NOTHING STAYS THE SAME  

She had spent the night wrapped in his arms. 

Nothing had changed, but everything was different. 

Mac stood on the fantail of the Seahawk and stared at the endless 
ocean, 
remembering the night she'd been stranded in the desert with Harm. 

Settling down for the night, Harm had sweet-talked her into snuggling 
up to 
him for the sake of body heat. She'd gone willingly enough, but only 
after he 
had asked. Whatever this thing between them was becoming, she wanted 
him to 
have to work for it a little. She'd been cocooned inside his jacket 
with his 
legs wrapped around her when the bombs had started falling. They had 
barely 
made it to safety. Scrambling madly, they had sought cover until the 
air 
strike was over, listening, as the noise from the planes faded and the 
silence of the Afghan night surrounded them once more.

"Mac, are you okay?" Harm's hands brushed dirt and debris from her 
hair.

"I'm fine, Harm." She looked up at him and touched the scrape on his 
cheek. 
"You're bleeding, though." 

"So are you," he said examining the scratches on her face. "Damn, that 
was 
too close," he sighed, then gathered her into an unexpected hug. "Are 
you 
sure you're all right?"

Mac's heart was still pounding from their near miss. "I'm sure, Harm. I 
just 
need to catch my breath," but she allowed herself to linger in his 
embrace.

He dragged her over to the nearest boulder and sat on the ground, 
leaning 
back and pulling her down with him. "I think the bombing is over, so we 
might 
as well get comfortable again. Does this spot look okay to you?" He 
kept his 
arms around her as he settled her between his legs.   

This spot looked like heaven to her. Sandwiched between his long legs 
and 
sprawled against his chest, she was exactly where she wanted to be. 
Well, not 
exactly. A war zone in Afghanistan had never been at the top of her 
fantasy 
list, but the rest of it…this man always figured prominently in her 
fantasies.

She leaned against his chest, her face level with his and was achingly 
aware, 
despite the layers of clothes, of the way her body pressed against the 
length 
of his. He moistened his fingers with water from the canteen and wiped 
the 
dust and streaks of blood from her face. His fingers gently caressed 
her 
cheeks, then her chin, and lingered on her lips. 

She poured water onto her fingers and returned his ministrations, her 
hands 
soothing his scraped cheek. It was all a poor excuse for first aid, but 
it 
served its purpose. They had nearly died twice today and they couldn't 
deny 
their need to touch each other any longer.  


She smiled at him and rubbed at the dirt on his forehead. "I think I'm 
just 
making mud pies. Close your eyes." 

He did as he was told and she ruffled his hair, shaking out the sand 
that had 
settled there.

"Okay, open your eyes. Oh boy, that just made things worse," she said 
laughing as she tried to wipe the new dirt off his damp face.

"Thanks, Mac," he said laughing and spitting sand from his mouth. He 
scrubbed 
his hands over his face then grinned and asked, "How's that?"

"Better."  She smiled and smoothed her fingers over his face taking her 
time 
as she touched and examined the contours of his face. Her thumb was 
making 
friends with his lower lip when she glanced up and caught him watching 
her 
with a need so intense she forgot how to breathe.

His eyes were full of promise and passion and something more.  In the 
time 
she'd known him he had looked at her with every imaginable emotion- 
affection, anger, compassion, even desire, but in the last few weeks 
there 
had been a new texture to his gaze. It mirrored something in hers- hope 
maybe- and there was a patient quality in the way he looked at her now. 
It 
was as if all the questions he'd had about them through the years had 
been 
answered and things at long last, for him at least, were simple.

"I want you, Mac."  Her name sounded like a prayer on his lips.

She closed her eyes and savored his words. How long had she waited to 
hear 
such a simple unambiguous declaration from this man? 

She opened her eyes and met his gaze unflinchingly.  "I want you, too, 
Harm."

He grinned like he'd won a prize and hugged her tightly. "I expect to 
finish 
this conversation when we get home…" he said.  

She snuggled closer to him burying her face in his neck. In a muffled 
voice 
she asked, 
"What do you mean, when we get home?"

He slid down until they were lying on the ground wrapped in each 
other's 
arms.  "We better get some sleep," he whispered the words into her 
hair.

"Very funny, sailor." She was smiling when she pulled back to look at 
him, 
but her expression changed to one of disbelief as she realized he was 
serious. She scrambled away from him and wrapped her arms across her 
body in 
a protective gesture. 

"Mac..." He reached out to draw her back to him but pulled his hand 
away when 
he saw her flinch.

"I don't believe it! You're backing away." She laughed without humor. 
"I 
can't believe I was so stupid.  Again!"

"Mac, listen to me.  I'm not backing away." He was kneeling in front of 
her 
as he put his fingers beneath her chin.  "Look at me, please, Mac."  He 
sounded desperate and a little scared, so against her better judgment 
she 
turned to face him.

"This should be good.  Only you could find an 'iceberg' to steer us 
clear of 
in the middle of the desert." She looked at him expectantly.

He stood up and paced back and forth in front of her. Clearing his 
throat and 
swallowing he finally began to speak. "Mac, I value you as a friend…" 

He glanced at her and his eyes widened as hers narrowed so he went on 
quickly, "What I mean is I want more than friendship with you, just 
not…"

She jumped to her feet and got in his face. "If the words 'not yet' 
come out 
of your mouth you will be picking sand out of body cavities that 
haven't been 
invented yet."

She was glaring at him in full Marine mode when she noticed the corner 
of his 
mouth twitching. He struggled to remain serious but lost the battle. 
Laughing 
loudly he snorted, "Body cavities that haven't been invented yet…Oh, 
Mac, 
that's a good one." 

She backed up to give herself a running start and tackled him while he 
was 
still bent over laughing.

They went down together and he landed with a loud Oomph.

Startled, he looked at her as she pummeled his chest with her fists, 
before 
he dissolved into laughter once more.

"It's not funny, Harm." She sounded forlorn.

Before she could react he flipped her onto her back. His full weight 
pinned 
her down while he held her arms securely above her head.

His voice was deadly serious when he said, "You're right, Mac. It's not 
funny.  I have loved you for so long and I have messed up in so many 
ways. If 
I ever earn the privilege of sharing your bed I want it to be clear to 
both 
of us why I am there.  You deserve more than some adrenaline induced 
coupling 
in the middle of the damn desert."

His words hung in the air between them for a long moment then she 
smiled 
seductively and asked, "And what if I told you that an adrenaline 
induced 
coupling was just what I wanted as long as it's with you? What if I 
told you 
that if you back away from me again tonight, then that would be it? No 
more 
chances."

Without hesitating he answered in a voice full of male promise, "Then 
you 
would be naked in the sand so fast your head would spin."

She studied his face and saw the raw desire that simmered in his eyes. 
She 
also saw the love and concern and the need to get things right this 
time.  He 
was such a Boy Scout, but his need to be honorable was one of the 
things she 
loved about him. Finally she relented. "Okay, Harm, we'll do things 
your way. 
 You can let me up now."

He released her warily and watched as she got up and started arranging 
their 
packs on the ground.

"Let's get some sleep," she said patting the ground beside her.

He scooted back to her side and asked hopefully, "You're not mad?"

She cuddled up to his chest and pulled his jacket around her once 
again.  
"Why would I be mad? You made your case quite convincingly. Hey, would 
you 
throw your leg over me again like you did before?  I liked that."

She waited as he arranged his body around hers. She wiggled against him 
and 
grinned when he couldn't quite suppress a moan. She was going to enjoy 
making 
this night a sweet torture for him.

"Hey, Mac? Did you hear me when I said I loved you?" he said in a voice 
that 
reminded her of a kid that didn't get praised for bringing home a good 
report 
card.

"I heard you, Harm." She burrowed her hand beneath his shirts until she 
found 
bare skin. Skimming her fingers across his ribs, she yawned and said, 
"That 
was very sweet."

Sucking in his breath at her touch he continued, "Cause you were kind 
of mad 
then so I thought maybe you didn't hear me."

"I heard you, Harm. It made me very happy," she sighed.

Everything was quiet for a moment then he said, "Was there anything you 
wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot." She reached up and brushed his lips with a 
fleeting 
kiss. "I forgot to say good night."

Before she could retreat completely he captured her mouth in a deep, 
shattering assault of lips and tongues and sighs. He pulled away and 
looked 
into her eyes. "Anything else you wanted to tell me."

Her smile was glorious as she gave him what he wanted.  "I love you 
too, 
Harm."

His grin lit up the night as he pulled her close again. "That's better! 
Now 
get some sleep.  Tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"Night, Harm." She was still smiling when she drifted off to sleep.


Several weeks had passed since their night in the desert. Mac inhaled 
the 
ocean air and leaned against the railing.

After they'd been rescued, they had resumed their search for Kabir and 
their 
behavior had been strictly professional, for the most part.

Lingering, knowing glances were natural in such a long-standing 
partnership, 
weren't they? 

Just because their eyes searched for each other whenever they were in a 
room 
together didn't mean that they couldn't stand to be apart.

Driving all night so she could sleep didn't have to be an expression of 
his 
love, but it probably was.

And the fire that had coursed through her body as she'd watched him 
pour a 
canteen full of water over his head the morning they'd been found 
didn't have 
to mean that she was a hopeless lovesick woman, but it probably did. 

Now she stood here waiting for him to come find her. She'd watched his 
plane 
land and then fled to the fantail. She hadn't trusted herself not to 
throw 
herself into his arms as soon as she saw him. She wouldn't embarrass 
him or 
herself with such a display. He had saved her life and the life of 
everyone 
on this ship at great risk to himself today. He was a hero and the 
debriefing 
would take awhile. 

She had been outwardly calm from the moment they had told him he was 
one of 
the pilots going up. She'd watched passively as he had flown into the 
path of 
the missile and led it away from the carrier. She never doubted his 
ability 
as a pilot.

What she had doubted were the fates and whether they would finally be 
allowed 
to have their chance at happiness. This was no different than all the 
other 
life and death situations they'd faced except this time a promise hung 
between them.  "When we get home…" he'd whispered that night. Maybe 
by 
waiting they had been tempting fate. 

But he was back and he was safe and she could start to believe in 
tomorrows 
again.

She had only seen him for a moment before he took off. He had hung back 
until 
the others left the room so they could be alone.

"Good luck, Harm." She'd squeezed his arm quickly

"I don't need luck, Mac" He had already started to slip into arrogant 
fighter 
jock mode.

She had grinned at his cocky attitude. "What do you need?"

He had surprised her by grabbing her and kissing her soundly. "The love 
of a 
good woman," he had whispered and then he'd been gone.

Lost in the memory, she hadn't heard him come out onto the fantail. She 
turned to find him standing there watching her.

They stared at each other with out speaking but when he held out his 
arms, 
she flew into them. 

"You were amazing up there." She couldn't seem to quit hugging him

"Thanks, Mac.  I just did what I had to do." His hands were rubbing up 
and 
down her back, his touch greedy, and his need for her obvious. "Are you 
okay?"

"I'm fine now that you're here." Not hiding her feelings from him was a 
new 
experience. 

"Were you worried?" he teased.

"Not for a minute." She gave the expected answer then kissed him.

Raw desperate passion threatened to engulf them both. He claimed her as 
his 
due and she gladly surrendered. His hands were buried in her hair, as 
he 
seemed to find endless ways to explore her mouth, endless combinations 
of his 
lips on hers. His hands went to the front of her uniform and she knew 
she 
ought to slow things down.

She was his if he wanted her and the love on her face made that clear, 
but 
she didn't want him to do something he would regret. "Commander, are 
you 
trying to interest me in an adrenaline induced coupling?"  

"Yes," he said while kissing her neck.
 
"I thought you wanted to wait," she sighed. His tongue was in her ear 
making 
clear thinking difficult. His hands were inching the hem of her skirt 
up and 
her thighs were thinking that waiting wasn't all it was cracked up to 
be. 
"Tell me again why that was such a good idea?" she asked.  

He stilled at her words and pulled away to look at her. Groaning, he 
leaned 
his forehead against hers as he fought for control. "Sorry, Mac. I 
guess I 
got a little carried away." His breath was ragged and he smiled 
ruefully as 
he pushed her skirt back down to its proper place.

He turned away, looked out over the water and spoke softly and 
seriously. 
"You know, everything was different when I was up there this time. You 
and I 
both know how it feels to lose people who are important to us, but if I 
hadn't stopped the missile and you'd been killed I don't know if I 
could've 
survived that. We have a good chance to have something special this 
time, 
Mac, and I want you to understand that the possibility of having a life 
with 
you is worth everything to me."

She smiled and covered his hand where it rested on the rail. "I feel 
the same 
way, Harm."  Their eyes met and held as she quietly repeated his 
earlier 
promise to her. "When we get home…"

They stood together on the fantail as they had countless time in the 
past six 
years. Nothing had changed, but everything was different.

Nothing stays the same.