Title: Love Has Come parts 1-3
Author: Melanie-Anne
Email: melani_anne@yahoo.com 
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst, Romance (Mac/Harm)
Summary: Just when Harm and Mac decide to move beyond
friendship, she disappears.  Harm is left to deal with
a broken heart.  When she returns, she is not the same
woman he fell in love with.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, no infringement
is intended and no money is being made.
A/N: Thanks to Pat for her help and to Laura for
betaing :o)
 
*
 
Part 1 – Moment By Moment
“Love has come, and it’s giving me hope to carry on.”
– Caedmon’s Call
 
*
Standing in front of his partner’s apartment,
Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. took a deep breath and
raised his hand to knock. One, two, three short raps
and he waited.  Seconds later, the door opened to
reveal the smiling face of his partner, Lieutenant
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.

“Harm!” she said pleasantly, always happy to see her
partner.  “This is a surprise.”

“Is this a bad time?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she assured. “Come in.”

Now that he was actually in her presence, Harm felt
his courage slipping and stifled the urge to laugh at
himself.  He was not afraid to defy gravity and risk
his life every time he climbed into the cockpit, but
he was too petrified to tell the love of his life how
he felt.

“What’s up?” Mac asked.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.”

Mac accepted his words at face value and offered him a
drink.  She didn’t really care what his reasons for
being there were, she was just glad he was. *Maybe… 
maybe I’ll tell him today….*

Her phone rang while she was in the kitchen and she
told Harm to answer it.

“Rabb,” he said into the mouthpiece, as if answering
her phone was the most natural thing in the world.

“Sir, why are you answering the colonel’s phone?”
Harriet asked.

“Er….”

“Never mind. Sorry for interrupting.  Tell her I’ll
call back later.”

“Umm….”

“Bye, sir!” she called cheerfully and hung up, turning
to face her husband with a huge smile on her face.
“Mac can’t babysit.”

“Well, can we ask Harm?” Bud asked.

“He can’t either.”

“What- Oh…oh!” He returned his wife’s smile.  “Do you
think-?”

“We can only hope,” Harriet said, crossing her
fingers.

“But we still need a babysitter.”

“Sturgis!” they said together and Harriet started
dialing.

*

Back at Mac’s apartment, Harm stood staring at the
phone with a puzzled look on his face.  *Does
everybody know how I feel about her?  Am I that
obvious?*

"Who was that?” Mac asked, returning to the living
room with two glasses of orange juice. Misinterpreting
Harm’s confused look, she grew defensive.  “Hey, I
don’t only eat junk food!”

“What? Oh, the juice. Thanks.”

“So who was on the phone?” Mac took a seat on the
couch.

“Harriet,” Harm sat next to her.

“What did she want?”

*To know if I’d told you I love you.* “She said she’d
call again later.”

“Oh. Okay.” *Okay, now’s your chance.*

She was about to speak when the phone rang again.

“Mackenzie.”

Silence.

“Hello?” she tried.

Her back to Harm, he missed the _expression of panic
that flitted across her face as she listened to the
heavy breathing coming from the caller’s end.  She
hung up, her _expression normal by the time she turned
around again.

“Harriet?” Harm asked.

Mac shook her head.  “Wrong number,” she lied smoothly
and briefly debated telling Harm about the number of
‘wrong numbers’ she’d had over the past few days.

The moment passed.

“So, Commander, what brings you to my side of the
world?”

*Tell her! Tell her! Tell her!* “Can’t I just visit my
best friend?”

*Best friend.  Right.  Just friends* she thought
despondently.

Picking up on her change of mood, Harm shifted closer
and lifted her chin.  “Hey, what’s wrong? What did I
say? Sarah?”

She frowned. He never called her by her first name
unless he was in a serious mood. “It’s nothing.  I’m
just hormonal.” She smiled.

“Whoa!  Too much information there.”

Their faces only inches apart, they gazed at each
other, each wondering what the other was thinking, the
distance between them shortening with each second that
passed.  Mac’s heart was pounding so loudly she
wouldn’t be surprised if Harm could hear it.

“Sarah,” he whispered hoarsely, his mouth dry.  He
raised his hand to tenderly cup her cheek as his lips
brushed hers.

The first kiss was gentle – chaste, almost – but the
second was not.  Mac wound her fingers through Harm’s
hair, needing to touch him to believe that this was
really happening. He nibbled gently on her lower lip
and pulled her onto his lap.  Finally, succumbing to
their need for oxygen, they broke apart and looked at
each other.

Mac smiled first, unable to help herself.  She was too
happy.  Harm had been holding his breath, wondering
what her reaction would be.  At her smile, he sighed
with relief and hugged her.  Neither felt the need to
speak just yet; they were content to sit in each
other’s arms and savor the moment.

“I could hold you all night,” Harm said, some time
later.

Mac sighed contentedly and snuggled closer. “Okay,”
she said amiably.

“Sarah, I- dammit!” Harm pulled out his cell phone. 
“What?” he answered gruffly.

It was his mother.  Mac watched his _expression turn
from annoyance to surprise to alarm. “What’s wrong?”
she asked when he hung up.

“Grandma Sarah slipped and fractured her arm.  My
mother wants me to spend the night at her place.”

“Does Grandma Sarah know this?”

Harm shook his head.  “I’m supposed to just pop in to
fetch a book or something and when I see the cast I’m
supposed to insist on staying.”

“Well, I guess you’d better go then.  It’s already
late for you to be ‘picking up a book,’” Mac said
regretfully. Then, brightening, “Do you want me to go
with you?”

“It’s okay. She’s going to be miserable and grumpy and
taking it out on everyone she sees and I love you too
much to let you suffer through that.”

Mac’s breath caught in her throat. *He said he loves
me! He loves me! He loves me! He loves me!*

Hand in hand they walked to Harm’s car where they
shared a parting kiss.  Mac waved as Harm drove away,
only turning to go back inside when his lights were
just pinpricks in the distance.

She never made it back inside.  Just before she
reached the safety of her building, someone grabbed
her from behind and held a chloroform-soaked rag over
her mouth before she could even scream.  She collapsed
like a rag doll into her attacker’s arms.

If Harm had known then that he wouldn’t see her again
for two months, he would have taken her up on her
offer to accompany him.  He would have walked to the
car by himself.  He would have waited until she was in
the building before driving off.  He would not have
left her alone.

He would not have left.

Part 2 – This Isn’t Happening

Day 1

Grandma Sarah had been less than thrilled to have her
grandson checking up on her. Not for one second did
she believe that Harm had come to borrow a book.
Still, he’d refused to leave, so she’d put up with his
presence.  First thing in the morning, Harm’s mother
arrived and he made a beeline for Mac’s apartment,
anxious to see her.  He hadn’t been able to get her
out of his mind – admittedly not an unusual occurrence
– but this time, he hadn’t been *imagining* kissing
her.  He’d been *remembering.* It was an experience he
wanted to repeat as often as possible.

He knocked on Mac’s door again, smiling as he recalled
how nervous he had been in this same position the
previous night. Patiently, he waited for Mac to open
the door.  He waited.

…And waited.

*Maybe she’s still asleep.*  Having always wondered
what his partner looked like when she woke up, he
decided that it was about time he found out. He
searched for the key Mac had given him and unlocked
the door.

It was very quiet inside but he wasn’t worried yet.

He entered her bedroom very quietly, surprised to see
the bed made.

*Where is she?*

Harm knew she didn’t like being late for work but he
didn’t think she’d be there this early. Maybe she’d
gone for an early morning run. Disappointed, he
returned to his own apartment, hardly able to bare the
wait until he saw her again.

Admiral Chegwidden called him into his office as soon
as he arrived at work. It was only two hours later,
when Mac still hadn’t surfaced, that he started
panicking.  He and Bud went to her apartment when
calling her had proved fruitless.  

Her apartment was exactly as Harm had left it that
morning. Or rather, as he had left it *the night
before* he realized horribly as he caught sight of the
two unfinished glasses of orange juice on the coffee
table.  While the part of him that was the man wanted
nothing more than to collapse onto the couch in shock,
the part of him that was the commander came to the
fore. He studied the room, noting that there were no
signs of a struggle which left him with two
conclusions. Either Mac had run away to deal with
their changing relationship or she had been abducted
in the time it took for her to walk from where he had
been parked to her front door. Finding her car keys
still hanging on the key holder and seeing that
nothing was missing, he was left with the latter
option. It was, by far, the more terrifying option.

…And guilt.  Guilt that he should have been there to
protect her. Guilt that he had left her.

The commander disappeared and the man took over. 
Harm’s knees buckled and he leaned against the wall
for support. Sinking to the floor he looked up at his
friend, the beginnings of shock setting in.

“She’s gone. I left her and she’s gone,” he murmured.

“Maybe it’s not what we think,” Bud said, trying to
stay positive.

Harm shook his head. “What else could it be?”

“I’ll call the admiral.”

*

Day 2

Harm woke up feeling empty.  Mac had been missing for
over twenty-four hours. Whoever had kidnapped her had
yet to contact anyone or demand a ransom. Harm had
spent hours the previous day trying to think of anyone
who could have something against Mac, eventually
falling asleep from sheer emotional exhaustion.

He took the day off to go to the police station. Not
surprisingly, they had no new information for him. 
Desperate, he did the only thing he had left to do.

He contacted Clayton Webb.

*

Day 5

…No information from either the detectives in charge
or Webb. Harm had started spending his nights at Mac’s
apartment, sleeping in her bed in an attempt to feel
close to her. The admiral called each day, first
asking how Harm was doing and then when he planned on
returning to work.

Bud and Harriet called to see if he needed anything.

Chloe called to say hi to Mac and Harm had to break
the news to her.  She cried.

Harm felt as though his world had crashed down around
him.  He didn’t want to get out of bed if it meant he
had to suffer through another day without Mac.  When
Sturgis went around to suggest that he go flying, he
stood silently for a moment and then, very slowly,
shut the door in Sturgis’ face.

*

Day 9

One week and two days since she’d disappeared. Harm
wondered if, wherever she was, she knew how much time
had passed.  She probably did, with that internal
clock she somehow possessed.

*Please come back to me! I miss you!* He prayed every
night.

He wondered if she was still alive.  The more time
that passed, the less likely it was that she’d be
found.  He wasn’t quite sure what he would do if she
never returned. 

If anyone at JAG headquarters had wondered exactly
what the relationship between the colonel and the
commander was, they now knew for certain that Harm was
in love with Mac.  They all wished that it hadn’t
taken this tragedy to bring that love out into the
open.

*

Day 12

Mac’s clothes still smelled of her, Harm discovered
when he searched through her closet for a sweater. He
started sleeping with the US NAVY sweatshirt that
she'd borrowed from him ages ago and never gotten
around to returning, praying for the day when he’d be
able to sleep with her in his arms instead.

The admiral placed him on mandatory sick leave.

*

Day 14

Harm wondered how he’d managed to get through two of
the worst weeks of his life.  Harriet dropped by with
food for him.  It was the only reason he knew what day
it was.

Two weeks and nothing to go on.

He accused the detective of not doing his job
properly.  He accused Webb of knowing where she was
and not telling him.

He cried.

Searching through Mac’s apartment for alcohol to numb
the pain – not stopping to think that there was no
alcohol in her apartment – he came across her journal.
 He couldn’t bring himself to open it.

*

Day 19

Chloe came to see him.  She and Harm spoke about a lot
of things – sports, the weather, school – before they
got around to talking about Mac.  He held Chloe as she
sobbed in his arms and told her that he loved Mac.

“I know,” she said.

 He told her that he’d kissed her on the night she’d
disappeared.

“She loved you too,” Chloe said.

He told her about the journal and that he was too
afraid to read it.  She told him to stop being a baby.
Later, when Chloe had gone home, he lay in Mac’s bed
and started to read.

The healing process had begun.

Part 3– Without You

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

I’m confused. Familiar words coming from me, aren’t
they? I think I’m going mad. Or I will be, shortly, if
things continue the way they have. I almost slipped up
and told him exactly how I feel about him today.  A
part of me wishes that I had just blurted it all out
except I know doing so would have been a mistake. 
Mostly because I was angry. At him, of course. And the
stupid fool didn’t even know why but if he had any
inkling of a feeling for me then it would have been
obvious. I think it was obvious anyway, to Sturgis at
least. He just gave me this look that said ‘If you
tell him, it will make things better.’ Right. As if I
would say, “Well, H, the reason that I’m mad at you is
because you were talking to Miss Blonde-Silicon-Barbie
when you could have been talking to me!” No thanks,
just because I’m thinking like a schoolgirl, doesn’t
mean I have to sound like one.

Day 23

Harm stepped out of the shower and wiped the
condensation from the bathroom mirror. His eyes
widened as he took in his reflection; he looked
terrible.  He picked up Mac’s razor – his was still at
his place – and started shaving. When he strolled out
into the bedroom, he realized that the apartment was
looking more like his home than Mac’s. The dishes had
piled up in the sink, articles of clothing were lying
everywhere and the refrigerator was empty.

Harm started with the dishes first and then went
around picking up the clothes. He was about to dump
them into the laundry basket when he looked down and
saw Mac’s things lying at the bottom.  He stood
frozen, mesmerized.  He’d had no idea Mac liked lace –
in his fantasies, he pictured her in satin but had
assumed she wore cotton under her uniform.

He wished that he’d told her he loved her sooner and
couldn’t help thinking about all the lost time they
could have had together. To think he’d been scared
that she’d reject him when all this time she’d loved
him too. Reading her journal brought him close to
tears.  What a fool he’d been.

Eventually, satisfied that he’d done a good enough job
of tidying up, he ventured out of the apartment for
the first time in days to buy some groceries.

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

I babysat little AJ today.  Bud and Harriet are so
lucky.  They’re happily married and have the most
adorable little boy.  Will I always be ‘Auntie Mac’
and never ‘Mommy?’ Does H. even want children?  He’ll
make a great father but I’d be a lousy mother.  Not
that he’d ever want children with me.  Oh, I know we
made that deal but when the time’s up I won’t hold him
to it.  Still, just imagine what beautiful children
we’d have… No. Stop it. Thoughts like that will only
make it worse. Face it, it’s never going to happen. 
You’re living in a dream world, Sarah.

Day 25

Harm was a little anxious about returning to JAG. He’d
been away for almost a month and he didn’t want
anyone’s pity.  But he’d finally realized that moping
around in Mac’s apartment was not going to bring her
back and he knew that she wouldn’t have wanted him to
do that.  She would have wanted him to get on with his
life.

The detective in charge of Mac’s case had told him
that while they were not giving up on the search, they
were decreasing the number of people involved.  They
needed the manpower in other areas, he’d said.  Harm
had said nothing; he’d known that words wouldn’t have
helped.  When he left the police station he called
Webb who had nothing promising to offer him either.

Everyone at JAG headquarters was thrilled to see him. 
Singer, in her usual tactless way, made a comment that
Harm chose to ignore.

Things were almost back to normal.

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

Would H. think I’m weak if I admitted to him that I’m
getting a couple of creepy phone calls?  I mean, it’s
not like I’m really spooked, it’s just…I don’t know. 
I just feel the need to tell *someone.* But the last
thing I want is for him to get all over-protective
about me again.  He’s so annoying when he does that!
But I guess I should be grateful that he cares, even
if it’s only in the best friend/big brother kind of
way.

I’m not going to tell him.

Day 28

Four weeks to the day since she’d gone, Harm came to
the sad realization that he was able to go on without
her. But he refused to pretend that she’d never been
in his life and gave up the lease on his apartment to
move permanently into Mac’s.

Still, despite this, he held on to a tiny sliver of
hope that she would return.  

…And that was why he kept all of her stuff.  That was
why he called the detective – with whom he was now on
a first name basis – and Webb every day to check on
their progress.  He tried not to get angry when they
said they had nothing.

Harm tried his first case since returning to work and
won.  He’d opted to work partnerless for a while, not
yet willing to replace Mac in that part of his life.

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

Sometimes I wish that I was somebody else.  Anybody
else.  Someone taller, perhaps.  Blonder.  With blue
eyes.  Someone whose past wasn’t such a mess.  When I
was little, I used to dream that I had a storybook
life with perfect parents who loved me no matter what
I did.  And later, after Uncle Matt had helped me turn
my life around, I used to wish that I’d made different
choices.  I wonder what kind of person I’d be now if
my younger years had been less… traumatic.  Things
haven’t been easy for H. either.  Maybe we’re so
compatible that we’re incompatible.  Is that even
possible?  I just wish I had the courage to tell him
how I feel.

Day 36

Harm didn’t realize that he was heading for the
airstrip until he arrived.  Once there, the desire to
fly was lit and he climbed into the cockpit of a
plane.  Up in the air at long last, he let loose his
first real laugh in he couldn’t remember how long.  He
dipped and rolled, feeling so far away from everything
on the ground below.

Later that afternoon, when he tried to call Webb, he
couldn’t get through.

Day 40

Harm had been at work for just under an hour when he
received a phone call from the detective asking him to
come to the morgue to identify a body.  As the
detective’s words sank into his brain, he collapsed
into his chair and held his head in his hands.  Bile
rose up in his throat.  He hadn’t really believed that
she would *never* come back.  Taking deep breaths, he
sat still until the pounding in his head slowed and he
was able to stand.  He decided not to say anything to
the rest of the JAG staff until he knew for certain.

The drive from the JAG office to the morgue seemed to
take forever.  Harm was only vaguely aware of the
other traffic on the road and it was a miracle he made
it to his destination in one piece.

Grim-faced, the detective greeted him and they walked
slowly to where the body lay.  Harm held his breath as
the sheet was lifted to reveal the woman’s face.

“It’s not her,” he breathed with relief.

“Are you sure?” the detective asked. The body had been
found in water and was in bad condition.

Harm nodded.  “Mac has shorter hair.” 

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

I’m feeling so down today.  I don’t know why, but it’s
been one of those days where you snap at everyone for
no reason at all and every little thing annoys you.  I
even snapped at Chloe who had only called to say hi. 
I called her back straight away to apologize. 
Sometimes I feel as though the world is spinning too
quickly and I’d do anything just to step off, just for
half a minute so that I can catch my breath.  If I
died tomorrow, would anybody miss me?

Day 47

Harm took Chloe to see a movie and this time there
were no tears when they spoke of Mac.  They only dealt
with the good things like how great a friend she’d
been to both of them and how much fun they’d had with
her.  After the movie, Harm bought her ice cream and
they walked around the mall, each lost in their own
memories.

Day 53

Harriet proudly announced that she and Bud were
expecting another baby.  Harm was one of the first to
offer his congratulations.  Then he retreated to his
office.  He couldn’t help thinking about the words in
Mac’s journal about their children.  Closing his eyes,
he imagined a double-story house with a huge garden. 
In his mind’s eye, Mac sat on the garden swing,
cradling a baby in her arms.  Harm could clearly see
the trees towering over her and the shadows of the
leaves playing across her features.  He could almost
hear the laughter of the two children as they chased
each other around the garden, laughing and shrieking. 
The little girl took refuge behind Harm, grabbing onto
his pants leg as she peered out at her brother. 
“Daddy, save me.” She giggled.

Harm opened his eyes and pulled out his desk drawer,
taking out a photograph of Mac.

“Oh, Sarah, where are you?”

*Private Journal of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie*

I’m thinking about changing my number. Whoever’s been
phoning me hasn’t stopped and it’s gotten past being
creepy.  Now it’s just annoying.  This has been going
on for over a month now.  Enough is enough!  H. is
supposed on a date tonight.  Not that I care- who am I
kidding? Of course I care.  Why does he go out with
other people when he could be with me? I’m such a
fool.  Of course he doesn’t want to be with me.  I
suppose it’s kind of romantic, in a Bronte-ish,
unrequited love sort of way.  But then, I never did
like the Brontes.

Day 59

Harm shook his client’s hand and walked him to the
door of his office.  He’d won the case and was about
to ask the admiral what his next assignment was, when
Harriet beckoned for him to come to her.  When she
told him that Webb had left a message to call, he
rushed back to his phone and dialed the familiar
number.

“Webb.”

“It’s Harm-“

Harm didn’t have the chance to complete his sentence
before Webb spoke again.

“We found her.”



Title: Love Has Come parts 4-6
Author: Melanie-Anne
Email: melani_anne@yahoo.com 
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst, Romance (Mac/Harm)
Summary: Just when Harm and Mac decide to move beyond
friendship, she disappears.  Harm is left to deal with
a broken heart.  When she returns, she is not the same
woman he fell in love with.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, no infringement
is intended and no money is being made.
A/N: Thanks to Pat for her help and to Laura for
betaing :o)
 
*
 
A/N: This is where it gets pretty heavy. Although it's
not graphic, I do deal with rape and torture from now
on. So if you're squeamish about that…well, consider
yourself warned.

Part 4 – In Dreams I

"Wh- What did you say?" Harm asked, his voice
trembling. He thought he'd heard wrong.

"We found Mac," Webb said.

"Where is she?"

"Harm-"

"She's alive, isn't she? Don't say she's-"

"She's alive. But- Look, I'd prefer not to do this
over the phone. She's at Georgetown University
Hospital. Can you come down here?"

Harm didn't wait to be asked twice. He practically ran
to his car, not hearing Harriet shouting after him.
The thing foremost in his mind was Mac.

Webb was sitting in the hospital waiting room.

"Where is she?" Harm demanded, not wasting time with a
greeting.

"Let's talk first, okay?"

"No, damnit! I need to see her!" Harm insisted,
unaware of the scene he was causing.

"There are some things you need to know before you
can."

Something in Webb's tone registered with Harm and he
calmed down slightly, a horrible feeling growing in
the pit of his stomach. "What did they do to her?"

"We're not entirely sure."  Webb led Harm to the
plastic chairs. "She was found wandering along the
highway. The guy who stopped to offer her a lift
brought her in when she didn't respond to him. Our
contact here recognized her and called me."

"What do you mean, she didn't respond?"

Webb tried to be as gentle as possible when he spoke
again. "You'd better take a look for yourself."

Harm froze as he entered Mac's room. She lay on a
narrow bed, curled up on her side. He couldn't believe
it was really her. Every part of him wanted to rush
over to her and take her in his arms, but he was
immobile.

"Mac?" he whispered, suddenly voiceless.

The figure on the bed did not seem to hear him; she
showed no reaction and gave no reply.

"Sarah?" Harm tried.

Still nothing.

His footsteps seemed too loud as he approached the
bed, oblivious to Webb's sympathetic gaze as he
watched from the doorway. Harm pulled the visitor's
chair closer to the bed and sat down, his eyes never
leaving his friend. He could see now the yellowing
bruises on her face and arms and shuddered to think of
the countless others that were probably hidden by the
sheet. Mac's eyes were open but she saw nothing, lost
in another world. There was a scratch on her temple,
flaked with dried blood. Black bags under her eyes,
her face gaunt, hollow cheekbones, her hair slightly
longer than he remembered – Harm catalogued the
differences in Mac, filing them away in his head for
later reference.

"Sarah, I know you can hear me," he said, taking her
hand in his, subconsciously aware of the frail bones
it contained. "You're safe now, okay? No one's going
to hurt you anymore, I promise. I'm here now. And I'm
not going anywhere."

"Shall I call the admiral?" Webb suggested, feeling
like an intruder. Harm acknowledged him with a brief
nod, not even turning to look at him.

*

*It's warm again…is this another trick? This is
another trick and as soon as I fall for it they'll
bring back the cold. No, no, it's safer to stay here.
They can't hurt me here.*

"Mac?" *That sounds like- No! It's my imagination.
They've tricked me like that before. And then…and
then….*

"Sarah?" *Shh! Stop it! Go away! Just go away! You're
not supposed to find me here! This is supposed to be a
safe place! How did you find me? I'm not coming back!*

*Don't touch me like that. Please…don't be gentle…I
told you I won't fall for it again. Once was enough! I
learned, after that. I'm not stupid. I know you're
gentle now…but then you'll-*

"Sarah, I know you can hear me." *Why do you sound
like him?*

"You're safe now, okay? No one's going to hurt you
anymore." *Liar! Liar! Liar!*

"I promise. I'm here now." *Liar!*

"And I'm not going anywhere." *No, no, nonono!*

*

Mac's pulse was racing. Harm felt her forehead. Her
temperature had risen too and her breath was coming in
short, shallow gasps.

"Mac?"

He did the first thing that came to mind and put his
arms around her, hugging her to his chest.

*Let me go! Don't touch me!*

"Shh, Sarah, it's me. It's Harm."

*Harm?*

It was his smell that calmed her. It was that which
reassured her that he wasn't a figment of her
imagination or, more importantly, that he wasn't one
of her captors. Slowly returning to reality, she
blinked at the bright light streaming through the
hospital window.

"Harm?" she croaked, straining her ill-treated vocal
chords.

He tightened his hold and she gasped, beginning to
feel the effects of her many injuries.

"I'm sorry," he said, allowing her to lie back against
the pillows. "I'm just…I thought…I'm so glad you're
back."

She smiled weakly. "Did you miss me?"

He was too relieved to joke around. "Yes," he answered
seriously.

"Excuse me, sir." A nurse interrupted, entering the
room. "It's time for her examination now. Could you
step outside, please?"

"Uh, sure. Are you okay with that, Mac?"

She nodded.

Harm sat on a chair in the hallway and ran his hands
through his hair, processing the events that had just
occurred. Mac was back, considerably worse for the
wear. She had a split lip that he hadn't noticed
earlier. At least she was alive. He was so lost in his
thoughts that he didn't hear the admiral and Webb's
approach.

"How is she?" Admiral Chegwidden asked.

"She came out of it a little while ago but now they're
examining her."

"Did she say anything about what happened?" Webb
asked.

Harm shook his head.

Half an hour later, the nurse and doctor stepped out.

"Well?" Harm asked, standing up.

"The list is almost endless, I'm afraid," the doctor
said. "She seems to have no recollection about what
caused the injuries which is probably a good thing,
considering. Short-term amnesia is not uncommon after
a major trauma. Sarah has various bruises and
contusions almost everywhere on her body. Three of the
ribs on the left side of her torso are broken. She's
dehydrated and suffering from a mild case of
malnutrition. Also, she is suffering from pneumonia."
He paused. "There is no evidence to support it, but we
cannot discount the possibly that she was sexually
assaulted as well."

"What? What makes you say that?" Harm asked, feeling
ill. The thought that Mac had been violated like that
filled him with horror.

"It's just a precaution. Because she can't remember
anything I've taken blood samples for testing."

"Tests? What kind of tests?" Harm asked.

"STD's, HIV, pregnancy."

Harm shook his head. He wanted to wake up and realize
this was a horrible dream. He wanted Mac to be healthy
and happy. He wanted to go back to that fateful night
and do everything differently. He'd rather that he was
the one lying in that hospital bed, not Mac. This
couldn't be happening to Mac.

"Webb, I want you to find whoever did this and let me
deal with him."

"Harm, I think you should calm down-"

Harm brushed past them and went to sit by Mac's
bedside again.  She was asleep – really asleep – and
Harm sat back in his chair, keeping a silent vigil
over the woman he loved.

***

****So dark. So, so dark. Where are my clothes? Why
don't I have any clothes on? Why am I on the floor?
It's cold in here…. Hey! Let me out! Somebody help me!
I bang on the door but no one answers.  Maybe it's not
the door. I feel my way around the room. It's tiny.
The size of my bathroom at home.

Home.

I want to go home! Who are you? Let me out! Somebody!

There's a rush of cool air from behind me and I turn
around, instinctively covering my chest in a vain
attempt at modesty.

"Somebody's awake," a man says.

I know him from somewhere. Before I can remember, he
slaps me. I don't expect this and fall to my knees.
The floor is concrete. It hurts.

He laughs at me and leaves. I'm alone again. It's
cold. And dark.****

"Hey, it's okay. Shh…." 

Mac opened her eyes and looked up at Harm. "You were
crying in your sleep," he explained.

"Oh." Her voice was still only a whisper. *How much
screaming had she done?* She wondered. "What happened
to me?"

"You still don't know?" At the blank look in her eyes,
he continued. "We don't know either. You were found on
the highway."

"I escaped." That much she knew, but for the life of
her she couldn't remember from where or why.

"Do you remember where you were? How you got away?"

She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry." Tears welled up
in her eyes and trickled slowly down her cheeks. "I'm
sorry. Please don't hurt me."

"Hurt you? Mac, I'd never hurt you, you know that. Did
they hurt you?"

"I don't remember." Images of men, a piece of iron,
water, hands touching her. "I don't remember."

"That's okay," he soothed. "Don't worry about it."

***

Chloe stood at the foot of Mac's bed. Though they
weren't related by blood, she did think of them as
sisters. It hurt to see her like that. She'd been
shocked when she'd walked into the hospital room,
thinking for a second that it couldn't be Mac lying in
this bed, it couldn't be Mac who looked like she'd
been pulled through a hurricane. At least she was
alive, Chloe thought. She could be grateful for that.

It didn't look like she'd be waking up any time soon,
so Chloe tiptoed closer and kissed Mac's cheek.

"Get well, okay?" she whispered, then turned and left.

***

One week later

Mac didn't need to look at a watch to know that Harm
was late.  She hoped nothing was wrong. Today was the
day that she was supposed to be going home and Harm
had said that he'd be there to pick her up at 1200. 
It was 1205.

Unconsciously biting her nails, Mac looked around the
room anxiously.  Suppose he had forgotten?  Suppose he
had decided not to come?  Suppose he had been in an
accident?  Suppose-

"Hey, ready to go?" His voice startled her.

"You're late," she said.

He glanced at his wristwatch.  Seven minutes. 
Deciding not to make an issue of it, he shrugged and
said, "Traffic."

"Oh." She felt stupid for overreacting and couldn't
think why she'd been that worried at all. "Well, I'm
ready."

Harm picked her up as carefully as he could and
started to put her in a wheelchair. He couldn't
believe how light she was.

"Harm, I can walk," she protested.

"Humor me."

She had no choice but to obey. When he was in a mood
such as this, no amount of arguing could get him to
change his mind.

Mac was silent for the entire trip from the hospital
to her apartment. Harm switched the radio on, only for
Mac to switch it off almost immediately. She stared
steadfastly out the window, not hearing Harm as he
chattered nonstop in an attempt to break the silence.

****Please turn the noise off, please! Why is it so
loud?

No. No, please. Please don't. I'll stop screaming. I
promise, just please-

Ow! That hurts…leave me alone, you bastards! No. Not
that, please- Anything but that….

I'll pretend it's Harm. I could cope if it was him. So
I'll just close my eyes and pretend…and that way YOU
won't win!****

Harm stopped the car, then got out and opened the door
for Mac.

"Can you walk or do you need me to carry you up?"

"I'll walk," she said.

Still not strong enough to do it by herself, she held
on to Harm's arm. When they reached the spot where she
had been abducted, she froze.

"Sarah?"

*That smell. Something over my mouth. Help me! Harm!
Somebody!*

"Hey, Sarah, come on."

Harm unlocked the front door and ushered her inside.
To Mac, the once-familiar apartment now seemed
strangely unfamiliar. Still, she was glad to finally
be home.

"Are you hungry? Or did you eat lunch at the
hospital?" Harm asked.

"Hospitals don't serve *food* Harm, they-"

"So what do you feel like? Pizza? Burgers? Chinese?"

She smiled. "Walking the wild side, sailor? Surprise
me."

He picked up the phone, his eyes following her as she
slowly made her way around the apartment.

"Harm?" Her confused voice echoed from the bathroom.
"Why are your clothes in my laundry basket?"

Harm swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in
his throat. Since Mac's return, he'd been waiting for
the right moment to tell her that he'd moved into her
apartment. Apparently, that moment had arrived.

"Uh, Mac, we need to talk."

She came into the living room and curled up on the
couch, a slight frown creasing her forehead.  Harm sat
beside her, not sure how to begin. He noticed her
shallow breathing and reached out to feel her
forehead; it was warm to the touch.

"Mac, you should be resting in bed. I promised the
doctors you'd be looked after."

She nodded, suddenly very tired, and allowed Harm to
carry her to her bedroom.

"You still haven't answered my question, Harm."

He pulled back the covers and set her down, pulling
off her shoes.

"Harm, are you living here?" There was a hint of
amusement in her voice.

"I needed to be close to you. We'd just- things were
just starting to work out between us. And then you
were gone and there was this huge hole in my life and
I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again. I just wanted
to be somewhere that you'd been. I, uh- do you mind?
Me being here, I mean. Are you mad?"

Mac smiled. "No."

"Would you-"

There was a knock at the door.

"That'll be our food," Harm said and leaned in to kiss
her forehead. "I'll be back in a minute."

When he returned with the two cartons of Chinese food,
Mac was fast asleep.  As tenderly as possible, Harm
covered her with the duvet and brushed her hair away
from her face, loathe to leave her, in case she
disappeared again.

***

***I just want to sleep. Why won't you let me sleep?
I'm cold and hungry and tired. Please….

A splash of cold wakes me.  They've brought a hose in.
the water is freezing. I huddle in the corner, trying
to make myself as small as possible. I just want to
disappear. How long have I been here? I don't know. I
know what time it is but I don't know which day. I've
been so long without sleep. I wish they'd just let me
sleep.

The hose is off. They're going to leave me wet. I hate
them. If I had any strength left I'd kill them.

Hey! Do you hear that? I hate you!

That was stupid, Sarah. They're kicking me again.
They're still wearing boots. I don't know which is
worse: the pain or the cold.  But I'm so tired. I
struggle to keep my eyes open.

That crack I just heard, was that real or just in my
imagination? It feels real….

Why me, Lord? What did I do to deserve this?

They're laughing at me but I don't care. I can't fight
it anymore. At least sleep brings release, if only for
a short time.****

Mac woke up frightened, half-expecting to be back in
that horrible room.  The nightmare hadn't been as bad
as some others she'd had, but it had been real enough
to make her question reality. Was she only dreaming
that she was back at home? Was she still locked in her
cell?

Mindful of her ribs, she rolled onto her uninjured
side and hugged her pillow to her chest. Her bed
smelled of Harm. She was touched that he'd felt it
necessary to stay here in her absence but her
self-confidence and self-image had taken such a
beating that she felt she didn't deserve that kind of
devotion. She no longer felt good enough to warrant
Harm's love.

The doctors had told her that it took about six weeks
to recover from pneumonia and that she had to get
plenty of bed rest, which basically translated to: she
needed looking after. Harm had made it pretty clear
that he was the one who was going to do the looking
after.

*Six weeks* she thought. *I can handle six weeks. And
then I'll leave and let him get on with the rest of
his life. I only hope I'll be able to handle that.*

Part 5 – In Dreams II

By the end of her first week at home, Mac was bored
and irritable.  Harm was the model of patience as he
tended to her every need.  He cooked meals for her,
helped her bathe when she was too sore to do it by
herself, brought her videos and magazines and held her
in his arms when she woke from a nightmare.

But it was too much for Mac.  After almost two months
of hell, she couldn't deal with this kindness.  And so
when Harm took her breakfast that morning, she
snapped.

"Damnit, Harm! You don't have to baby me! I can take
care of myself!" She slapped the bowl of cereal away
irritably.

Harm stared down at the mess of soggy cornflakes and
broken glass.

"You know, Mac, if you didn't want cornflakes you
should have just said so."

"I'm serious. Why do you feel that you have to take
care of me? I never asked you to."

"But I want to."

She refused to meet his eyes. "Shouldn't you be at
work or something?"

"I've taken more leave-"

"*More* leave?"

"Well, when you were…gone, I didn't work for a couple
of weeks.  So now I'm just using up my accumulated
leave. I want to be here with you."

"You don't have to watch me every second of the day.
I'm not going anywhere. Nothing's going to happen. You
don't have to suffocate me."

"Is that how you feel? That I'm suffocating you?" His
tone was subdued.

"Harm, I can't even go to the bathroom without you
hovering over me. It's like I'm a prisoner all over
again!" Her hand flew to her mouth as she realized
what she'd said, but it was too late to take it back.
The damage was done, she had hurt Harm.  She could see
the change in his eyes as he realized for the first
time that things might not go back to the way they had
been before.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I'll be in the living room if you
need me."

Her energy now spent, she didn't even bother wiping
away the tears as she watched him leave the room, his
shoulders sagging in defeat.  She ignored her heart's
cry of protest and listened instead to the voice in
the back of her head; the voice that told her it was
better this way.

***

In the second week, people started visiting. Bud,
Harriet and little AJ were the first.  While his
parents spoke with Harm, AJ went looking for his
Auntie Mac.  He wandered into her bedroom and
clambered up onto the bed to get a good look at her.

"Hello, AJ," she said.

He blinked curiously. "You look sick," he said
eventually.

"I am sick. I have pneumonia."

"What's newmoanya?"

"It's the name for what I have."

"Oh." AJ accepted her answer as it came. "Auntie Mac,
where did you go?  And how come you were gone so long?
 And how come Uncle Harm lives here now?"

She answered the only question she knew the answer to.
"Uncle Harm's here because he's worried about me."

In the kitchen, Harriet had taken charge and was
making coffee.  "You look tired," she said to Harm.  
"How long can you keep this up?"

"As long as it takes."

"Yes, but will you last that long?  How are *you*
coping?"

"Harriet-"

"You don't have to do this by yourself, you know."

"I know. It's just…this is partly my fault. If I had
stayed longer, it wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that."

"She's…she's different now that she's back. There are
moments when she's her old self but most of the time
she's this person I can't reach, no matter what I do."

"Does she speak about what happened at all?"

Harm shook his head. "She still can't remember. But
her nightmares…the things she screams out when she
dreams…I'm afraid to know what they did to her."

Bud placed a hand on his friend's arm. "She'll be
okay. She has you."

Harm could only pray that Bud was right.

***

****"Where's your hotshot boyfriend now that you need
him, huh? Guess he doesn't love you after all."

No.  You're wrong.  He just doesn't know where I am,
that's all.  He's looking for me right now.  And he
will find me.

"So he is your boyfriend?"

What? No, not really. I don't know.

"Oh, don't act innocent now. If you had let him do his
job properly you wouldn't be here now."

I don't understand. Who are you?

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make sure you never
forget me."

It's only when he unbuckles his belt that I realize
his intentions.  I scramble backwards until I'm
pressed against the wall.  There's nowhere else for me
to go.  I'm trapped here.  He starts hitting me with
the belt and I wince as the buckle hits my flesh.  And
then I relax. It's just a beating.  I'm a marine. I'm
strong. A beating I can handle.

Just as suddenly as he started, he stops. And the fear
returns. There's a gleam in his eye that wasn't there
before.

"You know, I can see what he sees in you.  Not the
kind of girl I usually go for, but I can see your
appeal.  Yes…you'll do quite nicely."****

Mac woke up screaming and thrashing around in her bed.
 Harm, asleep on the couch, woke instantly and ran to
her side.

"Shh, Mac, it's okay. I've got you. It's okay now."

The last thing she wanted was to be touched and she
pulled herself out of Harm's arms.

"It's not okay.  It's never going to be okay," she
sobbed.

Harm was desperate. He could feel her slipping away. 
"Talk to me, Sarah.  Tell me your dream."

She shook her head. "I…I can't." Already it was
fading.

Perhaps it was best that she didn't remember.

***

When Harm returned from the grocery store one
afternoon in the third week, he found Mac watching TV
in the living room.

"What are you doing up?"

"I'm bored. Can you say 'cabin fever', sailor?"

Harm had always been able to read Mac pretty well but
lately it had become increasingly difficult for him to
judge her moods.

"I got some videos," he said neutrally.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, some classics. 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame'
and 'Singing In The Rain', a personal favorite of
mine." He flashed her his flyboy smile.

"Right, something light and fun.  Nothing serious. 
Wouldn't want anything that might upset Mac," she
snapped.

Harm tried not to let his frustration show. *So she's
going to be difficult today.*

"You don't have to watch them if you don't want to. 
In fact, if you're so bored, you can cook supper
tonight," he shot back.

Her face lit up. "Really?"

He nodded slowly, puzzled by her sudden mood swing.
"If you really want to."

"I do." She patted the seat next to her. "So what did
you want to watch first?"

***

"It's nice to see you up and about, Mac," Admiral
Chegwidden said.  He'd decided that phone calls
weren't enough and that he had to see his two friends
in person.

"If Harm had his way, he'd keep me in bed all day,"
she replied.  At the admiral's shocked _expression,
she blushed. "To rest, I mean.  I'm supposed to rest."

AJ let it slide.  "We miss you at the office.  Both of
you."

"How are you dealing with the case load with two
lawyers short?" Harm asked.

"Bud and Sturgis are handling the ones that would have
gone to you.  Singer's got some of theirs. I've been
meaning to ask, when do you two plan on returning?"

"Whenever Mac's ready, sir."

"Will you still be staying here, then? Or are you
going to be looking for another place?"

"Well, that's up to Mac."

"Will you stop talking as if I'm not here," Mac
interrupted.  "'Whenever Mac's ready.' 'It's up to
Mac.' You haven't even bothered asking me what I want!
You don't have to stay here, Harm. I don't want you to
move closer because you're worried, either. You've
already got an apartment-"

"Uh, actually, I don't," Harm said.

Mac gnawed her bottom lip, seething. "You gave up your
apartment to live here?"

He was saved from her wrath for the time being by the
ringing of the phone. Mac answered with an impatient
"Yes?"

"Is she normally this sensitive?" AJ asked.

"Only since she got back," Harm sighed.

"Well, hang in there. She's worth holding on to."

"Oh, I know that."

Seconds later, the two men were confronted by an even
angrier Sarah Mackenzie.

"Pregnancy tests? HIV tests? When were you planning on
telling me, Harm?" Her voice, calm and controlled,
belied the fury in her eyes.

"Was that the doctor? What did he say?"

"They're all negative but…damnit, you should have told
me!  What if they weren't?  This would have been a
helluva way to find out."

"It was a precaution. We didn't know what had
happened, if you'd been…if you had been raped." Harm's
last word was a whisper.  He'd finally voiced the fear
that had been gnawing at his gut ever since the doctor
had mentioned the possibility.

"Why, Harm? I was never-"

Images from her nightmares jumped out at her.

*Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make sure you never
forget me.*

*Two men, laughing at her. Taking turns with her and
laughing.*

*Her back, grazed from the rough concrete floor.
Weakly pushing at the man on top of her.*

She swayed unsteadily on her feet.  Her knees buckled.
 Harm caught her before she hit the floor.

*I'll pretend it's Harm. I could cope if it was him….*

Harm sat on the couch, cradling her in his arms like a
little girl.

"Oh, Sarah, I'm sorry…."

*"Yes, that's right, colonel, fight. I like it when
you fight."*

Harm held her as she sobbed, her entire body shaking. 
His tears poured silently down his face; he'd lost the
battle to keep them at bay. It almost broke AJ's heart
to look at them.

Much, much later, when Mac had drifted into sleep,
Harm looked up at the older man sitting across from
him.  He felt like he'd aged a thousand years in the
space of a few hours.

"This stays in this room," he said.

"Of course."

"I just…I love her so much. Why did this have to
happen?"

"I don't know, son. I wish I had the answers for you.
But sometimes there aren't any."

"I…I think that today was the first…the first time she
remembered what had happened to her."

"Has she been for any counseling? Any post-trauma
therapy?"

Harm shook his head.

"I think she needs to go." He paused. "You too."

"Me? No, I'm fine," Harm protested.

"No, you're not. You're trying so hard to be strong
for her and you need someone to be strong for you."

"I'll think about it." It was a big concession and the
admiral knew it.

"I'll look up those numbers for you."

"Thank you, sir."

***

Mac was pretending to be asleep when Harm checked on
her.  He'd become something of an expert in her
sleeping patterns. It had been three days since her
breakdown and all she'd done in that time was sleep
and pretend to sleep.  He was getting the distinct
impression that she did not want to talk to him.

"Sarah?" he sat on the edge of the bed and gently laid
a hand on her back.

*No, Harm, just go away. Please. It's better if you
just go.*

"Sarah, please? AJ gave me some numbers for, uh, for
some counseling."

Unconsciously, he started tracing circles on her back.
 She couldn't take it and rolled away from him.

"Harm, please don't touch me." Her voice was flat.

"Sarah-"

She looked up at him and her eyes were dead.  "You
should go back to work, Harm. I think I'm going to go
away for a while."

"No." 

His tone surprised her. "What?"

"I'm not going to let you run.  If you start, you're
not going to stop. I know you. If you leave now,
you'll never be back."

He knew he was right. So did she. She hated herself
for it.

"You don't need me in your life."

"What?! Sarah, I almost lost it when you were gone. Of
course I need you."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me before, with all the
baggage I already had. And now there's…there's this."

"I don't love you any less because of what happened to
you. How could you even think that?"

She froze. *Why did you have to go and say that now?
It makes leaving harder.*

Harm took her hand and covered his cheek with it, a
cheek wet with tears. She hated that she had caused
them.

"Sarah, don't leave me again. Please, I couldn't bear
it if I lost you all over again."

*Damn you for knowing my weakness.*

"Just hold me, Harm," she whispered. It was all she
was capable of saying.

He lay next to her and wrapped his arms around her. 
She pressed her head against his chest and listened to
his heartbeat, glad that he'd convinced her to stay.
She knew she wouldn't have been able to bear losing
him again either.

She didn't feel so alone anymore. She felt safe.

Part 6 – Fractured

Waking up in Harm's arms was something she could get
used to, Mac decided.  He was still asleep and as she
shifted, he pulled her closer and moaned.

She couldn't help smiling, glad that she'd stayed.
Harm was with her, she could get though this, and
everything would be okay.  It had to be.  Speaking to
a stranger about what had happened to her wasn't
exactly on her list of things she wanted to do, but
she didn't think it was a bad idea.  If their roles
were reversed, she'd be encouraging Harm to do it,
although not for a second did she wish that what had
happened to her had happened to him instead.  Maybe
talking about the whole… ordeal would help her
remember what had happened, even if she didn't want to
know.  What she did want to remember was who had been
responsible.  She had a feeling that if she could just
remember enough to see their faces, that she'd
remember their names too.

And then they would be found and punished.

And then it would be over.

Right?

"Mmm…good morning." Harm smiled sleepily and
stretched.

"You can sleep longer, Harm.  It's only 0633."

"I was having the best dream," he mumbled into her
neck.  "But being awake with you is better."

She laughed and he realized that it was the first time
she'd laughed since she'd returned.

"Thank you for staying, Harm."

"Hey, you didn't think it would be that easy to get
rid of me, did you?"

"If I'd have had to put up with me, I'd have left long
ago."

"Sarah, I'm not going anywhere.  You're going to be
stuck with me for a long time."

Mac was still plagued with self-doubt, despite Harm's
assurances.  "Are you sure? I mean…I…it's…they-"

"Sarah, shh."

"You don't even know what they did to me. *I* don't
know what they did!  I'm not sure what they did! I'm
not sure I even want to know. I remember some
things…horrible things-" she broke off, wiping away
tears with her sleeve.

"What do you remember?"

"They called me names…and said…and said-"

"Aw, don't cry.  Please." It killed him to see her
like this.  He was angry too.  Angry at whoever had
hurt her.

Mac shook her head.  She couldn't tell him what she
had been about to. "I could have told you I wasn't
pregnant, Harm," she whispered instead.

"What?  What do you mean?"

"Just…just because you're locked up, it doesn't mean
that you body stops…stops functioning." Her face
contorted as she forced herself to continue.  "I…I
asked them for tissues or something but they didn't
give me anything.  They just brought out the hose and
laughed at me.  And it hurt so much.  And they just
laughed!"

"What else do you remember?" Harm asked.

"Nothing," she sniffed. "I'm sorry, it's all bits and
pieces."

"That's okay."  He started rubbing her back, trying to
calm her.  "I'll phone for an appointment today,
okay?"

She gave a tiny nod.

"Good.  We'll get through this.  I love you."

"You keep saying that!" Mac wailed and covered her
face with her hands.  "Why?  Why would you still want
me?"

"I thought we went through this already."

"You deserve better," she said sadly.

"Come with me." Harm got out of bed and pulled her to
her feet, then led her to the full-length mirror next
to her closet.  He stood behind her, his hands on her
shoulders.  "What do you see?"

Mac held her breath and raised her head, studying the
image in the mirror in silence.

"A marine who needs a haircut," she said.

"Look closer. 'Cause what I see is a beautiful, strong
woman who had something terrible happen to her, but
she survived it and she's going to be okay."

*Wow* Mac thought. *I wish I could see myself through
your eyes.*

"I think you should go back to JAG," she said, turning
to face him again.

"Mac- What will you do?  For my own peace of mind, I
don't want to leave you here by yourself. I still get
scared that having you back is just a dream."

"Well, I've been thinking. I need to do something with
my time or I might just end up losing my mind.  So
maybe I could go back part-time and see a…see someone
near there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'll see what the Admiral thinks."

"Okay…so what are you making me for breakfast?"

*

At 1300 that afternoon, Mac and Harm pulled up outside
the Center for Multicultural Studies in Falls Church. 
Mac was nervous and chewed on her nails as Harm
searched for parking.

"Harm, wait. I've changed my mind."

He sighed.

"Harm, please, I can't. Please?"

"Sarah, just give it a try.  Just once. If it's really
that bad, you don't have to come back."

"Okay," she whispered, gripping Harm's hand tightly as
they entered the building.  The receptionist smiled as
they approached her desk.

"Can I help you?" she asked brightly.

"Yes.  My name is Harmon Rabb, I called earlier-"

"Oh, yes." Her smile grew wider. "Annelie's expecting
you. Take the elevator to the third floor. It's the
second door on the right."

"Thanks."

Mac leaned against the wall of the elevator, her head
throbbing.

"Hey, we're here," Harm said and her eyes snapped
open.

Harm knocked on the door and a woman called, "Come
in!"

"Hi, I'm Harmon Rabb. This is Sarah Mackenzie," he
said.

"Annelie Marx." She stood to greet them and Harm
unconsciously studied her as she walked over to them. 
She was taller than Mac but still shorter than he was
and had dark hair with a touch of gray at her temples.

"You're friends of AJ's, right?"

Harm nodded.  "Yeah. We work for him at JAG."

"Ah, so you're navy people?"

"I am. Used to be a pilot but I guess I was meant to
be a lawyer."

Annelie laughed. "Is that you or AJ talking?"

Harm shrugged non-committally.

"And you, Sarah?"

"Marine," she said.

"And obviously also a lawyer?"

Mac nodded.

Annelie looked at Harm.  He got her message loud and
clear.

"Mac, I'm going to go past JAG to see the admiral. 
I'll be back in an hour to pick you up, okay?"

"Okay."

He kissed her forehead and she jumped back, holding
her hand to where his lips had been.  She was staring
at him with wide eyes.

"Mac, what's wrong?  What did I do?"

She moved her lips to speak and for a while no sound
came out.

"Sarah?"

"They – one of them – he had a beard."

Harm rubbed his chin, his stubble pricking his
fingers.  There wasn't that much growth but it had
obviously scratched Mac, bringing back that unwanted
memory.

"Mac, honey, I'm sorry…."

"Why don't you take a seat, Sarah?  Commander, could I
speak to you outside?"

Harm nodded. "Please, call me Harm."

"Harm, AJ told me what happened that day he came to
visit.  I won't lie to you and say I know exactly what
she's going through, but I've been involved in this
program for many years. It's going to be hard and I
can't promise that she'll be the same woman you fell
in love or if she'll even recover completely, but she
is lucky to have you in her life.  Still, you can't
apologize for what happened to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you feel guilty?  That you were somehow
responsible for this?"

"I left her. I drove off without-"

"Stop right there.  It is not your fault.  And if you
don't stop blaming yourself, she's going to pick up on
that and she'll transfer the blame from someone she
can't see to someone she can."

"Me," Harm whispered.

"Yeah."

"Thank you, Mrs. Marx."

She grinned. "Annelie."

Annelie waved him off and walked back into her office.
"If I were twenty-five years younger," she said,
smiling at Mac.  "How long have you two been
together?"

"We're not…I mean, we're just friends…well, not just
friends but not…a couple."

"Oh." Annelie didn't even try to disguise her
surprise. "I thought- Oh, never mind.  Which do you
prefer, Mac or Sarah?"

Mac shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"So tell me, what's it like at JAG?"

"It's okay. I haven't been back since…well, you know.
How do you know the admiral?"

Annelie's green eyes twinkled as she leaned forward,
"I went out with him in high school."

"Really?"

"Really. And then I married his best friend."

Mac smiled, relaxing slightly. She'd missed talking to
another woman like this.

*

All eyes turned to Harm when he stepped out of the
elevator at JAG.  He nodded his greeting and strode
towards to the admiral's office.  Even though he was
in his civvies, his co-workers stood at attention as
he passed.

"Uh, sir? How is the colonel?" Harriet asked in a low
voice.

"She's doing fine, Harriet. I'll tell her you asked
about her."

"She's not home alone, is she?"

"No."

Harm could see that Harriet was dying to ask more.
"Tiner, is the Admiral free?" he asked.

"Let me see."

Harm smiled at Harriet who was still lurking in the
doorway.

"He'll see you now, sir," Tiner said.

"Thank you."

AJ rose from his seat and walked around his desk so
that he stood face to face with Harm.

"At ease," he said, a faint smile on his lips.  "It's
good to see you, Commander.  But I take it you're not
ready to come back to work just yet?" He gestured to
Harm's civilian attire.

"Uh, no, sir.  That's actually what I came to talk to
you about."

"Go on."

"Well, Mac and I have spoken and she's decided to go
with the counseling.  Well, that's if today's session
goes alright."

"Where did she decide to go?"

"Uh, the one here in Falls Church." Harm pulled a
crumpled brochure from his pocket.  He'd picked it up
on his way out. "The Program for Survivors of Torture
and Severe Trauma," he read, then handed the piece of
paper to AJ.

AJ smiled. "You must have met Annelie then. Mac's in
good hands."

Harm nodded, wondering how she was doing.

"Does she want to come back?"

"Yeah. Not full-time though.  She says she's not ready
for court or anything hectic but she's really bored at
home. I think it'll be okay.  She was really down
after finding out that she'd been- you know.  But I
think it's a good sign that she's talking to someone
about it, right?"

AJ nodded.

"I don't think she'll want a huge fuss made over her
return.  She likes her privacy and you know how the
scuttlebutt works-"

"I haven't-"

"I'm not implying-"

"I know.  I just want to say I understand."

"Thank you, sir."

"And what about you?"

"I'm returning as well."

"Full-time?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"There's, uh, one more thing." Harm stared past AJ,
out the window.

"Yes?"

"About the issue of, uh, fraternization and, uh,
improper conduct," he mumbled.

"Harm, nothing between you and Mac could ever be
considered improper," AJ said gently.  He had been
waiting forever for the two officers to get together. 
Sometimes the rules had to be bent.

"Thank you, sir."

"Take things one day at a time and let me know when I
have to rethink how I assign cases."

*What could he mean by that?* Harm wondered.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He saluted, turned sharply
and had his hand on the doorknob when something
occurred to him.

"Uh, sir, you wouldn't happen to have a razor blade
lying around, would you?"

*

"Well, now you know all about me," Annelie said. "Tell
me about yourself.  Who is Sarah Mackenzie?"

Mac frowned.  "I lived with my dad for most of my
life.  My mom left us when I was just a kid and my dad
was an alcoholic. I hated him. He never hit me or did
anything physical but…you know. So I followed his
example and turned to the bottle myself.  And then my
friend Eddie was killed in a car accident. I was
there. We'd all been drinking…."

"What happened after that?"

"My uncle Matt came to my rescue. He got me dried out
and helped me get my life back on track. I guess I
became a marine because of him." She smiled fondly.
"He's in Leavenworth now."

Annelie couldn't help the giggle that burst through
her lips.  "I'm sorry. Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"And how does Harm fit into your life?"

A faraway look came into Mac's eyes.  "We met in a
rose garden. I reminded him of a dead lover and the
first time we kissed, I was convinced he was kissing
her." She sighed. "I don't remember when I started
loving him.  But everything's so complicated,
especially now. I mean, aside from all of this-" she
waved her hands around "-there's the Chain of Command
we're in."

"The course of true love never did run smooth,"
Annelie quoted.

"Tell me about it!" Mac groaned.

"And what was your relationship just before you were
abducted?" Annelie prodded.

"Friends. We were – are – best friends."

"Are you happy with that?"

"I thought I was here to talk about the abduction!"
Mac snapped.

"I'm getting to that."

"Sorry."

"Well?"

"I don't know."

"Are you angry with him?"

"Why would I be angry with him?" Mac looked at Annelie
as if she'd suddenly sprouted another head.

"He couldn't protect you from the men who did this."

"It's not his fault!"

"Then are you angry with yourself?"

"I'm a marine," Mac muttered. "I've been trained to
defend myself. I survived Bosnia! They shouldn't have
been able to attack me. I should have been able to
defend myself…."

Annelie held out a box of Kleenex. Mac took one and
wiped her eyes.

"They think I'm weak."

"Who?" 

"Everyone."

"No.  They don't think that.  They're concerned about
you because they care for you."

"But…but the admiral knows."

"Knows what?"

"That I was…raped," she whispered.

"So?" Annelie's response surprised Mac.  "Do you think
that it makes you less of a person?"

Mac swallowed uncomfortably.

"Listen to me, Sarah, you're not weak.  You're not
half a person. You're a beautiful young woman with
your whole life ahead of you and you have a handsome
sailor out there who obviously adores you.  That's a
hell of a lot more than most people have."

"It's still hard," Mac said.

"I know.  But my point is that you don't have to do it
alone.  You have Harm and now you have me."

There was a knock at the door.

"That's probably your sailor now," Annelie said.

"Thank you," Mac said, smiling.

"Hey, ninja girl, you okay?" Harm asked.

Mac nodded. "Yeah." She had to stand on her toes to
hug Harm and when she realized he was clean-shaven,
she couldn't help grinning.

"I'll see you soon," she said to Annelie, then left
the office, her hand clasped tightly in Harm's.


Title: Love Has Come parts 7-9
Author: Melanie-Anne
Email: melani_anne@yahoo.com 
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst, Romance (Mac/Harm)
Summary: Just when Harm and Mac decide to move beyond
friendship, she disappears.  Harm is left to deal with
a broken heart.  When she returns, she is not the same
woman he fell in love with.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, no infringement
is intended and no money is being made.
A/N: Thanks to Pat for her help and to Laura for
betaing :o)
 
*
 
Part 7 – All Fall Down
"Have I mentioned how much I hate paperwork?" Mac
groaned as she handed Harm a file.  She'd been back at
JAG for just over a week and Harm was thrilled at how
beneficial it had been for her.  She was almost the
same Mac she had been before the abduction.

"Not since you last came in here," Harm said,
stretching as he leaned back in his office chair.

"That long? Well, I hate paperwork!" She sat in a
vacant chair and closed her eyes.

"Tired?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Do you want to go home?"

"Nope, there's nothing on TV."

Harm chuckled.

"I was actually thinking we could go for lunch."

"Lunch?  You mean, like on a date?" He leaned forward.

There was a twinkle in Mac's eyes when she replied.
"Well, Sturgis is busy so you're the next best thing."

"I've missed you, Mac."

Mac smiled.

"Uh, excuse me, Commander. Colonel. I'm sorry to
interrupt but there's a package for you, sir, and the
delivery man is insisting that you sign for it
yourself," Harriet said.

"I'll be right back."

Mac nodded, closing her eyes again.  She cursed
beneath her breath when Harm's phone started ringing.

"Colonel Mackenzie," she answered.

"Hello, Sarah."  It was the voice from her nightmares.
 "Did you miss me?"

She hung up, all the feelings she'd been trying to
deal with bubbling up inside her.

When the phone rang again she answered it
automatically.

"That wasn't very polite.  I've been thinking about
you a lot.  You left us in such a hurry that we didn't
have time to say a proper farewell."

Mac felt light-headed.  This couldn't be happening.

"I've been meaning to get together sooner but your
boyfriend never lets you have a moment to yourself. 
That kind of obsession's not healthy, you know. I do
think you're blowing everything out of proportion. I
mean, seriously now, therapy?"

*He's watching me* she realized numbly.

"It's good to see you're back at work. I love the way
you look in that uniform."

Harm came back in, took one look at the _expression of
horror on Mac's face and took the phone from her.

"Who's this?" he demanded.

"Ah, Commander Rabb. I was just chatting about old
times. Your girlfriend's quite the hot little number
in bed, eh? I never would have pegged her as the
tattoo type, but I guess everybody's got their little
secrets."

"When I find you, I swear I'll-"

"See you both soon.  Bye now."

There was a click and then all Harm heard was the dial
tone.  He turned to Mac, drawing her into his arms.

"Ahem." AJ coughed in the doorway.

Harm looked up, not releasing Mac.  The stricken look
on his face was not lost on the other man and AJ
stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"What happened?"

"One of them called. I don't know what he said to Mac
but…he told me he'd see us soon."

"Take her home and take the rest of the day off.  I'll
get hold of Webb."

"Thank you, sir."

"Wait- Your package."

Harm sighed and picked it up.  His arm was draped
protectively across Mac's shoulders as he led her out.
 No one in the bullpen batted an eyelid at this
blatant affection; they had become used to the two of
them.  The office pool had changed from when Harm and
Mac would get together to when they would get married.

Mac climbed straight into the shower when they
returned home.  Harm double and triple-checked that
all the locks were secure and that both their service
pistols were loaded.  Satisfied that there was nothing
more to do, he collapsed on the couch.

A short while later, Mac curled up next to him.
Dressed in flannel pajamas and her hair still damp,
the picture she presented made his heart ache.

"He's been watching us," Mac said eventually.

"I won't let him hurt you again."

"I know."

He pulled her onto his lap and crushed her body
against his.  She smelled like lemon.

"Make it go away," Mac whispered. "Please?  I want it
to be you I dream about, not them."

"Sarah," he whispered hoarsely, hardly daring to
believe that he'd heard correctly.

"Please?" she murmured against his mouth.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to hurt you. It's
not too soon?"

"I'm sure."

"I just…"

"You don't want me…in that way." Mac pulled back,
hiding her hurt behind a blank _expression.

"It's not that.  I love you, Sarah.  You know that. I
just want you to be ready."

Mac smiled and leaned forward, claiming his mouth with
hers.  They sank back onto the couch and the rest of
the world vanished.

A long time later, Harm got up to fetch a blanket to
wrap Mac in.  She smiled, content.

"Thank you."

"I aim to please," he grinned.

"You up for a repeat performance later?"

He tried, unsuccessfully, to mask his delight. "Your
wish is my command." Her giggle, he decided, was the
sexiest sound he'd ever heard.  "Coffee?"

She nodded and he slipped into his boxers before going
to the kitchen.

"Hey, Harm!" she called.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

"It's the view," he teased. "Gets 'em every time."

"Just hurry up with the coffee." Mac realized that she
felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. 
"Hey, you never opened your package."

"You can do the honors."

With the feeling of a child on Christmas morning, Mac
opened the box.

And gasped in horror.

"Harm," she managed to choke out. "Harm!"

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"Harm!" This time it was a panicked cry and Harm
rushed over to her.

"Mac?"

She pointed at the box, tears streaming down her
cheeks.  Harm reached inside and lifted out the blouse
Mac had been wearing on the day she'd gone missing.

"Get dressed," Harm said. "I'll call Webb.  He can put
you in a safe house. Until these guys are caught I'll
feel much better if I know they can't get to you."

"No."

"What?!"

"You told me not to run, so I'm not going to run."

"Mac-"

"No 'buts', Harm. I'm not alone anymore."

*

"You look happier since I last saw you," Annelie said,
a knowing look in her eyes.

Mac shrugged and stared at the floor.

"How's Harm?"

"Fine." 

"Mm-hmm. How have you been?  You missed your last
appointment."

"I did?  Oh…I'm sorry. I got a phone call from one of
the men who took me and I was really upset, so Harm
took me home and then there was this package with my
blouse and-"

"Did you report it to the police?"

"We have a friend in the CIA."

"Still…Sarah, please be careful."

"I am."

"How are the nightmares?"

"Not as frequent as they were before. And I don't
relive the, uh, the rapes in them either, which I'm
thankful for.  I just wish I could see their faces."

"Do you think you'd recognize them?"

"Yeah…I don't know. There's something I'm not
remembering and I'm sure everything would make much
more sense if I could think of it."

Annelie chewed on the end of her pencil, then made a
quick note on her pad of paper.  "How many men were
there?"

Mac frowned in concentration. "Three…yeah, three."

"I want you to close your eyes.  Now, the man on the
phone…what do you see when you think of him?"

"I – nothing. I'm sorry.  Wait- He's taller than I am.
They all are.  The others don't say a lot. I think he
frightens them."

"What color was his hair?"

Mac opened her eyes. "I don't know…. Would, uh, would
it work if you hypnotized me?"

Annelie looked skeptical.  "I don't know, Sarah."

"Please?"

"I don't practice it."

"You must know someone who does. Please, I just want
this to be over."

Annelie sighed. "I'll ask around."

"Thank you."

"How's work?"

Mac groaned. "Everyone's handling me with kid gloves.
They watch what they say around me and they make sure
I'm not overworked. It's so frustrating!  Even Singer
goes out of her way to be nice to me."

"Singer?"

"She's a lieutenant.  Not the friendliest person to
ever walk the planet."

"Sounds like my mother-in-law!"

Mac laughed lightly.

"Have you been back in court yet?"

"No. They don't think I'm ready to face that yet."

"Who are they?"

"Harm and the admiral."

"Please!  In here you can call him AJ. I won't tell if
you don't."

Mac smiled. "Harm and AJ."

"What do you think?"

"I think they're right.  Don't get me wrong, it's
great to be back but…I don't know.  There's just so
much going on in my head right now, it's hard to think
seriously about my career."

"Well, that's what I'm here for."

"Okay…I don't know if I want to stay at JAG or not.
I've mentioned the whole chain of command thing to you
before-"

"Don't leave because of Harm," Annelie interrupted. 
"If that's really an issue then you should discuss it
with AJ first. As far as I can recall, it's very
subjective."

"Yeah, I mean, he doesn't have a problem with us
living together so-"

"You're living together!" Annelie shrieked, then
clapped her hand over her mouth.

"Er, didn't I mention that?  He's been staying at my
place since I was abducted and, uh, well it was
platonic- I mean, it isn't- Oh, hell…what do you care
anyway?" Mac gave up trying to explain the very
complicated circumstances and leaned back in her
chair.  "You're loving this, aren't you?"

Annelie grinned like the Cheshire cat. "I'm afraid our
time's up."

"Mmm."

"Say hi to your sailor for me."

"I'll think about it. Thanks, Annelie." Mac hugged the
older woman then left the office.  Harm was waiting
for her in the reception area.

Annelie sat thinking for a while, then picked up her
telephone and dialed a number from memory.

"Hi, Lionel?  It's Annelie Marx here… hehe! Flattery
will get you everywhere… I know… listen, are you busy
this time next week?… Great, I have a favor to ask…."

*

Mac stopped at the mailbox to see if there was any
mail while Harm locked the car.  She pulled out a
large manila envelope with Harm's name printed on it
in black marker.

"Hey, flyboy, you've got something!"

"As long as it's not a bill, I'm happy," he called
back.

Mac handed the envelope to him smiling when he wrapped
an arm around her waist.

"Harm, let's go out tonight," she said. "I don't
remember when I last went out."

"What do you want to do? See a movie?  Eat?"

She shrugged. "Anything.  It doesn't matter."

"Okay." He dumped the keys on the table in the hall. 
"Hey, there's a message on the machine."

"It's probably Chloe wanting to know when she can come
see me."

Harm pressed the playback button.

"Hey, Mac, it's me.  Chloe.  I just wanted to say hi
and that I miss you and that it'd be cool if Harm will
let me spend some time with you when I come visit
instead of hogging you to himself.  Anyway, I gotta
go.  Call me soon, okay?"

Mac smiled at Harm. "What did I tell you? She-"

There was another message. A horribly familiar voice.

"Sarah…beautiful, beautiful Sarah. We're not done yet.
 Did you really think two months was all the
punishment you were going to get for destroying my
brother's life?  Lucifer was beautiful too, did you
know that?  He was the most beautiful of all the
angels.  He caused Eve to tempt Adam just as he caused
you to tempt the commander-"

Harm made to switch it off but Mac grabbed his hand,
shaking her head.  She wanted to hear the rest.

"Commander, I don't blame you. I've seen Sarah, I've
been with her and I completely understand how easy it
was for you to fall.  What I don't understand is how
you can remain so completely loyal to her.  Has she
blinded you to what she really is?  Do you really
think that she's the best that you can do?"

"Mac-" Harm looked at her hating that she had to go
through this.

"Beautiful, lying, tempting Sarah – your penance isn't
over yet.  You'll never stop paying.  Not as long as
you're still walking around enjoying your life while
my brother has to pay the price.  I'll see you soon."

"I'm going to shower," Mac said softly, leaving Harm
to stare at the now silent answering machine. When he
saw the contents of the envelope, he shuddered, then
picked up the phone.

"Webb, this has to stop now."

Part 8 – Walk The Rocks

Mac stood in the shower, her mind a thousand miles
away.  The water had long since run cold but she
didn't feel it.  She was back in that nightmare room.

****My back hurts.  I'm sure there's permanent boot
mark on it from where he kicked me.  Why are they
doing this to me?  What did I do to deserve this?

I'm yanked to my feet and force myself to look him in
the eye.

Aah…why does it have to be you?  You're always so
rough with me.  You're in charge, right?  You're the
reason I'm here, aren't you?

"How does it feel, temptress?  How can you live with
yourself, knowing what you did?  You know, I feel
sorry for Commander Rabb.  He obviously has no idea
what you're really like.  But I know.  And all for a
case, to win a case.  Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

What the hell are you talking about?

"You think I don't know about you?  About your husband
and Farrow and all the others.  I even know about your
high school friend that you killed-"

"I didn't kill him," I mumble.  What's happened to my
voice?  My throat is so sore.  I shouldn't scream so
much.

He pushes me against the wall.  I feel his breath
coming in hot, short bursts against my cheek.

Not again!

"I looked you up, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. 
You're not the little saint your partner thinks you
are."

He says my name like it's a curse.  Maybe it is. 
Maybe it's best that I'm out of Harm's life before I
hurt him.

No!  Don't think like that!  I'm going to get out of
here and I'm going to get back to Harm and everything
will be fine.

If Harm will still have me….****

Strong arms picked Mac up and wrapped her in a towel.

"Mac, you're freezing," Harm said, holding her against
him. "Mac, honey?  Talk to me, please?"

"H-H-Harm?" she whispered, her teeth chattering.

"Yeah, it's me.  I've got you.  It's okay."

The stress of the last week caught up with her and she
started sobbing, her face buried in Harm's chest.

"What happened?  Why'd you stay in there so long?"

Mac shook her head.  She didn't want to talk about it.

"Hey, let's get you to bed."  Harm carried her through
to the bedroom.  Like a child, she sat still while he
dressed her and tucked her under the bed sheets. 
Slipping his shoes off, he stripped out of his uniform
and climbed in next to her.  He wrapped himself around
her as best he could.  She was still so cold.

It hurt him to feel so helpless; to know that all he
could do for her was hold her.

*

Mac wasn't in bed when Harm woke up.  Immediately
thinking the worst, he jumped out of bed and called
out Mac's name.  The silence was frightening.

"Sarah?" Harm yelled.  He ran into the living room and
saw Mac standing by the window.

"Sarah?"

She slowly turned to face him, the shimmer on her
cheeks giving away the fact that she'd been crying.

"I'm sorry about last night. I mean, the whole shower
thing."

"Oh, Mac."

"It's just…that phone call just got to me."

"That's okay."

Mac shook her head and turned back to the window. 
Harm stood behind her and pulled her into his arms. 
She was stiff against him and when he looked down, he
saw the photographs that he would have done anything
to keep her from seeing.

"Where did you get these?" Mac asked.

"They, uh, they came in that envelope.  I'm sorry that
you had to see them."

She picked the photos up and looked at them again. 
Not that she needed to, the images were burned into
her brain as they were on Harm's.  He pried them out
of her fingers.

"Harm-" she protested.

"I'd really like you to reconsider going into that
safe house, Mac.  These guys aren't going to just
stop.  I don't want you to have to listen to any more
phone calls or see any more pictures."

Mac gave no sign that she heard him.

"Sarah?"

"I remember them coming in to take photos.  I think
they came more than once.  They said…they said that
they needed evidence…proof…so that you could finally
see me for who I was."

"Sarah, I love you, okay?"

She nodded and turned around to face him.  After a
while she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned
against him.

"Are you okay?"

"No, not really."

Harm pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"But I will be," she continued.  "Just don't let go of
me, okay?"

*

As stoic as Admiral Chegwidden was, even he was
visibly affected by the photographs.  He'd gone to
Mac's apartment when Harm had called to say that
neither he nor Mac would be at work, and had walked
straight into a meeting between Harm and Webb.  When
he'd demanded to know what was going on, Harm had
reluctantly shown him the photographs.

"Where is she now?" was all he managed to say.

"Resting," Harm replied. "We think that this is
related to a case Mac and I opposed each other on.  A
case she won."

"Do you know how many cases you've opposed each other
on?" AJ asked. "Are you going to investigate all of
them?  Do you have any idea how long that will take?"

"Sir, she's going to crack if we don't find these
bastards soon."

"She's still seeing Annelie, isn't she?"

Harm nodded.  "She has an appointment this afternoon. 
She wants to be hypnotized.  She thinks that'll help
her remember them.  It was supposed be next week but
she wants this over with."

AJ sighed.  "What can I do?"

Webb handed him a pile of folders.  "We're looking for
anything suspicious in any of these cases.  Assuming
that it's a fairly recent case because, well, I don't
think the men who did this would wait very long to
'punish' Mac, we're working from the last case
backwards.  Also, if the defendant was a female, then
I think we can ignore the case."

"Why?" AJ asked.

"The man who phoned mentioned a brother."

The men worked in silence for a while.  Every now and
then one of them would comment on the file he was
reading or ask a question about the case. An hour and
a half after AJ's arrival, Mac walked into the living
room.

"Are you ready to go?" Harm asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah."

"We'll be back later," he said to AJ and Webb.  "Call
me if you find anything, okay?"

Mac waited until they were in the car to say, "I
didn't realize you'd asked the admiral to help."

"He just showed up."

"Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm a little nervous.  I've never been hypnotized
before."

"You don't have to do this, you know.  What if this
just makes it worse?"

"Harm, I have to do something."

"I know."  He took his hand from the gear lever and
placed it on her thigh, smiling.  He felt hopeful when
she smiled back.  "Do you want me to be there when-?"

She shook her head.  "Nah.  I'll meet you back at the
car in an hour."

Harm's smile vanished. "Are you sure?  But… but…."

"Harm, I don't want you there."

"Why?  Mac, I-"

"Please… a lot of what might be said… well, I'd prefer
it if you didn't have to hear it."

Harm pulled into a parking space and turned to face
Mac, taking both her hands in his.  "Are you sure?"

"Harm, I love you, but I need to do this alone. 
Please understand."

He wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "I love you
too, Marine.  I'll be waiting."

She smiled and kissed him.  "Thanks."

He watched to see that she made it safely into the
building, then decided to do something special for
her.  He wanted to see her happy and thought that
surprising her would take her mind off the situation
for a while.  Inspiration struck when he drove past a
jewelry store and he suddenly knew exactly what he
wanted to do for her.

An hour later, he was chatting to the receptionist
when Mac left Annelie's office.  He could immediately
see that something was wrong.

"Mac?"

"Annelie wants to speak to you," Mac said.

She was waiting in the car when he returned.  He
switched the radio off and turned to face her.

"You know it's not your fault.  Some people just can't
be hypnotized," he said gently.

Mac sighed.  "I really thought this would help.  What
a waste of time…."

"Well, I'm kind of glad it didn't work."

"What?" she looked up, shocked.  "But-"

"That didn't come out right.  I meant… I was just
worried it would have a negative effect.  Maybe
there's a reason you don't remember what happened."

"What I do remember is bad enough.  What difference
would knowing the rest make?"

Harm shrugged.  He wanted her nightmare to be over. 
Leaning forward, he kissed her softly on the lips.  "I
don't want this to get you down.  We'll find these
guys, I promise."

"My knight in shining armor." She smiled.

"Hey, I have something for you."  He reached into his
pocket and pulled out a tiny box.  "Open it."

Tears sprang to her eyes as she lifted out the plain
silver band.  "Harm, I-"

"It's a promise ring," he explained.  "Whenever you
feel down or you start having doubts about getting
through this, I want you to look at this ring and know
that I'm going to be with you every step of the way."

"Thank you," Mac whispered, battling to find words to
express herself.  She threw her arms around Harm's
neck, hugging him tightly.

In a car three parking spaces away, a man slumped in
his seat, scowling.  Things were not happening the way
they were supposed to.  Perhaps it was time to pay the
colonel another visit. 

*

AJ and Webb had made a lot of progress in Harm and
Mac's absence.  They had separated the files they'd
managed to get through into various piles based on
what they felt was relevant.  Mac sat on a couch,
folding her legs under her, and picked up a folder
from the unread pile.

"Uh, Mac-" Webb began.

"It's okay," she said, smiling.  "I'm okay."

Missing nothing, the spy noticed the ring she now bore
on her right ring finger.  He kept his thoughts to
himself and opened another file.  He couldn’t help
smiling though, when he realized she hadn't been
wearing it when she'd left.

Mac went to bed early with a headache.  The men worked
late into the night and it was just as AJ and Webb
were leaving that they asked how the hypnosis had
gone.

"It didn't work," Harm said.  "Annelie said she was
really upset.  Mac really wanted it to work."

AJ put his hand on Harm's shoulder, speaking softly. 
"My grandmother always used to say that sometimes you
have to walk the rocks to see the mountain view.  Mac
will get through this, and so will you."

Harm smiled.  "Thanks."

He returned to the bedroom, looking down at Mac who,
for once, was sleeping peacefully.  He sat next to
her, smoothing her hair away from her face.  She
smiled in her sleep.  Harm wasn't tired but crept
under the covers anyway.  He couldn't think of
anywhere else he'd rather be.

Part 9 – Clear Skies

"Mac?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm going to get some milk and eggs for breakfast. 
I'll be about twenty minutes."

Mac opened her eyes and groaned.  "You didn't have to
wake me up to tell me."

"I didn't want you to wake up alone and confused."
Harm smiled.

"Mmm."  She stuck her head under a pillow with the
intention of going back to sleep.  Harm lifted the
pillow and kissed her cheek before replacing it.  She
heard him moving around the room and then heard
footsteps and a muffled thud as the front door closed.

When there was a knock on the door a short while
later, she assumed he'd forgotten to take his key with
him.  Yawning, she pulled on a robe and made her way
to the door.

The smile vanished from her face when she opened it to
her worst nightmare.

She tried to slam it closed but he was quicker,
blocking it with his body as he slipped inside.

"Colonel Mackenzie," he said, looking her up and down.
 "It's been a while."

Mac felt as though she were watching the scene from
outside of herself.  *Harm will be back soon* she
thought.  

And then, *what if he's done something to Harm?*

"What do you want?" The words stuck in her throat. 
She was very aware of how weak and pathetic she
sounded.

He lifted his hand as if to stroke her cheek.  She was
in shock, unable to move or respond and the part of
her that was watching was yelling, 'Run!  Get away
from him!'

The slap across her cheek caught her off-guard but it
had the effect of bringing her back to reality.  There
was only one of him.  She could handle that.  She
wondered briefly where the other two were but decided
it didn't matter.  Right now, she needed to deal with
this man.

She struck back, catching him unawares.  Once the
first blow landed, she hit him again and again,
unleashing every pent up emotion and frustration of
the past few months.  He fought back, wondering where
this fighting spirit had come from.  When she'd been
captive, they'd beaten and starved her into
submission.

He pushed her backwards and she slipped, falling and
hitting her head on the corner of the coffee table. 
She lay stunned on the floor and the man stood,
turning away.  He thought he'd won.

Mac landed on his back, propelling him forward.  He
tripped over the couch and the air was punctuated with
the sickening sound of his nose breaking.  She pinned
him to the floor, pummeling his back with her fists.

Harm set aside his shock at walking in on this scene
to gently pull Mac away from the man.  Unconscious
now, he wasn't an immediate threat.

She cried in Harm's arms as he called first Webb, then
AJ, and then the police.

*

Dr. Barnard came out of Mac's bedroom.  "I've given
her a sedative.  She should sleep for a couple of
hours.  Here's a prescription for some painkillers for
when she wakes."

"Thanks," Harm said.

It had been an hour since he'd arrived home.  The
paramedics had taken the man away – his driver's
license identified him as Steven Dyer – and Mac and
Harm had given statements to the police.  Mac had
refused to go to a hospital despite her broken wrist,
a mild concussion and the stitches she'd needed from
when she'd hit her head on the coffee table.

Annelie walked out of the bedroom and collapsed onto
the nearest couch.  "She's asleep."

"Did she say anything?" Webb asked.

"She said she remembers everything now."

"I left her," Harm said softly.  "I left her again."

"You had no way of knowing this would happen-"

"I promised to take care of her and then I left her
alone and he came-"

"Harm-"

He wouldn't listen.  He stood, angry with himself, and
went into the bedroom.  It had taken all of his
restraint not to rip the man apart with his bare hands
while they'd waited for the police to arrive.  He lay
down on the bed next to Mac.  If Dyer had killed her,
he would never have forgiven himself.

There was a bruise high on Mac's cheekbone and he bent
forward to place a tender kiss on the spot, painfully
reminded of an almost identical action earlier that
day.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."  He lay as close to her as he
could, one arm across her stomach.  Mac looked so
fragile.  He blinked back tears of rage and
frustration.  She must have known he was there because
she turned onto her side and burrowed her face into
his chest.  He let out a shaky breath and kissed the
crown of her head.

*

Harm stood in Dyer's hospital room, staring at the
sleeping man.  In her rage, Mac had managed to
fracture his skull.  It wasn't a serious injury but it
was enough to keep him in hospital – and out of prison
– for a couple of days.  He was being kept under guard
so there was no chance of him escaping.

Harm's hatred of Dyer had previously been tempered by
his concern for Mac, but now it was just the two of
them in the room.  Balling his hands into fists, he
shoved them into his pockets.  The temptation to use
them on this man was too great.

Studying him carefully, he noted that he was only
slightly bigger than Mac.  How had he managed to break
her spirit?  More importantly, why?

"What are you doing here?"

He looked at Webb, shaking his head.  "I don't know."

"Where's Mac?"

"At home.  Harriet's with her."

"We picked up his two brothers last night.  Shane and
Dean, both younger than him.  They confessed to
everything.  Said Steven was in charge."

Harm's eyes narrowed and he unconsciously stepped
closer to the bed.

"The thing is, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia
when he was twelve."

"So he'll get off on an insanity plea?"

"No.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  His basement
was full of pictures of Mac.  He'd been planning it
for months."

"Why?"

"Do you remember Lieutenant Alex Dyer?"

Harm nodded.  "Vaguely.  I defended him on Article 32
charges.  He'd been accused of drug trafficking.  I
lost to Mac."

"He's Steven's twin.  From what the other two say,
Alex was like a father to the three of them when their
father was killed in a car accident."

"Well, forgive me if I don't feel any pity for them
and their sob story!  Was Alex in on this?"

Webb shook his head.  "I spoke to him this morning. 
He was horrified when I told him what had happened."

"So now what?"

"The evidence is all there.  As soon as Mac identifies
the other two, we can prosecute."

The thought that it was almost over seemed to pacify
Harm.  He touched Webb's shoulder before leaving. 
"Thanks.  You've been a good friend to us."

Now it was Webb's turn to fight the temptation to kill
the man who lay before him.  Mentally ill or not,
Steven Dyer would not get away with what he had done.

*

Mac sat on the couch, watching AJ play with his X-Men
toys on the living room carpet.  Except for a missing
vase, there was no sign of the struggle that had taken
place the day before.  Harriet sat next to her,
handing her a cup of chamomile tea.  Even though Mac
insisted that she was fine, Harriet had refused to be
swayed.  In truth, Mac didn't mind being mothered for
a change.

"Don't you ever worry about bringing up children in
this world?"

"All the time," Harriet said, "but I can't imagine not
having AJ."

"And the baby?  Don't you worry about it?"

Harriet touched her stomach.  "Yes.  I worry that I'll
miscarry again.  I worry that something bad will
happen during the birth.  I worry about not being able
to protect them."

"So how do you stay sane?"

They were distracted as AJ climbed up onto the couch
and held his Wolverine action figure up against his
mother's stomach, then against Mac's.  He held it up
to his own ear and listened intently for a moment,
then hopped off the couch.  Picking up another toy, he
resumed his game.

"That's how I keep sane," Harriet said.

Mac smiled and sipped the tea, slowly getting used to
the taste.

"What are you going to do now that it's over?"

Mac shrugged.  "Go back to living, I guess."

"When are you gonna have a baby, Auntie Mac?" AJ
looked up innocently.

Mac and Harriet shared an amused glance.

"I don't know, AJ."  

"Don't you want one?"

"Uh, yeah, but-"

"I'll tell Uncle Harm to get you one."  His mind made
up, he turned his attention back to his fantasy world.

"AJ Roberts!"  Harriet was embarrassed.  AJ had
obviously overheard her and Bud discussing Harm and
Mac.

Mac laughed.  "It's fine.  He'll have forgotten by the
time Harm gets back."

Harriet knew he wouldn't, but decided to let the
matter rest.  If AJ wanted to play Cupid, she wouldn't
stand in the way.  The sooner her two friends got
their acts together and made it official, the better. 
She smiled when she heard a key in the lock.

"Uncle Harm!"  AJ jumped up and ran to his godfather,
flinging his tiny arms around Harm's legs.

"Hey, AJ.  Have these two ladies been behaving
themselves?"

"Yeah."  AJ giggled as Harm swept him up.  He leaned
in and whispered something in Harm's ear.

From the look on Harm's face it was apparent that AJ
had not forgotten.  Mac looked away, staring into her
teacup.  

Harriet stood up quickly.  "I'd better be going."

When the goodbyes had been said and Harriet and AJ had
gone, Mac started clearing up.  Harm caught her wrist,
forcing her to look at him.

"Hi." She licked her lips nervously.

"Hi… You know, AJ said the strangest thing to me just
now."

"Really?"  Mac gulped.

Harm nodded, his _expression serious.  "He said that
Wolverine told him you wanted a baby."

"Oh."

"Who's Wolverine?"

In her haste to be out of the way, Harriet had left
AJ's toys behind.  Mac picked up the action figure
from the floor and held it towards Harm.

"He is."

"Ah."  Harm sat down, pulling Mac onto his lap.  "So
does Wolverine know what he's talking about?"

Godson or not, had AJ still been there, she would
happily wring his neck.  "Wolverine's just a toy,
Harm."

"You're not trying to get out of our deal, are you? 
We do have two years left."  His face was inches from
hers.  

She could only shake her head.

"Good."

*

Much later, Mac finally felt brave enough to speak
about what she now remembered.

"The other two never said much.  It was always him. 
He said I was just like his mother.  That I'd seduced
you so that you'd lose the case.  He blamed me for
sending his brother away.  One of the others told me
that their mother had left them for another man."

Harm said nothing, stroking her back.

"Their father told them women were evil.  They
couldn't see what they were doing to me was wrong."

"It's over now.  They can't hurt you anymore."

Mac smiled.  "I know."

"Hey, how would you like to go away for a while?  Just
the two of us.  We'll lie in the sun all day and I'll
be at your beck and call."

"Harm-"

He put a finger to her lips.  "Shh.  I want to.  You
deserve to be treated like a princess for a change."

"What about work?  I don't think either of us have any
leave left."

He shrugged.  "I'm sure the admiral will make an
exception for a honeymoon."

"H-Honeymoon?" Mac sat up, her eyes wide.  "Are you-?"

He nodded solemnly.  "I love you, Sarah.  If I get my
way, I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

"This isn't because of what AJ said, is it?"

Harm shook his head, then got down on one knee,
kissing Mac's hand.  "Do me this honor.  Let me love
you."

She blinked back tears of happiness.  "Looks like you
win this one, Commander."

He grinned.  "I thought you'd say no."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you like to be difficult."

"Yeah, well, every now and then I like to surprise
you."

He laughed and pulled her onto his knee. She wrapped
her arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the
lips.  The nightmare was finally over.  The men who
had hurt her would be punished and she and Harm could
finally get on with their lives.

~*~

FIN