Dangerous Crab Cakes And Other Alien Life
By Ultracape

Summary: Harm finds solace from Captain Kirk who also
must face the harsh truths about himself. A missing
scene from "Ready or Not."
Pairing (H/M)
Category: Humor/angst
Warning: Mild language
Rating: PG for language
Disclaimer: If they were mine things would be much
different
Feedback: Any and all appreciated
Archive: Just let me know.
Spoilers: Ready or Not

AN: From Harm's juvenile behavior at the beginning of
this episode, and pretty much throughout, he did
manage a very sweet apology. I also noticed that after
Harm's nasty remark to Mac at the Roberts' party,
Sturgis followed him out. This is what and why I think
it all happened.

15:00 DST
Robert's Residence
(Forgot where it is)

Cold beer, salty chips and a big screen television
with surround sound blasting Star Trek's space battles
into the deep recesses of the brain, numbing all
thought. That's all a guy really needs, yeah!
Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., the best damn lawyer in
JAG and the best damn pilot in the entire United
States Navy, but not 'fair' enough to be a judge, took
another swig of his forth Amstel's lite and saluted as
an over the hill Captain Kirk still managed to charm
the alien ladies.

When the beautiful shapeshifter changed into a
monster, he smirked in agreement as Dr. McCoy
questioned, "You kissed that?"

"Don't remind me," Harm mouthed along with Kirk's
revulsion.  That's no surprise. They're all like that,
he mused. Beautiful, sexy, sweet and adoring, even
compliant when they want something, like tickets to
the Superbowl. But give them some power and they're
monsters, power maniacs with an agenda, getting even
for every little imagined slight through their gavels
and rulings, always against him, he sneered. He
grabbed a handful of snacks and threw them at the
screen. 

"Enjoying yourself," the deep voice of Commander
Sturgis Turner broke into Harm's thoughts. 

Harm tore his eyes away from the heroes' escape
attempt through the ice to coldly glare up at his
friend and sometime adversary. "Party too much for
you?" he asked with a smirk. "Or did the honorable
judge colonel Roy Bean finally rule against you?"

The taunting dialog between Kirk and the shapeshifter
who had turned itself into Kirk's doppelganger
suddenly captured the two sailors' attention. "This
reminds you of anyone, Commander?"

Harm turned to Sturgis, "Noooo," he said. "Should it?"

Sturgis finally plopped himself down on the couch next
to Harm and scooped up some cashews which had fallen
out of the serving dish, as Harm made a swipe at more
chips, knocking more on the table and floor than he
got into his mouth. Sturgis munched for a moment
calmly while Harm continued to glare at him.

"Well, who else in this room is so caught up with
their own egos that they can't see the forest for the
trees?"

The fight between Kirk and his doppelganger caught
their attention for a while. "Quite, this is my
favorite part," said Harm.

"Now that's no surprise, seeing as that you have so
much practice."

Harm glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?

Sturgis sighed, "Buddy, sometimes you are such an
ass."

"That's me, blind, stupid, infantile, and proud of
it," Harm took another swig of the warming beer.

"Ah, so you admit that you've acted like a juvenile
delinquent ever since Mac was assigned to sit on the
bench."

"And I have every right to," Harm belched and turned
back to the television screen.

Sturgis just stared at him shaking his head in dismay.
What was it with these two?

"She's your best friend, right?"

Harm shook his head pointing with his beer bottle to
the screen at Spock. "Now that's a best friend; no
feelings to hurt, loyal unto death, defying all
authority for the sake of his friend."

"Except for the feelings to hurt part, which you're an
expert at, sounds almost exactly like one Lt. Colonel
Sarah MacKenzie."

"It used to," Harm mumbled swallowing the last of the
now warm beer, surprised that it was all gone.

"What did you say buddy?"  

Harm looked up. "What, you don't think she's getting
even with me?"

Sturgis just shook his head in exasperation. "You mean
to tell me that right now, in the middle of this high
profile trial, when Mac has just been handed the
biggest challenge and boost to her career, and despite
your infantile treatment of her, that if you went off
on one of your crusades, she wouldn't drop everything
to cover your six?"

The truth of that statement nearly sobered the
slightly buzzed pilot/lawyer. "Though I hate to admit
it," he belched again but looked abashed, "yeah, she
would." He rubbed hands up and down his face. "I know
she would."

Sturgis pushed a little bit more. "You know this is
tearing her up inside."

Harm looked at him as shame edged its way into his
thoughts.

"She has been fair to you Harm, and you know it."

"She won't give me a break."

"She's sticking to the letter of the law and it's
killing her, but she's doing her duty. She's doing her
job, Harm, despite the cost. She's a damn fine Marine,
an example to all of us."

Harm lowered the sound on the television and turned
around to Sturgis but kept his eyes down. "She's
better than me, you know."

"Better than you?"

"Yeah, and it's killing me to admit it. But she's a
better lawyer, a much better judge than I'd ever be,
just a better person. Hell, she's even braver than I
could ever hope to be. Thank G-d she upchucks in F-14s
or my self-image would be completely shot."

Sturgis chuckled softly. "And she's also a damn good
friend."

"Yeah, the best I've ever had, better than I ever
deserved. So are you for that matter."

Sturgis took another hit on the cashews. "You gonna
fix it now?"

"Yeah, I will, as soon as I work up the nerve."

"Well, I hope you don't wait that long," Sturgis
chuckled as he got up, tempering his remark with a
smile. "Coming back to the party?"

"Yeah, in a minute, just let me police the area a
bit."

As he gathered the fallen food and picked up his empty
bottles, the picture on the big screen caught his
attention. Spock and Kirk were together again,
admiring each other's strengths, not judging their
weaknesses. "She's everything I aspire to be," Harmon
Rabb, Jr. admitted to himself, "and I love her for
it."




Dangerous Crab Cakes: A Second Helping
By Ultracape

AN: Due to overwhelming, (WOW and thank you all very
much) requests for a sequel, and though I am terrible
at writing sequels, who am I to disappoint. Be aware
that this will deviate from the show but I somehow
don't think anyone will mind that too much.

Summary: Mac gets to do to Harm what she (and many
others) have dreamed of doing for a very long time.
Now you know it's not going to be that easy and
remember, this is rated PG. You really have to have
seen "Heros," "Rendezvous," "Offensive Action," and
"Ready or Not" and read "Dangerous Crab Cakes and
Other Alien Life" for this to make any sense.

Pairing (H/M)
Spoilers: Everything
Category: Humor/angst
Warning: Mild language
Rating: PG for language
Disclaimer: If they were mine things would be much as
I'm writing them to be.
Feedback: Any and all appreciated
Archive: Just let me know.

1530 DST
Roberts' Residence
(Forget where it is)

That had to be the sexiest ass in the Navy, now ain't
that a double entendre. With butt pointed in her
direction, head, or what passed for it, oblivious to
all but whatever it was he was doing, the opportunity
Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. presented to Lieutenant
Colonel Sarah MacKenzie was just way too good to pass
up.

"I shouldn't," she thought to herself as she
stealthily neared that swaying backside, good enough
to take a bite out of. 

"He deserves it so much," said her other non-judicious
self, grinning from ear to ear.

"He'll get even with you, you know that," continued
the internal deliberations." 

"Is that so bad? Anyway, he's already angry with you,
how much worse could it be and you know it's gonna
feel so good."

With that last thought, the honorable temporary judge,
Chief of Staff to the Judge Advocate General of the
United States Navy, pride of the Marine Corp did to
the Navy's poster boy's posterior what every Marine
worth her salt had wanted to do to squids for decades.
She hauled off and gave him a good swift kick in the
rump.

"Hooh Ra." Harm, his face having made unfortunate
contact with a bowl of salsa, collapsed forward into
the assorted snacks he was cleaning up. Embarrassed,
astonished, a little angry and still just a bit
buzzed, he turned to see his commanding officer,
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden, standing in the entryway to
the Roberts' den warmly shaking the hand of a
startled, blushing, Mac while patting her on the
shoulder.

"Colonel, you're a credit to the Corp. Whatever Rabb
did, and knowing him as I do, I'm sure he did
something to merit this action, I congratulate you on
your excellent delivery and execution." AJ looked like
he was busting a gut holding in his laughter as he
turned to Harm. "Commander, now you know what you feel
like. Wipe your face."

With their commanding officer's departure, Harm
collapsed further down onto the floor, rubbing his six
and glaring at his chuckling partner.

"Very funny, your honor. I take it that you've been
elevated to be jury and the executioner as well?"

Mac rolled her eyes, "Oh, comm'on Harm, lighten up,"
she said as she knelt down with some napkins. But, as
she reached to wipe the dripping salsa off of his
nose, Harm swiped the napkins out of her hand rubbing
them at his face, doing more, ah, harm than good.

"Okay, Colonel," Harm looked up at her with his most
lecherous leer, made even more scandalous by the
effects of the remaining sauce. He crawled closer to
her and slowly moved that seemingly x-ray vision up
and down her body before coming to rest on her eyes.
"How about you presenting your unguarded six to me for
my pleasure and then I'll lighten up."

"Red light Commander."

This time Harm rolled his eyes, the leer gone as if it
never existed, as he fell back onto his haunches, "Red
light, huh! But it's okay for you. Now who's being
biased?"

This thing, whatever it was, was rolling out of
control Mac thought as she got up and dropped herself
down on the couch.  Shaking her head in exasperation
she sighed. "Harm, it was a joke."

"Mortifying me in front of my commanding officer was a
joke?" Harm got up off the floor and brushed the mess
he had been attempting to clean up, off of his
clothes. He knew he really wasn't angry with Mac but
he just couldn't seem to help himself. The fact was if
anybody else had done it, he'd be laughing with him or
her by now. But for some reason, it hurt that Mac had
done it. Mac's actions always seemed to affect him
more than those of anyone else.

"Harm, there is no way on this good green Earth that I
could possibly mortify you more than you've already
done to yourself. And you know it."

Harm's shoulders sagged at the truth of it. After
seven years, Chegwidden still managed to bring up the
HKA incident at every opportunity.

"Do I even want to know why you did it, or was it just
that you haven't kicked my butt hard enough in court
yet?"

Exasperated by his hypocrisy, Mac sat straighter and
looked up at him. "Who was it who said to me that what
happens in the courtroom, stays in the courtroom? That
no matter what happened inside those doors, outside we
were still friends."

"Throwing my words back at me, Colonel?"

"And you don't throw my actions back at me?" she
arched her eyebrow up in a good imitation of Harm.

Harm knew that one of his most despicable tactics,
though he never failed to use it, was to hold the
harsh mirror of her own past up to Mac whenever he
felt pressured in a negotiation.

Mac couldn't keep the smile from her face. "Besides,
it did feel good to give you what you deserve,
considering your chronic contempt of court, which I've
been overlooking." 

"Contempt?" That was too much. "You think I've been
contemptuous of you?"

"Harm, I didn't say contempt of me. I said contempt of
court. There is a difference." 

Harm suddenly felt the shame again. Why was he this
way with her, only with her? "I have not been
contemptuous in court," he said with little
conviction.

"Oh, come on. Harm, I've never seen you speak that way
to Sebring or Morris or any of the other judges.
You've been snide most of the time, flippant and
sarcastic. Even the members have noticed and it's
affecting your case. So yes, contempt of court, and I
have been letting it slide because…" she didn't want
to go on.

"Because?" Harm sat down next to her and pulled her
face up to him.

"Never mind, we shouldn't be talking about the case
anyway."

"We're not talking about the case Mac, and you know
it. We're talking about our friendship." He caressed
her cheek. "We're talking about you being the best
friend you know how to be to me, even when I take it
for granted."

"Harm, we talked about this before the trial started.
I told you I'd be fair. I'm doing the best I can."

"Because, you know me, you know my playbook and you
haven't given me an inch when it was a matter of law,
so you've been letting me slide on my treatment of
you." Harm did feel ashamed of himself then. Sturgis
had been right and he had been a monumental ass,
again.

"I'm sorry, Mac, I've been a jackass."

"That's nothing new." Mac took the napkins from Harm's
hand and wiped the remaining salsa off his face.

Harm smiled. "Listen, since you kicked me in the butt,
would you say that you owe me a straightforward answer
to one question?"

All Mac's defenses went up but fair was fair. "Uh,
yeah. Okay, but just one."

"Why do you put up with me? Why are you still such a
good friend when I am such a rat to you sometimes."

She knew she shouldn't. He'd get back at her. It had
hurt so much before to open up to him. But for once
she knew it would feel so good to let go and let him
have it right between the eyes. Before she had a
chance to talk herself out of it, the words were out
of her mouth "Because I love you."

The End