TITLE: "Distant Hearts III-One Hand" AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: The third chapter of the Distant Hearts series. Set after Head to Toe, Harm and Mac have made their first tentative steps toward coming to grips with the emotions which have swirled around them since their first meeting. DISCLAIMER: JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al. No copyright infringement is intended with this work of fiction. FEEDBACK: Never expected let alone demanded. Always appreciated. We simply ask that the work and the effort be respected. Feedback addy is SSbpMN@aol.com. NOTE: All parts of this story and previous chapters, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html [sadly, not always up and running] or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} ********************** Previously in DH— The appointment of a new Secnav brings about wholesale changes at JAG, changes which could seriously impact Harm and Mac's newfound relationship. **************** From DH II— The JAG staff gathered in the conference room and a few seconds later AJ walked into the room. "As you are all aware, the new SecNav was appointed a few weeks ago. His first order of business was to look into staffing levels and see if there was a way to cut costs. It appears that this office is the first to have the budget ax swing its way." AJ paused and took a deep breath as he looked at his staff. He hated what he had to do but there was nothing he could do. "Effective immediately, the following personnel are being reassigned. Commander Rabb, you have been transferred to the Navy Legal Services Office in Bahrain. Commander Turner, you have been transferred to the JAG office at Pearl Harbor. Colonel Mackenzie will remain on as my chief of staff, along with Lt. Roberts and Lt. Singer." ******************** "Distant Hearts II--Now It Starts"-- "Is this some kind of April Fool's Joke sir?" Harm gasped out when the initial shock wore off. "Yes Commander I sit here and think of these things to amuse my staff," he snapped. "Believe me when I came from the meeting with Mr. Doherty I was not smiling. I managed without too much insubordination to inform the man I didn't appreciate having my staff decimated like that. I can see he and I are going to have as good a working relationship as with his predecessor. "Sir there has to be something. . ." Harm started and a look from AJ squelched him at once, along with Mac's hand on his arm under the table. Her facial expression had not changed, except that she was three shades more pale than when she had entered. "Sir when does all this take place?" Sturgis asked quietly. "I've asked for a two week lead time before the orders are cut so that pending work can be cleaned up. After that PCS orders will be cut with an ASAP reporting date." "Yes sir." "Look people I don't like this either," AJ went on. "But we're going to accept our orders, take two aspirin, and keep on marching." "Or resign." Harm did not realize he had spoken aloud until Mac's audible gasp reached his ears. "Or resign," AJ echoed. "In other words, toilet a good career because you don't like the orders you've received." "Some things transcend career considerations sir," Harm said coldly. "May I be dismissed sir? I've got an opposing counsel meeting in thirty." "Permission granted," AJ nodded. Harm rose from the table with a long look to Mac, suddenly not sure what to say or do. "We'll talk later," she said softly. "I've got court myself." For a brief second he trailed his hand across her shoulder and was gone. When AJ dismissed the meeting a few minutes later, he requested that Mac remain behind. "Colonel a word with you please." "Sir?" "Your partner is not taking this well, I can already see that. And I blame you for that." She looked so surprised that AJ could not help a gentle smile. "Relax Colonel. If this was a few years ago, he would not have thought twice about the assignment. Now you and he. . .well far be it for me to pretend I know what is going on with the two of you, but I do know since the crash the two of you seemed to have jump started what was happening before. I'm not wrong am I?" "No sir, not wrong, but we didn't need this," she sighed. "And sir, Harm doesn't blame you. When he thinks about it, he'll realize you went to bat for us. . .uh for him." "Thanks Mac," AJ smiled. "Just remember, this is an overseas assignment. He's not being sent to a gulag in Siberia or to Devil's Island. He will be back. Maybe not here, but somewhere." "Or his next duty station could be a ship as he works toward his captain rank," she murmured. "And not many ships need a Marine JAG aboard." "You do remember what I told you the first day you two met, and a few times since don't you?" AJ prompted gently. "And let me add one thing, if it's love--if it's real--it will survive this." ================== Thirty minutes later Harm was not sorry when his meeting was canceled at the last minute. The last thing he felt like doing at that moment was trying to plea bargain with an assistant DA. What he really wanted was to spend time with Mac and he knew that was out for at least the next three hours as she prosecuted the Anders case. "Or resign"--the words played over and over in his head. Would that be so terrible? He could resign, take a civilian job in the area and remain nearby the woman he loved. Would that be so terrible. "Or resign." With the walls of his office closing in, he packed up his things, deciding some fresh air and some work on the Stearman might be the antidote for the black mood that was about to overtake him. Quickly he signed out, telling Tiner he had some business to take care of, and headed out toward Leesburg. He'd gotten as far as the airstrip when memories of the night he'd taken Mac flying flooded his mind. The wonderful evening they'd shared was now a bittersweet thought. There would be no more of those moments. Not for a long time. Unless he resigned. With that thought running through his head, he continued on past Leesburg, heading further north towards Winchester. He had no idea where he was going; he just knew he wasn't ready to face anyone or anything just yet. He hadn't turned on his cell phone, knowing that Mac would try and reach him if he had it on. It remained tucked away in his coat pocket and at some point he knew he would have to call her. He just wasn't ready for that yet. He turned off the main road outside of Winchester and headed down a dirt country road. Bahrain. It couldn't have been Norfolk or even San Diego. He had to go to Bahrain. It wasn't fair. Not when he and Mac had finally gotten things on track. Not when he'd finally realized how much he loved her. He was so lost in his thoughts that he never saw the two cars drag racing down the back country road until the last second. He yanked the steering wheel to the right, the SUV teetering dangerously on two wheels before rolling over several times, finally coming to rest on the drivers side in a large ditch. His last thought was of the woman he loved, and how maybe now he wouldn't have to leave her after all. ***************** JAG HQ's Same Time "Tiner where's Commander Rabb?" Mac asked as she returned from the courtroom. "Isn't he back from his meeting yet?" "His meeting was canceled ma'am" Tiner replied. "He said he had some personal stuff to take care of and left." "When was that?" she demanded. "Couple hours ago ma'am." "Harm you're running again" she moaned as she slowly walked to her office. She knew he'd been upset but she hadn't expected him to leave. Not when he'd promised they would talk about everything when she was finished in court. "You okay?" Sturgis asked as Mac walked past him. "It's not me I'm worried about" Mac sighed. "It's Harm. His meeting was canceled and Tiner said he left for the day." "He's pretty upset about this isn't he?" "That's an understatement. He's just upset because of us. If it were him alone he'd be thrilled with the chance." "That was before he realized he loved you" Sturgis said with a small smile. "Now he knows how much you mean to him and he's afraid of losing you." "He'll never lose me Sturgis" Mac said softly. "I love him. It's that simple." "Well let me know if there's anything I can do" Sturgis sighed. "If you need me to talk to him, I'd be happy to." "Once I find him" Mac sighed as she walked into her office. She reached for her phone and dialed his cell phone first, getting only his voice mail. A call to his place yielded her the same result and with growing frustration slammed the phone down as AJ walked in. "Tiner told me that Harm left" AJ said quietly. "I take it you're trying to reach him with no luck." "He has his phone off and there's no answer at home" she sighed. "Mac he'll be okay. He just needed some space. You know how Harm is." "Sir I've had this weird feeling all day" she said quietly. "Like something bad was going to happen. Harm had the same feeling the day of the crash." "You don't think my announcement was it?" AJ said with a small smile. "Cause from your partner's perspective it was pretty bad." "No sir, this is something else. Something with Harm." **************** With a long groan, Harm forced his eyes open, pain shooting through his head as he did. Why did his head hurt so bad? Along with the rest of his body he decided a moment later when he attempted to move. He managed to move his head enough to look around, realizing that the vehicle he was in was on its side. He'd been in an accident of some kind. A quick glance to the passenger side told him he was alone. Good, no one else was hurt. Now all he had to figure out how to get out and get help. Still dazed, he managed to climb from the vehicle, looking around the wide open for any sign of help. Someone who could help him get back to where he was going. Where was he going? And for that matter---who was he? He started to walk away from the vehicle, his foggy mind leading him away from the road and across the field instead towards the woods instead. His head and body hurt so much that he tried to think of something else to block out the pain, but nothing came to mind. All the memories were suddenly gone. He continued to stumble through the field before collapsing minutes later. **************** "Sir, I need to find Harm" Mac sighed after she'd tried his phone's several more times, still receiving only voicemail. "Something might have happened to him." "Mac" AJ said with a long look. "Sir you don't understand. Harm and I have this connection. We know when something is going to happen to the other. I know you don't believe that but it's true." "You knew where he was that night he crashed," AJ admitted. "I don't know how you knew but you did." "This is the same thing sir. I know something has happened to him. I just know it." "You couldn't just believe he had a flat tire and hasn't been able to call you?" "I could but I'd be lying to myself," she gasped, keeping her tears at bay for the moment, and a flash of anger went through her. She slammed her fist on the desk. "He promised we'd talk sir." "Then maybe you're right about something being badly wrong." "I know you meant that to make me feel better but it didn't sir." "I just meant that if he promised. . .well Mr. Rabb does not strike me as the kind who would make a promise to the woman he loves and then intentionally break it." "Again, thanks but no help," she sighed. "I know." AJ turned to Tiner. "Let's get on the phone to the police, hospitals and so forth. You know the drill. Tell Mr. Roberts and Lieutenant Sims I requested they help you. Mac, come into my office and get comfortable." "I want to go look for him," she yelped helplessly. "Now just where would you begin?" AJ chided her. "He could have gone just about anywhere. The police will watch for the SUV. It's not easy to hide you know. And the chances are he's going to call with some lame excuse any time now." Firmly he took his arm and led her into the office, calling back over his shoulder. "Tiner, tell Lieutenant Singer we need some coffee in here please." ============= There was not a part of his body that did not hurt. Especially his head. Blood trickled down from the gash at the side from where it had impacted with the window. His chest ached from the force of the airbag slamming into him. The rest of the body was simply protesting the violent assault that had been visited upon it. Something was poking him, a sharp bulge digging into his stomach beneath where he lie and he rolled over, putting his hand into his jacket pocket and closing over his cell phone. With supreme effort he managed to focus his eyes long enough to turn it on. The tiny letters and numbers swam before his eyes. He assumed there was missed calls and messages and at that moment his brain was too fogged to think how to retrieve them, let alone the password. Still fumbling he managed to produce his frequently called numbers and with a last gasp of consciousness before he let the pain take him, he heard it ring. =========== "Harm is that you?" Mac shouted into her cell phone, answering it on the first ring. "Harm?" AJ had been standing at Tiner's desk and upon hearing her call hurried to her side. "See you worried for nothing didn't you." Her only response to him was a look of shock as the phone displayed Harm's number as the one calling but no voice came back to her. "Harm answer me dammit," she shrieked in frustration. "Harm please." "Mac you're not getting anything from his end?" "Just noises sir," she whispered. "Like wind maybe and chirping--sounds like birds. The line is open but I don't hear anything else. Maybe he can't talk." "Keep trying," AJ urged. "Keep talking to him." For the next ten minutes she pleaded, begged and cajoled Harm to speak to her. ============= From way off in the distance he could hear the voice. A woman's voice. Pleasant and yet fearful and frantic as well. Harm. That word most of all. Harm. His name? Possibly, but his head hurt twice as bad when he attempted to think. The association he made with the voice was definitely pleasant. Someone in his life, someone who cared very much for him. And he for her. Of that much he was certain. Minutes passed as he considered that. It was a pleasant feeling and helped to ease his discomfort. ============== "Mac let me try." AJ reached for the phone, giving her shoulder a small squeeze as he did so. "Keep it together now. We're going to find him. He hasn't been gone long enough to get but so far." Harm managed to get the phone back to his ear and was about to attempt to speak. Then came another voice. This time strong and male. Familiar sounding, it struck another chord deep with in him. Here was a voice of authority. A voice which commanded his respect and attention. "Commander if you can hear me answer me at once," AJ thundered. Commander? For the first time he looked to the uniform he wore. OK he was in the military. He was also hurting and alone. "Sir." The reply slipped through his lips as if on auto pilot. Weak and barely heard at the other end but heard it was. "Mac I've got him." "Harm" she said anxiously after she'd grabbed the phone back from AJ. "Harm." There it was again. That soft familiar voice. That was very upset. He wanted to answer but he didn't know what to say. "Harm, answer me" she pleaded. "Who is this?" he managed finally. Her gasp sent AJ back to her side and it took a moment for her to compose herself. "Harm, it's me Sarah" she whispered. "Where are you?" Sarah. He searched his mind for who Sarah was but only succeeded in making his head hurt worse. "Harm are you there?" she asked softly. "Harm, talk to me please." "I'm here," he said finally. "But I don't know where here is." "Do you know what happened?" she asked at the same time grabbing a piece of paper and a pen from AJ's desk and frantically writing a note to him to see if he could get a trace on the cell phone. He nodded and headed to Tiner's desk. "Accident" Harm answered. "Where are you hurt?" she whispered, doing her best to keep the tears at bay. He was alone and hurting somewhere and there was nothing she could do. "Head" he groaned. "And everything else just hurts." "I know" she soothed, a few tears sliding down her face at his obvious pain. "But I'm going to find you and you're going to be okay. You hear me sailor. You just keep talking to me and I'll find you." "Tired Sarah" he murmured, the darkness once again threatening to take over. "Harm no, stay with me" Mac pleaded. "I need you to keep talking to me until we can find you." "Can't" he managed before the cell phone dropped to the ground again. "Harm" she wailed. "Harm, please answer me." All she could hear was the sound of the wind and she fought back a sob as AJ walked back into his office. "Mac, what's wrong?" he demanded. "He's hurt bad sir" she whispered. "And I lost him again. The line is still open but he's not answering." "They're working on trying to get a location on the signal" AJ replied. "But it won't be able to tell us exactly where he is. Just the general area." "That's enough for me," Mac said determinedly. "The only problem is there isn't much daylight left" AJ pointed out gently. "Sir, we can't leave him out there all night" Mac wailed. "He's hurt badly sir. Obviously if he doesn't know who he is and where he is, he's got a serious head injury. Which is only going to get worse." "I know" AJ said grimly. "But we'll find him before that happens." "Something going on?" Sturgis asked as he walked into AJ's office. One look at Mac's face told him something was wrong and he knew that something was Harm. "What happened?" "Harm was in an accident somewhere" AJ explained. "He somehow managed to call Mac's cell phone but he's hurt pretty bad and he doesn't seem to know where he is. Or who he is." "Did you call the cell phone people?" Sturgis demanded. "Already done and they're working on determining the area the call came from. Hopefully he's somewhere that they'll be able to pinpoint the location." "Mac you okay?" Sturgis asked gently. "I just want to find him" Mac whispered, a few stray tears sliding down her face. "He's alone and hurt and I want to find him now." "We will" Sturgis said as he dropped a gentle arm around her shoulder. "We'll find him and he's going to be fine." "Sir, they've got a location" Tiner called. "Where?" Mac demanded as they hurried to Tiner's desk. "Where is he?" "They don't have an exact location ma'am. The best they can tell us is that he's in the area of Winchester. That's where the signal is coming from." "They have to tell us more than that" Mac wailed. "We'll never find him." "I'll contact the authorities in the area and have them start looking for him" AJ told her. "In the meantime, we'll head up there ourselves." "Harm I'm coming" she said into the phone. "Harm if you can hear me, please answer me. Harm please." That soft voice again. He forced his way to consciousness, reaching for the phone that had fallen to the ground. "Sarah" he said weakly. "Harm thank god" she whispered. "How are you doing?" "Hurt." "I know. But we're going to find you. Just keep talking and try and stay with me. Can you do that for me?" "I'll try" he murmured. "You'll do more than try Commander, you'll keep alert and pay attention," she screeched, hoping that somewhere in the recesses of his mind he would be able to respond to being issued orders. "If you say so," he gasped. "I want to meet you. Are we friends?" "Yeah we are," she smiled softly at the thought. "For a long time now. Best friends. In fact. . ." She took a long breath and looked at both Sturgis and AJ before turning her attention back to the phone. "In fact I love you Harmon Rabb." There was silence on the other end, and silence in the room, for a long moment. "Are you saying that so I'll stay with you?" "Yes, but it also happens to be the truth. And I'll tell you that as many times as it takes until we find you." Another look to AJ and Sturgis, and both simply smiled. This was not new information. "Admiral your car is waiting as you ordered sir," Tiner called. "Then we're out of here," AJ declared, taking the phone from Mac. "Commander Rabb, listen up now. This beautiful woman who loves you is on her way. You need to hang in there." "Yes sir," he sighed. "Doing my best. What does she look like?" "No way Mr. Rabb. You'll have to stay with us to find that out." Mac squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds, willing back tears that would not help anyway, and looked up from the phone. "Sir what if he never remembers anything?" "Not very likely," AJ told her, and Sturgis squeezed her shoulders hard. "He's in pain and scared and in shock. Soon as that's remedied, he's going to remember you, and everything else." "Please God," she breathed, allowing herself to be guided to AJ's SUV. "OK Harm we've started out for you now," she told him as soon as they were on the road. "I want you to look around and tell me where you are. What the area looks like. What can you see from where you are?" "Trees and sky." "OK that's a start," she answered. "Now try to think. Where were you when you went off the road? They're pinpointing you near Winchester. Did you get that far?" There was utter silence and then a cry of pain from his end that chilled her to the bone and her mouth dropped open in abject horror. "Harm talk to me," she shrieked. Sturgis closed his hand around the phone. "Easy there. Probably trying to think is bring on more pain. We'll be there soon enough." She gulped down a sob and allowed him to take the phone. "Sturgis I am so scared." "I know. Harm is too." ============= Harm rolled to his back, staring up at the bright blue sky. What was he doing out there anyway. So far away from someone who so obviously loved him. For her to love him like that, he felt certain he must love her in return. The pain was sending curtains of gray across his vision and he closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths. "Sarah?" He longed to hear her voice. He could feel himself slipping away and he longed to hear her voice once more. "Sarah? Tell me you love me please," he murmured. "Harm I'm here. I love you. I have loved you for so long I can't remember when I haven't." Even if it was only a ploy to keep him talking, the words sounded wonderful. Music to his ears as the cliche goes. "Thank you Sarah. I hope I love you too." His eyes closed and the phone fell from his hand, hitting the ground with a decided click. She looked up at Sturgis, fear clutching her heart. "He's gone Sturgis." At once he pulled her to his chest, rubbing her back as best he could. "You're believing the worst there. We're going to find him. Is the line still open?" She nodded, her face moving against his uniform. "Good. That will help." After a few minutes she pushed herself away from him, trying to maintain a small measure of decorum while she clung to the phone, and to fading hope. The mountains were looming closer and suddenly AJ pointed upward. "All right-- way to go Sheriff's office. Mac, Sturgis look there--they've got two birds in the air." "See they'll find him" Sturgis assured her. "It won't be long now." "Harm" she said into the phone again. "Harm can you hear me?" The soft voice calling to him pulled him to consciousness again and with a supreme effort he reached for the phone. "Sarah" he managed. "Yeah it's me," she said softly. "We're almost to you. Just hang on a little bit longer sailor." "Trying" he said weakly. "Hurts." "I know. But I'll be there soon and it's not going to hurt anymore. I promise." He started to reply when to Mac's horror the line suddenly disconnected. "I lost him" she wailed as she quickly redialed his cell phone number. "The line disconnected." "Battery probably died" Sturgis said gently when her look told her she wasn't getting through again. "It's been a couple hours already." "We'll never find him now" she whispered, the tears that had been threatening once again surfacing. "Yes we will" AJ said firmly. "We'll check in with the Sheriff's office first and see if they've gotten any idea where he might be." "Please God" Mac murmured. It didn't take long for AJ to locate the Sheriff's office and moments later the three hurried in. "Admiral Chegwidden" AJ said to the young man at the desk. "You're looking for one of my officers, Harmon Rabb." "Yes sir. I do believe they've just found his location. One of our deputies was searching the back roads area and found where his SUV went off the road and down the small hill. Figure he can't too far from that." "Where is that?" Mac demanded. "I need to get to him." With directions from the man, they headed to the scene, finding the area bustling with activity, several sheriffs' cars along with a waiting ambulance. "Sir can I help you?" one of the deputies asked as they made their way to the scene. "Admiral Chegwidden. Have you located Commander Rabb?" "Yes sir. Just a few minutes ago." He pointed down the hill and across the field to where they could see lights. "They'll be bringing him up in a minute and the chopper is on the way." "Chopper" Mac whispered. "How badly is he hurt?" "Not sure ma'am. I just know that they radioed up requesting a chopper." Without a word, she suddenly took off running towards the spot, AJ and Sturgis looking at each other before taking off after her. "Easy ma'am" one of the medic's attending to Harm said as she came flying towards them. "How is he?" she demanded as she looked down at Harm, tears falling at the sight of him. The side of his head was now an ugly shade of purple on top of the dried blood. "We'll know more when they get him to the hospital but he's got a serious head injury" the medic replied. "Were you the one that was talking to him?" She nodded as she reached for Harm's hand. "He didn't know who he was or where he was," she said softly. "And he lost consciousness several times while he was on with me." The medic nodded as the sound of another chopper flooded the area. AJ and Sturgis arrived at the scene just as the chopper started to set down. "See I told you we'd find him" AJ said gently as he squeezed Mac's shoulder. "Sir, I want to go with him" Mac whispered. "I don't want to leave him again." "I know" AJ sighed, wondering how these two were going to part when it came time for Harm to leave. "Is there room for another a board the chopper," AJ asked. "So she can go with you?" "Yes sir. We've got room for another." "Thank you sir" Mac whispered, her hand still clutching Harm's. "I just want to make sure he's going to be okay." "We'll be right behind you" AJ assured her. "Where are they taking him?" "Charlottesville sir" the medic replied. "Mac have a little faith here," AJ advised gently. "He's in good hands. By the time Sturgis and I drive there, he'll be sitting up and whining about wanting to go home." "Yes sir, thank you, I hope so," she gasped, keeping her tears at bay and accepting Sturgis's help to mount the chopper. The medic started an IV and took other vitals while Mac held her breath. "Is he OK?" she whispered. "Hanging in there ma'am," the medic smiled. "He's a little special to you?" "A lot special yes. And right now I'm pretty terrified. "Just take a few breaths ma'am. We don't want to be treating you for a stroke there." "He doesn't know me." "I'm sorry?" "We were on the phone and he doesn't know me," she whispered, tears threatening. "He doesn't know who I am much less that I love him." "Well I wouldn't panic just yet," he smiled soothingly. "Head injuries are tricky things- -they can cause a variety of symptoms and most are temporary. Sometimes just pain can do it." "Thanks--that helps," she breathed, watching the young medic begin to clean the large abrasion on the side of Harm's head. Shyly she reached for the cloth, wanting desperately to do something to help. "By all means," he smiled again. "If he wakes up he's sure as hell going to prefer your pretty face to mine." Mac took the cloth and gently resumed cleaning the area, all the while watching him for signs of consciousness. It was just as the chopper was bumping to a halt on the roof of the hospital at the University of Virginia that Harm moaned and his eyes half opened. "Sarah?" "Right here Flyboy," she whispered, reminding herself that just because he knew her name did not mean he knew her. . . .or remembered that they were in love. "Hurts Sarah. Hurts bad," he whispered, giving her no clue. "Harm I'm right here," she responded, quelling any urge to pressure him. "You won't leave me will you?" "No never," she whispered, bending down to kiss his cheek as the door opened. She was assisted out and leaned back in to help them bring Harm down. "Judging from the anxious look on your face I'm guessing this guy is a little bit important to you?" the older doctor inquired gently. "I'm Dr. Storch and that's quite a contusion and hematoma he's got there." With practiced fingers he touched the area, smiling when Harm winced. "Let's get him downstairs. And we'll make you more comfortable real soon sir." "He'll be OK?" "We're going to take real good care of him." "I promised I wouldn't leave him. Please." The doctor looked to where their hands were joined and smiled tolerantly. "Not until there's no choice. OK keep up then." With a wave of his arm he led them into the building and down to a treatment room. "You should know something doctor," she said softly, turning her head away from Harm for a moment. "He's not remembering who he is or who I am or that we. . ." "Oh yeah?" Dr. Storch furrowed his brow. "Well that's not good but it just as easily could be temporary. He's had a pretty bad physical trauma there." Harm moaned again and she turned back to him while Dr. Storch rattled off orders to his staff. "OK now you're going to need to say goodbye," he told her firmly. "No one in the CT lab but the patient." "No please," Harm gasped, his hold of her hand tightening visibly and he began to struggle to sit up. "Hey no," she yelped, pushing him down. "Mr. Rabb don't make me restrain you. You need to keep still," the doctor scolded. "She can walk up with you." "Rabb?" He stopped struggling to focus on that information. Mac's breath caught in her throat. The question of whether he was still suffering from memory loss was answered and the answer nearly brought her to tears. "Harmon Rabb" he whispered. "I'm Harmon Rabb. And you're Sarah and I love you. And I was out driving because" His voice trailed off as the reason for why he'd been out alone suddenly resurfaced. "Because they're sending me away from you" he managed in a choked voice. "You remember" she sniffled and he managed a small nod before closing his eyes against the pain again. "Okay let's get him up to the CT lab" the doctor ordered. "Ma'am you can ride up with us but then you'll have to wait outside the lab." "I love you too" she whispered as she squeezed his hand. "And you're going to be fine. And then we'll worry about the other stuff later." Her hand stayed tightly around his as they rode the elevator up to the CT lab and it was only when she was forced to let go of his hand that she did. "I promise as soon as we know something we'll let you know" the doctor said before disappearing behind the double doors. She was pacing the hallway when AJ and Sturgis arrived. "Any word yet?" AJ asked. "No sir. But he regained consciousness and he knew who he was. And who I was." "See I told you he'd be fine," Sturgis said as he gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. "Harm's a lot tougher than you think." "I just hope he's tough enough to get through the rest" Mac sighed. "He remembered that he's being sent away." "Mac you make it sound like he's being sent to Leavenworth for the next ten years" AJ said gently. "And that's not the case." "To us it is" Mac snapped, the stress of the day finally catching up with her. She'd spent all those hours worrying about him and what little calm she had left was rapidly disappearing. "It might as well be because we're not going to be able to see each other for months at a time." "Mac you're both officers in the military" AJ started. "It's not fair," Mac shouted. "Why now? Why when we've finally gotten this far does someone have to take it away from us?" Her words ended in a loud sob and she turned and ran down the hall and into a nearby ladies room where she finally gave into the tears she's been keeping back since AJ had made the announcement. "That went well" AJ sighed as he looked at Sturgis. "There are times when being the CO sucks. Like right now." "Once they've had time to think about it, they'll deal with it better" Sturgis replied. "You really believe that" AJ scoffed. "After what you saw today." "No sir, but I thought it would make you feel better," Sturgis said with a small smile. "So who's going in after her?" "I think it would be best to leave her alone for now. You know she'll be out because she's going to be worried about Harm. In the meantime, she might just need a good cry." Her sobs echoed through the large ladies room and until she heard the door open that she finally looked up. "Honey are you okay?" an older nurse asked as she walked in. "I heard you crying out there and I thought I should at least check to see if there was anything I could to do help." "Thank you but there's nothing anyone can do" Mac sniffled. "I'm sorry, did you lose someone?" she asked gently. "Oh no, not like that" Mac said quickly, realizing what she was thinking. "I think he's going to be okay. That's not the problem. The problem is when he is better he's going to be transferred to another duty location. And we just finally got together." "I see" the older woman nodded. "Where is he being transferred to?" "Bahrain" Mac sniffled again. "It might as well be the other end of the world. And it's just not fair right now." "I remember when my Joe was sent to Vietnam. We'd just gotten together too. I almost broke it off with him when he found out he was drafted. I was so afraid he wasn't going to come back to me and I didn't want to love him if he wasn't going to come back to me." "What happened?" "Well it was the longest months of my life but he came back to me. In between tours we got engaged and when he came back from his second tour we got married. Been together ever since." "I wish I knew it would be that easy" Mac sniffled. "Honey if you two really love each other, the distance won't matter. You'll find a way to be together when you can." "I do love him," Mac said softly. "With all my heart. And I should go see if there's any word yet." "What's his name?" the nurse asked. "I'll go check for you." "Harmon Rabb" Mac sniffled. "They'd taken him to the CT lab." "I'll go see what I can find out," the older woman said as she patted Mac's arm. "In the meantime, there's two worried guys standing outside the ladies room." "It's good to have friends," she smiled and sniffled once more. "I'm just scared and I hate that I am. I'm a Marine officer and I should be able to manage and normally I can but not when I'm so personally involved." "A little faith here," she advised. "I'll check on your Mr. Rabb. You should come out." "I am." Mac wiped her face once more and followed the nurse out, stepping at once into Sturgis's waiting embrace. "You holding up Marine?" he asked gently. "Not well," she admitted. "This waiting is killing me. I'm trying to be grateful that at least his memory is intact but it's hard Sturgis." Her arms wrapped around him and she hugged him tightly for a beat before she stepped back, drawing comfort from the strong male arms around her. "Thanks OK. I'm OK now." "Well you don't look it, but we'll take your word for it," AJ told her, patting her shoulder. "Come on, let's find someplace more comfortable than this hallway." They had just reached the group of chairs when the nurse returned to her. "He's just being taken to a room now. The CT was negative for anything but a concussion." "And the memory loss?" She hardly dared to breathe while she waited. "He's asking to have 'his Sarah' brought to him. Of course he's pretty medicated but that would be you." "Yes it would," Sturgis smiled, giving her shoulder a long pat. "That would be this very worried young Colonel here." "Come on I'll take you to him. Just remember, he's like I said--been medicated for the procedure and the pain, so if he asks you to marry him now--well he's not responsible." "I don't think we have to worry about that," Mac smiled, allowing herself to feel a long wave of relief. "And we can thank God for avoiding that complication for the moment," AJ sighed. "Go on Colonel. We'll follow behind you later." Mac trotted happily behind the nurse and Sturgis turned to AJ. "Sir that day we just heard about may come you know that don't you?" "No Commander. I'm in denial there. It's better for my ulcer. Come on, I'll let you buy your C.O. a cup of coffee." Mac gasped at the heavy white bandage at the side of his head, nevertheless not hesitant to take his hand as soon as she was shown to his bedside. "Sarah?" It was his voice, weak but there, and still sounding very much Harm-like. "Yeah Flyboy. Sarah." A slow smile came to his lips though his eyes did not open. "Stay with me. Please." "Of course I'm staying" she said softly. "It took me all day to find you and I'm not about to let you out of my sight again for a long time." "I don't want to leave you" he murmured. "I won't go." "We'll talk about that later," she said as her hand gently reached up to stroke his cheek. "You just rest and take it easy." "I love you Sarah" he managed before drifting off again, still under the effect of the medication. "I love you too Harm" she whispered, dropping a kiss to his forehead as she did so. She was holding onto his hand when AJ and Sturgis walked into the room a short time later. "How is he?" AJ asked softly. "He was just awake for a few minutes. But the nurse said he should be coming out of it soon." A low groan from the bed signified that was about to happen and at once Mac leaned closer to the bed. "Harm it's okay, I'm here" she said softly. "You're at the hospital in Charlottesville and you're going to be just fine." "Mac" he murmured as he finally forced his eyes open to look at her. "Hi sailor. Nice to have you back with me. You gave me quite a scare you know." "Sorry. I was in an accident right?" "Somehow you went off the road and your SUV flipped over" she whispered. "And it took us a while to find you but we finally did." "I don't remember what happened. The last thing I remember was being at JAG and the Admiral saying I was being transferred to Bahrain." "That's okay" Mac soothed. "The rest isn't important. All that matters is you're going to be okay." "I won't go to Bahrain," he said suddenly. "I won't leave you." "I think we should leave them alone" AJ said as he turned to Sturgis. "Mac we'll be outside if you need us." "Harm I won't let you resign" Mac said quietly when they were alone. "It's my choice" he countered. "And before you say a word about my career it means nothing to me compared to you. To us." "Harm you haven't given yourself time to think about this" she sighed. "It's a big decision and one that shouldn't be made until you've given a lot of thought to it." "I don't have to think about it. I know what I want to do. I want to be with you. I want us to have the life we've dreamed about all these years. A life we can't have if I'm in Bahrain and you're in Washington, DC." "Do you love me?" Mac asked quietly. "Of course I love you" he whispered. "What kind of question is that?" "Will you still love me tomorrow? Six months from now?" "Sarah I'll love you for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever change that." "So then what would hurt if we're apart for a little while" she whispered. "I know I'm not going to stop loving you just because we're thousands of miles apart. And I don't think you'll stop loving me either." "I don't want to be away from you" he whispered. "We just found us Mac. It's not fair." "Harm we're not the first people in love to be separated" she reminded him gently. "Do you think your Dad wanted to leave your Mom?" "No" Harm said with a long sigh. "Harm just promise me you'll at least give this a try. And in six or nine months if you're completely miserable, then you can do what you want. But I want you to at least try this first." "I can tell you I'll be miserable," he said quietly. "But I'll give it a chance. I promise." "That's all I'm asking for" she whispered "And if it's any consolation, I'm going to be just as miserable." "Why can't we just stay together?" "Harm we'll have time together. Not a lot but we'll manage until we can be again." "I guess" he sighed, before grimacing again in pain. "Okay enough about this for now" she said gently. "You need to rest and not worry about this. Getting upset isn't going to help." "You're not leaving right," he said as he clutched her hand. "I'm not leaving" she assured him. "It's okay to close those eyes and rest. I promise I'll be here." "Promise" he murmured as he closed his eyes. "Promise" she whispered as she gently kissed his lips. "I love you sailor. Just rest and I promise everything will work out." His eyes closed and his breathing evened out, letting her know he was sleeping peacefully. As she had promised, she remained at his bedside watching his chest rise and fall, her hand resting on his forehead. "Well I can certainly see why Mr. Rabb does not want to take his overseas post," AJ said softly. "If I had you in my life I probably wouldn't want to leave either." Mac blushed softly, dropping a quick kiss on his forehead before she rose to face AJ. "Sir we can talk outside." AJ nodded and held the door for her, motioning for Sturgis to go in with Harm. "Sir I want to apologize first of all for my insubordination of earlier," she sighed. "No excuse sir." AJ smiled at that. "Actually Colonel I'd say your excuse is about six-four, two hundred pounds of Naval Officer with whom you're in love." "Well yes sir there is that," she sighed, again blushing. "Sir he wants to resign rather than take this assignment." AJ nodded. "I figured that was on his feeble mind. Although I have to respect him for trying to put some priority on his personal life, that would really be an unwise move. He's over halfway to twenty, if he hangs for thirty he's sure to make two star-- well that is if he keeps his nose clean." "Yes sir, I know all that," she sighed. "And I want that for him. Hell I want that for the Navy, but I also want him for me. And yes I know how selfish that's sounding and right now, having been scared out of my mind for the last god knows how many hours, I'm not giving a rat's ass. Excuse the metaphor sir." "Well at least you've stopped blaming me. Mac honest, I argued nearly to the point of insubordination. Harm belongs at JAG. You know that and I know that, and I haven't given up convincing the new Secnav of that fact. But right now it's best to back off. Circumstance may convince him where I can't." "Well I do thank you for your effort sir," Mac sighed. "And I really do plan to try to talk Harm out of resigning." "If he listens to anyone it would be you," AJ told her. "Sir you have a lot more confidence in me than I do in me," she sighed. ============== "Mac?" Harm moaned and stirred, forcing his eyes open. "Easy buddy, you're OK." Sturgis bent over him, his hand on his shoulder. "OK no you're not my Sarah," Harm murmured, blinking his eyes until they opened and focused. "And you can thank God for that," Sturgis grinned. "But I am glad to see you're doing better. You had her pretty scared you know." "No I don't remember anything but leaving JAG," he admitted, trying to get up. "Where is she Sturgis?" "A handsome doctor asked her for coffee," he teased. "I wouldn't doubt it" Harm groaned. "Like she'd leave you" Sturgis scoffed. "She's out talking to the Admiral right now." "Was she really worried?" "Rabb you are one lucky guy. That woman loves you more than anything in this world." "If I were that lucky I wouldn't be being reassigned to Bahrain now would I?" Harm countered. "Hey if it's any consolation I don't get to stay either" Sturgis reminded him. "Course I don't have someone like Mac here that I'd rather be with." "Which is exactly why I should resign?" Harm said irritably as Mac and AJ walked into the room. "Excuse me. I thought we'd covered that in our earlier discussion" she said quietly. "You promised you'd give it a chance." "Yeah I did" he sighed. "But for the record, I hate this." "Glad to see you're keeping an open mind" Mac sighed. "Harm you know I did everything I could to keep this from happening" AJ spoke up. "But it wasn't my call." "I know sir. And I'm not blaming you. It's just that the whole thing sucks." "Well put" AJ said with a small smile. "But giving up a promising career isn't the answer." "That promising career means nothing if I don't have anyone to share it with" Harm muttered. "Harm" Mac sighed. "You'll have me. I'm not going anywhere. I told you that." "Yeah until you find someone better" he whispered under his breath. "For you information Mr. Rabb, I happen to love you and only you" Mac whispered. "And I want you to stop this right now. It's not going to change anything and I'd like us to enjoy our last two weeks together." "I'm sorry" he sighed. "I just hate this so much." "And you don't think I do?" she said softly. "Okay time for us to leave again" AJ said to Sturgis. "Mac, I take it you're not going anywhere tonight?" "No sir. I'll be staying." "I'll send Mr. Turner back tomorrow to come and get you" AJ nodded. "Commander you're in good hands. I'll see you later." "Harm I'm serious about us not letting this ruin our last two weeks together" Mac said quietly when they were alone. "I'm sorry. Right now this is still sinking in." "Harm I love you" she said as she took his hand in hers. "I will not find someone else. I don't want to find someone else. I'll wait for you as long as it takes." "Is that a promise" he whispered. "Promise" she said softly. "I don't deserve you" he murmured, his eyes starting to shut again. "I don't deserve you at all." "Yes you do" she whispered as she gently stroked his forehead. "And we'll have our time Harm. I promise." "I love you Sarah" he managed before drifting to sleep again. ************** 10 Days Later "Thank you sir" Harm said as AJ handed him the keys. "You have no idea how much this means to us." "No problem Commander" AJ smiled. "And I have some idea. Just remember you're to report to Andrews in four days. I don't want to hear how you're not on that flight to Bahrain." "I'll be there sir" Harm said as he straightened to attention. "It's been a pleasure serving under you sir." "Been a pleasure having you here," AJ said quietly. "You know if you play your cards right Commander, you might be looking at this chair one day." "Right now sir, I'm just worried about getting through the next nine months," Harm said with a small smile. "It will pass by before you know it." "I hope so sir" Harm said softly. "If that's all sir, Mac is waiting." "Good luck Commander" AJ said as he extended his hand. "Make me proud son." Harm shook hands and then took a step backwards to salute. "For everything sir, Thank you." When he stepped through the door Mac was waiting and without consideration to anyone's prying eyes, she gave him a quick hug. "Good-byes are never easy." "No." He nodded, and his eyes wandered to his office, where there was another good bye between the two of them three years before. She saw where he was looking and at once read his thoughts. "It's not the same Flyboy," she whispered. "I'll have no problem telling you everything. Before you leave there will be nothing unsaid between us." "Yeah." With a long sigh, and having taken his leave of the others earlier, he took her hand. The burst of fresh spring air that hit them as soon as they stepped outside provided some lift and she slipped her arm around his waist. "So Flyboy, you going to show a girl a good time this weekend or what?" "Oh yeah, count on it," he sighed, making a renewed vow to live for this time they would have together. The long drive was accomplished mainly in silence, Mac simply leaning close to him, her hand resting on his leg. Keeping the connection strong. "This is so perfect," Harm breathed once he had pulled up to the small cabin and helped Mac down from the SUV, letting her land in his arms. "We could change our names, find a place like this in the Canadian woods, and. . ." "Rabb you're losing it now," she declared with a quick giggle. "You've gone around the bend. You're a combat pilot and you're a lawyer and you're damn good at both. You wouldn't last a month at something like that." "I would too," he retorted, "well as long as you were with me that is. I couldn't get enough of time with you." "No I'll give you that," she nodded. "I mean we've hardly been out of each other's sight the last two weeks. "And you'll hear no complaints from me." He pulled her into his arms, feeling her slender body meld into his. Indeed they had not been apart for more than a few hours since his accident. When he was discharged she had initially brought him to her apartment. After he had recovered they relocated to his so that he could pack his things for storage and prepare for the sublease tenants to move in. Now they had four days at the foot of Alpine Mountain to revel in being together before the Navy would tear them apart. "Six months." "I'm sorry?" "I'm going to give this assignment six months, and at the end of that time, if it's not working---if it's making us too miserable apart, then I'm out of there." "We had talked about nine," she pointed out gently. "We had also talked about me not going at all," he snapped and shook his head, regretting the words at once. "Sorry. I'm not going to ruin our time here I promise, and I need you to do the same. But I need for you to accept that decision. It's not one I reached lightly. I thought about it the whole way up here too. It's not negotiable. I can commit to do six, any more than that and I'm afraid I'm going to be typing that letter and not going at all." "OK Sailor, OK," she soothed, feeling the tension in his body and knowing it was from concern as to how she would accept his decision. "I love you and I'll stand with you no matter what. You know that." "I love you Sarah," he breathed, and a long kiss followed. "Now what's first on the agenda?" "We're going to try that walk again on the mountain," he grinned. "This time we'll do it right. And there's picnic basket from Eastman's deli to prove it." "You're kidding," she gasped, "you got me amaretto cheesecake?" "Would I go to Eastman's and not?" he laughed. "Yes I did. And corned beef of course for you. Greek salad for me and let's move out. After four hours in this car I need the exercise. Then we'll come back, unpack and flop on the rug in front of that wonderful fire." "Sounds like a plan to me," she laughed. They had four days there, about ninety-six hours, and she was determined to make the best of every minute. They hiked up the mountain, hand in hand. Unlike their first visit, the day was perfect, the blue skies wall to wall around them. They finally reached a mountain meadow and Harm stopped and looked around. "I think this will work" he smiled. "What do you think?" "Perfect" she agreed. "And since I'm starving, hand over that picnic basket." "Always thinking of food" he laughed as he spread out the blanket he'd brought along. After eating, she lay contentedly against him, enjoying the peace and tranquility. "You're pretty quiet sailor," she said softly as she turned her head to look at him. "You okay?" "Yeah I'm okay," he said with a forced smile. "Did you enjoy your picnic?" "I did thanks. It's pretty nice up here isn't it?" "I think we should make that offer to buy this place" he smiled. "You think the Admiral's friend would sell it to us." "Not likely" Mac laughed. "I know if I owned this place I wouldn't let it go." "Me neither. It's like its own world up here." "And for a few days we can forget about everything but us" she said softly. "Exactly" he smiled. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?" "I'm always willing to hear those words" she smiled as she leaned forward for a kiss. It deepened as he pulled her closer and when they finally parted both were breathless. "What do you say we go back to the cabin and make that fantasy of yours come true?" she whispered. "Is that what you want?" She nodded and hand and hand they walked back to the cabin. "Hot tub first?" he smiled. "We can start there" she grinned. "But that rug in front of the fireplace looks like a good spot too." They didn't bother to change into their suits, instead gently stripped each of their clothes before Harm led her to the hot tub. "I really hope there's no one around" Harm smiled as they climbed into the hot tub. "I can see the headline in the Navy times" she giggled. "Along with the picture of your naked six." "Maybe they'd cancel my transfer to Bahrain," he said with a wry smile. "Harm" she sighed. "Sorry. I promised I wouldn't talk about that and I won't." "Thank you. Now where were we?" "We were right here" he whispered as he pulled her naked body close to his, his lips claiming hers in a long and passionate kiss. "Now for the rest of your fantasy" Mac panted when they parted. "Is this what you want?" he whispered. "I love you Harmon Rabb and I have never wanted anything more than I want this" she said softly. "You are not going away this time without me showing you how much I love you." Their lips met again and moments later Harm gently lifted her from the hot tub, carrying her inside and gently laying her on the rug in front of the fireplace. The fire warmed and dried them almost at once, and what the heat of the flames did not take care of, the friction of their bodies did. He lay over her, careful not to put his weight totally on her, kissing her over and over, everywhere he could reach. It was not long before their bodies came together in a ritual as old as human-kind. Lovemaking soft and gentle, silent save for the murmur of 'I love you'. The dance was over. They were together now, bound by love. She lie wrapped in his warm embrace when they were finished, warmed further by the fire. "I think we should move to the bed," she offered after a few minutes of growing drowsy as they held each other. "We can, but don't look for a repeat performance by me until we sleep and I have a bowl of wheaties," he whispered. "That took a lot out of me. Are you OK?" "More than. Way more than," she sighed happily. "I feel so loved and cherished right now." "I'm glad. We're going to make love often enough in these four days to last us," he told her, stopping short of making mention of the six months. It was but three hours later that they repeated, and again at dawn with the sun warming their bed. "Sarah?" Five hours after dawn he stirred and shook her gently. "Honey you OK?" She rolled to him and pressed her palm to his cheek. "Please don't ask me that any more. I'm fine, and so much in love with you how could I be anything less." "OK. I love you Sarah," he whispered. "You want to get out of bed or what?" "They found them in the winter, starved to death, wrapped in each other's arms." "But he didn't have to go to Bahrain." She giggled and tickled him. "Give it up Sailor. We're going to suck it up and make the best of it. You can do a year standing on your head." "A year without you, just as we're finding each other, is a lifetime," he murmured. "But I'm trying not to care about that for the next four days. Breakfast and a walk along the river? There's some caves we can check out too." "As long as we come back here to the hot tub, rug, and bed," she laughed and kissed him as hard as she could. "Count on it," he told her, tickling her and then rolling from the bed. "I need a shower. Sticky." She regarded him silently as he went into the bathroom, only to poke his head out thirty seconds later. "I don't plan on being alone in here Colonel." Fortified by breakfast at the town diner and armed with a fresh map, they located the river and the trails that led to the cliff side caves. "See there," he pointed to the cliffs half way up the mountain. "You think?" "I think," she smiled and he reached for her hand. They fell silent as they walked along the river and the trail gradually began to rise. Halfway up he sat down on a large rock and pulled her down beside him. The river valley spread out below them, the sun glinting through the trees and there was silence save their breathing and the birds. "Do you realize how simple it would be," he said softly. "We simply fax our resignations, buy the cabin and. . ." His voice trailed off and she could not suppress a laugh. "And what do we live off Commander? After we scrape together the money to buy that wonderful cabin, I'm broke." "Yeah me too," he admitted. "OK so we can't exactly do that. What do we do?" "We take two aspirin and keep on marching," she told him gently but firmly. "Harm I promise you the year will fly." "Yeah and if it does, and I come back," he gasped, feeling his throat constrict. "I come back and you're not. . ." He could not go on and he looked away. Firmly she turned him back to face her. "I'm not what honey. What am I not?" "There." He got out. "There. There for me." "Harm of course I'll be there for you" she said softly. "Why would you even think that?" "You weren't last time," he said quietly, turning away once again to avoid her gaze. "I'm sorry. When you left the last time things were very different between us." "Not really" Harm said with a small smile as he finally turned back to look at her. "I loved you then. I just didn't know how much until it was too late." "As I loved you" she whispered. "But you had a dream to pursue. And nothing I would have said would have stopped you." "That's where you're wrong. If you'd have said the words, I would never have left." "You would have hated me for keeping you from proving yourself" she smiled. "And yes we may have taken the long road, but we know now that this is what we both want. And I promise you Harmon Rabb, I will be there for you when you come back." "Promise" he whispered. "Promise" she said softly. "I love you and you and I will be together." "You know you're going to have to keep telling me that while I'm gone." "I'll call you every day and tell you if that's what it takes. I'm serious Harm. You are the only person I want to spend my life with. I don't know what I have to do to convince you of that." "Just keeping reminding me" he said with a small smile. "Eventually it will sink through this thick skull." "Are you okay now?" she asked as her hand gently stroked his cheek. "I know this is hard for you and I'm willing to do anything I can to make it easier for you." "Just don't leave me" he whispered. "Never going to happen sailor" she whispered before her lips found his in a long kiss. "Nothing on this earth will take you away from me" she whispered when they parted. "That's what I needed to know," he said quietly as he reached for her left hand. "One day, when all this is over, I'm going to put the right ring on this finger. But not until I'm back from Bahrain. Not until we're together again." She nodded and for a moment was silent as she slowly absorbed his words. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked anxiously. "No" she said quickly, realizing what he was thinking. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear." "So why do you look so serious all of a sudden? Come on Marine. I told you what was on my mind. Spill it." "You know how you're worried about me not being there when you come back" she said softly and he nodded. "My fear is that you won't come back to me." "You think I'd find someone else and want to stay there" he laughed. "Mac, that will never happen. I love you remember." "That's not what I meant" she whispered. "Harm, you're going to Bahrain. It's not like you're going to Norfolk. You're going to the part of the world that is a powder keg waiting to explode." "I know," he said quietly. "That's why I won't put that ring on your finger until I'm back. If something happens, then you can go on with your life." "You really think that would happen. That I would just go on without you." "I'd want you to." "I couldn't. No way." "That's what you say. But Mom went on after Dad was gone. And you would to." "Not in a hundred years sailor" she whispered. "You are the only man I will ever love again." "And you're the only woman I will ever love again" he said softly as he drew her into his arms. They clung to each other tightly, needing the comfort of each other's arms. Finally she pulled back and wiped away a few stray tears that had slid down her face. "Okay enough of that" she smiled. "We're here to enjoy our time together. Let's go explore some caves." "Lead the way Marine" he said as they stood up. "Marines always do," she laughed and ran ahead of him, gaining a good fifteen seconds before he could get himself underway. Moving with the ease of a mountain goat she slipped inside the first cave, shining her flashlight throughout. "Mac I'm right behind you," he yelled. "Sure you are Sailor," she yelled back as she slipped into the first opening she came to. "Mac where are you?" "If this was Afghanistan and I was the enemy would you be yelling for me?" "I'd be yelling something all right. Now where are you?" "Move to your right Flyboy," she called, moving deeper into the hole in the side of the cliff. "What do I get when I catch you?" "You never know," she laughed. "But first you have to do it. You're no Marine remember. If it doesn't float or fly, you're totally lost." She moved a little further ahead, using her flashlight to light her path. Another step forward and her foot hit a rock that moved beneath her weight. It wobbled severely and she froze, her mind trying to decide whether to step back or move ahead. In that split second she lost her balance, falling to heavily on her side, knocking the side of her head against a rock as she did so.. Her flashlight dropped from her hand with the impact and it was then she realized she was lying on a ledge, a ledge that was sloping downward. The flashlight rolled a couple of feet away to the edge and went over. It was several seconds time before it hit bottom. Long enough for her to know that if she followed it down, she would not survive. "Mac where are you?" Harm's voice grew more insistent. "Mac come on, this isn't funny now. These caves could go on for miles back into the mountain. I'm not comfortable being separated from you like this." "Harm stay where you are. I'm coming," she yelled, surprised at how much that made her head throb. "Stay back by the main entrance." "Mac what's wrong? Something isn't right I know--I can tell it in your voice." "Nothing. I'm just in a little alcove like off the main cave and I'm coming out," she lied as she sat up slowly, gasping with the pain and with the realization that there was only black velvet before her. Without her flashlight the darkness was total. Worse, the fall had left her dizzy, her head aching from the impact with rock outcropping, and she was becoming more disoriented. Her mind played out the scenario of the flashlight's demise and she felt ahead of her gingerly, now not sure in which direction she should move in the unrelenting darkness. Keeping on her hands and knees, with a long breath for fortitude, she started for what she thought was the way back. With both knees and one hand on solid ground she forged ahead with her other hand, only to feel nothing but space. The edge. She needed the light, and she needed Harm, much as she hated to let him see that she had gotten into difficulty. "Mac" Harm yelled again. "Mac answer me." "Harm I need you" she managed. "I lost the flashlight when I fell. I'm on a ledge." "Don't move," he said as calmly as he could. "I'm on my way. Just keep talking so I can find you." "I'm sorry" she wailed. "I should have stayed with you." "Yes you should have and when I find you I'm going to hug you to death before I strangle you for scaring me to death like this. Keep talking Marine. I can barely see an inch in front of me." "I'm here" she said weakly, the pounding in her head getting worse with each passing second. "Okay I'm almost to you. Just keep talking." "I love you" she whispered softly. "And I love you. I'm going to take it real slow so I don't walk into you or knock you over. How close to the edge are you?" "Right on it. I got disoriented in the dark." "I'm coming. It's going to be okay. I promise." Seconds later he reached her, finally crawling on his hands and knees to her. "I've got you" he whispered as he pulled her close to him. "How you doing?" "Head hurts" she admitted. "I hit it on a rock." "Okay I'll get you back to the cabin and then we'll see how bad it is" he said softly. He held her for a second before releasing her. He pushed himself to his feet, bringing him up with her and keeping a firm arm around her waist. Slowly they made their way back to the entrance of the cave; Harm leading her to the big rock once they were outside. "I'm sorry" she whimpered. "Hey stop that. All that matters is you're okay. You've got a little bit of a lump there though. I may have to take you to the nearest town and get that looked at." "I'll be okay" she sighed. "Tough Jarhead remember." "Yeah we'll see" he fretted. "Let's get you back to the cabin. Do you think you can walk?" She nodded, a move she immediately regretted as the world swam around her. "No you can't" he answered for her and without a second thought lifted her into his arms. "Harm I could have made it" she protested as he carried her down the path towards the cabin. "You didn't have to carry me." "Will you let me take care of you for a change?" She dropped her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes against the pain. "You still with me?" he asked gently as he reached the cabin, gently depositing her on the bed. "Here" she sighed. "Okay I'm going to clean up that bump and then I'll get you some Advil and some ice. You just lay back against the pillow and take it easy." He dropped a quick kiss before hurrying off, returning a minute later with the first aid kit and some ice. He carefully cleaned the spot before gently placing the ice against it. "Better" he said softly. "Thanks" she said with a weak smile. "You take good care of me." "I love you remember. I'm just glad you're okay. You freaked me out there for a minute Marine." "I'm sorry" she sighed. "I wasn't thinking. It was stupid of me to run ahead like that. I didn't even think that you could get hurt, let alone myself." "Just don't let it happen again," he said softly as he stroked her cheek. "You rest for a bit." "Only if you join me." "I can handle that" he smiled as he climbed onto the bed beside her, drawing her close to him. He curled his body around hers, and marveled that they fit together so perfectly. His arm went out and she rested her head against it. "Sleep now," he whispered to her ear. He was dreaming. Dreaming one of his old standards. She was unbuttoning his shirt, while straddling his lower body, kissing him awake. He dared not move, dared not try to reach for her, for at that point--right then--it was where he always woke up, his arms grasping air only. But not this time. His lips were warm on hers, and when he reached his trembling arms out wrap around her they closed on her body, soft and pliant, wanting to please him. "Hell even if this is my dream I want you," he gasped. Thirty minutes later they lie together, both panting and laughing lightly with the giddiness of being in love. The remainder of the weekend passed in similar fashion. Finally down to six hours before they were to leave, she was sleeping in his arms, a gentle smile still on his lips from the last time they had made love. For a long time he stared at her, her face illuminated by the shaft of moonlight coming through the window. She was expecting that they would awake and share breakfast and then drive back to D.C. That was what he had led her to believe. In reality, he was planning a coward's exit. It took him an hour to write the letter, starting and stopping several times, a pile of rejects growing in front of him. Finally it was done. A call to Sturgis to confirm the plan was accomplished and with the note pinned to her pillow, and one last kiss to her lips that made her smile in her sleep, he was gone. 'We're getting too good at saying good-bye' she had told him once. Not this time. And the reason was--if he had to face a good-bye in person, he did not trust himself to go through with it. More than once as he was composing the letter to her, did his mind begin to compose a letter of a very different nature. "Admiral. . .serving under you has been both an honor and a pleasure, but now it is time. . ." No. He had promised--promised her he would give it his best shot and that he would do, starting with avoiding the good-bye he knew he could not handle. If she cried in his arms as she had done the day he left for the Henry three years before, he was afraid his resolve would vanish. ================ "Harm?" Mac's arm flailed behind her, remembering distinctively that he his body had been curled around hers when she fell to sleep. The smell of coffee brought her more alert and she sat up slowly, instinctively pulling the sheet up to her chin. "Sorry. I'm not." Sturgis called softly. "But he did leave you something." "He's gone" she whispered, feeling immediate tears at her eyes. "Yeah" Sturgis nodded as he pointed to the other pillow, a single piece of paper fastened to it with a pair of gold wings. "He left that for you. I'm going to take a walk outside and when you're ready to go just holler." "Why did he leave without saying goodbye?" Mac wailed. "I think it's in the note," Sturgis said gently. "If you need me, I'll be outside." With trembling fingers, she unfastened the paper, holding the gold wings tightly in her hand as she read the note. "Dearest Sarah, I know this is the coward's way but I couldn't face saying goodbye to you again. I would never have been able to leave you this time if you'd stood there crying like you did when I went to the Henry. I would have turned in my resignation to the Admiral before I would have done that. And since I promised you I would give this a chance, this is the only way I could do it. I love you so much and the thought of not seeing you for months at a time is worse than anything I could ever have imagined. I never thought that we'd be parted like this and I curse myself for wasting so much time. I hope that you understand why I had to leave like this. Please know that you will be in my heart and in my thoughts every second of every day. Not a moment will pass that I won't think of you and ache to hold you in my arms again. I love you Sarah. Please don't forget that. Ever." All my love, Harm Her tears splashed onto the paper and with a sob she buried her head in the pillow, the gold wings still clutched in her hand. Despite the brave front she'd put up for him, she hated this as much as he did. And knowing it could be months before she would feel his arms around her again was like a knife through her heart. She was wiping her tears away when Sturgis walked into the cabin a short time later. "Mac you okay?" he asked quietly. "Is there anything I can do?" "Not unless you can bring him back to me" she sniffled as she wiped away the last of her tears. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard for both of you." "You have no idea" Mac whispered. "God Sturgis, I miss him so much and he's only been gone for a few hours. I'm never going to make it through nine months. And what if it's longer?" "One day at a time" Sturgis soothed. "You'll get through this." "I don't know Sturgis," she said softly. "It just seems like such a long time." "It will pass before you know it," he said with a small smile. "At least I'm hoping it will." "I'm sorry. You're getting ready to leave too aren't you?" "As soon as I get you home, I'm on my way to Pearl" he sighed. "But I promised Harm I'd get you home first and make sure you were okay." "Give me a few minutes and I'll be ready to go" she said softly. Twenty minutes later he stowed the last of her stuff in the trunk of his car while Mac took one last look around the cabin. She fought back more tears as she looked at the bed, memories of their gentle lovemaking rushing back. It had been here that the depths of their love for each other had become so clear. "Mac" Sturgis said softly. "You ready." She nodded and with a loud sniffle closed the door to the cabin. ************** "Mac you sure you're okay?" Sturgis asked as he dropped her at her apartment. "I'm fine," she said with a weak smile. "Thanks for the lift. And good luck in Pearl. Keep in touch." "I will" he promised. "Take care of yourself." "You too Sturgis" she said softly, reaching over to give him a quick hug before climbing out. She opened the door to her apartment a few minutes later, gasping at the sight in front of her. A large vase full of red roses sat in the middle of coffee table and she knew without looking who they were from. The message light on her machine was blinking and she slowly walked over to it and pressed the play button. "I love you Sarah" his soft voice came through the machine. "I couldn't leave without saying that so you'd actually hear it. Because I don't want you to forget it." "I love you too" she whispered to the empty apartment. "And I want you back now." Her sobs echoed through the apartment as she sank down on the sofa, her hand clutching the gold wings that he'd left her. Nine months was going to seem like a lifetime. The End Watch for the next Chapter of Distant Hearts coming soon.