To Walk Away By Rita Widmer (lovewenn@hotmail.com) Rating: PG Disclaimer: JAG belongs to CBS and DPB. I’m just borrowing it for this story. AN: Thanks to Mac and Lauri for betaing! Spoilers: Impact Summary: After Mac's mission with Webb, she gets a new job offer. This was written based on some of the spoilers for season 8's last three episodes. ************************************************************************ Late May Mac’s Office, JAG Headquarters ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mac had only been home for a week from her stint working undercover for Webb and the CIA. Like her return from the Guadalcanal there was no welcome home party, or merry greetings telling her how happy they were to have her back. ‘I wonder if they would even miss me if I just left here forever. There are many other places that could use my skills and be appreciated,’ thought Mac to herself sadly. She was waiting for an important phone call from one of those places. She knew the Admiral would not be happy with her choice, but knew she had to get out of JAG. Her investigation had given her a chance to see what her skills could be used for, and she enjoyed every moment of it. She had no competition to hold her back from getting what she wanted; no longer would she be second to a certain man, and most importantly, she could leave that man behind. The phone startled her out of her thoughts, “Colonel Mackenzie.” You had “answered Mac.” here but I deleted it because obviously it’s Mac answering since she responded with her name. “I just got done talking to him. He is not very happy with this, and you should hear from him soon,” replied Clayton Webb. “Thanks, Clay, for all your help. It means a lot to me.” “No problem, I would have recruited you sooner if I thought you would be willing to leave JAG. We are going to need you even more once we start fighting a war with Iraq.” “I know, and I want to be able to use my skills for some good. I gotta’ go, Clay, Harriet’s here.” “Bye, Mac, and good luck.” “Bye, I’ll talk to you later.” Mac looked up at Harriet’s surprised face. “Ma’am, I know its none of my business, but are you leaving JAG?” “You can’t tell anyone this, Harriet, but Mr. Webb has offered me a job that is hard to pass up.” “But Ma’am, what about JAG and your friends here?” “You’ll see me around. I may even work with JAG on some investigations. I just won’t be here every day. Harriet, was there something you needed?” “Aww, yes, the Admiral wants to see you ASAP.” “Thanks, Harriet.” Mac got up as Harriet started walking out. “Well it didn’t take him long, and I need to remember to shut the door.” She could remember every moment of that day she was offered the job. At first she had wanted to yell at Webb for thinking such ludicrous thoughts. Work for the CIA seemed way out there, but it became more appealing as time went on. ************************************ Month before On the airplane ~~~~~~~~~~~ “Mac, my bosses have asked me to offer you a job if this goes well. I guess while trying to choose a person to go undercover they saw all your skills, and think you could be an asset to the CIA,” said Webb anxiously. “They want me to be a secret agent for the CIA?!” asked Mac amazed and stunned. “You wouldn’t be doing that many investigations, but your knowledge of the legal system and your foreign language skills would be highly useful. You wouldn’t have to leave the Marine Corps either.” “I wouldn’t be sitting behind a desk all the time?” “Not always, we might need you to translate documents, but you could be sent overseas when we need translators and someone knowledgeable of the culture. On investigations, your linguistic skills would be helpful. This was not my idea, but I know that you would be great at this job.” “I really don’t know if I could leave JAG and everybody. Can I wait for this investigation to be over with to decide?” “Yes, of course, and remember that you could sometimes work with JAG like you do now.” “Thanks Clay, its been awhile...” she left the thought unfinished. ************************************ Late May Admiral’s Outer Office ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As the investigation had gone on. She found herself liking the idea. Now she just had to convince the Admiral of it, and ward off any sentimental words from Harm to change her mind. “Enter,” called the Admiral. Mac braced herself as she walked into the office. One look at the Admiral’s office told her this was not going to be easy. “Please sit down, Mac.” ************************************ Admiral’s Office ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Admiral A.J. Chegwidden sat behind his desk with Mac standing rigidly at attention in front of him. A strange sense of deja vu was coming over both of them. As they stared at each other waiting for him to speak. “Mac, sit down. I don’t really want this to be like last time. This time I want an explanation of why you want to leave her again, and I don’t want you to hold anything back. Lets get rid of all regulations, and be completely honest.” “Sir, this time it is not that I’m not happy about being here, or feeling like I’m unwanted. This opportunity is too big for me to want to turn down. It can lead to so many other opportunities that I would not have here. There isn’t one person here that doesn’t know that Harm will replace you one day as JAG. Some day I will have to leave here, because two high ranking officers don’t have a spot. Working for the CIA just means I will leave her sooner then planned. I will get a chance to work with JAG once in awhile just like we work with them at times.” “Mac, if you wanted to move on why not just tell me. I could have looked into other job openings. It might not have been right away, but there could be some positions that would provide you a place that would help you move up. Even some that would allow you to work here part time.” “I know you would, sir. That is not the problem here. I probably could have found something that would have suited me fine, but the CIA is offering me a job that will allow me to use all my abilities for the better good. I may never get recognized for my work, but in a time of a war we need everyone possible that knows a lot about Middle Eastern culture, language, and law should be called upon to help. I’m one of those people, and I could even pass as Middle Eastern if needed.” “I’m not denying that you can’t do this job, but do you really want to leave your friends here? Or your job? You could do more work as a judge, and in time you could be leading important cases.” Mac stood up, and went to attention before answering him. “Sir, I have made my mind up. I want this job position. If you have any respect for my opinion, sign the transfer papers.” “Colonel, I won’t sign these papers now. Not because I don’t respect your opinion, but to give you a chance to rethink this change. Give me a chance to look up other positions if you are so inclined to leave. In 2 weeks, if you want to work for the CIA still then I will sign your papers.” “But Sir!” The anger was peeking through her words. She was really getting tired of having her own ideas be put down by him and Harm just like when Harm was made judge. ‘Always someone that is laughing at my choices. Well I’ll show him, and everyone else I made the right decision,’ Mac thought to herself as stared forward. “If the CIA wants you that badly they will wait 2 weeks for your decision. Dismissed!” “Aye, aye sir.” Mac left the Admiral’s office more determined then ever to leave JAG. ************************************* That night Mac’s Apartment ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mac was looking over files from work that she knew would have to be finished before she left JAG in two weeks. She was not going to leave anything undone that could hinder her leaving. Concentrating hard on her work it took her a moment to here the knock on her door. The pounding got louder as she got closer to the door. She knew who it would be out there, and she was in no hurry to face him. He was her hardest opponent in her want to leave. Instead of just opening the door, she just commanded him to come in. She was really not ready for this confrontation. The look on his face told her all she needed to know about his reaction. There was no question that he was angered, but if she looked more closely she saw pain and sadness. “Harm, if you came over here to convince me not to leave don’t waste your breath. I’m taking this job offer no matter what anyone says. Even if it means resigning my commission to do so.” He looked down as he rethought his opening statement. He wanted to yell at her, and tell her how stupid her leaving was but he couldn’t. She was no longer going to listen to anyone especially him. Somehow he made the trip to the couch before he tried another attack. “If you don’t want to hear why to stay at JAG, at least, convince me why you should leave. The Admiral warned me, you weren’t going to listen to common sense after I learned from Webb that you are transferring.” “Listen to common sense?!! Flyboy, if I had more common sense I would have left ages ago. Instead I convinced myself that people wanted me there, and respected me as a lawyer and a person. Coming back from my undercover assignment, I figured out no one really did care. I had my first inkling of this after my TAD trip to the GuadalCanal. when no one welcomed me back, or congratulated me on rescuing over a dozen people’s lives. All I got when I received the medal was a sarcastic congratulations from the Admiral. I don’t care about the medal or the reception, but people cared more about my leaving then my coming back. You save an Admiral, and you get a DFC, and it is given by the President of the United States at the Rose Garden. I know its not a big deal to you, but it only adds to that big ego of yours. I want to do something more with my life then what I will ever do at JAG. Anyways they’ll kick me out of there one day, because Harmon Rabb, Jr. will be the next JAG.” Mac took a long breath trying to calm herself down. Harm fell into the couch after being stunned by Mac’s outburst. “Is...is that what you really think of me? I am sorry if I gave you that impression, Mac. I would have hoped you thought a little better of me then that. Sure sometimes I can be selfish, and let my own personal needs win over yours. I tried to be there in the end, and all I could think about as I try to disorient that missile was that you were in the direct line of fire of it and I would loose you. It was hard enough to loose you when you left JAG for Dalton, but I knew you were safe there. You would always be around, but I could so easily loose you in some mission for the CIA and I won’t be there to save you.” Harm gulped down the tears that were fighting to come to the surface. Mac’s heart softened as she looked at Harm. “I’m not leaving you, Harm, I’m leaving JAG, and we will work again on investigations just like the old days with Webb. We may even go up against each other in court once in awhile. I’m going to miss seeing your goofy little flyboy grin each day at work, but I gotta do this for myself.” She sat down next to him, and took one of his hands. “We can have dinners together and send emails and talk on the phone. You mean too much to me to completely let you go.” There were no more words said between them until he left later that night. They just held each other, and later watched a little TV to enjoy a little time together. Harm knew he had to let her go from JAG, but he knew she would never leave his life. ************************************ Admiral’s Office Two Weeks Later ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AJ stood in front of Mac looking for any sign that she had changed her mind about the CIA transfer. Her face was full determination, and it had not wavered since she left this office two weeks ago. “Did any of those other positions appeal to you? I’m sure I can get you any of them with your experience and my recommendation.” “None of them are bad, sir. They are missing something that I want from my next position, and as long as I don’t have a family or anyone else waiting for me back home this is the perfect job.” ‘Did she not realize that they would all care if something happened to her? Especially a certain commander?’ AJ thought. “Mac, I know I’m not alone in feeling that if something happened to you we would miss you very much. At least you should know Harm would.” Mac barely controlled herself from rolling her eyes. She couldn’t believe it especially after her last two dangerous missions. “Permission to speak freely?” He nodded. “If you guys felt that way then why did it feel like no one cared that I had come back safely after my last two missions. It was like no one cared I had left nor the work I did there.” “Mac, we did care. Harm came to me every free chance trying to get updates. When I finally got the news I found Harm, Bud, and Harriet sitting together worrying over you. No one wanted to bring it up, and talk about a hard subject for all of us. We were all proud of you.” “Thanks, Sir, I’m glad you guys care, but I got to do this for myself. Please sign my transfer papers?” “If this is what you really want then I will do it. We’ll announce it tomorrow at staff meeting. Harriet probably will want to throw a going away party for you.” “That is not necessary, Sir. She shouldn’t go to all that work for me. May I be dismissed?” “Yes, dismissed Colonel.” “Aye, aye Sir.” *********************************** Mac’s office Lunch time ~~~~~~~~~ “So you are transferring to the CIA?” asked Harm walking into her office. “Word passes here quickly. Tiner must have gotten the paperwork.” “When it’s Tiner it does. I guess I was hoping you would change your mind.” Looking out the door, she noticed people watching them. “Why don’t we talk this over lunch at the park where we can have privacy?” He nodded his head, and they left to get their food and head to the park. Harm was the first to talk, “You know I’m going to miss you? It just won’t seem the same working without you.” “I know, and I will miss you too. I will be mostly working alone unless on some investigations, and if the CIA needs JAG we’ll work together again. As long as you’ll be here when I come home to greet me I will make sure to come back from any that take me away.” “You know I will. Just call and I will come running even in the middle of the night, and you need a ride home from the airport.” “Well I wouldn’t let you do that when you won’t be awake, and could get into an accident. I would feel so guilty. Is Harriet planning a party?” “You should talk to her, Mac. She doesn’t understand why you want to leave.” “I think you are the only one that does understand, Harm. Come on we need to head back to HQ its getting late.” ************************************ McMurphy’s Going Away Party ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Harriet hadn’t allowed her to forget about doing a going away party. ‘Harriet should be a lawyer with her persuasion skills,’ Mac thought to herself as she entered. Mac noticed Harriet rushing towards her as fast as someone could that is 8 months pregnant. “I’m so glad you allowed me to throw this for you, Ma’am. It would not be fitting for you to go without a party.” “I know, Harriet. How’s the baby girl doing?” “Very well. Everything is going to be all right this time.” “Yes it will. I will do everything in my power to be around when she is due.” “Just refuse to leave.” “Refuse the CIA? The outcome of that sounds dangerous.” “As a Marine, you can always transfer if they threaten you.” “And a Marine never steps down from a fight. I’m very excited for this job. Its going to be an opportunity of a lifetime for me.” “We may not seem like it, but we all are proud of you. We know that you can do it better then anyone else.” “Thanks, Harriet. I’m glad someone has confidence in me.” “No one wants to lose you, Mac, that’s all.” “Come on lets join the party.” The party would stick with Mac for a long time. She hated saying good-bye to her work family at JAG. They had allowed her to be who she wanted to be, and be even more then she thought she could be. Now she was moving on to a job that she would find would use her skills very well. Time though would only show if she could be as happy as she thought she would be. The end