Title: Repercussions
Author: Melanie-Anne
Email: melani_anne@yahoo.com 
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst, Romance (Mac/Harm)
Summary: The boundary between friend and lover is
blurred and the consequences have to be dealt with.
Sucky summary, I know, but I don’t want to give too
much away.
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me, no money is being
made and no infringement is intended.
A/N: Thanks to Pat for answering my questions, Nancy
for the title, and Laura for betaing :o)
 
***
 ***Part One***

Georgetown University Hospital

Georgetown, DC

24 October 2003

11h00

Harm stepped through the hospital doors, feeling
nothing like the naval Commander he was and feeling
everything like a nervous kid.  He took a deep breath,
told himself to suck it up, and approached the
reception.

 

The young woman behind the desk was momentarily
distracted by the handsome man in front of her.  She
smiled at Harm, casually looking him up and down.  She
liked what she saw.

 

"Hi, I'm Amanda.  Can I help?"

 

Harm sighed.  "Yes.  I'm looking for Lieutenant
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.  She was brought in about
half an hour ago."

 

Amanda's smile faded a bit when he mentioned Mac and
she turned to the computer screen.  After tapping at
the keyboard for a few minutes, she turned back to
Harm, an apologetic look on her face.

 

"I'm sorry, sir, she's not on the system.  Either they
haven't processed the paperwork yet or you're at the
wrong hospital."

 

Harm slammed his fist down on the counter, frustrated.
 He knew he was in the right place.  She'd called him,
frantic, and told him what was happening and where
she'd be.  Amanda took pity on Harm, and told him he
could go see if she was in the ER.  She watched him
walk away, admiring the view, before turning to the
next person.

 

***

 

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

16 January 2003

19h30

 

"I'm sorry I'm early."

 

Harm shrugged, letting Mac enter the apartment. 
"You're… umm, you look lovely, Mac."  He swallowed. 
"That's a great dress."

 

Mac smiled, dropping a folder onto the coffee table. 
"You should thank Chloe. When I took her Christmas
shopping, she insisted I buy it."

 

"It's… it's lovely," he repeated.  'It' was a
knee-length jade dress that complemented Mac's
complexion. When she shrugged off her coat and draped
it over the back of a chair, Harm realized he was
gaping. 

 

"So what did you make?  I'm starving."

 

"It's a surprise."  He was grateful for the change of
subject.  He'd been thinking very un-partnerlike
things about Mac.

 

She raised an eyebrow and took a seat on the couch. 
Slipping her shoes off, she tucked her legs underneath
her.

 

"Make yourself at home."  He laughed, and was pleased
when she laughed too.

 

*

 

"That was delicious, Harm."  Mac leaned back and
closed her eyes.  "Mmm…."

 

Harm's lips curved into a smile.  It occurred to him
that if Mac was a cat, she'd be purring.

 

"I think you missed your calling in life," she
continued, unaware of his gaze on her.

 

He sat down next to her and brushed away a strand of
her hair as an excuse to touch her.  She opened her
eyes, tilting her head so that the hair fell back
across her face.  Harm smiled and tucked it behind her
ear again.

 

"I'd better go."

 

"But we haven't discussed the case yet."

 

She nodded.  "But it's getting late."

 

"Stay for coffee.  Please."  He caught her hand.

 

"One cup."  She didn't pull her hand away, and neither
of them got up to put the kettle on.

 

*

 

At 04h00 Mac rolled over in Harm's bed and realized
what had happened.

 

She'd slept with Harm.  She'd slept with her best
friend and ruined everything.  How could they work
together now?  She wanted to be more than a one-night
stand with him but she wasn't foolish enough to think
that he was in love with her.

 

How could she have let it happen?  It had been
wonderful, but . . . 

 

. . . But what was she going to do now?  Could she
pretend that it had never happened and carry on as if
things were normal?

 

She slipped out of bed and quickly got dressed.  It
was better if she left now.  At the bedroom door, she
looked back at Harm, fast asleep in the tousled
sheets.  No matter what the consequences were, this
was a memory she would always cherish.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

17 January  

08h30

 

Sturgis could tell that Harm had something on his
mind.  Every time the elevator doors opened, Harm
looked up expectantly.  Sturgis was pretty sure he
knew who Harm wanted to see.

 

When Mac did finally arrive, he was surprised to see
Harm duck into his office instead of going to greet
her.  He sighed.  Were they fighting again?

 

"Morning, Mac."  

 

She grunted a hello and quickly brushed past Sturgis
into her own office.

 

*They must be fighting.*  Sturgis followed her,
standing just inside the doorway.

 

"Is everything okay, Mac?"

 

"Mmm?  Yeah . . . uh, fine.  I'm just . . . it's . . .
umm . . . got a busy day."  She picked up a folder and
started paging through it.

 

Sturgis knew when he wasn't wanted, and since it
seemed that Mac had clearly lost her ability to string
a sentence together, he would have to find out what
had happened from somebody else.

 

"Hey."

 

Harm looked up from behind his desk.  Sturgis took one
look at his face and shut the door behind him.

 

"Okay, what happened?"

 

Harm sighed and gnawed on the end of his pen.  "Uh,
Sturgis . . . look, it's really not any of your
business."

 

Sturgis sat down.  Harm had never said as much, but it
was obvious to everyone how he felt about the colonel.

 

"Last night I, uh, I accidentally slept with Mac." 
Harm threw his pen down and held his head in his hands
in despair.

 

"How do you accidentally sleep with someone?"

 

Harm groaned.  "I don't know.  It was just supposed to
be dinner . . . but she had this really sexy dress and
. . . I don't know."  He shook his head.

 

"So how is this a bad thing?"

 

"I woke up this morning and she was gone.  I messed
up, Sturgis.  And I don't know how to fix it."

 

Sturgis stood up.  "You could try talking to her."

 

*

 

Harm sat thinking about his friend's advice.  He
wanted to talk to Mac but surely her leaving meant
that she didn't want to talk?  He took a deep breath,
then crossed the bullpen to Mac's office.  There was
no answer when he knocked so he went in.

 

"Commander," Mac said tersely.

 

"Mac-"

 

"Was there something you wanted?  I'm very busy."  She
couldn't meet his eyes, staring instead at the wings
attached to his uniform.

 

"I was hoping we could talk."

 

"There's nothing to talk about."

 

Harm clenched his jaw and nodded slowly.  "I see."

 

"Was that all?"

 

"Yes."  He slammed the door on his way out.  Every
pair of eyes in the bullpen followed his journey back
to his office.

 

Sturgis winced when his door slammed shut.  He
frowned.  Things were obviously more complicated than
he'd thought.

 

Mac's heart broke when she heard Harm's door slam
closed.  She told herself it was better this way.  She
had known what he was going to say anyway.

 

'Mac, look . . . last night was great but you know it
didn't mean anything, right?'

 

She just wished it didn't hurt so much.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls, Church, Virginia

22 January

15h26

 

Harm and Mac had exchanged no words beyond 'Hello' and
'Goodbye'.  The tension between them was obvious even
to those who didn't know them well.  Admiral
Chegwidden had wisely assigned them to different
cases.  That only worked up to a point, though. 
Things got worse as each day passed and everyone
waited for a resolution.  Something had to give soon.

 

They couldn't avoid each other forever.

 

Engrossed in a file, Mac wasn't paying attention to
what was happening around her.

 

"Watch where you're going!"  Harm spun around, ready
to yell at whoever had so carelessly bumped into him. 
His _expression softened.  "Mac . . ."

 

She snapped the file closed, nervously licking her
lips.  "I'm sorry, Har- Commander."

 

Neither of them were sure what she was apologizing
for.

 

Harm grabbed her wrist, trying to force her to look at
him.  She snatched her hand away as if his touch
burned.  His face instantly hardened.

 

"Well, I'm sorry it was so awful for you."

 

Mac stared, open-mouthed, as he walked away. Was that
what he thought?  That it had been awful?  It couldn't
be further from the truth.

 

"Mac?"  Sturgis gently touched her arm.  He’d been on
his way to talk to him when he’d seen the collision.

 

"I'm fine."

 

"Talk to him."

 

She shook her head.  "It won't change anything."

 

"It won't hurt to try."

 

"He told you, didn't he?"

 

His silence was confirmation enough for her.  She
shook her head in disbelief, marching after Harm.

 

"I can't believe you told him!" she hissed.

 

Aware that almost everyone in the bullpen was looking
at them, Harm pulled her inside his office.  "What?"

 

"Did you tell Sturgis about . . . about the other
night?"  For the first time in a week, she made eye
contact with him.

 

He nodded.  There was no point in denying it.

 

"How could you?"

 

"Mac, I-"

 

She bit her lip, feeling hurt.  The last thing she had
expected from him was for him to tell his friends
about his latest conquest.  She had hoped she meant
more to him than that.  Too furious to think of
anything to say to him, she backed out of the office. 

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

18 February

09h00

 

Mac wondered if the ancient Greeks and Romans hadn't
been far off when they'd thought that the gods liked
to amuse themselves at the expense of mortals.  It
certainly seemed to be the case with her life.

 

She and Harm were opposing counsel in a case of sexual
harassment.  She was prosecuting and Harm was
defending a pilot accused by an ensign.  The ensign, a
pretty blonde, had tearfully reported that Lieutenant
James Rigby had made suggestive remarks to her on
several occasions.  She'd said that whenever she
refused, he resorted to threats.  Rigby denied the
charges, insisting that the affair had been
consensual.

 

This case was definitely not what Mac needed.  Aside
from the subject matter, it was the first case
involving the two of them since the fateful dinner. 
Admiral Chegwidden had tired of the silences and the
tense looks; he'd decided to push them into resolving
things.  Whether that was good or bad judgment
remained to be seen.

 

Mac tried to psych herself up for her appointment with
Ensign Eleanor Carter.  As hard as she tried to like
the woman, especially in light of what she'd been
through, she couldn't.  Perhaps it was the fact that
she was blonde and bore a remarkable resemblance to
the women Harm usually preferred.  She told herself
that had nothing to do with it.

 

There was a tentative knock on the door and Mac gave a
weary, "Enter!"

 

"Colonel?"

 

"Ensign Carter.  Come in, please."

 

Carter smiled and closed the door.  As she did so, she
caught sight of Harm talking to Sturgis in the
bullpen.

 

"Wow!  Who's that?  He's gorgeous!"

 

Mac frowned.  Her words came out clipped, harsher than
she'd intended.  "He's defending Commander Rigby."

 

Carter's lips formed a perfect 'O' and she sat down. 
"Still, he's cute.  Have you ever-?"

 

Mac glared at her.  "Do I have to remind you who
you're talking to?"

 

"Sorry, ma'am."  She stared down at her lap.

 

"Forget it."  Mac opened a file.  "There was one thing
I was curious about.  Why did you let him go on so
long without reporting it?"

 

Carter shrugged.  "I don't know.  I was flattered at
first, but when it became clear that he wanted more .
. ."

 

Mac had left the blinds open and she watched with
interest as Carter continued her appraisal of Harm. 
For a woman who had been harassed, she didn't seem to
be off men at all.  Mac studied her immaculately made
up face and realized suddenly that Carter was lying. 
It wasn't anything specific . . . just a niggling
feeling in the back of her mind.

 

"Did you know Rigby was married?" she asked carefully.

 

A flash of irritation crossed Carter's face, vanishing
as quickly as it had appeared.  Mac leaned forward,
her elbows on her desk.

 

"When did you find out he had a wife?"

 

"A couple of days ago."

 

"Right before you filed the charges?"

 

"It isn't right for a married man to carry on with
another woman!"  Carter's face was red.  This was
obviously a sore point for her.

 

Mac was painfully reminded of her affair with Farrow. 
She pushed the memories aside. "Were you having an
affair with Commander Rigby?"

 

Carter sighed.  "He should have told me he was
married."

 

"So you found out about his wife, decided to pay him
back and filed charges?"

 

Carter nodded sadly. "Am I going to be in trouble for
this?"

 

Feeling a headache coming on, Mac pinched the bridge
of her nose.  "Probably.  Please excuse me, I need to
speak with . . . someone."

 

She stood, walked over to where Harm and Sturgis were
and cleared her throat.  

 

"Commander Rabb?"

 

Both men turned to look at her, by now used to hearing
Mac address Harm so formally.

 

"Colonel?"  He was equally cool.

 

"I need to speak to you about the Carter/Rigby case."

 

"Is your client ready to drop the charges?"

 

"Not exactly."  She gestured to her office.  "I've
just had a meeting with Ensign Carter and . . . well,
we need to talk."

 

Harm nodded.  "I'll be there in a minute."

 

When Mac had returned to her office, Sturgis looked at
Harm.  "Why don't you discuss it over dinner like you
used to?"

 

Harm shook his head.  "We're past the point where our
relationship can be fixed."

 

Sturgis thought he had never met two more stubborn
people in his entire life.  At least they were talking
to each other . . . sort of.

 

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, DC

20 February

07h40

 

Mac had woken with a headache.  She sipped her coffee
. . . it tasted terrible.  She managed to swallow what
was already in her mouth and poured the rest down the
drain.  Her stomach churned.

 

It was odd that she wasn't hungry but she wrote it off
as stress-related.

 

Bile rose in her throat.  She hunched over the toilet
bowl, retching.  Last night's seafood had obviously
been a bad idea.

 

When she felt a bit better, she got back into her
pajamas and picked up her cell phone.

 

"Tiner?  It's Colonel Mackenzie . . . Please tell the
admiral I've got food poisoning so I won't be in today
. . . No, it's not serious . . . If it's not better
tomorrow, I'll go to a doctor . . . Thanks, Tiner."

 

She hung up, smiling.  It was sweet of Tiner to be so
concerned.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

same day

10h00

 

Harm paced up and down his office, unable to
concentrate on anything.  He stared at the phone on
his desk.  He could swear it was laughing at him.

 

He was worried about Mac.  She was never absent
without reason.  He was sure there was a reason, but
he wasn't about to ask the admiral what it was.  He
should call her.

 

He wanted to call her.

 

. . . But he was scared to call her.  They were long
past the point where they could just call each other
up and chat.  He missed her.  

 

Sturgis' knock on his door was an answered prayer. 
Before he could even tell Harm why he was there, he
was pulled inside.

 

"Sturgis, buddy, I need a favor.  I need you to call
Mac."

 

"She's got food poisoning, Harm."

 

Harm's eyes widened.  "What?"

 

"It's not serious.  She'll be back tomorrow.  But
that's not what I came to tell you.  The admiral wants
to see you."

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

25 February

13h00

 

Mac still wasn't feeling a hundred percent better, but
she'd refused to take any more time off work.  If her
caseload hadn't been so heavy, she would have gone to
the doctor.  As it was, she didn't have time.

 

"-Wonder why he's leaving?"

 

"You don't think he's running away, do you?"

 

"Well, I don't blame him.  If I had to get the on-off
treatment the whole time, I'd leave."

 

Mac froze with her hand on the door of the bathroom
stall.  Who were the two women talking about?

 

"Those are senior officers you're talking about!"

 

That was Harriet.  Mac leaned her head against the
door.  So the women had been discussing her and Harm .
. .

 

Wait!  Harm was leaving?

 

She opened the door, catching Harriet's surprised
look.  "Ma'am-"

 

The other women had left.  Mac ran her hands under the
cold water, splashing it on her face.  Harm couldn't
be leaving her.  Not again.

 

"Ma'am, how much of that did you hear?"

 

Mac shook her head.  "Forget it, Harriet."

 

She went straight to Harm's office.  Sure enough,
there was a cardboard box on his desk and he was going
through his drawers.

 

"When were you going to tell me?"

 

He looked up, surprised that she knew.  He hadn't been
sure how to tell her.  At the same time, he hadn't
wanted her to find out from anyone else.

 

"I'm sorry, it was very sudden-"

 

"So it's true?"

 

He looked at her carefully, and nodded.  She looked so
tired.  This thing between them was obviously taking
its toll on her, as it was on him.

 

"Where?"

 

"The Seahawk.  I'll be gone for six months."

 

*Six months?* "You're running away."

 

He dropped a stack of files onto his desk.  "Running
away?  How can I run away when I have nothing to run
from?"

 

She took a step back, shocked by the raw emotion in
his eyes.  Could it be-?  No, it was just her
imagination.

 

"Are you going to fly?"

 

"Yeah, I hope so.  I mean, I'm going as a JAG officer,
but maybe I'll get to fly too."

 

Mac smiled weakly.  "Well, be… careful."  

 

With nothing further to say, she returned to her
office.  Her head ached and she felt nauseous again. 
She sank back into her chair and closed her eyes,
taking deep breaths.  Harm could see her through the
blinds.  He watched her for a while, then resumed
packing.

 

McMurphy's

28 February

18h45

 

"We'll miss you, sir."  Harriet smiled and gave Harm a
quick kiss on the cheek.  It was she who had organized
his farewell party.

 

"I'll be back before you know it."

 

"Just stay away from any landmines," Bud joked.  He
still wasn't ready to come back to work but his
doctors had said it would be healthy for him to get
out a bit.  His sense of humor had returned quickly,
once he'd gotten over the loss of his leg.

 

Harm smiled, scanning the crowd for Mac.  She wasn't
there.  He was hurt.  Despite everything, he'd thought
she'd at least attend the party.

 

There she was!  She'd just walked in . . . and looked
straight at Harm.  He dropped his eyes, taking a swig
of his beer.  A few minutes later, he risked looking
at her again.  He could tell she had something on her
mind – after all these years he could read her like a
book.

 

She was coming over!  He swallowed the rest of his
drink, then turned to her.

 

"Hi, Mac."

 

"Hi."

 

Harriet and Bud quickly moved away to give them some
privacy.

 

"I'm glad you came."

 

"I'm not staying long . . . headache."

 

He nodded.  "I am coming back, you know."

 

"I know."  She smiled.  It was the only thing keeping
her going at the moment.

 

"Can I . . . uh, can I email you?"  He felt like a
sixteen-year-old asking the girl of his dreams to the
prom.

 

"I'd like that."

 

They both smiled,  having taken the first tentative
steps towards rebuilding their broken friendship.  In
a move that surprised him, she stepped forward and
hugged him.  At the other end of the room, Sturgis
smiled.

 

"Just promise me you'll look after yourself, okay?  No
stupid stunts like dodging missiles or anything."

 

Knowing she was concerned made him hold her tighter. 
He'd missed this.   He'd missed her.

 

"I promise."

 

She stepped back, a little nervous.  "Bye, Harm."

 

She left the bar quickly, not looking back.  The next
few months were going to be tough, but maybe the time
apart would do them good. As much as she wanted –
needed – him to stay, she knew she couldn't ask.

 

The burden of her unshared secret weighing heavily on
her shoulders, she drove home, fighting tears the
whole way.

 

 ***Part Two***

 

USS SEAHAWK

Unspecified location

11 March

16h00

 

Harm sat in front of his computer, his fingers poised
over the keyboard.

 

Dear Mac . . . No.

 

Hi Mac . . .

 

Hey Mac . . .

 

Dear Sarah . . .

 

Mac,

Just thought I'd say hi.  Hope you're all coping at
JAG without me.  It's strange being on a ship again. 
I needed this though.  Not being away from everyone .
. . just having some time to myself.  To sort things
out in my head.  These past couple of weeks have been
hard on everyone and I'm sorry about that.

I got to fly this morning.  Just some recon, nothing
to worry about.  There's something about being up in
the air that's just so free . . .

Anyway, I'd better go. I have to at least pretend to
be working – haha.

Look after yourself,

Harm

 

Rereading the letter, Harm felt it was stilted . . .
but considering they hadn't been speaking to each
other a week ago, it would do.  Somehow it was easier
to put down in words what he couldn't manage to say in
person.

 

He took a deep breath and pressed 'Send'.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

17 March

14h10

 

Sturgis frowned as he watched Mac put yet another pill
into her mouth, swallowing it with a sip of water. 
He'd promised himself that he wouldn't get involved
but he couldn't bear to see her destroy herself like
this.  He marched into her office, closing the door
behind him.

 

Mac smiled.  "Hi, Sturgis.  How's Bobbi?"

 

"She's fine.  Mac, we need to talk."

 

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

 

"What are those pills you're taking?"

 

Mac paled.  "What-?  How . . . how did you know?"

 

"You don't close the blinds."  He leaned across the
desk and took her hands.  "I hate seeing you hurting."

 

"It's not what you think."

 

"Mac, you know you can trust me."

 

She nodded, pressing her lips together.  Her resolve
weakened.  "You can't tell him."

 

"Harm?  I won't."

 

She took the bottle of pills out of her desk drawer
and slid it across the polished wood.  Sturgis picked
it up and turned it over in his palm.

 

"Prenatal?  You're . . . you're-?"

 

"Pregnant," she supplied weakly.

 

"Harm doesn't know?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"Mac, you have to tell him!"

 

"I can't . . . not yet."

 

"But-"

 

"You promised, Sturgis!"

 

"Who else knows?"  He handed the pills back to her and
they were quickly returned to their hiding place.

 

"My doctor."

 

"You can't keep it a secret forever."

 

"I know."

 

"You are keeping it, aren't you?"

 

"Of course!  How could you even think-!"

 

Sturgis held up his hands in defense.  "Sorry."

 

She sighed.  "I will tell him.  I have to.  Just not
yet."

 

USS SEAHAWK

Unspecified location

27 March

11h50

 

Dear Mac,

Things here are pretty much the same as they always
are.  There's only so much you can do on a ship!  I
keep expecting Webb to pop up and send me off on some
fool's mission . . . sadly, that hasn't happened.

Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually . . . bored.  And
don't you dare say 'I told you so'!

How are things at home?  How's AJ?  Bud emailed me a
picture he took at the zoo – the one with AJ on your
shoulders.  Isn't he getting a little big for that?  I
know, I know . . . You're a tough marine.  Sorry.

Better go – the captain's calling.

Write soon,

Harm

 

Harm stood and stretched.  Hadn't Bud and Harriet IM'd
when Bud was here?  He wondered if he should suggest
it to Mac, then decided not to.  He didn't want to be
pushy.

 

He pulled on his cap, then followed the captain out. 
Maybe he'd get to fly again today.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

9 April

16h30

 

"Admiral, do you have a minute?"

 

AJ peered over his glasses at the petite marine and
nodded.

 

Mac smiled and stepped into his office.  "There's
something you need to know, sir."

 

"Don't tell me you want a TAD too."  He studied her
carefully.  She was far too thin and from the rings
under her eyes, it was obvious she wasn't sleeping
well.

 

Mac shook her head.  "Sir, I'm . . . I'm pregnant."

 

There was silence.  The ex-SEAL stared at her.  She
returned his gaze, unwavering.

 

"Congratulations, Colonel."  He wasn't sure what else
to say.

 

She nodded, turning to leave.

 

"Is there going to be a wedding in the near future?"

 

"I doubt it, sir."

 

He sighed when she was gone.  He had wondered who the
father was.  Considering her and Harm's recent
behavior, he had his suspicions. Those two never
ceased to give him trouble.  He wondered how he was
going to get past the regs with this one.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

14 April

17h30

 

Dear Harm . . . 

 

Damnit, she still didn't know how to address his
emails.  How exactly was one supposed to speak to the
father of her unborn child?

 

Mac groaned.  How was she going to tell him?  He'd
hate her, of course.  The last thing he needed in his
life right now was a child.  Especially her child.

 

He's going to kill me!  Although, if she thought about
it, he was as much to blame as she was.  Neither of
them had thought about protection.

 

Neither of them had thought, period.

 

Oh well, he was writing 'Dear' in his letters.

 

Dear Harm,

As unbelievable as this sounds, we're coping really
well without you.  There have been no complaints from
the judges or the SECNAV, but I did see Webb lurking
around the other day.  Maybe he misses you?

Bud sent you the zoo pictures?  I told him not to. 
Yeah, AJ is getting a bit heavy, but Bud can't exactly
carry him around like that anymore.  Speaking of Bud .
. . he's back at work!  We had a welcome back party
for him.  He's looking so much better these days; I
wish you could see for yourself.  But you'll have to
wait, I guess.  I'm sure there'll be many surprises on
your return.

Don't expect a welcome back party for you though. 
People here keep saying, "Harm who?"

Just kidding!

Anyway, I'm glad you're well.  I'll speak to you soon.
 Stay out of trouble, flyboy!

Mac

 

She had wondered whether to put in the 'flyboy'.  Were
they ready to go back to that kind of teasing?

 

What about the baby?  She wanted to tell him.  Then
five seconds later she'd change her mind.  At least
Sturgis had kept his promise, so far.

 

She'd tell him when he returned.  It was something he
needed to hear in person.

 

Mimi Maternity

Washington, DC

26 April

11h30

 

Harriet and Mac wandered into yet another clothing
store.  Mac was glad she had decided not to go
shopping alone.  Her clothes didn't fit anymore, and
if she put off buying maternity wear any longer, she'd
never get around to doing it.

 

"I'm so glad you asked me to come along . . . AJ, no!
Leave that alone!"  Harriet grabbed her son's hand,
pulling him away.

 

Mac couldn't help smiling.  "I thought I could use
your experience.  I'm completely clueless."

 

"I think it's wonderful we got pregnant at the same
time.  What does the commander think?"

 

"The commander?"  Mac pretended interest in a blouse.

 

Harriet realized she'd said something she shouldn't
have, but there was no way to backtrack.  "Uh, I'm
sure he's happy for you.  You are friends again,
aren't you?"

 

Mac nodded.  "Well, we're talking.  That's a start."

 

"He doesn't know, does he?"

 

"Are you hungry?  I'm hungry.  Let's get lunch."  Mac
went down on her haunches so that she was level with
AJ.  "What do you want?"

 

Harriet sighed.  The baby topic was obviously closed. 
She wondered if the rumors were true, if Harm was the
father . . . no, he wouldn't have left then.

 

She replaced the skirt she'd been admiring on the rack
and followed Mac and AJ out of the store.

 

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, DC

1 May

18h00

 

Mac lay on her couch, glad to be off her feet.  She
was exhausted.  Why had no one told her pregnancy
could be so tiring?  

 

She was in a foul mood.  The case she'd been working
on had taken a lot out of her and she had hoped it
would be over by now, but Singer had filed for a
continuance.

 

Mac closed her eyes and wondered, not for the first
time, what kind of mother she would be.  She knew Harm
would take an interest in the child, if only because
of his sense of honor, but she didn't expect him to be
a permanent part of their lives.  The best she could
hope for was that he'd love this child as much as he
loved their godchild.

 

She laid a hand on her belly.  It was strange to think
that another person was growing inside her.  She was
soon going to be responsible for another life.

 

She smiled.  Would the baby look like her or like
Harm?  Whose eyes would it have?  Whose nose?

 

Chloe had been thrilled when Mac had called her with
the news.  She had demanded to be kept up to date with
everything and had cheekily asked if the dress she'd
persuaded Mac to buy had anything to do with it.

 

Mac had lied and said no.

 

Being a parent didn't scare her as much as it used to.
 She knew that she wasn't anything like her parents. 
She wouldn't leave her child.  She wouldn't hurt her
child . . . 

 

Maybe JAG wasn't the place for her to be anymore.  It
was far too time-consuming.  If she did stay, then she
would have to make it clear that there would be no
more missions for Webb or long distance assignments.

 

There was a lot to think about.  She didn't want
anyone to accuse her of running away . . . even if
that's exactly what she felt like doing.

 

USS SEAHAWK

Unspecified location

10 May

22h00

 

Dear Mac,

So what's happening at JAG?  All Bud can talk about is
Harriet and the baby.  Not that I blame him.  If I was
in his place, I'd be pretty excited too.  What does AJ
think of becoming a big brother?

The most exciting thing that happened this week was
two sailors getting drunk and falling overboard.  Both
of them are okay, but they're in big trouble.  I miss
DC.

Since Bud's accident no one wants JAG officers to
leave their ships, but they're letting me fly.  I'm
glad.  I missed flying.  Hey, when I get back we
should go up in 'Sarah'.  What do you think?

Harm

 

After he sent the message, he opened the file with the
picture of Mac and AJ.  He looked at it every day.

 

"I miss you," he said softly.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

15 May

14h20

 

Sturgis knew something was wrong when he saw that
Mac's blinds were closed.  He knocked on the door and
heard a muffled response.  He slowly turned the handle
and stepped inside.

 

"Mac?"  He slowly approached her, pulling a chair
around the desk so that he could sit next to her. 
"What's wrong?"

 

She wiped away her tears and shook her head. 
"Nothing, it's just these damn hormones."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"No."  She picked up a manila envelope and pulled out
what looked like a photograph.

 

Looking closer, Sturgis realized it was a sonogram. 
"What is it?  Is something wrong with it?"

 

"No, the baby's perfect."  She sniffed.  "It's
just…Harm deserves to be here to see this.  He's going
to hate me when he gets back."

 

"He won't hate you."  Sturgis put his arm around Mac's
shoulder, pulling her against him.  "It'll be okay,
you'll see."

 

She pulled away.  "No . . ."

 

"So tell him now.  Send him a copy of the sonogram."  

 

"That'll only make things worse.  'Hey, Harm!  What's
up?  By the way, here's what your unborn child looks
like!'"

 

"If it's such a big deal, fly out there and tell him."

 

Mac turned to look at Sturgis, her eyes wide.  She
shook her head.

 

"Mac-"

 

"I'm going to be late for court."  She stood up. 
"I'll see you later.  Say hi to Bobbi for me."

 

Sturgis didn't know what to do.  He wished she wasn't
so stubborn.  

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

30 May

16h45

 

Dear Harm,

It's so hot here!  Almost too hot to move.  And of
course everyone's in a foul mood, so I'm doing my best
to stay out of the way.  

Harriet and I went shopping for baby clothes during
lunch today. She's glowing – it's true, I swear! 
Anyway, they had the cutest little things.  We could
have spent the whole day in the store.

Hope things get more exciting for you.  I bet you're
wishing you'd stayed!  DC misses you, too.  I hope
you're doing better with the heat than we are.

Mac

 

Mac glanced at the shopping bag next to her desk.  She
felt guilty about the half-truth.  She had gone to
look for baby clothes with Harriet, but she'd been
shopping for her baby, not Harriet's.

 

*Forgive me, Harm.*

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

10 June

12h30

 

Singer hovered nervously in the doorway to Mac's
office. She glanced down at the gift bag in her hands,
and tapped softly on the door.

 

"Excuse me, Colonel?"

 

Mac closed the filing cabinet and turned to the door. 
"Lieutenant Singer?"

 

Singer handed Mac a small gift bag.  "I thought you
might like this."

 

"Thank you."  

 

Singer smiled at Mac's surprise, then quietly turned
to leave.

 

"Loren, I'm sorry about . . . about the, uh,
miscarriage."  

 

Singer stopped, looking back at Mac over her shoulder.
  Just when she'd decided to have her baby, she'd
slipped on an icy step in her haste to be on time for
work.  Even though Harm had rushed her to hospital,
the doctors had been unable to save the baby.  She'd
taken some time off but was now back full-time. 
Discovering that Mac was pregnant had been a surprise,
and she half-wished that she hadn't lost her baby.

 

In a maternal moment, Singer had bought a gift for her
unborn child, but it was obviously useless to her now.
 Because Mac was one of the few people Singer actually
respected, even if she would rather die than admit it,
she had decided to pass the gift on.

 

Smiling sadly at Mac, she left the room, closing the
door behind her. 

 

Through the open blinds, she saw Mac peer inside the
bag and then reach in to pick up the Winnie-the-Pooh
bear.  Absently rubbing her belly, she got back to
work.

 

USS SEAHAWK

Unspecified location

25 June

10h50

 

Hey Sturgis!

I have 2 months left and then I'm home.  It'll be good
to be back.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately
and I think I know what I want.  I can only hope that
it's not too late to fix things.  Mac and I are
emailing every week.  That's good, right?  Has she
said anything to you?  Wait, no, don't tell me.

Seriously, how is she?  She says fine, you say fine .
. . but I want details.  Does she still look so
stressed out all the time?

Tell your dad I said hi, by the way.  

How's Bobbi?  Are you two still together?  It's been
ages now.  Is there something you want to tell me? 
You've never had a relationship that's lasted this
long before.

Harm

 

"Excuse me, Commander?  You're wanted on deck."

 

Harm nodded at the petty officer.  He switched off the
computer and left.  

 

The radar had picked up another vessel just a few
miles away.  It was heading in the direction of the
Seahawk and not responding to any of the Seahawk's
messages.  Harm and another pilot were to go check it
out.  He couldn't help thinking about what Mac had
said at his farewell.

 

'Just promise me you'll look after yourself, okay?  No
stupid stunts like dodging missiles or anything.'

 

"I'll do my best, Mac."  He didn't realize that for
the first time in his life, he didn't want to stay and
be a pilot . . . he wanted to go home to be with the
woman he loved.  Mac.  And with the cocky confidence
he had been born with, he had no doubt she would be
waiting for him.

 

Roberts' Residence

Rosslyn

4 July

19h30

 

Mac sat on the couch with AJ.  He had his hand on her
belly, smiling when he felt the baby kick.

 

"Auntie Mac, where do babies come from?"

 

She choked on her iced tea.  "Uh . . . I think your
parents better answer that one."

 

"They said the hospital.  But Daddy went to hospital
and he didn't have a baby.  An' anyway, I know babies
are in tummies, but I don't know who puts them there."

 

Mac wondered if Bud and Harriet realized they had a
genius on their hands.  She frowned, trying to come up
with an answer AJ would accept.  "God puts them
there," she said eventually.

 

"Oh.  Daddy says God can do anything."

 

"Yeah, he can."  Mac smiled at AJ's innocent answer. 
She could learn something from him, she decided.  But
did she believe enough to trust that things would work
out with Harm?

 

"Dinner's ready," Bud said.

 

With Harriet eight months pregnant, they had decided
to celebrate Independence Day quietly.  Knowing Mac
didn't have other plans, they'd invited her to dinner.

 

AJ hopped off the couch, running to his father.  Bud
was walking without crutches now, but he still had to
lean against the doorframe for support when AJ
barreled into him.  He didn't want to be knocked over
– two pregnant women would be no help trying to get
him up.

 

After Bud had said grace, AJ turned to look at Mac,
quietly staring at her as she ate.  His curiosity
still wasn't satisfied.

 

"But Auntie Mac, how come God gave you a baby but not
a daddy?"

 

Harriet and Bud shared a horrified glance.  

 

"AJ!"

 

He looked unapologetically at his parents.  Then,
thinking of something, his face brightened.  "I know! 
Uncle Harm-"

 

"AJ!"  Harriet glared at him, then looked to Mac. "I'm
sorry."

 

Mac shook her head.  "It's okay . . . I just . . .
please, excuse me.  I'll be right back."

 

She went to the bathroom, where she wiped away the few
tears she had allowed to fall.

 

Doctor's Offices

Georgetown, DC

10 July

13h30

 

"What's that noise?"  Mac turned wide eyes to the
red-haired woman in front of her. 

 

Dr. Georgia Cole smiled.  "It's your baby's
heartbeat."

 

"Really?"  Mac looked at the monitor, seeing the tiny
figure of her unborn child.  It was the most beautiful
sound she had ever heard, and she said as much.

 

"I know."  Georgia chuckled.  "I hear it every day and
I still never get over it."

 

"It sounds so strong."

 

"It is.  Your baby's healthy.  You, on the other hand,
could be taking a little more care of yourself."

 

Mac nodded.  "I know.  I've just had a lot on my mind
lately."

 

"You're still taking the vitamins?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Mmm."  Georgia studied Mac carefully.  She had a
knack for seeing far more than people wanted her to. 
It was a gift that served her well as a doctor.  "I
think it would do you a world of good to get away for
a while."

 

"I can't."

 

Georgia shrugged.  "Well, I had to try.  Take care of
yourself until I see you again."

 

Mac smiled.  "Thanks."

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

22 July

15h05

 

Mac was napping in her office when Admiral Chegwidden
walked in.  He didn't have the heart to disturb her,
but could see she was going to wake up with a stiff
neck.  Gently sliding an open book out from under her
chin, he turned to leave.

 

"Sir!  I'm sorry…" Mac started to rise.

 

"At ease."

 

She sank gratefully back into the chair.  "I'm sorry,
sir.  I haven't been sleeping well lately.  This
heat-"

 

"It's okay."  He sat down.  "How are you?"

 

"As well as can be expected."

 

He leaned back casually.  "Commander Rabb is returning
in a month."

 

"I know."

 

"Mac, forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds as your
friend, but it was very clear that things were . . .
troubled between the two of you when he left."

 

Mac nodded.

 

He was dying to ask the question that was on
everyone's lips.  Was Rabb the father?  Mac was like a
daughter to him, and no matter how much he liked Harm,
if he hurt her . . . 

 

"If you need anything, you know where to find me."

 

"Thank you, sir.  For that and . . . and for not
asking questions."  She smiled gratefully at her CO.

 

Forgetting protocol for a moment, he leaned across the
desk and squeezed her hand.  "Hang in there, Mac."

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

6 August

12h00

 

Dear Harm,

Bud and Harriet had a little girl last night!  Amy
Sarah Roberts.  She's beautiful!  No doubt you'll get
an email from Bud with all the details, but he's not
thinking too clearly at the moment.  If you thought he
was over the moon when AJ was born, you should see him
now.  And little AJ is so into his role of big
brother.  Did I tell you I had the very interesting
experience of trying to explain to him where babies
come from the other day?  Being court-martialed wasn't
as terrifying!

Nothing is getting done here today.  Everyone's
talking about Amy (lovely name, don't you think?) 
Even Webb popped in at the hospital to see her.  She's
beautiful . . . oh, wait.  I've said that already!

I'm glad your 'mission' turned out to be nothing more
than an abandoned ship.  I told Chloe about it and
she's certain that it was haunted.  Say, you aren't
anywhere near the Bermuda triangle, are you?  I know,
I know . . . it's classified.  

Anyway, I'm sure Amy's eager to meet her Uncle Harm so
keep yourself safe until you get back, okay? It's less
than a month to go, what could possibly happen, right?

Mac

PS We miss you here.

 

She pressed 'Send' before she could change her mind
about the PS.  Then switched the computer off and left
for the hospital.  

 

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, Dc

15 July

20h38

 

Mac sat cross-legged on the couch, a pizza box open on
her lap.  Sturgis sat on the floor in front of her,
another pizza box lying next to him.  He looked in the
direction of the kitchen impatiently.

 

Mac grinned, helping herself to another slice of
pizza.

 

Bobbi Latham returned, carrying a tray with a bottle
of coke and three glasses.  "Okay, you can start the
movie now."

 

Sturgis aimed the remote control at the video machine
and pressed 'play'.  He and Bobbi had arrived
unannounced, bearing food and videos.  He was worried
about Mac – the closer Harm's return came, the more
stressed she got.  Coming here had been Bobbi's idea
actually, but he'd insisted on choosing the videos.

 

As the opening music of 'Star Wars' boomed out,
everyone got more comfortable.  Sturgis draped his arm
around Bobbi's shoulder, missing Mac's amused grin. 
Bobbi leaned against him.  Mac wondered if they'd
forgotten about their pizza and reached down to steal
a slice.

 

She was glad they'd come.  She hadn't felt this
relaxed in a long time.  It was good to let go of
everything once in a while.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

22 August

10h00

 

Mac walked out of the admiral's office, almost
knocking Sturgis over.

 

"Is something wrong?"  She wondered why he'd been
lurking just outside the door.

 

He turned and pointed.  Mac's heart skipped a beat
when she saw Harm standing in the bullpen, chatting
with Bud.  Her hands automatically went to her
stomach.

 

She wasn't ready for this.

 

"He's back early."  She frowned up at Sturgis.

 

"I know.  He wanted to surprise everyone."

 

"Please . . . please ask him to see me in my office."

 

Sturgis grabbed her wrist as she turned away.  "Good
luck, Mac."

 

She smiled weakly and hurried to her office, praying
Harm wouldn't see her yet.  Once inside, she closed
the blinds.  This was going to be a very private
conversation.

 

She jumped when there was a knock at the door.  "Come
in."

 

Harm stepped inside, smiling brightly.  "Mac, it's
good to see you."

 

She turned around fully, hesitantly looking up at the
face she'd missed so much.  "Harm."

 

His jaw dropped when he saw her swollen belly. 
"You're . . . you're . . ."

 

"Pregnant."  She bit her bottom lip, uncertain of his
reaction.

 

He shook his head in disbelief.  "How could you?"

 

"What?"

 

"I thought . . .  How could you hop straight from my
bed into someone else's, Mac?  I expected more from
you."

 

Knowing that he didn't mean it – that he was just
reacting in shock - didn't stop his words from
hurting.  "How dare you?"

 

"Don't turn this around!  You're the one who-" He
stepped back.  The thought of Mac in someone else's
arms was unbearable.  "You should have told me.  I
wasn't prepared to come back and see you like this.  I
. . . I had hoped . . .  Never mind."

 

"I'm sorry, Harm.  I didn't know how . . ."

 

"Who-?  Wait.  Don't tell me.  I don't want to know."

 

Mac stopped breathing.  Her worst fears were coming
true.  Harm didn't want to be a part of this.  She
lowered herself into a chair before her legs gave in
completely.

 

"I can't look at you right now."  Harm spun around and
left.

 

Mac was too shocked to go after him.  She rubbed her
stomach, praying that it would somehow be alright.

 

Sturgis watched his friend leave.  It obviously hadn't
gone well.  He sighed, and went to knock on Mac's
door.

 

 ***Part Three*** 


Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

23 August

11h35

 

"I thought you were at sea!"  Sarah Rabb welcomed her
grandson with a hug, then stepped back to look at him.
 He felt all of twelve years old again.

 

"We got back early."

 

"What's the matter?"

 

He plastered a smile on his face.  "Nothing.  Why?"

 

Grandma Sarah sighed.  "Because you look exactly like
your father did when he came home from school to find
out his dog had died."

 

"No one died, Grams."

 

She raised an eyebrow and went back into the house. 
Harm shifted his duffle bag to his other shoulder and
followed her in.

 

"How long are you here for?"

 

"Just the weekend.  I've got to be back at JAG on
Monday."

 

"And how's your partner?"

 

Harm scowled.  "Fine."

 

Grandma Sarah went back to the kitchen, pulling out
coffee mugs.  "Would your visit have anything to do
with her?"

 

Harm was silent.  He still couldn't hide anything from
his grandmother.  "I really don't want to talk about
it.  Please?"

 

"She broke your heart, didn't she?"

 

He sat at the kitchen table, gratefully accepting the
coffee.  "I really thought we had something . . .  But
now she's pregnant."

 

"Pregnant?  And it's not yours?"

 

The possibility hadn't even crossed Harm's mind.  He
looked up, weighing the idea in his mind.  "I . . . I
don't know.  I didn't ask."  He slapped his forehead. 
"I'm such an idiot!  I accused her of . . .  She
probably hates me now."

 

Grandma Sarah ruffled Harm's hair.  "I'm sure she
doesn't hate you.  Go to her; talk to her."

 

He shook his head.  "I need to think . . . I might be
a father . . .  But then why wouldn't she have said
something when she found out?"

 

"Harm, I may be old but that doesn't mean I have all
the answers."

 

He managed a small laugh.  "Of course you do, you just
want me to figure them out on my own."

 

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, DC

24 August

18h27

 

Mac sat curled up on the couch and sipped her coffee. 
Since her encounter with Harm, she had been thinking. 
As much as it pained her, she had decided to tell Harm
the whole story and leave the choice with him.  If he
wanted to be a part of the child's life, that was
great . . . but if he decided he wanted nothing more
to do with her, she would quietly let him get on with
his life . . .  Even if it meant that she had to leave
JAG.

 

Sturgis, as always, was worried about her, and he and
Bobbi had come over to keep her company.  Mac told
herself that she was lucky to have them as friends.

 

Sturgis sat down next to her.  "The pizza's on its
way."

 

"Thanks.  You guys really don't have to be here, you
know."

 

"Nonsense.  Being alone is the last thing you need
tonight."  Bobbi perched on the arm of the couch and
sipped her own coffee.

 

Mac smiled.  "I think I'll have a quick shower.  You
guys behave out here."

 

"Of course."  Sturgis winked.

 

Half an hour later there was a knock at the door. 
Bobbi was in the kitchen so Sturgis went to answer.

 

"Harm!"

 

"Can I come in?"  He'd been caught in the rain and was
dripping water onto the floor.

 

"Sure."

 

"Where's Mac?"

 

As he asked, she came out of the bedroom in a
bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her head.  Harm
looked from her to Sturgis, his mind racing.

 

"I asked you to look after her, not to sleep with
her!"

 

Before Sturgis could respond, Harm punched him.  Mac
gasped in horror.  Sturgis looked at his friend and
rubbed his jaw.

 

"That was uncalled for."

 

"Was it?  Damnit, you know how I feel about her!  Is
it your baby?"  

 

Harm looked ready to hit Sturgis again.  Mac looked
ready to pass out.  Bobbi decided to intervene.

 

"Harmon Rabb!  Stop jumping to conclusions!"

 

He looked over his shoulder at Bobbi.  "I . . . I
didn't see you there."

 

"Obviously.  Are you okay, Sturgis?"

 

"I'll live."

 

Harm turned to Mac.  "Sarah-"

 

"Get out."

 

"What?"

 

"Until you start acting like an adult, I don't want to
speak to you."  She retreated to her bedroom, shaking
with fury.  How dare Harm march into her home, insult
her and her friends, and then expect her to talk to
him?

 

Harm sank to his knees.  Coming here had obviously
been a bad idea.  "I'm sorry, Sturgis.  Bobbi.  I . .
. I don't know what got into me."

 

Sturgis held an icepack to his jaw.  "It's called
jealousy."

 

"Why didn't you tell me?  Why didn't she tell me?"

 

"She wanted to do it face to face."

 

"I guess I blew it again."

 

"I don't know why she puts up with you."  Bobbi
extended her hand to Harm, helping him up.

 

"Do you think she'll kill me if I try to talk to her
now?"

 

Both Bobbi and Sturgis shrugged.  

 

"Fix it, Harm," Sturgis said.  "I don't know how many
chances you're going to get."

 

Harm took a deep breath and knocked on the bedroom
door.  "Mac?"

 

Silence.

 

"Mac?  Can I come in?"

 

He went in anyway, thankful that she hadn't locked the
door.  She was lying on the bed.  She had put on a
T-shirt and sweat pants, and her hair was still wet. 
He sat on the edge of the bed.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

She sat up, looking at him suspiciously.  "If you're
going to insult me again-"

 

"I'm not.  I really am sorry.  It's just . . . when I
think of you with somebody else, I . . . I don't like
it."

 

She stared at the duvet.

 

"I shouldn't have said any of the things I did."  Harm
studied her downcast face, willing her to look at him.

 

"I should have told you sooner."

 

"Look, it doesn't matter whose child it is.  It's your
life, Mac.  If you want-"

 

"It's yours."  She closed her eyes as she said it,
afraid of his reaction.  "I found out the day of your
farewell."

 

"M-Mine?"

 

She nodded.

 

He didn't know what to say.  He stood, pacing up and
down the room as his brain processed the information.

 

Fearing the worst, a single tear trailed down Mac's
cheek.  Harm saw it shimmer in the light.  He was at
her side instantly, wiping it away with his finger.

 

"Don't cry.  Please.  It's okay."

 

"I'm s-sorry.  I . . . I didn't plan this, I swear. 
And if you don't want-"

 

"Look at me, Sarah."

 

She opened her eyes, hesitantly meeting his gaze.  He
scooted closer to her, pulling her into his arms.  She
leaned her head on his shoulder as he rubbed her back.

 

"I'm going to be a dad."  He lifted his hand to touch
her stomach, then paused in midair.  "Uh-"

 

She placed her hand over his and guided it to her
stomach.

 

"If I'd known, I wouldn't have left."

 

"Then you would have been disobeying direct orders."

 

He bit his lip.  She wasn't going to like this.  "Not
exactly.  I, uh, I requested it."

 

She stiffened.  "What?"

 

"I needed some space . . . to work things out."

 

"You left deliberately?"

 

"Mac-"

 

She pulled away completely.  "Why?"

 

"I told you.  I-"

 

"Forget it.  Just . . .  forget it."

 

"If you hate me so much, then why are you keeping the
baby?"

 

"I don't hate you, Harm."

 

He took her hands in his.  "But I woke up and you were
gone.  Making love to you felt so right.  But you
left.  *You* left, not me."

 

"I'm sorry."  She moved closer to him, leaning her
forehead against his.  "I'm sorry.  I was just so
scared that you wouldn't want me anymore.  That all
you wanted from me was that one night…"

 

"Aw, honey, I love you.  Sarah, don't cry."

 

"Sorry."  Her voice was muffled.  "You're all wet."

 

"It's raining outside."

 

"You're going to get sick.  Go shower and put
something dry on.  I'm not going anywhere."

 

Was that it? Harm wondered.  Were they okay now?  Or
was this just a truce?  Shrugging, he made his way to
the bathroom, stripping off his wet clothes.

 

*

 

When Sturgis and Bobbi heard the shower go on, they
looked at each other, smiling.

 

"Do you think that means they're, uh, working things
out?"

 

Bobbi grinned.  "Or she could be washing the blood off
her clothes."

 

"Funny."

 

"Come on, let's go.  I don't think we're needed right
now."

 

Sturgis nodded his assent, then gently touched his
jaw.  "Do you think she'll mind if I borrow the ice
pack?"

 

Bobbi just laughed.

 

*

 

Mac was asleep when Harm finished showering.  He
didn't think Mac would have anything he could wear and
was surprised to find some men's clothes in her
closet.  *Probably some of Mic's old things.*  The
thought wasn't particularly pleasant.  He pulled on a
pair of sweat pants and climbed onto the bed.  Mac
didn't wake, but rolled over so that she was facing
Harm.  He inched closer, placing his hand on her
protruding belly.

 

*That's my child in there.  Mine and Mac's . . . wow. 
Wow!*

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

25 August

08h30

 

Harm strode into the bullpen as if he'd never been
gone.  Junior officers snapped to attention as he
passed.  Nodding distractedly, he scanned the room. 
Not seeing who he was looking for, he headed to the
break room.

 

"Sturgis.  Uh, hi."  He'd found him.

 

"Harm."

 

"Uh, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.  You
were right.  I was out of line.  Uh, how's your jaw?"

 

"Fine.  How's Mac?"

 

Harm smiled.  "We'll be okay."

 

It was what Sturgis had been waiting forever to hear. 
He patted Harm on the back as he walked out. 

 

"Attention on deck!"

 

Harm saluted as the admiral entered.

 

"In my office, please, Commander."

 

Harm followed obediently, pausing as he saw Mac in her
office.  She was on the phone and looked up and waved.
 He smiled.

 

"Commander?"

 

"Sir?"

 

"How was your tour?"

 

"Uh, enlightening, sir."  He stood rigid, unwavering
under AJ's penetrating gaze.

 

"Really?  In what way?"

 

Harm looked in Mac's direction again, trying to put
his thoughts into words.  "I-"

 

"Don't mess this one up.  There's more than just the
two of you now."  He was speaking as a friend, not as
a commanding officer.

 

"Did she tell you?"

 

"She didn't have to."  At Harm's confused look, he
chuckled.  "Rabb, the whole world knows what you two
were unwilling to admit."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes.  Now don't you have work to do?"

 

Harm nodded.  "Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir."

 

"Oh, one more thing:  I don't want to see any more
domestic problems affecting this office.  Is that
clear?"

 

"Crystal."

 

Roberts' Residence

Rosslyn

29 July

19h00

 

"Uncle Harm!"  AJ squealed with delight as he saw his
godfather for the first time in months.

 

"Did you miss me?"  He picked the boy up, surprised at
how much he had grown.

 

"Yeah."  AJ giggled.

 

Harm smiled at Harriet.  "It's good to see you."

 

"And you.  Come inside.  Uh, where's Mac?"

 

"She's getting something out the car.  She-"

 

"Hi, Harriet!"  Mac handed Harriet a gift-wrapped
package.  "This is from the two of us.  For Amy."

 

"You shouldn't have-"

 

"Auntie Mac!"  AJ insisted on giving her a sloppy
kiss.  "Come see the baby!"  He wriggled out of Harm's
grasp, then took Mac's hand and pulled her in the
direction of the nursery.  

 

Bud stood, holding Amy.  Harm walked over, gently
taking her from him.

 

"You were right, Mac.  She is beautiful."

 

"She's my sister."  AJ stood tall, his chest puffing
out with pride.

 

Mac bit her lip, suddenly overcome with emotion.
Seeing Harm with Amy in his arms, she couldn't help
picturing the day when he would hold their child like
that.  As if in response to his mother's thoughts, her
baby kicked inside her.  She gasped, a smile lighting
her face.

 

Harm looked up in concern.  "Are you okay?"

 

She nodded, taking his hand and pressing it against
her belly.  Harm hadn't yet felt his child kicking. 
He grinned.

 

"Oh, Mac . . ."

 

Bud and Harriet smiled at each other.  The interaction
between their two senior officers spoke volumes.

 

Doctor's Offices

Georgetown

9 September

13h30

 

"Harm, I'm fine.  Stop fussing."

 

He smiled.  "Sorry.  I can't help it."

 

"Ms Mackenzie."

 

Mac stood, walking towards the examination room.  She
stopped, aware that Harm wasn't behind her.  She
turned to find him still seated, looking at her with a
petrified _expression on his face.

 

"Harm?"

 

"I'll wait here."

 

"Harm, you wanted to come with."

 

He took a deep breath and rose to his feet.  He stared
suspiciously at Georgia when she entered the room, as
if she were Dr. Frankenstein instead of an ordinary
obstetrician.

 

"Hi, Sarah.  You're looking well.  I'm Georgia Cole." 
She held out her hand to Harm.

 

"Harmon Rabb."

 

Georgia nodded, turning her attention back to Mac. 
"You ready to get started?"

 

"Yeah."

 

When the baby appeared on the monitor, Harm went right
up to it, tracing the image with his fingers.  His
reaction to the heartbeat was the same as Mac's had
been.

 

"Wow . . ."  

 

"Everything looks perfect, Sarah.  Do you want to know
what sex it is?"

 

Harm and Mac shared a look, then both shook their
heads.  They could wait.

 

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

19 September

18h25

 

It had been an uneasy few weeks for Harm and Mac. 
They still occasionally fought, but the tension that
had previously existed was gone.  Since that first
night when he'd confessed his love for her, they
hadn't discussed the issue of 'them'.  Their
relationship was still far too tenuous.

 

Now, they were spending the weekend at Grandma Sarah's
place.  She'd insisted on meeting Mac.  Needless to
say, Mac was worried.  What if Grandma Sarah didn't
like her?  What if she thought her grandson could do
better?

 

All her fears were assuaged when, on their arrival,
Grandma Sarah enveloped her in a hug, saying, "So
you're the girl who stole my Harmon's heart."  Then
she held her at arms' length, taking a careful look at
her.

 

Mac shot a helpless look in Harm's direction.  He
could only smile.  For a change, he wasn't on the
receiving end of Grandma Sarah's scrutiny.

 

"Come inside, child.  We've got so much to talk
about."  Grandma Sarah hooked her arm through Mac's.

 

"I'm glad you approve."  Harm laughed, carrying their
luggage inside.

 

"Don't listen to him," Grandma Sarah said.  "You're
far too good for him."

 

Harm snorted.  "You're supposed to say nice things
about me!"

 

Mac allowed herself to relax.  Maybe this weekend
wouldn't be so bad.

 

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

20 September

10h13

 

Mac sat on the porch swing, rocking gently.  Her eyes
closed, she felt rather than saw Harm sit next to her.

 

"Hey," he said.

 

"Hey."

 

He laid his head on her belly.  "Hi, kid.  What's up?"

 

Mac laughed.  "Did you feel that?"

 

"Yeah, I bet he's going to be athletic."

 

"He?"

 

"Well, of course.  Our firstborn is going to be a son.
 Our daughter's going to need a big brother to watch
out for her."

 

Mac was lost for words.  Harm wanted more than one
child with her?

 

"It doesn't hurt when he kicks, does it?"  He looked
up.

 

She shook her head.  

 

"Have you, uh, thought of any names?"

 

"I like Matthew for a boy.  But I'm open to any
suggestions."  That wasn't exactly true.  She was set
on naming her son after her uncle and hoped that Harm
would understand.

 

"Matthew Mackenzie-Rabb.  I like it."  He cupped her
face in his hands, looking deep into her eyes.  "You
know, we haven't spoken about what's going to happen
after he's born."

 

"I know."  The truth was, she was terrified about what
would happen after the birth.  It was all good and
well for Harm to say he wanted to be involved, but
would he still be interested once the baby was
actually there?

 

What was she thinking?  Of course he would be.  Harm
was nothing if not loyal.

 

"Sarah, I've been thinking . . . I would really like
to marry you."

 

She looked away.  "No."

 

"What?"  His face fell.

 

"I don't want you to marry me out of some misplaced
sense of duty."

 

"I wouldn't- Sarah, I love you."  It occurred to him
that he'd never heard her say those words to him.  "I
see." 

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"For a walk."  His tone was cool, and she knew she'd
hurt him.

 

She wasn't surprised when Grandma Sarah sat next to
her.

 

"He does love you, you know."

 

"I know.  I just keep messing up.  Sometimes I wonder
how I ever expected it to work for us."

 

"My pastor once told this story in his sermon:  One
day a small town was suffering very heavy rainfall and
the people who lived there were told to evacuate
before it flooded.  One very stubborn man heard the
news on his radio but he ignored it, thinking 'God
will save me.'  He heard a car horn outside his house.
 It was his neighbor, offering him a lift out of town.
 He said, 'Don't worry.  God will save me.'  The rain
kept falling and the water started rising.  He climbed
up onto his roof.  A man in a boat came past, offering
assistance.  But the man said, 'Don't mind me.  God
will save me.'  The water got higher.  A helicopter
flew over but still the man said, 'God will save me.'"

 

Mac could see where the story was going, but couldn't
help listening.

 

"The man drowned and when he got to heaven he demanded
to speak to God. 'Very well,' the angel said, leading
him to the throne room.  When the man saw God, he
asked why he hadn't been saved.  God smiled sadly and
said, 'I sent you a car, a boat and a helicopter. 
What more did you want?'"

 

Mac met Grandma Sarah's eyes.  There was no judgment
in them, just sympathy and warm understanding.

 

"What more do you want, Sarah? Lord knows, my Harmon
isn't an easy man to love but he loves you, and I can
see that you love him too."

 

"I wish it were that simple, Grams."

 

Grandma Sarah sighed and covered Mac's hand with her
own.  "If there's one thing I've learned in my life,
it's that it is that simple."

 

"Where would he go?"

 

"He had a tree house when he was a boy.  He always
used to hide out there.  I'll be surprised if it's
still standing, but that's the first place you should
look."  She pointed in the direction Harm had gone. 
"Follow the path until you get to the river.  You
can't miss it."

 

"Thanks, Grams."  Mac hugged the older woman, then set
off.

 

Grandma Sarah had been right; it was easy to find. 
Mac made a mental note to tell her that the tree house
was still in one piece.

 

"Harm?" She stood at the base of the tree, looking up.

 

Harm's face appeared through a tiny window.  "Mac? 
What are you doing here?"

 

"I came to talk."

 

"Talking gets us into trouble."

 

"Please come down."

 

"You made it pretty clear how you felt.  I don't see
what more we can talk about."

 

Mac felt the urge to hit him.  It was too bad he was
still in the tree.  "Harm, if you don't come down,
I'll climb up."

 

"You can't.  You're pregnant."

 

"Never tell a marine she can't do anything!"  Mac
grabbed hold of a piece of wood nailed to the tree,
testing to see if it would support her.  Seeing that
it would, she started to climb.

 

"Are you crazy?"

 

"Some people think so." 

 

"And with good reason!  I'm coming down." He waited
until his feet were both firmly planted on the ground
before speaking again.  "What did you want to talk
about?"

 

"I wanted to explain why I said no."

 

"You don't have to-"

 

"I do.  Harm, being pregnant is the scariest thing
that's ever happened to me.  But at the same time it's
the most wonderful thing.  I just . . . I don't want
to make the same mistake with our baby that my parents
made with me.  If . . . if we do get married, I don't
want it to be because I'm pregnant. It has to be for
love."

 

"And you don't love me."

 

"What?  Of course I do!  I can't remember a time when
I didn't love you."

 

"What about Mic?"

 

"I didn't marry him, Harm.  For all the reasons I said
before, I didn't marry him."

 

"If I hadn't crashed, you would have."

 

Mac wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. 
"This isn't going to work, is it?  There'll always be
something coming between us."

 

She started back to the house, disappointment burning
in her chest.  Harm wrapped his arms around her from
behind, forcing her to stop.

 

"I want to make it work," he said.  "Don't leave,
Sarah, please."

 

She turned around and looked up at him.  

 

"You're not like your parents.  You're going to be a
great mom.  And about the marriage . . . I can wait,
if that's what you want.  But I need you to know that
I asked because I'm in love with you, not because of
him."  He touched her belly.  "If you were any other
woman . . .  I wouldn't be trying so hard.  I . . . I
love you."

 

Mac smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck,
pulling his head down to meet hers.  It was a kiss
filled with hope and promise.  Hand in hand, they
returned to the house.

 

"You know, this isn't the last thing we're going to
fight about."

 

She raised her eyebrows in mock horror.  "I should
hope not!  Wouldn't want life to get boring."

 

Grandma Sarah saw them walking up the path and smiled
to herself.  Whispering a prayer of thanks, she went
to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

 

Video Plus

Georgetown, DC

26 September

18h43

 

Mac stared at the shelf of videos in front of her.  So
many choices . . .

 

"Hi."

 

She turned to see who had spoken to her.  A tall
dark-haired man stood next to her, smiling.

 

"Hi," she said.

 

"I'm Adam."

 

"Hi, Adam."

 

"Are you going to make me guess your name?"

 

Mac stifled the urge to burst out laughing.  Was this
guy hitting on her?

 

"I'm eight months pregnant."  *In case you hadn't
noticed.*

 

He leaned closer.  "That means nothing.  You're not
wearing a ring."

 

*Oh boy.*

 

"So were you going to watch by yourself?  Don't you
want some company?"

 

She was saved from answering by Harm's arrival.  He
put his arm around her shoulder and held out a video.

 

"How about 'Top Gun', sweetie?"

 

*Sweetie?*  She smiled as Adam backed away,
intimidated by the look in Harm's eye.  

 

"So?"  Harm asked.

 

"Can we get something without planes or pilots,
please?"

 

"Sure."  He kissed her forehead; Adam was still
looking in their direction.  "Your choice."

 

They both laughed about it on the way to her
apartment.  

 

"I guess I should thank you for coming to my rescue."

 

Harm shrugged.  "Pregnant or not, you could have
handled him.  I just didn't like the way he was
looking at you."

 

"At least you didn't hit him."

 

He grimaced. "I'm never going to live that down, am
I?"

 

"I could be flattered.  You know, the whole 'defending
my honor' thing, but I'm just amused."

 

"Amused?  Why?"

 

Mac waited until they were both out of the car before
answering.  "Because Sturgis is the last person who
would have tried anything with me.  He's head over
heels in love with Bobbi.  Plus, he knew all along how
much I . . . how much I love you."

 

"He did!  And he didn't say anything?"

 

"He was asking about the . . . tension between us and
it just slipped out.  When I realized what I'd said, I
told him not to tell you.  I just about threatened him
with serious bodily harm."  She laughed, remembering
the conversation.  "It was the first time I admitted I
loved you out loud."

 

He shook his head.  "Did you give him the 'marines
have been trained to kill with their bare hands'
speech?"

 

Mac just smiled. 

 

Inside the apartment, Harm pulled Mac down onto the
couch with him.  "Do you get that a lot?"

 

"What?"

 

"Strange guys hitting on you."

 

"Not as often as strange women throw themselves at
you, I'm sure."

 

"Mac, I'm serious."  The smile had left his face.

 

Mac frowned.  "Don't."

 

"Don't what?"

 

"Don't get possessive and jealous… I can't go through
that again."

 

"Wait, sit down.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it like
that."

 

"Let's just watch the movie."  She sat down again,
this time keeping distance between herself and Harm.

 

Ten minutes into 'The Addams Family', Harm shifted
closer to her.  "I'm sorry, Mac."

 

She leaned into him, allowing him to hold her.  "My
father used to be like that with my mother . . . and
you're nothing like him, I know that.  Some scars just
don't go away, I guess."

 

He caressed her cheek tenderly.  "I love you . . .
*cara mia.*"  It was a lousy Gomez Addams
impersonation, but it did make her smile.

 

"Just watch the movie."  She poked him in the ribs,
then settled herself against him, leaning her head on
his shoulder.

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

2 October

15h45

 

"Commander Rabb, the admiral would like to see you in
his office."  

 

Harm hurriedly closed his drawer.  "Thanks, Tiner."

 

Admiral Chegwidden's door was open so Harm went right
in.

 

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

 

AJ smiled, taking off his glasses and putting them on
the desk.  "Yes, I wanted to talk."

 

"About?"

 

"You and Mac.  Close the door, please."

 

Harm did as he was asked and then took a seat.

 

"She's on maternity leave now, right?"

 

"Yes, she wanted to spend more time with the baby
after . . ." He trailed off.  The admiral didn't need
to know every little detail.

 

"And where exactly do you figure in the scheme of
things?"

 

"Uh, well, I'm going to be a part of their lives and
Mac and I . . . well, we're working on . . . on
building something resembling a relationship."

 

AJ came around the desk to sit next to Harm.  "I'm
glad to hear that.  We're all hoping you two will
finally get it right."

 

"Thank you, sir."

 

"Are you, uh, planning on making anything permanent?"

 

Harm smiled, feeling very much like a would-be suitor
being grilled by a worried father.  "I have asked her
to marry me, sir, but she wants to wait."

 

AJ grinned, and gave Harm a congratulatory pat on the
back.  "Well, it's about time."

 

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

24 October

10h00

 

Harm leaned across the desk, shaking his head. 
"Sturgis, your client is guilty.  No deal."

 

"It's all circumstantial-"

 

Harm answered the phone gladly, wanting a break from
his current conversation.  Sturgis watched him turn
pale and shakily put the receiver down.

 

"Harm?"

 

"Her water broke."  He looked dazed, as if he didn't
quite believe that this day had come.

 

"Mac?"

 

Harm nodded.

 

"So are you just going to sit here or are you going to
go to her?"

 

Harm suddenly came to life and grabbed his car keys. 
"I'll see you later, Sturgis.  Tell the admiral . . ."
 He was out the door before he finished the sentence. 


 

Sturgis grinned, and picked up the phone to call
Bobbi.

 

Georgetown University Hospital

Georgetown, DC

Same day

11h00

 

Harm stepped through the hospital doors, feeling
nothing like the naval Commander he was and feeling
everything like a nervous kid.  He took a deep breath,
told himself to suck it up, and approached the
reception.

 

The young woman behind the desk was momentarily
distracted by the handsome man in front of her.  She
smiled at Harm, casually looking him up and down.  She
liked what she saw.

 

"Hi, I'm Amanda.  Can I help?"

 

Harm sighed.  "Yes.  I'm looking for Lieutenant
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.  She was brought in about
half an hour ago."

 

Amanda's smile faded a bit when he mentioned Mac and
she turned to the computer screen.  After tapping at
the keyboard for a few minutes, she turned back to
Harm, an apologetic look on her face.

 

"I'm sorry, sir, she's not on the system.  Either they
haven't processed the paperwork yet or you're at the
wrong hospital."

 

Harm slammed his fist down on the counter, frustrated.
 He knew he was in the right place.  She'd called him,
frantic, and told him what was happening and where
she'd be.  Amanda took pity on Harm, and told him he
could go see if she was in the ER.  She watched him
walk away, admiring the view, before turning to the
next person.

 

11h15

 

The ER wasn't hard to find but Harm was alarmed to
realize that Mac was nowhere in sight.  His mind
conjured up all sorts of horrible scenarios that ended
with Mac lying bleeding in a wrecked car.

 

"Excuse me, sir."  Amanda tapped him on the shoulder. 
She was breathless from running after him.  "Your wife
. . . she went straight up to Labor and Delivery. 
It's on the third floor."

 

"Thank you."  Harm smiled, and Amanda found herself
staring after him as he headed for the elevator.

 

*Wow . . .  Of course, he's taken.  All the good ones
are.*  She sighed, and returned to her desk.

 

Harm counted the minutes impatiently as he waited for
the elevator to rise and then as he waited for the
nurse to look up Mac's room number.  He was finally
directed to her room and found her flicking through a
magazine.

 

"Hey, Mac."

 

She smiled.  "I'm not dilated enough.  All I can say
is this better not be a long labor."

 

He sat next to her and took her hand.  "How are you
doing?"

 

"Fine- Ow!"  She winced as another contraction hit,
squeezing his hand hard.

 

15h36

 

"I'm glad you're back with us," Harm said when Mac's
eyes fluttered open.

 

She frowned, confused.

 

"You had me worried there.  The doctors weren't sure
they'd be able to stop the bleeding."

 

She tried to sit up, but didn't have the strength. 
"What bleeding?"

 

"I'm not sure exactly, you'll have to ask the doctor. 
But I'm glad you're okay."  He tried to play it down,
tried not to let her see how bad it had been.  When
the nurse had informed him that he had a healthy baby
boy, and in the same breath said that Mac was in
trouble, he had felt that his world was falling apart.
 He had almost lost her and it had scared him more
than anything else.

 

He gently stroked Mac's hair, needing to touch her.

 

Something was missing.  Mac knew it was important . .
. "The baby?"  

 

"He's fine.  Perfect."  Harm lifted him out of the
crib and passed him to Mac.  He'd insisted that the
nurse wait for Mac to wake up before taking the baby
to the nursery.

 

She gasped.  "He's . . . he's . . ." Harm was right. 
He was perfect.  All she could do was smile in wonder.
 All these months . . . all the trouble . . . it had
all been worth it.  Everything paled in comparison to
the miracle she held in her arms.

 

She was suddenly very sure that things were going to
be okay.

 

"Thank you."  Harm bent forward to kiss her.  "I'm so
proud of you."

 

"It wasn't all me."  She smiled through her tears.  
"He's half yours."

 

"Matthew Mackenzie-Rabb."

 

"No.  Just Rabb."

 

Harm was taken aback.  "You're sure?  You want to-?"

 

She nodded and smiled shyly.  "I've wanted to for a
very long time."

 

Harm fumbled in his pants pockets and pulled out a
tiny box.  He opened it and took out a gold ring with
a single diamond.  "I wanted to give this to you at
Grams' house."

 

Mac held out her left hand and he slipped the ring on.

 

"I love you."

 

"Love you too, flyboy."

 

He kissed her again, and Matthew squirmed in her arms.
 Harm lowered his head to gently kiss Matthew's
forehead.

 

"I'll be back in a minute.  There's a whole office
full of people waiting to hear if you're okay."

 

"Tell them I want chocolate instead of flowers."

 

"Now I know you're fine."  He winked, then closed the
door.

 

Mac smiled down at her son.  "Hello, Matthew.  I'm
your mommy . . ."

 

And Matthew stared up at his mother, his mouth curved
in a smile exactly like his father's.  She knew then
that he would have her wrapped around his little
finger, but she didn't mind.  Not one bit.