Title: I Remember Love Author: Lia E-Mail Address: fairyland15@hotmail.com Rating: PG Classification: R (Harm/Mac) Spoilers: Happening after Adrift, small mentions from other episodes Summary: A senseless act of violence takes away a man´s memory. But love can´t be erased that easily. Disclaimers: Property of Donald Bellisario and CBS. No infringement is intended. No money is being made with this. Author´s Note: My medical info is what I have learnt from ER, so don´t mind about that. Thank you to Pat for beta, and for her and Anne´s wonderful “Home Is Where the Heart Is” series. It´s awesome. Thank you to Dee who came up with the idea when we were waiting my flight back home last week. Feedback always wanted and appreciated. Enjoy the story! ----------- It had all happened too fast, leaving only a little time to react. She heard the sounds of sirens and screaming people around her, felt the gentle arms of the police officer who reached to pull her away, trying to make room for the paramedics. Her fingers caressed his face, running across his cheek, the other hand pressing against the wound on his shoulder. “Please don´t die.” Her whispers were barely audible. Finally the police officer pulled her back, ignoring the cry of objection leaving her lips. He wrapped his arm around her, gently forcing her toward the paramedics who would treat her. Her eyes never left her partner, her body trembling, her lips moving with the silent words. “Please don´t die.” Over and over again. “Ma´am?” The paramedic asked, her question never reaching the marine. She was unhurt, her partner had pushed her against the wall, covering her with his own body, and taking the hit himself. The seconds had been hours to her as she had watched him to fall on the ground, the sound of his head hitting against the pavement still echoing in her ears, the blood from the gunshot wound spreading all over his white uniform. Her eyes snapped open, the memories of what had happened only two days earlier made her turn her eyes to the man who lay on the bed, sleeping without nightmares and pain. She leaned forward, reaching to touch his face briefly before placing her hand above his heart. The steady beat under her palm calmed her, comforted her. The scar on his skin under the bandage was a reminder what had happened. For two days she had sat next to his bed, ignoring the worried glances exchanged by her friends, turning down the offers to sleep for a moment while someone else would sit next to him. “Hey Sarah.” His voice made her smile, her hand caressing his cheek gently. “Hey.” She whispered, a soft smile on her lips. “It was Mac, right? Not Sarah.” He said tiredly. “You said I called you Mac.” “Sarah´s fine.” He nodded. “I like Sarah better too.” “How are you feeling?” “Tired.” “Go back to sleep then.” She said quietly. “I´m sorry I don´t remember you.” “It´s okay.” The unshed tears filled her eyes as she watched him to fall back asleep. ----------- “Where are we going?” She looked at him smiling softly before turning her eyes back to the road. “Home.” “Okay.” “Your mom and Frank are living in La Jolla, I am taking you there.” He turned his head away, hiding the frustration from her. The only person he knew was sitting next to him, and he couldn´t even remember her. During the six days he had spent in the Naval Hospital he had met many people, faces and names unfamiliar to him. But all were his friends he had been told. “It´ll be alright.” She promised softly as they reached the house. “I´ll be with you.” For a long minute he stared the unfamiliar house in silence. “I hate this.” The words were only a whisper, and he looked down to hide the tears that threatened to fall. “I can´t remember anything.” “You will.” She whispered, her hand finding his, fingers entwining. “And I will help you.” “I wish I could remember you.” “You will.” She said again, her lips curving into a small smile. “And you will remember all the times I beat you in court too.” “I bet you did.” He sighed smiling as well. “Come on, flyboy, let´s go inside.” ----------- “I talked with his doctor.” Trish started softly. “He says it could take weeks for him to get his memory back. He hit his head pretty hard.” Mac tore her eyes away from her partner who sat out at the terrace. “He asked if we are married.” “It´s an understandable question.” The older woman said. “You have been taking a good care of him.” “I love him.” The quiet words escaped from her lips before she realized what she had said. “I know.” “I mean... it´s not like that... I...” “Mac, I have known this since the first time I talked with you. And I know he loves you too.” “It´s complicated.” “It doesn´t have to be.” Trish gave her a steaming cup and nodded toward the open door that led into the terrace. “Here, tea. He likes it.” He sat in silence, watching the bright stars of the dark sky. Hearing the soft footsteps behind him he turned around, smiling at her as he saw a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and a steaming teacup in her hand. “Hey.” “Hey, sailor.” She offered him the cup. “Room for a marine?” “Sure.” “How are you feeling?” She asked softly. “Okay” He stared at the cup. “Though I think I´ve been better.” She moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around his back and leaning against him, sharing her blanket with him. “You will be fine. It will take some time, but you will be fine again.” She whispered softly. “Did I love you?” He turned his pained eyes to her. “I can´t even remember that.” “Harm.” Her hand smoothed his neck gently. “I think I would have loved you.” “Don´t think about that now.” “Do you love me? Were we lovers? Have we ever been lovers?” “Harm, please.” “Did I do something? Did I hurt you? Is that why we are not together?” “It´s not that simple.” She whispered, pulling slightly away from him. “Okay, we don´t have to talk about it now. But will you stay here with me for a little longer?” “Sure.” She leaned back against him, allowing him to wrap his arm around her and pull her even closer. ----------- Three weeks later he sat on the terrace, sun warming the autumn morning. For a long moment he stared at her as she carried the breakfast tray to the table. She lifted her eyes and smiled at him, the rays of sun making her hair glow like a copper. “Why I haven´t married you?” He asked softly. The teacup slipped from her hands and she glanced at the man and woman who sat only a little farther from them. He stood up and walked to her, reaching to take the pieces of the broken cup from her trembling hands. “I´m sorry.” His voice was only a whisper. “I didn´t want to upset you.” “It´s okay.” She replied, pulling her hand free and gathering rest of the pieces from the table. With a long sigh of frustration he followed her inside the house. Trish and Frank Burnett shared a knowing look before turned their eyes back to the newspapers they had read. “Sarah.” “I´ll bring you another cup.” She did not turn around to face him. “Forget the damn tea for a second, will you?” He snapped, before his voice softener. “What happened between us? Every time I ask you something you back away.” “Harm, please don´t.” “Don´t what?” He walked to her, reaching to touch her gently. “You are the only person I know, I can´t remember you, but I trust you, that has to mean something.” “It´s complicated.” She walked away from him. “What is? Tell me.” She turned to look at him, leaning against the counter, her eyes shining with the unshed tears. “Everything. Everything´s complicated. You didn´t want me, you weren´t ready to let go.” “Let go of what?” “Please, can we talk this some other time?” “I have these dreams about you, and I can´t say if the things has really happened of if I am only dreaming.” “What kind of dreams?” She asked whispering. “You in a silk gown, I´m watching you to wake up.” She blushed softly. “That has happened. A few years ago in Russia. We shared a room, nothing else.” “What about you in my apartment, crying in the middle of the night.” “That happened too, we thought our friend had died.” She explained quietly. “I can see you dead in my arms, leaving you behind in a desert, poachers running after us---“ “They all happened years ago.” She reached to touch his arm softly. “They are in the past now.” “What about my dream where we are making love, did that happen too?” “No.” She lowered her eyes. “We never---“ “Were you going to marry someone?” “Yes.” “So, that wasn´t just a nightmare.” He chuckled quietly. “I hoped it would have been.” “Me too.” Her whisper was almost too quiet to him to hear. ----------- The next night she was standing under the steaming shower, hoping the hot water would relax her aching muscles. She was thinking about him, the worry about his full recovery sneaking in her mind. It had been so many days since the accident, the man who had taken the law in his own hands, blaming her for hard verdict the jury had given to his son, was now waiting for his own verdict. She turned of the water and wrapped a towel around herself before stepping out from the bathroom, only to find him sitting on her bed, staring at her silently. “Harm? What´s wrong?” “I remember.” “What?” “I can remember.” He looked up to her. “I remember everything. My father, my accident, the Admiral, Bud and Harriet and little AJ. I remember JAG, everything.” For a moment he stared at her, the pained look in his eyes. “I remember you. I remember why you were going to marry Mic.” “Oh Harm.” The tears she had held back for days run now freely down on her cheeks. He stood up and walked to her, his thumb brushing away the falling tears. “Don´t cry, Sarah.” He whispered. She wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to pull her close, hold her tight. For a long moment they stayed that way, his hand smoothing her back through the wet towel. He inhaled deeply in her scent, his eyes falling close as he felt her tightening her hold. “I remember loving you.” His whisper was soft, his warm breathing caressing her cheek as the words left his lips. “So much.” “I love you too.” She whispered back as softly, almost afraid he had not heard her. He pulled back from her to cup her face with his hands, leaning closer to touch her lips with his, the first kiss soft and gentle. A soft sight escaped from her lips as he deepened the kiss. “I missed you, marine.” He said quietly, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Welcome home, sailor.” The End