Title: The Tale of the Two-Headed JAGgon Author: Lisa Parker E-mail: mzgriffon@aol.com Rating: G for just good clean fun Classification: Most Humorous Spoilers: Anything up to and including Season, Written for the Shipper List 2001 Virtual Season Summary: When Harriet and Bud take a well-earned second honeymoon, Mac and Harm take over as weekend warriors...uh, sorry, meant to say parents. Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people. And it's a really good thing, too. Because if I did we would have had THE wedding some time after the first trip to Russia and we wouldn't be on the air anymore. Sunday Night 7:00 PM Roberts' Residence Rosslyn, VA "Harm... I still don't see why they just couldn't have picked him up at my place..." Mac teasingly griped as she trudged up the stairs carrying a sleepy toddler, a diaper bag, and the collapsible sassy seat. Harm followed with the new playpen, the car seat, and two bulging bags from Toys'R'Us. "That wasn't part of our original deal with Bud and Harriet. So, suck it up, Marine," he replied. "Well, I think we should just hand them AJ and then run like hell." "Cute, Marine, but there are stitches to explain and that's going to take some time." Mac rang the doorbell with the only available appendage she had---her elbow. Harm leaned against the door balancing his burdens on the floor. There was a slight delay answering the door and giggling could be heard on the other side. Harm and Mac exchanged raised eyebrows and smiles. Harm nearly toppled into the apartment when a smiling Bud swung the door open. Only his jet jock reflexes kept him from any further indignity. Bud took one look at the trio at the door and his face promptly dropped. "What the hell happened?" For the first time in all the years the three had known each other, the senior officers actually looked a bit sheepish under the scrutiny of the young lieutenant. Not cowering in the face of overwhelming terror, but contrite in the face of paternal concern, Mac and Harm exchanged looks. "Get in here you two. Ma'am, Harriet's in the nursery. Why don't you take AJ in there and get him to bed? Sir, why don't you set that stuff by the door and I'll get you a beer and then you can explain it all to me." Mac gave Harm a quick smile and made her way into the apartment to find Harriet so she could unburden her quaking arms. Harm soon found himself on the couch looking at his shoes, the coffee table, out the window anywhere but at Bud. "Now, Bud, all I ask is that you keep an open mind. The events of this weekend were beyond our control. You know Mac and I would never do anything to intentionally put AJ in harm's way..." "Just tell me what happened, Commander." Taking a quick sip of his beer, not for liquid courage or anything he thought to himself, and then he began. "Well, after Mac dropped you off at the airport..." Cut to: Friday 4:30 PM JAG Ops Falls Church, VA Mac leaned against the doorway of Harm's office and heaved a huge sigh. Harm looked up from his work. "Hey, Marine. What's the matter? Have Harriet and Bud left yet? Don't tell me they backed out? They should already be in the air to Hilton Head." "No, no. I got them to the airport in time. It's just. . .I got a call from the Navy Yard. They think they may have found the evidence I need for the Goddard case that begins on Monday." "So why the long face? You need that evidence if you want to get past the Article 32." "I know, but they want me to come over now and help them pull it together. If I go, can you pick AJ up for me from the sitter and I'll pick up some takeout?" "Sounds like a fair trade to me. I think I can manage that, but why do you have to go? Can't NCIS pull the evidence?" "They would, but since we are already set for trial, they won't. They want me to come because the case already has JAG's stamp on it. And since I just put my assistant on a plane to sunny South Carolina that leaves me to do the dirty work." "Well, considering Goddard's duty station was the dump, I think dirty work about sums it up. . ." Harm laughed at the look Mac shot him before continuing. "Don't worry about us. I'll get AJ and meet you back at your place. I know you're disappointed, Mac, but we can do Chuck E Cheese tomorrow night instead." Cut back to: Sunday night Mac helped Harriet change AJ into his sleeper and put him down to bed. "So I told Harm we'd go to Chuck E Cheese Saturday afternoon. You know how he is about video games. I have to keep two extra rolls of quarters in my purse whenever we go to the Mall or the movies these days. God, help me if we run out of quarters... Anyway, I got back to my place sooner than I thought. Harm wasn't there yet with AJ, so I thought I would soak the stink off of me for a while and I was all set to take a bath. Cut to Harm and Bud in the living Room. "So as I walk in her apartment with AJ in tow the phone rings. Since, I don't see Mac anywhere, I answer it. It's NCIS. Seems they found more evidence and they need her down there to pick it up. That's when she comes out of the bathroom and being the reliable guy that I am, I pass along NCIS's message. Well, you'd think I was telling her she had to go through basic again. I thought she might kill the messenger. Mac stood. . ." Cut to Mac's Apartment Friday Night Mac stood in her robe as Harm delivered her summons out to the trash barge in the middle of the Potomac. "Better dig that uniform out off the hamper, Mac...No sense in ruining another." At her questioning look, he responded, "That was NCIS. They think that evidence you are looking for is on the verge of being lost at sea unless you get out there tonight. And take it from a man with experience, once it's in the water, chances of finding it are slim to none." "Don't even joke about that, Harm." She stared him down for a moment before walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water. After filling her glass she turned and leaned on the sink, while Harm and AJ waited to see what else she had to say. "No, I am not going back to that...that cesspool. Harm, have you ever been on a garage barge? No, you haven't. It smells really, really bad. And that in turn means I end up smelling really, really bad. I'll just call them back and let it go to the bottom of the ocean for all I care." Harm regarded her for a moment before stating, "Uh, Mac you may want to rethink that...they may also have the accomplice, too." "Oh, damn! You just had to go and tell me that, didn't you? What is there a This Old House Marathon on PBS tonight you didn't tell me about and you wanted to hog to the TV, too?" Without waiting for him to respond, she pushed past him and into her bedroom, closing the door loudly behind her. "This probably wouldn't be the best time to make a comment about her going dumpster diving, huh?" Harm looked at little AJ and shrugged. "I guess your Auntie Mac doesn't think I'm that funny." AJ disagreed. "Funny. Funny, Unca Hahm." Harm smiled, took his hand and they went into the kitchen to see what they could find for dinner. Takeout was now out of the question. While they were opening cabinets and digging through drawers, Mac changed back into her old uniform. A little calmer, she paused in the doorway and watched Harm and AJ inspect the contents of her kitchen. There was something very right about the sight of her two favorite men puttering around in her kitchen. After another moment, she announced her presence. "I don't know how long I will be. Can you take AJ back to your place tonight? We'll meet tomorrow morning. There is no reason to make him sleep in two strange places." Harm flashed her a grin. "Not a problem. I'll take Jingo, too. Wouldn't want the old boy to feel neglected." At his thoughtfulness, she quickly closed the distance between them and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Harm." With a last look, she turned and headed out the barge. Cut to Roberts' Kitchen Sunday Night Harriet and Mac sat in the kitchen sipping tea while Harm and Bud were in the living room. "So, while I went in search of the missing evidence, Harm stayed with AJ. I thought I was the one in for a rough night, but your son and my dog may have gotten the best of the Navy's golden boy. Because when I got there..." Cut to Saturday Morning: There was no answer at the door so Mac let herself in with her key, thinking that Harm had taken AJ and Jingo out for an early walk. "Mac, Mac. Mess, mess!" AJ cried in greeting. "Hey, Big Guy. What are you doing up and where's your Uncle Harm?" "Bed. Night, night," AJ quipped as he ran toward the sleeping area. Mac started to follow, but with each step she heard crunching under her feet. She looked down. Apparently AJ had been up for some time and redecorated the floor with cereal and dog food---never let it be said that Navy kids are anything but self-reliant and loyal to their four-legged friends. Just then a boxer clad Harm came stumbling out of the bedroom blowing raspberries into AJ's wiggling tummy. "Mac!?" he said looking up in shock. The sight of Mac standing in his apartment first thing in the morning threw him for a loop. Before the last vestiges of sleep---or fantasy---cleared his brain, he wondered why she was wearing so many clothes. "Harm!" she replied with mock surprise. "What you doing here so early?" he asked as he placed AJ back on the floor and made his way to the coffee pot. Gesturing at AJ's interior decorating attempts, she replied, "Cleaning up Cheerios and Kennel Ration, I guess. Didn't you hear him get up?" Absently rubbing his chest, he said, "I guess not. I set up the playpen in the living room when AJ fell asleep last night and ..." They both turned toward the playpen, or rather, what was left of the playpen. The small hole in the fabric mesh that Harm noticed the night before was now the size of Seattle and Jingo was resting comfortably inside amongst AJ's stuffed animals and books. "Ingo. Eat, eat," AJ sang as he crawled in after the old dog with a hand full of cereal and dog food and placed it by his nose. Both adults had to suppress the laughter that bubbled up so as not to encourage any more of the toddler's antics. Breathlessly, Mac cried, "AJ Roberts, get your six out of there right now and help me clean up this mess." Even at two, AJ knew not to mess with this Marine. He scrambled to his feet as Mac reached into the cabinet and got the broom and dustpan. Cut to Harm and Bud in the living room: "So, she and AJ attempted to clean up the dog food and cereal while I started making breakfast. But instead of giving AJ the dustpan, which would have been the bright thing to do, she gives him the broom." Bud shook his head in amusement. Two years with a toddler and he knew where this was going. "Only AJ decides it's a sword and starts punching the air with it. I grabbed it away from him just before he took out the lamps over the island." Cut to Saturday Morning: "Hey, Mac, you want to watch what tools you give him. He's only two and shouldn't be wielding objects taller than he is," Harm scolded as he put the broom back in its proper place. "Oh, Harm. You're such an old fuddy-duddy," Mac retorted. "Come on, AJ. Let's get this thrown out and then we can take down the playpen and get it out of the way." After dumping the contents of the dustpan in the trash, Mac went into the living room and bent down to coax the old dog out of the demolished playpen. Jingo slowly got to his feet and ambled out. He took up a new post on the adjacent couch and promptly went back to sleep. While AJ took out all the books and animals and put them in a pile in front of Harm's desk, Mac struggled with the support brackets that kept the sides up. "Harm, did you Super Glue these in position?" Mac grunted. "Hang on a second. I'll give you a hand," he answered as he finished setting out yogurt and bagels. "No, I got it...Ouch." Mac sat sharply down on the floor holding her hand as it bled all over the area rug. Hearing her thud more than her cry of pain, he asked absently as he poured the coffee, "What did you do?" "Well, I think I was just assaulted by an overused playpen slash doghouse. You got a towel?" Mac said walking toward the kitchen "Let me see that. Do I need to call 911?" Harm said as he pulled her to the sink to wash the cut out and see how serious it was. "Kiss make betta, Unca Hahm," AJ piped in while he climbed onto the counter, using the drawer pulls as steps, to get a better view of the gore. "Sorry, Sport. I think this is going to require stitches. Man, that's deep, Mac," Harm whistled as he examined her hand. "No way. I am not spending today in the ER, Harm. I spent last night digging around a dump. You promised me the zoo and Chuck E Cheese. You are not getting out of it that easily...Find some butterfly strips and a band-aid and I'll be fine." "Mama would kiss," AJ pouted. To make his point, he reached over and pulled Harm's head to Mac's hand, "Kiss, kiss, Unca Hahm. Betta. Make betta." "Yes, Uncle Harm. Kiss," Mac smiled raising pouty lips and closing her eyes. Harm smiled back wickedly and quickly bussed the heel of her hand right above the laceration. "Hang tough, Marine. Let me see what I have in the medicine cabinet." Cut to Harriet and Mac "So, Harm comes back with every first aid supply he owns and proceeds to use them all on my hand. Even if the 'vette did have a backseat for the car seat, I wouldn't even have been able to change gears...so Harm got stuck chauffeuring us around all day...." A couple hours later after everyone was fed, walked, infused with caffeine or squared away depending on their individual needs - the quartet of human and beast finally got down to the serious business of having fun. A trip to Toys 'R Us was in order to replace the playpen and during the excursion neither Harm nor Mac felt compelled to deny AJ anything. So in addition to the playpen, there were loud and annoying play sets of car dashboards and aircraft cockpits, and the latest in picture books and TY Friends. Cut to Harm and Bud in the Living Room: "At the checkout counter, Mac and I were mistaken for AJ parents. Don't get me wrong Bud, I love your little guy like he was mine, but please. How exactly would a brown-eyed brunette female and a green-eyed brunette male create a blue-eyed blond child?" One glance at Bud told Harm he had asked the wrong person. Holding up a hand to fend off any discussion of Punnet squares and recessive genes, Harm continued, "I just meant that only a blind person would see any connection there. . .Anyhow, as we were loading the car Mac's cell phone rang. . ." Cut to Harm and Mac in the Toy'R'Us parking lot: "Hello?" Mac answered wearily. Everyone that she wanted to hear from was standing right in front of her or accounted for, so she doubted the call could be good news. She listened for a few moments before answering. "Yes, I'll go take a look. Of course, I'll go. You're not giving me much choice, Agent." Mac waved at Harm to turn around as she reached for a pen and began writing down the information using his back as a desk. "Yes, thank you. You have a nice day, too," she added sarcastically. Having heard Mac's end of the conversation, Harm finished putting AJ into his car seat and asked, "Where to?" "Harm, you don't have to come with me. Let's just go back to your place and I'll get my car." "Mac, did you forget about your little mishap this morning? How are you going to drive with your hand wrapped? Just get in and AJ and I will take you wherever you need to go." Harm held her door open and helped her into the SUV. Closing her door, he quickly walked around the front of the car and climbed into the driver's seat. "You know, you never did tell me what you found last night, or for that matter, much about this case at all." "First Sergeant Goddard stands accused of theft of government property. Namely, other people's trash." Mac began as Harm maneuvered the vehicle through the parking lot and into traffic. "You're kidding? Right. The Navy owns our garbage?" "They most certainly do, especially if you live on base and the Navy picks up your trash," Mac reminded him. "But that's really beside the point. Did you know how easy it is to steal someone's identity just by using the stuff they throw out? Anyway, Goddard is somehow connected to a ring of grifters operating in and around DC, at least that's what NCIS says. He steals the trash from personnel who are about to ship out. Then he uses what he finds to get credit cards in their name. By the time, they get back from TDY or overseas deployment, they're bankrupt and their credit is shot." "We only got this far because Goddard made the mistake of picking the trash of an Intel officer who accidentally tossed a credit card receipt from an undercover assignment and used it to secure a credit card. Well, that started ringing bells from here to Langley. NCIS was able to arrest him based on the fact that as the sanitation officer on the base, he was the last one to handle that particular load. Plus, with a little help from DC Metro, we found him on a surveillance tape arguing with a known felon whose specialty is fraud." "Goddard says he's an artist and only uses other people's trash to create multi-media art. However, a search of his quarters turned up no works of art, just bank records with more money than a First Sergeant should have." Harm just looked at her and with as straight a face as possible, given the wild tale she told him, said, "So he's either a con-artist or a fine artist? Why, Mac, it gives a whole new meaning to that old cliché...one man's trash, another man's treasure." He laughed out loud at his own joke, and Mac had to join in. "So, just where are we going?" "Last night, NCIS said they might have discovered that Goddard had an accomplice. But they just now gave me the address based on the phone calls he's been making from the brig to a number in Baltimore." "Do you want to stop at your place and change into a uniform?" "No. Apparently this is not a military install so I think we will be OK in civvies. Plus, I don't want to waste anymore time driving all the way across town and back. We are burning daylight here." Cut to Mac and Harriet in the Kitchen: "Well, the trip to Baltimore took three times as long as it should have. Traffic on I-195 was backed up because of a collegiate rocket competition at NASA Goddard Laboratories and an Orioles' game in Baltimore." Mac continued the story. "By the time we got to Harborplace---you know that art district near the waterfront?" Harriet nodded. "Well, breakfast was a distant memory." Cut back to Harm and Mac in the SUV: "Guess Chuck E Cheese is out for today, too?" Harm asked as they stopped for a light. "Would you like a little cheese to go with that whine, Commander?" Mac retorted, her temper getting thin in the wake of the long hot car ride. "AJ could care less whether we get there today or before his next birthday as long as he gets something to eat in the immediate future. Go find a place for lunch, while I handle this suspect. . .or accomplice...or whatever the hell this case is leading to." Teasing, he said, "And I thought sailors had foul mouths..." Seeing that Mac was again not amused, he contritely offered, "Why don't we all get lunch and then we can all go?" "No. The sooner I get this over with the sooner I can start enjoying this weekend," Mac insisted. "Oh, look. . .a Ho's House of Noodles. Perfect. You can introduce AJ to tofu lo mien, while I take care of business. Then, if we still have time, we can at least go to the park." "Mac, you can't ditch me like this. I don't even know where you are going." "I'm not ditching you. Meet me at 1460 Calvert Street in an hour. It's a block and a half down that way. I should be done. . .I better be." With a quick wave and a blown kiss to AJ, she was out the door and on her way down the street. "Mac! Mac!" Harm shouted after her. It was useless though; she was swallowed by the Saturday afternoon crowd, before he could park the car and get AJ in the stroller. "Eat, eat. Unca Hahm. Peas," AJ cried as they started across the street. Harm had little choice but to do as Mac suggested. Back to Mac and Harriet: "So I left Harm with AJ and went in search of the address that NCIS had given me, never expecting to actually find what I did..." Cut to Harborplace: Mac checked the slip of paper in her hand once more to make sure that she had the right address---1460 Calvert Street. There was no question that she had the right address, but looking at the sign hanging over the doorway, she couldn't imagine how "Gilded Arts" could be involved with Goddard's antics. Shrugging her shoulders, she pulled the door open and walked in. As she stepped aside to allow the couple behind her to enter, she realized that Gilded Arts was a gallery of some type. Glancing around, Mac saw works of art in all types of mediums. She was tempted to call NCIS and make sure they had given her the right address---and Heaven help them if they had screwed it up. However, Harm's bad joke about Goddard being either a "con-artist or a fine artist" popped into her head, so she decided to see what she could find out. Glancing around the gallery, she tried to decide who actually worked there and who was just checking out the exhibits. It seemed both the clientele and staff had a penchant for black. Mac almost felt as though she had walked into a bad film noir. Her actual use of color when selecting her wardrobe must have drawn attention, because as she was trying to decide whom to approach, she was startled when a hand dropped on her shoulder. Jumping slightly, she turned to find herself face to face with a gaunt young blonde. She spoke, but Mac didn't hear a word she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." The moment the words were out of Mac's mouth she felt the eyes of the patrons turn from the exhibits to her. The young woman spoke again. Mac swore she was whispering. "I just asked if you needed any help." At least that is what Mac thought she said. She wasn't exactly sure. Deciding to maintain the status quo, Mac lowered her voice as she responded. Since she wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, Mac kept her answer vague. "I need to speak to the owner about a private manner." "Well, Yancy left for lunch about two hours ago, so he should be back within the next hour or so. If you would like to wait, you are more than welcome to take in the exhibits or I can leave him a message and he will get back to you..." The "whenever" was left out, but the wave of her hand told Mac that she had best wait on Yancy if she ever wanted to hear from him. Forgetting to keep her voice down, she said, "Thank you. I'll wait." Immediately the already surreally silent gallery seemed to become even quieter as the patrons regarded the interloper. Mac quickly walked to the first painting she saw and pretended to study it. At least she guessed it was a painting since it was hanging on the wall and there were a few distinguishable brushstrokes amongst the other paraphernalia stuck on the canvas. Mac glanced down at the plaque indicating the title and artist and read: "Self-Portrait by Donny Bellas." Surprised she looked back up at the painting and tilted her head to the left and then the right and then back to left as she tried to find Donny. With a slight smile, Mac remembered why she had become a lawyer and not an artist. She just didn't get it, although in this case, she wondered who did. Idly she made her way through the gallery moving from exhibit to exhibit. The exterior of the building had been deceiving---Gilded Arts was much larger than she had expected. She wasn't even half way through. After forty-eight minutes had passed, she made her way back to the entrance and glanced around for "Gaunt Girl" as she had come to think of the gallery employee. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but Mac couldn't place it. Before Mac could pick her out, she saw a man striding purposely towards her. Glancing behind her to make sure he was actually heading her way, she waited somewhat apprehensively. He stopped a mere foot in front of her and seemed to take no notice of the fact that he was in her bubble. He seemed to critically inspect her from head to toe before nodding his head with approval. "Sindi was correct. You are simply marvelous." His affected English accent matched his appearance. He was tall, at least as tall as Harm, and had salt and pepper hair with sparkling green eyes hidden behind tortoiseshell frames. He was wearing pleated black slacks and, unlike his monochromatic assistant, had opted for a metallic green shirt with a matching tie ala Regis. "I don't believe we have been properly introduced. I'm Yancy Chambers. And while I could just call you beautiful, you must have a name..." Letting the question hang in the air, he reached out and took one of Mac's hands into both of his and brought it to his lips and placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles before releasing it. Mac was surprised by his actions, but flattered by his words. After a moment, she said, "Sarah Mackenzie." Before she could say anymore, she heard a familiar voice. "And I'm Harm." Mac and Yancy quickly turned to the speaker. Harm was glaring at Yancy even as he swooped down to pull AJ into his arms. Mac had no doubts that Harm had overheard and seen Yancy's flirtatious introduction and that he was not exactly a happy Sailor about it. When he came to stand beside her, she almost expected him to try and mark his territory in some typical alpha-male fashion, like placing a proprietary arm around her shoulder. The thought didn't annoy her as much as it should. While Mac was watching Harm's reaction to Yancy, Yancy was busy alternating between displeasure at the sight of a two year old in his gallery and openly admiring the fit of Harm's blue polo shirt across his shoulders. "Harm did you say? Yes, I can see how you might be dangerous." And to Harm and Mac's surprise, he winked at Harm. Harm's eyes practically popped out of his head as Yancy's meaning became clear. Mac worked to hide her smile. Rarely had she seen him this uncomfortable. Harm worked to find a suitable response. "Umm, actually, it is umm...short for Harmon." Smiling and waving to AJ, Mac said, "And this is AJ. Now that we have introductions out of the way, do you suppose we could get down to business?" "Ah, a beautiful woman who knows what she wants. Is there a more powerful aphrodisiac, Harmon?" Yancy asked putting the emphasis on the "mon." Harm had no idea what to make of Yancy---one minute he was hitting on Mac and in the same breath he was making a play for him. Harm wasn't sure which team he was batting for...he might even be a switch-hitter so instead of answering, he dumbly shook his head and let Mac do all the talking. But before she could ask Yancy about Goddard, AJ decided that Harm's arms were not to his liking. "Down, Unca Hahm, down." Harm immediately complied and kept a loose hold of AJ's hand as Mac began to question Yancy. "Yancy, does the name Goddard mean anything to you?" His eyes seemed to light up at the mention of Goddard's name. Little did Harm and Mac know that it wasn't Goddard, Yancy was seeing but, rather, dollar signs. "Surely you jest..." As Yancy began to speak, AJ started pulling at Harm's hand trying to wrangle free. Harm decided he could keep an eye on his two-year old charge, while listening to Yancy tell his tale, so he let go. Yancy was so involved in his story that he didn't notice at first. "Of course the name Goddard means something to me." Almost to himself, he said, "Some would say it means everything to me..." Smiling encouragingly, Mac asked, "What do you mean?" Yancy again seemed to study Mac, much as he had when he had first approached her, but instead of lingering on her physical assets, he seemed to be evaluating her trustworthiness. Finally coming to the conclusion that he could talk to her, he began. "This gallery is my life. A few years ago I came very close to losing it. I needed a hook. Something or someone that would bring in buyers and collectors, but just as artists sometimes find it difficult to find someone to believe in their work, I found it difficult to convince artists with any talent to let me display theirs. But finally one took a chance on me." Glancing at Mac from the corner of his eye, he wondered if she heard the violin music playing in the background too. The slight upturn of her mouth was all the confirmation he needed. Subtly he brought his now free right hand to his mouth to cover his smile. The sight of Harm's hand seemed to trigger Yancy's memory. Looking around him, he quickly demanded, "Where is that little rugrat you brought in here?" His English accent had disappeared as he spoke without thinking. Harm realized Yancy's sob story had been more entertaining than he had expected and while he had been listening, AJ had wandered off. AJ quickly bored of the adults talking and began to explore the visual playground before him. He looked at some of the pictures on the walls and wandered further and further into the gallery. He came to the sculpture area and tried to peak at the smaller pieces displayed on the tall box-like pedestals. As typical of most two year olds, AJ was not content to just look with his eyes. He needed to look with his hands as well. He was fascinated by the mushy surface of the fish tank he found. The giant yellow and brown furry caterpillar he saw climbing up the wall quickly distracted him and he ran his hand over the fur again and again. Eager to continue exploring, AJ moved on, until he came to the biggest piece in the gallery. He began to climb. He started at the tail and used the graduated drums as steps. Once he got to the back, AJ used the hubcaps, folded into scales, as more steps. He didn't stop until he got to the top and swung his little legs over the necks of the creature, and then he looked down. "Hep, Hep. Maaaaammmmaaaaaa!" he cried. Harm and Mac sprinted to the back of the gallery, when they heard AJ call for help. Mac nearly missed slamming into Harm as they skidded to a halt in front of AJ perched more than halfway up a scrap metal sculpture of a two-headed dragon. The dragon was made with various discarded auto parts, not the least of which was the faded yellow body of a Volkswagen Beetle tipped on its rear bumper. "Oh, my, God. Harm, that thing has to be twenty feet tall. How did he get up there?" Mac exclaimed. "I'm not actually as concerned about how he got up there as I am about how to get him down," Harm answered, scratching his head. "Hey, Yancy, you have a ladder or something we can use to get him down?" "Unca Hahm, get me," AJ cried harder as he began to lean over with his arms out. "No! No! AJ, sit still!" Mac screamed at the little boy. "We'll get you down in a second, just hold still." "That's it, I'm going up," Harm said as he proceeded to take the same path as AJ. "Harm, are you out of you mind? You outweigh AJ by about a hundred and fifty pounds. This thing could fall apart and send you and AJ crashing to the floor." "Then go spot us up front, Mac," Harm said, waving her off. "If he starts to fall, be ready to catch him." Cut to Harm and Bud in the Living Room: "Well, she was right because just as I got to the top with AJ, the damn thing fell apart. The two necks AJ was sitting on split away for the body and AJ and I nearly went down with them. Luckily, I was able to hand AJ off to Mac." Cut back to the gallery: Harm grabbed AJ around the middle just as the pipe 'necks' broke away and fell to the floor. "Mac, here take him and back away. I don't know if this thing is going to hold together much longer." Harm reached to meet Mac's outstretched arms and safely delivered their charge. "I got him, Harm. Now, you get down from there before anything else happens," Mac pleaded, her concern for his safety evident in her voice. She backed away from the beheaded beast, taking AJ with her. Just then the Beetle 'Body' began to sway. Harm looked around for any kind of foothold to balance himself only to find that there wasn't any to be found. Yancy and his staff had abandoned them to their fate. There was no ladder or scaffolding to climb onto. Harm began to ease his way down the way he came---or so he thought. He put his left foot on the front fender of the Beetle and sent the whole piece crashing down on its nose. "Harm!! Harm!!" Mac cried in horror. She ran back to where Harm was sprawled on the ground. By the time she reached him, he was already getting up, but Mac could see the blood dripping down the side of his face. Seeing him moving and pushing himself into a sitting position reassured her enough to joke, "Now who's going to need stitches, Flyboy?" With gentle fingers she searched his head for the cut. "Mac, it's not that bad." The crash finally brought Yancy and his staff running. The sight of the demolished sculpture and a bleeding Har-mon rendered them speechless. "Mr. Chambers, do you have someplace where I can clean up?" Harm's words finally brought Yancy out of his stupor. "Why certainly, Harmon. Come this way. You can use the lavatory in the back," he said solicitously. "But you do realize you will have to pay for that piece, though? "What?!" Harm and Mac cried out together. Sindi took control of this situation immediately. "Come on, Sir. Let's get you cleaned up and then Yancy can pester you into paying for that thing." She grabbed hold of Harm and helped him to his feet. Mac and AJ trailed behind. In the back room, Sindi produced a first aid kit and a wet paper towel and Mac began to work on surveying the damage. "I have to go back out to the other customers. Come out whenever you're ready," she said over her shoulder as she slipped back into the gallery. AJ wasn't as interested in the gore this time. He sat quietly for a time and then began to explore once more. Finding a pen on the floor, AJ looked around for a piece of paper to draw on while he waited for Mac and Harm to finish with the latest round of injuries. He spotted a box of scrap paper under the desk, grabbed a handful, and began to draw quietly. "You know, Harm, this is too long and deep for butterflies. I think we need to take a trip to the ER. Johns Hopkins is practically up the street." "Yeah, right. . .like I'm going to the ER with this. You wouldn't go. I'm not going either." "Mac, Mac. See." AJ pulled on Mac to get her attention. "What have you got there, Big Guy?" Mac asked as she lifted AJ to her lap and looked at the paper he handed her. "Jaggon, jaggon," he said. "What?" she asked again. "Jaggon fall down go boom. Unca Hahm boo-boo." "Oh, right the dragon," Mac said as recognition dawned. "AJ, you know better than to climb so high. You could have been badly hurt and Uncle Harm is." Harm was also looking at AJ's art project, only he was seeing the reverse side. "Ah, Mac, I wouldn't be so fast to scold him if I were you." "Oh and why is that? His antics nearly got you killed." "Mac, he's only two and doing what normal two year olds do," Harm reminded her as he pulled the paper from her hands and flipped it over. "But look at this. . .if I'm not mistaken that is a copy of a commission check made payable to your suspect for a piece called the Three-headed Dragon." "Oh, my, God, you're right. AJ, you're a genius," Mac said as she gave him a quick squeeze. "So, he really is a artist. But what about the credit cards?" "You said this morning that NCIS couldn't find a work area. Well, considering the size of that behemoth out there, maybe he works right here. I mean look around you. This is the back office, but I think it's also a studio. I see paints and easels as well as welding equipment and scrap piles. If he does work here, then maybe he's not the only one with access to the trash he collects." "So you think someone here is the grifter?" Mac asked incredulously. "Oh, I think I may even know who it is, too," Harm said as he got up and pulled AJ away from Mac. "Come on, let's get out of here. I have an idea." Back to Sunday Night Mac and Harriet joined the guys in the living room to finish the tale of their wild weekend. Mac settled on the couch next to Harm, while Harriet perched on the arm of the chair Bud was sitting in. "So we left the gallery and called NCIS. We had them fax us a still from the videotape to a little coffee shop down the street from the gallery. It showed Goddard arguing with none other than Sindi, Yancy's assistant. I knew she looked familiar." Mac mused before continuing. "After getting Harm stitched up at Hopkins, we met NCIS and the local PD at the gallery with a warrant. We found all the credit cards locked in Sindi's desk. NCIS dropped the charges against Goddard and Baltimore PD took Sindi into custody. Goddard had been calling Yancy just to get an idea as to when his commissions would be paid so he could keep paying his civilian attorney." "Case closed. End of story," Harm finished for her. "Now we want you to know that AJ was really OK the entire weekend. That little climbing stunt he pulled wasn't really anything. He was never in any danger." Harriet and Bud laughed at their friends. "Oh, boy, Sir, Ma'am, you really have no idea. We should be apologizing to you. AJ does that kinda of stuff all the time---counter tops, bookcases, fences. I don't think AJ has yet encountered something he can't climb," Bud informed them. "We really should have warned you, but I forgot in all the excitement of just getting away," Harriet added. "Why, we even had to screw the dressers and bookcases into the walls so he doesn't topple them and hurt himself." "That's a relief. We both came here tonight thinking we were going to be fired as Godparents after the dragon stunt," Mac sighed. "So, did you end up having to buy the broken dragon, Sir?" Bud asked. "Actually, no, Bud. Goddard was so happy to have his name cleared, he donated it to Baltimore's Waterfront Park and is rebuilding it to be climbable by kids of all ages. Seems he got more than a chuckle out of the idea that AJ and Harm climbed the beast," Mac informed them. "Wow," Bud said in amazement. "What a weekend. Did you guys ever get a chance to have any fun? I mean the dump, the playpen, the dragon, stitches and solving a case. . .you both must be exhausted." "Well, Bud, let me put it to you like this. I love AJ very much, but I'm really glad I don't have to do it full time, yet," Mac responded. Harm nodded his head in agreement. "Hey, Mac, it's getting late. We really should be hitting the road. You have to explain to Admiral Morris tomorrow morning that you have no case." After a brief exchange of hugs and handshakes, Mac and Harm were on their way to the car. "You know, Mac, despite what I said, it is still kind of early. . ." "Is it?" she asked with an arched eyebrow and a smile. "And we never did get to Chuck E Cheese. . .how about I treat you to an early celebration of yet another case resolved?" Harm suggested as they reached the curb. "What did you have in mind?" Mac asked as she turned to face him. "You and me and the latest version of Aerial Combat." Harm raised an eyebrow for the added effect he now knew it had. "Oh, Harm. Be still my heart. You want to take me to an arcade. I am such a lucky girl," she laughed. "Why, are you laughing at me, Marine?" He grabbed her upper arms to pull her in closer. "Well, it just dawned on me that if I say no, you could call Yancy. I doubt he would turn you down." "No. No way. He's not my type," he whispered. "Oh, and what is your type, Commander?" she responded coyly. Her heart beat faster with each word of his banter. Moving past all of the half-answers he had given in the past, he answered simply and honestly. "You." "Oh..." was all Mac could get out before Harm's lips descended on hers. THE END AN1: For those of you unfamiliar with the roads in and around DC, NASA Goddard Laboratories is the space research center located off I-195. They have a great visitors center, with hands-on exhibits for kids of all ages. It's just south of the National Security Agency, whose exit off 195 is marked 'employees only.' AN2: If you correctly identify all the in-jokes in this episode, I will send you a prize.