FF: Eternity Author: Nik Rating: PG Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own JAG or any of the characters in this story. If I did, the character of Sarah Mackenzie would look exactly like me and Singer would be history. This is just for fun. Feedback: Appreciated. Notes: Everything through Adrift 2 happened. Most everything after that, with a few exceptions. So as not to spoil the story, I won't detail them here, but if you have any questions, feel free to email me at incognito10195@aol.com. ------------------------------------------------ It's true, what they say. You do see your life pass before your eyes before you die. But what no one tells you is, you see it other times, too. When you lose your father, when you crash an F-14 Tomcat onto a carrier or into the Atlantic, when your best friend dies, when the woman you love accepts another man's ring, when she comes to your door needing comfort and you need her more than you need air, and you turn her away. Your life passes before you, and you relive every stupid thing you've ever done, every regret you've ever had, and some you didn't know about, and you just want to die. And then, one day, you do. You die. And you see everything again. Agonizingly slow but over in an instant. Time stands still for eternity. It was no surprise, really. He'd felt life slipping away for a long time. Long before it actually happened. Long before his life ended, before consciousness eased away, into darkness, oblivion, nothingness. He didn't even notice dying. Darkness, oblivion, nothingness was nothing he hadn't experienced before. It felt right, somehow. Familiar, comforting, a refuge, then – nothing…. --------------------------------------------------- It was more feeling than sound. Like a thought, but not his own. A memory yet the present and the future all at once. ...Harm! Nooooo!... ...Is that a request?... ...Is that how long we're going to wait... …What do you want most?… …To never lose you… …Harm… …Harm!… …Harmon Rabb!… …Whats happening?… ...You've been gone awhile… …Where?… …Here… …Where's "Here"?… …Eternity… …Where are you? I can't see you… …I'm everywhere, just like you. We can't hear or see, you need a physical body for that, but we can sense everything. …I don't know how to see you... …Use your spirit to see me. You're already doing it to "hear" me. I've been trying to get through to you forever… …What happened to me? … …You died, Harm… …I remember now. That damn snake bit me… …But you should have waited, just a few minutes. You could have been saved. But there will be time for that later. There is plenty of time, and yet there is none. We are in Eternity..there is no time here, only forever… ...Who are you?… … I am your guardian. You didn’t let me help you and you ended up Here much too early. I need to you orient on my energy and work on forming the outline of that energy in your center. .… …What do you look like?… …Whatever you want me to look like… …Are you male or female?… …I was female long ago in my earthly form…. The spirit of Harmon Rabb was nothing if not an overachiever. An ace pilot turned lawyer, loaded with obsessive tendencies, heavily decorated by the Navy and heartily admired by females of all origins before his unfortunate demise, he was determined to do as this "guardian" of his said. Focusing all his energy on the task at hand, he concentrated as hard as he could. He was rewarded with a faint glimpse of his companion. Feeling a small bit of success, he focused harder, bringing her into view again. He realized he could make her look however he wanted her to look. As he changed his thoughts, she changed appearance. Before he knew it, his spirit companion looked just like Sarah Mackenzie, the one woman he had needed more than life. He told himseld he should change her appearance to a different form, but he couldn't make himself do it. The more he thought about changing her, the more real she became, until finally, standing before him was a complete replica of his JAG partner. …My name is Elizabeth… …You look just lilke… …You created my form. I look like what you want to see… …Yes, I want to see her… …I know. That's why I'm here. To show you what you need… …What I need? I'm dead, I don’t need anything… …Yes, you do. You need Mac, your Sarah. And she needs you…. ...What are you saying?… ..You have a choice. Stay here or go back… …How long have I been gone?… …Ten years earth time. But time stands still here and runs forever. You can go back to the moment you left and erase the last ten years… …Is she happy? I caused her so much pain… I don’t want to go back and change her life for the worse. She has probably found happiness, accepted my death, moved on. Evreyone has, I'm sure. Its been ten years… …She will never accept your death. Let's go to her, I can show you what I mean. Just follow me… …How… …Orient on my form as I move away. You will feel yourself flow behind me like a stream… In an instant, they flowed to familiar ground. JAG Headquarters. Admiral Chegwidden's office. …She's still so beautiful. Is she…. …She's the JAG now… They watched Mac grab the ringing phone. "General Webb's office" ...Webb… …Shhh…Watch… "Hello, Clay. No, I won't be getting out of here until late. Probably at least 8:30. Why?" "I have to meet the ambassador tonight. I won't get done until very late, so I'll probably just stay over at the Embassy." "Don't you mean the ambassador's wife, Clay?" "Mac…we agreed not to go there anymore." "No, you agreed. Why did you even ask me to marry you if you were just going to cheat on me with every bimbo that comes along? Never mind, Clay. I'll see you tomorrow." She dropped her head to her desk and her body shakes with the despair and emptiness that consumes her daily life. The hot tears spilled, flooding the desk. "Oh, Harm," she cried. "Why did you have to die? Why?" …The bastard is cheating on her. I'll kill him… …He does love her. They married a year after your death. They tried to make it work, both of them did. But she never stopped loving you. She cried on their wedding night and every night thereafter. She called him by your name on their wedding night, and everytime he touched her she has imagined it is you… …Why are you doing this to me?… …You can change this…if you choose to return.. …My god, she's miserable. Of course, I want to change this… …But you must see everything before you decide…There is more to learn…. ….Where are we now?… …Clayton Webb's house, May 2001. The night you told Sarah to come to you… ….And I sent her away… …Yes….watch…. "Coming." Clayton Webb had been at home enjoying a bit of wine and surfing on the internet when his doorbell had rung. "Mac. Oh Mac. Are you ok?" "No, not really, Clay. I need to talk, can I come in?" "Yes, come in. Sit down, have a tissue. Whats going on? Is Rabb ok?" The observant CIA agent truly missed nothing, especially when it came to Mac. He knew she was in love with Rabb, even if she didn't know it herself. "Yeah, Rabb's fine," she growled. "He's just great." "What is going on, Mac? Please talk…do you want some tea or something?" "No, Clay. I should go…" "No, stay. Tell me what happened." The two unseen visitors listen as Mac relays the events of the last few days to Webb, getting more and more upset and finally ending up in a huddled heap on the couch, crying uncontrollably in the arms of the CIA agent. Her fiancee leaving, the whole "Come to me" fiasco. …I still can't believe I did that to her… …Me neither… …Thanks for the support… …Hey, I am supporting you. If it wasn't for me you'd still be a dark little spirit ball, depressed and dead. Well, you're still dead, but hopefully not for long… "I can see why you're upset, Mac, being in love with him and all, but just give him a little time. I'm sure he'll unload Renee soon enough." "I am not in mlove with him. And I'm not giving him anything. No time, no chance. No way, Clay. He plays with my emotions, doesn't want me but doesn't want me to be with anyone else either. All that crap about 'never wanting to lose you' and 'only want you to be happy', all that’s a bunch of horseshit. All he cares about is himself. Competing with every man within 10 sqaure miles for sometihng he doesn't even want. I don't even want to see him again. I honestly couldn't even consider him a friend at the moment." …Is that what she thinks?… "Sarah…" "Clay…" Webb looks down at her the precise moment she looks up at him. He reaches down to wipe a stray tear from her face, and as he does, their eyes meet. Their lips soon follows, and as the kiss deepens and hands roam freely, the two visitors slip away into the night. …I did NOT need to see that… …You needed to know what you did to her… …Well, now I know… …Yes, you do. Follow me… …Where next… … To the future… The spirit of Harmon Rabb followed his guardian through the next months. He could see and hear himself and Mac at the same time, even when they were apart. "What would you give up to have me?" "We came to wait with you, sir." "Where does that leave us?" "At the end, I guess." "It is the end, isn't it Harm. I'm sorry it had to be this way." "I'm sorry, Harm. I wanted to bring Sergei here for you, to surprise you. He was killed in an uprising last week. I'm sorry…" "I'm in love with him." "Harm, I'm back. The guys are going to be ready for chow in about 15 minutes. I brought you some water to get some of this dust off. I can hardly see any color other than browm and I don't know….Oh my god Harm, are you okay? Harm, what's wrong?" "Mmmmaacc" "Shhh…what happened?" "Sssnaake" "Oh shit! I need someone in here now, Commander Rabb's tent. Snakebite, I need antivenin asap, I have some in the first aid bags, HURRY!" " GuhBye, Mmaaac.." "Nooooo Harm you are NOT dying on me, someone get in here NOW! Clay, give him all of it..Oh my god he's not breathing, start CPR…" …I am an idiot… …Do you want to go back?… …What would happen if I did?… …I don't know, that depends on you… …Yes…I'll go back… ....When do I go?… …Now…bye Harm… …Wait, can you still help me?… …I will watch over you. You have one more chance, don't mess this up… Just as Harm started to say "Thank you", he popped back into his earthly body and was immediately engulfed in intense pain. Lying dow n in a small dust covered tent in Afghanistan, barely able to breathe, feeling the snake venom spread throughout his body, his lungs weakly expanding, his body fighting his will, he forced himself to hang on just a little longer. He wouldn't have been sent back just to die again, would he? He felt the peaceful blackness coming back, so inviting, so comforting, no pain. "NO! I will NOT give up! Come on, Rabb, hang on," "Harm, I'm back. The guys are going to be ready for chow in about 15 minutes. I brought you some water to get some of this dust off. I can hardly see any color other than browm and I don't know….Oh my god Harm, are you okay? Harm, what's wrong?" "Mmmmaacc" "Shhh…what happened?" "Sssnaake" "Oh shit! I need someone in here now, Commander Rabb's tent. Snakebite, I need antivenin asap, I have some in the first aid bags, HURRY!" "Mmmaccc, looove - " Shhh, don't talk. Just hang on. Come on, someone get in here NOW! Clay, give him all of it" "Noooo.. I - " "Yes, Shut up, Harm. Its not too late is it, Clay? Please tell me its not too late." "No I don't think so. I've got epinephrine just in case ,too." "What's that?" "Antidote to the antivenin in case he's allergic to it. If he was allergic, he could die within a few minutes. He seems to be doing better. I can see he's breathing easier." "Thank God. And you, Clay. Thank you." "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you two." "Mac…" His voice was hardly audible, weak and trmbling. She turned to Harm, still kneeling on the rough "floor" of the tent. "Harm, are you feeling better?" "Yes, really …tired." "I know. We're going to get you out of here and back to the Seahaawk. Gunny's got a helo coming in to take us back after chow time. We got what we needed from these guys already. Just rest, we'll be leaving shortly." "Mac, I – " She cut him off, concerned for his health, knowing the snakebite and antivenin had taken their toll on him "Shh….not now. Just rest. Here, take this pillow. I'm starving, do you want anything?" "No.. Feeling …sick." "Ok, just don't play with any more snakes while I'm gone, K?" "Will.. I see you… soon?" "Yeah in about 5 minutes, I'm coming back to eat with you in here. I'm letting you out of my sight as little as possible until you're on the Seahawk." "Good. Mac?" "Yeah" "Come…back?" "Yeah, right back." "K", he said, contentedly and settled back to wait for her return. As he waited, he reflected on his second chance. Did it really happen? He wasn't sure. It seemed so real, yet had lasted on;y seconds. Or had it? Harm wasn't sure, but he was sure of one thing. He wasn't going to waste another opportunity to tell Mac how he felt. Soon she would be back in this tent with him and she would find out once and for all how he truly felt, and would feel forever, for eternity. He heard Mac coming back and stuggled to sit up. He found another pillow nearby and propped himself up with it. He felt his strength returning, although he was not completely back to normal yet. "I'm back, Snakeboy. I brought you some juice." "Snakeboy? That’s as bad as Stickboy! What happened to Flyboy?" "You've been renamed, Harm. At least until your leg is better. How is it feeling.?" "My leg still hurts, but other than that I'm feeling much better." "You sound a lot better than you did a few minutes ago. I was really worried about you." "So was I. I was worried about you, too, Mac." "Me, why were you worried about me?" "I'd hate to think of you living the rest of your life without – " "Without you? Oh my god, Harm, this has to be the absolutely most arrogant thing I have ever heard you say, and that’s quite an accomplishment, even for you. Of all – " "Wait one second," Harm interrupted, placing a couple of fingers softly against her open lips. "You didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say was, without knowing how I felt about you." Mac was barely able to catch her breath, knowing what he said, but not sure whether to believe he meant what the words were telling her., and half scared to know the answer. "What are you saying, Harmon?" she asked, As he took her in his arms, he answered her question. "What I am saying, Sarah, is that I love you. With my whole heart, more than anything else. More than the Navy, more than Tomcats and flying, more than my life. " "Harm – " she began, folding herself into his arms, feeling his strength surround her, comfort her. It felt like she belonged there, forever. And she knew what she needed to say to him, had needed for so very long but had never been able to say. "I love you, too." "We will work this out, you know. If you want to, that is." "Oh I do. I want this more than anything. You scared me, Harm. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't made it." He held her tighter as she lay her head on his shoulder. As she did, the enormity of the situation, the reality that she truly had almost lost him hit her, and she could not control the tears. As her tears came and soaked his shirt, Harm had some tears of his own as he thought about how close he came to destroying the happiness of the woman he loved more than anything else in the world. Turning his eyes upward, he said a silent parayer and whispered softly, "Thank you", hoping his guardian angel could hear him, wherever she was, still not sure if what he had seen was real or delusions brought on by the snakebite. Then he knew for sure. …You're welcome, Harm… "Did you hear that, Mac?" he asked, still holding her. "Hear what, Harm?" "Nothing. Never mind." Mac turned her face up to his. Seeing tears there, he wiped them away. His lips followed his fingertips, kissing her cheeks and then her lips, first softly and then with more strength. She opened her mouth to his and was lost in him…for eternity.