Title: Harm and Mac Songbook: The Monster Mash Author: Rising Sun For feedback e-mail me at: jagrslc@yahoo.com For updates on my new FF join: jagrslc-subscribe@yahoogroups.com FF Archived at: http://www.geocities.com/jagrslc Rated: PG Classification: JAG Story/Humor Summary: Halloween and all stuff happens. Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental. Performing in this saga: Bobby Boris Picket sings "The Monster Mash" Feedback: Would be nice. Author's Note: To read more about Harm's Haunted House read: HMS8: Hotel California Story Written September 2001 *********************************************** 1302 LOCAL JAG HQ FALLS CHURCH, VA Harm stepped out of the elevator and moved into the bullpen. The place was so familiar and he missed it but not enough so as to lose Mac. He greeted friends and exchanged news as he made his was to his wife's office. He really liked the sound of that. HIS WIFE. =================================== I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight My monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise (he did the mash) He did the monster mash (he did the mash) It was a graveyard smash (he did the mash) It caught on in a flash (he did the mash) He did the monster mash =================================== 1312 LOCAL MAC's OFFICE "Mac?" Harm popped his head in the doorway. She waived him in. "You OK?" she was crying. Mac didn't cry. Well not often anyway. He watched as she struggled to gain control. As he waited, he watched her and passed her his handkerchief. Then he suddenly realized that these were not tears of rage or pain but of laughter. Mac was desperately trying to keep her mirth under control and failing miserably. Finally, she managed some control and said, "Sorry." Her voice trembled with the emotion. As she continued to talk her voice became stronger. "There are times when the slightest nonsensical statement just sets you off into a fit of laughter." She explained. "So are you going to share?" He prompted. She nodded. "There I was minding my own business; when Harriett stopped me with some detail about Saturday's party. So far so good. That is when Lauren walked up and the three of us got to talking about our costumes and she, Lauren that is, announced she was coming as the Wicked Witch of the West! I swear Harm had I looked at Harriett I would have lost it there and then. As it was I barely made it to my office and closed the door. I have been in here for the last five minutes thirty eight seconds trying not to have the whole of JAG hear me laughing and praying that no one came in search of me." Harm's grin got wider and wider as she related the story. "Oh that is precious, and of course the fact that you are the Chief of Staff and have an image to uphold ... made the laugh taboo and compelling." She nodded enthusiastically "Exactly!" then "Why are you here anyway?" "Lull in the office. So like a magnet to mental I made my way to you hoping you had time for lunch." "Cute Rabb cute." She smiled "Lunch with my husband verses a pile of paperwork. Decisions decisions." She pretended to contemplate. "Woman get your six in gear ..." Harm commanded. "Or else?" She countered. "Or else I beg." He replied. "Oh please anything but that." She feigned fear. She stood up and headed for the door. "Wicked Witch of the West huh?" Harm chuckled. "Don't start." She begged. =================================== HALLOWEEN NIGHT 2009 LOCAL RABB RESIDENCE The doorbell rang again. It was more of a gong. Harm and Bud had changed the doorbell to that of the Addams Family Gong one could almost feel the place vibrate. Mac as the bride of Frankenstein answered the door as Gunny in his Lurch outfit was not near enough to answer the door. So far the line up at the party included Wolfman, Crypt kicker Five, the Wicked Witch of the West, ET, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Phantom of the Opera, Dracula and his son together with an assortment of Aliens and Ghouls. Mac looked across at Harm in his Frankenstein costume and smiled. She could hardly wait for midnight and the unmasking. It wasn't as easy as she though as she tried to identify her colleagues. =================================== HALLOWEEN NIGHT 2315 LOCAL RABB RESIDENCE Harriett as Lily of the Munsters made her way to the bathroom. [Oh good there was only one person waiting] she thought. "Hello" She said to the other woman. The young lady nodded in acknowledgement but said nothing. Harriett looked at the young woman. She was of African American descent, long legged, long hair and good looking too. She was dressed as Cleopatra and looked quite regal. "Do I know you?" The extroverted Lieutenant asked. The woman turned "I don't think so. I'm a friend of Harm's. I hang around here now and then. " "Ahh." Harriett responded "My name's Harriett Roberts." "Stephanie Woods." "The bath door opened a JAG man stepped out and Stephanie moved in. So graceful was she that Harriett could have sworn that the woman floated. =================================== From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abode To get a jolt from my electrode (they did the mash) They did the monster mash (they did the mash) It was a graveyard smash (they did the mash) It caught on in a flash (they did the mash) They did the monster mash =================================== HALLOWEEN NIGHT 2345 LOCAL RABB RESIDENCE - BATHROOM Swamp Thing came round the corner and said "Harriett?!" it called as it came down the hall. "Its almost 0000 hours hon." "Bud I've been here waiting to go to the bathroom but there is someone in there - it's been so long that I'm beginning to get worried." "You think the person is ill?" He was instantly concerned. "I haven't heard anything but I WAS thinking of checking." She revealed. "Do it. I'll stand watch." Harriett nodded. She moved toward the door, turned the knob ... it wasn't locked and pushed the door open. What she saw confused her. "BUD!" He was there instantly. "Harriett?!" He looked around. "I thought you said someone was in here." "THERE WAS!" She emphasized. He raised his hands "Well?" "I don't know." She conceded. She pushed him out the door. "Wait outside for me." She used the facilities but before leaving checked the window. It was closed and locked. What the hell had happened here? She hadn't been drinking ... had she imagined it all? Harriett opened the door and stepped out. "You ok hon?" Bud asked. "I suppose" she replied slowly. As they walked down the hallway Harriett said to Bud "I suppose Halloween an all stuff happens." "I suppose." Stephanie stood at a bedroom door and watched the couple disappear round the corner. She turned back into the room humming Hotel California. =================================== The zombies were having fun, the party had just begun The guests included Wolfman, Dracula and his son The scene was rocking, all were digging the sound Igor on chains backed by his baying hounds The Coffin Bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group The Cryptkicker Five (they played the mash) They played the monster mash (they played the mash) It was a graveyard smash (they played the mash) It caught on in a flash (they played the mash) They played the monster mash =================================== HALLOWEEN NIGHT 2359 LOCAL RABB RESIDENCE "OK everyone!" Harriett called over the din. No on heard. "Let me Lieutenant." The Creature from the Black Lagoon masquerading as AJ Chedwiggen offered "ATTENTION ON DECK!" There was instant silence. Even the music stopped. "There you go Harriett." "Thank you sir." She blushed. "We are about to start the countdown for the unveiling." She announced. "Ready?" She began "10 - 9 - 8 ..." The party picked up "... 3 - 2 - 1!!!" Every one unmasked. Chuckles and laughter erupted as much of the guessing, which had been taking place the whole night proved to be wrong for most people. =================================== Out from his coffin Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist and said "Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?" (it's now the mash) It's now the monster mash (it's now the mash) And it's a graveyard smash (it's now the mash) It caught on in a flash (it's now the mash) It's now the monster mash =================================== HALLOWEEN NIGHT 0110 LOCAL RABB RESIDENCE For all intents and purposes the party was over. "Another success Lieutenant." AJ complimented as he left. "Thank you sir." She enjoyed pleasing the Judge Advocate General. With the Admiral leaving Mac, Harm, Harriett and Bud were the only ones left from the party. "I'll be back around 0900 to share in the clean up." She confirmed. "We'll be back around 0900." Bud emphasized the we. "OK" Mac said simply. "Well ma'am sir goodnight" Harriett said. It was too late in the day or may be too early Mac thought to chide Harriet on the name-calling. "Good night" was all she could muster. As they moved towards the front door, Harriett turned. "Sir I need to ask you. Was there a guest here called Stephanie Woods?" Mac breathed in sharply and stared "Did you see her?" "Oh so she does exist." Harriett gave a nervous laugh "I thought I imagined her." "So what happened?" Mac inquired. Harriett repeated the experience. "Oh she exists." Harm confirmed, "She pops in every now and then." [An understatement if ever there was one] he thought. "Well goodnight again sir." Bud said as he guided his wife to their vehicle and hummed Hotel California. =================================== Now everything's cool Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door tell them Boris sent you THE END