One Sweet Day

Author: wizkid

e-mail: mrschris@prodigy.net

Rating: PG (involves character death) 

Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to me. It belongs to DPB and CBS. The 
song doesn't belong to me, and I'm not really sure who it does belong 
to, but I'm not making any profit off of it or JAG, just gives me 
somthing to do while I watch 12 two-year olds sleep

Archive: BTL 

Feedback:  I'd love it...

Summary: A song fic (hey, its the only things I have inspiration on 
lately) 

Author's Note: Please don't delete it just because it deals with a 
character death. Its pretty sweet.

Thanks to my beta's, LeE and danari...you guys are definitely better 
than any overgrown spiders! :-)

*****

Funeral homes. 'You never get used to the smell of funeral homes,' 
Commander Sturgis Turner thought as he made his way down the hall. Being a 
chaplain's son, he'd been to his fair share of funerals, but it never 
got easier, especially when its a friend.

Sturgis turned to enter the parlor where the casket sat, waiting to be 
moved to the chapel for service and then to the gravesite to its final 
resting place. It was a nice casket, as caskets go, the flag draped 
over it, red, white, and blue arrangements on each side. Death was never 
easy, but being a close friend of the figure standing alone, silent, by 
the casket made it even harder. The silence was deafening as he came to 
stand by his friend. Sturgis looked up into the face he knew so well 
and was haunted by the pained, lost look he saw there. They'd found out 
just two days ago, and had talked many times in that period, but the 
time had done nothing but make the pain more intense. 

"Its war, Harm. We know there will be casualties," Sturgis says, in a 
shaky voice, trying to convince himself as much as the man beside him 
and failing miserably on both accounts.

"I know Sturgis," he began, letting another tear roll from his eyes, 
"but she was a lawyer. She was supposed to be safe." It took him a minute 
to go on. He took a deep breath. "I'd give anything to be able to see 
her face again, just one last time." He didn't remember hurting this bad 
when Diane was killed. The only time he'd felt like this was when he 
lost his Dad, but even then, in his heart there was a hope that his Dad 
was still alive. There was no hope of that this time. He'd seen her 
broken body, touched her with his own hand. She was gone. Sturgis placed a 
trembling hand on Harm's shoulder, not knowing what to say. They stood 
that way for a while before Harm finally broke the silence.

"She never knew, Sturgis," he spoke sadly.

"That you loved her?"

"Yeah." His voice was barely above a whisper, his emotions raw. "I 
never told her. She died, thinking a lie."

"She felt the same way, Harm."

"What? What do you mean? How do you..." he stammered at the revelation.

"She told me." Sturgis was met with a look of shock and disbelief so he 
hurried to explain, "It was an accident. She admitted she was in love 
with you, then swore me to secrecy."

Harm hung his head at the revelation. Hindsight was 20/20 and he'd live 
the rest of his life wondering 'what could have been.' "Why didn't she 
say anything?"

"Same reason you didn't. Didn't want to complicate things." This was 
harder than Sturgis ever expected it to be.

Harm cursed under his breath. "Heck of a lot of good that did! The 
memories I have just aren't enough.. Three measly kisses and a handful of 
hugs. I won't be able to recall how it feels to really hold her and not 
have to let her go, to remember the sweet taste of her kiss knowing 
she's mine, to remember how she responded to my love..." His tears were 
stronger now. "I'll never be able to keep the promise I made to her. I'll 
never be able to see her eyes looking up to me from the face of our 
child..." he broke down sobbing and all Sturgis could do was be there.

An hour later he sat in the chapel with the rest of the JAG staff, but 
he didn't hear the words. The sound of her distant voice had driven the 
chaplain's words out of his head. His eyes never left the coffin. 
Absently, he drove in the procession to the gravesite. He sat numbly through 
the service. His tears falling again as the flag was folded and 
presented to her uncle, Matt O'Hara. One of the few times his eyes focused on 
anything other than the casket holding his love, was to look at the 
line of Marines, attired handsomely in their Dress Blues. He watched at 
they raised the rifles as one unit, he heard the orders given, but his 
body jerked each time the air was split by the weapons fire. It was as if 
the Marines were ripping a whole in the sky to allow Sarah MacKenzie's 
soul entrance into heaven.

When the service was over, he milled around with the others, but 
everyone that talked to him noticed how lost he seemed, like part of him died 
with her. To a point they were right. He might learn to live with it, 
but he would never forget it. He was surprised when Matt O'Hara walked 
up to him. "Commander."

"Sir. I'm so sorry..." but Matt shook his head and held up a hand to 
stop him.

"Listen, Commander, I know how much you meant to Sarah," he noticed 
fresh tears well up in the younger man's eyes. He pressed the folded flag 
into Harm's hand. Harm looked at him, a shocked expression on his face. 
Matt shrugged a little, "Leavenworth isn't exactly an appropriate place 
for that."

Harm started to argue. "Colonel, this belongs to the family..."

Matt looked at him and gave him a sad smile, "Exactly." With that 
cryptic answer, he turned back to the waiting van that would transport him 
back to his current home.

A few of those remaining watched a broken Harmon Rabb climb into his 
Lexus, but no one saw him leave. He just sat, flag clutched to his chest, 
watching as the workers lowered the coffin into the grave, secure it, 
and replace the dirt over it. As the sun began to sink into the sky, the 
workers left, and Harm emerged from his vehicle, walking over to the 
plot of land that held his love. He knelt down by it, ignoring the effect 
it would have on his clothes, and touched the soil reverently, as if 
touching her. Knowing that he had to finally tell her everything that was 
in his heart, he began to whisper, "I'm sorry I never told you all I 
wanted to say. Now it's too late to hold you, cause you've flown away. 
Never had I imagined living without your smile." A warmness came over 
him, as if she were really there. 



As the memories flooded him, a few things became clear.He would never 
forget her, her spirit would always be with him. "Feeling and knowing 
you hear me keeps me alive, and I know you're shining down on me from 
Heaven, like so many friends we've lost along the way. I know eventually 
we'll be together...one sweet day." From that moment, their shared 
memories and her strong spirit would be his lifeforce and this place, his 
sanctuary.

ONE YEAR LATER

"Hey, Harm." Sturgis called as he walked into the office. "Listen, 
buddy. Bobbie's got this new girl in the office.."

"No."

"Come on Harm. You haven't gone out in a year."

"And that's how I intend to keep it."

"Harm..."

Harm turns on his heels, meeting Sturgis with a steely gaze. "Look, 
Sturgis. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but don't. I've buried two 
now. That's enough for any man."


Sturgis saw the sincerity in his eyes and left him alone. Needing 
privacy, Harm shut the door and allowed the bittersweet memories flood over 
him again. He looked at his watch. Only a few more hours before he 
could make his way to his sanctuary.

The time past quietly and he soon found himself on his knees at her 
grave. He raised his hands to slowly trace the letters in her name, the 
tears filling his eyes once again. It surprised him how the longing could 
be so fresh after all this time and he found himself talking to her 
again. "Darling, I never showed you, assumed you'd always be there. I took 
your presence for granted, but I always cared. I miss the love we 
shared, but I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many 
friends we've lost along the way, and I know eventually we'll be together. 
One sweet day."

As he stood up, the small church beside the graveyard began to beckon 
to him, pulling him to it. Reaching the top step his hand grasp the door 
handle, expecting it to be closed, but it opened at his pull. 
Hesitantly, he walked inside. It wasn't large or ornate, just a simple older 
chapel. He walked up the center of the aisle, an unrecognizable force 
drawing him closer. When he stopped, he looked at the fresco behind the 
pulpit. It was a beautiful rendition of Jesus ascending into heaven. He 
looked so calm, so peaceful. At that moment, looking at the simple 
painting, he understood. Whispering, he began to talk to the figure in the 
painting, " Although the sun will never shine the same, I'll always look 
to a brighter day. Lord, I know when I lay me down to sleep, You will 
always listen as I pray. And I know you're shining down on me from 
Heaven, like so many friends we've lost along the way, and I know eventually 
we'll be together one sweet day."



SEVEN YEARS LATER

Harm continued going to the gravesite whenever he became overwhelmed by 
life and he felt like he was closer to her. He kept the folded flag 
displayed in his apartment, a constant reminder of her spirit and of her 
place as the most influential person in his life.

The biggest moment of his career finally came when he was appointed to 
the position of JAG upon Admiral Chegwidden's retirement. He was 
thrilled and humbled by the honor. He'd never really expected this, and an 
overwhelming need to tell his best friend came over him. Immediately, he 
was saddened by the fact that she was not there to join him for the 
celebratory dinner he knew they would have had. He would have to go to the 
graveyard to even be able to share his achievement with her. At the end 
of the day, he was at her grave once more. "You'd have been so much 
better at this than I will be," his voice trailed off as he glanced 
quickly at the little church and then back, as his thoughts began drifted to 
a familiar subject. "Even after all these years, I wonder what would 
might have been. Maybe if I'd let go, been less afraid..." his voice 
caught again by a silent tear. "Would you have still been on the assignment 
that took you away from me? Maybe you'd be JAG now?" Harm gave up the 
line of questioning. He'd never know the answers, and the only truth 
that really mattered now was the depth of his love for her. "I miss you so 
much it hurts, but I know you're shining down on me from Heaven, like 
so many friend we've lost along the way, and I know eventually we'll be 
together...on sweet day"

He touched his fingers to his lips and transferred the kiss to the 
headstone, "I'm sorry I never told you all I wanted to say..."

He lifted his head up to gaze at the azure sky, hearing the faint echo 
of her laughter in the wind. "I love you too, Sarah. I always will."