II- TEARS AND A TALK


Author: LeE

Classification: H/M Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: DPB and CBS own JAG and it's characters. I don't. Just 
borrowing them for some fun.

Spoilers: To Russia with Love, Ghost Ship...maybe some other ones...

Summary: Sequel to "Tears and a Song" Harm and Mac have the "talk" and 
take the tentative first step in their new relationship.

Author's Note:  Well, I guess I needed a break from 14-part stories 
(you know, the ones that take a whole month to write) This one is short 
and doesn't really solve much, but it made for some interesting 
brainstorming while I wrote Harm's POV (which I don't usually write well BTW) 
Many people have sent me feedback asking if I'd write a sequel for "Tears 
and a Song" Well, here it is. There will be a third chapter to follow, 
and I promise the smut will be on that one... I just couldn't seem to 
fit it in this part. Thanks to my wonderful betas for their help!! And 
thanks to all of you who sent feedback and requested this sequel... 
Enjoy... LeE


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
1830 EST

As I sit at the edge of my bed, wrapped up in my pink robe, I struggle 
with my own memories, racking my brain, trying to remember the last 
time I felt like this. 'A nervous Marine' I think to myself and laugh 
lightly. Then it hits me. I can't remember feeling like this before because 
I never have! No one has ever made me tingle all over like Harm does. 
Nothing has ever captivated my senses as completely as his intoxicating 
presence does. The way the enchanting green of his eyes makes my days 
so colorful and picturesque. Everything about him is fascinating. He's 
not an ordinary man. He's Harmon Rabb, Jr. The lawyer, the aviator, and 
the man I love. 

Now that I've finally allowed myself to admit my feelings towards him, 
I can't help but smile. Who would have thought that a simple song could 
change the course of our lives forever? "Our lives," I whisper as I 
allow myself, for the first time, to think of Harm and me as "us". I can 
still feel his strong arms encircling my waist, and the welcomed weight 
of his head resting against my chest as he sang to me a few days ago in 
my office. There are so many things I'm looking forward to doing with 
him. However, what we have to do tonight is not one of them. He promised 
we'd have *the* talk tonight. Talk. Oh, boy! 

HARM'S APARTMENT 
NORTH OF UNION STATION
Same Time

I still can't believe this was my idea. I promised we'd have *the* talk 
tonight. Mom's going to be so proud of me when I tell her. I chuckle 
softly as I think of how I'll probably need hearing aids after my 
mother's done shouting her thanks to God over the phone. I saunter happily 
over to the living room and turn on the radio. Music has always had a 
soothing effect on me. Sometimes a song can shed some needed light on 
things about my own life that I couldn't figure out on my own. They say us 
humans use only 10% of our brain capacity. Well, I don't think I'm that 
lucky. I smile as I think once again of my situation. A song. It was a 
simple song, but the words held the simple answer to a complicated 
question. I can't live without her. She's that special thing in my life 
that makes me wake up every morning. It's the sound of her laughter that 
lulls me to sleep every night, and the memory of the few times I've been 
privileged to hold her close is the only thing that gives me hope for 
the future. "Our future" I whisper. I realized a few minutes ago that 
I'm grinning like an idiot. Not that I care, of course. 

Walking back to the bedroom, I think of what I should wear. For years 
now, I've imagined what this day would be like. "Wow" I whisper as the 
truth sinks in a little better with every moment that goes by. I have a 
date with Mac. I feel characteristic warmth overtake me as I remember 
the way she felt in my arms the day I confessed my love to her. Nothing 
ever felt so perfect. So right. So....meant to be. 

I remember sitting down on the front porch as a child, listening to my 
father's voice as he told mom and me about his life aboard the carrier. 
The strong feeling of belonging that surged within me every time I 
listened to those tapes was the only thing that helped me go on the many 
times I lost faith in myself. Often, as I lay awake at night listening to 
my mother's soft crying from the other side of the door, I wondered 
silently if following in my father's footsteps meant that someday I would 
be the cause of a woman's tears too. A woman I would love like my 
father loved my mother. A woman who would build a life with me like my 
parents had done with each other. Could I... love someone as much as Dad 
loved Mom? Could someone ever love me that way too?

I still can't explain exactly what happened, but the day I met Mac 
something clicked. I find myself reminiscing of our early years as partners 
and best friends. It was always us against the world. As I shift around 
my apartment in a daze, I wonder silently if Mac knows just how 
important her support and friendship really were back then. They still are, 
but she came into my life at a point where I wasn't really sure of where 
I was headed. She helped me find myself again, and even though she 
never knew, she is the reason I am where I am today. Ha! Most people I know 
would have a field day if they found out the big, strong, cocky naval 
aviator-turned lawyer had indeed moments of self-doubt, starting with 
SecNav and down the list to my ex-girlfriends, of course. 

Brainstorming like this only brings me back to the subject I've tried 
to bury for years now. That feeling I've tried to ignore since that time 
Mac followed me to Russia. My love for her didn't grow overnight, but 
Russia was the drop that made the cup overflow. The day I learned of my 
father's fate was the day my own was revealed to me. As I shed tears 
for the past, my own future was unraveling before me. Sarah Mackenzie was 
my destiny. Everything was suddenly so clear, and that feeling of 
belonging that I only felt when I thought of my father coursed through me 
again. Only this time I wasn't hearing my father's voice through a tape 
recorder. This time it was her voice that made me whole. Sarah. The 
question I'd asked myself so many times as I heard my mother's crying had 
finally been answered, albeit partially. I loved Sarah Mackenzie, the 
same way my father loved my mother. However, the other half of my 
question was still unanswered. Mac said she loved me too, but....Could she 
love me the way Mom loved Dad?

"Well, it's about time you attempted to find out, Rabb" I mumble to 
myself as I reach for my cologne and spray some on. 

It's almost time to leave. Don't want to give my Marine reason to get 
upset with me for being late to our first date. I take one last look at 
myself as I get ready to leave. Coming out of the bedroom my eyes 
settle on a picture I've kept on my desk for years. It's a picture of Mac in 
her gypsy outfit from our adventure in Russia. "God, she really is an 
angel," I whisper as I pick up the picture and trace it with my 
fingertips. Tonight is time for that long overdue talk. I know I won't get an 
answer to that other half of my question tonight. The last thing I want 
to do is rush this relationship and have it blow up in our faces, but 
I'll get my answer someday soon. I just hope I can live with the answer.


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
30 MINUTES LATER

A knock on the door brought Mac back to reality as she noticed her 
palms were still sweating. Jesus, that hadn't happened since... well, the 
last time she remembered being this nervous they were on another 
continent, aboard a ferry where her dreams had come crashing down on her. 
Harmon Rabb, Jr. had managed to do that all with two words. 'Not yet.' 
Things had changed since that day: his almost death, her almost wedding, 
and their several almost-talks. All that would change today, if Sarah 
Mackenzie had any say in the matter. 

"Hey, Mac" Harm said as nonchalantly as he could possibly make himself 
sound. 

"Hey, Sailor. Come on in" 'Damn it, why is this so hard' she thought as 
she accepted the flowers he had brought for her and strolled over 
towards the kitchen, her favorite sailor in tow. Flower's made any woman's 
day, even a kick-ass Marine. Her expression must have given away her 
thoughts and she braced herself, her hands glued to the kitchen counter, 
as she waited for the inevitable. Seconds later, there it was, a 
full-blown flyboy smile that she was certain had to be mentioned somewhere in 
the UCMJ. It wasn't the first time her Sailor's smile had paralyzed 
her. So naturally, she had a plan. 

"Uh, Harm. Could you get a couple of water bottles from the 
refrigerator, while I put the flowers in some water?" Harm simply nodded and 
started on his task, turning his back towards Mac, which gave her enough 
time to recover. 

They had agreed to cook together, and a couple of hours later, they 
were sitting in comfortable silence on Mac's couch, watching the rain pour 
outside. Harm's senses were so in tune with his surroundings that he 
could hear with unbelievable clarity every drop splashing on the window. 
His brain already overloaded, he caught himself feeling overly 
impatient. He knew he had to say something. A word, a phrase, a sound, anything 
that would ease the tension he could sense was building up and getting 
ready to overwhelm the love of his life sitting dangerously close to 
him. 'Do it, Rabb. Now' he thought and prepared to open up to her, 
whatever that meant.  

"Sarah" he whispered. In any other circumstance she probably wouldn't 
have heard him, but not tonight. Tonight she was hanging on his every 
word. Her hands were clasped almost painfully in her lap, her lips 
tightly pressed together, and her eyes held a haunted look he hoped never to 
see again. 

"Yes, Harm" she whispered in return, her voice unsteady, her insecurity 
and apprehension revealing her very soul to him. 

"Sarah, I... I don't know how to..."

"Just say it, Harm. The truth"

Turning to the side on the couch, he reached for her and drew her 
towards him. Pleasantly surprised when she didn't fight him, he settled his 
hand on her face, and traced her jaw with his thumb. 

"What truth do you want to hear, Mac?"

"Well, you can start with what happened when you left to fly" 

Harm nodded solemnly. "I needed to do it. I thought you of all people 
would understand that. I missed you like crazy, Mac. You're the reason I 
came back."

"And when you came back you felt like I had replaced you with Mic?"

His handsome face momentarily darkened by the memories, he spoke 
softly, "God, Mac. You'll never know how much that hurt"

She felt tears threaten to fall as she thought back to those days. "I'm 
sorry I wasn't more understanding. I treated you very badly when you 
came back. I guess I was still mad at you for leaving me, even though I 
knew why you'd gone."

He simply nodded and plunged ahead, figuring if they were going to have 
this talk, he needed to dive in headfirst. "Mac, what happened in 
Australia? I mean, I know how badly I reacted that night, but why did you 
choose that night to come out and tell me about your feelings?"

"I caught you off guard, didn't I?" she said and smiled sadly as he 
nodded his agreement. 

"You certainly did, Marine. I mean, we were barely getting back to the 
friendship we'd had before I left. I thought that's what you wanted, 
and then out of nowhere there you are asking me if I wanna see you 
topless. I mean, what kind of question is that Mac?" he said teasingly the 
last few words and nudged her gently, making sure she understood his 
attempt at relieving some of the tension.

"I know Harm. I guess I just got tired of waiting and I wanted to know 
where we stood. I'd loved you for so long, and I died inside when you 
left to fly. I didn't think I could do it again without you knowing how 
I felt about you. It was an impulse I guess, just like your answer was 
controlled by the circumstances. I understand that now"

"Sarah, I never meant for it sound like I was rejecting you, it's just 
that....."

A finger to his lips silenced him. "Shh, it's okay, Harm. I know" 

"Mac, I know there are many bad things that have happened between us 
the past two years. But, is it necessary for us to relive the past so 
that we can start on our future? I mean, do you really think it would do 
any good to talk about all the negative things? We can do it if you want 
to. I'm just saying that maybe we'd be better off if we just took it 
one step at a time for now. Let's deal with things as they come, not all 
at once." His eyes pleaded with hers, letting her know the *talk* was 
hurting him as much as it was her. 

"You're right, Harm. Maybe we don't need to do this all at once. We can 
deal with things one day at a time, one mistake at a time"

"Hey, no... I don't want to hear that word again. There's no room for 
mistakes anymore, Sarah"

"Harm, how can you be so sure, I mean..." he cut her off with a gentle 
loving kiss that permanently made 'kissing Harm' first on her hobby 
list.

'Forget, Tomcats. They don't have Mac's lips' Harm thought fleetingly 
as he felt his Marine open her mouth and welcome his tender oral 
assault. One hand on her small back held her firmly against him, as the other 
tangled itself in her hair. The perfection of the moment gripped Harm's 
heart intensely, and tears ran down his face, merging with Mac's own, 
as the kiss deepened in a promise of things to come. After moments that 
seemed more like a lifetime, they broke apart reluctantly and looked 
deeply into each other's eyes. 

"You want to know why I'm sure there won't be any more mistakes, 
Sarah?" he asked and Mac simply nodded shakily, as his captivating eyes 
pierced her very soul.  

"Because, after everything we've been through, why would God keep us on 
this Earth if it weren't to love each other, Sarah?  All the obstacles 
we faced only made our love stronger. And I promise you, I'll move 
heaven and earth to give you the happily ever after you deserve, baby" he 
whispered and smiled tenderly, as his nose rubbed delicately against 
hers. Cradling his face in her small hands, she nodded and sniffled 
softly, trying hard to control her emotions enough to put in words what she 
was feeling. Harm sensed her struggle and crushed her against him as she 
attempted to speak. 

"SShhhh, baby. It's okay. I love you so much, Sarah." He said softly, 
tracing her face with gentleness he never knew he was capable of 
showing.

"I love you too, Harm" her voice was music to his ears and he closed 
his eyes, sighing in contentment as the love of his life snuggled closer 
to him. 

"I know, honey. I know," he replied in between loving kisses planted on 
her forehead. 

Maybe all the questions hadn't been answered, but how could six years 
worth of mistakes and misunderstandings be dealt with in a single night? 
It would take time, and they both knew it, but an amazing feeling of 
serenity overtook them both as they realized the hardest step was behind 
them. The channels of communication had been opened, and nothing short 
of God himself could separate them now. With similar thoughts flooding 
their minds, they simply held onto each other, silently willing the 
strength of their love to begin the healing of profound wounds they knew a 
lifetime of words never could. There would be times to laugh, and 
someday they might even look back on this night with fondness; but tonight, 
they had to find a way to will the hurt away and finally close the door 
to that place in their hearts that harbored the doubts that had kept 
them apart for so long. Mutually accepting the enormity of the feelings 
that had surfaced, they finally let go of all the years marred by their 
own decisions. Not knowing how else to cope, tears ran down his face 
and fused with hers, physically sealing their declaration of love. 

"Never again will there be any talks ending like this. That's a 
promise, Sarah," he whispered, his voice trembling as he cradled her in strong 
arms.

"I believe you, Harm. Love you."

"I love you too, Sarah"


The End... will be continued soon in "III- Tears And A Ring"...