TITLE:  "Starting Again V-Waiting for Wings"
AUTHORS:  Anne R. [amrsecret@yahoo.com]
                    Pat Steiner [ssbpmn@aol.com]
SUMMARY:  The fifth in the Starting Again series of post-Adrift stories, wherein 
Harm attempts to cope with the fact that he may never return to flying.
   Rated PG for mild violence and language. A Harm-Mac shipper story.
DISCLAIMER:  JAG belongs to Paramount, CBS, et al.  No copyright is intended 
with this work of entertainment only.
FEEDBACK:  Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment.  If our work 
does not appeal to you for any reason-we have no problem with that, but 
please, no need to share that with us.


“Starting Again V-Waiting for Wings”
 JAG HQ's
 4:45 PM EST
 
 "Your place or mine?" Harm whispered as he walked into Mac's office.
 
 "Yours" Mac smiled as she looked up at her friend, partner and now lover. 
 "I'll stop and pick up Chinese on my way."
 
 "Sounds good." He looked carefully around the bullpen to see if anyone was 
 watching and before bending down and placing a quick kiss on her lips.
 
 "What's that for sailor?"
 
 "Just because I love you," Harm said softly so no one would hear.
 
 "I love you too" she whispered.
 
 The I love you's came easily now, the session with Captain Taylor only 
 further cementing what they had both known all along. That they loved each 
 other, and by some miracle had been given a second chance to make it work. 
 They hadn't shared their relationship with their CO and co-workers, still 
 savoring it themselves. They spent the nights at each other's places, the 
 need to be with each other still very great. Mac's nightmares had stopped 
 following the soul bearing session and Harm's had diminished dramatically as 
 well.
 
 "I'll see you later then," Harm said as he started to walk out of her 
 office.
 
 "Sir, ma'am, the Admiral would like to see you before you leave" Tiner said 
 as he stopped Harm at the door.
 
 "On our way" Harm said as he turned and walked back into Mac's office. 
 "Okay, now what's up?"
 
 "Hopefully nothing that will keep us too long" Mac smiled as she stood up. 
 "I have a hot date tonight."
 
 "Anyone I know?" Harm teased.
 
 "Just some handsome flyboy who stole my heart" Mac said softly. "Did my best 
 not to succumb to his charms but I was defenseless against that flyboy 
 grin."
 
 "What grin would that be?" he said before flashing her the smile that still 
 made her heart beat a little faster.
 
 "He knows" Mac smiled. "We'd better get going before the Admiral sends Tiner 
 back for us."
 
 "By the way, he was the one who was defenseless" Harm whispered as they 
 walked into the Admiral's office.
 
 "At ease and have a seat" AJ said as they stood at attention. "I just wanted 
 to see how things were going. You're still continuing the sessions with 
 Captain Taylor I see?"
 
 "Yes sir" Harm replied. "He felt there were still a few issues that we had 
 left to discuss." He didn't want to tell the Admiral that those issues 
 included his problem with flying. He'd worked through everything else 
 without the Admiral finding out and he hoped he could do the same with this.
 
 "But otherwise everything is okay?" AJ inquired.
 
 "Yes sir" Harm assured him as he glanced over at Mac.
 
 "And whatever is going on between you two is still nothing for me to be 
 concerned about?" AJ asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of his 
 mouth.
 
 "No sir" Mac spoke up.
 
 "Not going to tell me anything huh?" AJ sighed. "All right. I guess I'll 
 just have to trust you two on this. Dismissed."
 
 "He knows" Mac whispered as they walked back to her office. "I know he 
 does."
 
 "I can handle him knowing about that" Harm sighed. "I'm more concerned with 
 him finding out about my other little problem. For a minute I was afraid he 
 was going to assign us another case out of town."
 
 "And what would you have done if he had?" Mac asked quietly.
 
 "I would have accepted it and sucked it up and gotten on the plane. And 
 probably broke your hand again on the landing."
 
 "You know we don't always get assigned to go places together" Mac reminded 
 him. "What if I'm not there to hold your hand?"
 
 "Hopefully Captain Taylor will figure that out before the next time I have 
 to go somewhere," Harm said with a small smile. "But enough about that. I 
 don't want to think about that right now.  I'd rather think about getting 
 out of here and the going home to be with the woman I love."
 
 "Okay sailor, for now I'll drop it. And I'm out of here. Walk out with me?"
 
 "I'll meet you at the elevator in five" he promised.
 
 From Tiner's office AJ watched as his two officers stood together at the 
 elevator. There was something going on with them. And with a smile he 
 realized that they'd finally figured out what had been clear to everyone 
 else a long time ago.
 
 *************************
 Harm's Apartment
 6:25 PM EST
 
 He paced the apartment, going once again to the window to watch for Mac. He 
 hated having her come to this neighborhood, his own mugging weeks before 
 still fresh in his mind. And the later break in that had led to Mac having 
 to kill the intruder. He shuddered as he thought about those moments again. 
 She'd almost been killed that night and he couldn't even fathom what he 
 would do if he lost her. It was only because of her that he was still alive. 
 He still was amazed at her sheer determination the night of his crash. She 
 hadn't let him die and for that he would forever owe her.  Because of her 
 they had gotten that second chance. A chance he didn’t want to waste this 
 time.
 
His long sigh of relief accompanied the Corvette's distinctive engine as Mac 
pulled up along side his building.  He smiled as well as he watched her eye the 
small parking space and then with the precision of a fighter jockey she whipped 
the small car into reverse.  She was here safely.  He stayed at the window, 
intending to take a little peak at her long legs as she stepped from the car, 
knowing she would have changed into shorts.  Sure enough, one shapely leg 
followed another and he smiled softly.  She belonged to him. The details just had 
not. . . 

"NO," he heard himself scream as he watched two men pull up along side her 
and in a blur of motion leap from their car. Instinctively he knew they were 
trouble.  "Maaa. . . aaac" Somehow despite his frenzy to get to her he managed 
to remember his weapon, grabbing it from the kitchen drawer and inserting the 
clip as he ran for the back stairs.

"Nice car lady," the first man sneered.  "Ain't this a nice car Jack?"

"Nice car all right D," Jack nodded. As they were speaking both men were 
closing in on Mac, she only half out of the car.  "Nice car lady.  We'll just be 
taking her off your hands."

Carjacking.  They wanted her car.  Mac held her breath while she sized them up, 
and cast a long look to Harm's window, praying he would not see and fly to her 
aid, possibly getting himself hurt or worse.  At the same time her Marine 
stubbornness was kicking in.  She was not some weak little woman, going to 
hand over the keys without so much as an objection.

Her hand closed into a fist around the keys that she had just removed, still sizing 
up the opposition, trying to determine if she could in fact fight them both.  

Jack took a step toward her and held his hand out.  "Keys.  Now."

"No."  Her eyes fell to the glove box, thinking of her service weapon in there and 
wondering if she could make a grab for it.  She casually leaned back toward the 
passenger seat, the keys still in her hand and Jack grabbed for her, putting him 
in perfect position for Mac to lift both her feet.  Instinct and training combined and 
she gave him a brutal double-footed kick into his groin, sending him sprawling 
back against their car, howling in pain.

"BITCH," the one called D screamed and launched himself forward, landing his 
full weight on her.  She fell back, the back of her head striking the passenger side 
window, leaving her dazed and as she slumped down, a bright trail of blood was 
left on the glass from where her scalp had been split open.  

Harm opened the side door from his building, just in time to see D, still straddling 
her, pull a handgun from his coat and raise it over his head, pulling the safety 
and taking point blank aim at her.  In the half second Harm was given to make up 
his mind there was no question.  He stopped, took a shooting stance and fired, 
sending two bullets into the erstwhile carjacker's back.  He fell forward, landing 
on her, his grimace frozen in death.  

"Maaa---aaac."  Harm's scream came involuntarily this time as he sprinted for 
her.  Jack took one look at the wild eyed man heading in his direction and 
jumped into their car, speeding away with the tires screaming in protest.  Harm 
managed to get the tag number despite his overwhelming concern for Mac.  He 
grabbed the now dead carjacker by the back of his shirt and hauled him off her, 
none to gently depositing him on the pavement as he heard sirens in the 
background.  Bless one of his neighbors for calling the police.

"Mac."  This time is voice was quiet as he leaned over her and seeing the blood 
on the window for the first time realized she had been hurt.  "Sarah honey," he 
whispered, touching her cheek and checking her pulse at the same time.

With his touch her eyes fluttered open but without awareness that it was Harm 
touching her.  

"Nooooo," she screamed and started to fight him off.

"Mac. . . Mac stop" he ordered.  Hating to do so, but knowing he had to get 
through to her, he pinned her wrists to her chest.  "Mac open your eyes.  It's all 
over.  It's me.  I love you Sarah."

It was those words that got through to her and she relaxed, her eyes opening 
slowly.  "Harm?  What. . ." Her questioning gaze turned to a grimace of pain as 
her fingers went to the back of her head, coming away sticky with her blood.  
"Hurts," she gasped, feeling the world begin to spin around her.

Swiftly he lifted her from the car cradling her against him as the first police car 
careened around the corner.  "Just stand easy honey, help is here."  When the 
first officer exited his vehicle Harm shouted, "we need an ambulance here." 

Immediately she spoke into her shoulder mike, and then cautiously approached 
Harm, eyeing the body on the pavement.  "OK, looks like it's going to be a long 
evening.  Let's start with who you two are."

Explanations began and when the ambulance arrived, Mac was taken from this 
arms to sit on the stretcher while the paramedic examined her injury.  Harm 
began to edge his way away from the police and the barrage of questions, 
desperate to know how Mac was, only to have a large detective block his way.  

"Look mister, you killed a man here tonight.  We need some answers."

"See that woman over there?" Harm pointed to where a paramedic was dabbing 
at Mac's head with a cotton swab.  "That happens to be the woman I love and 
nothing is going to keep me from making sure she's OK."  Again the detective 
blocked his path.  "You're standing in the way of a man who's already killed once 
today?" he growled, letting his implied threat sink in as he pushed past the 
astonished detective.

"How is she?  Are you ready to take her?" He asked anxiously, kneeling before 
the stretcher and taking both her hands.

Mac glared at him.  "We're negotiating that.  I'm fine.  I just want to go upstairs 
and try to block all this out."  She gasped sharply.  "Harm what about. . . you 
killed a man.  Are they going to try to. . . "

She was too horrified by the thought to continue.

"I may need a good lawyer.  You know one?" he teased.

"Harm that's not funny," she gasped again.

"No and neither is you being hurt," he muttered, "and especially if you're saying 
you're not going to go in and get looked at.  You could have a concussion."

"No sir we don't think so," the paramedic spoke up.  "Just a good bump on the 
head.  Her scalp split open from the impact and bled some but that's stopped and 
it's not deep enough to warrant stitches.  Now she should not be alone for 
twenty-four hours just in case, but most likely she's gotten off with just a bad 
headache.  She just needs to be kept an eye on."

"Well, don't worry about that, she'll be staying with me," he said firmly, "but I'd 
feel better if she was X-rayed or something."

"Give it a rest Flyboy, I'm OK," she insisted.  "And after your experience I've seen 
enough of the inside of a hospital to last a thousand lifetimes."  

He squeezed her hands hard.  "I love you and I'm concerned about you that's all.  
When I saw that guy point that gun at your head I must have died a thousand 
deaths before I could get the shot off."

"You saved my life," she smiled, leaning forward to kiss him gently.

 "I had to" Harm whispered. "I couldn't imagine my life without you."
 
 "Okay, some rest and some aspirin and she'll be fine," the paramedic said as 
 he stood up.
 
 "Mr. Rabb do you think we could have some of your time now?" the detective 
 asked as he strolled over to them. "I need some answers."
 
 "Yes and she needs to get upstairs and rest" Harm countered. "Which is 
 exactly what she's going to do and I'm going to go with her. If you want to 
 stop by tomorrow morning we'll both be happy to give you our statements 
 then." With that he helped Mac to her feet, keeping his arm around her waist 
 as he steadied her.
 
 "Fine, Mr. Rabb" the detective sighed. "Fortunately one of your neighbors 
 saw what happened and is giving us a pretty detailed description of what 
 happened. But I will be back in the morning for you and Ms. Mackenzie's 
 statements."
 
 "Okay Ninja-girl, let's get you inside" Minutes later he gently helped her 
 down on the sofa. "You sure you're okay?" he asked as he studied her 
 carefully.
 
 "I'm fine now will you stop worrying" Mac said with a small smile. "A few 
 aspirin and I'll be fine."
 
 "Coming right up" he said as he gave her a quick kiss before heading off to 
 the kitchen. He returned seconds later with two aspirin and a glass of 
 water. She quickly downed the aspirin, the headache already beginning to 
 kick in. "Can I get you anything else?" he asked.
 
 "You on the sofa holding me" Mac said in a small voice.
 
 Without a word he sat down beside her, gathering her in his arms as her 
 tears started to fall. The adrenaline rush was now over and the reality of 
 the situation was starting to sink in. If he hadn't fired at the exact 
 second when he did..
 
 "You're safe now" he whispered as he gently rubbed her back while she cried. 
 "I've got you and no one is going to hurt you." She cried on his shoulder, 
 the tears finally coming to an end a short time later. She raised her tear 
 stained face to look at him and he gently wiped away her tears with his 
 thumb.
 
 "You okay now?" he asked softly.
 
 "I think so" she whispered. "Sorry, didn't mean to come apart like that on 
 you. Delayed reaction I guess."
 
 "Understandable considering what just happened." He paused and for a moment 
 stared into her brown eyes. "Mac, I don't want anything like this to happen 
 again. The break in that night and now this is too much. I don't want you 
 over here at night anymore."
 
 "Well I most certainly don't want to be away from you at night."
 
 "I don't either" Harm admitted. "But it's not going to be here."
 
 "You asking if you can move in with me?" Mac said with a small smile.
 
 "Mac, I'm serious here" Harm sighed. "You were almost killed tonight because 
 I live in this neighborhood. How do you think I would feel if anything 
 happened to you because of that? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If 
 you don't want me moving in then I'll just have to find a new place cause I 
 don't want you coming over here at night anymore."
 
 "Okay, back up Mister. First off I didn't say I didn't want you moving in 
 with me. Secondly I think you're overreacting just a bit to what's 
 happened."
 
 "I'm not overreacting. Mac that guy was about to shoot you. I'm sorry but 
 that's a vision I don't ever want to see again in my life. I'm serious about 
 this."
 
 "I can tell. And I love that you're this worried about me. And if it would 
 make you feel better to be at my place, then I don't have a problem with you 
 being there. But you know it's going to be harder to keep this from the 
 Admiral if we move in together. "
 
 "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it" Harm smiled. "Are you sure you 
 want me at your place? I can easily find a new place."
 
 "Of course I want you at my place" Mac smiled.  "It might take some 
 adjusting but I think we can handle it."
 
 "Me too. And you have no idea how much better than makes me feel. I just 
 couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you. You mean a lot to 
 me Sarah Mackenzie. I wouldn't be where I am without your love."
 
 "And you'll have my love forever" Mac said softly as she laid her head 
 against his shoulder again, only to raise it a second later. "Harm I 
 completely forgot about dinner. It's been sitting in my car."
 
 "Well I think I'll pass on the Chinese that's been sitting that long" Harm 
 smiled. "How about I just call and order a pizza?"
 
 "I can live with that" Mac sighed. "I guess that means I have to let go 
 huh?"
 
 "Just for a minute" he said before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.
 
 He headed to the desk to grab the cordless phone, finally noticing that the 
 message light on his machine was blinking. He pressed the play button and 
 listened to Trish's message.
 
 "Hello Harm. I guess I've missed you again. I just wanted to make sure 
 everything was all right. It's been a while since I've heard from you and I 
 wanted to see if you were still planning on coming out for a visit liked 
 we'd talked about.  Call me when you get a chance. I love you."
 
 "Mom" he said sheepishly as he looked over at Mac.
 
 "Why do I get the feeling she has no idea what really happened with your 
 crash?" Mac said quietly.
 
 "Probably because she doesn't" Harm sighed. "Mac, there was no reason to 
 worry here once everything was done and over with. I’m glad nobody thought 
 to call her that night. Can you imagine what that would have been like for 
 her?"
 
 "About as bad as it was for me" Mac said softly and he quickly crossed the 
 room and brought her into his arms again.
 
 "Hey, I'm sorry" Harm said gently. "That didn't come out right. It's just 
 that I know what you went through and I just didn't want her to have to deal 
 with any of that."
 
 "Harm, I think your mom can handle it. And what's this about a visit? You 
 didn't mention you were going out there any time soon."
 
 "That's because I wasn't planning on going. I was going to tell her I 
 couldn't make it."
 
 "Why on earth would you do that?"
 
 "Because I don't think I can handle the flight to San Diego" Harm said 
 quietly. "I'll get on a plane if I have to because I'm ordered to go 
 somewhere for JAG.  But to just get on a plane, I don't think I can do it."
 
 "Not even if I was there to hold your hand?" she asked gently.  "Harm I'd really 
like to meet your mom.  And we've got a lot of leave time due us.  You know the 
Admiral would approve.  Commander Turner is there now and there's always 
Singer and like I said, Commander Turner is there now.  Even a long weekend--
Thursday to Tuesday maybe?"

"Mac I can get on a plane if I'm ordered to do so, but not to just go flying across 
the country.  Not yet.  I don't think I want to put myself through that--or the person 
who would be sitting next to me watching my meltdown, especially since that's 
the person I adore."

"I've told you before Squid that I can handle anything you can dish out," she 
reminded him firmly.  "Let's at least think about it can we?"

"Mac I've looked foolish so many times since that night. . ."  He sighed and shook 
his head, seeing her hopeful face.  "OK look we can think about it.  I'll even go so 
far as to agree to talk to Captain Taylor and if he thinks I should. . . well if he 
thinks I should maybe he can have me sedated or something."

"Well I doubt that," she returned dryly, "but sure that's not a bad idea.  Something 
mild that will help you control your emotions and relax.  Why not?"

"I'll think about it," he promised, "but right now much more on my mind is you and 
if you're OK.  I swear my heart is still in my throat, seeing that bastard aim his 
gun at you like that.  Another second and I could be planning your funeral right 
now.  And do you know even that half-second I had I still managed to regret all 
the time we've wasted."

She smiled at that and kissed him softly.  "Silly.  That's over now.  But Harm, 
getting back to the living arrangements.  I would love to have you come be with 
me.  We spend most of our time together now as it is and I love that.  I just don't 
want you rushing into anything you're not ready for, including giving up this place 
that you love."

"And that's been the scene of many a seduction," he teased.  "No my mind is 
made up.  This area is getting worse and worse.  I've got crack dealers on the 
corner now."  His face took on a look she had never seen before as he continued 
stammeringly, "besides I'd like to think we're. . . working our way to something. . . 
like for the future?"

"Careful Rabb," she whispered, her own heart now pounding.  "You're getting 
mighty close to a Hallmark moment, not to mention something else."

"I know," he answered solemnly, lifting her left hand and kissing the palm.  "Soon 
as I get my head on straight I aim to put something round and gold on this hand.  
If you'll have me that is."

"When you're ready to ask, I'll be ready to answer," she replied just as seriously, 
cupping her hand to the back of his head and bringing him to her for a long and 
more serious kiss than they had previously exchanged.  "And I think you can 
guess what will be my answer.  When I told you I was along for the duration, I 
meant it Mr. Rabb."
===========================
CAPTAIN TAYLOR's OFFICE
3 Days Later.

"So that's the story sir," Harm sighed.  "I'd really like to see my mom.  I haven't 
since before Christmas and my life was totally different then.  I want Mac to meet 
her, her to meet Mac, and us to be starting to being a real family and all that.  I 
just don't want to look like a total fool on the plane.  I'm thinking of crating myself 
and Fed-Exing me out there."

"I think we can think of something less drastic," Taylor smiled.  "Like you closing 
your eyes, taking some deep breaths and holding Mac's hand."

"I'm good with that so far," Harm murmured.  "But I also know me--and I know 
that's not going to be enough.  Would it be possible to get something to just. . . 
well take the edge off maybe?"

Taylor nodded and reached for his prescription pad.  "I'll give you a few of these.  
If I thought you'd benefit from drug therapy I would have offered it before, but with 
your kind of anxiety, it's not always real helpful.  But for a particular short duration 
episode like a flight, one of these about thirty minutes before take off should keep 
your flight-or-fight reflex from kicking in too strongly."

"I really hate to," he sighed, reaching for the piece of paper the doctor proffered.  
"I've been wanting this to be mind over matter.  Making myself get over these 
fears and I'm not doing it.  Every time I get near water or planes that night comes 
flooding back to me."

"The night you were afraid you were going to die," Taylor nodded.

"No that wasn't even my biggest fear," Harm pointed out.  "The possibility of 
dying is something a pilot accepts every time he takes off.  No my biggest fear 
was that I was going to die before I could tell this woman how much I loved her, 
or that I would not reach her time and she would be gone forever."

"I know," Taylor nodded and looked to Mac.  "You think you would have gone 
through with the wedding if this hadn't happened?"  

She felt Harm's gaze on her and shifted uncomfortably.  "I wish I knew the 
answer to that.  I like to think I wouldn't.  That somewhere from deep inside the 
strong Marine I always thought I was would have said Mic no, this is wrong.  I 
don't love you this way---but we'll never know."  She lowered her eyes a moment 
before she continued.  "I've started having nightmares that he and I marry--that 
Harm gives up on me and Mic and I marry."

"Mac I had no idea," Harm gasped, squeezing her hand.  

"Well it's not that important," she sighed.  "Not to mention totally stupid.  I mean 
you risked your life to not give up on me."

"I would die for you," he said so softly and seriously that it brought tears to her 
eyes.  

"That's it for tonight," Taylor said firmly.  "Go home, spend some time together.  
Consider it an order."

"Actually sir, Harm and I are. . .well after the incident the other night we told you 
about, Harm has moved in with me."

Taylor opened his eyes wide.  "OK that could be a subject for a whole other 
session, but I'll ask how it's going."

"Just fine," Harm grinned.  "Actually sir, frankly, I'm feeling more relaxed since I 
did it.  Now granted it's just been a couple days but I know I'm sleeping better at 
night.  Still having the nightmares, but not as many and it's easier to get back to 
sleep.  Just a calming word from her is all it takes sometimes.  Just her arm 
tightening around me. . .uh I guess now would be a good time to mention we're 
sharing a bed."

"Whoa too much information," Taylor laughed holding up his hand.  "Unless 
there's something to talk about there."

"No sir, only sleeping right now," Mac laughed and blushed at the same time.  
"That's all part of a bigger commitment we're going to be making on down the 
road."

"You know what," Taylor nodded, "I have no doubt you will.  You'll invite me to 
the wedding will you not?"

"Yes sir," Harm said seriously.  "Soon as the prospective groom is no longer a 
basket case."
 
 They stopped for coffee as they always did after the sessions and once they 
 were seated Mac looked closely at Harm.
 
 "So does this mean we're going to call your Mom and tell her we're coming 
 for a visit?" she asked hopefully.
 
 "As long as the Admiral doesn't mind, yes" Harm sighed.
 
 "Thank you" Mac smiled. "And I'm sure your Mom is going to be thrilled. She 
 sounded like she really missed you."
 
 "Well I did want her to meet you" Harm said with a small smile. "So she can 
 see for herself how wonderful you are."
 
 1 Week Later
 Dulles International Airport
 
 "You ready sailor?" Mac asked as she squeezed Harm's hand.
 
 "No, but I guess you're not going to let me turn around and go home now are 
 you?" Harm said with a small smile.
 
 "Not a chance" Mac smiled. "You'll be fine. You took the medication Captain 
 Taylor gave you right?"
 
 He nodded and seconds later they boarded the plane, Harm's hand never 
 leaving the security of Mac's. Even once they were seated, he kept a firm 
 grip on hers.
 
 "Easy there flyboy, you're cutting off all the circulation to my hand" Mac 
 teased and at once Harm relaxed his hold on her hand.
 
 "Sorry" he said with a long sigh. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe 
 we should have waited."
 
 "Harm, it's going to be fine I promise. We'll be in the air real soon and 
 then we'll just have the landing. You can do this. Remember how much it 
 means to your Mom and me."
 
 "Thank you. I have no idea what I would do without you."
 
 "Lucky for you you'll never have to find out" Mac assured him with a quick 
 kiss to the cheek. "You're stuck with me now sailor."
 
 Once the plane was airborne, Harm finally relaxed, dropping his head against 
 Mac's shoulder.
 
 "Tired?" Mac asked softly.
 
 "I think it's the mediation" Harm sighed. "But I guess being asleep is 
 better than having another freak attack."
 
 "You just rest then" Mac whispered as she gently pushed back a few strands 
 of hair from his forehead. "Hopefully when you wake we'll be on the ground."
 
 "Love you" Harm murmured as he drifted to sleep the combination of the 
 medication and Mac's gentle hand lulling him there.
 
 "Love you too"
 
 To her relief he slept most of the trip, awaking just as the plane began 
 it's descent to San Diego Airport. He was still foggy enough that the 
 landing didn't bother him and Mac breathed a sigh of relief when they were 
 on the ground again.
 
 "Hey, you with me sailor?" Mac asked as he looked around groggily. "Harm?"
 
 "Yeah, I'm here. Just tired."
 
 She helped him up and seconds later they exited the plane, Mac keeping her 
 arm around Harm as they walked off.
 
 "Harm" Both looked up at the sound of Trish's voice and seconds later Mac 
 relinquished her hold so that mother and son could share a long overdue hug.
 
 "Mom, it's so good to see you again" Harm sighed as he hugged her.
 
 "I'm so glad you could come" Trish smiled as she finally pulled away and 
 looked over at Mac. "And this must be Mac."
 
 "Mom, this is Sarah Mackenzie" Harm smiled as he wrapped his arm around 
 Mac's waist. "The woman I love and hope to spend the rest of my life with."
 
 "Nice to meet you" Trish said as she opened her arms to Mac. "I've heard 
 quite a lot about you over the years. When Harm said he was coming out with 
 you I was surprised."
 
 "A lot has happened the fast few months," Mac said as she gave Trish a hug. 
 "And I'm so glad to meet you too."
 
 "And I know some of it is none of my business but I'd like to know exactly 
 how you two managed to get together" Trish said as they started to walk.
 
 Harm shot Mac a warning glance, and Mac nodded slightly. She knew Harm 
 hadn't told Trish what had happened yet and she hoped that she could 
 convince him otherwise.
 
 "Sure Mom" Harm smiled.
 
 A short time later they arrived at the seaside home of Frank and Trish 
 Burnett and Mac looked around with amazement.
 
 "Nice place sailor" she whispered as they walked to the front door.
 
 "Wait until you see the view from the back deck" Harm smiled.
 
 "Harm, I've set up your room and the guest room for Mac" Trish said as she 
 led them inside. "Is that okay?"
 
 "Actually we'll just be needing the one room" Harm replied and Mac blushed 
 as Trish turned around to look at them.
 
 "Of course" Trish smiled.

Mac was still blushing and then smiled and hooked her arm through Harm's.  
"Ma'am that's not a problem is it?"

Trish's smile reached all the way to her eyebrows.  "You love my son don't you?"

"Yes ma'am", she answered at once, her voice firm and clear.

"Then why would you sleep apart?" Trish shrugged.  "Come on and put your 
things away and get into some shorts and tee shirts or something.  We're very 
casual around her except for dinner parties which I'm not planning to have.  I just 
want to spend time getting to know you two.  Then come out on the deck for 
some ice tea and lemonaide.  And I want to hear all about what you've been up 
to Harm.  Mac would you believe all I got from him was a call that said, Mom 
don't pay any attention to any news reports I'm fine."

"I promise I'll come talk to you Mom," he said with a sheepish smile.  "There's just 
not really a whole lot to tell."

Trish nodded and ushered them into their room, Harm's favorite guest room with 
its balcony that overlooked the ocean.  "See you in little bit."

Harm gave Mac a long look and collapsed onto the bed, opening his arms for her 
in the universal I need a hug gesture.  

She laughed lightly and fell against him, curling her body to his.  "You doing OK 
Sailor?  I think your mom is wonderful.  I've only known her ten minutes and I feel 
close to her."

"Just as long as I have you like this I'm more than OK," he sighed.  "When you 
get tired of the needy clingy Rabb I've become, feel free to kick my six up 
between my shoulder blades.

"Not real likely and I've known needy people before, all without good reason.  
Nothing like what happened to you."  She turned her face to his and covered his 
mouth in a long and loving kiss.  "If I have any complaints you know I'm not 
hesitant about voicing them.  Now let's go have something cold to drink and you 
tell your mom what she wants to know, and then it will be done."

With that she rolled from the bed and pulled him to his feet, giving him another 
long hug before releasing him.

"I'll tell her basically what happened, but I'm leaving out the part where I turn into 
a basket case," he sighed.  "I don't want her worrying over me.  I've already got 
you worrying and I hate that.  I guess I'm sexist enough to want to be the strong 
one in this relationship."

"You'll have plenty of time for that," she promised and then with a quick impish 
grin added, "you can nursemaid me all the way through my first pregnancy."

"I want that," he whispered with such sudden seriousness that she sobered at 
once as well.  Running her fingertips down his long arm, she met his steady 
gaze.  "So do I.  Very much.  When it's time."

"Soon I hope," he whispered, his voice very serious now.

"Very soon," she nodded, just as seriously.  "God will know when the time is 
right."
===================
"Good there you are," Trish called when she spotted them.  She was just setting 
down a plate of sandwiches and cookies.  "Frank is going to want to barbecue 
later, but that's never until late so by all means fill up."  She smiled again, 
watching the two of them, seeing that they seemed, even in the short time she 
had observed them, to always be watching out for each other.  Even now he 
pulled out a chair for her and guided her into it.  Love.

"Harmon, I would really like to know what happened to you that night," Trish 
smiled.  "Call it morbid curiosity or just a mother's concern."

"Mom there's not a whole lot to tell," he said casually, feeling Mac's hand 
squeeze his in support.  "There was a mechanical malfunction, coupled with the 
storm, and the plane couldn't stay in the air.  I pulled the handle and hit the water 
and eleven long cold hours later, this spunky Marine found me."

Trish's eyebrow raised to its highest point.  "Really?  You went out on a 
helicopter to look for him?"

"Yes ma'am," Mac nodded.  "I figured I wanted to be the first one he saw 
because I wanted to whip his butt for flying in a storm in the first place."

"So did you?"

"After she saved me mom," Harm said slowly, suddenly feeling like he wanted to 
share that with her.  "I was almost to Dad and she brought me back."

Trish covered her mouth with her hand but said nothing as she thought that over.  
Love.  Finally she cleared her throat and covered his hand with hers.  "So you're 
OK now aren't you?  Actually your eyes look a little funny.  Are you on some kind 
of medication?"

"I didn't have much aftereffects from it, just some aches and a little congestion," 
he said slowly, "but. . . mom I know you'll understand if I ask that you not 
question me too much.  It's not an easy thing to talk about.  It's all balled up in 
being afraid I was going to die, being afraid I'd never see Sarah again, being 
afraid period.  In fact I'm seeing a psychologist, at the order of the Navy, and 
even though she dragged me there kicking and screaming, it does help."

"OK," Trish nodded, "fair enough.  Just promise me you're OK."

"I am mom, but for one reason only," he smiled and squeezed Mac's hand.  
"Because someone loves me enough to see me through all this."  

Trish smiled broadly.  Her son had chosen well.  Love.

"Mom that was great, thanks," he said after wolfing down two sandwiches and a 
cookie.  "Hey I'm dying to get into that water.  Mac?"

"Not me sailor.  I'm perfectly comfortable right here enjoying the view with your 
mom.  You go ahead."

"Sure?"

"Yes, just don't go out over your head," she teased.

"Yes mom," he grinned and dropped a quick kiss on her temple as he flew into 
the house to change.  

He returned barely five minutes later in a small swim suit, a towel draped over his 
shoulder and kissed Mac again as he passed, causing Trish to smile once again.  
He vaulted over the deck rail and sprinted across the sand, Mac watching him as 
he went.

"Admiring the view dear?" Trish asked.  

"Yes and not ashamed to admit it," Mac laughed.  "I'm a lucky woman, but not 
just for the obvious that we just saw shamelessly displayed."

"You are lucky," Trish said softly, patting her hand, "but so is my son.  The 
devotion between you too is so obvious, as is the love.  Now let me hear it from 
you--is he really OK?"
 
 Mac took a deep breath before speaking. "Yes. He's still working through 
 some things but he's okay. We've had some rough moments the last month but 
 he's getting there."
 
 "Can you tell me what kind of medication he's on?" Trish asked.  "It's some 
 kind of tranquilizer isn't it?"
 
 "He's having a little bit of anxiety about flying" Mac said slowly. 
 "Considering what happened it's not at all surprising. Captain Taylor gave 
 him it just for the flight out here. He doesn't take it all the time."
 
 "I guess he won't want to go on the trip I was planning for you two" Trish 
 sighed. "A friend of mine has a small Cessna and I was going to have him 
 take us for a ride. Give you a chance to see the area from up there. It's 
 really a wonderful ride."
 
 "He might go. You can mention it to him."
 
 From the deck Trish watched Harm tentatively step into the water.
 
 "There's more to it than just the flying isn't there?" Trish asked quietly, 
 her gaze never leaving her son.
 
 "Why do you ask that?" Mac said cautiously.
 
 "Because the Harmon Rabb I know would have dived into that water without a 
 second thought. The fact that he's still standing there wading in the water 
 tells me something's wrong. And I'm sure Harm has asked you not to tell me 
 because he doesn't want to worry me."
 
 "He doesn't" Mac said with a small smile. "And really, he's working through 
 everything. It's taking time but he's making big steps."
 
 "Well as long as I know you're there for him, I won't worry as much" Trish 
 smiled. "I can see how much you two care about each other. And you've 
 obviously taken good care of him since the accident."
 
 "Hasn't been out of my sight if I can help it" Mac assured her. "I came way 
 to close to losing him to let him get to far away." Trish didn't miss Mac's 
 shudder as the memory of his lifeless body being pulled into the chopper 
 flashed through her mind again.
 
 "I guess I'm glad I wasn't there to know all that at the time" Trish said 
 quietly.
 
 "It wasn't something I ever want to repeat or even care to think about" Mac 
 said softly. "I lost it when they told me he was dead."
 
 Trish's eyes widened at Mac's words and Mac quickly realized she'd said more 
 than she'd intended. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
 
 "No, it's okay" Trish said as she took a deep breath. "I guess the way Harm 
 said it it just didn't sink in all the way."
 
 "And that was probably better" Mac said with a small smile. "I'm sorry. I 
 hope I didn't upset you."
 
 "No you didn't. And I know Harm just glossed over what really happened to 
 keep me from worrying. You want to tell me what really happened.  Especially 
 what you just said."
 
 Mac took a deep breath before explaining to Trish how she'd been on the 
 chopper and how when they'd finally located him the original word had been 
 he was dead. And how she hadn't given up, taking over when the medics had 
 said it was too late.
 
 "You saved my son's life" Trish said softly when Mac finished. "And for that 
 I am eternally gratefully."
 
 "I had to" Mac whispered. "I knew I loved him and I wasn't going to let him 
 go without getting the chance to tell him that."
 
 "You love him very much don't you?"
 
 "More than anything else in this world. And I hope I haven't upset you by 
 telling you this."
 
 "It's okay dear. As long as I can see him out there I know he's okay now. 
 And that's all that matters. I'm just glad you were there for him. Though I 
 have to admit I was a bit surprised when Harm called and said you were 
 coming as well. Last I'd heard from Harm you were getting married."
 
 "I was" Mac admitted quietly. "To a man I didn't love and for all the wrong 
 reasons. It took Harm's crash to make me realize that there was only one 
 person I would ever truly love. And in those eleven hours I did more praying 
 than I'd ever done in all my years on this earth. I knew then that I loved 
 your son and all I wanted was to get him back."
 
 "Well, all I can say is it's so evident that you two belong together" Trish 
 smiled. "And I'm really glad you two came out here."
 
 "Me too"
 
 "Hey, how are my two favorite people doing" Harm asked a couple minutes 
 later as he rejoined them on the deck. He dropped a quick kiss on Mac's 
 forehead before sitting down beside her.
 
 "Enjoying being here" Mac smiled.
 
 "And what have you two been talking about?" Harm inquired as he looked at 
 Mac.
 
 "You of course" Trish grinned as she stood up. "I'm going to call Frank and 
 see what time he's coming home. You two just relax and take it easy."
 
 "You didn't really talk about me did you?" Harm asked once Trish was inside. 
 "I mean, not about what's been going on, did you?"
 
 "Harm, your mom is a pretty sharp lady. She knows you pretty well actually. 
 And she knows that there's more going on than you're telling her. And no I 
 didn't tell her anything. She figured it out pretty good on her own."
 
 "Yeah, I figured she would" Harm sighed. "I guess I can live with that."
 
 "I will give you advanced warning that she was planning for us to take a 
 little ride up in her friends Cessna to see the coast."
 
 "Oh no" Harm said shaking his head. "No way. You got me on the jet out here 
 but there's no way I'm going up in some prop that's going to be over the 
 ocean."
 
 "Easy there sailor" Mac soothed. "I told her I didn’t think you'd be quite 
 up to that yet. I'm sure she'll understand."
 
 "You can go. I don't want you to miss the chance to see it" Harm said 
 quietly. He was silent for a moment before looking over at Mac. "You know I 
 would have jumped at the chance for a ride like that before the crash. Now I 
 don't care if I ever get on another plane again."
 
 "Harm, you'll get through this" Mac said gently as she reached for his hand. 
 "It might take sometime but you will."
 
 "No Mac, I don't think so," he said quietly as he stood up. "I'm going to go 
 get changed."
 
 She watched him walk inside, her heart aching for him. Flying had been one 
 of his greatest loves. Would he really be happy if he never flew again?

Mac followed him slowly, stopping in the kitchen and hearing Trish's soft voice on 
the phone with Frank.  "Oh Mac I didn't see you," Trish called when she hung up.  
"ETA is two hours, which means about three and a half.  You and Harm have 
time for a nap.  Which is what I think I'll do since we'll be up late eating and 
talking."

"OK," Mac sighed.  "Trish, I should tell you that Harm doesn't think he wants to 
do the Cessna.  He's just not able to see himself flying.  I mean he made it out 
here OK, but only because he was half out of it.  And that's not the answer 
anyway." 

"Even if he doesn't go, you and I should," Trish told her firmly.  "The view is 
breathtaking, but the point is, it's wrong for you to plan your life around what 
Harm will and won't do.  He wouldn't want that anyway.  And it seems to me it will 
help him come out of it if he realizes life around him is going on."

"I don't feel right about. . ." she began and then what Trish was telling her sank 
in.  "You're right.  And I would love to fly along the coast.  Thank you for thinking 
of us."

"I'll call Danielle and tell her it's definite," Trish nodded, patting Mac's shoulder.  
"Now you go on up and see that man of yours.  My stubborn son.  The one you 
love."

"More than life," she sighed.  

She found him in their room, still in his wet suit, standing on the balcony, 
watching the water.

"Hey you," she called softly, running her fingertips down his bare back to rest 
lightly on the fabric.  "I love you."

In response he crushed her to him, clinging as if she might be taken away.  "I 
love you too," he murmured, his lips pressed into the crook of her neck. With a 
shuddering breath he lifted his head and gestured to the sparkling Pacific.  "You 
know I thought I could," he said bitterly.  "I've been in that water out there twenty 
times, even SCUBA'd off the reef, and so naturally I thought I could do a simple 
thing like swim out beyond the breakers and come back.  As soon as I got in, and 
felt the cold, I could barely move.  Just to walk out to above my waist took all the 
strength of will I possess.  I thought it would be different.  It's not even the same 
ocean.  A lot the hell I know."

"Harm, please. . ." she began and then shook her head.  "No Commander no.  I 
refuse to go over the same ground with you.  You've heard it all from me, and 
everyone else, about it taking time, giving yourself permission to work through it--
all that BS.  What I am going to do is take a shower and a nap.  And you may join 
me."

 A long shudder passed through him and he released her and with effort, flashed 
her his trademark grin.  "For the shower or the nap---or both?"

"Suit yourself," she shrugged and headed for the bathroom, only to have him 
catch her from behind, lifting her off the ground in a large bear-hold.  

"Excuse me?  Suit myself?"

"That's what I said," she smiled, "and you've got two seconds to let go of me or 
I'm going to show you a move I learned in my last hand-to-hand class."

He dropped her at once and she laughed teasingly.  "You coming or what?"

"Coming," he yelped.  "Now."

Once inside the shower stall, with the warm water washing over them, they clung 
together, relishing in their first full skin to skin contact. 

"You're beautiful and I want you," he murmured, running his hands down her 
soap slick back, "but somehow I don't feel like it should be now."

"I know," she answered quietly.  "There's going to be a time when it will be right, 
right for us and right for the baby our love will make."

"I love you," he whispered, his mouth to her ear.
===================
"Harm I'm going to take Trish up on her invite tomorrow," she told him as she 
settled into his arms for their nap.  "I wish you would join us but I'm going.  I want 
to see the coastline from the air.  This is beautiful country and it was kind of your 
mom to fix this for us."

"OK I understand," he assured her.  "I can't expect you to stay and babysit me all 
the time and. . .god I just realized how bad that sounded, how feeling sorry for 
myself.  By all means, go and enjoy.  I'll even drive you to the field."

The shower and the closeness with her renewed Harm's mood, and by the time 
they had returned to the deck for the evening meal with Frank joining them, Harm 
was more his normal self.  

At midnight when they finally were getting into bed, Mac opened the balcony 
doors, admitting the fresh sea air and the sound of the surf, just a matter of yards 
from their window.  "Is this OK," she asked hesitantly.

"I had always loved the sound of the sea," he said softly, "and it's just plain stupid 
that it should spook me.  Besides I have you to hold right?"

"Yes you do, for now and for always," she smiled gently, her face visible in the 
moonlight that flooded the otherwise dark room.  She crawled in beside him and 
his arms closed over her.

"I don't deserve you."

"You didn't deserve what happened to you either," she whispered, kissing his 
cheek.  "Sleep now.  Let it all go for awhile."
==================
Next Morning
0800 Hrs Pacific

"Good morning, you two look like you slept well," Trish greeted them, "and it's a 
beautiful day for a flight.  The view should be spectacular.  All the way to 
Catalina."

"Mom," Harm gave her a stern warning glance.  "I haven't changed my mind."

"No one said you should," Mac assured him, squeezing his hand.

"Of course not," Trish joined in.  "Harm it's not an order.  You don't want to go, 
don't."

CORONADO AIR FIELD

"There's Danielle," Trish pointed to her friend who was waving frantically to them. 

They walked into the hanger and Harm took a deep breath, smelling the familiar 
scents of fuel and metal.  

Danielle hurried to them and introductions were made all around.

"Sherman is all set for us," Danielle pointed out to the tarmac where a bright 
yellow Cessna was warming up and they could see an older man checking 
outside.  "Harm I told him you'd want a turn at the wheel."

"Not quite," Harm smiled. "In fact I'll walk my two favorite ladies to the ramp, but 
I'll pass on the ride thank you."

"Well OK," Danielle said softly, "but you're missing one of the best flying days.  
We don't get many of these smog free like this."

Harm merely nodded and locked his arm around Mac's waist as they began to 
walk out.

"OK we'll be back in about two hours then," Danielle told him.

Harm nodded again and kissed Trish's cheek.  "Have a good flight." 

And Mac he took into his arms in a long embrace.  "OK I'm not going to make a 
big deal of this," he whispered.  "I love you and I'll be here when you get back.  
Enjoy."

"Take care Sailor."

"You too Marine. I'm going to make a general pain of myself around the 
mechanics I think."

"You do that."  She stroked his cheek briefly and kissed him lightly.  "See you 
soon."

Harm let her go to walk up the steps and moved back as the Cessna's hatch 
closed and it began to push back.  He watched it move down the taxi way, poised 
for take off and as he heard the engines scream with the act of being revved.  He 
took a long breath as he watched the plane shudder and then begin its run.  The 
little plane carrying the one thing that meant everything to him.  It left the ground 
and he turned his head, not wanting to see it climb, not wanting to see evidence 
that she had the courage to do something which he did not.
 
 He finally turned and watched as the plane leveled off, letting out the 
 breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
 
 "Please Lord keep her safe" he whispered heavenward. With a long sigh he 
 headed into the hanger.  He'd spend some time hounding the mechanics inside.
 
 "Trish this is spectacular," Mac said happily as the small plane flew over 
 the coast. "The view from here is just incredible."
 
 "I thought you'd enjoy this" Trish smiled before the smile faded from her 
 face a second later. "I really wish Harm would have come. Normally he would 
 have jumped at the chance to fly."
 
 "He told me yesterday he's not sure he'll ever fly anything again," Mac said 
 quietly as she turned to Trish. "And I'm afraid that might be the truth."
 
 "He's not serious is he?" Trish gasped. "I could understand him not wanting 
 to fly tomcats again but to not even fly Sarah."
 
 "I don't know. I just know that right now he's sure he's never going to fly 
 again."
 
 "I'm glad you finally convinced him to come out here" Trish sighed. "I had a 
 feeling something was wrong but getting Harm to tell me what's happening in 
 his life is not easy."
 
 "Well he didn't have any choice but to tell me" Mac smiled. "But Captain 
 Taylor and me, and now you, are the only ones who know. So far the Admiral 
 doesn't have any idea about what's been going on."
 
 "You've managed to keep this from him?"
 
 "It hasn't been easy, that's for sure" Mac admitted. "And the only reason 
 I've done it is because I know that Harm is getting help and so far it 
 hasnt affected him doing his job. I love Harm very much and I know that 
 with my help and Captain Taylor's help he'll get past this.  Course I'm also 
 just so thankful to have him with me still that the rest doesn't matter."
 
 "My son is a very lucky man to have you in his life" Trish smiled.
 
 "And I'm very lucky to have him in mine" Mac countered.
 
 "Enjoying the ride so far Mac" Danielle said as she turned around to face 
 the two woman.
 
 "It's wonderful" Mac smiled. "Thank you. Do you fly?"
 
 "Oh no. I love coming up here but I've never wanted to fly myself. Sherman's 
 been taking me up for years now."
 
 *****************************
 
 Harm wandered around the hanger, talking to a few of the mechanics before 
 heading back outside for a while. The blue sky above was perfect for flying 
 and in another life he wouldn't have passed on the chance to fly the Cessna. 
 In another life. Before the crash that had robbed him of his love of flying 
 and the water. But for everything he'd lost, he'd gained so much more. He 
 had Mac now. The woman who'd shown her love for him in so many ways. The 
 woman he owed his life to. He looked up into the blue sky, waiting for the 
 small plane to return.
 
 ***************************
 
 "You want to make another loop around?" Danielle asked Mac and Trish.
 
 "Sure" Mac smiled and Trish nodded. Mac couldn't believe how incredible it 
 was up there and she wished that Harm had been able to come with them. She 
 looked out the side window, her mind drifting to the man that she loved so 
 much.  The man she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The 
 man.. Her thoughts were cut off by Danielle's scream and her eyes widened as 
 she saw Sherman slumped over the wheel as the plane began to dive.
 
 "Sherman" Danielle screamed as she shook the older man. "Oh god we're going 
 to die."
 
 Mac bolted from her seat and to the front of the plane, Trish right behind 
 her. Mac pushed Sherman's seemingly lifeless body out of the way, grabbing 
 the wheel and managing to pull the plane out of the dive it had been in.
 
 "No one is going to die" Mac said sharply to the nearly hysterical woman. 
 "So stop that." She turned to Trish who had been checking on Sherman.
 
 "I think he's dead" Trish whispered a second later.
 
 "Oh god we're going to die too" Danielle cried again.
 
 "Help me get him out of the seat" Mac directed Trish, her Marine training 
 kicking in. "Danielle, get on the radio and tell them we need help up. Now."
 
 With Trish's help Mac was able to slide the older gentleman off the seat and 
 seconds later Mac sat down in the pilot's seat, not a clue what anything 
 meant.
 
 "Harm I wish you were here" she whispered.
 
 *******************************
 
 Harm headed back into the hanger, only to be met by one of the mechanics.
 
 "Mr. Rabb we've been looking for you" the man said anxiously. "We've got a 
 problem."
 
 "What kind of problem?" Harm demanded, a sudden sinking feeling settling 
 into the pit of his stomach. He shouldn't have let her go on the plane. 
 Something was wrong and if anything happened to her
 
 "The pilot, Sherman, he has some kind of heart attack or something. We just 
 got the emergency call."
 
 "Who's flying the plane? Danielle?"
 
 "No sir" the young man said shaking his head. "She doesn't know how to fly."
 
 The sinking feeling deepened and Harm swallowed hard before he spoke again. 
 "Then who's flying the plane?"
 
 "Ms. Mackenzie sir"

"And when did Ms. Mackenzie get her pilot's license," Harm helped, grabbing on 
to the edge of the nearest table for support as his knees began to shake 
violently.  He squeezed his eyes closed as he felt tears of panic and fear 
threaten.  The woman he loved, and his mother, both could die.  In a plane crash.  
As if there was some kind of Rabb curse.

He looked around the small hangar, surprised to see that there were few people 
remaining.
"Where is everybody?  We've got to get somebody who can talk her down."

"Sir it's noon--most of the guys have finished and gone home or they've gone into 
town for a burger."  He did a quick mental rundown of the three guys he could 
see.  "None of us are pilots.  I mean we can tear them apart, but as far as how all 
the pieces work together to get a plane up or down.

"I'm a pilot, but I've never seen the inside of a Cessna control panel," he sighed, 
his voice quavering.  "OK get me schematics and where the hell is the radio?"

Tony motioned him into a small room and put a pair of headphones on him, then 
handed him the mike.  Immediately he could her Mac's voice.  "Hello can anyone 
hear me?  Please.  We need help up here.  The pilot is. . ."

"Mac honey it's Harm," he said at once.  "Sarah."

"Harm thank god.  Please.  How are we going to get down.  I can't.  I don't know 
what I'm doing.  I'm going to be sick."  Her words tumbled out in her anxiety, her 
voice quavering as his was.

"Sarah listen to me now," he said firmly, trying to keep his voice calm and praying 
she could not hear his knees knocking together beneath the radio table.

"First you are not going to be sick.  You're not in a Tomcat pulling Gs.  You're in 
an old slow Cessna.  It's like driving your Dad's old Ford OK?"

"We didn't have a Ford," she whispered.

"Dodge then," he retorted.  "Whatever.  You got your hands on the wheel?

"Yes but. . ."

"Then shut up and listen," he ordered.  "Are you flying level.  Look at the little 
airplane in the gauge which is. . .Tony where the hell are those. . ."

"Here sir."

"Gauge which is to your left.  Are you level?"

"Well the nose is up a little bit.  So no I don't think so.  OK no we're not, no."

"She'll stall her if she climbs," Tony whispered and Harm glared at him.

"Honey listen to me now.  You're climbing.  And you're going to stall out.  So right 
now I want you to push the wheel in just a tad, just enough to drop the nose and 
lose some altitude, and then we have to talk about your airspeed and fuel and 
where you are."

"OK doing that," she answered, "but I'm shaking pretty bad."

"Yeah well so am I.  Watch the little plane, are you coming down?"

"Yeah we are.  Uh...altitude is just under three thousand.  And fuel is at a quarter.  
Is that bad?"

Harm looked anxiously at Tony.  "Sherman must have been nearly back here," 
he said quietly.  They can't be too far away.  He was probably going to take them 
south, loop around and come back to land."

"OK then we want her to keep losing altitude until we can figure out where she 
is," Harm murmured.  "She's going to have to get visual on the field."

"Harm, you might want to put them into the water," Tony suggested.  "Belly land 
in the water.  It can be a lot more forgiving than concrete."

Harm gave a small cry and closed his eyes in torment.  Consign her to the fate 
he barely escaped with his life?  No that he could not do.  He could not bring her 
down into the water, to a watery grave.

"No no way," he said firmly.  "There's no way to be sure the plane could survive 
the impact.  If it broke apart they'd be sucked under and drown.

"Sarah honey," Harm keyed the microphone.  "Keep on coming down now.  
You're flying VFR---visual flight.  That's like driving.  You know where you are by 
the landmarks you see.  You're flying along the coast now right?  You've got 
water under you and you can see the beach?

"Yeah we're hugging the coast.  And I know we're heading back to the field.  He 
had made the big turn."

"OK good.  Will you be able to recognize the field?"

"The water tower."  Tony grabbed Harm's arm and pointed.  "Tell her to watch for 
the tower, and she'll be able to line up with that for landing too."

"Did you see the water tower when you took off?"

"Yeah we did, red right?"

Tony nodded and Harm keyed the mike again.  "Yeah it was.  OK I want you to 
tell me when you see that.  Level off at five hundred, stay right along the beach 
until you see it."

There was silence for a minute as Mac watched below, turning now and then to 
see the scared faces of Trish and Danielle.  "Mac you are amazing," Trish said 
softly.  "You're amazing and I'm terrified."

"Yeah well so am I," she admitted, feeling another rush of tears that she brushed 
away.  "Terrified, not amazing."  She took a long breath and pictured Harm 
holding the microphone and scanning the sky for the little plane.  Then she 
shuddered hard, knowing what this must be doing to him.

"Harm are you OK?"

Her soft gentle voice hit him hard and he choked and gulped.  That she was 
concerned about him in the face of grave danger.  "Yeah honey I'm doing OK.  
I'm plenty scared but I'm going to get you down.  Is Mom OK?"

"Harm I'm fine," Trish called.  "Mac is taking good care of us, and I know you're 
going to tell her exactly how to get us on the ground safe."

"God mom I hope so," he gasped tearfully.

"Harm the tower is coming up," Mac called.  "And I can see the landing strip.  I 
guess we're going to have to put this bucket down."

"Yeah you're going to do great," Harm told her.  "Now let me tell you a few things 
you'll need to do to get ready."

That accomplished there was nothing more to do but watch the yellow plane 
close with the landing strip.  "OK Honey you're looking real good," he said finally.  
"Flaps now like we said.  Scared?"

"Terrified."

"More than in the Tomcat?"

"Harm I wasn't scared in the Tomcat, or the MiG.  I was sick, but not scared.  I 
knew you wouldn't let anything happen to us."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you now," he tried, feeling tears threaten.

"Harm it's kind of out of your hands," she sighed, "I'm the one behind the wheel."

"Yes you are and doing a great job," he told her.  He could hear the engine now 
and he looked up, seeing the Cessna's wings waggle from side to side.  "Hold 
her steady now honey," he urged.  "I know your hands are shaking but you need 
to keep it stable."

"Trying," she said softly.  "Harm I. . . "

"No honey I'm going to talk now," he said suddenly, his voice surprisingly strong.  
"Sarah Catherine Mackenzie I love you.  And in about forty five seconds you're 
going to set that plane on this runway, but right now I want you to hear me and 
hear me good.  I love you.  And I want you to marry me.  Be my wife Sarah."


 
 "Oh Harm" she whispered.
 
 "No wait, don't say a word yet. You can tell me the answer once you're on 
 the ground."
 
 "Is this your way of making sure I get this thing on the ground in one 
 piece?" Mac sniffled as she fought back the tears.
 
 "You can do it honey" Harm coaxed. "Keep it as steady as you can. You're 
 doing great."
 
 It took every ounce of strength for him not to turn around and thus avoid looking; 
 afraid of what might happen. But he knew she needed him and seconds later he 
 watched as the wheels of the plane hit the ground. It was anything but a 
 textbook landing but a few seconds later Mac brought the plane to a halt on 
 the runway.
 
 "I knew you could do it" Trish said as she gave Mac a hug before helping a 
 still very shaky Danielle out of the plane.
 
 For a second Mac just sat there, amazed she'd been able to do it. She looked 
 up and saw three men heading towards the plane, none of them Harm. In the 
 distance she could hear the wail of a siren and she knew the emergency 
 personnel would be there shortly.
 
 "Harm" she said softly into the mike. "I'm ready to give you that answer 
 now. You going to come out here and find out what it is. Harm?"
 
 For several seconds there was silence before his soft voice came over the 
 radio. "Sarah, you're really okay?"
 
 "I'm okay sailor" she assured him. "But I was hoping you were coming out 
 here to meet me instead of the greasy mechanics."
 
 "As soon as I stop shaking enough to walk I'll be out there" he said softly. 
 "Right now I'm not sure I could even make it that far."
 
 "Then I guess I'm going to have to come to you to give you my answer" Mac 
 whispered before dropping the mike and hopping off the plane. She ran past 
 Trish and the others and into the hanger, seconds later running straight 
 into Harm's arms. No words were said as they clung to each other for several 
 seconds. Finally Mac stepped back to look into the eyes of the man she 
 loved.
 
 "You okay?" she asked gently.
 
 "I almost lost you again" he whispered, his voice quivering with emotion. "I 
 don't know what I would have done." He buried his head in her shoulders and 
 she held him tightly again as the tears ran down both their faces.
 
 "It's over now Harm" Mac whispered. "You didn't lose me and you're never 
 going to. And I would like very much to be your wife."
 
 He raised his head from her shoulder and she gave him a small smile. "You'll 
 marry me?" he whispered. "Do you have any idea what you're getting into?"
 
 "I know exactly what I'm getting into" Mac smiled as she gently wiped away 
 his tears. "I love you Harm. For better or for worse."
 
 "Well I'm not sure how much better there will be" he sighed as he looked at 
 her. "But I know that I love you Sarah Mackenzie and I want to be with you 
 for the rest of my life."
 
 "And we will be" Mac said softly as he drew her into his arms again. "We 
 will be."
 
 "I guess that means she accepted" Trish smiled as she and the others walked 
 up to the pair.
 
 "Mom, I'm so glad you're okay," Harm said as he broke away from Mac to give 
 Trish a long hug. "I was so scared."
 
 "Mac did great" Trish beamed. "And I'm very proud that this young lady is 
 going to be my daughter real soon. She handled herself beautifully up 
 there."
 
 "Yes she did" Harm said with a small smile as he draped his arm around Mac 
 again. "A lot better than I would have done."
 
 "I couldn't have done it without your help" Mac said softly. "We got through 
 this like we've gotten through everything else. Together."
 
 Several hours later they lay in each other's arms again on the lounger chair 
 on the deck. Trish was inside recounting the to Frank, neither Harm nor Mac 
 wanting to talk about it again. They'd spend the rest of the day relaxing, 
 both too emotionally worn to want to do anything besides hold each other.
 
 "You sure you're okay?" Mac asked again as her finger gently traced his 
 face.
 
 "As long as I'm holding you I'm fine" Harm said with a small smile. "I'm not 
 sure I'll ever let you go again."
 
 "I like the sound of that" Mac smiled. "Thought the Admiral might not like 
 that."
 
 "He'll just have to get used to it" Harm murmured as he snuggled closer to 
 her.
 
 ************************
 It was his scream of her name followed by a large sob that woke Mac just 
 after midnight.
 
 "Sarah" he cried as he sat up in the bed, tears streaming down in his face.
 
 "Shh, it's okay, I'm right here" Mac said softly as she wrapped her arms 
 around him and bringing him closer to her.
 
 Seconds later Trish came into the room, Harm's screams waking her as well.
 
 "It's okay" Mac assured her softly. For several minutes she held him, 
 whispering softly to him as she gently rubbed his back. Trish stood at the 
 doorway, wanting to make sure he was okay. With Mac's soothing touch and 
 voice he fell back asleep and a short time later Mac eased him back against 
 the pillows and covering him with the blanket before climbing out of the 
 bed. She found Trish in the kitchen, a cup of tea waiting for her.
 
 "I figured you might need something to help you relax," Trish said softly. 
 "I know I do."
 
 "Thank you" Mac smiled. "Actually the nightmares aren't as bad as they used 
 to be. When he first got out of the hospital we were up four or five times a 
 night. Of course with what happened today, I'm not surprised they're back."
 
 "I had no idea they were that bad. I take it this is one of the things 
 Harm's being working through with the psychologist?"
 
 "Both of us actually" Mac admitted. "I was having my own share of nightmares 
 because of what happened. Mine have pretty much gone away but Harm still 
has 
 his."
 
 "I'm not surprised though" Trish sighed. "I know he had a lot after his 
 first crash. Course I never imagined he was going through this. He just kept 
 saying everything was fine."
 
 "He didn't want to worry you. And I think in time everything will be okay."
 
 "I'm so glad he has you" Trish said as she patted Mac's hand. "I'm almost 
 afraid to think what he'd be like if he didn’t."
 
 "We've grown totally dependent on each other since the mishap," Mac sighed.  
"It started off innocently enough.  I mean we realized what we meant to each 
other, but we didn't really define it as love.  I guess that didn't come until 
Pensacola.  I just knew I was devastated when he was missing, and then when 
he was ready to be discharged he came to my place for a while until he was 
strong enough to be up and around.  Anyway, we've gotten more and more 
dependent on each other.  Trish I love him.  I love him and want to marry him.  
And to have his child."

"I know," Trish nodded.  "Just be careful not to rush into anything.  You've found 
each other now and neither of you is going anywhere.  Give the dust a chance to 
settle before you raise another cloud."

"That's good advice," Mac sighed, taking a long drink of the tea.  "And sometimes 
when I think things are getting better, something happens like today's little 
incident.  And what I'm afraid is that Harm was a lot more calm outside than he 
was letting on.  He's holding it in, and he's going to let it go at some point.  And 
not quietly."

Trish smiled softly.  "But you'll stand by him."

"Every inch of the way," she smiled ruefully.  "It's called being hopelessly, 
passionately in love.  And speaking of that, I'd best get upstairs to him before he 
realizes I'm gone.  I'm sorry we disturbed your rest."

"Don't be.  Go."

"Saraaaah," he murmured when he felt the bed move, and his arms opened 
automatically for her.

"Here Sailor," she whispered, snuggling her back to his chest while his arms 
closed over her.

They were in the same position next morning at 9AM when Trish knocked at the 
door.  "You two decent?  There's at Admiral Chegwidden on the phone for you."

Mac was first to have her words register and she sat straight up, pulling from 
Harm's arms.  "Come in Trish."

Trish brought her the cordless phone, stopping to smile at the sight of her tousled 
haired son, reaching sleepily for the woman he loved.

"Sir," Mac spoke into the phone.  "Yes sir he's here but he's. . .indisposed at the 
moment sir.  It's early out here.  Yes sir I realize 0900 is not that early.  How can I 
help you?"  She listened for a long minute.  "Yes sir I understand.  No, we can 
take care of it.  I'll give him the word.  Yes sir, goodbye."

"Everything OK?" Trish asked anxiously as Harm murmured again, attempting to 
wake up.

"Yeah but our leaves are off for today," she sighed and then gasped loudly, her 
hand to her mouth.  "My god I don't know how. . ."  

The distressed tone of her voice brought him awake and he sat up straight, 
reaching for her.  "Mac what's wrong?"

"Good morning to you," she said softly, falling back into his grasping arms.  
"Nothing's wrong but we have orders for the day."

"Huh, what?  Make sense will you.  We're on leave."

"Not any more.  I've been ordered to Twenty Nine Palms to consult on a case, 
and you've been ordered to Whitby Island to provide legal counsel to a Captain 
Blaine.  A Captain Hollis is your contact there.  The admiral is faxing here the 
case and travel info."

"Travel?  As in flying to Seattle?"  Harm ran a hand through his hair and his eyes 
took on a faraway look of fear.

"No Harm, he's having you rent a dogsled," she smiled and then hugged him in 
sympathy. "I know, but you did fine on the flight here, and you will be there too.  
It's only half as far, and it's probably not going to storm."

"I can't."

"OK," she said evenly, holding the phone out to him.  "Call and Admiral and tell 
him."

"You know I can't---I won't."

"Bingo.  So you're going to have to suck it up and do it," she sighed.  "I'm sorry.  I 
wish there was another way."

"There's not," he said darkly, rolling away from her and heading silently to the 
bathroom, closing the door with a soft click.

"He going to be OK?" Trish asked Mac anxiously.

"I think so," she nodded, though not able to keep the worry from her voice.

"Yeah he is.  He's an officer who's been given an order and he'll carry it out."

"Well at least you two come down and eat.  Mrs. Donley is making waffles."

"OK thanks," Mac sighed, looking to the closed bathroom door behind which she 
could hear the shower running.  She opened the door half way.  "You OK in there 
Flyboy?"

"Oh just F-ing thrilled beyond all imagination," he answered and shut down the 
water.  "I'll clear out of your way."  He emerged a minute later, a towel tied 
around his lower half and scowled as he passed her.  "No I don't want to talk 
about it.  Get your shower and let's get this fracas underway."  

Knowing when to leave him alone, she simply ran her hand down his chest in a 
gesture of love and support and slipped into the bathroom.

"Harm I'll see you downstairs," Trish told him and he nodded absently at her as 
he began to throw together his things.  In his shaving kit his hand closed over his 
bottle of pills.  Before he even knew what he was doing, he was swallowing one 
in anticipation of the upcoming flight.  
 
 An hour later they headed to San Diego airport, Trish driving while Harm and 
 Mac sat in the back. Harm hadn't said a word since they'd left the house and 
 Trish looked back worriedly several times.
 
 "Harm, you're going to be fine" Mac said as Trish pulled in front to the 
 terminal. "You have the medication Captain Taylor gave you right? Just take 
 one of those and you'll be fine."
 
 "Yeah sure" Harm sighed. One more couldn't hurt. He wasn't feeling drowsy 
 from the first one like he had on the trip out to San Diego and he was 
 afraid it was already starting to wear off. They bid their farewells to 
 Trish and with Mac's flight about to leave; they hurried to her gate.
 
 "I want you to call me when you get in," Mac said quietly. "I'll have my 
 cell phone on all day."
 
 "Only cause I want to make sure you got there okay and you're fine," Harm 
 said finally.
 
 "I'm sorry I can't go with you" Mac said softly. "You have no idea how hard 
 it is to leave you when you're like this."
 
 "You have your duty and I have mine. Somehow I'll get through it."
 
 "Harm, I love you" Mac whispered as the final call for her flight was made. 
 "You take care sailor."
 
 For a moment he just stood there before his arms finally went around her in 
 a tight hug. After yesterday he was just as worried about her being in the 
 plane as he was himself.
 
 "I love you too" he whispered.
 
 He held for as long as he could, the look from the attendant telling them 
 she had to go. With tears glistening she pulled away.
 
 "I love you. Call me when you get in."
 
 He nodded and seconds later she was gone. With a sigh he grabbed his bags 
 and headed down to the gate his own plane was leaving from. He could feel 
 his anxiety increasing with each step and he had no idea how he was going to 
 board the plane without Mac with him. He stopped half way there, taking two 
 more of the tranquilizers from Captain Taylor. If he was going to get 
 through this flight he was going to need all the help he could get. He 
 waited until the final call was made before boarding the plane. Minutes 
 later he settled into his seat and waiting for the take off. If he could get 
 through takeoff he'd be fine. He swallowed hard as the plane taxied away 
 from the terminal and towards the runway. He could do this. Once they were 
 airborne he'd be fine. Suddenly the plane came to a halt on the runway. 
 Minutes later the voice of the pilot came over the intercom.
 
 "I'm sorry but we seem to be experiencing some minor mechanical problems. 
 We're going to taxi back to the terminal and let the mechanics take a look 
 at it. Please remain in your seats during this delay."
 
 Mechanical problems. Harm swallowed hard at the words, his mind going back 
 to his own crash that had been caused by mechanical problems. He took a deep 
 breath in an attempt to calm his nerves with little success.
 
 "Sir, can I get you a drink while we're waiting" the flight attendant asked.
 
 "How long are we going to be waiting?" Harm demanded. "And what's wrong the 
 plane?"
 
 "I'm not sure on either question sir" the young woman replied. "I'm sorry. 
 I'll see what I can find out. Can I get you a drink or something in the 
 meantime?"
 
 "Yeah sure, what do you have?" Harm sighed. He had no idea how long they 
 would be waiting and suddenly a drink sounded really good. He ignored the 
 little voice in the back of his head that said this wasn't the thing to do 
 and didn't hesitate when she offered a mixed drink. The late morning flight 
 was nearly empty and he figured no one would notice if he had a drink.
 
 Minutes later she returned with his vodka and tonic water. She handed it to 
 him, noticing his trembling hand as he took it from her.
 
 "You okay?" she asked. She'd seen lots of people afraid to fly but never a 
 Navy Commander with Gold Wings.
 
 "Yeah I'm fine" Harm said quickly as he sipped the vodka. He realized he 
 probably looked like someone taking his or her first flight. Not that he'd 
 ever been like this on his first fight. He'd always been a natural in the 
 air. From the moment he was born, flying had been a part of Harmon Rabb's 
 life. And until now it had never bothered him.
 
 "Well if you need anything let me know" she smiled. "My name is Debbie."
 
 "Thank you" Harm sighed as he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. 
 He could get through this. He had to. The only alternative was calling the 
 Admiral and telling him he had a problem. And possibly be removed from 
 active duty. He couldn't let that happen. He'd get through this no matter 
 what it took.
 
 For the next two hours he downed two more drinks compliments of another 
 flight attendant. The combination of drugs and alcohol was having the 
 desired effect of leaving him numb and by the time the flight attendant 
 announced that the flight was canceled he could barely keep his eyes open 
 and his whole body was starting to feel numb. Something registered in his 
 mind that he needed to get up and with a major effort he pushed himself up 
 grabbing onto the seat in front of him as the world swayed dizzily around 
 him.
 
 "Sir, are you all right?" the flight attendant named Debbie asked as she ran 
 over to assist him.
 
 He tried to answer but never got the words out, collapsing against the seat 
 seconds later. Debbie managed to push the 200 pounds of dead weight back 
 into the chair, checking at once for a pulse.  She found a weak one and knew 
 she needed help right away.
 
 "Melissa I need help over here" Debbie yelled to the other flight attendant. 
 "Someone call 911."
 
 Twenty Nine Palms Marine Base
 
 
 "Colonel Mackenzie, you've been a big help" Colonel Reed smiled. "I'm glad 
 you could come down here today. I'm sorry I cut into your vacation though."
 
 "No problem. I'm glad I could help. Do you think we'll be able to get this 
 wrapped up today?"
 
 "No reason why not" Colonel Reed replied and Mac nodded. In her head she 
was 
 mentally calculating Harm's flight, hoping he'd made it through it okay. His 
 flight would be landing soon and she knew that was the hardest part for him.
 
 Her cell phone rang and she reached into her purse and grabbed it.
 
 "Colonel Mackenzie?"
 
 "Colonel Sarah Mackenzie?" the voice asked.
 
 "Yes. Can I help you?"
 
 "Ma'am, this is Vickie at San Diego General Hospital. You're listed as the 
 emergency contact for Harmon Rabb Jr."
 
 "What happened?" Mac demanded a feeling of dread coming over her. Her mind 
 was conjuring up visions of another plane crash and she closed her eyes to 
 block out the image.
 
 "Mr. Rabb was just brought into the ER with the symptoms of a drug overdose. 
 The doctors are still assessing him but it appears to be a combination of 
 alcohol and tranquilizers."
 
 "Oh god" Mac whispered. She knew he had been dreading the flight to Seattle 
 but she'd never dreamed he'd do something like that. "Is he going to be all 
 right?"
 
 "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't have any word on his condition yet."
 
 "I'm on my way" Mac said quickly, snapping the phone shut and turning to 
 Colonel Reed. "Colonel, I need a ride back to San Diego ASAP. My partner has 
 just been taken to the hospital."
 
 "What happened?" Colonel Reed asked.
 
 "I don't know" Mac lied. "He just collapsed. I'm sorry, I really need to get 
 to him."
 
"Of course.  This is not an emergency but it sounds like what's happened to your 
partner is."  Colonel Reed touched a button on the intercom.  "You think you 
could get me a chopper to make a run to San Diego?  It's important."

"Sir let me check."

"Oh that would be great," Mac breathed, her heart pounding as she thought of 
Harm.  At the same time she could not believe what she had heard.  Alcohol and 
drug overdose?  Could there have been a mistake?  Or might he have purposely 
taken himself out of the case?
===================
It was a half confused, half angry, and totally upset Marine Colonel who marched 
into the ER a long two hours later, finding Harm sitting up in a bed, an IV in one 
arm.  His face was swollen and his eyes red, obviously he had given in to tears of 
remorse and frustration.

"Hey," she said softly, keeping a few feet away from the bed.

"I didn't want them to call you," he sighed, looking away.  "I am without a doubt 
the biggest screw-up on the face of this planet and I didn't want them to call you 
so you could witness my humiliation."

"I happen to love you," she returned evenly, "though there are times I question 
why."  She then walked up to the bed and turned his head to face her.  "And then 
I look into those eyes that I didn't think I'd see open again ever, and I know why."

"I don't deserve you," he whispered, his voice tearful.  "And in fact sometimes I 
think we should just go our separate ways."

"I'd leave the Marines before I'd leave you," was her answer to that.  "I love you 
and because I love you so much I'm not going to let you destroy yourself.  So I 
want to know what happened here.  What in the hell were you thinking?"

"That I was about to fly alone, without you, on a plane that was having a 
mechanical problem anyway," he confessed quietly.  "I took a pill before I left the 
house, thinking I was doing the right thing, and then it didn't seem to be working, 
and then a drink seemed like a good idea and well. . .the rest is a blur."  

"Yeah I guess it is," she retorted.  "And right now I'm not sure what I think.  On 
one hand I can almost understand, and on the other I think, my god in heaven 
you had to know better.  What if you had gotten so disoriented you walked into 
the street in front of a truck or something."  Her voice had gotten louder as she 
spoke and her last word choked as she sobbed lightly.

"I deserve everything you can hand out," he sighed, "but could I ask you to hold 
off until I can hear you without pain shooting through my head.  I've been 
vomiting, and now I have this horrid headache."

She took one long look at him and realized how pinched his handsome features 
appeared.  Before she could speak, the nurse arrived to check his IV, and Mac 
accosted her at once.  "Has he been giving anything for his headache.  He's in a 
lot of pain here."

"No, but he didn't report that either," she sighed, glaring at the patient.  "I'll check 
on it right away."

Harm looked at her sheepishly.  "I didn't know if I should be taking in anything 
else."

Mac shook her head in exasperation.  "Now the next question is, what about your 
assignment.  We need to report that you didn't arrive of course."

"The flight was canceled, which is about the last thing I remember," he said dully.  
"Yeah I need to let the person I was supposed to report to know that, and that I. . 
.I got drunk on my ass and couldn't do my job."

"Let's try a more conservative approach like the flight got canceled but that you 
got sick and you'll be there tomorrow," she sighed.  "And that's not that much 
further from the truth."

"I can't guarantee I'll be any better tomorrow with the flight," he groaned, pressing 
his fingertips to his temples and giving the nurse a grateful sigh when she arrived 
with an injection for his IV.

"Mr. Rabb you can leave as soon as your IV is done," she smiled.  "I'm getting 
your papers together.  "Ma'am make him rest the remainder of the day, not that 
he's going to feel up to doing anything else."

"I'm going to tie him to the bed," Mac told her, not entirely kidding.  When they 
were alone, she took both his hands and kissed his cheek.  "Now what's going to 
happen is that you're going home to rest, and we're going to call Whitby and tell 
them you'll be there tomorrow, and I'm going to fly up there with you.  And we'll 
do it without alcohol."

"Mac you have your own assignment and you can't just fly up on my orders . ."

"That can wait a day.  I'll call Colonel. Reed and tell him.  It was just a consult 
anyway, nothing that can't be postponed. And I'll be flying as a paying 
passenger, not on orders.  Don't argue with me Squid, the matter is closed.  I've 
also called Trish by the way so don't think the lecture is over."

"Kill me now," he moaned.  "Actually don't bother.  She's going to do it for you."

===================

Trish and Frank arrived by the time Harm was ready to leave and she listened to 
his tale with that look on her face only a mother can employ.  A look not of anger, 
but of disappointment.  And that was more painful to the recipient than anger 
anyway.  But it was Frank who provided the solution.

"You can fly up in the Gulfstream," he offered quietly.  "I have a pilot on call and 
he may as well earn his money.  That way Mac can go, you can relax, and even 
take the controls if you'd like."

"Well that's not going to happen," he sighed, and looked to Mac who nodded.  
"Frank are you sure?  I already am in so deep to everyone. . ."

"Yeah there's something deep all right," Frank groaned and ruffled his stepson's 
hair.  "Come on let's take you home."
 
 Trish didn't say a word as they waited outside the ER for Frank to bring up 
 the car and Harm knew it was just a matter of time before Trish let him have 
 it. He might be 38 years old but she was still his mother.  Mac and Trish 
 waited as Frank helped Harm into the car; both women give him a long glare.
 
 "Well, I'm ready to have a few words with my son. I swear he's going to make 
 me old before me time."
 
 "You and me both" Mac smiled. "I wasn't sure if I should strangle him or 
 kiss him when I got here."
 
 "Me too" Trish sighed. "This isn't the Harm I know Mac."
 
 "I know and frankly Trish I'm really worried about him" Mac admitted. "I 
 know Captain Taylor said he'd get through this but I'm not sure that's going 
 to be the case."
 
 "You may want to call Captain Taylor and tell him about Harm's latest 
 adventure" Trish said quietly and Mac nodded.
 
 "Yes I will. And I'm going to make sure I take those pills from him. The 
 last thing he needs is to get addicted to those."
 
 With that thought hanging over them they stepped towards the car. Frank had 
 put Harm in the backseat and Trish climbed in beside him, Mac going to the 
 front.
 
 "I get the feeling there's going to be a lecture" Harm sighed as Frank 
 started the car off. "And can I just go on record as saying I know this is 
 the stupidest thing I've done so you can just skip that part of your 
 lecture."
 
 "Are you finished?" Trish asked and Harm nodded, wincing as he did so. "Good 
 then it's my turn. Yes what you did was the stupidest thing you've ever 
 done. And do you know why? Because Mr. Rabb, you could very well have died. 
 Do you have any idea how lethal mixing alcohol and drugs can be?"
 
 "Mom" he started only to stop at her long glare.
 
 "And do you have any idea what that would have done to me? You're my only 
 child Harm. How do you think I would have felt? Not to mention Mac. The 
 woman who loves you. The woman who saved your life in the first place. How 
 do you think that would have made her feel to know she went through all that 
 just to have you throw it all away by doing something stupid like this?"
 
 "I'm sorry" Harm whispered, tears of frustration and regret running down his 
 face. The last thing he'd ever want to do was hurt Mac anymore than she'd 
 already been. He remembered her nightmares from his crash, and how hard it 
 had been on her when she'd recounted the story to him and Captain Taylor. 
 And now he was putting her through this again.
 
 Without another word, Trish pulled her son against her, gently rubbing his 
 back as she held him. Mac turned around, her eyes wet with tears as she 
 looked at Trish and Harm.
 
 "Just promise us you won't do anything like this again" Trish said gently. 
 "We happen to love you very much Harm and we don’t want to lose you."
 
 "I'm sorry" Harm murmured tiredly.
 
 "I know" Trish whispered as she kissed his forehead.
 
 He was asleep by the time they reached the house and Mac and Frank 
managed 
 to get him into bed. That accomplished, Mac took care of informing Captain 
 Hollis that Harm's flight had been canceled and that he since he was sick, 
 would be flying up tomorrow.
 
 "Coffee, tea or something stronger" Trish asked as Mac walked into the 
 kitchen a few minutes later.
 
 "Tea is fine," Mac said as she sat down at the table. She was silent for a 
 moment as Trish made the tea before continuing on. "I’m sure Harm never told 
 you but I'm an alcoholic. I've been clean for years now, well with the 
 exception of one incident a few years ago."
 
 "No he didn't" Trish said as she handed Mac the cup. "I take it this was 
 before joined the Corps."
 
 "My high school years" Mac said with a small smile. "I didn't grow up with a 
 family like this. My parents fought and argued and drank and so eventually I 
 found that drinking worked for me too. It wasn't until my boyfriend was 
 killed in a car accident that I finally realized I was on a path to nowhere. 
 My uncle was in the Marines and he got me in and I got my life straightened 
 out."
 
 "I'm even more impressed with you" Trish smiled. "You didn't have to share 
 that with me but I'm glad you did."
 
 "I just wanted you to know that. And of course now you know why I'm so 
 worried about Harm. I know what's its like to live with an addiction. He's 
 got enough to deal with without having to fight an addiction to 
 tranquilizers."
 
 "Are you going to call Captain Taylor?" Trish asked.
 
 "I don't know" Mac sighed. "Part of me just wants reassurance that Harm 
 isn't going off the deep end. At the same time I don’t want Harm to think 
 I'm going behind his back and talking to Captain Taylor about him. I really 
 thought he could handle doing this today. I never dreamed he do something 
 like this. I'm just glad it wasn't as bad as I was imagining. When the 
 hospital first called I was about to lose it."
 
 "Well he scared the daylights out of me too," Trish admitted. "And you know 
 two days ago I had no idea he wasn't fine. If you hadn't convinced him to 
 come out here, I wouldn't have a clue what was going on."
 
 "That's Harm" Mac said shaking her head. "He wants everyone to think he's 
 fine. And to be honest I'm beginning to regret not telling the Admiral 
 what's really going on with him. What if he'd gotten to Whitby Island and 
 done this?"
 
 "You'd both be hauled on that carpet that’s for sure."
 
 "I can't do it to him though" Mac sighed. "I don't think he can get through 
 it if he knows everyone know he has a problem. That by doing that he'll just 
 bottle everything up completely and Captain Taylor will never get through to 
 him. And I know he doesn't need a trip to Bethesda's psyche ward which is 
 where he'd probably end up. I won't let that happen to him."
 
 "You love him a lot," Trish said softly. "You've done so much for him 
 already and you're still willing to do what it takes to protect him."
 
 "I have to. And yes I do love him a lot. And as I've told him many times, I 
 can handle whatever he throws at me. It's better than the alternative of 
 visiting his gravesite at Arlington." She paused for a moment and took a sip 
 of tea. "For a long time after his crash, I kept having the nightmare that 
 he didn't survive. I'd always wake up screaming at the part where they would 
 hand you the flag."
 
 Trish took a deep breath and a sip of her tea before replying. "I can't 
 imagine how hard that was for you," she said quietly. "I'm actually glad I 
 didn't know what was happening at the time. That's always been one of my 
 greatest fears. I’d gotten through losing Harm's father because I still had 
 Harm. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost Harm."

"It was the worst night of my life when this happened," she whispered.  "I've lived 
through tragedy and traumas before, but nothing like this."

"Of course if it hadn't happened, you would have married Mr. Brumby," Trish 
said, a small smile playing at her lips.

"Oh please God I hope I wouldn't have," she breathed.  "I wanted Harm there to 
stop me."

"You couldn't have stopped yourself?"

"I don't know," Mac shrugged helplessly.  "I wanted to.  I wanted the Marine I 
used to be to stand up and say 'Mic I don't love you'.  But for some reason I 
hadn't been able to say anything to the man and make it stick for the last year."

Trish patted her hand.  "So now what.  How do we help Harm?"

Another helpless shrug.  "I'm so torn between just wanting to make it all better for 
him and my duty to report on whether I see a fellow officer unfit to handle his 
job."  Tears appeared and she angrily brushed them away.  "And I seem to be 
doing that more, and tears don't help anything."

"No on the contrary," Trish smiled.  "Sometimes tears can be very cathartic.  A 
good cry can clear your head and make you know what you want to do."

"Well the one thing I know I want is your son," Mac smiled.  "Him and me 
together.  And if that can't include our careers, then so be it.  I have never loved 
before, and I know I'll never love again."  With that she swallowed hard and stood 
up.  "Trish I really need some air and space.  Could I take a walk?  Would you 
listen for Harm and call my cell if he wakes up?"

"I'll of course listen for him, but I won't call you unless it's an emergency.  The 
boy can do without you for a little bit.  It's a good learning experience.  I think a 
walk on the beach is an excellent idea. Go and enjoy."

"Sure?"

"More than.  Go.  I'll be here," Trish ordered.  

"I think I will.  Just tell Harm. . ."

"Mac," Trish groaned warningly.

"Gone," she grinned and slipped out the back door onto the deck and then down 
onto the sand.  With a longing look at the window where she knew Harm was 
sleeping, she kicked off her shoes and ran out to the water.  Countless years of 
the pounding surf had created a surface excellent for running and she took off, 
kicking up water and sand behind her.  With the first mile down, some of the 
burden began to lift.  By the time she was passing the second, she was breathing 
easy, and feeling some happiness once again.  She and Harm were together, 
they were much in love, and anything more was minor.

"Mom where's Mac?" Mac had been gone for about forty minutes when Trish 
heard his voice and when she looked around he was leaning on the doorframe, 
using it to hold himself up.

"What in the hell are you doing up?" She exploded.  "Harmon David Rabb Junior 
you are the most impossible man on the face of this earth and Mac deserves a 
medal of honor for being your friend, let alone your fiancee."

All the color seemed to drain from his face at that.  "She is isn't she?  I asked her. 
. .I asked her to marry me didn't I?  You were there right?"

"Yes, yes, and yes," Trish groaned in exasperation.  "The woman loves you, god 
knows why.  Now let's get you at least to that chair.  You did quite a number on 
yourself, you know that don't you?"

"If I don't, my head and stomach are reminding me," he sighed, accepting her 
help to ease into the nearest chair.  

"And I'm just mother enough to say--good," Trish told him, and the look on his 
face immediately melted her heart.  Sitting there in his rumpled undershirt, his 
hair tousled and hanging almost into his eyes, he looked for all the world like her 
little boy again.  Gently she pushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead.

"Just remember exactly how you're feeling right now in case you're thinking you 
want to pull something that stupid again," she urged.

"It's burned into my memory," he sighed. "And where is Mac?"

"Getting some air and some space," Trish told him evenly, "Gone out onto the 
beach somewhere."

Mac was in fact up to her fifth mile at that moment, now panting hard but enjoying 
the exhilaration of the run.  Making the turn at the next jetty, she started back 
toward the house, feeling an intense longing to be with Harm.

"I think I'll go wait for her out on the deck," he announced, ignoring the look of 
objection Trish gave him.  He rose to his feet and walked under his own power, 
however unsteadily, until he reached the deck.  The fresh ocean air that 
assaulted him seemed to clear his head some and he took in several deep 
breaths, willing his stomach to calm as well.  For a long ten minutes he stared out 
over the ocean, watching the waves crash.  Waves. . .swells. . .memories of the 
night of his crash.  He felt the memories begin to overwhelm him, and then the 
sight of Mac running along the water's edge halted the despair.  His fiancee.  The 
woman who loved him.  Whom he loved with every fiber of his being.

Moving carefully he lowered himself down the steps, starting across the sand 
toward her.  "Sarah," he called softly.  He saved her given name for special 
moments, and this was one.  "Sarah."
 
 She heard him call her and she slowed herself down as she approached him. 
 Harm. The man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The 
 man whom she would do anything in the world for.
 
 "Hi" she said softly as she neared him.
 
 "I'm so sorry" he whispered. "For everything I've done that's hurt you. You 
 have done so much for me that in a hundred lifetimes I could never pay you 
 back."
 
 "I keep telling you I have all the pay back I need" Mac said as her hand 
 looped around his waist to help support him. "I have you. That's all I ever 
 want or need. Now what are you doing out here? You're supposed to be in 
 bed."
 
 "I missed you. I woke and it was quiet and you weren't around. Mom said 
 you'd gone out to get some fresh air and space so I figured I'd wait for you 
 out here."
 
 "How you feeling?"
 
 "Hangover from hell" Harm sighed.
 
 "Let's get you back inside and back into bed" Mac prodded. "If you want to 
 make Whitby tomorrow that's the only thing that's going to help. Come on."
 
 "Sarah I love you" he whispered. "And not because of everything you've done 
 the past few months. I know I've been pretty needy and I don't know how 
 you've put up with me. But I don’t want you to ever think that that's the 
 reason I'm with you and why I asked you to marry me. I asked you because I 
 love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want us to have 
 that baby we promised each other. I want to make you happy. I haven't done a 
 very good job of that lately and I'm sorry."
 
 "It's okay sailor," Mac said softly as she looked deep into his eyes. 
 "You've been through a lot. And part of being in love means being there for 
 that person, through the good and bad. I love you Harm. I can handle all 
 this. And I know that soon you'll be able to put this behind you. As for 
 making me happy, you do. Despite all that we've been through, there's 
 nowhere else I'd rather be than with you." She paused and took his hand in 
 hers. "You're my partner and friend at work and you're my partner and best 
 friend in life. It's all going to work out Harm. We'll get through this and 
 it's going to be okay."
 
 Her arms went around him and he followed, and for a long minute they simply 
 held onto each other.
 
 "I'll never know what I did to deserve you but I'm going to thank God every 
 night that I have you in my life" Harm whispered.
 
 "Let's get you back inside" Mac said as she took his hand and led him back 
 to the house.
 
 ************************
 6:00 AM PST
 San Diego Intl. Airport
 
 
 "How you doing?" Mac asked as she slipped her arms around Harm as she 
came 
 up behind him. He was looking out the window at Frank's private jet. "You 
 okay?"
 
 "Just don't ever leave me" Harm whispered as he turned to face her.
 
 "Never going to happen" she smiled as she gave him a quick kiss. "You're 
 going to be fine. It's going to be a quick flight up there and back."
 
 "Mr. Rabb, you ready" the pilot asked as he walked up to the pair. "We've 
 finished the preflight check and we're ready if you are."
 
 "Let's get it over with" Harm sighed. His hand trembled slightly as he 
 reached for Mac's and she quickly grabbed his and held it tightly.
 
 "You can do this" Mac whispered as they walked to the waiting jet. He 
 stopped half way, swallowing hard as he looked the plane. "Harm?"
 
 "Mac, I" he started.
 
 "Harm, if you can't do this I have no choice but to call the Admiral and 
 tell him the truth" Mac said quietly. "It's up to you. We don't have to go. 
 But if we don't, we have to call the Admiral. Is that what you want me to 
 do?"
 
 For a long minute he stood there, not sure what to do. Part of him wanted to 
 say yes and avoid the flight, despite the consequences it would bring.
 
 "Harm?" Mac prodded.
 
 Without a word he started towards the jet and Mac let out a long sigh. She 
 issued a prayer heavenward that they would get through this without a 
 problem. She climbed aboard and seconds later sat down beside him. She 
 offered her hand and he held onto it tightly.
 
 The flight was without incident, though Harm's grasp on her hand never 
 eased. He didn't say a word throughout the 3-hour flight, keeping his eyes 
 closed as his head lay against Mac's shoulder. After a smooth landing by the 
 pilot, he finally raised his head from her shoulder.
 
 "You did good sailor," she said gently. "How do you feel?"
 
 "Okay" he said unconvincingly. "I'm just glad it's over."
 
 "We still have to fly back to San Diego and then back to DC" she reminded 
 him as they exited the plane.
 
 "Maybe I can transfer to the JAG office in San Diego" Harm sighed, not 
 entirely joking. "That would save having to go back to DC."
 
 "And what about me?" Mac asked quietly.
 
 "Okay, we'll both transfer to the JAG office in San Diego" Harm said with a 
 small smile. At her long look he let out a long sigh. "Guess that's not an 
 option."
 
 "Not yet. Maybe one day we could do that but we're not going to do it just 
 to avoid having to fly back to DC. Now let's move it sailor. Captain Hollis 
 is waiting."
 
 A short time later they pulled up in front of Captain Hollis's building. 
 "You got our story straight?" Mac asked as she turned off the car.
 
 "Mac, I'm really sorry I'm making you do this" Harm sighed. "You know maybe 
 it would just be easier if we came clean with the Admiral and told him what 
 was going on. I don't want you to get in trouble because of me. And honestly 
 that padded cell at Bethesda might be exactly what I need."
 
 "Stop it" Mac said sharply. "You are not making me do anything. I am a very 
 willing participant in this. Secondly the only reason I haven't told the 
 Admiral is because I don't want you at that padded cell. You can get through 
 this Harm. I know you can."
 
 "Thanks" he said giving her a small smile. "Let's do it."
 
 Minutes later they were ushered into Captain Hollis's office. "Commander, 
 Colonel, this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting both of you."
 
 "Colonel Mackenzie graciously offered to come with me today to assist" Harm 
 explained.  "I do apologize for not being able to make it yesterday."
 
 "One of those 24 hour bugs huh?" Captain Hollis asked and Harm simply 
 nodded. "Well, I'm glad you're both here anyway. Let's get started shall 
 we."

Hollis gave them a quick rundown on the case as he looked at his notes.  "Look 
Colonel, Commander--Cody Blaine is not a murderer.  He barely even knew 
these two people.  What's more he's a good man and a good officer and even if 
he's found innocent this kind of thing stays in your file forever."

"We'll note your feelings Captain," Mac assured him.

"Yeah well we were both Lieutenants together in Desert Storm.  You get to know 
a man pretty well," Hollis sighed.
===========
It took all of the next two days, but with careful questioning of the so called eye 
witness, they uncovered the truth and after a quick appearance before the 
convening authority, the charges were dropped.

"Hey the case is over, why the computer?" Mac frowned when she came into his 
room, having changed for dinner.

"How do you feel about trains?"

"You're ordering a model train set?"

"No silly.  Amtrak.  Going back to San Diego on the Amtrak.  See this.  It's a 
beautiful trip along the coast, ten hours of relaxation."  Eagerly he turned the 
screen for her to see.

"Ten hours as opposed to three on a private jet," she frowned, though she could 
not help but watch as he scrolled the image and the blue Pacific with the train in 
the background looked totally appealing.

"You and me, on top in the observation car, watching the ocean, holding each 
other," he urged.  "Good food besides."

"You're giving in to your fear," she whispered gently.

"Yes that's exactly what I'm doing," he admitted.  "Look I'm going to fly when I 
need to for my job.  Somehow.  But when no one will know or care like now, why 
not.  Good Lord John Madden takes a bus all over the country when he could fly 
first class."

"Who?"

"The football announcer," he chortled.  "Never mind.  I forgot you nap during 
games--which would be OK but that one was in person."

"Quit," she giggled and punched his arm.  "OK we can do that.  But I'm going to 
tell Captain Taylor about it."

"You won't have to, because I'm going to tell him the whole wretched shameful 
tale," he sighed.  

"Including the pills and booze?"

"Especially that," he sighed again.  "I want him to know exactly what kind of a 
nutcase he's dealing with."

She smiled gently and squiggled her fingers through his soft hair.  "You're my 
nutcase and that's all that matters."

He started to shake his head and she held on firmly.  "No I mean that.  I had that 
epiphany on the beach before we left.  You are still the Harmon Rabb I've been in 
love with forever.  You may not ever pilot a plane again, and if that's the case, 
well that's what God has ordained for you.  But you are still the man I love.  I told 
you once dress whites and gold wings were overrated."

"I need to hear that," he whispered softly, moving his head to rest against her 
middle where she stood next to him.  "I guess I've thought of myself as being a 
pilot for so long that I can't think of myself in terms of anything else--I succeed or 
fail at life in those terms."

"Well now you've got a woman who loves you, a woman who wants to marry you, 
a woman who wants to give you a child," she reminded him.

"And when you come right down to it, that's all I really need," he choked, hugging 
her tightly.

"OK, emotional overload here," she said lightly after a minute of holding him.  
"Make the reservation and then didn't you promise me dinner?  Starving Marine 
here."
====================
Aboard the Seattle-L.A. Amtrak

"Sailor I've got to give you credit.  The one time in your life you have a good idea 
and it's a great one," Mac teased, settling next to him in one of the seats in the 
upper level of the dome car as the train sped away from the Seattle station.

He lifted his arm over her shoulders and she snuggled close to him, resting her 
head on his shoulder.  "It's times like this I forget there's anyone or anything in 
the world except you and me," he sighed, pressing his lips to her forehead in a 
long kiss.  "Did I tell you yet today how much I love you?"

"Of course you did," she grinned.  "But you don't think I've waited all these years 
to hear it only to get tired of it do you."  She lifted her head and to meet his lips.  
"I love you too Harmon David Rabb."
===============
The remaining days of their allotted time passed in a blur of relaxation and 
activity both.  All too soon came the late afternoon of the day they would fly 
home.  It had been a good day early on, spent on the beach, playing in the warm 
water of the Pacific.  But as all good things must, it had come its end.

Mac was packing her things when she came across the bottle of pills from 
Captain Taylor.  One remained.  One only.  Harm had not mentioned them since 
that horrible day and Mac shuddered when she remembered it.

He had been totally quiet through their early supper, picking at his grilled fish and 
finally excusing himself to the shower where he was still.  With a long sigh she 
put the pill bottle into the pocket of her pants and knocked at the bathroom door.  
"You drowning or what in there Sailor.  Clock's running here."

 The water shut off and seconds later he emerged with a towel wrapped around 
 his waist. "I tried but it didn't work" he sighed. "I guess I'm stuck with 
 the flight back."
 
 "Hey, you'll do fine" Mac said as she gently ran her hand down his back. 
 "You did okay going to Whitby the other day."
 
 "Yeah on a three hour flight on a private plane" Harm countered. "Mac, I'm 
 not sure I can do this."
 
 "I'm going to be right beside you and you'll be fine" she said softly. "And 
 you've still got the one pill from Captain Taylor if you need it. I'm going 
 to take my shower and you try and relax okay?"
 
 "Not easy but I'll try."
 
 Two hours later
 San Diego Intl. Airport
 
 "Mac, I want you to keep in touch," Trish said as she gave Mac a hug.
 
 "I will, I promise" Mac assured her. "And we'll let you know when we start 
 thinking about the wedding plans."
 
 "I can't wait dear" Trish smiled. She turned to her son and opened her arms 
 to him. Harm gave her a long hug and Trish held him tightly for several 
 seconds. "I love you," she said softly. "If you need anything, I want you to 
 call. You know Frank and I will do anything for you."
 
 "Thank you" he whispered.  "For everything."
 
 "Just take care of yourself" Trish sniffled. "And if you want me to come to 
 DC next time, I'll be more than happy to. I don't want us to be strangers."
 
 "I may take you up on that offer," Harm said with a small smile.
 
 "You ready sailor?" Mac asked as she took his hand. "Trish, thank you for 
 everything."
 
 "You're welcome dear. Call me when you get in so I know everything is okay. 
 I'll worry otherwise."
 
 Mac nodded and seconds later she and Harm boarded the plane. Harm's hand 
 grasped Mac's tightly once they were seated and Mac gave him a reassuring 
 smile.
 
 "It's going to be okay," she said gently. "Just try and relax and forget 
 you're on a plane. Remember how we got through the tunnels. Just close your 
 eyes and think about something else."
 
 "Mac, I think I should take that last pill." At her long look he sighed. 
 "Mac, there's only one pill and you're obviously not going to let me drink 
 so there's nothing to worry about. But I'm already tense and maybe it will 
 help."
 
 "All right" she said as she pulled out the pill bottle, handing him the 
 pill. He downed it without any water and Mac prayed this would work.
 
 His hold on her hand tightened during takeoff but once they were in the air, 
 he seemed to relax, the pill seeming to have the same effect as the flight 
 out. He fell asleep on her shoulder shortly after takeoff and she hoped he 
 would stay that way until they landed in DC.
 
 They were over the Midwest, flying in the dark night sky, when their luck ran out. 
A still somewhat dazed Harm finally raised his head from her shoulder and 
looked around.
 
 "We there yet?" he murmured tiredly.
 
 "Not quite but you're doing great" Mac smiled as she leaned over and gave 
 him a quick kiss. "We’ll be there before you know it."
 
 As she said the words, the plane took a sudden dip and his eyes flew open at 
 once.
 
 "Mac" he said anxiously as he grabbed her hand.
 
 "Easy sailor" she soothed. "I'm sure it's nothing. Try and stay calm."
 
 Seconds later they were plunged into darkness as the lights in the cabin 
 went out. A row of emergency of lights along the floor finally came on, providing 
some light 
 to the cabin. Harm's startled scream mixed with that of other terrified passengers 
as 
 the oxygen masks dropped down from above. The somewhat calm voice of the 
 pilot soon came over the intercom.
 
 "Please remain calm. We're experiencing some electrical malfunctions with 
 the plane, and we've lost cabin pressure for the moment.  Please put on the 
oxygen masks until we're able to bring the plane down to 10,000 feet. Remember 
the instructions on using the masks the flight attendants provided when we were 
taking off, and they will be around to assist."
 
 Mac had already put on her mask and to horror realized that Harm still 
 hadn't as she looked over at him. He sat frozen, with the exception of his 
 labored attempts to breathe. "Harm, get your mask," she screamed, except her 
voice was muffled by her own.  She gave him a hard shake with one hand while 
she pulled the mask toward his face with the other. 

Fortunately the flight attendant had noticed 
 and hurried over to assist her obviously terrified passenger, taking the mask 
from Mac and quickly placing it over his face.
 
 Minutes later the plane leveled out to 10,000 feet and the voice of the 
 pilot came over the intercom again.
 
 "We've leveled out to 10,000 feet now so you'll be able to remove the oxygen 
 masks. We'll be landing in Louisville Kentucky here in just a few minutes."
 
 "Harm, are you okay?" Mac asked as she removed her mask. She could see the 
 utter panic in his face and from his rapid breathing could tell he was 
 hyperventilating. He started to pull off his mask and she reached over and 
 stopped him. "Harm, calm" she said firmly but gently. "It's okay, now. We're 
 going to land and we're going to be fine. But you've got to try and relax 
 before you pass out on me sailor. Just take slow and deep breaths."
 
 He tried to do as she said, but his mind was only thinking one thing, the 
 plane was going to crash. Before the pilot could land, they would crash. 
 Just like he had when his tomcat had experienced electrical problems. They 
 were going to crash and this time Mac was with him and….
 
 "Harm please calm down" Mac begged, seeing his agitation continuing. "You've 
 got to try and relax. Slow and deep breaths."
 
 "This is the Captain. Please prepare to land here in a few minutes. Due to 
 the difficulties we've been experiencing, I'm going to ask everyone to take the 
precaution of bending low, putting their heads down as we land.  I'm not 
expecting any trouble but then I'm an old combat pilot and I like to be cautious.."
 
 "Oh god, this nightmare is not ending" Mac whispered as she felt Harm's 
 grasp tighten around hers. With a deep breath, she turned to him, trying her 
 best to stay calm. "It's okay. You know this is just in case there's a 
 problem. We're going to be fine. But you need to relax. Slow and deep 
 breaths, please."
 
 Her concern about landing paled in comparison to her concern for him as the 
 plane began to descend. He was still breathing rapidly and she simply wanted 
 to get on the ground before he got on any worse. To her utter relief the 
 pilot managed to land the disabled plane without incident. A murmur of thank 
 god's could be heard as the plane came to a halt on the runway.

She sat up slowly, taking a few of those deep breaths herself as she turned to 
Harm.  "OK Squid we're down and we're safe and I want to hear that funny 
breathing thing you're doing stop now or I'm calling for paramedics."  As she 
spoke she carefully removed his oxygen mask, stroking the side of his cheek as 
she did so.  

"Ma'am is he OK?" one of the attendants asked anxiously.  "I can radio an 
ambulance team to check him over."

"Please," Mac nodded frantically, still alarmed by his ashen color and his uneven 
breathing.

"No don't---please don't," he yelped, finally able to control his breathing enough 
to speak.  "I'm OK, promise."

Mac took a long close look at him, trying to decide if her concern for him was less 
or greater than her desire not to see him further put through something he did not 
want.  In the end the latter won and she took his hand.  "OK but if that scary 
wheezing you're doing doesn't stop, you're in an ambulance.  Now let's get off.  
We're still not home."

He gave her a panicked look at that realization but allowed her to lead him from 
his seat down the aisle of the plane, navigating the jetway and then out into the 
airport, which was quiet with the late hour.

He had not spoken further, content to let her lead him as the gate agent assured 
them there would be another plane brought in for them and they would be on 
their way.

"Let's get some coffee," she urged.  "I don't know about you, but it's sounding 
pretty good right now."

With a bare nod he allowed himself to be led to the nearest coffee bar and he sat 
down while she made the order.  "Harm?. . . .Harm," she urged a few minutes 
later as she placed a steaming cup in his hands and sat down.  "Harm you're 
starting to scare me and those medics are starting to look like a pretty good 
plan."

"I'm OK," he managed, taking a small sip of the bracing liquid.  "I just want to go 
home."

"You heard them--they're sending a plane as soon as they can,"

"NO."  His shout brought the looks of the other patrons and he shrank down in 
his chair.  "No.  It wasn't bad enough this plane had problems, but you were 
aboard.  The Rabb jinx could have killed you."

"Harm, I am tired, dirty, hungry and cranky.  I am not even going to begin a 
discussion about a Rabb jinx," she told him with elaborate patience.  "Just hold it 
together another hour in the air and we'll be home."

"No, no way," he whispered, calm now, but it was a deadly calm and there was a 
firm set to his jaw.  "No way am I getting on a plane nor allowing you to get on 
one with me.  We can rent a car, take a Greyhound or an Amtrak, I don't care.  
But we are not setting foot on another plane."  He took a long drink of his coffee 
before piercing her with another stare.  "And when we get home, the first thing 
I'm doing is putting an ad in--I'm selling the Stearman."

"Oh Harm no," she gasped. "You don't mean that.  You'll be sorry if you do.  
You're going to get over this and then. . ."

"Get over?"  Get OVER," he interrupted coldly.  "Marine where are your eyes and 
ears.  This is not something I'm just going to get over.  In case you haven't 
noticed, it's getting worse.  Hell I'm getting worse.  The man you're in love with is 
first class certifiable." 

"Harm please," she tried, taking both his hands, and before she could begin she 
stopped.  This was not the place, and neither were in the right frame of mind, to 
discuss the matter.

"OK Sailor, OK," she soothed.  "Right now the first thing to is get us home.  I 
want you to sit right here, have your coffee and do that relaxation breathing 
Captain Taylor showed you.  I'm going to check on the feasibility of alternate 
transportation."

She dropped a quick reassuring kiss on the top of his head and hurried to the 
Information counter.
===============
2 Days Later
LEESBURG Airfield

Harm pulled the SUV up the hangar where Sarah was ensconced and stopped, 
looking through the window through the open doors at the yellow plane and then 
back to Mac.  "Do me a favor," he said softly, "please don't ask me again if I'm 
sure.  Because this is going to be hard enough.  Right now I just want to get her 
cleaned up and tuned up so I can get what she's worth.  Look at it this way, we 
can invest the money and it will make a start of a college fund for that baby we're 
going to have someday."

"Yeah OK," she agreed quietly.  There was now an overwhelming sadness 
surrounding her.  In the time they had been back from California they had 
returned to work, keeping up the appearance of normalcy.  Harm in fact was able 
to function well at JAG HQ, deserving of an Academy Award for acting as if 
nothing was wrong.  It was only at home where he could be himself that he 
allowed himself to show the discouragement he felt, and seeing her Sailor like 
that was starting to wear on Mac.  It was becoming more difficult to reassure him 
that he would shake this reaction.

"You could have stayed home you know," he reminded her as he helped her from 
the SUV.  

"I didn't want to," she smiled slightly.  "If you're going to do this thing, then we're 
going to do it together.  Like we are everything else in our lives, for the rest of our 
lives."


 "I don't deserve you" he murmured as he led her into the hanger.
 
 "Yeah and neither do I" Mac countered.
 
 "Harm, good to see you again" an older man said as he approached them. 
"Been 
 a while since you've been out here. You taking Sarah up today?"
 
 "Actually Henry, I'm here to get her tuned up so I can sell her" Harm said 
 quietly. His hand reached for Mac's and she gave his a gentle squeeze.
 
 "You're joking right?" Henry exclaimed. "After all you put into her?"
 
 "I wish I was" Harm sighed. "But this is the best thing right now." Without 
 another word he released Mac's hand and walked over to the yellow bi-plane, 
 leaving Mac with Henry.
 
 "By the way, I'm Sarah Mackenzie" Mac said to the older gentleman. "Harm's a 
 little out of it today."
 
 "Nice to meet you Sarah. You're not the reason he's giving up the plane are 
 you?"
 
 "Oh no" Mac said quickly. "I've tried to talk him out of it but he says this 
 is what he wants to do."
 
 "This have anything to do with his crash a few months ago?" Henry asked 
 quietly. "Dick was telling me about it. He's okay isn't he?"
 
 Mac nodded slowly. "Yeah he's okay. He's just decided that flying isn't for 
 him anymore. Of course I know that's not the case. He thinks that's the case 
 right now but I know he'll get past this. I've tried to convince him not to 
 sell Sarah but he says this is what he wants to do."
 
 "He's put a lot into her. I can't tell you how many Saturdays he's spent up 
 here. From dusk to dawn working on her."
 
 "I know" Mac sighed. "And I hate to see him do this but he's bound and 
 determined to do it. I told him to just leave her here until he's ready 
 again but he says no."
 
 "Let me try and talk to him" Henry offered. "Maybe I can talk him into 
 keeping her around for a bit."
 
 "Thanks" Mac smiled. "I really appreciate it."
 
 "So you think I'll find a buyer?" Harm asked as Henry wandered over.
 
 "She's in great shape, I don't see why not. Shouldn't be hard at all. I'm 
 just a little surprised that you're even considering selling her."
 
 "Well I'm not going to be flying anymore so there's no point in keeping her. 
 Someone else can fly her and enjoy her like I used to."
 
 "So you've given up flying totally?" Henry prodded.
 
 "For the not so distant future, yes" Harm sighed. "Maybe one day….." His 
 voice trailed off, knowing that the way he felt now he would never fly 
 again. It was the past and he would have to accept that.
 
 Hours later they headed back to DC, a somber Harm saying little during the 
 ride home. Mac's attempts at conversation yielded her one-word responses and 
 she finally gave up. She had known this was going to be hard but she had 
 realized just how emotional it would be for him. He pulled up in front of 
 her building a short time later, putting the SUV in park but not turning off 
 the engine.
 
 "You want to turn the car off?" Mac asked as she unbuckled her seat belt. 
 "Or are we going to leave it running."
 
 "I need some time alone," Harm said quietly. "I'm going to go out for a 
 while."
 
 "Harm, don't shut me out" Mac begged. He kept his head forward, avoiding her 
 gaze. She gently turned his head to face her, the sadness in his face 
 tearing at her heart. "Harm"
 
 "I'll be okay, I just want to go somewhere and talk to someone. Alone."
 
 Suddenly she understood and she leaned across the seat and gave him a hug. 
 "All right. But promise me you won't be gone long. I'm worried about you 
 sailor."
 
 He nodded and she placed a gentle kiss on his lips before climbing out of 
 the SUV. She paused as she reached the ground, turning back to look at him.
 
 "I love you Harm. I don't know how much that matters right now but I don't 
 want you to ever forget that."
 
 She closed the door and with a heavy heart headed up to her apartment. Once 
 inside, she picked up the phone and dialed.
 
 "Trish, it's Mac" she said when Trish answered. "Can you talk right now? 
 It's Harm."
 
 *******************************
 Harm walked slowly to the familiar spot on the Wall, glad no one else was 
 around right now. He wanted to be alone, to talk to his Dad with no one else 
 listening. He found the name easily, running his hands over it as he always 
 did.
 
 "Hi Dad" he said softly. "It's been a while since I've been here. But right 
 now I just need someone to listen and you've always been pretty good at 
 that."
 
 He took a deep breath and willed back that the tears that were threatening. 
 "I'm not going to be a pilot anymore Dad. I can't do it. One day I'm going 
 to have to admit it to everyone else and turn in my Gold Wings. Right now 
 only Mac knows I can't do it anymore. Only Mac knows that I'm terrified to 
 be in the air."
 
 He paused again, feeling the tears trickle down his face. "I'm scared Dad. 
 And I can't be a Naval Aviator if I'm scared. And this time really scared 
 me." He paused again and ran his fingers over the name on the wall again. 
 "Course you know that don't you. You were there with me. I was going to join 
 you you know." The tears continued and he didn't bother to wipe them away.
 
 "Sometimes I wonder if that wouldn't have been better" he whispered. "But 
 then I look into Mac's eyes and I think that I'm so glad I'm still here. I 
 love her so much Dad. It was her that kept me going that night. All the 
 times I was ready to give in and come to you, it was her that kept me from 
 doing it."
 
 "I'm selling Sarah" he continued tearfully. "I can't fly anymore and it's 
 too hard to keep her around. It wasn't easy to do that. But I know it's for 
 the best." He stopped again, looking around him before continuing. "I'm 
 sorry if I'm letting you down Dad. I've always wanted to be like you. I just 
 wanted to live up to you and Gramps. But I'm not going to be able to do 
 that."
 
 With a sigh he stepped away, sitting down on the bench a few feet away. For 
 the next hour he just sat there before something finally clicked that Mac 
 would be worried. He finally pushed himself to his feet and back to the car, 
 somehow driving himself back to her place.
 
 "How you doing?" she asked softly when he walked into the apartment a short 
 time later.
 
 "I've been better" he whispered.
 
 "You want to talk about it?"
 
 "Would you just hold me instead?" The sadness in his voice brought tears to 
 her eyes and without a word she gently led him to the couch. Seconds later 
 she held him tightly to her, wishing she could wipe away all the pain and 
 hurt he was going through.
 
 "I love you Harm" she whispered as she ran her hands softly through his 
 hair. "No matter what I love you. Don't ever forget that."

"Thanks.  I need to hear that from you--often," he choked.  "Because right now I 
don't think of myself as being very lovable."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that," she chided him.  "I have loved you 
for so long I wouldn't begin to know how to not, even if I remotely wanted to.  You 
are my life Harmon Rabb, a life that nearly ended when I was in your hospital 
room and they were about to pronounce you dead.  In my worst nightmares I 
hear that young intern saying softly 'time of death'.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, sinking his fingers into her hair as she was his, pressing 
her head to his shoulder.  

It was another hour that they stayed there, once again affirming the connection 
between them, a connection nothing nor no one could ever tear apart.
===============
3 DAYS LATER
JAG HQ

"Harm, what's happening with the Ryan deposition?  Did you get hold of that 
landlord yet?"  Mac barely looked up from her papers as she asked the question, 
her head poked into his door.

"I have a buyer for Sarah."  

"Ooo-kaaay.  I don't know what that has to do with a lying landlord, but we can 
talk planes first," she smiled.  "And why are you not looking happy about it?"

He turned to her and she saw his face for the first time.  He was pale and his 
eyes troubled.

At once she shut the door and dropped into the chair.  "Talk to me Flyboy."

"There's a guy in California who's been looking for a restored Stearman for his 
collection," he said quietly.  "And he's willing to pick her up, which is fine.  But I 
have to perform a certification check ride to transfer the title."

She frowned uncomprehendingly for a moment and then it dawned.  "Oh OK, you 
need to take it up?"

"Exactly," he sighed.

"Well why don't you hire another pilot to do it then," she asked softly.

"I can't.  The form requires the signature of the owner-pilot.  And it's not just a 
matter of signature, it's recording instrument readings and such.  He won't buy it 
without me signing off on it personally.  I suppose I could forge it."

"OK I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear a Naval officer and an officer of the 
court suggest that."

"Thank you," he groaned.  

"You know you could just forget the whole thing," she suggested gently.  "Leave 
it sit there until you're. . ."

"NO," he shouted, and remembering where he was immediately lowered his 
voice.  "No.  I can't do that.  It will just sit there and rot and I can't do that either.  
Not to mention every time I get the bill for the hangar it's going to remind me what 
a failure I am."

"OK that's it," she said sharply.  "There is no way I'm going to sit here while you 
run yourself into the ground like that.  I've told you a hundred times you're not 
defined by your ability to fly.  You're so much more than that, and you won't look 
past that to accept what I'm saying.  Well hear this mister.  I'm through saying it.  
Excuse me."

She turned and keeping her Marine dignity about her walked slowly to the 
women's restroom, determined to make it to a stall before she let her feelings 
show.

Almost.  She nearly bumped into Harriet coming out.  "Ma'am are you OK?  Can I 
help you?  Something wrong?"  Her words fell out in her concern.

"Men," Mac groaned and slipped inside the nearest stall, leaning back on the 
door and covering her quiet sobs with her hand.

"Tell me about it," Harriet sighed.  "Mine wants us to pack little AJ off to my 
mother's--like I want that woman to have any influence on him--and take a 
freighter cruise in the Caribbean."

Despite her own problems, Mac giggled lightly and choked down her last sob as 
she released the door and came out.  "Harriet was life easier when we were 
single--well in my case--well you know what I mean."

"Yes ma'am absolutely," she declared, now giggling herself.  "Are you really 
OK?"

"Yes I am thanks," Mac sighed.  "I just needed to walk away for a bit."

"I do a lot of that ma'am," Harriet smiled.  "Excuse me."

She opened the door, and another near collision occurred, this time with Harm.  
"Sir excuse me.  We uh. . .we don't get a lot of men in here.  Colonel it's for you."

Harriet's reaction set Mac to laughing and that only increased as Harm slipped 
through the door.

"Do you get sick of me apologizing?" he asked softly.  "Or more appropriate 
would be, do you get sick of me being a jerk?"

"I love you," she answered simply and a second later was enveloped in his hug.

"I'll be doing my check ride Saturday morning at 0900," he said into her hair and 
he held her.

"I'll be going with you."

"I don't think so," he gasped.  "What if something happened.  What if I screwed 
up?  What if we didn't. . ."

"What if you let me make my own decisions," she admonished him.  "I'll be in 
your co pilot-seat, where I belong."

 "Mac no"
 
 "Yes Harm" Mac said with a small smile. "You're not doing this alone. And 
 can discuss this somewhere beside here before the Admiral starts wondering 
 about his senior officer."
 
 "He already wonders" Harm sighed as they walked out of the ladies room.
 
 "Well let's not give him anything else to wonder about" Mac teased. They 
 headed back to his office and she closed the door behind them. "Okay sailor, 
 are you really sure you want to do this? It's not too late to back out."
 
 "No Mac, I'm doing the right thing by selling Sarah," he said quietly. 
 "Maybe one day if I ever get my head on straight again I'll get another 
 plane. But this is the right thing to do now."
 
 Saturday Afternoon
 Leesburg Airfield
 
 "Hey, you change your mind?" Henry asked as Harm and Mac walked into the 
 hanger. "I got your message your were taking Sarah up."
 
 "Actually, I've got a buyer" Harm replied and Henry's face fell. "I'm just 
 here to do the certification check ride."
 
 "Well I looked her over myself and she's all set. Course I know you'll check 
 everything over yourself."
 
 Harm nodded and headed to the plane while Henry pulled Mac aside.
 
 "You couldn't talk him out of it?" Henry asked.
 
 "It's his decision" Mac sighed. "I'm still hoping that once he gets up in 
 the air he'll change his mind."
 
 It was an hour later before Harm finished his check of the plane. "Mac, I 
 really don't want you coming up with me," he said as he walked over to her.
 
 "Harm, we've been through this before and nothing has changed. I'm going up 
 with you and that's all there is to it."
 
 "Why are you so stubborn?" he sighed as draped his arm over her.
 
 "I learned from the best of them" Mac smiled as she leaned over and gave him 
 a quick kiss.
 
 "All right, let's get this over and done with. I just hope this isn't like 
 the first time I took you up."
 
 "You saved my little green Marine butt though" Mac grinned, parroting his 
 words from a night that now seemed so long ago.
 
 "Yeah, well I'm the one who got you in trouble. And right now I couldn't 
 stand for anything to happen to you. In case you didn't notice, I'm slightly 
 dependent on you."
 
 "Nothing is going to happen. We're going to go up, do what you have to do 
 and come back down. Unless of course you decide you like being up there."
 
 "I wish," he said with a long sigh. "I never dreamed I'd being doing this."
 
 "Then why are you?" Mac asked gently. "Harm, you know one day you'll get 
 past this. It may not be tomorrow or the next day. But you will. And then 
 you'll regret that you sold Sarah."
 
 He was silent and for a moment Mac thought she'd gotten through. But seconds 
 later he shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever get past this. It's just 
 something I'll have to live with." With his head low he walked to the plane. 
 She followed and minutes later she climbed into her seat, hoping everything 
 would be okay. Harm finally climbed in behind her, sitting there for several 
 seconds without moving.
 
 "Harm?" Mac said gently as she turned around to look at him. "You okay 
 sailor? You know you don't have to do this. We can put her right back in the 
 hanger until you're ready."
 
 "No, I have to do it" he said finally. She nodded and moments later the 
 small plane started down the airstrip.
 
 She waited until they were in the air before turning around to look at Harm. 
 To her relief he seemed to be doing okay, his attention fully focused on his 
 task. He finally looked over at her, giving her a small smile. She turned 
 back around to hide her own smile, suddenly hopeful that this might work 
 out. She had thought that once he was up in Sarah he'd be okay and that 
 seemed to be the case.
 
 He tapped on her shoulder a few minutes later and she turned around again.
 
 "You okay?" he yelled.
 
 "Perfect" she yelled back. "How you doing?"
 
 He gave her a thumbs up and for the first time in a long time the Harmon 
 Rabb she knew and loved was back.  With nothing but blue sky around them, 
 Harm continued the flight, Mac gaining hope with each passing second that he 
 would change his mind about selling Sarah.
 
 And then suddenly out of nowhere it came at them. A small single prop, the 
 pilot not seeing them until the last second. Mac closed her eyes and was 
 about to scream when Harm dropped the Stearman below the prop, the 
 propellers of the prop narrowly missing the yellow bi-plane. She opened her 
 eyes again, issuing a prayer heavenward that they were okay. Harm had done 
 it. He hadn't frozen when the prop had come at them. He'd handled it like 
 the trained fighter pilot he was.
 
 "Nice flying sailor" she yelled as she turned around to look at him. At once 
 she knew something was wrong, the same horrified expression she'd seen on 
 his face during the emergency landing in Kentucky now on his face again.
 
 "Harm" she yelled. "Harm, it's okay. It's over and you did fine. We're both 
 okay. Harm."

"I could have killed you," he whispered, his voice barely audible.  "You might 
have died and it would have been my fault."

"You saved me--you saved us both, and Sarah," she reminded him quietly, 
kissing his cheek as she pulled off her helmet.  Her voice did not completely 
cover her disappointment and she uttered a silent curse at the pilot who had 
caused the near-miss, and in doing so, his current mental anguish.

"I don't want to talk about it," Harm told her.  "Please, before I say something 
that's going to be hurtful and hate myself even worse.  I don't want to talk about 
it."

"Will you talk to Captain Taylor," she bargained.

"Yeah if it means you and I can not mention this again," he agreed, vaulting over 
the side and holding his arms up to catch her as she climbed out.  "Soon as I fill 
out this form we're out of here."

"You want to stop for some coffee?"

"Sure why not," he sighed, turning his attention to his clipboard, writing as they 
walked.  

She slipped her arm around his waist, pressing her fingers into his side.  "I love 
you Squid.  Don't you ever forget that."

He froze mid step, the clipboard dropping to the ground as he turned and took 
her into his arms.  They clung together for all they were worth and she felt his 
cheeks dampen.  "I love you Sarah.  You are everything that's good in my life, 
you always have been."

After a few minutes she pulled from his grasp just enough to pick up the 
clipboard.  "Let's go home."

As she had promised, no more was said of the incident.  Monday morning they 
were dressing for work and she gave his rear a playful swat.  "You better move 
that cute six mister.  The radio says the traffic is totally balled up at Cabin John."

"So what else is new," he muttered, turning to her, "but I'm ready."

"No you're not," she frowned, seeing at once what was missing.  She had not 
seen him in uniform nearly every day all this time not to notice.

"Harmon Rabb, where are your wings?"  Her eyes flashed accusatorily and she 
nailed him with her gaze.

He opened the top drawer of his dresser, showing her a lidless square box with 
the three pairs he owned nestled on a piece of Kleenex.  "They're right where 
they're going to say," he told her soberly, the firm set to his jaw saying he was 
not going to be dissuaded.  "I honor them too well to wear them in a lie."

THE END.