Title: Crash and Burn Author: Lia E-Mail Address: fairyland15@hotmail.com Rating: PG Classification: A, V, minor character death Spoilers: Nobodyīs Child, Goodbyes Summary: Because there has always been heartache and pain and when itīs over youīll breathe again. -Savage Garden `Crash and Burnī Disclaimers: JAG is property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount and CBS. No infringement is intended. The song and the title are from Savage Gardenīs CD Affirmation. *** To a Loving Memory of my nephew, If tears could build a stairway And heartache make a lane Iīd walk right up to heaven And bring you home again *** 2120 EST Harmīs Apartment North of Union Station When you feel all alone And the world has turned its back on you Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you Itīs hard to find relief and people can be so cold When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you canīt take anymore The apartment was dark and silent. She stepped in after him and closed the door. He stopped in the middle of the living room. "You donīt have to be here. Iīm fine." He said to her. "Harm," she started softly and walked closer. "I mean it, Mac. Donīt you have someone to be with?" "No." "I want to be alone." "No, I am staying here with you." He turned around and met her eyes. "Donīt you get it? I donīt need you. Go home. Go back to Mic." His words were harsh and he turned his back to her once again. "No, Harm. Youīre hurting. My place is with you." Let me be the one you call If you jump Iīll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn Youīre not alone "Damnit!" He hit his palms on the near table and Mac jumped a little. "I wonīt leave you," she spoke quietly and walked behind him. "Not now. Not ever." When you feel all alone And a loyal friend is hard to find Youīre caught in a one way street With the monsters in your head When hopes and dreams are far away and You feel like you canīt face the day When he didnīt speak, she started to take off her jacket and walked in his bedroom, "I think I should call Bud and ask him if he would walk Jingo." Her voice was almost a whisper. When she returned, he had taken off his uniform jacket and stood near the kitchen window, looking out to the rain. His eyes were closed and his head was bent down. She walked to him and stood right behind him. After long silence, he opened his eyes. "I---" he let out of a sob which tore Macīs heart and she couldnīt do anything but wrap her arms around him as he cried in the darkness. "I know," she whispered against his back, letting the tears run down on her own face. Let me be the one you call If you jump Iīll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn Youīre not alone They stood like that several minutes before Mac felt his body stop shaking and then he took a deep breath. His hands rose to cover her arms. "I thought I saved her," he whispered. She pulled her head away from his back and turned him to face her. "You did," she said softly. He looked at her without any motion on his face. She unwrapped her arms from around his waist and cupped his face. "You did save her." He shook his head slowly and closed his eyes. "I never did. I only gave her little more time." He said sadly. "And that is the way you saved her. She had a chance to live that normal life she deserved. She was happy." Again he shook his head and the tears started to fall again. Her heart ached for him. She reached to take his hand and gave him a light squeeze. "Itīll be all right." She promised. She led him to the bed and made him sit down. His body was heavy with grief and he slumped on the mattress heavily. She reached to help him on his back, and then sat next to him on the bed. His eyes were closed and he breathed rapidly. The sobs shook his body again and he fought against the tears that threatened to fall again. Because there has always been heartache and pain And when itīs over youīll breathe again Youīll breathe again "I canīt do this." She heard him whisper. "Not alone." "Iīm here." She said back and then reached to embrace him. She pulled them to sit up and he held her for dear life. His face was buried on her neck and they cried together for the innocent life of the child. Then suddenly he pulled away and lifted his eyes to meet hers. The pain he saw was something he didnīt expect to find. It was his lost, not hers. She had been worried about the little girl but it was his obsession, not hers. His hand cupped her cheek and she closed her eyes. "Will you lie here with me?" He asked carefully. "Yes," she whispered and he let out the breath he didnīt know he was holding. "Thank you." When you feel all alone And the world has turned its back on you Give me a moment please To tame your wild wild heart He moved to make her some space next to him and she spooned against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and held her tight. "I never thought this would happen," he whispered in the darkness. "I know," she answered and smoothed his arm that was wrapped around her chest softly. "I thought that she would have a normal life in a family who would love her," "And she did. She was happy." He was quiet few moments. "When I heard that---" he took a deep breath and she felt him stiffened next to her. "When I heard what had happened, I thought that God was cruel. I didnīt want to believe in Him." She turned to face him. "It may feel like that now," she said softly. "But He has a purpose what He does." When he didnīt speak or move, she continued. "Maybe He took Dar-Lin because He felt her job in here was done." "What job? She was a child. If God would have loved her, He wouldnīt had made her go through what she did. He wouldnīt had let her stand there and let that car hit her." "We canīt explain whatīs happening. Itīs not in our hands. I believe that she is in the heaven with other little angels, keeping eye on you." He relaxed a little and she felt his arms pulling her closer. Her head came to rest next to his and she closed her eyes. They lay still, listening the rain. After long moment, he inhaled her familiar and comforting scent and brought his mouth to her ear. "Youīre right," "About what?" she asked gently. "About God." He gave her a sad smile, "He has a plan for all of us." Let me be the one you call If you jump Iīll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn Youīre not alone The End.