TITLE: “Blessings From Above, An Easter Story” AUTHORS: Anne R. [amrsecret@hotmail.com] and Pat Steiner [SSbpMN@aol.com] SUMMARY: The 4th in the Blessings Series, which began with ‘’Thanksgiving Blessings’’, then ‘‘Christmas Blessings’’, then ‘’Blessed With Love, A Valentines Story”. This chapter tells of a time in the Rabb marriage where a miracle has never been more needed. Rated PG for language. A Harm-Mac Story of course. DISCLAIMER: JAG belongs to CBS et al. The following is offered for entertainment only with no copyright infringement intended. AUTHORS’ NOTE: Those of you who are fans of our writing, or who may be reading for the first time, are invited to simply enjoy; and if you’re so moved a note is always welcome. For those who do not find our efforts to their liking, no comment is needed. “Blessings From Above, an Easter Story” 9 Apr 01 Harm and Mac's Home 0645 Hrs EST "Good morning Mrs. Rabb." Harm rolled over and sat up as he spoke, giving Mac as swat and turning off the alarm at the same time. "You're not tired of me saying that I hope." "I'll never get tired of hearing Mrs. Rabb," she sighed, "especially since I'm remaining Colonel Mackenzie in the office, which I'm still not sure I agree with." "Well if that's one of the few stipulations the admiral put on our continuing to work together, then it's livable," he said. "I know who you are, and that ring on your finger tells the world you're taken." "Like any one else wanted to know," she grinned and buried herself under the covers. "I'm going straight to Bethesda today to meet with Ensign Madden on my Harper case so I have another hour. Kindly reset the alarm Squid before you hit the shower." "Not while I'm conscious," he growled, pulling her onto his chest. "Why don't we do this, and then we'll share that shower." "I love you Harmon David Rabb," she whispered a long twenty minutes later as they stood together under steaming water, his arms wrapped around her from behind. "I love you and I'm looking forward to Belleville this weekend." "Grams was so excited when we said we were driving up," he grinned. "She's cooking a ham and Pastor Jacob has been notified and she's got Easter baskets for Mollie and Brandon." Mac coughed slightly and turned in the circle of his arms. "Harm, there's something you don't know." His look of alarm was so great it caused her to laugh. "It's about Maggie," she said quickly. "She's seeing someone Harm. A man she met at her night class." "Hey that's great," he grinned. "She deserves some happiness." "Well she's happy, and Mollie's happy, but Brandon isn't taking the idea too well." "I'll straighten out that young man," he grinned. "Now tell me about the guy." "His name is Joshua Whitford. He's just retired from the Air Force and he's taking the same business class as Maggie. Trying to catch up with the civilian world I guess. You know these ex fighter jocks--they don't know anything that doesn't have anything to do with their stick." "Marine you're going ot pay for that," he growled, playfully lifting her up and shaking her. When he put her down she staggered slightly before she regained her equilibrium. "Mac what's wrong?" His alarm was immediate and he held her tightly. She shook her head. "No...I'm....nothing I guess. Too early to have my brain scrambled I guess and my stomach didn't like it either." "I'm sorry, so sorry," he gasped, bending down so he could look into her face. "You're OK now?" "Yeah, fine thanks," she smiled. "Whatever it was is gone, and we'd better get moving too. But Harm one more think about the ex-Captain Whitford." "Yeah?" "He's white Harm, and Maggie is wondering if that's a good idea. You know where she grew up and went to school in that part of D.C., well it was about unheard of--for lack of opportunity if for no other reason. And she doesn't know if Brandon's discomfort is related to that or that it's just a man in his mom's life. "I'm getting the picture," Harm nodded. "And Brandon and I will have a little talk as soon as we can." "Lord watch over him," she whispered later as she watched him drive off. ================================================= JAG HQ 1420 Hrs EST "Mr. Rabb I don't believe I have your full attention," AJ growled, looking up from the file which he was consulting to see Harm staring out the window into the parking lot. "Uh yes sir..no sir," Harm stammered. "Sorry sir. It's just that..." "Yes I know, you expected her back an hour ago. Harm you of all people know these things can run long. And she can't very well ask for a minute's delay while she calls her husband. Son if anything was wrong you would know about it." "I know sir, and I'd be less concerned if it wasn't for something that happened in the shower this..." Bud's attention was immediate, and he dropped his pen scrambling to sit up straight. "....morning," Harm finished, frowning at his younger friend. "Which I'm sure we don't want to hear about Commander," AJ sighed. "Could we--- please. This assignment." Harm nodded and turned his attention back to AJ. "As I was saying, Commander Rice is ready and waiting for you. At least I hope he doesn't change his mind. We need his testimony and that information he's holding awfully badly to make any charges against Muscraven to stick." "You can count on us sir," Bud spoke up. "I know," AJ gave the exuberant officer a tolerant smile. "You'll be it Pittsburgh 0600, out of there an hour later to Jamestown and then meet your pilot for the trip to De Young. I was looking at the map--that's pretty rugged country there--smack in the middle of the Allegheny National Forest, but this pilot's outfit has done a lot of contract work for the police, FBI and so forth." "We'll be fine sir. And like Bud says, you can count on us." "I know I can. And I told Secnav the same thing this morning. That's all--dismissed. Oh Harm--she'll be along. And you having a stroke isn't going to hurry her." "Yes sir." His private line was ringing when he got back to his office and he practically dove across the desk to answer it. "Mac that's you?" He hoped his voice was not too disappointed when he went on. "Hi Grams. Yes ma'am. The caravan is leaving Friday afternoon from AJ's....Yes ma'am. I had an email from mom this morning. The plans are that Frank's business will end right on schedule and they'll be there sometime Friday--driving down from JFK. I think it's all going to come together.....I wish you could too Grams but she's not here.....I am a little. She should have been here and she hasn't called.....Yes I know I'm a worrier where it comes to her.....OK see you Friday night....Yes of course I will, but I'm sure she'll be along any time. Bye Grams. Love you." He had no sooner hung up when it rang again. "Mac?" And with a long sigh of relief he collapsed in his chair. "Honey I was worried about you. OK so kill me, but I was....Brandon tonight? Sure I don't see why not. The Spaghetti Mill is always good. Now tell me you're OK and that I'll be seeing you soon before the Admiral has me undergo a psyche evaluation." ************************************************************************************** Harm and Mac's Apartment 17:30 PM EST "Did I mention Bud and I are leaving for Pittsburgh tomorrow at 05:00?" Harm said as he changed for his dinner with Brandon. "No" Mac smiled. "Commander Rice right?" "Yes, we're flying to Pittsburgh and then on a little prop to DeYoung." "At least you'll be back so I don't have to sleep alone" Mac said as she wrapped her arms around him. "I hate when you're gone." "Me too" Harm whispered as he gave her a quick kiss before letting her go. "I missed you all day today. I kept staring out the window waiting for you to pull in." "No wonder the Admiral's going to send you for a psyche" Mac grinned as she sat down on the bed. "We promised that our being married wouldn't affect us doing our job." "Can I help I worry about you a lot" "I know, cause I worry about you too" Mac sighed. "Is Commander Rice really going to talk?" "He says he is" Harm replied. "Whether or not that will be the case when Bud and I get there we'll just have to see. But enough about work. I talked to Grams today." "Is she as excited as we are?" Mac smiled. "Of course" Harm grinned. "You know how much she loves a house full of people. And of course she's excited Mollie and Brandon and little AJ are coming as well." "I hope one of these days we'll be adding our little junior to that mix" Mac said quietly. "Hey, it's only been 2 months" Harm said gently. "Sometimes these things take time." "I know" Mac sighed. "I guess I'm just a little impatient. Having your child is what I've been dreaming of for years." "And it will happen soon" Harm said placing another kiss on her forehead. "We just have to have faith." "That I do have" Mac smiled. "Then quit worrying" Harm said gently. "We'll have those ten Rabb kids running around here before you know it." "God I hope not it in this tiny apartment" Mac grinned. "You know we really do need to think about getting another place if we're planning on having kids." "Plenty of time for that Mrs. Rabb" Harm replied. Okay, I guess I'm ready. I don’t mind doing this but I missed you all day and now I don't get to spend the evening with you." "I'll be here when you get back" Mac said softly. "And Brandon needs someone to talk to about all this. And you've been through it. You know how he feels." "I hope he's easier to deal with than I was" Harm smiled. "Nothing anybody said to me at the age sunk in." "That's your Rabb stubbornness" Mac grinned. "Somehow I think you'll be able to get through to Brandon. He respects you and looks up to you." "Let's hope that's still the case after tonight" Harm sighed. ******************************************************************************************** The Spaghetti Mill 06:00 PM EST "I suppose you're taking me out for the night to talk to me about mom's new boyfriend" Brandon said sullenly. He'd said very little on the ride to the restaurant and Harm could tell this wasn't going to be easy. "We can talk about that if you want" Harm said carefully. "But if you don't want to we don't." "I don't like him" Brandon pouted. "What don't you like about him?" Harm asked. "He's too nice. Nobody can be that nice. He's always bringing mom flowers and taking her out." "Do you ever get to go with him?" "Yeah, he usually takes us along" Brandon admitted. "Course he's just trying to get on our good side to get to mom." "Do you think it's possible that he really wants to get to know you and Mollie?" Harm questioned. "I suppose" Brandon said quietly. "But I don't know why mom thinks she needs someone. We were doing just fine on our own." "Brandon, your mom is still a young woman" Harm said quietly. "And she has every right to find someone to share her life with." "Yeah but" Brandon started. "I just don't like him." "Is it that you don't like him or you won't let yourself like him?" Harm asked. Brandon didn't say a word and Harm knew he'd hit the nail on the head. "He's just going to take off one day like dad did" Brandon said sullenly. "So what's the point? I don't need no father again. I already had one. And if I need someone to talk to, I can always call you right? Unless you'd don’t want to be bothered anymore." "Hey" Harm said sharply. "You know that Mac and I are always here for you. Don't even give me any of that not wanting to be bothered with you anymore crap." "Sorry." "And just because you and I hang out doesn't mean you can't get to know Joshua better" Harm continued. "Give him a chance. I think you'll be surprised." "How did you feel when your mom started dating your step father?" Brandon questioned. "I hated him" Harm admitted. "And I also missed out on the chance to have a relationship with him while I was growing up. All he wanted to do was be a part of my life and I slammed every door in his face. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did." "Have you met Joshua yet?" "No, but he sounds like a nice guy" Harm smiled. "If he's a pilot he can't be all that bad." He got a small smile from Brandon with that one. "But he's not Navy" Brandon smiled. "Well that's true but we won't hold it against him" Harm joked. "I suppose he's not that bad" Brandon said finally. "What would you say if I arranged a guys night out? You, me and Joshua. That way you can get to know him a little better with me around to help break the ice so to speak." "You'd do that?" "Sure why not" Harm smiled. "We can go to a baseball game. We'll spend a Saturday in Baltimore." "I suppose we could do that" Brandon sighed. "Okay, buddy, what's wrong now?" Harm asked. "Does your hesitance have anything to do with the fact that Joshua is white?" "Maybe" Brandon said quietly. Harm nodded thoughtfully. "And none of your friends have white step dads do they?" "No, and I don't even have any white friends." Brandon toyed with his meatball for a second and squirmed. "Well except you." "And I didn't have many black friends growing up either," Harm told him. "Not really until high school, and then a few more at the Academy, and then more still once I was in the Navy." "Would you go out with a black girl?" Harm grinned and flashed his wedding ring. "Not if I value my life, but color has nothing to do with that." Brandon giggled slightly, but his eyes were fixed on Harm. "I have yes, casually dated a few black women," he smiled, his thoughts going to Bobbi Latham for a second. He reached over and covered the boy's hand. "Son, you know about Martin Luther King Jr. don't you? From school?" "Oh yeah," Brandon grinned broadly. "Black History month and we spent a week talking about him." "I have a dream," Harm said softly, "that one day my four little children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by ....." "The content of their character," Brandon finished proudly. "That means I need to give the guy a chance doesn't it." "Bingo," Harm grinned again. "Son your mom has been through a lot; and she has a long road yet ahead of her raising you two. Now if here's someone who maybe could love her, and love you two clowns, well I want you--as a favor to me--to try." Brandon nodded again and took a few more bites. "Harm are you and Mac going to have a baby?" Harm choked violently on a bite of meatball before he could swallow some ice tea and answer. "Yeah we are, but we don't think it's happened yet," he finally choked out. "Well when it does..." Brandon said softly, and his voice was suddenly tearful, "when it does are you still going to have time for me and Mollie?" "Of course we are," he answered firmly. "Brandon, Mac and I care a great deal for you and Mollie, and your mom for that matter. We're practically family." "But a baby would keep you busy," he protested. "A baby is just another person to love you, and for you to love," Harm smiled. "And the answer to your question is, YES, Mac and I will still have time for you and Mollie and your mom too. And I hope that includes Mr. Whitford if he and your mom would want that." Brandon brightened considerably. "He's really a pretty nice guy. But I just don't want to like him too much in case he and my mom don't...." "I understand," Harm nodded. "But Brandon, there's a difference between liking someone and being polite. A man sometimes does things for the people he loves whether he really wants to or not; and he doesn't pout or grump about it." "Yeah I know," Brandon grinned and stabbed a piece of meat ball at the same time. "Mom said Grams invited Joshua to come up with Mom this weekend, but he didn't know if he wanted to because he said it was family time. I think I should tell him I want him to come because mom would like that." "I think you're right," Harm grinned as well. "Finish up because I plan on whipping your six at a quick game of Mario over there and then I'm getting you home. You have school and I have an early flight." ================================ Harm and Mac's Apartment 1900 Hrs EST The engines of the Cessna began to sputter as the small craft tried to regain altitude over the depths of the Allegheny National Forest. Harm and the pilot exchanged looks of alarm. "We're not going to make it Mr. Rabb. Mayday Mayday. Angel Drop Falls." The engines gave a final sputter, and there was eerie silence, broken only by Mac's screaming. Which was heard by Harm the second he got off the elevator. He screamed her name and sprinted down the hall, nearly breaking in as he used his key in the lock. She was sitting straight up on the sofa, staring straight ahead, her hands outstretched on either side, fists full of sofa cushion. "Oh God I thought you were being attacked," he gasped, literally week with relief as he sank down beside her. "Sarah that must have been some dream," he went on, wrapping his arms around her to pull her against him. You want to tell me about it?" He was watching her intently as he spoke. "In fact between your blood curdling scream and then my screaming in the hall, I suspect we're going to have the police here any minute." She did not answer, nor would she allow him to gather her to him; but rather was still sitting straight and stiff. "Sarah you're scaring me," he whispered. "I need for you to let it go. Come back to me and tell me what's happening with you." Forcing calm into his voice he went on, "Sarah I love you and I'm here now. Please tell me." She turned her head slowly to look at him, her eyes still wide with alarm. "Please don't go for Rice." "Excuse me? You mean you don't want me to go pick up Commander Rice? Mac you know how those things work. The admiral gives me an assignment, I carry it out, and in return I get to keep on working there." "Harm," she whispered and her whole body shook, the stiffness gone as she allowed him to fold her into his arms. For a long time he held her, not speaking again until he felt her calm as her trembling stopped and her breathing eased. "Now why don't you tell me what this is all about," he urged. "And look even more foolish than I already do--a marine officer sniffling and wrapped in a man's arms? No thanks." He lifted her head up and saw the small self-depreciating smile he expected. "Please." She shook her head firmly. "No it was just a nightmare. I was watching that stupid Blair Witch movie, why I don't know but see what happens when you leave me alone; and I feel asleep and somehow that transferred into your flight. Look don't ask me to explain. My body is going crazy and my mind isn't far behind." "What? What's wrong with your body--you're not sick are you?" His concern was so sharp that it made her smile. "It's just female stuff. I feel like I've got a screw loose or something. Nothing to be concerned about." "Maybe it's....you know---our five year promise home to roost." "No it's not," she said softly, blinking back a sudden tear. "I thought so too, but the test said no." "You actually---my god why didn't you tell me?" He pulled her back into another strong hug. "Honey I'm sorry. I didn't know you were thinking you might. I know you're disappointed. I am too." "I only wanted to tell you if it was good news," she sniffled again. "I swore I wasn't going to do this every month anyway. And it's only been two--I'm not ready to declare myself infertile. When God is ready for us to have a baby, He'll send us one. In the meantime I've got you." "Well if a washed up fighter jock is what you want, then you've got it," he teased. "It's only what I've wanted since day one," she whispered, bringing his head to hers for a long kiss. "Maybe we could combine working on that baby with goodbye." "I think I can handle that" Harm smiled as he lifted her off the couch and carried her to the bedroom. ************************************************************************************* "So how did you talk with Brandon go?" Mac asked as she lay in his arms a short time later. "Actually pretty well" Harm replied. "Can you call Grams tomorrow and tell her to make room for one more at the table? Brandon is going to ask Joshua to come along with them." "It did go well then. See I knew he'd listen to you." "He asked if we were going to have a baby" Harm said softly. "He's afraid that we won't have anytime for him and Mollie if we do." "I hope you set him straight on that. Just because we have a baby of our own doesn't mean we won't want them around." "That's what I told him" Harm smiled. "I also told him I'd go with him and Joshua to a baseball game on a Saturday. Have a guys day in Baltimore." "You are so good" Mac grinned. "Maggie's going to be so thrilled that Brandon is going to give Joshua a chance." "So you ready to tell me what that nightmare was about?" Harm asked quietly. "And why you don't want me to go get Rice tomorrow?" She shuddered at the memory of her nightmare and he wrapped his arms around her tighter. "No" she whispered finally. "I'd rather not even think about it." *************************************************************************************** Dulles International Airport 04:50 AM EST "Mac you okay?" Harm asked gently. She'd been strangely quiet all morning, and he was worried about leaving her in this condition. "Yeah I'm fine" Mac said shaking her head. The nightmare from last night was still vivid in her head, and even when she'd gone to sleep in Harm's arms she still couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of dread. "I just wish you didn't have to go." "I know, but I have to" Harm sighed as he brought her into his arms again. "You know that sweetie." "Doesn't mean I like it" Mac said softly. "Mac, I'm just going for the day" Harm said quietly. "Bud and I are going to get Commander Rice and we'll be home before you know it. I've done this hundreds of times without anything happening." "That was before you were my husband" Mac sighed. "Now I'm always terrified something is going to happen to you when you go on an investigation." "Hey, where is all this coming from?" "I don’t ever want to lose you" Mac whispered as her voice broke. "I love you so much and I'm just afraid…" "Afraid of what" Harm asked softly. "Afraid you're going to be another victim of the Rabb curse" Mac cried. "That I'm going to lose you like Grams lost Peter and mom lost your father." "Mac, come on, you're getting way to emotional" Harm said quietly. "Granted we don’t have any guarantees that we're going to get the next fifty years together, but I don’t even want you to start thinking things like that. I love you very much Sarah Rabb and if I have anything to do with it, you're going to have me around for a real long time." "I hope so" Mac whispered. She clung to him until Bud arrived, only letting go when the last call for their flight was made. "I'll see you later" Harm whispered. "I love you." "I love you too" Mac whispered, and after a long kiss, Harm finally let her go and boarded the plane. She sank down in one of the chairs, somehow emotional exhausted. All she wanted for the day to pass quickly so he would be back home and in her arms safely. ****************************************************************************************** JAG HQ 11:30 AM EST "Excuse me, ma'am" Mac looked up at the sound of Harriet's voice to see the young woman standing at her desk. "Harriet, what's up?" Mac smiled. "I was wondering, do you have time for lunch today?" "Is something wrong?" Mac asked. "No, I just need someone to listen to me babble" Harriet said quickly. "If you don’t mind." "Of course not" Mac said quickly. "But can we wait a few minutes? I was waiting for Harm to call and let me know how things were going with Commander Rice." "Sure" Harriet replied. "I was going to ask if you'd heard from them yet." "Harm called earlier to say that everything was behind schedule" Mac sighed. "They got to Pittsburgh late. And then there were delays at Pittsburgh. They were supposed to leave Pittsburgh at 07:00, but actually left at 09:00. But they should be about ready to leave JAMESTOWN by now. Harm promised he'd call before they took off. " "Unless Commander Rice changed his mind and their trying to persuade him to come" Harriet pointed out. "Well, all I got to say is he better make up his mind pretty quick" Mac smiled. Her phone rang a second later and she grabbed it anxiously. "Colonel Mackenzie" "Hello Mrs. Rabb" "Harm, I've been worried about you. Where are you?" "Still in JAMESTOWN. Commander Rice was having some second thoughts there for a while." "And have you convinced him otherwise?" Mac asked. "Yes finally. I twisted his arm over the phone," Harm sighed. "We're going to grab lunch and then we'll take off for De YOUNG." "You'll call me when you get to DE YOUNG right?" "Mac" Harm started. "Please, I just need to know you got there okay" Mac pleaded as Harriet quietly stepped out of Mac's office, sensing Mac's need for privacy. "All right, I'll call. But I wish you'd stop worrying." "I'll stop worrying when you're back here with me" Mac whispered. "Which I will be shortly" Harm said softly. "Now I have to go before Commander Rice changes his mind again. I love you and I'll see you later." "Love you too" Mac whispered as he hung up. She sat there for a moment taking a few deep breaths to calm her nerves before finally going in search of Harriet. ======================================= 1230 Hrs EST La Bambina Restaurant Falls Church, Va. "Ma'am you're awfully quiet," Harriet began once they had placed their order and their sodas had arrived. "I know you agreed to come because I wanted to talk to you, but maybe you've got something on your mind first?" "Are you comfortable with Bud flying up north today?" Mac finally spoke up. "I....well yes ma'am I hadn't thought anything about it." Harriet gave her a puzzled frown. "Is there something I should be concerned about?" "No not really I guess," Mac sighed. "I just have a really horrible feeling I can't shake, and it's been on mind since last night. If I could have ordered Harm not to go, I would have." "Wow, that must be some feeling," Harriet smiled. "No honestly I hadn't given it much thought. Just Bud off on an assignment and I'll see him tonight. I guess I don't much believe in borrowing trouble. It's called denial." "Anyway, I'm glad you wanted to have lunch." Mac tried to smile. "Otherwise I'd be in my office with a cup of yogurt brooding. Now what's on your mind Harriet, and before you start--until we walk back into JAG I don't want to hear another ma'am from you. So spill it." Harriet took a long drink of her soda. "Ma...uh Mac...the weekend of your wedding, Grams and I talked about me having a baby--about trying again. And she so much made sense, and I was so filled the idea, that I went home and threw out all our prevention." She paused and squirmed uncomfortably. "Without telling Bud anything, I left it to God like she told me to." Mac felt her heart flutter. She knew what was coming--Harriet was about to share with her the one thing that she wanted most for herself. "You're pregnant aren't you Harriet?" "Yes I am." Harriet blushed royally. "And I don't know how to tell Bud. I should have told him it was possible. I meant to the first time we....went unprotected you know. I should have discussed it with him but it seemed like a personal thing--like between me and God--a private deal I was making that if it was right, He would give us another chance. That was wrong. Bud had a right to be in on the decision; and now it's too late. And now I don't know what I'm more scared of, telling him, or of being pregnant itself." Mac smiled as brightly as she could, willing away any tears of envy. "I know you have good reason to be scared, of both--but that shouldn't take away your happiness, or his." She reached across the table and patted her friend's hand. "Harriet a baby-- wow." "I'm scared Sarah," she whispered. "Bud and I we....well we barely survived that grief. If it happens again, it will destroy us." "I'm not sure I believe that," Mac answered slowly, "because I believe you and Bud-- the love you share--could in fact overcome that again if you had to. But I also don't believe that's going to happen again ever. That was a one in a thousand occurrence; and besides you won't go back to that doctor I know." "Well until I hold this one in my arms I'm not going to relax," she said softly. "And I can't wait to talk to Grams this weekend. I think I might want to do that before I speak to Bud. Mac you're so lucky to be part of her family. She's just so...well wise and loving." "She's been through a lot," Mac sighed. "She was a wife, a mother, and a widow by the time she was eighteen. That just floors me. And then she lost that baby to another war and..." Her words were cut off by a sniffle and Harriet looked at her sharply. "Sarah they're going to be fine. You don't believe in family curses or any of that hooey do you really?" "No I don't want to," Mac sighed, "but there's something different about today and this trip and I shouldn't be telling you this anyway with Bud gone and you pregnant. The last thing you need is me upsetting you. And besides this is supposed to be about you. Harriet really, I'm thrilled for you. I wish it was me too." "Friends remember," Harriet told her firmly. "You and me and Stefanie and Sydney-- well we're like sisters almost. We can always talk and be there for each other." The arrival of the food coincided with Harriet's declaration and talk turned to lighter matters, including the upcoming nuptials of Sydney and AJ. Mac returned to JAG HQ with Harriet, and spent the rest of the afternoon buried in work, attempting to ignore the growing feeling of unrest inside. ==================================== 1445 Hrs EST Jamestown Municipal Airport "Lieutenant sit," Harm ordered finally. "You are making me dizzy. Pacing up and down is not going to make this storm pass any more quickly. It's a squall line, and once its out of here we can go." "I just worry that every minute we delay, that gives Commander Rice another minute to change his mind," Bud fretted. "Yeah it could happen," Harm agreed, "but I don't think so. We've made a good faith offer and if he's got any God given sense he'll take it while he can still salvage some remnants of a career." It was a long half hour later before the ceiling lifted enough to permit the Cessna to take off. "Little bumpy up here," the pilot, Henry Saperstein, smiled as he climbed out. "Sorry people, but I didn't order the weather. And I'm afraid the forecast for the return trip is not much better." "We'll manage, no problem," Harm assured him. "You came highly recommended. And I liked how you handled the take off. We'll be fine. Bud relax and if you kick the back of my seat once more, I'm putting you in restraints. Keep still." "Yes sir, sorry," Bud said sheepishly, not comfortable with flying in the soupy sky. "How does Mr. Saperstein know where we're going?" "IFR Bud," Harm grinned. "Instruments. And if it's any consolation, I'm keeping any eye out too." "It's not but thanks," Bud sighed, burying himself in a case file. The better part of an hour passed and finally the pilot urged the aircraft into a gentle glide. "OK we're over De Young, and we should see the landing strip soon as we break out of this soup." Harm and Bud peered out the side windows and as Saperstein promised, the short strip was clearly visible in an area otherwise marked by five hundred square miles of dense forest. "And then it's about a mile to the cabin is all," Harm grinned. "Oh is that all." Bud sighed. "Do I look like an infantryman?" ====================================================== Mountain Cabin De Young, PA. 1815 Hrs EST Harm banged his fist angrily on he table. "Commander Rice if you've brought us all the way up here just to hare out of this, I'm not going to be real happy." He looked at his watch and out the window at the late afternoon sun. "Look, the offer is on the table. Take it or leave it. I can certainly go back and file my report that you turned uncooperative and have no interest in a deal." Before Rice could answer the door opened and Saperstein walked back inside. "There's another storm moving in over the mountains," he announced quietly. "I'm declaring a ten minute window--we either move or we bunk here for the night." "Wind 'em up," Harm ordered. "We're out of here, with or without Mr. Rice. And Commander, it won't take long for your friends to realize you're no longer one of them. Just remember that too." Rice nodded thoughtfully. "You're right of course. You've made me a fair offer. I'm ready." "Thank god," Bud gasped. Harm gave Rice a look that combined relief and exasperation and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. "Hi," he said quietly when Mac answered. "I was afraid I'd catch you still at the office. How are you?" "Missing you." "Same here," he sighed. "Listen we're just now leaving De Young. It's been a day believe me. So we'll be in Jamestown in about ninety minutes; but I'm afraid by then we will have missed the last flight for Pittsburgh and our pilot can't take us straight into there because of another commitment." "Oh Harm you might have to spend the night there?" "I know--I think it bites too," he sighed. "Please go home. I don't know why you're still there anyway. I'll call you from Jamestown and let you know what's going on." "I love you," she whispered, knowing she sounded tearful and hating it at the same time. "Hey it's almost over," he assured her. "You'll soon be in my arms again." She stopped herself from saying "I hope so", not wanting him to know just how worried she was. "I know," she said instead. "I love you and I'll see you tomorrow" Harm said softly. "Me too" she whispered and he slapped the phone closed. "Let's get a move on" Harm said as led Commander Rice out of the cabin. With a quickened pace they arrived back at the small landing strip, Saperstein quickly getting the small plane going. "You sure it's going to be okay to fly in this?" Bud asked looking anxiously at the dark clouds that were approaching. "We'll make it to Jamestown fine" Saperstein said confidently as they boarded the plane. "I hope he knows what he's doing" Bud muttered under his breath. "I got a bad feeling about this." "Bud relax" Harm ordered. "We'll be in Jamestown before you know it." "I hope so" Bud sighed as he strapped himself in to the seat behind Harm again. ***************************************************************************************** Harm and Mac' Apartment 18:45 EST With a sigh Mac let herself into the apartment and dropped her stuff. She was emotional and physically exhausted and suddenly all she wanted to do was drop on the couch. She'd been tired all day and she chalked it up to her restless sleep the night before. Without even thinking about dinner, she sank down on the couch, her eyes closing almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. *************************************************************************************** Somewhere over the Allegheny National Forest 19:00 EST Bud looked anxiously out the window of the small plane, the black clouds seeming to surround the small plane. "Its all right Bud" Harm said sensing his discomfort. "We'll be out of this soon." "Not soon enough" Bud replied. "I'm not big on flying at night in storms." "Neither am I" Harm said quietly. He was trying to keep his own worry in check for Bud's sake, and he was glad he wasn't at the controls. "Wish we'd gotten out of there sooner" Saperstein muttered. He was about to say more when the engine of the small plane suddenly started to sputter. Bud looked up anxiously from his seat, his eyes wide with fright. "What's going on?" Harm questioned anxiously, trying to peer over at the instrument panel. "Engine's gone," Saperstein yelled as the engine sputtered one last time before finally giving out. "Start looking for somewhere to land." Harm looked down, spotting only tall trees below them. Given when they'd left, he knew they were probably smack in the middle of the Allegheny forest, with little hope of finding anywhere to land the plane. The next few seconds seemed to play out in slow motion as the small plane began to lose altitude, picking up speed as started to dive towards the forest floor. The last thing Harm remembered was hearing Bud's cry from behind him and seeing the forest floor coming up to meet them, followed by darkness. ******************************************************************************************** Harm and Mac' s Apartment Same Time "Harm, noooooooooo" Mac's scream tore through the silent apartment and she shot up from the couch, shaking uncontrollably as the tears ran down her face. She'd had the nightmare again, of Harm's plane crashing, and this time it had been too real. She'd watched in horror as the small plane had plummeted into the forest, her own screams waking her. "No, it's not real" she tried to tell herself. But somehow she knew it had been more than a nightmare. She reached for the phone to call his cell phone, knowing that only his voice would calm her now. Her fingers trembled as she dialed, and she had to stop and start over, willing herself to calm so she could at least dial the phone. She finally got the number dialed, only to get the message that the phone was either turned off or out of the calling area. "Harm" she cried. "Oh god, please let him be okay." She paced the apartment for the next hour, waiting for Harm's call. He'd promised he would call when he got back to Jamestown, and she knew he should have been there by now. When her phone did ring almost an hour and a half later, she grabbed it anxiously. "Harm" she cried not even waiting to hear the voice on the other side. "No, it's Harriet. Mac, what's wrong? Did something happen?" "Oh Harriet" Mac cried. "They got delayed and they didn't leave De Young until 18:30. Harm promised he would call when they got to Jamestown, because they were going to have to stay there overnight since there were no more fights to Pittsburgh. They should have gotten to Jamestown by now." "Maybe something came up and they stayed in De Young" Harriet said quickly. "Have you tried calling Harm on his cell phone?" "Yes, and there's no answer" Mac wailed. "Harriet, I'm so scared. I had another nightmare that they're plane crashed." "No" Harriet gasped. "Don’t even think that Mac. They have to be fine." Harriet's voice broke as she lost the battle with her own tears. She couldn't lose Bud now. Not when God had just blessed them with another pregnancy. "I'm sorry" Mac whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you." "Is there anyway you can find out if they got back to Jamestown?" Harriet asked. "Is there anyone we can call?" "I'd have to call the Admiral and see who the charter was that was taking them to De Young" Mac said quietly. "Which is what I’m going to do. I call you back as soon as I find something out." She hung up before Harriet could reply and quickly dialed the number to the Admiral's house. **************************************************************************************** JAG HQ's 22:00 EST "I've got the charter service on line one sir" Tiner called and AJ picked up his phone. "This is Admiral Chegwidden, Judge Advocate General's office. Two of my people were being flown to De Young today by one of your pilots. One of my men called his wife at 18:30 to say they were taking off from De Young and heading to Jamestown. Can you tell me whether or not that plane has come back? Yes I'll hold." He held the phone as Mac sat frozen in the chair. After explaining to the Admiral about Harm's last call and how there still wasn't any word from him, they'd headed to JAG HQ's to see what they could learn from the charter service. It was a long three minutes before the voice on the other end returned to AJ. "You've confirmed that they did leave De Young but that's the last you heard from them." Mac let out a sob at that point, her worst fears being confirmed. She blocked out the rest of what AJ said, losing herself in her sobs. "Mac" AJ said gently a few seconds later after he'd hung up. "I guess you heard. The plane never made it back to Jamestown. They're going to send a search and rescue out at first light, but there's no way they can get anyone out tonight. There's a pretty powerful storm going through the area and it's too dangerous to send anyone out. I'm going to head up there myself tonight so I can go out with the searchers in the morning. But we're going to have to let Harriet know what's going on first." "I'm going with you" Mac said raising her head to look at the AJ. "If Harm is out there somewhere I'm not about to sit here waiting for someone else to find him." "Mac, it's rugged country up there" AJ started. "Sir, in case you forgot I am a marine" Mac snapped. "All right" AJ sighed. He had guessed she would want to come with him, and also knew there would be no way to talk her out of it. He just hoped that when they got there it wouldn't be too late. "We'd better go tell Harriet." A short time later a nervous Harriet opened the door to them, letting out a gasp at the sight of Mac and AJ. "Oh god, what happened" Harriet cried. "Please tell me they're okay." Mac's attempt to keep her own tears at bay failed with Harriet's tearful plea and AJ gently pushed her inside as he turned to Harriet. "The plane never made it back to Jamestown" AJ said quietly and Harriet start to sob. "No" she cried and Mac put her arms around her as the two women sobbed on each others's shoulders, AJ standing by quietly, for the moment unsure of what to do. He had already started to utter his own prayers that they were all right, but knowing full well there were few places to land a plane in the forest if there had been problems. "Have they started a search and rescue?" Harriet asked between sobs. "At first light they'll be out" AJ replied. "Mac and I are going up tonight so we can be part of the search." "I'm going with you too" Harriet sobbed. "Harriet, are sure that's a good idea" Mac asked as she looked up at her friend. "Mac, if I don't have Bud in my life I don't care about anything else" Harriet sobbed. "Oh god, little AJ is going to want his daddy. What am I going to tell him?" "Tell him daddy will be back soon" Mac said firmly. "Harriet, you can't give up yet. They're out there somewhere and we're going to find them before it's too late." "God please let that happen," AJ said softly. "Harriet I don't know that you going is a good idea. I don't think it's a good idea for Mac for that matter, but that much strength of dissuasion I don't have. Your son needs you here." Harriet looked aghast from Mac to AJ and back, her eyes begging Mac's help as she did not have enough wherewithal to go against her C.O." "Sir with all due respect, Harriet needs to be with us," Mac said softly. "She's no good to AJ here if she's upset. Please, let's ask Sydney if she can take him." "Thank you," Harriet breathed through tears and AJ nodded. "All right, but my permission is for only as far as the drive to De Young. Then I reevaluate the situation. If I order either or both of you to remain behind, I expect to be obeyed." "Yes sir," Harriet answered automatically and Mac nodded, though deep within herself she knew that no power on earth was going to keep her from going to her husband's side. An hour later they were on their way to Reagan National, having gotten seats on the red-eye flight to Pittsburgh. A sleepy AJ was dropped off at Sydney's Arlington home. The ride was in silence as Mac and Harriet were preoccupied with their own thoughts and prayers. The flight was accomplished in silence as well. "If only Bud and Harm had just driven out from Pittsburgh," Harriet murmured as they started on the road toward De Young. "Well there's that twenty-twenty hindsight," AJ reminded her quietly. "That would have been six hours in drive time alone. Of course as it turned out it would have been better, but the idea of the plane was to get Rice in and out quick and easy." "Well it sure as hell didn't turn out that way," Mac exploded, the first real words she had said since they left D.C., and then she was at once regretful. "Sorry sir. It's not your fault. No one could know the storms, and Rice's bull-headedness would combine to make for an impossible situation. I was out of line. I'm sorry." "I understand." AJ looked in the rearview at the two women. Their hands were resting atop each others in the middle of the seat between them as they stared into the darkness. "We're going to find them, and find them alive. I can't let myself believe anything else." "Me neither sir," Mac smiled and squeezed Harriet's hands. Dawn was just streaking the sky over the mountains as they turned north off I-80 and almost at once the signs of population lessened sharply. By the time the sign for the Allegheny National Forest loomed ahead, there was no doubt of the ruggedness and isolation of the country all around them. "Their plane could be twenty feet away and we wouldn't see it," Mac moaned. "Civil Air Patrol knows what they're doing," AJ assured her, hoping his voice contained a level of confidence he did not feel inside as he too had been overwhelmed by the sheer denseness of the forest. As promised, Sheriff Ryan Maxwell was waiting for them along with several deputies at the general store. Introductions were made and Maxwell frowned at Mac and Harriet. "Admiral I don't think bringing along the wives of two of the victims is a good idea." Harriet and Mac exchanged horrified looks and Mac stepped up to Maxwell at once, her height easily matching his. "Mr. Maxwell, do not--I repeat do not--refer to my husband or to Bud Roberts as victims again. Their plane went down and they need us to find them. Survivors, not victims." "Yes ma'am" Maxwell nodded and turned to AJ. "Sir I've got six mounted deputy volunteers and four jeeps. Now we know the direction they would have headed out over the forest. If we got lucky, they got close to the river before they had trouble. They may have been able to set down there with minimal damage. If they had to come down through the thickest part of the timber, well I don't see how..." "Could we just move out please," AJ begged, cutting him off before he painted any more gruesome a picture. Maxwell escorted Mac and Harriet toward one of the jeeps, which had their canopies removed, leaving them nothing more than seats on four wheels. "You ladies strap yourselves in good now," he urged. "These trails are more hole than road." Mac immediately took Harriet's arm. "In your condition you don't need that bouncing. I'm sure your doctor..." Harriet pulled her arm away angrily. "Don't Mac," she ordered with more firmness than she was normally capable of, then added softly. "Please don't ask me to wait behind. I couldn't stand it. The stress wouldn't be good for me either. And without Bud, well this baby I'm not even sure I..." A quick sob and she clamped her hand over her mouth. Mac looked at her thoughtfully. "I understand. Come on. And we are going to find them." ===================================== Pain, never ending pain. Bud forced himself awake despite the pain. His arm dangled uselessly at his side and his chest felt like it was on fire. A look at his watch showed they had been on the ground for twelve hours and with the arrival of dawn he allowed himself a modicum of hope. Commander Rice had been killed instantly, a piece of the disintegrating plane piercing his heart. Henry Saperstein had died sometime during the night he realized sadly. And Harm...his friend Harm. He had not regained consciousness. His breathing had remained shallow but regular, and now and then he had given a moan that seemed to come from deep within. Bud had done his best to make him comfortable, but with himself hurt, and no real supplies there was little he could do. He watched the sun come over the trees, bringing welcome warmth, and the hope of rescue. "Please Jesus," he breathed as his eyes scanned the sky looking for a plane or a chopper. ===================================================== By the time the ground search had fanned out, they were joined by two helicopters over head. Mac grabbed Harriet's arm and pointed excitedly. "Just a matter of time now." "I hope so" Harriet whispered. "I can't stand the thought of them lying out here somewhere hurt. It's been almost twelve hours." "They're alive" Mac said fiercely. "Harm is not dead." "How can you be so sure?" Harriet wailed softly. "Look around us. We're in the middle of a forest." "Harm is alive" Mac repeated. "I know it Harriet. I just know it." It wasn't but a few minutes later that word came over the radio that one of the helicopters had located a break in the forest, and the downed aircraft. But because of the denseness of the area, the chopper could not land. Maxwell turned the vehicle in the direction of where the plane had landed and Harriet looked at Mac anxiously. "That's not a good sign is it" Harriet said quietly. "One step at a time Harriet" Mac said softly. "The important part is we found them." They were silent until they neared the crash site, both women letting out a gasp as they saw the mutilated plane. Another of the rescue jeeps was already there, one of the two deputies heading back from the inside of what was left of the plane. Maxwell looked over at AJ, who was suddenly second guessing himself for allowing the women to come with them. "Mac, Harriet, maybe you'd better wait here" AJ said turning around to face them. "Let me go first…" "No" Mac cried as she unlocked her seat belt and sprang from the jeep. The deputy coming back tried to stop her and she fought against his grasp. "Let me go" she cried. "I have to get to Harm." "Ma'am take it easy" the deputy said as he looked to AJ for help. "You don't need to go over there and see that. There's two dead bodies in there." She went limp in his arms at the words, falling to the ground in a heap. "Oh god no" she sobbed. "Harm, no you can't be dead." "Who are the deceased?" Maxwell asked as he and AJ climbed out of the jeep. Harriet sat frozen in the back seat, the tears running down on her face. "Looks like the pilot and one of the three navy guys" the deputy reported. "The other two are hurt, one of them pretty badly. Mike's in there talking to the one that's conscious. I was just coming back to radio that we're going to need to have the medicvac waiting at the closest spot it can land." With the words that one of the deceased was navy, Harriet began to sob as well and Mac sprang to her feet and ran towards the wreck. AJ hurried after her, not knowing what they were about to find. "Harm" Mac screamed when she finally saw him, the other deputy kneeling beside him. "Oh god, Harm" "He's alive" the deputy said noting her distress. "This your husband?" Mac nodded as she knelt down beside him. "Harm" Mac whispered as she reached for his hand. He was covered in blood, a result of the large gash that ran down the side of his head. But he was alive, and right now that was all that mattered. "We need to get him to the hospital ASAP" the deputy said gently. He looked over at AJ for assistance. "Sir, we're going to have to get him in the jeep. The medivac can't land up here. But I think we should move the other one first." "Bud, how you doing?" AJ asked as he made his way to him. "Glad to see you sir" Bud said grimacing with pain. "The Commander…how is he?" "Not good" AJ said quietly. "Has he been conscious at all?" "No" Bud whispered. "Sir, he's going to be okay isn't he? I mean, once we get him to the hospital he'll be okay, right?" "Of course" AJ assured the young Lt. "In the meantime, let me get you out of here. There's a very upset young lady waiting out there for you." "Harriet's here" Bud cried. It had been the thought of her that had gotten him through the past twelve hours. "Oh god, she's probably been worried sick." "She's handling herself like the navy officer that she is" AJ smiled. "But seeing you won't hurt any. Can you walk?" "I think so" Bud said as AJ put an arm around his waist and pulled him to his feet. His knees gave out, but AJ held him firmly, Maxwell arriving to assist him, Harriet right behind him. "Bud" she screamed. "You're alive. Oh thank you god" She ran to him and threw her arms around him, only to pull away when he gasped in pain. "I'm so sorry" she whispered. "It's okay" Bud said weakly. "I’m just so glad to see you. I spent all night thinking about you and AJ." "Come on Lt" AJ said pushing Bud. "Let's get you in the jeep first. Then you can do all the talking you want." With Harriet hovering close by, AJ and Maxwell helped Bud to the jeep, gently easing him into the seat. "Hang on Lt" Maxwell said to Bud. "As soon as we get Commander Rabb in the other jeep will get you out of here." "That's fine" Bud said as he closed his eyes, his head resting against Harriet's shoulder. AJ and Maxwell hurried back, where Mac was still holding on to Harm's hand. "Mac, we're going to move him" AJ said gently. She nodded and stood back as the two men lifted Harm, carrying him to the vehicle. Mac scrambled in first, and they gently placed Harm so that she was cradling his head in her lap. "You're going to be okay" Mac whispered as she stroked his head. "You have to be." "Let's go" AJ said as he climbed into jeep. Maxwell nodded, and a few seconds later the two jeeps slowly made their way through the forest. Maxwell fought his desire to press the accelerator, knowing the jostling would not do the injured Commander any good. AJ keep turning around to check on them, hoping they hadn't been too late. The fact that Harm had never regained consciousness wasn't a good sign, and he knew the twelve hours they'd been out there only made the situation worse. It seemed like forever, but finally they made their way out of the forest, the medivac waiting on the road. "We'll take him ma'am" the medic said to Mac as she held onto Harm. Sensing Mac's reluctance to let him go, he softened his voice. "You'll be able to ride with him once we get him loaded in." Mac nodded and finally allowed the medic's to take Harm. She hurried out of the jeep, taking a hold of his hand as he was loaded into the waiting chopper. She sat there numbly as the medic's attended to Harm, blocking out everything accept Harm. He had to be okay. She couldn't lose him now. They arrived at the University of Pittsburgh Medical center a short time later, Mac running along side the gurney as Harm was wheeled in. She got as far as the examination room before a very strong nurse pulled her back. "Ma'am, you can't go in there" the woman said as she held onto Mac's arm. "I have to be with him" Mac cried, her composure beginning to crumble. "He needs me." "Honey, we're going to take good care of him" the nurse said gently. "He's at the best hospital in the area. Now why don't you just come with me…" "No" Mac screamed. "I want to be with him." "I know you do" the nurse said patiently, all the while maintaining her hold on Mac. "What's your name honey?" "Sarah" Mac whispered. "And that's your husband Harm, right" she asked and Mac nodded. "Is there someone you'd like to call to be with you?" Mac was silent for a second, before realizing she was going to need to call Trish and Frank and Grams. She knew that Trish and Frank were traveling and she really didn't know how to get in touch with them. But she could call Grams. "Yes" Mac whispered and the nurse led her to a waiting lounge. "Make as many calls as you need" the nurse said softly. "And I’ll let you know as soon as we get word on Harm." "Thank you" Mac said quietly. She took a deep breath before picking up the phone to dial Grams number. "Hi Grams, it's Sarah," she got out before tears choked her voice. "Sarah? OK Sarah, calm now," Grams soothed, at the same time letting herself down easy on the chair she kept by the phone. With her family in far flung corners of the country and church members to worry about, it seemed that often the phone brought news required a sit-down. "What's wrong? And I know it's Harm, so let's get past that and tell me." "Grams he's hurt...hurt real bad in a plane crash. We're at the hospital at the University of Pittsburgh. They don't know yet and I don't know how I'm going..." She stopped and took a deep breath, a little of her Marine bearing returning and she went on more calmly. "OK he's got a head injury. But they don't know how bad. He's been unconscious since it happened, about fourteen hours now." "I see." Grams was making a valiant effort to control her emotions and not waste time by asking how they happened to be in Pennsylvania. "All right child. It's going to be OK. I'm going to come right away. And I bet by the time I get there, he's sitting up in bed demanding his pants to be let go." "Oh Grams I hope so," Mac gasped, feeling just a bit of the older woman's confidence rub off on her. "Please Jesus." "You hold that last thought child," Grams told her firmly. "In fact I'm going to call Pastor Jacob. I should be there in a couple of hours. You're not alone right now are you?" "No ma'am. Harriet is here with me. But Bud was on the plane with Harm and he's hurt too, though he's not in any danger; but she's got her own problems including...well she can tell you that. I'll see you soon. Please hurry. Harm needs you---and I need you." She turned from the phone and almost crashed into Harriet who had been directed to her by the nurse. "God ma'am how could this have happened," she gasped out and a second later Mac's comforting arms were around her. "That's not even important now," she whispered. "Where's Bud?" "Gone up to Xray right away," she sighed. "Broken arm of course, and probably some cracked ribs. Oh ma'am they might have been the ones to be killed." "That they weren't would indicate that God doesn't intend to take them now either," Mac maintained staunchly. "They're both going to be fine. I just talked to Grams. She said by the time she gets here, Harm will be setting up in bed yelling to go home." "I love her." Harriet smiled and put her arm across Mac's shoulders. "Are you ready to go see if they know anything about Harm?" Mac nodded, and leaning on Harriet they walked back to the ER. "Harmon Rabb please?" "Yeah about to go to the CT lab and xray," the nurse told her, waving vaguely in the direction of his exam room as she tried to deal with too many things. "Harriet I have to see him," Mac whispered, looking around apprehensively. "I can't stand this. I have to tell him I love him, even if he can't hear me." "Like he doesn't know that," Harriet smiled and patted her hand. "I'll be right here." Mac slipped unnoticed in the room. Harm lay stripped to only his boxers, a blanket not quite covering him, and she quickly tucked it in around him, then put her mouth close to his ear. "Harm I'm here. Your wife who loves you very much. They're going to take good care of you and bring you back to me." "Ma'am you shouldn't be in here." Mac wheeled to face the same nurse as before and instead of tears, some of her Marine tenacity burst forth. "This man is my husband. Where he goes, I go. He knows I'm here, and knowing that is going to make him come out of this." The nurse opened her mouth to object and when faced with Mac's stare, a combination of determination and desperation, she backed down. "You can walk upstairs with him, and wait outside the CT lab." "Thanks." For the ride up four floors and a long walk down a corridor, Mac never released his hand and in fact let him go only when he was pushed through the double doors away from her. "They said you were up here." Harriet's soft voice and hand on her shoulder brought Mac from her thoughts, which were mostly prayers at this point. "Hey." She blinked back a few stray tears and looked to her friend. "How's Bud?" "Three cracked ribs that they say are going to hurt for a good month and an arm that's in a cast for six weeks," she smiled, "and for that I'm grateful...I mean that that's all it is of course. He was very lucky." She paused and squeezed Mac's shoulder. "And Harm will pull through this just fine too." Mac looked up at her soberly. "I've been having these horrible thoughts that what if he doesn't come back to me the Harm that left me. I mean this is a head injury, what if he doesn't remember me? Or what if he can't do anything for himself any more, or what if..." "What if you stopped borrowing trouble," Harriet ordered firmly. "Grams would tell you that you've got enough to concern yourself with what is, worrying about what might be you don't need." "Thanks Harriet. You're right, but you know I'm going to be frantic until he's holding me in his arms and telling me how much he loves me." "I know," the younger woman smiled softly. "And it's that love that's going to bring him back to you." Mac nodded. "Please Jesus. Thanks Harriet, but you should go be with Bud. I'm fine, and I don't feel like talking." "I'm going to sit with you until you hear something," Harriet said firmly. "Bud is asleep, knocked out by his pain medication and the nurse knows where to call for me if he needs me. Now push it over Colonel and let me join you." It took another hour for the original nurse to come for her. "Mrs. Rabb, I'm going to just let you have this straight out," she began and Mac's heart lurched deep within. "Mr. Rabb had a blood clot--a hematoma--on the brain. They're going to try to dissolve it over the next twenty four hours with medication. If that doesn't work, he's going to need surgery." "No," Mac said quietly, shaking her head in despair. Harriet's hand tightened on hers. "Yes ma'am. They can't let it go beyond that. Now I have to tell you that the surgery is not without risk, but the majority of patients come through it just fine. And with very little impairment. Dr. Christian Bickerstaff is the best around. People from other parts of the country come to him. And Mr. Rabb is already here." "I need to be with him....now," Mac said adamantly. "OK come on back. He's going to be taken downstairs and you can walk with him." "I'll go back and sit with Bud Sarah," Harriet said softly, "And I'll come check on you later." Mac was led to Harm's bedside, and she immediately bent low to kiss his cheek, then pressed her forehead to his. "OK Flyboy you've got twenty four hours to come out of this or they're going to cut your head open and you know they're not going to find anything." >The Hornet....his head throbbing....her gentle fingers stroking through his hair, telling Mark Falcon she would not leave him again. Her dark eyes full of worry, and full of....was he seeing another emotion< She took his hand in his as he was wheeled back downstairs and situated in a private room. Mac pulled up the chair close to his bed, her hand still clutching his. "Mac" She looked up to see AJ walk in, and she fought to keep her composure. "How you doing?" He'd just learned of Harm's condition from the nurse and he knew she was putting up a brave front for the moment. "I'm okay" Mac whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "I called Sydney and she's going to call Maggie and let her know what happened" AJ said quietly. "They'll be up here some time tonight. Did you get in touch with Grams and Trish?" "Grams is on the way" Mac said softly. "Mom and Frank are on a cruise somewhere I think. I don't know how to get in touch with them." "He's going to be okay Mac" AJ said as he put a hand on her shoulder. "He's young and he's strong and he'll fight this with the same Rabb tenacity that we know and love." "God, I hope so" Mac whispered as the tears slid down her face. She couldn’t even imagine the thought of losing him. AJ stayed with her until Grams arrived a short time later, giving Grams a hug before heading out of the room. "Sarah honey" Grams said softly as she walked into the room. At the sight of Grams, Mac's burst into tears, throwing her arms around the older woman. "Oh Grams" Mac sobbed. "I'm so afraid." "Shh" Grams soothed. "Harm is going to be okay. You just stop any other thoughts you're having." "I'm trying" Mac sobbed. "But I just know…" "The only thing you know is your husband is going to be just fine" Grams said firmly. "Now tell me what happened." Wiping her tears, Mac told Grams about how Harm and Bud had gone to DeYoung to get Commander Rice, who was going to testify and provide information against a group of sailors. "I didn't want him to go" Mac whispered as she looked up at Grams. "I knew something would happen. The night before he left I had a nightmare about his plane crashing. And I had it again last night." "Oh Sarah" Grams said gathering her in her arms again. "It's the Rabb curse" Mac wailed. "I'm going to lose Harm just like you lost Gramps and mom lost Harm Sr." "Stop that right now" Grams said sharply. "That is not going to happen. Harm is going to be fine." "Sarah, she's right" Pastor Jacob said softly as he walked in to the room. "Faith, Sarah. Don't let your fear overtake your faith. Harm is a strong young man and there's no reason why he won't come through this. But you need to focus your energies in a positive direction." "I know" Mac whispered as she looked up Pastor Jacob. "I've just never been so afraid before. Harm is my life. I have no idea what I would do if I lost him. I don't think I could go on without him." "You're a strong woman, Sarah. Just as strong as another Sarah Rabb I know. And it's that strength that will get you through this." "Thank you" Mac whispered as he squeezed her hand. "Grams" All three looked up to see Harriet standing at the door. "Harriet, dear" Grams smiled as she gave the young woman a hug. "How's Bud?" "He's going to be fine, ma'am" Harriet said quietly. "He's pretty upset about Harm though. I've tried to talk to him.." "Would you like me to talk to him?" Pastor Jacob asked, sensing Harriet wanted to speak to Grams. "Maybe I can help ease his mind a little." "Thank you" Harriet said with a small smile. "I guess he's feeling guilty because he's the one who's okay." "I'll talk to him" Pastor Jacob assured her as he headed out. "Sarah how you doing?" Harriet asked as she gave Mac a hug. "The Admiral said Sydney and Maggie are on their way up." "I know" Mac said looking down at Harm. "Harriet dear, why don't we go get some coffee" Grams said putting her hand on Harriet's back. "And then you can tell me what's going on with you. Sarah we'll be right back" Grams said to Mac. "You just keep talking to Harm." She and Harriet headed out of the room and Mac took her seat at Harm's bedside gain. "I will" Mac whispered as she reached for his hand again, giving it a squeeze. "Okay, sailor, you've got everyone's attention. Everyone's coming up to see you, so you'd better start thinking about getting better. You and I have still have lots to do together. Including having the next generation of Rabb babies. I'm willing to have those ten children you want. And remember one day we're going to take them all back to Grams' farm and raise them there. And I can't do any of that without you. So you have to be okay. You hear me now, Harmon David Rabb. I love you and I need you in my life." Her voice broke and she started to cry again as she looked upwards at the heavens above. "Please God, I can't lose him. He's my life. You can't take him away." >The dock in Norfolk…her brown eyes full of concern as he lowers his lips to >hers. He knows exactly who he's kissing< ====================================== "Sarah said you had something to tell me" Grams said as she and Harriet walked. "I'm pregnant, Grams" Harriet said softly. "I didn't plan it…" "Of course not" Grams smiled. "That's usually when it happens. I'm sure Bud is excited." "He doesn't know yet" Harriet said quietly. "I'm afraid to tell him." "Why" Grams exclaimed. "He's going to be thrilled." "I don't know. We didn't discuss having another child after baby Sarah and I don’t know how he's going to react. What if he doesn't want another child?" "Harriet, how can you say that?" Grams chided her. "That man adores and loves little AJ and I'm sure he's got enough love for another child." "You think so" Harriet asked softly. "It was so hard after baby Sarah died." "Yes, but God has blessed you with another chance for that little girl you want" Grams smiled softly. "It's going to be okay dear. Tell Bud. I think you'll find he's going to be just as happy as you are." "I will" Harriet promised. "Thank you. I'm sorry to be burdening you with my problems right now. You've got enough to worry about." "Let's get that coffee and get back to Sarah" Grams replied. "She shouldn’t be alone right now." Mac stayed at Harm's side through the rest of the day, refusing to leave for any reason. Grams was trying to get her to get some dinner when Maggie came in. "Sarah" Maggie said softly. Mac looked up at her friend, her eyes filling with tears again. "Oh Maggie" Mac cried as she hugged her friend. "He's going to be okay, Sarah" Maggie said quietly. "And he loves you way to much to leave you now." "Where's the Mollie and Brandon?" Mac asked as she wiped away her tears. "Did they come with you?" "They're coming up with Josh tomorrow" Maggie replied. "Have you had anything to eat yet?" "I'm not leaving Harm" Mac said firmly. "Sarah, you're not going to be able to take care of him if you make yourself sick" Maggie countered. "Now why don't you and I go get a sandwich with Grams?" "Come on Sarah" Grams said taking Mac's arm. "Maggie's right. And I don’t want Harm to say I didn't take care of you." "All right" Mac sighed as she reluctantly let them led her out of the room and down to the hospital cafeteria. Mac picked at her food while Maggie and Grams talked, her thoughts only on Harm. She still couldn't believe that this was happening. "I'm ready to go back" Mac announced a short time later. "Sarah you didn't even eat" Grams fretted. "And you're looking kind of pale. You feeling okay?" "I'm fine" Mac replied. "I just want to be with Harm. Please." "Okay" Grams said patting her hand. "Come on Maggie" ====================================== "Bud, good to see you again, just wish it was under better circumstance." Pastor Jacob held his hand to the man propped up in the bed, his arm taped down to his chest. "Sir," Bud answered automatically. "Sir? Bud that's for my father," he scolded him. "You and I are about the same age, come on now." "You brought Grams didn't you?" Bud asked quietly. "How's she doing?" "Sarah Rabb is the strongest old lady I know," Jacob teased. "In fact she's about the strongest person I know. She's holding up pretty good. And I saw Harriet and she's looking well despite this. You gave her a bad scare I know." Bud looked away and Jacob lay a light hand on his arm. "I'll bet you were scared out there all night yourself. And to have two men dead there with you besides all the pain you were in. I salute your courage Lieutenant. I don't think I could have done it." "I should have died too," Bud whispered softly after digesting Jacob's words. "I mean I was sitting next to Commander Rice. That plane shrapnel could have just as easily hit me. And Harm-I know he's hurt bad. Harriet just tells me he's fine and they're treating him. Jacob he didn't hardly breathe that whole night, and he never moved or made a sound. I owe him so much. All that's good in my life, even Harriet. If he hadn't encouraged me too..." Jacob squeezed his arm, wanting him to stop before he became too upset. "Bud the reason you're alive is because it wasn't your time. God has big plans for you in Heaven yes, but He's not through with you here on earth. You have a wife and boy to look after for one thing, and a country you're not finished serving yet. Of course I don't know that for sure but that would be my best guess as to what the Man is thinking. Bud, God sends us these rough times to make us appreciate the good times. You know often I'm about to drop off to sleep at night and I'm fretting over the sermon, or the leaky roof, or the plumbing problem, and I have to remind myself that it was a good day--not once did the phone ring to tell me one of the parishioners was gravely ill or worse. Today was not one of those days however." Bud have him just the hint of a smile. "You're putting in a good word upstairs for Harm aren't you Pastor?" "Jacob please, and it's been non stop I can assure you. Any second now I'm expecting God to tell me to give it a rest because Harm is not the only crisis He's dealing with today." "Thanks," Bud grinned. "He's going to be OK then." ================================================ "Sydney I'm so glad you''re here," AJ breathed, catching up with her in the lounge. His arms went around her at once, and he clung to her tightly. "AJ are you OK?" she demanded, feeling the desperation in his arms. "I know this has to have hit you hard." "I just can't believe it's happening," he groaned, still clinging to her. "These people are like family to me. If that was my younger brother up there unconscious I couldn't feel any more upset." "I know honey," Sydney smiled, rubbing his back as she held him. "How's he doing, and how about Mac and did Grams get here?" "No change with Harm. He may need surgery," he answered quietly. "Mac is holding it together like the Marine she is, and Grams of course could weather anything. My god that woman's got almost thirty years on me and she's got strength I don't have a prayer of possessing." Sydney smiled again. "You do OK old man. In fact you suit me just fine thank you. Can we see Harm?" AJ nodded and took her hand to show her upstairs. ===================================== Mac had resumed her vigil, her hand firmly around his and she was leaning forward, resting her head on his arm. She automatically stirred when AJ arrived and he motioned for her to keep her place. "Sydney, hi," she sighed. "Thanks for coming." "I wouldn't be any other place," Sydney told her. "And he's going to be all right." "I know," Mac sighed. AJ studied the face of the man with whom he had closely worked for the past five years and he sighed heavily. "Commander Rabb this is direct order," he said softly. "You get your goldbricking six out of that bed and back to duty where you belong or so help me I'm going to have you sorting mail in the bowels of a submarine. You hearing me mister?" >The White House...A beautiful late winter day....unusually warm....his C.O. standing with my god how could it be...Diane? No....this woman was a Marine....but it could have been. It could have been her twin. Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, this is Major Sarah Mackenzie, now with JAG HQ....Pleased to meet you....her hand small and delicate, and yet with strength. Don't get too close, you have to work together.< "God please," AJ murmured, touching Harm's shoulder before turning to leave. "Mac..." Sydney began and words failed her. She settled for brushing her palm against Mac's hair, a gesture AJ copied as they left her alone. The extended family was assembled in the hall and Jacob gathered them in a tight circle. "Our father in Heaven, as we leave him for the night, be with Harmon David Rabb, and see him through until morning. Amen." Amen was murmured by all and Jacob looked around. "If love has any power at all, Harm will be just fine. Come on. We have some rooms reserved at the Holiday Inn just down the street. We're not going to do Harm any good if we're all half sick from exhaustion. I know it's not going to be possible to get Sarah out of here, but the rest of us are going to need sleep." "I'm staying too," Grams spoke up at once. "Oh no," Jacob smiled. "You may be the first one back in the morning, and that's OK, but right now you're coming to go to bed." "Soon as I say good night then," Grams sighed and walked to Harm's bedside, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "Tomorrow morning I want to see you up and around," she scolded. "You have a lot of people scared to death here--me one of them--and that's not going to be acceptable Harmon." >Spring 2000. Warm and sunny. An elderly lady and her grandson walking the fields of the Rabb farm. It's complicated Grams....Harmon I don't believe you....how can being in love be complicated?.... Another man's ring?....Slides off the same way it went on. Tell her...tell her before you lose her forever< ==================================================== **************************************** "Harriet, what are you still doing here?" Bud asked when she came back to his room. "You need to go get some rest." "I'm fine and please don't make you leave me" Harriet said trying to keep her tears at bay. "Last night was the hardest night of my life. I was so afraid I had lost you and that AJ was going to have to grow up without a daddy and…" Her voice trailed off and she realized she needed to tell him about the child growing inside her. "And what Harriet?" Bud asked softly. "And that you would never know that you were going to be a daddy again" Harriet cried. "You're pregnant?" Bud whispered. "When? How?" "Bud you know how" Harriet smiled through her tears. "As for when, we'll remember when we came back from Harm and Mac's wedding." He nodded and she took a deep breath. "I stopped using any protection. Bud, I'm sorry, I know I should have told you but…" He reached up with his good arm and put a finger to her lips. "It's okay," he said softly. "I'm not mad at you. I'm scared to death that we're going to go through this again but I'm not mad." "I'm scared too" Harriet whispered as she squeezed his good hand. "But I love you Bud Roberts. And we'll get through this." "Yes we will" he smiled before frowning at the thought of his friend who hadn't fared the crash as well as he had. "Harriet, I want to go see Harm. I know you and Pastor Jacob say he's going to be fine, but I just want to see him." With his wife's arm around him, Bud slowly made the trip down the hall to Harm's room. Mac had fallen asleep, but awakened when she heard their footsteps. "Sorry, did we wake you?" Bud said softly. "No, it's okay" Mac said rubbing her eyes. "Just taking a little nap. What are you doing out of bed?" "I needed to see Harm" Bud replied. "I'm so sorry." He reached to give Mac a hug as best he could with the cast and bandaged ribs, and the tears flowed down both of their cheeks. "It's not your fault Bud" Mac whispered as she finally let go of him. "I'm going to get some coffee. You'll stay with him until I get back." "Of course" Harriet said giving Mac's hand a quick squeeze. "God, Harriet this shouldn't be happening" Bud whispered as sat down in the chair. "They're just getting started on their life together. It's not fair." "I know" Harriet said blinking back her own tears. "He's always been there for us," Bud said quietly. "Through all of our good and bad times he's always been there for us. I just wish there were something I could do right now." "Just keep praying" Harriet whispered. "That's all any of us can do." >Sir, we're getting married. Harriet, she accepted. Will you be my best >man? He listened as Bud repeated his vows to Harriet, staring across the >altar at her…..She was so stunning in the red dress…he could almost imagine >it was their wedding day……..Holding little AJ as he was christened….an >angelic look on her face< ****************************************** Mac had finally convinced Bud to go back to his room and now sat alone with Harm again. "Okay flyboy" she whispered as she took his hand in hers again. "In case you hadn't noticed I'm not leaving your side until you wake up. And you know I can stay here as long as it takes. I've never left your side before and I'm not going to start now." The tears slid down her face again as she brought his hand to her face, pressing it against her wet cheeks. "Come on sailor" Mac whispered. "We've gotten through the tough times before. You can do it again. Where's that Rabb determination? Where's the Rabb fight that wouldn't give up when we were in Russia, even when we were being shot down? You can do it sailor. You have to. I can't live the rest of my life without you." >She'd followed him to Russia…they were in the MIG…..Missile >incoming…somehow they punched out just in time…he'd been so afraid >something would happen to her…she'd risked her life for him< ******************************************* Thursday morning When Grams and the others returned to the hospital, they found Mac still awake at Harm's side, the strain of the past two nights evident in her face. "Sarah, you really should get some rest," Grams said softly as she sat down next to her. "I can't sleep" Mac said quietly. "There's no way I can sleep now. He needs me. I can't leave him." "I know child" Grams whispered as she pulled Mac into her arms. "I know. But you making yourself sick isn't going to do Harm any good. He's going to need you to be strong when this is all over. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're making yourself sick." AJ, Sydney and Maggie finally convinced her to go with them to the cafeteria, but like the night before, Mac simply picked at her food. AJ and Sydney shared a concerned look as they watched her, both wondering how long she could handle this. It was early afternoon when they received the news Mac had been dreading. Harm had been taken for another CAT scan earlier and now Mac and Grams waited for the news. "Mrs. Rabb, I'm Dr. Bickerstaff" the older gentleman said introducing himself to her. "Please tell me you have good news" Mac whispered, one hand clutching Harm's hand tightly, the other wrapped in Gram's tight squeeze. "I wish I did" Dr. Bickerstaff said quietly. "Unfortunately as you know it's been 24 hours and there's been no change in Harm's condition. We have no choice but to perform the surgery." Mac closed her eyes, willing this to all be a bad nightmare and that any second she'd wake up and Harm would be whispering to her softly that everything was all right. "Mrs. Rabb, are you okay?" the doctor asked. "Yes" Mac whispered, opening her eyes again. "You're sure there's no other options." "No there isn't," he said quietly. "We're going to need to get him prepped for surgery but you can have a few minutes alone before he's taken up." Mac nodded, the tears streaming down her face. Grams sat beside her quietly, going through her own turmoil. She'd survived so much in her life, but this was something she'd prayed she'd never have to go through again. She'd buried a husband and a son; she couldn't stand the thought of losing her grandson. He'd filled the void in her life left when his father had died, providing her the opportunity to see another Rabb get his shot at happiness. Fate wouldn't be so cruel as to take him away like it had his grandfather and father before him. "Grams" Mac whispered. "I'm scared. So scared I'm going to lose him." Her voice broke and there was nothing she could do to hold back the sobs. "Faith Sarah Rabb" Grams whispered, her own voice breaking. "We're not going to lose Harm. We can't." She stood up and bent over Harm, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. "You're going to be okay," she said softly. She gave Mac's hand a squeeze before walking out. "This isn't how this is supposed to work sailor" Mac whispered as she brought his hand to her face, giving it a gentle kiss. "You were supposed to wake up and tell me everything was going to be okay." She leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you Harmon David Rabb. Don't you dare leave me alone in this world. I need you sailor." >I'll see you on the Seahawk….Goodbye Sailor…Take care Marine…he held onto >her tightly as they stood in the desert, afraid of losing her if he let go< She started to sob as one of the nurses walked in, blinking back her own tears at Mac's tearful plea. Mac stood up, finally letting go of Harm's hand as the nurse walked over to her. "He's going to be okay," the nurse said gently and Mac simply nodded. She wanted to believe that was the case, but right now her faith was a little shaky. With one last look at Harm she headed out of the room. AJ stood outside the door, and Mac looked at her CO, the man who had been a father to her and Harm. He opened his arms and with a sob she flung herself against him. Sydney came up behind and wrapped her arms around both of them. "Come on, we're getting out of here for a while. I think some fresh air is sorely needed." Mac lifted her head in horror at the thought. "Sydney I'm not going anywhere." "Yes you are," she said firmly in her best motherly tone. "We are going to physically walk you back to the motel. You are going to take a warm shower, change your clothes, and eat something." "Please no," Mac begged. "Please don't make me leave him." "Mac in case you haven't noticed, he has left you for the moment. Now he's expecting the rest of us to take care of you, and I'm intending to do just that," AJ spoke up. "Don't make me make it an order Colonel." "OK, I'll come clean up, but please don't make me eat. My stomach is in total knots and it's just going to come right back up again." "Mac have you been vomiting?" Sydney frowned in concern. "Yeah some. My stomach is just in total revolt," she admitted. "Not that I wonder why. I'm terrified here. Terrified that I'm going to lose him. If he dies, well then I don't want to live either." "Come on, let's try not to dwell on the worst," AJ told her, guiding her away from the hospital for the short walk to the hotel where they were all staying. Meanwhile Maggie was seeing to Grams, starting her on the way back to the hotel as well. They had just reached the parking area, about a minute behind Mac with AJ and Sydney, when a shriek of Mom echoed over the parked cars. "Mollie," Maggie knew at once, and within her, her heart leaped for she knew Josh would be with them. A small girl went flying across the parking lot and Maggie hurried to intercept her, only to see her overtaken by her big brother, his longer legs eating up the distance until both reached her, throwing themselves against her. "We want to see Harm," Brandon begged at once and then turned an accusatory look on Josh. "He won't tell us how he is." "Brandon, what did I tell you exactly," Josh rebuked him gently. "That he was hurt and we don't know what's going to happen," Brandon said in a small voice. "Exactly," Josh smiled and dropped an affectionate hand on the boy's head. "You'll get there." "Have they been OK for you?" Maggie asked, slipping her arms around his waist as she disengaged the children from her. "I've missed you, and needed you badly." "Well I'm here now," he said firmly, tilting her face up to his to kiss her gently, and Brandon to his credit managed to avoid any kind of display. "Mom I want to see Harm now," he insisted when the kiss was over. "I'm sorry son, he's being operated on." Maggie released Josh and knelt down in front of the boy. "We won't know for about four hours how it goes. But I know Mac will be glad to see you. I'm sure she can use a hug about now. Come on. Let's go to the hotel. You can talk to Mac there. And I'll try to tell you better what's going on with Harm." "Why can't I see him when he's done with the operation?" Brandon persisted. "It's not because he's going to die is it?" "Oh Brandon of course not," Josh intervened. "But he may not be awake for a while. I'm sure you'll be able to as soon as the doctor's say it's OK." "I need him," the boy said quietly, now subdued at that news and taking his mother's hand. "We all do," Maggie smiled. "Especially Mac. And another prayer never hurt." Grams had been standing quietly, and now stepped forward to meet the newcomer. "Oh Grams I'm so sorry, my manners," Maggie groaned. "This is Joshua Whitford. And of course you remember Brandon and Maggie, whom no one could forget even if they tried." "Ma'am," Josh said automatically, his military background coming forth as he shook her hand. "Stop that," she scolded. "I'm Grams to everyone. And Brandon, Mollie, I'm glad to see you. I wanted you up here for Easter, but I thought it was going to be better." "I don't much feel like Easter baskets right now." Mollie burst into tears with those words and Josh scooped her up into his strong arms. "Let's go find this Mac you guys keep telling me about." The sound of the shower greeted them when Sydney opened the door to their room and more introductions were made. She gave Josh an admiring glance and said to Maggie teasingly. "Does he have an older brother?" "Hey," AJ objected with a short laugh. "I'm not much but broken down admirals need love too." "I feel like I should salute you instead sir." Josh shook AJ's hand and smiled disarmingly at Sydney at the same time. "Don't you dare, and stop with the sir too," AJ ordered. "We're just family here. Around the office I'm a stickler for all the protocol, but it's meaningless right now." "Yeah," Josh said quietly, taking a seat. Room service brought up a tray of sandwiches and fruit that they had ordered and a short time later Mac emerged from the shower, bundled in a large robe, her hair slicked back and wet. "You must be Josh," she said at once, holding her hand to the tall blonde man. "I think it was your arm around Maggie that gave me the clue. I wish the circumstances were better." "I'm so sorry about your husband," Josh nodded. "Brandon and Mollie think a lot of him." "And he does them," she smiled slightly. "I owe him big time for talking to Brandon," Josh said quietly. "Because after that Brandon and I talked and cleared the air some didn't we?" "Yeah," Brandon nodded and two tears appeared on his cheek. "And now I'm never going to talk to him again." "Brandon, we don't need that," Maggie scolded, giving his arm a shake. "Let me," Mac begged. She knelt before the boy and took both his hands. "Honey I need a lot of help right now, and one of the things I need most is for the people around me to assure me Harm is going to be OK. You are going to talk to him again. And he's got some unfinished business with you anyway. You and him and Josh have that ball game to do yet." "I need to act more like a man here," Brandon realized and Mac's heart immediately clutched as she realized this was an area which Harm and the boy had been talking about. "It's OK to be sad," Mac smiled, touching the child's cheek, "and it's OK to cry, but at the same time you need to have some faith, even though it's hard." She gave him a quick hug and stood up, almost falling as her legs protested the movement. "Mac sit," AJ ordered, with Sydney quickly taking her arm. "Have you eaten at all today?" "I'm telling you it just comes back up," Mac protested. "And now all I want to do is get dressed and get back to the hospital. Please." "I'll give you a hand," Maggie offered and Sydney nodded. "Come on, we'll both help you." ============================================== Operating Room Same time "Dr. Bickerstaff I'm not liking this reading," the anesthesiologist fretted and gestured toward one of the monitors. "He's....." The alarm interrupted him. "He's in full arrest," he gasped. "Paddles, an amp of epi IC." "Come on Rabb, come on," the doctor begged. "I'm standing here with part of your skull removed and you're making me look bad here. Come on now." >>>>>>>>"Harmon, if you move your bishop I'm taking your rook," Peter said softly. "After all these years you still don't know the right move to make in this gambit." >>>>>>>>"Harmon, if you move your bishop I'm taking your rook," Peter said softly. "After all these years you still don't know the right move to make in this gambit." "I think we've got company Dad" Harmon Rabb Sr. said as he looked at his son. "Dad, Gramps" Harm whispered. The last thing he'd remembered was the watching the forest floor come up to meet him as the plane crashed. Since then he'd heard the voices of his family and friends, but they'd seemed so far away. And now he was here. "It's okay Harm. Come and have a seat." Gramps motioned for him to join them at the table. "I'm just about to beat your father at another game of chess." For a second he didn’t move. "Am I dead?" he questioned. "No, but if you don't start showing some of that Rabb fight, there's going to be one very upset Marine" Harm Sr. smiled. "Mac" Harm gasped. He couldn’t imagine what she was going through. He only knew if the tables were turned, he would have lost it by now. "Oh god, she must be going crazy." "Don't worry about your Sarah" Gramps smiled. "She can handle it. And with my Sarah with her they'll both be okay. That's quite a lovely young woman you found yourself." "Yes she is. I love her so much" Harm said softly as he sat down with them. "We have all these dreams of what we're going to do. One day we'd like to move up to Belleville and raise our kids there." "Same dream Trish and I had" Harm Sr. said softly. "And the same one Grams and Gramps had. We just never got the chance." "Are Sarah and I?" Harm asked as he thought of the woman who'd captured his heart and he'd planned on spending the rest of his life with. "Word up here is you're going to get to" Gramps assured him. "But a lot of that is up to you. We're just here to remind you about how much you living you and Sarah yet to do. We’re counting on you to bring that next generation of Rabb's into this world." "That's what we've been hoping for. We've been trying since the wedding" "We know" Gramps said patting his hand. "We've been with you and Sarah all along. How else do you think the two most stubborn people in the world would have finally gotten it right?" "I figured there had been a little divine intervention there" Harm smiled. "Thanks." "Anytime" Harm Sr. smiled. "You've done well son. Gramps and I are very proud of you." "You and Sarah have brought a lot of joy to my Sarah's life these past few months. I can't remember the last time she was this happy" Gramps added. "We love being with Grams" Harm replied. "But we really do miss you two." "And we miss you" Harm Sr. said softly. "But we're always with you. And now it's time for you to go. Give Trish and mom a hug for me." "I will" Harm promised as he stood up. "I love you Dad, Gramps. I'm going to make that Rabb dream come true. For all of us." >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Dr. Bickerstaff let out a sigh of relief as he looked at the monitor. "Okay, we've got him back. Let's do what we need to do before we lose him again." ************************************************************************ OR Waiting Room Several hours later For Mac the wait was unbearable. The four hours that Dr. Bickerstaff had estimated had passed, and she knew this wasn't good sign. She'd been to the nurses station at least 10 times in the last half hour, desperate for any word on Harm. Maggie and Josh had taken the kids for a walk, and AJ and Sydney had gone with them. Harriet was still with Bud, leaving Grams and Mac alone. "Sarah, I'm going to go to the chapel" Grams announced. "Would you like to join me?" "I think I'm going to stay here" Mac said softly. "It shouldn't be much longer and I want to see Harm as soon as they let me." "All right dear" Grams said as she stood up. "I won't be gone long." A short time later Grams sat praying in the small chapel. It was peacefully quiet and she looked up at the heavens as she began to pray. "Dear Lord, I know you're looking out for Harm but you've just got to let him get better. Sarah needs him…and I need him." The tears slowly trickled down her face as she continued her prayer. "I got through losing Peter and somehow I got through losing Harm Sr. But that was because I had Harm. If you take him away, I don't know what I'd do. And you know Sarah won't live a day without him. He's her life. All of us need him." She was weeping silently when she felt someone behind her. She turned around, expecting to see Mac. Instead the pew was empty, just like the rest of the chapel. "Peter" she whispered, knowing at once that her husband was with her. She'd felt his presence several times in her life, always when things were tough. Like the night she'd found out Harm Sr. had been shot down. And the night she'd found out Harm had crashed on the carrier. She took a deep breath, praying didn't mean what she thought it meant. "Please, lord let him be okay." She hurried to her feet, feeling an urgent need to get back to Mac. "Is there any word yet?" she asked Mac a few minutes later. "No, why?" Mac questioned, Grams distress not going unnoticed. "Grams, what's wrong? Are you okay?" "Sit down dear" Grams said quietly. "I'm sure it was just my imagination but while I was in the chapel I thought I felt Peter with me." "He's just here to comfort you" Mac smiled. "That's understandable." "Yes, but every time I've felt him with me, it was…well…" Grams stopped, not sure she should tell Mac anymore. "Oh god, when something bad happens" Mac cried and Grams nodded before pulling Mac into her arms. "Harm is going to be okay though" Grams said determinedly. "We can't give up hope." "He was trying to warn you that something was going to happen to Harm" Mac wailed softly. "Something is wrong. I know it." "Sarah Rabb, don't you dare start thinking that" Grams said sharply. "Nothing is going to happen to Harm. He's going to be just fine." "Mrs. Rabb" They both looked up to see one of the nurses standing in front of them. "I just got word that they've finished the surgery." "Harm?" Mac whispered. "Is in recovery right now" the nurse replied. "I'm sorry but I don't have any other information. Dr. Bickerstaff will be out to talk to you shortly." "I need to see Harm" Mac begged. "Please. Can I at least sit with him?" "I'll check with Dr. Bickerstaff and let you know" By the time the nurse returned, so too had everyone else. "Mrs. Rabb, Dr. Bickerstaff wants to talk to you before you go in to see your husband" the nurse replied. "He'll be out in a few minutes." "Something's wrong" Mac whispered and this time Grams didn't correct her. Instead she began her silent prayers. When Dr. Bickerstaff appeared a few minutes later, Mac felt the knots in her stomach grow even tighter. From the look on his face, she knew Harm wasn't okay. "How is he?" Grams asked. "We had some problems" Dr. Bickerstaff said quietly. "Things didn't go quite as we'd hoped they would." "What kind of problems?" Mac whispered as she clutched Grams hand. He led Grams and Mac several feet from the others into an empty room before he began to speak slowly. "Good news first. We got all the clot, and there's minimal collateral damage that we could see. Now that's not to say he's not going to have some side effects for a while. How severe, how debilitating we have no way of knowing; and that depends in large part on him anyway. He'll need some therapy we are sure of that." "Side effects like?" Mac persisted. "Anything from just some minor weakness all the way to having to learn to feed himself again," he answered carefully. "But I'm pretty optimistic there. Let's not get too concerned before we need to be; and this medical center has a wonderful rehab unit anyway. One of the best in the country." "OK I can live with that," Mac nodded, steeling herself. "Now what else? When will I be able to talk to him?" "That's a question that only time can answer. He's not come out of his unconscious state yet." "That's just a fancy term for coma isn't it?" she asked bitterly, her lawyer's mind seeing through him at once. "I guess so," the doctor admitted, "but we're very fortunate that he's still with us. I don't take kindly to my patients trying to check out in the middle of an operation." "Excuse me?" Mac gasped sharply, her hands flailing for something to hold on to. "It's not really..." "Doctor we want to know please," Grams interrupted with quiet persistence. "What happened in there with my grandson?" Dr. Bickerstaff lowered his head. "He coded--that's doctor speak for his heart stopped and I honestly didn't think we would get him..." An unearthly scream came from Mac at those words. It was all too much; the accident, the search, the finding of him barely alive, and the surgery all combined and she reached for Grams who's strong hands grabbed onto her, saving her from hitting the floor. "I need a gurney here stat," the doctor shouted. "Not her too," Grams gasped, tears already forming. "Grams what was..." Sydney and AJ were the first to react. "My god what's happened now?" "Nothing serious I don't believe," the doctor assured them, motioning them aside for the gurney. "I'm thinking she's just having a reaction to the stress, possibly combined with not eating, and maybe some dehydration." He turned to the nurse who was seeing to Mac being lifted and settled. "I want the attending to do a good work up and let me know." "Yes doctor." "I'm going with her," Sydney announced firmly. "I'm a doctor myself and I'd feel better if one of us was along." AJ gave her a quick kiss and he and Grams walked outside with her, finding Maggie in the hallway with Brandon and Mollie. "We were told Harm was out of surgery," Maggie whispered, her hands to her face in alarm, "but my god what's wrong with Mac?" "They're going to check her now," Grams told her. "I'm guessing she's simply fainted from hearing that..." "Hearing what?" AJ frowned, taking the older woman's arm. "Grams you'd better bring us up to date here." "The operation is over and Harm is fine," she said softly, "but they had to...well I guess like on TV...his heart stopped, and Dr. Bickerstaff said there was some doubt they were going to get him back." She managed to get out all the words before a small sob took her voice. "OK easy," AJ soothed. "But he's all right now?" She shook her head sadly. "They don't know when he'll wake up. The doctor didn't want to say coma, but that's what it is." Both AJ and Maggie hugged her, helping her to sit down. Mollie and Brandon had been standing back and now edged forward. "Is Mac going to be OK?" Mollie's very small voice, while Brandon simply looked wide eyed and frightened at the idea that another person who held a special place in his life could be in jeopardy. "Sydney is going to see to it the doctors take real good care of her," AJ told her. "She's just had too much upset is all. But if she needs help or medicine, they'll make sure she gets it." "OK what did I miss?" Josh asked hesitantly when he came off the elevator a few moments later. "How's Harm?" AJ shot Brandon a glance before he answered. "Came through the surgery, but not awake yet. They don't know when that's going to happen. " "I hate this. I hate this," Brandon screamed suddenly, each word a little louder than the one before. "I hate when people I love are hurt and I hate being here and I hate..." Josh held his arms to the boy, hoping a hug would calm him. "Nooooo," he screamed again. "I won't like you. I can't. You'll get hurt and die like my dad did, and like Harm and Mac are going to." With that he turned and ran at full speed through the corridor and into the stairwell. "Brandon," Maggie shouted and started after him. "Maggie leave him," Josh advised, "he just needs a little breathing room." "No no, you don't understand," she gasped. "When he gets upset, he runs--he runs until he can't run any more. That's OK in our neighborhood because he knows it, but here he'll get lost..." Before she could finish Josh was sprinting after him. Maggie sat down weakly. "You know I always said I wanted my son to be sensitive and not be afraid to show emotion," she sighed. "I should be careful what I wish for." "Josh will catch him easy mama," Mollie smiled and patted her arm. "Mollie let's you and me walk down and see if they know how Mac is," Grams said, holding her hand to the little girl, having sensed Maggie was near tears. "Oh yeah," she smiled. "I need to give her a hug and tell her I'm sorry she's not feeling good." AJ took Maggie's arm and helped her up. "Come on, we'll walk down and make sure Josh rounds up your son. He's quite a guy." "Who Josh or Brandon," Maggie tried to smile. "Both actually," AJ smiled as well. "But Josh I was thinking about. He seems like he'd be good for you and the kids--if you want him that is." "We're still kind of feeling our way around that," Maggie admitted. "It's there all right, but I've been holding back because of the kids. They've been through so much with Ken's death, and the misery he caused us before that. I just don't want to push anything off on them too soon." "Kids can handle a lot more than we give them credit for," AJ reminded her, his arm around her shoulders as he led her in the direction Josh and Brandon had gone. "And you owe yourself happiness. Your kids can't be totally happy if you're not." "How'd you get so smart Admiral?" she asked with a quick smile. "Because I sometimes think I'm supervising an office full of children," he growled. They had reached the parking lot by now and were scanning the rows for Josh or Brandon. The sudden squeal of brakes and tires, almost simultaneous with the scream of Brandon's name got spun them in that direction. "Oh god, oh god no please" Maggie gasped. AJ grabbed her hand and took off running with her, saying his own prayer. When they reached the other side of the parking lot they found Josh sitting up in the middle of the street, Brandon holding on to him as best his little boy arms could, and another man bending over them. "Josh? Josh are you hurt?" Maggie shrieked and flung herself down next to him. "Ma'am he's seems OK. I'm a doctor here and I don't see any damage. Not to the little boy either. He's yours?" "Yeah he is." Maggie swallowed hard, nearly in tears and looking from Josh to Brandon. "What happened here?" "I ran in front of the car mama," Brandon sobbed. "I wasn't watching and I ran in front of the car and Josh grabbed me and pushed me out of the way and the car hit him mama." The boy burst into tears once again and Maggie hugged him tightly, at the same time trying to see if Josh was truly all right. "Brandon don't exaggerate," Josh chided him. "Except the part about you running in front of the car. You did do that, and it wasn't very bright. You might have been hurt badly, and that would have hurt your mom, and me, and all those people who care about you." "I'm sorry," Brandon whispered and without being prompted looked up at the driver. "I'm sorry sir. It was all my fault." "I like a man who can admit when he's wrong," the doctor smiled and looked down at Josh. "You look OK, but if you have any symptoms at all, headaches, unusual pain, you get right to the ER." "I'll see to it," Maggie smiled and with AJ's help, they brought Josh to his feet. "Honey are you really OK?" she fretted, trying to check him over once again and brush dirt from him at the same time. "I wasn't bumped hard really," he assured her, nevertheless he was rubbing a sore elbow. "The doctor was paying attention and slammed his brakes as soon as he saw Brandon, who by the way..." He turned his attention to the boy. "Who by the way is not going to pull a stunt like this again. A man doesn't run from his problems. If he needs some time to think he excuses himself, but he does not run. Am I right?" "Yes sir," Brandon said softly and slipped his small hand into Josh's large one. "I'm sorry. I won't again." "I think we should go back in" Maggie said taking Josh's hand, who continued to hold onto Brandon's. "I want to make sure Mac is okay." Sydney hovered over the doctor as they checked over Mac, who was finally beginning to come around. "Harm" she cried softly, suddenly remembering where she was. "Oh god Harm." "Mac, it's okay" Sydney said softly as she took her hand. "I need to see Harm" Mac said as she tried to sit up, only to be met with more dizziness. "Mrs. Rabb, you need to rest" the doctor said gently. "We've got an IV in you and I don't want you moving from this bed until it's finished. You're dehydrated and your blood pressure is extremely high. We're going to run some blood work just to make sure there isn't anything else going on." "I need to be with Harm" Mac cried, the tears running down her face. "Sydney, please." "Mac, you're only going to make yourself sicker if you don't rest for a little bit" Sydney replied. "And you're not going to be able to take care of Harm if you're sick now are you?" "No" Mac whispered as she leaned back against the pillows. "Where's Grams?" "Right here honey" Grams said as she pushed past the doctor to be at Mac's side, while Mollie stayed with Sydney. "How you feeling?" "I just want to be with Harm" Mac wailed softly. "Grams, we almost lost him. You heard what Dr. Bickerstaff.." "Yes but that's over now" Grams said gently. "And we just have to have faith that Harm is going to come through this. He's strong and he's going to be fine. And you can be with Harm as soon as the doctor says so. But in the meantime, you need to take care of yourself Sarah. If Harm wakes up and finds you in a hospital bed he's not going to be happy about that." "I know" Mac said softly. "So you just rest here for a little bit and then you can see Harm." "Grams, will you go stay with him until I can?" Mac asked as she clutched Grams hand. "I don’t want him to be alone. And if one of us is in there talking to him, he might come out of this sooner." "I was going to stay here with you" Grams replied. "No, go to Harm" Mac said firmly. "I'll be okay. Harm needs to hear familiar voices." "All right" Grams said as she held onto Mac's hand. "I'll go and stay with Harm. But only if you promise me you'll listen to the doctor. You gave this old woman a heart attack a few minutes ago." "I'm sorry" Mac whispered. "And I promise I'll stay here until the doctor says I can get up." "Then I'll go be with Harm" Grams said softly. She gave Mac's hand a squeeze before heading out of the room and Mollie quickly headed over to Mac's side. "Mac are you okay?" she asked. "I’m fine sweetie" Mac said giving her a small smile. "Can I give you a hug to make you better?" Mollie asked and Mac felt more tears brimming. "Sure" she whispered as Sydney helped Mollie up to Mac's bed. "Are you sick because Harm is sick?" Mollie asked as she hugged Mac. "Yeah" Mac said quietly as she held onto Mollie. "Mac, you okay?" Maggie asked anxiously as she, Josh, Brandon and AJ returned. "You scared us." "I'm okay really" Mac assured her as Mollie let go over her and Josh helped her back down. "It's just stress." "Where's Grams?" AJ asked as he led Sydney from Mac's room. "With Harm" Sydney replied. "Mac wanted someone to be with him." "Is Mac okay?" AJ asked. "I don’t know how much more of this she can handle" Sydney sighed. "I'm sure it was just a reaction to everything that's happened, but the doctor's doing a complete work up just in case. I know she hasn't been eating or sleeping since I got here." "I'm going to check on Grams" AJ said quietly. "She's putting up a good front but I'm sure this is hitting her hard." "Good idea" Sydney said giving him a hug. "How you holding up?" "I'm the Admiral" AJ sighed. "I have to be strong." "Hey, you're also a very good friend of the man lying in a coma in there" Sydney said as she pulled away to look at him. "Don't give me that I have to be strong stuff." "I'm scared Sydney" AJ admitted with a whisper. "Harm's the son I never had. I can't imagine him not being all right. And Mac, god, I don't know what she'd do…" "Harm's going to be okay" Sydney said softly as she wrapped her arms around AJ. "We just have to stay positive." "Thank you" AJ sighed as he hugged Sydney tightly. "This is like a bad nightmare that won't end. And I feel so damn guilty. If I hadn't sent them up there.." "AJ it's not your fault" Sydney said sharply. "Don’t you even be thinking you're responsible for this." "I could have sent anyone else to get Commander Rice" AJ chided himself. "I didn't have to send them." "AJ don't. You can't change what has happened and blaming yourself isn't going to make Harm better." "I know you're right" AJ sighed. "But Sydney, it's just so unfair. They just got started on their life together. This shouldn't be happening to them." "No, it's shouldn't" Sydney agreed softly. "I'm going to go sit with Grams" AJ said as he gave her a final hug. "You make sure Mac is okay." He was still sitting with Grams when Mac was wheeled into the room by Sydney a short time later. "Sarah, honey, are you sure you should be up?" Grams asked noting her still pale face. "Grams, I'm fine" Mac assured her as AJ helped her from the wheelchair and into the chair next to Harm's bed. "The doctor said it was probably just from all the stress. And I need to be with Harm." Grams nodded as she stood up. "AJ, I could use some coffee. Why don't you join me?" "Of course" AJ said as understanding she wanted to give Mac some time alone. "Sarah, we'll be back in a few minutes" Grams said as she squeezed Mac's hand before walking out with AJ. Mac leaned closer to Harm as she took his hand in hers. "Okay, sailor. You and I are going to have a little talk here. Well, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen." The first of many more tears to come slid down her face as she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it gently. "I love you Harmon David Rabb. And I need you here with me. I can't do this without you. We have so much ahead of us. The dream of one day raising our children on the Rabb farm. That can't happen without you. So I'm counting on you sailor. Counting on you to wake up real soon and tell me everything is going to be okay." She stopped again, a small sob escaping from her. "I can't live the rest of my life without you Harm. Remember the vows we made at our wedding…two footprints became one. I can't walk through the rest of my life alone. I need you beside me. Please don’t leave me now." She broke down in sobs, laying her head onto his chest as she cried. >A journey which began in a Rose Garden has ended here. Two sets of >footprints are now one. My heart, my body, and my soul are yours. I love >you and today I become your bride……..Sarah Catherine Mackenzie…. Now on >this day, I freely hand you my heart, my soul, all that I am and all that I >ever hope to be. Make of me your husband, for you are my life and my >world.< GOOD FRIDAY 1400 Hrs EST Twenty four hours later. No improvement. But neither was there any ground lost Mac tried to remind herself. His vitals, as shown on all the monitors were within totally normal limits the doctors assured her. The surgery site was likewise seemingly healing nicely; though Mac had not been able to stay in the room when they checked that area. She could not bear to look at where they had sawed away his skull like taking a chunk out of a pie crust, and then put it back in place. She also knew he was bald on that half of his head, shaved as bare as a billiard ball; and wondered how he was going to react when he awoke and realized that. "Sarah?" A not quite recognized voice called to her and she swung around to face Trish and Frank, with Grams behind them. "Hi," Mac managed before running to them, trying to hug both at the same time. "I'm so glad you're here, but they said...Grams said you were on a private cruise and couldn't be reached, and not sure when you'd be docking." "I think someone called in a few favors," Frank smiled. "A certain Admiral perhaps. Nine hours ago we were about five hundred miles off the coast of Newfoundland when a coast guard cutter pulled up along side." "And the next thing is we're being told my son has been injured and has had surgery," Trish sighed. "And shortly after that we're being taken to a base, bundled onto a chopper and dropped off on the roof up here. My head hasn't stopped spinning. Now how's my son? The doctor I browbeat a little bit ago wasn't real helpful. Said a Dr. Bickerstaff operated and was satisfied with his condition." "Satisfied that he's in a coma," Mac answered bitterly. "Trish he can't wake up. What if he never wakes up. Oh god." She felt herself sway and Frank's hands caught her quickly. "Mac hasn't been well herself." Grams was quick to point out. "They have her on medication for her blood pressure and she's supposed to be staying calm." "But I can't," she sighed. "And if Harm doesn't come out of this I don't care what happens to me anyway." "Well I do," Grams told her firmly. "I love you like you were born in my family child, and somehow I'm going to make you look after yourself. It's the least I can do for my grandson. When he does wake up, he's going to find his wife healthy and waiting for him. And on that note, time for something to eat and some juice. Now." Mac looked from Harm to Frank and Trish and then to Grams. "Besides Trish needs a few minutes," Grams reminded her gently. "Trish they think the more we talk to Harm the more likely it will get through to him that he needs to come back to us." "I can do that all right," Trish nodded. "Frank let me have a few minutes here with him would you. Maybe you could get some food with them, and bring me a tray please." They started out of the room and Mac broke away from Grams' grasp, running back to kiss the dry still lips. "I love you Harm. They're making me leave you but your mom is here. I won't be long." Trish waited until the room was empty and then sat at her son's bedside. "Harmon David Rabb I don't know what you think you're pulling here, but you'd better get your act together and straighten up," she told him sternly. "I've been pulled off a wonderful cruise in the North Atlantic to come see you and I'm here now and I expect you to open those eyes and talk to me. Listen to your mother now. I'm not going to lose you like I lost your father." >I'm taking a flight assignment mom. Leaving tomorrow for Pensacola. Yeah I've finally gotten back to what I was born to do. It's going to be wonderful. I'm excited of course. Sound funny? I don't. OK well maybe a little. Why? Because I...because I broke a woman's heart today. A very special woman I care the world around. She cried in my arms mom. And the worst is...I don't know if she'll be able to forgive me ever for leaving.< =============================================== "Both Mrs. Rabbs," Dr. Bickerstaff greeted Mac and Grams in the cafeteria. "And good for you Sarah that you're eating well. Dr. Phillips told me your blood pressure was off the chart. You're taking your medicine right?" "I am thanks," Mac nodded. "Doctor, I know you're tired of me, but Harm is..." "Not waking up I know," he smiled. "I've seen these things take days; and the patient suddenly opens his eyes and he's like--what's all the excitement about. A little faith here. His brain is just taking a little time off after the trauma it was subjected to." "Doctor, taking my patient away from me?" Dr. Phillips smiled as she passed by. "Actually Mrs. Rabb I'm glad to see you. I want to draw a little more blood. Tell me something. In your history you denied you were pregnant?" "No I'm not," she sighed. "I had just taken the test a few days before all this happened. I thought I was too--well I was late and I was hoping." "And you're still late?" Mac's face went blank. "Yeah I guess...well yeah...I mean I hadn't thought about it with so much else. I'm not though. I mean I'm not having any symptoms." "Besides being late," Dr. Phillips smiled and withdrew her prescription pad. I want you to run by the lab as soon as you can and get this test run. The rest of your blood work was normal." "Sarah you didn't tell me you thought you might be pregnant," Grams scolded her gently. "That would certainly explain a lot." "Oh Grams I'm not," she wailed softly. "The test was negative. I so wanted to be; but it's only been two months for us and I figured we'd have all the time.." She was cut off by a large sob that she stifled quickly with her napkin to her mouth. "Now I would pray I'm not. Not without Harm to share it." Frank listened in amused silence. A grandchild. Yes. He would share his hope with Trish. =============================== SATURDAY "Sarah, Pastor Jacob is driving two hours to conduct this service for us, and you can easily attend," Grams told her firmly. "He knows we won't be able to share Easter with him at the church, and he wants to see how Harm is anyway. And then when he offered to have this service, I jumped at the chance. I think we all need to come together for a meal and the worship. This has been hard on everyone, not just you you know." "Yes ma'am I know that," Mac sighed. "But you know how I feel about leaving him. Can you imagine how scared he's going to be if he wakes up and no one is here." "Harm's a big boy. He would be able to handle it for a short time while they called you," Grams nodded. "Please Sarah. It's obvious this is a large extended family now and I think that's wonderful; but we need to come together to do this thing." "Yes OK. I'll need to get cleaned up some then," she said. "You go ahead. I'm going to stay a bit longer and then I'll be along, promise." ==================================================== "Mom Josh says he's not coming to the dinner and service," Brandon reported. "Why mom? Did I do something? I'm sorry if I did. I've been trying, really I have. He's not mad at me is he? I can say I'm sorry if that would help. I really like him mom and I want him to..." Maggie looked up from her magazine and frowned at her troubled boy-child, growing up too quickly she thought. "Why don't you stop babbling for a second and tell him I want to see him." "Mom you love him don't you? Like Harm loved Mac when we first met them but they didn't really know about it yet so much?" She opened and closed her mouth several times before answering. "Yeah. I'm falling in love with him more each day." She wanted to be honest with the boy. "But I'm not going to do anything that's going to upset you and Mollie's lives if I can help it if that's what you're getting at. How would you feel about him being around on a permanent basis?" Brandon shrugged and looked away. "I like him a lot I guess. I guess I never thought about having another dad. I mean the one I had--before the drugs.." His voice trailed off and Maggie hugged him. "This is not a good time or place for this discussion. You need to know more how you feel for one thing. Now go tell him I want him." She was looking out of the window, staring off into the trees when Josh found her. "Were you bellerin' for me?" His arms slid around her waist from behind and he rested his chin on her shoulder. For a long minute she relaxed in the comfort of his embrace, and then turned in the circle of his arms. "What's this crap about you not coming to the dinner?" "Uh...it's more family time." He squirmed uncomfortably. "I mean I know you're not family but you are--well you're more family than I am and I just didn't think it was my place to..." "Your place is by my side mister," she retorted. "I won't go if you won't." "Margaret," he tried, using her given name for attention, "Brandon is having hesitancy accepting me now. If I push my way in..." "Brandon does not call the shots in everything," she reminded him firmly. "His feelings are important, and of course have to be considered, but the final decision rests in adult-land for a long time to come. I hate to sound like my mom, but as long as he's under my roof. Now I say again, what's this crap about you not joining us?" "You want me to come that bad?" "I won't go without you. I need you to be there for me. Brandon and Mollie need you too. And in fact it was Brandon who told me you weren't coming and Brandon who was upset by the idea--along with me now of course." She lay her head down on his shoulder and he kissed her forehead. "Really?" "Really," she murmured. "You want to hear what else I told Brandon?" "I don't know---do I?" "When we first met Harm and Mac they were in love, but dancing around the fact. Well earlier when Brandon was telling me he was upset that you didn't want to join us, he asked me if we were in love. See he's pretty perceptive. He used to ask me why Harm didn't just go ahead and kiss Mac--stuff like that, and we'd laugh. Anyway, tonight that's what he wanted to know. If you and I were in love like that." She kept her head down as she spoke and then felt him sigh and tilt her chin up to look at him. "And you told him?" "That I was falling in love with you more all the time," she admitted. "I wanted to be honest with him. And now with you." His lips came down gently onto hers, taking a gentle kiss before he spoke. "And I'm falling in love with you. And if you want me there I will be." "You belong as much as I do," she whispered, her eyes now fixed on his. His hands slid down her arms and he kissed her once more. "Then I'd better get dressed." Holiday Inn As she promised, Mac had come back to the hotel to shower and change for the dinner and worship that would be held in one of the small banquet rooms of the hotel. There was a knock at the door and she opened the door to find Pastor Jacob and Grams waiting for her. "Sarah, come one" Grams said taking her arm. "Everyone is already gathered." "Grams, I really want to be with Harm" Mac pleaded. "You guys go ahead." "Sarah, you need to take a break" Grams said quietly. "You're not doing yourself any good. Come with us and get a good meal and some time with family and friends." "I'm really not hungry. And Harm needs someone with him" Mac countered. Grams shook her head, knowing there was little she was going to say to convince Mac otherwise. Harm always said his marine was stubborn and Grams was seeing just how stubborn she was. "Come with us, Sarah" Pastor Jacob urged. "Harm will be fine. You need to …" "Stop it" Mac screamed. "Stop saying Harm is going to be fine. He's not fine. He's in a coma. And the doctor has no idea when and if he's going to wake up. And nothing we do is going to change that." "Sarah" Grams said gently as she reached for Mac. "I know…" "No, you don't know" Mac screamed, her last bit of composure slipping away. For three days she'd listened to everyone tell her how it was going to be okay. And it wasn't. Nothing was ever going to be okay again if she lost Harm. "You don't know how I feel." She was sobbing hysterically as she yanked away from Grams, running down the hall and out of the hotel, towards the hospital. "I'd better go after her" Grams fretted. "Let her go Sarah" Pastor Jacob said quietly. "She needs some time alone. We all deal with things in our own way. Come on, let's have dinner and our worship and then we'll go find her." "Are you sure she'll be okay?" Grams asked as they headed to the banquet room. "She's a strong woman, she'll be okay" Pastor Jacob said quietly. The others were gathered in the banquet hall as Grams and Pastor Jacob walked in, everyone noticing Mac's absence. "Is Mac okay?" Trish asked as they sat down at the large table. "She just needs some time alone" Grams said quietly. "Everything is just starting to get to her. I think her faith is a little shaky right now." "Grams, which way did she go?" Harriet asked softly. She knew very much what it was like to lose faith and had an idea of what Mac was feeling. "She went back to the hospital" Grams replied. "I'm going to go see if I can find her" Harriet said as she stood up. Harriet hurried back to the hospital, heading to Harm's room first. She was surprised when she didn't find Mac there, figuring she would have gone there first. "Have you seen Mrs. Rabb?" Harriet asked the nurse when she came in. "She was here a few minutes ago, but then she took off" the nurse replied. "Is something wrong?" "I hope not" Harriet sighed as she sat down in the chair by Harm's bed. She looked over at him, trying to imagine how hard this was on Mac. When she'd lost baby Sarah, she'd had Bud to lean on. She couldn't even imagine what she would do if she were in Mac's place. "Harm, she needs you" Harriet whispered as she picked up his hand, holding it tightly in hers. "She can't handle to much more of this. So you'd better just start thinking about waking up real soon. You waited all those years to make Sarah your wife, you can't leave her now. She loves you more than anything in this world." She felt a few tears slide down her face and she quickly wiped them away. "And the rest of us need you. Little AJ needs his godfather. Bud needs his friend. We all need you. So you just stop this silliness and wake up." A few more tears slipped out and she stood up, suddenly knowing where she needed to go. After stopping at Harm's room, Mac had run, not knowing where she was going. She was surprised when she found herself in the hospital chapel. It was empty and she sat down in one of the pews, her soft sobs echoing in the empty room. "Why" she cried out loud after a few minutes of sobbing. "Why are you doing this to us? We've only had a few months together. It isn't fair." Her voice broke as her sobs increased. "How could you give us a glimpse of paradise and then take it away? Why did you let me love him if you were just going to take him away from me." She buried her head in her hands as the sobs wracked her body. Harriet walked into the small chapel, hearing the end of Mac's tearful words. "Sarah" Harriet whispered softly as she sat down next to Mac. "Harriet, it's not fair" Mac sobbed. "It's just not fair." "I know Sarah" Harriet said as the tears ran down her own face. "I know. I asked the same thing when baby Sarah died." "Why?" Mac cried. "Why does he do this to us?" "I don't know" Harriet whispered as she looked at Mac. "I don't have those answers. But you can't give up. You have to keep believing that Harm is going to be okay." "What if he's not?" Mac cried. "I can't live without him, Harriet. I don't want to live without him." "Don't think that" Harriet said softly as she pulled Mac into her arms. "It's not going to happen. God wouldn't take him away from you." "He took baby Sarah from you" Mac wailed. "Yes, but he's blessed me with another child" Harriet whispered. "Sarah, you can't stop believing now. I know your faith is being tested right now. But you've got to stay positive." "I want to believe he's going to be okay" Mac sobbed. "But I just don't know." "Believe Sarah" Harriet said softly. "Don't lose your faith along with everything else." Harriet held Mac tightly as she sobbed, her own tears sliding down her face as she tried to soothe her friend. When Mac's sobbing finally eased, Harriet pulled away to look at her friend. "Why don't you come back to the hotel now" Harriet said gently. "I don’t know" "Sarah, we're all here for you" Harriet said quietly. "Although none of us can take away your pain, we're all here for you." "Oh Harriet, I can't" Mac said as she started to cry again. "I yelled at Grams and Pastor Jacob." "And I'm sure they understand" Harriet said firmly. "Now let’s go back to the hotel." She stood up and held her hand out for Mac, who reluctantly took it. "Can we stop and see Harm first?" Mac asked quietly. "Of course" Harriet said giving her a hug. "I had a talk with that husband of yours earlier. I think he'll be coming around real soon." After a small stop at Harm's room, Harriet led her back to the hotel, Mac's feet dragging as she reached the banquet room. "Harriet, I feel so bad about what I said earlier" Mac said quietly. "Grams probably hates me." "Sarah, Grams doesn't have a mean bone in her body" Harriet said firmly. "That woman loves you as much as she loves Harm. And Pastor Jacob is used to dealing with people who are going through stuff like this. Now go." Harriet opened the door for her and she slipped through quietly. The family was still eating, the only sound the occasional murmur to accompany the clank of a fork or glass. Jacob rose to his feet when he saw Mac with Harriet and he held his hand out to her. "Welcome back. We missed you." Mac nodded and looked around the table. "Thank you. I would say I'm sorry but I know there's no need. I know that you all understand and forgive me, and for that I'm more grateful than you could ever know." Grams hurried to her side, putting her arm around her to guide her to her place. "Come and eat child. It's still warm. And then we will go to the Lord together." Mac's stomach rumbled with hunger, the first hunger pang she had felt since it all began and her hand went to her belly, a quirky smile on her lips suddenly. "Sarah?" Grams asked her gently, not sure what was coming over her. "I'm fine." Mac shook her head and took her place beside Grams. The meal was completed and Jacob led them to the chairs set up before a small table that would serve as a makeshift altar. "Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" Jacob intoned. Mac's hands trembled in Grams's though her face remained passive as she fixated on the small cross before her and she remembered what tomorrow's holiday stood for. Four months earlier, she and Harm had renounced the trappings of Christmas-- the Santas and the reindeer and the gaily decorated trees and instead made the holiday about the birth of the Savior who was Christ the Lord. Now another holiday was upon them. To celebrate that this Christ child rose from his burial place, ascended into Heaven, and now sits in judgment over the world. He rose to give new life to a doomed world. New life. Her hand went to her belly once again and her heart to the man who made up everything that was good in her existence. New life. It was going to be all right. Her Harm was coming back to her. It was just a matter of time, and of faith. She gave a short sigh and Grams turned to her. Sarah Catherine Rabb was smiling, tears on her cheeks but smiling all the same. "It's going to be fine Grams. I don't know how I know, but I know now," she whispered. "Harm is not far off now. He's on his way home. My Harm is coming back to me very soon." For the rest of the service, Mac was calm and quiet, her hands resting easily in Grams'. "Sarah you know you're in my prayers," Jacob said quietly, giving her a big hug as he was ready to leave. I'm committed all day to the church activities tomorrow, but I can be here in the evening if necessary." "Thank you Jacob," Mac smiled. "I know Harm will be glad to see you." Unseen by her, Jacob and Grams exchanged worried looks. "I'll walk you out Jacob," Grams told him and she released Mac to Harriet's care. "Harriet, I don't know how to thank you for this afternoon," Mac said at once. "I needed that so bad. And you're such a good friend to put up with me." "I seem to remember you putting up with a lot of sadness from me," Harriet smiled. "But that was different. That was over and done. This is going to be fine." "I know," she smiled, a genuine smile. "Harm is coming back really soon now." ========================================== "Jacob I'm worried about her," Grams frowned when they were out of earshot. "All of a sudden she's calm and accepting. I don't know if that's good. Maybe she should be railing against the injustice of all this. Maybe God should know that she's not going to accept anything less than getting her husband back whole and healthy." Jacob gave the older woman a tolerant smile. "Maybe she and God already have an understanding," he said softly. "Serenity in the face of a crisis comes from that sometimes. Grams call me if there's any change, please. I'm leaving word that I want to be told even if I'm in the pulpit." He kissed her cheek and bid her good night. When Grams returned to the banquet room she found the group breaking up and Mac announcing she would be spending the night in Harm's room. Sydney and Harriet were the first to raise objection and Grams shook her head, remembering Jacob's words. If God had told Mac Harm would be soon returned to her, she needed to be there when it happened. ======================================================== Easter Sunday Morning At first Mac thought she was dreaming. There was a rustling in the room she could not identify. Just a soft rustling sound like maybe little mice toenails running across a linen surface. Linen...linen sheets and nails--fingernails. Her eyes flew open and she froze to listen again. There it was, and now she saw the source. Harm was scraping his fingernails across the sheet, his fingers working at the knuckles. No other part of his body was moving, and his eyes were still tightly closed. "Harm? Harm can you hear me?" Mac's excited voice drew the attention of a passing nurse. "Mrs. Rabb?" "Look, look at what he's doing," Mac screeched. She smiled and nodded. "There's always a first sign." "How soon to the next one usually?" Mac asked excitedly, hardly daring to hope. "Five minutes, five hours, five days," she answered. "All different. If there's another pretty soon, that can be positive." "OK Rabb you heard that," Mac scolded. "You've started, we need more from you now. Let's see what else you've got Sailor. Come on now. Maybe a toe wiggle next. Please Harm." Harriet opened the door for her and she slipped through quietly. The family was still eating, the only sound the occasional murmur to accompany the clank of a fork or glass. Jacob rose to his feet when he saw Mac with Harriet and he held his hand out to her. "Welcome back. We missed you." Mac nodded and looked around the table. "Thank you. I would say I'm sorry but I know there's no need. I know that you all understand and forgive me, and for that I'm more grateful than you could ever know." Grams hurried to her side, putting her arm around her to guide her to her place. "Come and eat child. It's still warm. And then we will go to the Lord together." Mac's stomach rumbled with hunger, the first hunger pang she had felt since it all began and her hand went to her belly, a quirky smile on her lips suddenly. "Sarah?" Grams asked her gently, not sure what was coming over her. "I'm fine." Mac shook her head and took her place beside Grams. The meal was completed and Jacob led them to the chairs set up before a small table that would serve as a makeshift altar. "Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" Jacob intoned. Mac's hands trembled in Grams's though her face remained passive as she fixated on the small cross before her and she remembered what tomorrow's holiday stood for. Four months earlier, she and Harm had renounced the trappings of Christmas--the Santas and the reindeer and the gaily decorated trees and instead made the holiday about the birth of the Savior who was Christ the Lord. Now another holiday was upon them. To celebrate that this Christ child rose from his burial place, ascended into Heaven, and now sits in judgment over the world. He rose to give new life to a doomed world. New life. Her hand went to her belly once again and her heart to the man who made up everything that was good in her existence. New life. It was going to be all right. Her Harm was coming back to her. It was just a matter of time, and of faith. She gave a short sigh and Grams turned to her. Sarah Catherine Rabb was smiling, tears on her cheeks but smiling all the same. "It's going to be fine Grams. I don't know how I know, but I know now," she whispered. "Harm is not far off now. He's on his way home. My Harm is coming back to me very soon." For the rest of the service, Mac was calm and quiet, her hands resting easily in Grams'. "Sarah you know you're in my prayers," Jacob said quietly, giving her a big hug as he was ready to leave. I'm committed all day to the church activities tomorrow, but I can be here in the evening if necessary." "Thank you Jacob," Mac smiled. "I know Harm will be glad to see you." Unseen by her, Jacob and Grams exchanged worried looks. "I'll walk you out Jacob," Grams told him and she released Mac to Harriet's care. "Harriet, I don't know how to thank you for this afternoon," Mac said at once. "I needed that so bad. And you're such a good friend to put up with me." "I seem to remember you putting up with a lot of sadness from me," Harriet smiled. "But that was different. That was over and done. This is going to be fine." "I know," she smiled, a genuine smile. "Harm is coming back really soon now." ========================================== "Jacob I'm worried about her," Grams frowned when they were out of earshot. "All of a sudden she's calm and accepting. I don't know if that's good. Maybe she should be railing against the injustice of all this. Maybe God should know that she's not going to accept anything less than getting her husband back whole and healthy." Jacob gave the older woman a tolerant smile. "Maybe she and God already have an understanding," he said softly. "Serenity in the face of a crisis comes from that sometimes. Grams call me if there's any change, please. I'm leaving word that I want to be told even if I'm in the pulpit." He kissed her cheek and bid her good night. When Grams returned to the banquet room she found the group breaking up and Mac announcing she would be spending the night in Harm's room. Sydney and Harriet were the first to raise objection and Grams shook her head, remembering Jacob's words. If God had told Mac Harm would be soon returned to her, she needed to be there when it happened. ======================================================== Easter Sunday Morning At first Mac thought she was dreaming. There was a rustling in the room she could not identify. Just a soft rustling sound like maybe little mice toenails running across a linen surface. Linen...linen sheets and nails--fingernails. Her eyes flew open and she froze to listen again. There it was, and now she saw the source. Harm was scraping his fingernails across the sheet, his fingers working at the knuckles. No other part of his body was moving, and his eyes were still tightly closed. "Harm? Harm can you hear me?" Mac's excited voice drew the attention of a passing nurse. "Mrs. Rabb?" "Look, look at what he's doing," Mac screeched. She smiled and nodded. "There's always a first sign." "How soon to the next one usually?" Mac asked excitedly, hardly daring to hope. "Five minutes, five hours, five days," she answered. "All different. If there's another pretty soon, that can be positive." "OK Rabb you heard that," Mac scolded. "You've started, we need more from you now. Let's see what else you've got Sailor. Come on now. Maybe a toe wiggle next. Please Harm." She watched him intently for the next hour, willing him back to her. She knew it was a just a matter of time, and she was prepared to wait as long as it took. "Morning Sarah" Grams said giving her a hug when she came in a short time later. "Grams he moved his hand. I know it's just a matter of time now" Grams gave her a large smile, wondering if in fact Jacob had been right. Maybe Sarah had reached some sort of understanding with the Lord. "Yes, dear it is" And as if he were listening to them, Harm's hand moved again, coming to rest on Mac's arm. "Harm" Mac whispered. "Can you hear me? Come on sailor, I know you're trying to come back to me. And I'm here waiting for you. You can do it." "Yes you can Harmon" Grams prodded. "You've had enough time. Now it's time to come back to us." "Mrs. Rabb there you are" Dr. Phillips said as she was walked into Harm's room. "I should have known I wouldn't find you anywhere beside here." "He moved his hand" Mac told her happily. "He'll be awake any time soon. I know it." "Good, because you'll have some good news to tell him" Dr. Phillips smiled. "Congratulations, Sarah. You're pregnant." "I am?" "Oh Sarah" Grams exclaimed as she hugged Mac. "I'm so happy for you." "Harm and I are going to have a baby" Mac whispered. She immediately turned her attention back to Harm. "Did you hear that flyboy? We're going to have a baby. You're going to be a daddy. So you know what that means don't you? Time for you to wake up, because I'm not going to raise this child without you." Her soft voice was pulling him towards her. He'd heard her all along, but just couldn't seem to get to her. He was closer now, and he could get to her. He wanted to reach her, wanted to see and touch her beautiful face again. All he had to do was try. "Harm, come on, you can do it" Mac pleaded. "I know you can." It was a supreme effort and took several minutes, but with every ounce of strength he had in him, Harmon David Rabb finally pushed his eyes open. "Harm" Mac cried softly, tears slowly spilling down her face. "Oh thank you God" she whispered with a glance to the heavens above. He looked at her blankly and for a moment a wave of fear rolled through her. Had he forgotten her? Would he not remember their lives together? "Harm" Mac whispered again. "Harm, can you hear me?" "I'm going to go get the doctor" Grams said as she hurried from the room, fearing like Mac that he'd forgotten them all. He continued to stare up at Mac, trying to get the words out. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that it was going to be okay. And he wanted to hold her. But getting his body to cooperate was another thing. "Harm" Mac whispered again, all the while telling herself she could deal with anything as long as he was with her. They could weather any storm, as long as they were together. Even if he'd forgotten their past, they would make new memories in the future. Somehow he finally managed to get his body to cooperate, first getting his hand to reach for hers, and giving it a small squeeze. "You can hear me" Mac whispered. And finally, he was able to utter one word. It was barely a whisper, and his speech was slightly slurred, but Mac knew exactly what he said. "Sarah." "Oh Harm" Mac sobbed as she dropped her head to his chest. "I love you so much. It's going to be okay. We're going to get through this together. I promise." His hand reached up to stroke her hair, and she once again lifted her head to look at him. She could tell he wanted to say something else to her, but was having difficulty getting the words to come. "It's okay" Mac whispered as she stroked his cheek with her hand. "I know." But he wanted to tell her. He needed to tell her. And somehow he managed to get the words out. "Luv yu" "Oh Harm" was all Mac could say as another round of tears started. It wasn’t going to be easy but somehow they would make it. With faith in God and the love of their family, they would be okay. THE END