Title: Intellectual Intercourse 1/2 Name: Nana Syvenky Author: nS Rating: PG Spoilers: Up to and including "The Princess and The Petty Officer" Disclaimer: I don't own them but if I did, this is what would happen... Summary: Harm and Mac open up via email after the Elling case. Feedback would be greatly appreciated since this is my first ever effort at fanfic. Please let me know if I should keep my day job. Thanks. Author's notes at the end of Part 2. ---------- From: To: Flyboy (E-mail) Sent: November 15, 2000 19:26 Subject: congratulations hi Harm, how's it going? i tried calling you, but your phone was busy so i figured that you were probably on-line checking your mail - or talking to Renee. anyway, we didn't get a chance to go out and celebrate your win for Petty Officer Elling so i just wanted to say congratulations. you did a good job, sailor. Mac ***save the whales - collect the whole set. ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 19:35 Subject: RE: congratulations Hi Mac, You guessed right. I was catching up on my email. Perhaps I should look into getting the cable modem thing so that I won't tie up my phone lines. What's with the small caps? Getting lazy on me, marine? And "Flyboy"? Since when did you have a hotmail account? AND you have a special entry for moi in your email address book? I'm flattered! As for my "win"...thanks, but it wasn't exactly a win. Not exactly a loss either given the circumstances. "Pseudo-win" I guess. I think you did a great job on the Princess' case as well. Thanks so much for helping me out on this one. So what are you doing at home? Nothing on with Brumby tonight? HR P.S. Interesting signature, you animal lover you. ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 19:48 Subject: laziness conserves energy what am i doing at home? Mic and i had an argument (again) after he came over. so now i'm here with jingo at my feet and have tried consoling a cup of tea but it wasn't too talkative and decided to email you instead. so, on with the conversation... small caps rule! yes, as a matter of fact, i do get lazy when writing email. it gets tiring writing "properly" all day, every day, that it's nice to "break the rules" once in a while. you have no idea how much energy one can conserve by not having to hit the key so often! i have a hotmail account for my personal emails. wouldn't want the government sneaking a peek at my mail you know. :) chloe emails me here for her everyday messages, and then emails me at work if it's an emergency. as for the "Flyboy" thing - again, it's to conserve energy. i only have to type in six letters, while HRabb@jag.navy.mil is way too much. wait, are you saying that you don't have an address entry for me? i'm crushed! :) anyway, don't be so modest, Harm. Jimmy didn't have to spend any time in the brig, so i consider that a win. i on the other hand did lose. but i guess i did get her the divorce so we both get pseudo-wins. i'm just glad that Jimmy and Fanny can be together again. i don't think we'll have much of a problem convincing INS to let her stay in the country. Mac ***tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 20:01 Subject: RE: laziness conserves energy Hmmm. Conserve energy for what, exactly? Sorry, but that was called for. You have to admit that. I'm sorry to hear that you and Mic are fighting (again). Want me to kick his six? I could you know - I took it easy on him in Australia because I didn't want to delay the trial any further. :) j/k I am sorry to hear that things aren't going well with him. Anything you want to discuss? You know I'm here if you need me. Speaking of Chloe, how is she? Keeping out of trouble? :) When I was watching you argue Fanny's case before the Tribunal, I kept thinking about how terrible it must be to have your marriage arranged by your parents because the families have interests in common. It makes it sound like a business deal. I guess being a non-Muslim I just don't understand the laws that they practice and basically how women are treated. Imagine, being married to someone you don't know or worse yet, someone you don't love at all. How do they do it? Do they force themselves to love each other? Is there such a thing as love in those marriages? Okay, I think I'll stop there. I'm sounding too "unmanly". HR P.S. Thanks for the tip about the tigers. :) ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 20:14 Subject: culture contradicts religion wouldn't you love to know what i conserve my energy for... hmmm...i girl should be flattered that you would offer to beat up her significant other. thanks for playing big brother, but i can handle it. thanks for offering your ear as well. i may just take you up on that sometime. Mic and i just need to iron some things out in regards to our relationship. not all relationships are all happy joy joy, you know. i mean, don't you and Renee fight? Chloe is doing fine. she's 11 now and looking forward to junior high next year. she's also discovered boys so of course she's getting into trouble! :) i understand where you're coming from about the Islamic religion, but you have to remember that the unfair treatment of women in some Islamic countries, (namely Afghanistan), is due to the culture, not the religion. the Koran constantly talks of a woman's rights. it talks about how a man is expected to take care of his wife, cook, clean, basically do everything to care for his family. a woman is not expected to do any of the above, but if she does, it is out of the goodness of her heart. a woman is allowed to have a job and whatever she earns is for her to spend on what she wants. if she decides to buy things for her family, that's her choice, but it's not demanded of her. this is Islamic religion. the treatment of women in reality in such countries, is more often than not, dictated by the culture. please do not take offense to this, because you do not fit the profile here, but i have a belief that women are treated this way because of the man's fear of being inferior to women. they take all their insecurities and place the burden on the woman. why do you suppose they make the women cover themselves from head to toe? why are women not allowed to leave their homes unless supervised by a male relative? why can't a woman be seen by a man through a window when she's in her own home? -- because women tempt the men into sin. i'm sorry, but how are we to blame for the man being driven by his penis????? just because a man will not control his dumbstick, we're the ones at fault, and so we have to live in this hole and not be seen or heard lest we give some dumbass a hard on?? i have very strong opinions about this topic (can't you tell?) and i should stop there. aren't you glad you walked into this one?? :) Mac **you were expecting an animal tidbit here weren't you? ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 20:30 Subject: intellectual intercourse Easy, marine. I could picture you writing that last message - seething with anger over men and their "dumbsticks", fingers frantically flying all over the keyboard, expressing your dissatisfaction over the male species. I'm really glad you shared your thoughts with me though. Who said that intellectual intercourse isn't fun? But seriously, we haven't really "talked" like this in a long time. I miss it. Need I remind you? I don't think of you as a sister and I'm not trying to play big brother... It's unfortunate that anyone who can claim to be so religious only follows the teachings when it's convenient for them. But you still didn't answer my question about the arranged marriages. How do people cope with that? How can anyone marry someone they don't love? I guess these women (and men sometimes) don't have a choice do they? HR P.S. Men aren't always driven by their "dumbsticks" - sometimes, yes. Always - no. ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 20:46 Subject: avoiding questions this IS nice, this "talking". i've missed "talking" to you too. i really can't tell you how people cope with arranged marriages because i've never been in such a situation. as for the love part, i guess one could always grow to love another person. you know the saying - "it grows on you". well, people can grow on you. sometimes, we have to make the best of the situation. you get lemons, you make lemonade. enough cliches for you? i think that if you care enough about someone, love develops. if someone is nurturing enough and gives you what you need, it's enough, isn't it? i think the underlying question that you really want to ask me is - how can i marry or think of marrying Mic. you don't think i love him do you? anyway, i'm not the only one avoiding questions. you didn't answer my question about Renee. don't you and Renee fight? Mac p.s. regarding men and their dumbsticks - i know not always. sometimes i wonder though. and one more thing: if you're not trying to play big brother, then what are you doing? ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 20:58 Subject: RE: avoiding questions You think of Brumby as a lemon? :) But seriously, it's not a question of what I think. It's a question of how you really feel. Oh, alright. Do you love him? Does he make you happy? As for Renee, yes, we have our arguments. Have you forgotten the time you called her to the stand, and I had to make her look bad? She's also constantly fed up with my having to travel all the time. She needs someone to pamper her and be there for her (physically and emotionally). I have a feeling though that's she's investing a lot in this relationship. I guess you're right, though, that sometimes people will grow on you... HR P.S. Sometimes you wonder about what, exactly? Besides, I'm not playing big brother. I'm being a friend - who cares. ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 21:11 Subject: okay, mr.psychology Mic gives me what i need. sure we have our differences, but he makes an effort to be there for me. hell, he moved all the way over here to be with me. any girl should be flattered by that gesture! Harm, i truly am sorry about calling Renee to the stand. i should have known better. so, what about you? (my turn to put you on the hotspot) i take it that you're not investing in this relationship as much as she is? so then, why bother? are you being driven by your dumbstick? (that's what i wonder about sometimes.) Mac P.S. Thanks for caring. ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 21:25 Subject: Need vs. Want You say Mic gives you what you need. But what about what you want? You still didn't answer as to whether or not you love him or if he makes you happy. I can't help but see you two arguing all the time and so I wonder if you're happy anymore. I can't remember the last time I saw you "really" smile or laugh. "Any girl 'should' be flattered by Mic's move." Are you? I know you're sorry about what happened with Renee and we've gotten past it. No worries. Nothing like getting directly to the point, huh counsellor? Renee is different from any of the women I've ever dated. She's not as serious as I am about things so in a way she adds balance to my life. I do wonder though what I'll do when she wants more (the house, the marriage, the kids). I enjoy being with her, but I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with her, you know? Am I leading her on? HR ---------- End part 1. ---------- Intellectual Intercourse 2/2 ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 21:35 Subject: RE: Need vs. Want i think Renee does want the whole nine yards and she wants it with you (and to be honest, any sane girl would). if you're not ready for it, you have to tell her. if you don't see it as a possibility and you don't tell her, then yes, i would say you're leading her on. i suppose i should look at those words and apply them to my own life shouldn't i? but then that would be too logical of a thing for me to do. ;) does Mic give me what I want? Harm, didn't you ever listen to the 'Stones? "you can't always get what you want"? you've been honest with me, so i have to be honest - not just to you but to myself. you're right - Mic and I have been fighting quite frequently. i too can't remember the last time i smiled or laughed whole-heartedly. i guess from that, we can deduce that no, i haven't been happy for a while now. when he moved here "to be with me", i was flattered, but as of late, i'm feeling more and more pressured and "crowded" - like i'm suffocating. maybe i'm too independent. i keep telling myself that he loves me, and during the little moments we have when we're not fighting, i'm able to tell myself that that's enough. enough to sustain a relationship. enough to sustain a marriage. but then we'd fight again, and that's why i haven't been able to switch the ring to my left hand yet. i'm still trying to figure out if this is enough - if what Mic has to offer is enough. is it wrong to want more? Mac ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 21:46 Subject: RE: Need vs. Want Thanks for the compliment. I am leading her on, and it could get rather messy if I don't say anything. But if I do tell her, would it just confirm what she already knows? Would she be hurt? Would she move on or would she still want to be with me? You mean a lot to me Mac, and it saddens me that you're unhappy. Is there anything I can do? (You know me, Mr. Fixit - well, I try to be.) Yes, you're an independent person, but that's what makes you - you. You've never seemed like the kind of woman who needs a man for her to feel like her life is complete, and so I can see why you're feeling crowded. When you're used to being by yourself, having another person there does take some getting used to. There's nothing wrong with wanting more - if wanting more means wanting to be happy. God knows you deserve to be happy. HR P.S. Didn't you ever listen to 'Floyd? "Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love?...The moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sown. The year grew late and neither one wanted to remain alone." ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 21:52 Subject: always the sweet talker thank you, Harm. you always did manage to make me smile. :) it feels good to smile a "real" smile. i can't tell you how Renee will react or what she'll do. some women will continue to stay with a man, hoping that she can change his mind. others will cut their losses and move on. (didn't help at all did i?) do you want her to stay? thanks for the offer, but i don't think there's really anything you can do at this point. the only thing that can be done is for me to really think about things and what i want in my life. Mac p.s. "was it love or was it the idea of being in love?" good question. ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 22:04 Subject: Will she stay or will she go? I don't know about this one - on one hand, I do care about her and it's better than being alone. On the other hand, if there's no future for it, then why continue? If she does stay, for me it'll just be a physical relationship. This wouldn't be fair to her would it? Do I want to be with a woman I don't love completely so that I don't have to be alone? I guess when it's worded that way, it doesn't leave much more to think about. Funny thing about relationships. It all boils down to wants, needs and compromise. I guess I just can't compromise about what I want in my future. I can't believe I've told you all this. I feel so "naked". :) HR ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 22:14 Subject: naked truth i don't know what to say, Harm. it sounds like you have your mind made up. i hope i haven't coerced you into making a decision. despite what, if anything, i've said in the past, i do like Renee and I don't want to be the one planting seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship because you do care about her and seem happy with her. i'm glad to see that we can be open to each other too. i too feel "naked" from all these revelations. you said you can't compromise what you want in the future. are you talking about a future Mrs. Harmon Rabb Jr. or just your future in general? you sound like you have quite a definite picture in mind. care to share, Commander? Mac --------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 22:29 Subject: RE: naked truth No, no, no, Mac. You didn't coerce me into anything. Just from "talking" with you, it made me think about my own situation and face the truth. I do have a definite picture in my mind concerning my future. I've been thinking about it more and more these days. I remember when there was a time when all I saw in my future was flying. It was all I could imagine doing for the rest of my life. Then one fateful day, I met a hard nosed marine that made me prove my worth as a lawyer. Eventually the old dream faded and I guess you could say I became some what more domestic. I now see my future being shared with someone I love, an SUV, a house, maybe a dog, 2.3 kids and a white picket fence. :) (Sounds like a cheesy commercial.) Well, I do have the SUV, and maybe someday I'll have the rest - when the time is right. I have a definite picture in mind, but I don't know if I'll ever reach my goal. I do know though that I won't compromise and "settle" for the next best thing. Call me extreme if you want, but for me, it'll have to be all or nothing. So, what if I die a lonely old man with just an SUV? So be it. I don't think I could be with someone I didn't love, at least not for the long haul. HR ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 22:39 Subject: wow...i never knew i never knew you had it in you, Harm. you always seemed so "cool" and unfazed by the domestic life. not that the domestic life isn't cool. i guess i just never thought that you had thought about these things. perhaps young Lt. Roberts has changed your way of thinking? :) i have to admit, i have the same thoughts about my future. i want a family, a home, a dog, a back yard full of toys and a sandbox - basically what i didn't have. like you, i've only gotten one of those things and Jingo does make me happy! i've been telling myself that Mic can and is willing to give me these things. you know what i told Fanny when we lost her case before the Tribunal? i told her that "sometimes, we must compromise. even if it means being with one person, and loving someone else." obviously she didn't agree. Mac ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 22:45 Subject: compromises >> obviously she didn't agree. And neither do I, Mac. It doesn't have to be that way. HR ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 22:50 Subject: RE: compromises sometimes we all have to compromise. well, you don't because you sure sound adamant enough, and strong enough to hold onto the "all or nothing" idea, but some of us, well, some of us aren't that strong. Mac ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 22:55 Subject: I don't think you understand me... You don't have to be with someone you don't love. HR ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 23:01 Subject: no, i don't understand i've tried opening my heart to someone but crashed and burned. (ring a bell, sailor?) once is enough. Mac ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 23:05 Subject: The time wasn't right then. HR ---------- From: semperfi@hotmail.com To: HRabb@jag.navy.mil Sent: November 15, 2000 23:10 Subject: RE: and now...? look, Harm, it's getting late. we've both had a long day. let's just call it a night. Mac ---------- From: HRabb@jag.navy.mil To: semperfi@hotmail.com Sent: November 15, 2000 23:16 Subject: Sarah... Can I come over? HR ---------- Author's Notes: - I hope that I have not offended anyone with the discussion of the Islamic religion, and if I did, I apologize. - I don't know how old Chloe is so I made a guess. I want to give credit where credit is due, so... - The usage of the word "dumbstick" was blatantly stolen from "Ally McBeal" because I love the term. - The Rolling Stone song was "You can't always get what you want" and the Pink Floyd song was "One Slip". - "Intellectual Intercourse" was used before by an X-Files fanfic writer and I love this term as well.