Title: Without Daddy

Author: Karen Swiatek

E-mail: karenswiatek@ofir.dk

Rating: G

Classification: Story, maybe vignette.

Summary: Angela gets a little insight in a father she
never knew.

Disclaimers: JAG and its characters belongs to CBS and
Donald P.

Bellisario.

Feedback: Yes please. This is me first story and
English isn’t

first language,

so bear with me.

Author's Notes: See after the story. 

 



Without Daddy 



It’s hard growing up without a father. I know, I did
it. My

brothers did it,

my father did it and my grandfather did it. Normally
when

children grow up

without a father, it’s because he chose to leave,
their parents

split up or

he is dead. But with my father, it wasn’t like that.
He didn’t

choose to leave,

my parents loved each other and the last thing? Well
we don’t

know.

My grandfather was two, when his father went down. My
father was

six, when my

grandfather went MIA. My oldest brother was five and
my second

brother was

three, when our father disappeared. David remembers a
lot of

things trips,

everyday life, his smile and even his voice. Matthew
doesn’t

remember much, he

has vague memories and dreams, but at least he
remembers something. I

never even

knew him, he went missing before I was born. I don’t
want it to

sound like we

had a sad childhood, because we didn’t. We have fond
memories,

people who loved

us and a great home. The only thing we didn’t have,
was our

father. It is not

like my brothers and I didn’t have a father figure, we
actually

had a few. It

just wasn’t the same.

Our mother always made a big effort out of making sure
that we

knew our father

loved us, no mater where he was or what we did. She
still does.

Maybe I should tell you a little bit about my father,
my mother and

what happened. How it started.

Both of my parents were in the military and

still are. My

dad was in the navy, he was a tomcat pilot, but had to
stop

flying when he

crashed. He then became a lawyer and worked a JAG,
where he

later met my

mother. They were partners for a lot of years before
they got

married. My

mother, who is a marine, a Major General and also a
lawyer,

transferred to

Pentagon and have worked there ever since. My father
was on a

mission from

JAG, when he disappeared. I have already told you that
David was

five and

Matthew was three when it happened and that I wasn’t
even born.

The reason? My

mother was four weeks pregnant when he left. It was
supposed to

be a

dangerous, but normal mission. A team of different
officers were

going to

Columbia to investigate a series of activities with
the drug

lords and various

militia groups. My father, who was there to give a
lawyer’s

input and

qualify as a pilot if necessary didn’t want to go. But
it was an

order and he

left.

David says that he remembers mom and dad fighting
about it. Not

that mom was

angry with him, she understood an order, but she
wanted him to

promise that he

would come back. He wouldn’t. I think they both had a
strange

feeling about it.

And he wouldn’t make a promise that he didn’t know if
he could

keep. Two weeks

later there was an ambush and most of the officers
died. My

father was never

seen again. AJ never forgave himself. When mom first
found out

that dad was

missing she broke down and accused AJ of killing him.
Even

though my mom

apologized immediately, he always blamed himself.
Saying that he

shouldn’t

have sent him, that my father begged him not to. He
thinks it is

his fault

that we had to grow up without a father. The time
after was very

difficult for

everyone, especially for our mom. She had to be there
for David

and Matthew,

but she was devastated and a few weeks after she
almost lost it.

She was

visiting at JAG when she suddenly broke down. First
crying, then

in agonizing

pain. 24 hours later she woke up at the hospital and
fond out

that she was

pregnant. Do to stress and severe chances of
miscarries she

stayed in the

hospital for a couple of days and was almost bedridden
for the

duration of the

pregnancy. I was born four weeks premature and it was
a small

miracle that I

made it. Before my dad left my parents had talked
about getting

another child

and now my mom stood there with two boys and a baby
girl who

didn’t have a

father. My mother named me Angela and up until I was a
teenager

my mother used

to sing this song to me. It was one that my father
sang to her

when they were

first dating and I think that singing it to me made
her feel

that he was still

with her, and me. I knew some of it by heart. It goes
something

like this and

it is named Angel’s lullaby. 



And when the world seems cold,

And you feel that all of your strength is gone,

There may be one tiny voice,

Your reason to carry on,

And when I'm not close enough,

To kiss the tears you cry,

You will sing your Angel's Lullaby. 



The last part is my

favourite, it makes me

think of my dad. That he would always look after my
even when he

wasn’t there.

It helped my a lot especially with the knowledge that
my dad

didn’t even know

I existed. I fantasized about him. Picking me up,
spinning me

around in the

air. Smiling at me, saying that he loved me.

Growing up my brothers and I listened to stories about
our

Father. Things that

he had done, adventures he had taken on and funny
details. It

was like he was

a hero. David followed in his foot steps. He joined
the navy and

after

graduating from Annapolis he became an aviator.
Matthew joined

the marine’s

and went to Pensacola, so he too is serving his
country from the

air. David,

who of cause is flying the new tomcats, and Matt jokes
about it. But

there is never

any rivalry and mom is so proud of them. We all are.
Myself, I

also joined the

navy, graduated from Annapolis and went to flight
school.

I was serving on my first carrier when I meet captain
Johnson.

It was in the

middle of the trip and they had just lost a man. I was
flying

out there with a

new tomcat and to take his place in the squadron. I
was very

nervous, this

being my first station and all. Do to a storm, it was
dark by

the time I had

to land on the deck. It was difficult, it was raining
and I

couldn’t see much,

but I did it. My brothers have always believed highly
in me,

looking after me

and that helps a lot. They are very protective of me,
mom says

they have that

from dad. That he was always that way.

Well after I landed, I was called to the bridge.

“Lieutenant Rabb reporting as ordered sir.” Captain
Johnson

turned, and to

this day I swear he smiled. Not that I can blame him.
I was

still in my flight

suit, wet from the rain. My brown hear had gone up and
was

hanging in a

ponytail. I didn’t look like a fighter pilot, if
anything I

looked like a

drowned rat.

“Nice landing Lt.”

“Thank you sir.”

“An ensign will take you to your quarters so you can
rest and

you will report

back here tomorrow at 0800.

Understood ?”

“Yes sir.” I was waiting for him to dismiss me, when
he suddenly

asked.

“So Rabb, are you in anyway related to David Rabb ?”

At first I was confused. Why would he ask that? But
then again

my brother was

a good pilot, many knew him by name. Like many knew my
father by

mane.

“Yes sir. He is my brother.” He looked at my a little
strangely.

“I didn’t knew Harmon Rabb had a daughter.”

“Nether did he, sir.” I think I looked a little sad,
because he

quickly

apologized.

“Um…  well, dismissed.”

“Aye aye sir.” I was showed to my quarters and went
straight for

my bunk.

It was first later that I found out that Johnson had
know my

father.

A coupe of mounts went by, as I started to get a hang
of things.

My comrades

accepted me and they realized that I was actually
pretty good. 

Not that that

was a surprise after all like everyone says, it’s in
my blood.

But things were

going great, when I one afternoon was call to the
officers club.

As I went in

I saw captain Johnson with three men. Two of them were
in navy

uniforms and

were about Johnson’s age. Which means that they were
about my

uncle Bud’s age. The

last one was wearing a foreign uniform, he was a Rear
Admiral,

first star and

he was a couple of years older then my mother. Where
the two

others were

looking at me with interest, he looked sad.

“Lieutenant Rabb reporting as order sir.” I said
standing at

attention.

One of the two navy captains looked at my with a
twinkle in his

eye.

“Well pardon me. Either Sarah Mackenzie joined the
navy or this

is her

daughter.”

“The daughter sir.” I couldn’t help but smiling. The
admiral

looked at me.

“She may look like her mother, but she has Rabb’s
smile.”

“Lt. Sit” Captain Johnson said offering a seat next to
him. I

took it, while

wondering what the hell I was doing there. Not that I
minded

being there, I

just wondered.

“Lt. let my introduce you to these gentlemen.” Johnson
gestured

with his hand

at the other.

“This is captain Michaels, he is the senior officer at
the JAG

office in

Hawaii.” The first officer nodded at me. The one who
had made

the comment

about me looking like me mother.

“This is General Paul, he is a weapons expert. Now
working on a

new

development. And this” He turned to the foreign
admiral. “This

is Admiral

Brumby, he is on loon from the Australian navy.”
Brumby gestured

at me like

the others had, but there was something different
about him. The way he looked at me. It

was like he

was searching for my soul, trying to see how I was.

“They all knew your parents” Johnson says. Now I knew
why I was

here. Even

though the captain never says anything, I know that he
liked my

father and

that he looks after me. I don’t get any special
treatment, it’s

not like that.

But he looks after me.

“Oh.. where from ?” I don’t know what else to ask. I
like

hearing people talk

about my dad, I always get to learn new things.

Captain Michaels starts “When I first finished law
school, I

worked at JAG HQ,

that’s where I got to know your father. Your mother
had

transferred to

Pentagon before I came, but I meet her several times.”
There was

a pause, when

he suddenly broke out in a smile.

“I had just started working there, when your mother
came to

visit one

afternoon. In fact it was my first day there. Your
parents had

been married for

a couple of mounts and when your mother came,
commander Rabb was

on his way to

court. Your mother tried desperately to get his
attention, but

he was talking

to Bud. Then out of nowhere your mother comes.
Commander Rabb I

am pregnant.

Your father froze, turned around and just looked at
her. After a

minuet or two

he asked. What ? Your mother confirmed what she had
said and I

am not

over rating when I say that the entire Bullpen was
waiting for

his reaction.

Suddenly papers were flying everywhere and your father
was

swinging your

mother round, laughing.” They all laugh at the story,
even me

and I have heard

it before. But Brumby was still acting a little
strange. Wonder

what it is with

him.

The conversation continues. General Paul was on the
mission with

my father. He

was young officer then and one of the few that
survived. He

talked about him,

told us about what a fine officer he had been. About
how he had

missed David,

Matt and mom. How he had talked about them all the
time and how

he had

impressed Paul and his comrades with his stories and
adventures.

“One time a younger officer had asked him what the
dangerous

thing he had done

was. He through about it and then said: Telling my
wife that I

loved her.”

Paul smiled for the first time and then I turned to
Brumby. He

still hadn’t

said anything and that made me wonder.

“And what about you admiral. How did you know my
father.” At

first he looked

surprised that I asked then he looked down in his
hands, as if

not knowing was

to say.

“I…  worked with your parents the first time I was in
the

exchange program. I

came to JAG right before your father returned to
flying for a

short time.  I

was working with Sarah when your father came to JAG
again and

then after I was

called back to Australia I worked on a case with
them.” He

stopped there

and I asked:

“But if you were recalled, how come you are still
working with us

?” Something

didn’t ad up. Why had he called my mother Sarah and
why was he so

insecure in

his story. I could feel the lawyer side come up in me.
That is

what you get

when your parents, your godfather, your uncle and
everybody else

that has been

around while you grow up are lawyers. You can’t help
learn a

thing or two.

“I once gave up my commission and moved to DC, but it
didn’t

work and I moved

back home.” He clearly didn’t want to get in to it, so
I let it

go. It wasn’t

really my business anyway.

I suddenly realized the time and I stood up.

“Sir it is 1527 and I have duty in 18 minutes.”

Captain Johnson smiled and dismissed me.

“Fine Rabb you can go.”

I turned on me heel, but then change my mind. Looking
back at

the men I said:

“It was nice meeting you. Thank you.” They nodded and
Michaels

told me to send

his compliments to my mother.

The next time I got leave I told my mother about what
they

had said and she

told me who Brumby really was. When I now think about
the

conversation and

everything else people have told me about my father I
have come

to a

conclusion. My father, the arrogant fighter pilot, the
cocky

lawyer, the

strong officer was really a big softy. He loved his
family and

he would have

done anything for us.

And as much as we pray that he was here with us, I
think that he

is glad that

it was him and not us that had to die. I think that as
hard as

it has been to

grow up without a father, it would have been harder if
he had

had to live his

life his life without us. 



The end 

 



Author's Notes: First I like to thank Kim for helping
me and for just being there. I treasure our friendship
and hope that it will continue. Thank you Kim. Then to
the story

This wasn’t my first idea. The original idea was

for a story

where Harm and Mac were together. but then Harm
disappear on a

mission. The

difference is that in the original idea Harm returns
after two

years. But

before I got started on it, the idea of what if he
didn’t come back

came up. So I

wrote this story.