FF Simplicity

Author: CB/Choebe ( superjaggirl@hotmail.com) 
 
Disclaimer: They're mine. Can;t you see? That's why
this shipper keeps them apart. DUH! 
 
Rating: G, maybe PG to be on the safe side. 
 
Extra: Uhm, yeah, wrote this in about 1,5 hour. I had
this title in me for a while already and so I wrote it
down and this is what got out of it. Errors are
totally mine since no one beta'd it and I am too tired
to reread it ( it is midnight here). I will dedicate
this to my friends from the HB and CB's MB and those I
just plain love! Love you, guys! 
 
Spoilers: None unless you think Harm POV is a spoiler.
Ok, get reading. Feedback. Oh, yes, I like that...
Although the real bad ones I don't really care for.
LOL. Have fun!
 
********************
 
If I had known it would be like this, that it could be
so easy, I'd done it 6 years ago. But maybe for some
reason, it had to take this long, we had to go over it
and had to have these thresholds we've had. Maybe it
was what we needed for our future, to built a base on,
to make a solid beginning. Either way, if I had known
it only took this, this simple gesture, this simple
little thing, I had done it years ago and we would
have never been through the hurt, the pain, the
difficulty what we lived the past 6 years. If only I
had known it would have been so simple. 
 
~~~~~~~~ 
 
Two days ago. 
 
I sit in my office. A pile of files lying on my desk,
ready to be signed off on or just make sure they're
dealth with. I am doing everything I can to
concentrate. I already got myself several cups of
coffee but still, it isn't working. My eyes drift off,
time and time again, to the office next to me. I even
placed my chair in a certain angle so I can look at
it, so that I have a straight vision on the desk, on
the woman that sits behind it. Lt. Col. Sarah
Mackenzie. She is looking at something on her desk and
I can see the little furrows she makes with her
eyebrows, a nibble on her lip, a hand waiving through
her hair. She is so beautiful at the moments she has
no clue about the outer world, those moments when she
is fully concentrated and when she isn't even aware of
her surrounding or even her own concentration. My
heart swells with pride, desire and most of all love.
It warms me through and through. 
I look down to the file that lies in front of me. I
can see the words, the sentences and even the notes
one of my collegues added to it but for me it are just
words, put together to make a sentence, a sentence
that doesn't get through to my brain. All I see is a
mixure of letters on an A4 blank paper. I can't stand
it any longer. I need to give myself some slack, some
time to think about something else than these annoying
files. 
I step up and stand still for a moment to observe once
again my female neighbor, the woman I am partnered
with on and off since the past 6 years, the woman who
enters my dreams and hallucinations, even at moments
it damages more than it does good, my partner, my best
friend, my.... I don't fill in my last thought. Afraid
to pass that line, afraid that if I do, I lose
everything that means so much to me. And she does, she
means the world to me. I think I would be hurt so much
more losing her as a friend than never having her as
something more, something more secure. Secure. Do I
really fool myself so much? 
I shake my head for a little and take a pace towards
the office to which I glanced so much today. Maybe I
should take some actions, maybe I should try that so
called 'security' and see where it leads me. Again, I
try to shake my head to vanish the train of thoughts
that runs through me. 
 
I softly knock on her doorframe and she glances up,
her eyes connect with mine almost at the same instant
and I feel my heart stop, stop beating, stop pumping
and yet, as it should be when things like that happen,
I am not getting cold. The opposite even, I get filled
with warmth, and without me pushing any nerve, any
brainmustle, I feel my lips form a smile and I see her
respond, a smile lighting up the whole room, including
my own heart. Can a heart grow in its size? At the
moment, I don't care. 
 
"Hey, how you doing? Got the pile going down yet?" I
hear her say in that soft, sweet voice of hers. 
I can't help but grin and shake my head. "Nope," I
roll my eyes "Yours?" I ask her. 
She quirks her nose and gives me a shake aswell "Nah.
Can't seem to concentrate on them. Good thing I don't
have to get this pile of mine vanished before the end
of the week. I might go take a breather. You in for
something to eat?"
 
"Well,"I start to say, "I was thinking maybe you would
be interested in a home made dinner tonight. I need my
pile to dissappear by the end of the day, sorry". I
look down at my shoes. Hey, is that a spot I see?
Never mind, I hear her voice again. 
 
"Well, dinner sounds good. Is that an invitation?" 
"1800, my place. Casual." I reply and give her a wink.
A wink. Am I out of my mind? She starts to grin and
shakes her head. Guess she wonders what happened to my
mind too. I hate to cut this short but I need to get
my files done. And maybe I just got myself the
concentration and anxiety to finish it. Yeay. I did
it. Mentally I give myself a pat on the back. I am so
good! Thank God Mac can't read my mind. She would kick
my six for even thinking it. Yet, I can't help to
smile while I turn around, heading back towards my own
office. Stopping in my tracks, I look over my shoulder
saying to Mac "See ya tonight". I get a nod in return
and I head back, with maybe, just maybe, a little
lighter feeling walk. 
 
Yup, it worked. I am now totally wanting to get these
files done and never want to see them back. I put a
scrabble on the first file. One done, hunderd and one
to go.
 
Harm's Apartment, after 1800. 
 
I sit here at my dinner table, looking at a very
casual yet so gorgeous dressed Mac. She looks totally
stunning and I seem to be unable to get my eyes off of
her. She doesn't seem to notice while she keeps
talking and picks parts of food of her plate, talking
with it while she holds the fork in front of her. When
she bites, even through her munches, she keeps telling
and telling. I have no clue what she is talking about.
I just can't help looking at her, following the way
her mouth moves, her lips curling over the fork. 
And it hits me. I can't do it anymore, I can't keep
her off any longer. I want her, completely. I want to
be able to look at her more often, preferably every
day, I want her to cling to me when we watch a movie,
I want her making my bed warmer, I want her, just, I
want her completely. And I don't care about regs at
this moment. She makes my life complete and I am an
idiot for not giving her what she wanted in the first
place. I knew it all along maybe. I think I am in love
with her for as long as I can remember and just
sitting here, in a place we are so familiar with,
something we have done so many times, it totally hits
me. I am a fool!
 
Yet, I know I can't jump on her like that. It would be
way too much forward, I need to treat this with
gentleness, with calculated approach, I need to go
quietly, in a gentle pace. 
 
Once dessert is eaten, we head to my couch. I rent a
movie today and we are going to watch it. I hear Mac
tell me that she liked my dinner very much and that
she is always impressed with my cooking abilities. And
now I get that look, the look that makes my heart grow
again, where my heart skips a beat, the feeling I love
so much. Her smile is so cute (And let her not ever
hear that. She would pin me on the floor with her foot
on my neck!), and with it her whole face smiles. 
 
We sit down and watch the movie. How we ended up here,
I couldn't tell even when having a gun on my temple
but it doesn't matter, we ended up here and there
isn't a hair on my head thinking about changing our
position. During the movie Mac dozed off and settled
against me. The more she got into her little slumber,
the more she ended up on top of me. So, at the moment,
her upperbody lies in my arms while her legs rest on
the couch next to me. Her head rests on my shoulder
and I hear her soft, regular breathing against my
upperchest. Out of my strength I see my hand going to
her hair, following the cut it has till the back of my
fingers caress her cheek. I more feel than see her
take a relaxing breath. Yes, I can so live with this.
I know it for real, today is the day, I will and shall
tell her what I wanted to the past 6 years but was
unable to. I have no idea why I couldn't 'let go',
Mac's words I might add, for all this time but I know
now, I can and I will and whatever the outcome is, I
am willing to risk it. My life has excisted of bad
things, obsessions, wantings, needs... Mac is now one
of them but she is the good side of it. My life has
always been run by the bad parts of it but Mac is a
good part and maybe, just maybe, I now decided it is
worth for me to finally have something good in my
life, another part that helps me through this world,
someone to make my life complete, be my lettuce to my
salad, my cherry on my sundae. My thumb is now
caressing her chin, feeling the soft skin that only
she can have and I watch her face, take in its
texture, mark every feature on my brain like a scar. A
painless, wanting scar. 
 
  I'm so in love with you
 
I smile and look over her face again and then...
 
I see her look at me, watery eyes, a smile tugging at
her lip, an _expression I can't decypher. I smile at
her and ask a silent question. Why is she looking at
me like that?
 
"I heard you" I hear her whisper. She heard what? She
heard..... OMG... I said it out loud?
 
I think a shocked _expression comes over my face cause
she lifts her hand and places it on my cheek, she
smiles even larger and a tear slips down from her
eyes. I wipe it away and I see her redden, looking
down at my hand on her face. Wow, didn't know she
could look so beautiful. She looks almost....
vulnerable. A Marine, this Marine looking vulnerable. 
I don't know what will happen today anymore but I
think I am ready for it. Shock replaced itself with
more warmth and I think a grin is placed on my face
from here to.... Suriname.  Hey, I should give Webb
SOME credit. He brought her here.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~
 
I look down to the woman who lies in my arms. Sarah.
She can sleep so peacefully and now she is snuggled
against me, one arm draped over my torso, a leg
wrapped around mine. I can't help to draw a hand over
her hair and giving her a kiss on the head. It's over,
we took a step and I am totally ready for the future,
our future, whatever it may bring and hoping it'll be
an eternity. 
If I only knew it could be so simple for us. If I had
known it only took six words to get to where I am now,
where we are now, I'd done it 6 years ago. But either
way, I am happy and some day, some time, I thank
simplicity for its excistence. 
 
I snuggle into my pillow, pulling the warm body of my
long time partner closer against me. The last thing
that goes through my mind before I fall completely
asleep, I whisper. "I'm so in love with you". Then the
world slides out from me and I fall into a sleep that
I've never had so good before. 
 
THE END!