Title: My Collection to You Author: Kimberly Knipp Email: MCK8686@aol.com Rating: PG Classification: Romance - Harm and Mac Spoilers: Any and all up to the end of this season Summary: A look back… read on and it will become clearer. Disclaimer: JAG, its characters and premise are the exclusive property of Bellasarius Productions, Paramount Television and CBS Entertainment. No monetary gain is appreciated from this endeavor, nor is any copyright infringement intended. This story is created purely for recreational purposes. Note: The Man I Am is from Kenny Chesney's Greatest Hits and There'll You Be is Faith Hill's new single from the movie Pearl Harbor. This is another departure from what I normally do and there's no action - just romance. The backdrop is a tribute to our nation for the Memorial holiday. The war is fictional simply to set the scene for the story. Many of the actual details are sketchy isn't really what the story is about and I didn't want to write an epic. I apologize… ****************************************************************************** ***** Everything I want to be… To: Ninjagirl@a... From: F14flyboy@a... 10 Sept 01 Dear Mac, It's been a week since I left JAG. After I returned the last time I never thought I would serve another tour on a carrier. I guess it doesn't matter what life plans you might have when a country goes to war. I hope things are going well there. You must be very shorthanded with Bud, Tiner and Gunny all being called back to duty. How is Harriet holding up with Bud gone? Tell her I'm thinking about her. Being back here feels totally different than it did before. Now I'm not back trying to recapture a lost dream and I'm working with other men and women who don't see me as an interloper. We're all working toward the same goal and that's to keep this war at bay. Mac, I hope they don't call you back to duty. It would make it harder for me to concentrate if I and to worry about where my best friend is and if she was safe. I don't want to lose touch like we did the summer I went back to flying. I think we've come too far for that now so keep your eye out for my emails! There are a lot of things I want to say to you but I think for now they can wait. I know you have a lot to worry about on the home front. Keep the Admiral in line and don't let him pull out the rest of his hair. I know it hasn't been all that long since Mic left and I hate it that I'm not there with you now. I feel like this is when I should be there most. Or maybe you don't need me too much. With Renee gone, too, I guess we're back where we started. Everything I want to be is on hold now and I hate it. But make no mistake - you and I have a lot to talk about and we'll have our day. I'll guess I'll get going for now. We're about to go up for another drill. The news broadcasts have been steady regarding the peace talks. I guess we're all still hoping they'll find a solution before the President's deadline. Take care of yourself and make sure you eat and get some rest. I know how you are about forgetting those important things. Love, Harm In my heart I'll always see you soar above the sky… To: F14flyboy@a... From: Ninjagirl@a... 11 Sept 01 Dear Harm, Getting your letter was very bittersweet. It reminded of the last time, too. I know the reasons now are different but it doesn't make me any less angry or sad that you were called to duty. Serving our country is a part of who and what we are but why did this have to happen now? Harriet is doing fine and she sends her love. She said to make you promise you'll come back because she knows you never make a promise you can't keep. So I won't ask you to make that one, Harm. But do your damndest, okay? I already have my best friend - now I'd like to have my partner back. The Admiral heard from Tiner yesterday and this is an experience for him. He said life onboard a sub isn't what he thought it would be and it's certainly different from his duties at JAG. I've more or less taken over his and Gunny's roles so I have a ton on my plate. Our caseload hasn't diminished a bit despite so many men and women returning to service. You know how upheaval tends to mess with people's lives. The protests, the riots, the public speeches - everything geared to either fan the flames or douse the fire. I can only hope that the advisors from each country will come to some sort of agreement before having to send us to war. This country doesn't need another one so close to Desert Storm and the Bosnia mess. I just want it to be over, Harm. I want you to come back. I know this a horrible time for this but when has time ever been on our side, Harm? Or maybe I should say when have we ever taken advantage of it when we did have it? I think maybe I'll go for now. I have many things I want to say to you but no understanding of how to put them in order. I can't wait until you write you again. I'll look forward to it. My prayers are with you, Harm. Be safe. Love, Mac Any dream I want to dream I can…because of your love To: Ninjagirl@a... From: F14flyboy@a... 13 Sept 01 Dear Mac, Your letter caught me by surprise. Sarah, I would hope beyond hope that after all that's happened since our trip to Australia, you would know how much you mean to me. While I always thought you knew, it took me too long to realize that you didn't because you couldn't read my mind. We've been having nonstop drills now that the talks have deteriorated. The deadline is in 24 hours and I don't think Milloric is going to concede to Bush's conditions. For all of our technology, mankind still reverts to the violence of the caveman days when things don't go their way. Skates is having a hard time being away from her new husband. When she first told me they were getting married - I asked her whose idea it was for her to give up flying. She said I, of all people, knew how difficult it would be if she didn't. She was recalled here before she could even think about getting her change of designation in. She told me yesterday that he said if she wanted to keep flying he would be okay with it. He wants what will make her happy. She cried when she told me that. Captain Ingles has partnered her with me and I'll do everything within my power to make sure she returns home to him. Oh, I almost forgot. I don't know if Harriet has told you yet or not but Bud is being transferred here to the Henry. At least I'll be able to keep track of him. At least he won't be directly involved in any fighting. Thank God his talents lie elsewhere. We've flown so much in the past few days that I feel like I'm back in the old days when this is what I did for a living. Well, it's time for another briefing. I hope all is well there and that you're doing good. I know you're swamped with work but take care of yourself. Tell the Admiral I said hello and I'll get an email off to him soon. Love, Harm In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life… To: F14flyboy@a... From: Ninjagirl@a... 21 Sept 01 Dear Harm, Harm, I'm being sent to Okinawa for duty! The Admiral tried everything he could think of to get them to leave me at JAG since they've taken almost everyone else but they said I was needed now that the fighting has started. I'm worried about you. The latest word is that the carriers are being sent to the front lines in the Pacific. I'm being sent to work Intelligence. If it's any possible consolation to you, I'm going to be with Webb. They wanted to send me to the fighting but that was the one thing Admiral Chegwidden got changed. He called Webb and well… I leave tomorrow morning. I have a lot to get ready in a short time. Harriet is very grateful Bud will be with you. She feels safer that way. Harm, I know you'll… well, I know you'll be careful but promise me you'll be extra careful. I have no idea what's in store for me once I get back to Okinawa. It's been years since I've been there and you know how things often change with Webb. I don't even know if he'll be staying. Admiral Chegwidden is livid about losing his staff. I don't think I've ever seen him this way. With all the uncertainty that you and I are about to face, I have to make sure you know how I feel. No matter what else has happened before today, you're my best friend and the only partner I ever want to have. I've learned so much from you and with you. I've learned what it means to be a partner. Even when I thought you didn't want me, Harm… you were always there. You were there even when I was about to marry another man. You just took it all in stride and kept going. I have to get going but I promise I'll write again as soon as I'm able, too. Webb and I leave at 0700 from Andrews. Please, please, be careful, Harm. Love, Mac Anywhere I ever go… To: Ninjagirl@a... From: F14flyboy@a... 23 Sept 01 Dear Mac, I couldn't get to my email any faster so you've already been gone over a day. Damn it, Sarah, I was hoping you wouldn't have to go near the fighting! Mac, promise me you won't take any unnecessary chances and don't let Webb get you into one of his harebrained schemes! The air raids are running nonstop and I'm supposed to be catching some sleep but I had to get a note off to you. I know you didn't say everything you wanted to in your last email and that's okay. We will talk, Sarah - I promise. There are so many things I want to say to you, too, but time is short. Just remember that you're with me no matter where I am. Anywhere I ever go… just as I know I'm with you. I only regret that it's taken me so long to make sure you knew how I felt. Let's make a pact right here and now to forget about all the yesterdays and go from here on out. Bottom line, you will always be my best friend but I hope you realize now that you're so much more to me. I have to go because I'm due topside in two hours. Be careful and write the minute you're able to and let me know your status. Love, Harm I keep a part of you in me… To: F14flyboy@a... From: Ninjagirl@a... 26 Sept 01 Dear Harm, The news broadcasts are coming in fast and furious about the bombing. I'm sick with worry because I know you're right in the middle of it! This isn't my first experience with combat but it's the first time I know I stand to lose someone. I'm not going to think that way. I promise. I know you will be fine. I know it because you promised we'd have our talk. And you never break promises to me. Give Bud and Skate my love and tell them to hang in there. Things here aren't as outright dangerous as where you are but tension is high. We have been instructed not to leave the base at all. Webb constructed a deep cover for us. I feel like Mata Hari and Tokyo Rose rolled into one. I have to go because we're going to meet with an 'official'. I know I've said this before but I'll say it again. Please be as careful as you can. Come back to me, Harm. Love, Sarah With all of my heart I know I am…the man I am… because of your love To: Ninjagirl@a... From: F14flyboy@a... 01 Oct 01 Dear Sarah, I know it's been a week since my last letter and I'm so sorry. The carrier took a minor hit the day after my last transmission to you and we lost some of our systems. They shut down anything that wasn't vital so there went the email. I have no idea how to get a hold of you but I wouldn't leave a message any other way for fear of exposing you. I didn't have any messages from you either so I hope that doesn't mean something has happened there. Write me as soon as you're able to so I'll know you're okay. I'm in between drills again. I don't know how much longer Milloric will be able to hold out. We've just about decimated his forces. But we're continuing the air raids. Bush is determined to shut Milloric down. I still reserve my opinion about him in some areas but at least when it came down to making a decision, he made it and stood behind it. Bush, Sr. was the same way. But I don't want to talk about this damn war. Lord only knows how much longer this is going to go on but with each day that passes is grows more deadly. I've never come right out and said the words to you, Sarah, and I would rather the first time be in person. But rather than wait it out and possibly lose the chance I'll tell you now. I love you, Sarah. I'm pretty sure you already know that but I'm saying it out loud. I love you for so long now I can't remember when I started. I think maybe as early as you pulling my six into the helicopter. I have to go but I wanted you to know that, Sarah. Without anymore doubt. Love, Harm And everywhere I am… there you'll be… To: F14flyboy@a... From: Ninjagirl@a... 02 Oct 01 Dear Harm, Oh, Harm, I cried reading your letter! I was so worried about you after more and more days passed without word. I know I've haven't written either but Webb and I have been in transit for several days. We left Okinawa the day after I last wrote to you and we arrive at Elmendorf in Anchorage last night. I've been to so many places in that interim that even my internal clock is screwed up. We're going to be here for two day and Webb told me this morning they reported a temporary ceasefire. He promised me he would try and get you a shore pass. I need to see you, Harm. I know it's only been about a month since you left JAG but it feels like forever. I don't know when we'll have another chance. I love you so much - more than my life. Don't ever forget that. I knew you loved me, too, but hearing the words for the first time will be a memory I'll never be without. Webb just came in and I need to go but be ready to leave if they come through with the pass. You'll know it's to come here. Love, Sarah 0300 ZULU - 03 Oct 01 ELMENDORF AFB, ANCHORAGE, AK The car that picked him up at the transport dropped him off in front of a small, nondescript base house that looked like millions of base houses all over the world. He knocked on the door and waited for a minute. When there was no answer he knocked again. Frowning, he set his flight back down and walked around to the back of the house. He saw a lone figure sitting in an old porch swing in the backyard, looking up at the stars. She looked up as if sensing his presence and they both froze. His heart slowed almost to a halt before starting a thunderous beating in his chest. Very slowly he walked toward her. "You look like you've just seen a ghost, flyboy." Her words were as real as her voice and he could have wept when she called him by the first nickname she ever gave him. "No ghost - just the most precious gift I've ever had," he whispered huskily. "You look exhausted," she murmured, her eyes taking in his tall form clothed in his khaki uniform. His eyes searched her from head to toe. "You look as beautiful to me as ever. Your hair is lighter." "It's the sun," she answered, almost choking on the emotion that clogged her throat. She went to him then without hesitation and he drew her close, sliding his hands up her back to cradle her close. Her blood raced wildly through her body and her heart was beating so hard she was sure he could hear it. Something primitive in her was calling out to him and for the first time in their history, where and who they were had nothing to do with the situation. For once they were simply feeling. Instead of talking and getting things mixed up, they were looking at each other and doing. He read the look in her eyes and thought surely it was a reflection of his own. The mental connection that had existed between them from the beginning was there as strong as ever. His arms contracted tighter, almost stealing her breath as his eyes roamed her face. Electricity hummed and warmed. "I'd like very much to kiss you," he breathed, his deep voice swirling around her in a haze. "I really wish you would," she sighed tremulously. His mouth caught the last word before it completely left her lips. Her breath caught and she melted against him, letting him take her weight. His hands came up to embed themselves in her silky hair and he angled her head so he could settle his mouth more fully on hers. She moaned softly when the tip of his tongue traced the seam of her closed lips. They parted and he slipped inside to explore the darkness within. What started as gentle and exploratory changed to hard and feral, as if he were trying to seek a way inside to her heart. She met him head on, straining up on her tiptoes to get closer, driving him the brink of wanting. He felt his control slipping. "You have two seconds to turn around and walk away," he muttered against her lips. "One, two," she rejoined, her mouth never leaving his. She felt his smile go right into her mouth and then he lifted her into his arms and headed for the back door. In the bedroom, he placed her on the bed and followed her down until he lay over her, his big body pressing her into the soft mattress. He watched her without talking, studying the contours of her face. Feeling shy all of a sudden, she met his gaze, sighing when she felt his rough fingers caressing the planes of her face. He lowered his head and kissed her tenderly, letting his lips play along hers for a moment. When his tongue pressed at the seam of her lips, she parted them without hesitation and he slid inside, thrusting in and out slowly, making sure she felt every small nuance. His hands trailed slowly down her arms to her hips, shifting her slightly so that he rested between her thighs. Her hands slid across the breadth of his shoulders and into his hair, holding his mouth close.