Name: Capital Disastor
Author Name: Kay (karolina@charter.net)
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Spoilers: Only ‘Capital Crime'
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Duh.
Summary: Mac's view on her conversation with Sturgis during ‘Capital 
Crime'. Short because
there's only a certain amount of thoughts you can write during a thirty 
second conversation.

*****
 
He had been teasing me now. I hadn't been exactly showing any signs of 
weakness, but still. I
was having an off week, clearly going insane. I had been dreaming of a 
murder and it had
obviously been running me and Sturgis in circles. Damn, why was I 
gifted? I really don't like
envisioning my death, then stumbling upon a dead body...who I once 
knew. 

He's saying something; I'm really not paying attention. He's brought up 
Harm. He always brings
up Harm. What is it with him? I mean, it's Harm who I...well, who I 
care about, not Sturgis. At
least, not in the same way. God Mac, you're losing it. I listen to what 
Sturgis is saying.

"There seems to be a lot of tension with you two," he says carefully, 
his dark eyes surveying me.
I shiver slightly. It's unnerving. I have to play cool. I tell myself 
that I should just tell Sturgis
about how I feel for Harm. Hell, why not tell everyone. But no, my 
protective side kicks in. 

"Some," I say casually. I'm not completely lying. 

"A lot," he emphasises. 

I choke on my words. I stutter like an idiot, completely showing my 
vulnerability. "You're
missing the point, Sturgis!"

"Come on, Mac," he says, frowning slightly at me. Come on what? Come 
on, spill your guts or
come on, get a grip? I guess it boils down to the same thing. Why does 
Sturgis have to be so
perceptive? What's he leading onto? What, that I've been involved with 
Harm? I mean, sure, I've
kissed him before...three times to be exact. The first time doesn't 
count, I guess. But honestly,
what's Sturgis getting at? That I've slept with...please no!

"I've never slept with him!"

"Is that a problem?" Sturgis asks.

Yes! "There is no problem!" He almost caught me off guard. I stand and 
walk around the back of
his chair. The door is wide open and I'm practically yelling. 

"Then why don't you just get over it and move on?" Sturgis asks as if 
it was the most obvious
thing in the world. I don't realize until later that he just said I'm 
not over Harm. Meaning what,
I'm obsessed with him? Close, but not yet. 

I sigh softly, feeling depressed. I wish I could move on, I really do. 
Harm's hurt me a lot in the
past year and I'm not sure why I'm sticking around. Well, actually I 
know exactly why, but I can't
admit it to myself. 

"It wouldn't work," I say to Sturgis, running out of shortcuts and back 
alleyways to take away
from this mess. 

"Why?" he asks. God he's nosey.

I shut the door and stare through the blinds. A million things to tell 
Sturgis rush through my
head. Because I've been with Harm too long to just forget about him. 
Because Harm's my friend.
Because we're a great team. Because I care about him. Because I dream 
about him. 

"Because I'm in love with him."

Damn. I'm totally screwed. I just did not say that outloud. Please tell 
me I did not say that out
loud. My hand trembles and I feel like a high school girl. I feel like 
an idiot. Judging by the
silence in the room I can tell that I said my thoughts aloud. Damn 
again. I slowly turn around
and find Sturgis staring at the opposite wall.

"Did I say that?" I ask, meekly. He keeps silent. Yes, okay, I did say 
that. I sit down in the chair
next to him. I'm afraid to tell anything to Sturgis. I already said 
something that I really hadn't
wanted to, what next? Deep, conversational girl talk with Sturgis? I 
think not. And what if this
get's out? What if Sturgis blabs? Well then I'm in a big pile of crap 
and all my chances with
Harm are lost. And Sturgis is dead.

"You have to keep that to yourself," I say, serious. I've never wanted 
anyone to keep a secret
more than I do now. Please, Sturgis, I plead in my head, keep quiet.

"Okay."

What? That's all he's going to say? I don't think so, buddy! "I mean 
it, Sturgis." I can feel my
eyes almost tearing up. That's great; I'm trying to be tough and make 
Sturgis keep quiet while
bawling my eyes out. 

He looks at me. I search him for a trace of humor, betrayal, anything. 
There's nothing. Just
honesty. "So do I," he tells me. I believe him.