TITLE: "Distant Hearts V-Reunited" AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY/SPOILERS: The fifth chapter of the Distant Hearts series. The saga began after Head to Toe, Harm and Mac have made their first tentative steps toward coming to grips with the emotions which have swirled around them since their first meeting. Any JAG episode may or may not be referred to in this work. Neither Sergei nor Afghanistan play a role here. CLASSIFCATION/RATING: J/S/R/A PG for mild violence and language DISCLAIMER: JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al. No copyright infringement is intended with this work of fiction. FEEDBACK: Never expected let alone demanded. Always appreciated. We simply ask that the work and the effort be respected. Feedback addy is SSbpMN@aol.com. NOTE: All parts of this story and previous chapters, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html [sadly, not always up and running] or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} ********************** Previously in DH-- Harm and Mac have begun their existence with half a world between them. Mac's latest assignment in DC sends waves of foreboding through Harm. **************** From Distant Hearts IV-- "Navy Deputy Chief of Staff Captain Owen C. Cregan's office is just over my left shoulder," the ZNN reporter intoned. "This morning Captain Cregan was arrested in that office by a joint task force of D.C. Metropolitan police and Naval Investigative Service officers, who then conducted a search of his office. The Captain, who has long been the grist of rumors as a ladies man, is accused in the murder of Allison LaBianca, the 27 year old woman whose body was found in a wooded area in Maryland last month. Ms. LaBianca coached Capt. Cregan's 10 year old son's soccer team and friends had come forward when she disappeared three months ago to report that she and the Captain had been having a quote stormy unquote affair. Capt. Cregan is separated but not divorced from his wife of twelve years. Millicent Cregan has taken their two sons to an undisclosed location. Meanwhile the Captain immediately requested representation from the office of the Navy Judge Advocate General." Harm drew his breath in sharply just as Bethany appeared in the doorway. "Harm did you need. . . " "Sshhh," he ordered impatiently, his eyes fixed on the screen, knowing before her picture flashed exactly what was coming. "Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie has been assigned as his defense counsel." "Hey that's your Mac," Bethany chortled. "I was watching this in the break room for a minute. I'm impressed. I've been reading about this guy. Looks like they might have finally nailed him. Supposed to be a real womanizer. Not only that, but there was another case when he was stationed at Great Lakes about five years ago. A girl disappeared up there too, only she was only eighteen. She was their boys' sitter and they found her body. . .uh, sorry. I should have told you that true life crime is a hobby." Harm's eyes had gotten as wide as they could, looking from Bethany to the TV and back again. "OK so bottom line, this guy is some sort of serial killer who preys on women he's associated with and Mac is defending him? Is she out of her mind or just what?" "Uh I thought the case was probably assigned to her," Bethany offered timidly. ******************** "Distant Hearts IV-One Heart"-- Mac's Apartment 04:00 AM EST She was in the middle of a wonderful dream. She and Harm were together again. The awful period of separation was over and they were once again together. Making love in the cabin just like they had before he'd left. The ringing of the phone startled Mac from her dream, the visions of Harm vanishing as she woke. "Colonel Mackenzie" she murmured as she looked over at the clock. "Are you out of your mind?" "Good Morning to you too Commander" Mac sighed as she rolled over. "Let me guess, you saw the news story about Captain Cregan." "Mac the guy is a psycho. Women around him end up dead. I don't want you on this case." "Well last time I checked you weren't my CO. And my CO assigned me the case." "Tell him you won't do it" Harm sighed. "Mac this guy is bad news. Really bad news." "Harm I can't tell the Admiral that I can't handle the case. You know how these things work. We get orders and we do as we're told. And quite frankly I don't understand why you're so upset about this." "Because I'm not there" he groaned. "I want to be with you on this and I can't. And I hate it." "Yeah well know you know how I felt a week ago when I found out you were in the middle of the bombing" she whispered. "It shouldn't have to be like this. We should be together." Images of her dream flooded back into her mind and she willed back the tears. "I know," she said softly. "You have no idea how much I wish we were together. But we can't be right now." "And now you're assigned this wacko's defense" he sighed. "Someone up there really hates us." "Harm it'll be okay. I'm sure he's not so bad." "Not so bad" Harm nearly shouted. "Mac do you have any clue what your client has done in the past." "No and I don't want to know thank you. I have to defend him remember. So whatever it is you think you know, just save it." "Mac" he wailed. "Harm I'm a big girl and I can handle this" she sighed. "So please try not to worry." "Is Bud assisting you?" he asked. "Actually your favorite person is sitting second chair this time. So when I kill her you can come back and represent me." "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were stuck with her. And of course that just makes me worry more." "Please don't worry. I'll be okay. I promise." "I'll still worry. You know how I am." "Yes I do," she said with a small smile. "So now that you've woken me up at 4:00 AM can we talk about something nicer than my case." "Oh god I'm sorry" he cringed. "I wasn't even thinking when I called you. I just saw the news story and went into flip mode." "Obviously. But it's okay. I wanted to get an early start today anyway. It's just that I was in the middle of a great dream about making love to a certain sailor in a cabin in the woods of Pennsylvania." "I hope I'm that certain sailor" he whispered. "Always Flyboy" she said softly. "I miss you so much. I know we talk and IM but it's not the same. I just want to hold you again Sarah." "Soon sailor. That day will be here before you know it." "It's not speeding by here," he sighed, for the moment forgetting why he had called. "The time I mean. Didn't you promise me it would go fast. It does not. Sarah the day drags. I've taken to doing it in increments--make it to lunch, make it through the afternoon, go to the gym and exercise myself numb, back to eat, work until I'm sleepily, and then get in bed and not hardly sleep." Mac was quiet for a long moment as she heard his words and knew he was being sincere. "Harm it's no picnic for me either. I come to work after a mainly sleepless night myself and stare into your office, where instead of being able to take comfort in your being in there, I see my favorite person. I cope with her and Bud, who at times is no walk in the park himself, and then it's finally time to come home where I work in peace, long for you and fall asleep on the sofa with the TV blaring. . .if I'm lucky." His turn for silence and finally she laughed. "OK we've both ranted. Now what?" "Now you go suggest to AJ that he find a man who can take the Cregan mess, and don't even waste your breath telling me what a chauvinist pig remark that was. I know it and I'm willing to take the heat for it; I'm just not willing to stand by and see this guy hurt you." "Harm he's not coming to stay at my place for crying out loud," she objected firmly. "I'll be seeing him in public places except for meetings and we'll hardly be off somewhere by ourselves. Now give it a rest. Just because they had an affair, which that isn't even proven, doesn't make him a killer. Hell you and I had an affair." "No we didn't. We fell in love," he objected at once, his voice almost tearful. "Yes we did," she agreed with a smile he could sense even at that distance. "Well at least we can agree there," he returned. "And on that note Taylor is standing on her head here to get my attention. I think my client has arrived for our meeting. Yes that's it, she's now put her finger to her nose. We're playing charades here. Taylor get the man coffee and a magazine. I'll be right there." Mac heard her soft feminine voice give him a 'yes sir' and it went right through her. "It's not fair that she can be with you and I can't." "No nothing about this is fair," he agreed. "Every single facet sucks. Go back to bed." "Nah, now that I'm awake I'm going to run." "NO." "Harm I run about every morning," she relayed quietly. "And not in the park where Commander Aiken was found. I use the one right down the road, very safe." "You promise?" "I do. Now go tend to your client and I'll see to mine later. I've only met him once but he's actually not coming across as a bad guy." "You think he did it?" "Jury's still out there. I love you. Get to work will you." "Yes ma'am. I love you too." It was with heavy hearts that both phones were hung up. The separation was not working-- not for either. ************** JAG HQ's 4 Hours Later "Do you sleep at night ma'am?" Singer asked as she looked at Mac as they poured over the case files in the conference room. "Nothing personal but you look like hell." "Gee thanks Lieutenant," Mac sighed. "Next time keep your comments to yourself please." "Sorry. I didn't realize you were missing the Commander this much." "Yeah well you try being separated from the man you love" Mac muttered under her breath. "What was that ma'am?" Singer asked. "Nothing. So what do we have here so far?" "Most likely a guilty Captain" Singer shrugged. "Everything points to him. I know he's claiming he's been setup but the facts sure don't support his claim." "Great. We need to talk to our client in depth and find out who he thinks may have set him up." "He isn't a popular man ma'am. Not with the alleged affairs he had." "So he's probably got a list a mile long of people who'd like to see him go down" Mac sighed. "We need to find out about these alleged rumors." "Yes ma'am. I can start working on that right away." "Good. And then we need to find out all we can about the murder victim. Who else might have killed her? Any enemies she had." "Adding it to my list ma'am." "We have too much to cover in such a short time" Mac groaned. "No problem ma'am. I can work as long as needed. I would think that with the Commander gone you'd be thrilled with the chance to throw yourself into something like this." "Well there's a plus. All right we know what we need so we might as well get started right away." "Yes ma'am" Singer nodded. They headed back to their offices, passing the elevator just as the doors opened. "Colonel Mackenzie" a voice called and Mac groaned as she turned and saw Stuart Dunston coming towards her. "No comment Mr. Dunston" Mac sighed as she continued to her office. "Colonel I just have a few questions" he said as he followed her. "No comment" she said firmly. "I am not going to talk about this case with you right now. And if you don't leave, I will call security." She closed her office door and with a sigh sunk into her chair. There was so much work to do for Captain Cregan's defense but her heart wasn't in it. It was thousands of miles away, thinking about the man she loved. "Mr. Dunston" Singer smiled as she walked over to him. "I'm Lt. Singer. You may remember me from before. I'm assisting Colonel Mackenzie on the Cregan defense." "You are?" Dunston smiled. "Would you care to answer a few questions?" "Why don't we meet later" Singer suggested quietly. "Good idea Lt." Dunston nodded as he pulled a business card out of his pocket and scribbled an address. "Meet me here at noon." ***************** ASU Bahrain "Commander go home" Taylor ordered. "This stuff isn't going anywhere." "Yeah I guess I should" Harm sighed. "Bethany told me about the case Mac was handling. And how upset you were about it. Anything you want to talk about?" "Not unless you can get me out of here and back there." "Now if I could do that do you think I'd be here" Taylor smiled. "Harm she sounds like she can handle this. Give her a little credit." "I do. But sometimes she forgets that she's not invincible. And I just have this really bad feeling about this whole thing." "Why because it's the first real case she's handling without you with her?" Taylor asked. "Bingo" he sighed. "If I were there I could look out for her. Even if I wasn't on the case. But I can't do a damn thing while I'm here." "You're giving her long distance support and that may not seem like much to you but I know it means a lot to her," Taylor smiled. "Aaron and I are thousands of miles apart but I feel him with me." "Yeah I know," Harm sighed and then smiled softly. "Not to change the subject, but what's with Bethany and this guy Lukens?" "He lives in our building sir. Seems OK. At least Bethany seems to be taking to him, and she doesn't to everyone. Well you, but you discouraged that real fast." "Hey I like her a lot," he protested. "She's a great person. And if it weren't for Mac. . .well maybe I could be interested in her than more as a friend. But no, no way was I going to let her think she and I could be anything more. That would have been cruel." "You're a good guy sir," Taylor smiled. "I hope we get to meet your Colonel some day." ================ Lt. Loren Singer looked around nervously, wondering if Dunston had forgotten their meeting and finally he walked in, looking late and harried. "Sorry, traffic and phone calls," he panted. "You want a drink?" "I shouldn't but what the hell," she smiled, "now what am I doing here?" "I've been following your Captain Cregan a long time," he said slowly. "I've got stuff on him going back to the time his kids' sitter was found dead. See I think he's a lying bastard who uses women and tosses them away. The sitter was just the first. He's had a string of affairs. Of course he didn't kill them all. Only the ones he was afraid of." "And you're telling me this because. . .? May I remind you that I'm on the defense team?" "No problem. I just want some of the stuff you're going to dig up that you're not going to use." "You're expecting me to just hand over information? Risk disbarrment, loss of my career and perhaps confinement on top of it? What have you been drinking? Not to mention you just committed a federal crime by asking me about it." "I'm saying I can make it worth your while," he said very softly. "You're trying to make a name at JAG, further your career I'm sure. When we were previously associated I had the distinct impression you were a comer. Papers like The Star and The Enquirer are going to eat this stuff up. I want to be the 'source close to the trial'." "What they don't pay you enough with ZNN?" "ZNN doesn't employ me--that's part of the problem," he murmured. "I freelance for the most part and I need more than they're giving me. You want to make a name for yourself at JAG--I want to establish myself as an investigative reporter. When the industry hears that Stuart Dunston has got his eye on a story, I want to be in demand." "So if I help you, you'll help me?" Singer questioned. "Exactly. I'll make sure your name is mentioned just as much as Colonel Mackenzie's when I'm reporting the story. It won't be just her show." "I like that. This might just work after all." "Then we have a deal," Dunston asked. "Why is this so important to you? And don't tell me it's getting your name out there because I'm not buying that." "Cregan has hurt a lot of women in his time. And he's only gotten away with it because of who he is. Anyone else on the street would have been locked away a long time ago. But Cregan has hid behind his Captain rank and gotten away with it. Putting him behind bars is going to prove that the military isn't above the law like some of them seem to think." "But at the same time you're asking me to do just that" Singer countered. "And I will remind you again, I'm on the defense team." "Yes but for good reason. There's hundreds of Cregan's here in DC that need to be brought back to reality. He's just the first. And I know you're on the defense, but I bet a hundred to one you'd be just as happy to see a creep like Cregan get what he deserves." "Yeah I suppose. I honestly don't care what happens to him. I'm just interested in the publicity the case is going to generate." "So see we're on the same side" Dunston smiled. "You provide me the specifics about the murder and I'll make sure it's worth your while." ******************** Navy Brig "Well this is better than I hoped for" Captain Cregan smiled approvingly as Mac walked into the small interview room. "You must be Colonel Mackenzie." "Yes I am and I will tell you right now I will not tolerate any comments from you. So I suggest you keep your dirty little thoughts to yourself" Mac said as she sat down. He opened his mouth to say something and promptly closed it. "You're right. I'm sorry. That was out of line." "Apology accepted. Now let's get started. We have a lot to cover and not much time. And unfortunately the defense has a lot against you." "You're going to get me off right" he demanded. "Captain I'm going to do my best to provide you with the best defense I can. However I can only do that if you tell me exactly what happened." "I didn't kill Allison," he said quickly. "Were you having an affair with her?" Mac asked. "Yes. But I broke it off. And that's when she disappeared." "So you told her it was over and then she disappeared?" "Yes. I never saw her after that night. And I sure as hell didn't kill her. They should be looking at the guy she'd been seeing off and on while we were having an affair." "What guy is that?" Mac asked. "Jeremy Macon. He works for the State Department. His son was on the team too." "So you weren't the only father that she'd taken up with?" "Hell no. Allison was not the innocent angel the media is portraying her to be Colonel. She was always looking for the guy with the best position and most money to forward herself in this world. Like most women I suppose." "Not all of us are that way Captain" Mac said irritably. "Sorry." "Never mind. Now tell me in detail what happened the last night you saw Allison alive." "I'd called her and told her we needed to talk. Things hadn't been going well and I decided it was best to just break the whole thing off. When I told her that, she got hysterical. Begged me not to go." "Why did you break it off?" "I knew her and Jeremy were seeing each other and I didn't want him to find out about our relationship. I figured it was best to break it off." "So she was upset that you said it was over?" "Yes. I think she'd fallen in love with me." "But you weren't in love with her?" Mac asked. "No Colonel I wasn't" Cregan said with a small smile. "Allison was fun to be around when I needed to get away from Millicent. But that was it." ****************** Two Days Later "Mac where are you?" Harm groaned as he slammed the phone again. It was 10:00 PM her time and she was supposed to be home by now. Thoughts of the creep she was defending ran through his head and he snatched the phone and dialed the number again. He was just about to hang up when her breathless voice picked up. "Colonel Mackenzie" "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded. "I'm sorry. I was going to try and call you and tell you I was going to be working late but I didn't want to wake you. And good morning to you too." "You've been working all night?" "Yes. I have a lot to ground to cover if I'm going to defend Cregan." "Mac I don't like this. I think this case is too much for you." "Harm I'm fine" she sighed. "You know what it's like when you have a high profile case like this." "No I don't. I'm sitting in Bahrain where the highest profile case was the lieutenant who tried to go AWOL last week cause he couldn't handle it here anymore. And frankly I don't blame the guy for doing it." "I'm sorry," she said automatically. "You're not happy there are you?" "Oh hey no what ever gave you that idea," he wailed. "I mean I'm only half way around the world from the one person on this planet who means everything to me. And said person is involved in a major case and not getting enough help. I mean let's face it, Singer is worse than useless, and you don't know if this guy is stable or what. He may be a captain in the Navy, but it's possible to fool all those psychological profiles we take and you know it. Sounds to me like a user, and I don't want him using you." "Breathe Commander," she smiled, picturing his face and smiling again. "And please for goodness sakes give me a little credit for being able to handle things will you. I can deal with Singer and I'm being watchful of the Captain. I think we've already established that him outranking me does not entitle him to anything more than courtesy and I'm afraid I wasn't even on the ball with that the first time we met, because the man totally rubbed me the wrong way." "OK I'm sorry. You are totally capable and this guy is lucky to have you," Harm sighed "But that doesn't make me like it here any better. And the really sad thing is other than it's just kind of dull, it's good duty. The people are good to work with. Taylor and Bethany are both great." A sharp pang went through her at those words and she swallowed hard. "Mac?" "Sorry, zoned out for a second there." It was on the tip of her tongue to encourage him to resign and come home to her, and she gave a long sigh of gratitude when that urge left her as quickly as it had come. To ruin a Naval career over her jealousy and his missing of her, and she of him, made no sense. "Look we're getting through this. How many days has it been and we've both survived." "Not well," he groused. "Not well but perhaps if we didn't dwell on it so much." She attempted to stifle a large yawn as she got her last word out. "And you need to get to bed," he said firmly. "It's much more important that you sleep than listen to me whine, especially now that I know you're OK." "I should keep at this but I'm totally bleary," she confessed. "So yeah I'm going to soak in a tub and read a trashy romance novel until I'm sleepy. And wish that the heaving bosom was mine and that it was you with the loins of steel." "Let's not bring up my loins. It makes me miss you too much," he laughed. "Good night honey. Have I mentioned I love you?" "I'm too tired to recall. You'd better do it again." "I love you Sarah." "That's what I needed to hear. I love you Harm. It's going to be over at some point. Bye." With that she hung up the phone before it could get any harder. On his end, Harm put his phone down with a soft click. This was not getting easier, and the feeling that she was about to be involved in something beyond the scope of this murder trial was something he could not shake. It wrapped around his spine, sending out little tendrils of warning. ************* Two Weeks Later JAG HQ's "Where in the hell is he getting this stuff Colonel?" AJ demanded as they watched the video tape of Stuart Dunston's report from the prior night on ZNN. "Not from me sir" Mac snapped before she could stop herself. "Oh god sir, I'm sorry." "At ease Colonel" AJ sighed. "And have a seat. I think we need to talk. You've been edgy and I'm sure it's not just this case." "No sir" Mac said quietly. "But I really don't want to talk about it. It's easier if I just don't think about it." "How is Harm?" "About the same as I am" Mac said with a small smile. "Hating every second of this. But we'll get through it. Somehow. And please I really don't feel comfortable talking about this." "Of course. Do you want to talk about how Dunston is getting his information?" "I have my suspicions" Mac sighed. "And you're not going to like it." "Don't tell me you suspect Singer" AJ groaned. "Yes sir. She's the only other person who has access to that information. And if you notice Dunston has mentioned her name more than once while he's been reporting." "You think she's trading information to get her name out there?" "Knowing Lt. Singer yes" Mac nodded. "She would. Course I have absolutely no proof of it. Just my hunch. But I think I can find out for sure." "How?" "She's been leaving here everyday at lunch. Same time. I think that's when she's meeting him. In time to give him the information so he can get it on for his report later in the day. If I follow her, I can find out what she's doing." "Don't you have enough on your plate already Colonel?" AJ asked. "Yes sir, but I'm willing to give up one lunch to find out if she's behind this. It will be worth it." "All right. Keep me posted. If she is giving Dunston information, she can kiss her Naval career goodbye." Mac headed back to her office and with a long sigh opened her email. She would miss her lunch time chat with Harm but this needed to be taken care of. *************** Bahrain "Mac" he groaned when he saw her email. He'd been waiting for her to sign in on the IM and when that hadn't happened he'd checked his email to see if she'd sent him anything. Dear Harm, I'm sorry I'm going to miss our chat. I have something else to take care of at lunch so I won't be on. I'm sorry and I know you understand how these things go. I promise I'll be here tonight to talk to you. Love you Sarah "Yeah I understand" he sighed as he closed out the IM. In the past few weeks he and Mac had had little time to talk, the case taking up so much of her time. She told him little about it and most of what he knew he'd learned from watching Stuart Dunston's reports on ZNN. And nothing he'd heard had made him feel any better. *************** Mac followed Singer's car through the afternoon traffic, wondering if her suspicions about the young Lt. were right. A few minutes later her suspicions were confirmed as she watched Singer met up with Dunston at the park just outside Falls Church. "Bingo" Mac sighed to herself. Her co-counsel was feeding information to the media in exchange for god only knew what besides her name on the news. Feeling like she was on some covert operation for Webb, she crouched behind Dunston's car, taking pictures of them under a nearby tree. To a casual observer they looked like they were simply talking, but to Mac's trained eye, the passing of a CDROM did not go unnoticed. Copies of case documents and testimony no doubt. That accomplished, they began walking toward his car. The crunch of gravel behind her made her stand up quickly and she casually walked back toward her car, parked several spaces away, while the new arrival parked next to Dunston. Mac watched the vehicle closely, giving a sigh of relief when a man in jogging clothes appeared. Momentarily he dropped from view and she strained to see, noting him tying his shoelace just before taking off down the nearest trail. She turned her attention back to Singer and Dunston, just in time to see him force a kiss on her as they leaned against his car. "Dunston not only are you an idiot but you have no taste in women," Mac muttered to herself, watching them break apart and then hearing Dunston utter "Holiday Inn at Tysons, 8 PM." "This should qualify for hazard pay," she sighed, unable to shake the mental picture of Loren Singer and Stuart Dunston in bed. "Suck it up Marine." With that she strode toward them, calling sharply, "Lieutenant Singer, Mr. Dunston. I want both of you to return to JAG with me." Both looked up in total surprise, Singer's mouth dropping open in her dismay. "Yes you're busted," Mac sighed. "Both of you. Mr. Dunston I wouldn't count on the lieutenant--and I use the term only for the moment--feeding your career any further. A career that's going to be on unsteady ground once I prove you're in receipt of private government documents." Meanwhile fifty feet away, protected by a tree, the jogger pulled the detonator from his pocket. Stuart Dunston's sports car vanished in a brilliant blast of orange flame and black smoke that consumed everything around it. The explosion hit Mac square in the chest knocking her backwards away from the worst of the flames but there was no way to avoid the flying pieces of metal. Deadly white hot shrapnel pieces that sliced into her like a warm knife would split a stick of butter. ************** Bahrain Same Time Harm's scream of Mac's name echoed through his apartment as he jerked awake, the images of his nightmare still vivid in his mind. For several moments he sat there on the sofa as he tried to calm his nerves. Something was wrong. He knew it. He finally pushed himself from the sofa, wandering around the apartment as he tried to tell himself nothing was wrong. "It's just your overactive imagination," he said to himself. "She's fine." He was still repeating the words over and over to himself when he heard a knock at the door an hour later. "Hi guys" he said when he saw Taylor and Bethany at his door. "Did we have plans that I forgot about?" "No" Taylor said quietly. "I guess you don't have the TV on?" "No I rarely have it on why?" Harm asked as he let them into his apartment. Even as he said the words he knew the reason why. "Oh god, something happened to Mac. The case she was working on." "Harm you'd better sit" Bethany said softly as she led him to the sofa while Taylor reached for the remote. She quickly flipped it to ZNN where the Breaking News was being repeated again. "We have confirmed that ZNN correspondent Stuart Dunston was killed in when what appears to be a car bombing. In addition to Dunston, Lt. Loren Singer from the Navy's Judge Advocate General's office was also killed. A third victim, Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was taken by chopper to Bethesda Naval Hospital where we are told she is in serious condition." "NO" Harm whispered as he watched the images of the burned out vehicle. "God no. Please don't take her away from me." "Harm is there anything we can do?" Taylor asked gently. "I have to get to her," Harm said quietly. "I have to be with her. She's hurt and she may die" His words were cut off with a choked sob as he realized that he might lose the only person he would ever love. He buried his head in his hands as hot tears sprung from his eyes. "Harm they didn't say she was dead" Bethany said softly. "From what you've told us about Mac I'm sure she's going to pull through this. She has a lot to live for." "I can't lose her" Harm wailed. "She's my world. I don't want to live without her." Gentle arms reached for him as Bethany held him against her. If she'd ever had any doubt as to the depth of his love for Mac, she didn't now. "You won't have to" Bethany said softly. "She's going to be okay. You just have to have faith and believe that." "I have to get to her" Harm repeated as he pushed away from Bethany. "I have to be there with her. She needs me." "Harm you can't just leave" Taylor reminded him. "I know you're upset but you need to talk to Admiral Selby first." "Fine. But I'm going no matter what" Harm announced as he stood up. "I don't care how I get there. I just need to get to her." "We'll make some calls while you talk to Admiral Selby" Bethany offered. "And see if we can find you a flight back to the US tonight." "Thank you. I just need to be with her." "Harm what if the Admiral says you can't leave?" Taylor asked quietly. "It won't stop me," Harm said quietly. "I'll just turn in my resignation. Which is what I should have done in the first place. If I had, none of this would have happened. I should never have left her. Now I'm going to go see Admiral Selby." It didn't take long to find the Admiral, still working busily at his office. "Commander what can I do for you?" Admiral Selby asked as Harm walked into his office. "Sir I need to leave here ASAP. I need to go back to DC." "You want to tell me for what reason son?" "I'm sure you heard about the car bomb that killed the ZNN reporter and Navy Lt." Harm said quietly. "My fiancee, Sarah Mackenzie, was the third person who was seriously injured. I need to get to her sir." "That's your Mac?" Selby asked. "Yes sir. Please I need to get to her." "Fiancee huh. Obviously things have progressed a little since we last talked." Harm swallowed hard and heard himself say the word again. "Fiancee yes sir. I'm going to make her my wife as soon as my time in this god forsaken corner of the world is over with." "Your time in hell in other words?" "Sir yes, OK, admittedly. But not because of the duty. It's an honor to work for you sir. This is one of the best run shops I've ever had the privilege of being assigned to. If Mac was here, then. . ." "Then your God would be in heaven and all would be right with the world," Selby smiled, reaching for his phone. "Carson, get on the land line to Bethesda Naval and check on the condition of Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie, the JAG officer injured in the explosion ZNN is reporting. Use my name and don't take no for an answer." "Thank you sir," Harm breathed. "Have you checked on flights?" "Yes sir, Bethany and Taylor are seeing what they can arrange." The Admiral touched his phone again. "And Carson while you're doing that, get Mr. Rabb a leave form. Emergency leave--seriously injured fiancee." "Sir again, thank you," Harm sighed, starting to pace again. "Mr. Rabb sit. If you have that burst aneurysm you won't be able to leave." Harm actually jumped when the intercom sounded. "Sir, Bethesda is reporting that the Colonel was taken immediately to surgery for multiple shrapnel wounds. I'm sorry Commander. She's listed as extremely critical." "My god she's going to die before I can get there," he gasped, totally distraught now. "Bet you a steak dinner at the O club no," the Admiral grinned. "She's got you and a promise of a wedding coming up. Women have made themselves live for a lot less." Before he could answer, Taylor called to tell him she had booked him on a hop to Saudi and then a flight into Andrews. "Pretty sure of yourself--that I was going to permit you to go Commander," Selby observed. "Yes sir. Because I would have gone UA and faxed you my resignation from CONUS." "You would throw away a career such as yours for her?" "In a New York minute sir." ============ At Harm's apartment, Taylor and Bethany pulled down his duffel and began to pack. "OK, two uniforms, jeans, shirts, socks, what else?" Bethany mumbled. "Underwear," Taylor giggled and opened another drawer. "Whoa, and I would have thought the Commander a briefs man. Gray knit. Nice." "Cute Taylor" Bethany said with a long look. "I just hope Mac is okay. I think he was serious about not wanting to live if anything happened to her." "Yeah I know" Taylor nodded soberly. "I don't think I've ever seen any one so in love as he is with her." "Mac is lucky. And if I had Harm in my life I sure wouldn't give up." "None of us would" Taylor said with a small smile. "He's a special guy. And I'm sure Mac knows that." They had his bag packed by the time he returned and from the look on his face they knew she wasn't doing good. "Thanks guys" he said quietly. "I just hope I get there in time." "Did you find out anything else?" Taylor asked gently. "Admiral Selby was able to find out that she was taken right to surgery and that's she listed as extremely critical." He took a deep breath as he finished, determined to keep himself together until he was alone. "Harm I'm sorry" Taylor whispered. "But she's going to hang on. She has you in her life. She's not going to give that up that easily." "I hope so" he whispered. "Can you give me a lift over to the airport?" "Of course" Taylor nodded. "You're all packed and ready to go. I've got your bag. You just need yourself." They reached the airport in time and with a long sigh Harm gathered his bag from the trunk. "Harm if you need anything let us know" Taylor said quietly. "I know we're going to be the last thing on your mind but just know we're here and we're thinking about you and praying for Mac." "Thank you" he managed. "For everything." **************** Bethesda Naval Hospital "Admiral I'm sorry but there's still no word" the nurse informed AJ. "It may be a while before we know anything. But the good news is she's still holding her own in there." "Thank god for that" AJ sighed. "Anything sir?" Bud and Harriet asked as AJ made his way back to them. "No. But that's good. So far she's holding on." "Sir don't you think you should call the Commander" Harriet said quietly. "I will when I have something to tell him. Right now all I could tell him is she's critical and he'd flip. There's nothing he can do from there anyway so I'll wait until we have something definite." "She's going to be okay isn't she?" Bud whispered. "She's not going to die is she sir?" "Not the Marine Colonel I know" AJ said quietly. "She's a fighter and she'll make it through this." "What if she doesn't sir?" Harriet sniffled. "I don't even want to think about it" AJ said with a long sigh. It hadn't been his doing to separate Harm and Mac but if she didn't make it, he was going to feel just as much guilt as if it had been his decision. He knew how much Harm had dreaded them being apart and he hoped that the worst wasn't going to happen. "Bud let's go to the chapel" Harriet whispered as she reached for her husband's hand. "Maybe that will help." Bud nodded and with a long sigh AJ sat back down alone. One of his officers was dead. The other fighting for her life. And he had no idea what had happened. Except that Stuart Dunston's car had been blown to pieces, taking his life and Loren Singer's in the process. He could only pray that Mac was somehow going to pull through this. He didn't want to be the one to deliver the news to Harm that the women he loved was gone. **************** From Bahrain Harm had headed to Saudi Arabia, arriving at Prince Sultan Airforce base in time to catch the plane that was heading to Andrews. It would still be hours before he reached her. And in that time he could only pray that she would hold on for him. "I'm coming Sarah" he whispered as the plane took off from Saudi Arabia. "Please don't leave me." Five hours into the flight Harm finally managed to close his eyes, at as part of his continuing prayer and then as anxiety took its toll he managed to sleep, only to find himself being shook awake by an anxious crewman. "Sir, sir are you OK?" the young man gasped. "You were moaning and then you made this ungodly noise that sounded like Sarah." Harm struggled to get his eyes open, knowing he was shaking. "Yes Sergeant thank you. I'm OK. Someone who means a lot to me was hurt and I'm praying I get back to her that's all." "Well that's plenty sir. May I ask where she's hospitalized?" "Bethesda. She was medivac'd there and she's critical. So you see I'm terrified that she's going to die." "Why don't I ask the captain if he'll radio and see if he can get any information?" "Sergeant if you would do that, I don't know how I'd repay you but I'd find a way." "Hang tight sir," he grinned. "Having a JAG owe me a favor might not be a bad deal." Now wide awake, and waiting to hear about Mac, Harm could not keep still. He was on his fourth trip down the aisle when Sergeant Bentley called from the cockpit door. "Commander, Captain Riddick has been patched through to Bethesda. There's an Admiral Chegwidden holding for you." Harm could only hold his breath as he sprinted down the aisle. "Sir, it's Rabb," he panted into the phone. "Please tell me she's OK sir. Please." "Harm there's no real good news except that she survived the surgery. They say the next twenty-four hours are critical. If she survives for that, she'll probably be OK." "Sir you need to do something," Harm said firmly, struggling to keep emotion out of his voice so that he could speak calmly and clearly. "If I can son. What?" "You need to get in to her and tell her that I'm coming. Tell her that I love her and that I'm coming. Please sir. It might make a difference." "OK yes I can do that," AJ agreed. "But it will be better coming from you." "Yes sir, and it's going to real soon. But she's got to have something to hold on to in the meantime." "OK son, I'll do that. Then I'm going home to get some rest. They're telling me there's nothing more to be done here for now." "Yes sir I understand. Tell her I love her sir. Tell her I'm coming. Tell her. . ." "Harm I'll ad lib. I know what you want. Trust me." "Yes sir, thank you. I'm counting on you sir. Thank you." Harm broke the connection with that before AJ could detect that he was on the verge of tears. =================== BETHESDA NAVAL It was a somber Admiral who opened the door to Mac's room, having survived a twenty minute argument with the doctor in charge of Mac's treatment. Finally he pulled rank, threatening to call the hospital chief of staff at home and Dr. Loche admitted him. "Colonel, I'm going to make this real short," AJ told her, leaning closely over her head, making himself ignore the tubes and wires covering her. "Mac, there's a man on his way to your side who's about to lose it. If you die, it will be all over. He loves you so very much and he's going to be here soon. You hear that Mac--Harm is on his way here. All you have to do is be here when he comes. That's an order Colonel." With a long sigh he looked down, wishing for all the world this hadn't happened. He still had no idea why it had happened but that wasn't his concern right now. All that mattered was that Mac pulled through. With a prayer heavenward he started out, seeing Dr. Loche hovering outside. "You have my number if anything changes right?" AJ asked as he walked out. "Yes sir. And hopefully I won't be calling you" Dr. Loche said somberly. "Why's that?" "Because if I do it's going to be bad news" Dr. Loche sighed. "She's holding her own right now which is more than I hoped for to be honest. I wasn't sure she was going to make it through the surgery." "Well the one person that can keep her alive will be here soon" AJ sighed. "I just hope he's not too late." **************** It was the early hours of the morning when Harm finally arrived at Bethesda. He'd taken a taxi straight from Andrews to the hospital, his mind only on one thing. Getting to Mac before it was too late. "Sir visiting hours are way over" the young woman at the desk said as he stopped to find out where Mac was. "I know. But I need to find Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. Please it's important. I've flown all the way from Bahrain to get to her. I need to see her. Please." "She's in the fourth floor ICU. Are you family?" "I'm her fiance" Harm lied. It wasn't totally a lie. He would be as soon as she asked her. If he got the chance to ask her. "We're getting married in a few months." "I'm sorry," she said sympathetically. "I hope she's going to be okay. I've got her listed as extremely critical." "Then there's no change?" he whispered. "No sir. I'm sorry." He nodded and slowly walked towards the elevators. No change. At least she wasn't any worse. At least she was still alive. He still had hope as long as she was alive. "Can I help you?" the nurse at the ICU desk asked as Harm walked up to. "Colonel Sarah Mackenzie" he said quietly. "I need to see her." "You are?" "Commander Harmon Rabb. I'm her fiancé. Please can I see her? I know it's late but I just got in from Bahrain and I need to let her know I'm here. I haven't seen her in weeks and I really just want to be with her. I love her and if I lose her my life is over." He choked back a sob, exhaustion and frustration taking their toll. "Dr. Loche didn't want any visitors. But I think in this case he'd make an exception." "Thank you" Harm whispered. Moments later she stopped at the door to her room and put a comforting hand to his arm. "Just remember she's holding her own right now. Which is good considering what she's been through." Harm nodded before turning and walking into the room. Despite the nurses warning he still wasn't prepared for the sight before him. "Oh Sarah" he wailed as he sank down in the chair beside the bed, tears running unchecked down his face. Somewhere in the maze of tubes and wires was the woman he loved and with a small sob he reached for her hand. "I should have been here for you" he sobbed as he carefully brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed it. "I should never have left you. I should have resigned. Nothing means more to me than you." He was still clutching her hand hours later when AJ returned. "Harm" he said gently as he walked in and Harm looked up at him with a haunted face. "How long have you been here?" "I don't know. I came straight from the airport." "When was the last time you slept?" AJ asked. "Or ate anything?" "I slept for a bit on the plane from Saudi Arabia to Andrews. That's all I know. And I don't care about anything else. I'm not leaving her." "I figured that" AJ sighed. "So do you want to tell me when you and Mac became engaged? Cause I've had two people tell me that today. I spoke to Admiral Selby this morning. He wanted to know how your fiancée was. Seems he granted you emergency leave to be with your fiancée. And then the nurse just informed that Mac's fiance was in with her." For a moment Harm just stared at him. He didn't want to tell him that he'd lied to his CO and the nurses. That Mac wasn't really his fiancée yet. As he opened his mouth to speak an alarm sounded from one of the monitors. "Sarah" Harm cried as he reached for her hand, knowing instantly that something was very wrong. "Sarah don't you dare leave me." "Code Blue, room 492." The words on the PA system, quietly and calmly spoken as they were, sent chills deep into his bone marrow and he grabbed her hand, holding as tightly as he could. "Sarah, no. I need you. I love you and I'm going to marry you and you can leave me. Not now. Not ever but especially not now." AJ clamped his hand to Harm's shoulder as the room filled with medical personnel. "Let's give these people some room to work son." "No. No I can't let her go," he hissed. "She'll die if I do. She has to know I'm here. Has to know that I love her and that we're going to be married. She'll die if I let her go." He knew he was sounding slightly hysterical and he did not care. "What happened here?" the doctor demanded as he was giving orders. "Did she regain consciousness or what first?" "Sir, no sir," Harm croaked. "I was holding her hand and the alarm sounded. Please for godsake help her." In the span of three seconds she was laid out flat and electric paddles were being prepared. "Let go of her sir," the nurse warned. "No." "Sir let go of her now," she shrieked, prying his hand from hers as the doctor yelled "clear" and 300-plus volts of pure life saving electricity were sent coursing through her small body. The young intern held his breath, his eyes squeezed shut for a brief second. "Got her back," the nurse said softly and there was a collective sigh of relief in the room, Harm's being the loudest of all. "Doctor what happened, and will it happen again?" AJ asked on Harm's behalf, noting Harm was too focused on Mac to think of asking. "The bottom fell out of her blood pressure," he replied. "You know, sometimes for no apparent reason, the body simply gives up its fight momentarily." "She was dead," Harm breathed in realization. "For that time--for the seconds that awful bell was ringing--she was dead." "Yeah but she's OK now," the doctor told him reassuringly. "Wherever she went, she came back from--maybe because she knew you were here. You're her fiance?" "Yes sir," Harm answered at once, not looking at AJ. "Yes I am." "Then congratulations. OK people we're through here." Shortly the room quieted, leaving Harm holding tightly to her hand, with AJ leaning casually against the wall nearby. "Admiral, I don't know what to say here," he finally began. "Except that I got here through the most expedient way I had. Short of resigning. Which I was prepared to do. UA and resignation." "So you lied to your CO?" AJ sighed. "Yes sir. And it's not really a lie. I am going to ask Mac to marry me. I had just planned on waiting until my time in Bahrain was over." "But she's not your fiancée yet" AJ countered. "Sir what was I supposed to do?" Harm shrieked. "My co-workers tell me how they've seen the news story on ZNN about a car bombing that has seriously injured the woman I happen to love more than life itself. Was I supposed to just sit there and wait for word that she was dead?" "Harm" AJ started. "It's not fair sir" Harm continued. "She's hurt and dying and I was supposed to just sit there. Just because she wasn't officially my fiancée?" "Okay I can see there's no point trying to reason with you" AJ sighed. "As for your secret, I won't say a word to Admiral Selby. I'll leave that to you." "If I go back to Bahrain, it will no longer be a lie sir. Because as soon as she's awake enough to understand, I'm asking her to marry me." "What do you mean if you go?" "If anything happens to her sir, I'm not going back" Harm said quietly. "I will resign my commission and I will not stay at JAG. Not without her. As it is, even if she does pull through this, I'm not sure I can go back over there." "Harm you're making serious decisions while you're on mental overload. Don't. Wait and see what happens first. And then promise me you'll talk to me before you do anything." Harm nodded and turned his attention back to Mac and with a long sigh AJ realized he wasn't going to listen to anything else he had to say. He could only hope that somehow this would all work out. "I'll be back in a few hours," AJ said finally. "When I do, I'm taking you home to get some rest. You're going to scare Mac if she wakes up and sees you like that." "I'm not leaving her" was the stubborn response and AJ shook his head as he walked out of the room. Once alone Harm leaned closer to Mac, whispering softly in her ear. "I love you Sarah. And I meant every word I said about marrying you. So don't you scare me again like that. I need you in my life. So you just keep fighting. I'm here and we're going to get through this together. I promise." ********** Mac could hear his pleading voice, the same pleading voice that had kept her from going to the light. Harm was there. Somehow he'd come to her. He loved her and he wanted to marry her. She wanted to tell him she loved him too but her body wasn't cooperating. But knowing he was there made it easier to fight. *********** As promised AJ returned a few hours later, Bud and Harriet with him. "Sir I'm so sorry," Harriet said softly as she gave him a hug. "But she's going to be okay. You know how strong she is." "I hope so Harriet" he whispered. "Sir it's good to see you again," Bud said quietly. "I just wish it wasn't because of this." "Me too Bud" Harm said with a small smile. "I've missed you guys. How's little AJ?" "Keeps asking where Uncle Harm is" Harriet smiled. "He misses you too." "How is she?" Bud asked. "Same" Harm sighed. "No better no worse. Which considering the scare she gave us earlier this morning is good. We almost lost her." "Oh god" Harriet gasped and Bud paled considerably. "But she's been holding up pretty good since" Harm continued. "It's just a matter of waiting right now." "And while you're waiting you need to take care of yourself" AJ spoke up. "Sir I'm not leaving. No way." "I want you to at least come down to the cafeteria with me and get a sandwich" AJ ordered. "God only knows when the last time you ate was and making yourself sick isn't going to help her." "Sir what if something happens again?" Harm wailed. "What if she thinks I'm gone and doesn't keep fighting?" "Come on son." AJ put his arm around his shoulders. "This woman is going to need care when she wakes up, and you're not in any shape to give that to her at the moment. No rest, no food, and this stress is a recipe for disaster. You're not twenty years old any more Commander." "OK, but we have to make them promise to come get me and I'm not going any further than the table inside the door. And I'm not promising to eat," he stipulated. "You sound like an eight year old boy," AJ groaned, tugging at his arm. "Sarah I'm going to get something to eat. I won't be long. I'll be right back," he whispered into her ear, ignoring AJ's insistent hand. "She'll be here," AJ assured him. "Move that six Commander." ============== "Harm I brought you down here to eat, not play," AJ chided him ten minutes later as he poked the sandwich with the toothpick that had been holding the BLT concoction together. "Sorry sir. I'm trying." "Not very damn hard. Harm please. If you could see yourself. At least eat. You look worse than she does and she's got tubes and wires all over her." "Yes sir," he replied listlessly. "How could this happen sir. I left a healthy alive vibrant woman and I come home to this? What kind of God allows this to happen?" He slammed his fist angrily on the table and when he looked up there were tears of shame and frustration, along with fear, in his eyes. "I can't answer that son," AJ sighed, shaking his head. "But the God to whom I pray would know you love her." "Then while you're doing some of that praying, tell Him to take me instead," Harm growled. Before AJ could answer the beeper they had given Harm to keep in touch sounded. It was nothing more than a quiet purring noise but from its place next to his plate it sounded to him like a 16 inch gun from the deck of a battleship. "Mac," he gasped and fled the table, knocking his chair over in his haste. Eschewing the elevator he made it to the stairs in four strides and took the steps two at a time. Meanwhile at the table, Bud held tightly to Harriet's hand as she turned fear-filled eyes to him. "Bud you don't think she's. . ." "No honey I don't," Bud said firmly. "She survived the blast and she survived the surgery and she's got the man she loves at her side." "Mr. Roberts when did you become such a romantic fool?" AJ asked kindly. "Since one day I boarded the Seahawk and met this wonderful woman," he replied and Harriet blushed royally. Harm pushed through the stairwell door and dashed to the nurse's station, knowing he had the look of someone in the throes of a panic attack and not caring. "Ah Mr. Rabb," the older nurse smiled, "take a breath son. And then go see your girl. She's awake, but she hasn't said anything yet. Must be saving it for you." "Sarah." The word came from his lips in a cross between a prayer and a plea and he took off once again, slowing only when he reached her door so that he would not alarm her. He walked in quietly, and at first he was sure they had been mistaken, for she was just as he had left her, her eyes closed, the machines putting out their steady patter of noise. Not until he sat down on the mattress, picking up her hand and then placing a light kiss on her lips did her eyes open. "Hi." Just one word from her but it was the most beautiful word she had ever said he thought, until three more followed. "I love you." "Love you too" he managed tearfully. "God Marine you had me scared to death. I thought I was going to lose you." "Never" she smiled before her eyes dropped shut again. "Just take your time honey" he whispered as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. "I'm not going anywhere for a long time." "Everything okay?" AJ demanded as he and Bud and Harriet made their way in a few minutes later. "She was awake. Just for a second. But she knew I was here." "Like she didn't before" AJ scoffed. "Now I hope this means you're going to find a bed and get some sleep now." "No sir. I promised her I'd be here and I'm not going anywhere." "God save us from stubborn squids" AJ sighed. But at the same time he breathed a sigh of relief. The worst appeared to be over. He owed the Man upstairs a big thank you. Harm was dozing slightly when she woke several hours later. But with the touch of her hand on his, he was immediately awake again. "Sarah" he said softly, her eyes still not quite open. "Harm" she murmured softly. "It's you?" "Yeah honey it's me. I came as soon as I could. And you scared me to death at first." "Hurts" she murmured as she finally forced her eyes open all the way. "I know" he soothed as his hand gently stroked her forehead. "I know honey. But you're alive and that's all that matter's right now. I'm going to stay with you until you're better and everything is going to be okay." "What happened?" she asked. "You don't remember?" he said softly, not sure she was ready to hear that Singer and Dunston were dead. "No. The last thing I remember was talking to the Admiral" she grimaced as she moved slightly. "And then I emailed you that I wouldn't be able to talk at lunch. I don't remember anything after that." "There was a car bomb," he said softly as he held her hand. "You were close enough that you got hurt pretty bad." "Car bomb?" she frowned. "My car?" "No honey. Stuart Dunston's. He was killed. Along with Lt. Singer." For a moment she simply stared at him, not comprehending what he was saying. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered the explosion. The force pushing her backwards, the pain that had assaulted her body. "They're dead?" she whispered. "Yes they are," he said softly. "They were killed instantly. Thank god you were a little further away from the car when it exploded. Otherwise I would have lost you too." His voice ended in a whisper as he fought back the tears, overcome with emotion as he once again realized how close he'd come to losing her. He brought her hand to his face, holding it against his cheek before kissing it softly. "Can't get rid of me that easily" she said weakly, her eyes once again heavy. "Sleep honey" he soothed. "I'm not going anywhere. You just rest and get better." "Love you" she murmured. "And I love you" he whispered as he leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her lips. "When you wake up next time I have something real important to ask you." He sat there watching her sleep until once again sleep overtook him and when he awoke the next time she was even more awake, though the pain was still very evident in her features. "Sorry" he yawned as he pushed himself up in the chair. "How long have you been awake?" "Not long" she said softly. "And I didn't want to wake you. You looked like you needed some rest." "All I need is for you to be okay. That's all that matters." "Well you matter to me. And when the Admiral comes I'm going to make him take you home for awhile. You need some real sleep." "I don't want to leave you" he whispered as he reached for her hand. "I'm so scared of losing you still. I almost did lose you once and I thought my world had ended. You were dead Sarah. And I wanted to die right there with you." "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm sorry I scared you so much. I heard you. That's why I came back." "I'm so glad you did," he said tearfully. "Because you and I have a lot left undone Marine. Including a proposal that I need to make. One I should have made before I left." "Harm" she whispered. "I love you Sarah" he sniffled. "With all my heart and soul. You are my life. My world. And I want you to be my wife. That is if you'll have me." "In a New York minute I'll be your wife," she whispered. "Harmon Rabb I love you. I have loved you for so long and to hear you. . ." That was as far as she got as her tears flowed and mingled with his as they held each other. "We make a good pair don't we," he finally got out. "Two officers in tears." "And you are so badly in need of some real sleep," she sighed. "Honestly Harm your eyes are all sunk in and I can hear your belly growling. Food and sleep, when was the last time?" "I've been dozing here," he objected. "And I had some peanut butter crackers earlier from the machine. I think. Or was that. . .hell I don't know. And I don't want to talk about that anyway. I want to talk about us. You and me. You wearing my ring. Us getting married." That brought a gentle smile to her face and she relaxed back onto the pillow. "I know I'm having some kind of pain medication induced hallucination but I think I'm just going to go with it." "Don't you believe it," he assured her quickly, leaning close over her to kiss her gently. "I love you and you're going to walk down the aisle to be my wife." "OK, so when is this miracle going to take place?" "Well I wouldn't mind if it was tonight by the hospital chaplain, but you deserve better than that," he smiled. "You deserve a white dress and someone to give you away and a honeymoon somewhere." "I don't need anything but you," she countered. "But on the other hand, yeah OK I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted a church, but not a big wedding. Not like we had planned---Mic planned I mean. Just you and me and people from JAG, and your mom and her husband and your grandmother and. . ." Her voice trailed off as her eyes began to close. "Sorry. I just seem to want to sleep." Her voice trailed off and she gave one valiant attempt to hold her eyes open but failed. "It's OK Sarah. I'm here and I love you," he whispered. He was in fact still there nearly three hours later when Bud and AJ arrived. "I hear she's much improved," AJ said softly. "I finally got to talk to her doctor. She's going to be OK." "Yes sir. It would seem so, but I'm still afraid," Harm whispered, forcing himself from the fog of semi-sleep and standing up, stretching protesting muscles. "She's going to be just fine. And to be sure that you are the same, I am ordering you out of here," AJ said firmly. "Mr. Roberts has orders to arrest you if necessary, but you are hereby ordered to stand down. He's taking you to his place, where you will shower, get into fresh clothes and have a decent meal before you return." "No sir. No. Please. I can't leave her. What if they don't pay any attention to her and something happens." "Right now you're much more likely to collapse than she is to have anything happen," AJ chided him, "But just in case I have a pile of work, a novel I'm reading and the Readers Digest. I'll be taking the next watch. Bud get this man out of here." "You'll stay right with her?" "On my honor. Dismissed Commander." Harm gave a long reluctant sigh and leaned over her once more, kissing her gently. "I love you Sarah and I'll be back." Before he backed away from her, he touched her left hand and nodded to Bud and AJ. "Picture this finger wearing my ring." "You're getting married sir?" Bud smiled. "When?" "I don't know Bud. I'd do it now but she deserves more than a hospital wedding." "But sir, don't you have to go back to Bahrain?" Bud asked. Harm said nothing as he looked at the woman sleeping on the bed. In a heartbeat he'd give up everything to stay with her. None of it mattered anymore. Not like she did. "Yes he does" AJ answered quietly. "Not necessarily sir" Harm replied before walking out of the room. AJ shook his head and motioned for Bud to follow. Getting Harm to leave Mac once hadn't been easy. Getting him to leave a second time was going to be impossible. "Sir what did you mean not necessarily?" Bud asked as he and Harm walked to the car. "Bud I may not go back. I may just resign my commission" Harm sighed. "It's that simple. And take me to Mac's place please. I appreciate the offer to stay at your place but I'd rather go to Mac's. I have some stuff there anyway." "Sir you'd leave the Navy? Give up your career?" "I don't think I can go back Bud" Harm said quietly. "I don't want to leave her again. I love her and I want to be with her. Not thousands of miles away for god knows how long." "Sir I hope you think about it before you do that" Bud said quietly. "You've given me a lot of advice over the years and I hope I'm not out of line giving you some now. But if you love the Colonel and she loves you, that won't change just because you have to go back to Bahrain for a few months. She'll still be here and she'll still love you when you come back." "I don't want to wait to be with her" Harm sighed. "It's not fair. We finally found us and now we can't be together." "So you're going to quit. Quit because things aren't the way you want them? I never thought you were that kind of man sir." If Bud was shocked by what he'd said to a superior officer, Harm was even more. So shocked that in fact he said nothing else until Bud pulled up at Mac's apartment. "Sir I think I was out of line" Bud said quietly. "I'm sorry." "No Lieutenant you weren't" Harm sighed. "Can you pick me up in a few hours?" "Of course sir" Bud nodded. "Sir, I am sorry about what I said. It's your life and if you chose to resign that's your choice." Harm simply nodded before climbing out of the car and making his way up to Mac's apartment. As much as he wanted a shower his body didn't want to cooperate and he sunk to her bed, moments later asleep. *************** Mac knew before she opened her eyes that Harm wasn't there, the warm hand that had been around hers now gone. She finally pushed open her eyes and saw AJ studying a case file. "I guess you ordered my sailor home" she murmured. "Welcome back Colonel" AJ smiled as he put down the file. "And yes I ordered him home for a few hours rest." "Thank you. I know he's worried about me but he needs to take care of himself too." "Yes he does. And I'll make sure of that. How are you feeling?" "Like I got hit by a train" she sighed. "But I understand I faired better than Loren and Stuart." "Yes you did" AJ said quietly. "In fact I'm still waiting for word from the DC police on who their suspects are." "Did you start with my client?" Mac asked. "Yes. But apparently Mr. Dunston has made quite a few enemies. The found some hate letters in his office. They're going to find out if they were just the run of the mill complaint mail or if someone had a beef with him. And in the meantime, I'll be handling Cregan's defense." "You sir?" "I don't have much choice" AJ sighed. "Things were tight already and now I'm going to have to find a replacement for Lt. Singer and it's going to be some time before you're on your feet again." "Can't you get Harm reassigned to JAG?" Mac asked quietly. "Mac if I could make that happen I would. But it's not in my hands." Her face fell and she irritably brushed away a tear. "I'm sorry sir. Not very professional. Harm is going to have to go back too. He can't just stay here with me. Much as we'd both like that." "No he's got to finish out his tour," AJ agreed. "And when he does come back, and the two of you are married, the Navy will look at things differently." "Yeah they'll say if they wanted us to have a spouse we'd have been issued one, now continue to march." AJ shook his head. "You know better. The Navy has come a long ways since those days and recognizes that for the good of the service, married couples are assigned together whenever feasible. I'd bet this is your only separation of any consequence." "I hope you're right sir, really I do." Her eyes closed as the effort to stay awake even for that long exhausted her. She would have a long road to recover her strength. =============== 4 DAYS LATER To: Adm. Jason Selby, USN FROM: Cdr. Harmon Rabb, USN SUBJECT: Resignation Sir It is with great regret that I hereby resign my commission in the United States Navy. Serving in your command has been both an honor and a pleasure. Rest assured that if there was any other. . . "What the hell are you doing?" AJ's voice exploded behind him where he had observed over his shoulder and Harm slammed closed the laptop. That noise combined with AJ's agitation served to wake Mac from a sound sleep and she whimpered softly. "I'm sorry honey," Harm said at once. "Are you OK? Do you need anything?" "No I'm OK, but what happened?" She pushed herself upright with Harm's help and opened her eyes fully. "My fault," AJ smiled, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I saw something that startled me that's all. Something I didn't like." "That I was doing," Harm added. "And?" she prompted. "I was doing a dress rehearsal of my resignation," he admitted. "What resignation would this be?" she frowned. "Harm no. We haven't talked about you resigning and I'm opposed to it anyway, much as I want you to be with me. Much as I want us to be married. No. Please. I don't want you to do that. I'm afraid for you to do that." "Afraid?" "Afraid that if you do, eventually you'll resent me for being the catalyst," she whispered. "Afraid that you'll hate me." Despite her best effort, a sob went through her and at once he gathered her into his embrace. "I could never ever hate you for any reason," he swore, feeling himself close to tears. "And anyway, listen, I wasn't actually doing it. I sat down here and you were sleeping and I just looked at you and suddenly my fingers were typing this. I wasn't going to send it. I wouldn't do anything like that without you being in agreement. Promise." "OK," she sniffled and nodded. "You know I don't want you to give up your career. Harm what we have is so strong. So wonderful and so right. It will be here when your time there is up." He swallowed hard and looked at her intently. "Promise?" "Unless you and Taylor and Bethany cook up something between you." "Yeah that's going to happen," he laughed and hugged her. "They run the other way when they see me coming, knowing I'm going to bore them yapping about how much I miss you. Bethany is seeing someone anyway." Mac raised an eyebrow at that, inwardly considering it to be good news despite knowing the depths of Harm's feelings for her. "And in case you forget I love you" he added softly. "No one else but you." "I know that" she whispered. "And I'm sorry for being so silly sometimes." "It's okay. Just don't ever doubt how I feel about you. Please." "I won't. And I love you just as much." ************** One week later Mac's Apartment It was his final night in town and it was going to be their night. Mac had finally been released from the hospital and would be staying with Bud and Harriet until she'd fully recovered. But for tonight, the man that loved her would take care of her. "You okay?" he asked as he checked on her in the living room again. "I'm fine. And you're making me dizzy with your running back and forth between here and the kitchen" she smiled. "So stop it." "Sorry. I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm so glad we have this night together but you still don't look like you should be out of the hospital." "I'm okay. You heard the doctor." "Okay. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes and I'll come and help you. So don't move." He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead before hurrying back to the kitchen and she couldn't help but smile. This man loved her so much. So much that he was willing to give up everything for her. He returned a few minutes later and gently helped her to her feet and led her to the kitchen where he'd set the table. "Candles "she smiled. "Very romantic Commander." "Only the best for the woman I love" he whispered as he helped her into the chair. "You okay?" "Harm I can walk from one room to another" she laughed. "I'm just not going to be running any marathons for a while. And whatever you made smells wonderful." "Fettuccine Alfredo" he smiled. "Homemade." "Finally real food" she sighed contentedly after the first fork full. "Thank you. This is wonderful." "I'm going to have to tell Bud and Harriet to fatten you up while I'm gone" he teased. "You are way too thin." "Worrying about someone in the other end of the world does that," she said softly. "And while we're on the subject, you've lost a few pounds yourself there sailor." "I could afford to lose them" he smiled. "You on the other hand could not." "Okay so we both weren't taking very good care of ourselves," she admitted. "But we're going to do better this time right?" "Yes we are" he nodded. The rest of the evening was spent together on the sofa, Harm simply holding her. She fell asleep in his arms and he gently carried her to bed. He climbed in beside her and she instantly curled up next to him. "I love you Sarah" he whispered softly. "Soon I'll be back and we can really be together." **************** "Harm" she called anxiously the next morning when she woke. "Harm." "Hey easy I'm right here" he said as he hurried from the bathroom. "I was afraid you were going to leave like you did last time" she whispered. "Without telling me." "It's easier that way," he said softly. "But I promised myself we'd say goodbye this time. And I was just getting ready to wake you." "What time will Bud and Harriet be here?" she asked. "Any minute" he said as he sat down on the side of the bed. "Then I guess this is goodbye again," she said as the tears started to brim. "And I promised I wouldn't do this to you but I can't help it." Her words ended with a sob and he gently drew her into his arms. "I know honey" he whispered as he fought back his own tears. "God I hate leaving you again. I want so much to stay here with you." "You have to go" she sniffled. "We said we could do this and we will." He nodded as he hugged her as tightly as he dared, a few tears sliding down his cheek. He finally let go as the doorbell rang, her hand reaching up to wipe away his tears. "I love you Harm" she whispered. "I'll be waiting." "I love you Sarah" he whispered. "More than anything in this world. Don't ever forget that." He leaned forward and they allowed themselves one last kiss before he hurried from the room. "Hi guys" he said quietly. "Mac's in the bedroom. Bud we'd better hurry." "Good bye Harm" Harriet said as she gave him a hug. "Goodbye Harriet" he whispered. "Please take care of her for me. She's my life." "We will sir" Harriet promised. "Tell her I love her" Harm said softly before hurrying out the door. END chapter 5. Chapter 6 will publish at a later date.