Title: Wings to Fly Home Author: Lia E-Mail Address: fairyland15@hotmail.com Rating: PG Classification: A, R (Harm/Mac) Spoilers: Nope Summary: There is no other without the other. Only together they are whole. Only together they can breathe. Disclaimers: Not mine. Property of Donald Bellisario and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. Author´s Note: I have never liked those character-death fics myself, the show itself has tortured us enough. But when I started to write this, I was feeling so bad inside, that I just needed to write it out. Though, my good friend Dee said it´s not nice to kill Mac. Dee, see what happened... Feedback, always wanted, and truly appreciated. Enjoy! 2255 EST Bethesda Naval Hospital Bethesda, Maryland “I´m sorry, sir... We couldn´t save your wife... The internal bleeding... We couldn´t save your wife... She didn´t make it... She didn´t make it... She didn´t...” The words echoed in his head. He stared the doctor, and felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. Then the rage and despair took over. “You´re lying!” With one step he reached the man and pushed the doctor against the wall. “You´re lying! Tell me where she is!” “Commander.” A pair of gentle arms forced him back. “Where is she?” His voice was only a pleading whisper now. “Tell me where she is.” “I´m sorry.” The doctor said softly, knowing that nothing would make a difference to the man in front of him. “Commander.” The admiral touched his arm “No.” He backed away. “No.” “Harm...” The cover from his hand fell on the floor as he stumbled away from the other men. “Where is she?” He whispered. “I... where is she?” “Harm...” Another try. “Sarah!” ----------- The sky cried with the mourning people as they stood in the rain. Harmon David Rabb Jr held a hand of his three-year-old son who stood bravely next to his father. People around the man and his son cried silently, letting their tears mix with the rain that fell from the grey sky. Harm stood still, his face emotionless, his eyes empty and cold. He stared into nothingness, barely aware of the little fingers curled around his hand. He snapped out of the trance, and jumped a little with every shot the marines fired. Unconsciously he squeezed the little hand too hard. “Daddy?” A scared, unsure voice asked quietly. He lifted his son up in his arms, and then lifted his hand to salute. The little boy in his arms mimicked his father´s action and raised his small hand like his father had done. It was still raining when he put the little child into his grandmother´s arms. He waited a few minutes, letting the people to leave him alone, and then he let the pain come. It was a stab in his chest, and it torn his mind, his soul into million pieces. He couldn´t breathe. His legs gave up, and he sunk on the wet grass. “Sarah.” The tears he had held back for so long, run now freely on his cheeks. “Sarah!” His shout mixed with the rain and wind, and his whole body shook with sobs. “Mac!” “Harm.” A soft voice said and he felt the gentle arms of his mother around him. “She´s dead.” He leaned against the older woman who sat on the ground with him, holding him like she had not held him since he was a young boy. “She´s dead.” Tears fell on Trish´s face, and she had no words to comfort his crying son. “I lost her, mom. I lost her.” ----------- “Where´s mommy?” A little voice brought new tears into Harriet Roberts´s eyes. She glanced up to see Harm standing still near the window staring outside, hands deep in his pockets. “Sweetheart.” She lifted the child on her lap and smoothed his cheeks with her hand. Harm listened her soft voice as she explained to his son that his mommy would not come back. A lonely tear fell on his cheek and he closed his eyes. “Harm?” A hand touched his shoulder and he opened his eyes slowly. “I´m fine, Bud.” He said not turning around. The younger officer dropped his hand, and turned away wiping his eyes. He did not know how to help. He looked at his wife who closed her eyes in a worry and pain. Harriet hugged the small child tighter and pressed her cheek against the soft hair. It was dark outside when the house was almost silent and empty again. Harm sat on the couch, his head buried in his hands. He had said no more than a couple words since he had walked back to the car with his mother. Frank Burnett glanced worriedly at his wife who started to clean up the house. “Trish.” He said softly and walked to her. She stopped and placed the empty cups on the counter with the shaking hands. “Should we take Danny with us?” She asked without turning to face him. “Harriet and Bud are taking care of him.” Frank said softly. “You´re exhausted, we should go back to the hotel.” “I should be with my son.” Trish replied with a teary voice. “I know. But he wants to be alone.” “He shouldn´t be alone.” She said turning around. “No, he shouldn´t. But that´s what he wants, and we should respect that.” She nodded and he reached to pull her into his arms and she cried against his chest, crying for the woman she had loved like a daughter. For the woman who had made her only son whole. Harriet Roberts sat next to Harm and wrapped her arm around him. “If there is anything you need...” “I´m fine.” He answered shortly, not lifting his head. “We´re taking Danny with us.” She said softly. That made him look up, and the pained look in his eyes made her heart ache. “I... I should... he´s...” He stammered. “It´s okay. I know.” She raised her hand to touch his face. “You should rest some.” “I will.” He promised, closing his eyes and leaning against her touch. “She was everything to me.” His voice was barely a whisper, and tears filled his eyes again. “God, Harriet, how can I live without her?” Knowing that there were no words that would have made a difference, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. She let her own tears fell as she listened him crying heart-breaking for the woman he had loved more than the life itself. AJ Chegwidden held the sleeping child in his arms and turned his face away. A few escaped tears fell on his cheek and he wiped them angrily away. His mind was numb, and his body was tired. Several nights he had been awake, praying that he would know way to help, that he could take away the pain that they felt. There had been no answer for his prayers. Harm had returned back on the couch after kissing his sleeping son goodbye. No words had come from him when he had stood still in his mother´s arms. He had turned his eyes away when Frank had walked to him and hugged him tight. The admiral had said something to him; he had heard his voice, but not the words. He sat still through the night, listening to the silence around him. The silence that was his enemy in the house that had been full of joy and laughter before. He sat in the darkness, the pale moonlight making shadows to dance in the walls. The look on his face was cold and his body motionless. It was like he had died to be close to the woman he loved. And he felt like he had died, not outside, but inside. And only thing that kept reminding he was still alive, was the continuous pain he felt in his heart. And there was no cure for that. And then he remembered his son. The little child who did not understood that the person he loved the most in the world, wasn´t coming back. The first rays of sunshine made the room lighter, just the way she had liked it. She would have known the time, but at that moment, he didn´t care. ----------- “You know that I love to have him with us, but he needs his father. He misses his father.” “Harriet...” He started tiredly. “Harm, he has never been away from his parents this long before. He´s confused.” “I know. But I... this is hard.” “To all of us. I miss her terribly. She was my best friend, and I...” Her voice broke off and she closed her eyes. “We all miss her. We always will.” He could hear the pain in her voice and he rubbed his tired face. “She´s really gone, Harriet.” He said after a moment of silence. “Daddy!” Daniel run in the kitchen holding a drawing he had made. “Look what I did.” He lifted his son in his lap and looked at the paper he had given to him. “It´s a really nice... bird?” “No, daddy.” He giggled. “It´s not a bird. It´s an airplane.” “Well, look at that, it´s just like daddy´s plane.” Harm said, smoothing his son´s hair. “It´s mommy´s airplane.” Danny put the paper on the table. “It is?” Harm asked, his voice cracking a little. “Yeah, I draw mommy an airplane so she can fly back home.” He explained seriously, colouring the plane with his crayons. Harm had no courage to meet Harriet´s eyes over the table, but she could see the pain in his face. ----------- “Daniel! Don´t make me come there!” His tired shout had no affect to the little boy who sat on the floor drawing. “Danny!” He stormed in the bedroom and looked at his son. “We´re going to be late. Let´s go!” “I want to draw.” Danny replied without looking up. “You can draw later.” He lifted him up and pushed him gently towards the door. “Let´s get your coat on.” “No!” He screamed running back to the bedroom and climbing on the bed. “Danny.” “I don´t want to go!” The boy pouted, starting to jump up and down. “Daniel, let´s go.” He reached to grab him in his arms. “No!” Danny screamed as loud as he could. “Daddy! No!” His wriggling forced Harm to put him back on the floor. “Enough.” The tone of his voice made him cry even more, and there was no end to the tears that fell on his cheeks as he lay on the floor, startled by his father´s shouting. Harm closed his eyes. The last two weeks he had been living the nightmare, knowing that his own sorrow and pain had made him ignore the confused feelings of his son. The little child who had an idea that their lives had changed, but who did not understand that his mommy was gone, and would not come back. He kneeled down, reaching to pull Danny from where he lay up into his arms. He held him tight, smoothing his back and soft hair. “It´s okay.” He murmured gently. “I want mommy.” He hiccupped, wiping his tears away. “I know sweetie. I want mommy too.” ----------- That night, the bullpen was almost empty, most of the people left home. He sat behind Bud´s desk, holding the picture of his family. It had been a warm summer night, and they had been in La Jolla, visiting his mom and Frank. She had wrapped her arms around their giggling son and smiled softly at him as he had taken the picture. -I love you.- He closed his eyes. Her soft voice was still him to hear. He could feel her lips on his, kissing him sweetly. His eyes opened, and the sudden feeling he couldn´t breath made him gasp for air. “Harm?” A voice said next to him. “Clayton.” Harm looked up, his eyes narrowing slightly as he stared the agent. “How are you?” Clay asked worriedly. Harm stood up, placing the picture on the desk. “My wife´s dead. How do you think I am?” “Harm...” “I didn´t see you in the funeral.” He lifted his eyes. “I though you cared about her..?” “I do.” “Right.” He started to walk away. “Harm, wait.” “Look, Webb, I´m tired, and I really want to go home to see my son.” He reached to take his cover and briefcase. “She´s alive.” Clay´s shout made him turn around. “What?” “I didn´t want to just holler it out like this.” “What did you say?” “Five months ago Sean Hoffman was arrested for a murder one. The judge let him walk. One month later, Hoffman killed three of my agents, and got away...” “Clay...” His voice was warning. “Two months ago, Mac got a case that made her in part of all this, and I helped her...” “You got her involved...” He dropped the briefcase and his cover on the floor, and with a few steps he had pushed the other man against the wall. “Listen!” Clay shouted. “She couldn´t tell you. I asked her not to.” “She´s dead because of you!” “You don´t listen to me. She´s not dead!” The impact of his words made him release his grip and Clay stepped away. “She´s badly hurt, but she´s alive.” “She´s alive?” He turned around whispering. “She´s alive. We are keeping her in a safe house...” There was no time for him to finish his sentence. Harm pushed him back against the wall. “You son of bitch! I´ve been in hell...! “Take it easy!” He threw him against the wall once again before punched him on the face, sending him on the floor. “Harm...” Clay looked up from the floor, ignoring his bleeding nose. He had sunk on the nearest chair, crying and confused. Clay got up and wiped the blood away from his face. ”Harm.” “Where is she?” “Arlington.” “She´s okay?” “She´ll be.” “God...” A sob escaped from him. “Take me to her.” “Let´s go.” ----------- They walked through the long, dim lighted hallway, passing a few agents on their way. Clay stopped behind the door and turned to look at Harm. “You´re ready?” He could only nod. The door was pushed open, and he followed the agent inside. She was lying on the bed, tubes covering her body, machines beeping, letting them know she was alive. Her face was bruised, but to him, she was the most beautiful thing in the world. “Sarah.” He choked out, looking at Clay unsurely. “She was in a car accident, Hoffman´s men pushed her off the road, but we got her first.” “God.” “I´m sorry we had to put you through this.” Clay said quietly. “But we had no choice. They were after her.” “Oh God.” He had to take support from his knees. “She´s been asking for you, and Danny.” “Can I..?” “Sure, go ahead.” He walked to her side and heard the door closing. He was alone with her. “Sarah.” He said softly, reaching for her hand. “Sweetie.” A soft moaning came from her lips when she turned her head. “Harm?” A few tears run down on his cheeks as he leaned closer to touch her face. “God, Sarah.” She opened her eyes tiredly and licked her dry lips. “Harm?” His hands run gently on her face and body, wanting to feel her, wanting to know she was alive. He bent down to kiss her lips, inhaling deeply her familiar scent. “I thought I lost you.” He whispered, bringing her hand on his lips, kissing her palm softly. “God, Sarah, I though I lost you forever.” “I´m right here, sailor.” She said sleepily. “Yes, you are.” He smiled. “Thank God.” He leaned to kiss her again, this time letting the kiss last longer. “I love you.” He whispered as he pulled away. “I love you too.” He moved to lie next to her, gathering her in his arms. “There is a little boy at home who wants to see his mommy.” “Danny.” She smiled, the medications making her slurry. “Will you bring him here?” “I will.” “Good.” He hugged her closer, pressed his face against her hair. “Don´t ever leave me, Sarah.” “Never.” She replied, snuggling closer to him. He closed his eyes, but stayed awake. He listened her soft, steady breathing, and felt her heartbeats against him. She was safe, and she was safe with him. Nothing else mattered him at the moment. Tomorrow he would leave her side to get their son, and then return back to the safe house to be with her. To be close to the woman who was his life. Till then, he would just hold her. The End