Title: Part 3 | I Miss You 

Author: Masumi

Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com

Classification: Harm/Mac/Webb

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. All 
songs belong to Darren Hayes and can be found on his (fantastic!) album 
SPIN.

Summary: This is the next instalment after Strange Relationship.
All stories can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/ 

About the story...My main inspirations come from music and that in 
particular from one very talented Mr Darren Hayes. The story titles come 
from the names of the songs from his CD.

Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday
21:50 EST
Outside Sarah MacKenzies Apartment
The Washington
Georgetown

Harms SUV screeched to a stop outside Macs apartment in record time. 
The drive over had not been of any help to pacify his inner turmoil. 
Instead the need for speed had re-lit the fuse and sparked off his raging 
emotions once again. Turning off the engine, he tried to regain some 
semblance of composure. His infamous ability to hold onto control was 
rapidly spinning out from the within the grasp of his hands. Harm couldnt 
figure out whether he felt more anger or hurt towards Mac. 

Taking a deep breath he turned towards her window in contemplation. No 
light was on. Damn it, she wasnt even back yet. He drummed his fingers 
against the steering wheel impatiently, feeling so restless and 
desperately needing to see her. Not knowing what else to do but wait, he 
propped his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes tight, trying once 
again to shut out the darkness of the night.

Give me a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes
All I see is you
Give me a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side I just fall apart
And when you're fast asleep
I wonder where you go
Can you tell me
I wanna know

Harms eyes shot wide open, the sound of a loud engine gunning past 
awaking him. He had fallen into a light but troubled doze. The green 
illuminating numbers of the clock on his dashboard now flashed 10: 57. Where 
is she? Oh god, please dont let her be spending the night with Webb, 
he prayed vehemently. Physically his body ached from having been cramped 
up in the car for so long and mentally he now just felt a sense of 
worn-out numbness. Unable to wait any longer, he took one last long look at 
her dark windows and started the engines dejectedly heading for home. 

Friday
08:33 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA

Harm rushed out the elevators feeling like his 64 frame had gained 
double its original weight overnight. His arms and legs felt like 
concrete slabs that had been plastered onto his body. Whilst his head 
pulsated to the rhythm of a whole marching band contained within. After 
arriving home last night, try as he might, he could not escape easily into 
the oblivious realms of sleep. Hed finally fallen asleep hours later out 
of sheer exhaustion. Now he was of course late as usual. 

Heading straight for Macs office, his brows furrowed into a deep frown 
when he found it empty. He didnt know she had court this morning. Yea, 
what else dont I know about? He wondered sourly. Going back to his own 
office, he prepared to shut himself away until he could see her.

Harm had scarcely sunk down into his chair when Tiner knocked on the 
door.

Morning Sir, the Admiral would like to see you.

Harm gave a curt nod and suppressed a groan. His mind was screaming for 
some peace and solitude and the chance to sort himself out before 
having to face reality.

08:40 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's office
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA

Admiral Chegwidden sat silently, scrutinizing the officer standing at 
attention before him. Perhaps he knew already? That might explain his 
unusually dishevelled state. Commander Harmon Rabb Jr was the epitome of 
the perfect naval officer. And in all the years under his command the 
Admiral had rarely seen the Commander look as he did now. 

At ease Commander, take a seat.

Thank you Sir. AJ frowned; only through perceptive instinct did he 
pick up the subtle signs that there was unquestionably something amiss. 
Even his voice sounded slightly raw and emotional  definitely 
uncharacteristic of Rabb. Hiding his increasing concern, AJ handed over a 
relatively thick file. 

Wanting to test the waters first, he started his briefing with no 
mention of his main purpose for calling Rabb in. About ten minutes later it 
was time to face the music. 

I know this is a pretty heavy case Ive just given you, but with the 
Colonel away be prepared to take on an extra workload.  

At this, Rabbs eyes shot up connecting with those of his CO in 
startled bewilderment.

Away Sir? Is Colonel Mackenzie not in court?

Trying to appear indifferent, AJ replied, No, shes been summoned by 
the SecNav to help out on a CIA case.  

Webb. It was more a statement than question. 

Yes, is there a problem Commander? 

No, Sir. May I ask what the mission involves?

Unfortunately, due to the highly sensitive nature of this particular 
assignment no details can be given.

Harms eyes narrowed in suspicion then dawned in comprehension. Even 
you dont know Sir?! he exclaimed in disbelief. 

The Admiral sighed in disgust, fagade over, taking off his glasses and 
rubbing his temples. No Rabb, I dont.

Harm started to panic. When even the Admiral wasnt briefed on the 
details of a mission, it meant it was classified of the highest nature. 
Subsequently, this meant danger with a capital D. Warning bells went off 
and added to Harms already chaotic brain activities. 

Im calling Webb, he stated.  

You will do no such thing Commander! There is no need for you to cause 
any more unnecessary trouble.

But Sir! With all due respect I need

Commander Rabb, you are bordering on insubordination! the Admiral 
bellowed.

Instantly Harm stood and stiffened to attention, staring at a point out 
the window. Sorry Sir.

AJs demeanour softened and he lowered his voice. Harm, when I find 
out more youd be the first to know.

Thank you, Admiral.

Dismissed.

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you
Nothings wrong
I don't mean to carry on

12 Days Later

Wednesday 
13:15 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA

Harm leaned with his backside against the bench in the break room, 
appearing deceptively calm. In reality, his hands grasped a steaming mug of 
coffee tightly, like the rest of his body, he was tense and ready to 
pounce. His gaze unwavering from the Admirals door, which was in his 
direct line of sight. As the days had gone by there was still no word of 
Mac. The Admiral had simply issued a general announcement that Colonel 
Mackenzie would be away on a classified case for an unknown amount of 
time. Unsatisfied, Harm had given into temptation and called Webb. Of 
course he should have known he would be given the run around. There had 
been no answer or reply to any of his messages. Then two days ago hed 
been discreetly informed by Harriet that whilst he was in court, Webb 
himself had the audacity to come in to see the Admiral, then left without 
a word to Harm. 

Fortunately, there were many others who also treasured the Colonels 
friendship and the bonds between the officers ran deep. The Admirals 
yeoman, Tiner had inconspicuously let slip to Harm earlier that Webb would 
be paying the Admiral another visit today.

Seeing the spy himself now exiting, Harm set down the untouched coffee 
and folded his arms across his chest.

Agent Webb, Harm cornered him at the elevators with a cold greeting. 

To his chagrin, Clayton Webb was startled to find himself facing one 
livid looking Commander. If he wasnt so well aware of the real harmful 
potential of the situation he was in, Clay would be smirking at his 
mental picture of Harm with two horns and smoke billowing out his nostrils. 
Damn, Ive just dealt with one pissed off two-star now the inevitable 
worse has come.  

Harm, he replied neutrally. Clay had long learnt by now it was better 
for his own well-being not to add oil to the fire. Especially if the 
source of the scolding fire was emanating from Harmon Rabb. 

There was only silence as Harm sent him a reproachful and intense 
glare. 

I want to know where she is and what the hell youve got her doing for 
you now, Harm said quietly with an underlining deadly tone. 

That would defeat the purpose of undercover Rabb Webb couldnt help 
but reply sarcastically. Then he caught the flicker of surprise in 
Harms eyes and cursed himself inwardly. Shit, obviously the Admiral hasnt 
even told Rabb that little piece of detail.

So she was working undercover, increasing the danger level to new 
heights. Harm clenched his jaw in frustration and anger. Hed had just about 
enough of Webbs secrecy. 

Look, I cant tell you any than what Ive already told the Admiral. 
Macs fine and we have no idea how much long its going to take. With 
that, Clay decided against waiting for the elevators and slipped through 
the doors of the fire escape to take the flight of stairs to safety.  

Give me a reason
Why I can't concentrate
My world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Now give me a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything
Surrounding me
You've got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go
I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

The staff working in the bullpen hardly flinched at the loud slam of 
Commander Rabbs door. After all, everyone had gotten used to it by now. 
The slamming of his door had become as common an occurrence as their 
daily gossip breaks.

13:30 EST
Cmdr Harmon Rabb's office
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA 

Harm paced around the small confines of his office, trying to work off 
his anger. The blinds didnt need to be closed from the prying eyes of 
the bullpen, as they were already done so. It had taken all of Harms 
self control to restrain himself from following Webb and getting the 
information he wanted in other more productive ways. As the days had 
passed by, any of his anger towards Mac had soon dissipated to become worry, 
but his resentment of Webb had reached a boiling point.

Rationally, Harm understood being a marine actually meant Mac could 
protect herself ten times better than the average man, but still it did 
not quell his fears. Unconsciously, hed always felt an irrational sense 
to always protect and shield her from any of the harshness of the 
world. Mac had gone on various cases before alone and not only survived but 
conquered any imminent threats of danger. But those times that shed 
been unaccompanied had never been of Harms approval. Not that she needed 
his endorsement and Mac would surely kick his six if she ever knew of 
his thoughts. Nevertheless, just as shed always been there for him, 
Harm also wanted to ensure her safety and welfare especially when there 
were risks of putting her life in jeopardy. 

However, this time Harm knew it wasnt just his usual protectiveness 
going into overdrive. Mac getting pulled out on a CIA assignment had 
happened at the most impromptu time for him. Not only was he anxious to see 
her and sort out his emotional jumble, but he also had a very 
perturbing sixth sense about this latest mission. No mission was ever simple or 
safe, but whatever it was that Mac was doing now had to be extreme, if 
even the Admiral was being kept in the dark.  

Sitting down, Harm attempted to reduce the large pile of work that was 
waiting to be done. It was no use. No more than reading three sentences 
later and his mind wandered. Throwing down his pen in irritation, he 
swivelled his chair around and stared out the window. Immediately his 
thoughts were lost among the stretch of blue sky. 

Buds loss of his leg from stepping on a land mine had made all the 
difference to Harms perceptions. The consequent weeks following the 
incident had been a true testimony of faith not only for Bud, but also his 
family and friends. To say it hadnt been easy for anyone would be the 
understatement of the year. Harm had found himself analysing his own 
life more closely than hed ever done before. He suspected many of his 
friends had gone through the same process. His biggest acknowledgement was 
of the reality of how vulnerable they all were. He knew being in the 
military, flying fighter planes and even in their line of work as Jag 
lawyers, facing danger was something that was just another given fact in 
their lives. The anticipation or fear had to be dealt with accordingly 
when the need surfaced. Having cheated death himself so many times 
before, to Harm it was like a part of second nature. Always around the 
corner, one stumbling block to get around after the other. However, all 
those times hed escaped the clutches of fatality, there had never been any 
serious repercussions. Even with his most recent swim in the Atlantic, 
hed bounced back to pretty much his old self with the few minimal 
injuries. But now it struck too close to home and he realised fully the 
meaning behind the clichi, life is too short. In just one short moment in 
time, anyones world could come crashing down and then it might be too 
late. Too late for so many things. Too late to tell Mac how much he 
loved her... too late to spend the rest of his life with her. The 
pessimistic possibilities hit him hard and his thoughts were pulled back to the 
present with a rush of fear that physically coursed through his body. 

It's such a hard life and most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In a world where sincerity has lost it's meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

Friday
Aboard A Commercial Aircraft

Mac reclined in her first class seat, sipping on a glass of water and 
staring out into the mass of brilliant blue sky and fluffy white clouds. 
She kept an ear on the foreign chattering of those around her. 
Occasionally picking out sentences here and there, which she would 
systematically scan through her mind for anything suspicious. 

It had been a gruelling fifteen days and now here she was on a chase to 
another country. But then she smiled gratefully, thinking back to her 
conversation two hours ago with Webb. 

Mac you better take a stopover flight to DC. Then your plane departs 
the next morning at 6am. Please reassure that partner of yours before he 
tears out whats left of my guts. 

16:40 EST 
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA

Lt. Harriet Sims was on her way back from the library when she caught 
sight of Colonel Mackenzie in civvies, waiting for the elevator.

Maam! Its so good to have you back, she exclaimed happily with a 
big smile on her face. 

Mac smiled widely in greeting and then rolled her eyes. Unfortunately, 
not for long though Harriet. I only just dropped in to update the 
Admiral then Ive got another plane to catch. Harriets lips slowly turned 
down in disappointment. 

Will you be back soon? It sure has been tough around here with you 
gone.

Mac gave a small sigh in sympathy. With Webbs missions you never 
know. Say hi to Bud and little AJ for me will you?  

Sure maam, but could you drop by and see Commander Rabb before you 
leave again? The Admiral ordered him home early.

Whats wrong with Harm? Mac asked in concern.

Harriet floundered for an appropriate reply. Ahhthe Commanders has 
been very preoccupied since you left and well, permission to speak 
freely maam?

Of course Harriet Mac said. Just then the elevator arrived and she 
reached out to hold the doors.

The Commanders had a permanent scowl on his face for the past two 
weeks since youve been gone and basically been a pain in everyones six, 
Harriet rushed out. 

Mac laughed, Dont worry Harriet Ill go pay him a visit tonight and 
give him a good dose of marine reprimand and straighten him out. Hes 
probably just sulking because of the extra work. Ive got to run now, see 
you Harriet.

As the doors slid shut, Mac just caught Harriets words from her 
retreating back. Personally, I think he just misses you badly maam.

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you
Nothings wrong
I don't mean to carry on

20:45 EST
Harms Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

Mac frowned in unease as she knocked again for the third time. Why 
wasnt he answering his door or his phone for that matter? Taking out the 
spare key hed given her years earlier, she let herself in. Scanning 
around his apartment she noted in surprise its untidy condition. Open 
files lay scattered around on his coffee table along with three opened, 
crushed beer cans. Scrunched up balls of paper were thrown all over the 
floor and each of his shoes seemed to have been tossed off in opposite 
directions.

Harm? she called, taking the stairs leading up to his room. She 
sighed in relief when she saw his large sprawled out form on the bed asleep. 
Walking softly up to stand next to him she gasped at the sight of him. 
He hadnt even bothered to undress properly before going to bed, with 
his shirt still on and only half unbuttoned. But it was his face that 
caught her concern. Hed obviously not shaven for a few days and even 
with his eyes closed in sleep, his face looked tired and tense. 
Furthermore, even in the dimness of the moonlight through the window, she could 
make out the dark circles under his eyes. Laying the back of her hand on 
his forehead, she felt for any signs of illness. He was cheeks were a 
bit flushed but there was no fever.  

Mac he mumbled, groggily blinking his eyes slowly open.  

Mac! Harm sat up abruptly realising her appearance wasnt just 
another dream. 

Hey sailor, you look like hell, she couldnt help tease. Then she saw 
his eyes and her worry deepened. Harm, are you ok? Your eyes are all 
bloodshot. 

He smiled tiredly and rubbed his eyes. I just havent been able to 
sleep well lately. Mac whereve you been? Is the mission over? Howd it 
go?

Not wanting to talk about it and unable to reveal the details either, 
she dismissed his questions. Leaning down slightly, she pushed him 
gently to lie back down in bed. Harm you need to get some more sleep. We 
can catch up later. Ive got to get back home soon anyway. First Id 
better help clean up the mess youve made. Straightening back up and 
turning to go, his arm reached out from beneath the blanket and caught her 
hand.
 
Mac? his eyes implored her to understand without the necessary words 
that he wanted her to stay. 

Yea? Still holding onto her hand and keeping his eyes locked with 
hers, Harm shifted over and made space for her. Mac tried not to look too 
startled as she perched on the edge of his bed. 

With Macs comforting presence close by, Harm instinctively relaxed and 
his eyes reluctantly closed with fatigue. His breathing soon evened out 
and thinking hed fallen asleep, Mac smiled softly down at him and 
couldnt resist running a hand tenderly through his hair. It was so good to 
be able to see him again even for a short while.

Ai shi te ru Flyboy, she whispered. And with her strange words 
floating through his head like a lullaby, Harm finally fell into a much 
needed, deep sleep.

.ai shi te ruai shi te ru.ai shi te ru..

The Next Morning

10:20 EST
Harms Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

Harm awoke with the most contented feeling he had in a while. Macs 
surprise visit from last night flashed through his mind and he bounded off 
the bed. 

Mac? he called hoping shed still be there. Damn, shed already left. 
His apartment was now spotless. Shed tidied up the mess hed made and 
his files lay stacked in a neat pile next to his laptop. Yawning still 
sleepily and raising his arms in the air stretching, Harm went to see 
what there was to make of breakfast. The sooner he could get himself 
together into a decent state, the sooner hed be able to go see her. He 
noticed immediately the note propped up on his kitchen bench.

Harm, 

Forgot to mention last night, Im not back in DC for long. Got a 
mission to complete. Leave it up to the marines to do all the work around 
here. Sorry, cant give you any more details. You should know Webbs 
slogan well by now: ITS CLASSIFIED. Look after yourself Flyboy and stop 
giving others hell especially poor Harriet, you know she doesnt need 
any more crap. Hopefully be back soon.

Mac

Harm grinned slightly with guilt whilst reading her scolding words. 
Then sighing in disappointment, he dropped down onto the sofa warily. He 
hadnt even been able to find out where shed been or where she was 
headed. 

Luckily it was a Saturday, otherwise hed be right in the midst of 
another chewing out by the Admiral for being late. Hed been getting even 
more of those lately than usual. So what else is new?  With no plans for 
the weekend he might as well hit the showers and then crawl back into 
bed.  

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words have said it all

14:10 EST
Harms Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

It wasnt until he had aoaken again later on in the afternoon, did Harm 
remember Macs strange words. Picking up the phone he dialled the 
Roberts residence.

Hello

Bud, its Harm. Hows your weekend going?

Im good Sir. We took AJ to the zoo yesterday, Bud said 
enthusiastically. 

Ahhgood, teaching my godson about the wonders of nature I see. Listen 
Bud, could you do some research for me?

Of course Sir

Its just a phrase I heard that I need to know the meaning of. ErrI 
set roo? I see loo? Its in some foreign language. I know its a bit of 
a wild shot but see what you can find. 

No problem Commander, Ill see what I can do.

Thanks Bud, Ill call you back later. 

18:45 EST
Harms Apartment
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

Harm had just taken a shower after going for a long run. Macs visit, 
albeit short had done wonders for his mood. He felt more refreshed and 
at ease. At least he was reassured for the time being to know she was 
still safe and sound. Eager to find out what it was shed said that 
night, he called Bud back.

Hey Bud, did you come up with anything?
 
Nothing from what you told me specifically sir, but I did find the 
most common results for a particularly similar phrase. Its used a lot for 
song titles and lyrics sir. 

Whats it mean Bud?

I love you.

Excuse me?! Harm exclaimed.

On the other side of the line, Bud instantly became a bumbling fluster. 
His face flashed red and he swiftly tried to clarify. No, no Sir! I 
dont love you, II mean no offence Sir youre a good friend, butwhat I 
mean is

Bud! Its ok just slow down and explain, Harm replied with a touch of 
exasperation although he had to grin. Good o Bud, still the same as 
ever. 

Yes Sir. He took a deep breath, Ai shi te ru is the Japanese phrase 
meaning I love you.

Harms jaw dropped open and then gasping in air too quickly, he almost 
choked on his own breath.

Commander Rabb are you alright, Sir? SIR?! 

Yeathanthanks Bud, he managed to splutter. Ill talk to you 
later.

Harms first immediate thoughts were, YES! Oh my god, she loves me! 
Then, NO! Thats impossible. Get a grip Rabb, you dont even know for sure 
if thats what she said. For gods sake youre basing your assumptions 
on the closest match results Bud could find on the internet. But 
stillmaybebut why in Japanese?

Groaning loudly, Harm pushed away the escalating speculations of his 
mind and prepared for dinner. 

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesnt sound too cool
But maybe Im in love with you

Monday
07:16 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA

Harm sauntered through the bullpen, gracing an air of smug, cheerful 
confidence that had most recently been on vacation. Harriet saw the 
change or return of the normal Commander Rabb and beamed. It would be the 
start of a better week.

Harm hadnt felt so light-hearted in a long time. On Sunday hed spent 
the time in Sarah flying, letting his mind and body go free in the 
air. He had done so much thinking lately, but he knew what he had to do 
now. Show Mac how much he loved her. The thoughts and memories of Mac 
had somehow integrated into every part of his life. He simply couldnt 
see a future without her. 
Harm held onto hope that she did still feel the same way. He dismissed 
the scene hed witness of Mac and Webb hoping there was some logical 
explanation. He refused to believe otherwise. Harm knew he still didnt 
have the guts to completely let of all his fears and tell her straight 
out his true feelings. So as an alternative he planned to start off from 
the bottom rung of the ladder and work his way up. When she comes back, 
hed just show her in plenty of little ways how much she meant to him 
first. Hopefully, he would still have his chance to make his dreams come 
true. He vowed to himself that he would not surpass the opportunity 
again.


Please Mac come back to me. I promise Ill be here for you this time. 
This time, and for all the rest of our time.

 You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you
Nothings wrong
I don't mean to carry on
I just miss you
Yeah
It's true
I miss you baby
And when you're walking out the door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you

Yeah
It's true
I miss you baby