Title: Welcome Home
Author:  Bioboy
E-mail: gabriel_bioboy@hotmail.com
Rating: R  (Due to harsh language)
Classification:  Well you tell me.  This thing got a life of its own during 
creation .
Romance and Angst to be on the safe side though.
Spoilers:  Everything up through season 7.  Some are more heavily used than 
others of
course, but there's far too many for me actually list them all.
Summary:  This follows Mac's train of thought through the week leading up to 
Harm's
return to JAG after he finishes Bud's tour on the Sea Hawk.  This takes 
place three
months after Bud's accident or whenever the Sea Hawk would be coming home 
from its
tour in the Arabian Sea.

Author's Note:  Okay, I am not so incredibly lazy that I need over 6 months 
to complete
this story.  I was ready to post it back in October, but about two days 
before I was
ready my computer crashed on me and I lost everything with no back up disks.
BACK UP YOUR WORK PEOPLE!!!  You'd think a college graduate would know
better.  I think I bit the head off of anyone who dared come too close to me 
for about
a week.  Anyway, lets clear up some questions or comments I know are going 
to be
raised.  Like the idea that I was so desparate for ideas I had to swipe them 
from JAG.
I had the idea of a superior female officer being accused of with sexual 
harassment by
a subordinate male officer back in early September long before I'd even 
heard the plot
for 'Offensive Action'.  I will admit that the cracks about Tiner's coffee 
making abilities
stem from 'Capitol Crime' from season 7 not 'Ready or Not'.  Sturgis' Bronze 
Star was
simply a lucky guess on my part.  And yes Lazy Daisy cake actually exists.  
Other than
that, feel free to sound off on anything and everything.  Oh, and despite 
the rumors you
might have heard about me, nothing's changed, I still don't own the 
characters or JAG.



1054 ZULU
COLONEL MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA

	"Ahhh, Jingo go away!"  I swat at him as he jumps off my bed.  Jingo's just
woke me up by sticking his cold, wet nose in the small of my back.  It's 
0554 as I move
to the middle of the bed, I don't want to get up just yet.  Last night was 
cold, too cold for
early September if you ask me, but then again I grew up in sunny Arizona.  I 
doubt the
situation has improved overnight, if fact I'll bet it worse.  I can hear 
Jingo walking around
to the other side of the bed as I attempt to go back to sleep.  "Jingo get 
off the bed."
Jingo hops down obediently, but he's made his point; it's time to get up.

	"Burr."  I was right, it's freezing out here.  The eastern horizon is blend 
of
pinks, oranges, and yellows.  After stretching for a while I begin our run.  
Jingo protests
briefly, but follows like he should.  He wants to go to the bathroom, 
luckily, I live only a
mile and a half from a wooded park, and he knows the drill.  He'll get to 
use the facilities
there, so the faster we get there the faster he can relieve himself.  I hate 
carrying those
disgusting doggie bags and avoid it any chance I can get.  It'll take us a 
little over twelve
minutes to get there.  Looking down at Jingo I can't believe how well he's 
adapted to
living with me after so many years of being a drug dog.  When I first got 
him I didn't
think he'd even be able to keep up with me.  I was right as it turned out, a 
trip to the vet
showed that Jingo was in poor physical condition.  It took several weeks of 
diet and
exercise to get him into shape.  Now he can keep up with me for as long as I 
want despite
his age.

	Jingo takes off like a bullet the second I unclip his leash.  I can hear 
him
running through the woods, breaking sticks, and running through brush.  A 
closer
examination of the woods shows that several trees are showing hints of their 
true colors.
I keep promising myself that I'll go up to New England some fall weekend and 
stay at a
cozy bed and breakfast, but it never happens.  That's enough time, "Jingo, 
come here
boy!"  Jingo pops out of the woods and runs over to me.  He soaking wet from 
mid way
up his sides down to his belly.  He's been playing in the stream again, he 
likes to do that
when we run.  "Good boy, good boy, such a good boy."  Clipping on his leash 
we
continue the run.  It takes 6 laps around this park and the mile and a half 
back home to
reach 15 miles.  I slow up a bit when we cross the stream on both sides of 
the park so
that Jingo can get a drink of water twice on every lap.

	There, now I feel good.  Nothing like a hot shower after a run.  Jingo's 
eating
in his corner as I make my way back into the kitchen.  It's scrambled eggs, 
bacon, and
toast for breakfast today.  While I'm eating Jingo wanders over to the table 
like he usually
does.  Hope springs eternal, I guess.  "Uh uh your food's sitting right over 
there."  Jingo
doesn't pay any
attention to that and continues to give those big puppy dog eyes.  I finish 
eating and show
him my plate.  Some people might think that's overly harsh to do to a dog, 
but I don't.  I
love Jingo, I'm so glad I got him and I want him around for as long as 
possible.  Besides
feeding him food off the table is how those cops got Jingo so fat in the 
first place.
Damn, I'm running late.  The dishes are going to have to wait I guess.  
They've been
waiting for a while now as I pile these in with the dishes that have been 
building since
Friday.


1351 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

	Walking into my office, I dive right into the remaining paperwork on my 
desk.
I'm just finishing up these last two case files whose respective trials are 
long since past,
beating Sturgis and Singer in the process.  In fact I've been rather 
unbeatable lately, I've
never gone on a winning streak like this before.  Of course, that's a lot 
easier to do with
Harm and Bud gone.  Bud's a better litagator than many people give him 
credit for and
Harm... well Harm's one of the best in the business.  He's pulled so many 
white rabbits
out of that magic hat of his during trials that you can't count him out even 
when seems like
you've got him on the mat with a nine count.  There, all done and its only 
0915, plenty of
time for coffee.
  "Good morning Mac."  Sturgis is in there reading something in the paper 
with a cup of
coffee in his hand.
  "Good morning Sturgis."  I quit calling him Alec Baldwin about two months 
ago.  I only
call him that when he's getting a little too cocky, which thankfully doesn't 
happen that often.
  "How was your weekend?"
  "Exhausting."
  "What were you doing?"  That's the difference between Harm and Sturgis.  
Harm
would've come up with some sexually inoffensive or otherwise wise-ass crack 
to toss
back at me.
  "I was at Bud and Harriet's."  I don't look at him as I pour myself a cup 
of coffee, but
I can hear his eyebrows lifting up at that.
  "Spending time with the dragon were we?"  Sturgis has been calling Bud a 
dragon for
some time now.  He picked it up from Major Saunders over at Bethesda if I 
remember
correctly.  Bud had just been yelling at him and Harriet while we were in 
the waiting
room.  Major Saunders let it slip in front of us while Harriet was still 
with Bud.  He was
immediately apologetic to the Admiral, but even the Admiral had to admit 
that he was
right after we left that day.  It was the most respectful conversation we've 
ever had and
it was probably for the Admiral's benefit.  A few days later Bud really 
ripped into Sturgis
while he was visiting him and Sturgis hasn't called him 'Bud' behind 
Harriet's back since.
  "Something like that."
  "Any luck?"
  "Nah, same crap, different day."  Sturgis doesn't say anything regarding 
my most
recent failure to help Bud out.  I think he's resigned himself to the fact 
that Bud's beyond
help.  Actually he thinks Bud needs professional help.  The day he suggested 
it Harriet
blew the idea off.  I did too, but now after all the time that's gone by I 
have to agree with
him and I'm sure Harriet does too even though she's never admitted as much.

	"Mac?"  Sturgis' tone tells me he's slightly uncomfortable with what he's
about to say next.
  "Yeah?"
  "Did you get Harm's e-mail?"  I did get it; opened it, read it and trashed 
it.
  "Yeah, so?"
  "Well I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to Norfolk tomorrow 
and pick
him up."  That's not something I care to do any time soon.  I'm not sure I'm 
ready to be
alone with him.  I know Sturgis too well by now, he'd find some convenient 
excuse not to
come or he'll disappear on me and I'll lose my buffer between Harm and 
myself.  It
shouldn't be like this, but here we are.  I don't like to do this either, 
but it's time to hand
him a lie and hope he buys it.  "I've got too much work to do."
  "No you don't.  I know you've got an empty plate."  Damn.
  "Well I won't after the staff meeting."  That meeting can't come soon 
enough now.
  "That's what your basing you're decision on?  The prospect of upcoming 
work?  That's
pretty weak Mac."
  "We're not having this discussion Sturgis."  Sugar, I need more sugar in 
my coffee.
Plus this way I don't have to look at him as I dump a spoonful in and take 
my sweet time
stirring it in.
  "Do you love him?"  Oh!  Of course he'd bring that up.  He'll bring it up 
for the rest of
my life if need be.  This is all your own damn fault Marine, of course you'd 
go and spill
one of your biggest secrets to one of the best friends of the man you love.  
Well there's
your answer, you might as well here what Sturgis has to say about it.  Turn 
around
slowly Marine, yeah that's it, nice and easy.  You don't want to make it 
obvious, but that
doesn't mean I'm going to be throwing in the towel either.
  "What's love got to do with anything?"  I can remember Harm saying that to 
me and it's
the one conversation I wish could have gone differently.  Yeah Sydney was a
disaster, but if I'd laid it all on the line there in his office, Sydney 
never happens.  I really
don't think he'd have pushed me away either.  I think we both knew we wanted 
each
other.  And to prove that I loved him that much I'd have let him go back to 
flying, in fact
I would have insisted he go.  I'm not saying I would have understood it at 
all, hell I still
don't, but I would have let him go.  He get's his Tomcats and I get him, 
that's win-win.
Plus there's no chain of command complications to deal with.  We'd probably 
be married
with a baby on the way by now.
  "It's a little late for you to be throwing these cryptic remarks at me 
isn't it?  It's a simple
question; do you love him?"  There are no simple questions when it comes to 
love or me
and Harm for that matter.  I make a quick glance at the doorway before I 
answer him.
I don't need Singer overhearing this.  "Yes I love him."
  "Why aren't you telling him these things?"  I don't know why, if I did we 
wouldn't be
standing here talking about it.  If Harm were here right now, I wouldn't 
have the first clue
of what to say to him.  This is far more confusing than it aught to be.  
I've worked out a
dozen possible ways to break the ice, but none seem... well... well there 
you go.  Now
you know as much as I do.  None them clearly say what I want to.  The last 
time we
talked in Naples, we really blew up at each other.  He was gone before 
Harriet even
made it out there, running away as usual.  He's sent me over a dozen e-mails
since then, roughly once a week.  I only responded to one; I told him that 
we'd gotten
back safely and that Bud was going to be transferred from Naples to Ramstein 
for two
weeks before being shipped to Bethesda.  I still wasn't ready to forgive and 
forget, but I
still wished him good luck.  I'll never forget to do that again, even when 
I'm mad at him.
Of course, I didn't say I was sorry in my e-mail so I don't know why I 
expected him to
do the same in any of his.
  "It's complicated Sturgis."
  "Why, because of your fight?"  Shit, either Harm told him or he heard us.
  "What fight?"
  "Everyone on that entire hospital wing heard the two of you, so don't play 
that game."
  "We weren't fighting Sturgis."
  "More like brawling by the sound of it.  I'm the reason the two of you 
didn't get thrown
out by security."
  "Well I'm sorry, but I'm all out of metals."  I can see the frustration 
building in Sturgis'
eyes.  I don't understand where this belief of his comes from that he thinks 
he can change
everything around here.
  "I don't want a metal, I want you to tell him what you're telling me."  
Damn that calm
voice of his, doesn't he ever get angry?  Definitely the son of a preacher 
man.
  "This isn't any of your business Sturgis and I'm not going to Norfolk."  
The tone of my
voice shouldn't leave any room for argument, and it doesn't since Sturgis 
simply folds up
his paper and walks out.

	"At ease.  Lets make this short and sweet."  Sturgis, Singer, Harriet, and 
I
are all back in our seats by the time the Admiral makes it to his chair.  
"Colonel, the first
one's for you."  I look quickly over at Sturgis, but he doesn't look back at 
me.  Probably
for the best as I'm sure I am wearing a smug grin on my face.  "Colonel 
Jennifer Travis
has been charged with sexual harassment of a... Lieutenant Commander Jason 
Winters.
Both work out of the Psychological Operations center of the Pentagon."  
Wonderful, a
bunch of shrinks.  Of course, these aren't just any shrinks.  They develop 
the
psychological warfare protocals we use in war.  They have their hand in our 
interrogation
techniques, demoralization methodologies and I've even heard rumors that 
they have an
assortment of torture tactics they've come up with over the years.  They can 
get just
about anything out of anyone.
  "A woman sir?"  Wow, I can count on one hand how many times I've heard of 
a
woman being charged with sexual harassment.
  "Do you have a problem with it being a woman Colonel?"
  "No sir."  I hate it when he does that.  Of course I don't have a problem 
with it.  If I
did I wouldn't be here, I'd be in a civilian practice somewhere with a big 
expensive
desk and a comfortable chair making piles of money.  Oh, and I'd actually be 
trying
cases, not doing someone else's legwork for them.
  "Good because you're going to prosecute her."  The Admiral hands me the 
file, but still
hasn't mentioned who'll be defending her.
  "Yes sir."  It doesn't say who in the file either.  "Has Colonel Travis 
retained a civilian
counsel sir?"
  "No, I'm giving the case to Commander Mattoni.  Give him a call at the 
Pentagon and
set up a meeting with him.  Naturally the Pentagon and the SECNAV want this 
handled
quietly, innocent or not."
  "That's going to be difficult sir."
  "The Pentagon has managed to keep a lid on it thus far and I expect the 
same here."
  Yes sir."
  "Moving on.  Commander are we going to have a trial here?"
  "Yes sir, Ensign Lang wants her day in court."
  "Well she's going to get it.  Your fully prepared for this I take it?"
  "Yes sir, if fact sir, I'd like your permission to pick up Commander Rabb 
at Norfolk
tomorrow."
  "You're feeling that confidant Commander?"
  "Yes sir, Ensign Lang's defense will not suffer in the slightest."
  "Are you planning on going alone?"
  "Apparently so sir."  I can feel their stares boring into the back of my 
head.  I glanced
at Harriet when Harm's name was mentioned and now she's wearing this huge 
smile as
apposed to the thin one she's usually has on.  It's a by-product of her 
personal life and
for once, I'm glad I don't have one.  But for the life of me, I can't 
explain her sudden
change in attitude.  I mean Harriet and Harm aren't really that close.  Well 
Bud's always
looked up to him; maybe Harriet feels he can turn Bud around.  I'd like to 
set her straight
about that, but I can't find it in me to be so cruel as to dash her hopes 
like that.
Returning to reality I pick up on the Admiral handing Singer a pair of 
cases; disorderly
conduct and a UA charge both of which she has to defend.  I think she's only 
happy
when she's in the prosecutor's chair.  I doubt she likes defending 
screw-ups.  I also
noticed the look on Sturgis' face; he saw Harriet's reaction too.  I don't 
know what
we're going to do about this or if we can do anything at all.
  "Commander I want case file updates on all of your pending trials before 
you leave
today."
  "Understood Admiral, you'll have them by 1700."
  "Good, dismissed."

	When the Admiral dismissed us, I shot out of there as fast as I could 
without
it being obvious.
  "Ma'am could I talk to you?"  Damn not fast enough; I was reaching for the 
doorknob
of my office when Harriet called out to me.  I know what she wants to talk 
about.
  "Sure Harriet, do you want to come in my office?"  Please come in Harriet, 
don't do
this out here in the bullpen.  Harriet doesn't say anything, she nods her 
head and that's it.
She looks small and vulnerable doing that.  Opening the door, I toss the 
file down on
my desk and turn to face Harriet who's closing the door.
  "Ma'am I'd just like to apologize for Bud's behavior yesterday.  He 
doesn't mean those
things he said."
  "I know he doesn't Harriet."  Now that's a blatant lie, of course he meant 
all those
things.  I doubt she believes it either.  I meant them when I was screaming 
at Uncle Matt
for days on end.  The difference here is that Bud isn't being held prisoner 
by a family
member.  There was a time when I wanted to do the same for Bud, take him far 
away
from any distractions, and force him to dry out, but I couldn't possibly 
overstep my
boundaries like that here.  Besides I don't know if I could last that long.  
Bud is really
getting good at being incredibly mean to me.  He's thrown every negative 
thing in my
life, every mistake and every black mark on my record back in my face.  My 
father,
my mother, my alcoholism and Eddie's death, my marriage with Chris and his 
death at
my hands.  My affair with John, Dalton dying my arms and my drunken stupor 
at JAG
following that, the mishap report that found its way into my car, the failed 
wedding, Mic
leaving, and my escape to the other side of the world.  I've never lasted 
more than an
hour with him.  And by the time I make it home, I'm crying my Marine heart 
out.  It
hurts so much to look back on every bad thing in my life and try to face it 
all at once.
I thought I was getting over it but yesterday was by far the worst day yet, 
after saying
all those things to me again Bud managed to top himself yet again.  He said 
that Mic
had called him and said that the reason he left me was because he could no 
longer
overlook my past and came to his senses about me.  Then Bud followed that up 
with
something far worse.  He told me that because of my past, no one would ever 
love me,
and that I would die alone, forgotten and unloved.  I... God, just thinking 
about what
he said is too painful.  He was Mic's best man; maybe Mic said that, maybe 
he didn't.
Does it really even matter?  Words have never cut me so deeply as Bud's did. 
  I've lost
all my resolve to help him any more and I don't think I have it in me to 
ever go back there
again.  I can feel the tears building fast, stop it right now Marine and 
suck it up before
you start crying again and Harriet sees how much Bud's affected you already.

	"It'll be nice having Commander Rabb back won't it ma'am?"  Oh, not you
too Harriet.  I've just spent the last few minutes convincing her, 
successfully I might add
that I was okay about Bud.  I don't need this from her too; I'll have to nip 
this
conversation in the bud.
  "Three months ago, three months from now, what's the difference?"  I don't 
mean that
of course, but Harriet's face immediately falls.
  "Oh...  Um, well... I should go... things to do."  Wow, she's really put 
off by that.  She
wants Harm and now.  She really believes he can help them.  Oh God Harriet 
wake
up, Harm isn't going to be able to do a damn thing about this without Bud's 
cooperation
and no one's gotten that for a long time.
  "Very well, dismissed."  Harriet comes to attention and leaves; probably 
grateful for the
easy exit I gave her.


1803 ZULU
COLONEL MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA

	"Hey boy, been good?"  Jingo already has his leash in his mouth and a
'I've-been-cooped-up-all-day-can-we-please-go-outside-now?' look in his 
eyes.
Maybe a walk is just what I need.  Not a long one, just enough to clear my 
head.  "You
love me don't you boy?"  I know what Jingo's response is going to be.  He's 
going to
give me the same friendly doggy grin and wagging tail he always gives me.  
Reassurance
from a dog doesn't go very far, but it's at least something to hold on to 
isn't it?

	The walk did help, a teeny, tiny bit.  It's kind of hard to get upbeat with 
all
the work I looking at and a social schedule where walking the dog is likely 
to be the
highlight of the evening.  Dinner tonight was hamburgers.  Two, big juicy 
hamburgers and
I'd have loved to have seen the look on Harm's face if he were here right 
now.  Jingo
begged again of course and usually that wouldn't affect me, but I am human 
after all
and besides, a small piece of hamburger isn't going to kill him.  Normally 
Jingo wouldn't
even have the opportunity to get his paws on hamburger.  I'd just stop by 
Beltway and
get a couple of hamburgers there.  Thing is I'm trying to adhere to a 
stricter budget and
Beltway Burgers at $4.15 a pop simply won't fit.  I get two at a time you 
see, plus fries
and a soda.  Besides I'm a little too embarrassed to go back there right 
now.  Turns out
that several of the employees there have come to know me by first name and 
my
ordering preferences down to the day of the week just as Harm predicted they 
would.
I swear if he ever found out, I'd never hear the end of it.  I really miss 
their French fries
though, making them here is either too much of a hassle coupled with a 
burden or they
just don't turn out right.  There is no super sizing your order at Beltway 
either, all the
portions are already huge, like a number of their customers.  Harm's not the 
only one
who's amazed I can eat there and maintain my figure.  I can usually feel the 
eyes of
countless greasy, overweight men watching me, leering at me while I eat 
there.  Another
reason to eat here instead.

	I never did like math in high school or college and I still don't.  At 
1600, the
Admiral called me into his office and dumped JAG's budget submission for the 
next fiscal
year in my lap.  Harm's always been the one to take care of this sort of 
thing since he
handled it so well a few years ago.  Best thing to come out of Harm dating 
Renee in my
opinion.  But, since he's not here why not just stick it to the Chief of 
Staff and see what
she can do with it.  The idea that Renee easily deciphered this mess is the 
only thing
preventing me from lighting this whole thing on fire.  I've got last year's 
budget submission
here along with a pile of assorted receipts, vouchers, bills, and expense 
forms.  I've been
at this for three hours and I'm no closer to being finished than when I 
started.  I'd ask
Sturgis for help, but my gut feeling is that law aside, he's more of an 
engineering wiz.
Gotta be if you're going to be a bubblehead.  The flyboy's the number 
cruncher of the
three of us, maybe I could just hold this off for a few days and dump this 
on him.

1142 ZULU, THE NEXT DAY

	"Ahhh, Jingo go away!"  I fell asleep on the couch last night and now 
Jingo's
licking my face to get me up.  My couch may look nice, but its hell to 
actually sleep on.
The budget submission is still lying on my lap where I left it, mocking me.  
I spent all night
on it and got no where for my efforts.  I didn't fall asleep until 0212.  I 
have the two
empty pints of ice cream sitting on my coffee table to thank for that.  
Comfort food from
dealing with Bud you see.  Blueberry cheesecake and chocolate chip cookie 
dough.
Carolyn got me hooked on the blueberry cheesecake; I've always been a 
chocolate
addict.  "Ohhh"  Several back muscles are protesting the effort to even get 
up.  I
remember Coates being the same way after one night.  This couch is no 
respecter of
persons, owner or not.  Jingo already has his leash and is ready to go.  No, 
no way, I'm
too sore and tired to run.  It's going to have to be a walk today, besides I 
need to review
some files for this Travis matter more closely.  I thought I could knock 
this budget
submission out of the park in one night and be free to work exclusively on 
the case.
Well we all know that turned out and now I have to survive the day on four 
and a half
hours of sleep and enough coffee float a battleship.

1357 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

	Oh precious coffee, how I adore thee.  Normally I'd get my coffee at JAG,
but Sturgis isn't going to be there.  Which means he won't be making the 
coffee, which
means Tiner will attempt another pot.  As soon as we got back he ordered 
Tiner to never
again make coffee on any day he was to be expected at JAG.  Even the Admiral 
got a
laugh out of it when he'd asked why the coffee had been so good as of late.  
Sturgis
makes great coffee.  I've only got two hours before Mattoni and Colonel 
Travis show up
for our meeting.  One cup of coffee won't even get me that far today.  I'm 
not expecting
a lot this early in the game; it'll be the same old thing of course.  
'Colonel, I'd like to ask
you a few questions.'  Mattoni will jump in with the obvious, 'Colonel I 
advise you not to
answer any of the prosecution's questions.'  Followed by her even more 
obvious
response to that, 'I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to listen to my defense 
council's
advise.'  Mattoni's too good of a lawyer to let his client talk to the 
prosecution before
he's worked out a reasonable defense strategy.  Walking past the break room 
door, I
almost bump into someone coming out and dang near spill all my coffee over 
his back,
that wouldn't do at all.
  "Oh excuse me."  It's Sturgis and my first thought isn't centered around 
why he's here,
rather its did he make the coffee or not.
  "What are you doing here?"
Sturgis simply folds his arms across his chest.  "What no good morning?"
  "Good morning Alec."  That'll fix 'em.  His annoyed glare is as much fun 
to look at as it
is to provoke.  "I thought you'd be gone by now."
  "It turns out that in my haste to get all my case file updates on the 
Admiral's desk by
1700 I forgot to sign out one of the cars from JAG."
  "And what's wrong with taking yours?"
  "And put 450 to 500 miles on my baby?  I don't think so."  Oh good God, 
he's as bad
as Harm.  Gotta build himself a toy and then coddle it every chance he can 
get.  All the
guys here are crazy about that car, Harm will be too once he gets home.  The 
parking lot
is starting to look like a sports car convention out there.  "Besides Harm's 
still TAD
aboard the Seahawk, that's official JAG business."
  "And a good excuse to take the day off and goof around with Harm."  
Sturgis' pointed
look reminds me that I could have had the day off too.  I walked right into 
that one, well
done Marine.
  "Where do you put all that?"
  "Where do I put all of what?"
Sturgis is pointing at the brown paper bag in my hand.  "Your lunch, where 
do you put
all that?"  I'm trying my luck at the cafeteria today, I've got the budget 
submission in the
bag.  Damn thing's heavy and too big to put in my briefcase.
And what is it with the squids around here?  Harm disapproves of what I eat, 
Sturgis of
how much?  Okay easy Marine, deep breaths here, they're only squids, they 
don't know
any better.  If we weren't here to protect them, the Army and Air Force 
would hog all
the glory and muscle the Naval services out completely.
  "It's JAG's budget submission for next year."
  "Ouch."
  "Exactly.  I don't suppose you made the coffee today?"  Please God tell me 
he did, if I
have to suffer through another Tiner pot today of all days I won't make it.  
Sturgis makes
a quick glance before responding, "Yeah, caught Tiner just before he started 
so no
suffering today.  Look I gotta go if I'm going to be there on time, I'll say 
hi to Harm for
you."
  "Don't."  Damn it!  Where the hell did that come from?  I didn't mean 
that.
Sturgis stares at me for a moment and he sure as hell isn't amused.  
"Whatever Colonel,
I'll see you tomorrow."  As much as I want to say something, I can't.  
Sturgis' long
strides easily carry him to the elevators in matter of moments, my eyes 
following him all
the way until he disappears.  This can't keep going on like this or 
eventually he'll tell
Harm everything and let the chips fall where they may.

	I thought about Harm a lot last night.  Part of the reason I didn't finish 
the
budget project I guess.  It occurred to me around 0100 that I'm probably 
making this
fight, this distance between us out to be more than it really is.  I mean 
Harm's e-mailed
me over a dozen times.  He wouldn't be doing that if he was mad at me.  At 
first, he
asked how everyone at JAG was doing especially Bud.  He told me about the 
cases he
was dealing with, the extra flight time he was getting and how weird it was 
being in the
Gulf at war on the Seahawk again.  Since then every e-mail has been shorter 
than the
last, more impersonal than the last.  What can I say other than sometimes 
your moment
of clarity comes in the dead of the darkest night.  Harm's e-mails have 
grown shorter
every week since the first week.  I think I know why too.  He thinks I'm 
still mad at
him, that's why he feels I haven't returned any of his e-mails.  He probably 
thinks I don't
even want his friendship anymore.  At least that's what I think it is and it 
nearly brought
me to tears last night.  It's the real reason for the extra pint of ice 
cream last night.  We
were getting so close before all this happened; the dinner at his place 
before the tribunal,
our dinner date after the Sebring trial, the entire time we were in country 
together and
all that entailed.  I really don't remember what exactly prompted that fight 
any more nor
do I care.  I miss him, and I've just missed out on the last chance to tell 
him that before
he gets back and everything becomes awkward between us.  He's been the only 
one
reaching out and now his attempts are... well half-hearted at best I think.  
Hopefully
when he gets back I'm going to be able to fix a lot of things between us.  
Then again,
maybe I'm being as delusional as Harriet.  God I hope not.

	"Ah my next victim."  Mattoni has just walked into my office a good 15
minutes early.  Mattoni simply smiles back, he knows about my current 
winning
streak.  "If I remember correctly Colonel, the last time the two of us went 
head to head
your client got a twenty year vacation at Leavenworth."  Mattoni was the 
last person
to beat me.  He was in complete control of that case the entire time.  My 
client simply
refused to deal.
  "Well I'm going to send Colonel Travis to visit him.  Speaking of which, 
where is she?"
  "Oh come on Colonel, you didn't really expect her to answer any of your 
questions
without us knowing what the good Captain's willing to offer did you?  What 
is he offering
by the way?"  I spent a good half an hour on the phone with convening 
authority,
Captain Woodward today before this meeting was supposed to happen.
  "I'm offering three years, 15,000 dollar fine, and dismissal."  Captain 
Woodward
doesn't want anything less than a year's confinement, 5,000 dollar 
forfeiture and
dismissal.  Although he'll probably go along with anything I suggest, at the 
very least she
has to go.
  "No way, letter of reprimand and half month's pay for two months."  He's 
got to joking,
just how does he expect to keep her in the service?
  "Look I'm willing to be flexible about the brig time and the forfeiture 
amount, but she
has to go."
  "She wants to stay in."
  "Then she'll get to... for five more years in Leavenworth until she 
receives her
dishonorable discharge."  We're going to court; I actually and foolishly 
hoped we
could've worked this one out.  You know, the Colonel quietly agrees to 
retire, gets
full benefits and her honorable discharge.  "When am I going to be able to 
talk to her?"
  "I'll set something up for tomorrow at the Pentagon around say 1100?  That 
work
for you?"
A quick check of my daily planner shows that I can do that.  "Yeah that's 
fine."
  "Good, I want a copy of any preliminary witness lists you've drawn up so 
far when
you come in too."  Geez I haven't even begun to think that far in advance.
  "Where's the fire?"
Mattoni just shrugs his shoulders.  "No fire just bored of petty cases, 
freedom of
information requests and all that crap."  That I can understand, It's been 
relatively quiet
in the world of the UCMJ lately.  Sturgis picked up that involuntary 
Manslaughter case
of his two weeks ago and I got the Travis case yesterday, but other than 
that, it's been
really dead around here.  I guess once you get used to dealing with the big 
cases on a
regular basis you sure as hell don't want to go back to all the little 
league stuff full time.
  "I hear that.  So I'll see the two of you tomorrow?"
  "Yeah we'll be waiting for you."
  "Alan I'll entertain any offer that involves dismissal at any time up to 
and during the trial."
  "I know Mac, but I really don't think she's going to do it.  She wants her 
day in
court."  I let out a sigh, but have no idea why.  Did I really expect to 
convince him
otherwise in the space of one conversation?
  "Say hi to Jackie for me okay."
  "You should really come over for dinner sometime.  Jackie's always 
complaining that
we don't entertain enough."
  "I'd like that."
  "Good, say hi to Harm for me when he comes back.  I haven't seen him in a 
long
time."  See, he can do it.  Why the hell can't I?
  "I'll do that.  See you tomarrow Alan."
  "Later Mac."  And with that he's out of the office and into the bullpen.  
I watch him
briefly as he visits with Tiner, Harriet, and the Admiral along with several 
other support
staff personnel before I get back to work on the case.

0303 ZULU
COLONEL MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA

	Oh, this feels so good.  I'm sitting here soaking in the bathtub; the scent 
of
vanilla, lilacs, and lavender is permeating everything.  Just the way I like 
it.  I haven't had
time for something like this in a long time, but I needed to unwind and 
simply made time
for it.  After Chinese takeout for dinner, I spent the next four hours 
working on the case.
It's not as cut and dried as I'd like to see.  Then again, is it ever in 
these cases?
Colonel Travis has had a brilliant career thus far.  Naval Academy graduate, 
master's
degree from Stanford, PhD from Harvard.  She graduated Magna Cum Laude from 
all
three, no prior history of sexual harassment on her record and glowing FIT 
REPS from
all of her commanders.  Chief of Staff under Major General Hollenbeck.  
She's a poster
child for the Corps.  The Corps is her entire life; no family, few 
friends... okay that's
enough, I'm supposed to be relaxing here.  Any more and I'll become alarmed 
at the
similarities between her life and mine.  Just relax Marine, you're in a 
bubble bath for
the first time in ages and feelin' good.  What could be better?  He's should 
be home by
now...  Okay stop it!  That's not relaxing by any stretch of the 
imagination.  Still...
maybe I should call him.  He's not coming in until Thursday so I've still 
got a chance to
reach out to him before he comes back.  Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.  I'm 
going to
relax today.

	I'm relaxed but not as much as I'd like to be.  I feel good, physically I 
mean.
Thinking about Harm wasn't relaxing at all and against all my resistance, 
Bud's words
found their way back into thoughts.  So now I'm doing what I always do when 
I need to
feel good about being me.  On my frig is a photograph, a card and couple 
sheets of
paper.  One of the sheets of paper is the picture Lillyana drew of me 
holding a M-16.
It's a little dirty and the acrid smell of gunpowder and explosives clings 
to it lightly.  The
history behind it means more to me than the picture itself.  She almost died 
trying to
deliver it to me.  I've tried keeping in touch with her, but after the 
incident her mother
found work somewhere else.  Its hard enough to track someone down in the 
U.S. not
to mention half way around the world.  I really should have this in a frame 
or a scrapbook
to protect it.  I like it here though, maybe because I can pretend that my 
own daughter
drew it.  How's that for biological clock alarm bells?  The card is from 
Lieutenant
Elisabeth Maat and her daughter Katelyn.  It's a thank you card from the two 
of them.
Lieutenant Maat wrote the card obviously.  After Seth Maat assaulted 
Harriet, we won
the appeal for sole custody of Katelyn.  Afterwards, I won Harriet's assault 
case.  His
punishment was light considering what he's already done to Katelyn.  He only 
got two
years probation, a five thousand dollar fine and was required to attend 
anger
management classes.  I guess it was the best we could hope for on a first 
conviction.
At least if he does it again the consequences will be more severe.  Katelyn 
sent me a
picture she drew of her riding a brown quarter horse through a green meadow, 
sun
shining on a bluebird day.  Of course our victory in court wasn't the only 
good thing to
come out of this.  Lieutenant Singer showed she could actually be caring 
human being
once in awhile.  It was by far her finest hour in my book.

	The photograph, which I will put in one of my photo albums, is of Chloe
and me on our horses at her Grandmother's farm.  We were riding, She's on 
Scout, and
I'm on one of their other horses.  The photo looks great, but all I was 
thinking at the time
was how much my butt hurt from all the riding we'd done that day.  I took 
two days off
and extended my weekend visit up there.  After sitting second chair to 
Singer I needed to
decompress.  I think I needed some good old-fashioned girl bonding time too. 
  We
went shopping, talked guys; namely her best friend turned boyfriend.  While 
we were
on that theme, she was quick to bring up Harm of course.  Turns out Petty 
Officer
Coates and her had a long chat after I'd fallen asleep that night and she 
thinks that I'm
in love with Harm again.  Am I really that transparent?  Naturally I 
dismissed her claims
and steered the conversation else where.  Sister or not, one person is my 
yearly quota
for revealing personal secrets to.  Funny, Sturgis doesn't know I'm a 
recovering
alcoholic, but he knows I'm in love with Harm.  Once I am done putting the 
pictures and
the card back on the frig I head to the living room with the photograph in 
hand.  It's
getting late, it's past ten as I pull one of the photo albums down and find 
a spot for the
new addition.  I could put an hour into the budget submission, but why 
torture myself
when I'm warm and comfortable here on the couch watching T.V in my pajamas?


1635 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

	"Please place your car in park ma'am."  I'm sitting here in my car at the 
JAG
security gate.  The Marine guards are giving my car the customary bomb 
sweep.  "Pop
your trunk ma'am."  Somehow that strikes me as hilarious.  Even if I had a 
bomb in the
truck, it'd have to be so small to fit in there to begin with that I doubt 
it could destroy
anything except the car itself.  All of these enhanced security checks are 
courtesy of
9-11 of course.  Even the Admiral's car is searched these days as well as 
the cars being
returned to JAG's motor pool.  The guards are quick and efficient about all 
this as only
Marines can be.  The delay isn't that bad, a minute or two and your done.  
Harm's the
only one who gets really irritated by it.  If he didn't run late so often he 
wouldn't mind it
as much.  "Thank you ma'am, you're clear to drive ahead.  Have a nice day 
ma'am."
  "Thank you Staff Sargeant."  Driving ahead, I manage to find a spot 
between Sturgis'
Porsche and Harriet's minivan.
  "Good afternoon Colonel."  Shit it's the Admiral.  I've just gotten out my 
car, I don't
have my cover on, and he's waiting for a salute.  Damn it he's actually 
grinning at me.
I'm standing here trying to juggle a thousand damn things with only two 
hands and he
just standing there barely containing his laughter at my predicament.  
There; cover on,
everything's in the left hand and a crisp salute with the other, "Good 
afternoon Admiral".
I swear he enjoyed that far too much.  Shifting my briefcase back into my 
right hand I
walk with him to the front entrance.
  "How'd it go over at the Pentagon?"  I went straight there from home in 
the morning.
Had my meeting with Mattoni and Colonel Travis.  Got her deposition.  
Interviewed
Commander Winters, two Navy Lieutenants, a Marine Captain and a Chief Petty 
Officer.
  "Good sir."
  "I just got back from there myself.  Trial?"
  "Most likely sir.  She doesn't want to deal."
  "Keep me appraised Colonel."
  "Will do sir."  The Admiral's apparently going elsewhere because he's made 
a sharp
turn for the law library.
  "Colonel, hold up."  Spinning around at the elevators I can see the 
Admiral walking
back towards me.
  "Yes sir?"
  "I've got a meeting with Admiral Morris and few things to look after.  
Have the entire
JAG staff assembled in the bull pen at 1500, I've got an announcement to 
make and I'd
like to tell everyone at once."
  "Yes sir."
  "Excellent, carry on."  I watch the Admiral walk away from the within the 
elevator until
the doors close shut.  I wish he could have told me what this was about.  
He's peaked
my curiosity now.  It's not about Harm; Sturgis' Porsche is in the parking 
lot, which
means both of them got home safe.  Besides, if something had happened to 
Harm the
Admiral would have told us right away.  It's a good thing though.  I can 
feel it and I don't
know that I can hold out until 1500 for whatever news might be coming.

	"So did the Admiral tell you what this was all about?"
  "No he just said to have everyone in the bullpen."  1456 finds the bullpen 
crowded with
staff personnel.  Sturgis and I are leaning against the wall near my office. 
  I haven't
known Sturgis long enough to just stand here and fall into a comfortable 
silence with
him, but I'm not sure I want to bring this up.  "So whatcha do yesterday?"
Sturgis looks surprised that I'd even want venture into this topic.  "Not 
much, picked him
up and went to a bar before dropping him off."  Well nothing ever changes 
does it?
"Why?"
  "Just curious."  Sturgis clearly doesn't believe me, but he's not going to 
push the issue.
We had three days to burn while we were in Naples.  Harm hadn't been talking 
to me
for some reason since the Seahawk and invited Sturgis out for drinks.  
Sturgis left a note
as to where they'd gone so when the phone call from Captain Johnson came in 
about
Bud, I knew where to go.  When I got there, they were both pretty much 
hammered,
but still going hard at it.  There was a whole group of officers around 
them.  I saw a few
submariners and a bunch of pilots from both the Navy and Marine Corps there 
with
them.  They were having a great time.  I watched them for exactly ten 
minutes before
they saw me.  I've never seen Harm drink like that before, the two of them 
slammed
down anything that was put in front of them.  Apparently, their money was no 
good
there.  Those guys would have kept drinks in front of Harm and Sturgis all 
night or until
they fell over if I hadn't broken up the party.  Despite the massive amount 
of alcohol
they must have consumed already they were still sober enough at the time to 
understand
that they should go with me to the hospital.  The three of us left together 
in cab and beat
the helo coming from the airport to the hospital by about a half an hour.  
The plane
carrying Bud was set to go all the way to Germany, but just as they got over 
the Med
Bud flat lined on them so they decided to go straight to Naples instead.  
They revived
him on the plane but they probably saved his life doing so.  The cab ride 
over was
difficult.  Both of them reeked of alcohol and the smell was over powering.  
Their shirts
appeared to be soaked in it, like someone gave them a beer bath.  I thought 
about how
nice it'd be to be them at the moment; drunk, numb, sleepy, not really aware 
of their
surroundings and not really caring.  In other words, they didn't have to 
deal with the
situation at the moment.  They were both lights out in those uncomfortable, 
plastic
hospital chairs by the time Bud's helo landed.  No amount of coffee was 
going to keep
them from passing out at that point.  Three hours later when I was finally 
told that Bud
would indeed live to see another day, both were on the floor sleeping like 
the dead and
snoring loud enough to raise them.  The next day they fought off their 
hangovers long
enough to briefly talk to Bud.  Within the day, Harm had called the Admiral 
and gotten
himself assigned as the new Seahawk JAG.  We blew up at each other in the 
hospital.
Harm stormed out and was on his way back to the Seahawk within the hour, 
missing
Harriet's plane from Andrews by another hour.  I can't believe the first 
thing they could
think of doing was heading out and drinking again!  Okay... calm down 
Marine.  How
were they supposed to know Bud was injured in the first place?  Besides, 
they're big
boys and can do whatever they want.  You need to calm down or your going end 
up
fighting with Harm, Sturgis, or both.

	It isn't until 1502.22 that the Admiral makes his appearance and saves me
from my own temporary insanity.  The Marine in me wants to point out that 
he's seven
minutes, twenty-two seconds late.  Hey I'm a Marine, and in my world if 
you're not there
five minutes early you're already late.  Of course he's a Rear Admiral, the 
JAG and I'm
only a Lt. Colonel.  Flag officers play by their own rules and you better 
play nice in
their sandbox if you want to stay there.
  "I've got two announcement to make, and please hold your applause until 
I'm finished.
I've just received word that Commander Sturgis Turner is to be awarded the 
Bronze
Star for his role in sinking the Najvayi while TAD aboard the U.S.S 
Watertown."  A
quick check of Sturgis' face reveals a self-satisfied grin.  I guess I was 
expecting more
surprise from a man who's just learned he's to be decorated.  "And for 
leading a dirty
nuke cruise missile away from the Sea Hawk Carrier Battle Group in an F-14,
Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. is to receive the Navy Cross for his gallantry in 
action
aboard the U.S.S. Sea Hawk."  The bullpen's filled with cheers, but my 
mind's tuning
them out.  Wow, they gave him the Navy Cross.  I wonder if he knows?  I'd 
heard they
were considering going all the way with it and giving him the Medal of 
Honor, but the
CIA made such a stink about this whole joint operation crap or lack thereof, 
that the
second greatest honor the Navy could give Harm would be the best that he 
could do.
That's bullshit of course, I was there.  He saved my life and the lives of 
over 5,000
Sailors and Marines aboard ship.  That missile hits, and it dwarfs 9-11 with 
67% more
casualties.  Not to mention that he literally saved a multi-billion dollar 
ship and almost all
of her aircraft.  That kind of money doesn't just grow on trees.  They 
should've went
ahead and given him the whole enchilada.  But beyond my resentment of that 
injustice,
I'm... I'm proud of him.  I don't tell him that often enough.  In fact, I 
don't tell him that at
all.  When the Admiral officially presented me with my meritorious service 
medal Harm
took me out for a congratulatory dinner.  He told me he was proud of me over 
my
chocolate cake dessert.  Taking him out to dinner never even crossed my mind 
when
the Admiral handed him his second DFC, but that's going to change.

	Looking over at Sturgis I can see him accepting the praise that everyone in
the office is giving him.  I expected him to... I don't know, be more 
excited I guess.
Instead he looks bored, bored out of his mind.  After the line of 
well-wishers as subsided
I finally get his attention.  "You tired or something?"
  "No."  The tone of his voice says otherwise, he's been burning the 
midnight oil recently
to make sure he stomps all over Singer.
  "Bored?"
  "No."  Now there's a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.  He's 
hiding something; I
bet he knew about this ahead of time.
  "You already knew about this didn't you?"
Sturgis opens his mouth to say something but doesn't.  "Yeah I knew what 
Harm and I
were getting decorated with."
  "When?"  I bet Harm found out and told him about his metal and Sturgis 
about his.
They've been keeping in touch a lot while he was gone.
  "About three weeks ago."  How is it he found out before the Admiral and 
kept it a
secret from us?  "Just one of the many advantages of dating a Congresswoman 
Mac.
Bobbi made me promise not to tell anyone.  The rest was all really just a 
formality."
Its on the tip of my tongue to ask him what the other advantages of dating a
Congresswoman are when the Admiral speaks up again.  "Now in honor of
Commander Turner and Rabb's achievements I've decided to have a small 
celebration
here at JAG.  Tomorrow there'll be hamburgers, hotdogs, and barbequed 
chicken for
lunch.  If anyone wants to bring in any thing else, feel free to do so.  
Desserts won't be
provided so if a couple of people would bring in a few things that would be 
greatly
appreciated.  Tiner will sending around a sign up sheet so we won't have 
duplicate items
showing up.  That said, Commander Rabb is still unaware that he's received 
the Navy
Cross, I'd like to keep it that way until the party.  That'll be all."  The 
Admiral moves off
towards his office and the crowd in the bullpen begins to dissolve.
  "Bringing anything?"
  "I don't know, maybe."  I seem to remember finding some box for making 
fudge in my
cabinet yesterday.  Chloe and I never got around to making it last 
Christmas.  "You?"
  "Cake I think."  Sturgis bakes?  Didn't see that one coming.
  "Really, what kind?"
  "It's called a Lazy Daisy cake.  Bobbi got me addicted to it."
  "I guess I could buy something too."
Sturgis just looks at me with these playfully wounded eyes.  "Who said 
anything about
buying a cake?"  Now that's funny.  I'd pay to see that; Congresswoman 
Latham in an
apron baking a cake.  What's wrong with that picture?  Better yet how much 
would it be
worth?  "Bobbi and I'll just churn two of them out."
  "Can't wait to try it."  That list will take forever to reach us and I'm 
not that patient.
Plus I have a lot of work to do.  "I'm gonna head back to work."  Sturgis 
just nods his
head, content to wait it out for the list to make its way to him while 
accepting the
congratulations of everyone else who happens by until then.


2233 ZULU
COLONEL MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA

	"Hi you've reached Commander Harmon Rabb.  I'm going to be out of
town for about a week, but if you'll please leave your name and number and 
I'll get
back to you as soon as I can."
Obviously he made that recording before we left.  "Hi Harm, its Mac..."  
Don't stop, say
something.  "Um, just trying to get hold of you.  I wanted to talk to you 
about Bud.  We
really need to dig him out of this funk he's in.  He's becoming very 
volatile and offensive.
We need to smack some sense into him before he does something to permanently 
sever
all of his friendships.  He won't like it, but it's for his own good.  Gimme 
a call when you
can okay?  Its good to have you back.  Bye."  Talking about Bud seemed 
easier than
talking about us at the moment.  I almost forgot to mention that I was glad 
he was home.
Well that wasn't too bad overall.  I'd rather talk to him than leave a 
message, but he
could be anywhere right now.  I suppose he's got a lot to do before he comes 
in
tomorrow.  He could be talking to Bud right now for all I know.  I can't 
help laughing
at his message though.  One week became three months.  Bet that frustrated a 
lot of
callers.  And 'out of town'?  Well that's one way to say 'I'm going to 
Afghanistan'.  'I'll
be half way around the world', is another.  The important thing is that I've 
made contact.
His call, whenever it comes in will be a welcomed distraction from work 
tonight... or
baking, don't want to forget that either.  I'm making fudge.

	Dinner was... interesting to say the least.  I made the fudge while I made
spaghetti, what a combo huh?  Just like any kid, I couldn't help repeatedly 
tasting the
batter.  Hey I had check it for consistency and taste right?  I did that all 
the time as a kid
and I see I haven't changed since.  I'm not too proud to admit that I licked 
the electric
mixer blade clean either.  What a mess though, the pile of dishes in my sink 
is down
right embarrassing and as soon as I'm done baking the fudge I'm putting 
everything else
off until those dishes are done.  Turning on the water, I dump in a liberal 
amount of dish
soap.  I'll just let them soak first.  Normally I'd never let dishes soak, 
but some of the
food has dried on the plates and it'd be murder to get it off.  I used to 
let dishes soak in
the sink as a kid too.  Then I could play with my doll a little while 
longer.  That stopped
when I was 10.  Dad got home early one day, pulled a dirty plate out of the 
sink and
broke it over my head when he saw me walking away from the dishes.  My doll 
soaked
up a lot of tears.  Its times like this I question my own potential at 
motherhood.  Yeah
I'm good with little A.J., I know that.  But he's not 'my' kid.  I don't 
have to deal with
him every second of the day.  When I see him, he's happy and content.  
There's no
crying, whining or complaining.  No dirty diapers, disobedience, and most 
importantly
no patience required on my part.  Chloe's somewhat more encouraging, but 
ultimately
I'm wasn't responsible for her either.  Part of me treated her like a 
recruit.  It's what she
needed at the time, but I wouldn't want to raise my kids like that.  I know 
wouldn't
leave my kids like mom, but... who's to say I wouldn't end up like dad?  I 
know the
statistics all too well and the cycles of abuse.  This is depressing... 
thank God there's an
ample supply of chocolate here, besides at the rate I'm going I'll never 
have the
opportunity to find out anyway.

	This case sucks.  The high profile case we've been waiting for finally 
comes
along and all I want to is scream.  Commander Winters says she implied that 
she could
ruin his career if he didn't change his attitude about a few things.  Namely 
her I take it.
Colonel Travis obviously denied all that, claiming that he came on to her.  
They're nearly
the same age, only two years apart.  Colonel Travis has received two 
accelerated
promotions and Commander Winters entered the service when he was 27.  Then 
we
have the Lieutenants; one of them backs up Colonel Travis' testimony 
completely, the
other is leading me to believe there's a possibility Commander Winters is 
telling the truth.
The Captain threw her full support behind Colonel Travis as well.  The Chief 
Petty
Officer was simply a waste of my time.  He didn't see a thing, or so he 
claims.  I don't
like this;  I want to believe Colonel Travis is innocent, but all of Psy Ops 
over there
including her CO seems to be protecting her.  I'm going have to focus in on 
Lieutenant
Drexler.  He knows something; I'm going to have dredge up his service record 
from the
Pentagon.  I just hope his record is clean; if he's got some axe to grind 
he's next to
worthless to my case.  If that doesn't pan out I'm going to have to find 
people who've
worked under her in the past.  I miss Gunny; he was great at that sort of 
thing.  Time for
a chocolate fix I think.  I really want that fudge, its not the greatest, 
but it's chocolate
and I'm not picky.  All the ice cream is gone so what else is there?  Oh 
here we go, my
top cabinet drawer holds my salvation; hot chocolate and I've even got this 
big block
of milk chocolate that I can shave thin little pieces off of to put in my 
cappuccino.
Chloe and Martha gave me a cappuccino maker as a birthday gift, but I rarely 
get the
opportunity to use it.

	"No thank you, good bye."  Damn telemarketers.  I feel like throwing the
damn phone against the wall.  At least then the siege of calls would stop.  
I've gotten
four such calls since 2100 alone.  Don't these people have lives?  Who calls 
a
complete stranger at 2217 and expects them to listen to anything they have 
to say?
Harm still hasn't called; either he's still running around taking care of 
things or he doesn't
want to...  No, no, fight or not, if I ask Harm to call me back he will.  In 
the mean time
I'm working on the Travis case and my third cappuccino.  No way was I going 
to let it
go unused tonight.  I'll be glad when this is over.  Cases like this are 
media magnets and
it's only a matter of time before they start hounding us for details.  For 
now, the case
has been kept relatively quiet and for that I'm grateful.  I don't need the 
constant phone
calls asking about the case.  Mattoni could and would bring it to light if 
it served his
client's interest, but I don't think he will.  She's not being rail-roaded 
by some hard ass
General who can't stand women in the military.  It's a subordinate charging 
her of all this,
a public scandal is the last thing any of us want right now.  The military 
needs to maintain
our high public approval rating.  In fact I doubt the military's ever been 
so popular since
World War II.  I've heard that recruiters in all the service branches have 
filled their
quotas in something like half the time normally required.  I was at Quantico 
a few weeks
ago and happened to catch the latest OSC class of female Marine graduates 
finishing up
the final day of the crucible and getting their Eagle, Globe and Anchors.  
It was their big
day, but I found myself getting wrapped up in their excitement.  Who knows 
where the
Marines will take them?  But at the very least they'll be stronger, more 
confident women
because of it.  Playing with my own OCS ring I wander into my bedroom and 
look at
the picture of me and uncle Matt at my OCS graduation in our dress blues.  I 
thought I
was going to be the only person there without friends or family, but he 
showed up out of
no where to surprise me.  He'd just been promoted a full bird Colonel a week 
before
my graduation and retired six years later.  He was so proud of me, he's 
still proud of
me.  Tracing our smiles with a finger, I stifle a yawn.  It's late, I'm 
tired and I'll see
Harm tomorrow.


1242 ZULU, THE NEXT DAY

	"Jingo come back here, don't you dare shake off in there!"  Jingo looks 
back
at me and apparently my stern look is enough to convince him to come back 
into the
kitchen.  We're both soaking wet, half way through the run the sky just 
opened up and
began pouring on us.  I cut the run short and we ran for home.  I carried 
Jingo into the
kitchen to keep him off the carpet.  I cleaned him up, but he's still very 
wet and know he
wants to shake himself off and roll around on the carpet and couch to dry 
himself off.
"Good boy."  I towel him off as much as possible, but with his long fur he's 
still wet.
He'll just have to air dry.  Breakfast is going to be cereal today due to 
lack of time and
the fact that I'm likely to consume about a million calories at lunch today. 
  Jingo lies
down on his bed as I head out of the kitchen for a shower.


1538 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

	"Enter."
  "You wanted to see me sir?"  The Admiral called me in a few minutes ago 
and right
now I'm racking my brain to figure out what he wants from me.
  "Yes I did.  Do you have any idea of where Commander Rabb might be?"
  "He's not in his office sir?"  Oh that's real smart Colonel, obviously the 
Admiral
wouldn't go looking for Harm in his own office.  The Admiral gives me a look 
like I've
grown two heads.  "No Colonel he isn't, he's an hour and a half late."  Good 
one flyboy,
late on your first day back and your already pissing the Admiral off.  
"We've only been
getting his machine at his place.  He hasn't even changed the message on his 
machine so
we didn't bother leaving a message on it."
  "What about his cell?"
  "Tried that, couldn't even get a connection."  Now I'm getting worried.  
He hasn't been
back for 48 hours yet and I bet he's already in trouble.  "Did Commander 
Rabb call
you at all last night or before that?"
I wish.  "No sir.  I called him last night, but got his answering machine 
too."
The Admiral punches his intercom button before barking into the phone, 
"Tiner get
Commander Turner in here."  Tiner's voice over the intercom is roughened, 
but the
'Aye sir' is still understandable.  "Damn phone, why can't these things last 
longer than
two years Colonel?"  He says that like it's my fault or something.  If I had 
to venture a
guess, I'd say that when the Admiral gets frustrated, he takes it out on the 
phone.
Harm's probably been responsible for most of the damage done to this phone 
and all
of its predecessors.
  "No idea sir."

	A knock on the door interrupts our brief discussion of my case.  "Enter."
Sturgis opens and shuts the door behind him.  "You wanted to see me sir?"  
Do we all
walk through that door saying the same thing?  I wonder if the Admiral ever 
gets tired of
hearing that.
  "Have a seat Commander, do you have any idea of where Commander Rabb might 
be?"
Sturgis just frowns at the Admiral like he can't understand the question.  
"I've been
interviewing another witness for my case all morning.  He's not here?"
  "Why is it everyone's answering my questions with questions?  No he isn't. 
  Did he
call you at all last night Commander?"
  "I wouldn't know sir, I wasn't at home last night.  I can check my 
messages for you sir."
The Admiral waves off Sturgis' gesture to use his phone, "Use Tiner's this 
thing's going
to hell."
Sturgis turns and heads out of the office leaving the door open so we can 
see him at
Tiner's desk.  Sturgis punches a few numbers, then a few more, then we wait. 
  After
what seems like an eternity he comes back in.  "He called me yesterday 
around 0930.
He said he was going to see his Grandmother for a while.  He also mentioned 
that he'd
be back by 1900 today."  I can feel myself releasing the breath I'd been 
holding.  This
gives me an easy explanation of why he didn't call me last night.  When 
exactly I
stopped breathing in the first place is another matter.
  "Damn it, I ordered him in for today.  He should have gotten that message 
before he
left."
  "Unless he didn't check his messages sir."  Good ol' Sturgis, right there 
with an
explanation to save Harm's hide from being tanned.  "I dropped him off 
around 1930
and he was pretty tired.  I didn't even know he was supposed to come in 
today until
yesterday..."
  "And yesterday was already too late."  The Admiral finishes for him.  
"Very well,
dismissed."
Hold on, does this mean lunch isn't going to happen?  Thankfully Sturgis is 
already
voicing that thought, "Sir about lunch?"
The Admiral's face does this funny little smirk like he extraordinarily 
amused by
something.  "Oh, it's still on.  Rabb or not."  Thank God, I'm starving 
already and its
only 1040.  "I always knew this day would come, it was just a question of 
when."
Sturgis cocks his head at the Admiral, "When what would happen sir?"
The Admiral's smirk becomes a wide smile; "The day Commander Rabb would 
actually
be late for his own party."  Oh that's it, all three of us are laughing now. 
  "I think now
it's just a question of his wedding day."  That's funny, but I don't laugh.  
Despite what
I said, I can see Harm with a wife, but only if it's me.  Anything else and 
I don't like the
image that comes to mind.  If he was late for our wedding I'd have to kill 
him, and then
get Sturgis to defend me.  Only in the last nine months have I've starting 
thinking about
what our wedding would be like again.  The last time I did it was after my 
engagement
party.  Damn flyboy kisses better than any man should be allowed to.  Before 
that
it was everyday between the whole Sudanese fiasco and the day he unknowingly
broke my heart for a Tomcat.  I like thinking about it again; when you're 
living like a
nun, you need something to fill the hours.  I didn't get to think about what 
my wedding
day would be like as a little girl.  I was too busy avoiding Dad's wrath to 
get wrapped
up into the fantasy of what was supposed to be my perfect day.  I was too 
drunk when
I married Chris to even realize what I was missing out on.  Didn't even get 
to the day
with Mic, but it hardly would have been perfect.  From the size of the 
wedding to its
location and everything in between, Mic practically got his way about 
everything.
Now if we can only get our dense flyboy to play ball.  "Alright then, inform 
the staff that
nothing's changed regardless of Rabb's absence and then get back to work.  
Dismissed."

	Our 'Aye, aye sir's' haven't even faded from the office before we're out 
the
door and past Tiner.  So... Sturgis was baking with Bobbi Latham last night 
and never
made it home.  This is going to be sweet.  "So what happened last night?"  
When Sturgis
stops and catches the smile on my face, his first reaction is to roll his 
eyes.
  "We were baking cakes, you know that."
  "All night long huh?"
  "Didn't get there until late."  That's pathetic attempt at an excuse, it 
doesn't take that
long to make a cake.
  "Cakes don't take all night, even this mysterious cake of yours."  Sturgis 
heads off for
his office again.  Oh no, he's not going to get away that easily.  I told 
him about Harm,
he can tell me about Bobbi.  "Well at least tell me you kissed her."  
Sturgis now safely
in his office spins on his heel to face me; he's smiling like the cat that 
ate the canary.
  "Of course I kissed her."
  "Well good.  I'd hate to think to spent all that time together and 
didn't."  Sturgis has this
truly evil grin on his face.  Whatever's coming its not going to be good.
  "Your one to talk considering your 'sharing body heat' experiment in 
Afghanistan with
Harm."  How in the... oh Harm!  Forget missing the wedding, I'm going to 
kill him the
second after I welcome him back.  I wonder what else he told Sturgis.  Fine, 
he wants
to get dirty?  I'm a Marine, we live to play dirty.
  "Well if Harm told you everything, he mentioned something about a couple 
of Hornets
on a bombing run."
  "He did."
  "Well then how can you compare the two?"
  "Oh I'm talking about after.  The little cave the two of you snuggled 
together in."  That
cave was shallow, narrow, dirty, cold and dark.  I had a pounding headache 
from the
bomb strike and was bleeding from a half dozen cuts.  Hardly a warm, cozy 
house with
the smell of cakes baking in the air.
  "You mean the dirt hole we tried to nap in for three hours before the sun 
came up and
we had get moving again?"  Before the bombing, I was happy.  Sure, Harm 
surprised
the hell out of me when he wanted to 'conserve body heat' with me.  A likely 
story;
sure we would have been cold, but that's why they field-test those BDU's.  
We
would've been fine sleeping apart.  At least I made him work for it.  
Figures, we get that
close and I only get a minute of bliss in his arms before the damn planes 
show up.  Why
is it always planes that are pulling us apart?  "Little in the way of 
opportunity, compared
to you and Bobbi and the big, comfy bed you had at your disposal."  Now he's
squirming.  Give it up Sturgis your six is mine.
  "I haven't slept with her."  Now he's going to get it.
Leaning against the doorframe, I give him my best singsong voice.  "Is that 
the problem?"
Sturgis knows exactly what conversation I'm referring to.  He's got this 
cute little frown
on his face.  "Okay, I haven't slept with her yet.  There is no problem with 
my girlfriend;
we're just taking it slow.  Maybe the two of you should try taking it at 
all."  Checkmate,
and he knows it.  His smug expression says so.  Okay, so he's won this 
round.
  "You'd like that wouldn't you?"
  "To see the two of you happy together, I would hope any friend would be."  
Wow,
Bobbi's a lucky woman, I hope she knows it too.  Sturgis is a good man 
and... "Besides,
then this office wouldn't resemble an awkward Jr. High School dance so 
much."  Sturgis
has me out the door and shuts it on me before I can think to retaliate.  
That damn
bubblehead!  I can see him laughing on the other side of the glass.  A check
of the doorknob confirms that he's locked the door.  Sturgis isn't stupid, 
he knows
better than to mess with pissed off Marine.   Just like Harm would do, say 
something
nice then blindside em' with the playful insult.  Maybe they're more alike 
than I realized.

	God this is good.  Okay, Sturgis is forgiven all thanks to this cake of 
his.
No chocolate in it, but it's really sweet.  There's coconut and lots brown 
sugar and butter
forming this thick glaze over the top of this, like, angel food cake 
underneath.  At least
that's what I think it is.  Sturgis apparently thinks its safe to approach 
me since I'm
working on my third piece of his cake.  "Do you like it?"
  "Are you kidding?  This is really good Sturgis.  Remind me to thank Martha 
Stewart
when I see her."
At the nickname Sturgis laughs.  "I wouldn't do that if I were you.  I tried 
it once and she
said that if I called her that again, she'd take my submariner's pin and 
shove it up my six.
I believe the second part of the threat involved a permanent reassignment to 
Greenland
so the pin would remain frozen in place."  I'm shaking so hard with 
contained laughter
that my cake's in danger of falling to the ground.  Oh, I'm getting too full 
to be laughing
this hard.  Full and tired, I'd love to lie down and take a nap.  Setting 
the plate down I
manage to get a hold of myself after a moment before I finish off the last 
piece.  Sturgis
wanders off to talk to one of the administration officers as I spot Harriet 
in a corner by
herself picking at the potato salad next to the half eaten hotdog on her 
plate.
  "Hi Harriet."
Harriet looks up at me with this lost expression on her face like she's not 
sure how I got
there.  "Oh, hello ma'am.  Was there something I could do for you?"  Things 
must have
gotten worse at home, but I'm still not ready to go over there just yet.
"No, no Harriet.  I just wanted to say hi."  Harriet gives me a rather 
forced smile and
nod.  Somehow, I think Harm would have gotten the genuine article.  Now the 
silence
between us is growing.  I'd like to say something, but what would I say; 
'How's Bud
doing?', I guess I could ask about A.J, after all I am his godmother right?
Luckily, I don't have to as the Admiral gets everyone's attention.  "Okay 
people listen
up.  First of all thank you to everyone who brought in something for this.  
Secondly,
because there will be some of you missing tomorrow due to various reasons we 
will
have an informal celebration at Benzinger's next Monday.  Now, Commander 
Rabb
still isn't aware he's going to receive the Navy Cross and I'd like to keep 
it that way
until then.  Very well then, as you were."  Harriet's gone before I can even 
turn around
to face her.  She's parked herself at her desk and looks too tired to bother 
her with
more mundane questions about her life.  The thought of another piece of cake 
comes to
mind, but I quickly banish it.  More cake and ice cream is the last thing I 
need right now.


2332 ZULU
COLONEL MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN VIRGINIA

	"You were right, this was fun."  Chloe called right after I finished 
washing
the dishes from dinner.  I'm currently sitting on my couch and I'm just 
about finished
painting my toes over the phone with Chloe.
  "Told ya, so when am I going to get see you again?"
  "When do you ever have free time?"  Chloe's just started the school year, 
she's on the
volleyball team and I'm sure her boyfriend gets whatever remaining time her 
homework
and other social demands leave behind.
  "Well I could say the same thing about you.  Come on Mac, your a Colonel, 
can't you
just order some people around so you can come up here on a Friday and visit 
me?"
Nice thought, but its not gonna happen.  "Not if I still want to be one on 
Monday."
Chloe just grumbles in response before being interrupted by call on the 
other line.
  "Mac can you hold on for a sec?"
  "Sure."  I'm betting this ends our conversation.  A few seconds later 
Chloe comes back
on the phone.
  "Mac, it's Vanessa on the other line..."  Ah yes, social duty calls.
  "Chloe why don't you take it.  I've got a pile of work to do here."
  "Okay, I promise I'll call again soon.  Tell Harm I said hi."
  "I will Chloe, I love you."
  "I love you too Mac.  Bye."
  "Bye."  Now with my toes stuffed with cotton balls in between them, I've 
got a
problem.  Do I do my work here on the couch where the comfort of the couch 
and the
T.V will provide adequate distractions or do I walk on my heels over to my 
desk and
make another attempt to figure out this damn budget submission?

	I made it to my desk, but my newest case won out over the budget mess.
The Admiral gave it to me after the party at lunch.  I must be more 
approachable after
I've eaten a great deal or at the end of the day because that's when things 
like this are
dumped in my lap.  Most of the little league cases and the budget submission 
have been
given to me like that.  Corporal Gregory Barnes is charged with Unauthorized 
Absence
when he never showed up at his post on time at the Norfolk Navy Yard.  Turns 
out he
was at the hospital with his very pregnant wife.  What they thought was 
labor turned out
to be a series of very convincing Bracksen-Hickks contractions.  She's 
already a week
past her due date.  If this makes it to trial, I'll simply kill the 
prosecution.  I have no idea
why these charges were filed in the first place.  Give him a reprimand and 
move on.
He's not part some infantry unit in Afghanistan, manning a post at 
Guantanamo, or
guarding some Embassy wall.  We'll play let's make a deal and I'll get him 
off with his
reprimand.  No jury in the world is going to convict a Marine whose primary 
job is
logistics of being UA when he was attending to his pregnant wife.  This is 
going to boil
down to one day of actual negotiations between the lawyers and three days 
worth of
paper work.  I'll talk to his CO next week, although I'm already betting 
he's a hard ass
for insisting on pushing this to an article 32 hearing.  At least my defense 
angle is
something I can wrap up in one night unlike the monster that is JAG's 
budget.

	Auggh, I shouldn't have eaten all that fudge.  Sturgis' cakes as well as 
the
chocolate covered peanut butter bars Harriet brought in got all the 
accolades and my
fudge was picked at by those unfortunate enough to get to the party late.  
Five pieces
later and I'm regretting the refrigerator raid I made half an hour ago.  
When I finally put
the remaining fudge away, I noticed Jingo sleeping peacefully in the corner 
on his favorite
rug.  I tried getting him to sleep on one of those huge dog beds that they 
fill with cedar
chips, but he couldn't get used to it and I ended up donating it to Good 
Will.  He loves
his rug too much.  It used to be in the bathroom, but after he found it he 
kept dragging
it out into the kitchen to sleep on or he would sleep in the bathroom.  Damn 
near killed
myself one night; tripped over Jingo and nearly bashed my head against the 
toilet.
Eventually I moved the rug out into the kitchen and bought myself a new one. 
  Jingo
took this to mean he now had his choice of beds.  I wasn't about to fight 
over another
rug so I simply made the bathroom off limits to him.  He got the picture.  I 
better too, its
0022, and if I want to run tomorrow I better hit the sack now.


1348 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

	The knocking on my office door reveals a female Petty Officer I'm not
familiar with.  "Enter."
  "Good morning ma'am.  Captain Sebring asked me to give these to you."  Ah, 
she
must be his new clerk of court.  This should be the verification of the 
Travis case being
placed on the docket.
  "Thank you Petty Officer, dismissed."
  "Aye-aye ma'am."  Well now let's see... yeah, here it is.  Next week 
Wednesday,
1320 hours, Article 31 hearing into Colonel Travis case.  There's also the 
standard
memo that Captain Sebring wants to see Mattoni and me today at 0910 sharp.
Crap that gives me about 15 minutes to get going.  He always does this.  Any 
time he
presides over a big case or a potential media nightmare he likes to meet the 
lawyers
ahead of time.  It's always about the same old thing, he doesn't want the 
media involved
if at all possible.  He's always been like this, but even more so after his 
own trial.
Walking through the bullpen, I can see through Harm's office window that the 
stack of
files on his desk continues to grow.  I saw Tiner add what had to be three 
dozen files on
top of the pile yesterday.  For some weird reason they're all being sent to 
Singer
through some processing error.  She was really getting pissed off by the 
stream of files
although it's got to be coming to an end soon.  Harm's gonna to go insane 
with all the
paper work when he gets in.  Hmmm... probably not a good idea to drop that 
budget
submission of his lap too, but it would be funny to see his reaction to it.

	He's cute when he flustered like that.  I can't stop thinking about it.  I 
saw
him coming out of the Admiral's office with this big, thick stack of files 
in his arms.  I
couldn't help it, but I almost started laughing out loud.  Then he puts on 
this cute little
protest of not caring and marched himself right into his office.  I finally 
did start laughing
when I reached the safety of my office.  Now three hours and fifty-nine 
minutes later I
can see him rolling his head around from the bullpen.  I've decided to 
rescue him with
lunch.  Just as I reach the door however, I see him reach down into 
something and pull
out this huge cookie!  Harm eating junk food?  Just what the hell happened 
to him on
that carrier?  A quick knock and a wave and I'm in as fast as possible.
  "Is that a cookie?"  I've got him on the spot right now; I just want to 
hear him admit
that he's eating junk food.
  "What, this?"  Oh he's got this smart-ass smile on his face.  He thinks 
he's so cute...
and he's right.  "I believe it is, want one?"  Oh you bet; sharing junk food 
with Harm, this
is a first.  It's one big, warm, fuzzy feeling all over.
  "Thanks."  Holy cow, he's got a treasure trove of goodies in here.  
Brownies, fudge,
and two kinds of cookies.  These all look home made and I've got try what 
his fudge
tastes like.  I grab one of these huge pieces and practically fall back into 
one of his
chairs when I bite down into it.  Oh, now this is fudge!  This is a crime in 
progress, I'm
sure of it.  Surely there's a law against anyone who hates junk food from 
being able to
make it this well.  Although I'm sure he knows I like them I should probably 
tell him
too.  "Oh wow, these are fantastic.  Don't tell me you made these."  Oh 
please tell me
he did, this is something I'm definately going to want more of.
He just smiles back, "No my Grandma did."  Good, a family recipe.  Something 
I can
get my hands on later if I play my cards right.  Harm doesn't give out 
family recipes if
you get my drift.  "Got milk?"  He just smiles and takes a drink.  I better 
keep him in
line or else he'll think he can walk all over me with a smile and platter of 
chocolate goodies.
As soon as his mug hits the desk, I've swiped it out from under him and 
downed all of
the rest of his milk.  I can taste the oatmeal raisin cookie in it.  "You 
know I do."  His
shocked expression is a little irritating, I don't have cooties Harm.  He's 
still not saying
anything.  Well if he's going to be a statue, I'm going to get one of those 
brownies.  Oh
now he's come back to life, he's playing with me, teasing me with the tin 
just out of my
reach.  Fine, but I'm not playing that game.

	My exaggerated huff must have worked because his face looks apologetic.
"Oh calm down, these are all for you anyway."  I was about to retort about 
his assertion
that I was anything but being calm when the full message comes across.
  "Really they're for me?"  I'll shelve the question of whose idea that was. 
  Harm hands
me the tin lid and there's a note for me on it in this wonderful, flowery 
handwriting.
'To Sarah MacKenzie, I hope you like these.  Harmon said you would.  Don't 
let him
eat any of them, he's got plenty of his own.  And make sure he shares his 
with you too.
Sarah Rabb.'  So it was an idea from both of them... oh hold on, he's been 
eating out of
my tin!  "Hey that means you're eating 'my' cookie."  Harm doesn't say 
anything; he's
too busy smiling at me before cramming the last of that cookie in his mouth. 
  It is a
gorgeous smile though, easily worth a cookie.  "Thanks Harm, you'll tell 
your Grandma
thank you for me won't you?"  I'm giving him my best smile in return for the 
gift and I
know he appreciates that.  Now about that brownie; oh God this isn't a 
brownie, this is
chocolate cloud with frosting on top.
  "I will."  Good, now, on to lunch.
  "Look before either one of us ruins our appetite I was wondering if you're 
free for
lunch today?"  Harm doesn't look at me rather at someone or something 
outside his
door; I'm about to turn around myself when he speaks up.
  "I'd love to Mac, but I was kinda hoping to have lunch with Harriet.  Rain 
check?  Or
how about dinner at my place, we can swap stories about our days as JAGs 
aboard
ships."  Dinner... yes, dinner is good, dinner is really good.  When I heard
'I'd love to Mac, but...' My first thought was that he had plans with some 
leggy blond
already.  Harriet's definitely a blond I can handle him with.  The whole 
thing about our
days as JAGs aboard ships should be interesting.  Neither one of us really 
liked the other
while they were out there, but Harm doesn't seem to be holding an animosity 
against me
for not staying in touch with him.
  "Sure, what time?"  Now Harm looks surprised.  Maybe he isn't serious; 
maybe he
just wanted to throw that out there to be nice...  knock it off, Harm 
doesn't offer things
like that unless he means it.
  "2000 sound okay?"
  "Sounds great."  It is great, this is great.  The man I love has just 
brought me
homemade brownies, cookies, fudge, and on top of that is going to cook 
dinner for me
tonight.  I'm not even out of Harm's chair before I'm thinking about what 
I'm going to
wear.
  "Mac."  Harm's voice turns me around to face him as I reach the door.  
He's holding
the tin in his hand out to me.  I totally forgot about it in the euphoria of 
the moment.
  "Right, thanks."  Well that was a little embarrassing, but I couldn't care 
right now.
Several people are looking at me and my goodies, well they can't have any.  
I won't
apologize for being greedy or selfish right now either, my flyboy and his 
grandma
made them for me.  Hmmm... mental note, try not to get too mad when, and/or 
if Harm
ever becomes that possessive of me.  I seem to do it often enough and if he 
did the
same it would be an absolute miracle.

	"Are you sure you don't want me to go in and get him?"
  "No, I'll get him.  You have to be one of the parents to pick him up 
without prior
notice."  Harriet unbuckles her seat belt and hops out before I can persuade 
her
otherwise.  I'm sitting here in Harriet's minivan in the parking lot of 
A.J's day care center.
I found Harriet crying in the bathroom around 1540.  Bud had called, he'd 
asked her to
buy three bottles of Southern Comfort on her way back, they got into a fight 
over the
phone and whatever he said reduced her to tears.  I got the rest of the day 
off for the
two of us from the Admiral.  Harriet's been very good at keeping her private 
and
professional life separate and I think the Admiral's always appreciated 
that.  Now I find
myself in Harriet's minivan driving the two of them home... how am I going 
to get home
or to Harm's for that matter?  When the sliding door opens and A.J comes 
bounding in
all thoughts of transportation are immediately forgotten.
  "Hiya."  He's a sweet kid; I want one just like him.
  "Well hi there A.J, how you doing?"
  "I made planes with Billy today."  A.J triumphantly holds up a paper 
airplane made
from gray construction paper.  The nose has been dented from a number of 
head on
collisions with the wall or a bookcase.  Further investigation of the plane 
reveals the twin
tail fins of an F-14 glued on top and the initials USN on the side of the 
plane.  This is all
Harm's doing no doubt.
  "That's great A.J, but shouldn't this be United States Marine Corps?"  I 
ask fingering
the lettering on the side.
A.J's look of contempt is rather funny, "Uh-uh, gotta be Navy.  Navy fighter 
pilot."
  "Are you sure?"  A.J doesn't answer back, Harriet's already strapping him 
down into
his seat in the back and he's flying his plane as far as his arms will 
allow.  This has to be
what Harm was like as a little kid.  If we actually go through with this 
baby deal of ours
it's probably what our kid will be like.  Any child of Harm's is going to 
want to fly and
that's fine, but A.J's insistence of a Navy fighter pilot instead of a 
Marine is rather telling
of Harm's sphere of influence.  If they're going to be born with jet fuel in 
their veins
there's no reason why they couldn't be Marines instead.  Still... I'd 
probably be happier
if they weren't pilots at all.  Of course, Harm's going to have the 
advantage there too.
He's a third generation Navy fighter pilot, that's a lot of family history 
pushing for a
career as a Naval Aviator.  Let's face it, being a lawyer isn't the first 
thing people think
about when they think about the military.
  "Ma'am?"  Crap, Harriet's already in the passenger seat and caught me 
staring at A.J
with what I'm sure is a dreamy look on my face.  I can feel the heat rising 
to my cheeks
as I start the minivan.
  "So what's the fastest way out of here?"
  "Take a left from here and then a right at the first set of lights."  
Harriet has a soft smile
on her face.  I bet she's knows what I was thinking about and probably who 
I'd like to
have it with as well.


	"How is he?"
  "Out like a light."  It's only 1810 and for some reason Harriet's crammed 
all three of us
in one their guest bedrooms.  Before we got here, we stopped to get some 
groceries.
A.J was running up and down the aisles like a banshee before I ran him down. 
  He
burnt himself out and was almost asleep by the time we got to Harriet's.  
Harriet had
me put him down in here while she put away the groceries and for that I was 
grateful.
I'm still smarting from last weekend, I'm not ready to deal with Bud again.  
"What are
we doing in here anyway?"
Harriet looks away from me and over to A.J sleeping on the bed, "Because 
Harm didn't
want me in the same room as him and Bud."  Oh that's why, Harm's coming over 
and
she wants to hear what they're going to say.  "He'll be here shortly."  
That's certainly
an approach I never considered.  I've always had Harriet with me in the 
room, but I still
stand by my theory that only a professional is going to be able to help him 
and he has to
want to get help in the first place.  For the next ten minutes we sit here 
engaged in
meaningless small talk.  We could hear Bud in the living room drinking; I 
was almost
out the door to stop him when Harriet told me to leave him be for now.  
That's when
we heard Harm's vette pull up.  The window in this room offers a view of the 
driveway
and some of the front porch.  He's just sitting in the car, thinking about 
what he's going
to say probably.  I can see the model F-14 in his hand as he gets out of his 
car, boy he
never lets up does he?  For now it's models, in a few years it'll be radio 
controlled
planes and by the time he's twelve he'll have him up in Sarah and right 
where he wants
him.  A.J is going to be a pilot unless Harriet does something otherwise.  I 
don't think
Bud even cares about what happens to his son any more.

	After three rings, we can hear Bud getting up to answer the door.  Harriet
and I are sitting on a chair and the foot of the bed listening for Bud to 
let Harm in the
house.  We can hear the conversation at the door, but it's too quiet to hear 
anything
specific.  Eventually it sounds like Harm has managed to talk his way 
inside.  Now the
words are clearer, like he's in the living room, but we still only catch 
parts of sentences.
Something about Harriet, where she is, and Harm asking about a case she's 
helping
him out with.  That must be the excuse he used to get in.  Bud said 
something, but Harm
dismissed it.  Now there's some funny noise I can't quite identify.  "Are 
they drinking
together?"  Harriet looks at me and I can see the fear of that possibility 
in her eyes.
Harriet's off her chair and standing by the door now.  They're talking 
again, but even
Harriet can't really hear what they're saying.  Now the topic is about JAG, 
it's going to
get nasty in a little while, I'll put money on it
  'Oh come off it Commander you know damn well what I'm talking about!'  
Even
though this house is remarkably quiet, that came through loud and clear.  
Harm said
something back, but since he's not yelling we can't hear it.
  'Please, what the hell would you know about something like this?  We both 
know my
career's over.  So spare me your song and dance about not giving up. You've 
never had
a hard day in your life!  Everything comes so easy for you doesn't it?'  
Harm's reply is
something about Bud not knowing anything about his life, but it's still 
quiet and controlled
so we can't hear it all.  Always in control, story of his life.  The next 
couple volleys
between them are quieter or should I say Bud's are quieter.
  'Get out!  I don't need your pity...'  Well so much for Bud being...
  'Shut up Lieutenant!  Shut the fuck up!'  Well Harm's patience and his 
control seem to
be exhausted too.  I don't think I've ever heard him swear like that at 
someone.  'You
think you have so bad don't you?  Do you really think you're the first 
Lieutenant to
get injured and put his career in jeopardy?  Well get in line because I'm 
way ahead of
you!  I spent a month in traction and it took me another to learn how to 
walk again after
I crashed on the Sea Hawk.'  That I didn't know, Harm doesn't talk about his 
crash,
not with me, not with anyone.  I had no idea his injuries were that 
extensive, that he was
bed ridden like that.  He had to learn how to walk again?  If it weren't for 
the six minute
head start he gave me during the Jagathon, he would have beaten me easily.  
God,
I respect him even more now.  'At least when your stupid ass walked out on 
that mine
field you didn't get anyone else killed.  My RIO and friend died because of 
me.  Should
I keep going?  Let's see; Luke died, Jordan died, my dad spent the last 12 
to 13 years
of his life in hell before he died in Russia, Diane was murdered the night 
we were going
to discuss our future together.  I was planning on marrying her Bud!  So 
don't come to
me with this pathetic sob story, mine's much better!"  I was okay through 
most of that
list, the fact that Jordan's still on his mind bothers me a little.  I 
thought he talked to
Renee about it.  I can handle his father, his RIO and Luke.  But Diane... I 
knew they
were close and I knew he loved her, but I didn't know he was going to marry 
her.
Well that does clears up a few things.  Maybe that's why he doesn't commit 
to anyone
especially me.  His whole life has taught him that if he gets too close to 
someone they'll
either leave him, or die or both.  Jordan did both, so did his father 
although that certainly
couldn't be helped.

	'Sarah died you son of a bitch!'  I can see Harriet eye's brimming with
unshed tears when she turns back towards the bed.
  'Yeah she did, but at least you had a wife and son to hold on to.  I had 
nothing.  You
wanna know the real difference between you and me?  It has nothing to do 
with our
abilities as lawyers.  Your every bit as good if not better than I was at 
your age.  It's not
our past and it's certainly not our ranks.  When you open your front door, 
Harriet and
A.J are there waiting for you, loving you.  I open my door to a cold and 
empty
apartment.'  I can hear the frustration building in Harm's voice.  He's 
frustrated at Bud's
stubbornness and maybe at the current state of his own life.
  'Well you can have them for all I care.'  Now Harriet's beside me, crying 
on my
shoulder as we hold each other.  No words could fully express my shock at 
the
moment; he truly doesn't care about them.  He doesn't want them in his life. 
  I'm so
glad A.J didn't hear that.
  'I'm going to pretend you didn't say that or I'd knock you on your ass and 
then take
them.  Christ, I'd cut off my own leg to have someone like Harriet and A.J 
in my life.'
This is about as pissed off as I've ever heard Harm, but Harriet manages a 
small chuckle
at his declaration.  I wonder if she's ever thought about it since Bud's 
come home.  I'm
sure she has, who wouldn't want Harm to come riding in and carry them off.  
I'd never
tell Harm that much of course; I'm a Marine, Harriet's a Naval officer, 
we're both
strong, independent women, we don't need a man to do something like that.  
We don't
need it, but that sure doesn't mean we don't want it.  Nuns are strong and 
independent
too, but I'm tired of living like one.
  'What, so your blaming that on me?  It's not my fault you're a coward or 
that you're
incapable of committing to a woman.  But you can still have all that.  I 
can't get my
career back.'  That's true, even if Bud was to make an attempt to stay in 
the Navy, it
would be an uphill climb.
  'You know for someone who used to annoy the shit out me with that damn 
'Men of
Honor' movie, one would think you'd have taken a lesson from it.  He needed 
his leg,
but made it without it anyway.  You're a lawyer Bud; you don't need that leg 
to
survive at JAG or anywhere else for that matter.'  Well put Harm, Bud's a 
lawyer, not
a Marine, an Aviator, a SEAL or a Submariner.  Wow that's weird, we have a
representative from each of the major branches of Naval service here at JAG. 
  The
Admiral counts as two cause he skippered a destroyer.  That's as strong of a 
case for
the existance of fate as I've ever heard.  All of us ending up here like 
this.  'Yes it's
going to be hard, but nothing worth having is ever easy.  After my crash 
Diane, Keeter
and Luke all came up to my grandmother's farm and kicked me in the ass to 
get me
going again.  Mac, Sturgis, and I are going to do the same for you.  And 
you're going
to stop drinking and get some help or I'm going to hold you down and let Mac 
beat
the hell out of you.'  Oh... no, no, no flyboy, no.  You were doing fine 
before, Bud's
going really lash out now.

	'That's how it always is isn't it?  You and Mac, Batman and Robin, Butch
Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Flyboy and Ninja Girl.'  Damnit, he got those 
from me.
Just after that cruise missile flew past the Sea Hawk I remember muttering 
something
like, 'Well done Butch.'  Bud asked what that was about and I gave him the 
run down
of our previous nicknames.  He thought it was funny, now he's using it as a 
weapon.
  'What's so damn funny?'  I can't hear Bud's response.  It's like they're 
both catching
their breath before the shouting resumes.  There's a few more words said 
before Bud
starts yelling again.  A.J's still sound asleep and how that is, is beyond 
me.
  'Your the biggest joke anyone's ever seen.'
  'Is that right?'
  'Yeah, your the biggest moron out there.  Everyone talks about you behind 
your back.
How damn stupid you are when it comes to Mac.  Did you know there was an
unofficial office pool as to when the two of you would start dating?  It was 
disbanded
after you left to go flying again.'  Now I can't breathe, come on Sarah you 
can do it; in,
out, in, out.  Please tell me that isn't true.  "Harriet?"
Harriet's eyes tell me everything I need to know.  "I'm sorry ma'am, we 
just... the two
of you were so close..."  Harriet let's go of me and simply trails off and 
leaves it at that.
I know we're not as close as we once were, but that doesn't mean I love him 
any less
than I did back then, it just means I'm better at deceiving everyone else 
including myself.
  'Oh look, the great Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. is at a loss for words.  
This is a
first.'  Normally the use of 'the great' before his name would stoke his ego 
is
monumental proportions, but here it's more like a slap in the face.
  'You don't know the first thing about us.'  I don't think we do either 
Harm.
  'Did you get high off the jet fuel fumes on the Sea Hawk?  It's so damn 
obvious you
love her, but your too big of a coward to do anything about it.  That's why 
you were
mad at me for suggesting Mac see those prisoners during the tribunal isn't 
it?'  Was
that what it was all about?  It never occurred to me that he was trying to 
protect me.  I
just assumed he wanted to get in country and interview the prisoners.  He 
hates to be
out of the loop or out of the action for that matter.
  'That had nothing to do with it.'  I can't even see his face, but I know 
he's lying.  The
way he grilled me after I got back is enough to tell me that.  I didn't tell 
him anything
about the prison uprising, he didn't need to know.  Besides I don't want him 
thinking I
need a baby sitter following me around all the time.  It was a mistake 
getting that close
to the prisoners, I took a lesson from it and moved on, end of story.
  'Get out of my house.  You can't tell me a damn thing.  Your too afraid of 
the big bad
Marine to be of any use to me.'

	'What do you want from me?  Huh?  That I love her?  Of course I do.  I
love her more than anything in this world, but I've fucked up so many times 
with her that
nothing is ever going to happen between us.  I've blown every chance she's 
given me.'
Breathe, its imperative that you breathe Marine and now.  I... he... he 
loves me, he's in
love me, but he's given up...  I don't know whether to leap for joy or break 
down and
cry.  Harriet apparently thinks I'm going to cry because she's wrapped me up 
into a
hug, which I return in kind.  'Yes I love her; I want with Sarah what you 
have with
Harriet.  So maybe I am a coward in that regard, but this coward put himself 
in danger
to save your six and everyone else on the Sea Hawk.'
  'Don't think for a second I feel obligated to you.  You were doing you 
job, nothing else.
If you hadn't I'd hope the Admiral would court martial your ass.'  No, no, 
no get back
to Harm loving me.  How can they jump from subject to subject like that?  I 
swear one
day I'm going to find that bilge switch of his and break it.  Or maybe its 
just men in
general.  I know this is supposed to be about helping Bud, but... I want 
this, I want
Harm to talk about why he wants me.  I want to know why he wants me as much 
as I
want him.
  'That's right, you don't owe me anything, but you sure as hell owe Harriet 
and A.J
everything.  You think I'm a joke?  I'm not the one pushing away a wife who 
just wants
to be with me or a son who just wants to be by his daddy.  I wish to God my 
dad had
just lost a leg.  I could've lived with that in a heartbeat.  Of course, you 
might as well
be dead to A.J because you're hurting my Godson with your neglect and 
abandonment.
Harriet too.'
  'He's my son!"  Whoa is he mad.  That's how I thought he'd react too.  
Harm claiming
A.J as his own, yeah I think that'd do it.  A wife and son is the only thing 
Bud has that
Harm doesn't.
  'Then be his father damn it!  Don't become your father because that's 
exactly what
you're heading for.  That's what you're becoming.'  Harriet's responce to 
that is quite
adamant.  "Damn right he is.  I can't stand the man.  I don't understand why 
Bud and
Mikey worship him like they do."  I don't have an answer for that, maybe its 
some kind
of genetic thing built into them.  Sons will look up to their fathers 
regardless of how big
a bastard he is.  I know their dad roughed the two of them up, but they both 
still love
him.  I can't tell you how much I hated my father.  Seeing him on his 
deathbed made it
a lot harder to be mad at him.  Realistically it's probably the only reason 
I forgave him
at the time.  He couldn't hurt me anymore, he wasn't a threat anymore so I 
was safe
knowing that I could forgive him and he wasn't going to do something to me 
to make me
regret it.
  'I'm not my father!'
  'Good, then prove it.'  The rest is too soft to understand clearly.  I 
think they're talking
about their injuries from the crash and the mine.  Something about returning 
to JAG,
and quitting drinking.  You know this was all actually believable until I 
thought I heard
Bud agree to give up drinking.  You don't agree to it, you have to want it.  
I said things
like that to Uncle Matt tons of times before and even once after he dragged 
me up to
Red Rock Mesa to dry out.  Even he eventually realized it was my choice and 
that
nothing he did would make me give up drinking.  It's what AA taught me, I 
wanted to
quit.  That's why I was there, not because of Matt or some fear of becoming 
my father,
me and only me.
  "Ma'am I think they're leaving."  Harriet's right I can hear both of them 
moving about
the room.
  "Let's give them a few minutes before we come out."  It's 1856 and I still 
have no idea
how I'm getting home.  And do I confront Harm about this now, later or ever? 
  Backing
Harm into a corner isn't the smartest method of attack.  Tried that in 
Austrialia and it
blew up in my face.
  "About what Harm said..."  Harriet's got this big smile on her face.  Oh 
no you don't
Harriet, you're not gonna spread this around.
  "Please keep that to yourself Harriet."  Harriet only nods, but her smile 
has grown
even larger.


	"Bud?"  After five minutes we ventured out of the guest bedroom.  I can
hear Bud moving about the Kitchen, but Harm's no where to be seen.
  "You still like pineapple and ham on your pizza Harriet?"  Bud's half way 
into the living
room before he notices me standing next to Harriet.  His eyes are as wide as 
saucers,
I think he realizes what he unknowingly forced Harm to admit in front of me. 
  "Colonel,
I didn't see you come in."  His surprised, but respectful nod is apparently 
all I'm going
to get from him.  I'll take it, anything's better than last time.
  "I came in with Harriet."
  "I see..."  Well now what?  There are three adults in here, but I'll bet 
A.J could figure
a way out of this mess before we could.
  "Who do you want to order from?"  Thank you Harriet, she's leading Bud 
down the
hallway and towards the kitchen discussing the merits of Pizza Hut vs. 
Dominoes.  Now
I'm standing here in the foyer, I can see Harm sitting on the front porch 
staring into
space.  I have no clue what he's waiting for, for all he knows he's got 
about an hour to
meet me at his place.  Maybe he's waiting for Harriet to show up or 
something and I'm
at a loss as to what I should do now.  Confront him now and he might retreat 
into that
shell of his, never to come out again.  Or let him go and risk the 
possibility that he'll
never tells me how he feels.  I'd like to know exactly when my love life 
such that it is
became this complicated.  In the end it all boils down to this; I don't 
think I can risk
letting Harm go off and trust him to find the words on his own.  He's given 
up on the
idea that there ever might be an 'us'.  If this is my shot at happiness, I'm 
going to take it,
consequences be damned.

	Opening the door, I can tell Harm knows I'm here, but he's not looking
back at me so he still doesn't know its me.  "Harriet I'm sorry about all 
the yelling and
what I said.  I didn't intend to do that and I know the end doesn't justify 
the means.  I
just... I wanted to help, in anyway that I could."  Okay what do I say now?
  "I wish you could say some of those things to me."  Shit, that just 
slipped out and it lit
a fire under Harm's ass cause he just shot up and off the porch in a single 
burst.  His
mouth is agape like a fish out of water.  Okay this isn't going as planned, 
of course I
didn't have a plan, but I like to think it would've been better than this.
  "Mac?  How?"  Well that's easy enough I guess.  How I got here is about as 
easy as
the questions are going to get around here.
  "I drove Harriet home early in their minivan and we picked up A.J on the 
way
here."  There's a light dawning in his eyes now.  He must have seen my car 
in the JAG
parking lot before he left.
  "Did Bud know you were here?"  Oh please, does he really think Bud 
intentionally
suckered him into that confession of his.
  "No.  He was surprised to see me here though."  Now we're apparently in 
some sort
of staring match.  Part of him probably doesn't believe I'm really here.  
Come on
Harm say something; God, I heard everything!  I heard you say you love me.  
The
silence between us is absolutely crushing and I can't take it anymore.  "So 
you're not
going to say anything?  After everything you told Bud you're just going 
to..."  Damn it
Harm!  I have no idea where I'm going.  I still have the keys to Harriet's 
minivan in
my pocket; I need to get out of here and now.  I'll get my car and have one 
of the
Marines drive Harriet's minivan back here.  Harm's not trying to stop me, 
and how I
want him to.  If you want this at all, you'll stop me from leaving Harm.
  "Mac wait."  Thank you God!  Come on Harm; if you want me, come and get 
me.  I
can hear him running up behind me and he's spun me just around before I've 
reached
the minivan.  "Damn it Mac, stop.  Stop it right now."
  "Why should I?"  Tell me Harm, tell me you love me.
  "Because you're running away again."  Why does he insist on making simple 
things so
complicated?  And since when do I run away?
  "I'll thank you not to confuse your method of escape with mine."
  "The hell it isn't.  You did it on the Guadalcanal and your doing it now." 
  Okay maybe
he's right, but that didn't stop me from pushing him away.  Bud did things 
like that too,
bringing up all of my mistakes to throw it in my face.
  "I did not."  It's not my policy to admit to my own weakness.  That's the 
nature of life
in the military for a woman.  We have to be better than the men just to get 
an equal
amount of respect.  Now he's holding the minivan door shut.  Yeah, like 
that's going
to stop me.
  "Yes you did.  You took off before I could even answer your question and 
then hid
behind Gunny when I caught up to you.  You couldn't even give me 15 seconds 
of your
time.  But you made it perfectly clear that we were done talking when we 
needed it the
most."

	Now I'm mad, I've never hid behind anyone nor will I ever.  And exactly
what would he have said in those 15 seconds that would have turned the tide. 
  If he
couldn't answer right away about Renee, what was 15 more seconds going to 
matter?
  "Your a real piece of work Commander Rabb.  I'm a Marine; I don't need to 
hide
behind anyone.  Now move it."  Harm complies, resting his hands on his hips 
and
shaking his head as I open the minivan door.
  "Boy and I thought we were building something here."  Building towards 
what?  We
haven't gotten any closer in the last three months, if fact we've drifted 
apart.
   "Oh that's funny.  I might have said the same thing until you gave me the 
cold shoulder
in Italy to go off and get loaded with Sturgis.  Of course when Bud got hurt 
you ran off
to the Sea Hawk to avoid it all."  I can still remember feeling so lonely.  
My two friends
had just become heroes and suddenly for some reason they didn't have the 
time of day
for me any more.  Then Bud's injury allowed the one man I needed for support 
to run
back into the fray, leaving me to deal with it alone.
  "Yeah so what if I did?  I needed to get away and clear my head.  You of 
all people
should know what that's all about."  Okay I'll give him that one.  My time 
on the
Guadalcanal was definitely therapeutic.  I needed to find Sarah MacKenzie 
again; her
wants and needs had become buried and lost.  I'm glad I was out there, even 
if people
saw it as running away.  But none of that explains why he left.
  "Clear your head of what?  You came off that ship a hero.  What could 
possibly be
weighing on your mind besides the kind of metal they'd be pinning on your 
chest?"
  "You."
  "Me?"  That's all I can manage right now.  Harm's response came 
immediately and I
wasn't ready for it.  I thought it was Bud or the thrill of flying combat 
missions again, or
any one of a million excuses Harm could possibly give for remaining aboard a 
carrier at
war.
  "I came down out of that plane and the first thing out of your mouth was 
how dying in
a nuclear blast would have been a great way to go out.  Oh yeah, I would've 
gone out
in a big blaze of glory wouldn't I?  I couldn't take it anymore Mac.  
Sturgis doesn't
contemplate the ways in which he'd like to die either.  That's why we went 
out alone.
Do you long for death?  Because let me tell you something.  Death can only 
take you
away from me or me away from you.  Do you want that?  Cause I sure as hell 
don't,
especially after that mine when it almost happened."  Now in hindsight, it 
seems so
clear.  Bud and I met him on the deck, fighting our way through the cheering 
crowd to
welcome him back.  I made that comment and he closed his eyes and shook his 
head.
That's when he started to grow cold.  As if he could protect himself by 
distancing
himself from me.  I was right, we've gotten close, and he's afraid he's 
going to lose me.
Not to someone else, but to death and here I am talking about dying when 
that's the
preferred method fate chooses to take those he cares about away from him.  
His jokes
about cremation were there to cover up his fear.  I know that now.

	"Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"  That came out stronger 
than
I intended, but I need him to know he can feel free to voice his fears to 
me.  It's one of
the building blocks of any relationship; communication.  But that would 
require Harm to
give up his precious control.
  "What are you talking about?  I told you in Afghanistan I didn't want to.  
I thought you
knew how I felt about you.  Hell, I told you some people were in love with 
you at your
engagement party.  Who'd you think I was talking about?  Bud?  The Admiral?" 
  Of
course not...  that kiss we shared is all I've ever thought about from that 
night.  How
he pulled me to him and deepened the kiss, kissing me like I was the air 
that sustained
him.  Only now do I remember the look in his eyes when he said it.  His eyes 
had the
look of a wounded man who finally realized that he wanted something he 
couldn't have.
He was in love with me and now I've...we've wasted a year we can't get back. 
  "And
even more recently, before the tribunal when have I ever cooked us dinner 
before?  It's
always been take out for our working dinners."  Now that's not true, Harm's 
made
dinner for me before.  But that one time aside, it's been actual years since 
we've
done so, another lifetime ago.  After awhile I suppose it feels like none of 
it ever really
happened.  "And what do you call that night in Afghanistan?  Sharing body 
heat?  I
cursed everyone of those damn Hornet pilots for ruining one of the best 
times of my
life."  I called it wonderful before the bombing.  The fact that he loved it 
as much as I
did has a flood of warmth washing over me and spreading to places it 
probably
shouldn't.  "You've asked several different questions at times regarding us 
and here's
your answers.  Yes, I'm afraid of losing you.  I love you Sarah."  Oh, thank 
you God
he said it!  "So no, we're not going to wait an eternity and yes, I'd have 
given Renee up
for you.  I'd give anything up to have you in my life.  I've known as much 
since the day
after you've asked me that in Sydney."  Oh Jesus, that's why he wanted to go 
out that
night, if I'd known... okay let it go, focus on what he's saying now or 
you'll miss it and
look like a moron in front of the man who's pouring his heart out to you, 
only to you.
Backpedaling and leaning up against the minivan is the only way I can 
guarantee my
legs won't give out.  Now he's waving his hand back at Bud and Harriet's 
house.  "You
see that house, that family?  That's what I want, but none of my dreams of 
the future
mean anything to me if you're not there beside me."  He wants with me what 
Bud has
with Harriet.  This is the best day of my life and it'll only be topped by 
our wedding
day and the birth of our children.  I'm so wrapped up in those possibilities 
that I barely
catch his last few words, "Please say something."

	I didn't consciously decide to kiss him, it was more like an involuntary
muscle twitch.  Well if that's what the body wants I'm certainly not going 
to rack my
brain over why.  Harm is so good at... at this, at kissing.  I'm just 
melting now, he
could soak me up with a sponge.  I can feel his strong arms around me 
pulling me
closer in kiss similar to one I thought I'd never forget, but there won't be 
any goodbyes
today, more like hello.  Welcome home Flyboy, I missed you.  I swear they 
must teach
them how to kiss in flight school, smile too.  No flyboy would be complete 
without it.  It's
demanding and insistent at times and the rest of the time its barely there, 
a butterfly kiss.
I can taste the whiskey on his lips too... He was drinking with Bud; I'll 
have to talk to
him about that later.  This kiss is wonderful, but there'll be time for 
more.  I need to tell
Harm how I feel.  I've realized that Harm displays his feelings through his 
actions, not
his words.  He always has and I wish I'd seen it for what it was earlier.  
Today was
different because I forced the issue.  Then there's me; I may be a woman in 
love, but
I haven't acted the part or told him for that matter.  I think I can hear a 
quiet moan of
protest when my lips leave his.
  "Thank you Harm.  I love you too."  From my vantage point on his shoulder, 
I can only
see a part of his wide smile at my declaration.  Was he really that worried 
that I'd say
no?  Maybe I better lay some other fears of his to rest as well while I'm at 
it.  "I'm so
sorry about all that morbid talk.  I promise I won't speak of dying ever 
again."  I can
see him working that out in his head.  I know I told him to never to be 
sorry, but I
think I can afford to be a little weak in front of him once in awhile.  
Hopefully it'll show
him he can be the same with me, but I bet we'll have to work on that before 
it happens.
  "Don't make a promise you can't keep."  Stop it!  Marines don't giggle, 
but I can't
stop and I now that I think about it I won't.  I love this man.
  "I haven't yet."  I thought he'd like that.  That smile of his could light 
up the entire
eastern seaboard
  "Speaking of promises, I promised you dinner tonight didn't I?"  Damn 
right you did,
I'm hungry.  "Think you could come over right away as soon as we pick up 
your car?
I'm kinda on a roll here and I want to keep talking.  There are a lot of 
things we need
to figure out yet.  The Admiral and stuff."  What happened to him out there? 
  First, he's
eating junk food, then he's in love with me, and now he wants to talk?  
Could life get
any better than this?  Well there's only one thing to do.
  "Kiss me right now."  Mmmm... I have a lifetime of this to look forward 
to.  But if I
want dinner any time soon I'm going to have to end this kiss.  "I couldn't 
believe all this
was happening right now.  I just had to make sure this was real."
  "Don't you normally ask someone to pinch you to do that?"  What a smart 
ass; though
in a way its kinda refreshing.  I've missed the banter we used to have.  In 
love or not I
still need to keep in him in check.
  "Which would you rather do?"  There's enough mischief in Harm's eyes to 
make me
think he's actually debating pinching me as well.  Well let him try it and 
see what happens.
  "Ah touché."

	Harm only gives me enough time to throw Harriet's keys above her visor
and shut the door before pulling me into another kiss.  Afterwards he takes 
hold of my
hand as we walk to his car.  Mic... God what a time to be thinking about 
him.  Mic liked
to show off with huge displays of affection, like kissing me quite 
thoroughly in very
public places.  He was never satisfied with the simpler things like holding 
hands.  Funny
how these little nuances keep popping into my head.  I'd never interlace my 
fingers with
Mic either; it was like I needed to be prepared to drop his hand at a 
moments notice.
But with Harm, it's right where I want to be, where I need to be.  United as 
one... okay,
time to back off that thought before it goes any further.  As much as I'd 
love to have my
way with Harm across the hood of his car right now, this isn't the time for 
it.  Too many
other things need to be sorted out first.  We'll see what happens over 
dinner.  I still
haven't come up with any good ideas about what I should wear tonight.  Okay 
so
JAG, then my place to shower and change and then Harm's.  Harm, ever the 
gentleman,
holds the door open for me as I get in.  His dash around to the driver's 
side makes me
want to yell 'Chinese fire drill'.  He's smiling at back at me and since 
when do I blush?
I can feel it coming on, that and the rumble from the Vette's engine coming 
to life.  I'm
not some naive teenager in her boyfriend's new muscle car.
  "Are you ready?"  Ready to go or ready for the rest of our lives?  Yes to 
both please.
  "Yes I'm ready."  Harm just nods his head.  Apparently that's all Harm 
needs... that's
all we'll ever need.

The End

Author's Note:  Feed back is greatly appreciated whether you liked it or you 
just want
to scream at me.  E-mail me and do either one if you want.  A number of 
brave souls
asked for me to continue on with the dinner I'd planned for them and that 
definitely has
possibilities.  I've been tossing a number of ideas around in my head about 
it and I
promise if enough people ask for it, it won't take months to finish.