TITLE: Eternity AUTHOR: StarTrails RATING: PG13, Romance/Humor DISCLAIMER: I do not own JAG or any of the characters pertaining to it. This is for fun and entertainment only. FEEDBACK: I crave it! If you didn’t like the work, I understand, but do be constructive about it. Send to StarTrails@hotmail.com SUMMARY: A night spent relaxing with friends opens Harm and Mac’s eyes and gives them the push they’ve needed to confront the emotions they’ve avoided for so long, and they do it in a very shipper way. SPOILERS: Anything through Adrift II AUTHOR’S NOTE: This takes place after Adrift II, but for my purposes in this work, Sturgis doesn’t exist. (Sorry, I just don’t have enough of a handle on him to write him well, so I’d rather not write him at all. That is a lame excuse, since I know nothing about Carolyn Imes, but she’s in here anyway.) Harm and Renee are still together (though not for long...). Mac did not go away on assignment, but Mic has gone back to Australia. (Special note: as an aspiring author of things that don’t concern JAG characters, I feel I need to give credit where credit is due, even for the little things. The phrase “since time immemmorial” comes from Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ One Hundred Years of Solitude. And the line that starts with “can we find a place” is a takeoff on something from the movie Children of a Lesser God, which if you haven’t seen, I HIGHLY recommend.) 14:30 EST Thursday JAG HQ Falls Church, VA Commander Harmon Rabb stuck his head out of his office door and signaled to Gunnery Sergeant Victor Gallindez. “Sir?” Gunny asked, standing up. “What are you doing tomorrow night, Gunny?” “No plans yet, Sir.” “Good. How does poker with the guys at my place sound?” Gunny smiled. “Sounds like I *do* have plans now, Sir.” He thought for a moment. “Are we playing for money, Sir?” Harm laughed. “On our salaries? No way. Just bring a six-pack of your favorite beer, let’s say around 20:00.” “I’ll be there, Sir. Thanks.” Harm knocked on the door to Lt. Bud Roberts’ office. A sea of files and loose papers covered his desk and there was a stack of thick reference books on the floor. “Hey Bud, how’s it going?” “Hi Sir. It’s going.” “That well, huh?” “I’m up to my eyeballs in paperwork for the Stanton court martial, thanks to Lieutenant Singer.” Bud quickly tried to clear off the guest chair to give the commander a place to sit down. “I’m sorry this place is such a mess, but she doesn’t seem to want to do any of the work.” “She just wants the credit.” Bud smiled. “Exactly.” “Don’t worry,” Harm said, taking a thick legal book from Bud and placing it back on the chair. “I’m not staying. Just have a question for you.” “Shoot, Sir.” “Are you busy tomorrow night?” Bud’s eyes narrowed. “Not that I know of, Sir, but I’d have to check with Harriet.” “Well, let me know as soon as you can. I’m thinking poker and beer at my place.” “If Harriet has no plans for is, Sir, I’m there. I could definitely use a little break.” “Like breaking Singer’s neck,” Harm whispered. His eyes widened and he put his index finger to his lips, letting the Lieutenant know that was not to be repeated. Bud laughed at that. “I’ll talk to Harriet and let you know, Sir.” “Okay. If you’re free, 20:00, and bring some snacks.” “Sure thing, Sir. Thanks.” As Harm left Bud’s office, he bumped into Lieutenant Commander Mattoni, but he and his wife had tickets to the symphony at the Kennedy Center. Harm would need to find a fourth. Not that they needed a fourth for poker, but it would even out the seating at the card table. He headed toward the Admiral’s office, although still unsure if it would be inappropriate to invite him. As he entered the outer-office, he acknowledged the young Petty Officer Jason Tiner. “Tiner,” he said. Tiner looked up from his computer screen. “Commander,” he said as he stood up, “I’ll let the Admiral know you’re here.” Harm nodded, then it occurred to him before Tiner had reached the Admiral’s door. “Tiner?” “Yes Sir?” “Do you play poker?” “Very badly, Sir.” “Perfect. Are you busy tomorrow night?” “Well, there’s a Discovery Channel special on the space station that I wanted to catch, but it’s not a big deal.” Harm rolled his eyes. “You should talk to Lieutenant Roberts.” “Sir?” “Never mind, Tiner. A couple of us are doing beer and poker at my place tomorrow, 20:00. You interested?” “Definitely, Sir. Should I bring anything?” “Just yourself, and maybe a few beers.” “No problem, Sir, and thanks.” It was shaping up to be a decent looking Friday night, Harm thought. It would do him a world of good to relax with some friends. Male friends. Ever since his rescue at sea, he’d been walking on eggshells with both Renee and Mac, and he was looking forward to unwinding, and not having to watch every word he said. He had tried his best to be strong for Renee when her father died, but it was awkward and uncomfortable to meet her family under that circumstance. Well, more awkward than he usually felt around her, anyway. And she had finally given him an ultimatum: he could have her, or he could have Mac. Not both. As much as she wanted him in her life, she couldn’t settle for it if it meant Mac came along, joined at his hip, as it seemed to her. Harm had a lot to think about, and was glad to be able to put it off for another night. A night of cigars and cards would give him the rest he needed to tackle everything else. Later that afternoon, Harm went into the office kitchen for a cup of coffee. Inside, Mac was pouring one for herself. “Uh-oh,” he said. “That’s not Marine coffee of mortal courage, is it?” “Relax, Flyboy. Mattoni just made this pot.” “Good. Because I can’t drink the stuff you make, and I really need the caffeine.” “Tired?” Mac asked him. “Incredibly. I haven’t been able to sleep very well since...you know.” “Yeah, I know. I’m a bit of an expert on sleepless nights, myself. I can tell you all kinds of tricks if you’re interested, although I can’t say any of them have actually worked for me.” “Tricks, Colonel? Do tell.” “Red light, Commander. I was referring to warm milk, counting sheep, that sort of thing.” “Been there and done that. I just can’t clear my head enough.” His words didn’t convey to Mac just how bad it had gotten. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt water coming down on him. He wrestled with his blankets like they were waves suffocating him. And then there was sorting through things with Renee. “Well, at least you have Renee,” Mac said. “Huh?” He hadn’t told Mac that his relationship with the pouty-lipped blonde was on hold until he made up his mind. He hadn’t even spoken to Renee in four days. “I mean, you have someone to, uh, entertain you if you can’t sleep.” Harm chuckled. “She can be entertaining, yes.” He left out the rest of his thought - that she was entertaining like a sitcom, except they kept airing the same, unfunny episode over and over again. Mac poured a few tablespoons of cream and three sugars into her coffee. “I thought you took it black,” Harm said. “Usually do. Just trying something new. Seeing how the other half lives.” Harm poured a little bit of skim milk and one sweetener into his cup and stirred. “If your half is battery acid coffee, and the other half is liquid fat and sugar, where does that leave me?” “You, Harmon Rabb, Jr., are in a category all by yourself.” “Yeah?” he asked. “And just what category would that be?” “Freaks,” she said, over her shoulder as she left the room. FRIDAY 17:30 EST JAG HQ Harm held the door open for Mac as they left JAG headquarters for the day. “So,” Mac said, “big night with the boys tonight?” “How do you know?” “I have my sources.” She smiled. “Actually, with Bud at your place, Harriet’s getting a sitter for AJ and she, Carolyn, and I are going to have our own little party.” “Why do I have visions of bonbons and male-bashing?” “Try milkshakes and pedicures.” “Yikes. I’m almost sorry I asked.” They reached their cars, which were parked next to each other. “Have fun, Harm,” Mac said before shutting her car door. “You too.” Harm let her pull out first and followed her to the parking lot exit. He honked his horn lightly and signaled for Mac to roll down her window. “Hey Mac!” he called. “Try not to bash me *too* much, okay?” He flashed her a grin. “See you Monday, Flyboy.” She raised her window and sped away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 20:00 EST Friday North of Union Station Harm had been busy since he got home from work. The card table was set up, and he already had a few beers in the fridge to start things off. He had spent a few minutes peeling and chopping raw vegetables for himself, since no doubt the other men would bring snacks laden with salt and grease. Bruce Springsteen was playing in the stereo when he heard the first knock at the door. It was Gunny, and rainwater was rolling off of his leather jacket. “Hey, come on in,” Harm said. “Have any trouble finding the place?” “No Sir. Your directions were right on the money.” “We’re out of uniform, you can call me Harm. And let me get your jacket. Is it raining hard?” “It’s not too bad, Si--Harm. And you can call me Vic, but don’t be surprised if I don’t answer. I’m so used to hearing Gunny that half the time I don’t even recognize my own name.” Harm smiled. “So what’s in the bag?” Gunny pulled a six pack of Dos Equis from the plastic bag he held, along with a small platter of crudite and dip. Harm’s eyebrows shot up with surprise. Seeing it, Gunny said, “Well, I know how you feel about junkfood, so I figured I’d bring this and leave the chips to Tiner and Lieutenant Roberts.” “Thanks, Vic, that’s really thoughtful. There’s some Yuengling already cold in the fridge if you want to help yourself.” “Thanks, Sir.” Gunny took a bottle, and looked suspiciously at the label he’d never seen before. “Yuengling?” “Yeah,” Harm said. He was counting a few decks of cards, making sure none were missing. “They brew it in Pennsylvania. My grandmother’s got a farm out there, and I got hooked on it last time I was out there.” There was another knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” Gunny said. Bud and Tiner were both waiting, Tiner with a six-pack of Heineken, and Bud with a bag from the grocery store. “Guys, come on in. I was just making sure all the cards are here.” They put a few beers on the counter and the rest in the fridge. Bud saw Gunny’s vegetable tray and sighed loudly. “Oh no,” he said.” “What’s wrong, Bud?” Harm asked. Bud didn’t say anything. His actions said it all when he reached into his bag and came out with a very similar spread. The men all looked at Tiner. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “All I brought is the beer.” “All right, Men,” Harm said. “This is not a crisis. I actually don’t see any problem, but if you want, I can run to the store and get some chips or something.” “I’m okay without,” Gunny said. “I had a big dinner anyway,” added Tiner. “I could go for some Doritos,” Bud said, “but Harriet’s always trying to get me to eat better anyway.” “Good woman,” said Harm. “Good woman for letting you out on a Friday night,” Gunny added. “Hey, I’m not *that* whipped. And she knows I could use a break. Just wait until you have a toddler at home.” “Besides, from what I heard,” Harm said, “Harriet’s having some company of her own tonight.” “Yes, Sir. Girl’s night out, or, rather, in, I guess. Something about facials and manicures.” “I guess we’re too old for a panty raid, huh?” Gunny asked. “Definitely,” Harm said. “Too bad, though. Would’ve been a blast...Oh! I almost forgot.” Harm went over to a cabinet in the living room and came back with an elegant looking wooden box. “Cohibas, gentlemen? What’s poker night without cigars, right?” “Cubans, Sir?” Gunny asked. He took in the scent from the humidor. “How...how do you have these?” “Can you guys keep a secret?” Harm asked. The men nodded. Harm looked at Bud and Tiner. “Swear on your Naval careers.” They swore. He turned to Gunny. “On your life as a Marine.” Gunny placed his right hand over his heart. “From the halls of Montezuma, Sir!” “A while back,” Harm explained, “I did some work with a refugee girl down in Guantanamo. Let’s just say I made some good contacts.” Harm passed around the lighter, and with the cigars going, it was time to play cards. “All right,” he said. “Let’s get down to business.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 20:15 Same Night Roberts’ Residence Rosslyn, VA When the doorbell rang, Harriet practically leaped up and ran for the door. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d spent an evening among adults, an evening that didn’t involve conversations about diaper rashes and good preschool programs. She’d been looking forward to this night with her girlfriends from work ever since Bud had asked if he could go to Commander Rabb’s for poker. Carolyn had given Mac a ride, so both women were at the door when Harriet answered it. “Hi Ma’am, ma’am!” she said, the excitement evident in her voice. “Come on in.” “Harriet,” Mac said, “you don’t have to call us ma’am out of uniform.” “Especially not in your own home,” Carolyn added. “Sorry Mac, Carolyn. Force of habit, I guess.” She led them into the living room. There were highball glasses and bowls of snacks on the coffee table. “Make yourselves comfortable, ladies.” “What *is* that incredible smell?” Carolyn asked. “Oh! I’ve got cinnamon rolls in the oven. Also, I made a pitcher of fuzzy navels, and plenty of virgin daiquiris. ” “Bless you, Harriet.” “YUM,” Mac said. “We also picked up a few things on the way over.” She reached into the shopping bag. “Let’s see...we’ve got Oreos, mini peanut butter cups, and a pint of ice cream - triple brownie overload.” “Now see,” Harriet said, “that’s an oxymoron, because it is physically impossible to overload on brownies.” “Truer words were never spoken,” Mac said. “Ladies,” Carolyn said, “judging by all this food, I think I may be stating the obvious here, but let’s leave the fat and calorie worries behind for one night.” “Amen!” Harriet cried. “We work our butts off all week long,” said Mac, “we’re allowed to indulge once in a while.” “Mac, Ma’am, forgive me for saying so, but you always seem to have a...umm...’healthy’ appetite. How do you keep your figure?” Mac thought a moment before answering. “I don’t know, Harriet. Luck, I guess. A little bit of kickboxing, and a lot of luck.” She didn’t reveal the answer that she, herself, believed - that it was God’s way of making up to the grown woman for what he had done to her as a child. “I lost my figure when I was thirteen and I’m afraid I never quite found it,” Harriet mused. “What are you talking about?” Carolyn asked. “You’re gorgeous.” “Yeah,” Mac added. “I’d kill for blonde hair and blue eyes.” “And I’d kill to be a size six, but since I probably never will be, I’m gonna enjoy those cinnamon rolls. I better go check on them.” Harriet went into the kitchen, and Carolyn called out to her, “Hey, I forgot the rest of the stuff in the car. We brought nail polish, hot rollers, and oatmeal mud masks.” Harriet came to the kitchen doorway, her hands covered by oven mitts. “Actually, I was thinking - what’s good for the gander is good for the goose, right?” “What are you saying, Harriet?” “What do you say to playing poker?” Mac and Carolyn exchanged surprised glances. “We don’t have to play for money,” she added quickly, “but I thought it might be more fun than makeup. Besides, when little AJ plays in the yard, I wind up with enough mud on myself as it is.” “Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a plan!” Carolyn said. “Great! I’ll get the cards. We can play for Hershey’s kisses!” “Now you’re talking,” said Mac, smiling. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Same night 22:00 North of Union Station Had they been playing for money, Tiner would’ve been a rich man. After two hours, he had won quite a few hands. Each of the other men had one a few in between, but it certainly was Tiner’s night. “Tiner,” Gunny said, “I thought you said you were terrible at this.” Tiner shrugged, his innocent blue eyes showing as much surprise as everyone else felt. “Well,” he began, “...to be honest with you, I used to be a poker dealer up in Atlantic City. I was young and got caught up in a cardcounting scheme with some high rollers. That’s actually why I joined the Navy. Kind of my own personal witness protection program.” The men looked at each other, stunned, their jaws practically on the floor. Finally, Tiner couldn’t stand it any longer and burst out laughing. “Just kidding! Beginner’s luck, I guess.” Harm grabbed a handful of raw baby carrots and hurled them at the young Petty Officer. “Tiner, you’re horrible!” Bud whined. Gunny stood up from the table and went to the refrigerator. “Anybody else for another beer?” “I’ll take one,” Harm answered. “Me too,” said Bud. “I’m good,” Tiner replied. “Good,” said Gunny, “because you can get your own anyway.” As Gunny reached for the beers, he noticed an apron hanging from a hook on the side of the fridge. “Uh, Harm?” He held the apron out for the other men to see. It was black, with little red lips patterned all over, and on the front it said ‘Kiss the Cook.’” Harm rolled his eyes. “It was a gift from Renee.” “Really?” Gunny asked. “Guess she doesn’t want you to forget who should be kissing you.” “It’s not exactly my first choice to wear it, but it *was* a gift, and if she came by and didn’t see it somewhere, she’d be pissed at me. “Permission to speak freely, Sir?” Tiner asked. Harm eyed the empty bottles on the table, and suspected Tiner would be capable of nothing less. “Of course, Tiner.” “Miss Peterson. Well, she’s very...high-maintenance, isn’t she?” “She is, Tiner, but what woman isn’t?” “My wife, for one,” Bud spoke up. “Whatever I manage to screw up, and believe me, that’s a lot, Harriet follows right behind and sets things right.” “You’re right, Bud. Harriet’s a great girl,” Harm said. Gunny added, “We’re all better off having her around the office. Her smile and cheerfulness have saved me from going off the deep end more than once.” “Me too, Bud,” said Tiner. “And I’m not afraid to admit having learned a lot from a woman. Lieutenant Si--Harriet’s shown me so much about JAG.” Gunny took a long drink from his beer. “Do you think it’s because she’s in the Navy?” “What do you mean?” Bud asked. “Her being more self-sufficient, more together. I dunno, just *tougher*, because of the lifestyle.” “I guess that’s probably part of it.” “Or maybe it’s the other way around,” Harm suggested. “Maybe she chose the Navy because she’s strong enough - physically and mentally. It takes a certain kind of woman to survive in the service.” “That’s true,” Gunny said, “but I’m sure glad there *are* woman around like that. I mean, take a look at the JAG office. We’ve got a great bunch of women. Harriet, Carolyn Imes, even Singer. She may be a bitch, but you have to admit, she’s pretty easy on the eyes.” “Too bad she’s so ugly on the inside,” Tiner said through a mouthful of celery. “I’ll drink to that,” Harm said, raising his bottle. “Tell you who I’ll drink to,” Gunny started. “Colonel Mackenzie” Harm’s eyebrows shot up. “She’s one tough lady. And somehow, she even makes Marine green look good.” “Cheers,” Tiner said, and the men shared a drink. Bud shuffled the cards and dealt the next hand. “Boy, it’s too bad about the Colonel’s wedding, huh? Commander Brumby was a nice guy.” “Yeah,” Gunny said, “but then again, she never really loved him.” He took a sip of beer, and passed three cards back to Bud. “What a crappy hand,” he added. “What did you just say?” Harm asked him. “Oh, sorry guys. Forgot my poker face. Must be the beer.” “Not that, Gunny. Before that.” “About Colonel Mackenzie?” “Yes, Gunny, about the Colonel.” Bud, Gunny, and Tiner exchanged smiles. “Just speaking the truth, Sir. She may have liked him, but she was never in love with Mic.” “And what makes you say that?” “Well, for one thing, they’re not married right now, are they?” “No, they’re not, but, as usual, that has to do with me and my incredibly bad sense of timing. If I hadn’t gone down the night of the rehearsal, she’d be Mrs. Brumby.” Harm took three quick gulps of beer. Gunny rolled his eyes. “Bud, you wanna field that one? After all, you would’ve been the best man.” “That’s right, I would’ve,” Bud said, looking at his cards. “Dealer takes two. But in all the time we spent together, going over details, and even when they’d come over for dinner with me and Harriet, I never once heard her say ‘I love you’ to him. Not even when he said it to her. In fact, she never looked very comfortable when his arm was around her, either.” “Well, then it’s really Mic we should feel sorry for, and not the Colonel,” Tiner said. “He’s the one who really got his heart broken.” “Sorry?!” Harm shouted. “I will never feel anything for Brumby but contempt. From the minute he waltzed, Mathilda and all, into JAG, he had his own agenda and his own speed and it didn’t matter one bit what was going on before he got here.” “Aren’t you being just a little extreme, Sir?” “No. He tried to pin a murder on Mac, and practically hopped in the sack with her at the same time!” “All they did was go to dinner, right?” Tiner asked. “At first, sure. And practically the next day, she goes topless on the beach and his first reaction was to put a goddamn ring on her finger!” Harm threw his cards down and stood up from the table. “Sir,” Bud said, “Harm, calm down. We were just having fun. We didn’t mean to make you angry.” “Aww, Bud,” he sighed, “I’m not angry. It’s just that...Mac and I, well...” “We know, Sir,” Tiner said. “She’s like a sister to you and you didn’t want to see her get hurt.” “No, she’s not like a sister. But I care about her. A lot. And you’re right, I don’t want to see her hurt again. She’s made some really bad choices with men in the past, and I won’t let it happen again,” he explained. “Not on my watch.” “In that case,” Tiner said, “the Colonel’s lucky to have you watching out for her. Miss Peterson, too.” A little calmer, Harm took his place at the table again. “Things with Renee are...up in the air right now.” “Sir?” Bud asked, prodding for details. “Well, you all know her father died. When I went home with her, I wasn’t exactly the most supportive boyfriend. But, in my defense, come on, I had almost died myself just a few days before.” “Hey,” Gunny interrupted, “how *is* Skates, anyway? I like her. She’s got spunk.” “You’ve got a one track mind, Gunny. And take a cold shower. She’s taken.” Harm absent-mindedly rolled a carrot stick between his palms. “Anyway, I wasn’t very good in that situation, under the circumstances. My mind was a thousand miles away.” “Where was it, Harm? With Colonel Mackenzie?” “Gunny,” Harm said, his tone warning. “Yeah, it was with Mac. I knew Brumby had left, and she would need a lot of help from her friends to get through it, and I couldn’t be there for her. I know Renee may seem like a bimbo sometimes, but she’s not stupid. She was counting the seconds until Mac said ‘I do.’” “And now she hasn’t said those words,” Tiner said. “And don’t think Renee hasn’t noticed. She all but jumped on a plane to Australia to haul his six back here.” “But,” Gunny said, playing the devil’s advocate, “he’s not coming back, is he?” “No.” “So where does that leave you, Sir?” Bud asked, not wanting to aggravate his mentor, but crazy with curiosity nonetheless. “That’s what Renee wants to know. She’s given me an ultimatum.” “An ultimatum?” Gunny asked. “And what are the terms of surrender?” “Easy - I keep her, or I keep Mac.” “How is that easy?” asked Tiner. “It has to be Renee,” he said firmly, although his own mind was nowhere near so made up. “Excuse me?!” Gunny was incredulous. “How could it be Mac? We work together, and neither one of us is going to throw away our careers because of our libidos. Besides, Mac and I have had some very rough times, and it’s always been hell to set things right. Our timing has been awful. You guys know my head is planted firmly in the ground, but even I take that as a sign.” “Harm, Sir,” Gunny began, “with all due respect, it’s more than libidos. We’ve seen the way you two look at each other across the office. Even when you fight, there’s a spark there. You never just let things go. If she didn’t mean something to you, you would just walk away, like I do when Singer gets on my nerves. And you want a sign? Okay. You were almost killed. Mac’s ring finger is empty. Mic’s back with the kangaroos. How’s *that* for a sign?” Harm pointed a finger at him. “You’re on shaky ground, Gunny. Are you always this courageous?” “Only when I know I’m right.” Harm, stared at him intensely. “How much longer are you going to wait?” Harm sighed. “Long enough for another hand of poker.” He smiled, glad that he had safely navigated the barrage of questions and accusations. Tiner began dealing the cards. “Was this planned in advance, this little ambush?” Harm asked. “No, Sir, but it’s no secret how you feel about Colonel Mackenzie,” Gunny answered. “Yeah, continued Bud. “We just want you to be happy.” “I call,” Tiner announced. “Pair of two’s. Pathetic.” “Three jacks,” Bud said as he displayed his hand. Harm put his cards face down on the table. “Nothing. I’ve got nothing. Good thing there are no stakes.” “Too *bad* there are no stakes,” Gunny said, locking eyes with Harm. He revealed his cards. “Full house.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 21:00 EST Roberts’ Residence Rosslyn, VA “It’s a good thing we’re not playing for money,” Carolyn said, eyeing the large pile of Hershey’s kisses in front of Mac. “No kidding. I’d be broke by now,” said Harriet. “Yeah, all the luck seems to be mine tonight,” Mac answered. “But it would be nice if these were dollar bills.” “Do you think the guys are playing for money?” Carolyn asked. “They better not be!” Harriet exclaimed. “Bud’s not the best at cards, and we need all the money we have for little AJ. He seems to grow out of his clothes as soon as we buy them. Hopefully they’re playing for candy, too.” “Knowing Harm,” Mac said, “they’re playing for whole wheat crackers or dried apricots.” “Hey,” Carolyn replied, “if that’s what keeps him looking the way he does, remind me to start looking for guys in health food stores instead of bars.” The women laughed. “If I were over there right now, I wouldn’t mind making it strip poker!” “Harriet!” Mac said, shocked. “You’re a married woman!” “I may be married, but I’m not blind. Don’t get me wrong; I love Bud. He and AJ are everything to me, but he’s not exactly headed for the cover of GQ.” “I think Commander Rabb could be a model if he ever leaves the Navy,” Carolyn suggested. “I agree,” Harriet replied. “No one quite fills out the uniform like he does.” “It’s what’s *under* the uniform that I’m curious about!” Carolyn giggled. “Come on, Mac, do tell. You’ve traveled on assignment with him a lot. You must’ve sneaked a peek now and then.” “Carolyn,” she said with mock embarrassment. She thought back to the night of Webb’s “death,” and how Harm had comforted her, how he had wiped away her tears. How his being shirtless made the moment they shared somehow more intimate. Not in a sexual way; she was clad in sweats, after all. But it made him seem as vulnerable as she felt. “Harm is...very...physically fit.” “Physically fit?!” Carolyn said. “No, Mac. *I’m* physically fit. *He* is a Greek god.” “What he is is an arrogant flyboy whose ego is already the size of the Pentagon, and the last thing we need is for him to hear things like that and swell it even more.” “Okay,” Harriet said. “Then, off the record, who would you say is the sexiest guy at JAG?” Harm’s name was on the tip of her tongue, but, of course, she couldn’t allow herself to say it. Not when, for so many years, he had been a brass ring she had reached and reached for, but somehow, had always remained just beyond her grasp. Then, she thought about the Admiral, about his wisdom and experience. About his hand over hers on the aspirin bottle, not sure which would make her feel better - his comforting words, his touch, or the pills. “Well, I have to stay true to the Corps. Semper Fi, Gunny.” “Ooooh, good choice,” Carolyn said. “Tiner’s cute too, in an innocent, break-him-in sort of way.” “Whoa there, Mrs. Robinson,” Mac said. “He’s only slightly out of jailbait range.” The women shared a laugh and played a few more hands of cards. Carolyn and Harriet had managed to collect some chocolates, as Mac wasn’t very focused on the game anymore. She thought about how nice it was to be with girlfriends, especially outside of work. They didn’t have to watch protocol, or think about everything they said and did. Because even outside the office, it wasn’t always easy being around friends. She and Harm were friends, best friends, but every now and then they had put one foot over the line into something more. But always, something made them take two steps back. This time, Renee was practically a CO, always making sure there was no fraternization. She hadn’t liked Renee from the first moment, when she was filming that commercial and had been more concerned about lighting and makeup than military propriety. But she had grown on her. Mac didn’t fully understand what Harm saw in her, but they had been together for a while now, so there must be something special there. Harm seemed happy enough. She could admit, to herself, if to no one else, that she still held out a glimmer of hope for something with Harm, but if friendship was all he could give her, she would take it. “Harriet,” Carolyn said, “these cinnamon rolls are DIVINE. You have to give me the recipe sometime.” “Recipe?” Harriet laughed. “You’re kidding, right? These are Pillsbury - straight from the tube!” “Really? You should lie and tell people you slaved all day over the oven.” “Oops!” Mac said. “Oh, Harriet, I’m sorry, I got some icing on this card.” She wiped it off with a napkin. “I hope it doesn’t leave a spot.” “Mac, please. Your godson has spilled much worse foods on much more important things. Try explaining to your dry cleaner how you got peanut butter and jelly on a silk suit.” “I don’t know how you do it,” Mac said. “The husband, the son, the house. I can barely keep plants alive.” “Me either,” Carolyn added. “I have enough trouble keeping track of myself.” “It certainly isn’t easy, but Bud helps so much. He cooks dinner when he can, which, unfortunately, usually means spaghetti or hot dogs, but it does give me a break. And I don’t have to pick up after him very much. He cleans up after himself for the most part, which is great, because chasing after one little boy is enough.” Carolyn twisted an oreo and licked the cream off. “I really envy you, Harriet.” Harriet looked shocked. “You do? Why?” Carolyn swept her arm around, taking in the room and the house. “Isn’t it obvious? You have it all. Your career’s on the right track, you’ve got a great marriage, a beautiful son, a gorgeous house.” “Ahh,” Mac said, as she unwrapped a peanut butter cup, “but let me see your shoe collection.” “What?” Harriet looked confused. Mac giggled. “Never mind. Carolyn’s right, though. You have it all. Kinda makes me wonder what I’m waiting for.” “Maybe for Commander Rabb to come to his senses?” Harriet blurted out. “Whoa!” she exclaimed, raising her hands. “No more fuzzy navels for me!” Mac’s eyes widened. “Harriet’s right,” Carolyn said. “Well, maybe not about the Commander, but if you want those things, it *does* help to start with the right man.” “Sometimes I wonder if the right man isn’t spending the weekend with koala bears and kangaroos.” “Commander Brumby?” Carolyn asked. “You think he was the right man?” “Yes...No...I don’t know.” Mac looked down at the table and twirled some foil candy wrappers in her fingers. “He was head over heels for me. He gave me everything I ever needed, and more. I don’t know why it wasn’t enough.” “Sometimes everything we need isn’t anything we want,” Harriet answered. “But sometimes what we want is no good for us. In fact, what we want can be destructive.” “What do you mean?” Carolyn asked. “Well,” Mac began, “take this candy,” she said, holding up a handful of Hershey’s kisses. “Do I want it? You bet. Is it good for me? No way. In fact, by indulging in them, I’m really only punishing myself because I’ll have to work out extra hard tomorrow.” “So you’re saying Mic was like a bowl of fruit salad, and Harm is like chocolate mousse cake. Fruit salad is yummy and refreshing, and good for you. But who would choose that if you could have the chocolate cake instead.” “Exactly,” Mac replied. Too bad, she thought, that everyone likes chocolate cake, too. How long had she waited for other people to take a piece. Jordan, Renee, even Annie. They’d all had their fill. “Why can’t you think of the Commander as fat free cake?” “Because fat free cake is gross, Harriet.” “No, I’m serious,” Harriet said. “Fat free looks just as good as the real thing, and it *almost* tastes as good.” “Harm will never be fat free. In fact, he’s like a very sinful cake still in the oven, but you’ve lost your oven mitts, so every time you try to check on it, you get burned.” “But,” Harriet countered, “you still keep checking.” “How else will you know when it’s ready?” “Enough with the cake metaphors,” Carolyn said. “It’s making me hungry, and Lord knows I shouldn’t be - look at all this candy I’ve eaten. In fact, I should probably get going. As it is, I’m going to have to roll myself out the door.” Harriet looked at her watch. “Oh my gosh! I had no idea it was so late. I have to go next door and get AJ. I told Mrs. Martin we’d be done by midnight.” “Oh! I’d love to stay and see him,” Mac said. “It’s been so long. Do you mind staying just a little longer?” Mac asked Carolyn. “Don’t worry,” Harriet said. “I can drive you home. In fact, it’s better that way. If AJ’s fussy, a ride in the car always lulls him to sleep.” “Are you sure? I mean, if it’s no trouble.” “Of course not. No trouble at all.” “Well, in that case, I guess I’ll see you ladies Mond--do you need any help cleaning up before I go?” “No, that’s all right. I’ll get it all in the morning.” “Okay. Thanks for having me, Harriet. I had a great time. See you ladies Monday.” “Thanks for coming.” “G’night, Carolyn,” Mac said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 00:15 EST North of Union Station The men helped Harm clean up and gathered the empty bottles for recycling. “Well,” Gunny said, “what we skipped in junkfood calories, we made up for in beer.” “We sure did,” Bud said, adding two more empties to the bag. They had stopped drinking a while before, but Harm had made a pot of coffee just in case. After the coffee, the men prepared to leave. “You all okay to drive?” Harm asked them. “You’re welcome to stick around a little longer if you need to.” “I’m fine,” Tiner said. “I better just head home.” “Me too,” Gunny replied. “Harriet’s probably waiting up,” But said. “Actually, Sir, her party should be over by now, and she could tell you much more about Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Brumby if you’re interested.” “I think I’ve had enough for one night, but thanks.” “How much longer, Harm?” Gunny asked, his tone insistent. “Go while it’s on your mind. If you wait, you’ll lose your nerve.” “That’s kind of what I was hoping for.” Tiner and Gunny headed for the door while Bud went to use the bathroom. Tiner caught Harm by the arm and pulled him aside. He whispered, “Sir, Harm, don’t do this to yourself. And don’t do it to the Colonel. I may be young, but I’m not blind. I know what I interrupted that night on the Admiral’s porch, which, by the way, I’m *really* sorry about. But don’t tell us you don’t love her. You don’t spend all night out in the moonlight saying goodbye to someone who’s just a coworker.” Harm looked at him, but remained silent. “I’m sorry, Sir, and I’ll probably get bounced back to Seaman for saying that, but you had to hear it.” “Actually, if there was any justice in the world, Jason, maybe I’d make you an officer instead.” “We make our own justice, Harm. Set things right with Mac. For both your sakes.” He headed out the door. “Thanks for having me, Sir!” he called. “Same here, Harm, thanks for everything.” Gunny shook his head. “Cubans. I can’t believe it.” Harm laughed. “Uh, Sir?” “What is it, Gunny? “Well, since we’re on a first name basis tonight, permission to speak freely?” “Sure, go ahead.” “VERY freely? Man to man?” “Gunny?” Harm grew impatient. “With all due respect, Harm, get your head out of your ass.” “Excuse me?” “Mac’s in love with you. How come you’re the only one who can’t see it? And don’t say you don’t love her, because we all see it, every time a guy even looks at her. Every time she’s upset and you’re the first one in her office. Every time you talk about her and you get this look on your face like she’s your guardian angel.” Harm drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You play darts, Gunny?” “Once in a while.” “Hit the bullseye much?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 00:40 EST Roberts’ Residence Rosslyn, VA Mac began cleaning up while Harriet went to get AJ from the neighbor. She was putting empty candy wrappers into a garbage bag when she saw headlights in the driveway. Harm and Bud were outside. Harm had decided to take Bud up on the offer to talk to Harriet about Mac. In all the years he’d known the feisty Marine, he’d never quite been able to sort through the obstacle course of their relationship. And in recent weeks, there had been more twists and turns than ever before. He hoped that some new insight, especially from a woman, might help. When they entered the house, Harm was like a deer frozen in headlights. “Hi, Ma’am,” Bud said. “I didn’t realize you’d still be here.” He turned to Harm. “I didn’t know she’d still be here,” he whispered. “Hi, Bud. We finished up a few minutes ago, but I wanted to stay and see AJ for a few minutes. Harriet’s next door getting him. She was going to drive me home. I hope that’s okay. I know it’s late.” “I can take you home,” Harm spoke up. “Would you?” Bud said. “Harriet’s car has been on the fritz, and with this rain...” “Sure, it’s no problem. It’s okay with you, right Mac?” “Uh, yeah, I guess so.” Just then, Harriet came back in, with AJ almost asleep in her arms. “Hi Bud,” she said, “Sir,” acknowledging Harm. “How did you do?” she whispered, so as not to wake her son. “I won a few here and there, but let’s just say it’s good we weren’t playing for money. How about you, Sweetie?” Harriet thought about all the chocolates she had eaten. “To sum it up, let’s just say I may have to have my uniform skirts let out.” The men looked confused. “We ditched the makeovers for poker. And we played for candy,” Mac explained. Harm took in the scene: bowls with melted ice cream, the candy wrappers, leftover cinnamon rolls. “Don’t you mean a candy *factory*?” “Hey now,” Mac said defensively, “Contrary to your belief, junkfood is not against the law, and it’s okay to indulge once in a while.” Harm rolled his eyes. “Just don’t ask me to stop at Beltway Burger on the way home.” “God forbid.” “Okay, you two,” Harriet said. “That’s enough. Who wants to help me put AJ to bed?” “I’ll do it!” Mac cried, before Harm had a chance. The women went upstairs to AJ’s bedroom. “I’m sorry, Harm,” Bud said. “It’s all right. Maybe some other time.” “I don’t know...you came over here, the Colonel’s still here, she needs a ride home. Could be a sign.” “Bud, this is not one of your outer space cosmic forces things, okay? It’s just a coincidence.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Well, this is a nice coincidence,” Harriet said. She was pushing AJ’s arms through the sleeves of his pajamas. “What is, Harriet?” “The Commander showing up, offering to drive you home.” “It’s not the first time I’ve been alone with him, y’know.” “No, but maybe it’s the first time you’ll do something about it.” “Harriet-” “Mac. Woman to woman, if you wanted Commander Brumby, you could have him. If you got on a plane and showed up in Sydney, he’d marry you tomorrow. But you’re not there. You’re here. And so is Harm.” Mac shook her head. “Just hear me out,” Harriet continued. “You think it was coincidence that you knew where he was in the middle of the ocean? I’m not one for Bud’s wacky theories, but come on. You think we don’t see it at JAG? And forget the office. You don’t risk your life traipsing across half of *Russia* for someone you don’t love, for God’s sake.” Mac sighed. “What is this, mother’s intuition?” “No. It’s common sense,” she answered. “Now go downstairs and get in that car.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mac and Harriet went back downstairs, where Bud and Harm were watching sports highlights on TV. “Ready to go, sailor?” Mac said to Harm. He nodded. “Your chariot awaits.” “Thanks for everything, Harriet. I had a great time.” “Anytime. And thanks for cleaning up.” As Mac put on her jacket, Bud apologized to Harm again for Harriet not being available. Harm shrugged it off. If he couldn’t get her advice, he’d just have to do it on his own. Tonight. Harm and Mac headed out the door. “See you Monday,” Mac called over her shoulder. “Yeah!” Harriet shouted, “and I’ll bring in the recipe for that fat free cake we talked about!” Harm stopped in his tracks. “Fat free? For Mac? Forget it.” Mac looked back in time to catch Harriet winking at her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On the way to Mac’s apartment, they talked casually about their evenings, both avoiding mentioning their coworkers’ observations. Mac let herself be hypnotized by the rhythm of the windshield wipers. After a while, they pulled up in front of her building. “Here we are,” Harm said. “Here we are.” “Want me to walk you to the door?” “Harm, I’m a Marine. I think I can handle the ten feet by myself.” “Okay, but I’ll wait and make sure you get in okay.” “Deal.” She had her hand on the door handle. “Oh!” she said, reaching into her jacket pocket. “I almost forgot. I know you’re morally opposed to junkfood, but suck it up just this once.” She tossed him a silver foil candy, which he fumbled once, but recovered with one hand. “A kiss?” “Yeah. A kiss.” Her movements seemed to play in slow motion before his eyes. He watched her soft hands on the door handle, and could feel his blood race through his veins, every beat of his heart pounding like a bass drum. In that slow, frozen moment, years flashed before him. Years of denial. Of promises. Of being lost, only to find their way in each other. Years of running. Of being anywhere and everywhere and their connection unchanged. Tested and tried by people and events, but always remaining somewhat intact. From submarines at the bottom of the ocean to jetfighters at the top of the sky. From chasing his father in Russia to chasing her demons in a bottle. Conversations on a boat in Australia and a porch in Virginia, and her words played again in his mind. She asked what she was supposed to do? He told her to wait. For how long? Gunny was right, too. How much longer would he wait? Each memory, each blink of a moment crashed down on him like a wave. She was about to walk away. He was drowning and she was going to walk away from him. This time, only he could save himself. “Mac!” he cried, pushing his door open. He ran to where she stood, raindrops beginning to cover both of them. “We need to talk.” He looked straight into her eyes. “It was just a candy,” she smiled. “Not about that,” he said, urgency rising in his voice. He took both of her hands in his. “I mean we need to *talk*.” Mac stared at the ground. “That never got us anywhere before.” Harm hooked his finger under her chin and lifted her face until her eyes met his. “Then maybe we need to stop talking.” He lowered his face to hers slowly, until their lips joined in a gentle, but intense, lingering kiss. When they finally pulled away from each other, they were speechless, lost in each other’s eyes. Mac was first to come to her senses. “Harm--” “Shhh...don’t say anything.” He gently wiped the rain off her cheeks with his fingers. “What are you doing tomorrow?” “I don’t know. Laundry. Paying bills.” “Tomorrow night. 21:00. I’ll pick you up here.” “But-” “Please. No questions. 21:00. I’ll see you then, Sarah.” Harm got back into his car and drove away, leaving Mac on her doorstep. It was not the first time he had left her out in the rain. Somehow, though, this was very different from the last. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Saturday 2030 EST North of Union Station Harm splashed some aftershave onto his face and took a last look at himself in the mirror. Damn. Why was he so nervous? Besides, tonight it wouldn’t matter how he looked, only what he said, and he’d been thinking about that all day. Well, all year, to be precise. He had it all planned out, but was worried that, like so many times before, he’d forget it all and fall flat on his face, reverting to his old standard - open mouth, insert foot. He was glad for the drive to Mac’s place, so he could run through it a few more times. He’d imagined all her possible reactions - the good, the bad, and the ugly, wherein he’d report to JAG on Monday with a black eye, and possibly a limp. Maybe it was too soon after Mic. Maybe it was too soon after his accident. Maybe they needed to reconnect as friends first. But who knew how long that might take? Harm had always been one whose actions spoke louder than his words. His looks of disgust when Mac and Brumby flirted. He had told Kate Pike that he wasn’t involved with Mac, and technically, he wasn’t. But his longing gaze at the radiant Marine that day betrayed his true feelings. With Mac, his actions seemed to get him nowhere except in hot water. She needed words, and tonight, he would do his best to say the ones she wanted to hear. He replayed the day’s events in his mind. He woke up that morning and went for a long run. When he returned home, he showered and cleaned up a few remaining things from the night before. Around lunchtime, he called the Admiral. They exchanged pleasantries and then Harm got down to the unavoidable. “Sir?” he asked. “Yes?” “Are you free this afternoon? Can I stop by for a little while?” “Is everything all right, Commander?” “Yes Sir. I’ll explain everything when I get there.” He paused. “Um, Sir? Do you have any Christmas lights?” “Well, yeah, I suppose I can dig them out of the basement, but what the hell for?” “You’ll see. Also, I may have to borrow your porch...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Harm rang the Admiral’s doorbell a little while later. “It’s open!” AJ called from the basement. Harm went inside and saw AJ coming up the stairs with a giant cardboard box. “I found the lights, but don’t ask me to help you clean the spiderwebs off them.” Harm chuckled. “No Sir.” “Now, what is this about anyway, Harm?” “Well, Sir, if things go according to plan, this is going to be a very special night.” “And my porch is somehow involved?” “Yes Sir. That is, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to come back here tonight with someone, around 21:30.” “Something going on with Renee?” Harm bit his lip. “Umm...not Renee.” AJ’s eyes widened. “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Commander?” There was. Harm wanted desperately to talk to someone about what might happen later that evening. But he wasn’t sure it would be appropriate for it to be the Admiral. What if he discouraged him? He had been known to bend the rules for his people before, but this would be a big one. “Well Sir, Renee and I are...I think we may be over.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. She’s a nice girl. Recruitment went up quite a bit after her commercial, too, by the way.” Harm sat down on the floor and began untangling the strings of lights. “Sorry about that mess. Every January I rip the things down and shove them in there, glad not to have to look at them until the next December.” “No problem, Sir. I appreciate you letting me borrow them.” “If you’re not coming back here with Renee, then who...” AJ looked out the window, while Harm waited for it to hit him. “Colonel Mackenzie.” Harm nodded. “Look, I don’t mean to pry, but seeing as my house seems to be a big part of your plan, what exactly is this about?” “I’m not sure myself, Sir. With all due respect, I can’t say much more. Not until I see Mac, and then, either way, I’ll tell you everything on Monday.” “Rabb, you’re as bad as Clayton Webb.” AJ sat down to help Harm sort through the lights. He wasn’t sure what the younger man had up his sleeve, but he ventured a guess. “I don’t know where you’re going with this, but let me give you some advice, son.” Harm looked up at him. “Sir?” “Take it from a man who’s loved and lost. If you find the woman who does it for you, don’t let her get away. And, if as I suspect, Mac is that woman, she almost did get away from you, in a big way. Don’t let it happen again.” “No, Sir.” “Now, I’ll expect a full report on Monday, from one or both of you.” AJ had watched those two play cat and mouse for years. It had been, at times, both amusing and heartwrenching. There were days when he wanted to order them into each other’s arms, and days when he wanted to strangle them both. But more than anything, they were like a son and daughter to him and he just wanted the best for them. “If it goes like I think it will, I’d offer you a few drinks to celebrate in advance, but I’ve got to mow the lawn later, and you know what they say...heavy machinery.” Harm smiled. “Yes, sir.” After they untangled the lights, Harm finished setting things up outside for later. “I’ll make myself scarce tonight. I’ll make some calls; I’m sure I can get some buddies to have dinner.” “Thank you, Sir. And thanks for your advice.” There were very few older men whom Harm trusted. When he was younger, so many of them had tried to look after him, or to be his friend. It was all so contrived. But the Admiral knew where the boundaries were, and trusted his star officer’s abilities. He offered honest advice only when he truly thought necessary, so when he did, Harm listened to it all the more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2045 Mac’s Apartment Georgetown Damn. Only 2045. Mac had already straightened the pillows on the couch, alphabetized the books on her bookshelf, and twice rearranged the magazines on the coffeetable, and there were still fifteen minutes until she could expect Harm. Well, twenty-five knowing him. Her Saturday morning had started the way she had said it would - she did some laundry and took care of the bills and other paperwork that had been piling up. She tried to keep herself occupied, but those were very mundane chores, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop replaying the events of the previous night in her mind. She had gotten burned enough times to know not to expect much when Harm opened up like that. He never stayed that way for long. Inevitably, something would come along to make him close down. She had no reason to believe tonight would be any different. But then...there was the kiss. *That* certainly didn’t happen every time, and Harriet was pushing more than usual. Did she know something she didn’t? Dammit, Sarah, she thought. Harm was drinking all night. Maybe he wouldn’t even remember what he’d said, what he’d done. How many times could she set herself for this only to walk away disappointed? She looked around her living room for something else to fiddle with. But she had spent the afternoon cleaning the apartment, so everything was already done. She could grab a quick bite to eat. She’d been to nervous to eat all day. It was completely unlike her, and she hated Harm for turning her upside down like this - again. She was saved when the phone rang. Whoever it was would help her pass the time. But, she realized, maybe it was Harm calling to cancel. Maybe he had woken up that morning and thought he’d made a mistake. She swallowed hard before picking it up. “Hello?” “Hi Mac! It’s me!” came an excited voice. “Chloe! Hey! How are you?” “Bored. A Saturday night and I’m stuck at home.” “How come? I hope you didn’t do anything to get punished, young lady.” “No, nothing like that. I’ve got a cold.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe there’s a good movie on TV.” “Not so far. A hundred channels and still nothing to watch.” “Well, maybe something will come on later. Are you drinking plenty of orange juice?” “I think a tree’s gonna grow inside me.” Mac giggled. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She was standing by the window and saw Harm’s SUV pull up in front of the building. “Oh, Chloe, I hate to rush you off like this, but I have to go. Harm’s here.” “Harm?!” she squealed. “He is?!” Are you going on a date? Where’s he taking you?” “Whoa. I thought being sick was supposed to slow a person down.” “Not me!” “Apparently. It’s not a date. He’s taking me to...actually, I don’t know where we’re going, but I can probably guarantee it’s not to a candlelight dinner.” “Why not?” Chloe whined. “Chloe, look, I’ll call you back tomorrow, okay? Feel better.” “I’d feel better if it was a date.” Mac rolled her eyes. “Bye, Chloe.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2130 EST Admiral Chegwidden’s Home Mclean, VA Mac began to recognize the neighborhood several minutes ago, but said nothing until they pulled up at their destination. “The Admiral’s house? Is he expecting us?” she asked. “The Admiral has nothing to do with this. I mean, he knows we were coming here tonight, but that’s not important.” “Harm, what are you talking about? What are we doing here?” “Ask me again in three minutes.” He unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on.” Mac got out of the car apprehensively. Harm was acting very strangely, and she didn’t know what to expect next. Was this friendly territory, or was he setting her up for some kind of ambush? Harm came over to her side, took her by the hand, and led her up the steps to the Admiral’s porch. “Do you remember the last time we were here?” he asked her. “My engagement party. How could I forget?” “Considering what’s become of that engagement...I don’t know. I thought you might try to.” “Harm, where are you going with this? What is this about?” Her confusion and frustration were growing. Harm clearly had something up his sleeve, and she hated not knowing what it was. “Well,” he began, “ever since my accident, things have been a little, well, strained between us, and that night was really the last time I can remember that we were okay.” “Only okay?” He gave a small smile. “At the very least.” “And at the most?” He sighed. “Do you remember what we talked about out here, how we left things?” “We talked about a lot of things. But we ended up as usual, giving each other a hard time about Mic and Renee.” She remembered quite well that they ended with a lot more than that, but didn’t want to bring it up, not knowing if it was a pleasant or painful memory for him. “Yeah,” he said, silently grateful that she didn’t mention the kiss. “Would it be okay...I mean...do you think we can pick up where we left off?” “Well, seeing as you’re my ride home, and I have nowhere else to be right now--” “Mac, please,” he interrupted. “Be serious.” She still wasn’t sure where this was headed, but she sensed from his tone that the sarcastic, joking Harmon Rabb she usually had to deal with was MIA for the evening. His eyes spoke volumes for the urgency he felt. “I’m sorry,” she said, meaning it deeply. “So where did you want to start?” “Brumby. Do you love him?” Mac furrowed her brow in confusion, forcing him to repeat himself, just like he had the first time around. “Hey. Do you love him?” She continued to look at him, and played that conversation in her mind, like she had done a thousand times since that night. “Do you love Renee?” Harm smiled, relieved that she remembered the script as well as he did. “I’m not marrying Renee.” “And I’m obviously not marrying Mic.” “I know that. But you still haven’t answered my question.” “Yes, I love him.” Harm froze. “He’s a wonderful man, and was very good to me. He gave me everything I could ever want. He would’ve given me the moon if he’d had a long enough lasso.” Harm focused his gaze on the floor, not trusting himself to look at Mac while she said things that were so painful for him to hear. “I did love him, for many reasons.” She paused. “But it wouldn’t have worked because I wasn’t *in love* with him.” “Is there a difference?” Mac laughed. “Men. Why don’t they ever get this? Yes, there’s a difference. A big one. “Explain it to me,” Harm said. “Mic and I could’ve had a life together. It would’ve been a nice life, too. We’d go to work, come home and have dinner together, go to the movies on weekends, have those 2.3 kids and a dog. I’d clean, he’d mow the lawn, and we’d vacation at Cape Cod or Disneyworld.” “Sounds nice,” Harm managed. “Yeah, and it would’ve been, except that I would’ve felt like I was only half alive.” “Half alive?” “Yeah. You can build a life with someone you love, but aren’t *in love* with, but would it be a life, or would it just be a sensible plan?” Harm looked at her, a little lost. “Have you ever loved a woman, Harm?” “Sure, plenty of times.” “You loved Annie, and Jordan?” “Yes.” “How did you know? Tell me what it was like loving them.” “Well,” he started, “they were easy to be with, and to talk to. I felt good around them.” “And?” “And I wanted the best for them. I wanted to protect them. When Josh saw that murder and they came after him...and when Palmer got a hold of Jordan, don’t even get me started on Palmer.” “You liked their company. You wanted them to be safe.” “Yeah.” “Harm, you could be talking about Harriet, or any of the *men* you’re friends with for that matter. I want to know if you’ve ever been in love.” “Well, how would you define it?” “Have you ever known a woman whose hold on you was so strong you couldn’t think straight? Who could make all your problems disappear just by smiling? Who you could have an entire conversation with just by looking into each other’s eyes? Has there ever been a woman whose face was the first thing you wanted to see in the morning and the last thing you wanted to see at night? Was there ever a woman who made everything you ever thought about yourself irrelevant because your life didn’t start until the moment you met her? Harm? Have you ever been in love?” “I have.” Mac was shocked. She truly couldn’t imagine it was with Renee. She ventured a guess. “Diane?” Harm shook his head. He looked away from Mac, and out at the night sky. “Looks a lot like her, though.” Mac sighed. “Is this why you brought me here?” she said to his back. “To play this game again?” He turned around. “What game?” “The one where we move up a few spaces and always, *always* land on some obstacle that sends us right back.” “That always happens?” “The sun always rises, the tide always comes in and goes out, and you and me always...” “Always what?” “Get sabotaged. One of us comes forward, the other backs away. One of wants to close old wounds, the other wants to open them again and pour lemon juice on them. And we’ve both been in either position more than once. We’re both to blame. One of us could be flying so high, the other’s trapped underground.” “Is that what this is about? My flying?” “No, Harm, it’s just a metaphor. You know our timing. One of us is up, the other’s down. We never seem to be in the same place.” Harm summoned his courage, remembering the urgency he felt the previous night, and he took her hands in his, his eyes locked on hers. “We’re both here, now.” “We are. But what are we gong to do about it?” “We’re going to figure out what this is, what we have between us.” “That could take a lifetime.” “I can’t think of a better way to spend one.” “Harm--” “Mac--” “Harm, listen to yourself. What about Renee?” He sighed. “I don’t know. Renee’s a nice girl, but...” “But?” Harm focused on the floor, something inanimate. Something that wouldn’t press him for an answer. “But you don’t love her.” He shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Y’know, somehow hearing it from your lips is easier than saying it myself.” “Because saying it makes it real. I still have a hard time talking about Mic’s leaving.” “But you weren’t in love with him, either.” “No, that’s true. But he was safe. And I thought I could *grow* to love him. I had you convinced. Hell, I almost convinced myself.” “Renee’s safe.” “But you can’t build a life on safety, Harm, and I know you never respected him, but Mic was the one who taught me that.” “So what can you build one on?” “Well, for starters, you get out of your comfort zone.” “Comfort zone?” “Yeah. No more high-maintenance blondes.” “What about feisty brunettes?” “Harm...” “What?” “Don’t start this. There’s a reason we were never like that. Remember Sydney? Remember what you said to me out here? About complications? Working together?” “Don’t do that, Mac. Don’t make this about the Navy and the Marine Corps. This is not about the Commander and the Colonel. It’s about Harm and Sarah.” “No. *You* don’t do that. You can’t say these things and then pretend they don’t mean anything. I can’t walk into JAG on Monday and act like all we did this weekend was play cards.” “Who says I want you to do that?” “Well what else can I do?” “How about this?” he said, and he placed his hands on either side of her face and brought her his lips to hers in a fierce kiss. Mac pulled away, taking his hands away from her face. “You haven’t earned that, Flyboy.” She pointed a finger at him. “Maybe kissing Renee gets you out of jams with her, but it doesn’t work on me.” “Please stop talking about Renee. This isn’t about her. It’s about me and you and the fact that...that...” “That what?” “You know what.” “No, Harm, I don’t know. Tell me.” He looked at her silently. “I need to hear you say it.” He remained mute. “Harm! How many more lives do you think you have left? You already cheated death once. How much longer are you going to wait?!” It was just the opening he was looking for. “How long is ‘as long as it ta--’” He put his index finger to her lips to silence her. “Shhh...” He would do better than tell her. He would show her. He took her hand and led her around to the Admiral’s backyard. Her heart jumped and she stood, motionless, when she looked to the other end of the yard. Along the wooden fence, the word “Eternity” was spelled out in white lights. “Oh, Harm,” she whispered. “No, it’s not how long we’re going to wait. It’s how long I’ve already made you wait. It’s how long I want to spend making it up to you.” With her right hand, Mac pinched her left arm, hard. Harm pulled it away. “What are you doing?!” “Waking myself up. I’ve heard you say those words to me so many times, always in a dream.” “Sarah,” he said as he caressed her cheek, “look at me. You’re not dreaming. I love you.” “Now I *know* I’m dreaming.” “Come on, my sweet ninja girl. Does this feel like a dream to you?” He leaned down to her slowly, his eyes never leaving hers until he closed them as their lip met. This time, their kiss was gentle and unhurried. Harm’s nerves finally calmed a little when he felt Mac relax in his arms, her mouth responding to his as if they were one. As if it were territory familiar since time immemorial. Tiny explosions went off in every part of their bodies, the kiss awakening sensations dormant for far too long. When they finally parted, they stood locked in each other’s gaze, the lights from the fence dancing across their faces. Mac was first to break the silence. “If this *is* a dream, don’t wake me up, because I love you, Harm.” Hearing those words from her was like flying. It was like truth. It was like everything that had ever meant anything, and like nothing he’d ever known. They stood together quietly for several minutes before Mac trusted her voice enough to speak again. “So what now?” she asked softly. “Shhh. Let’s just enjoy this a little longer.” He moved to stand behind her, and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned her head back, resting it against his chest. He buried his face in her hair, taking in the jasmine fragrance. It was intoxicating. All of her was intoxicating to him. Her scent, her touch, her shape and how it seemed to fit his like two halves of a locket coming together. The street was quiet for a Saturday night, and the only sound was the wind rustling the leaves of the trees in the yard. Harm didn’t trust himself to say anything. Too many times before, he had misread things, or hadn’t thought, and had said something to make Mac angry or upset. He’d never forgive himself if he ruined this moment. “It won’t always be this easy, you know,” Mac said. “What won’t?” “This,” she said. “Just being together, in each other’s arms, watching the stars.” “Why can’t it?” “Because,” she said, turning to face him, “for starters, what about Renee? You haven’t broken things off with her yet...or have you?” “No, I haven’t, but I will.” “When? You need time to think about things, to be alone for a bit and sort it out. You can’t end things with her and run right to me the next second.” “I’ve been running to you my whole life. I just never knew it before.” He paused before continuing. “She knows it’s over. I think she’s known for a while; she’s just waiting for me to say the words. It’ll make me a first class jerk, too, so soon after losing her father.” He looked blankly out across the way. “Then again, I was already a jerk for stringing her along all this time.” “Don’t be too hard on yourself, sailor. She made you happy sometimes.” He shook his head. “She made me less lonely. She kept my bed warm and my arms full, and I let her do it so I wouldn’t feel so empty thinking of you with Brumby.” “Mic.” She looked down, but brought her eyes back to his before starting again. “I was almost with him forever.” “Yeah.” “I need to know, Harm - would you have stopped the wedding if...if you hadn’t gone down? “I don’t know, Mac. I honestly don’t know, and to tell you the truth I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.” “There are still so many unanswered questions.” “Like what?” “Like why now? Why not in Sydney? Why not when the ring was still on my right hand?” “I wasn’t ready.” “But you’re ready now?” “I think so.” “You think so? Harm, that’s not enough. You have to be sure.” “I’m sure that I love you.” He was surprised by how easily those words now came to him. “And I’m sure that we can find answers to all the other questions, and if we can’t, we can make some up, together.” “I need you to be sure. About us. I can’t be your father, or Darlin, or Jordan for that matter. I can’t be...I won’t be some obsession that consumes you until you’re finished with it and case closed. I can’t do that to myself Harm.” “Is that what you think is going to happen?” It was next to impossible to let himself reveal everything he had said so far. Why wasn’t that enough? Mac knew how hard this was for him. Why did she insist on making it worse? He took her hand. “Mac, it won’t be like that. I promise.” She looked away. “How can I prove to you that it’s going to be different? Tell me what to say, Sarah.” “Harm, that’s just it. I can’t tell you what to say. I need to hear it from *you*. What *you* think, what *you* want, not what you think I want to hear. And not what some arrogant flyboy commander thinks sounds good with his reputation. “You know this isn’t easy for me, Mac.” “You never made things easy for me.” He sighed. “Okay, I deserved that. I didn’t make things easy, for either of us.” He paused, as if to summon strength from the cool night air. “Sarah,” he said softly, “do you think we can find a place, not in your dreams, and not in my hallucinations in the freezing Atlantic, where we can meet and things won’t be so hard?” “I want to, Harm. I want to find that place more than anything in the world. But it’s not on any map I know of. We have to make our own path, and it’s going to take time.” “I have the rest of my life to search for it with you.” “Slow, Harm. Slowly. We have a lot of mountains to cross before we get there. We have to take it slow.” “I can do slow,” he said, smiling slightly. “But how do we start?” “Someone once told me, if you want your love to fly, you have to give it wings.” He stared at her intensely. “Wings?” “Yeah. Wings. Freedom. Breathing room.” “What does that mean?” “It means we give each other space, we don’t make demands. You don’t get angry every time a man says hello to me, and I don’t get jealous every time a beautiful woman looks you up and down. It means we don’t shut down when we get scared. That’s what always hurt us before.” “Are you scared now, Sarah?” “More than ever.” “Why?” “Because we were so good at saying goodbye. Because it took us so long to get here. Because tonight, this moment, is so perfect, and it’s made of glass and I’m so afraid it’s going to shatter.” Harm gathered her in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. He spoke softly. “Then we’ll just have to be careful. Broken glass is hell to clean up.” “Please don’t make jokes now, Harm. Just hold me a little longer.” “As long as you want, Sarah. For as long as you want.”