TITLE:  "New Beginnings I--Harm's Christmas Carol"
    AUTHORS:  Anne R. and Pat Steiner
    SUMMARY:  The first chapter of the New Beginnings series, which 
opens with 
Harm receiving a jolt as to what might happen if he were to ignore the 
beginning 
which Mac offered him in Jagathon.  Rated PG for mild language and 
violence.
    DISCLAIMER:  JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al.  No copyright 
infringement is intended with this work of fiction.
    FEEDBACK:  Yes, if you're moved to do so, to [SSbpmn@aol.com] and 
it would 
be much appreciated by both of us.  However, if your intent is only to 
tell us you 
are not liking our work, please don't spend the time.  While we realize 
our work 
does not please everyone, we do ask that the journey be respected.
    
    NOTE:  All parts of this story will be available at 
             http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories
      No subbing is required to read from the message archives.
    
"New Beginnings I-Harm's Christmas Carol"


23 Dec 01
4PM

"Ma'am watch out coming through," Bud screeched, barely able to see 
over an 
arm load of boxes."

"Food for the party I'm assuming," she smiled, referring to the party 
scheduled for 
JAG the next day.

"Yes ma'am," he grinned.  "It's going to be great.  Do you know there's 
fifty Santa 
shaped cupcakes in these boxes."

"Thank you for sharing that Lieutenant."  Harm's voice, and it was not 
that of a 
happy elf.  "I don't suppose somewhere amongst the Santas is the 
research I 
asked you for on Camp Lejuene."

Bud froze in place.  "Did you mean today sir?"

Harm looked incredulous, resting his gaze on Bud and then Mac and when 
he 
spoke it was with a false lilt.  "Oh Chief of Staff, Colonel, are you 
hearing this?  
Take care of it please."  With that he stormed across the floor to his 
office, and the 
door slam could be heard through out the building.

"What's with Scrooge there?" Bud groaned.

"Lieutenant may I remind you that you're referring to a superior 
officer, Christmas 
or not?" Mac corrected him sharply.

"Yes ma'am.  I'm sorry ma'am.  On the spot correction noted ma'am."  
Bud 
gasped, juggling the boxes in his chastisement.

"Relax Bud.  It's over," Mac smiled after a minute of letting him 
accept the 
admonishing.  "And in answer to your question---I wish I knew.  You and 
the 
Santas carry on.  And get Harm whatever it is he tasked you with 
doing."

She returned to her office, standing the doorway for a long minute, 
just able to 
make out Harm's slumped shoulders as he sat at his desk.  

The weeks since her return from the Guadalacanal had not been easy.  
The 
knowledge that Lylyanna was alive had sustained her but the horror of 
that night 
and the rocket attack remained fresh in her mind.  And she found 
herself still 
feeling some affects from the trauma of Harm's near death, and their 
muddied 
attempts to find their way to each other.  "I hope not," she had told 
Jarot in 
Indonesia, a statement she meant with all her heart.  But her other 
statement 
remained true as well--can't seem to work it out.  "Story of our 
lives," she muttered 
irritably, feeling whatever Christmas spirit she had vanish.

In his office, Harm stared morosely at the doodled page in front of 
him, his mind 
anywhere but on the case file.  "Damn you Mic Brumby," he muttered, 
picking the 
Australian as his target of the moment for it had seemed to him that 
the moment 
the cocky RAN officer had arrived, his own life had started to spin out 
of control.  
Over a year in a relationship with a woman he did not love while the 
special 
relationship he had shared with Mac faded more and more until it was 
but a 
shadow of its former self.  They were just now managing to begin to put 
the pieces 
back together, the effort consisting of stops and starts, of two steps 
forward and 
one step back; and most of the time he simply chose to ignore it, much 
to his own 
chagrin.

 It was late when he finally decided to call it a night. Bud had 
finally 
 gotten him the information he'd requested and he'd spent the last two 
hours 
 going through the mound of papers. He'd just reached for his briefcase 
when 
 Mac knocked lightly on his door.
 
 "You going home some time tonight sailor?" she asked quietly.
 
 "Well if Bud had got me the information I needed this morning  instead 
of 
 this afternoon I would have been able to leave a lot earlier" Harm 
growled.
 
 "Sorry. But you know everyone else has their mind on something called 
 Christmas"
 
 "Yeah well we still have an office to run" Harm countered.
 
 "And I suppose you're planning on working on Christmas Day Scrooge" 
Mac said 
 sarcastically.
 
 "Maybe."
 
 "Harm you're not serious. You're not thinking about working on 
Christmas."
 
 "What else is there to do?"
 
 "Go visit your friends and godson" Mac countered. "I know Harriet 
invited 
 you over on Christmas for dinner."
 
 "Mac, I'm not in the Christmas spirit this year and it's best if I 
just keep 
 to myself " Harm sighed. "Now if you're done lecturing, I'd like to go 
 home."
 
 "Yeah of course" Mac said quietly. "Sorry for taking up your time."
 
 She turned and walked across the bullpen to the elevator, stepping 
into it 
 when the doors opened a second later. Despite the distance he could 
see her 
 face as she turned and he felt a stab of guilt when he saw the tears 
on her 
 cheeks.
 
 "You are such a jerk" Harm said to himself. "A total idiotic jerk." He 
 grabbed his briefcase and with a long sigh headed out.
 
 In her car, Mac finally gave into the rest of the tears. No matter 
what she 
 tried, she just couldn't seem to reach him.
 
 "Face it Mackenzie, it's just never going to happen for you" she said 
as she 
 wiped her tears away before starting up the car and pulling away. She 
drove 
 carefully over the snow covered highways, forcing herself to 
concentrate on 
 the roads and not the man who drove her crazy. She finally arrived 
home, 
 heading straight to the kitchen to make some hot tea. She stared into 
the 
 refrigerator before deciding she wasn't hungry and took her tea to the 
 living room. She sat down on the sofa, looking at the small tree she'd 
put 
 up. There were just a few presents under it and she reached for the 
box with 
 Harm's name on it. She'd planned on inviting him over for Christmas 
Eve, 
 knowing how hard it was for him. But his earlier words still rang 
through 
 her mind and with a sigh she shoved the present back under the tree.
 
 "Maybe next year" she sighed as she closed her eyes, falling asleep 
almost 
 instantly.
 
 She awoke with a start hours later, an angelic voice in her ear. 
"Don't give 
 up on him yet Sarah. Don't let him push you away. He needs you."
 
 Her eyes flew open and she looked around for the source of the voice, 
not 
 surprised to find the place quiet and empty. For several seconds she 
just 
 sat there, still hearing the voice in her head.
 
 "I won't let him push me away" she said to the empty apartment. "I 
won't let 
 him be alone on Christmas Eve."

At his apartment, Harm paced restlessly. He had been a first class jerk 
to Mac and 
he knew it.  It was not the first time he had done something like that, 
but it was the 
first time he saw tears as a result, and right now the memory of her 
face with tears 
on the cheeks was tearing him up.  His hand went to the phone and back 
again for 
the tenth time.  An apology was in order, and yet he did not know how 
to even 
begin.   

Finally he dialed the number once more, and one hand forced the other 
to hold 
the phone.

"Hello. . . .uh . .Colonel Mackenzie."  Still half asleep, and still 
marveling at the 
voice she had heard.

She sounded so distant that he was alarmed.  "Mac, Mac it's me.  Are 
you OK?"

"Harm?"

"Yes Harm.  Who else says it's me?" he demanded.  "What the hell is 
going on 
there.  Say again--are you OK?"

"Harm relax I'm fine," she assured him quickly, easily hearing his 
agitation.  "I was 
half asleep, and dreaming I guess. I'm fine.  What time is it?"

"If you have to ask, then I'm back to are you OK," he growled.  

"OK it's 2333," she sighed, forcing herself to be coherent.  "And 
again, I'm fine.  
Something you needed?"

"I don't suppose I could have called just to talk?"

"Well you could have--but you haven't in forever," she replied 
regretfully.

"Yeah you're right," he admitted.  "I just called to say how sorry I 
was for the ass I 
was earlier.  My behavior was inexcusable.  I'm sorry."

"Hey we all have days like that," she said after a moment.  "And I 
can't believe I 
reacted with tears.  I don't usually do that, but you must have hit a 
delicate spot or 
something.  It's OK.  Really.  I think we're better friends that to 
hold things against 
he other. . .right?"

"I want to be," he answered at once, eagerness in his voice.  "And 
because of that 
I wanted to tell you also that I'm not going to be in tomorrow since 
attendance is 
optional anyway."

"Harm why?" she gasped.

"Because right now I'm Commander Downer and I don't need to be 
spreading that 
around people who are in a party-Christmas mood," he answered dourly.  
"I'll work 
from home for a while and then maybe the gym and then of course my Wall 
visit."

"Harm no please I want you there."  The words fell out of her mouth 
before she 
could stop them.

"Why is my being there important to you?" he demanded and she could 
picture 
him narrowing his eyebrows as he did when questioning a witness.

"It's a Christmas party Harm.  And if I have to explain why I want my 
best friend 
there with me, then you are further gone that I feared," she answered.  

There was a long silence on his end and she finally cleared her throat 
to get his 
attention.  "This conversation is going no where.  Good night Harm."

Just as she put down the phone she heard his voice.  "I'll be there."

 JAG HQ 
 December 24th
 
 "Is anyone doing any work around here?" Harm complained as he walked 
into 
 the bullpen. "Harriet where's..."
 
 "Right here sir" Harriet said as she handed him the file he'd 
requested. "Is 
 there anything else you need sir?"
 
 "No, I think will do for now. Thank you." Harm said as he turned and 
walked 
 back into his office.
 
 "Sir, is something wrong?" Harriet asked as she followed him into his 
 office.
 
 "Nothing besides Christmas" Harm muttered.
 
 "Sir?"
 
 "Never mind Harriet" Harm sighed. "Thank you for getting the file and 
no 
 nothing is wrong. And can you close the door on your way out."
 
 "Still grouchy" Harriet informed Bud a few minutes later. "I didn't 
even get 
 to ask him if he's coming over tomorrow to see AJ or not."
 
 "I'll try later at the party" Bud sighed. "Hope he doesn't bite off my 
 head."
 
 "You must be talking about Harm" Mac said as she walked up to them. "I 
guess 
 his mod isn't any better today is it."
 
 "Unless you've got a work related question, I wouldn't talk to him" 
Harriet 
 said as she walked away.
 
 At 2:00 AJ called an end to the workday and the party was soon in full 
 swing. Harm finally came out of his office, standing quietly by 
himself in 
 the one corner.
 
 "Hi Sailor?" Mac said softly as she walked over to him. "You holding 
up the 
 wall over here?"
 
 "No, just trying to keep my bad mood to myself" Harm sighed. "I should 
have 
 stayed home."
 
 "I'm glad you didn't," she said with a small smile. "Even if the only 
thing 
 I've seen is that scowl on your face all day."
 
 "Sorry" Harm said with a forced smile. "I'm sorry about a lot of 
things."
 
 "Me too. But maybe with the New Year coming up we can put all that 
behind us 
 and make a fresh start."
 
 "Sorry to interrupt ma'am, but I've got a call for you" Tiner said as 
he 
 hurried over.
 
 "Just take a message" Mac replied.
 
 "Uh, it's Mic ma'am. He asked me to find you."
 
 "By all means, take his call" Harm said as he walked away.
 
 For a moment Mac watched him go before letting out a long sigh. So 
much for 
 fresh starts.
 
 "Uh, Harm, Harriet was wondering if you were going to stop by 
tomorrow" Bud 
 asked Harm as he walked by.
 
 "I don't think so Bud" Harm said quietly. "Thanks for asking."
 
 "You're not going to see little AJ?" Bud questioned. "He's been asking 
about 
 Uncle Harm."
 
 "Sorry Bud, but I can't make it" Harm said as he walked away.
 
 He walked out of the bullpen and took the back stairs to the outside 
 courtyard. He needed to get away from the Christmas festivities. Away 
from 
 Mac. He hadn't realized that she was still talking to Mic. Or maybe he 
just 
 hadn't let himself think about that possibility.
 
 He stood there for several minutes before heading back inside. He'd 
get his 
 coat and leave, not wanting to ruin the party for everyone else.
 
 He was about to round the corner to the bullpen when he heard Mac and 
 Harriet talking. He stopped at once, leaning back against the wall so 
they 
 wouldn't see him.
 
 "I didn't know you and Mic were still talking" Harriet said quietly.
 
 "We've talked a few times and traded emails" Mac explained.

"About getting back together?" Harriet asked and her hand went to her 
mouth.  
"Ma'am I'm sorry--that was very out of line and not my business."

"He called to say Merry Christmas," Mac smiled, "and don't worry about 
it.  We're 
off the clock here.  Yeah I think he would be amenable to. . . ."  That 
was all Harm 
heard as the music started up simultaneously with Mac and Harriet 
walking away, 
still speaking but not so as he could hear.

Harm gave the solid wall a vicious swipe with his fist, leaving behind 
some skin 
from his knuckles.  "Great Rabb.  Screwed it up again.  Held back and 
let that 
Australian idiot move right back in.  You're one in five billion."

"Big plans for tonight Commander?" 

"Why the hell would I have to have. . ." he exploded before he realized 
it was AJ 
speaking to him.  "Sir, so sorry.  My apologies.   I'm not in a very 
Christmas mood 
this year I'm afraid."

"Anything you want to talk about?" AJ offered.  "We could go into my 
office."

"No sir, thank you," he sighed.  "It's everything--everything that 
happened starting 
a year ago this time."

"That would be about the time you found out your brother was 
imprisoned?"

"Yes sir."

"And about the time we learned of the Colonel's impending wedding."

"Yes sir," Harm admitted, his scowl deepening.   "And I was hoping the 
New Year 
would start on a better note but it doesn't seem that way."

"May I ask why?"

"It has to do with an Australian," he responded.  "Excuse me sir?"

AJ sighed and shook his head.  The specter of Mic Brumby crossing their 
paths 
again was not a pleasant one.  He too was entertaining some hope that 
the 
potential for happiness that had always been there between his two 
senior officers 
might be realized with the coming of the new year.  "Well if you're not 
doing 
anything tonight Sydney is coming over for supper and then we're going 
to church.  
You could join us."

Just what he wanted to witness--another happy couple.  "Sir thanks, but 
if that 
doesn't sound like a third wheel deal I don't know what does.  No I 
think I'm going 
to the gym for a couple hours, then home to dinner and the basketball 
game.  
Then I head for the Wall at midnight anyway."

"Well you know the phone number if you change your mind."

"Thanks. "  Harm began to edge his way toward his office, intending to 
grab his 
coat and cover and slip out.

"You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye would you?"

He whirled around to face Mac, approaching him at full speed.

"I'm going to head out yeah," he admitted.  "I warned you I wasn't in a 
party mood.  
I did try though."

"Well that's arguable," she smiled.  "You going to the Wall at 
midnight?"

"Yeah I am," he answered quietly.  

"I want you to come over after," she told him firmly.  "Please.  Hot 
chocolate, 
cookies, Alistair Sims Christmas Carol movie.  Please."

"Are you out of your mind--that's going to be like 0100."

"Yeah and I'm not going anywhere for Christmas Day until Bud and 
Harriet's in the 
afternoon, which by the way you're supposed to be there too."

"I don't think so."

"To which?"

"Both," he answered stubbornly.

"Harm please.  Yes I'm begging.  I really want you to come.  I don't 
want to be 
alone and I don't think you really do either. "

"Maybe."

"Not good enough.  I want a promise," she maintained, just as stubborn 
as he 
now.

 "I can't make that promise" Harm said quietly.
 
 "Why not?" she demanded. "Harm, you shouldn't be alone tonight."
 
 "And what makes you think you know what I need" Harm snapped.
 
 "Harm, it's Christmas Eve" Mac said softly. "Don't spend it alone when 
you 
 have a friend who wants to spend it with you."
 
 For a moment he stood there staring at her. He wanted to tell her he 
would 
 be there. He didn't want to hurt her again. And he didn't want to be 
alone.
 
 "Harm, please" Mac pleaded softly. "For me."
 
 "All right" he said finally. "I'll stop by. But just for a few 
minutes. I'm 
 not promising any more than that."
 
 "I'll take it. Around 01:00?"
 
 "Yeah" he sighed. "Mac, you don't have to do this."
 
 "I know sailor, I want to. Promise me you're coming."
 
 "I promise" he said quietly. "I'll see you later."
 
 She watched him leave and with a long sigh went back to the party.
 
 Harm tore out of the JAG parking lot, finally glad to escape all the 
 festivities. He wasn't in the mood for a party. He had no idea how Mac 
had 
 convinced him to come to her place after his visit to the Wall. He 
should 
 have stayed firm and told her no. But he couldn't. Because deep down 
inside 
 he wanted Sarah Mackenzie.
 
 "Get a grip Rabb" he muttered to himself ."She'll probably be engaged 
to Mic 
 before Valentines Day."
 
 An hour later he was at the gym, taking out his frustrations on the 
punching 
 bag. Frustrated at himself for waiting too long. For letting Mac go 
back to 
 Brumby. For not realizing a long time ago what a special gift she was 
in his 
 life.
 
 He headed back to his place after his workout, showering and changing 
for 
 his later visit to the Wall. He was nearly asleep when his phone rang 
and 
 for a moment he was tempted to let it go. With a sigh he reached for 
it.
 
 "Rabb"
 
 "Merry Christmas Harm"
 
 "Hi mom" Harm said guiltily. "Merry Christmas."
 
 "How are you Harm?" Trish asked.
 
 "I'm fine Mom. Just getting ready to go to the Wall."
 
 "Harm, you're not spending Christmas alone are you?" Trish asked. 
"Cause if 
 you tell me you are I'm getting on the next flight to DC."
 
 "No Mom, I'm not" he assured her.
 
 "Well what are you doing then?"
 
 "Well Mac asked me to come over after I visit the Wall and Bud and 
Harriet 
 invited me over tomorrow."
 
 "Good. Cause I had this vision of you sitting there all alone over the 
 holidays and I didn't like it. I wish you would have come out here for 
the 
 holiday."
 
 "Mom, you know I'm not real good company during the holidays" Harm 
said 
 quietly. "You don't need to be subjected to my bad mood as well."
 
 "Harm, what's wrong dear?" Trish asked.
 
 "Nothing. Everything. Never mind. It's too long and complicated and it 
 doesn't matter anyway."
 
 "It does to me."
 
 "Well trust me, you don't want to hear it" Harm sighed.

"Are you upset over Renee?"

He made a choking noise.  "Good lord mom no.  Had her father not died 
that night 
I would have told her myself it was over."

"Well what then," she persisted.  "Did Mac get tired of waiting for 
you?"

"Mom you know she was in her own relationship."

"Well yeah that's true.  Lord knows you whined about it often enough.  
Son, talk to 
me.  You're both free now.  And time has a way of getting away from 
you.  What 
are you waiting for?"

"Mom if I knew that, I wouldn't be waiting now would I.  Merry 
Christmas.  I need to 
go."

"Harmon David you stop and listen to me right now," she ordered.  "I 
want a 
promise from you.  Two in fact.  First, that you won't spend your whole 
night and 
tomorrow moping."

"I'll try."

"Well that's better than nothing.  Second, I want you--and Mac--here 
for the New 
Years weekend."

Another choking noise, louder than the first.  "Mom I can't do that.  I 
can't ask her 
to fly across the country with me to meet my mother."

"Yes you can son.  You can give it your best shot.  Do it and get back 
to me.  Hell 
if you have to just tell her it's as friends."

"Mom. . ."

"Promise me Harmon David."

"Yes ma'am," he sighed, knowing when she used his full name and that 
tone he 
was a goner.  "But she's going to think I've finally gone off the deep 
end."

"I already do.  Merry Christmas Harm."  With that she broke the 
connection.

"Well at least we'll have something to talk about--how out of my mind I 
am for 
asking that of a woman considering reconciling with her ex-fiance," he 
sighed.  
Any desire to go out to eat was lost and instead he made some soup and 
dropped 
in front of the TV.  The news reported on the snow that had moved into 
the area, 
commenting that they were in for another six inches on top of the foot 
that had 
fallen the week before.  At 1130 he added a warmer layer of clothes and 
his jacket 
and ski cap, deciding to park near the Washington Monument and crunch 
the two 
miles through the snow to the Wall.

The night air invigorated him, and the snow flakes clung to his wool 
jacket as he 
walked along at a fast clip, taking in great breaths of the cold air.  
At times like 
this, it was all very clear.  There was a beautiful Marine who held his 
heart in her 
soft gentle hands.  

The dark marble loomed before him, and he slowed to catch his breath so 
that he 
could talk to his dad.  As he expected, the area was deserted except 
for the few 
men who seemingly made the enclave their home.  He found the panel, 
knowing 
exactly which it was even if he had been blindfolded.  Blessing that 
there was no 
wind, he lit the small candle and set it at the base, then traced the 
letters.  Lt. 
Harmon D. Rabb, Sr.  

"Dad I don't even know where to begin," he said softly, his voice 
barely audible.  
"My mishap I guess.  You know there's something about spending what you 
think 
is your last hours alive in a freezing cold ocean that makes you come 
to grips with 
what you really. . ."  

A footfall in the snow distracted him and he saw the dim outline of a 
man in a 
camouflage jacket shuffling nearby.  Harm nodded to him, waiting for 
him to pass 
before going on.  The man got closer and Harm began to feel little 
prickles of 
alarm on his spine.  He started to step away when the man grabbed the 
back of 
his jacket and simultaneously put a gun to his head.  

"Wallet and car keys now.  And don't turn around.  You don't want to be 
able to ID 
me."

"Yeah OK mister.  Just take it easy," Harm gasped, not willing to die 
for his SUV 
and the $20 he was carrying.  "My wallet's in my pants.  Have to get 
under my 
coat and jacket."  

The robber nodded and took a half step back, keeping the gun aimed at 
him.  For 
a brief moment Harm considered attempting to over power him, then 
discarded 
the notion.  They were about the same size, but the gun he was holding 
gave him 
every advantage.  

"Here."  Harm held the wallet to him over his shoulder.  It was taken 
from him and 
then it was as if the world had ended as his head exploded in a flash 
of pain and 
bright lights.  

 The robber grabbed Harm and dragged him over to the pathway before 
giving 
 him a hard kick that sent him rolling down the snow-covered hill. Harm 
landed 
 near a large pile of snow, almost invisible to anyone standing at the 
wall. 
 With a laugh the robber took off to find the car to which he now had 
the 
 keys to.
 
 *****************************
 
 Mac's Apartment
 Same Time
 
 "Okay, you know he's not coming early" Mac chided herself as she 
checked the 
 clock. "If he even shows."
 
 She'd spent the rest of the evening trying to convince herself he 
wasn't 
 going to stand her up, given that he'd promised her he'd at least stop 
by. 
 Harm had never broke a promise to her and she didn't think he'd start 
now.
 
 "I'm waiting Harm" she murmured to the empty apartment.
 
 **************************************
 
 Harm slowly opened his eyes, looking around with confusion. He was no 
longer 
 laying in the bank of snow, but was standing outside the house he'd 
grown up 
 in.
 
 "Hello Harm" At the sound of his father's voice Harm looked over to 
see him 
 standing there.
 
 "Dad? What's going on? Where am I? Am I dead?" The memory of the 
robbery 
 suddenly returned and for a moment all he could think was that he was 
dead. 
 That the pain he'd felt just before the world had gone dark had been 
the 
 robber putting a bullet in his head.
 
 "No you're not dead. I wouldn't let that happen to you. But you are 
here for 
 a reason."
 
 "Why am I outside our house?" Harm asked just as a black car drove up. 
 Seconds later two men in military uniforms knocked on the door. "Oh 
god, 
 this is the night they told us you were shot down" Harm whispered as 
he 
 watched his mom's face crumble at the chaplain's words. Harm could 
feel his 
 own tears as he watched his mom try and put up a brave front, wiping 
away 
 her tears as she turned to face her six year old son.
 
 "I knew you weren't coming back" Harm whispered. "Even though Mom said 
you 
 would one day, deep down I knew I was never going to see you again." 
He 
 watched his mom tell him what had happened, feeling the pain all over 
again.
 
 "Why am I here?" Harm demanded. "Why am I watching this again?"
 
 "Because this is the night that changed your life Harm" Harm Sr. said 
 quietly. "And because to this day you still let it haunt you."
 
 "Of course it haunts me" Harm nearly shouted. "I lost you that night. 
I lost 
 my childhood that night."
 
 "I know son" Harm Sr. said softly, his arm going around his son. "And 
I 
 can't change what happened that night. None of us can. The only thing 
you 
 can change is the present and the future."
 
 "Change what?" Harm asked. "What do I have to change?"
 
 "Harm, why were you at the Wall tonight and not with Mac?"
 
 "I was going to go see her later" Harm countered.
 
 "Were you?" Harm Sr. asked.
 
 "Of course. I'd promised her. I was going to go."
 
 "Yes but because you came here first you're not going to make it to 
Mac's 
 tonight" Harm Sr. said quietly.
 
 "Why wouldn't I?" Harm questioned, more confused than ever.
 
 Suddenly they were no longer at the house in California. Instead, they 
were 
 at the wall again.
 
 "That's why" Harm Sr. said as he pointed to the spot on the hill where 
 Harm's body lay in the snow.

"She'll be worried," Harm said softly.  

"She already is," Harm Sr. told him and a window on her apartment 
opened before 
them.  "But she is also angry.  She believes you broke your promise to 
be there."

From the still form of Harmon Rabb Jr. came the sound of his cell phone 
as Mac 
dialed his number, and then when she got his voice mail slammed down 
the 
phone.  "I don't believe you'd promise me and then not show," she 
muttered, 
wandering to the sofa where she had laid out snacks and mugs for 
chocolate.  
"Harm what the hell is wrong with you--don't you know how much I care 
about 
you."

"Yes Harmon, what the hell is wrong with you?" his dad asked.  "You're 
going to 
screw around until you lose that woman from your life forever.  You see 
now what 
she's doing don't you?"

Harm stared in rapt fascination as she continued to wander, this time 
to a small 
chest of drawers in one corner.  There was a picture there and as he 
strained to 
see, he realized it was the duplicate of the one in his office, taken 
at the Charity 
10K run.  He continued to watch, in shock now, as she reached into the 
drawer 
and pulled out another picture.  This one of Mic Brumby, and she stared 
at it for a 
long minute before walking to the phone.  It was at that point that the 
window went 
dark.

"She's already talked to that guy once today," Harm muttered.  "God Dad 
I'm 
afraid she's thinking of going back to him.  You think that's possible?  
I can't 
believe she would do that.  She just got away from him.  She can't. . 
."

Harm Sr. waved his hand and another window appeared.  A living room, 
with a 
Christmas tree standing proudly near the fireplace which provided the 
only light.  
"Harmon if the events which have been set in motion this night do not 
alter, this 
will be the future."

"Oh my God no," he gasped.  "No please."  For there on the sofa, curled 
comfortably in Mic's arms was Sarah Mackenzie.  "Mac, please you 
didn't.  Dad 
she didn't?"

"Commander and Mrs. Michael James Brumby," Harm Sr. confirmed.  "Proud 
and 
happy parents of Bridget Michele, age five, and Phillip Michael, age 
three.  There 
is another, James Paul, who will make his presence known in about eight 
months."

"I don't believe it.  She would not do that.  Turn it off.  Now," Harm 
ordered, reeling 
from the sight.  "I don't want to see any more."

"She will do that Son.  As I told you, the wheels are already in 
motion.  She is a 
warm and loving woman, with so much of that love to give.  Listen."

"Sarah are you all right?"  Mic's soft gentle voice drifted across the 
gulf of time and 
space.  "I know Christmas Eve is hard for you because of what happened 
on this 
night seven years ago."

"Mic every year you ask me that, and every year I tell you that it's 
gotten easier," 
she sighed.  "And this year, knowing I'm carrying your child once 
again, makes it 
that much more.  I love you Michael Brumby, and I thank you for taking 
me back."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Harm groaned and the window closed.  
"Dad we've 
got to do something.  I can't let her.  I love her."
=============
MAC'S APARTMENT
130AM Christmas morning

"Damn you Rabb," Mac muttered for at least the tenth time in thirty 
minutes.  
"Damn you."  A third 'damn' would not come out as her initial anger 
dissipated in 
one last breath and she collapsed onto the sofa.  What Harm had not 
seen earlier 
was her throwing Mic's picture back into the drawer as she dialed the 
JAG duty 
officer just in case he had been called or had checked in.  Then in 
desperation 
she had called AJ, Bud, and Turner, waking everyone up to her anger and 
the fear 
that was by then starting to take over her being.

For the next thirty minutes she huddled on the sofa, staring out to the 
deserted 
street, shivering in the now cold apartment with the phone clutched to 
her.  Finally 
she wrapped herself up in the afghan and tried to close her eyes, 
willing sleep and 
praying that Harm would get in touch with her.

"Sarah?  He needs you Sarah."  The voice came from no where and 
startled her 
awake. Even more startling was the tall mustached figure standing 
before her, 
dressed in a flight suit.  So familiar and yet not exactly.

"What the hell--who are you?" she demanded trying to move and finding 
her limbs 
in paralysis.  

"Lt. Harmon Rabb Senior at your service ma'am."
 
 "Okay, I'm dreaming" Mac whispered. "This is not real."
 
 "Sarah, Harm needs you" Harm Sr. repeated.
 
 "I don't think so" Mac sighed. "He's made it pretty clear that he'd 
rather 
 be alone. And at this point I'm happy to oblige him."
 
 "Sarah, go to him. You know where he is."
 
 "Why should I?" Mac demanded of the ghost. "So he can turn me away 
again. I 
 can't do that anymore. I can't keep letting him hurt me that way." She 
 turned away as the tears started, tears of frustration and hurt.
 
 "Sarah, you have to go to him," Harm Sr. said softly. "He needs you 
right 
 now. Don't turn your back on him now."
 
 "Why didn't he come here?" Mac whispered. "If he needs me, why didn't 
he 
 come to me?"
 
 "Just go Sarah" the ghost pleaded. "You'll understand later. But you 
have to 
 go."
 
 Something told her she needed to listen to the ghost. That Harm did 
need 
 her. "Okay, I'm going" Mac said as she pushed herself off the couch.
 
 "Thank you Sarah. You're doing the right thing by going to him."
 
 "I hope so" Mac sighed.
 
 Minutes later she trudged out into the cold night, hoping she wasn't 
wasting 
 her time. And praying she wouldn't have to explain to Harm that she 
was 
 there because she'd seen the ghost of his father.
 
 "He'll be recommending you for a psych  eval" Mac muttered to herself.
 
 It was quiet as she made her way to the spot on the Wall where the 
name Lt. 
 Harmon Rabb was carved. She wasn't surprised to find the area empty, 
and 
 with a sigh she sank down on the bench.
 
 "Okay, Lt., I'm here" Mac said to the empty space. "Give me a clue why 
since 
 I don't see Harm anywhere."
 
 "Sarah"
 
 She heard the same voice as she'd heard at her apartment and she stood 
up, 
 looking around for Lt. Rabb.
 
 "Sarah"
 
 Again the voice, this time further away and she walked along the path, 
her 
 eyes searching for him. "Lt.?" she called.
 
 She walked a little further, stopping and looking down at the 
reflecting 
 pool, lit up by the stars above. It was then that she caught sight of 
 something on the ground. Something that looked suspiciously like a 
body. She 
 slowly approached; thinking it might be a homeless person. But as she 
got 
 closer, she quickly realized it wasn't a homeless person.
 
 "Harm, oh god" Mac cried as she hurried to his side. Her trembling 
hand 
 reached first to see if he was alive and she breathed a small sigh of 
relief 
 when she found a pulse, her relief temporary as she realized how cold 
he 
 was.
 
 "Harm, hang on sailor" she whispered as she pulled out her cell phone. 
 "You're going to be okay." She quickly dialed 911 and had just hung up 
when 
 he started to stir.
 
 "Harm, it's okay, it's Mac."
 
 "Mac" he murmured as he slowly pushed his eyes open. "What are you 
doing 
 here?"
 
 "Trying to find you," she said softly. "And it's a good thing I did. 
I've 
 called for an ambulance but we need to get you off this snow. Do you 
think 
 you can stand?"
 
 "We can try" he said and seconds later she gently helped him to a 
sitting 
 position.
 
 "How you doing?" she asked, slipping off her coat to put around him as 
he 
 sat shivering.
 
 "Mac no" he protested weakly. "You need that."
 
 "Right now you need it more," she said firmly.
 
"I'm OK," he whispered, shuddering hard as his consciousness began to 
fade 
once more and he became overwhelmed by the cold.  "You need to get home 
to 
your husband.  Besides you're pregnant--no way you should be out in 
this cold."

"Harm what the hell are you talking about?" she demanded, her alarm 
growing 
and she grabbed his head, checking for. . ."My god what happened to 
you?  
Someone hit you didn't they?"

"Mic is going to worry. . ." he murmured again.  "You need to go home.  
I'll be. . ."  
His eyes closed and he fell against her.  

Mac's hand came from his head, the fingertips covered with blood and 
she stared 
in horror at it.  "Please, please let him be OK."  She bent low over 
him, trying to 
keep him warm, her mind reeling from what he was saying, terrified that 
his head 
injury was serious.  

The scream of the ambulance siren split the calm night air and she 
pressed him 
tighter to her.  "Hang on Partner, hang on."

The next two hours were a blur of an ambulance ride, and an ER and Harm 
being 
taken away from her to be examined.  Finally at 4AM she was leaning 
wearily 
outside the door through which Harm had been taken when the doctor came 
out.

"Hey Merry Christmas," he greeted her.

"Is it?" she asked cautiously.  "He's OK?"

"Mr. Rabb has a touch of hypothermia and some congestion from the hours 
of 
breathing in ice crystals from having his head in the snow.  And then 
there's the 
matter of his head injury which as I'm sure you guessed is a 
concussion."

"He was delirious doctor," she said softly.  "Talking about my husband 
and being 
pregnant and so forth."

"Not that unusual," Dr. Kohl assured her.  "But the good news is that 
he's awake 
and talking and asking for you.  I'm going to keep him today and he can 
go home 
tonight if he's still checking out.  Don't let his coughing alarm you.  
He's going to 
be doing that for a good number of days yet."

She nodded and pushed past the doctor in her eagerness to reach him.  
"Flyboy 
you do know how to scare a partner to death," she said softly as she 
slipped her 
hand into his.  First I find you hurt, and then you babble about me 
being married 
and pregnant.  I thought your little red trolley had jumped the track 
for good."

Harm both swallowed and coughed.  "You gave up on me and went back to 
Mic," 
he managed to cough out.  "And you had two kids and a third one 
coming."

"And I did all this in the about twelve hours since I last saw you?" 
she demanded, 
laughing and shaking her head, then turning somber.  "Harm look at me 
now and 
tell me you know me, and not as Sarah Brumby."

"It was so real," he sighed.  "I saw you.  You and Mic.  Dad showed 
me."
  
 Her eyes opened wide at his words and for a moment she couldn't speak. 
"Your 
 Dad?" she questioned finally.
 
 "Mac, what?"
 
 "Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but since you mentioned it 
first, I 
 saw your Dad too. He's the one who came to me and told me to go find 
you."
 
 "Okay this is too weird" Harm sighed as he closed his eyes again. "But 
at 
 least you're not married to Mic."
 
 "No I'm not" she assured him. "And I never will be. And you're tired 
and you 
 need to rest."
 
 "When do I get out of here?" he asked as he opened his eyes again to 
look at 
 her.
 
 "Later today if the doctor says it's okay" Mac said as she gently 
stroked 
 her forehead.
 
 "I'm sorry I messed up your Christmas," he said softly. "You should go 
home 
 and get some sleep."
 
 "You didn't mess up my Christmas," she said with a small smile. "I'm 
just 
 glad you're okay. And you do need to rest so I'm going to get out of 
here. 
 I'll be back in a few hours."
 
 "Mac, what did my dad say to you?" Harm asked.
 
 "That you needed me" Mac said quietly. "Course I didn't believe him at 
 first. When you didn't' show up, I figured you'd just decided you 
wanted to 
 be alone. And I was going to respect your wishes. It was a good thing 
I 
 listened to him."
 
 "I was planning on coming to your place afterwards. Honest."
 
 "I know. And we'll talk about all this later. You need to rest. I'll 
be back 
 later." She reached for his hand and held it in hers. "Take care of 
yourself 
 sailor."
 
 "Mac, are you getting back together with Mic?"
 
 "Why would you think that?" Mac asked.
 
 "Well I sort of overheard you talking to Harriet at the party about 
how this 
 wasn't the first time you'd talked to him" Harm said sheepishly. "And 
I 
 heard Harriet ask if you were getting back together."
 
 "I'm guessing you didn't hear my response then?" Mac said with a small 
 smile.
 
 "No" Harm admitted.
 
 "Harm, Mic has been dating someone for a few months now" Mac 
explained. "He 
 wanted to call me and tell me that he's getting married. He asked 
Elizabeth 
 to marry him and she said yes. So to answer your question, no I'm not 
 getting back together with Mic."
 
 "Then I'm not too late?" he asked softly.
 
 "Nope" Mac smiled. "Rest sailor. We can talk about all that later."
 
 "Will you stay until I fall asleep?" he murmured, his eyes closing 
once 
 again.
 
 "I think I can manage that," Mac said as she placed a gentle kiss on 
his 
 forehead. "Merry Christmas Harm."
 
 "Merry Christmas Sarah."
==================
31 Dec 01
11PM
Harm's Apartment

"I heard that Sailor," Mac yelled through the bathroom door.  "You're 
coughing and 
you should not be going out in that cold air."

"Mac I'm fine," he yelled back.  "You were sitting right there this 
morning when the 
doctor told us my lungs were clear except for some irritation that's 
going to cause 
the coughing.   I'm fine and we're going."

"Stubborn Squids," she muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull 
on her 
boots.  

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to."  She laughed to herself and shook her head.  
The week 
between Christmas and New Years had been a time renewal and 
reacquaintence.  
She had brought Harm home from the hospital that night and insisted on 
staying, 
for which she was very glad for the coughing was as the doctor had 
promised.  
That first night they had been awake together most of the night while 
he coughed 
and she rubbed his back and massaged his temples, trying to ease the 
headache 
that was made worse by the coughing.

"Have I thanked you for taking care of me this week?" he asked softly 
when he 
opened the door.

"Several times," she assured him.  "But it was something I had to do.  
God Harm 
when I saw you in that snow back I thought you were. . ."  She choked 
back a 
small sob as he started over to her, his arms open in comfort.

"I'm OK," she smiled, shaking off the sudden somberness, "but hey I'll 
take one of 
your hugs any time."  

For a long minute she allowed herself to be folded into the comfort of 
his arms, 
giving out a long sigh of contentment.

"Guess we'd better get moving," he sighed, not really wanting to 
release her.   
"Five blocks to Union Station in the cold."

Once they were dressed warmly and outside the frost air was bracing, 
and he 
wrapped his gloved hand around her mittened one.  A walk to the Metro 
and a 
quick red line ride downtown to Gallery place and shortly they were 
among the 
thousands awaiting the arrival of 2002.

The area around the Old Post Office was teaming with bundled up 
spectators, 
rocking to the music and keeping their eyes on the giant postage stamp 
poised at 
the top of the old building's tower.

Keeping a tight clasp of her hand lest he lose her in the crowd, he led 
them to a 
good vantage point.

"You warm enough?" he asked anxiously as he took up his place behind 
her, 
impulsively slipping his arms around her, urging her to lean back 
against his 
chest.

"Perfect," she sighed.  He rested his chin on the top of her head and 
they joined 
the others in swaying to the music.

At 1159PM the postage stamp shook loose from it's moorings and began 
it's slow 
descent.  Harm's arms tightened around her in anticipation, smiling at 
the fact that 
her cheeks were glowing from the cold and excitement.

At precisely midnight the sky overhead exploded with fireworks as the 
stamp 
came to rest.  2002 had arrived safely.

Gently he turned her around so that he could look into her eyes and for 
a long 
minute there was no one else in the world.  For them the crowd had gone 
silent, 
the fireworks had ceased, and they were the only two people on the face 
of the 
planet.  As if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if they 
had done it a 
thousand times, his lips came down to meet hers.  A soft and gentle 
kiss, barely 
there, but one that told of dreams too long left unspoken.

"Happy 2002 Sarah," he breathed, his eyes still fastened to hers.

"Same," she whispered, not trusting her voice at that moment.

"Our year Sarah," he went on, his voice barely coming across but she 
heard every 
syllable.  "Let's make this our year.  God knows we've waited long 
enough.  Let's 
give each other the gift of time.  For the next year we see if the 
dance really can 
end.  Promise?"

Her answer was carried on the wind to his ear.  "Promise."

Thus at 1201 AM, Jan. 1, 2002, for the coming 365 days at least, fate 
was sealed 
and promises were made.  It was a time for new beginnings.

THE END.