Title: Forever Author: Nicole Category: S, A, R [Harm/Mac] Rating: PG Spoilers: none Disclaimer: not mine Summary: Mac thinks about Harm. It's hard to explain, the title says it best. Feedback: desired Archive: Ex Libris and BTL. Any others, please ask first. Author's Notes: Character death! If that bothers you, read no further! A steady beep seeps into my brain as I drift toward consciousness. The warmth in my right hand tells me that someone is here. My eyes flutter open and I find myself staring into blue-green depths that I could drown in over and over again. "Harm…" Is that really my voice? So soft and weak? "Hey, Jarhead," Harm says with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Welcome back to the land of the living." There is some kind of sadness in his eyes as he says this, and immediately I know why. I won't be living much longer. "Harm…" I rasp again and he quickly puts his finger in a glass of water beside the hospital bed, tracing the liquid over my lips, then helping me drink. "How long?" I ask, only slightly clearer than before. Harm sighs. "You've been in a coma for three months. But now you're awake. Think you'll be able to kick my six again soon?" The sadness is still in his eyes, stronger now, and I know that he is denying himself the truth of my condition. "You know I won't," I whisper. Harm tightens his grip on my hand. "Don't talk like that, Marine. You can get through this, just like you always do." I smile slightly and close my eyes. "I can feel it, Harm," I whisper. "And you know it, too." "No, Mac, you can't die! Not now, not yet." I can hear the desperation in Harm's voice and his grip tightens even more. Suddenly he lets go and stands up, pacing the room. "Dammit! I should have gotten to you sooner! I should have done something!" "It's not your fault, Harm," I say softly, hating that he's blaming himself for what happened. "Not my fault? Dammit, Mac, if I wasn't such an asshole, you wouldn't be here!" "And you would!" I exclaim, the effort draining me even more. "That would be better than you laying here!" Suddenly I realize how much Harm loves me. I always knew of course, that Harm had feelings for me, but I never quite realized how deep they were until now. "I love you, Harm," I breathe. Harm stops his pacing and returns to my side. "Oh, God, Sarah. I love you so much. And if I wasn't such an asshole we'd probably be married right now. A couple kids. A house. Everything." "Marry me now," I whisper, my eyes closing for a moment on Harm's astonished face. When I open then again, Harm is on my left side, a rubber band and twist tie in his hand. "I take thee, Sarah Catherine MacKenzie, as my wedded wife. Until…" Harm pauses, forcing the word out, "death do us part." I try to repeat his words. "I take thee, Harmon David," I have to stop for a moment to regain my breath, then I continue, "Rabb, Jr., as my wedded husband. Until death do us part." Surprisingly, the word is easy to get out, and I know that I've accepted my fate. Harm takes the twist tie and forms it into a circle, then slides it carefully onto my left ring finger. "With this ring, I thee wed." With Harm's hand over my own to guide it, I place the rubber band onto his left ring finger and whisper, "With this ring, I thee wed." Harm gently kisses me, holding my hand. "I wish we had more." I struggle for breath again, then manage to get out, "You can… I'm ovulating… Harriet would… surrogate…" Harm looks at me for a moment, horrified, then says, "If I couldn't have you…" "Harm, please… for me…?" Harm smiles slightly and kisses me gently again. "Anything for you, Sarah." I know my time has come, and with what I'm sure is my last breath, I breath, "I love you, Harm." The last thing I feel is Harm's lips on me, desperately. Over the years here, I've watched Harm with our daughter, Sarah Catherine Rabb, mostly called Cat. I remember when she was conceived, I had to plead for her to look like me. I knew that's what Harm wanted. I remember when Harriet agreed to surrogate a second child from my eggs. A boy this time. Harmon David Rabb the Third. That time I pleaded for him to look like Harm. I knew that's what I wanted. I remember, from the very beginning. The day I had died, Harm had gone to a jewelry store and bought a wedding band, placing it on his finger. He also bought an engagement ring and wedding band that I was buried with. We both still smile when someone asks why he has a rubber band around his finger with his wedding band. I remember, two days after my funeral, he changed his name to Harmon David Rabb-MacKenzie. If that didn't announce to the world what had happened, nothing would. I remember the look on Harm's face when he first held our daughter, then our son. I remember the look on his face when Cat joined the Marines and Trey joined the Navy. I remember the look on his face when Trey was announced MIA, then when he was found and Harm embraced him again. I remember the look on his face when both Cat and Trey told him they were going to JAG. I remember everything of the past 37 years. But most of all, I remember the look on Harm's face when he saw me again. I had to beg for special permission to bring him Home, because I'm not an angel. But I was given permission, and when I appeared to Harm, he just looked at me and said, "I love you Sarah." Then suddenly we were together again. And nothing could change that. I feel him approach me from behind, wrapping his arms around me. "Thinking again?" he murmurs. I smile. "Only good thoughts." Harm chuckles. "Can you even think bad thoughts here?" I shrug. "I don't know. And frankly, I don't care to try." I turn in his arms and gaze into his eyes, so filled with love. He looks exactly the same as I remember from my time on Earth. "I love you," I whisper. Harm smiles. "And I love you. Forever." "Forever," I agree.