TITLE: "Wounds to Bind " Chapter 1 AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: Summer 2003. Paraguay is over. But Harm and Mac have been irreparably changed by what happened. Life changing decisions are made both professionally and personally. CLASSIFICATION/RATING: J/S/R/A PG for language and some violence. SPOILERS: A Tangled Webb especially, but in any of our work, any JAG episode may be referred to. FEEDBACK: If you're so moved but never expected nor begged for. Addy is ssbpmn@aol.com. Please however, we request you respect the work, and the effort that goes into writing it. NOTE: All parts of this story and previous chapters, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} ======== "Wounds to Bind" Chapter 1--- WASHINGTON DC June 2003 "Sir which roses did you want? Red or pink?" Harm looked up at the florist and shrugged. "I guess the red" he said finally. "Good choice" the young woman smiled. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled with these. Red means love you know." For a moment Harm considered changing the rose color to something else but finally decided it wouldn't matter anyway. Even if he was in love with Sarah Mackenzie that didn't mean she felt the same way. "Would you like us to deliver them?" "Yes" Harm nodded. He wasn't going to have time to take them to her himself. In fact he was supposed to be at Kershaw's office in twenty minutes and he was likely going to be late. If all went as planned, his career in the Navy would then be truly over. "Do you want to fill out a card?" she asked. "We've got several over there to choose from." Harm looked at the spinning racket, finally deciding on a simple looking card. On it he wrote something just as simple. >>Hope you'll understand. I'll call you soon. H.<< "That's it?" she smiled as she looked at his card. "You don't want to say anything else?" "That's it" he nodded. A few minutes later he walked out of the florist. He knew Mac deserved more than just a dozen roses and a card as an explanation for what he was about to do, but at the same time he could not have explained it to her if he wanted to. She would just have to understand that what he was doing was the best thing for both of them. "Commander I thought you'd forgotten about me" Kershwin smiled when Harm arrived in his office at CIA headquarters in Langley. "Sorry sir. I had to take care of something first." "You can drop the sir. This isn't the Navy." "You can drop the Commander then" Harm smiled. "I'm not in the Navy anymore." "So you've told me. But I'm sure you could go back if you wanted. From what I've heard Admiral Chegwidden is a fair man." "I could" Harm nodded. "But that's not what I want to do now. And you mentioned if I were ever looking for something else" "You've come to the right place" Kershwin smiled. "I need good people like you. And with your skills as a pilot, you're even more valuable." "So where do I sign up?" Harm asked. Kershwin reached into his drawer and brought out a CD-Rom. "If your Navy security clearance is up to date, ours won't be much of a hassle. Of course there's more to it than just making your mark. This is not an eighteenth century schooner you're signing on to." "I understand," he nodded. "I'll get these forms back to you tomorrow." "Well that's fine. You're in a little bit of a hurry I take it?" "Yeah I've made a decision and now I want to get on with it," he sighed, pocketing the small square. "Thank you Mr. Kershwin. You won't be sorry." "I don't think I will. I just hope you won't be." "Not likely." ============= HARM's APT 3 Hours later His back hurt and his head ached, his neck muscles were in knots--but it was done. Eighteen pages of forms filled out and printed. Not only that but signed and dated. He would drop them off in the morning. Now a warm shower, some advil and some company. He reached for the phone and when the voice answered on the other end he responded quietly. "Ms. Gayle please. Harmon Rabb returning her call." "Harm hi." Catherine's cheerful voice came back to him a few moments later. "When we talked this morning you mentioned dinner. Is that still in your day planner." "You bet. Name the place." "DiGorgio's on M at 630." "I'll be there. And looking forward to it. You sound like you had a rough day." "Yeah I'll tell you all about it over some liquid refreshment." "Sounds like a plan in the making. See you then." They disconnected and he held the phone for a long while, deciding whether to call Mac, finally setting it down. He had made the gesture with the flowers. She could call him. Assuming she returned from Clay's to even get them. Once more he questioned whether he was doing the right thing, and once more he pushed the question aside. He was. For him personally, for his career in government service, for JAG, and most of all for the woman he loved. No longer would he deny that. Not that he had been in denial for a very long time anyway. The night she left for Paraguay he had told her he did not want her to go; which for him was a mouthful of emotion. The rest of his feelings he could not articulate, and it was just as well for he knew she was committed to taking on the mission. Only when the nightmares and insomnia struck did he force himself to admit the truth, and the whole truth. His phone call to Mrs. Webb had been an example of that. And of course what he did to bring her home. ================== CLAYTON WEBB's TOWNHOUSE Alexandria Virginia "OK, you've got everything you could possibly need," Mac observed. "Four remotes all within reach. Magazines and newspaper. Laptop. Cell phone. Bottles of water and juice. Your medication. Is there anything else?" "Well my weapon would be good given my mood but I have that secured," Clay replied. "Thanks no. Go. I'm fine. You have an apartment and a life. I'm just going to lie here and feel sorry for myself and you've witnessed enough of that. I won't ever be able to repay you for the nursing. I didn't want anyone from the hospital in here, and I sure as hell couldn't stay in that place any longer." "No. They now have your picture up like stores do for shoplifters," she sighed. "You were bad. Really bad. OK I'm going home to see if I still have an apartment. I'll see you around noon tomorrow?" "I'll be here. Since I'm under house arrest. Are you going to stop by Rabb's?" She didn't answer right away and Clay knew he'd struck a nerve. Despite telling himself she was not still in love with Harm, he knew the feelings were still there. "Sarah you still love him don't you?" Clay sighed. "Clay don't" she begged. "Right now I just need some time to figure this all out." "What happened with you and Harm?" "Nothing. I've told you that. We crashed, fortunately neither of us was hurt and then they found us. End of story." "I know that part. I meant between you to. Never mind. I'm sorry I got you into this" Clay whispered. "I love you and I never wanted to hurt you like this." "It's not your fault. I signed on for this remember? And you did nothing to hurt me. I'm fine." "I need to thank Rabb for that too. You two could have been killed. It's a miracle you weren't." For a moment Mac allowed herself to remember the events once again. She still felt a chill when she realized how easily her or Harm could have been killed. But by some miracle they hadn't. "He did a good job piloting" Mac said finally. "He did a lot more than that" Clay sighed. "He cleaned up the mess I got us into. Hell the Agency will probably be offering him a job." "He wouldn't leave JAG" "You don't think so? Sarah you know he resigned his commission to come and find you. AJ told you that." "Yeah and I'm sure now that he's back he has every intention of going back. And I'm sure the Admiral never submitted his resignation. Just left him on terminal leave." In the back of her mind, she was hoping that was the case. The Admiral had never really told her what he'd done with Harm's resignation. But like the time she'd been crazy enough to leave JAG, she assumed he'd simply filed it in his drawer until Harm came to his senses. "Probably not. AJ doesn't want to lose someone like Harm." "No I'm sure he doesn't" Mac sighed. "Look I'm going to let you rest. If you need anything call me. I'll be right over." "I know you will. And for that I thank you. You took good care of me Sarah. Better than I did of you." "No you went through to hell to keep me safe" Mac whispered. "And for that I can never thank you enough." "I had to" was all he said. He didn't need to say the rest. She already knew that he loved her. That he always would. Even if she didn't feel the same kind of love for him. "Take care Clay" she whispered as she leaned down and dropped a quick kiss on his cheek. ****************** DiGorgio's on M Georgetown "So are you going to tell me about your little adventure in Paraguay?" Catherine asked once she and Harm were seated for dinner. "Not much to tell" Harm shrugged. "Mister Modesty. From what I heard, you saved the day. Not only did you destroy the missiles but you also saved Mr. Webb and Colonel Mackenzie." "Yeah I did." "So why are you here with me then?" Catherine asked. "And not with the Colonel." "She's busy with Mr. Webb" Harm said with a forced smile. "Besides I wanted to share my good news with you." "Which is?" "I'm joining the Agency." "Good grief Rabb I didn't know you were going to be already drunk when you got here," Catherine giggled. "Real funny." "It's not a joke," he smiled ruefully. "I'm not rescinding my resignation. Technically I'm still on terminal leave but it's just a matter of paperwork. Mr. Kershwin tells me he's green lighting it through and I'll be able to join the accelerated class just to get the basics in procedures and so forth." "I know what the accelerated class is," she sighed, shaking her head. "Harm did you watch too many James Bond movies or something growing up. You do realize most of what's done is just plain dull. It's not jumping from planes and crashing through windows dressed in black." "Yes thank goodness given my not so youthful years." "Why Harm? Why the switch?" "Because there's nothing at JAG for me any more." "Strange. The last time I checked there was a pretty Marine named Sarah Mackenzie." "Why are you checking?" he scowled. "And Mac is still there and she and I will always be friends. At least that's what we promised each other once. But things are different now. Paraguay made them that way. Let's leave it at that and what are you drinking?" "Well I'll have a Planter's Punch if you're asking." "I am." Their drinks came while they were looking at the menu and when they had ordered food, Catherine took a long sip and leaned back. "So what's it like to survive a crash like that?" For a moment he didn't answer. His memories of the crash consisted of Mac's scream of his name and the terrifying knowledge that they were in fact going down. If the room was quiet and he closed his eyes, he could still hear the sound of the small plane being ripped apart as it hit hard against the tree. And right after that silence. Only the sound of his own ragged breathing. Nothing from. . . "Harm it's probably something you don't want to talk about." "Thanks. I'm trying to really put all that behind me." "Including Sarah? Mac you call her right?" "Yeah and it's not going to happen. Her and me," he said quietly. "I'm OK with that." "Well I don't think you are, but that's OK. You and I can still enjoy each other's company." "Thank you," he smiled and raised his glass in salute. ================ MAC's APT 'Pick up for you' the note attached to her door read. "Yeah I really want to walk back down to the lobby," she groaned, letting herself in to set her things down and then deciding to get it over with. "Ms. Mackenzie Hi. I hate to have you take them," the super greeted her. "Hi Nancy. Take what. . .oh my." "Oh my is right. I wish I had a man sending me flowers. Hell I wish I had a man period. And those are beautiful. I've been keeping real good care of them. Of course the office here smells like a funeral parlor." "Thank you," she nodded, scooping the container of fragrant blooms in to her arms and carrying them upstairs. "Clay you really didn't have to do this," she murmured while she reached for the card. Her hand shook when she read the card and she hurried into her apartment, setting the flowers down before they fell from her hand. "Understand what Harm?" she whispered as she stared at the card. The last person she'd expected flowers from was Harm. And the card did nothing to explain why he'd sent them. She sank down on the sofa and for a moment her mind once again went back to Paraguay. First to the rescue. She hadn't let herself believe he would come but she'd never stopped hoping. And when he'd walked through the door, she'd never been so relieved in her life. He'd risk his life to save hers. And Clay's. "And you thank him by kissing Clay" Mac sighed. Her emotions had been jumbled since the return. She was still concerned for Clay, still cared about Clay, but at the same time her mind was also on Harm. And what he'd done for her. She picked up the phone and dialed his number. She wasn't surprised when his machine picked up and for a moment she almost hung up. "Hi Harm" she said finally. "I got the flowers. Thank you. Call me so we can talk." With a sigh she hung up and dropped back against the sofa. Why did life have to be so complicated? ******************** JAG HQ's Next Morning "Commander you're not in uniform" AJ frowned as Harm walked into his office. "No sir. I resigned my commission remember?" "Harm I think we both know that I didn't take that seriously. I've simply left you on leave status." "Well sir, I am serious. And I'm not going to be coming back to JAG." "You're joking right?" "No sir. I'm sure you'll be getting the word soon but I'm going to working elsewhere." "What firm snatched you up?" AJ frowned. "I'll be working for the Agency. Mr. Kershwin was pleased with my work so he's offered me a position. Which I've accepted." "This is what you want?" "Yes sir." "Harm I don't get it. You resigned your commission to get Mac back. And now you're leaving." "Sir I don't make the rules. I just go along with the game." "What game? Make some sense will you?" "Things have changed sir. And I think that my best interests lie at the Agency now. Not at JAG." "That's what you believe?" "Yes sir." "Then I guess you've already made up your mind" AJ sighed. "And nothing I say is going to change it." "No sir. And I'm sorry. I hope I'm not leaving you in a bind." "No I'm just down two junior attorneys and now my senior officer is bailing on me." "I'm sorry." "Harm what happened in Paraguay?" AJ asked. "Between you and Mac. Because I'm sure that's what's driving this decision." "Nothing sir. Nothing at all." "And obviously that's the problem." "Sir I'd rather not talk about this" Harm sighed. "I'd just like to clear my office if that's okay." "Go on. Far be it from me to stop you from making another bold career choice. I just hope this works out better than the last one." "Thanks for the vote of confidence sir." "Harm I've just seen about fifteen more years of life than you," AJ tried. "And I do care about you. I also know more went down in Paraguay than was in your official report." "Yes sir, a lot of personal crap that didn't belong there. Personal crap that's now in the past. Where it's going to stay. I'm moving on. I hope I've got that fifteen years you just mentioned to make a contribution still. And I don't think it's here at JAG. Can I ask you to respect that decision?" "You can ask all you want. What does the Colonel say about all this?" Harm gave him a blank look and shook his head. "You're not serious? You haven't talked this over with her?" "No sir. I didn't get consulted about her accepting the job with Webb. So I didn't consult her about this. I in fact tried to tell her not to go but to tell that Marine not to do something is like trying to tell the wind not to blow." "Very well. Look Commander you've still got a good amount of leave before your resignation can go into effect. For that time, it stays here." "For when I come to my senses sir?" "That would be the time yes Commander. Dismissed." "Aye sir," Harm replied automatically and exited the Admiral's office. "Harm." He had heard that word come from her mouth probably a thousand times in their partnership. Now it was the last word he wanted to hear. He wanted to clear his desk and be gone. "Harm slow down please," she hissed, matching her steps to his as he strode toward his office. "Mac I'm here to clean out my desk." "Excuse me?" Her eyebrow shot to its zenith. "Where the hell are you going? And does this have anything to do with a certain delivery I received last night?" "Everything. And where I'm going is. . .well I'm not going to pull back my resignation." "No. You're not serious. Harm you're leaving JAG for real? I don't believe you'd do that." They reached his office and he closed the door firmly. "Start believing it Mac. There's nothing here for me. Like there wasn't with flying four years ago, there isn't here." "Does this have to do with Paraguay? With Clay? With me leaving? With your trial?" "Yes to all of the above," he growled. Mac fell silent for several minutes, watching him pack his life into a cardboard box. "I got your flowers. Thank you. That was very sweet. What I didn't get was a call back." "I know." He taped the box closed before he spoke again. "I had dinner with Catherine Gayle and it got late. I got home and just wanted to crash. Plus the last thing I was in the mood for was to talk to you." "Thanks a lot." She did not attempt to hide the hurt in her voice both over his comment and the fact he had taken Catherine to dinner. "Sorry. That came out wrong. I was tired and I'd had a couple of drinks with Catherine and I wanted to crash. And anyway why are you not at Clay's?" "He doesn't need twenty-four hour care," she explained with a shrug. "The Admiral has been awful patient with me but I'll be putting in some time each day now that Clay can actually walk to the bathroom without fainting." "Well good for him. Anyway I'm glad you got the flowers OK." "They were beautiful," she said with a soft smile. "At first I thought they were from. . ." "Clay. Big surprise." "As a way to thank me that's all," she shrugged. "Anyway they were beautiful and I thank you. Now can we talk about why you're being stupid?" "Mac we are not either of us the same people we were when you left. Our lives changed course while we were there. This is something I need to do. Just as what you're doing is what you need." "What I'm doing? Harm I'm helping a friend, who probably saved my life a few times over, to get well. He's lucky to be alive." "As are we after the plane crash." "You bet we are, and every time I've hit my knees I thank the Lord above for sparing us. OK so you're determined to go through with this. To put JAG out of your life. Fine. Does that mean you want me out of that life too?" "I think you already made that decision to go" he countered. "Excuse me? How did I do that?" "You really don't know do you?" "If you mean Clay" "Well you seemed pretty comfy being his wife. And maybe I'm a little crazy, but that wasn't just a kiss between friends." "Clay and I are close," she said slowly. "Obviously. Much closer than you and I will be. Likely that's because Webb doesn't have a problem telling you his feelings." "No he doesn't. And yes it's a refreshing change." "Like Mic was." "This is not the same thing" Mac sighed. "Harm I don't know what you think you saw between me and Clay but you're jumping the gun." "It is the same. And this time I'm not going to hang around and watch you make another mistake. Clayton Webb is not the man for you." "Why not?" "Any man who would have risked your life like that in the first place doesn't deserve you" Harm retorted. "All he was concerned with was his mission. Your safety was secondary." "And you've never put an investigation above my safety or your own before?" "Not intentionally like he did. Like he has done so many times in the past. Do I have to name them all? The Embassy. Russia. Come on Mac. All Webb ever cares about is the mission." "Well this time you're wrong. He did what he could to protect me. But they'd tortured him unbelievably." "You shouldn't have been there in the first place. No backup, no nothing. Thank God Gunny got out and found me." "I guess Clay thought you would be our backup," she said quietly. "That you'd come when things went to hell." "I guess Webb knows me pretty well then" Harm sighed. "And I guess I'd better get out of here." "Harm you don't have to do this" Mac whispered. "JAG is your life." "Used to be my life. I'm moving onto other things now. " "Are you at least going to tell me what those other things are?" For a moment he considered not telling her but he knew that eventually Webb would find out and tell her anyway. "I've signed on with the Agency." "The Agency?" she frowned. "As in the CIA." "Yeah. When I was trying to locate you, I spoke to a Mr. Kershwin who liked my record. He was even more impressed after I managed to pull off the mission in Paraguay." "No. Harm you can't do this. This is crazy." "Why is it crazy?" "Because it is. You'll be gone months at a time, in some godforsaken country." "Yeah I guess so. It's not like I have a lot left here." "I guess that tells me how you really feel" she whispered. "Thanks a lot." "For the record Colonel, I think what I did to get to Paraguay should tell you how I feel." "And Clay and I will be forever grateful. There's no doubt you saved our lives. No doubt at all. Just like there's no doubt you belong at JAG." "Way to sneak that in there Colonel." "Stop calling me that." "Excuse me? Did I miss a demotion or something?" She gave him a long exasperated look. "No. But you called me Colonel instead of Mac for months after you came back from the Henry and I hated it." "Well pardon me for showing respect for a senior officer. By two months." "You haven't ever forgotten that." "Not really. But then at first you didn't let me. Panama remember?" "Harm why are we waltzing down memory lane here?" "You brought it up. You told me not to call you Colonel and I was pointing out it was appropriate for me to call you Colonel back then." "But you did it long afterward," she snapped. "A long time after your own promotion. You hardly called me Mac for months." "When I came back you weren't the Mac I left." "And you weren't the Harm I sent away leaving myself in tears." "Touche. I went to war and came back to nothing being the same." "All right. You win. Just please do not call me Colonel unless protocol requires it, and especially not in that tone." "OK. Mac. Now before we got off on that tangent was there a point?" "Yes. You belong at JAG." "That's a decision you don't get to make for me," he said firmly. "Right now, at this point, where I am in my life, I don't think that's the case." "You thought that before and you were wrong." "Yes but those first months back I was sure I was wrong to chuck the flying too. Lots of nights I wished I'd simply hung on. Career be damned, at least I would have been doing what I felt I was born to." "Well we could spend all night with blasts from the past," she sighed. "Harm why?" "Mac at the risk of sounding sappy or poetic, Paraguay sent our lives spinning in two different directions." "I don't. . .it doesn't have to be," she stammered. "Mac, confine your thoughts to the personal for a minute. Think about the last time we saw each other before you left. Now tell me that you want the same thing from me right now as you did that night. That if I said now what I might have said then you would be receptive in the same way." "I can't," she replied miserably. "No I didn't think you could." "Harm is it so wrong that I'm a little mixed up and confused and need some time right now? Clay and I. . ." Her voice trailed and she looked at him helplessly. "I think you just hit the problem right on the head," he said quietly. "You and Clay." He took a long breath and wrapped his hand over hers. "I don't want to minimize the hell the two of you went through. And I'm not going to say forget it it's over. I still have drowning nightmares and that was two years ago. What I am going to say is that you have something you need to work out for yourself. And while you're doing that, I'm making a lifestyle change for myself." "Is Catherine Gayle part of that change?" "That's not a question you get to ask," he answered quietly. "Then this is goodbye? Whatever happened to you never want to lose me?" "It goes as much today as it did that night. And I pray we'll always be a part of each other's lives. But what's been the story of our time together is happening again. One of us is ready, the other is not." "Yeah." She drew a ragged breath and walked to the door, stopping with her hand on the knob. "Please don't leave the area or do anything really drastic without coming to me." "Mac I don't know. . ." "Harm please. I need a promise there. It's not too much." "No I guess it's not. Unless the Agency won't permit it. I promise otherwise." "Good thanks," she sighed in relief, and slipped through the door. "Mackenzie you will not cry," she ordered herself and she marched to her office, making it inside with the door closed before she allowed herself a silent sob. *************** Clay's Townhouse That evening "You look like hell" Clay frowned when Mac walked into his bedroom. "Bad day?" "You could say that" she said quietly as she sat down in the chair next to his bed. "Let me guess. Harm." "He's not coming back to JAG." "Why in the hell not?" "Because someone at the Agency offered him a job so he's taking it" Mac whispered. "He's leaving JAG and God only knows where the Agency is going to send him." "Who offered him a job?" Clay frowned. "Someone named Kershwin. Harm said he was impressed with his record and of course the fact that he cleaned up the mess in Paraguay. And of course being a pilot didn't hurt I'm sure." "Sarah I'm sorry. Do you want me to see if I can pull any strings and get the offer taken away?" "No" she shook her head. "This was his choice. This is what he wants." "Because of us? And what happened in Paraguay." "He thinks you and I. . ." Mac's voice trailed off and she looked away. "He knows how I feel about you and thinks you're in love with me too" Clay said softly. "And he's dead wrong. I know the only person you're in love with is him." "Apparently he's also been seeing Catherine Gayle." "Why? If he wanted someone to go out with, why didn't he ask you?" "Clay I don't know. I just know it's been a horrible day and everything is more screwed up than it's ever been." Her voice broke and tears slid down her face. "I am so sorry" Clay whispered as he reached for her, gently pulling her against him. "I know you love him and I'm sorry if I've messed this up for you and Harm." "It's not your fault," she cried. "He's the one who's leaving JAG and not giving us a chance." "Well he wouldn't have quit JAG if it wasn't for me. Honestly I could probably make few calls and get the whole thing canceled. He'd have to come back to JAG." "No. He'd hate me ever more." "He loves you. He could never hate you." "It's over Clay. Whatever Harm and I thought we had is over." "You really believe that?" Clay said softly as he wiped her tears from her cheek. "Come on where's the Sarah Mackenzie that fought for what she wanted." "I can't fight anymore Clay. Harm and I just aren't meant to be together." "I don't believe it. He'll come to his senses Mac." "Not this time. I think it's over Clay. For good." ******************** "Hey this is a surprise" Catherine smiled as Harm walked into her office. "What are you doing here?" "Seeing if you're busy for dinner. I need someone to celebrate my new beginning." "You're going through with it?" "If you mean leaving JAG and coming here, yes. It's a done deal." "Does the Colonel know about it?" "Yes she does. Not that anything was going to change when she did. I wasn't asking Mac's permission." "Was she upset?" "Catherine" Harm sighed. "Harm you've worked with the woman for seven years and you suddenly up and leave. I'm just wondering what her reaction was." "She'll get over it. She's got Clay now." "And when did she make that decision?" Catherine's eyebrow went to its highest point. "Sometime while they were sharing a hotel room or a toothbrush or a bed for all I know," he snapped, the words out before he could stop them. "Catherine I am so sorry. You don't deserve me dumping on you." "No I don't," she smiled softly, "but under the circumstances I do understand. You're in love." "Don't even," he sighed. "Dinner. Yes or no?" "Well my men are usually a little more romantic than that, but then you and I are just friends," she laughed. "Well for now," he returned, a little of his normal cockiness coming back to life. "OK Commander I can see you're going to be a real challenge in my life. Your offer of a celebratory dinner is accepted. What did you have in mind?" "Well going out is good, but I do like to cook. What's your kitchen like?" "Excuse me?" "I mean is your pantry stocked with staples--you know, rice, pasta, spices. One of my favorite things is to pick up just a few ingredients and play." "By all means then," she smiled. "Come and play. Seven?" "I'll be there. With champagne." ============= WEBB TOWNHOUSE 7PM "Mac this looks great thank you," Clay enthused, taking in the Italian feast she had set before him. "But honestly you need to stop fussing over me. I'm really up and around now. I made it to the table under my own power." "Yeah and it only took you ten minutes to come fifteen feet," she scoffed. "So it's a work in progress. I'm planning on being back to work in a week." "You better do a fast re-think there mister. Back to work? You're further removed from sanity than I gave you credit for originally." "I just meant a couple mornings a week is all at first," he replied. "Before they decide they don't need me any more. I need to keep my hand in. Seriously, I've already gotten the formal notice that I'm on six months R and R--recovery and recuperation whatever the hell is the difference between them. Anyway, I'm here in DC for that long at least. Plus before I can even be considered for another field post, I'll have to make it through a battery of psych tests where they look for any little thing to say you're unfit for anything more than a desk." "Clay I don't blame them for that. You went through something few men ever have--not and lived." "Our training prepared us for that." "Really?" "Of course it. . .no." He shook his head sadly. "I've been hurt on the job before. Hell I was on that ship for how many hours after Palmer shot me? But this was the worst ever. In fact I've already told them I want to talk about what real torture is because nothing in training prepares an agent for that." She nodded slowly, his words immediately making her think of Harm. The thought of him going through what Clay had gone through made her throat tighten and she swallowed hard. "Sarah you okay?" "I'm fine. I was just thinking about what you said and why on God's creation does Harm think he has to do this. It's crazy." "I agree. But I don't think you're going to talk him out of it." "Of course not. This is his choice and he'll have to live with it and without me." "You really think that's what he wants?" Clay asked. "To not have you in his life." "He made it pretty clear that was exactly what he wanted. So he's going to get what he wants. I'll just go on with my life." "Will you? Go on with your life I mean?" "Why not?" Mac shrugged. "I waited long enough as it is. And now he's run off. " "Because he thinks you and I are together." "He shouldn't have jumped to that conclusion. And even when I did try and set him straight he wasn't listening. He had his mind made up Clay. And I'm not going to sit around any longer waiting for him." "I wish I could believe that" Clay said with a small smile. "But I know you Sarah. You can't just forget Harm like that. As much as I'd like to think it was possible I know it's not." "Yes it is," she said stubbornly. "I can have a life without Harm. And I will." "Can I be a part of that life?" "I want you to be yes," Mac said softly. "You're very special Clay. And I think we could make this work." "I love you Sarah. There's nothing I'd want more than to be with you. But only if that's what you really want." "It's so easy for you to say that isn't it? To tell me how you feel." she whispered. "What's so hard about telling the woman you love how you feel?" he smiled as he leaned closer to her. "May I?" "You don't have to ask permission" Mac smiled. "It wasn't like I did of you in Paraguay." "Good. Because I've been wanting to do this for a while" he whispered before gently kissing her. ************************* Catherine's Home Same Time "God that smells wonderful" Catherine sighed as she walked into the kitchen. "Can I hire you?" "Sorry already got a job" Harm smiled. "But I think you'll like dinner." "If it tastes half as good as it smells, I'm going to love it. I'm so glad you suggested this." "Well we do have to celebrate don't we?" "Ah yes. The new career. You sure you know what you're doing?" "It's time for something new" Harm shrugged. "And it's an excellent opportunity." "Yeah if you don't want a life. Harm I know these guys at the Agency. They don't have lives. They're all over the world, not around for months at a time. Is that what you really want?" "Sure. Why not." "You're running away Harm." "And you're trying to ruin our evening. We're celebrating tonight remember." "Well I'm not quite as excited for you" Catherine sighed. "I like you Harm. And I don't want to see anything happen to you." "Have a little faith in me will you" he laughed. "I think I can handle myself pretty good. I did save Webb's six didn't I?" "Well that's the talk around the water cooler," she acknowledged. "Of course some are calling it beginner's luck but I don't know about that. You've been in tight spots before and kept your head." "This was something I had to do," he replied quietly. "Then let me ask you this, and answer in terms of Mac please. Knowing what you know now, would you still have gone? Still have risked everything?" "Would you believe me if I told you yes I would have?" Catherine pursed her lips before she answered, thinking carefully. "The night my mother was so ill, a man whom I barely knew, and who barely knew me, came to my rescue. He didn't have to, but he did. He was kind and gentle and considerate. So yeah I can see that you would have gone after Mac, regardless of what she and Webb were into as far as the personal." "Thanks. It means a lot that you think that highly of me." "Well it means a lot to me that you want me to," she smiled. "But for the record, I stand by my original diagnosis. You're running." "Maybe so," he admitted. "I just know for right now, it feels right. A pilot lives and dies by his guts. And I may not be a pilot any more but I still have the same instincts." Twenty minutes later the chicken and pasta was on the table along with a Caesar salad and Harm blasted the cork from the champagne bottle, pouring two tulip glasses full. "I guess we're drinking to new beginnings?" Catherine mused. "Yes ma'am. To new career opportunities, and to new friends." They touched glasses and drank down the first fill. For a long moment their eyes held until Harm took her glass from her and put it on the table. "You think we can conjure up the kiss we shared the night we were playing let's pretend to get married?" "That was a pretend kiss." "This one is not." ====================== JAG HQ 1 Month Later "Sir, you wanted to see me?" Mac breezed through AJ's open door, concentrating on the brief she was bringing him. "I have the Morrison. . .sorry sir, I didn't know you were busy." "At ease Colonel. I have someone you're going to want to meet. Commander Rabb's replacement." She felt the color drain from her face as she stared at the officer before her. "He even resembles the man somewhat doesn't he?" AJ laughed. "But then all of these aviator lawyer types come from the same mold. Commander Elliot Benson, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie." "My pleasure Colonel," Elliot smiled, holding out his hand. "And mine," she replied, looking him up and down. As AJ had said, Elliot did in fact look much like Harm in terms of physical characteristics of height and build, with the same dark hair. "What brings you out of Aviation into JAG Commander?" "Elliot please. And I lost my flight status five years ago because of my eyes. I had been pre- law before I took up with the Navy, so when they offered me UCLA Law as one of my options I grabbed it. Then I was aboard the Roosevelt for a while and when this position came open requested consideration. So I'm here. . .for now." "Commander's got a provisional appointment for six months to see if it's a good match," AJ explained. "Mac you want to show him the former Rabb abode." "Yes sir. This way Commander." "And don't get too close. You have to work together." "No sir. Not going to be a problem," Mac flung over her shoulder. "I try not to repeat my mistakes." "There's a story there" Elliot murmured. "Yes there is Commander. And quite frankly it's none of your business." "Colonel I'm not here to cause trouble. I'm just trying to do my job." Mac let out a long sigh and stopped and turned to face him. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." "So was my comment. Why don't we just pretend neither happened?" "Thanks. Why don't I show you to your office and then give you a brief tour around the place." "Thanks" Elliot smiled. "That would be great." With a deep breath she walked him into Harm's old office and forced a smile as she turned to him. "Your new home. I think it's pretty well stocked with supplies but if you need anything, just see Petty Officer Coates. She'll be happy to take care of you." "Thanks. But it looks fine to me." "Good. I'll take you around and introduce you to everyone and then maybe we can get started. Since Commander Rabb left we've been a little backed up." "May I ask where the Commander went?" "He left the Navy" Mac answered. "And you?" "Commander if we're going to get along you're going to have to realize that this is a working relationship" Mac retorted. "My personal life is none of your business and your personal life is none of mine." "Yes Colonel I agree. But at the same time I like to know what I'm up against when it comes to getting you to like me." "I don't dislike you." "But you don't like me either" Elliot smiled. It was that same Flyboy smile Harm used to give her and she felt her heart lurch. Being with a carbon copy of Harm wasn't going to be easy. Especially when she was trying to forget that Harmon Rabb ever existed. *********************** CIA HQ Langley, VA "Rabb I don't know how I managed to grab you but it was a good move" Kershwin smiled as he invited Harm into his office. "I heard you passed through the training class with flying colors." "I did pretty good" Harm nodded. "Yes you did. And I was told you were pretty dedicated." "I don't have much else going on in my life right now sir. So this has all my attention." "One day you're going to tell me what really happened in Paraguay" Kershwin sighed. "And why you don't have the woman you saved." "Wasn't meant to be I guess" Harm shrugged. "But that's okay. I'm sure she's happy with Webb." "He's coming back soon you know. I hope that won't be a problem." "Hopefully by then you'll put me out in the field on a real assignment" Harm smiled. "You think you're ready?" "Yes sir." "Good. That's what I wanted to hear. And step one of that process is getting you someone to work with." "A partner?" Harm frowned. "Yes. One of the best I know. She's trained some of our best young agents." "She?" "Is that going to be a problem?" "No of course not. I just was expecting someone like Webb for a partner." "I think you'll like Taylor better." "If you say so. When do I met her?" The door opened and Taylor Wallings walked into the office. "Hi Kersh. This must be the new guy I've heard everything about." Harm's gaze went over the woman. He guessed her to be about his age, slightly shorter than himself and obviously in excellent shape. Her long brown hair was neatly in a bun and her green eyes gazed down at him as he stared. "Harmon Rabb" Harm said as he stood up and extended his hand. "Harm is fine." "Hi Harm" she smiled. "Pleased to meet the man who saved Webb's sorry ass in Paraguay." "The pleasure is mine ma'am," he managed in between what he hoped was surreptitious looks. "So you know Mr. Webb do you?" "I do, but first thing's first. What's with this ma'am BS." "Sorry." Harm looked suitably chastised. "Old Navy habit I guess. You're Ms. Wallings to me too at the moment I confess." "Well knock it off right now. You're not in the Navy, and my name is Taylor," she smiled. "Good grief I'm thirty-nine years old and you aged me twenty years in two seconds." "I may have to buy you lunch to make up for that," Harm laughed. "You just might," she replied. "As for Clayton Webb, we've pulled a few together. Good man. One thing I'll say for him is that he puts the mission first. I didn't think he had a prayer of pulling this last one off but he went ahead and jumped into it." "Yeah ass first," Harm groaned. "It almost cost a good friend of mine her life." A slow smile of realization came over Taylor's pretty features. "Of course. You didn't go to get Webb back, you went to get his wifey." "Her name is Sarah," Harm snapped before he could stop himself. "I'm sorry. Touchy subject there. Yeah I went because I felt he'd led her into something where they were both over their heads. It was typically impulsive of me but I'm not sorry I did it." "You saved their lives," Taylor shrugged. "Rumor has it that it was because you and Colonel Mackenzie are an item." "Of course we are. That's why I just asked you out to lunch. I always live on the edge," Harm laughed. "Eventually you'll hear the whole story I'm sure and I can assure you it's not nearly as exciting as rumor would have it." "Then I accept your invitation to lunch." "Why am I here," Kershwin spoke up. "Taylor take it easy on this guy. He's not one of those just out of college studs you usually get." "No and I thank god for that. This man and I may have some of the same generational reference points or at least the same taste in music," she laughed, giving the former aviator another unabashed look-over. "Kersh I owe you one for this." "And you'll know I'll collect. Get out of here." ================== 1 Week Later JAG HQ "Colonel you gave me a good run," Elliot laughed as they walked out of the courtroom. "I thought I was going to take you until you brought up that precedent. Nice research. And you proved your point. I wasn't sorry to lose to someone in the right." Mac looked up and gave him a soft smile. "Thank you Commander. And as long as we're spreading the old stable floor ca-ca, had you not made such valid defense points, I would not have been prompted to seek out the precedent." "Then I'm on a roll aren't I. So if I ask you to dinner you won't use the Marine death grip on me will you?" "You're asking me out to dinner?" Mac stammered. "Yeah. No biggie. I'm new in town. You probably know some good places to eat. I'll trade you buying dinner for a good place to take a pretty lady when I eventually meet someone." "Commander. . .Elliot, I. . ." she stammered. "I like my name when you say it," he grinned. "First time you've called me that. Sarah." She blushed at the use of her first name and gave him a small smile. "Elliot, I don't think dinner with me is such a good idea." "Why not? Just a meal between friends. And I'd like to think we're becoming friends." "Yes but" she stammered. "But what?" Elliot smiled. "Come on. I'm not expecting anything but company for the evening. I promise." "All right" she said finally. "But I need to check on a friend first. So I can I meet you somewhere?" "Just tell me where and what time?" "Something casual?" she asked. "Oh yeah" Elliot nodded. "I'll be happy with a burger and beer as long as I have someone else to eat with. It gets pretty lonely having dinner by yourself." "Sorry. I know you're new in town and I haven't made any attempt to include you. Things have just been a little crazy for me." "Because of Commander Rabb leaving?" "You're not asking me to dinner so you can get the story on that are you?" Mac asked. "Course not" Elliot smiled. "So where am I meeting you?" *************** Clay's Townhouse 1 Hour Later "So who is this guy?" Clay demanded. "Technically he's my new partner" Mac sighed. "And it's just dinner. Trust me I'm not the least bit interested. He's a carbon copy of Harm." "Seriously?" "Yes. I swear they make all pilots from the same mold." "So you find him attractive?" Clay asked. "Jealous Mr. Webb?" Mac smiled. "Sarah I don't want you to get hurt. You know how I feel about you. And if you were going to go out with anyone after Rabb, I was hoping it was going to be me." "You didn't ask" she teased. "Okay I'm asking now. Sarah Mackenzie, I want to spend the weekend with you. You and me alone somewhere." "Well you just go right for the gusto don't you?" "Mac we need to talk about what's happened. With us. And with you and Harm." "Harm is the past. There's nothing to talk about there." "So if I told you he's been assigned to one of the top field agents you wouldn't care?" "On a mission?" she demanded. "I thought you didn't care?" Clay said with a small smile. "And as of yet the answer to that is no. But Taylor is one of the best and I know that's why Kershwin put Harm with her." "Her?" "Yeah Taylor is a her." "I don't care what he does," Mac said as she turned away. "He made his choice. And obviously I wasn't that choice." "Sarah you can't help caring" Clay whispered. "No. It's over. And to answer you question from before, I'd love to go away with you. I need to move on Clay." "You sure? I haven't pressured you because I know you've been going through a lot." "I'm sure" she smiled. "Now let me go have dinner with this sailor and then we'll figure out our plans for the weekend." ********************** Harm's Apartment Same Time "Wow" Taylor smiled as Harm let her into his place. "Very nice Harm." "Thanks. Have a seat. Can I get you a drink? I've got some wine chilling." "I'd love a glass. And I can't tell you how impressed I am that you offered to cook for me." "I actually love the kitchen." "You are a man of many talents" Taylor grinned. "And I can see working with you is going to be an adventure." "Oh and you're not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person" Harm laughed. "I've heard a few stories about you already." "As I have about you. Did some reading today on a little case of the missing stealth." "Keeter in Iran" Harm said slowly. "Another Webb assignment gone amuck." "You and Mr. Webb's paths crossed a lot in the past" Taylor continued. "And the Colonel was always a part of it wasn't she?" "Always," he nodded. "And she may become part of my life again. Right now she and I taking some time apart that's all." "And some of that time included Catherine Gayle," Taylor smiled knowingly. "Harm there are no secrets around that building." "I enjoy Catherine a lot," he admitted. "We've had a few good laughs." "You helped her through a bad time." "I hope anyone would have done that for her--well not pretended to marry her maybe but would have at least been there for her like that. She's fun. A nice touch to my life and I need that right now. As are you Ms. Wallings." "We did kind of click right off didn't we," she blushed. "Yes we did. And that in itself kind of surprised me. And speaks well for your personality by the way. Because I promised myself I wasn't going to let anyone worm there way inside me again for a long while." "I'll take that as a compliment and why don't you pour the wine." ============== PUNJABI Restaurant Tyson's Corner Virginia "I wasn't sure you'd show," Elliot smiled as he got up from the table to hold her chair. "In fact I'm already a drink ahead of you. What can I get you?" "Tonic and lime please," Mac smiled. "And if I'd have changed my mind I would have called you. Honest. I'm not that big a creep." "I didn't think you were. And this is a nice place. Thank you for suggesting it. I'm still finding my way. L. A. was pretty overwhelming but I learned to limit myself just to the area around campus and that saved my sanity. Then of course on the Roosevelt afterward the biggest meal decision was meatloaf or tuna noodle." "I like the area, but then I'm pretty used to it," Mac nodded. "I in fact chose to live in DC rather than out near JAG because there's just something about being in the seat of power in the free world or something." Elliot laughed and she blushed slightly before adding, "actually I fell in love with the turn of the century apartment building and the old streets and shops. Georgetown is a pretty neat place to live. Anyway enough about me. Are you meeting people here OK?" "Yeah some. Joined a church and got invited to their thirty-forty singles group it's called. No shortage of women there looking for a man." "I bet. If I can be so bold, was there ever a Mrs. Benson?" He shook his head ruefully. "Nope. A fact I'm regretting as I'm getting older. I'd like to have that wife and family before I have to be wheeled along with the kids." "You and me both," she sighed. "And there have been times when I thought I had a lock on it. Uh. . .husband and babies I mean." "With Mr. Rabb," Elliot nodded. "You know it's taken me a while but I'm pretty caught up on the office scuttlebutt now. I'd like to meet this guy. I'd ask you if you still have feelings for him but I also know you well enough by now to know that's an area I'm not welcome to venture in." "Thank you for that," she smiled and blushed. "It's personal and painful--and in the past." "If you say so." Elliot lifted an eyebrow and his glass at the same time. "In that case, to the future." ================== CLAYTON WEBB's TOWNHOUSE 2 hours Later "I was worried about you," Clay fretted, pulling her inside as soon as she reached his door. "Clay I was having dinner with a perfectly nice former Naval aviator. We talked, ate, and now here I am," she smiled. "But it is sweet that you worried. Are you feeling OK?" "Of course," he laughed, his hands going to her face, holding her gently for a soft kiss. "Still limping, but I expect I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. Now what did you have in mind for the weekend. Beach? Mountains? Big city?" "Well you're not up for a weekend at the mountains" Mac frowned. "Unless you plan on parking it in a cabin." "One of the ones with a hot tub on the deck" Clay grinned. "That sounds very tempting Mr. Webb. Course a couple nights in New York City might be fun. We could shop and see the shows." "Which ever you want. Though getting away to somewhere quiet sounds good. And I am supposed to do some walking to build up more strength." "Mountains then" Mac said finally. "Turn on that computer and let's find a place" he smiled. An hour later they'd located a place tucked away in the mountains outside DC and a few minutes later it was there's for the weekend. "Think you can get away earlier on Friday?" Clay asked. "Don't see why not. We can leave around noon and beat the traffic out." "Sounds great. Now tell me about your dinner with Elliot." "Not much to tell. Just had dinner with him so the poor guy wouldn't have to eat alone again. It is hard to meet people you know." "That was nice of you. But he might get the wrong idea." "No I've made it pretty clear that I'm not interested. I'm not getting caught in that trap again." "Which trap is that?" Clay asked. "Getting involved with someone I work with. Never again." THE END CHAPTER 2 will post beginning Mon 18 May 03