Title: “Is love enough?” Author: L. van Rhyn (samsters_72@hotmail.com) Rating: PG 13 (to be on the safe side) NB: It might be disturbing Author’s note: This is my first fanfic. Please bear with me. English isn’t my first language. There’s some grammar and spelling faults. Spoilers: Story takes place during/after: The Promised Land (ep 160, season 8). Any episode before that could be referred to. Everything after that is fictional. Disclaimer: Jag belongs to CBS, Belisario and CO. Summary: Mac & Harm have a personal battle/heartache to overcome. Song: “From this moment” by Shania Twain For the reader: The story takes place over a period of time. There might be gaps. Be my quest, use your imagination. Is love enough? 2030 Hours Tuesday, June 11, 2002 Mac’s apartment After dinner Mac and Harm sat on the couch, rather a bit uncomfortable. “I am so glad Bud is home,” Mac said. After some time Harm replied without looking at Mac. “Yeah me to.” “Mac I…, since Bud’s accident I have been thinking a lot. About life, things and…” “Harm it is in the past. I don’t want to think about it’ Mac said. “Mac no listen to me. That could have been me. After what happened to Bud it made me relies that we are living on borrowed time. Bud and Harriet do not deserve this. They are the nicest people I know.” Harm said. Mac takes Harm’s hands in hers. “Harm it will be fine. We do not know why stuff happens. Bud only lost his leg. Luckily he is still with us. Bud is still the same person we knew.” “Mac that is exactly my point. What if it was me? He has a reason to live. He has a beautiful wife, perfect boy and a promising career. What do I have?…. nothing absolute nothing. Only a career but what good is a career without…..without….” “Harm I am your best friend and so are you. You know I will always be there for you no matter what.” “Thanks Mac but I do not think you understand. Uh, I am sorry Mac for everything” Harm said trying to get up and leave but Mac pulled him back to the couch. “Harm you are right I do not understand. What are you talking about?” Harm looks away and back at Mac before he starts to talk. “Mac I always got what I wanted. I think my mom felt sorry for me and gave me everything I ask for and even more. It was not always the right thing but she did. In a way I would say it is a bad thing. I would get possessive, do anything to have it and nothing could stop me. I always thought my charm was the trick, I could have any girl or anything I wanted. I know you are my best friend Mac but I do not want your friendship….” “Harm I am sorry you feel this way. I am sorry you do not want our friendship. I did not know it was a problem for you. Could you please leave now?” Mac said with a sting to her words. “Mac please I did not mean it like that” “Harm it’s fine you don’t have to explain.” “Mac let me” Harm half shouted at Mac. “I am sorry that, that through all the years I have being acting like a spoiled brat. Always wanted things on my terms. The day on the ferry you declared your love for me. I was so shocked…” Mac looks at Harm with confusion in her eyes. “No Mac not like that. I mean I felt that I was not good enough for you. You conquered your difficult childhood, alcoholism, screwed marriage and look at you now. You are my hero Mac. You are my Batman, not some side-kick.” “Harm” Mac says with guilt in her heart. “Mac let me finish. My whole life I got what I wanted but could not have one something or rather someone. It made me feel so frustrated that I could have anything but could not have… you. The night on the ferry I ask myself how could someone so beautiful so perfect like you want me? I felt I was not good enough for you. Since Bud’s accident I realist something is missing in my life. You are Mac. I do not want your friendship I want you.” Mac gasps. “Mac I am sorry for all the times that I had hurt you.” Harm said. “Harm what about the kiss on the Admiral’s porch? Mac asked. “That moment I lived in a fantasy world. I told myself I must enjoy it as long as it lasts. I wanted to tell you that I love you but I felt unworthy of your love and rejected you. I wanted you so bad but thought you were out of my league and so pushed you away. I was afraid of rejection. Now I must face my fears and be a man, a real man. Mac I can understand if you can’t forgive me but I must know. Am I good enough for you, your love? Would I be good enough to be your husband or the father of your children? Do I deserve you? There is one thing that I am sure about and it is that I love you with my whole heart. Mac I want to be your husband the farther of your kids, the person worthy of your love. Nothing is more important to me than you.” With tears in Mac’s eyes. “Oh Harm, I always thought that there must be something wrong with me. My parents did not want me, you did not want me. I am so glad I was wrong. Harm it would be a great privilege to be part of your life to have you as a husband and a father to my kids, our kids. Harm kisses Mac and takes her into his arms to never let her go again. 1030 hours Next morning Jag head office Harm walks into Mac’s office and closes the door. “Mac do you have a minute?” “Yeah sure flyboy.” “Mac, are you sure you want to talk to the Admiral about us? Don’t you think it is a bit too soon? Can’t we wait for a couple of days?” Harm asks. “Harm, what is there to wait for? I waited my whole life and is tired of waiting.” “Mac, I just want you to be sure, I don’t want you to blame me later for pressuring you into something you don’t want to do. I just want you to be sure that this is what you want.” “I am sure Harm, believe me I am.” At Tiner’s desk Mac and Harm stopped at Tiner’s desk and asked him if they could see the Admiral. “Ma’am, Sir let me ask the Admiral. Sir, Col Mackenzie and Com Rabb is here to see you Sir.” “Send them in Tiner” “Aye Sir” “Ma’am, Sir the Admiral said you can go through.” “Thank you Tiner” Harm says while Mac knocks at the Admiral’s door. “Enter” Before they could come to attention the Admiral shows them to have a seat. “Thank you for seeing us Sir” Mac says after they sat. “What can I help you with” the Admiral asks them. He looks at them and thought there must be something wrong. No there is definitely something but what? “Sir” Mac says but Harm interrupts her. “Sir I asked Mac if she would allow me to be part of her life for good and she….” Harm hesitates. “So… and?” the Admiral asks with great anticipation in his eyes. Harm takes Mac’s hand in his. Looks from the Admiral to Mac and back to him and smiles. “Sir, Mac accepted” The Admiral looks at Mac. Mac nods her head and smiles at Harm. The Admiral looks at them both and smiles. They finally realist. . “Congratulations when is the big date?” “We are not sure Sir but I hope it is real soon,” Harm says. “Sir what about our work arrangement? We wanted to tell you as soon as possible because we did not want you to learn about it through scuttlebutt.” Mac says “Col, I am really honored that you shared something this important with me. And about your work arrangement, do not worry I will come up with a solution. In the meantime you go on as usual.” Mac and Harm come to attention and salutes the Admiral. The Admiral dismisses them. 1558 hours Mac’s office “Mac do not forget about dinner at my place. I will have something nice for you.” “Can I bring something?” Mac asks. “Only yourself “ Harm says with his flyboy grin and leaves Mac’s office. Mac could only shake her head and smile. 1945 Zulu Harm’s Apartment At the dinner table. “Thank you Harm the food was wonderful.” “Mac anything with meat would be out of this world for you.” Mac could only laugh at that statement. “Mac could you please make yourself comfortable on the couch and excuse me for a minute.” “Yeah sure Squid” Mac said. Mac takes a seat and Harm went to his room. Appears a moment later and sits next to Mac. “Mac” Harm begins and takes something out of his pocket. They look in each other’s eyes. Mac’s heart starts to beat faster. “My grandpa gave this ring to Grandma Sarah. Grams gave it to me for my wife someday. That day when we met in the rose garden I just knew that this ring belongs on your finger. Sadly it was a fantasy I had because I felt you would never love a guy like me. The next day I went to the jeweler. I asked him to make something unique. I ask him to make this rose of diamonds. You know what they say about girls and diamonds” Harm says and smiles at Mac. “Every time when I looked at the ring it made me feel close to you. You’re as beautiful as a rose and the diamonds symbolizes the love that I have for you. It takes millions of years to form a diamond and it is a treasure you could save forever, it would never perish. During the last seven years my love only grew. Each day I loved you more and more. If I could never have your love, at least I had this ring.” “Do you know what?” Harm asks Mac. “No tell me,” Mac said. “Some time after me met, I went to Grams. She saw that I was a bit under the weather. She asked me what the problem was. I wanted to lie to her but knew I never could. Grams could tell, you know? So I told her about this wonderful woman I have met.” Grams farm “Grams I tell you this girl is the most, most credible woman. I can’t even put it to words. She makes me feel so… I don’t even know how to describe it’ Harm says. “Oh my boy I know what you mean, it’s love” Grams says. “Grams that’s the problem. I don’t know if, if…” Harm starts crying. Grams takes him into her arms. “Harm you can’t force those things. You can’t force someone to love you back but you can only pray and hope that someday she would feel the same.” Harm sits up and smiles at his Grams. “Thank you, Grams. Just maybe, one day. The only thing I can do is to hope” Harm takes his Grams in his arm and hugs her until Grams starts to struggle. “Harm could you let go of me just for a bit, I can’t breath?” Grams asks. “Oh Sorry Grams I just love you so much” Harm apologies. (Back to the present) “Every time I went to visit on the farm Grams would ask about you. I think she prayed harder than I did. But I think she knew the whole time that someday it would happen. Mac I want you to wear this ring, it would mean the world to me.” Mac let Harm put the ring on her finger and kisses him. Mac stops and looks sad at Harm. “What is wrong Mac?” Harm asks “Harm thank you. I know this ring means the world to you. Thank you for believing, hoping all of those years. ” Later that night Harm’s apartment Mac sits in his arms still on the couch. “Harm” “Yes” “I do not want to wait any longer. I want to marry you as soon as possible and start a family. I can not wait any more.” “Mackie, there is nothing I will not do for you” Harm said without even realizes it. “Harm what did you say” Mac asks. “I said that there is nothing I won’t do for you.” “I mean what did you call me” “I called you Mac” “No, you did not. You called me Mackie” “Oh did I?” “Yes you did!” “Oh well I can’t believe that the name Mackie could bother a big, bad tough marine like yourself” “Harm are you toying with me?’ “Who me?” Harm asks with a devilish grin. “You better not” Mac warns. “But I think it is rather nice". “So what do you think, when should we get married?” “You said you can’t wait any more so what about Independence weekend. It’s soon enough and three weeks should give you enough time for preparations.” “Let me just check my dairy and I’ll come back to you” “Mackie, who’s toying with who now?” Harm starts to tickle Mac. Mac laughs. “Stop Harm please. I’m sorry, really” Mac begged. “Yea you bet” Harm says and kisses her. 2200 hours Monday, June 17, 2002 Mac’s Apartment “Harm we are getting married in 19 days. I can’t believe we did not tell your mom, Grams and Frank. We must tell them Harm, Grams is probably still praying and hoping.” “Luckily I’m not. I got what I want. I am still praying, thanking God for answering my prayers.” “Harm can’t we phone Grams and tell her. I would really like to meet her and thank her for caring so much. 1030 hours Thursday, June 27, 2002 Jag head office “Harriet could you please help me with these files” Mac asks. “Yes sure Ma’am” Harriet answered. In Mac’s office “Ma’am it seems like a dream come true. You and the Commander are getting married next weekend. How is the wedding plans coming on Ma’am?” “Great Harriet. Luckily Harm’s mother and Grandmother is doing all the stuff. They won’t let me help. They are really great. Harm surprised me last week. He came to my apartment with Trish, Grams and Frank. We had a lovely dinner. I already feel at home with them. After we phoned them they were so exited they could not stay away. Since they arrived they have been good to me.” “Oh Ma’am” Harriet squeals. 1430 hours Wedding day, July 5 Navy Chapel Mac, Harriet, Chloe, Trish and Grams Sarah are in the bridal room getting ready. “Ma’am I can’t believe you are actually getting married. It seems years ago that Bud and I got married. This last couple of weeks was really difficult. Hopefully we’re coming through.” Harriet says. “Of cause you will and never dare give up” Grams tell her. “Yes Ma’am I won’t” Harriet responds. “Harriet please! It’s Grams.” “Yes Grams” Harriet says and smiles. “Sorry ladies could you please excuse us for a moment? I would like to have a word with my granddaughter” Grams asked. “Yea sure” and everyone leaves. Grams takes a seat next to Mac before she speaks. “Dear, there is something I would like to give you.” Grams opens a jewelry box. “I want you to have this brooch. It’s been in our family for generations.” Mac starts to objects. “Grams this is really to much. I can’t accept it. I already have the ring, you gave Harm.” “Sarah, the ring was a gift to Harm. I want to give you this brooch to thank you for loving my grandson.” “Oh Grams I should thank you for all the prayers you prayed and that you believed in us, in me.” Mac takes the brooch from Grams. “Thank you Grams it’s beautiful” Mac hugs Grams “I love you Grams, thanks for everything” Mac kisses her on the cheek. “I love you to my child” Grams gets up and asks, “Don’t you have to be somewhere?’ 1455 hours Navy Chapel Harm stands in front of the chapel, dressed in his whites with Bud as his best man at his side. “Bud, are sure you got the rings?” Harm asked for the 5th time in 10 minutes. “I am sure Sir. You really don’t have to worry Sir. Wow, in less than an hour you’re married to the Colonel. You are really a lucky guy, Sir.” Bud said. “I know Bud, I know.” 1458 hours Bride’s room There is a knock at the door. “Sarah may I come in” Uncle Matt asked. “Yes of cause Uncle Matt” Uncle Matt enters the room “Sarah its time for the big show, are you ready?” “Yes Sir!” Mac said. “Colonel go make the Marine Corps proud.” 1502 hours Navy chapel The chapel is Jam pact full. Everyone is waiting for the bride to appear. The wedding march starts to play. Everyone stands up and turns around to face the bride. Mac starts to walk up the aisle with Uncle Matt brining her in. Harm could not take his eyes of Mac. His eyes were glued at her. Two feet from Harm Uncle Matt stops and lifts her veil. Kisses Mac on the cheek and gives her to Harm. Harm takes Mac’s hand. “Thank you Sir” Harm said. Uncle Matt nodded his head. “Sarah you look beautiful” Harm says and makes her blush. They look at Chaplain Turner “May I ask who gives the bride away?” the chaplain asked. “I do Sir, Uncle Matt answered. “Very well, let’s proceed will we?’ “Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today…………” “Before you say the vows are there someone here today who objects to the wedding?” the Chaplain asked. The Chaplain, Harm and Mac look at the people. Nobody answered. Mac and Harm turns back to Chaplain Turner. “Al right then, now for the vows” the Chaplain said. “Um Sir, excuse me” someone said. The Chaplain looks up and everybody turns to the speaker. Harm looks at Mac with a pang in his heart. “Are there something you would like to tell me” he whispered. Mac looks at Harm with confusion and shakes hear head. They look at the person standing behind them. “Do you like to say something boy?” the Chaplain asked. Everyone holds their breath. “Sir I would like to say to Mac, “GO MARINES GO!” Keeter chanted. Keeter looks at Harm and Harm shakes his head. “Traitor” Harm says to Keeter and everybody laughs. After everyone settled down the Chaplain said. “All right you two, lets try this again. Would you take each other’s hand and repeat after me.” “Um, excuse me Sir” Harm said. “Ah, not again” Chloe said. Mac looks at Harm. “Sir, if you don’t mind I have my own wedding vows.” Harm said. “Alright then. The floor is yours Commander” the Chaplain said. Harm looks into Mac eyes and begins to sing. I just swear, that I would always be there I would give anything and everything And I will always care Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow For better for worst, I will love you, with every weed of my harsh. Lyrics From this moment, life has began From this moment, you are the one Right be sight me, where I belong From this moment on. From this moment I have been blessed I live only, for your happiness And for your love, I give my last breath From this moment on. I give my hand to you before my heart I can’t wait to live my life with you, I can’t wait to start You and I will never be apart My dreams, came to, because of you. From this moment, as long as I live I will love you, I promise you this There is nothing, I wouldn’t give From this moment, on. You’re the reason I believe in love And you’re the answer to my prayers, from up above All we need is just the two of us My dreams, came to, because of you. From this, moment As long as I live, I will love you I promise you this There is nothing, I wouldn’t give From this moment, I will love you As long as I live, from this moment, on. Harm stop singing. Everyone wipes their tears away. Even the Admiral is having a tear or two. Harm puts the ring on Mac’s finger. Harm bends down and kisses Mac. “Commander, Colonel we’re not quite finish yet” the Chaplain said. “I love you” Harm whispered in Mac’s ear. “Now Colonel would you please take the Commander’s hand and repeat after me?’ Chaplain Turner said. 2000 hours 6 months later, Jan 2003 Rabb new residence (Harm and Mac are still working at Jag) Mac is 5 months pregnant. Mac lays with her back to Harm with her head on his chest. Harm has his hand on Mac’s stomach. “Harm,” Mac said and put her hand on his. “I can’t believe our love made this tiny baby inside me.” Harm kisses Mac’s hair “I wonder how he or she would look like? Would it look like you or like me? ” Mac asked “A girl with her mom’s looks and my charm.” Harm said “Or a boy with that trademark smile of yours…. Whose footsteps will they follow?” “Maybe our boy would be a ballet-dancer.” Harm said “Harm, I really can’t wait to hold this tiny person in my arms. It’s a dream come true. Since I’ve been a little girl I wanted a real family who loves each other.” “Sarah, we’ll be that family and even more.” 1100 hours Sunday, May 18, 2003 Bethesda Medical Centre Mac is in the labor room. Harm is sitting in the waiting room. The doctor is coming into the hall and Harm stands up. “Congratulations Commander. You have a baby boy.” the doctor said. “When can I see them?” Harm asked. “Your wife would be out any minute. You should see her in a moment” “And the baby?” Harm asked. “There is still some random tests to be done. Could you please excuse me?” the doctor asked. “Yes sure, thank you Sir” Harm said. “I’ll let the nurse take you to your wife” the doctor said and left. After some time In the waiting room The nurse walks up to Harm and says “Sir I’ll show you to you’re wife’s room” Harm stood up and followed the nurse to Mac’s room. Harm stopped at the door and thanked the nurse before he entered the room. “I’ll be at the nurse’s station if you need me sir” she said and left. Harm entered the room and looked at Mac. “Hi Mac how you’re doing” he said as he walked up to the bed. “Just a bit tired and sore I think. Did you see the baby?” Mac asked. “No, the doctor said there is still some tests to be done. But I think we should in awhile.” Harm said. Harm gets onto the bed and takes Mac into his arms. “I can’t believe we have a boy” Mac said. “Yes thank you Mac for making me a daddy and giving me a son.” He kisses her on the forehead. “Harm what should we call him?” “How about Harmon Samuel (Sammy) Mackenzie Rabb the 3rd ?.” he asked. “It’s perfect” she says and they kiss. There is a knock at the door. Before they could respond the doctor entered the room and closed the door behind him. He walked up to them and stood close to the bed. “Doctor could we see our son now?” Harm asked. “Actually that’s the reason I’m here. We did some tests and the result come back positive, just as I suspected.” Harm and Make looks at each other. “Doctor I don’t understand, what do you mean?” Harm asked. “I’m sorry but your boy has Down’s Syndrome.” Mac looks confused at the doctor and reply. “It can’t be, I saw my baby. He looked like a healthy little boy” Mac said in disbelieve. “Sometimes it’s not so visual that the parent would notice. I did see some characteristic features. We did the chromosome test and it confirms.” “Harm it can’t be. I carried him for nine months and never felt that there could be something wrong.” Mac said. “See, you and the baby looked to be in a healthy state. So, during your pregnancy we did not do any necessary tests. Most of the time we learn about it after the birth.” “But doctor, what about the sonogram. Why didn’t they notice. It could have showed something?” Harm asked. “No, it is unlikely to notice. Like I said we did not have any reason to believe that something could be wrong. It’s only noticeable after the birth.” The doctor said. “So doctor it’s my fault. I must have known a pregnancy over 35 would be a risk” Mac said. “No it is not your fault, neither your husband’s. The risk for a Down Syndrome baby over the age of 35 is more likely but not conclusive. It just happens.” “Doctor how can you say it just happened. It must be someone’s fault?” Mac asked. “Down syndrome comes about when there is an extra number 21 chromosome. This additional chromosome, because of the genes it contains, causes an excessive amount of certain proteins to be formed in the cell. This disturbs normal growth in the body of the fetus. As the fetus develops, the cells of the body do not divide as rapidly as they normally do. This results in a fewer body cells, and therefore a smaller baby. In addition, the migration of cells that occurs in the formation of different parts of the body is disrupted, notably in the brain. Once the baby is born, all these differences are already present. The baby, having fewer brain cells and a different brain formation, will learn slowly. So the baby will be slower than your average baby” the doctor explained. “What must we do doctor?’ Harm asked. “I know it is a lot for one day. We will discuss some of the test results tomorrow. I’ll set up a meeting with the pediatrician. I’ll give you and the baby sometime together. There are still things to be considered but we can talk later. I’ll give you a moment alone. I’ll ask the nurse to bring the baby in.” The doctor said and left. Mac starts crying. Harm takes her in his arm, try to comfort her. “It will be alright Sarah, every thing will work out fine” Harm tried to reassure her. “How do you know Harm?” she asked. Before Harm could answer the nurse entered with their baby. “Mr & Mrs Rabb meet your baby boy” the nurse said and handed the baby over into Mac’s arms. The baby awakes and starts crying. “His cries is so soft” Harm said. “It is because of the low tone of muscles between the ribs and over the abdomen. These muscles are used to push air out of the chest during crying.” The nurse explained. “I think someone is hungry, he needs to be fed. I’ll help you to breast-fed him” the nurse said. “Can he, I mean can he suck?” Mac asked. “His sucking may be less effective, and feeding may take a little longer. With patience and perseverance it could successfully be mastered” the nurse explained and helped Mac to feed her boy. Later that afternoon Bethesda Medical Centre Harm is in the break room. The Admiral walked up to him. Harm started to rise but the Admiral showed him to sit. The Admiral took a seat next to him. “Congratulations Commander.” He said and shakes Harm’s hand. “Bud and Harriet would be coming later tonight. “Thank you Sir” Harm said. “How is Mac and the baby doing?’ he asked. “Sir, Mac is fine. She is resting, sleeps.” Harm said and turned his back on the Admiral. “Harm, is there something wrong” he asked. Harm stood up and took a breath before he started. “Sir” Harm said and tears started to fall down. “My baby boy has Down Syndrome. When the doctor told us I felt so helpless. Sir, I am the man of the house, I’m supposed to be the strong one. There is nothing I can do to help him. Mac asked me if everything would be all right?….. Sir, how can I reassure her if I don’t even know?” Harm asked. The Admiral put his hand on Harm’s shoulder. “Son, no one knows what the future holds for us. All you can do is believe. Mac and the baby will need you, just give them your unconditional love. Just know that I will always be there if you need someone to talk to. Later that evening Mac’s room Mac was laying in bed while Harm was sitting on the bed with little Sammy in his arms. “Harm did you talked to Grams and Trish?” Mac asked. “Yes, they would be here tomorrow.” He said “Did you tell them?” “Grams said she can’t wait to meet her little angel” he said and kissed the baby. That moment Harriet, Bud and little AJ entered the room. “Auntie Mac, Uncle Harm I brought a gift for the baby” AJ said and ran to them. Mac and Harm looked up at them. “Thank you buddy. Would you like to meet Sammy” Harm asked. “Mommy I can’t see. Would you pick me up?” the boy asked. Harriet lifted him up. “AJ, this is Sammy your little god brother.” Harm said. “Hallo Sammy” he said and toughed the baby’s hand. “See mommy his holding my hand” the boy said delighted. “Yes I see. Let’s leave the baby so that he could sleep, ok.” Harriet said. “All right mommy” he said and she let him down. “Congratulations Sir, Ma’am’,” Bud said. “Thank you Bud,” Mac said. Harriet looks at the baby and asks Harm if she could hold him. “Yeah sure Harriet go ahead” Harm said and handed the baby to Harriet. “Oh,” she squealed. “He is so small, so adorable.” she looks at Mac and Harm and say, “Sir, Ma’am if you need anything just let us know and remember we will always be there.” “Thanks we know” Mac said with tears in her eyes. Harm raps his arms around Mac and kisses her. “Mackie, just remember that I love you and Sammy very much. Don’t forget it.” Harm whispered in her ear. “I know flyboy, I love you two” she said and smiled. Much later that night Robberts residence Bud and Harriet are in bed. Harriet is laying in Bud’s arm. “Bud, I’m feeling so sorry for them. They wanted a baby for so long. Now they have a Down Syndrome. It’s their first child, I can only imagine how they must feel. I thought my life wasn’t worth living after baby Sarah died. We still mourn sometimes but to have a handicap baby, I think it’s a bit too much. It’s a great responsibility.” Harriet said. “Luckily we had little AJ” Bud said. “AJ is really impress with Sammy. Should we tell him that Sammy is not a normal little boy? Could he understand, can he handle it?” she asked. “I think we should tell him. He did take loosing my leg well. Tell him that Sammy is handicap, his almost like me. Kids do tent to handle this better than adults.” Bud explained. The next day Bethesda Medical Centre The pediatrician’s office “Yesterday we did the chromosome and thyroid test. We did the blood test to determine any thyroid deficiency, so that it can be treated before causing intellectual deterioration. The amount of thyroid hormone is luckily maintained so far but must be checked regularly. Today we gonna do some physical tests and feel free to ask questions.” The doctor said. The doctor started with the tests and explains along the way. “First I’m going to examine the heart and blood vessels, to detect any heart abnormality.” The doctor did the test and found nothing wrong. “I don’t see a problem but some heart disorders cannot be detected until the baby is about six weeks old.” The doctor also examined his muscles, bones and joints. “A baby with Down syndrome is usually floppier than a normal new-born. When you change his nappy you may notice that he gives less resistance to separating his legs than a normal child. He may adopt a ‘frog-legs’ position when lying on his back. Try to stop your young baby from sleeping for long periods with the feet twisted inwards underneath him. Otherwise, when he walks, his feet may be turned in. The doctor explained further. “Your baby may often have a habit of sticking out his tong. This is due to the combination of a larger than average tongue and a smaller than average mouth. When it happens you can ignore it but from one year onward, it is necessary to start teaching him to keep it in his mouth. Just remember that babies and children with Down syndrome don't recognize it when they are full. They will keep on eating. You must regulate his eating habits” she explains. Harm and Mac shook their head in understanding. “The vision test should be done between nine months and a year. Babies with the syndrome have a greater tendency for long-sightedness or short-sightedness. The hearing test should be done between the age of 9 – 12 months, thereafter annually. It’s important because they are susceptible to a condition known as ‘glue ear’, which result into hearing loss. I know it is a bit early but he should visit the dentist for the first time at the age of 2. After that annually. These checks are important in children with heart abnormalities, because a tooth infection can cause bacteria to grow in the heart. The neck x-ray should be perform at the age of 3 to 4. This is done to exclude instability of the first two neck bones. Your boy would engage in activities which put the neck under strain, such as: tumbling, forward rolls, diving, contact sports, and rough-housing. Even if the x-ray is normal, a repeat x-ray should be performed at around 10 years of age. Immunizations are important. You should follow the usual immunization schedule. Please try avoiding to postponing it because of a running nose or a light cough. It can be given during such minor illnesses without concern.” The doctor explained. “Doctor what about illnesses, would he be sick all the time?” Mac asks. “Kids with Down syndrome usually enjoys good health. When they do become ill, they usually suffer normal childhood illnesses unrelated to the syndrome. There are some conditions that are more common with the syndrome but we don’t want to cause unnecessary alarm if you don’t keep things in perspective. Conditions that are common are usually very mild or easily treated, such as constipation, upper respiratory tract infections, and dry skin.” She said. Harm thoughts: “There aren’t any more things that could go wrong.” “Any questions?” the doctor asked. “Um Doctor, would my boy be able marry, to have children. Should we sterilize him?” Harm asked. “First you should establish if he is fertile or not. When he is, sterilization should be best performed on an adult to give his consent. An adult with Down syndrome who is unable to give informed consent, legal advice may be sought if it is thought that sterilization is the most appropriate form of contraception. He could marry and have kids, but we don’t recommend it because it’s more likely that the child would be abnormal. You should ask yourself if he will cope with the pressures of parenthood, how would they cope with the disability of their own kids. It’s best to have a pet with fewer responsibilities. She said. “Your baby’s examination is over for now. I didn’t see any major concerns. His next should be at 6 weeks. If you have any questions or problems feel free to phone me or come and see me” the doctor said. “Thank you doctor” they said and left. Later that day Mac and the baby is still in hospital. Harm went back to work. The doctor is on his daily scroll. Mac is in bed. The doctor entered Mac’s room. “Good afternoon Mrs Rabb. How are you feeling?” he asked. “Hi doctor, I’m feeling much better thank you” she replied. “How did the meeting with the pediatrician go? He asked. “Quite well. She had explained some basic stuff. What to expect, what to do etc.” Mac said. “Mrs Rabb you and little Sammy should be going home tomorrow.” He said. “Thanks Doctor.” Before the doctor could turn and leave Mac stopped him. “Doctor there is something I would like to discuss with you.” “Yeah sure” the doctor said. “Would we be able to have another child. Would he also have Down syndrome?” she asked. “First a chromosome test should be done on your husband and yourself. It will determine if one of you are the carrier of the Down Syndrome. We could take it from there on. Your second baby could be born normal. There are tests we could do in future pregnancies to detect Down syndrome in the fetus. These test have a main complication, this could have a result of a chance of miscarriage. You should ask yourself if you could handle another Down syndrome baby and what if you miscarry the baby? Could you go through all of that pain again?” he asked. “Doctor I would like to be sterilized.” Mac said. “Are you sure? Why don’t you just use contraceptives” he asked. You could change your mind in a couple of months. “I can’t bare to have another handicap child. I won’t allow myself to do it to the child and myself.” She said. “Mrs Rabb do your husband know about this?” he asked “No Doctor he doesn’t know. I would like to keep it that way.” Mac said. “It’s really a big decision to make. I think you should discuss it with your husband. If you feel the same about it, you could talk to your gynecologist at your 6-week routine appointment. If you would excuse me please I still have some other patients to check on. Please Mrs Rabb talk to your husband, before you make any hasty decisions.” The doctor said and left. Baby’s first day at home That evening Rabb residence The baby is in the nursery. Mac and Harm are sitting on the couch. “Mac, we should talk about everything that happened during this last couple of days” Harm said. “Harm, what is there to talk about. You’re a lawyer it shouldn’t be difficult to understand. It’s a fact Harm, our baby has Down Syndrome.” She said. “Mac be reasonable. Tell me how you feel, what are we going to do? There’s some decisions to be make” “Like what?” she asked. “Mac we are both in a high demanding job. Who is going to take care him? What happens when we die? I love Bud and Harriet but we can’t burden them with such a big responsibility.” Harm said. “What do you suggest we do?” she asked. “I asked around today. It will be best to open a trust fund for him. There are special homes where he could go. He would be fully looked after.” He said. “Yeah maybe….” Mac looked absent-mindedly at Harm. “Harm, actually there is something I’d like to talk about?” she said. “About what?” he asked. “I think it would be best if I should stop working. I’ll be able to be with Sammy all the time and I could take care of him.” Mac said “Mac I know you love Sammy but it won’t be healthy to be so over protective. You are good in your job and I don’t think you want to flash your career down the drain. You worked to hard to be where you are today. You till got 3 months of maternity leave left. We could ask the Admiral to give you some less demanding work or something” Harm reasoned. 5 weeks later (Sunday, June 22) 19:00 hours Rabb residence Mac is in bed reading a book. Harm is getting ready for bed. After sometime he joins her in bed looking at her. “Mac, what is wrong?” “What do you mean?” she asked while she was reading. “I don’t know. Is something bothering you?” “Like what?” “Mac, you’re so distant. This last couple of weeks you did not let me touch you, let me came near you. I am not just talking about intimately. I can understand if it’s hormones or something.” He said. “Harm” she said and looked up at him. “Why do you men always blame it on the hormones?” she asked. “Is it because of Sammy’s 6-week checkup? He asked. “No” she said and shakes her head. “Then what is it? Tell me Mac, I’m your husband. I should know.” “Harm, it has nothing to do with you.” “Mac, you’re my wife, Sammy is my child. We’re a family and that makes it my business.” “My six-week checkup with the gynecologist” she said. “Is there something wrong?” Harm asked concerned. “No Harm it’s routinely” she said and turned back to reading her book. Harm took the book out of Mac’s hands and threw it on to the floor. She looked at the book and looked back at Harm. “Mac, talk to me” he pleaded again. “All right.” She said. With a pause she began, “I want to be sterilized. I don’t want any more kids and I do think you feel the same way.” Harm looks at Mac in disbelieve. “When did you decide on this?” he asked. “Sometime ago” she said. “Dammit Mac!” he shouted. “Who gives you the right to decide whether or not I want another baby?” “Harm you don’t understand. The baby grew for 9 months inside me. Than to hear that your baby has Down syndrome. We… I expected to have the perfect little baby boy, who would follow in his father’s footsteps. I let you all down. You, Uncle Matt, Grams, Trish even the Admiral. People always blame the mother. They ask themselves, did she drink, smoke, did she took care of him during the pregnancy or maybe she’s to old to have a baby.” Mac said. “Mac, it’s a load of rubbish and you know it” he said. “Harm buzz-off!” she said “Fine do what you want!!!!” Harm shouted. The baby starts crying. “Thanks a lot” Mac said with tears and stormed out of their bedroom to the nursery. Harm could only slam his fists into the cushions with great frustration. After some time Harm was in bed. Praying to God. Harm did not know that Mac stood behind the door. She listened to every word Harm said. “God, I asked you to give Mac to me and you did. I am very great full. I am also great full to have a baby boy. But I can’t understand why you did this? Why us? I don’t know if I can handle it. Mac had a really tough childhood. My boy is so small, he did nothing to deserve this. I just want the best for them. Everyone is telling me to keep on believing, things would get better. It’s really hard sometimes to believe, especially if you don’t understand why all this stuff happens. Grams said that Sammy is her little angle but how could an angel bring so much discord between Mac and me? I love them both unconditionally. I just don’t know what to do. Oh God, please help me!” Harm cried. ”Oh Harm” Mac cried. She went to Harm and hugged him. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t know. I didn’t think about your feelings. I was so self-centered. Harm, tell me how I could help us believe. She said. “Mac I’m scared. It feels like I’m losing you. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk to you, about us and little Sammy. I want to spare your feelings. I don’t want to fight with you the whole time. It would really help if we could be more open about our feelings. ” Harm said. Next day (Monday, 23 Jun) Rabb residence Harm came back from work and found Mac in the kitchen making dinner. Little Sam was sitting in his baby’s chair on the counter. “How’s my most favorite girl and boy doing.” He asked and kissed Mac. After he kissed Mac he went over to Sammy and took him into his arms. “Fine, he couldn’t wait to see his daddy.” Mac said. The boy smiles at his dad. “I made an appointment at the doctor for Sammy’s check up. Next week Wednesday, July 2nd at 1200 hours.” Mac said. Mac tried not to cry but the tears started to flow. “Oh Mac, come here” Harm said and put an arm around Mac. “It will be ok, never mind what happens. We will be there for each other,” he said. “Thank you Harm for being here for me, for us. I love you” Mac said and kissed him. “It’s my pleasure Ma’am. I love you to ” he said. 1000 hours Two days before the check up. (Monday, 30 Jun) Jag Head office Harm and Sturges are in Harm’s office talking. “How is Mac and the baby doing?” Sturges asked. “Great, Sammy is adorable. You must see him at bath time. He is a real squad, loves the water.” Harm said proud. “I think his got his daddy rapped on his little finger. Sturges laughed. “Just wait until you have your own little guy” Harm said. At that moment Tiner was standing at Harm’s door. “Excuse me Sirs. The Admiral wants to see you ASAP.” Tiner said. “Thanks Tiner” they said and went to the Admiral’s office. In the Admiral’s office “I want you two to go to Norfolk. “Why Sir” they asked. The Admiral sighs. “Someone dyed Admiral James wife’s cat yesterday afternoon. It happened while she was at the grocery store.” Harm and Sturges look at each other in disbelieve. “Apparently, Mrs James had rescued the cat from an alley. It was in bad shape, so she nursed him. Ever since he become a member of the family. You know what they say about old women and their damn cats.” The Admiral said. The Admiral just realize what he said and say’ “Oh, just keep that last remark between the three us ok. Harm and Sturges looked at each other with a grin on their faces and said, “What remark Sir?” The Admiral just looks at them. “Sir, if I may. What does this have to do to with us Sir?” Sturges asked. “You two must go to Norfolk and investigate the matter.” The Admiral said. “You must be kidding Sir!” Harm said. The Admiral looked at Harm with a stern face. “Commander does it look like that I’m kidding?” he asked. “No Sir” Harm said. “The Secnav wants this rapt up quickly. He says it puts the Navy in a bad light. Mrs James wants justice to be done. She won’t stop until we have the culprits.” “When do we leave Sir?” Sturges asked. “Mrs James is expecting you two later tonight. You will be leaving this afternoon. So you will be staying over in Norfolk for the meantime. Tomorrow you could start ask around. Please gentlemen, I want this case closed ASAP. I don’t want the Secnav breathing down on my neck. Dismiss.” the Admiral said and turned back to his work. “Aye-Aye Sir” they said and saluted. Turned towards the door. Sturges left but Harm turn back to the Admiral. “Sir, I’d like to have a word with you.” Harm said. The Admiral looked up and asked “What is it Commander?” “Sir, can’t you sent someone else in my place? The day after tomorrow is Sammy’s check up. I would really like to go, to be there for Mac.” Harm said. “I’m sorry Harm but the Secnav wants the best team on the job. The sooner you solve this case, the sooner you can come home.” He said. “Sir, it will be the first time since Sammy’s birth that I won’t be sleeping at home. I really don’t want to leave them alone. Can’t I drive back here tonight after the meeting Sir?” Harm pleaded. “No Commander, your request is denied. Your wife is a marine, there’s nothing she can’t handle. Believe me, it won’t be the last time that you would be staying out during the night. Get use to it.” The Admiral said and went back to his work. “Aye Sir” Harm said and left. 1330 hours Rabb residence Their bedroom Harm was packing his clothes. Mac was at his side. “Harm, is it really necessary to go? Can’t we just buy her new cat?” Mac asked. “Mac, I hope we could but we can’t. It’s a direct order from the Secnav. The Secnav don’t want the spca involved with Navy stuff. To much politics or something.” Harm said. “Please promise me you will be back for Sammy’s appointment.” Mac said. “I’ promise Mac” Harm said. “Don’t go and break it now, do you hear me” she said. “Ma’am, yes, Ma’am” Harm said and saluted Mac. “Come on Harm be serious. Mac said. “Will you be ok without me? I mean will you be alright alone during the night.” Harm said. “Harm I’m a marine, I can watch after myself…. But it would be lonely, I’ll miss you.” Mac said. Harm took Mac into his arms and hugged her. “There is still a big celebration coming up and I’ll miss you to” he said and kissed her. 1130 Zulu (Tuesday, 1 Jul) At the Navy Base (sleeping quarters) “Mac, I’m sorry I’m phoning so late. We just got in. I just want to tell you that we’ll be back tomorrow morning. We’ll leave first thing in the morning. So I’ll meet you at home before Sammy’s appointment.” “Did you catch the culprit?” Mac asked. “Luckily, a few hours ago. Ah, sorry Mac I must really go now. I’m really tired and tomorrow is a busy day. There is still the early drive back. I’ll tell you back at home.” He said. “Bye Harm, sleep tight and drive safety. We love you” Mac said. 1300 hours The day of the check-up (Wednesday, 2 Jul) Pediatrician’s office After the examination they sat at the doctor’s desk. “Mrs and Mr Rabb, your baby is in good shape. I monitored his growth and did not detect any new health problems at this stage. And all in all, he is a healthy little boy. From now on, his physical checkups should be done annually.” She said. Harm and Mac smile with relieve. “It would be a good idea to arrange a visit to a child development centre. They will evaluate Sammy’s abilities at a particular time, and make recommendations based on his needs. The needs that are most often focused upon are for appropriate intervention during the pre-school years, and appropriate school placement as the child gets closer to school age. You have the option to take your child to an early intervention group. They provide physiotherapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and special educational help. You also meet other parents with Down Syndrome kids. Here are some brochures you could look at.” The doctor said. “Thanks Doctor” they said and left. Outside at the parking lot “Mac what do you say. I’ll take you and little Sam out for a big juicy steak.” Harm said. “Anytime Flyboy.” Mac said. At the restaurant “Harm, what happened to Mrs James’s Cat?” Mac asked while eating her steak and chips. “It was the next-door-neighbor’s kids, the little rascals. Billy is 6 and his sister Margaret is 3. It happened …. (Day of accident) “Billy come play makeup. We (she and her dolls) wanna do your hair.” Margaret said. “Maggie, I don’t wanna play your stupid games.” Billy said “Big please, I won’t tell daddy you played with his toy model cars.” She said. “Ok but only for a little while” he said The little girl played with her brother’s hair. After sometime he got tired. He saw the cat and got an idea. “Hey Maggie, don’t you wanna do big girl stuff?” he asked. “Yeah, I am a big girl. Do big girl stuff.” She said. “Let’s dye the kitty” he said. “Can’t dye kitty, wrong” she said. “Sometimes the kitty licks himself, right. Do you know why?” he asked. “Kitty a lolypop.” she said. “No Silly, the kitty wants to look pretty. Let’s make him pretty.” “Yeah make kitty pretty.” (Present) So they dyed the cat with blue food coloring. Billy made his sister a promise that he would bye her candy if she won’t tell anyone. Billy got rid of all the evidence. “Didn’t someone watch them? You can’t just leave your kids like that” Mac said. “They played in the back-yard while Mrs De Witt had some ladies over for tea.” “Last night Mrs DeWitt heard some water running. So she looked around and found Maggie in the bathroom.” (last night) “Hi mommy’s girl, what are you doing?” she asked “Playing Mommy. Look Amy hair, nice.” Maggie said and showed the doll. That moment Mrs DeWitt saw that Maggie dyed her doll’s hair. “Margaret, where did you get this” she said preferring to the food coloring. “In the cubit, Billy showed me.” (the present) “Mrs DeWitt put the pieces together and realist who dyed Mrs James cat. She confronted Billy and he told them what happened. She made him apologize to Mrs James. For punishment he’s not allowed to watch tv, play Sony or computer for a whole month.” “Ouch. What about Mrs James?” Mac asked. “After Billy confessed she phoned us. So we got there and heard the whole story. She’d forgive him and said that boys will be boys. She made us stay for dinner. Wouldn’t let us leave until late last light. To apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusions. She thought it was the cadets on base.” Harm said and took a bite of his salad. “Luckily she made pasta.” “So that’s way you stayed at Norfolk last night. To have dinner with another women.” Mac teased “I’m just glad we’ve found out what happened. Last night at 1700 hours Sturges and I haven’t had a clue until Mrs James phoned. We could still have been in Norfolk looking for some, you know.” “It’s sounds like Denis the Menace and his little side-kick.” Mac said. Sammy made some baby sounds “Yeah mommy’s boy. He’s a naughty boy.” Mac said That moment a women came over and said “Excuse me. My little girl Janey wanted to see your baby.” the women said. “Yeah sure go ahead” Harm said. The women showed the girl their baby. “My baby, Sammy has Down Syndrome” Mac said. “Never the less, he’s the most adorable little thing I have seen. She said. “Say bye-bye to the people Janey,” her mom said. “Bye-bye” “Bye- bye” Harm and Mac said “Thank you and good afternoon” the woman said. “Good bye” Later that night Rabb residence Mac walks into the lounge and asks, “Who phoned”. “It was the Admiral. He said I deserve a break and could have the day of tomorrow.” Harm said. “It’s really generous of him,” Mac said. “Mac, I have the day of tomorrow and Friday is July the 4th. Why don’t we go to Grams for the long weekend. I would really like to spend our first anniversary at the farm. “When do we leave?” “What about tomorrow morning?” he asked “It’s fine. Harm what about Grams, don’t you think we should phone her first?” “Nah, lets surprise her.” Harm said. Next day Grams Sarah’s farm That afternoon They were all sitting in the lounge. Mac was sitting in Harm’s arms Grams was holding Sammy, playing with him “Harm, I can’t believe you brought your wife here to visit an old rag like myself. Why didn’t you take Sarah out to a nice restaurant for a romantically dinner for two.” Grams asked. “Oh Grams, I’d rather spend our first anniversary with you than any where else.” Mac said “And besides that little guy missed his Grams” Harm said. Grams kissed the boy and said, “Grams missed you to, my angel.” Mac looks at Harm and smiles. Harm kisses her forehead and whispers in Mac’s ear. “We could put them to bed and have a nice walk at the riverside, skinny-dipping or something." Mac blushed “Hey you two, behave yourself.” Grams laughed. Day of wedding anniversary (Sunday, July 6) Rabb farm Harm and Mac’s room Mac was fast asleep. Harm was lying next to her, watching Mac. “My beautiful Sarah, I’m the luckiest man a life.” He thought. “I love you sweetheart” Harm said and kisses her on the lips. “Hmmm” Mac stirs and smiles “I love you two sailor-boy” After some time Mac was breast-feeding Sammy. Harm watched. “I love watching you with him” “I enjoy breast-feeding him. It’s a peaceful and comforting time. I love the sensual contact with this tiny person, gives me a sense of belonging to him and he to me. It’s our way of bonding. He’s mommy’s lover-boy” Mac said and kissed him. Mac finished up and started to burb him out. “No, please let me” Harm said Mac gives Sammy to him Grams knocks on the door. “Hey, you two decent? May I come in?” Grams asked. “Yes of cause, Grams” Mac said. She entered the room and went over to the bed touching Sammy. “Congratulations, happy wedding anniversary.” Grams gives them a gift “What’s this?” “Just something that helped me through the good times and let’s say not so good times. Go ahead, open it” Grams said. “Harm, give that little guy to me” Grams said. Harm hands him to her. “Hallo there, Grams little angel” Mac opened the gift “It’s a Bible” Mac said. “Yes it’s a Family Bible” “Grams, it was Great-Great Grandpa’s?” Harm said “Yes, I want you to have it.” “But, but” Mac said. “No buts, Sarah dear. I don’t know how much longer I would be on this earth. This last year you have brought love, hope and an angel into my life. It’s my way of thanking you.” “Thanks Grams” they said. “We love you so much” They kiss Grams “Ok Sammy-boy let’s give mommy and daddy some private time.” Grams said and left. Harm kissed Mac and took her into his arms. “Mac I know this last year has been an up hill battle. I don’t know what the future holds, but remember that I will always be there. You’re not alone, we’ll see it through right till the end.” Mac says with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Harm I love you so much.” In the future (10 years later) DC’s Special Junior Olympics for the mentally handicap Stadium Swimming event “Look Mommy,” The 8-year-old girl, Belle said. “Yes I see” Her mom said. “Sammy is going to win.” “Go Sammy, Go Sammy,” they chanted. Sammy won the event “Sammy won Mommy. He’s the best! Did you see Daddy?” “Yes indeed pumpkin. Her dad said and took her in his arms. After the events Harm, Mac and Belle waited for Sammy. An Olympic volunteer brings Sammy to them “Mr & Mrs Rabb here’s you’re boy. Sam is a real champion.” She said and left. ‘For sure, definitely!… Thanks” Harm said. “Did you see that Mommy? I’ve won. I’ve got 2 medals. I’m a real Squid just like Daddy.” Sammy said. “Let me see, let me see” Belle squealed. The boy showed his sister. Harm raps his arms around Mac. They watched the kids. “I love you so much” he said and kissed her hair. “Harm, times like these makes it worth the while. Not just the good times, the rainy days also. That special smile, his love that shines through him into our hearts. He is indeed our little angel, gift from God.” Mac said. “That’s my angel-boy!” Harm said proud. The End