Name: The Price of Heroism Author name Lisa Mendell harm_mac_4ever@yahoo.com Rating: PG 13 Category: Story/Harm & Mac Summary: My take on the fanfest '03 drama challenge; which was a story that was started and I finished it. Disclaimer: The characters belong to Don Bellisario & co. I am just borrowing them for entertainment purposes. No infringement intended. The songs belong to Rick Springfield and his management; no infringement intended. Spoilers: Maybe a bit of A Tangled Webb Pt 1 1401 ZULU JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA Juggling a wet umbrella, his briefcase, a sopping overcoat, his cover, and a bagful of bagels (it being his turn to supply the morning munchies) Harm sighed with inward relief as the elevator door opened on his floor. Trying to keep from dripping on the four other people in the elevator had taxed his spatial skills. His relief didn't last long, though, even as the other occupants of the elevator scattered. There at the open door, obviously waiting for him, was Tiner. "Sir," the petty officer said, anxiety clear in his voice, "the Admiral needs to see you soonest!" Nodding agreeably, Harm headed for his office first. "Soon as I get rid of this wet stuff, Tiner, I'll be right there." Tiner pursued him across the bullpen. "Uh, sir," he persisted, "the Admiral really wants to see you right now." Sturgis, who had entered the bullpen three steps behind them but was dry and unencumbered and had obviously arrived some minutes before, seconded Tiner's concern. "The Admiral wants to see senior staff right now, Harm." "Fine," Harm agreed with his most personable smile for both of them, stepping into his office. He dumped the bagels on the desk, dropped the briefcase in a chair, draped the overcoat over the coat rack instead of neatly hanging it on the hanger available, and parked his cover on the console beside his desk. Turning, he picked up the box of bagels and pushed them into Tiner's hands. "Deliver these to the breakroom, OK?" he said, then moved off to catch up with Sturgis, only a few steps ahead of him just as Mac came out of her office, too. "So, what's up?" he asked both of them impartially. "Dunno," was Sturgis' cryptic reply as they walked under the bank of monitors at the side of the bullpen. "I listened to NPR as I was driving in this morning, but didn't hear anything guaranteed to sink the Navy." "And there weren't any explosions on the TVs that I saw," Mac contributed, tongue-in-cheek, as they entered Tiner's office. Raising his eyebrows, Harm reached out and knocked politely at the door of the Admiral's office. "Well, I guess we're about to find out." "Enter," came the Admiral's voice in response to Harm's knock. The minute they stepped into the office, all three of the senior officers realized that something was definitely up. The Admiral was not seated at his desk, but a single letter lay under his reading light. Instead, he stood in what they all recognized as his thinking place at the window. He had turned back to the office to see who had arrived, but had to have been staring out at the chilly, rainy morning, probably seeing very little of what was outside his window. "Good morning, sir," Sturgis said, coming to a halt and standing easy. "Morning, sir," Mac echoed, taking the same stance, and Harm nodded to the Admiral, also taking the pose. He nodded back. "Appreciate your promptness," he remarked, his eyes going to the letter on his blotter. He sighed noticeably, then added, "You'd better sit down." All three of them traded swift sideways glances, then took a comfortable leather chair in front of the desk and waited to be enlightened. The Admiral moved more slowly than usual as he seated himself at the desk, put on his reading glasses, and then looked at the three of them. "I've got some really bad news," he said quietly. Harm glanced at Mac as they both shared the same thought.. . .Webb. Neither one of them wanted to hear any bad news concerning him, but they both knew the kind of shape he’d been in when they had seen him last. Mac continued to look at Harm with a half-smile. She’d seen how badly Webb had been tortured, seen how desperate he’d been with his plea of “When we get back”, and much as she hated to admit it, those had been the words of a man who was sure of one thing – his own death. “I need all of you to be dressed in your formal uniforms tomorrow afternoon,” the admiral stated as he continued looking out the window. He turned around and continued, “Clayton Webb may have been a pain in your six, but he was an asset to this office. Gunny did everything he could to get help for Mr. Webb, but it was too late. He died shortly before they reached the hospital.” “The service is at Arlington, isn’t it, sir?” Harm asked. “Of course, Mr. Rabb. The SecNav has decided to award Mr. Webb with a commendation for his actions in Paraguay and has asked that one of my staff accept it in his behalf.” Before Harm could open his mouth, Mac spoke up. “I’ll accept Clay’s ribbon, sir.” Harm leaned over and whispered in his partner’s ear, “You were a lot closer than I thought.” “Save it, Rabb,” she hissed. “You could show a little decency and respect for the dead for five minutes.” “Sorry,” he hissed back, “I was just going with my gut.” At that moment the admiral bellowed, “Is there something you’d like to share Colonel, Commander?” No, sir,” they said in unison, giving each other looks that were powerful enough to kill. “The service is at 1300 tomorrow. Dismissed.” Mac’s Office Harm followed on Mac’s heels and was prepared for anything she chose to hurl at him. He deserved it, as his remarks really weren’t in good taste the more he thought about it. “Are you okay?” he asked her back. She faced him as tears pooled at the corner of her eyes. “Do you remember when we thought Clay was dead on that carrier? The time we thought Palmer had something to do with what happened.” “I remember.” “I wish this was like that. . .I wish it was Clay faking his own death and not the real thing. As much as we assured ourselves he’d be okay, we knew he wouldn’t be.” “The old line about it being part of war and combat seems so superficial now. He may have been a pain, but I can’t even begin to count the times Webb helped us out of scrapes and gave of himself.” “He gave his life for me. . .for us.” “It’s okay, Sarah,” he said as he gestured for her to accept an embrace. “I expected death as part of my duty,” she said, the words muffled against Harm’s shoulder, “but I never expected my friends dying.” “It happens, Sarah.” He added, “I should call Clay’s mother.” “If there’s a visitation, I can’t do it.” “I hope someone had the decency to make it a closed casket.” She looked up and gave him a half-smile. “It’s so morbid, and yet so comical.” “Ironic isn’t it?” He looked at her with an intensity neither one of them thought possible and said, “If you need anything tonight, you know where to find me.” “Thanks, I might just take you up on the offer.” NEXT DAY 1700 ZULU ARLINGTON CEMETERY “You clean up good,” Harm commented as he stood next to Mac. “You don’t do so bad yourself,” she said with a grin. “Mr. Webb took a dangerous job in life,” the SecNav began. “He chose to serve in the CIA as one of the operatives, never knowing what he would be asked to do next. Then somehow, he got involved with JAG through the missing Declaration of Independence. “Things didn’t stop there. A few months ago, Mr. Webb requested that Colonel Sarah MacKenzie accompany him to Paraguay as his pregnant wife. So today, we honor his heroism and bravery in the giving of his own life for Colonel MacKenzie’s safety. May this ribbon be a visible reminder of such heroism.” Harm placed a gloved hand on Mac’s shoulder as she stepped through the assembly to accept the ribbon in Clay’s behalf. She glanced at it as the SecNav pinned it to her dress uniform, and then made her way back to where Harm was standing. “Thank you, Clay,” they whispered as they looked at the ribbon. A young soldier stepped up and gave the flag to Clay’s mother and all watched as she wiped her cheeks and accepted the flag with shaking fingers. Harm made his way to where Clay’s mother sat and spoke quietly to her. “Mrs. Webb, I’m sorry for your loss. Clay and I didn’t get along well, but I’m grateful for his friendship. He saved my life and my partner’s life I don’t know how many times.” “Thank you, Commander Rabb.” Meanwhile…. Mac made her way to where the closed casket sat and traced the intricate pattern on its lid. “Thank you, Clay,” she said quietly. “You made quite the husband, but I wish you could see how much Harm cares about me. I wish I had the chance to tell you all of this before we left you in Paraguay. . .I wish I could have thanked you for saving my life. “You weren’t supposed to die before Harm or me. That’s not the way life’s supposed to go, Clay. Ever. . .” Before she knew what she was doing, she had the lid opened nearly all the way. Harm said his goodbyes to Mrs. Webb and glanced over to see Mac standing in front of a now open casket. He raced to where she stood and caught her just before she fell. 1900 ZULU HARM’S APARTMENT He looked at Mac as she slept and sighed. He was still puzzled by her actions at the cemetery, especially after she’d told him the day before she wouldn’t be able to face an open casket. As he continued to watch her, she stirred and slowly opened her eyes. “Wha. . .where am I? What happened?” she asked as she sat up. “You don’t remember fainting after you saw Clay’s body?” “What are you talking about? It was a closed casket.” He shook his head and smiled at her. “Mac, you opened the lid and the minute you saw what was inside, you fainted. If I wouldn’t have been fast enough, you would have fallen on the ground.” “Why in the world would I open the lid?” she pondered aloud, still puzzled. “I’ve been asking myself the same question since I brought you home with me.” “Maybe I wanted to make sure it was him. . .that what had happened was real.” “We all have different ways of dealing with something like this, Sarah. That’s probably all you were doing but. . .” “But what, Harm?” “I saw your face just before you fainted. You had the most haunted look I’ve ever seen.” “It must have been shock,” she stated with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Did you love him, and did he love you?” “What kind of question is that? A person that saved our sixes I don’t know how many times was just buried today, and you ask me something like that.” “Maybe it’s in bad taste, but I need to know the answer.” “I was filling a role, Harm. As I put it, I was just Clay’s rental.” “You can honestly sit here and tell me there wasn’t more there?” “What do you think happens when someone spends as much time together as he and I did?” “Did you love him?” “This is ridiculous! I cared for him, yes, but there’s only one person I’ve ever loved. . .and always will.” “At least we’re on the same page. I feel the same way.” “Are you trying to tell me something?” “In the midst of tragedy and loss, it’s amazing what comes to light. My timing is impeccable, I know, but the way Clay lived his life – never knowing what might happen next – made me realize how quickly chances can fade. “I love you, Sarah. I know it’s taken forever for me to get my priorities straight and realize what I have, but I want to make this work. The only way it won’t is if you don’t feel the same.” “You’re my best friend and I’ve known you what feels like forever. How could our relationship and my feelings for you not change? I still remember the first moment I saw you in a rose garden, sailor. It seems we didn’t heed the admiral’s warning, though,” she added with a chuckle. “Would that have been the one about not getting too close?” he whispered as he stepped closer and hesitated before bringing his lips to hers. “Harm, this could be a bad idea. Emotions are all mixed up since the tragedy in our lives. We’re vulnerable. . .” any further words were lost as the kiss continued. He pulled them apart and looked at her. “I don’t regret the kiss, Sarah, but if I hurt you. . . I couldn’t live with myself.” “I want more, too, Harm. . . just not right now.” “Would you settle for me holding you?” he asked with his famous grin. “That does sound inviting.” Those words were all it took and Harm was holding her in his arms. “How’s this?” he asked after a few minutes. “I could wake up every day with the feeling of you holding me, and I’d always be content.” “Oh really?” he asked with a chuckle. “Well. . .I may have to think about it,” she teased. “If I promise to be a gentleman, will you stay tonight?” “I’ve been wondering how long it would take for you to ask me,” she whispered with a smile. “I do have to ask for one thing, though.” “Ask away.” “I want to see this tattoo of yours.” “That, Commander, is something you’ll have to wait to see until I become your wife.” 1000 ZULU NEXT MORNING “You made me breakfast?” Sarah MacKenzie asked in disbelief as she padded her way to the kitchen. “Of course. Didn’t you once tell me that most guys you’ve spent the night with made you breakfast? You think I’d tamper with a record like that?” “You didn’t give me fancy jewelry yet,” she pouted. “Oh no, we’re not going the guilt trip route, Colonel. You’re not posing as my wife and you are in no way ever going to be my ‘rental’. Just so we’re clear on that much at least.” “Do you think he knew?” she asked seriously. “Oh you mean do you think Clay knew about us?” “Yeah.” “I like to think so. He did ask me to take care of you when we got back.” “We talked about kids, and you. . .” “Oh?” “Yeah. He thought you were too oblivious when it came to my feelings for you.” “Didn’t I make a bold statement coming all the way to Paraguay for you?” “It’s all different now, Harm. After last night and our talk. . .I know where things stand.” “I guess I’m lucky the admiral took me back.” “You and I both seem to have impeccable track records in that department, Harm,” she teased. “You ever think one day it will be me in that office? That the admiral. .” “You think he’d retire? After all we’ve put him through with our craziness, if he hasn’t yet. . .” she paused, but it gave Harm the perfect opportunity to finish her sentence. “He never will.” “Since when did you start. . .” “Finishing your sentences?” he teased. “C’mon, Sarah, I’ve known you way too long for it not to be that cozy between us.” “It hasn’t always been that way,” she reminded him solemnly. “I’m working on that.” “Speaking of working, Harm, we’d better get a move on.” 1230 ZULU JAG HEADQUARTERS “That, Commander, was a close one,” Mac sighed as she sat at her desk. “Why do I suddenly feel like the kid who stuck his hand in the cookie jar?” “We’re just starting to date, mister, and in my book, there is nothing wrong with that.” “I still feel guilty.” “You only feel that way ‘cause you look it, Sailor,” she teased with a laugh. “Really?” “My, we’re impressionable this morning. And someone I know is just a tad bit jumpy.” “I feel like it’s written all over my face. The minute anyone looks at me, I feel like they can see the words, ‘I love Sarah’ written in red marker on my forehead.” “Everyone’s known it long before now. We were the oblivious ones.” “I guess Clay was right on target there.” “I can’t believe he’s gone, Harm. It feels like just yesterday I talked to him, saw him go through unspeakable things for me. . .” “It’s gonna take time to get past this, Mac. I know sometimes it feels like an uphill battle, but you’ll make it.” “Only with your support, Harm. It’s the only way I want it.” “It’s the only way I’d have it, Sarah.” “You’d better get to work, Sailor. There are a few cases that I know need your attention.” “Lunch then?” he questioned with a grin. “You’re on. Now, go, before I tell the admiral his Golden Boy isn’t working, he’s fraternizing.” “You wouldn’t.” “Oh, but I would.” 1600 ZULU HARM’S OFFICE “How does a salad sound?” Mac asked from Harm’s doorway. “It sounds wonderful, but I thought I was taking you out.” “Either way works for me, as long as we get time together.” ABOUT AN HOUR LATER. . . “Did you want to go to Arlington?” Harm asked quietly. “To see Clay?” “Yeah, and I thought maybe we’d go to the Wall, too. My dad would have liked you, Sarah.” “I think I would have liked him, too. If he was anything like you. . .” she smiled at him and touched his shoulder. 1830 ZULU THE WALL WASHINGTON, D.C. “Come here, Sarah,” Harm said quietly as he stood next to the panel that bore his father’s name. He took her hand and they traced the name together. “It’s not even the right time of year for you to be coming here, Sailor.” “No, you’re right, but I found the woman I want as my wife. . .and this is the only way he’ll ever know you.” “I love you.” “I love you, too. And I know my dad would have.” “I won’t let your son get away this time,” she said softly to the marble wall. “So I’m a keeper?” he asked with a chuckle. “Definitely,” she affirmed with a smile. “You ready for Arlington?” “Yeah, of course.” “I love you, Dad,” Harm whispered before he walked away. SHORT TIME LATER ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY “Harm, I found it,” Mac called from what seemed like the hundredth row of the cemetery. “I wonder who put the flowers here,” Harm pondered. “His mother.” “Maybe an old girlfriend? It wasn’t you, was it, Sarah?” “This is the first time I’ve been here since the funeral, Harm. Besides, there was nothing going on between me and him. . .and you know it.” “Does it feel like just yesterday we were here for the services; that not that long ago we were talking to him?” “Yeah, and sometimes I wonder if the hurt will ever go away. He gave his life for me – for us. He sacrificed himself for our freedom, Harm.” “I know, Sarah, and I can tell you the hurt and pain will never go away. . .it only fades with time but never leaves you. I know. . .because I still carry my dad with me to this day.” “I do find comfort in the fact that we have each other.” “Me, too,” he whispered as he watched her bend down and trace the letters on the freshly placed stone. “What do you say we go back to JAG, finish our day, and have dinner?” “I’d say that sounds like a wonderful plan.” 2230 ZULU MAC’S OFFICE “Hey, Marine, what do you say we get out of here? I’ll meet you at my place in about an hour or so.” “You’re not wasting any time, are you?” she teased. “You said yesterday you won’t let me get away, and I intend to see that you don’t get away either. Besides, I have a surprise for you.” “Should I wear casual or formal?” “Casual will do,” he chuckled. “I’ll see you in an hour, Rabb.” “Looking forward to it,” he said as he strode out the door. He called over his shoulder, “But no speeding, Colonel!” 2345 ZULU HARM’S APARTMENT Harm double checked the spread he’d laid out for their dinner, and went to answer the door. He opened it and revealed Mac in a cream colored short-sleeved top and white slacks. “You’re late.” “Only by fifteen minutes,” she countered. “True. Now for that surprise, Marine. I thought it would be better to give you your surprise before we eat as I’m not sure how you’ll take it.” “If you’re trying to scare me, it’s working.” “I’m just nervous.” “You’re making me that way, too, you know,” she smiled at him and sat down. He reached in his pocket to reveal the small white box. As he opened it, he watched Mac’s face and gave her his trademark smile. “I know I’m not in uniform, but. . .” “I don’t care, Sailor,” she said as she wiped the corner of her eyes. Fresh tears of happiness had pooled there. “Sarah Elizabeth, who would have thought a meeting in a rose garden seven years ago would have led to this? I’ve loved you for that long at least. . .and there came a point when I didn’t know where you stopped and I started any more. Will you marry me? Be my wife, Ninja Girl.” “Yes! Yes, Harm, I’ll be your wife.” It was with those words that Sarah Elizabeth MacKenzine watched her fiancé, Harmon Michael Rabb slide the engagement ring on her finger. He picked her up and placed his lips gently on hers. When they pulled apart, he whispered, “Now everyone will know how I feel, princess.” “I think they knew a long time ago,” she whispered back, “but now there won’t be any doubt.” “Tomorrow will be the big day, though. We have to talk to the admiral. We can worry about all the little details of the wedding later.” “If I didn’t want such an intimate ceremony with all of our friends, I’d be taking you to Vegas right now.” “Oh really?” he questioned teasingly. “Uh huh. . .but I just don’t see it as being perfect if we did it that way.” “Me, either,” he agreed before dropping another feather light kiss on her forehead. “I have a request, Sailor.” “Name it, princess.” “I’d like to go home and that’s a little hard to do when you’re holding me.” “The only way it’s a real problem is if I don’t go with you. . .then I’d say you have it made.” “One day soon enough you can hold me as long as you want, wherever you want. . .just not tonight.” “I understand. Drive safe and sweet dreams, beautiful.” 1245 ZULU JAG HEADQUARTERS “Anyone asked you about the ring?” Harm asked Mac as they stood in the conference room. “No, but the admiral keeps glancing at it and giving me this knowing look,” she said with a smile. “You think we should just get it over with and talk to him?” “Whenever you’re ready.” “Now’s as good a time as any.” “You look like you’re about to go ten rounds with the boxing champ and lose,” Mac chuckled and patted his shoulder. ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN’S OFFICE “Enter,” the admiral said when Harm knocked. “Sir, we have some news for you,” Mac said as she looked at Harm. “Did you two finally get things right?” their CO asked. “Yes, Sir,” Mac said as she held up her left hand. “It looks good on you, Colonel.” “Thank you, Admiral.” “Sir,” Harm interjected, “I feel we should have told you sooner, but. . .” “No apologies necessary, Harm. Besides, I have some strings I can pull for you two. Just consider it a gift from a friend.” “Thank you, Sir,” they said in unison. “You’re welcome. Dissmissed.” It was only after they had left his office that Admiral A.J. Chegwidden smiled. It was about time his two best officers got things right. “I’m glad that’s over,” Mac said quietly. “Me, too,” Harm whispered back. “I think we should tell the office, even if they have it figured out.” “Attention on deck!” Mac said in a commanding tone. “Mac and I wanted to announce our engagement. We’ll be having a get together next week. As far as the wedding, we still have a few details to work out.” EPILOGUE THREE MONTHS LATER. . . NAVAL ACADEMY CHAPEL “You may kiss the bride.” And what a kiss it was. Mac was afraid she would fall and ruin her perfectly wonderful light blue wedding gown or worse yet, faint and have her new husband be given the task of reviving her (which when she thought about it wouldn’t have been so bad really). “I proudly present to you Mr. and Mrs. Commander Harmon Rabb.” When Mac and Harm walked outside they saw their uniformed friends preparing for the arch of swords. Harm smiled at Mac as things got underway. “Draw swords.” Mac and Harm walked underneath the arched blades, kissed, and proceeded to the end of the arch. It was just before Mac passed through that she got the gentle swat to her backside that Harm had warned her about just before the ceremony. “Return swords.” “Now you’re mine for keeps,” Harm whispered. “Of all the people attending our wedding that weren’t able to share it, there’s one person I wish could have seen this.” “Clay,” they said in unison, not for the first time remembering all that their friend had given them. Especially the price of heroism he’d paid for their freedom. The End