Title:  Haunted 
Author: Christine Farkas
e-mail: fakur@gmx.de
Rating: PG 13 warning for violence
Classification:R,A

Spoilers: everything up to Adrift I
Authors notes: Harm/Mac This is a dark and angsty
piece, if you don't like that, I
don't recommend to read it. Nevertheless it's
shippery...
Big thanks to Pat for beta-reading and putting up with
me!
English is not my first language so forgive me for any
spelling or grammar
mistakes.
Feedback is highly appreciated – if you liked it. If
you didn't, keep it to
yourself.
Summary: A personal loss upsets Mac. When she finally
turns to Harm for help, an investigation endangers
both of their lives.




Mac's Place, Georgetown
2046 EST


It was an understatement to say it was raining. A big
understatement. Matter
of fact they hadn't had a thunderstorm like that in
many years.

But Sarah MacKenzie was completely oblivious to that.

It actually had been a good day at the office. They'd
managed to finish a
big case, the Admiral had been pleased with the
result. However, she'd been so
worn out and tired that she'd turned down Harms offer
for a celebration pizza
– half veggie, half meat lover – in order to go home
and catch up with the
major lack of sleep she was suffering from. She'd
never been much of a sleeper
but for the last two weeks she'd had nightmares
getting worse and worse.

She'd barely managed to change into something more
comfortable before
crashing on her couch. There was a nice movie on TV
she'd planned to watch but
never made it to the opening credits before falling
into an exhausted sleep.

Nevertheless one hour later she'd awoken with a start.
Her body had been
covered with sweat, her heart pounding up to her
throat and her breathing was
more than laboured.

And than it all had been rushing down on her. And it
hurt. Hurt so much. She
couldn't bear it. She'd experienced a lot of pain in
her life – physically
but mostly mentally - like now. But she'd never felt
like that. Well, never
before had she lost something that important. Somebody
that important.

She'd started to cry, the flood of her tears matching
the downpour outside. 

And she still was sitting like that. Her appartment
completely dark. Dark as
she felt inside.

She couldn't stay here. She had to get out of here.

She picked up her car keys and left without even
bothering to lock the door.



McMurphy's
2100 EST

After Mac had refused to share a pizza with him, Harm
decided to celebrate
on his own. He didn't really blame her. She'd said
that she was tired. Boy,
from the look of her she hadn't been sleeping for a
couple of days. Not that
she wasn't still the most beautiful woman on earth. It
just worried him and he
wondered what kept her awake at night. After Brumby
had blown off the wedding
at the night of their rehearsal dinner there couldn't
really be a *pleasant*
reason for her not being asleep at night, could there?
His thoughts were
interrupted by a familiar voice calling his name.

"Admiral. Good evening, Sir!"

"Good evening, Harm. And skip the Sir, we're out of
uniform. I figured you
would be with Mac someplace nice after you two won
that case. That really was
good work" the older man replied while patting his
officer on the shoulder.

"Thank you. Actually we'd planned on a pizza but Mac
was too tired tonight"
Harm said with a small sigh.

"Yeah,  she looked like hell. You know anything about
this?" AJ's statement
got a bit worried now.

"No, I'm afraid not. We've both been so occupied with
that case that every
bit of personal life just had no place anymore. She
might just be exhausted by
the long work nights" 

"Maybe..."

They both knew that this was a lie. They'd known her
too long now to believe
that work would take a toll on a certain Marine. Harm
was going to ask her
about it first thing next morning.



Mac's car
2138 EST

She'd been driving for a while already. Luckily there
wasn't much traffic
due to the storm. She couldn't concentrate on driving.
She wasn't going
anywhere special. Just away. But it didn't work out.
She couldn't get away from the
pain she felt inside. This paralyzing pain partnered
with fear and also
anger. And helplessness.

"I need you! God, how could you..." she cursed.

Her fist slammed down at the steering wheel causing
the corvette to skid on
the wet asphalt. The water was flooding the streets
and it was getting worse
by every second.
Sarah struggled to regain control over her car but
ended up crashing into
some curb-side trash cans.
She emerged out of the car. There was no serious
damage but it surely
wouldn't go anywhere tonight.  

"Damn it!"

She kicked one of the tires, the only affect being a
shot of pain in her
ankle. 
At that point she walked off, still crying and heading
nowhere.



McMurphy's
2322 EST

Harm finally decided to go home. The Admiral had left
about half an hour ago
and he was getting tired. He hadn't been drinking.
Somehow since he knew
Mac, drinking hadn't meant anything to him anymore. He
knew she wouldn't like it
if he was giving it up because of her. Hell, they
weren't married or
anything like that. It'd just happened. 

He pulled out of the parking lot and drove home
carefully. The streets were
definitly not good to drive tonight.


Harm climbed out of his car and into the pouring rain.
The big drops sent
shivers up his spine. 

His mind wandered as he went up the stairs, back to
another rainy night. 
The night when he'd gone out to kill Dianes murderer
only to be saved by Mac
from making a big mistake.
He smiled at the memory. 
 
As he rounded the corner, he saw a figure crouched by
his door. He took
precautious 
steps towards it. As Harm got nearer, he recognized
her. 

"Mac?!" he gasped with a mixture of surprise and
beginning panic.

Harm rushed over to her in three strides and knelt
down next to her. Her
eyes were closed and she was soaked from the rain. He
reached to shake her. She
was freezing and she immediately stiffened at his
touch causing him to pull
back his hand. He quickly got his keys and slid them
in the key lock. After
opening the door, he gathered her in his arms. She
started to struggle against
him a little. 

Harm carried her into his bedroom and gently set her
down on his bed. She
pulled her legs up as far as possible and wrapped her
arms tightly around them.
He reached over and brushed strands of hair out of her
face. She still
seemed to be uncomfortable with him touching her and
now she looked up at him. But
not with those beautiful, brown eyes that he normally
got to see. No, these
eyes showed a lot of fear and pain. They were red from
crying too. Harm got
more than concerned now. 

'Geez, what happened to her? She looks so helpless.
When I find out, who did
this to her... Shut up Harm! Think! Mac needs you. Get
her comfortable
first, then when she's ready, you'll find out what's
wrong.' 
His reverie was interrupted by the sound of her
chattering teeth. Her eyes
were squeezed shut now.

"Mac?" he said gently.

Her eyes still remained closed. 
'What am I going to do? I need to get her out of those
clothes and into
something warmer, but she barely has the strength to
open her eyes. And she won't
let me touch her.' 
Then realization set it's course. 
'No, I can't!  Mac will kick my six! But I have to.
She's freezing! I have
to get her out of those wet clothes!'

Having his decision made, Harm got up to retrieve one
of his Navy shirts and
the smallest pair of sweat pants that he could find
for her. Then he went to
the bathroom for a towel. When he came back to the bed
her eyes were partly
open, trying to figure out what he was about to do. 

"I'm going to get you warm, ok Mac? Do you think you
can get into these?"
Harm asked holding the shirt and pants up. 
There was no answer, just her fearful eyes staring at
him.

"It's ok Mac. I'll help you into them. We'll get you
warm really soon ok?"
He gave her the biggest smile he could, which wasn't
that big.  

Harm took a deep breath. 
'I can do this!' 

"Mac? I'm going to put this shirt on you, ok? But I
need you to lift your
arms above your head, ok?" he said, talking to her
like to a little child.

She looked at him as if she hadn't even heard what
he'd said.
'God, what the hell happened to her? She doesn't even
understand me. And
she's afraid of me.'

He figured that he couldn't start like this. This
wasn't Mac. The woman in
front of him was completely unable to react to
anything around her and even
worse, she was afraid of him. She should know he'd
never hurt her but all the
same she was scared to death. Who knows what she'd do
to him when he started
to undress her. After all she was a Marine Lt. Colonel
trained to kill him
with her bare hands before he could do as much as
twinkle if she didn't like
what he was doing.

"Mac, trust me, please. I'm not gonna hurt to you. You
know me. I'm your
friend, your best friend. And I have to get you out of
these soaked clothes.
Mac, you're gonna freeze to death. Let me help you,
please. I promise, I won't
hurt you. You know I wouldn't. I couldn't" Harm
started pleading. He had to get
her warm or she would end up in hospital with
pneumonia.

He reached out for her again. First she tensed at his
approach but, when he
was almost about to draw back and think about
something else, she finally
relaxed a little bit.

"It's ok, Mac. Please don't be afraid of me anymore"
he was relieved to
finally get a reaction.

He carefully removed her shirt and threw it behind
him. She wore no bra. He
grabbed the towel next and gulped. 
'Come on Harm, this is Mac we're talking about! She's
your best friend. Why
are you so nervous? Suck it up, Rabb!' 
He gently rubbed the water from her skin. After that
he grabbed the dry
shirt and put it on her.

Harm started by removing her socks realizing that she
wore no shoes and
getting more and more worried. Also was one of her
ankles quite swollen and
already turning blue. She let out a small whimper when
he touched it. Then, before
he did anything, he looked into her eyes. They were so
full of fear, pain
and exhaustedness, it broke his heart. 

Then, sensing that he had permission from her to go
on, he unbuckled her
jeans and took them off as well as her panties.Then,
as he did before, he dried
her skin off and helped her into some boxers and the
sweats. After having
conquered that mission, he dried her hair. Seeing that
she was still shivering
he also dressed her in one of his sweatshirts and
wrapped a blanket around
her.

Deciding that she might need something hot, Harm went
into the kitchen and
made some tea. When he came back into the room, he
found her in the same 
position again, knees popped up in front of her and
clenching the blanket. He
went over to her and handed her the steaming mug of
tea. She took a sip and set
it on his table next to his bed.  

Then he went to the bathroom again to get some icegel
and a bandage for her
ankle. Carefully examining it, he found it wasn't
broken, just twisted very
badly. He put some of the gel on and wrapped her
ankle.
 
She definitly wouldn't be up for talking tonight. But
at least she wasn't
cold anymore.

"You should try to get some sleep, Mac" Harm took her
hands on his, looking
deep into her eyes.

Panic crossed her statement.

"What?" he inquired, after he saw that haunted look.

"Can't sleep" she pressed around the lump in her
throat.

"Why not?"
'Stupid question, Rabb. God, heaven knows how you ever
made it to be a
lawyer, dumb as you are.'

"You're having nightmares" he stated, sofly cupping
her cheek in his hand.
She leaned in a little bit and nodded slightly in
response.
"But you have to sleep, Mac. Want me to stay with
you?"

"Yeah" her voice was nothing more than a hoarse
whisper.

"Ok. I'll stay right here" he tried to smile
reassuringly.

"Can...can you...can you hold me?" She sounded so
desperate. Harm heard as
much fear in her voice as he'd seen in her eyes

"Of course."
'What happened to her?' he asked himself for the
thousandth time. Mac was
the strongest person he'd ever met in his life. And he
admired her for that
among so many other things. He didn't dare thinking
about what on earth could
have done something like that to her. Or who...

Harm slipped in beside her, pulling her down to lie in
his arms. Mac
snuggled deeper in his embrace, burying her face in
his shirt. After a few minutes
he felt her start to shake. And his shirt got wet. She
was crying. He pulled
her closer to let her feel that she was not alone,
that he was there for her,
but didn't do anything to keep her from crying. It was
good if she could let
it all out. Definitly healthier than keeping it
inside. 

3 hours later Harm was still lying awake. Mac had
fallen asleep some time
ago after crying harder than anyone he'd ever seen in
his life. He didn't dare
to nod off himself. Somehow he felt the need to watch
over her sleep. 
'As if that would help against nightmares, Rabb!'
He finally drifted off...

 

 


Sarah found herself back lying on a hard floor. Where
was she and how on
earth did she get here? She was cold, so cold...And
this wasn't only because she
was all soaked from wandering through the storm. She
was cold inside as
well. She didn't feel anything anymore. Well, in a way
it was good. At least this
agonizing pain she'd experienced earlier was gone.
Before she could ponder
further about her situation she drifted back off in a
far away world.


She was a little girl, her 5th birthday. Mom had
invited some friends over
and made a cake for her. They'd had a good time until
mommy said to her
friends, that they have to go home now. She was just
putting them all in the car to
get them away before daddy comes home. Sarah knew,
daddy would be angry if
he'd find them. He would hurt mommy.

They were just all settled inside when daddy came
home.
He was furious, Sarah could see it in his eyes. 
When mommy returned from taking the kids home, he
started beating her before
she even managed to get through the door. 

Sarah had to watch, he wouldn't allow her to go. She
was sitting in a corner
of the kitchen, holding tight to her popped up legs
and rocked back and
forth. She was crying. Mommy was bleeding and one of
her eyes was swollen shut.
Then daddy took her arm and Sarah heard the awful
noise of cracking bone. 

"No! Daddy, please stop!" she pleaded.

He looked at her. Daddy didn't say a word but that
scared her almost more
than when he was yelling. And now he was coming over
to her corner grabbing her
wrist and pulling her up. Once again she heard a bone
crack accompanied by a
horrible pain raging first through her wrist and later
her whole arm. 

She stared at him unbelievingly. This was her daddy.
She'd trusted him. She
still did, because whom else should she trust if not
him and mommy. Her world
broke down around her and she felt pain inside. Not
from the broken wrist
that made her hand stand away in an awful angle. She'd
been hurt deep in her
soul.


When she returned the feeling had returned as well.
The pain was back and
the fear. And there was somebody there. A hand reached
out for her and she
tensed instinctively causing the hand to go away
again. Her heart was pounding in
her chest. Everything inside her screamed for her to
escape but she couldn't
move. Her body was disobeying the orders her brain
gave. 

The person belonging to the hand was talking to her.
She pushed away the
pictures that were still trying to enter her mind and
tried to figure what was
going on. He called her name...God this was Harm! How
did she get here? Why
the hell did her feet carry her to him of all persons?
And now he picked her
up. 
I have to get away from him...
But she was too weak to get out of his arms.

Harm carried her in. She was so cold and tired. The
bedroom. Bedroom? What
did he plan? A pair of sweats and a shirt waving in
front of her. 
What does he want?
He said something but she didn't understand it. 
Then he said something more and words like 'friend,
best friend'. Yeah,
right, that was her best friend. And then 'out of
these soaked clothes, freeze to
death'. He was right, she was cold as ice. And soaked.


Finally something like 'won't hurt you' entered her
mind. Right, this was
Harm. He wouldn't do that to her, not in a million
years. Maybe going here
hadn't been so wrong after all. She just couldn't let
him know why she was so out
of herself. But that would be hard to do. He would
encourage her to talk. Not
by saying anything. Harm knew her too well. He'll 
just wait and sooner or
later she would start to talk. It has always been like
that. And it had done
her so good. But this wasn't possible this time. As
much as she needed
somebody to share, it could not by any chance be Harm.
He would go insane and do
stupid things for her. No, she couldn't let him do
that. She had to keep it
inside. Like she'd always done.

Meanwhile Harm had started to undress and dry her. It
took all her strength
not to back away. Her brain was telling her, that it
was ok but her instincs
reminded her of former times when men had undressed
her and touched her. She
tried to block these memories out but was only halfway
successful. When he
took her socks off she was unpleasantly reminded of
her hurting ankle and she
winced in pain causing Harm to be more careful.

She ended up being dressed in his far too big clothes
but couldn't deny to
herself that she liked it pretty much.
She still was cold and also the blanket he wrapped
around her didn't do much
to change that.

Harm had left the room only to return with a steaming
mug of tea. She took a
sip and felt the warmth inside her. Nevertheless she
set the mug on the
table next to his bed. She couldn't trust her stomach
with more. She'd been
throwing up so many times during the past few weeks
and today it was especially
bad. She hadn't eaten all day after her breakfast had
found it's way right up
again.

Then he'd left again only to return with some stuff
from the bathroom. He'd
knelt down in front of her and treated her ankle very
carefully. The icegel
did a good job deafening the pain. Boy, she could use
something like that
inside her, where she still was all stirred up and
sruggling to keep the emotions
at bay. Pain and fear were raging through her mind and
heart.

Finally he suggest to sleep. 
NO! Anything but sleep!
He must have seen her panicked statement for he asked
her what was wrong.

"Can't sleep"was all she managed to say.

"Why not?"
Geez, Harmon Rabb, don't ask stupid questions. I can't
explain it to you!
Then he'd figured out himself and offered to stay with
her. A comforting
thought. She just hoped she hadn't sounded too
desperate, when she agreed.

It felt good to lie in his arms. She relaxed a bit
more letting her inner
defense down and the tears flow freely. She just
couldn't stand the pressure
any longer. She couldn't talk to him but she could cry
in his arms. That
brought at least a little bit of relief. 

She must have fallen asleep after all because now she
saw it again. The
cruel pictures playing over and over in her mind and
she couldn't do a thing
about it. 


She was sixteen. Her mom had left a year ago and she
still felt so much
anger and disappointment. But the worst was, that she
felt unloved and unwanted.
Everybody needs to be loved by somebody. She had no
such somebody, her own
parents had denied her that. Her father had never made
a big show about it.
He'd let her feel from the beginning on that she
wasn't worth a cent to him.
She'd gotten used to it. But she'd honestly believed,
that she meant something
to her mom, had been clinging emotionally to that all
her life. And now she
was gone. Everything was an illusion. Her mother
didn't love her, never had.
Otherwise she wouldn't have left her behind. And it
hurt too much. 
She pondered over this a lot when she was drunk. Like
she was now. And not
only that. She wasn't alone. Her father had sold her
to some guy, he owed some
money. She was in a dirty motelbed staring at the
ceiling. She could feel
his hands all over her body. He started what ever he
was going to do to her
tonight. It wasn't her first time with him and he had
always managed to hurt her
more with every time. Sarah closed her eyes to hide
her soul behind the wall
she had started to build up at her 5th birthday. 


The waking up was as horrible as always. She tried to
get away but something
held her back this time. Somebody held her back this
time.
Harm!
He wasn't supposed to witness this. But she simply
couldn't find the
strength to let go of him now. She was in desperate
need of help. She needed
somebody to help her through this. He used to be her
best friend and she wanted him
so much to comfort her. But she couldn't tell him.

Tears had already started filling her eyes again. Once
again the undeniable
truth caught up with her and caused her to hurt.

She felt Harm pulling her closer and she was back in
his arms and crying.
She would have to give him one hell of an explanation
tomorrow...



Harm was wide awake immediately as he felt her
stirring in his arms. Her
sleep had gotten restless, her head rolling from one
side to the other and she
tried to brake out of his embrace with growing
strength. 

"Sarah!"
No reaction. He started to shake her lightly.

"Come on, Mac. Wake up, please!" 

Then she awoke, darting up only to be held back gently
by Harms strong arms.

"Shhh, Mac, it's ok. I got you. I'm here for you" he
said softly. Then he
started to tenderly caress her back.

She fell back onto the pillow, tears welling up in her
eyes again.

Geez, she's gonna have one hell of a headache tomorrow
morning.
Harm pulled her closer to shield her from the demons
that were threatening
to rush down on her. But he wasn't successful. She was
crying again and there
was no way he could comfort her. He felt so helpless. 



Harms place
0630 EST

The alarm went off and Harm cursed himself for not
taking care of that
earlier. Mac had been sleeping soundly until now and
he was sure she would have
done so longer if he only had been a bit smarter and
turned the alarm clock
off. Well, it was too late for regrets now.

She stirred in his arms at the sound of it and even
though he angrily
switched it off right away, it woke her up.

"Mac. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

"It's ok. We have to get to work." Her voice was still
weak and he could
still hear the tears in it.

"Not by any chance, Colonel! You will not - I repeat
NOT - by all that's
holy go to work today" Harm made clear that he would
accept no other
possibilities.

"Harm, I..." Mac started to say but was cut short by
him.

"Don't 'Harm' me! Objection overruled, counselor! I'll
call the Admiral."
Before she could say another word he had left the
room.

'Great. Your knight in shining armour has taken over
control.'
But somehow it didn't bother her all that much. She'd
buried herself in work
the last two weeks in order to forget, but it didn't
work out. And she
really needed a break now. 

The smell of coffee wafted to the bedroom and Sarah
was trying to get up,
discovering that her head was about this close to
exploding. She got up anyway,
feeling all dizzy and sick. Pretty sick to be exactly.
A run for the
bathroom brought also the reminder of her twisted
ankle.

In the kitchen, Harm heard strange noises and went to
see what was going on.
He found the bedroom empty and the noise coming from
his bathroom. She was
throwing up.

He entered the room only to find her kneeling in front
of the toilet and
emptying the little  contents of her stomach in it. He
settled down behind her
and held her head trying to help her. But actually he
couldn't do all that
much. 

Finally Mac relaxed a little bit and he moved his
hands to her tense
shoulders giving her a tender massage. After a few
minutes of enjoying his gentle
touch Sarah turned to face him.

"Didn't I smell coffee here?" she inquired. She really
could use some coffee
now. She felt horribly tired and her head gave her a
hard time.

"Yeah" he responded with a smile.

"You don't happen to have an extra toothbrush?"

Harm got up and, after rummaging a little bit in a
cabinet over the sink,
came up with a toothbrush and a bottle of Aspirin.
"I guess your head is giving one hell of a pain. Maybe
you want some?" he
suggested, seeing perfectly well that her headache
must be worse than he had
expected it to be.

"Would be great" and now it was her turn to smile. 

He turned to go, when she held him back again.
"Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Sarah."

Shortly later she limped into the kitchen where a big
mug of steaming coffee
waited for her.

"What do you want for breakfast?" he said cheerfully.
Mac really didn't look
very much alive at the moment and that worried him but
he at least wanted to
pretend, that he was in a good mood.

"You're making me breakfast?" she tried to tease while
taking a seat.

"Well, I learned from my mistake after the first night
we spent together."
Sarah smiled inwardly at the memory of their flying
trip.
The trip when that poacher almost... She blocked it
out before it could get
through to her. 

"I'm sorry but I have to turn down that offer. I just
settle for coffee" she
replied with a small sigh. She was starved.

"Mac, you have to eat!" Harm was more than worried
now. His Marine partner
refused to eat. There really had to be something very
wrong.

"It won't stay where it is supposed to be. You just
saw me throwing up,
remember?" Mac really hoped he would drop that line of
questioning. She didn't
need him to remind her of her empty stomach.

Suddenly an anticipation crossed Harms mind.
She wasn't pregnant, was she? And Brumby was the
father, that's why she's so
screwed up! Oh, no. This could not be happening.

"Mac, is there something I should know?" he asked a
bit uncertain.

'Oh, no. He wants to talk. I can't tell you, Harm. Not
you.'

"No" Her response matching his uncertainty.


She felt sick again and her hand wandered on her
abdomen to calm her upset
stomach down. Harm of course saw it as a confirmation
of his idea.

"God, I'll kill the bastard!" Harm was a bit surprised
that he'd spoken this
out loud.

"Excuse me?!" 
'How does he know? I didn't say a thing last night.'

"I'm sorry. It just makes me angry. Angry to see you
hurting so much because
of him."

"I'm not hurting"
'Liar!' it started screaming in her mind. God, and how
much she was hurting.
And she was so angry at him. Angry for leaving her
like that, though she
knew that he was the last person to blame for that.

"Mac, you don't honestly think that I believe that. I
might be a little dumb
and blind sometimes but Mac...I found you outside my
appartment last night
all soaked and completely out of your head." He stared
at her, looking deep
into her eyes.

"Harm, please, I can't talk about this."

"I'm not asking you to." Harms voice got softer now
after he had been a bit
upset and he sat down beside her at the table taking
her hands, that had
been
in her lap, in his. "You know I'm here whenever you
want to talk, or cry, or
whatever. But I'm not gonna push you into something
you're not comfortable
with. I just wish you could tell me. I'm your best
friend, you can trust me.
But I know it's not easy, it's never been easy between
us... I guess, what
I'm
trying to say is, whenever you're ready, I'm here and
willing to listen and
help if I can."

"Thank you, Harm."

"Well, there's a lot of 'thank you' going round here
today. There's nothing
to thank me for. Guess you'd have done the same for
me. In fact you did more
than once."

He saw her eyes getting watery again and gently pulled
her towards him. 

Sarah regained her composure quickly and just rested
her head on his
shoulder a bit longer. This felt so right, as if it
was meant to be like
that. But
Harm didn't love her. She didn't deserve to be loved.
She was evil like her
father told her more than once. She was a whore. She
felt the cold inside
her
again but it was followed immediately by the pain.
Harms cry caused her to
push it aside again - something she had learned to do
during the years - and
look at him startled.

Harm thought she'd fallen asleep again and allowed his
mind to wander a bit.
"Damn you, Brumby!" he suddenly cursed.

Mac looked up at him. 
"What does Mic have to do with this?" she inquired
weakly.

Harm was startled by her being awake. 
"Well,...I...uhh."

"Spill it, Squid!"

Harm took a deep breath.
"I assumed that he is the father..."

"Father?... Harm I'm not pregnant if that is what you
think."

"Actually it was what I thought. I'm sorry. It was
just...you were throwing
up, refused to eat, were tired and talking about
somebody leaving you in
your
sleep last night..."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you or give
you strange ideas. I
guess I better leave."

She got up and started to walk away but her ankle gave
away under the weight
she put on it and if it hadn't been for Harm, she'd
have found herself back
on the floor. 

When he saw her stumbling, Harm quickly rushed to her
side and grabbed
around her waist just in time to catch her. 
"I think you're not going anywhere with that ankle.
How did you get here
anyway? I didn't see your car."

"I don't remember what happened to it, I walked most
of the way, I guess. I
wasn't really in any state of mind to realize what I
was doing last night"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stir it up again."
He passed her a worried glance. Her eyes were still so
full of fear and
pain. And she still was lacking a lot of sleep. 
"You aren't telling me that you were walking through
the streets on that
ankle?"

"Like I said, I didn't really realize a thing."

"Come on, I get you to bed again. You're still way too
exhausted and I don't
want you to be alone."

"Harm, I have to get home. I can't involve you in
this."

"You already did. Mac, there's no way that I'll let
you alone and you're
making me more certain with every word you say. You
should listen to
yourself.
You're telling me that you don't remember what
happened to your car and that
you've been roaming about Washington during a
thunderstorm and on a twisted
ankle without even being aware of it and you expect me
to leave you alone
after you obviously completely broke down last night.
This is not an option.
Mac,
you really worry me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm sure you have a reason" he answered
still full of concern.

Mac gave in and allowed him to get her back to bed. He
helped her to lie
down, when he heard her stomach protesting against the
lack of food.

"When did you eat something the last time?"

She looked away because she couldn't meet his gaze.

"Mac?" he hooked one finger under her chin and gently
turned her back to
face him.

Mac couldn't stand the look in his eyes very long.
"Yesterday morning. I threw it up five minutes later"

"Oh my God!" Harm sat down at the edge of the bed.

"It's ok..." she started but was interrupted by him.

"No, it's not ok. I'm not gonna let you starve. I'll
get you something."

"Harm, I wont be able to keep it."

"Than I'll take you to Bethesda."

"No!"

"Well, these are your options, Colonel."

She gave him a long pleading look but he didn't give
in.

"Ok, I'll make the decision for you. I'm gonna get
something now and if that
stomach of 
yours rejects it, we're out of here and on the way to
the hospital" Harm
made clear that this was his last word and Mac didn't
find the strength to
object anymore.

A few minutes later Harm returned from the kitchen
with some chamomille tea
and dry toast.

"Here you go. Not your favourites, I guess, but
frankly I think that Beltway
Burgers are not gonna do any good to you right now."

Sarah smiled at his teasing and took a big sip of tea
before she started to
wolf down the bread.

"Whoa, power down here or this really wont stay in
there."
From her look he could tell that she didn't like the
idea one little bit but
she obeyed.

After she finished eating, Harm handed her the mug
back. 

"Here, finish it. It'll soothe your stomach and than
you should lie down and
get some more sleep."

"Harm, you have to get to work. You're already running
pretty late and he's
gonna chew your six."

"I told you, you're not gonna get rid of me for the
forseeable future. The
Admiral agreed to a day of personal time when I called
in sick for you."

"You didn't..." she looked slightly panicked.

"No, I didn't tell him a thing. But he's neither blind
nor stupid. You
weren't exactly looking sound and healthy the last few
days and since I've
called
for you, he must have counted one and one together and
figured that I might
want to stay with you" he said.

"I can't say, I hate him for that..."

"Lie down now, Marine. Will be better for your stomach
too and you're really
in desperate need of some rest."

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"I..."

"Want me to stay?"

"If it is ok with you?"

"Sure, why shouldn't it be?" he replied softly. "I
told you, I'm here for
you and I meant every single word of it."

"Sorry to be so needy and clingy."

"I don't wanna hear one single word anymore.
Especially nothing like that.
I'm sure you have every right, Mac."

She fell asleep in his arms short time later and Harm
joined her soon. After
all his night had been even shorter.



It was dark. She was standing by the window staring
out into the darkness,
like she did almost every night. As long as she could
remember, she'd never
slept well but it had gotten worse. Especially after
her mother had left and
her father had started to sell her to everyone who was
willing to pay so
that
he could afford his drinks. He needed more and more to
be satisfied and his
salary was far away from being enough. She felt the
effect of the alcohol in
her circulation ease off and went into the kitchen to
get a drink. 

Chris had been out with her the previous evening until
late at night. Well,
when didn't they stay in a bar until everybody else
was already getting up
again? They had celebrated something, you always found
a reason for a drink.
She had been drunk, very drunk. And she barely
remembered a thing what maybe
was merciful because the few things that actually had
stayed in her mind
weren't too nice. 

She remembered hands all over her and if she judged
from how sore she was,
she'd been raped by everybody at the bar tonight. 
When they arrived home, Chris had wanted his share but
she hadn't been able
to please him anymore. She just felt so dead inside. 

It caused him to abuse her. Not the first time, only
one time in a long row.
She took a long sip from the vodka bottle to deafen
the pain. He broke her
wrist again. It had been broken so many times since
her 5th birthday, she'd
stopped counting it. She'd also stopped going to a
doctor. It wasn't worth
the
effort. She could wrap it on her own pretty good.
She'd had a lot of
practice. And the doctor just treated her like a piece
of shit. Like
everybody. She
drowned these thoughts in more vodka. Then she heard a
noise in the bedroom.
Chris had woken up and was searching for her. 

"Sarah!"

He was mad.

"Come over here and give me what a good wife gives her
husband!"

Sarah got up and moved to the bedroom. She didn't give
it a thought. It was
standard procedure. She felt him touching her. She
tried to snap out of it
but she'd had too much alcohol that night. She
couldn't get away...



Harm roused by Mac waking up from yet another
nightmare. She was bathed in
sweat and trembling badly. He embraced her again and
felt her growing tense.

"Mac, it's ok. It's me, Harm. You had a nightmare. It
was nothing but a
dream" he tried to calm her down.

Nothing but a dream. No, it wasn't just a dream. It
was real. She couldn't
hide behind this illusion. She could still remember
how it'd felt. And
nobody
was there to help her. She was all alone. And it was
all her fault. She
wasn't worth anything, it was all her fault. Nobody
loved her. Harm didn't
love
her. She wasn't worth to be loved. She was a piece of
shit, nothing more. 

All the pictures started spinning around in her head
again. She couldn't
stop it. She pulled her legs up, wrapped her arms
around them and started
weeping and to rock back and forth, like she'd always
done when she got to
that
point.



Harms heart broke once again when he saw her like
that. She looked like a
small child. Helpless. Hopeless. She had started
crying and rocking back and
forth and she still was trembling violently. He held
her tight and felt her
relax slowly and lean on him still crying.



She hadn't wanted him to comfort her. He didn't care
about her. She was
alone. But she hadn't found the strength to resist his
gentle touch and the
soothing words he had whispered in her ear. Maybe he
at least cared about
her
enough to...no! He had left her before and he'd do it
again. Everybody had
left
her. Even...She was alone. There finally was nobody to
care about her
anymore.

She felt sick again. Couldn't keep what he'd made her
eat. 
The vomiting was painful. Her stomach was cramping
badly and didn't stop
when the throwing up had finally eased off. But at
least that was physical
pain.
She could bear that. It was nothing in comparison to
what she felt inside.



Harm was shocked when she started to throw up again.
He'd really hoped her
stomach would be ok. Fortunately he had thought about
placing a bucket
beside
the bed so she didn't have to get up. She seemed to be
in bad pain too.

When it stopped she curled up lying on one side and
pressed both of her
hands on her belly. She was pale as a sheet. 

"Mac? What's wrong?" his voice showed little of the
panic he felt inside.

"Cramps" was all she moaned.

"God, I'm so sorry. I guess, I made it worse by making
you eat" Harm
reached out to brush strands of hair out of her face
leaving his hand on her
head a
bit longer than necessary.

"Don't be sorry!" Harm could hardly understand her.

"I'm gonna get you to a doctor."

"I'm fine."

"Sarah MacKenzie, you are one of the most stubborn
people I've ever met. You
don't expect me to leave you like this? You're sick,
you're hurting and" he
felt her forehead "you're running a fever here. I'm
getting you to a doctor
ASAP!" Harm had spoken very loud, almost yelled and
was startled by her
reaction.

She had pressed both hands on her ears and cryed even
harder now. And she
was murmuring something. 

Harm came closer in order to understand her and was
horrified by what he
heard.

"No, daddy. Don't hit her anymore. No, daddy!" Then
her voice grew more
frantic. 
"No, daddy. Please don't. I washed your car. Please."
He had to gather all his strength not to break down
and cry himself.



Harm had wanted her to go to a doctor. She couldn't
go. Nobody was supposed
to see her like that. She was a Marine. People were
looking up to her. She
wasn't supposed to show weakness. Couldn't he
understand that?

She felt Harm getting angry with her. His voice got
louder. Please don't
yell at me, I can't have you yelling at me. Not you
too...


She was sitting in the kitchencorner again, 7 years
old. He was beating
mommy. 
He hadn't liked the meal she'd cooked. He'd ripped her
clothes off and
opened the zipper of his pants. Mommy begged him to
let her - Sarah - go,
when he
was doing that. But he'd made her watch. He hurt
mommy, she could tell by
her
fearful cries. And then he had continued beating her.
Mommy was lying on the
kitchen floor now. She wasn't moving anymore but daddy
didn't stop kicking
her in her abdomen with his feet. 

"Just to make sure you don't get another one like this
little bastard there
in the corner!"

"No, daddy! Don't hit her anymore! No, daddy!"
He was coming towards her now, his fist raised.
"No, daddy. Please don't" her voice rised an octave in
panic. "I washed your
car. Please!"
Then she felt the fist slamming down at her, breaking
several ribs. And then
he grabbed her and threw her against the wall leaving
her unconcious in the
kitchen.



Harm was paralized by shock. He looked down at the
woman in front of him.
The woman that had been his partner for over 5 years
now and who he thought
he
knew so well. He'd thought he'd seen her at her worst.
Obviously he hadn't.
He knew that her father used to beat her mother, but
also her? She'd never
told him that part. He couldn't even start to imagine
how her life must have
been like and frankly he wondered how she could still
be alive with body and
soul after something like that. And maybe that wasn't
all, but he didn't
even
want to go there.

Harm was scared. Scared that she'd fallen into a deep
abyss and that he'd
come too late to rescue her. He figured that she'd
done a good job over the
years to bury that all deep down inside her. And he
couldn't think of
anything
that had happened to make it all come back again and
haunt her in the way it
did.

He saw her curled up form lying in front of him. She
still was trembling and
crying and slowly some life returned into him. She
needed him. If there was
any hope than it depended all on him. 
A thought struck his mind. Her uncle Matt. Maybe he
could help as well. He
would ask the Admiral to check this out for him. He
had to tell his CO
anyway.
There was no way that he was going to work in the near
future and so wasn't
Mac. And as their CO and friend he deserved to know. 

For now she needed him to be there, to offer
everything he could to get her
out of this darkness she had drifted off to. If he'd
only know what
happened.
Maybe he could undo something there...

Mac was reaching out to him. 
"Don't leave. Please don't leave. Not you too."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mac. I'm here for you" he
said soothingly.



She felt how she was drifting more and more away from
herself. Everything
she'd buried over the years caught up with her.
Everybody that had ever
meant
anything to her had left her or been taken away from
her. They were all
dancing in front of her eyes now. Her mother, Eddie,
Chris, Dalton, Mic,
Chloe, Harm
and...Harm? But he was here now. Maybe...but he left
you before. Anyway he
was
here.

Sarah was willing to take every chance she had. She
was a fighter and not
willing to give up the life she had built up under so
much difficulty.
She reached out for him.
"Don't leave. Please don"t leave. Not you too."

Then she heard his gentle voice.
"I'm not going anywhere, Mac. I'm here for you."
He was there for her. For her. Maybe...

Well, she'd been dumbfounded by words like that
before. Everybody had told
or showed her that in one point of her life and they
all had left her. 
However she continued to mentally cling to Harm.
God, she hoped with all her heart that he won't let
her down. Not like her
mom had done and then Chris and Eddie. 

She felt sleep rushing over her. 



Harm was relieved to find her asleep again. Of course
she was likely to have
nightmares. But for now he had to call the Admiral. He
tried to be quick.




JAG HQ
1046 EST

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden was speechless. When Tiner had
announced Commander
Rabbs call and that he sounded somewhat out of
control, he hadn't given it
much thought. There were actually very few times he
remembered the Commander
being IN control of himself. But as soon as Harm had
said a word he knew
something was definitely very wrong. 
And now he knew what had managed to bring his officer
so close to the edge.

To say he was worried was more than not accurate. He
was scared shitless
that something was going to turn out wrong here. This
certainly was a situation
to be taken care of. He owed it to the Colonel and
also to her best friend
who, he was sure, would follow her right away if she
was in fact going insane.

He composed himself and asked Tiner to get him
Leavenworth.


Harm's place
1103 EST

After he'd called the Admiral, Harm felt a bit better.
He had been able to
share his new and very bad experiences and it had
relieved him from some of
the pressure he was under. He checked on Mac finding
her fast asleep and
thought about going over to her place and get some
stuff. But he didn't like the
idea of her being alone. She'd begged him not to leave
and he'd promised. He
was going to keep that.

So he got Harriet on the phone asking her to do that
for him. He didn't tell
her the whole truth, only that the Colonel was sick
and going to stay with
him for a few days. 


JAG HQ
Same time

Admiral Chegwidden dropped the receiver and rested his
head in his hands.
What he'd just heard from Leavenworth was a blow but
it made him understand the
Colonel's reaction. Upon his request to talk to
Colonel O'Hara he had been told, that that wasn't
possible due to the fact that the Colonel had died two
weeks ago. He felt a headache approaching but no
wonder with all
those bad news today. 

"Tiner!" he yelled, at the same moment regretting his
harsh tone. His poor
yeoman really didn't deserve to be on the receiving
end of his bad mood.

"Yes, Sir!"

"I'm gonna leave for Commander Rabb's place. If
anybody calls or asks for me,
you don't know where I am" AJ said, trying to keep the
stress out of his
voice and sound a bit friendlier.

"Aye, Sir"


The drive to the Commander's place wasn't very easy to
manage. The streets
weren't cleaned of the remainders of the storm yet.
About 2 miles away from his
appartment he spotted a familiar car standing by the
street. It was Mac's
corvette. He stopped to take a look at it. It wasn't
locked and the keys were
still in the ignition. She'd left in a hurry or wasn't
thinking about what she
was doing. AJ expected the latter. The only reason why
it hadn't been stolen
yet was, that it didn't start. He called his mechanic
to tow it to his shop
and fix it. Then he examined the interior a bit more
and found Mac's purse. 

AJ hesitated to open it. He was invading Mac's
privacy. But finally he did so
and emptied it on the drivers seat. He found the usual
stuff women had but
also a letter and a picture that had been crumpled. It
showed Mac's uncle and
the letter was about the arrangements for his funeral.
It had been last
Friday. Mac hadn't taken leave. She'd never asked to
go.

He took the purse and all it's contents and left after
the car had been
taken away.


Harm's place
1234 EST

Harm was drawn out of his reverie by a knock on his
door. He'd just been
sitting there and staring and after a while he'd seen
Mac, begging her father
first not to hit her mom anymore and then not to do
anything to her. It had
been cruel and hard to witness.
He got up and went to answer the door.

"Admiral? Why..." Harm was surprised to see his CO
here.

"I need to talk to you and couldn't do that on the
phone."

"Come in."

The both of them took a seat and the Admiral just
looked at Harm for a
moment, scanning how his officer was holding up. He
didn't like very much what he
saw. He just hoped, Harm would manage to be strong
enough. She needed him
strong.

"How is she?"

"Sleeping. She'd had a couple of nightmares and
sometimes she driftes off
even when she's awake. To say I'm worried hardly
describes the situation. I'm
scared, Sir" he admitted.

"She's strong and she has you. You're gonna make it
through this, believe
me."
AJ was really hoping he was telling him the truth. 

"I think I can bring some light into this whole mess"
he continued.

"Did you talk to her uncle?"

"No, but he is deeply involved in it, if you could say
so. Harm, her uncle
died two weeks ago."

"Oh my God!" Harm was shocked. But of course that made
sense. Her uncle
meant so much to Mac. She would have been long dead
without him. 

"I think that explains what you told me about her
condition." AJ continued
"Has she talked to you?"

"No"

"But why not? I mean, I always was under the
impression that you two were
pretty close. Hell, I even thought about possibilities
to keep you both at JAG
if one day...never mind."
Harm gave his CO a funny look. Was it really so
obvious how he felt about
Mac? And if the Admiral already thought about such
matters, had he seen it in
Mac as well?

"Do you know how he died?"

"He wasn't a very pretty sight when they found him. It
was murder, Harm, and
before he died he experienced hell on earth. He been
under influence of
several drugs mixed together, never so much, that it
was lethal but it made him
suffer physically as well as mentally. Finally his
murderer let him go through
cold turkey only to cut deep in one of his wrists and
let him bleed out like
a beast."

"And Mac knows about this?" Harms eyes widened in
shock about the cruelty of
the crime.

"They didn't tell her in the first place but she was
doing some research and
stumbled over the autopsy report."

"We have to get to her appartment to see if she found
something more. Who is
doing the investigation?"

"Since his murderer freed him from Leavenworth before
he killed him, the FBI
is involved. And some *other agency*, at least that's
what they told me when
I called this morning" he replied sarcastically.

"That means we should add Webb to the list of priority
calls" Harm answered
his sarcasm even more evident than the Admirals.

"I'm afraid so."

"Sir, permission to get the Lt.s Roberts and Sims to
do some research for
me. I need to know every tiny bit about Colonel O'Hara
to figure out why he was
killed and who did this."

"I will have the Roberts on this case but your
priority is Colonel
MacKenzie. She needs you full time."

"I know; Sir. I'm not planning to go anywhere. But I
just can't sit around
and do nothing about it. I need to know who did this
to her uncle. Who did
this to her."

"I'm going over to her place now and check it out. You
have a spare key,
don't you?"

"Yeah"

"Good. I also found her car about two miles from here.
She crashed into some
trash cans, no serious damage. It just wasn't starting
anymore, I have my
mechanic on it. I found her purse and that" he said,
showing Harm the letter
and the picture.

"His funeral was last Friday? But..."

"She never went there. She's been in denial I guess
and this will be
something she'll regret all her life."

"How is she physically?" AJ asked.

"Not too well either. She's having a fever after she
was so cold last night,
she's throwing up whatever she eats and that's not
because she maybe caught
a flu. It has been going like this for a while, I
guess. She also had her
stomach cramping and headache. And her right ankle is
twisted very badly. It's
all minor compared to what is inside her. You should
have seen her. She was
just sitting there curled up, rocking back and forth
and weeping completely
oblivious to her surroundings." Harm still was
battered by what he had witnessed
earlier.

AJ saw how close the younger man was to his own tears.
It had really shocked
him to see his partner like that. And AJ was also sure
that Harm saw more in
her than a partner and best friend. He behaved as if
he was deeply in love
with her. They both did when they were around each
other.

"We need to let a doctor treat her if she's not able
to eat."

"She doesn't want to go to Bethesda."

"I don't care if she wants or not, I'm not going to
allow one of my officers
to starve on me!"

"Tell her that!"

"I will in time. But now I'm going to her place. I'll
come back and I also
get in contact with the Roberts."

"I called Harriet to get a few things from Mac's
place. Maybe she's already
there."

"Ok"



Mac's place
1412 EST

When AJ arrived at Mac's appartment, Harriet was
already there. He'd called
her on the way and asked her to stay and wait for him
and so she wasn't
surprised when he entered the place.

"Sir. I'm glad to see you. What's wrong with the
Colonel?"

AJ sighed. He hadn't really expected to be able to
keep it from the young
officer but all the same he'd hoped to. 

"Harriet, what I'm going to tell you mustn't leave
these four walls. I'm
gonna fill in Bud as well, so you don't have to keep
secrets from your husband
but nobody else is ever allowed to know. What I'm
gonna tell you can ruin the
Colonel's career if we don't keep it quiet. Is that
understood?"

"Of course, Sir!"

Harriet stood in shock after the Admiral had explained
her the situation.

"Lt.? You still with me?"

"Sure, Sir.  I just..."

"I know." AJ paused for a second giving Harriet a bit
more time to digest
the news. Than he continued. "We need to search this
appartment. Mac was
researching about her uncles death and maybe she found
something helpful. You're
done packing for her?"

"Not quite."

"Finish while I start with the desk."

AJ searched thoroughly and found nothing. Later he
continued with Harriet
and they'd almost given up any hope. Of course the
computer was left but
neither of them had a password or was skilled like
Bud, who probably would have
managed to get in anyway.
Finally Harriet picked some papers out of the trash. 
It was a letter. A letter obviously written by the
killer.


"My sweet Sarah,

or should I say Mac, like He does? Or Marine, or Ninja
Girl?
Don't bother searching His appartment for bugs. I
already removed them.

I'm afraid I have to send you something. A certain
Colonel O'Hara gave it to
me right before I created a lake of blood. His blood.
I figured you might be interested in it. It's all you
have left of him now.
He left you, Sarah. You're all alone.

Make sure to send Him my blessings. 

See you"


"Good God, what kind of cruel bastard is that? He must
be completely insane,
Sir."

"You're right. And I have a pretty good idea who it
is... We gotta see if we
can find out what he'd sent her and Harriet, if the
Commander gets as much
as the slightest hint about this, he will run off on a
one man vengeance
suicide mission. Keep it to yourself, that's an
order!"

"Aye, Sir!"



Harm's place
1533 EST

Harm had been sitting on his couch since the Admiral
had left and tried to
think about who possibly would like to murder Colonel
O'Hara. He had not the
slightest idea. He'd also thought about how to talk to
Mac about it. He had to
find out, if she knew more about the case. Sitting
around and doing nothing
drove him crazy. Then he heard movements from the
bedroom and rushed towards
it.

When he entered the bed was empty and he heard her
whimpering. Searching the
room with quick glances he spotted her in the darkest
corner. She was
sitting there clinging to her knees, rocking back and
forth and tears were
cascading down her cheeks.
He was by her side immediately.

"Mac? It's me, Harm" he said before touching her so
that she wouldn't get
more scared than she already was.
Then he reached out for her and gently placed his
hands on her shoulders. 

"Mac?" 
She wasn't reacting, just staring right through him
with her dark eyes.
"Mac!!! Wake up, Mac!!!" Harm started shaking her
lightly.

No effect.
Trying to keep at bay the panic that was threatening
to overwhelm him, he
forced himself to think. He needed something that
would bring her back. He
dismissed the idea of yelling in some drill instructor
manner, he'd seen before
what yelling eventually could do to her.

So he whispered in her ear: "Hey, I thought you're a
Marine! You're giving
the Corps a bad name! Pull yourself together and
fight!"

He saw her eyes slowly focussing at him and a wave of
relief washed over
him.

"Mac. Come on, let's get you back in bed. You
shouldn't be up in your
condition."
He helped her up and gathered her in his arms to carry
her over to the bed.
A soft moan of protest escaped her mouth but nothing
more.





She'd been sleeping fitfully for a while already
before it happened again.
It actually started as a nice dream.

She was 10. It was summer and she played outside with
the girl next door.
Judy was her name and she was blonde. Sarah had always
envied her for her
blonde hair and blue eyes. But that wasn't all. Judy
was her friend. They laughed
together and they shared every single minute of free
time. That day they had
decided to go out and play badminton with Judys new
rackets. It had been her
birthday present. 
They were having a lot of fun and Sarah was so happy
and relaxed, that she'd
forgotten the time. This usually never happened. She
always kept track of
the time and could tell it exactly. She'd learned it
by counting the minutes
until her father comes home. Today her sense of time
left her for the first and
last time in her life. 

Father arrived home and she wasn't there. Plus, she
hadn't done her homework
yet or cleaned up like he'd told her. Mom's arm was
broken again and so she
couldn't do it herself. 

She felt him approaching before she heard him shouting
her name and stopped
dead in her game. 

"Sarah? What's wrong? Come on, the ball is somewhere
behind you, you missed
it" Judy said.

But Sarah couldn't move. She was scared to death.

"Sarah! Little bastard, you better get your ugly face
over here so that I
can slap you!"

She was paralized by her fear.

"He'll kill me, Judy" she whispered.

"No, he won't. He's your daddy and you didn't do
anything bad. You just lost
track of time. There's enough time left to do your
homework and housework"
Judy sounded so lighthearted. How much she wanted to
believe her but she knew
better.

Joe Mackenzie arrived where she stood like turned into
stone.
He'd stopped yelling, he just stared at her. She
looked into his eyes full
of fear and what she saw scared her even more. It was
pure rage.

He slapped her so hard that it all turned black in
front of her eyes. But
she wasn't unconcious yet. Then she felt his fists
slamming in her abdomen
twice and she broke down without a single cry of pain.
The last thing she heard
was Judys scream.

"SARAH!"

When she'd woken up later her vision was still blurry
but she'd made out the
contures of her mothers face. Mom had been crying and
promised her, that she
would stop it. She didn't keep that promise. 

She never saw Judy again. Judys mother didn't allow
her to play with Sarah
anymore. It was her last real friend for a very long
time.


Then she heard a voice in her ear.

"Hey, I thought you're a Marine! You're giving the
Corps a bad name! Pull
yourself together and fight!"

Slowly she snapped out of her dream and was surprised
to find herself in a
corner of the room and not in bed anymore. Harm was
there. He'd spoken to her
and he was right. 

She wasn't the little girl anymore, she was a Marine.
A damn good one to be
exactly. So why didn't she feel like one? 
He carried her over to the bed as if she hadn't been
able to do that on her
own. Then he took her in his arms and she felt a bit
safer.



He settled beside her and pulled her in his lap. 

"Mac, I know what happened to your uncle" he started,
carefully watching out
for her reaction.
She looked at him in panic.

"How do you know?" she managed to say around the lump
in her throat. 

"Admiral Chegwidden found it out. Please don't be mad
at me. I had to tell
him. He's your CO and friend. He deserved to know and
he's not gonna let this
slip to Secnav."

"How much do you know?" 

Harm looked at her full of concern. Her voice was
so...dead.
"Not much, but I promise you, I'll find out who did
this."

"NO! Please promise you will not investigate his
murder!"

Harm was startled at her reaction. That was the last
thing he'd expected her
to do. Why should she ask him not to find out about
her uncles death? Was
she still in denial and hadn't accepted what had
happened?

"Mac, why..."

"Promise!" she cut him short.

Her voice was full of panic and so were her eyes.

"Please Harm, promise!"

"Ok, I promise you, Sarah."

He saw her flinching at the mentioning of her given
name.

"Don't call me that."

He sensed that she was about to talk to him and kept
his mouth shut. That
was  how he'd always gotten her into opening up to
him. As soon as he pushed
even the tiniest little bit she was hiding behind the
wall again. Slowly she
continued.

"The dream I just had...I used to have a friend, a
girl living next door.
Her name was Judy."
She continued telling him the story, also telling him
that the last thing
she'd ever seen or heard from her was her calling her
name. "When you just
called me Sarah, it reminded me so much of her." She'd
started crying again and
Harm pulled her closer with one hand and used the
other one to draw her head
towards his chest. 


1558 EST


Admiral Chegwidden knocked lightly at the Commanders
door not to wake the
Colonel up in case she was still asleep. Nobody
answered so he let himself in. 

"Commander? Harm, are you home?" he said in a low
voice but heard no answer.

He couldn't imagine where Harm could have gone
unless...well, unless he'd
found out who the murderer was. Or even worse, that
murderer had come here and
taken what he really wanted. AJ really dreaded that
thought. However he
decided to search the appartment before getting
alarmed over what was maybe
nothing.

He was relieved to find them in the bedroom although
the scene he found
there was one he couldn't approve of as their CO. But
the human being inside him
admittedly liked it very much.
His Chief of Staff was safely asleep in the arms of
his hot shot lawyer who
was looking at him with a mixture of shock and
appology now.

AJ smiled reassuringly and left the room again.

Harm carefully slipped out from under Mac and settled
her comfortably on the
bed. She still was having fever and her statement was
pale what made her
look like a small child. She stirred a little bit and
Harm already was afraid
that he'd woken her up again but she only rolled over
to lie on her side and
curled up in a little ball. Harm wondered if she maybe
always slept like that.
He hadn't seen her do otherwise yet. Always trying to
protect herself,
something else Joe Mackenzie taught her, he was sure.
He gave her a small kiss on
the top of her head and left to see what the Admiral
had found out.


"Sir?"

"Did something happen, Commander?"

"Another nightmare. But she started talking to me."

"That's good news."

"Did you find something?"

"First of all, that's what Harriet packed for her" AJ
answered handing Harm
a travel bag full of  clothes and other stuff Harriet
decided Mac would need.
"And what I found besides, I gave to Harriet. She and
Bud are in the
investigation. I want you to stay with the Colonel and
give her your full attention.
I can't have you running about and chasing murderers
too. She needs you
here."

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Sure" he sighed and prepared himself for a lengthy
argument as to why in
particular the Commander thought this should be his
case but was surprised at
what he heard.

"Sir, Mac made me promise not to investigate Colonel
O'Hara's death. She was
all worked up about it and wouldn't give up until I
promised her. Now you are
coming along and tell me that you won't let me do it
anyway although when you
left here earlier, you didn't seem to think that you
could keep me away from
doing so. Now, I won't interfere in the investigation,
I promised Mac and you
know how I feel about promises. 
So would you mind telling me what you know?"

"That all sounds very serious, Commander but I've
known you for a while
already and though I know you'd never break a promise,
you'd possibly find a way
to get around it and that's the reason why I'm not
gonna tell you. You know
that the Roberts are very good, if you and the Colonel
weren't on board, they
would be my best. Plus, I'm gonna take part myself, so
get your curiosity
under control and do what is your part in this. Take
care of Mac and let us
handle the rest. 
And Harm, tell me when you need me to order her to
Bethesda!"

"Yes, Sir!" He hadn't liked one little bit what his CO
just told him. But he
was right, he would have found a way to go after the
murderer of Mac's uncle.
After the person who did this to her...

AJ left him alone again to go and see how it was going
with Harriet and he
still had to bring Bud into this whole mess. He'd
already spent a lot of time
thinking about how to handle the situation at JAG
without his best four
officers and hadn't managed to come up with a solution
yet. They all would have to
spend a lot of extra working hours and he knew he
couldn't use the Roberts too
much for that. They had a little son to take care of.


Meanwhile Harm went back to the bedroom. He wanted to
stay with Mac in case
she started sleep-walking again. 

He had been sitting for about an hour by her bedside
when she started to
wake up. To his relief she wasn't risen by a nightmare
this time, she simply
woke up.

"Hey" he said, greeting her.

Sarah smiled at him. "Hey Sailor"

"How are you?"

"Better, I guess"
Harm couldn't help but believe her. Her eyes still
showed fear and hurt but
it had faded a little bit. 
"I'm starved!"

That brought a smile on his face. Yeah, that was his
Marine.

"You won't believe how glad I am to hear that. You
scared me, Mac."

"I'm sorry."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to be? 
Listen, Harriet got a few things from your place,
maybe you want to change
into some better fitting clothes and maybe you like to
have a shower or
whatever. Just let me feed you something first so that
you don't pass out on me."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Though I have to admit, I
like your clothes."

"I like it, when you wear them. They look cute on
you."
They stared in each others eyes trying to see what the
other one thought
until Harm got up and headed for the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later when Mac was just
pulling herself in a
sitting position causing the skull-bending headache,
she had expected, to hit with
full power. She groaned and rubbed her forehead with
one hand.

"I better add Aspirin to your breakfast" Harm stated
and went off to the
bathroom only to return with the bottle and a glass of
water. 

"You're too good for me."

"No, I'm not!"

Mac looked at him with slight disbelief but abandoned
that line of thought
in order to check what he had made her for breakfast.
She really hoped for
something more than dry toast this time. And she
wasn't disappointed.

There was everything she could possibly want to eat
together with a steaming
mug of tea and some orange juice. 
"Glad you reconsidered how to best feed a hungry
Marine."

"Well, I figured you look much better than the last
time when you tried to
eat something and so I thought, you very possibly
would be strong enough to
kick my six out of here if I don't feed you the right
stuff."

"You're right in that point" she answered between two
forks full of
scrambled egg.

Harm watched her eating. It was good to see her like
that again after
everything he had seen since last night. When she was
finished, he left to let her
go for a shower.


Sarah got up carefully, still not trusting herself up
to 100%. But she felt
good despite her ankle that really started throbbing
now. And the slight
fever she still had made her a bit dizzy but it was
nothing compared to this
morning. She more or less jumped on her good leg to
the bathroom and sat down
there to unwrap her foot.

It was still very swollen and showed angry blue and
violet marks all over.
She touched it carefully but pulled back immediately
drawing her breath in
sharply. 
'That needs a doctor, like it or not' she said to
herself.
Nevertheless she undressed and discovered full of
embarassment, that she
wore Harms boxers. That meant he completely undressed
and redressed her last
night. How on earth was she supposed to work with him
again?

Anyway she was grateful that he'd done it. She would
for sure be at Bethesda
with pneumonia if he hadn't.
She stepped into the shower and enjoyed the relaxing
effect of the hot
water.

20 minutes later she limped into the living room and
joined Harm on the
couch.

"Feeling better?" he asked her for the second time
since she'd woken up.

"Yeah, but I think I need to let that ankle be
treated." She'd wrapped it
again after applying more of that icegel but still
couldn't put any weight on
it. 

"Ok, I'll take you to Bethesda" he said getting up and
ready to go.

"I...I actually wanted to talk to you first" she said,
uncertain about his
reaction. 

Harm sat back down and watched her putting her bad
foot carefully on a
pillow that she'd placed on his table. Then he waited
for her to start.

Sarah rested her head on his shoulder without caring
what he might think.
She needed to feel that support right now. Then she
started.

"When my uncle died two weeks ago, I couldn't believe
it. He was the one
person that had always been there for me my whole
life. He was the only one who
didn't care about all the mistakes I made and believe
me, they were plenty."

Harm sensed how hard this was for her and how she was
struggling to keep her
composure.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Mac"
he said gently.

"But I want to" and she continued baring her soul to
him.
"First I denied it to myself. I wouldn't believe that
he was gone. But
slowly I started to realize the fact, that he wouldn't
be there for me anymore.
He'd left me, like everyone else I ever trusted. And I
was so angry at him. My
rational thinking mind telling me, that he really is
not the one to blame but
my heart simply being furious and disappointed. It
brought back all the
memories of the people who'd done that to me before. 

I tried to forget, but it only worked until we closed
that case yesterday. I
couldn't shut it out anymore and it hurt so much."

He noticed that she'd started crying by now but he
didn't interrupt.

"I was running away, going nowhere. I think at some
point, I was completely
out because I can't remember how I got here. I hadn't
wanted to come because
you'd left me before. Why should I trust you not to do
it again? 
I tried to leave but you wouldn't let me. It startled
me because I couldn't
think of your motives but, weak as I was, there wasn't
much of a chance of me
going anywhere anyway. I stayed and you made me feel
better. You gave me the
feeling, that I'm worth something after all and I'm
really grateful for
that. But if you want to leave again, than please do
it now. I'm strong enough at
the moment to take it. Maybe I won't be in two hours,
so please do it now."
Sarah had lifted her head and looked into his eyes.


Harm had listened to every single word she'd said and
when he heard the last
part, he felt miserable. He really had hurt her very
much back then and he
still remembered how terrible he'd felt during the
time when he was flying
again. Slowly he started to speak.

"Mac, I promise by all what's holy, I won't leave you
again. I'm so sorry, I
did this before. It was one of the biggest mistakes in
my life. 
I'm afraid, I can never make it up to you, but I will
do my best. Starting
right now by being there for you. We'll make it
through this together, Mac. I
want to be your best friend again. I know it won't
come back so easily but I
hope you can trust me again."

"Thank you" she managed to say, still looking at him
with tears in her eyes.

Harm lifted his hand up to her face and gently wiped
them away with his
thumb, like he'd always done.

"You're welcome...Ok, let's get your ankle taken care
of." 
They left without another word, Harms arm wrapped
supportively around her
waist.


JAG HQ
1803 EST

Meanwhile Admiral Chegwidden had taken care of some
matters concerning the
investigation of Colonel O'Hara's death. He'd talked
to Bud, who was really
worried about his friends, even more when he'd heard
about the Admiral's
suspicion as to who was the murderer. But he agreed
that the suspect was the most
likely, especially after he read the letter, that was
sent to Mac. 

Then AJ had called Webb and ordered him in full
military manner to report to
him, just as if Webb were one of the people under his
command. At the moment
he was waiting for Tiner to announce him.

He didn't wait too long, about 20 min after the call,
Webb was there.

"Admiral" Webb greeted, for a moment tending to stand
at attention but
quickly remembering his position and confining himself
to a simple nod.
It was just, that this angry glancing Seal admittedly
made him nervous.
After all he had been on the receiving end of AJ
Chegwidden's anger more than once
and he couldn't say that he liked to be reminded of
it.

"Webb, sit down. And relax, I won't break your nose
this time...as long as
you cooperate" AJ enjoyed the sight of the
uncomfortable spy in front of his
desk.

"Well, I hope so. What can I do for you?"

"I expect, you have at least an idea as to why I
called you."

"Let me make a wild guess here, you got bored today
and wanted to grill a
spy for dinner? Or do you enjoy my company so much?"

"Cute, Webb. Can we get to the point, I'm not in the
mood for joking. Not
one little bit to be exactly. Does the name Colonel
O'Hara ring a bell?"

"Sure" Webb really hoped he'll never be crossexamined
by the Admiral in
court.

"And there's nothing you maybe want to tell me..." AJs
glance boring deep
into Clays eyes.

Webbs brain was working high speed trying to find a
way out without either
talking to the Admiral about Top Secret investigations
or getting hit. There
was no way so he chose the minor evil and told him.

"...we are suspecting Clark Palmer, AJ."
"I thought so myself. I hoped, I might be wrong but
obviously I wasn't."

"What brought you to Palmer?"

"I found a letter in Colonel MacKenzie's appartment.
It's Palmer's style and
he asked her in particularly to tell the Commander
about it." He answered
handing Clay the letter.

"Yeah, you're right. That makes an air tight case
together with what we
have, starting with the fact, that he broke out from
Leavenworth the same day as
Colonel O'Hara. We only have to get him" the sarcasm
in Clay's voice was
unrivalled "Do you know what he sent to her?" 

"No, we tried to find something at her place but
weren't successful. I
expect you have some people working on this?"

"Certainly, AJ"

"Well, I have the Roberts on that case, I'd like your
people cooperating
with them."

"Admiral, you know it's Top Secret material we're
talking about and I
shouldn't even be here let alone talk to you about
it...." Clay's voice trailed off
when he saw the deadly glare returning into AJ's eyes
and sighted "Of course
they will cooperate"

"They better" the Seal muttered under his breath.

The spy left JAG HQ two minutes later with the
undeniable feeling, that he'd
lost yet another fight against his favourite enemy. 


Bethesda
1923 EST

Mac was sitting on a hospital bed in an examination
room waiting impatiently
for the doctor to come. Harm was right by her side.

"Don't you think, you should let him check on your
fever and stomach as
well?" he asked without actually hoping to convince
her.

"Harm, I'm fine. Really."

"But..."

"Would you stop mothering?"

They were interrupted when the doctor finally entered
the room.

"Good evening, Colonel"

"Good evening, Sir"

"I read here, you have problems with your ankle?"

"Yes, Sir"

"Let's see" he came over to the bed and sat down on a
chair in front of Mac.
Then he carefully took her foot and started to take
her shoe off.
He wasn't careful enough, when he slipped the shoe
off, Mac was groaning in
pain causing Harm to get upset.

"Hey, watch what you're doing. You're not supposed to
hurt her!"

"It's ok, Harm"

"No, it's not. He's a doctor, he should know better."

"Harm, shut up and let the man do his work"

"But..."

"Stop, or I kick your six personally and you can wait
outside!"

The doctor had watched them with growing bemusement. 
"You two are not by any chance married, are you?"

"NO!" they responded simultaneous.

"May I continue?" 

"Of course" Mac answered, passing Harm a warning
glance.

The doctor took her sock off next and started to
examine her foot. He moved
it a little bit left and right, asking Mac to tell him
as soon as it hurt. She
put a brave Marine face on but couldn't hide the pain
from Harm.

"Mac, stop being brave and talk to the doctor!"

"Ok, it hurts like hell. Is that what you wanted to
hear?"

"If it hurts like hell, then I want to know, Colonel
Mackenzie" the doctor
responded in his calm way. "What exactly happened?"

"I can't remember"

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "You can't remember?"

"No"

"Ok, do you remember when it happened?" he asked in a
way Harm didn't like
at all but he kept his mouth shut so that Mac wouldn't
send him out.

"Last night"

"Well, it looks pretty bad to me, you should have come
earlier. I don't
think it's broken but I'll x-ray it anyway. I think
your inner tendon is overly
streched or maybe even torn. I'll see that on the
x-ray too"

30 minutes later he returned with the result of the
examination.

"Colonel Mackenzie, congratulations you helped youself
to 3 weeks of leave.
Your tendon is torn partly, almost completely to be
exactly. I'll splint your
ankle and you get to walk on crutches for at least 4
weeks. And I don't want
you to put any weight on it. Is that understood? 
I know how Marines can be. Don't think it is ok only
because it stopped
hurting. 
I'll subscripe you some painkillers. Take them, when
it gets bad. And I mean
TAKE THEM! No brave Marine here either!"

Mac looked at the doctor a bit amused. He obviously
had experience with sick
Marines and she had to admit, he was right. She would
have put weight on her
foot as soon as the pain had stopped. Well, Harm would
take care of that,
she was sure.

After the doctor was finished, Mac got up from the
bed. A wave of dizziness
overwhelmed her and she grabbed Harms arm so as not to
fall. 
"Mac?" he said anxiously, his eyes scanning her for a
clue as to why she was
about to faint.

"It's ok, I'm fine. Marine with fever here."

"Colonel, you didn't tell me anything about that" the
doctor
fretted "You better sit back down and let me look you
over. And for godsake, start
talking to me!"

Mac obeyed the doctors orders with a disapproving
look. 
"I got a bit cold last night and now I'm having a
fever. Nothing to fuss
about. And yes, I won't overdo it. How could I? You
already crippled me"

"Let me decide what's best for you, would you?" he
sighed. Sick Marines were
giving him grey hair before his time. And this lady
Marine here was
especially hard to manage. He really didn't envy the
Sailor, who'd come with her and
was obviously taking care of her. As much as she would
let anyone take care.
She certainly was a very independent and stubborn
woman.

"Are you pregnant?" he inquired.

"No"

"Ok, your temperature is too high to make me happy so
you get to swallow
some more pills and two days of staying in bed.
Commander, I'm putting you in
charge. See that she stays in bed! Are you on any
other medications?"

"No, just Aspirin but doctor, I'm really fine. Just a
bit dizzy from time to
time" Mac gave him a puppy-look. But apparently it
didn't impress him very
much. And then Harm started to make her situation
worse, if that was possible.

"Since we're at it doctor, she was vomiting too. At
least yesterday morning,
last night and this morning but I guess more often.
And this morning she had
nasty stomach-cramps..." Harm trailed off when she
pinched him.

"Sorry, Mac. I happen to worry about you"

"Have you been able to eat since that happened?" the
doctor interrupted. The
two officers sure made quite a couple. Both protecting
each other. The
Commander - very obviously very in love - fussing all
the time and the Colonel -
at least as much taken by him as he was by her -
keeping her condition secret
not to worry him. Quite a couple, really. 

"I was eating" Mac answered trying to eliminate every
doubt the doctor could
possibly have about her well-being. The throwing up
really wasn't a problem
one could treat with pills. It wasn't a medical
problem.

"Then I guess, we just leave it like that for the
moment. Be a bit careful
as to what you eat and take Tylenol instead of Aspirin
when your head drives
you crazy. Easier on the stomach. I trust the
Commander will inform me as soon
as it gets worse, or not better for that matter. Are
there more problems, I
should know about?"

"No!"

Harm sighed and gave in. He helped Mac to get up from
the bed and watched
her walking on crutches a bit bemused. But she got the
hang of it pretty soon
and he had to run to keep up with her speed. 
"Hey, Marine. Would you power down here. Navy can't
follow you like that"

"Well, that's nothing new for me, Squid!" she teased
him but slowed down a
little bit. 


They went back to Harms place and after finishing the
lasagna Harm had made
for dinner, Mac went to bed.

"Harm, would you mind staying with me? I really don't
want to be alone and I
know it's not easy to put up with me at the moment
but..."she started to
apologize.

"Hey" he interrupted her gently and cupped her cheek
in his hand. Mac leaned
in, enjoying the feel of him like this "I wouldn't let
you alone for the
world"

Their eyes locked at each other and just when the
silence started to get
uncomfortable, Harm spoke up again "Where do you want
me to be?"

"I won't let you sleep in a chair or on the floor so
what if you join me in
bed?" she replied softly.

Without another word he slipped in beside her and took
her in his arms.


Two hours later Mac was still lying awake. Harm was
out already 5 minutes
after he'd touched the sheets but sleep wouldn't come
to her. She carefully
sneaked out of the bed after she had untangled Harms
arms that had been wrapped
protectively around her.

She left the bedroom and headed for the couch without
turning the light in
the appartment on. There she curled up in one corner
and let her mind wander.



Chegwidden residence
2241 EST

AJ leaned back in his chair and sighed. He'd spent the
last hours bent over
mountains of papers Webb had made him a copy of. He'd
read them all and still
wasn't getting one step further. He was massaging his
temples now trying to
dispell the headache he hadn't managed to get rid of
since the Commander had
called this morning and asked him to get in contact
with Matt O'Hara.

Now he was trying to track down Palmer but hadn't
really hoped to find
something in the material that had already been read
by professional FBI and CIA
profilers and who knows by whom else. His only
advantage was, that he'd dealt
with Palmer before. He tried to think about how he had
operated before, when
he'd tried to get to the Commander. Up to now, he'd
just attempted to hurt
Rabb personally. 

But he'd gotten smarter, if that was possible. Clark
Palmer's IQ had to be
scary. However he'd learned, that it wasn't so easy to
get to Harm. So he'd
picked up hurting somebody in his life. Somebody
important to him. Sure he could
have done anything to Harms family so why did he
choose Mac?

There were several possible answers to that. AJ
thought it very likely, that
he maybe was in any way bound to DC. Maybe Palmer
didn't want Harm to run
off to California or Pennsylvania in case something
happened to his mom,
stepfather or grandmother. Or he simply couldn't get
any other victim than Colonel
O'Hara. He dismissed that thought right away. Palmer
could get anyone he
wanted to.

No, he had to admit, that Palmer simply hurt Harm
where he could hurt him
most. He'd caused pain to the woman Rabb loved. No use
denying that obvious
fact. The two persons in question were masters of
denial themselves, at least
everybody else could be straight.


He'd killed Mac's uncle, knowing that for starters she
would be very down.
Another possible problem, when he wanted to get Rabb,
was out of the way. His
dedicated Marine friend was very likely not able to
help him his time.
And of course Clark had known that it would make Rabb
furious, that he'd
hurt the woman he loved only to get him. Palmer had
expected, that Rabb would go
after him. Exactly what he would do, if he'd only
know. 

AJ saw two possibilities at that point. Getting Palmer
without filling Harm
in just by trying to be smarter than him. Or telling
Rabb, let him run off
and watch his six, to get Palmer when he tries to
finally kill Harm.
He didn't like the second version. There were just too
many incalculable
things. Palmer was of course always ready to surprise
but the Commander worried
him even more for that matter. He could picture him
very well getting rid of
his back up and trying to get Palmer himself to make
an end to all this mess
and take vengeance. 

Rabb had almost done so before with Diane's murderer.
Only his beautiful and
smart partner had saved his six from going to
Leavenworth that night in
Norfolk. The Commander maybe thought, AJ didn't know
what had happened. Well, he
had a very good idea. Bud was not the one to keep a
secret.

AJ decided to call it a day at that point and went off
to bed.


Harm's place
0252 EST

Harm stirred in his sleep and realized that something
was missing. He
couldn't quite place it yet, his brain still working
half speed.
Then he awoke with a start. Mac wasn't there anymore!
He felt panic creeping up inside him and quickly
scanned the room for her
familiar form.

Nothing. He got up and called her name. "Mac, are you
here? Mac, answer me!"
his voice growing more and more frantic with every
single word.

"I'm here" he heard her to his great relief and rushed
into the living room
where the voice had come from.
She was curled up in one corner of his couch and
looked at him.

"Geez, Mac. You gave me quite a scare. Why are you
here?" he approached her
and sat down beside her looking intensely in her eyes
but couldn't make out
too much in the darkness.

"Couldn't sleep"

"You weren't dreaming again, were you?" he asked full
of concern. 

"No. I just couldn't fall asleep. That happens very
often" she replied,
being sorry to cause so much trouble for him in the
middle of the night.

"But you have to sleep, Mac" he said, taking one of
her hands still not
convinced that she was alright.

"I'm used to it. I rarely sleep well, never did.
Insomnia is a well known
*friend* of mine. Go back to bed, Harm. Just because I
stay up, you don't have
to"

Harm started to understand why she was consuming so
large amounts of what
she called Marine coffee. He'd tried that stuff once.
Worse than the Admiral's
Seal coffee. A spoon could stand up in it or one could
use it as ink, he was
sure. That stuff really belonged on the red list with
the most dangerous
drugs.

Then he forced his mind back to the problem at hand.
"I'd rather have you
with me and by the way, the doctor ordered you to stay
in bed for two days"

Mac sighed. This wouldn't be easy. "Harm, when I can't
sleep, I can't stay
in bed. It drives me nuts. I used to stand by the
window and look out, or
work, or just think, like I do now. It helps me, Harm.
I can't go back to bed.
Not like that. I won't be able to sleep tonight and I
have to live with it."

Harm gave her another concerned glance then he decided
that it maybe was for
the best to let her do as she wanted. "Just do me a
favour and lie down
here, ok? You heard the doctor, you're not supposed to
be up. And promise me to
call me as soon as you need me"

"Alright, I'll do that, Flyboy" she gave in and
lowered herself to lie
curled up on one side. Harm got a blanket and tugged
her in before he went back to
bed. 

"Good night, Ninjagirl"

"Good night, Harm"



Harm's place
0810 EST

When Harm got up he found her exactly like he'd left
her. Her eyes were
closed but he could tell that she wasn't sleeping.
Studying the scene in front of
him a bit longer, he decided to make her some coffee
and breakfast. She must
be terribly tired after this sleepless night.

"Hey, Sailor. Already up?" she said, opening her eyes
and looking at him.
She really looked exhausted and Harm vowed to himself
to do everything he could
to make her sleep today. 

"Looks like it. How are you doing? You did sleep,
didn't you?" There was a
small trace of hope in his voice.

"No, I didn't. And I could use some coffee, you know.
And whatever you have
for my head. It feels like a railway is going right
through it"

"I guess, I have Tylenol somewhere in the bathroom.
I'll also get your other
pills. Hows your ankle?"

"Fine"

"Be honest, Mac!"

"It's fine. Really."

"Ok, I think, I have no choice but trusting you right
now" Harm sighed. He
wasn't in the least convinced that it was really fine.
Marines! Always brave,
never admitting pain "Next question: What do you want
for breakfast?"

"I take whatever you dish out" She smiled a little bit
but regretted it as
soon as the pain in her head increased.

Harm disappeared in the kitchen and prepared something
to eat. He got some
plates from the upper cabinet and dropped one that
ended up crashing on the
floor and breaking into  a thousand pieces, that were
scattered over the whole
kitchen. He cursed and started to clean that mess up.

In the living room Sarah was still lying on the couch
and resting, her eyes
closed again, when she heard the noise. 
Pictures started dancing in front of her eyes when she
remembered an other
occasion when she'd heard that noise.
 

She was 12 years old and very frightened. Father had
come home earlier and
she hadn't had dinner ready. Mom was not home, she was
in a hospital after an
accident. She fell down the stairs...That at least
was, what the doctors
knew. She had been falling down the stairs but first
father had beaten her again.
He'd taken an old silver candlestick and hit her head
with it, causing her
to stagger backwards and fall down.
Now it was Sarah's job to take care of the house and
to cook. And she hadn't
managed to finish dinner yet. Father was furious.

She'd ducked in her corner again, trying to hide from
his anger, but of
course that was useless. He was opening all the
cabinets in the kitchen and
pulling all the dishes out to let them shatter on the
floor. 
Sarah started crying in fear. When there wasn't one
item left that wasn't
broken, he looked at her. 

"Cowardly little bitch! Get your fat ass over here!"
he yelled and Sarah
obeyed, afraid of what he would do if she wouldn't.

"Clean that mess up!"

Sarah went for a broom and started sweeping the floor,
the tears still
running down her face and sobbing heavily.

"Stop crying! You're like your mother. Weak! But I
can't have you crying
too, so stop!!! Don't cry! Don't ever cry!!!" the last
words he'd hissed into
her ear making the hair on the back of her neck stand
up.

Sarah tried to stop, but she couldn't. She was way too
scared.

She looked up at him full of fear, trying to figure
out what he was about to
do, when he suddenly grabbed the broom and let it slam
down on her back. The
hit made her jerk forward against the kitchen counter
and she heard her ribs
cracking.

Father left without another word.


When Harm was finally done sweeping, he stopped for a
second and tried to
remember what he was about to do, when the plate had
slipped out of his hand.
Then he heard Mac's soft sobbing.

He rushed into the living room and found her curled up
form hidden in a
corner of the room. He was by her side immediately and
picked her up in his arms
to carry her back to the couch. She didn't realize it,
but stayed motionless
and cried.

Harm gently settled down on the couch with Mac in his
lap. Then he started
talking to her.
"Mac, it's ok. I’ve got you. It's alright, baby" he
whispered soothingly,
finally getting a reaction from her.

"Harm?" she asked weakly.

"Yeah, it's me. Don't be afraid anymore. You're safe,
Mac" he continued,
tenderly pulling her head down on his chest and
stroking through her hair. After
a few minutes she'd calmed down a little bit. "What
happened?" Harm fretted.

"I don't know, I heard you breaking a dish and
suddenly it was like a
nightmare again, only that I wasn't asleep" she
answered, still struggling against
the fear trying to take over control.
"I...I saw my father and he was crashing all our
dishes on the kitchen floor
because I hadn't finished dinner when he came home.
Then he told me to clean
it up and I did. And suddenly he started beating me
because I cried" she
took a deep breath and continued, her voice still
shaking.

"He told me not to cry. Never again and I never did"
Mac started trembling
with emotions and Harm gently rocked her to let her
relax.

"I hadn't cried since I was 12 until I met you. You
managed to put me at
ease enough. When you saw me crying that day in the
mountains after I'd killed
the poacher, it was the first time in 18 years" she
told him. Her head was
still resting against his chest and the sound of his
heartbeat had a soothing
effect on her.

Harm held on to her a bit longer before he started to
speak. "I don't know
if I can consider it a good thing to know that I'm the
person that made you
cry for the first time in 18 years. Normally I
wouldn't but I guess in this
case...I'm flattered, Mac. And not only that. I would
say, I'm honoured to know
you trust me that much. I promise, I won't disappoint
you."

They sat in silence a bit longer until Mac spoke up
again: "What about that
coffee you were talking about earlier. I really could
use it now"

Harm chuckled and replied "Whatever you desire, your
majesty"

Mac lifted her head and looked up at him "Aw, Harm.
I'm sorry. I'm using you
like a slave here and..."

"I was kidding, Mac. You've been there for me so many
times. Let me take
care of you for now, ok?" he said softly "Forget about
the brave Marine, that I
know you are, for a while and let go, Mac. You've been
under so much stress
and you still are. Let me help you"

She was silent for a while, letting his words sink in.

"It's just...I'm not used to that. I took care of
myself my whole life. And
I did a lously job at it for a long time. I'm not used
to people willing to
help me. Nobody ever did. Nobody but uncle Matt. Until
I met you. 
Harm believe me, I want to trust you. I'm just having
a hard time at it."

"I know. And I'm willing to do what ever it takes to
make it easier for you"
he almost whispered "You're more than my best friend
to me, Mac"

"So are you to me" she looked deep into his eyes
before she rested her head
against his chest again "Forget the coffee and stay
here, will you?"

"There's nothing I'd rather do" Harm shifted them
around to get a bit more
comfortable and ended up lying on the couch with Mac
on top of him. The steady
beat of his heart soon lulled her into a light
slumber. Harm continued
playing with her hair until he drifted off to sleep as
well.


Two hours later there was a knock and when nobody
answered, the door to the
appartment was opened carefully. Bud stuck his nose
inside. The Admiral had
warned him to be quiet since at least the Colonel was
very likely asleep. 

"Commander?" he softly called out. Then he saw a head
popping up from the
couch. It was Mac. She looked exhausted and sleepy and
Bud instantly knew he
had woken her up and was terribly sorry.

"Hey Bud. Don't stand there like a statue. Get rid of
your coat and take a
seat!" she whispered not to wake Harm too.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. I woke you up" Bud started to
apologize.

"It's ok. Don't worry about that"

Bud came over and his eyes widened in a mixture of
surprise and embarassment
when he saw that the Colonel was actually lying on top
of the Commander who
was still fast asleep. 

"I...I...I'm not interrupting something here, am I?
Because if I am, I can
go. The Admiral just sent me to check on you. But I
see, you're fine. I better
go, Ma'am..."

"Bud! Stop! There is nothing going on between me and
Commander Rabb. I was
scared and he took care of me, that's all."

He saw that now that her eyes were red from crying and
fear and pain were
still very evident in them. "I'm sorry, Ma'am. How are
you doing?" he said
softly.

"I'm damn lucky to have Harm" was all she admitted. It
was enough that one
man in her life knew about that side of her. She
didn't need to scare Bud too
"Since he is sleeping, how's the investigation going?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel. We didn't get anywhere yet. We
just can't track him
down. It seems as if the earth had opened and he
disappeared into a hole"

They sat in silence for a little while, then Bud spoke
again "Harriet plans
on visiting you tonight, if you don't mind, Ma'am. She
very concerned about
you. We both are and the Admiral too"

"Thank you. It's good to hear that somebody cares
about you" Mac answered
with a sad undertone in her voice. 

"You are a wonderful person, Ma'am. You changed my
entire life. You and the
Commander brought Harriet and me together, you were an
important part of our
wedding and you are our son's godparents. And you
taught me so much. Watching
you two in court for a couple of hours taught and
still teaches me more than
the whole law school ever managed. I owe you so much. 
But that's not the reason why I'm here. I'm here
because you are my friend.
I care about you and right now I'm very worried about
you" Bud looked up at
her, surprised to see her full of emotions now. 

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you help
me by saying so" was
all she could trust her voice with. 

Then Harm woke up and saved the both of them from the
uncomfortable silence
that started to fill the room.

"Hey, you're up Mac. I'd hoped to find you asleep"

"I was sleeping. We have a guest, Harm" she said,
pointing towards the chair
Bud was occupying.

"Bud! Nice to see you. How the hell did you get in
here?" Harm asked, still
a bit sleepy.

"You gave me a spare key, Sir. Nobody answered the
door so I used it. That's
ok, isn't it?"

"Yeah, sure. Could you wake me up instead of the
Colonel next time?"

"Sorry, Sir. I tried to wake nobody but I failed"

Mac grinned at her partner "You of all people should
know that it is not
possible to sneak by a Marine, Squid!" she pinched him
gently in the stomach.

"Yeah, you're right. I should know" Harm looked at
her, realizing how tired
she was "Ok, Marine. You either need sleep or coffee.
You look like hell"

"Thank you very much! I'll take the coffee. And real
coffee, please. Not
that Sailor-coffee of yours. And I really need
something for my head. Hangover
from crying is worse than hangover from alcohol"

"Lie back down here, I'll get whatever you want.
You're not hungry?"

"I'm not hungry" Harm passed her worried glance but
saw her smiling "I'm
starved!"

"Ok, I'll see what I can do. Bud, you too?"

"Coffee would be great, Sir. AJ was crying all night.
He's got a fever. But,
Sir...could you fill my cup only half with what you
make for the Colonel and
add hot water?"

"Sure" Harm replied and Mac gave Bud a funny look
"You're having any
problems with my coffee?" she teased.

"No, Ma'am. Just that I'd like to be able to sleep
tonight. If my son agrees
that is"

"Squids!" Mac muttered under her breath and sunk back
in the pillows.



In a car in front of Harm's appartment
Same time

"Yeah, enjoy the company of your Sailor, little
Marine. You will lose him
soon. Forever. And you won't be able to pull his sorry
six out of the shit this
time..."

Clark Palmer took the headset off and left.


JAG HQ
1148 EST

Admiral Chegwidden and Lt. Sims were sitting together
in an empty conference
room. The whole table was covered with files and
documents. Copies from the
FBI and CIA mainly.
They had been reading it over and over again but
couldn't find a thing.

"Sir?"

"What is it, Lt?" AJ sighed. This really was
frustrating. There must be a
clue somewhere. He was sure there was.

"Frankly Sir, I don't think we will find something
like this. We both know
Palmer a little, why don't we just try and get into
his head and figure out
what he is about to do?" Harriet suggested. Little
AJ's restlessness had taken a
toll on her and THIS wasn't making it any better.

"I tried that last night. I didn't get very far"

"Well, maybe we'll get further together?"

"Ok, Lt. Any ideas as to where we would find him, or
what he will do next? I
can't say I'm comfortable with him running about. That
man is a murderer"

"We know he wants Commander Rabb. He hit where he can
hurt the Commander
most, that's for sure..." AJ was stunned. It had taken
him half an hour to get
to that point last night. There might actually be a
reason that women were
very often the better profilers "...if I would want to
get to the Commander, I'd
do exactly the same, because he would go mad and come
after me. Of course I
would have to know when he comes so I would watch him
or at least have bugs
at his place..."
Now the Admiral was speechless. He silently vowed to
himself never to get in
the line of fire of Harriet Roberts. She was lethal!

"...did you search for bugs, Sir?"

"No, we didn't. After he wrote in the letter, that
he'd already removed
them, we didn't bother"

"Well maybe he replaced them. You know, he couldn't
very well have bugs at
the Commander's appartment while he was in
Leavenworth. They'd checked the
place out after his last attempt, I know that. And
they never found anything"

"Harriet, you're brilliant!" Admiral Chegwidden cried
out. That opened
possibilities. First of all, he had to get somewhere
near Harm's place, to use
these bugs - still assuming that they were there but
AJ had no doubts about that.
And second they offered a way of trapping Palmer. They
could let him have
some faked information and then - puff and out. 
He felt his old Seal spirit living up inside him.

"I have to talk to Clay, I need a technician that can
fool around with these
bugs without Palmer realizing and I need an
observation team for the
Commander's place...and Harriet" he looked at his
young officer with swelling pride.
These were his people. Sharper than a bunch of 
federal agents and spies.
"not a word about this to Commander Rabb or Colonel
MacKenzie. They are not
supposed to find out about this whole operation"

"Of course not, Sir. Sir, I was planning to visit the
Colonel tonight. Maybe
I can invite her and the Commander over instead so
that you can have some
people there at the appartment" she offered.

"That would be great, Harriet. Just see how Mac is
holding up. Maybe she's
not up for it, then we have to think about something
else. She is still our
first priority"

"Sure, Sir"


Roberts residence
1940 EST

"Ma'am, Sir. I'm glad you decided to come" Harriet
greeted her friends while
motioning them in.

"Thanks for inviting us over. I'd sure like to see my
godson more often" Mac
answered with a small smile. When Harriet had called
earlier to suggest a
visit, Harm had been against it. After all Mac was
still supposed to be in bed.
But she'd talked him into it, telling him how much she
would like to see
little AJ. And finally Harm had agreed, also due to
the fact, that she ran no
fever anymore. 
But most of all he was having a hard time to deny Mac
a wish. Hard if not
impossible.

They spent some time talking about JAG and how chaotic
everything was with
Mac and Harm on leave and Bud, Harriet and the Admiral
almost only working on
the murder investigation.
Seeing the flicker of pain in Mac's eyes, Harriet
quickly dropped that topic
and started telling about AJ's newest words. He
learned talking very quickly
and lately had picked up "Damn it!" from his father.

Mac was playing with the little guy for a while and
about 2100 she started
yawning. Harm of course realized it right away and
shot her a glance.
"Ok, I think I better get to bed. I didn't sleep well
last night"

"You mean, you didn't sleep at all" Harm interrupted
what brought him a
warning glare from her.

"Harriet, it was a wonderful evening" she continued
"thank you so much"

"You're welcome, Colonel" Mac had given up long ago to
make the two Roberts
call her Mac. It was hopeless, they'd never learn
that.

"Good night" she and Harm said simultaneously.

"Good night, Ma'am, Sir" the Roberts replied and waved
goodbye to the car.



Harm's place
1930 EST

Shortly after the two officers had left, a couple of
agents entered the
appartment.

When they left 15 minutes later, nobody had even
started to realize, that
they had been there. Officially that operation never
existed and nobody but a
very few people ever knew.



Harm's place 
2142 EST

Harm slipped the key into the lock and opened the door
for Mac. She walked
in, her crutches clicking on the floor, and crashed on
the couch.

"Hey" Harm adressed her softly "I figure you're tired.
You better go to bed"

20 minutes later they both lay in each others arms in
companionable silence.
Harm closed his eyes but vowed to stay awake in case
she couldn't sleep.

When she was still tossing and turning two hours later
he opened them again.
"Mac" he whispered in the darkness.

"Why are you still up, Sailor?" 

"Because you are. Mac, you have to get some sleep. No
way I'll let you spend
the night sitting on the couch again"

"Harm, I told you it's no use. It's ok, I'm used to
it. I can go on like
this for about a week before I get sick"

"But you don't have to. I'll help you" he reached out
for her hand that was
lying on his chest and took it in his.

"You won't be able to help me, Harm. Sleep, then at
least I don't have your
sleepless nights on my conscience" she sighed. It was
really cute he wanted to
help her but it wasn't that easy.

"Listen, let me try and if it doesn't work out, I'll
let you go for the
couch"

"Deal" she murmured not expecting anything from this
but anyway willing to
play along.

"Ok. Lie on you back. Make yourself as comfortable as
possible" he popped up
on one elbow and freed some space for her.

"But there won't be space for you" came her protest
instantly.

"Don't worry about me. I promise, I won't leave you
alone. Let the rest be my
concern. Most important now is that you sleep" he told
her, slightly
adjusting her position. He turned her hands so that
the palms pointed up and shifted
her arms a bit away from her body.

"Why do I feel like a snow-angel here?"

"Mac, this is serious!" he said a bit offended.
Then he continued talking to her in a very low and
calm voice.
"Concentrate on breathing nothing else. The world
around you is completely
unimportant. Don't live, just be" He let her do this
for a couple of minutes
until she showed the first signs of relaxation.

"Take a deep breath through your nose" was his next
gentle order "Let the
air flow through your body. Now take another deep
breath and let it go into
your head. Focus your attention to the top of it and
let all the pressure there
disappear. Slowly move around your head. Release all
the tension"

Mac could feel the effect already. This was amazing.
Her ever throbbing
headache slowly eased off and finally disappeared.
Harm could see her relax more and more and he knew she
was finished with her
head when her jaw dropped slightly open.

"Ok, Mac. Next are your shoulders and back. Take a
deep breath and get rid
of all the tension there. Take your time. If it
doesn't work out right away,
then you just do it again"

Like that Harm covered her whole body and by the time
when they arrived down
at her feet she was fast asleep. 
He smiled at her peaceful statement and shifted her
carefully around to let
her lie in his arms with the head on his chest again. 

'Yeah, you tell me again, it is useless' he thought
satisfied. He was really
glad that this had worked out. He remembered his
grandmother doing that with
him when he couldn't sleep because he was afraid of
the nightmares after his
first crash. He'd used it again, when he'd crashed on
the evening of Mac's
rehearsal dinner

He took a deep breath himself, enjoying the feeling of
her weight on his
chest. That really was something he could get used to.
A light smile playing
around his lips he nodded off.



JAG HQ
0935 EST

After the spy team assigned to watch the Commander's
appartment had reported
that they see Palmer there in his car, Bud called Harm
at his place.

"Sir? I didn't wake you up, did I?" he asked when he
heard his sleepy
response. 

"Actually you did Bud but it's ok. At least you didn't
wake Mac up this
time" 

"He didn't but you did by jerking out of the bed like
somebody had built a
fire under your ass" Bud could hear the Colonel now. 

"Hey, I just wanted to get that phone before you hear
it" Bud decided it was
time to interrupt this. He knew the Commander and the
Colonel maybe would be
still arguing about this tomorrow if he didn't.

"Sir? Can I talk to you privately. I mean, the Colonel
is not supposed to
know about this, so can you keep your part of the
conversation insignificant,
Sir?"

"Sure, Bud. Whatever you want"

"I need to meet you about the case. I have something
you should see and I
don't want to show it to the Colonel. We found it at
her place and we don't
want her to be reminded at it, Sir”

"Can't you just tell me on the phone?"

"No, Sir. I'm afraid that's not possible. Can you meet
me at the little
Italian place near JAG for lunch. You know, the one
where the Colonel and you
always go"

Harm raised an eyebrow in surprise. Was Bud tailing
them? 
"Sure, I'll meet you there. No problem, Bud"

"Thank you, Sir. Just tell the Colonel, I want to talk
to you about some
problems with Harriet. And Sir, of course Harriet is
coming over to stay with
her"

"Ok, see you then"

"See you, Sir" Bud hung up the phone unconciously
wiping the sweat away from
his forehead. 

"Good work Lt. My people placed the note in his car so
he will go for
McMurphy's and we will be at the *little Italian
place*" Webb patted the young mans
shoulder. "Thank God Harriet keeps an eye on those two
and knows where they
go for lunch. Now, let's get moving. There are a lot
of arrangements to take
care of before our murderer is gonna go back where he
belongs"

Ten minutes later the two spies in front of Harm's
building reported that
Palmer was leaving now. Possibly to take care of his
own arrangements. They
started tailing him with changing cars and soon
figured that he was heading for
the Italian restaurant.



When Harm left after Harriet arrived, he found a note
in his car from Bud.
It said that he should come to McMurphy's instead and
that Bud had suggested
the Italian place first in case Harm would
accidentally let something slip to
Mac. So he drove off to McMurphy's, wondering about
the Lt.s thoughtfulness.



Inside the appartment
Same time

"Ma'am, you look much better than last night. Had good
nights sleep?"
Harriet asked after she'd settled down.

Mac allowed her thoughts to drift back to the last
night for a moment "Yeah,
first I couldn't and was already almost on the way out
to stay up. But Harm
did something that helped me" she replied. Then she
saw the smug grin on
Harriets face "Oh no, not what you think, Harriet!
Geez, I really have to watch
what I say with you...no, he did something relaxing,
about breathing and
stuff. He said his grandma taught him that"

"Sounds good. And sorry Ma'am, I didn't mean to imply
that you two..." She
trailed off. 

"It's ok, I think everybody else is thinking so
anyway, since I'm staying
here at the moment. Guess we're already part of the
gossip at JAG. And Harriet,
don't call me Ma'am, ok?"

"Ok, Sarah" Harriet saw her flinching at the
mentioning of her given name
"I'm sorry, Mac then"

"If you don't mind. It's just...it brings back so many
memories to hear my
first name. I guess I'm a bit touchy there at the
moment. Those aren't all
good memories" Mac said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Mac" Harriet answered softly reaching out
to her friend and
putting a hand on her shoulder. Mac tensed up
immediately and Hariet removed her
hand "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's ok" she whispered hoarsely "I'm a bit stressed
at the moment. I..."

"No need to explain. I wont say, I understand you,
because I don't know
anything about it but I'll respect if you're
uncomfortable with some things. I
won't pressure you anymore. I didn't mean to in the
first place. Just remember
that I'm here if you need me in any way"

"Thank you so much" Mac looked at the younger woman a
bit longer and then
they decided to play Out. Harriet was surprised that
the Commander had such a
game, but Mac explained to her that this had been the
last birthday present from his father. 




McMurphy's

1244 EST

 

When Harm arrived at the bar, Bud was already sitting
there. Due to the

early hour they were almost the only guests. Just a
few men who Harm quickly

indentified as spies were there too. But of course he
didn't think about the

possibility, that these spies where there because of
him. Anyway that was

the

case.

 

"Bud" he acknowledged the younger officer.

 

"Nice to see you, Sir" Harm could tell that he was
nervous by the way he was

fidgeting with his wedding band.

 

"So what was so important that I had to leave Colonel
MacKenzie behind." 

 

"This" Bud answered, passing him the letter Mac had
received. They'd

considered it best. It was distracting enough to give
Bud a reason for this

whole

show; and it didn't matter anymore if Harm found out
that it's Palmer.

Palmer

was just about to be trapped and taken back to
Leavenworth. Maybe at this

very

moment they already had him.

 

Harm read the letter and his mouth dropped open,
giving him a somewhat

stupid statement. Then he read it again and stared
unbelievingly at Bud.

 

"PALMER?!?" was all he could say, surprise mixing with
regret and pure rage.

Palmer had done this to Mac, only to get HIM? Rage
definitly took over

control now and Bud was glad to have the agents in the
bar to eventually

help him

hold back this furious man. Furious because the woman
he loved had been hurt

because of him.

 

"Tell me everything you have and I'll get that bastard
and what did he send

her?" he hissed sharply.

 

"We don't know that, Sir and actually, the Admiral,
Webb and about 30 more

agents of CIA and FBI are just about to get him at the
moment..." Bud said

and

continued telling the Commander about their trap and
how they had gotten the

information about the wrong place to Palmer with the
bug in the phone.

 

When he finished, Harm was already half way out of the
door.

 

 

Italian restaurant "La Dolce Vita"

1237 EST

 

Everything had been set up a long time ago and now
everybody was waiting for

Palmer to make his appearance. They would never get a
glimpse of him.

 

Clark Palmer watched the scene from a save distance.
These people were such

fools if they thought they could get him with such an
unprofessional

attempt.

He'd watched them for a while already and counted at
least 25 agents in near

range of the place. And to his big delight he also
spotted Admiral AJ

Chegwidden. 

 

He decided to make a move now, before they would get
suspicious about him

not turning up. He was disguised as an old drunk and
now he started to

stagger

towards the lonely sideway where the Admiral was
hidden.

 

"You got a Dollar for an old man?" he adressed him in
a babbling manner.

 

"Get lost!" was the Admirals angry response. The last
thing he needed was

this drunk to draw some attention on him.

 

"What if you get lost instead?" Palmer answered still
playing his role.

 

AJ looked up at the reason for his growing annoyment.
There was something

familiar about him, but he couldn't quite place it
"What did you say?"

 

Palmer was serious by now. He stepped forward closing
in on his target and

also trapping the Admiral behind a trash can. When AJ
realized what was

going

on his mouth was already covered with a cloth and the
smell of chloroform

clouded his ability to think straight and react. Clark
Palmer had just

caught a

very valuable prey.

 

 

When Webb found out that the old Seal was missing,
Palmer was already long

gone and on the way to what had been his home for the
last couple of weeks.

 

 

Harm arrived on the scene a bit later only to find a
big bunch of agents

dressed in differently marked windbreakers running
busily all over the place.

He

spotted Webb talking to somebody in the cellphone.

 

Harm went over to him and grabbed the cellphone and
turned it off before

Webb even recognized him. When he did, he let out a
big sigh. This wasn't

going

to be easy and something told him that he was in
danger of getting hurt

again.

 

"You know that you just hung up on the Secretary of
State and I surely am

curious how you're gonna explain this to him" Webb
said, after he had

recovered

from the shock. He'd expected - and dreaded - the
Commander's appearance but

he'd hoped for a little bit more time.

 

"You better tell me you got that bastard, Clay!" Harm
barked. Somehow he had

the feeling that this was not the case.

 

"No, actually not"

 

"And why not?" his voice had dropped to a low whisper
having a more scaring

effect on Clay than the yelling.

 

"He...must have watched us and known all along what we
were up to"

 

"But he was here, wasn't he?" Harm knew Palmer too
good to expect him to

stay away from something like that. He wouldn't miss
it for the world to

play a

trick on the agents.

 

"Yeah" Clay had a feeling that this was heading a
direction he wouldn't

like.

 

"And what did he do? I expect he wasn't just watching
and leaving again.

That's not Palmer's style" the deadly undertone in his
voice got more and

more

evident.

 

"He..."

 

"Spill it!"

 

"He kidnapped the Admiral" Clay ducked instinctively
but came up again when

he saw that Harm wasn't gonna hit him. 

 

"HE WHAT?!?!" his cry was drawing attention from
everybody around them. Harm

just couldn't believe it.

 

"AJ had insisted on taking part and well, we both know
better than to argue

with him. He was over there in the sidewalk" Clay
continued pointing to AJ's

former position "Clark must have approached him and
taken him before he knew

what was going on. You know Palmer, Rabb. He's a
master of disguise..."

 

"Stop! I had enough. You are tracking them down,
aren't you?"

 

"Of course we are. What do you think would we do? Go
back to our offices and

pretend nothing ever happened?"

 

"That's exactly what I was thinking"

 

"Well, you watched too much X-Files then. The
Gouvernment is not all that

bad"

 

That brought him a sceptical glance. "Ok, Webb. Let me
talk to Mac to see

how she is holding up with Harriet. If she's fine, I
want to be a part of

this,

is that understood?"

 

"Rabb, my people are handling this and they are good
at it. Trust them"

 

"Trust them? Well, obviously they aren't all that
good, THEY JUST LOST THE

ADMIRAL!!!" he yelled and then continued a bit calmer.
Putting his stress

out

on Webb was not a very fair thing to do but he surely
enjoyed it "Le me talk

to Mac"

 

 

 

Harm's place

1345 EST

 

Harriet got up to get the phone assuming it was
Commander Rabb. She knew

about the operation and would be careful not to let
Mac know too much.

 

"Hello"

 

"Harriet? It's Rabb here, can I talk to Mac?"

 

"Sure you want that?"

 

"Of course I'm sure, and I'm not up for small talk. Is
she asleep or can I

talk to her?"

 

Harriet sensed that something was bothering the
Commander. He sounded

stressed "Of course, Sir" was her only response and
then she handed the

receiver to

Mac.

 

"Harm, is that you?"

 

"Yeah" he forced himself to calm down. This was not
gonna be easy. And she

didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of his
anger. "How are you?"

 

"I'm fine" she responded with a small smile. The truth
was, that she'd

rather have him here now. She really liked Harriet and
the younger woman

sure was

a good friend, but nothing at all like Harm. She
certainly didn't like the

idea of being with Harriet when she had another
nightmare. There was no

reason

for her to know about this. And frankly, there was
nothing better against

fear than Harm's big embrace.

 

"So, how are you really? No bad dreams, no headache,
no bad ankle, no

sickness?"

 

"None of those"

 

"I hear a but coming"

 

"I'd rather have you here" she said quietly. Harriet'd
went into the

bathroom so she could say that without hurting her
feelings.

 

"I'd rather be with you. Listen Mac, this is
important. You didn't tell me

who murdered your uncle though you must have known and
before you say

anything, I'm not mad at you. I understand your
motives, I would have done

the same

so don't worry about it, ok?"

 

"Ok" she answered full of relief. She certainly had
dreaded the moment when

he found out. She would have taken any bet that he
would be furious about

her

not telling him.

 

"They tried to get him today, but it didn't work out.
Palmer tricked them

and he took the Admiral hostage" Harm said and heard a
gasp of surprise and

shock on the other end of the line.

 

"No, this can't happen" she murmured.

 

"I'm sure he will be fine, Mac" Harm didn't know whom
he tried to reassure,

her or himself. He hadn't even thought about that this
would mean another

loss of a person close to her for Mac. They just
couldn't lose the Admiral,

he

was something like a father to both of them. And it
would be especially hard

on Mac now with her uncle just gone.

 

"I...I wanted to ask you, if it is ok with you, if I
try to track Palmer

down. I want you to tell me honestly if it would
bother you, that I would

leave

you for a little while. I know, I promised not to and
I'm more than willing

to keep that promise"

 

"No, Harm go ahead and get the Admiral back. I'm fine
here"

 

"Mac, you sure?"

 

"Well, I won't say that I wouldn't want to have you
here but I understand and

I want you to find him. He's more than our CO, Harm.
He's our friend. I will

be alright" Deep down she dreaded the thought of being
alone at night but

there were things more important now. One of her
friends was in danger.

 

"Maybe you can stay with the Roberts, Mac" He
suggested. He surely didn't

want her to be alone, especially not at night.

 

"No, Harm, I'll be fine here. I...I don't want them to
get too involved.

Maybe Palmer would try something more and they have
little AJ and..."

 

"It's ok, I understand. I may not like it, but I
understand. I'll be home

tonight, ok? I don't want you to be alone"

 

"Don't worry about me Harm. I'm a Marine, remember?"

 

"Right now you are a woman dealing with a lot of
demons. I don't want to

lose you to them. You mean too much to me" he said
quietly.

 

Mac took a deep breath "You happen to mean a lot to me
too, so be careful.

You know Palmer, he's not easy to get. And he knows
you'll come after him"

 

"I'll take care"

 

"See you"

 

"See you" Harm hung up and sighed heavily. Mac was
right, Palmer would be

waiting for him to come. And he surely had a surprise
prepared for him.

 

 

 

Webb's office

2058 EST

 

"Ok, Webb. I gotta go home. We won't find anything
today and I promised Mac

to come"

 

"Ok, you go ahead" Clay said smiling thoughtfully
"when is the wedding,

Rabb?"

 

"It's not like that between us, Webb, and you know
that. She is my best

friend and she is not well. That's all"

 

Clay noticed with growing amusement that Harm had
known instantly what he

was talking about. He counted this as a sign that the
Commander had had

thoughts like that himself. Maybe not about marriage
yet, but at least about

developing something more with his partner. Webb would
have tried to hit on

her long

ago if he hadn't already known that she would never
love him. Her heart was

taken.

 

 

 

When Harm arrived home the smell of pasta tickled his
nose already outside

his appartment.

 

She greeted him with a warm smile that made him forget
about all the events

of the day for a moment. He wondered what it would be
like to come home to

her every day. He sure would like that.

 

Later over the pasta and an incredibly good sauce he
learned that Harriet

had had just left and so Mac had taken up cooking
since he said he would be

home.

 

"Mac, this is delicious!" 

 

"Well, against common assumption, I'm a fairly decent
cook" she replied with

a light smile.

 

"Why, I know you so long now but you still keep
surprising me" She looked so

good right now. She still showed many signs of the
rocky last two weeks and

looked in particularly exhausted but she'd never been
more beautiful to him.

 

 

Mac looked at him having thoughts like that of her
own. She had enjoyed it

so much today to know he would come home tonight. It
was something she

really

could get used to. Having somebody to come home to. It
had never been that

way with any of her lovers, not even with Mic and
she'd almost married him.

But

spending the evenings and nights with them had never
felt like home. Not

like it did with Harm. Not that she counted Harm as
her lover.

 

"Penny for your thoughts" he drew her out of her
reverie. 

 

"I was thinking about us" she answered shyly, not
knowing how he would

react.

 

"So was I" he replied softly "I think we have to talk,
when this whole mess

is over and there's finally some normality back in
both of our lives"

 

"Yeah, we really should" Mac said, though she
seriously doubted that it

would ever be like it used to be again. Not if he had
the same thoughts as

she had.

 

 

"Did you find anything that could lead to Palmer
today?" she asked after a

little while.

 

"No. We started interviewing the people who have been
at the restaurant at

the time and also those living in the neighbourhood.
So far nobody has seen

anything. We're gonna continue tomorrow and maybe also
the day after"

 

"Harm you have to find him. If he does something to
the Admiral..."

 

"I know" Harm came over to her side and lay his hands
on her shoulders

feeling her tense muscles under the shirt. One of his
Navy sweatshirts.

 

Then he started massaging her gently. She let her head
fall forward to grant

him better access.

 

"Harm, if we lose him...it would be next one in the
long row of victims of

the MacKenzie curse" she stated.

 

"Don't be silly, Mac. Palmer does this because of me.
I'm the one to blame

here"

 

"But don't you see it? Everyone getting involved with
me keeps dying. Eddie,

Dalton, Chris, Baby Sarah, my uncle...heck, my dog
died last month. Not even

he was safe"

 

"Jingo was simply old and you know that. And you are
not involved with

Admiral Chegwidden, are you?" he asked slightly
concerned.

 

"Not in this way. But he's my friend and something
like the father I never

had"

 

"Mac, stop worrying about him, he'll be fine. It takes
a lot to get a Seal

down, especially this one. And Palmer wants me, not
him"

 

"That's my next point of concern, Harm. You are doing
exactly what he wants

you to. You are going to be caught and killed by him
if you don't watch out.

Promise to be careful"

 

"I promise" Harm continued working her strained
muscles and soon got a moan

of pleasure from her.

 

"This feels great. You should do that more often"

 

"I'd gladly do. Guess I'm part of the reason why
you're all stiff up here"

 

"Why would you think so?"

 

"I know I can be a pain in the ass"

 

Mac chuckled lightly "Yeah, you really can but at the
moment I'm more a pain

in yours"

 

"No, you're not" he simply stated and stunned Mac once
again. She just sat

still and enjoyed his gentle treatment for a couple of
minutes.

 

"Care to join me in bed, flyboy?"

  

"Sure"

 

 

Harm woke up again in the middle of the night. He soon
figured what had

disturbed his sleep. It was Mac, lying in his arms and
crying.

 

"Hey, Baby. It's ok. Nothing will happen to you" he
tried to sooth her but

wasn't very successful. He pulled first himself in a
sitting postion and

then

her. Looking deep into her tearfilled eyes he gently
drew her in his big

embrace, trying to make all her pain go away. It took
some time but it

worked.

 

When she'd stopped sobbing he said softly "Wanna talk
about about it?"

 

"I saw my uncle, Harm. I saw how he died" her voice
was trembling with

emotions and threatening to brake.

 

"I'm so sorry, Mac. This shouldn't happen to you. It's
all my fault" Harm

was miserable. He'd caused her pain, nightmares that
haunted her and made

her

hurt like there is no tomorrow.

 

"It's not your fault, don't say that" she pleaded and
snuggled deeper in his

embrace.

 

Harm was silent now, caressing her back with one hand
and stroking through

her hair with the other one. After 30 minutes she was
safely asleep and he

let

her lie down again and took her in his arms with her
head on his chest.

 

 

 

Old house somewhere in Washington DC

0143 EST

 

"Admiral Chegwidden, USN, the head of the famous JAG
Corps and a former

Seal. It was pretty easy to trick you, considering all
you former mentioned

qualifications"

 

AJ grudged disapprovingly. He may not like Palmer in
the least but he had to

admit, he was right. He'd been a fool to let this
happen, he was ashamed.

Now he was tied up to a chair in some old smelling
house. That was all he

had

been able to figure out. There were no windows here so
he couldn't tell if

it

was night or day. He'd woken up about 15 min ago and
found himself in this

embarassing situation, and additionally with a bad
headache.

 

"You know, I don't want you, AJ. My target is Harmful
Rabb, who, I recall, 

is a very devoted officer serving under your command.
I'm sure he'll do

anything to find you and I’ll be waiting for him. I
have a little surprise

arranged…I can assure you, I'll take good care of you
in the meantime"

 

AJ shot him an angry glance but since his mouth was
taped shut, couldn't

respond in the manner he would have liked to.

 

 

 

Harm's place

0730 EST

 

Harm carefully slipped out of the bed. No need waking
her up. He looked down

at her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful right
now. Nobody could have

guessed that she'd been to hell and back more than
once in her life. But it

was

in her eyes. All the scars and still open wounds of
her soul were visible in

those beautiful brown eyes he could get lost in so
easily.

 

Then he got dressed and left the appartment.

 

 

 

Webb's office

0854 EST

 

"Clay, we have to find something today. I don't even
want to think about

what he's doing to the Admiral right now"

 

"I know that, Rabb. Although you maybe think
otherwise, but he happens to be

something like a friend to me as well. And if you ever
mention that to him,

I'll plainly deny it"

 

Harm couldn't help but grin at that comment.

 

"Come on, lets interview more of the people" he said
and waved Webb out of

the office.

 

 

 

Near the "La Dolce Vita"

1522 EST

 

Webb and Harm just came from another resultless
interview and were heading

for the next possible witness, when Harms cellphone
rang.

 

"Hello"

 

"Harm? It's me"

 

"Mac?" he was a bit surprised to hear from her. He
walked a few steps away

from Webb, hoping that he would get the hint that he
wanted some privacy.

"What's wrong?" he asked her anxiously.

 

"You got a letter today...sorry for opening your mail.
I just..."

 

"It's ok, Mac. I don't keep any secrets from you"

 

"It looked like the letter I got from Palmer, that's
why I opened it" she

said quietly "And it was from him"

 

"I'm on my way to you. How are you holding up?" 

 

"I'm fine. Don't worry"

 

"Hope so. Mac you know you can tell me"

 

"I know and I'm fine"

 

"See you"

 

"See you"

 

Harm turned the cellphone off and went back to Webb
who had been waiting

impatiently. He wasn't quite convinced that she really
was fine especially

since

he didn't know yet what Palmer had in mind and what he
had been writing.

 

"Webb, I have to get home to my appartment. Mac found
a letter from Palmer

in my mail" he informed the agent.

 

"Ok, you go home to Mac and I'll continue here" the
spy grinned at him

"Don't bother denying this one, I know you're not
romantically involved"

 

"I'll let it pass this time" Harm sighed and turned to
go and get his car.

 

 

 

Harm's place

1610 EST

 

Harm had been quick to drive home. Due to the rather
early hour there was

not so much traffic yet. He opened his door. "Mac?
It's me"

 

She came over fom the bedroom "Hey Sailor"

 

"Hey"

 

They both went over to the couch and Mac handed him an
envelope before

sitting down beside him and placing her foot on the
pillow that still

decorated

his table.

 

"It hurts?" he asked concerned and before even looking
at the letter. 

 

"No...Yes" she admitted.

 

"Did you take the painkillers?"

 

"Yes...No, Harm I'm a Marine. I've been through worse
things than that"

 

"But you don't have to put yourself through this one.
I'll go and get them

for you"

 

"Don't you want to read it?" she said, pointing  at
the letter still in his

hand.

 

"Yeah, but more importantly I don't want you to hurt.
Not if I can change

that. Remember, the doctor put me in charge to take
care of you" he smiled

at

her.

 

"How could I forget? Ok, I'll swallow whatever you
want"

 

Harm disappeared in the bathroom.

 

When he was convinced that he'd done everything to
make her feel better, he

started to read Palmers letter.

 

 

"Harmful Rabb,

 

 

Your dear Admiral is waiting for you. He asked me, to
give you something. I

didn't want to do him the favour first. You know,
normally I send such

things

only after I'm done with the owner. But not this
time...

 

Hope, you'll come here and visit me. Otherwise I have
to do what I have to

do and finish him like I finished the Colonel. How's
his pretty niece

anyway?

Still having nightmares, Sarah?

 

You're doubtlessly still busy interwieving the
possible witnesses. It's a

waste of time. Nobody saw the drunk who kidnapped an
Admiral and took him

home

to try and complete his collection. I could use a
Commander though...

 

I'd like to see you again, Rabb. You know, I'm not
really after those

people. I want you to visit me, like the Admiral so
kindly does. And only

you,

Rabb. Not your limping little Jarhead partner and not
your spy friend

either.

Just you and me.

 

Oh, I forgot...you don't have my adress. I recommend
you take a look in your

car.

 

 

See you"

 

 

Together with the letter was the Admirals Academy
ring.

 

"He sent me uncle Matt's Marine ring" Mac said, her
voice emotionless.

 

"Your uncle's ring? We were wondering what it was. I'm
so sorry, Mac. I'm

sorry this had to happen to you and I'm surprised you
can still stand the

sight

of me."

 

"It's not your fault, Harm. And you're my best friend.
Sometimes you're a

pain in the six but right now you're there for me. And
I know you always

will.

Palmer is the evil guy in that game, don't blame it on
yourself"

 

He simply looked at her a bit longer, stunned at her
words. She was an

amazing woman and the best and  most faithful friend
he'd ever had. 

 

"I guess I better go and see what's in the car" he got
up to leave but she

held him back.

 

"Harm, you don't want to go there alone?"

 

"He asked me to be alone, who knows what he does to
the Admiral if I'm not"

 

"But Harm, this is Palmer. He'll kill you!" Macs voice
grew frantic.

 

"Don't worry. You know it's not so easy to kill me. I
have nine lives like a

cat"

 

"But sooner or later nine lives are lived. Harm, don't
go alone. I can't

lose you" she whispered the last words.

 

"You'll never lose me, I promise you"

 

"Don't make a promise you can't keep"

 

"I never do" with these words he left.

 

 

 

Only five seconds after he'd closed the door she was
on the phone.

 

"Webb, it's Mac"

 

"What can I do for you?"

 

"Come over here and get me" she barked in her best
drill instructor voice.

 

"What's going on?"

 

"I won't tell you if don't come here and get me.
Otherwise you just leave me

here and that is not an option" she ordered.

 

"Ok, I'll be right there. I guess Rabb is off to get
Palmer?"

 

"Come here and I'll tell you everything I know" she
said and hung up.

 

Then she went over to the window to watch the
direction where Harm was

going. 

 

 

Webb arrived short time later.

 

"Come on, no time to waste. I'll tell you on the way
down" she said dragging

him of the door before he even entered.

 

Clay sighed and followed her. He hadn't really
expected to convince her to

stay here. Not from a woman who had followed her
partner to Russia twice,

going through Sibiria with him in gypsy wagon the
first time and following

him to

Chechnya in a taxi the second.

 

She filled him in on the way to the car. When they
were finally settled

inside he asked "But you don't know what was in the
message he had in his

car?"

 

"No"

 

"So how on earth are we supposed to find him?" he
stared at her. This woman

certainly was crazy and Rabb was going to kill him for
taking her along in

her condition. He'd known that she wasn't on 100% at
the moment but he

hadn't

expected it to be so bad. Not only that she was
walking on crutches, she was

seemingly hurt deep inside and maybe not thinking
clearly.

 

"I saw wich direction he took off"

 

"Oh, great. So we just head the same way down the
street and then we just

ask people if they saw a man in a black SUV"

 

"Don't get snappy on me, Webb. We have to find him! I
don't know how, but we

have to find him"

 

"Ok" he gave in "we go to the next intersection down
there and then we try

to sniff our way to him. Too bad your dog died" he
sighed and bit his lip.

He

hadn't wanted to say that and the hurt statement on
her face made him feel

worse.

"I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't mean to..."

 

"It's ok, just go" she interrupted and turned her head
to look out of the

window. Webb wasn't supposed to se how she was
fighting with her tears now.

'Suck it up, Marine' she told herself. 'There's no
place for weakness right

now'

 

They had decided to cruise around a little bit and see
if they could maybe

catch a glimpse of Harm or his car.

 

 

 

Old house in Washington

Same time

 

Harm drove up in front of the house that belonged to
the adress Palmer had

left in his car for him. He looked at it for a little
while. There was no

other car in sight, so maybe he wasn't here. The house
was definitly very

old and

uninhabited. The windows were partly missing and
partly just nailed close or

even boarded up. He couldn't spot anyone on the
streets around.

 

Then he went to the entrance. There was a note on the
door.

 

"Feel free to enter" said a familiar handwriting and
so he did.

 

Knowing Palmer, he was careful not to get in any traps
he surely had all over

the place. On an old desk on the opposite side of the
hall he spotted

another message. Palmer wanted to play games, ok he
would play along. Not

that

there was much of a choice. He hoped that the Admiral
was somewhere here.

 

He went over to the desk, watching out for fall
strings and whatever else he

might have prepared for him. Either luck was with him
or Palmer hadn't

bothered down here for he reached the message safely.
It directed him to an

appartment on the top floor. So he headed for the
stairs, starting to climb

up and

watching every single one of his steps.

 

When he'd almost reached the second floor suddenly a
stair gave away under

his weight and he fell backwards, crashing down one
floor. Groaning he lay

there a few minutes trying to figure out if all his
bones were still in

their

propper places. He wasn't even entirely sure that this
was one of Palmers

surprises. He found himself just bruised and got up to
go on.

 

Watching his steps even more carefully now, he safely
reached the

appartment and opened the door while diving for cover.
He was unpleasently

reminded at

the remainders of his earlier fall. There was nothing
happening causing him

to carefully peek inside. He saw several old pieces of
furniture and there

was a well worn rug on the floor in front of him. 

 

No footprints disturbed the dust on the floor. Seeing
nothing unconcerting,

Harm entered the appartment practically on tiptoes. He
hadn't been three

steps in when he took the second fall of the day
through rotted floor boards

and

suddenly found himself back one level lower.

 

His landing was a rather bad one. He ended up on a
hard wood floor, lying on

his back like a beetle somebody had turned over. 

 

"Oh my God" he moaned and

tried to move. He'd bumped his head very hard and
already felt a lump

growing

accompanied by a shot of pain when he touched it.
Nevertheless he got up

again

looking what the reason for his so far inaccountable
fall had been. He

spotted a large hole in the ceiling. It must have been
covered by the rug.

 

He went upstairs again, still a bit dazzled and
unsteady on his feet. The

inspection of the appartment in question revealed
another note in the

bathroom.

It sent him to the basement next.

 

Carefully he made his way back down again. He opened
the basement door like

he had done with the one upstairs which was better in
this case. A baseball

bat would have hit him on the head if he hadn't been
diving for cover. There

was a note on it saying "Nice job, Rabb, you're still
alive"

 

The basement was completely dark, so Harm took the bat
and wrapped some oily

cloth he'd found in a corner around the top to use it
as a torch.

Fortunately he also found matches in one of his
pockets so he didn't have to

build a

fire in boy scout manner.

 

Finally having some light, he made his way down the
stairs pretty quickly.

The basement was huge and built in a very confusing
way. Almost like a

labyrinth. He now was in a room that contained
something that must have been

the

heating once. There were pipes everywhere. 

 

Suddenly he heard a strange noise right beside him and
before he could

react, he felt hot steam on one side of his face.

 

He ducked quickly but nevertheless felt his skin get
burningly hot. He was

lucky it hadn't reached his eye. Shortly later he
spotted the next message

on

a nearbye table.

 

When he reached for it, some large piece of metal
crashed down on his hand

cracking at least three fingers. Harm cried out in
pain and cursed himself

for

not taking better care. He must have been still a bit
shocked from the

earlier steam attack. He hadn't paid attention and
that was the result. He

vowed

to himself not to let it happen again.

 

After inspecting the place a bit better he reached out
for the message

again, this time with his left and still good hand.
Nothing happened. The

note

sent him back in the 4th floor which was one lower
than the last time. Harm

groaned in frustration but obeyed Palmers orders.

 

He went up the stairs again, carefully not to step on
the bad one and safely

arrived on the 4th floor. He did the door opening and
diving stunt again

what was getting harder and harder with the growing
numbers of his injuries.

 

This time however, he really was surprised. Still
lying on the floor and

marvelling about wether his fingers were all broken or
just four of them he

suddenly heard the low growling of a dog. A huge dog
if he judged from the

timbre

of his voice. And very possibly a hungry dog trained
to kill as soon as he

moved. 

 

He carefully turned towards the noise and looked right
into the angry

sparkling eyes of an enormous bulldog. He paled at the
sight and felt his

heartbeat

increasing. Fear was creeping up his spine. He knew he
wasn't supposed to be

afraid, the dog would feel it. But the truth was, that
he was simply scared

shitless.

 

He looked at him a bit longer and spotted what maybe
was his only chance.

The dog wore a collar. If he could get him by the
collar, he could tie him

up

somewhere. Sounded easy but was close to impossible
even if would have been

able to use both hands. He wouldn't get him without
being bitten, that was

for

sure. He considered all his possibilities for a moment
and then decided to

let the dog bite his right arm which had gotten almost
useless anyway. He

only

hoped he would let go again.

 

In one quick move he held his right arm right in front
of the dogs nose and

grabbed for the collar. He missed it by a mere inch.
But the dog didn't miss

his arm and he groaned in pain when the beasts teeth
were digging deep into

his flesh.

 

Harm curled up in a little ball, trying to protect
himself from the angry

animal. But every move he made caused the dog to bite
him harder. He'd let

go

of his arm pretty quickly only to bite him in his legs
and back instead.

After

what seemed an eternity he finally got a grip at the
dogs collar and pulled

him away from his current position where he was trying
to bite his foot off.

He held him on arms length. 

 

Not an easy task, considering that he was hurt and the
dog furious with rage

and doubtless also starved. He pulled him to a nearby
waterpipe and tied him

up with a lot of difficulty, using his belt. 

 

After a few more minutes of taking deep breaths and
inspecting his newest

battle wounds he picked up where he'd left and started
to search the

appartment. There was blood dripping from his arm and
he knew from the

bloodstained

pants he must have hurt his leg as well. There was no
time for that now, he

had

an Admiral to find.

 

The appartment contained no new surprises just a note
again. The game

started to make Harm really impatient but there was no
choice other than to

play

along. The note sent him to the ground level, where he
had entered earlier.

 

Making his way down the stairs, he had to pass the dog
again, who

immediately started growling. Harm clenched his teeth
in horror at that

sight and

increased his speed slightly. Down at the ground level
he quickly spotted

the next

note. Wondering why it had been so easy this time and
getting suspicious he

twice checked everything he could possibly imagine to
get dangerous. There

was nothing.

 

He gripped the message and drew his hand back right
away. His fingertips

burned like hell. "Acid!" he cursed. Having no water
to wash it off he

carefully

started to wipe his fingers off at a corner of his
jacket. It didn't help

all that much and the material hurt on his sore flesh
but nevertheless it

stopped burning more of his fingers. Now both of his
hands were nearly

useless.

 

He took a piece of wood he'd found nearby slightly
wincing when it made

contact with the burns. Then he turned the message
over to read it.

 

"Hey Rabb, having sore fingers?" That first sentence
made him more angry

than he ever thought he could be. He read on and
started to make his way to

the

third floor, where his next note was going to wait. At
least he expected it

to be nothing more than another of Palmers annoying
little messages.

 

In the next appartment he found a little box with a
note on top that said

"Open". Unconciously rubbing his right shoulder, that
he'd banged when he

dove

for cover after opening the door this time, with his
left wrist, he mavelled

about wether or not he was wise to follow this
instruction. Who knows what

was in the box. But he had no choice so he opened it
carefully and jumped

backwards in the same moment. 

 

The next thing he remembered was an angry humming and
then he found himself

back in a swarm of hornets. He quickly grabbed the
note and stormed out of

the room slamming the door behind him. Anyway he'd
gotten at least two

stings

and something like two or three of the insects where
still flying around his

head waiting for a chance to attack.

 

He read the note waving his free hand to get rid of
them but only making

them more angry. Palmer sent him to the first floor
and he made a quick

retreat

down the stairs forgetting about the bad one on the
second floor and getting

down even quicklier now. His head hit the ground very
hard and he lost

conciousness, the hornets still humming in his ears.

He never saw the figure approaching him now and
dragging his dead weight

into the next appartment, closing the door in front of
the angry insects.

 

 

 

Webb's car somewhere in Washington DC

2107 EST

 

Mac and Webb had been searching what seemed like half
Washington DC and

spotted neither Harm nor his car. Clays frustration
grew with every second.

 

"Mac, I know you won't like it, but I'm gonna turn
back now and drop you at

Harm's place. Then I'll go and try to find out where
he went"

 

"Don't you dare, Webb! You drop me off and I'll kill
you, Then I get myself

a taxi and find him on my own" There was a sparkle in
her eyes that told him

that she was deadly serious.

 

"Mac, don't do that to me" he wailed "I shouldn't have
taken you in the

first place. You had a rendezvous with a mirror
lately? You look like hell!"

 

"Thank you very much! And I'm not going anywhere but
with you to find Harm.

You know you won't get rid of me so stop it" she
ordered.

 

"Yes, Ma'am" Clay sighed. Never get in the way of a
Marine, especially not

this one.

 

They drove in silence for another 30 min when Mac
suddenly grabbed his arm,

digging her fingernails deep into his flesh.

 

"Hey, that hurts!"

 

"There's Harm's car. Down that street, don't you see
it?" she pointed in the

direction where she saw the black SUV.

 

"It's a black SUV for now. Let's go and check" Webb
stepped on the

accelerator suddenly being sure that it was Harm and
that he needed help. He

parked

right behind it.

 

"It's his" Mac whispered.

 

"Yeah, I gotta see if he's anywhere around, you stay
here and..."he didn't

finish the sentence when he heard her car door slam.
She was gone. Clay

emerged out of his car and told her to wait but got no
reaction. She was

entering

the house they were standing in front of now and then
she was completely

disappeared. He couldn't do anything but hurry after
her.

 

When Mac was about three strides inside the house, she
stopped dead. There

was the low growling of a dog somewhere in here in she
wasn't sure if she'd

like to meet him. The sound made the hair on the back
of her neck stand up.

She

whirled around and almost lost her balance when Clay
came in.

 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" he apologized.

 

"I'm a Marine, Webb, I'm not scared. You just startled
me. Let's go and find

them"

 

"Mac, wait, for godsake. Listen to me this one time!"
When he got her

impatient nod he continued "Palmer is sure to keep
some little surprises

here

around. You know he likes to play with Rabb, so we
better watch our steps"

 

"Ok, I agree. Now come on. Best we do that
methodically, wanna start in the

basement or on the top floor?"

 

"Basement"

 

Mac spotted Harm's selfmade torch and bent down to
pick it up. 

 

"Let me do that, ok?" he stopped her "I'm not on
crutches"

 

"Ok"

 

They lit it and went downstairs. Mac negotiated the
stairs with difficulty.

After a little while they arrived at the room with the
heating, where Harm

had found the message. Passing by the very pipe Harm
had passed earlier, it

went off again hitting Clay full power. Mac dove for
cover and pulled him

down

with her.

 

"Are you ok?" she glanced at him worriedly.

 

"I guess so. I told you there would be traps all over
the house"

 

Shortly later they found the table where the message
had been. Now there was

only the huge block of metal and a few drops of blood
left.

 

"Harm's hurt!" She sounded scared.

 

"It's just a little bit of blood. Maybe he just has a
scratch or maybe it's

not even his. Come on, we won't find anything down
here" Clay tried to soothe

her fear. He really hoped, Rabb would be alright. He
hoped it for her.

 

They searched the ground level and it revealed
nothing, causing them to carry

on on the first floor. They separated, each starting
at one side of the

floor. When Mac entered her second appartment, she
suddenly spotted a

familiar

form lying on the ground. It was Harm, and he was
unconcious. That was about

all she could figure out before somebody approached
her from behind. She

whirled around and this time she lost her balance and
fell.

 

"The limping Jarhead. How nice to see you" Clark said
in a sweet voice.

 

"The pleasure is all mine, Palmer" she hissed and
lifted one of her crutches

to strike. He gripped it and threw it out of the
appartment and

down the stairs. As he did with the second one, when
she tried it again but

while he was occupied with it, she gave him a blow
into his stomach with her

good

foot. He writhed in pain and raised his fist to beat
her. 

 

Sarah saw the image of her father rapidly exchanging
with the one of Clark.

Both were standing in exactly the same position, a
fist raised against her.

She was scared to death, like she'd always been when
her father had beaten

her. Then she saw the fist slamming down at her and
rolled away in the last

second. While she was still trying to figure out what
was happening to her,

she

saw him again. Her father.

 

He was trying to hit her again and this time she
simply saw red. She jumped

up and defended herself with a few good placed kicks,
forgetting completely

about her ankle. Palmer was already down on his knees
when she set her final

blow against his temple, dazzling but not killing him.

 

Then she hurried over to the spot where Harm lay,
still completely oblivious

to the shooting pain in her foot. Webb entered the
room and gave her

questioning look but she was too occupied with her
patient to see him. So he

quickly

cuffed Palmer to the next pipe and went to see if he
can find the Admiral.

 

Meanwhile Sarah had pulled Harms head in her lap,
gently caressing his

forehead. He slowly woke up with her touch. 

 

"Hey Sailor" she greeted him.

 

"Hey" he groaned. His head was hurting like hell. Then
realisation set its

course and he remembered where he was "Mac! What are
you doing here?"

 

"Watching your six. And that was necessary. How are
you?" she asked gazing

over his battered body.

 

"Better, now that you are here"

 

"Clay is looking for the Admiral. He already called an
ambulance, they

should be here soon"

 

There was a loud noise coming from outside the
appartment followed by Clay's

cursing. 

 

"What was that?" Mac asked.

 

"There's a lose stair on the second floor" he grinned.
Then Harm struggled

to get up. He swayed a little bit first but steadied
himself soon. Mac

followed him up but winced in pain when she put weight
on her ankle and it

gave

away, causing her to stumble. Harm caught her before
she fell.

 

"Hey, easy there. What happened to your crutches?"

 

"Palmer threw them down the stairs" she stated simply.

 

"PALMER!?" Harms alarm bells were ringing so loud now,
he expected her to

hear them "He's still here, where did he go? You have
to get out of here,

Mac!"

 

"It's ok, Harm. Palmer is over there" she explained,
waving towards his limb

body. 

 

"What happened?" 

 

"Let's talk about that later. Now we have to see if we
can help Clay to find

Admiral Chegwidden"

 

"No, we have to get you out of here. Mac, you're hurt"

 

"And that from you! Look at youself, what did he do to
you anyway?"

 

"We were playing a little game. Something like
paper-chase"

 

"Looks like a new dangerous version I don't know yet"

 

They went out of the appartment and called Clay who
told them he'd found AJ

and just had to cut him lose.

 

"OUCH!" they heard AJs voice a bit later "You couldn't
rip that tape off a

bit slowlier?"

 

"Be glad I ripped it off" the spy scoffed back.

 

Harm and Mac smiled at each other. Some things never
changed. Soon they all

met in front of the house where the ambulance just
arrived and short time

later the place was crowded with the FBI, CIA and
other agencys.

 

Before Mac, Harm and the Admiral left for Bethesda,
Mac had one last

question for Webb.

 

"Clay, why did you have handcuffs up there? That's not
spy standard

equipment, is it?"

 

Webb blushed slightly causing Mac to raise an eyebrow
at him. "Clay?" she

demanded an answer.

 

"Actually belong to my girlfriend and if you ever tell
anyone, I'll kill you

personally!"

 

 

 

Harm's place

Two weeks later

 

Harm sat on the couch, Mac's head resting comfortably
in his lap. She was

asleep and he used the time to do some thinking.

 

They'd all been to the hospital after they'd left the
house. AJ was not

injured, just dehydrated. Mac's tendon had been torn
all the way now and

she'd

gotten a major lecture from her doctor. She didn't
care. Harm had had to

stay at

Bethesda two days, due to a severe concussion. His
other injuries were all

taken care of too, and it had hurt like hell when
they'd set his broken

fingers.

 

Mac had held his hand and he'd almost broken hers,
when squeezing it so

hard. She hadn't been mad. She was amazing. They both
were still on leave

and

he'd asked Mac to stay over at least for the time
being. He saw in her eyes

how

glad she was that he'd offered that. She was still
having nightmares at

least

every second night and it hurt to see her like that.
She always was so

scared when she woke up, so vulnerable. The little
girl in her was back

during

that time.

 

Palmer was back to Leavenworth now and he still had no
idea what had

happened that night. Clay told him that they'd split
up and when he heard

noises of

a fight he had hurried over to Mac and found Palmer
unconcious on the floor

and Mac running towards Harm. Mac wasn't talking about
it to him and he'd

have

to wait until she was ready to.

 

But she was talking to him about her nightmares and he
was shocked every

time. She dreamed a lot of her fathers beatings but
also of her mother

abandoning her and that was when she cried most.
Deanne MacKenzie had cut

the deepest

wound in Sarah's soul. 

 

He looked down at her. She'd been awfully tired after
not being able to

sleep for two nights in a row. Harm had tried to help
her relax but she was

so

scared. She had been dreaming about her uncle for a
couple of nights, had

seen

him lying on the floor and bleeding, calling out her
name. She was so afraid

it would come back if she would sleep. She'd spent
these two nights staring

out of his window and he had tried to be there for
her. But she'd

practically

kicked his six back to bed. She didn't want him to
have sleepless nights

because of her.

 

Today she'd been throwing up several times and he'd
made her lie down on the

couch. He offered her his lap as a pillow and she'd
gladly taken him up on

it

and soon she was sleeping soundly. He watched her
chest rise and fall. He'd

never thought about, that the vomiting maybe was not a
physical problem

until

he'd realized that it almost always occured after
she'd had an extremely bad

nightmare. That realization had hurt him very much as
it was an indicator as

to how hard it really was for her. What wouldn't he do
to make it all go

away.

 

But she would heal, it only took time and somebody to
support her. He would

be that somebody, he wouldn't let her down. 

 

Mac stirred in his lap and started trembling. He
gently caressed her cheek,

talking to her soothingly. But he couldn't take it
away from her and she

awoke with a start and sat up. For a second she just
stared, her eyes wide

in

horror. Harm pulled her in his arms, rubbing her back
and she collapsed

against

his shoulder, shaking with tears and emotions. When
she had calmed down a

little bit he lifted her head up and looked into her
eyes. Wiping the

remaining

tears away with his thumb he gave her a reassuring
smile.

 

"It's ok, Mac. You're safe here" he said.

 

"Palmer killed you" she whispered "I found you lying
on the floor there in

this appartment and you were dead. And there was blood
everywhere and your

eyes were open and staring at me..." Her eyes teared
up again and Harm

pulled

her to sit in his lap and gently rocked her back and
forth.

 

"It's ok, Mac. I'm here. He didn't kill me. I'm here" 

 

"Harm, I can't lose you. I was so scared that you
could be gone like all the

others"

 

"You won't lose me, Mac. Never" he kept stroking
through her hair.

 

"Thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for
being my friend"

 

"I care for you very much. You're more to me than my
best friend, Mac" he

answered quietly.

 

"You're more than a best friend to me too" she said.
She'd calmed down by

now, only sobbing from time to time "Sometimes I wish
I could lie in your

arms

forever. It feels so good"

 

"Why can't you?" he asked, dreading her answer more
than anything before in

his life.

 

Sarah looked up at him in puzzlement. She was stunned,
just looking into his

eyes, hoping he would see the answer there. And
judging by his next action,

he did.

 

Harm lowered his head, slowly closing the space
between their faces. He'd

seen hope in her eyes. Hope that he really meant what
he'd just said and

hell,

he'd meant every single word. He gave her time to pull
back but she didn't.

She held his gaze until their lips touched. Than she
closed her eyes. He was

brushing her lips first and she leaned in. It slowly
got more passionate and

she slung her arms around his neck deepening the kiss.


 

When they both came up for air he opened his mouth to
say something but she

gently laid her finger on his lips.

 

"Don't say you're sorry because I'm not" was all she
whispered while her

heart was beating so fast, she thought it would jump
out of her chest every

second. And she could feel Harms heart pounding just
as much.

 

She could see his eyes getting watery. "Hey Sailor,
there's nothing to cry

about" she said softly and wiped his tears away just
like he did with her

when

she cried.

 

"I'm just so happy" he replied around the lump in his
throat.

 

He pulled her closer in his embrace and she rested her
head on his chest,

enjoying their new found closeness.

 

****THE END****