Title: How Soon is Now Author: Lia E-Mail Address: fairyland15@hotmail.com Rating: PG Classification: Heavy Angst, (Harm/Mac) Spoilers: None Summary: The mission gone terribly wrong, the search for the two friends, all hope gone. Disclaimers: JAG and all the characters belong to Donald Bellisario, Paramount Pictures and CBS. No infringement is intended, no money in being made with this. Author´s Note: Once again thanks to Pat for beta reading. This is dedicated to Jill for mocking Clay. You know what they say about payback :) Feedback appreciated and wanted. Enjoy! ----------- “Harm?” The soft, tearful voice reached to his ear, forcing him to focus on the present and push the pleasant dreams away. He forced his eyes open, the pain rushing through his head, the light hurting his eyes. “Harm.” Her voice was trembling, her soft hands running through his hair, caressing his face. He couldn´t stop the world spinning, and he turned his head to escape the pain, immediately regretting his movements. The physical pain made him gasp, his lungs burning. “Don´t move.” She cried out, pressing his chest with her hand, trying to stop the bleeding from his chest. “Just lay still.” He tried to focus on her, the softness of her voice comforting him. The need to touch her, to feel her, made him ignore the constant pain and he lifted his hand up to touch her face. She leaned against him, pressing her face against his hand, her tears wetting his palm. “Don´t cry.” He whispered, his frustration making his heart ache. “It´ll be all right.” She nodded, swallowing her sobs. “I know.” Her whisper was barely audible, all hope gone long time ago. No longer was she waiting for someone to rescue them, no longer did she dare to hope they would be all right. Too much time had passed. Too much damage had been done. Without thinking twice, they had shot him, letting him fell on her arms, and for him to die slowly as she watched. Every time he took a breath, she prayed it wasn´t his last. Hours passed, and no longer she did not know if it was a day or night. She had lost the track of time ages ago, since the first shots had been fired in the empty warehouse, an indicator of how truly distraught she was. She couldn´t move, her legs tied, only her hands free as she had forced her hands through the tight knots, costing her wrists bleed. But even if she could have moved, her numb legs would not have carried her anymore. And she would have never left him behind. “They´re coming.” He whispered tiredly. “Yes, they are.” She lied, closing her eyes and leaning her cheek against his forehead. “They´re coming.” He felt the burning pain every time he took a breath, the pain that made him pray for the relief from it all. He was too tired to fight, her sobs tearing his heart and his soul, but the tiredness was stronger, and he closed his eyes. “Harm.” She shook him. “No. Don´t you die on me. Don´t you die on me like this.” Her shakes brought back the pain, and his eyes flew open. With another painful breath, he lifted his eyes to her. “I´m tired.” “No, you´re not!” She shouted, the hand pressing the still bleeding wound harder, making him jerk back. “Harm, they´re coming.” She said, her voice cracking. “He will come.” She chanted, trying to assure him and her both. “He will come.” ----------- For the last 48 hours he had searched for them, following every lead they had found, forcing his men to keep going until they were found. The agents worked without sleep, now feeling the quest as their own. It wasn´t any longer two missing officers they were looking for, it was two members of the family they were part of. It was two best friends of the man they respected and followed. It had been a simple case. But then something had gone terribly wrong, and he had lost the contact. The wires they had carried had been found, and he had heard the shots, the screams and then the silent. The silent that frightened him more than he was willing to admit. But he wasn´t going to give up. He couldn´t avoid the thoughts sneaking in his mind, the thoughts that made him feel sick, the thoughts that made his heart ache. The thoughts of his two friends lying somewhere where he could not find them, a bullet in their heads. “Anything?” He asked turning to look at the men in the van. “No, sir.” “Keep looking.” ----------- The constant fear of losing him made her regret the lost time. She let herself drift in the restless sleep, her hands still tightly around him. The dreams about the small child laughing, running into her waiting arms filled her mind, and allowed her relax a little. The young boy in the arms of his godfather as he spun him around, letting him fly like an airplane in the air. It was only love she felt for the child, and it was only love he gave back to her, unconditional love she hoped she would get from her own children someday. The pleasant dream soon changed to the nightmare she had lived for the last few days. She saw the bullets hitting his chest, the impact jerking him back against her, and his weight forcing her to let him fall on the floor with her. The pain in his eyes had changed to fight and then to desperation. He had no more power to fight against the spectre of death. Her dreams were flashing, mixing the laughing boy running to her with the sight of the man she loved taking the bullets and falling on the floor. She jerked awake, only fifteen minutes having passed since she had fallen asleep. She wiped her tears away, realizing the bleeding had eased on her hand. Returning her eyes back to her partner, she gently smoothened his hair, letting her fingers ran across his cheek and lips. “They´re not coming.” He said softly, his eyes closed, all hope gone. “He´s coming.” Her voice was calm, the lying words passing her lips without regret. “He´ll find us.” “It´s okay.” His eyes opened, and he looked up to her. “There is no place I would rather---“ “No!” The cry escaping from her made him stop, and sadly he looked at her. “Don´t say that.” He smiled tiredly. “I will miss you.” “Please.” Her eyes looked up to the darkness as she prayed for the God she wasn´t sure was there. “Please, don´t take him away.” ----------- He looked up to the dark sky, seeing the bright stars and the moon reflecting against the river. Their temporary base had been pulled up quickly, the agents working professional like they had taught. There were six of them, only six men trying to find the two people their mission had put in danger. Only six people frightened and worried, fairly sure the search was hopeless, but refusing to give up. He had contacted their Commanding Officer, the knowledge about his hatred toward him fully aware. But the call to the Admiral had not been nearly as hard as it had been to the young man he had to call. He had expected angry words, shouts and frustration, but had gotten neither. Worse than those things together had been the complete silence. The silence that told him nothing. There wasn´t child´s laughter like there had been before, there wasn´t dog´s barking nor his wife´s soft questions. It had been a full and complete silence. And in that moment the first tears had fallen on his cheeks. The tears he had thought he was not capable of anymore. After so many years he had thought he no longer had feelings, soul or conscience. He had been wrong, and he had been surprised. Now the tears threatened to fall again, and he wiped his eyes angrily. He had neither the time nor the right to mourn now. “Sir, we found them.” The words brought the light back to the agents eyes. “Let´s go.” He ordered, the relief soon changing back to worry and fear. ----------- The door was kicked open, the flashlights dancing across the room finding empty walls and corners. “Here.” The agent´s shout echoed in the silence. “Jesus.” “Call 911.” He ordered as he watched the pair in front of him. “Go!” His head snapped to the agent´s direction. ”Now.” “Yes, sir.” He stammered, before turning around and running outside shouting into his mic their orders and location. He kneeled down, his fingers finding the weak pulse. “Come on, Mac.” He whispered as he reached to run his hand across her face down on her neck. The beat was there, weak and slow, but he could feel it. “Harm.” She moaned as he lifted her in his arms. “I´ve got you.” He whispered, holding her tight against his chest. “Clay.” She opened her eyes once before her head fell back and she returned to the painless unconsciousness. “I´ve got you.” Thirty minutes later he sat in the car, watching the two ambulances in front. They had got them in time. They had got them in time to save them both. That was what the paramedics had said. The sirens were the only sound in the deserted streets as they drove toward the hospital. He leaned back on the seat and gave a quick glance to the driving agent. “You did good.” He said. “Thank you, sir.” ----------- The pain was there, the cold floor under him, her worried face above. “No!” He sat up in his bed, sweaty and frightened. She sat up, touching his arm gently, wrapping her arm around his back and leaning against him. “It´s okay.” Her voice was barely above the silent whisper and he turned to look at her. “I know.” He said tiredly, running his hand across his face and up through his hair. Three months had gone by now since the night they had been found. The nightmares were still there, and they didn´t expect them to go away. He leaned back against the soft pillows, bringing her down with him. She rested her head on his chest, above his beating heart, above the scars he had under his shirt. His fingers drew sly circles on her tee-shirt covered back. Their relationship wasn´t physical, not yet. Both needing the time to recover. But every night they spent together, comforting each other as the nightmares came. He glanced his watch on the nightstand and smiled as he saw the drawing he had received from his godson. “You okay?” She asked softly. “I will be.” Her arm tightened around his waist, and he placed a soft kiss on her hair. She glanced up to him and smiled. Rarely they had been smiling lately, but now it felt they would be all right. She lowered her eyes and saw the picture on the nightstand. The picture of a woman smiling as she watched a man spinning the child in the air like an airplane. ----------- Outside the apartment he sat in his car. It was snowing lightly but the night was clear. He glanced up to the sky and smiled. For three months he had been watching their backs, almost as guarding them. For three months he had tried to forgive himself for putting them through all that pain. He saw the dim light coming from his window, the light that had not gone out for three months. He would wait, wait until the light would go off. Then he would know they were fine. Then he would be sure everything would be fine again. Till then, he would just wait. Clayton Webb would watch and wait. The End