Title: So Hard To Say
Author: Nicole <gotto_doit@yahoo.ca>
Category: S, R [Harm/Mac] a bit o' angst [Harm/Mac]
Rating: PG
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: the title says it all
Feedback: desired
Archive: Ex Libris and BTL. Any others, please ask.
Author's Notes: this was inspired by the story 'The
Potato' from Keith Laumer's book, 'Dangerous
Vegetables.'

	Sometimes I hate myself for it.
	I know she would never hate me, but she wishes I
could say it all the same. I wish I could say it, too.
	I've tried, of course. Many times. I can't believe
we've gotten so far in our relationship without my
saying it. She's said it. She says it all the time. At
least once every day. But I've never said it. I've
gotten close, but no matter what, I can't force the
word past my lips.
	I've dedicated songs to her that have said it. I've
written the words. But that's it.
	I couldn't say it when we admitted our feelings. I
couldn't say it when we made love. I couldn't say it
when I proposed. I couldn't say it when we married. I
couldn't say it when our daughter was born, or our
son.
	I'm almost resigned to it now. I almost think that
I'll never be able to say the words. But I hope that
one day I will be able to.

~*~*~

	"Harm?"
	I look up at my wife. "Yeah, Mac?"
	She smiles softly. "Come to bed," she whispers.
	I grin and follow her like a puppy. We lay down and I
take her in my arms, holding her close for a moment
before I, inevitably, start to explore her body.
	She sighs. "Oh, God, Harm, I love you so much."
	"I know, baby. I do, too."
	A pang of guilt and regret flashes through me. Why
can't I just say it?
	Why is it so hard to say?