TITLE: "Further Than Anyone I Know" AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: Missing Moments #7-this one from the episode "Gypsy Eyes". The seventh in a summer long series of 'in lieu of a new JAG' stories wherein older episodes will be revisited and we'll explore what happened that we did not get to see, or in some cases what should or could have happened. DISCLAIMER: JAG of course belongs to Paramount and DB productions et al. No copyright infringement is intended. FEEDBACK: If you would like, but never expected or demanded. Feedback addy is ssbpmn@aol.com NOTE: All parts of this story, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL, H/M Fanfiction archive.} or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html [sadly, not always up and running] ******************* "Further Than Anyone I Know"--- "Only the birds know where the Tiaga ends. Only the birds and your father." Mac translated Pitchta's final words. "I'm sorry Harm," she added. "I wish I could so something." "No one can do anything right now," he whispered, walking several feet away, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Mac watched him for a few seconds and then turned back to the old woman speaking once again in Russian. "Thank you. Thank you more than we can express." She nodded and gestured to Harm and then down the path from which they had come. "I have a box of Tyete's things that I would give to his son. Please come down and have some soup and stay the night. It is not a pleasant trip back to the city in the dark." Mac looked to Harm, now standing and staring out over the vast valley. "Yes thank you we will," she decided, accepting for both of them. "We'll be along shortly." "Your friend is hurting badly." "Yes he is, but in his heart he knew his search could end like this. And when he has time to accept it, he will be glad that he knows the truth." Pitchta nodded and Mac patted her arm. "You've been more than kind. Give us a few minutes and we'll join you." Slowly, leaning on her cane, Pitchta started down the sloping path and Mac walked to Harm, in time to hear him whisper, "Good Bye Dad." His voice was filled with tears and it tore at her heart. Wordlessly she slipped her arms around his middle from behind, pressing herself as close to him as she could possibly get. "He's dead Mac. Out there somewhere." "At least you know," Mac offered, "and yes I know how little comfort that is, but you can put him to rest now." "I don't know what I expected I guess. I didn't really let myself think about it too hard---just said I wanted to find out. The truth you know. And now that I have I just don't know what to do with it. I feel lost. I feel like that little boy who was hiding behind the big chair listening to the casualty officers tell my mom." Awkwardly he reached for her, tugging her around to the front of him. "I'm sorry," he whispered and folded her into his embrace at the same time. "What the hell are you sorry for?" she demanded. "For bringing you all this way. For risking your life. For making you follow me on some damn fool quest." "Yeah well the last time I checked I wasn't handcuffed to you," she reminded him. "I came because I had a friend who was hurting and who needed help. Help that I could provide. And I'm the one who's sorry anyway. Sorry that it ends this way because I know deep inside you there's a little boy who wanted to find his dad alive." "Yeah there was," he nodded, clinging tightly to her. "Mac I. . .I don't know what's next. What to do now?" The sad lost look he gave her melted her heart and she hugged back. "Then I'll tell you what we're going to do. Pitchta has invited us to spend the night. She has food, and hopefully warm beds, but most of all, she has some stuff from your dad to give you." His face lit up at that. "Really she does? That's great. OK but. . .but before we leave in the morning we can come back up here for a bit right?" "For as long as you want. And we can. . .well if you want to talk about anything, you know you can." "Thanks." He gave a long sniffle and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I am going to be the rest of my life repaying you for this." "We'll work something out I'm sure," she smiled. "You ready? Cold and hungry Marine here." "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I wasn't even thinking about you. Of course you're cold and hungry. And I'm just standing out here babbling." "Hey stop that. You know I'm here for you. As long as it takes and as long as you need me." "Thank you" he whispered. "I'll probably never stop saying that you know." "Well you should. This is what friends are for. We help each other. Now let's get both of us inside so we can get warm and dry and get some food." "I'm not sure I'm hungry" he sighed as she led him towards the house. "I'm just numb right now." "I know. But some soup will be good for you." "You know you take good care of me," he said with a small smile. "Someone has to" she smiled. "And I'm just glad I'm here for you. I know this is hard for you and you shouldn't have to go through it alone." They were silent the rest of the way back to the small home and Harm didn't talk during dinner. Mac and Pitchta kept up a small conversation in Russian while Harm stared at his soup, managing only a few spoonfuls before pushing it away. Pitchta looked over at him and he let out a long sigh. "Tell her it's not the soup. I'm just not hungry." "I think she knows that" Mac said as she gently patted his hand. "Why don't you got sit down and relax for a while. I'll help Pitchta clean up and then I know she has the box of your father's stuff." He nodded and wordlessly moved to the small living room of the house while Mac helped Pitchta clean up. "I think it is time to get the box" Pitchta told Mac a few minutes later. "It is tucked away on the top shelf of my bedroom closet. I cannot reach it without climbing on something and I haven't been able to do that in years. Plus it is heavy." "Let's get Harm" Mac replied. "He'll be able to reach I'm sure." She headed to the living room and Harm looked up at her. "Can you help us get the box down?" she asked. "Pitchta has it up in a closet and she can't reach it. I'm sure I could but she says it's heavy." "Sure" he said as he stood up. Minutes later he stretched to reach the wooden box at the top of the closet, surprised to find it not heavy at all. He turned and handed it to Mac and the three sat down on Pitchta's bed. Harm opened the box and his face fell when he realized it was empty, with the exception of a folded piece of paper. "I do not understand" Pitchta said to Mac in Russian. "There were other things in here." "It's empty," Harm said with a long sigh as he unfolded the paper. "And who knows what this is." "I'm sorry," Pitchta said quietly. "I do not understand. I had Tyete's belongings in here." "Who would have taken the stuff?" Mac asked. "And why?" "I wanted there to be something," Harm frowned, staring at the paper. "Mac she doesn't know?" "No she doesn't," Mac sighed. "The box was placed up their by her brother Gregorio, and she had not touched it all these years. The dust alone bears that out. What's on the paper?" "Scribbling. Why would anyone put a scribbled piece of paper inside here. God I'm so confused." Mac squeezed his hand and took the paper from him, turning it around to look at all angles. "It's in Russian but I don't recognize the words," she said slowly. "Motuy." Pitchta spoke up and Mac smiled. "I'm feeling left out," Harm groused. "She said river," Mac explained. "Motuy is a river." She held up the paper to the light and Pitchta looked closely as well. "Tyete," Mac added; pointing with her pinkie to a spot. "Stupid non Russian speaking American here." "Keep your pants on," Mac hissed, suddenly urgent and Harm at once sat up to take notice of what was transpiring between the two women. After what seemed like an eternity, Mac put the paper in front of him, then taking his hands. "OK now you're going to have to be calm here. But apparently Gregorio replaced whatever was in the box with this paper. It's a map Harm. A map to Tyete's grave." "Oh my god," he gasped, his hand shaking the paper. "Her brother?" "Apparently so." "How do we get there?" Once again Mac and the whole woman talked in hushed tones while Harm attempted patience. "Does she know where this is?" he demanded finally. "She does. It's an area about twenty miles from here. But Harm it's total back country there she says. Even on horseback it would be hard." "But it's accessible by foot?" "Yeaaah," she nodded, seeing exactly where he was leading and not liking it. Pitchta spoke again and Mac nodded to her. "Harm she says it's very easy to get lost in there. That the hills and trees look alike. Plus there are bear and wolves and the map is crude. It would be hard to follow." "Can she draw a better one?" "She says she could but. . ." "And are you not a Marine who can find your way?" "Of course but we don't have any equipment or. . .I'm talking to a fence post aren't I? We're going to do this." He opened his mouth to agree, closing it for a second while what she said sank in. "Correction I'm going to do this," he said finally. "I will not risk your life again. No way." "And if you think I'm going to let you go out there alone you're lost all your marbles" Mac countered. "Then I've lost my marbles. Because you are not going with me. I'll manage on my own. But you will not come with me." "Wrong answer Rabb. I'm going with you. You need me and you know it." "I need you alive and in my life" he whispered. "There's no way I'll risk your life like that again. Not when I have a choice this time. You are staying here with Pitchta." "No I am not. Do you think I'm just going to let you wander into a large forest and let you get lost? No. I will not spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to you. We go together or we don't go at all." "Mac please" Harm sighed. "No. Together or not at all. And I'll make sure you don't leave this place without me. I'm serious Harm. I will not lose you to the forest. You know I'm much better at finding my way than you are and it's suicidal for you to even consider going out there alone." "Better my life than yours" he countered. "Well in case you forgot, your life means a lot to me too" she said softly. "And I like having you in my life. So we go together." "You're not going to back down are you?" "Did I the first time?" she smiled. "You're stuck with me sailor. We'll do this together." "Mac this could be dangerous" he said quietly. "Besides getting lost there's animals and the weather to contend with." "I know. And I can handle it. Now what do you say we rest and get some sleep and in the morning we'll head out. Pitchta will draw us a better map and we'll have plenty of time to get there by nightfall." ******** It was just after dawn that they left Pitchta's small home. She'd put together a crude pack of necessities for them, which Harm was shouldering on his back. "It's not too late to turn back" Harm said as they started out. "I'll understand if you don't want to do this." "I want to do this. So stop asking. And if that pack gets too heavy, you know the Marine can handle it." "I've got it for now" he sighed. "You going to be okay with this?" she asked a short time later. "Finding your dad's grave and all?" "I haven't really thought about it," he admitted quietly. "I just know this is something I need to do." "I know," she smiled, looping her arm through his. "You think I'm obsessed don't you?" "Of course but it's part of your charm," she smiled. It was not long before talking ceased as the terrain got rougher. What little trail or path there had been ceased and they were forced to make their way over rocks and around trees. "OK we've already come at least half the distance," he proclaimed mid morning, collapsing onto a fallen log and reaching for one of the water containers. "You wish," she told him, taking note of his red face and shaking her head. "Three miles. I'll call it almost four if you're nice to me." "I may have under-estimated how hard this was going to be," he panted. "You holding up OK?" "Uh. . .better than you I think," she smiled and poured some water into her cupped hand, wiping his face teasingly. "You Sailor are out of shape. How long since survival training for you? Haven't you had the refresher?" "Actually I've managed to develop a hemorrhoid condition each time it's come up," he growled. "I just need to catch my breath. At this rate we're going to just about make it by dark right?" "At least there's nothing wrong with your math skills. Well we knew we were going to spend a night out anyway. You do know how to show a lady a good time there Squid." "We can still go back," he murmured. "No we cannot," she replied staunchly. "We're almost a quarter of the way there. We can do this." "I want to." "No I think you have to." "Yeah I do," he sighed. "And I hate that I'm dragging you along." He leaned his head into the coolness of her hand and to her everlasting surprise, turned slightly so that he could place a gentle kiss into the palm. "But I'm damn glad you're here," he finished. "I wouldn't be anywhere else," she said firmly, offering him her hand to rise and walk. Taking only two short breaks for the remainder of the day, they followed the map and Pitchta's dictated instructions deeper into the forest, and finally as the shadows of night were closing in Mac called firmly, "OK hold up there. We're right on the edge of the valley we want, but we're not going to be able to find anything in the dark even if we push on. Time to give it a rest for tonight." "We can make a little more," he urged, tugging on her hand. "Harm stop. If you could see your face, and listen to your breathing. Time to stop." "Mac" he pleaded. "Harm we can't see in the dark. Do you really want to risk one of us falling and getting hurt?" He shook his head at her words, knowing she was right. It would be too dangerous to continue in the dark. "All right" he sighed as he dropped to the ground. "We'll camp here for the night." "Good I knew you'd listen to reason eventually" she said as she sat down beside him. "Let's take ten and let you catch your breath and then we'll figure out what's for dinner." "Just give me a minute" he said tiredly. "No hurry. I'm not going anywhere. I'll just get our sleeping bags set up so we can crash after we eat." She busied herself with that task while he looked through the pack of stuff Pitchta had put together for them. "We're going to need a fire" he announced as he pulled out the soup Pitchta had packed for them. "Not just for dinner but for tonight." "And here I thought we were going to use body heat to stay warm" she smiled as she turned back to look at him. "That's one option" he said with a small smile. "I uh hope you brought better pajama's this time." "What pajama's?" she grinned. He just shook his head as he wandered off to find some wood for the fire. A short time later he had the fire going and carefully warmed the soup over it. "How you doing?" she asked softly as he stirred the soup. "I'm all right" he sighed as he dropped back down beside her. "Course this isn't what I wanted to be doing on this trip." "I know. You were hoping you were going to find him alive." "I knew the chances were slim" he admitted quietly. "But I guess I never gave up hoping it might happen." "I'm sorry. I wish this had turned out different." "I'm just glad you're here with me. I couldn't do this alone." Part 2 follows immediately Disclaimers and such in Part 1 And I wouldn't let you do this alone" she reminded him. "You know I'm here for you Harm. For anything you need." "And for that I can never thank you enough" he said softly. "You're a very special person Sarah Mackenzie." "You're not so bad yourself Harmon Rabb" she smiled. "Now are you going to feed me or am I going to have to call for room service?" "Have them bring some wine," Harm smiled. "No need," Mac grinned, pulling out a small bottle of vodka. "She must have figured we'd need it to keep warm." "Wonderful woman," Harm grinned and took the bottle, taking a small sip and then a long drink. "OK that's doing the job. And I won't insult you by asking if you'd care for some." "This soup will do me nicely," she nodded, accepting the metal container and spoon from him. "When we find the grave I'm going to mark it well and then we're getting a recovery team in here to bring him home. He's going to have the military honor he deserved," he said after a few minutes of silence. Mac nodded but said nothing. "Should I assume by your silence that you're not approving?" "It's not my place," she said softly. "Not my place to approve or disapprove. I'm not family." "Yeah you are," he replied, his voice very quiet. "Harm?" She cocked her head, attempting to understand him. "My mom made a new life for herself with Frank in California and my Grams, well I love her to death and I love to go up there, but she's. . .I really don't know how to explain it except that she doesn't share my life. That's your place." "And one I gladly fulfill," she smiled, "which of course is why I couldn't let you out of my sight. No way I would have let you come here alone." "I'm not sure how I'll repay any of this." "You could marry me," she replied with elaborate casualness and his response was to at once choke on a piece of potato from the soup so great was his surprise. "Yeah I know it's a totally outlandish statement. Got you good," she laughed, pounding his back. His only reply was to take a gulp of water. With the last vestiges of the sun but a memory, the temperature began to drop for real. "Unless Housekeeping gets here PDQ with that extra blanket, we're in trouble," he pronounced, for the two blankets Pitchta had packed were thin and light, with the sleeping bags also worn. "Is that body heat option starting to look good?" she teased. "Quit enjoying this," he growled, taking one bag and putting it out straight and then covering it with both blankets and the other bag. "OK I think we can cocoon up in there." "Excuse me? Cocoon? Never mind, it's the vodka talking. Otherwise Commander Harmon Rabb just said cocoon." She began to laugh and it was contagious for he joined her, laughing long and hard, until before she could know what hit her, he had grabbed onto her and wrestled her into the makeshift bed. "I didn't get to put on my pajamas," she squealed, still laughing to the point of tears. "Damn. And I wanted to see the show," he moaned, getting settled next to her. Finally their breathing returned to normal and there was silence. "Living in the city you forget what real dark and real quiet are," he sighed after a minute. "Being out here like this could make a person forget a lot of things." She nodded and silence returned until she stirred and raised herself up. "Harm sorry, you'll have to let me up. Nature call." "Hold it." "Not likely," she yelped. "If I try we'll be wet in addition to cold." "Ewww OK." He rolled away from her and she scrambled to her feet. "Be right back." Harm closed his eyes as she moved away, letting the exhaustion in his body claim him. Sleep took him almost immediately for all of two minutes when the howls of a wolf pack on the hunt split the night. "Damn noisy neighbors," he hissed, moving and instinctively reaching for her. He touched only empty blanket and air, and the howl came once again. He was wide awake at once, cold fear washing over him. "Mac where are you? Mac? Mac answer me. Now." "Harm" It was her voice, somewhat distant and scared sounding. "Mac where are you?" he asked as he stood up. "I'll come and get you." "No. Just keep talking. I can find my way back now." "What do you mean now?" he demanded. "I kind of went further than I should have" she called back, her voice coming closer. "And in the dark I got turned around and I wasn't sure which way you were." The howl of the wolves pierced the night and he shivered in the cold night. "Mac tell me you're close by" he said anxiously. "Coming right at you sailor" she said and a moment later he could see her in the shadows. "Thank god" he murmured as she finally reached him. Without a second thought he drew her into his arms, holding her close to him. "Do not do that to me again" he whispered. "Sorry. But I'm okay and there's no reason for you to be all upset." "When I hear wolves howling and you're not in the sleeping bag next to me I tend to panic." "No need to panic" she soothed. "I'm fine. Now why don't we both crawl back into the sleeping back before we freeze to death out here." He nodded and moments later they lay cocooned in each others arms, drawing body heat from each other. "Okay much better" he sighed. "I swear for a minute I was about to lose it when you didn't answer me right away. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself." "Nothing happened and I'm fine. You need to relax. Do I need to get you some more of that vodka?" "No just let me hold you" he whispered as he looked over at her. "I need you Sarah." "You've got me Harm," she said softly, her hand gently reaching to stroke his cheek. "You've always had me." "Then you won't mind if I do this" he whispered before leaning down to kiss her, long and lovingly. She responded immediately, reaching her arms around him and pulling him closer to her. "I don't mind at all" she smiled when they finally parted. "I don't know what I'd do without you Sarah" he whispered as he gently stroked her hair. "You mean so much to me." "You don't have to worry about that," she said softly. "I'm here Harm. I'm here as your friend and someone who cares deeply about you. Don't ever forget that." "This will help me to remember," he whispered, bringing his lips to hers again. "It would be so easy wouldn't it. So easy for you and me to. . ." "To what Harm? Let me hear you say the words." "For you and me to make love right here and now. To forget who and what we are, where we come from, almost even why we're here. For me to hold you and make love to you." "If you're waiting for that red light Commander you're going to have a long wait," she sighed, "because right now I think that making love is a most excellent idea." "Really?" She answered his question with a long and serious kiss. Clothes were hastily opened, pushed aside or discarded according to need and a man and a woman came together in a dance as old as humankind. "Normally I have to at least take a woman to dinner before I get treated to something like that," he panted when they were spent, lying intertwined. "Did I make bringing me worth your while?" she returned. "Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Just more proof that we need each other, that we belong together and that we. . ." He looked at her helplessly, not quite able to get the rest of his thought to voice. "It's OK," she whispered. "I think we understand perfectly. Sleep Sailor. Let it all go. Even me." "No that's not something I can do," he said seriously. "I'll be OK with my Dad soon as I get total closure there, but us--no. That's something I don't ever in this lifetime want to let go of." Birds calling to each other in the cold light of dawn woke them both about the same time and he stroked some hair away from her face before kissing the tip of her nose. "Now if I'm Margaret and you're Hawkeye, this is the part where you regret the whole thing," she said softly, keeping her eyes closed. "Regret one of the most beautiful experiences of my life? I don't think so," he said sincerely. "Not now, and not tomorrow, and not next week when we're back at JAG. You?" "Never" she whispered as her eyes opened to look up at him. "Never in a hundred years." "You're a very special woman Sarah Mackenzie" he whispered. "And this isn't exactly how I imagined it would be the first time." "You've imagined this?" she smiled. "More times that I can admit in the past three years. I kept telling myself it was crazy. That there was no way Major Sarah Mackenzie would ever have anything to do with an egotistical Flyboy like me." "She didn't at first. But that Flyboy charm has a way of melting hearts you know." "Does it?" he smiled. "And that smile doesn't hurt either" she said softly. "So you're really okay with this?" he asked. "Very okay. And as much as I'd love to spend the day laying in your arms like this we should get going." "Yes we should" he nodded somberly. "For a short while there I forget why we were here." "I'm sorry" she said automatically, the look on his face tearing at her heart. "I wish there was something else I could do to make this easier for you." "You are making it easier. You're here with me. And right now that's all I need." They packed up their gear and started towards their destination. It was another two hours before they finally reached the area and with a sigh Harm looked around the overgrown area. "Okay so how do we find the gravesite" he said quietly. "I'm sure he marked it with something" Mac replied. "Course after fifteen years of the forest growing over it it may not be easy to find. Let me look at the map again." Silently he handed her the map and while she studied it carefully he wandered about, looking for anything that would have marked the site. "This way Harm" she said after a few moments, finally understanding the geographical landmarks that Pitchta's brother had put on the map. "You sure?" he asked as he followed behind her. "Yes. Now look in this area" she said as she stopped. "It should be right around here." "I keep thinking there should be a headstone, a proper marker," he sighed. "Well he'll have that soon enough." She said nothing, simply giving his hand a squeeze and moving away, looking through the growth on the forest floor. He watched her for a moment and began to do the same thing, getting further apart as they worked. She fell over it before she saw it, stepping backwards and losing her footing on the suddenly uneven ground. Harm heard her cry out in surprise and wheeled around in time to see her fall. "Mac?" His shout of alarm echoed through the valley and he was to her in three quick strides. "I'm OK," she assured him quickly. "Harm, we found it." For a long few seconds he could only stare at her, getting his mind to switch focus from his concern over her to what she was referring to. "See the mound of earth and he's put the rocks over it like the picture," she went on gently. She pulled away some more of the brush as he went to his knees. "OK here's your headstone." "Oh my god," he whispered in awe. For imbedded in the dirt was a flat piece of slate rock with three words in Russian written on it. "Tyete My Love," she translated quietly. "He must have put that in for Pitchta." At that moment all the strength went from Harm's body and he collapsed limply across the now hard earthen mound. "I've found you Dad," he breathed. "By god I've found you." Hesitantly Mac reached out for him and as soon as he saw her outstretched arm, he pulled her to him, cradling her against him. "And Dad, this is Sarah, and without her none of this would have happened. I love her Dad, and someday she's going to be my wife, and to give birth to your grandchild." Mac froze in his arms at those words, and a second later trembled as a small sob went through her. "I'm sorry," he whispered at once. "I'm presuming too much." She sniffled long and hard and then raised her head. "Flyboy you're not going to tell me you've never seen a woman cry because she was happy now are you?" "Of course. I just wasn't sure how you felt." "Last night didn't tell you how I felt" she smiled. "Because if you need me to clarify I'll be happy to. I love you too Harmon Rabb." "You do?" "Yes I do. Very much so actually." "Then I guess this trip hasn't turned out so bad after all," he said with a small smile. "At least I know a few things I didn't before." "So you still want to have the Navy come in here and disturb this?" she said softly. "No" he said as he shook his head. "This is where he was buried and this is where he'll stay. There's no reason to go through all that. I have the closure I need." "Do you?" she asked. "Yeah I do," he said quietly. "Thanks to you. I never would have made it this far without you. For that I can never thank you enough." They sat there quietly for a few moments before he finally stood up, reaching his hand down to help her up as well. "I think I'm ready to go" he said softly. "You sure? Do you need some time alone to say goodbye?" "I'd like to say goodbye but I'd rather do that with you with me." She nodded and waited as he took a deep breath. "I finally found you Dad," he said quietly. "Only I'm fifteen years late. But at least I know the truth now." He paused again and Mac squeezed his hand tightly. "I wish I'd found you sooner" he whispered. "I wish I could have gotten you out of here and brought you home where you belonged." His words ended with a choked sob and Mac reached for him, gently pulling him into her arms and holding him tightly. She said nothing but simply held onto him as he cried. "I'm sorry" he whispered when he raised his head from her shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry about" she said softly. "This is the end of a long journey for you. A journey you hoped would end with you finding your father alive." "I never stopped hoping. Never." "I know." He took a deep breath and wiped the tears away. "Goodbye Dad" he said softly before reaching for her hand. "I think I'm ready now." "You sure? We don't have to hurry back." "No I'm ready. It's over now Mac. I know the truth and I can live with it now. Especially since I know I have you in my life." "Yes you do, for as long as you want," she said softly. "Come on sailor. Let's go home." The End