The Shoebox 



Author: LeE 



e-mail: lee_81881@yahoo.com 



Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or its characters. This is
just for fun. If it weren’t I wouldn’t be working and
going to school full time…. JAG belongs to DPB and
CBS.  



Summary: Mac deals with an event from her past that no
one from her present knows about. What will Harm do? 



Note: This is my first story ever. JAG has been my
favorite show since 

it started in 1995. I've never ventured into fan
fiction though, so please excuse my mistakes and all.
This story is based on a personal event in my own
life. It’s taken me a while to deal with it (about 2
years) but it’s been a healing process to write this
story and I thank in advance all of you who will read
it and let me share it with you. I'm nervous about
posting this, but I have to do it sooner or later... I
guess I'de like some feedback, but only if you want
to.... Thanks to Nancy for proof reading the first
parts of this story……  

 

 



MAC’S OFFICE

MONDAY

JAG HQ 



Mac sat in her office looking at the computer screen.
If there were something about her past that would
definitely haunt her forever it would be this. She had
tried for years to put that particular memory behind
her, but she just couldn’t. This would always be a
part of her, and she knew it, and it was definitely
one of the things, she thought, made her make such bad
choices when it came to men. Of course she wanted that
to change. She knew she was in love with a certain
Navy Commander who governed her dreams each night. She
had known him for almost six years now, and even
though her love for him grew each day, she knew it had
all started back when they met for the first time: The
Rose Garden. So she sat there, for what seemed like
forever, remembering all the things she had gone
through with Harm. All the situations, the
conversations, the looks, the hugs, the words of
encouragement…. hell, she had everything about him
memorized to the smallest detail. But that day, she
sat reading that damn e-mail that had brought memories
of her past, again. Sure she had had past memories
come back and hunt her before, and Harm found out
about them, and he helped her through it all. Dalton,
Chris, Farrow, her parents….It had all been part of
her past that she had willed herself to get over. But
this, this was something that hurt her so deep that
she wasn’t sure how she would handle it. ‘Not again
she thought. I can’t do this again. Please tell me
this isn’t going to turn into another one of those
nightmares.’ And then she prayed out loud as she
closed her eyes, “God please, I’ll need you on this
one, because no one’s going to be able to help me
through this one this time. Not even Harm.”… 



The sound of a familiar voice broke through her
obviously not so silent prayer and she suddenly
realized someone had heard the last words she had
murmured. She felt someone standing at the door, and
instantly she knew whom it was. There’s no way she
could mistake him for someone else. 



“Mac?” he said in a cautious tone, knowing that he
could scare her if he raised his voice. 



She jerked her head up, and looked at him, and her
heart melted from what she saw in his eyes. He was
concerned. She hated hiding things from him. She hated
that she couldn’t tell him, especially now that they
were finally finding their way towards each other
again after going through so much the past two years.
He had been worried about her since the week before
when one day, she had come to work in the weirdest
mood he had ever seen her in.  



“Can I help you?”, she said catching a quick glance at
him and diverting her eyes almost instantly.  



“Well..” he said “First of all, you could start by
telling me what ‘Not even Harm’ means” he said. “Why
were you talking to yourself Mac?”

When she didn’t respond he asked again. “Mac, look at
me.” She looked at him, all of a sudden with a look
that said ‘what are you talking about’.  



Harm was confused. Just a minute ago he could’ve sworn
she was fighting her emotions, as he knew she did
often. What scared him was that he had seen her go
into that withdrawing mode more often than he cared to
remember. He knew that if she shut him out now it
would be hell to get her to open up to him. So, he did
nothing for a minute, trying to figure out his next
move. 

She kept staring at him and fought to control her own
emotions. She didn’t want him to know. Hell, he could
NEVER know. Other things about her past she could live
with him knowing, but not this one. This one hurt too
much. ‘He’ll never understand’ she thought. ‘What kind
of woman will he think I am?’ So much for her Marine
training. This situation was going to slip out of her
hands if she didn’t do something fast, and she knew
it. 

Still looking at her, he started walking towards her,
and reached for one of her hands. When she pulled her
hand away he backed off, figuring whatever was
bothering her had to be something really important and
he didn’t want to risk a rejection from her.  



The sound of her phone ringing broke their visual
connection and she reached for the handle. With a last
glance at him she answered “Mackenzie”. Nothing could
have prepared her for what she heard following. She
gasped and jumped out of her seat. Harm had started
towards the door figuring he would give her privacy
for the phone call. He turned around quickly when he
heard her gasp and looked at her. All color drained
from her face as she tried to get the words to come
out.  



“Eric” she said, as tons of emotions ran through her
face, and Harm just stared. He had never seen that
look on her face before. 

‘Eric?’ he thought. Who the heck was Eric? She had
never mentioned that name before. He had seen all her
pictures. He knew Mac. He was sure she didn’t know
anyone by that name. At least not anyone who would
leave her with that statement on her face. ‘What’s
this all about’ he thought.  



“I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible” she said to
the man on the phone. She could not believe that after
15 years she still felt the pain like it had been
yesterday. She could still remember the physical pain
of what had happened, as well as the emotional
overload she had gone through trying to come to terms
with what had happened. 



“I said no," she said, and she raised her voice
louder, suddenly becoming angry, much to Harm’s
surprise. She finally yelled “NO” and she slammed the
phone down and sat down at once.  



She knew what he would try to do, so quickly she said
“Don’t even think about it Harmon”… “There’s nothing
you can do, please leave me alone. I need some time
alone now”. 

“I HAVE been leaving you alone. What the hell do you
think I’ve been doing the last week? Did you think I
just suddenly didn’t want to talk to you anymore? Well
let me inform you that if that’s what you think,
you’re wrong. Mac..Sarah..” she looked at him, tears
in her eyes, “please tell me what’s wrong. I want to
help.”  



“You’ll never understand Harm. You just never will.”
She stood up, rushed by him practically running
towards the bathroom, and left a stunned Harmon Rabb
standing in her office.  



“Sir” asked Harriet as she thought about what she had
just seen. “Is there something wrong with the
Colonel?” Harm looked at her still shocked at her
emotional display “Yes Harriet, and I don’t know what
it is….yet. But I’m sure as hell not going to just
stand here and let her destroy herself. I’ll figure it
out. I’ll help her somehow.”  



“I know you will, Sir” Harriet said as she turned to
walk away.  

 



MAC’S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN

That evening

1800 



What is happening to me? Why can’t I just talk to
Harm? What’s the worse that can happen? “Oh God no”
she said to herself. I can’t tell him. He won’t
understand. He’ll blame me just like Eric did. He
won’t believe me. He’ll judge me and I just can’t
handle that right now. I mean, after all, I’m the one
who almost married a man I didn’t love just to get the
attention of the man I really loved. What kind of
person am I, that I can’t recognize and accept I don’t
love someone until the night before my own wedding?
God, and it took Harm almost dying for me to realize
what I was doing.  



She stood from the couch and walked towards her
bedroom. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, but to
her surprise, she wasn’t hungry. She had lost her
appetite. Looking at the closet door, she thought once
more of what was hidden behind it. That white little
shoebox that contained so many memories of one of the
hardest things she had ever gone through. She thought
about opening it. After such a long time, she finally
thought about opening it and maybe burning everything
inside it. However, she knew that if she did, she
would burn a part of her heart, a part of her soul
along with it. God, how much worse could this be? What
will Eric do next? Will he come see me at work?
“No..,” she thought. Then everyone will know. Harm
will find out. I’ve already disappointed him so much
with my past. I can’t do it again. I won’t let it
happen. With these thoughts, she tried to get some
rest, tired from a whole week of restless nights.
However, she knew that trying to sleep was useless,
for sooner than later the nightmares would take
control over her once again. 

 



TUESDAY

JAG HQ

0700 EST

 He had come in early to work that day, hoping that he
could catch Mac when she came in and talk to her. He
looked at her empty office and remembered the scene
from the day before. He was worried about her. He had
called her the night before to make sure she was fine,
but had gotten no answer. He decided not to push her,
so he waited. Ten minutes after he heard someone walk
out from the elevators. He knew it was Mac. It was
still very early and the bullpen was empty. She walked
in and went straight to her office without noticing
that Harm was already there. He usually came to work
considerably later than she did, so she didn’t think
he’d be around. She walked into her office and sat on
her chair looking outside through her window. She
hadn’t slept at all the night before, or any night
since the day she had gotten that first e-mail. She
turned to her desk to start working on some of the
paperwork that had accumulated on her desk and smiled
as she thought what Harm would say if he were there
and saw her desk. She knew he would throw her some
strange comment about how “organized” her desk was.
She allowed herself to think about him for a second,
and smiled. Almost instantly the smile disappeared and
was replaced by a sad statement on her face. After a
few minutes of writing down on reports she couldn’t
fight the sleep anymore and rested her head on her
desk.

  “How could you do this to me” Eric yelled at her.
“How could you lie that way? What kind of person are
you? I considered you my friend, even after everything
that happened, and this is how you pay me? I should’ve
known all they said about you was true!!” 

 “But Eric, you don’t understand. I’m not lying to
you. It’s the truth. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
sooner, but it’s the truth. You have to believe me,"
she said desperately with tears running freely down
her cheeks. 

 “I know I didn’t treat you the way you deserved, but
this is low, even lower than you if that’s possible.” 

“Eric please, you have to believe me” she kept crying,
“It was my fault. I didn’t know until it was too late.
But it was my fault. I should’ve felt it. I should
have had some type of instinct, a gut feeling,
something. But I never meant to hurt you. Please don’t
do this,” she cried as she fell to the floor and broke
down sobbing uncontrollably. 

 “I never, never want to hear from you again. You hear
me? NEVER!!! I hope you get what you deserve. Thanks
for ruining my life!” he said as he walked past her
leaving her to her misery. 

“Please, don’t leave. It was my fault. It was my
fault. I should’ve known. I should’ve…”

 “I should’ve known! It’s my fault!! It was my fault.
Please!!! It was my fault…” she cried.

 Harm was standing in his office thinking about what
he would say to her when he heard her scream.
Immediately he ran outside towards her office. He
opened the door at once and went inside. He saw her
lying on the floor crying and she yelled, “It was my
fault, I should’ve known”… Harm was completely
unprepared for the sight before him. 

 “Mac, wake up. Mac!! It’s just a nightmare, please
wake up!” Harm said to her trying to control the pain
he felt as he watched her obviously blaming herself
for something he had no control over. He wished he
could take away her pain. He wished he could change
her past somehow. Heck, he wanted to murder this Eric
guy; sure that he was the cause of her pain. He took
her in his arms as he kneeled next to her in the floor
and held her tightly. She was still sobbing and
half-dreaming. Her face vivid proof of the night she
had had. 

 “Mac, please. Talk to me. Mac!” he said a little
louder, as he stroked her hair gently. 

She opened her eyes and pushed herself away from him,
not daring to look him in the face. His heart broke
when he looked at her and saw the pain and apparently
years of regret across her beautiful features. All of
a sudden she was no longer the strong Marine she
seemed to be in the outside. What he saw was a scared
young girl who was hurting so badly she couldn’t see
straight. 

 “Harm” she whispered, looking straight to his chest. 

“Mac, please. I want to help. Please let me help you.”
He told her.

“You don’t understand. There’s nothing you can do.
Please leave me be. I need to do this on my own.
Please…” she said as her tears came back again and she
failed to find the strength to stand on her own feet. 

Harm stood up, helped her up, and took her into his
arms once more. She couldn’t fight him. She knew she
needed him with her. She knew she needed to be held
and taken care of, but she knew she couldn’t tell him.


 “Mac. I think you should go home and rest. What do
you say I take you home and I’ll go over and get you
lunch. I’ll be done with the Johnson case at around
1300 and then we can have lunch and talk. Please. Let
me help you.”

 “No!” she said louder than she had intended. “I’m
sorry Harm. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry” she
said as she started to cry again and ran from her
office to the bathroom. 

 “God, please help me help her. I love her so much.
Please let my love be enough to help” Harm prayed as
he waited for a sign, something that would let him
know what he needed to do next. 

 

 HARM’S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

That evening

1900 EST

 Harm couldn’t stop pacing the floor. He didn’t know
what to do. He was sure that Mac was in pain. His
partner, his best friend, his…. everything.
Unfortunately, things had not been going that well
lately. Since his return from flying, she had been
distancing herself from him. He wished he could make
her understand. He thought she knew him, he thought
she would be happy for him. The truth is that he
thought he would be happy flying as well. However, the
minute he saw her face and the tears falling from her
beautiful chocolate eyes the day they said good bye,
he knew in his heart that he was making a mistake. A
mistake that he never thought would cost him the woman
he loved. So it seemed. And then there was Australia
and that damn ferry ride that scared the daylights out
of him. “WHY” he screamed to an empty apartment as he
sank into his couch, and before he could control
himself he felt the warm tears running down his face.
Those tears were for Mac, and he knew it. Nobody
needed to tell him anymore. He didn’t need Harriet, or
Clay, or the Admiral, to tell him how much he loved
Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, because he could feel it
inside himself. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her.
No one else. ‘You’re this way only with me’ she had
asked him. He answered the only way he thought he
could. He answered ‘Only with you’. How much clearer
than that could he have been, he thought. This woman
was his best friend. She was the one who knew him
better than he knew himself. If anyone could
understand him, if anyone could read his mind, it had
to be her. So after she accepted that damn ring from
Bugme, he thought she didn’t feel the same way about
him. 

 Then came the rehearsal dinner night, and that night
one nightmare ended and another one began. She finally
had admitted that she didn’t love Bugme. However, the
one thing he expected her to do was the one thing she
didn’t. She ran away. He understood that she needed
time. And while she was away, he took care of the
Renee issue. He could swear he had to have been on
medication the whole time he had been with Renee. He
saw everything so clear now. ‘How about back at the
beginning’ she told him. And just when he thought
things would get better, just when he thought he might
have a chance to redeem himself, another nightmare.
But this time his hands were tied. This time he didn’t
know what he was facing. Could there be something
worse written on her past than what he already knew?
Could there be something more that held hostage a part
of her heart? Could there be something more in her
conscious that she couldn’t live with? 

 “Oh God.. Why does she have to suffer like this? It’s
not fair” he said aloud, speaking to the walls. 

 If only he could do something, anything to take her
pain away. If he could only take her in his arms and
know that she would trust him with her heart. But he
knew his Marine, and he knew that when she needed
space she meant it. 

 “His Marine” he said aloud with a smile on his face.
He wondered how she would react if she ever heard him
say that to her. He managed a smile as he thought of
her. The smile was gone quickly as he remembered that
she was suffering. Sarah Mackenzie never cried without
a reason, and it had to be a very good one. Hell, he
could count with his hand the times he’d seen her cry.
Moreover, the truth is that her emotional display in
front of him had him really worried. 

He reached for the phone and dialed a number without
even looking…

 

MAC’S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN

Same time

 She looked at herself in the mirror. Every year when
that day came around she looked at herself in the
mirror and cried. She could see herself so different.
She would think of what it would be like to have HER
around. Every year, for 14 years, the same questions
had haunted her. She looked at herself in the mirror
again, and shifted a little putting a hand on her flat
stomach. She was now 34-years-old and she knew her
clock was ticking. She remembered the day little AJ
was born, and of course she couldn’t help but remember
the promise. That promise that kept her sane
sometimes. Now, there was something else other than
Harm that was threatening her sanity. Eric. Why would
he come after her, after all these years. She thought
he had gotten married. Could he have gotten divorced?
Would it be that he never got married at all? ‘Why are
you even thinking about this’ she asked herself. She
remembered her high school years. It’s true that she
hadn’t had a good childhood. However, she remembered
going to school every day and looking for him. He
didn’t know she existed, at the moment, but she
couldn’t keep from staring at him. She just liked him.
Time went by, and she eventually married Chris out of
desperation. But she never stopped thinking of him. He
had such a good reputation. All the girls that had
gone out with him talked wonders about him. She
couldn’t believe there could be such a guy on the face
of this earth. A guy who’d be respectful, considerate,
a gentleman. She couldn’t help but think of Harm when
she thought about Eric and what she’d thought he was.
Eric was of good family. He was indeed a gentleman.
“Was” being the important past tense word here. He had
turned into a monster after what happened. She
wondered if Harm was like that as well. That was part
of the reason why she had accepted Mic’s ring after he
rejected her in Sydney. She was afraid that if she
pushed him a little more she would loose him
completely and he would turn his back on her like Eric
had. She thought she was just another one on his list,
just like she had been to Eric. Even though she had
doubts and fears about Harm, every time she looked at
him, she saw love in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if she
was imagining things, but she could swear that what
she had been seeing in his eyes every day since her
return from her TDY assignment was the same thing that
was mirrored in her own eyes. “There we go again," she
said to herself. “Stop it!! Harm doesn’t love you. He
doesn’t love you” she screamed at herself, causing
Jingo to come running to her side. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the
phone. She reached for the handle, but when she saw
the Caller ID she pulled away her hand. She knew she
was dying to talk to him. There was nothing else she
wanted more than to have his arms around her
comforting her and telling her everything would be
okay. But she couldn’t do it. She knew he would want
answers. He would want to know everything, and she
didn’t want to risk it. He would never know. NEVER!!

She let the phone ring, the answering machine
eventually went off, and she sat there in the darkness
of her lonely apartment listening to the sweetest most
wonderful voice she had ever heard. It was Harm’s
voice, and she could tell he was having trouble
putting into words what he wanted to say. She just
listened.

 “Hi Mac, its Harm. Listen, I’m worried about
you…I...uh…well, I was just wondering how you were
doing. I know that there’s something bothering you and
believe me I wish you could trust me enough to tell
me. Anyway, Mac, please…don’t shut me out. We were
doing better at this friendship thing, and, well…uh, I
lo..care about you a lot Mac. Please call me back.
Please….”

 She sat there stunned. He had almost said it. She
knew it. He had almost said he loved her. She could
tell he was a little upset at the situation, but
dismissed his concern as him feeling responsible for
her, since he had caused her so much pain the years
before. She thought that every thing Harm did for her
he did out of pity, or responsibility. “He just loves
you as a friend” she said to herself. “Don’t read into
it, please”. 

 She thought about calling him back. So, she waited
until she felt a little more stable. She didn’t want
to breakdown crying over the phone. She was hungry, so
she went to the fridge realizing there was nothing in
there to eat. She got her purse and her keys and
headed out the door to go get some groceries. 

 WEDNESDAY

JAG HQ

0800 EST

Harm had courted that morning, and she knew it. So she
stood from her chair and walked towards the break room
to get herself some coffee. Harm was standing right in
front of the coffeepot, and even though he didn’t turn
around, he knew it was Mac who had just walked in. He
knew the sound of her shoes when she walked, he could
recognize her scent anywhere, he could feel when she
was close, and she was. Mac just stood there for a
while wondering what she would tell him. Harm turned
around and she was taken aback by what she saw in his
face. He looked tired, worn out, sad. 

“God Harm, what happened to you? Are you okay?” Mac
said to him as she started walking towards him. “I
thought you had court this morning”.

  “Yeah, well. It was postponed until tomorrow
afternoon," he said.

 “Well, it looks like you got lucky their sailor. You
look like hell," she said looking at him intently. 

 “Mac?” he whispered, “Why are you shutting me out?
Why won’t you talk to me?” he said looking at her. 

She had totally forgotten about everything else when
she looked at him, her concern for him stronger than
anything else she was feeling, and for a minute she
stopped thinking about her problem. She looked at him
with a wide-eyed statement when she heard his question
and realized that she hadn’t called him back the night
before. God, the things this man could do to her. One
look at him and she could forget the world!!! She
quickly turned around and looked down. Tears welled up
in her eyes as he turned her around and lifted her
chin up with his fingertips. 

 “What’s wrong Mac? Please tell me. Why are you
crying?” he asked in a pleading tone.

 “Harm, I don’t want you involved in this. I can
handle this on my own. It’ll be over soon.” She said
looking straight at his chest, not his face. 

 “How can you say that? Mac, you’ve been acting weird
since last week, and yesterday you were crying in the
floor in your office, having a nightmare at seven
o’clock in the morning. Please don’t tell me your
handling this okay, because you’re not.”

 She didn’t know what to say. She debated whether she
should tell him or not. Eric was driving her crazy,
and she knew it. He was determined to destroy her life
for some reason. She thought Eric had reason to be
angry with her, but she was scared. ‘Suck it up,
Marine’ she said to herself as she looked up into
Harm’s eyes.

 “I’m fine Harm. Really, I am. This is just something
I need to do on my own. Please, don’t make it any
harder” she said as her voice broke in the last few
words. 

 “Mac I’m not going to let you….” 

 She quickly moved away from him as she heard someone
coming towards them. It was the Admiral. They both
saluted.

 “At ease” he said as he looked at them both. 

 “Good morning, sir” Harm said and the Admiral looked
at him with a ‘yeah right’ look.

 “And how are you, Colonel” the Admiral said moving to
look at Mac.

 “Uh, fine sir, thank you” she said moving towards the
door with her coffee.

 “If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do,
Sir.” 

 “Carry on” the Admiral said as she left the break
room and then turned to look at Harm with a look that
not even Harm could interpret. 

 “Something wrong, Commander?” the Admiral asked.

 “Uh, no sir” he said.

 “Harm” the Admiral said lowering his voice.

 “Sir?” Harm said

 “I’m really hoping that whatever is wrong with the
Colonel is not your fault. God knows you’ve messed up
before and we all know what all that resulted in. I
thought you were finally close again” the Admiral said

 “Sir, I can assure you I’m not responsible for the
Colonel’s mood. At least not as far as I know. Sir,
she’s having trouble with something or someone that
she doesn’t want to talk about, and I’m really worried
about her Sir” he finished.

 “Yeah, I can see that, Harm. You look like hell!..

 Harm rolled his eyes and sighed. “I know Sir.
Everyone’s said the same thing this morning.”

 “I take it you didn’t get sleep worrying about Mac
son?” the Admiral continued.

 “Yes sir” Harm said with a defeated look and a sigh. 

 “Well…” the Admiral’s words were interrupted by the
sound of something breaking in the floor coming from
the bullpen. They quickly walked outside and headed
towards Mac’s office. 

 Mac was standing there looking at something inside of
her office, her coffee mug broken in pieces and coffee
spilled all over the floor. They suddenly realized
that something inside her office was actually someone.
A somewhat tall, blonde, blue-eyed man stood inside
her office. Mac was frozen. She couldn’t move. 

Harm saw her finally go into the office and close the
door. The blinds were open so he kept staring, not
caring that the whole bullpen had its eyes on him. 

INSIDE MAC'S OFFICE 

 “What are you doing here?” Mac asked.

 “Well can’t a friend visit another friend?” he said
with a devilish grin on his face.

 “Eric, look. I don’t want any trouble with you ok?
This is where I work, and my reputation is important,"
she said trying not to raise her voice. 

 “Well you sure as hell didn’t care about my
reputation back then. Why should I care about yours
now?” he yelled at her as he stood up. 

 Harm heard the screaming and walked closer to the
office. But thought Mac would probably kick his
six-foot from DC to China if he interrupted or better
yet, tried to protect her. He could just hear the ‘I’m
a Marine’ speech in his head.

 “That was 15 years ago," she said as she moved back
away from him and closer to her desk. 

 “Well it may be a long time for you, Ms. Mackenzie,
but I sure as hell haven’t forgotten any of it” he
said still in a loud voice that only made Mac get
worse. 

 “Besides, what’s this about you being a Marine?
Please, come on. You really expect me to believe that
you could ever become somebody. Maybe you can fool
these people here, but I know who you really are. I
wonder how many you men you slept with to get a nice
office like this one” Eric said. 

 Mac was trying hard to keep her tears at bay. When
she heard his last statement, she felt a wave of anger
rush through her as she promised herself that she
wouldn’t let him get away with anything else. Either
he left, or she would demonstrate exactly WHY she was
a Marine. 

Apparently he saw that determined look on her face and
walked back towards the door, opened it and started on
his way out. He turned around right before walking out
and told her almost in a whisper, “I’ll see you later,
Sarah” sending chills of panic over her at the sound
of her given name coming from him.

 She just stood there shocked. Harm was still outside
her office and he heard Eric’s whisper just as he was
leaving. He could feel that his intentions weren’t the
best ones, and he promised himself silently that he
wouldn’t let that jerk near her ever again. 

 THURSDAY

JAG HQ

 The day had been uneventful. Everyone knew something
had gone wrong the day before when that man, Eric, had
paid a visit to Mac. She locked herself in her office
the rest of the day. She did remember that Harm seemed
a little under the weather, but she couldn’t get
herself to call him. She knew what he would ask. So,
she did what she knew best. She hid from everyone,
putting up those walls around her once again. 

Harm felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do. ‘How
can I approach this situation?’ ‘What do I tell her?’
“How do I get her to talk to me?’ He figured that he
would give her a few more days, and if she didn’t do
anything he would push her a little more to open up to
him. 

 Mac had already gone home for the day. The bullpen
was quiet, as it was almost empty. But Harm remained
in his office. He heard someone walk in. He stood from
his office and saw a weird looking type of “delivery
guy” with a big box in his hands. 

 “Can I help you?” Harm said as he walked out of his
office. 

 “Yes, sir” the teenager said nervously, which didn’t
go unnoticed by Harm.

 “I have a delivery for a Col. Sarah Mackenzie” he
said

 “Well she’s gone home for the day, but I could get it
and leave her in her office” he said with a heightened
sense of curiosity.

“Uh, I guess I could do that as long as I leave it in
her office” the boy said. 

 “Sure, this way” Harm said walking towards Mac’s
office.

 “Ok, I’ll need you to sign here please”

 Harm signed the paper and the boy put the box in
Mac’s desk. The boy walked out and left while Harm
just stood there wondering whom the package was from.
It didn’t have a card, or a name, so he figured it was
someone he didn’t know. Then it dawned on him. It
could be from Eric. That boy was way too young to be a
delivery boy and he was overly nervous he thought. Of
course he didn’t want to just open the box right
there. That was disrespecting Mac’s privacy. But he
wanted to know what was in there. His head finally won
over his curiosity and he turned to leave. He heard a
sound of something falling as he looked back into the
office. The boy put the box too close to the edge of
the desk and it fell open on the floor. Harm stepped
closer to look at it, and he was stunned by what he
saw. 

 “My God” he said to himself.

 A dozen dead roses where inside the box filled with
live worms, ants, and other strange bugs. It smelled
horrible, and there were some things he couldn’t quite
identify. He stepped close and he realized they were
magazine pictures of babies. All sorts of newspaper
clippings about babies, kids, motherhood, baby health
and everything that a pregnant woman would look
forward to reading in the newspaper every morning. He
couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Then he saw the
note, and as he read, he started to panic. Finally,
the awful smell got the best of him and he walked
away, determined to call Mac and make sure she was
okay. “Exactly what you deserve Sarah Mackenzie. Just
what you deserve” the note read. He stormed out of the
building with the note still in his hands, determined
to get to Mac as soon as possible. This smelled too
much like Coaster or Palmer, and he didn’t like it one
bit. Right after he started driving he took his cell
phone and dialed. 

 MAC’S APARTMENT

That Evening

 Mac sat with a blank look on her face staring at the
closed shoebox she had retrieved from her closet a few
days ago. She didn’t know if she was ready to open it
and look. She knew what was in there. It had been so
long since the last time she had opened it. She didn’t
know if she could handle reliving those painful times
again. All those years, since her mother had left her,
she only dreamed that she could someday have a family
of her own. Yes, her career was important, but she
knew that deep inside the one thing she truly wanted
was the love a good man, and a family. A big family.
She wanted babies, and a big house, and a husband, and
all the things that came along with motherhood. She
wanted to be a wife. She wanted to prove to herself
that she was not like her mother. She wanted to give
her children what she never had, and believe it or
not, that was more important to her than anything
else, even her own career. That’s why she didn’t want
Harm to know about this. She wanted him to be that
good man who loved her. What was inside that shoebox
was painful. It reminded her that her time was running
out, that she would never get her wish. She thought
she wasn’t woman enough to be a good wife, and mother.
She couldn’t help the tears running down her face as
she thought about what Harm would do if he ever found
out about what she had done. She knew deep inside that
it somewhat wasn’t her fault. However, she always
arrived at the same conclusion “I should’ve known."
she said to herself aloud. What would Harm think?
Would he back out of their deal? Would he think the
same thing she did? Would he think she wasn’t good
enough to have a child? To be a mother? ‘Why now?’ she
thought to herself. ‘Why after all this years’.

 Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the
phone. The answering machine picked up. She knew it
was Harm. But this time he sounded desperate. He
practically yelled into the phone, calling her name.
Suddenly she got up and answered the phone,
remembering that he seemed really sick that day at
work. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well and he needed her.
So, without thinking, she answered the phone and Harm
heard at once the worry and concern on her voice.

“Harm? Are you okay?” she said

“Harm? Answer me!” she told him, concern quickly
increasing.

  “MAC! Oh my God, Mac are you alright? Please tell me
you’re all right. I’m on my way. Don’t you dare move
from where you are right now. I’m almost there” he
screamed at her. 

 “Harm. Harm? Harm! What’s wrong? Why are you yelling
at me? Talk to me, sailor” she said almost pleading
with him.

 “Please don’t do anything Mac, please, please. Stay
in your apartment please. I’m almost there. Please….”
He said and she heard him choke on the last few words.


 Ten minutes after he was banging hard on her door,
and she ran to the door to open it. There he was. His
face full of emotions, and she couldn’t decipher all
of them, but the one thing she detected fast was fear.
He was scared. He looked lost. He hesitated for a
moment. He looked at her as if he was trying to
convince himself that she was actually there in front
of him. After a few seconds he realized he was just
standing there and he ran to her and took her into his
arms with an emotion she had never felt before, and
hugged her so tight she could barely breathe.

 “Harm. Harm? I can’t breathe,” she whispered. 

 “I’m sorry," he said as he started to let go of her.

 “Harm, what’s wrong? Why are you so scared?” she
asked in a soft voice.

 “Oh Mac. I thought I was going to loose you. When you
didn’t answer the phone, Oh God.” his voice barely
audible as he sat on the couch and put his head in
between his hands. All he could think about was
Coaster, and Palmer. What if she was being stalked
again? What if Eric could get to her before he could
get to her? 

She could see the tears in his eyes and hear the fear
in his voice. Suddenly he snapped out of whatever
emotional state he was in, jumped off the couch,
hugged her again lifting her off the floor, and held
her there for what seemed like hours. 

 “Harm, you need to talk to me. Please tell me why
you’re so scared. What happened?” she asked softly.

 “Oh Mac, it was so horrible. I felt like a part of me
had died when I read that note” he said.She pulled
away from him to look into his eyes, “What note Harm?”


He went and sat down on the couch again and sighed
heavily. 

“A while ago, I was still at the office. I heard
someone walking through the bullpen and I went outside
to see who it was. It was a boy, probably 13 or 14
years old. He said he had a delivery for you. I told
him you had already left, that I could sign it off and
leave it in your office. He said it was ok, and I
leaded him to your office and he put the package on
your desk.”

 “And?”

 “Well, I wanted to see what was inside it, but there
was nothing outside that said who it was from. So I
turned around to leave when I heard it fall from the
desk. I guess the kid placed it too close to the edge.
I turned around when I heard the noise. There were
dead roses in the open box, and the floor was full of
worms, ants, and other bugs. It smelled like hell.”

 “Oh my God. Harm what did the note say?”

 “Well, there was something else in there too. There
were pictures of babies, everywhere. There were
newspaper clippings of everything having to do with
pregnancy, motherhood, and stuff like that. There were
baby pictures from magazines...and pictures and more
pictures, and then…. Oh my God Mac, why is this
happening to you? Please tell me why? What’s wrong?
Why did you drop your coffee today in the office when
you saw that guy in there? Please…tell me…please…” he
begged her to tell him as he handed her the note he
had taken from his pocket. She read it and suddenly
she realized why he had almost gone mad. God, he
really cared about her. She couldn’t believe he would
be this worried about her. She had never seen him like
this before. 

 “Harm. Listen to me. This is Eric’s writing. I don’t
know why he’s coming after me after all these years,
but you need to stay away from him. He could be really
dangerous. I’ll be fine. Please, just go home and try
to get some rest.”

 “WHAT? Are you crazy? You think I’m going to leave
you alone after this? No way in hell NO. NO. NO. I’m
staying with you and that’s it” he snapped.

 “Harm, I don’t think I need to remind you that I’m a
Marine and I don’t need to be protected like a
defenseless bimbo that couldn’t kill a bug for the
life of her. So control your “hero complex” this time
and go home” she continued on a softer tone trying not
to hurt him more with her words than she already had.
“I’ll be fine. You need to rest. Please just get some
rest. I assure you that Eric won’t try anything
tonight, or any night for that matter. He’s just
trying to mess with me," she said hoping that she
could sound calm for his sake. 

 “Mac...please don’t make me leave. I don’t want to
leave you," he said

 “I said you need to go, NOW” she snapped and turned
away from him, trying to suppress the tears she felt
coming from seeing his concern for her. 

 “Mac.”

 “I said GO. You need to rest. I’ll see you at work
tomorrow. Thanks for the warning. I’ll be careful, I
promise. Now go before it gets late.” She turned and
entered her bedroom slamming the door.

 Knowing that he wouldn’t get anything else out of
her, he turned and headed towards the door. As soon as
she heard the door close behind him, she sank to the
floor letting tears flow freely now. ‘Why was he so
worried about her’ ‘Why did he care so much’ Sure
we’ve been best friends for years, and we’ve been
through a lot together, but it is so strange to see
him show this much emotion. I’ve been threatened
before, and he never lost it like tonight. I wonder
what’s going on inside the Rabb mind. When she managed
to calm herself down, she looked over at the couch
where the shoebox was. She gasped, realizing how close
it had been. Harm had sat right next to it. But since
he was so preoccupied with the threat to her, he
didn’t realize the shoebox was right next to him.
‘Thank God he didn’t see it’, she thought. 

 Harm walked out of her apartment, but he was numb.
Why was she like that with him now? What is it with
her? Why won’t she talk to me? ‘Well, I’m sure as hell
not going anywhere’ he thought to himself. He climbed
into his SUV determined to stay there, right in front
of her apartment. He watched the window until he saw
her lights go off half an hour later. He was tired,
but he couldn’t sleep. He knew he wouldn’t sleep
anyway if he went home, so he stayed, all night, right
in front of Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment, thinking of
her, determined to watch over her. 

 NEXT MORNING

0600 EST

 He remained in front of her apartment, watching from
his driver’s seat. He noticed she had turned on the
lights to her apartment, so he figured she was getting
ready to go for her morning run. He started the car
and drove, parking just around the corner so she
wouldn’t see him watching her. After she got in her
car, he suddenly remembered that he had to go to work
that day. He thought for a minute, and decided to go
home so he could take a shower and change. He didn’t
know how he would make it through the day without any
sleep. He had court this morning. However, not
sleeping didn’t seem like a sacrifice to him at all.
Because he lost his sleep watching over his Marine,
his stubborn jarhead. His Sarah. “My Sarah”, he said
to himself aloud, and a smile appeared on his tired
face. So, he started driving and soon got home,
showered, dressed and was heading out when he noticed
his answering machine flashing. There were six
messages, and he quickly pressed the button and
listened. They were all from Mac. She said she was
sorry for making him leave like that. At least that’s
what the first message said. After that, the messages
got more desperate.

 “Harm, where are you? Please answer the phone!” he
heard on message #5. On the sixth message, Harm
noticed she was crying and he felt guilt run through
him as he realized that she’d been crying that night,
and she had called on him, and he hadn’t been there
fore her. Wait a minute, ‘I was there, Ninja Girl’, he
thought. “I was there looking out for you, Sarah” he
said to the empty apartment. “I was there," he said. 

 A WEEK LATER

JAG HQ

 The last week had passed and Mac was still getting
unwanted gifts at the office, but she had told no one.
She didn’t think Eric was serious about physically
coming after her, and she didn’t think she would see
him again. Harm had stayed away from her since he knew
she needed her space to deal with things on her own.
She hadn’t mentioned his failure to answer her
messages and he hadn’t apologized to her not knowing
how to explain his absence at his apartment so late at
night. 

 Mac, however, was worried about her partner. She
could tell that he wasn’t sleeping well, and she felt
guilty because she had treated him badly when he went
to see her that night at her apartment. What she
didn’t know was that although he was giving her the
space she wanted, he wasn’t very far away. 

 Harm had stayed in his SUV, every night for the past
week in front of Mac’s apartment. He would go to work
during the day, leave early and sleep until 11 PM, so
Mac would already be in her apartment. Then he would
drive to Georgetown and park in front of her apartment
where he could see her window, and stay there the rest
of the night. Technically, he was getting some sleep,
four or 5 hours in the evening, and then he would
watch over Mac, “his Sarah”. 

 “Good Morning, ma’am” said Harriet as Mac walked by
her.

 “Morning, Harriet, have you seen Harm around this
morning? I have some things to discus with him for the
case later today” she said, hoping that Harriet
wouldn’t recognize the worry in her tone. 

 “I saw him come in this morning, ma’am” Harriet said
looking at her with a worried look. “Is everything ok
ma’am...Mac? Harriet continued.

 “Uh, yes, of course Harriet. It’s just that,
well…uh…” she didn’t know what to say.

 “Uh, ma’am. Mac…I know what you’re trying to say.
I’ve seen it too. He looks like hell. Do you have any
idea why?” She stopped talking, as she suddenly
understood by the look on Mac’s face. 

 Mac felt guilty and responsible because she knew that
he had been worried about her. Sure he looked like
hell, but it definitely wasn’t because of lack of
sleep. ‘How come I’ve called you at night and you
never answer your phone?’ she said to herself. He’s
probably having fun with that new blonde, Caroline,
that Sturgis had introduced him to. ‘Of course, he’s
worried about me; I’m his best friend, nothing else’.
If I’m not here to watch his six, who will? Of course
he needs me, and he’s worried because he feels
responsible for me. I mean, yes he went to my
apartment three nights ago, and yes he looked worried,
but has he made an effort to contact me again?
Nooooo….of course not. He didn’t even have the decency
of returning my calls in the morning after I left six
messages for him that night. ‘God, how can I be so
stupid’ she thought. God knows whom he’s spending his
nights with and here I am worrying about his well
being. Well, he can get whomever it is that’s keeping
him warm at night to worry about him. Not me, not
anymore. 

 “Ma’am. Mac? Are you okay?” Harriet asked still
standing in front of her.

 “Uh, yes Harriet. Sorry, got a little distracted
there…” she said

 “Well, ma’am. I don’t know exactly how things are
between you two, but I’d say he’s very worried about
you. Maybe that’s why he’s been like that lately,"
Harriet said softly trying not to let anyone else hear
her. 

 Mac laughed sarcastically at Harriet’s words. “Come
on Harriet. You know Harm better than that. I’m not
saying he’s not a good friend, because he is. But
let’s face it. Whatever it is that has him looking
like that is very likely to be about something that
has nothing to do with me. You know… it probably has
to do with women.” She finished, realizing that she
had probably said too much.

 “Ma’am? What do you mean by “women”?” Harriet opened
her eyes wide… “Ohhhhh, I see. You think he doesn’t
see you as a woman. You think you’re just his partner
and friend and that’s all.” Harriet said, confident in
her assessment.

 “Oh Harriet, what world have you been living in the
past 5 years? I’m good ‘ole Mac and I always will be”
realizing the tone her voice had taken “Uh, not that I
mind of course. I mean, Harm and I have always been
friends, we still are, and that’s it. It’s just that
I’m worried about him, and I’m trying to…” she was
babbling and she knew it. Harriet gave her an amused
look and turned on her heels and left.

 “Damn” she said under her breath. She looked towards
Harm’s office and started walking, determined to find
out why he looked so horribly worn out. Once again,
her concern for him won the battle between her heart
and her head, and she forgot about everything that was
happening to her. 

 HARM’S OFFICE

0900 EST

JAG HQ

 “Enter” he called after hearing the soft knock on his
door.

 “Harm?” 

 He knew she was in his office, even before she
entered. He had this sixth sense about her. ‘I always
know where you are’ his own words ran through his mind
as he remember for a minute all the times and memories
they shared. 

 “Hmmm” he murmured, not risking a glance at her
knowing that she would be able to see right through
him. 

 “Harm, what’s wrong?” she asked sitting down on a
chair in front of him.

 “Uh, what do you mean?” he said innocently.

 “Harm, come on. You haven’t been sleeping well have
you?” He nodded. “Oh, ok I get it. I guess maybe
someone’s been keeping you awake all night?” she said
trying to sound calm, but failed miserably. 

 He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She was
jealous. She thought he was spending his night with
another woman. Oh my God. How much worse can this get.
Just when he thought he might have his chance. Just
when things were starting to look up for them. Only
between them could things get worse than a damn soap
opera…

 “As a matter of fact, yes. Someone has been keeping
me awake lately. ME!” he said looking at her. He knew
that if she found out why he wasn’t sleeping she would
kill him. 

 “Very funny. Harm I’m serious. You look horrible” she
said concern finally showing in her voice. 

 “And I’m assuming you have been sleeping perfectly
well lately, Colonel? Oh, wait, no. That’s right, you
women have something called make up right?” he said
sarcastically.

 He knew that she wasn’t sleeping well at all. The
last week had been hell. She had gotten messages and
packages at work from Eric. Every night the light to
her apartment would come on three of four times as an
indication that her insomnia was taking over. The last
thing he wanted was to talk to her like this. He
wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and
make everything go away. ‘You tried that already,
remember?’ and what did he get? He was thrown out of
her apartment. So he figured that he could keep close
watch over her, making sure she was safe, and whenever
she was ready she would come and talk to him. As long
as she was safe, he didn’t care about what happened to
him. 

 “Harm, you don’t have to feel bad about anything.
Look, I know you’re not sleeping at your apartment.
I’ve called you every night and you never answer the
phone. Actually I’m guessing you haven’t been to your
apartment lately, because I’ve left messages for you
and you haven’t answered them” she said squirming
uncomfortably on the chair. 

 Harm looked at her and said nothing. He didn’t know
how to get out of this one. He had been so concerned
about keeping her safe that he hadn’t thought about
how he would cover his lack of sleep, or the fact that
he wasn’t at his apartment at night. Well, here goes
nothing, he thought. 

 “Well, Mac. For your information, I am not sleeping
well because I have been taking care of a friend
lately. I’ve been staying at HIS house in D.C. We’re
old friends and HE’S needed someone to stay with him
for a while, so I volunteered” he said trying to sound
convincing. 

 “Right. Okay. Whatever you say. Anyway, I had better
go. Don’t want to take up much of your time” she said
and stood up. When she was almost at the door, she
heard him call her name “Sarah.”

 “Yes” she said not turning around to look at him not
willing to show him what the sound of her given name
coming from him did to her. 

 “I know that it’s been a two weeks since whatever is
going on started. I know that you don’t want to talk
about it. You have to believe me. I haven’t pressed
you to talk to me because the last time I did you
almost physically removed me from your apartment. I
can’t handle that Mac. I can handle a crash, surgery,
the Admiral, any type of physical pain I can get
through. What I can’t handle is knowing that no matter
how much I want to I can’t help you” his voice almost
a whisper now “I can’t stand it when I can’t do
anything for you. Can you understand that?” 

 “Yes, I can. I guess I feel the same way about you.
I’m sorry I talked to you like that just now. I had no
right to pry into your personal life like that. I was
just worried about you, that’s all. Please promise me
you’ll try to get some sleep ok?”

 “Mac you have every right to know about my personal
life, you’re my best friend, don’t you ever forget
that. I promise I’ll try to rest," he said

 “Good” she answered finally turning around and taking
one last look at him she left his office. 

 Harm just sat there. Thinking of what else he could
do. He knew she hadn’t believed his story about his
sick friend. He had to tell her the truth, but he knew
that if he did she would get furious with him. His
mind drifted back to the notes and letters he had been
receiving from Eric at his own office. Somehow Eric
had found out that Mac and him were close and he was
using it to his advantage. 

 MAC’S APARTMENT

That evening

 Mac sat in her couch once again, by herself. She
seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. She was
worried. She didn’t believe Eric was capable of
nothing more than stalking. It seemed that all he
wanted to do was make her miserable, but he was no
criminal. Her mind went back to her high school days
again. Sure there had been many horrible things
happening around her, but Eric gave her a reason to
wake up in the morning. A high school crush. She
laughed at herself aloud. But she knew there was more
to it than that. There was more to Eric than just high
school. There were memories of the short time they
spent together after Chris went to jail. Sure, she
felt a little guilty for doing it, but she wanted to
so bad. She never thought her little adventure would
cost her so much. Somehow she had been able to live
with the guilt she felt for almost 15 years, but it
never got any easier when that day came, every year,
when she would look at herself in the mirror and see
so much more than her reflection. She could see other
things as well, and only once a year, she allowed
herself to cry and grieve over her loss. How do women
get over this? How can they ever go on with their
lives? Am I ever going to stop feeling like this?
‘Well, gee.. I don’t know’ she thought. ‘Maybe if I
had someone to come home to. Someone who valued me and
loved me then maybe I could get over it.’ “Yeah right,
Mackenzie. Look at you. How could someone love you
after everything you’ve done” she said to herself as
tears again started falling. She took one last look at
the shoebox that was still on top of the table. She
reached for it, but decided against it. She figured
soon it would all be over and she could hide it again
and forget it, at least until next year. 

 She cried herself to sleep once again. Two hours
later she woke up sweating. Nightmare again. She could
see her face. She could see what her life would be
like right now if she would’ve done something right.
She probably wouldn’t be in the Marines. She probably
wouldn’t be a lawyer. Oh, but she would have the most
precious gift anyone could ask for. She would have a
piece of herself looking back at her every day. Oh,
how she dreamed of the day she could wake up in a big
house, a big bed, with a good man next to her who
loved her and little angels running around the house.
That had always been her dream. She had told Harm once
about that. ‘I don’t think he believed me’ she thought
smiling to herself. And of course, the promise. Maybe
it was important to him too. Maybe he too wanted the
same things she wanted. But of course, he would never
want them with me. He knows me so well, my past, my
mistakes, my alcoholism, my father, hell, he would
probably opt for celibacy rather than having a baby
with me. He would never want to get himself into a
relationship with a messed up Marine who’s past just
keeps coming back to haunt her, worse every time.
‘I’ll never be good enough for him. Just face it,
Marine. He’ll never go for me. Oh God, how could I be
so stupid. And here I thought after his crash, and
after his attempt at the Guadalcanal that maybe, just
maybe he really wanted something more with me. Boy was
I wrong. It only took one casual meeting and a few
comments from a tall, long-legged blonde to distract
him and he totally forgot I was even alive.’ 

 She thought she heard something out on the street.
She listened for a minute, but was too into her own
thinking to pay any attention to it. 

 Outside on the street Harm had just parked in front
of her apartment, and just sat there looking at her
window. This was his fourth night on vigil, and as
much as he loved watching over Mac, he couldn’t wait
for the weekend so he could sleep some more during the
day. He thought that maybe he could go to the police
with this problem. However, her really didn’t believe
Eric would actually attack Mac physically. It was
clear from his letters that he wanted to get to her
emotionally, but he was almost sure he wouldn’t try
anything stupid. He figured he’d stay at night, and if
he noticed anything suspicious, then he would take
action through the police or the Admiral. More than
anything, he stayed every night for the sake of his
own sanity. Feeling like he was protecting her made
him feel like he mattered to her, even though she
wouldn’t speak to him. He thought about asking for
some leave time, but that would raise too many
questions, especially from Mac, and he couldn’t bear
lying to her anymore than he had to. He smiled as he
remembers momentarily her face full of concern for him
when she went to his office that morning. He knew how
much it cost her to reveal her feelings, to allow
herself to look vulnerable in front of him, and she
had done just that, because she was worried about him.
“God, Sarah, how could you ever doubt that I love
you?” he said to an empty SUV, and he sighed, knowing
he had a long night ahead of him. The sound of a
barking dog brought him back from his own little world
and he realized that he was drawing attention. He
opened the door and chased the dog away, and then got
back in and slammed the door, making more noise than
he intended. 

 It was this noise that Mac heard up in her apartment,
but she didn’t pay that much attention to it, so she
went on with her crying-herself-to-sleep routine she
had perfected in the last couple years, ever since
Harm had left her to go back to flying. 

 

ONE WEEK LATER

JAG HQ

 Harm was dead on his feet. It had been almost two
weeks since he had started his routine of sleeping in
his SUV and watching over Mac. However, lately he
didn’t just stay in his SUV. He would go up to her
apartment door when he was sure she was asleep and
just sit there all night. Then, he would leave early
in the morning before the neighbors awoke. It had
taken its toll on him physically and emotionally. It
seemed to him that Mac was dealing with the situation
better. Eric had made no more efforts of contacting
her. He had definitely not been at her apartment. At
least not at night. She hadn’t had any more episodes
of emotional eruptions at the office. All in all, she
seemed like her normal Marine self. That’s what
everyone thought. ‘Yeah, right Marine’ he thought. He
wasn’t buying it. He knew she was putting on the
performance of her life, and boy did she deserve an
Oscar for it. It wasn’t just Eric’s “visit” that had
affected her. There was something else. Something more
that he could see in her eyes every time he looked at
her. She couldn’t look him straight in the eyes. Not
anymore. Her determination, her courage, her passion,
it seemed like all the things he loved about her were
slowly slipping away from her. She had declined
‘gracefully’ several lunch and dinner invitations from
him. He didn’t know what else to do. So he did
something his Grandma Sarah taught him when he was a
little boy. He prayed. 

 Sitting in his office, with his face in his hands, as
tears slipped down his face he began 

 “God, I know I haven’t kept in touch with you lately.
I know better than anyone that I don’t deserve
anything from You. But God, this is not about me. This
is about the woman I love more than anything on this
Earth. I know she’s not physically dying, but God it
feels just like it. It feels like she’s dying inside.
I know she’s not well. I know she’s not sleeping, I
know she’s not eating right, and I know she’s hurting.
But God, Why won’t she talk to me? Have I really hurt
her so much in the past that she can’t trust me
anymore? Have I so effectively terminated my own
existence by driving away my soul mate? God, please.
Help me on this one, will you? I don’t know what to
do. I thought I would be satisfied with making sure
she’s protected. But it’s just not enough. I want to
see her smile again, I want to hear her laugh, I want
to see her eat, I want to hear her argue with me, hell
she can yell at me and tell me she hates me for all I
care, as long as I can hear her voice. I know I sound
desperate, but I’m so scared, so scared that I’ve lost
her forever and that the damage I’ve caused can never
be repaired. Please God, I’ll never ask for anything
else my entire life, as long as I have her, with me,
forever.” 

 Mac looked across the bullpen and could see Harm’s
face in his hands. She had no clue what he was doing.
“Oh, hell. He’s probably asleep on his feet again
after a good ‘workout’ with ‘blondie’ last night”
failing to keep the hurt and frustration from her
voice.

 She really thought he was seeing someone and didn’t
want to tell her because he felt sorry for her. She
didn’t want his pity. ‘It’s probably another one of
those blonde bimbos he likes so much’. “Not ready to
let go, ha? What a bunch of crap, Rabb. It sure as
hell is easy for you to let go with every blonde that
crosses your path. Not that you need to make any
effort yourself. Those gold wings get you any woman
you look at” she stopped herself when she realized she
was talking to herself again. God was she losing it.
She thought about a TDY. “Again?” she asked herself.
Of course, she wanted to run, run away. However, she
knew that wasn’t the answer. She had tried it right
after the crash, and she got nothing out of it.
Transferring? Hell no. She had worked too hard to find
her place at JAG, and she sure as well was not about
to give it all up for one cocky, arrogant, self
serving, fighter pilot turned lawyer, who could make
her blood boil with his stupid flyboy grin. 

 Deep inside she knew it wasn’t his fault. She knew he
had tried to talk to her. She had declined every
invitation. Not because she didn’t want to talk to
him, but because she didn’t want his pity. She knew
that he wanted to help, but it would only be
temporary. He’d eventually leave her once again. He’d
eventually put his relationship with someone else
before her. Someone he believed worthy of his love.
Someone who looked good next him, someone who his
family would accept, not her, she was just a messed up
Marine. Sure he cared for her, but in truth, she was
just good ‘ole Mac, the best friend, the kick ass
Marine that had no feelings. God, hadn’t she tried to
tell him how she felt? “Of course you have, give it
up. He doesn’t want you, and that’s the end of it. Now
ignore him for a few days until you get a grip and
bury your feelings for him as you’ve done since that
day in the Rose Garden” she said to herself. ‘Marine,
hold your head up high and find someone else who’ll
love you’ she thought to herself, silently trying to
set her mind at ease. She failed miserably. In no
time, she was in tears again. 

 He watched her from across the bullpen as she put her
face in her hands and wept. His heart broke for the
woman he loved, and that’s when it suddenly hit him.
He had to do something. He had to take the next step.
He was tired of waiting for the time to be right. He
thought that after all they had been through the
previous year, his crash, the wedding and all, that
they need some time to get back their friendship. He
didn’t want to rush anything. He wanted this to be
forever, he couldn’t afford to have anything go wrong
with his Sarah. Not this time. He decided he would go
talk to her, but this time, he was going to let her
have it, all of it. She would hear him out even if he
ended up in the hospital hooked up to thirty beeping
machines.

 

MAC’S APARTMENT

That evening

 Harm parked his SUV in front of the apartment. But
this time it was different. It was not 2300. It was
barely 1900 and he was already there. The truth is he
was a little nervous. He wanted to talk to her; he
needed to talk to her. So, with determination born of
his concern for her, he opened the door and walked to
her building. Up the stairs and in front of her door,
he debated again whether it was a good idea to do this
or not. What the hell, he thought. It can’t get any
worse so he knocked.

 Mac was surprised to hear the knock on the door. She
wasn’t expecting anyone. She got up and put everything
she had been looking at away. She put the lid on the
shoebox and slid it under a chair in the living room,
and started towards the door, wiping her own tears
away. She looked through the peephole, and there he
was. Slowly she opened the door and he simply stared
at her. She looked terrible, he thought. She had
definitely been crying. Still she was the most
beautiful thing he had ever seen. In his eyes, she was
perfect. If only she would believe him. 

 Oh my God, how can he do this to me just by looking
at me, she thought as she debated whether to let him
in or not. She knew she shouldn’t let him in. If she
did, she knew the battle was lost. He would flash his
flyboy grin at her and she would melt. 

 “Can I come in?” he asked nervously. She just stared.

 “Mac?” he repeated noticing the faraway look on her
beautiful face.

“Uh.. Huh. Oh, sorry, yeah, come in, please” she said
trying to hide the emotions behind her words. But her
attempt didn’t go unnoticed by him.

He walked silently inside, and then turned to look at
her straight in the eyes. 

“Mac, we need to talk," he said

“Harm…”

“No Sarah. I don’t care what you say. This time you’re
hearing me out. I won’t take no for an answer” he
stated, and she could do nothing but stare, she was
paralyzed. 

“Sarah, I don’t know exactly what’s been happening the
past three weeks. I know you’re a Marine and all that,
please don’t start with the ‘I’m a Marine’ speech.
Believe me, I know all too well what you’re capable
of. It’s just that I’m really worried about you. Try
to understand where I’m coming from here” he was cut
off by her cold words…

“Oh, believe me. I understand perfectly where you’re
coming from Harm. You don’t have to explain yourself
to me. I already told you the other day in your
office. We are friends Harm, and I want you to be
happy. Just like you want me to be happy, I’m sure. I
really appreciate your concern, and I’m grateful for
it. But I can take care of myself, really. I don’t
need your protection and I definitely don’t want or
need your pity” she said unsure of where to go next.

“Pity? What are you talking about Mac? Are you okay?
Did you hit your head or something?” he was cut off by
her once again

“Well, of course. That’s right. It’s my fault right? I
must have done something wrong, because I obviously
would HAVE to be out of my mind to disagree with the
great Harmon Rabb. Isn’t that right?” her tone now
conveyed anger, frustration, and hurt. 

“Mac, I don’t know where this is coming from, but you
need to stop this right now because you’re so off base
here that…”

“But of course. I don’t know anything anymore, do I?
Do you really think I need your help? Don’t you think
I would’ve asked for it if I wanted it?” she said
regretting her hateful words as they were coming out
of her mouth. But she couldn’t stop herself. 

Harm looked at her shocked at her words. “You don’t
want my help Mac?” he asked almost in a whisper,
feeling the tears well up inside him. He was
definitely losing her. He had to do something, and
fast. This conversation was getting out of hand. 

“Ha, ha, ha. Come on Harm, you think everyone needs
your help, don’t you? Everyone needs help but you. The
great Harmon Rabb, Jr.. So righteous, so pure” he
looked at her as he widened his eyes in surprise at
hearing those words from her again. This time she
wasn’t drunk though. This time she meant it. Before he
could recover she launched again.

“So how long is this phase going to last ha? How long
are you going to ‘help’ me? How long will it be until
you get tired of ‘helping’ and find some other blonde
to brighten your life?” she was definitely losing it
now and she knew it, but couldn’t help the words
coming out of her mouth.

 “Mac!” he shouted. “Please stop, stop. You don’t know
what you’re saying. Please, don’t do this, please…..”
he begged her with tears rolling down his handsome
face, as he held on to the sofa and sank down to the
floor next to it. His face in his hands now wet from
the tears. 

She had never seen him like this before. Sure she had
seen him cry in Russia, she had been there for him
when he found Diane’s killer. She was there when
Jordan was murdered. They had a special connection,
and she knew it. The sight of him begging her to stop
just tore at her heart like nothing else she’d ever
experienced. He just sat there in the floor. Unable to
lift his face to look at her too overwhelmed by the
emotions he had just revealed. Mac was frozen in
place. She couldn’t believe what she was witnessing.
Here was the strongest man she knew, crying like a
baby in front of her. 

“Mac…” he whispered. She just stood there.

“Harm…I.I don’t…”

“No Mac, you don’t. You don’t understand. And I know
it’s not your fault that you don’t. I haven’t done a
good job of making myself clear where you’re
concerned, and I’m sorry for that. I’m an idiot okay?
I don’t know what happens to me when it comes to you,
but all the rules I knew about life don’t apply to
you. You make me do things I never thought I would do.
Like crying for a woman for example….," he said. He
took a deep breath before going on. 

“Mac, I know that I’ve hurt you in more ways than one
over the years. You’ve always been there for me,
you’ve helped me through so much, and all I’ve done is
cause you pain. I’ve tried. God knows I tried to leave
you alone. After you accepted Mic’s ring, I thought I
had lost you forever. I knew I had screwed up big time
and I didn’t deserve you, and I didn’t know how to fix
it. I thought you had made your choice.”

He started to get up from where he was on the floor
next to the couch and she hurried over to his side and
helped him up. They sat on the couch, next to each
other, and she couldn’t feel anything other than pain
and regret as she thought about the words that she’d
said to him a few minutes before. She reached out with
her hand and wiped the tears away from his handsome
face, as he gazed deep into her eyes. She knew she had
lost the battle just then. As soon as she caught his
eyes, she couldn’t look away. They were connected all
right. That much she knew for sure. 

“Harm, I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I had no
right…”

“Shhh… Sarah, I didn’t come here to hear you
apologize. I came prepared for anything you might
throw at me. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me what
you just said, but I need you to listen now. There’s a
purpose to my visit and this time I won’t go away
until I’m done talking. Then you can do whatever you
want with me” he finished firmly.

She had to smile at the resolution in his tone and
face. 

 “I don’t know exactly how to explain this to you, but
I’ll try.” He turned her so she could face him and
cupped her face in his hands. “When you asked me that
day in the ferry how long we were going to wait, I
froze. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All our
times together flashed through my mind in a split
second. I knew I wanted you. I’ve wanted you since I
can remember Sarah. But I wanted to do things the
right way. I wasn’t ready to throw away our only
chance at happiness because I couldn’t keep my pants
zipped. That’s why I always ran from you. When you
accused me of not being able to let go I said ‘not
yet’. I guess you understood ‘never’.”

“Harm, I was so tired of being alone, so tired of
having you so close and yet so far away. I took a
chance, and now I can see that maybe it wasn’t the
best thing to do….”

He silenced her with a finger to her lips. “Please,
let me finish. When you got to the airport the next
day and I saw you wearing Brumby’s ring I felt like I
had died. Suddenly it was like I was outside my own
body looking at myself. It didn’t feel real. I wanted
to run, run far away. My own self-control, which I
have mastered through the years kept me sane, at least
for a while. When we got back from Australia, I was
numb” 

“Harm, Mic offered me everything I wanted. It felt
like it was my last chance at that family I wanted,"
she said softly, watching intently for his reaction.

“I know, and I’m sorry if a made you think that’s not
what I wanted from you. You have to understand one
thing. When I saw you wearing his ring, I felt
betrayed. Since that day in the Rose Garden, the one
thing constant on my mind was my feelings for you. I
knew I loved you the first day I saw you. I knew I
would never love anyone else again, ever. I spent four
long years building and trying to perfect my own
feelings. Trying to get my life in order so I could
give you the best I had to offer. You were there
through my hardest times. You knew all about my
obsessions, my faults, and my past. You helped me
through it all. I thought if there was someone on this
earth that could understand me without any words, it
was you Sarah. But understand this. I had just found
out that my father and that other woman that night
before he was shot down. I had a real hard time
digesting all of that. I was still on active flight
status, so I could get called back to flying if
something happened, and I promised myself that I would
never put my own family through what my father put us
through when he was shot down. I couldn’t help but
think that maybe I could do that, someday, to you… to
you Sarah. I love you so much that every time I
thought about you all I could think of was how I could
mess up someday and screw up everything we worked so
hard to build, our friendship. I didn’t want to loose
you. I thought I was protecting you from…well, from
me” 

 Mac sat there stunned. She could’ve never read so
much into it. That night, she had been so hurt, that
she stopped listening to what he was saying. She had
misinterpreted everything he had been trying to tell
her. God, what kind of friend was she? How could he
ever forgive her for not trusting him?

He noticed the look on her face and asked “What is it
Sarah?”

“Did you just say, um,…you just said that you….well…”
she was cut off by his gentle hand on her cheek and
his voice.

“You mean I said that I love you?” he asked her.

 “Mmhhmm…” was all she could say, still unable to
break their visual connection.

“Of course I love you. I always have. I wanted the
moment I told you to be special, but I guess I can’t
wait any longer” he told her looking right at her. 

Shaking her head visibly to try and digest everything
she was hearing she remembered what he had said and
asked “What do you mean Harm? Why would you want to
protect me?” she asked, confusion evident in her face.

“Mac, because my life was so screwed up at the moment
that I didn’t think I had anything to give you. I was
just starting to put my life together after returning
from flying, and you didn’t make it any easier by
ignoring me and acting like you had replaced me with
Mic.”

He chose his words carefully knowing that this was the
most important conversation he had ever had. 

“Mac, I needed my life back before I could offer it to
you” he said finally, pain and regret clouding his
handsome face. 

“Oh my God…..” she whispered, trailing off as she
fought not to break down. She still needed some more
answers, and she knew she might not get another
opportunity like this ever with this man.

His own tears threatened again and he buried his face
in his hands again. She gently reached out to him, put
her hand on his shoulder, and asked a question she had
been dying to ask for almost two years now. 

“Harm, what exactly happened on that ferry ride?” she
asked cautiously.

“Mac, I have to be honest with you. I thought you were
willing to risk our friendship for just a night of
pleasure. That’s how it came across to me, you know,
with you asking me about the topless thing and all. I
didn’t understand Mac. It was so sudden, so unexpected
of you. I know we used to joke around and all, but
that night you weren’t joking. I could see it in your
eyes, and I was terrified. I always thought the day
when we finally talked about being more than friends
would be the best day of my life. It turned out to be
a nightmare that lasted a year and a half” he
explained.

“Jesus…” was all she could say. Tears starting to roll
down her face. She quickly sobered up. She wasn’t
going to make this any easier for him. 

“Harm, that sounds really nice. It almost sounds like
a dream that someone would have those kinds of
feelings for me, and I’m sure you expect me to believe
all this, but don’t you see how hard it is for me to
believe this?”

“Why?”

“Because, Harm…it didn’t take you long after we came
back from Australia to start things off with Renee.
You never had a problem starting things with women.
Hell, you NEVER had problems with women. You had them
all at your feet, correction, still have them all at
your feet. How do you think I felt? You were ready to
flirt with every blonde, long legged woman that you
met, engaged in a relationship with someone who you
barely knew without thinking twice, and here you stood
on the ferry, after I wore my heart on my sleeve for
you, and you all but flat out told me you didn’t want
me” she said as the tears kept falling.

He continued. Determined to explain his actions to
her,

“The next day when I saw you wearing his ring, I
thought all you had wanted from me was a temporary
fling. God Sarah, it hurt, it hurt so much to think
that all you wanted was just a night. I wanted to give
you my heart, my soul, everything I had. You were my
life. You still are. All I needed was a little more
time until I could get my life in order so I could
share it with you. Never, under any circumstances
would I have let you think that all I felt for you was
lust, and desire. True those things I do feel for you
as well, but before anything else, I loved you. I
still do. I could never even think of disrespecting
you that way. ‘Only with you’ I told you. It was the
truth. It still is. I needed time to figure out
everything. JAG, one of us would have to transfer. I
wanted to plan everything, our first date, the first
time we kissed, our engagement, the wedding, our first
night making love, the kids, the big house, the lazy
Sundays, baseball practice… I wanted to give you
everything. I still do, but I needed time because I
wanted it to be perfect. And when you ran from me to
Mic I thought you didn’t feel for me the same I felt
for you. I felt like my heart had been ripped from me,
Mac. Four years waiting and planning and wanting
everything to be perfect to realize that the woman I
loved didn’t love me back the same way," he said as he
looked at her face full of tears. 

She started sobbing, and it soon got out of control.
He put his arms around her, and held her close,
wishing he could take away the pain, wishing he could
make those memories disappear, but unfortunately, if
they were ever to move forward, he had to make her
understand. She had to know everything.

She calmed down after a while. He was about to
continue when he lifted her chin and looked into her
eyes. That’s when he realized the truth of his word
had finally gotten through to her. God, she was so
beautiful, even when she cried. A thought suddenly
crossed his mind and he gasped as he remembered her
last question. ‘Don’t you see how hard it is for me to
believe this?’ she had said. 

“Mac….Sarah…is that really what you thought? That I
wasn’t with you because you weren’t my type
physically? Did you ever think that I wasn’t attracted
to you?” he said as his eyes widened. 

“Harm, I’m nothing but a kick ass Marine with a
horrible past. I never thought you could really love
me. You never dated anyone remotely like me. You never
even showed interest in me in any way. What did you
want me to believe? When you started dating Renee, I
thought I had my answer. There he goes again, looking
for Mrs. Right. I thought it was just a matter of time
until you finally found another one of those women you
liked so much and she took you away from me forever. I
tried one last time on the ferry, but when you backed
away, I thought I had my answer. I could never be what
you wanted. If I was, then why didn’t you want me?”
she said her voice barely audible as she let out more
tears. 

“God Mac, are you understanding any of what I’m trying
to tell you? Do you understand why I always ran from
you? Can’t you see why I never had a problem starting
relationships before? None of them were you, Sarah. I
knew that nothing was serious with any of them. They
could never be you; they could never hurt me because
they could never get past my defenses. You’re the only
woman that’s been able to do that. None of them ever
had the power you have over me, Sarah. No one could
ever brake down the walls I put up around my heart
when I was six years old. No, not even Diane. Sure,
she was a great friend, and I did love her in my own
way, but I never allowed her truly inside my heart.
You just wormed your way in and I could do nothing to
stop it. I’m completely vulnerable when it comes to
you, and that’s why I was scared. None of my
girlfriends were like you, and I wanted it that way,
because it was hard enough to see you all day and have
to pretend I didn’t want you. I couldn’t handle
someone at home, in my bed, who reminded me of you.
They were never substitutes for you. The whole point
was to try to forget you; to hide my feelings so that
I couldn’t hurt you like I hurt everyone else. So, of
course I never looked for anyone like you. I knew I
couldn’t have you then, I wasn’t enough for you, so,
like the idiot that I am, I waited until I could put
my past behind me to start clean with you, and I
almost lost you because of that” he said. 

 With tears rolling down her face she began, “Harm,
but, how could you ever think that you weren’t enough
for me? Don’t you remember anything about my past?
Don’t you remember how every man I’ve been involved
with is either dead or destroyed? I’m the one that
didn’t deserve you, and I still don’t….” she said, and
he cut her off.

“What are you talking about?”..he started surprised at
her admission. He never thought that she harbored so
many insecurities inside. He thought he was the only
one who had issues in this relationship, but hearing
this from her made him feel worse than he already did.
He had destroyed her self-esteem. His fears and
insecurities were killing her inside. He had to put a
stop to this. 

“Sarah, you were right there for me every time I
needed you. You were loyal and caring, and you risked
your life more than once for my sake. I don’t know
what my life would be like if God hadn’t sent you my
way. You’re my angel, Sarah. You might have had rough
times before, but then I have too. Please, don’t you
ever, ever think that you’re not good enough, under
any circumstances. I won’t allow it” he finished.

The sincerity and love she heard in his voice finished
the job, as the walls she had put up broke down, and
all she had left to feel was love, love for the man in
front of her that obviously loved her back. 

“Oh, Harm. I love you so much, I really do. But you
have to understand. There are things you still don’t
know about me," she said, covering her face with her
hands.

“What things, Sarah?”

“Harm, please. Don’t do this. I can’t do this to you”
she begged. This man loved her, and all she could do
was cause him pain. 

“Is this about what happened with Eric?” he asked
gently. “If it is, please Mac, talk to me. I promise
you, nothing could ever make me stop loving you. And
if you choose not to tell me right away, or ever, well
that’s fine then. But I won’t go away, Sarah. We’ve
barely found each other tonight after six years of
lies and half-truths, and I won’t let you run away.
Not this time” he finished firmly.

“Harm, please. Listen to me. This whole mess is about
something that happened a long time ago. It’s the one
thing in my past that I haven’t come to terms with
yet. I need a little time to work through this.
Please, I promise I’ll tell you. But I can’t right
now. I don’t know how you’ll react to this, and
well….” she trailed off and looked at him pleading
with him for understanding.

“Okay, Sarah. Whatever you need. But please promise me
something” he said taking her hands in his own and
squeezing them.

“What is it Harm?” she asked

“Promise that you won’t shut me out. Please. Promise
that we’ll be best friends before anything else. If
you decide after this that you don’t want to be with
me, that it’s too late, I can live with that, as long
as I know that I have your friendship and your trust.
Please don’t leave me. I’m begging you, please…” and
his tears started again.

“Shhh, Harm. I promise I won’t ever leave you. I told
you you’d never lose me in the Admiral’s porch that
night, and I meant it. I’ll always be here for you….
About us being together…..” she trailed off not sure
how to make him understand, then with an air of
conviction she started again looking straight at
him….. “This time it’ll be up to you. I don’t know
what you’ll think of me after this is over. But I
promise you I won’t ever leave you if you don’t want
me to. I trust you with my life, Harm. You should know
that by know," she said gently, as she took his face
in her hands and stroked his cheeks wiping away his
tears. 

 “Oh, Sarah… no matter what it is you have to tell me,
nothing could make me love you any less. Nothing. You
got that? N-O-T-H-I-N-G. No way am I letting you get
away from me. NEVER!!!” he finished. 

He looked straight into her eyes and for a moment they
both forgot everything else existed. Nothing else
mattered but the love they felt for each other.
Careful not to startle her, he slowly moved his face
closer and she parted her lips slightly in
anticipation. She knew what was about to happen, and
she wanted it as much as him. Their lips met in a
gentle kiss full of promises. It was time to set this
right. It was time to stop thinking and start feeling.
It wasn’t too late.

The kiss rapidly grew from sweet to passionate. She
weaved her hands around his neck and he encircled her
with her arms around her waits, pulling tighter
against his body. All coherent thought absent, they
lost themselves in the passion and the longing they
felt, as years of denied feelings took over them both.


Harm was in heaven. He couldn’t believe he had waited
that long to kiss her like this. He was sure that he
needed her in his life before, but after this they
could never go back to being just friends. After
having the feeling of her in his arms, kissing and
hugging her without any fears about what he felt for
her, he knew he could never let her go again. She had
to be his, he couldn’t live without her, not now, not
ever. Sarah Catherine Mackenzie was his life, and he
would make sure to spend the rest of his life
demonstrating just that. 

Making an impossible effort to make good use of his
brain, Harm reluctantly broke off the kiss, and rested
his forehead on hers. His breathing was nowhere near
normal, but he made an effort to gain control of his
thinking skills and get out the words he needed to
say. 

He remembered their talk in his office earlier that
day. He knew he had to tell her where he had been
spending the nights the past two weeks. However, he
didn’t know how to tell her. He was so terrified of
her reaction that he almost put himself on trial
mentally to reach a decision. Finally, after a few
minutes, he notices her hesitation and he knew she was
having doubts about him again. She started to pull
away from him, but he held her arms and hugged her
tight to his chest, kissing the top her hear softly,
and got no resistance from her. This made him smile
and helped him continue on with what he had to say.

“Mac…”

“Yeah..”

“Listen, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t Harm…Please, don’t do this to me again. Please
don’t say you’re sorry. I can’t handle much right now,
and if you reject me now….” 

 He was startled when he heard the last few words she
said and rapidly cut her off shaking her gently and
holding her face in his hands he started..

 “Whoa. Easy there, Ninja Girl. Why are you even
mentioning that horrible word..”

“What word is that Harm…” she whispered trying to
divert her eyes from his

“Rejection, Sarah. How could you even think that after
all I’ve said to you right now I would turn around and
pretend like nothing happened?” he said

“I don’t know Harm..” her tears threatening to fall.
“This is so unexpected. You’ve never done anything
like this before. I’ve never heard so many personal
things come out of your mouth at once before. It’s
been years Harm, years that I’ve been trying
everything to get you to notice me, to talk to me…..”
she trailed off, her voice barely audible now, as
tears started down her face again.

“SShhhhh, I’m sorry. Sarah, I’m so sorry for
everything that I’ve put you through. I really am. You
have no idea how much I wanted to tell you all of this
before. But you have to believe me. I wanted to give
you the best I could give you. Besides, I thought we
needed some time to get our friendship back. I thought
you wanted the same thing” he said hugging her tightly
and caressing her hair. 

“I do Harm. I do want our friendship back. I guess
after your crash and everything I realized it’s better
to have you as a friend than to not have you at all.
Harm, I’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with
this. You can still take back what you said….” 

“NO.NO.NO. Hold on. We are having serious
communication problems here Sarah” he said softly.

“We’ve always had them Harm, why would it change now?”
she said.

“Because we want it to. I want it to change, at least”
he told her and before she could say anything else, he
remembered that he had yet to explain to her where he
had been spending his nights. He stepped away from her
so he could look her in the eyes. Then tugged her
gently towards the couch, and they sat down once
again. 

“Look. I owe you an explanation” he said holding up
his hands before she could interrupt him. “I know I
never answered your messages that night that I came to
see you. We talked about this today in my office, but
I know you didn’t believe me, so I’m going to tell you
the truth now ok?” he said

“Okay, Harm. But you don’t need to explain yourself to
me. I have no right..” she was cur off again

“Yes you do. Yes you *do* have the right to know
everything about me, Sarah. I love you, and I’d like
to think you love me as much as I do you. You already
have the most private of all my possessions, my heart.
How could you not have the right to now about
everything else?” he looked at her and saw a small
smile starting at her lips. 

 “Oh Harm. All these years you’ve kept everything so
closed up, and now you sure are making up for all the
conversations we never had” she said smiling fully now
at him.

“And I plan never again to close up to you. It won’t
happen again” he said

“Is that a promise” she asked

“It’s a promise, Sarah” he replied.

“Okay, now, you were saying….” She trailed off and
looked at him

“Well, the reason I never answered your calls is that
I didn’t know how to explain to you what I was doing”
he noticed the look of hurt that crossed her beautiful
face and regretted the words he chose right away.

“Sarah, look at me. Please..look at me” she looked up
at him and he continued. “I spent every night on my
SUV. Right here, outside your apartment. Well, at
least the first week I did. After the first week, I
came up to your front door late at night when I was
sure you were asleep and stayed right outside your
door” he said looking away from her. His fear of her
reaction getting the better of him.

“What…you did..um..Harm?…did you really…”

He turned and looked her in the eyes and she knew he
was saying the truth.

 “Jesus….Harm..why didn’t you tell me anything? Oh my
God… that’s why you haven’t been sleeping. Harm, why
did you do it? Were you really that concerned? Why
didn’t you call someone, Webb, or the Admiral. Why did
you do it on your own. How come you never…” 

“Hey, hey, slow down Mac” he said.

By the time she was cut off by him this time she was
already up and pacing the living room trying to get a
grip on all that he had just told her. She couldn’t
believe that’s what he had been doing. A wave of
regret washed over her as she remembered her
accusations towards him. ‘And you keep messing things
up, misinterpreting him and not trusting him’ she
thought to herself. He was still sitting on the couch
looking at her expectantly now, fear and apprehension
written all over his beautiful face. She turned to
look at him and her heart broke at the sight. He was
scared. Scared of her reaction, and she wondered how
she had ever gotten to this point. 

She quickly walked towards the couch and knelt on the
couch next to him. She smiled at him, and took him in
her arms. He was a little surprised at first, not
expecting this reaction from her at all. He settled
his head in her chest and hugged her tight with his
arms around her waist. She ran her fingers through his
silky hair while her other hand stroked his cheek.
Seconds later she felt the wetness of the tears on her
hand. Shortly after that she heard him start to sob
silently. Her own tears started falling and she hugged
him tighter as he held on to her for dear life. 

“Mac…” he whispered still in tightly in her embrace.

“Yeah…”

“Sarah, I’m sorry for what I did. I know your’re a
Marine and all, but I was scared for you. You threw me
out of you apartment. I knew you wanted space, so I
decided I would still keep you safe even if you hated
me…”

“I never hated you Harm. I could never hate you. I
love you, Harmon Rabb, Jr. Please never forget that”
she told him gently

“I love you too, Sarah. More than anything in this
world” he replied.

Suddenly realizing something she quickly asked him

“Harm? You didn’t stay out there watching over me
because of the note with the flowers, did you?” she
said, knowing that there had to be something else he
wasn’t telling him.

“Well… I got..um..see..the thing is…”

“Come on Harm, just tell me will you? Why were you so
afraid?”

“Mac, I got a couple more letters from that Eric guy
at my office. They weren’t really that bad, and they
weren’t really a substantial threat or anything, but I
still got scared. You never know what a person driven
by the past can do…and..well…I thought it was better
not to alarm anyone else” he answered

 “Harm….what did..um..what did the letters say
about…well..did he say anything about…you know..him
and…him and me?” she asked him, dreading his answer
thinking that Eric might have spilled everything on
those letters

“They weren’t really specific, Mac.Well, not about
your past anyway. But he clearly described everything
he’d like to do to you if he got you alone. I guess he
never really threatened to physically assault you or
anything. But I figured if he ever came near your
apartment I could at least stop him before he made you
cry again” She couldn’t believe it. Her heart soared
when she heard him talking that way about her. He
continued in a whisper. “Mac, I don’t know what
happened with him. But I know he hurt you, and I also
know that you’re probably blaming yourself. Please
don’t do that” he said

By the time he finished he had detangled himself from
her arms and was holding her tight against him, her
head resting on his chest and her hands wrapped around
his middle. 

“Mac, that day you talked to him on the phone, and the
day he came to the office and youdropped you coffee,
Mac, I would’ve done anything in this world to keep
you from going through that. The look in your face
broke my heart, Mac. I could barely control myself,
and it was only the thought of the Admiral and a
forced transfer to Iceland, that kept me from going
after Eric and setting a few things straight with him”
he said

“Harm, I really appreciate your concern, and you have
no idea how great it makes me feel that you care about
me that much, but I can’t change my past. Some things
happened and I can’t go back. I can only face them and
hope to get through them. You’ve been with me through
so many things, and have helped me fight so many
ghosts. You know what a mess I made of my life when I
was younger…”

“Mac…listen to me. Don’t you ever again imply that you
deserve any of this” he calmed down a little, and
continued to speak in a soft voice. “Mac, I heard the
things he told you. I heard the tone in his voice. I
could kill him Mac, for talking to you that way.
That’s why I stayed out on the street all these
nights. I wanted to make sure that he never again had
a chance to get to you, to hurt you like that” he
finished as he gently stroked her hair. 

“Harm, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m so
sorry I treated you so bad that day you came to see
me. I knew you were worried, but all I could think of
was that it was only temporary. That you didn’t really
care that much about me, that you would stay with me
until I opened up and cried and then you’d leave me
again for another blonde whenever you thought I could
survive on my own” she said her voice a whisper.

“Oh God Mac, I’m so sorry. Is that really what you’ve
believed all these years?”

She nodded and he felt his own tears threaten again at
the thought of all the heartache he had caused her.
But that would change. Yes it would. He was determined
now. He would make it up to her.

“Harm…”

“Yes”

“Could you hold me tonight?” she asked in a shy voice.


How could he refuse? He’d never seen her so
vulnerable. Without hesitation he answered 

“Of course, Sarah. Anything you want” he told her 

That Friday night Harm finally held his Sarah resting
confidently, knowing that no matter what life threw
their way they would be fine. He had finally opened up
to her, and God it felt good. He stayed awake for
hours just watching her sleep in his arms. Of course,
sleep wasn’t just all he wanted to do with her, but
his physical needs seemed insignificant compared to
what he really needed the most. Her heart. He was
determined to show her how much he loved her. He
didn’t know yet what exactly had bothered her so much
about Eric’s visit, but he had the feeling that it
wouldn’t be easy for her to share it. That night, he
made a vow, to make her feel cherished and loved for
the rest of his life. He didn’t need his Tomcats, or
JAG, or the Navy anymore. Now that he knew first hand
what it felt like to truly love someone, he wasn’t
willing to let go of it, for nothing. His priorities
were set straight, and for once in his life, he had no
doubts about it.

MONDAY (Three weeks after Eric’s visit)

JAG HQ

1200 EST

 

“Enter” she called from inside her office

“Hey Marine, how are those reports coming along?” he
asked her with a grin on his face.

She smiled up at him and once again he felt weak in
the knees when he saw her face light up. He knew he
had something to do with her new found happiness, and
nothing ever had made him more proud. It felt good to
see his Sarah smile. Smile at him. ‘You’re losing it
Rabb’ he told himself, while he kept staring at her
beautiful face. Her voice brought him back from his
thoughts.

“Harm. Harm? Harm!!”

“Uh..um..what? Did you say something?” he asked

“Where did you go?” she said with a knowing smile on
her face, because she could definitely recognize that
sheepish grin on his face. She had been there too.
Daydreaming about him, and she could tell it was his
turn now. A wave of emotion ran through her when she
noticed the blush on his face, as he quickly sat down
before his knees gave up on him.

“Oh, nowhere important. Just a little spaced out there
for a second…” he looked at her pleading to change the
subject. 

She let him off the hook this time and said. “Well, is
there a reason for you dropping by at this strange
hour of the day?” she told him knowing full well that
it was time for lunch.

Her stomach chose that moment to make one of those
noises, and he laughed lightly.

“Well, I was just looking around to see if I could
find a pretty Marine Colonel to join me for lunch
today” he said looking at her and smiling. “But I
don’t think I’ll find one around here” he said

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow “Really? And
what exactly do you think you’ll find around here
then?” she asked

“Oh, I already found it. Not a pretty Marine, but a
beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous, intelligent AND hungry
Marine” he said rising from his chair and extending
his hand to her. 

She laughed heartily and reached for his hand and he
said “Ready?”

“I’m a Marine, Harm. I’m always ready” she winked at
him

“Well let’s get a move on, Ninja Girl. Don’t want to
upset that little stomach of yours any more than it
already is” he said grinning at her.

They walked out of the office ignoring the knowing
smile from Harriet, who in spite of not having
information had a pretty good idea about how their
weekend had played out.

 

The week went by with the partners and best friends
seeing each other regularly and spending most of their
free time with each other, including lunch, and
breakfast after their morning run, which they had
started to enjoy together once again. Mac was happier
than she’d ever been in her life, but there was still
something that had her worried. She knew that Harm
didn’t want to pressure her to talk, and she loved him
for it, but she owed him an explanation. She had to
tell him, but everything was going so great between
them that she didn’t have the nerve to start talking.
‘Maybe he’ll think it’s stupid. He’s a man after all.
How is he going to understand how much it hurts?’ Stop
doubting Harm!, she scolded herself. She knew she had
to do it, so she picked up the phone and dialed.

 

HARM’S APARTMENT

NORHT OF UNION STATION

2300 EST

 

“Hello” he answered the phone after the first ring

“Hi..”

“Mac? Are you okay? What’s wrong? Where are you?” he
knew that was a stupid question to ask. He had caller
ID for God’s sake. He knew she was calling from her
apartment, but he couldn’t help it. He sounded like an
idiot, but he didn’t care. He could tell she had been
crying, and that’s all he needed to know.

“Harm, calm down. Besides, I thought you had caller
ID? Don’t you?” she asked

“Um, well…I’m not sure if…um…oh hell, of course I do.
I just got scared when I heard your voice so late and
I lost it ok? I thought something had happened to you”
he admitted to her, amazed at the ease with which he
could just tell her everything. 

“Harm, relax. Nothing happened. I’m fine, well, sort
of…”

“Mac, what’s wrong?”

“Harm, listen. I need to talk to you about what
happened with Eric. I know that you haven’t pressured
me and all, but I need to tell you…”

 “Sarah, you don’t have to tell me anything, you don’t
owe an explanation. I know whatever it is it’s hard
for you to talk about. I don’t want you to think
that…” she cut him off.

“Harm!!! Listen to me. I want to talk to you about
this because I need to talk to someone, and you’re the
only person in the world I trust with my life. Got
that?” she finished waiting for his answer and
preparing for another argument. God was this man
stubborn!!! ‘But he’s yours and you love him all the
same’ she thought and that made her smile. He brought
her back from her thoughts.

“Mac..Mac!!! MAC!!?” he practically yelled into the
phone.

“Oh, sorry…um…” she tried to explain thankful that he
couldn’t see her blushing through the phone.

“Who’s daydreaming now ha?” he said, and that earned
him a chuckle from her. 

“Nothing gets by you Mr. Rabb” she said

“No. Stop changing the subject. So, you want to talk?
I can be there in 20 minutes…I just need to..”

“HARM!!! Wait, I didn’t mean now. You need your rest.
Tomorrow’s Friday and you have court all morning. How
about we talk over the weekend?” she asked him

“Oh…ok. Well I don’t mind losing sleep over you.
Besides, the case is almost wrapped up. I’m sure I’ll
mop the floor with Sturgis tomorrow whether I sleep or
not” he said in a teasing tone.

“Funny. Wait ‘til I tell Sturgis you said that” she
teased him

“Oh, no…please…don’t” he said mocking and faking his
fear at the thought of confronting Sturgis.

“Yeah well. I could probably get some pretty good
stories from him from your days at the Academy in
exchange for this information” she said laughing after
she finished.

He laughed as well, and then silence took over once
again.

“Harm, listen. It won’t be easy for me to talk about
this, but I have to. I haven’t talked to anyone about
this ever. It would mean a lot me if I could talk to
you about this” she said seriously

“I told you Sarah. Anything you want I’ll do. Whatever
it takes to make you happy. If you want to talk, then
I’ll listen and I promise I’ll try my best to
understand” he answered her, and she felt relieved and
so blessed that she had someone so special in her life
after everything she’d been through. 

“Harm, thank you”

“No need to thank me. I love you, you know?”

“I know, and I love you too, very much”

“Well go get your beauty rest Marine, and I’ll see you
at work tomorrow okay?”

“Yes, good night, flyboy. I love you”

“Goodnight, Ninja Girl. I love you too”

And with that they hung up the phone, both sighing
after ending the call and wondering how their second
weekend together would go. 

 

HARM’S SUV

FRIDAY 

2000 EST

 

Harm was driving his SUV daydreaming of his beautiful
Marine. “Sarah” he said aloud. He couldn’t believe
that they were finally together. He was still worried,
but now that he knew that she wanted to talk he could
sleep a little better. 

As he thought more and more about his Sarah an uneasy
feeling took over him. She’s probably asleep by now,
he thought. Besides, after I made a fool out of myself
yesterday night on the phone, I don’t think she’ll
appreciate it I just wake her up because I had a
hunch, he thought. He continued to argue with himself
and tried to collect enough evidence to prove his
case. “Hey, I am a lawyer and an investigator after
all” he said to himself using putting his hands up in
the air as if surrendering to someone. He looked to
the other cars next to him. “Yep, I am officially
losing it” he said to himself, trying not to look to
involved in his one-person conversation so that the
people in the other cars wouldn’t notice him talking
to himself. 

However, the more he tried to reason and convince
himself, the worse the feeling grew. He figured he
could always stop by her apartment and stay out there
in his SUV until she fell asleep, if she wasn’t
already. With that, he headed towards Georgetown, once
again to watch over his Sarah. 

 GEORGETWON

OUTSIDE MAC’S APARTMENT

2030 EST

 Harm parked his SUV outside the apartment and waited
for a while. Everything seemed in order, and her
apartment’s lights were still on. She’s probably
reading, he thought. That’s something he had learned
about his Marine in the few days they had spent in
each other’s company. She always read at least a
paragraph a night before going to sleep. ‘You never
cease to amaze me, Sarah’ he thought to himself, while
looking up at her apartment. She’d probably think he
was crazy if she found out he was there. “Oh, well.
Better safe than sorry” he said to himself. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw something moving.
A small figure approached and he figured it was a kid.
That uneasy feeling grew even stronger as the kid
approached. When he walked under one of the street
lights he realized why. It was the same kid that had
delivered that package for Mac at the office three
weeks ago. Without thinking, he got out of his car and
crossed the street. He figured the kid saw him but
didn’t recognize him. He noticed the kid had a box in
his hands and saw him enter Mac’s apartment building. 

He went after him and caught up with him right before
he entered the elevator.

“Hey buddy” Harm said trying not to scare him

The kid looked at him and apparently recognized him
from the office, but didn’t show any signs of fear.
Harm could tell he was nervous, but nothing more than
that.

“Do you know someone that lives here?” Harm asked

“Not really, I’m just supposed to deliver something to
lady in this building. You are the guy from that
military office aren’t you?” the kid asked him

“Yeah. I do remember you delivered something for Sarah
Mackenzie at the office a while back. She’s my friend,
and I just came by to visit her. I could take it up to
her if you want?” Harm said trying to sound calm as
his mind wondered what was inside that box. 

“Well, I should really give it to her myself” the kid
said. 

‘So this kid has no idea what’s going on’ Harm thought
to himself. He tried a different method.

“Oh, sure. I understand. Listen…that day that you made
that delivery for Sarah Mackenzie, well, let’s just
say that what you delivered wasn’t a pleasant
surprise. Can you tell me who paid you to deliver
this?”

The kid grew a little nervous as he realized that Harm
was suspicious of him. He knew there was something
wrong when that man had paid him to deliver that
package that first day, but it was good money and he
honestly didn’t care what was in it. This was the
second time he was delivering for that man, and now he
was in trouble? 

“Listen, Sir. I have no clue what’s going on. This guy
paid me to deliver this and that’s what I’m doing. How
can I be sure that you’re not the bad guy here? This
man seemed to really like this lady. He even told me
that he was going to marry her” the kid finished and
when he saw the look in Harm’s face he feared for his
life.

“Okay, listen to me now. We are going to go upstairs,
and you’re going to get that package delivered, and
then you’ll get the hell out of here, understood? This
man that talked to you is dangerous. He’s not a good
man, and I know you’re a good kid, so let’s just…..” 

The sound of Eric’s voice made him turn around and
look at him. Eric might not be defenseless, but he was
certainly nothing to worry about. When Harm saw the
look in his eyes he recognized a man driven by his
past. He knew right there and then that Eric was
dangerous, not because he could physically harm him,
but because of the power he knew his memories had over
the woman he loved. 

“So, the jealous boyfriend comes to the rescue?” Eric
said in a sarcastic tone.

“What do you want?”

“I want a lot of things, but mainly, I want to make
sure Sarah Mackenzie pays for what she did”

“And what would that be?” 

By this time, the kid had dropped the packaged on the
floor and ran out of the building. Harm notices and
was partially relived that no one else would get hurt
in this whole mess. 

“She killed him” Eric said looking straight at Harm

“What?”

“SHE KILLED HIM!!!!!” 

“When, why, how?”

“Listen, I don’t have time to waste with you. I don’t
want to hurt you, but I’m really looking forward to
tormenting that lame excuse for a human being that
lives here” he said

Those words almost cost him to loose control. He could
not believe his ears. How could someone think that of
Sarah? Harm pushed aside those thoughts and
concentrated on making sure this man didn’t get to his
Sarah. He would stop him even if it cost him his life.
Rapidly looking around he took his environment into
consideration. He had 5 inches and at least 40 pounds
on Eric. He could take him any day. Not that he was
feeling cocky at the moment, but ‘poor guy doesn’t
have a chance if he tries to get through me’ he
thought. Harm looked at him straight in the eyes and
knew this would be easy. With his training and
experience in combat, he could anticipate Eric’s moves
and it was all over before it even began.

The elevator doors opened and Mac walked out to find
Eric down on the floor moaning from the pain. Harm had
him pinned down on the floor and she heard the sound
of the police sirens coming their way. For a moment,
she just stood there. Harm looked at her. After a few
minutes of silence he started to get worried. 

“What happened?” she asked him in a soft voice after
the police already had Eric under arrest.

At that same moment a police officer approached him
“Sir, we’ll need to you to answer some questions,
please?” the officer said

“Sure, of course” Harm answered still looking at Mac.
She nodded and so Harm told the officer what had
happened. 

“Thank you Commander Rabb” the officer finally said
“We’ll be in touch” and he left.

Harm made sure that they took Eric as far away from
Mac as possible so he wouldn’t have a chance to say
any more hurtful things to her. Just the things Eric
said to him earlier about Mac had affected him
terribly, and he couldn’t imagine what hearing those
words could do to Mac. He was in overprotective mode
and he knew it, but he didn’t care. 

“Harm, are you alright?” She asked him softly when he
made his way back to stand next to her. 

“I’m fine, Sarah. It was nothing” he said. She took
his face in her hands and reached up to caress his
face with her hands. 

“Well, you still look a little shaken, that’s all. Why
don’t you come upstairs and let me prepare you some
tea?” she said 

“Okay. But I don’t want to stay too much later. You
have to rest, and I had a great day planned for us
tomorrow. Well, if you’re up to it that is” he
finished looking sheepishly at her.

Mac smiled. She couldn’t believe he was this way with
her finally. For a moment forgetting about everything
that had just happened, she quickly put her arms
around his middle and hugged him fiercely.

“Whoa, easy there Marine” he laughed softly as he
embraced her as well. “You don’t want to send me to
Bethesda, now do you?”

She let go of him as punched him playfully in the arm.
“Well, if you stop making fun of me, maybe we can go
upstairs and get that tea ready for you, along with
some painkillers just in case” she said.

“Lead the way, Ninja Girl” he answered. She took his
hand and led him to the elevator.

 

MAC’S APARTMENT

Later that same night

 

They were sitting on the couch. Harm set the teacup in
the table and sat back down taking Mac with him and
resting her head on his chest. The stayed like that
for a while, just enjoying the feel of each other
tangled up in an embrace. 

After a long time of companionable silence Mac spoke.

“Harm?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Say that again, please?”

He smiled at looked down at her. “Yes, sweetheart”

She smiled widely at him. After a few moments she
sobered and looked at him seriously.

“What is it, honey?”

“Harm, Eric was Chris’ cousin”

“Oh” was all he could say

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I guess I thought
if I ignored it, it would go away. I thought he had
finally left me alone. It had been a week since I had
heard from him, and well, I guess I thought wrong” she
said, her soft voice almost a whisper.

“When Chris went to jail, his whole family blamed me”
she continued, sensing he didn’t want to pressure her,
but knowing he wanted her to trust him with this.

“And Eric was one of them I take it?”

“Yes. I didn’t know Chris really that well until my
senior year in high school. I didn’t know Eric either,
but everyone knew who he was. His family was very well
off, and all the girls dreamed of going out with him.
He seemed like a nice enough guy, and everything I
heard from the girls that went out with him was that
he was a sweetheart” she stopped for a moment to
gather her thoughts.

“And were you one of those girls?” he hated to ask,
but he knew she had started talking because she needed
to get it out.

“You’re kidding right?” she said sarcastically.
“Nobody noticed me in high school. I was the unwanted
daughter of a poor alcoholic. Who would want to go out
with me?” 

Harm didn’t know what to say, sensing there was a lot
more coming he simply waited for her to continue, but
brought her back to his embrace to make her feel his
support.

She went on drawing strength from his embrace. “After
we graduated, Chris and I dated a couple of times
before we got married. I really needed to get away
from my house, and Chris wanted the same thing. He
went to jail six months later and that’s when Eric
came into the picture.”

“What happened next, Sarah?” he prodded her gently,
careful not to sound demanding, simply wanting her to
know that he was interested in what she was saying.

“He all of a sudden wanted to go out with me, and
started spending time at the apartment where I lived.
He said that he was sorry for what had happened, and
that he just didn’t want me to be by myself. I didn’t
know they were cousins. They barely spoke to each
other, well at least not in public. So, we started
spending time together. He was so sweet and caring
most of the time, it seemed like he was interested in
me and not just my body, like every other guy. I
started to trust him a little, and after a couple
months we slept together one night. We were together
for a week, and after that week he left me. I was
devastated, but it’s not like I didn’t expect it. So,
I went on with my life, and didn’t see him again for a
while. Little did I know it was all part of their
plan” her voice was barely audible by now, and her
face was full of tears.

“It’s okay sweetie, you don’t have to tell me
everything right now. Why don’t you go rest and we’ll
talk tomorrow?” he told her caressing her face and
kissing her forehead tenderly.

“No Harm. I need to get it out. I just want to get it
over with, please?” she pleaded

“Okay. If you’re up to it I’m here for you, always” he
answered sincerely

She stayed quiet for a minute gathering her thoughts
and he could see the pain written all over her face as
she relieved those horrible moments for the first time
since it had happened.

She thought back to the events from years before, and
she continued her story. 

“A month after we were together I started having
really bad cramps and abdominal pain. One day I woke
up and I was bleeding. So, I went to the doctor. One
of Eric’s friends saw me that morning going into the
Women’s Clinic, and apparently told Eric. I found out
later that Eric had gone to see the doctor and
threatened to kill him and his family if he didn’t
tell him what was wrong with me. They all had been
watching me since Chris had gone to jail, but I didn’t
think it could be that bad. They blamed me for Chris’
imprisonment. They thought I was involved in something
and I guess they thought I dragged Chris along with
me. That’s why they hated me so much, but I didn’t
find out until much later” she stopped again, and
willed back the second round of sobs that threatened
to start.

Harm hugged her tighter and asked the question he had
to ask “What happened at the doctor, Sarah?”

“Harm…” she started and broke down crying before she
could get another word out.

“Shh, it’s okay. We can talk about this later.
Sssshh.. Don’t cry honey, please. I hate to see you
like this” he said softly silently cursing himself for
not being able to take her pain away. 

“Oh, Harm I don’t know what I did to deserve you” 

“Sarah….I want you to listen to me very carefully ok?
There is no way on this Earth that I will ever allow
you to imply that you’re not good enough. Did you
understand me?”

“Mmmhmm…” was her only reply

“Did you?” he repeated

“Yes, Harm. I understood you because I love you, and I
know you love me. But there are things in my past
that….”

“And there you go again. Mac, the past is a part of
you. That past is what made you the woman that you are
today, the woman that I fell in love with. Sarah,
can’t you see all the wonderful qualities and
abilities you have? You’re wonderful honey. You’re
sweet, and caring and sensitive, loyal, intelligent.
You’re the strongest person I know. In my eyes, you’re
so amazing that you can look down at the sky” he told
her never relenting his hold on her.

“Oh, Harm…is..are..well..did you really mean all
that?” she whispered

“Of course I did, and I will make sure to show it
every day from now on” he answered firmly.

She softly kissed his chest and hugged him tighter.
After a couple of minutes she started again, 

“Harm…”

“Yes, baby?”

“I was pregnant Harm. I had a little life inside and I
let it die. The baby died because of me. It was my
fault Harm. I should’ve known I was pregnant. I
should’ve felt something…” she trailed off suddenly
remembering all the heartache and pain that being in
Harm’s arms magically made disappear. 

She stood rapidly and walked towards the window. “How
can you love me after all the horrible things I did?
You know most of my past problems by now, but this you
didn’t know. Harm…. I…I understand if you want to
leave. I know you want a family, and you deserve a
great family Harm, and kids, and a loving wife that
can be a good enough woman to take care of you and
your children. Not someone like me…” she stopped as
the tears made it impossible for her to continue, and
she started sobbing uncontrollably falling on her
knees on the floor.

Instantly, Harm was at her side, and scooped her up in
his arms and held her. She tried to fight him at
first, but the pain was unbearable and she knew she
needed him. 

“Sarah, I know I’ve already told you this, but I’ll
repeat it again and again until you believe me. I love
you, and NOTHING, ever will change that. Nothing you
could ever do could make me love you any less. I know
it’s hard for you to believe that I love you right
now. That’s why I’m going to show you ok?”

She just nodded not being able to speak. He waited a
few minutes until she got her tears under control and
continued. He looked down at her and brought her face
up with the tip of his finger under her chin. 

“Sara, honey. I love you. I love the way you smile.
The way you look when you argue with me. I love the
way you stand up for your beliefs and fight for what’s
right. I love your loyalty, your sense of humor. Your
laughter is the most wonderful sound I’ve ever heard.
The power you have over me is almost unthinkable. I
don’t know what I’d do without you. If you really love
me as much I know you do, then you can’t leave me.
There’s no one else in this whole world that could
make me happier than I am when I’m with you. We all
have faults, baby. I have mine and you know them as
well as I do. But faults and all, you’re the last
thing I think of when I close my eyes at night, and
the first in my head when I wake up. Please,
Sarah…I’ll beg if you want to, but please don’t take
the best part of me away. You’re my better half. I
know it because I feel it, and I know you feel it
too…” 

“Harm…I need you to look at something” she said,
trying hard not to show the effect his words were
having on her. He had to know everything, before she
could completely let go with him.

“Sure, what is it Sarah?” he asked

“You see that thing under the seat right there”
pointing to the chair in the living room.

“Aha…what about it?”

She stood up and walked over. She retrieved the white
shoebox from under the chair and stared at it for a
while before looking up at him. He was a little
confused at first, but when he saw the look in her
eyes he knew that it was important.

“Come sit next to me Harm..” she said looking at him

Harm walked over to the couch and sat next to her,
slightly nervous and a little afraid of what he might
find inside.

 After placing the shoebox in his lap, he told me to
open it. Slowly, he took off the lid and placed it
next to him on the couch. What he saw inside he never
imagined. He started taking the items out one by one
after looking over at her and receiving a reassuring
look. 

First, he saw an envelope. He took it in his hands and
opened it. Inside the envelope he found the medical
proof of her pregnancy and her miscarriage. He started
reading. The report stated the cause of the
miscarriage was excessive alcohol intake and physical
strain. At this he looked up at her, and recognizing
the question in his eyes she started to explain.

“I saw my father the night before I went to the
doctor. He found out where I was and came to take me
back home. Of course, I said no, and he well… he
didn’t take it well, he did what he wanted and left.
That night I decided that my father would never lay
his hands on me again. I spent the rest of the night
recovering from the beating, and figuring out how I
was going to get out of there. I feel asleep for a
while, and when I woke up the next day I was bleeding
and in a lot of pain. You know the rest..” she
finished, happy to get that part over with. 

“I’m so sorry…” was the only thing he could think of
as he drew her back to the comfort of his embrace and
kissed her forehead softly.

“Please, Harm. Go on. I just need to do this so I can
put it behind me” she said softly.

Understanding where she was coming from, he reached
for the box again and looked inside. There were pieces
of clothing in there: a pair of tiny boots, a pink
little sweater, and a beautiful tiny hat to go with
the sweater. All of it, he noticed, was knitted. 

“I made these. I learned how to knit from a TV show. I
was good at it. After I found out about my miscarriage
I couldn’t believe it. I guess I was in shock, so I
kept doing things as if I were still pregnant. Maybe I
thought if I believed it, my baby would still be
inside me alive” she had to stop as the tears and sobs
inhibited completely her ability to talk. 

Harm was shocked. So many things made sense now. The
way she was with Chloe. The reason why, every year
since he met her, March always seemed to be a bad
month for her. The baby promise after AJ’s birth. Now
he understood why she had been so serious. Not that he
was joking at the moment. He wanted very much to have
a baby with her, but he could sense that there was
something more on her part, and now he knew what it
was. My God, how horrible it must have been for her to
go trough that alone. He couldn’t erase the past for
her, and that made him feel so helpless that it hurt.

“So, this is the reason you were so upset about Eric”

“Yes.. his visit made me remember things I thought I
had a handle on. I thought that by storing away the
memories I could make it all go away. But I couldn’t.
Every year it got worse, and now he chose the exact
15-year mark to make his appearance”

“But he’s taken care of now. He won’t hurt you
anymore. I won’t let him, and that’s a promise” he
said firmly.

“I love you so much, Harm. I don’t know what I’d do
without you” she answered with tears in her eyes as
she reached for him once again and he wrapped his
protective arms around her without hesitation.

“Well, you’ll never have to find out, because I’m
never leaving you again. Never” he finished. 

He could tell she was dead on her feet and she tried
unsuccessfully to keep back a yawn. 

“Well, I guess that’s my clue to get out of here so
you can rest” he said this a little hesitant, hoping
she asked him to stay, because he sure as hell didn’t
want to leave her alone. He tried to get up, but she
held him back putting her trembling hand around his
waist tighter than before. Harm smiled to himself and
kissed her hair almost reverently.

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to..” he said

“I don’t want you to go Harm. Would you please stay
with me tonight? I just want you to hold me. Please?”

“Oh, honey, you don’t even have to ask. Remember I
told you, I’ll do anything you want” he said.

Sensing an opportunity to lighten the mood a little
“Anything, hu? I think I should remember that for
future reference..” she said, a little smile gracing
her features and he looked down at her and smiled as
well. 

They retired to the bedroom. He took her in his arms
and pressed her back to his chest, resting his face in
the crook of her neck. A feeling of happiness came
upon him like he had never felt before. It was even
better than being 40,000 feet up in a Tomcat. He knew
he could never let her go, and he wouldn’t. With
thoughts of their future together, they both fell
asleep with smiles on their faces.

TWO MONTHS LATER

JAG HQ 



The past two months had been the best of their lives.
They spent as much time together as they could manage.
People at the office didn’t exactly know what was
going on, but they had a pretty good idea. They hadn’t
seen them this happy since their early days as
partners when they were best friends. There was
something different this time though. They weren’t
just best friends, and it was noticeable, very
noticeable. However, the Admiral had said nothing.
They had come to him and told him that they were
seeing each other socially, and he told them he was ok
with it as long as it didn’t affect their performance
at work. He was happy he had made that decision, since
the office was peaceful for the first time in 2 years,
without the Rabb-Mackenzie heated arguments. 



Harm and Mac had been talking to each other a lot.
Each of them knew what they wanted, and neither of
them was getting any younger. They had gone up to
Bellville to spend a weekend with Grams two weeks
before, and Mac and her had gotten along wonderfully,
which Harm was especially thankful for. That was all
he needed to make his decision. As soon as they
returned from Belleville he had called her mother. The
ring that had been in the family for two generations
was now in his hands after he had it fitted and
rearranged slightly for his Sarah. The ring now had
two additional diamonds, one at each side of the
center one. He knocked on her door thinking of
everything he had planned for her. 



“Enter” Mac’s voice carried over 



Harm stuck his head in. “Hey Marine, you busy?” 



She noticed he was just standing there with only his
head inside her office. “Harm, what are you still
doing at the door? You better get in here, and that’s
an order” she said in her best Marine voice, but with
a wide smile on her face. 



“Well, you never know what a Marine could be doing
alone in her office, so I figured I wouldn’t take my
chances, you know? Self-preservation and all that….”
He said with a shrug and a smile. 



“Very funny, flyboy” she answered with a smile 



“Well, I just wanted to inform you that today is
Friday, and we are going out to dinner tonight.
However, it’s not just a dinner. So, I want you
dressed up and ready by 1830, and I’ll pick you up.
Understood Colonel?” 



She had to laugh at his tone of voice and his attempt
to make it sound like an order. She knew she could get
him to do whatever she wanted, but for now she decided
to play along with it. 

“Understood, Commander” she said as she stood up from
her desk, and walked over in front of him and stood at
attention. He was inches away from him.  



“Oh, cut it out” he said rapidly as his lips descended
over hers in a passionate but gentle kiss that left
them both wanting more. 



After they parted he spoke up. “Well, I have some
things to do today before we leave, so I’ll see you
tonight, alright honey?” he said as he caressed her
face. 



“Yeah, I’ll see you tonight. I have to go to Norfolk
in a half hour with Bud. I’ll go to my apartment
straight from there” she answered.  



“Okay, then. I love you” 



“I love you too” and with a quick gentle kiss he
turned and left her office.  



Next stop: the Admiral.  



“The Admiral is expecting you Commander, go right in” 



“Thank you, Tiner” Harm said as he made his way to the
Admiral’s office 



Harm stood at attention in front of the Admiral’s
desk. 



“At ease, Commander. Now I understand you wanted to
see me?” 



“Yes, Sir. I have something important to talk to you
about” 



The Admiral tried to bite back a smile that formed in
his lips when he heard the seriousness in his
officer’s voice. He knew where this was going. He had
known for a while now, but he would let him suffer a
bit. 



“Sit down, Harm” 



“Thank you, Sir” 



“Well, Sir. As you know the Colonel and I have been
seeing each other socially for a while now” he said 



“For a while?” The Admiral asked as he raised one
eyebrow 



“One month, three weeks and 5 days to be exact, Sir”
Harm answered with a wide smile on his face 



The Admiral felt like laughing, so he did, to Harm’s
amusement. 



“I see you’ve picked up some things from Mac” he said
and then continued at Harm’s sheepish smile. “Harm,
you two have a 5 year history, and believe me, even if
you don’t admit it, you’ve been ‘seeing’ each other
since that first day at the Rose Garden” the Admiral
said with a smile. 



“I guess you’re right, Sir” he smiled sheepishly, but
quickly straightened and the Admiral could tell he was
very serious about what he was about to say. 



“Admiral, I’m asking the Colonel to marry me, tonight”




“You want her to marry you tonight?!!” The Admiral
said a little surprised

Harm laughed lightly and corrected “No Admiral, I’m
asking her tonight. If she says yes, then I guess
we’ll talk about dates and the rest of it later and
we’ll let you know”  



“Well, Commander, the only thing I can say is ‘It’s
about damn time’” he said as he rose from his chair
and congratulated his senior officer with a firm
handshake.  



“Now, that doesn’t mean I’m happy about losing one of
my best officers. But I have a feeling it will be
alright” the Admiral said with a hint of a smile. 



“Sir, I just wanted you to know that nothing is going
to stop me from this. Mac and I have been through a
lot and I’ve hurt her more times than I can remember
because of my indecision and insecurities. I want to
make her happy. This is all about her, and nothing
will stand in the way of that. Nothing is more
important to me now than my future with her, and I
won’t give her up for anything. Not flying, not the
Navy” Harm finished with a conviction and firmness he
would use during his final arguments in the courtroom.
 



The Admiral smiled. “Are you done, Commander?” 



“Ah, yes Sir. Sorry, Sir, I just felt like I had to
clarify my position on this” 



“And why would that be?” 



“Because I’ve messed up numerous times in the past and
I don’t want it to happen again” 



“Well said Commander. Now, what I meant before was
that I already have a new position for you. There’s an
opening at the Pentagon. You would be transferred over
there, but would still keep an office here at JAG, and
would work with us whenever you can” 



“Admiral!! I don’t know how to thank you, Sir. That’s
great. Well, I still have to ask Mac to marry, but
it’s nice to not have to worry about work anymore,
Sir” he said smiling from ear to ear. 



“Don’t worry, Commander. I’ve already started your
paperwork” 



“Really, Sir? When?” 



“About 5 years ago” he said and smiled 



Harm had to laugh. He stood up and stood at attention.
“Dismissed” AJ said and Harm left his office, full of
thoughts about his night with his Sarah. 

 



MAC’S APARTMENT

1820 EST 



Mac was nervous. Harm and her had been dating
officially for about two months now. Her nightmares
had gone away with him by her side, and she knew that
he loved to be with her. She knew that he didn’t want
to rush into anything she wasn’t ready for. Her mind
wandered back to that night he had first told her how
he felt about her. He had talked about wanting a life
together. A wedding, a house and children, and God she
wanted all of that. However, she couldn’t help but
feel a little insecure about the whole thing. Maybe he
wanted them to take their relationship a step further,
not that she didn’t want to do that with him. ‘Only
God knows how hard it is to keep my hands off him’ she
thought and smiled at that. Well, that’s probably what
this night is about. She figured he wanted to have a
serious discussion about where they were going. ‘Come
on, he’s a man after all’ she thought.  



“Coming” she yelled from her bedroom when she heard
the knock on her door.

She hurried over and opened the door for Harm. 



“Wow…you look amazing, Sarah” he said in obviously in
awe. 



“Well, are you going to stand there all night and look
at me or are you going to feed me?” 



“Well, don’t want a hungry Marine on my hands now, do
I?” he answered laughing softly. 



“No, you don’t” she answered, reaching up and kissing
him softly on the lips.

When he recovered from her assault he spoke. “Well,
let’s go then, honey” 



They walked out of their apartment and into Harm’s
SUV. Minutes later, they arrived at his apartment.
Harm had blindfolded her so that she wouldn’t see
where they were going.

He got out of the car and went over to her side,
opened the door and led her out and into the
apartment. When they finally entered she already knew
where she was. She could feel it, so she asked if she
could take the blindfold off. ‘Why would he bring me
back here?’ she thought. She guessed if they were
going to have the conversation she was thinking about,
then they would probably need the bedroom at some
point. 



“Sarah, why don’t you sit and I’ll get everything
ready”

His words brought her back from her thoughts and she
looked around the apartment in awe. There were red
roses everywhere. With candlelight the only lighting,
the apartment looked like a scene from a movie. In the
middle of the apartment, there was a table for two,
beautifully arranged. Harm walked over to her and took
out the chair for her to sit in. She had never seen
him look more handsome than he did that night. He was
wearing his dress whites, just the way she liked him. 

Harm on his part, couldn’t keep his eyes off of her.
She was wearing a beautiful light blue dress that fit
her perfectly, and accentuated her incredible body.
‘How did I get so lucky’ he thought. The perfect woman
was right in front of him and he was just sitting
there staring at her. She could tell he had been
somewhere else, and smiled at him when his eyes
focused on hers again. Breaking the magical spell,
there was a knock on the door and she looked at him
quizzically. 



“Come in” Harm raised his voice

Two men came in carrying their food. They served them
and made sure they had everything they needed. Harm
looked over to her and saw the look on her face, which
was all he needed to know he was doing the right
thing. 



“You ordered catering?” she asked in a soft voice,
unable to keep the surprise from her face 



“Only the best for you, Sarah” he answered looking
deeply into her eyes, as he took both her hands
together in his and kissed them softly. 



“Wow” was all she could say. 



Dinner went great, and they talked a little about
everything. She knew that soon it would be time, and
she was mentally getting ready for their conversation.
When they were done eating, the caterers came back in
and cleared everything. Only their drinks, candlelight
and red roses were now occupying the table.  



“Sarah, honey. I want to talk to you about something
important okay?” he said, unable to keep the
excitement from his voice. 



“Harm..before you say anything, I want you to know
that I’m okay with it. I’m ready. I know all the
trouble you went through to make this perfect for me
and I love you for it” 



Harm was shocked. How did she know? Had she heard him
talk about any of it on the phone? How? He had been
careful to make this a surprise. 



“You know?” he asked confused and surprised at the
same time 



“Harm, is not that hard to figure out. Besides, I’ve
been thinking the same thing myself” 



“You have?” Now this was getting strange, and he
wasn’t sure how to go about this now.  



“Of course! I am human you know” she answered smiling
at him

He smiled back, but was still confused. She noticed
his hesitation and continued. 



“Harm? Are you sure about this?” 



“Well, of course I am. Not to mention everyone that
knows about this has told me is the right thing to do.
You know how much I value the opinions of my friends
and family, especially Grams” 



Mac gasped at his words. She couldn’t believe he had
talked to his family about this. My God, how could she
ever face them again?  



“What’s wrong honey? Are you okay?” 



“Harm, I….uh..well..I didn’t think you were that open
about things with your family” 



“Well, not just with them. I also spoke to the Admiral
to make sure everything was in order” He saw Mac blush
furiously but decided to continue anyway. “Bud and
Harriet don’t know yet, but I guess I’ll tell them
after you give me your answer” he said and smiled like
a little boy asking a favor. 



“Answer?” Now she was confused. What was he talking
about? 



“Yes, of course. You have to say yes first. I mean,
well, I hope you’ll say yes, but, well, I don’t want
to put words in your mouth, and well..” he was
babbling and she knew it. Somehow she couldn’t believe
he was talking about their love life. She was totally
confused now and her face told Harm the same thing.

Realization suddenly struck him and he smiled
inwardly. She thought he was talking about taking the
next step and being intimate with each other. ‘Oh God,
how do I explain this to her?’ he thought. Poor Mac.
She was blushing even more now and he couldn’t keep
the smile from his face at the sight. 



“Harm. Why are you babbling? I didn’t think you’d have
any problem with this situation. I mean, you have had
girlfriends before and, well, you know, I didn’t think
that you’d be hesitant when it came to…well, you
know…” 



“Who’s babbling now?” he answered, earning a blush and
a smile from her. 



He went over to her side and pulled her up to stand
with him. He looked intently into her eyes, and
noticed the effect he had on her when he felt her
grasp his forearms, digging into them with her
fingers. 



“Sarah, the reason I did all this tonight, and the
reason I was babbling before is because this is very
important, and my life depends on it” 



She got worried for a second. “What do you mean your
life depends on it? Are you okay 

Harm? Are you in trouble? What is it?” 



He smiled at her, and continued. 



“Sarah, I’m fine. The reason my life depends on this
is because I can’t live without you, and I’m tired of
pretending that I can” he said and when he saw her
eyes widening he knew she was starting to understand. 



He knelt in front of her and continued. “Sarah, you’re
everything that I’ve ever wanted in my entire life.
You’re the one that gives my life meaning. I’ve never
felt this way about anyone, ever. If I didn’t have you
in my life, I may be breathing, but I wouldn’t be
alive. I want it all with you, Sarah. I want the
house, the children, the baseball practices and the
lazy Sundays at home. I want you to see the emotion on
my face when people call you Mrs. Rabb. I want you to
know every day how happy you make me. I want to be
yours forever, and I want you to be mine. I want to
give you everything you deserve. I promise from now on
I’ll show you everyday what I’ve felt for you all
along. Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, I love you and I
want to grow old with you. Would you make me the
happiest man alive and marry me?”

She was beaming by the time he was finished, and tears
were running down her cheeks freely.  



“Oh, Harm…I love you, so much. Yes, yes, yes…Of course
I’ll marry you” she answered. 

He reached under the table and pulled out a shoebox,
identical to the one she had showed him months
earlier. She looked at him puzzled and he motioned for
her to open it. She gasped and looked inside it in
wonder. There were pictures of him in one side, and in
the other half there were pictures of her. In the
middle of the box, there was the most beautiful ring
she’d ever seen sitting on top of a picture of them
together. The symbolism was almost too much for her to
bear, and tears made their way down her face. He took
her left had in his and slid the ring in her finger.
He stood and took her face in his hands and kissed her
softly. The kiss grew deeper and when they came up for
air, he motioned her over to the couch and they sat
down.

He looked at the shoebox that was still over at the
table. “Sarah, I gave you the ring in the shoebox
because I want to rewrite the memories you have. I
want us to make new ones, together” he told her. 



“Harm, I’m sorry” she said looking away from him

He felt a knot in his stomach at her words, but went
on anyway. “What for?” he asked taking her hand in his
and turning to look at her face. 



“ I’m sorry I thought this was about something else. I
thought you were only doing this because you were
tired of waiting and wanted us make love” she said,
her tears rolling down her cheek. 



He smiled at her and all her blushing and gasping at
their conversation before made sense now.  



“Oh, sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for.
Now, I don’t want you to believe I don’t want to be
with you that way, because God knows how hard it is to
keep my hands off you” he said and was rewarded with a
smile from her. He continued before she could say
anything. 



“But, what I want for US is more important now. I want
us to have a great life, Sarah. I want everything you
want, but I want it done the best way possible. You
deserve perfection, and that’s what I have planned for
you. I’d have no problem with making you mine right
here and now. But, believe it or not, I’ve always
dreamed of making love to you, and in my dreams, we’ve
always made love on our wedding night. I want our
first time together to be completely special. I want
to love you, and cherish you, and idolize you. I want
to go with you to a place we’ve never been before, and
I don’t want to leave ever again. I know how men have
treated you before. I know you think that being with
someone intimately is just part of the deal, and I
know that’s why you made the assumptions you made
about tonight, and I’m not mad or hurt by it. When I
give myself to you I want you to have all of me. Not
just me physically. I want you to have my heart, my
soul and my life in your hands. I don’t want any
half-truths or hidden feelings between you and me ever
again. What better way of giving you all that than
promising my love to you before God and the whole
world on our wedding day?” he smiled at her and if
there was any part of her heart that didn’t adore him
by now, that was the moment it changed forever.  



She was crying and she couldn’t stop herself, but they
were tears of joy. This man in front of her loved her
so much that he was willing to make everything perfect
for her, even if it cost him his sanity. She thought
before tonight that she couldn’t love him more than
she already did. Well, she was wrong. This was too
much. It was too much happiness all once. She
collapsed into his arms, and he held her tightly
against him. After a few minutes she calmed down
enough to speak. 



“Harm…” 



“Yes, baby?” 



“Harm, I love you, so much. I want a perfect life with
you too. I just never thought that having something
perfect would feel like this. Now I know what being
truly happy feels like and I also know what if feels
like to truly love someone. I’ll be yours, Harm. For
the rest of my life, I promise you. I’ll give you all
of me on our wedding night, and I can’t wait to start
our perfect life together” she was looking at him
directly by the time she was finished, and all she
could see in his eyes was love and devotion. 

He bent down and kissed her lovingly and caressed her
face like he would a porcelain doll. They held each
other for a while. He noticed her admiring the ring on
her hand several times, but said nothing, not wanting
her to feel uncomfortable. Later on, they lay together
in the couch, her head on his chest. She felt him
chuckle softly and raised her head to look at him.  



“What’s so funny flyboy?” 



“Did you really think I would talk to someone else
about being intimate with you?” he asked laughing
slightly

She looked at him and laughed as well. He continued 



“I mean, my mom and Grams I would understand, but the
Admiral????” he said and couldn’t stop himself from
laughing. 

They both laughed heartily for a good ten minutes
before they sobered up. He told her then about the
plans to transfer to the Pentagon, and she was as
excited as he was that they would still work together
from time to time.  



“I love you Harm” she said as she kissed him softly on
the lips 



“I love you too, Sarah” he whispered against her lips
before kissing her again 



Life was good. No, life was definitely perfect. They
had a future together, but for the time being, she had
a wedding to plan. 

 

 



THE END!!!!! I might write a sequel with the wedding
and all that. I’d like to see 

what I can come up with for their wedding night!!!!…J
…. Anyway… If you like the story and want to let me
know, feedback is always welcome and appreciated.