Title: ‘Cuz I’m Gone Author: Nicole Category: S, R [Harm/Mac] Rating: PG Spoilers: Lifeline, Goodbyes (I think, but I only have a reference to the line, “Damn you, why am I the only one crying?”) (BTW, references to Lifeline and Goodbyes are in the song, not the actual story.) Disclaimer: Bellisario owns ‘em, but we have all the fun with ‘em. Summary: After Mac’s TAD, she is sent in for a promotion to head up the Irish JAG office (which probably doesn’t exist, but oh well). Feedback: desired Author’s notes: the song ‘Cuz I’m Gone belongs to me, if you want to use it (yeah right, in my dreams), please ask. And also, the character Tallon Cyles is based loosely on the Star Trek Voyager character (or is she just a fanfic character?) of Tal Celes. And another also, the name Siobhan is the Irish spelling of Shavonne. And all e-mail addresses and websites are purely fictional, but done as close to reality as I could think. Date: September 13, 2002; 2135 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Lieutenant Sims” harriet_sims@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: News and Updates Hey, Harriet and Bud! You know, being the Chief of Staff and sometimes Acting JAG is *nothing* compared to this! And can you believe it, I’ve only been here for 8 months and I’m already on leave. But more about that later. And no skipping to the end! Anyway, the office is great! The people here are really nice and I have my own “Harm” as well. You know, I’ve never before had more respect for the Admiral than now. I don’t know how he deals with Harm! Lt. Cmd. Zechariah Rhinn. I have the most sympathy for his partner, Lt. Cmd. Tylin McKenzie when I remember my own “dealings” with Harm. And my yeoman is wonderful! PO Adriana Vaughn. I’ve already put her up for promotion and I’ve only been here for 8 months! Unfortunately, we also have our own Loren Singer as well. Lt. Tallon Cyles. I swear, she gets on everybody’s nerves! But I guess she isn’t *that* bad. Y’know, when you’re behind the desk, everything’s different. People don’t really look at you as a human being, you’re just “the boss.” But, I managed to make friends with a few people. Anyway, on to what I’m sure you’re thinking is the “important stuff.” Mainly the reason why I have leave so soon after transferring. But first I have to tell you the background. The day I left, after I said goodbye to everyone at JAG, the evening before my flight, I went to Harm’s place to say goodbye privately. After all, he is my best friend, right? Anyway, Harm and I ended up making love. I don’t even know how it happened. Okay, okay, cliché, I know. But it’s true. After that, I told him that I love him and he got really nervous and jumpy. Like I was trying to tie him down by saying that. Than he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Mac, why didn’t you tell me before? We could have done something, but now it’s too late. I’m sorry.” I started to cry and left. I cried all the way to Dulles and half of the way to Ireland as well. He didn’t even shed a single tear when I left, he didn’t say a thing. If he had I would have stayed. I know he loves me, though. I saw it in his eyes. But he didn’t tell me and he didn’t ask me to stay. After two months in Ireland, one of the ensigns approached me and asked me if I was pregnant. I was shocked, as even though I had the symptoms, I didn’t even think of it. Lexa offered to buy a pregnancy test for me and I agreed. Blazingly, bright blue is how it came back. Lexa and one of the lawyers, Taryn, got together a list of good OB/GYNs that I could go to and everything I’d need. They helped me through the morning sickness during staff meetings and things like that. Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is that in a month I will be giving birth to twins. I don’t want you to tell Harm, yet, I want to tell him myself. Either by e-mail or by telephone. You have to keep this to yourself, okay? Harriet, no matter how much you’re tempted. And Bud, don’t even think about this e-mail, okay? Don’t mention it to *anybody*! Anyway, I think that’s all the news I have. After I tell Harm and the Admiral, I’ll send you some pictures of a very pregnant me, and the babies, after they’re born. I think I might be able to scan the ultrasound photos, too, if you want. E-mail me back, okay? Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie Date: September 13, 2002; 1648 –05:00 GMT From: “Lieutenant Sims” harriet_sims@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Re: News and Updates OMG! Mac, that’s *wonderful*! I’m sooooo happy for you! Oh, wow, you must be so excited! I promise, I won’t say a word and neither will Bud. You *have* to send pictures. I just have one request: after you tell Harm and the Admiral, can I be the one to announce it? Please? I’m sure the Admiral won’t mind. And Harm probably won’t, either. Ooooooh, I’m so excited!!!!! Harriet Date: September 14, 2002; 1316 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: **IMPORTANT** Harm, I don’t really know how to say this and I’ve been thinking about it for 6 ½ months now, so I’ll just say it right out. The day that I left, when we made love, we made more than that. I’m pregnant, Harm. With twins. I was going to tell you earlier, but it never seemed to be the right time, so I just kept putting it off. Harm, I’m so sorry. You had a right to know about this before. If you want to see them after they are born, I won’t stop you. Mac Date: September 21, 2002; 2348 –05:00 GMT From: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Shocked Mac, I don’t know what to say. I never, ever thought you could have gotten pregnant. I guess I could ask why you didn’t tell me before, but you already told me why. God, I don’t think I’ve ever been this inarticulate. Mac, I think… if you’re okay with it, I mean… I think I want to take one of the twins. But only if you’re okay with it. Um… I don’t really know what else to say, so I guess I’ll go now. Harm PS. How are you? Date: September 22, 2002; 1132 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: Re: Shocked That’s actually what I was thinking, too. You take one of the twins and they can alternate summer vacations here and there so that they can be together. And maybe alternate holidays and birthdays as well. I don’t know, something like that. I was a little afraid when you didn’t reply sooner. I thought maybe you just didn’t want anything to do with the twins. I guess that was stupid to think. After all, you did tell me before that you wanted kids. Mac PS. I’m doing good. Made a few friends and such. You? Date: September 22, 2002; 1151 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Admiral Chegwidden” aj_chegwidden@jag.navy.mil Subject: News and Updates Admiral, I’m just going to be blunt about what I have to tell you, as I don’t think you would enjoy me babbling on before I get to the point, so I’m going to get to it now. I’m pregnant. The day that I left, Harm and I slept together and now, in a month, I’m going to give birth to twins. Harriet asked to be the one to announce it to everyone at JAG, and I’m fine with that if you and Harm are. I’m making up a website that you and everybody can visit for updates. I’ll keep you posted. And BTW, I love it here in Ireland. The people are all really nice and so are my people. Well, I do have my own “Loren Singer” and “Harmon Rabb” that like to try my patience, but other than that, everyone’s wonderful. Colonel MacKenzie Date: September 22, 2002; 0708 –05:00 GMT From: “Admiral Chegwidden” aj_chegwidden@jag.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Re: News and Updates Now that’s something I wasn’t expecting. Congratulations. How did Harm take the news? And don’t forget to let me know when the site is up. AJ Chegwidden Date: September 22, 2002; 1326 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Admiral Chegwidden” aj_chegwidden@jag.navy.mil Subject: Re: News and Updates Thank you. Harm took the news as expected. He was completely and totally shocked. He didn’t even know what to say. Except that if it was okay with me, he’d like to take one of the twins. Which is what I thought, and they could get together over summer holidays and such. Anyway, the site should be up soon, I’ll e-mail when it’s up and running. Colonel MacKenzie Date: September 26, 2002; 1827 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Lieutenant Sims” harriet_sims@jag.us.navy.mil, “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil, “Admiral Chegwidden” aj_chegwidden@jag.navy.mil Subject: Website Okay, everybody, the website is up at http://www.timelessroses.com/personals/military/sarah_mackenzie and the password is “baby roses” Have fun! OMG! My water just broke, so pray for me! Mac Date: September 27, 2002; 2133 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Lieutenant Sims” harriet_sims@jag.us.navy.mil, “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil, “Admiral Chegwidden” aj_chegwidden@jag.navy.mil Subject: More Updates Payton-Siobhan MacKenzie-Rabb was born at 1313, September 27, 2002 and is 7 pounds, 8 ounces and 21 inches long. Harmon David Rabb the Third (Trey) was born at 1321, September 27, 2002 and is 7 pounds, 3 ounces and 18 inches long. I’m doing fine and pictures will be up on the website as soon as I get out of the hospital. Probably tomorrow. Mac Date: April 29, 2003; 0906 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: Trey Hi, Harm. Is Trey okay over there? I can barely think much less work, so please tell me how he’s doing. Mac Date: April 29, 2003; 0619 –05:00 GMT From: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Re: Trey Mac, he’s fine. We’re doing just fine. He was crying for a bit and wouldn’t take the bottle, but he finally did, so it was okay. How’s Payton? Harm Date: June 23, 2004; 1016 –05:00 GMT From: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: The Twins Mac, how are Trey and Payton doing? They having fun over there? Tell them that Daddy misses them, okay? And that Daddy loves them. Harm Date: August 14, 2009; 1108 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: Payton coming home Harm, what flight is Payton coming home on? I might not be able to meet her at the airport, and I need to know right now so that I can talk to Lexa if I can’t make it. Give Payton and Trey my love. Mac Date: January 3, 2015; 1617 –05:00 GMT From: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Promotion Mac, I heard about your promotion. Congrats. Think Payton will like it in Hawaii? I know Trey will love it when he visits you guys over Christmas. When are you going? Harm Date: January 3, 2015; 1121 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil To: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil Subject: Re: Promotion Thanks, Harm. Yeah, I think Payton will like it, and so will Trey when he visits. I move February 20. I heard about you putting in for early retirement. What’s that about, Harm? Mac Date: January 3, 2015; 1831 –05:00 GMT From: “Commander Rabb” harmon_rabb@jag.us.navy.mil To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.ireland.usmc.mil Subject: Re: Promotion Yeah, I did. Just getting tired of the Navy, I guess. And Trey is getting to be more than a handful. And I thought it was bad when he was little! No matter what they say, 12-year-olds are hard! I also want to spend more time with Trey. And that’s hard to do if you’re in a different country. Harm Date: March 20, 2015; 1802 –05:00 GMT From: “Harmon Rabb” former_flying_squid@aol.com To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.pacific.usmc.mil Subject: New e-mail addy Well, I’m a civilian now, so my new e-mail addy is former_flying_squid@aol.com so when you have to e-mail me, do it there. Give Payton my love and I’ll give Trey yours. Harm Date: October 9, 2017; 1914 –10:00 GMT From: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.pacific.usmc.mil To: “Harmon Rabb” former_flying_squid@aol.com Subject: Another Promotion Harm, God, I don’t even know how to say this. I got promoted again. To JAG. I’m moving back to DC Mac Date: October 10, 2017; 0614 –05:00 GMT From: “Harmon Rabb” former_flying_squid@aol.com To: “Colonel MacKenzie” sarah_mackenzie@jag.pacific.usmc.mil Subject: Re: Another Promotion Oh… wow. I can’t believe it. Um… congratulations, Mac. I don’t know what to say. I guess… we’ll be seeing each other again, huh? Well… I’ll see you when you get here? Harm November 8, 2017 Dulles International Airport Smoky blue met sultry brown as their eyes locked across the crowded airport. _He’s just as handsome as I remember_ she thought to herself. _She’s as beautiful as ever_ he admitted in his mind. Like lovers finally come home they slowly moved toward each other. Stopping only inches apart, their hungry eyes drank in each other’s form. “Sarah.” A name breathed so quietly it was stolen from his lips by the noise of the busy airport, but she felt it echo softly in her soul. “Harm.” A response equally quiet, also lost to the noise, though he still heard in his heart. Like a fairy-tale come to life, his hand reached up to softly cup her cheek, drawing her closer to him. Lips met, a soft, silent passion that screamed louder than anything. A denied love that would be silent no longer, a purity that would unfurl to encompass everything they felt. A trust that would mark their days as perfect. ‘Cuz I’m Gone If I said I miss you, Would you believe me now? If I said I love you, Would you trust me now? ‘Cuz I’m gone now And I gave you my heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now But you gave it back ‘Cuz I’m gone now But I took your heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now And you took it back When I left, I said the words You asked, “Why did you have to wait?” You said, “I’m sorry, it’s just too late” I may cry, but I’m not gonna stay ‘Cuz I’m gone now And I gave you my heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now But you gave it back ‘Cuz I’m gone now But I took your heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now And you took it back You could never say it You could never let go Your lifeline’ll take your life Can’t you ever let it go? ‘Cuz I’m gone now And I gave you my heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now But you gave it back ‘Cuz I’m gone now But I took your heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now And you took it back If you had said it, I’d have stayed I saw it in your eyes Why didn’t you see it? Why didn’t you cry? ‘Cuz I’m gone now And I gave you my heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now But you gave it back ‘Cuz I’m gone now But I took your heart ‘Cuz I’m gone now And you gave it back ‘Cuz I’m gone Oh, I’m gone now