change of subject. Now." Taylor looked more than a little taken aback. "Uh. . yes sir." "OK sorry. Just touchy tonight. Sorry." "Sure. Anyway, I've got a surprise for you, but it's not something I want to get into here. We'll talk later." Several tables away, Clay and Mac were sipping their drinks, Mac making a concerted effort to keep her eyes off Harm. Dinner and speeches filled the evening, then the lights dimmed and the five piece orchestra opened with soft dance music. "Would the lady care to dance?" Clay asked at once. "The lady would be charmed." Mac submitted to having her chair pulled out and at once glided into Clay's arms. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Taylor and Harm mimicking their action. As Clay led her onto the floor, she took one last long look at Harm before closing her eyes. And for the three minutes the dance lasted, the arms around her belonged to Harmon Rabb. -------------------------- "You sir are a divine dancer," Taylor told Harm after three sets. "Yes ma'am thank you. And now I'm ready to sit out please. With something cold to drink." "OK. I'll have what you're having but I'm going to visit the little agent's room and I see two people I need to talk to so give me a few will you. In fact why don't you catch your breath and ask Catherine--or Mac for that matter--to dance." At the same time, Clay took Mac back to the table and sank into his chair after helping her into hers. "You having fun?" "This is great. Yes I am," she smiled. "And looking forward to later. . ." Her voice trailed off as she saw Harm approaching their table and her breath caught in her throat wondering for what reason. "Clay. Mac," Harm said slowly. "I uh. . .Mr. Webb, with your permission I would like to ask the lady for the next dance." The statement took Clay totally by surprise. "I. . .I think the lady can speak for herself," he finally stammered. "Mac?" Harm said softly. "I'd love to" she managed and Harm held out his hand to her. She accepted and Clay watched them walk to the dance floor together. "If only you loved me like you do him" Clay murmured. On the dance floor Harm took Mac into his arms, for the moment forgetting what had transpired between them. Forgetting that she was now with Clay. And that he was with Taylor. He closed his eyes, praying that the song would never end. That he could hold her in his arms forever. Emotions were rushing through Mac as well, Harm's arms feeling even better than she'd remembered. The dance that she'd imagined earlier was real. And his strong arms felt so wonderful around her. Neither talked as they dance, the moment not needing any words. It ended before either of them wanted it to and Harm reluctantly let go of Mac. "One more dance" she whispered as the band began to play another slow song. "What about Clay?" She turned around, seeing Clay now talking to Taylor. "I don't think he'll mind." Harm didn't have to be invited twice and he pulled Mac into his arms again. The moment could last just a little longer. "They look good together," Taylor said to Clay. "Yeah they do" Clay admitted. "You know he still loves her." "And she still loves him. But neither of them is going to admit it to the other." "Why have they never gotten together?" Taylor asked. "I have no idea. It's obvious how they feel. Well it is to everyone but them." "I wonder if he'll really be able to leave her. That's been my biggest concern with him." "You're not taking him on the Baracas mission are you?" Clay frowned in sudden realization. "Taylor you know he's not ready for that." "Clay he saved your butt in Paraguay." "I don't care. Baracas is a dangerous man." "You're worried about Harm?" she smiled. "I would have thought you'd been happy to have him out of the picture for a while." "Taylor I happen to care very much about Sarah Mackenzie. If anything happened to Harm, it would destroy her." "Even if she was with you?" "Yes. She loves him." "Well he's going with me. I haven't told him yet. Course the real question will be whether he'll tell her he's leaving." The music came to and end and Harm looked down at the woman in his arms. "Thank you" he whispered before dropping a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you" Mac whispered before hurrying from his arms and out of the ballroom towards the ladies room. Once there she finally gave into the tears, allowing herself a small cry behind the stall. "You and Mac look good together" Taylor commented as Harm walked over to her. "Don't" he sighed. "Please don't." "Harm it's so obvious." "Taylor I don't want to talk about Mac." "Then why don't you take me home. We can have a nightcap and I do have something we need to discuss." "OK. Sounds like a plan." He picked up his drink and downed the last of it in one swallow, his eyes closing as he willed himself to shut out the feeling of holding Sarah Mackenzie so close he could feel her heart beat. "This is so wrong," he murmured, not realizing he had spoken aloud until Taylor raised an eyebrow. "Sorry. Not you. Stray thought," he covered. "That last shot of bourbon short-circuited the system or something." "Yeah well I hope something else is in good working order," she giggled, taking his arm. "You uh. . .you want to say good night to Mac?" "No." The utterance was more firm and louder than it needed to be. "I'll take that as a no," she giggled again. "Let's go Tarzan." Across the room Clay had seen Mac's retreat and he was waiting for her when she emerged, leaning casually against the wall. "Hi." "Hi," she whispered. "Clay I'm sorry, but I'm ready to go." "I figured you would be. No need to apologize. It was a fun evening. Are you OK?" "Yeah. I just want to go home. And if it's not too much. . .well would you hate me if I told you I wanted to be alone tonight?" "So you can brood over Harm." It was a statement, not a question. "I just know I wouldn't be good company. I really do feel the need to be alone." "Well if that's what you want, but Sarah, I'd bet money that's not the choice Mr. Rabb is making. If anything, after being with you, he'll want Taylor all the more." "Mr. Rabb's choices are no longer in my purview. Take me home please." ============ "I'm going to at least walk you up," Clay told her firmly, pulling the car to the rear of her building and parking. "And if you wanted to have me in for coffee I wouldn't say no." "Clay please. Marine with the Mt. Rushmore of headaches here. I love you for caring, but I'm fine and really just badly in need of some quality time--with myself." He nodded and helped her from the car, walking her to her door in silence. "Clayton Webb you're a wonderful man," she said softly while she put her key in the lock. "Aw-oh," he gasped. "You're about to break up with me." "Uh. . .that's not how I break up," she smiled. "I was going to say, you're a wonderful man for putting up with me. Thank you for understanding. Good night." "Good night Sarah," he smiled, wiping his brow in relief. She cupped her hand to the back of his head and drew her to him for a soft and gentle kiss. "Sarah, I love you," he whispered when they parted. "When you're thinking about this evening, remember that. Please." "I do. And I will." Twenty minutes later, alone in her bed, Sarah Mackenzie hugged the extra pillow to herself and wept softly. Across town, Taylor pushed herself from Harm and sat back to look at him. "Wow Mr. Rabb. I'm going to have to get you half-looped more often. Contrary to its reputation, liquor doesn't diminish your performance." "No of course not," he grinned. What he would not tell her was that it had been Sarah Mackenzie whom he was holding. To whom he was making love. "Now I'm ready to hear about this secret of yours." ============== One Week Later JAG HQ's "Ma'am you have a visitor" Tiner said as he stuck his head in Mac's office. "Are you available?" "Visitor?" Mac frowned. "Who is it?" "Mr. Rabb ma'am." A moment later she caught sight of Harm in the bullpen and her heart did a flip-flop. Dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt he looked as handsome as ever. "Sure Tiner" she said slowly. "Send him in." Her mind was going through a hundred scenarios as to why he had come to see her and when he walked into her office, all thoughts suddenly faded. "Hi Mac" he said quietly. "I hope I'm not interrupting. I promise this won't take long." "You came for a reason then?" "The other night at the reception we never got to say goodbye," Harm said softly. "So I'm here to say that now." "Why?" she frowned. "I'm going to be gone for a while," he admitted. "I don't know when or if I'll be back." "If? Harm where are you going?" "I can't say. You know how it is. It's the same thing you told me the night you left for Paraguay." "You're going somewhere dangerous. Somewhere you might not even come back from? Is that what you're telling me?" "You and Clay look good together" he said, quickly changing the subject. "He's going to make you happy." "Why are you doing this?" she whispered. "You don't have anything to prove to anyone Harm." "Mac it's my job now. Remember. I left JAG." "Yes you did" she nodded. "But that was your choice." "There was nothing left for me here." "You really believe that?" "At the time yes" Harm said quietly. He wasn't going to tell her that for the past week since the reception she was the only thing he could thing about. And how much he wished he'd fought for her instead of letting her run into Clay's waiting arms. "And now?" "It doesn't matter Mac." "Is there any way I'll know if you're okay?" she asked quietly. "No. Like I said, you know how this works." "So you're going to walk out of here and I may never see you again?" Mac whispered. "I'd prefer not to think that way," he said with a small smile. "But yes there's that chance." "Can't you tell me anything? Where you going to be? What you're doing?" "Sorry. You know I can't." "I don't know what to say." "How about good luck?" he offered. "I can't believe you're doing this." "Mac I have to go" Harm sighed. "I just wanted to say goodbye. To tell you that I'm happy you're happy with Clay. I know he'll take good care of you." "He's a good man" she whispered. "Yes he is. Take care of yourself Marine. I'll see you around." His eyes never left hers, his arms aching to hold her. "You can't leave. At least not before this." She walked to him and at once his arms opened as he realized what she wanted. He held her tightly, blinking back tears as he had so many years ago when they'd said goodbye once before. "I have to go" he whispered as he finally pulled back. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears as he did so and the moment he let go, he turned and bolted from the office. "I love you "she said softly before closing the door to her office and giving into the tears. Five minutes later she was leaning against the door still, unable to galvanize herself into movement, when Elliot attempted entry. "Mac is that you?" "Yeah Elliot, hold on will you. Sorry. What is it?" "We were going to talk plea bargain on Walzer. You want me to come back?" "No come in," she sighed, hurrying to her chair and grabbing a wad of tissue. I'm sorry. I guess I don't look very formidable in court given that I'm sitting here sniveling." "Well obviously you're upset. What can I do to help or. . .does this have anything to do with the gentleman who tore out of here whom I know to be Commander Rabb, only because I had to get out of his way and I asked Bud who he was. I didn't know he came around here any more, and judging from the fact that you're upset, that's probably a good thing." "I'm OK, thanks Elliot." She gave one last sniffle and motioned him to sit down. "I can come back." "You can sit. I'm fine. Yes that was Commander Rabb, former Commander Rabb, now Agent Rabb, embarking on his first out of the area op with his CIA partner, who happens to be gorgeous and they're together and. . .and the fact that I'm babbling to you about this shows how really ludicrous it all is." "Mac it's OK. I know you and Rabb. . .well I know the stories. I know you're with Clay now. I know you and I are friends, period. And if you need a friend, well that's me." That brought a watery smile to her face. "Yeah it is, and thank you. Now what can I do you out of?" ============== Clay's TOWNHOUSE 30 Days Later "Clay are you OK?" Mac flipped off the TV and frowned broadly, nudging his foot with hers. "You have not said two words all evening, and when I put on that sappy movie you didn't even squeal once. Now what's up? You have a bad day at the office?" He shook his head, slumping down further onto the sofa. "Yeah I did. Bad bad day." "Well I know better than to ask you about it," she smiled. "Why don't you go take a hot shower and flop yourself on the bed and I'll give you a back massage." "You'd do that for me?" "Yeah, but not without you owing me, and that can't be a bad thing. Go on." "OK. That has to help. On the other hand you could come in with me." "I thought we'd save that for the massage." "OK that's got to help too," he sighed. "Look I'm sorry I'm such a downer. A bunch of stuff went wrong today all at once." She put the back of her hand to his cheek, pressing softly. "Don't you think I've had days like that. Hundreds in fact. I understand. Go shower. I'll be waiting for you when you come back. In fact I have a surprise for you." "I. . .I love you Sarah," he whispered, before quickly turning and all but running up the stairs. By the time she reached the bedroom, she heard the shower water running, and opened the bag she had brought with her. The bag from Vanity Fair. Tonight, with Clay in such a down mood, seemed like a good time to do a little modeling. Thirty days--four weeks--had passed since she had bid Harm a tearful goodbye. Some of that time she put him out of her mind totally; other times she dwelled on his absence. Some days she felt she was moving ahead with her life--a life that more and more seemed to be with Clayton Webb in her future. Other days she felt her life was on hold. On hold awaiting the safe return of Harmon Rabb. She changed into Clay's surprise, and flopped onto the bed. For all of three seconds. From the pile of clothes Clay had dropped on the bedroom floor, the pants specifically, there came a ringing sound. Clay's cell phone. Three rings and it stopped. Voice mail. Almost immediately, it rang again. Whoever was attempting to get Clay's attention was not satisfied with leaving a message. She rolled from the bed and with two fingers only, moved his socks and boxers to get to the waistband of the pants. "Hello?" "Clay. . . I-need-to-talk-to-Clay." The voice was barely audible and the words came out separated by what seemed to her like gasps of pain or attempts to draw in enough air. "Who is this?" She demanded, then all at once she knew. Dropping back onto the bed in shock, she gripped the phone until her knuckles were white. "Harm?" "Sarah." The word came out in a gasp before the line suddenly disconnected. "Harm" she screamed into the phone. "Harm answer me." THE END Chapter 3 will post on Mon 25 Aug 03