TITLE: "Between Love and Tomorrow" Chapter 2 [concluding chapter] AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: A young boy-a young girl-a Marine Lieutenant Colonel-a Naval Commander, all with much to teach, and much to learn, and lives will never be the same. CLASSIFICATION/RATING: J/S/R/A PG for language and mild violence. A Harm-Mac romance. Sigh. SPOILERS: In any of our work, any JAG episode may be referred to. FEEDBACK: If you're so moved but never expected nor begged for. Addy is ssbpmn@aol.com. Please however, we request you respect the work, and the effort that goes into writing it. NOTE: All parts of this story, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html [sadly, not always up and running] or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} Http://www.capitalcitycollaborations.com also features much of our work. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Between Love and Tomorrow" Chapter 2 The remainder of the weekend passed uneventfully and Sunday night they made the drive back to D.C., delivering their charges before going to Mac's place where they collapsed in a heap on the sofa, needing some recovery time. "It was a great weekend," Mac finally spoke. "Despite the little problems. It was still great." "You up for another one, just us this time?" "In the tent?" "No not in the tent," he laughed and tickled her. "I was serious about that cabin. So serious that I'm going to go online and make reservations. I've already been checking out some places." "Yeah well when I'm sitting in that hot tub with your arms around me, I'll believe it," she smiled, turning his face to hers for a long kiss that turned into a yawn. "I'm sorry," she gasped. "It was a fun weekend but I didn't exactly sleep." "And your ankle is hurting." "OK yeah guilty your honor, but I'll live. I wouldn't mind a nap though." "You want me to carry you to your bed?" "No just hold me please." His arms went more closely around her. "Anytime anywhere." "Uh. . .pass on that for in court or maybe the Admiral's office," she giggled. She was asleep almost at once and when she awoke it was to the smell of soup cooking and bread baking. "Harm?" She rose slowly, rubbing her eyes. "Harm?" "Yeah honey right here. Everything is fine. You OK?" Quickly he set down the carrot he was shredding for salad and hurried to her. "I'm good yeah. I just woke up and the smell was so different and then having someone here and I was disoriented I guess. It's been a very long time since I had someone sharing my space. Never someone I loved. . .not like I love you Harmon Rabb." "Well I love you too" he whispered as he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. "Dinner's almost ready. You just relax." "You didn't have to cook me dinner" she sighed. "But thank you." "Get used to this honey" he smiled. "Because I'll be doing this a lot for you—for us--in the future." After dinner they retired to the sofa again and this time they both fell asleep, exhausted from the long weekend with the kids. It was dark when they finally woke and as he tried to pull away to get up, she stopped him. "Stay" she murmured. "It's too late for you to be driving home." "You sure?" She nodded. "You can get up early in the morning and go home and change." "Well I don't have to be asked twice" he smiled. "Come on Marine. Let's get you to bed." "Love you" she murmured a few minutes later as she snuggled in his arms. "Love you too" he whispered as he kissed her forehead. Finally all was right with the world. ****************** Alpine Hideaway Cabin Steels Tavern, VA Two Weeks Later "Harm this is gorgeous" Mac gasped as he opened the door to the cabin. "How on earth did you find this?" "Searching the Web" he smiled. "I guess you like it." "Like it, I love it" she smiled as she walked through the cabin. A king-sized bed was in the bedroom, a fireplace and big screen TV in the living room and a hot tub on the deck. "Can we move here?" "Not quite" he laughed. "But it's ours for the weekend." "Thank you so much" she whispered as she turned and hugged him tightly. "I never expected anything like this." "Figured you deserved something with all the amenities after roughing it last time." "Thank you. I just feel bad for deserting the kids." "Well at least you were able to persuade Justin to let Kevin hang out with Casey tonight and sleepover" he smiled. "I haven't thanked you for that." "It wasn't me. Heather actually was the one. I think mainly because she's trying to get on Casey's good side but whatever the case I'm glad it worked out. They should have fun. And I have Heather's word they'll be chaperoned with separate sleeping quarters." "Yeah they should get to have a good time. Did I tell you I talked to Natalie about Kevin and his headaches again? And you know she still hasn't taken him to the doctor. I told her I would do it next week if she just made the appointment with whoever they use." "I'll go with you if you want" she frowned. "I can't believe she didn't do it yet. Especially after the weekend before." "In her defense she's going to deliver any day and I'm sure Kevin isn't the most pressing thing on her mind. But still she should have taken him a long time ago. It's probably nothing but if he knew that was the case, he would stop worrying and it might lessen the problem. Bottom line she should have taken him. "Yeah she should have." "Okay enough about the kids. What would you like to do first my lady?" he asked. "How about a soak in the hot tub?" "You read my mind. Shall I get our suits?" "Who said we needed suits?" he smiled. "So you did plan on a seduction this weekend?" she smiled. "Oh yeah. First the hot tub. Then that gorgeous bed. And then the rug in front of the fireplace." "Stop talking and let's see some action Sailor" she teased. "Oh it's action you want" he whispered as he walked over to her. "I can give you some of that." He pulled her into his arms and lowered his lips to hers, a long and passionate kiss following. "Maybe we should skip the hot tub and go right to the bedroom" she panted when they parted. He nodded and without a word lifted her into his arms and carried her to the large four poster bed. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this moment?" he whispered. "Oh yeah" she said softly. "You're sure this is what you want?" he asked. "I mean if I'm rushing, just tell me and I'll stop." "I don't want you to stop" she whispered as he pulled him to her. "I want to make love you to you." He didn't need any further invitation and his hands moved to remove the clothing between them. "I love you Sarah" he whispered before his lips found hers again. They made love and slept and made love and moved to the hot tub in the middle of the night with a big yellow moon for company. The hot tub cooled but their ardor did not. It simply was relocated to the soft rug in front of the logs. The sun was high when they awoke, wrapped in a blanket, and in each others arms. "So what's the plan for today?" she whispered, still drowsy in his arms. "Well I think food would be in order since it was your stomach growling that woke me," he grinned. "I can make us a good brunch and then we can walk some while the sun is warm." "And then," she prompted. "And then we can kill some time with the Scrabble or Yatzee games on the shelf there. Or there's always cards." "Why don't you try again Flyboy," she offered, suggestively rubbing her body against his. "Mac when you do that I can't even think what I'm saying," he sighed, his lips immediately finding hers. "Now about breakfast." "I'm hungry all right, but food can wait." =============== FOUR HOURS LATER "You're falling out Marine," Harm teased, holding tightly to her hand as they made for the summit of the mountain that held their cabin in one of its hollows. "I'm fine. Just a little sore," she laughed, increasing his pace. "Sore?" "Yeah sore," she laughed again. "The inner muscles get out of shape. Harm I don't know about you, but for me it's been a long time." "Was that a subtle way of asking me if there was anyone since Renee," he asked gently. "Well yeah but then I realized hey why am I being subtle," she giggled. "Has there been?" "No. I didn't want anyone. She was gone, and the fact that I kept her around for almost two years to warm my bed when the one I wanted was just across the city is not something I'm real proud of." "Well I allowed a man to leave a life he loved, including a career he excelled at, to travel ten thousand miles to find a woman who wasn't all that glad to see him," she said softly. "I should have somehow prevented him from coming even though it was a total surprise. So many times I started a letter, picked up the phone--and then I remembered how I didn't want to be alone any more. Which is really sad because the man I wanted was just across the city." "You've got him now," he replied, gathering her tightly, and feeling an unaccountable tendency toward tears with the emotionalism of the moment. "You've got him now. You are so stuck with him." "And so loving it. And him," she sighed happily, resting her head on his shoulder. =============== 2AM Mac was just coming from the bathroom, Harm already all but asleep, when her cell phone erupted from her backpack, the theme from Star Wars filling the room. "What the hell is that," he erupted from the bed. "Harm chill. It's called a phone," she giggled, "though I don't like that someone is calling me at this hour." "Me neither, and by the way I have a phone too, but it just rings. Rings, doesn't play a movie theme." She glared at him and connected the call, her face troubled as she realized who it was. "Casey I'm here. Slow down and take a breath. Tell me what's wrong." "It's Kevin" she managed. "He's really sick. He started puking and he didn't stop and he said his head was hurting really bad and then he started shaking and Dad said he was having a seizure so he called 911." "Is that where you are—the hospital?" Mac asked. "Yes ma'am. They took him away and they haven't said anything since. I'm so scared something is really wrong with him." "Okay just try and stay calm. Where are you? Harm and I will be there as soon as we can." With a long sigh she hung up and turned to Harm who'd been watching her while she talked. "What's wrong?" he asked. "That was Casey. Kevin's sick. Really bad. Justin had to call 911 to take him to the hospital. He couldn't stop vomiting and had a really bad headache and then he had a seizure. They're at the hospital now but they don't know anything yet." "We need to get to him" Harm whispered. " Dammit. I knew something was wrong. I kept telling Natalie to take him to the doctor." "Well hopefully it's not anything real serious" Mac said quietly. "It could be a hundred things and might even be something as simple as a bad case of the flu." "I hope you're right. You don't mind cutting our weekend short do you?" "Of course not. I know you want to get to Kevin and Casey is pretty upset as well so there's no way I'd want to stay here. We'll go back and see what's going on and then book this for another weekend." "Thank you. I just want to make sure Kevin is okay. I'm sure he's scared and it probably wouldn't hurt for me to be there." "I know. You get dressed and I'll start packing." Thirty minutes later they were on the way back to DC from Steels Tavern, Harm pressing the speed limit as much as he dared. He was getting a bad feeling about Kevin and he prayed it wasn't anything serious. It was just before 6 AM when they pulled into the parking lot at Arlington General, Harm giving Mac a gentle nudge to wake her. "We're here already. When did I fall asleep?" "About an hour ago. I figured you needed a little rest." "How about you?" she asked. "How you holding up? You have to be exhausted." "I'll rest once I know what's going on with Kevin" he sighed. "Until then I'll be fine. I just want to see what they've found out." The ER was empty at that hour and they quickly located Casey and Justin, now joined by Natalie and Daunte. Casey was nearly asleep in Justin's arms and Natalie sat quietly next to Daunte, her hand clinging tightly to his. "We came as fast as we could" Harm said as he hurried over. "Is there any word yet?" "They're still running tests" Daunte said quietly. "They said it wouldn't be much longer before the doctor came to talk to us. But they still haven't let us see him." "It's something real bad" Harm murmured as Mac led him to a chair. "I just know it's something bad." "This is my fault" Natalie whispered. "I should have taken him to the doctor. But I didn't think it was anything serious. God how could I have been so stupid." "Honey it's not your fault" Daunte soothed his wife. "You had no way of knowing. Besides we don't even know it's anything serious yet." "Mac" Casey murmured as Mac sat down next to her. "Hi sweetie" Mac said softly. "How you holding up?" "I'm scared. I don't want anything to happen to Kevin." "Well hopefully Kevin will be okay," she said as Casey climbed into her lap. It was another long half-hour before the doctor finally made his way over to the weary group. "You must be Kevin's Mom," he said to Natalie. "I'm Doctor Caruthers. I've been taking care of Kevin." "How is he?" she whispered. "How's my baby?" "There's no easy way to say this" Doctor Caruthers said quietly. "We ran an MRI and a CT scan and found a tumor on Kevin's brain. I'm sorry. It's malignant." Natalie at once let out a long wail that she tried to stifle in Daunte's chest. Justin held tightly to Casey and Harm's arms went around Mac even more firmly as he listened in shock to what he was hearing as she burst into soft tears, burying her head in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry," Dr. Caruthers sighed. "And I know this is going to take a while to sink in." "Options doctor?" Harm's voice trembled as he asked. "None. I'm sorry. The tumor has wrapped around the brain stem." "No. I won't accept that," Harm hissed. "There has to be treatment. If it's a matter of money. . ." "Sir that's not the situation. It may be possible to do some radiation that will buy him some time. I'm not the authority on that. You'll want to talk to the pediatric oncologist on staff. Mary Fehr is her name and I've already put the pictures on her desk." "We want another opinion," Harm insisted stubbornly, realizing Natalie was too shocked to rationally question this doctor. "Dr. Fehr will insist that you do just that," Dr. Caruthers nodded. "For your own peace of mind." "Can we see him?" Mac whispered. "He has to be scared to death." "He's been sedated and he's sleeping. And will for the next several hours. But he's in no pain and we've quelled the nausea." "This is my fault. My fault totally," Natalie wailed. "I should have. . ." She rose from Daunte's chest and pushed away from him. "And you. You were no help. You said he was faking. You said he just wanted to ditch school." Her voice rose to a near-shriek and Daunte attempted in vain to calm her. "Ma'am please," Dr. Caruthers interrupted. "This is not good for you or the baby and you need to quiet down for the sake of the patients here too. Please." Mac pulled herself from Harm and went to her. "Natalie, please. Please. Trying to lay blame is not what's called for here. Harm and I knew he was sick too. We could have been more insistent." "What do I do now?" she whispered, her hand going to her belly instinctively. Harm stepped forward and pulled her into a quick hug. "Daunte is going to take you home and then in the morning you'll come back and see Kevin and Dr. Fehr. Am I right Dr. Caruthers?" "That would be my recommendation yes sir." "No. No way. I'm going to be taken to my boy's bedside and I'm going to stay there," she said firmly, wiping the tears from her face. "In the morning I'm going to talk to this doctor, and any other doctor in this hospital, then in this county, and then in this state and so on. Until I find someone who can make my baby better." "Natalie please," Daunte began and the look she sent him silenced him. "OK OK. I'll come back in the morning first thing." Justin got to his feet and pulled Casey up. Other than her soft crying she had not made a sound, and now she pulled from him and went to Mac. "I'm so scared for him. So scared. We were having such a good time and then all of a sudden he was just screaming in pain and then he got sick and then he fell on the floor." "I know honey I know," Mac said, running her hand down Casey's hair. "And there's not anything more we can do here. Would you like to come back to my place with me and Harm? If that's OK with your dad that is. Or maybe you'd like to go home with him?" "I want to stay with you," she decided after a moment. "Is that OK Daddy?" "Of course it is. Thank you Mac." "You're welcome Justin. We'll take good care of her." "Honey give me a call in the morning will you," Justin urged. "Harm, Mac you'll watch after her please?" "Yes sir," Harm nodded, starting them toward the door, his arm around Mac's shoulders and holding Casey's hand. They had walked but a few steps when Mac slipped her arm across his back. "You holding up OK there? You have to be pretty shocked and upset yourself." "I'm numb Mac," he admitted. "I don't think it's truly sunk in. I just can't believe he's that sick. It's just not fair." "Well maybe the second opinion will give us more hope" she sighed. "Something the first doctor missed maybe." The somber trio headed home, Harm especially quiet as he drove. Nothing could have prepared him for the news the doctor had delivered. Kevin had his whole life in front of him. Or so they had all thought. "Harm why don't you try and get some sleep" Mac said gently once they were inside. "You drove all that way and we barely got any sleep last night. I can tell you're exhausted and nothing is going to happen in the next few hours." "You'll wake me if there's any word at all?" he sighed. "Of course. Casey and I are just going to sit out here and talk and then I'll try and convince her to get some rest and then maybe I'll join you." "I'd like that" he said with a small smile. "But I know right now she needs you too." "So do you" Mac said gently. "I know this has to be hitting you hard. You and Kevin have gotten so close in a short amount of time." "I just can't even think about it," he said as she helped him into the bed "I keep hoping it's all a nightmare and I'm going to wake up back at the cabin with you and none of this happened." "I'm sorry. I wish none of it had. And hopefully there will be better news in the next few days." "I hope so" he sighed as he closed his eyes. She dropped a quick kiss on his forehead before heading out to the living room to be with Casey. She'd made herself comfortable on the sofa, now staring at the TV. "How you holding up?" Mac asked as she sat down next to her. "I guess okay. Harm's pretty upset isn't he?" "Yeah he is. He and Kevin are really close." "Kevin's going to die isn't he?" Casey said quietly. "Just like Mommy did." "Well not right away" Mac said carefully. "But he does have a bad disease that they can't make better." "I don't want him to die" Casey sniffled. "I really like Kevin and now he's going to die. I always lose everyone I love." "Honey that's not true" Mac whispered as she pulled the young girl into her arms. "Your Dad is still here. I'm still here. And of course we don't get any guarantees that we'll always be here so that's why we have to make the most of what we have now. Just in case something like this does happen." "Why did it have to happen to Kevin?" she wailed. "I don't have that answer for you. I wish I did. But things happen and there's nothing we can do to change them. Unfortunately you're learning a lot of life's lessons the hard way. First with your Mom and now with Kevin." "It's just not fair. I don't want him to die." She burst into tears and Mac comforted her as best she could. There was no way to make it any easier for her to bear. Nothing could do that. Eventually Casey fell asleep in her arms and Mac gently laid her down on the sofa, covering her with a blanket from the sofa before heading to the bedroom to be with Harm. "Mac" he murmured as she lay down beside him. "Right here" she said softly as she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm right here sailor. And it's going to be all right. Somehow it will be." In the early hours of the morning Justin came for Casey and she and Mac hugged each other goodbye, Mac promising to stay in touch with her. ****************** Arlington Hospital Next Morning "Mac I'm scared" Harm whispered as he clutched her hand. "I'm not sure I can do this." "Harm he needs you" she said gently. "You have to be there with him when Natalie tells him." "God why did this have to happen? Why?" "I don't know. And I wish there was something I could do to help." "Just being here helps" he sighed. "I'm just so scared about how he's going to react. I know I'd flip if someone told me that. And at his age, God Mac it's just too horrible to even think about it." They reached the hospital room and Mac gave Harm's hand a long squeeze. "I'll be right outside" she said softly. "If you need me just holler." "I need you right now" he whispered as he hugged her to him. "It's going to be okay" she whispered. "We'll all get through this. Somehow." He nodded and let go of her and with a deep breath turned and walked into Kevin's room. Kevin was asleep, his face looking peaceful now under the influence of the drugs. There was no sign of Natalie or Daunte and Harm quickly hailed the nurse who was checking the boy's vital signs. "I'm looking for his mother. Mrs. Natalie Jones." "Oh yes sir she was here. All night." "OK then what happened to her," he demanded, trying to keep his voice down. "Mrs. Jones was also in labor all night," she smiled. "I didn't feel like delivering a baby so I called for a gurney to get her upstairs. She didn't even tell anyone until. . .well like I said I didn't feel like I wanted a baby born down here." "OK thanks." Harm walked back into the hall. "That was quick. Did Natalie not want you there?" Mac frowned. "Natalie isn't there. She went into labor over night and I guess the baby is here now," he sighed. "I suspect Daunte is with her. Now I don't know what to do. I'm not going to be the one to tell that boy he's going to die soon. No way. No way in hell." "Harm it would be better from you," Mac tried. "No. It would be better not at all. This boy should not have to die. Not from that," he screeched, clapping his hand over his mouth as he realized the need for quiet. "No." With that he pulled from Mac and walked down the hall, needing some space. "Ma'am is there anything I can do?" The nurse to whom Harm had spoken noted Mac's distress. "I'm afraid not. How about Kevin? Is he going to wake up soon?" "Not for a couple of hours. He had a bad spell about four hours ago and we had to medicate him. The drugs he's being given should have taken hold in a couple hours and he'll be more able to be awake and talk without the pain and nausea." "OK thanks," Mac nodded and hurried to catch up with Harm, wrapping her hands around his arm. "Let's go see Natalie. Kevin isn't going to wake up for a couple of hours." "OK yeah," he sighed, and quickly brought her into a large hug. "Mac I'm not going to handle this well. You should be forewarned in case you want to run." Her arms tightened across his back and pressed him to her. "No. Not going anywhere. Just let me in Mr. Rabb. Don't shut me out OK." "I'll try not to. Try." He slipped his arm across her back and they made their way to the maternity floor. In short order they were shown to Natalie's room and to their surprise, she was sitting up in bed, holding a blue wrapped bundle. "Daunte got his wish," she said softly. "A son. Kevin will be pleased too." "You didn't know?" Mac asked. "No. He wasn't turned right for the last sonogram," she sighed. "But I was sure it was going to be a girl. Just shows what I know. I had only girls names picked out. This little guy is going to have to live down being called Brandi or Jennifer." "He's adorable," Mac gasped, in sudden enchantment. "Wow. And so perfect." Her arms involuntarily reached for him and Natalie let her take him. "So so perfect. How can anyone hold one of these and not want one of their own. What did he weigh?" "Six pounds flat," Natalie smiled. "They called Daunte and he was here for the birth and then I sent him home. Harm, how's Kevin?" Harm had for a few seconds zoned out, enthralled by Mac and the baby, remembering a deal they had made long ago. When they were in an especially close period of their lives--before he ruined it all by one of the worst decisions. . . . "Harm you OK?" Mac demanded, giving his leg a nudge with her foot. "Yeah sure sorry. Just noticing how great that baby looks on you." "Well I do have to give him back. Sadly. Harm, Natalie was asking you about Kevin." "Sorry. Really. He's still asleep." Harm gave her a troubled look. "Natalie we have to talk about what he's going to be told, and by whom." "For right now he's to be told he's sick but that they're working on getting him better," she said firmly. "I was serious about getting other doctors to see him. And until there's no hope, then he doesn't need to know." Harm gasped slightly and looked to Mac, his eyes asking her opinion. "Well it can't hurt to get some other opinions and options," Mac said slowly. "Thing is, he's going to be scared, and he may be more scared by what he doesn't know than the truth." "I am not going to tell him he's dying" Natalie snapped. "Not when this could all be a big mistake." "Natalie I don't think this is a mistake" Harm spoke before Mac could. "I agree about second opinions but at the same time pretending nothing is going to happen isn't exactly a good idea." "My baby is not going to die" Natalie wailed. "I won't believe that. And I don't want anyone telling him that either. I'm taking him out of here and going to somewhere that the doctor's have a clue." "Natalie don't" Harm sighed. "Please don't do this. You're just making it worse. A second opinion is one thing but taking him out of the hospital is another. He's sick and you need to realize that he's not going to get better." "No" she wailed. "I will not believe that. And you will not tell him that. Do you hear me? Do not tell him that he's dying." "He's going to want to know what's going on," Harm said quietly. "How do you expect me to lie to him?" "We do not know he's going to die" Natalie maintained. "So you're not lying. All he needs to know is that we're going to take him to some other doctors for another opinion." "Fine. But at some point he's going to realize what's going on. He's not stupid Natalie. He's old enough to understand what this all means." With that Harm turned and strode from the room. Natalie promptly broke into tears and Mac let out a long sigh as she followed Harm while Daunte attempted to console his wife. "Harm" Mac called. "Harm wait up." He stopped and turned to her, the look on his face telling her how much this was hurting him. "He's going to know Mac," he said quietly. "Kevin's not stupid. He's going to know something is wrong. And I think she's doing the wrong thing by not being straight up with him." "It's her son Harm. We can't do something she doesn't want us to. And maybe you and her can sit down and come to some understanding on this. But I don't think that will happen until she has heard from other doctors." "And in the meantime I have to lie and pretend there's nothing really wrong" Harm sighed. "Which I'm not sure I can do. I've never lied to Kevin and if he asks me straight out what's going on, I'm not sure I can lie and tell him he's going to be fine." "I'm sorry. I wish there were something I could do to help. This isn't easy for anyone I know." "He's just a kid Mac. This shouldn't be happening. He has his whole life ahead of him. Why did this have to happen now?" "I don't know," she said as she gently pulled him into her arms. "And I know you're hurting real bad here too." "He's just a kid Mac" Harm repeated as he closed his eyes and leaned against her. "It's just not fair." "I know. And all we can do now is pray that they have made a mistake here. But I think we both know that's not going to be the case." He stayed in her arms for several moments before taking a deep breath. "We'd better go down and see him. At least we can tell him about the baby so maybe he won't ask too much about what's going on with him." Mac nodded and they headed back down to Kevin's room. He was just starting to stir as Harm took a seat in the chair next to his bed. "Harm?" Kevin frowned when he finally opened his eyes. "Where's Mom?" "She got a little busy last night," Harm said with a forced smile. "She had the baby?" he gasped. "Yes she did big brother. You've got a baby brother." "Cool a boy. Mom thought it was going to be a girl." "No it's a boy. And your Mom is doing fine. She's just going to be upstairs today so Mac and I came into sit with you for a bit." "I got really sick last night didn't I?" Kevin frowned. "I just remember puking at Casey's and then everything is pretty blank." "Yeah you got sick" Harm nodded. "And they brought you and now they're just running some tests to find out why you keep getting sick like this." "I hope I didn't freak out Casey too much. She's never going to let me stay over again after that." "She's just worried about you" Mac spoke up. "She'll be by later to see you." "I'm staying here?" Kevin frowned. "Why do I have to stay?" "Because they're running some tests" Harm explained. "So you're going to be here and probably a few other places while they do that." "Oh man don't tell me they're going to drag me all over and poke and prod me. I hate that." "I know you would," Harm nodded, resting a hand on his shoulder, leaving out the part about how in the end--short of a miracle--the outcome would be the same. "Just try to relax." "Well I would but I'm starving here. I can eat can't I? And then I want to see mom and the baby. Please fix it for me. Please." "Harm you've got your orders," Mac smiled. "Yes ma'am. Yes sir. Let me see what I can fix." It didn't take long to arrange a breakfast tray and Kevin dug right in, with such gusto that Harm backed out of the room, a scowl across his face, shaking his head. "Kevin, Harm and I will be back in a second," Mac told him. "Sure go ahead," he motioned, forking up a piece of pancake. "What's with you?" Mac demanded once they were outside. "No. There is something totally wrong here," he replied. "Look at that boy. He's not sick. I'm not accepting he's sick. Maybe Natalie is right. Maybe they're wrong here." "Harm I don't. . .I don't know what I want to say," she whispered. "I don't want you to get up a lot of hope, and at the same time yeah of course they could be wrong. Having him looked at and his tests rechecked is a totally smart thing to do. Just be careful not to be in denial OK. And remember too, he's on medication right now. He's being kept free of pain and nausea by what they're dripping into him." "Mac I hear you. I hear you loud and clear," he said softly, fighting a sudden urge to tearfulness. "I just don't want to believe it I guess. And at the same time I can't lie to him. I won't in fact. If it's for sure that he's going to. . .well then I can't pretend with him." "It's going to take a lot of figuring out," she sighed, cupping her hand at the back of his head to hold him for a soft kiss. "And I'm going to be with you--and him--all the way. Just don't shut me out OK. Don't feel like you have to be strong for me or any of that macho crappola. I love you remember." "I'm still getting used to us being able to say that," he smiled, his troubles momentarily forgotten. "Let me go back into Kevin. Will you see if we can arrange a visit to the little brother?" A half hour later a smiling Kevin, his IV pole riding attached to his wheelchair, was pushed to the maternity floor. Natalie once again had the baby with her and she looked up when Kevin arrived, smiling happily. "Hi Mom," he cried and with Harm's help managed to get from the chair to the edge of her bed. "Wow, my little bro. He's great. I can hold him can't I? What's his name anyway?" "Slow down son," Natalie smiled. "How are you feeling first of all. Harm how is he doing really?" "See for yourself, he's good," Harm told her, praying that he wasn't planting still more seeds of false hope. "I'm great and I want my brother," Kevin begged. Harm moved to help as Natalie reached out and put the baby in Kevin's arms. "He's so neat Mom. Now I know why you wanted him so much. So for the hundredth time, what's his name?" "Daunte and I haven't decided," Natalie admitted. "We were expecting a girl. Really we were." "Michael Jordan Jones," Kevin offered with a big smile. "I don't think so," she replied. "Naming you was easy. Your dad was Bradley and Kevin was for his oldest brother killed in the Gulf War. Kevin Bradley. Not sure what this little one looks like even, but Michael Jordan Jones is not going to happen." Mac gave Harm a sign that she was going to walk outside into the corridor and a few minutes later he found her staring at the babies through the nursery window, watching them being cared for in assembly line fashion. "You making an order?" he asked gently. "Yeah that one with the dark hair in the corner," she laughed. "Tell them to wrap her to go please." "You want one of these don't you?" His question took her by surprise and she took a moment to formulate her answer. "Yeah I do. But then you knew that since you made me that promise." "Well I do too." "You do what?" She held her breath awaiting his reply, hoping she knew to what he was referring. "I want a baby," he shrugged. "Not just any baby. My baby. . .I mean my baby that you have. Our baby." "Good thing you're more articulate in front of a court," she giggled, leaning back against him. Despite the fact that they were in a very public area, he turned her around and gave her a long kiss. "I want us to think about a baby, a future, a wedding." The saucy reply she had formulated caught in her throat. "Watch it Flyboy," she whispered instead. "You're treading on dangerous ground there. Some women would take that as a proposal." "Maybe it is" he sighed. "I just know that with everything that's been going on the past twenty four hours I'm starting to realize how much you mean to me. And how I couldn't even contemplate my life without you." "Neither could I" she said softly. "You mean a lot to me Harm. More than I could ever imagine." "Mac when all this madness is over, I want us to go away again. And I want to revisit this conversation." "We will. But first we need to see Kevin through this. Whatever this may be." "I want to think it's all a mistake. You saw him in there with Natalie. There has to be a mistake." "We'll find out soon enough," she said with a gentle hand to his arm. "And whatever the outcome, we'll be there for him." "I don't know if I can do that" he whispered. "Mac I don't know if I can see him through this to the end. Call me chicken, but I don't think I can watch him die." "It's not easy" Mac nodded. "My father was at the end of his life and it still wasn't easy to see him go. This is going to be even harder because it seems so unfair. But he's going to need you Harm. You can't leave him now." "Will you be here with me the whole time?" he asked. "Always. And you know I'm going to have to be there for Casey too. They were really starting to like each other." "I know. And that's why this is so damn unfair. It shouldn't be like this." "Maybe we'll get some better news when they see the other doctor. In the meantime, all we can do is hope for the best." *********************** Two Weeks Later Kevin's Home "Thank you for coming so quickly" Natalie said softly as she let Harm and Mac into the house. "It's bad news isn't it" Harm whispered as he looked at her face. "I'm not giving up Harm" Natalie sniffled as the tears slid down her face. "There has to be another doctor somewhere who knows what they're talking about." "You got the same answer from the other two doctors" Harm sighed and Natalie nodded. "The one was even worse than Doctor Fehr. He gave Kevin even less time. The other pretty much concurred with Fehr's opinion that it was too advanced to treat and the only thing they could do was make Kevin as comfortable as possible until the end." Her words ended in a long sob and she buried her head in her hands as she cried. "I'm so sorry Natalie" Harm whispered. "You have no idea how sorry I am." "I'm not giving up" she wailed as she lifted her head. "There has to be someone out there who will help my baby. There has to be." "Natalie have you given any thought to telling Kevin the truth" Mac asked gently. "I don't know how I can do that. How do you tell your child he's dying? Tell me how I do that?" "I don't know" Mac sighed. "There's not going to be any easy way to do it. But I think it needs to be done." "What if I find someone who can help him?" she whispered. "You don't actually believe that do you?" Harm said quietly. "Come on Natalie. You've taken him to the best pediatric oncologists in the area. They've all given you the same answer." "There might be someone else. You're giving up too easily. And I won't give up on Kevin that quickly." "Natalie we need to tell him what's going on. He deserves to know." "I can't" she whispered. "I can't do it." "Do you want us to do it?" Mac asked. "Would you?" Both eyes looked to Harm and he quickly looked away. "Mac I'm not sure" he started. "What if I talked to Casey" Mac said quietly. "He's been asking where she is and so far I've kept her away because she knows what's going on and he doesn't. What if she told him? I think she can handle it." "Mac do you really think she could do it?" Harm asked. "That's a lot to put on her." "It might be better coming from her. Her and Kevin are close." "I just don't know," Natalie sighed, and the baby who had been asleep in the corner in a portacrib let out a long wail. "Jeffrey is hungry again. See one thing that's for sure--when I start trying to get all mopey about Kevin, Jeffrey reminds me that I have another son." "You finally named him," Harm smiled. "Jeffrey what?" Natalie gave him a sheepish smile. "Now don't laugh, but Kevin insisted. Jeffrey Harmon." "He didn't tell me," Harm gasped. "That little conniver. He's upstairs?" "Yeah supposed to be doing homework the school sent over but he's not. He's playing on the X-box and of course I'm not going to make him do the work instead." "You know that alone should give him some clue something is up," Harm sighed and the baby let out another demanding cry. "Let me," Mac begged. "You're going to nurse?" Harm chortled. "This I've got to see for myself." "Get over yourself," she groaned, giving him a push toward the stairs. "No I'm just going to change and cuddle. His mother can take over." "Well someone better tell him that he's got a wrong number," Harm called from the landing a moment later, seeing the baby nuzzle at her as she lifted him. "This is the day I kill him," Mac growled and at once realized what she had said. "Natalie I'm so very sorry." "Honey it's OK. You know what, I'm just numb. I'm too tired to even think any more. A new baby will do that to you. By the time I finish worrying about Kevin and think I'm about to drop off, this one lets loose. Daunte tries to help but we haven't introduced bottles to Jeffrey and he has to be up at six for work. In this economy jobs are not a dime a dozen." ============ "Hey you," Harm called from the door. "That's quite a set up you've got there." "Yes sir and I'm glad to see you," he yelped. "Yeah it's great. From Daunte. Said the baby shouldn't have all the attention. Pretty neat huh. I didn't think he much cared you know?" "Yeah I know," he smiled. "That's me and my step dad. I wasn't nice to him all the while I lived with him, pretty much ignored him afterward and then a few years back I had to go to him for the biggest favor a man can ask--the loan of a huge sum of money that there's no way if I live to be two hundred I can repay and he listened to my story and pulled out his checkbook. People sometimes show their concern in different ways that's all. You're looking good." "Yes sir. I plan to be back in school on Monday. Never thought I'd say it but I miss the kids, and much as I like getting to sleep late the day kind of sucks after that. Is Mac here?" "Yes she is. Admiring Jeffrey Harmon downstairs. Kevin you didn't have to do that." "Oh yeah I did. I did. Harm next to my dad you're the most important guy in my life and I told Mom I thought my baby brother should have your name." Harm turned his head quickly and closed his eyes. This was so hard. . .and so unfair. =========== "You OK?" Mac closed her hands around Harm's arm as they walked to the car. "This is hard. Hard all around." "Yeah it is and I feel like I'm walking on eggs up there. You think it's too late to talk to Casey tonight? We could swing by there." "No she's not an early to bed person, judging from the times she's called me. Long as Justin doesn't mind." "Let's do it. Should we see if Justin thinks it's a bad idea though first?" Mac thought that over for a moment. "No. This is a decision Casey can make for herself." The lights were still on at Casey's house and Justin opened the door a few seconds after they knocked. "Mac, Harm it's not Kevin is it?" Justin asked as he let them in. "Did something happen?" "No so far he's okay" Mac sighed. "But we need to talk to Casey right away if we could." "The second opinion wasn't any better?" Justin said quietly. "No. And Natalie has agreed Kevin needs to be told the truth. We think Casey might be the best person to do that." "Casey?" Justin frowned. "I'll do it" Casey said quietly from where she stood at the edge of the living room. "I'll tell him." "Honey I don't know" Justin started. "Daddy he's going to die" Casey whispered. "Let me do this. If he hears it from someone else, he might go ballistic. At least he knows he can trust me." "Harm why don't you tell him?" Justin asked. "I can't" Harm said honestly and Mac wrapped her arm around his waist. "I'd never get through it." "Casey honey you don't have to do this is you don't want to" Mac said softly. "We'll figure something out if you don't want to." "No I can do it," she said bravely. "Thank you" Harm whispered. "You know he's going to need a good friend for the next few weeks. I hope you're up to it." "I'll be there" Casey sniffled. "I promise." ******************* Kevin's Home Next Day "You sure Casey is coming?" Kevin asked as he peeked out the window again to check for Mac's Vette. "They'll be here" Harm assured him. "You're not anxious to see her are you?" "Well you know Casey and I were kind of getting close" Kevin smiled. "Until I got sick. Talk about lousy timing." "Yeah real lousy" Harm murmured. He had to look away from the young boy as he felt the tears again. It was hard to pretend nothing was wrong. But soon he wouldn't have to pretend much longer. "They're here" Kevin said happily a moment later when he saw Mac's car pull up. A few minutes later Casey knocked on the door and Harm let her into Kevin's bedroom. "Hi Harm" she said softly. "Mac's waiting for you downstairs." "Thanks honey" Harm whispered before walking out. He couldn't bear to turn around and look at Kevin and he hurried down the stairs and into Mac's waiting arms. "Man have I missed you" Kevin smiled as Casey sat down on his bed. "I'm sorry I ruined our get together that night. Maybe we can do it again. Soon as the stupid doctors say I'm better." "I'd like that" she smiled. "I bet you must be going crazy up here." "I'm so ready to go back to school. It sucks sitting around here all day. And of course I missed you." "I missed you too." "Casey's what's wrong? You look so sad. It's not Harm and Mac again is it?" "No" she sniffled. "Kevin I have to tell you something and I don't know how to tell you." "You don't like me anymore? Is that it?" "No" she shook her head. "You couldn't be farther from the truth." "Then what is it?" "Kevin you're not going to get better" Casey said finally. "You're really sick and they can't make you better." "What do you mean I'm really sick?" he frowned. "No one told me anything like that." "They wanted me to tell you" she sniffled. "I'm so sorry." "Wait I don't get it. This isn't making any sense." "Kevin you have cancer. And they can't make you better. You're going to die." "No. No you're wrong. Mom said I was going to be fine. I don't believe you. You're lying." "I'm not lying. You can ask Harm." "Harm" Kevin shouted as he tore through the room. "Harm where are you?" "I'm right here buddy," Harm said as he met Kevin in the living room. "Tell me she's lying" Kevin whispered. "Tell me I'm not going to die. Please." "I'm sorry" Harm managed as he reached for the boy. "I am so sorry." "NO" Kevin shouted as he jumped away. "You're wrong. You're all wrong. I am not going to die." "Kevin what does your heart tell you?" Mac asked quietly over Harm's shoulder. "Ma'am?" Kevin's brown eyes looked up at her, wide eyed and questioning. "Deep down inside where you keep your feelings, and your guts, what does your heart tell you," she said. Kevin shook his head and flung himself against Harm, who looked across the room at Natalie. She was almost in tears as she rocked Jeffrey to herself, her lips pressed to his tiny forehead. "I've been praying I was wrong," he whispered tearfully. "Praying that if I didn't mention it, I could run from it maybe. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave all of you." That was all it took to start Harm's soft sobbing and he pulled Kevin to him. Casey tugged at Mac's arm, her eyes glazed with pain. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done Mac." Mac knelt beside her so she could look her in the eye. "I know honey and you did it well. News like that is always best from someone you love." "I think I do love him Mac," she whispered. "I mean I know we're kids but that doesn't matter does it. I love you and Harm right. I can love him too." "Of course you can. Why don't you and I go over there and see if we can help." Mac took her hand and they walked the few feet to where Harm and Kevin were clinging together. Following Mac's lead, Casey put her hand on Kevin's shoulder and a second later her arms were around him, capturing him in an awkward but heartfelt embrace. Harm had relinquished him and turned to Mac, giving her a tortured look before letting her hold him. Both Kevin and Casey were crying softly, holding to each other, and Mac attempted without total success to keep back her tears for Harm's sake. It was done. The boy knew his fate. ========== June 2003 "Sailor I do not believe you pulled this off," Mac sighed, giving her duffel bag a nudge toward the door. "It wasn't just me. I had a lot of help from the Admiral and then from Make a Wish," he grinned. "Kevin is so excited. Casey too. You're pretty amazing mister. Of course you proved that last night." "Yes I was," he grinned again. "Absolutely magnificent wasn't I?" "With an ego to match. Move it Flyboy. I saw enough of that six last night remember. A little less ego and a little more getting dressed. We've still got to pick them both up and get out to Andrews and meet the flight." "I'm moving." "But not fast enough," she laughed and swatted his rear with the towel. In the weeks since the diagnosis, life took on a new normalcy as all learned to live with what was to come. Sustained by his faith and sure in the knowledge he would be with his dad when the time had come, Kevin had almost accepted what would happen to him. The friendship between Casey and him had grown ever firmer, as had the bond between Harm and Mac. Except in their case it was love. Pure and simple love. Now with the AJ's help and a favor called in from the SecNav, Kevin was going to spend the weekend at Twenty-Nine Palms Marine Base. For forty-eight hours he would live his dream of being a Marine. ******************** Andrews Airforce Base "Cool there it is" Kevin smiled as he pointed to the large plane that would take them to Twenty-Nine Palms. Instead of a commercial flight, Harm had arranged a ride in a military plane, all part of Kevin's experience. "Man is that thing huge." "Huge ain't the word" Casey smiled. "I have never seen anything that big before." "Let's go check it out," Harm said as they headed toward the large plane. They were greeted by several crewmembers who quickly took them aboard. "This is so cool" Kevin exclaimed. "Totally awesome." "You ready for your weekend at the Palms?" Harm asked. "Yes sir" Kevin said as he did a quick salute. It wasn't long before the huge plane took off and once they were airborne Casey finally let go of Kevin's hand. "Don't tell me you were afraid" he laughed. "I've never flown before" she admitted. "This is my first time in the air in anything." "Well you better get used to it" Kevin smiled. "Cause we're going to ride in a helicopter just like Dad did. We're going to do all kinds of fun stuff." "Mac did you do all this stuff?" Casey asked as she looked up her. "Oh yeah. I even jumped out of the helicopter" Mac smiled. "Can we do that?" Kevin asked. "I'm not sure that's on the agenda" Harm laughed. "Come on I have to jump out once" Kevin pleaded. "I want to try it just once. Please." "I'll see about it" Harm promised. "Can I go to?" Casey asked. "You want to jump out of a helicopter?" Harm asked. "Yeah sure. If Mac did it, so can I." "I'm not sure Harm wants to jump" Mac teased. "I'm not sure the Flyboy has ever jumped from a helo." "No but I have jumped from a plane before." "When was that?" "Before your time. The Admiral actually ordered me to jump with some Navy Seals. Which I did Ms. Marine." "I'm impressed" she smiled. "I would never have thought the Flyboy had jumped before." "So we can do it?" Kevin asked. "I'll have to check with the General and see if it's okay. If he says it's okay, well then I guess we're all going to do it." "Cool. Wait till I tell Dad I jumped from a helicopter" Casey smiled. "Maybe you better leave that part out" Mac laughed. "He might not understand." Several hours later they landed at Twenty-Nine Palms, greeted at once by General Nathan Gilbert. "Welcome aboard Kevin" he smiled. "Thank you sir" Kevin said with a quick salute. "Glad to be here sir." "I'm sure you are. This is my XO, Major Julie Horvath. She's been assigned to take you around this weekend." "Hi Kevin" she smiled. "Welcome to Twenty Nine Palms." "Thanks. This is my friend Casey and that's Harm and Mac." "Nice to meet you" Julie smiled. "If you're all ready, we'll take you on over to the barracks and get you set up before we go to the mess for dinner." "Mess?" Casey frowned. "What's the mess?" "It's where you eat" Kevin told her. "You know, like the cafeteria at school." "Is the food any better than the cafeteria?" "No" Julie laughed. "But Kevin wanted the real Marine experience so we couldn't leave out that." "I may not survive the weekend on mess food" Harm murmured as they all climbed into the waiting jeep. "Maybe we can sneak away to the O'club" Mac laughed. "You are on. I barely stomach carrier food and they have some of the best in the Navy, not saying much there." "Ma'am--sir, we can tour the base a little bit if you'd like. Or we can take you to your quarters and you can get into fatigues and join the Force Recon unit that's doing rappelling drill on the cliffs." "Yes ma'am please lets," Kevin squealed, practically jumping in his seat. "We can do that," Harm nodded. "Julie please call us Mac and Harm," Mac added. "Looks like you're stuck with us for the weekend and we may as well be comfortable." "Yes ma'am thank you. We'll take the long way to the barracks." "Barracks? You're kidding right. You do mean guest house right?" Harm narrowed his eyes. "No sir. Uh. . .Harm. You said you wanted the real Marine experience. Well we've got it. Two rooms at opposite ends of the barracks just like we billet the troops. Males on one end and females on the other." "This is going to be the longest weekend of my life," Harm whispered to Mac. "Tell me you're going to fix it so we have some time." "Oh I think not," she laughed. "I think this is just fine. Think how glad you'll be to see me when we're finally alone again." "I just hope I remember what to do," he groused. Outfitted in junior sized fatigues from the PX, Casey and Kevin both looked the total Marine by the time they had changed. "Harm he doesn't seem all that sick," Julie whispered, watching Kevin and Casey tease and laugh while they waited for Mac. "No he's not. They've got him on medication for the symptoms, the headache and the nausea, and it's just a waiting game now. Eventually the cancer cells will invade his other organs, but for now he's mostly able to cope. Even insisted on going back to school." "He looks like a great kid," she smiled. "Like one I hope to have someday." "Yeah me too," he grinned. "You and Mac are pretty close." "Can you tell?" "Oh hell no," Julie chortled. "Only in every glance you give each other and how touchy-feely you are. Your C.O. doesn't mind?" "Oh I'm sure he does, but he has the good grace to be cool about it," Harm grinned and his attention was at once diverted by Mac's arrival in her fatigues. The same type of desert cammies that she wore when they were in Afghanistan. At that time she had never seemed more beautiful to him and seeing her just now was taking him back there. "Harm. . .Rabb, the Major is speaking to you," Mac scolded, giving his arm a quick poke. "Yeah sorry. Spacing." "I was just saying you ready to go down the side of a mountain with a rope tied to you." "Oh yeah. I woke up this morning and said, today I hope someone pushes me over the side of a cliff with only a rope between me and certain death." ================== ATOP DEAD MAN'S CLIFF "This is so cool," Casey gasped, taking in the entire experience as she stood as still as she could while the Marine NCOIC strapped her into the gear. "Marines can always use a few good women too remember," Mac smiled. "You could do a lot worse for a career. Back me up there sergeant." "Yes ma'am. Women nowadays are involved in just about everything but ground combat and that day will come within my career I'm sure. If they can physically do the job, they should have it." "This could be me in about seven or eight years," Casey smiled, taking in another deep breath of atmosphere and then her hand went to her mouth as she looked to Kevin, giving a long sigh of relief that he hadn't heard. "If you want it no reason you couldn't have it," Mac assured her and she lifted her arms for help with her own harness, feeling Harm's eyes staring while the young marine assisted her. "Corporal if you want to live, you'll watch where your hands travel," Casey chortled, knowing exactly what the narrowed eyes on Harm meant. "OK who's going first?" Sergeant Ulaski demanded and looked at Harm. "Sir did I just see your hand raised?" "No" Harm groaned. "But I guess that's not going to cut it is it?" "No way sir" the sergeant smiled. "Come on and show them how it's done." "You want the Marine to show you how it's done?" Mac teased. "On that note, I'll see you at the bottom Marine" Harm said before stepping backwards over the side. Mac held her breath as she watched, not surprised to see that he managed to the maneuver with little problem. "Can I go next?" Kevin asked excitedly once he'd watched Harm go down. "Sure thing" Sergeant Ulaski smiled. "You sure you're ready?" "Ready. See you at the bottom Casey." Like Harm he stepped back over the edge and carefully repelled himself down the cliff. Harm was waiting at the bottom and Kevin gave him a high five once he was out of the harness. "That was so cool" Kevin smiled. "You didn't do so bad for a Navy guy either." "Gee thanks" Harm laughed. "And you did great." "Here comes Casey" Kevin said as he watched the young girl take a step backwards. "I thought for sure she'd be afraid up there but she's not. I guess that's why I like her so much. She's so cool and she's not afraid of anything at all." "No she's not" Harm nodded. "Kevin wasn't that awesome" Casey said when she'd reached the bottom. "I mean totally awesome." "You weren't scared?" he asked. "No way" she laughed. "Were you?" "Course not" he smiled. Mac was the last one down and Harm was waiting for her and as her feet hit solid ground again, he reached for her and gave her a quick hug. "Well I never remember having that waiting for me before" she smiled. "But I'm glad to see you too. It's been a while since I've done that." "And between you and me, I'm glad that's over" he smiled. "You were worried?" "Always. I can't imagine how I'll survive the helo jump if Kevin manages to talk them into it." "You'll manage. And you have to admit that is kind of fun." "Well at least Kevin enjoyed it" Harm said as they looked over to where he and Casey were talking. "That's all that matters this weekend." "Yeah it is," she said softly. "And he's never going to forget this experience. And it's all because of you. You made this come true for him. " "I just wish I could do more" Harm sighed. "It's just so unfair." "I know. But we're not going to get down remember. That was our promise to Kevin. We were going to enjoy the time he has left and not dwell on what he's not going to have." "I know" he said with a forced smile "And I guess it's time to find the mess and those lovely barracks for the night. I swear I'm going to need a week of massages after this." "I know someone who might be interested in doing that" Mac smiled. "Just wait till we get home." "Thank you" he sighed as he dropped his arm around her. "You know I'm going to be leaning pretty hard on you in the next few weeks when things start getting worse." "And I'll be here" she said softly before turning and dropping a quick kiss on his lips. "Come on let's go get Casey and Kevin and see if the mess here is any good." "I doubt it" he complained. They headed back to base and Julie took them to the mess hall for dinner. "This looks worse than the cafeteria food" Casey giggled as they made their way through the line. "That's for sure" Harm murmured under his breath. "I am so going to need a trip to the O'club later." "Suck it up sailor" Mac laughed. "I'm sure there's something in here you can eat." "Sure I can but would I want to" he said with a small smile. "Wimp." "So what do you think so far?" Julie asked once they were all seated. "You like being a Marine Kevin?" "Love it" he managed between bites of macaroni and cheese. "This is going to the most awesome weekend." "How about you Casey?" she asked. "I think it's pretty cool too. I'm just not sure about the food." Once dinner was over they headed to the barracks where Julie dropped them off. "I'll be back at zero six hundred tomorrow morning" she informed them. "We've got a busy day ahead of us so get some sleep." "I guess this is where we say good night" Harm sighed as he pulled Mac into his arms. "I am so going to hate not having you with me for two nights." "You'll survive. Besides, I'm sure with Kevin talking all night you won't get much sleep anyway" Mac smiled. "He's so excited I'm sure it's going to be a while before he calms." "I will not but thanks for the vote of confidence," he grinned and kissed her once more. "Since that first night we haven't slept apart hardly at all." "Just how I like it," she smiled and scraped her fingertips along his cheek. "See you for reveille." "What time is that?" "0530". "Sorry I asked." ============== "Kevin you comfortable. You need anything?" Harm came in from the bathroom, toweling his hair. "Kevin?" "I'm OK." "You don't sound really OK to me," he said softly, coming to sit on the edge of his cot. "Something you want to talk about?" Kevin did not lift his head from where it was buried in the pillow. "No sir. Not really. It's just not fair. I know that's something I've said over and over but it's not. There's so much I want to do. I mean I want to see Jeffrey grow up. I want to be a Marine. I want to. . .me and Casey. It's just not fair." Harm had to swallow hard before he could answer. "No it's not fair. Not to you most of all. Not to me either. I happen to like having you around." He splayed his hand flat on the boy's back and rubbed gently. A long sob wracked the boy's thin body and he allowed himself a few tears before raising his head. "OK thanks. I'm through with that now. I promised myself I wouldn't let this weekend be a downer, not for me and not for you guys. I'll never forget this. You know that right." With that he flipped himself over onto his back and a second later threw his arms around Harm's neck. "You're welcome son," Harm whispered, trying to hold back his own emotions. "You'd better get to sleep. You took your pills right?" "Yes sir. Please Harm when you hit your knees in a minute, ask God not to let me get sick and ruin this weekend. I've been asking Him that all week. I said God I can be ready to go any time after but I need this weekend." "I'll put the word in. You sleep." Harm rubbed his back a few more times and then went to his own bed, lying awake for a long time as he stared at the moon in the dark night sky through the window. "Lord above, You know what we need here." ================== MAC & CASEY's QTRS Same time "Casey are you OK?" Mac opened her eyes slowly, hearing what she thought were muffled sobs from the girl's bunk. "Casey honey? You want to talk?" "You think you could come crawl in with me? Just for a minute. My mom used to do that when I was upset." "Sure." Awkwardly Mac made herself as comfortable as she could next to the girl on the narrow cot. "OK now what's on your mind. Kevin right?" "Yeah. I need you to promise me something." "I need to hear it first." "OK. When it's time for him. . .I mean if there's time to do it. . .I want to be with him OK. He's going to be scared and he needs me with him." "Casey" Mac started. "Please. I want to be there." "All right. You know you're a pretty brave girl," Mac said softly. "Braver than Harm and I are." ******************** "Come on Harm" Kevin said as he gave him a hard shake. "We're going to be late." "It's Saturday" Harm groaned. "On your feet sailor" Kevin shouted in his best Marine voice and Harm rolled himself off the cot and came to attention with a quick "Yes sir." "Cool it worked" Kevin laughed. "Dad used to do that to me when I stayed with him. I always wanted to see if I could do it." "Now that I'm on my feet I'll guess I'll hit the shower" Harm sighed. "How long before Julie gets here?" "Not long. I wouldn't take a long shower." "Wouldn't dream of it" Harm said as he stumbled to the shower. "Ready for another day of fun?" Julie asked once they were all together again. "Oh yeah" Kevin smiled. "Tell me we get to do the helo ride. Please." "You read my mind young man. That's exactly where we're going. Going to take you for a whirl around the desert and then come back and get you suited up for the jump. Sound like a plan?" Kevin nodded eagerly and it wasn't long before they were on the flight line, climbing aboard the waiting helicopter. It lifted off into the air and Kevin's smiled was ear to ear as they flew over the desert. It was a bittersweet moment for Harm, the happiness they'd given the young boy still overshadowed by the fact that this one time was going to be his only time as a Marine. "Casey isn't this cool?" he yelled as the pilot took his happy riders for another whirl around the desert. She nodded and smiled, letting him know she was enjoying this as much as he was. "My Dad used to fly these" Kevin continued. "I finally got up in one." She reached for his hand and gave it a quick squeeze as they headed back to the base. "Man that was so cool," Kevin said as he and Casey leapt down from the helicopter. "Harm that was awesome." "Almost as awesome as a Tomcat" Harm laughed. "Do they let women fly these?" Casey asked Mac. "Or is it just for the guys?" "Nope. You could fly these one day if you wanted to." "Dad would never let me join the Marines" she sighed. "He wants me to be a nurse." "You can be a nurse in the Marines. No reason you couldn't be a pilot if you wanted to be either. You can do anything you want. Course you've got a few more years to think about all that." "Maybe by then Dad will have mellowed" Casey said with a small smile. Julie was waiting for them at the flight line and this time they were taken into one of the buildings for their crash course in the helo jump. "I'm glad Justin doesn't know about this" Mac murmured to Harm once they were finished. "He's going to kill me when he finds out." "You know maybe it would be a good idea if you and Casey sat this one out. Kevin and I will go." "You saying that cause you're worried about Justin killing me or me jumping?" "Both. I happen to really need you in my life right now and the thought of anything at all happening to you scares me to death." "Harm I've helo jumped before. Remember I am a Marine." "I know you're a Marine. But dammit I don't want anything to happen to you. I'm already losing Kevin as it is." The words tumbled out before he could stop them and he let out a long sigh. Fortunately Kevin and Casey were still involved with the instructor and hadn't seemed to notice Harm's outburst. "Harm I'm sorry" Mac said softly as she led him from the room. "This is harder on you than you're letting on isn't it?" "Mac he's going to die" Harm whispered. "And if there were anything on earth I could to do stop it, I would. But there's nothing I can do. Not a damn thing." "You're doing something. You're making his wish come true. This wouldn't have happened without you." "This shouldn't just be for a weekend" Harm snapped. "He should have the chance to do this just like we did. It's not fair." "I know," she said softly as she pulled him into his arms. "I know it's not and I know this is hard for you. But you need to hold it together. At least for a little longer. Kevin needs you." "I need him Mac. I need his youthfulness and his eagerness and the way he looks at things." He swallowed down a sob and looked to Mac. "And I need him to need me. I admit that. I like that he looks up to me. And part of that is for his dad. I mean I like that I can take the place of a man who died serving his country. I know that's sappy but I feel that way OK?" "Of course it's OK. And his death is something that's going to be almost impossible to deal with. The only way we're going to get through it is together," She took his hand and threaded their fingers together to emphasize her words. "You should know something else. I've sort of promised Casey that if there was time to let her know, that she could be there when Kevin goes." "Are you serious? I'm not even sure I can do that," he gasped. "And what about you? I know you don't. . .how you feel about death. You know what though too--I haven't allowed myself to think about that time. I just haven't. Talk about denial." "I know honey I know," she soothed. "And we need to push it aside for this weekend. The absolute last thing we want to do is spoil this weekend with any talk of all that." "Yeah OK at least that much I can control," he sighed. "And this jump--you'll be careful. Please. That thread I'm hanging by is going to break if you get a hangnail." "Harm I can't guarantee I'm not ever going to get sick or hurt," she reminded him, tugging him toward the instructor. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth once more to speak only to close it as those words burned into his brain. 'I can't guarantee I'm not ever going to get sick or hurt'. "OK let's do it," Lt. Hamlin called. "Future Marines, Colonel, Commander, time to gear-up." That was accomplished and the chopper took off once more. Harm's hand tightened around Mac's as soon as they were airborne and he leaned back and closed his eyes, asking God to take care of her. "What's wrong Harm?" Kevin asked as he tugged on Harm's arm for his attention. "You don't want to do this?" Harm simply looked at Mac and Kevin nodded his understanding. "She's a Marine" Kevin smiled. "I think she can handle it." Harm nodded and soon they were above the water. He'd already agreed to go first, wanting to be in the water when the others came down. He peered out the side of the chopper and with one final look at Mac jumped feet first into the water. Kevin was next and as soon as Harm had surfaced the young boy leapt from the chopper and towards the water. He hit the water just a few feet from Harm, who quickly hurried over to make sure he was okay. He was greeted with Kevin's wide smile and he knew he was fine. They looked up at the chopper waiting for Mac and Casey when Mac suddenly appeared at the side and motioned them towards the shore. "They're not jumping?" Kevin frowned. "I guess not. Maybe Casey got scared. Come on let's head back." With Harm keeping an eye on Kevin, they swam back to the shore where Mac and Casey were now standing. "Hey what happened to you two?" Kevin asked as Casey ran to help him. "I chickened out," she admitted. "Some Marine I'm going to be. Can't even do a simple jump out of a helicopter into the water." "You did everything else so far. But it was pretty fun." "You weren't scared?" Casey asked. "No way" he grinned. "I'm ready to do it again but I don't think Harm is up to it." "Sorry I didn't get to join you in the water" Mac said as she came up to Harm. "But I got the idea you didn't mind at all." "No I didn't. I'll have to thank Casey later for that." "She really was scared," Mac said quietly. "She's trying to be brave on all fronts but in this case this was more than she was ready for." "One day she will be" Harm sighed. "Unlike Kevin who'll never get the chance." "Harm" Mac said softly. "Come on. Let's not get down about this again. We'll go grab some lunch and then see what Julie's got for the afternoon." "I'm not really hungry. Especially not for that food." "I know but you still need to eat something." "Yeah whatever" he sighed. They stopped for lunch in the mess before returning to the their barracks where Julie was waiting for them. "How was the helo jump?" she smiled. "Cool" Kevin replied. "Really cool." "So you all ready for the afternoon session?" she asked. "We've still got a lot planned." "Can we just have a little down time?" Kevin asked and at once Harm frowned as he looked at the young man. "Kevin what's wrong?" he demanded. "Nothing I'm just a little tired and I was kinda hoping that maybe Casey and I could have a little time together. Just some alone time." Casey blushed at his words and Julie smiled even more. "That's just find Kevin. You just give me a call when you're ready to do the other stuff." "Thanks Julie" he smiled. "Kevin you sure you're okay?" Harm asked again once Julie was gone. "You promised me you'd let me know if this was too much for you." "Harm I'm okay. Honest. I'm just kinda tired that's all. Plus I'm sure you and Mac wouldn't mind some alone time yourselves." "No we wouldn't" Mac smiled. "Come on sailor. Let's give these two some space." "Harm I'm okay" Kevin said when he sensed Harm's reluctance to leave. "You go on with Mac. We'll be fine." "You sure?" Harm said quietly. "Sure. Now go. I'd like to have some alone time with my chick." "All right we're going but we won't be far away in case you need us," Harm told him. "And anyway, chick? She's a lady Kevin, and a pretty special one isn't she?" "Yes sir, very special." Shyly his hand slipped around hers and he led her off, Harm walking a few feet to stare after them. Mac shook her head and came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle. "Sailor, let's make ourselves scarce. "They're fine. They just want a little bit of down time together. I could use some of that too with a hunky sailor. Know anyone who'd fit that bill?" "I know a broken down old aviator." Harm smiled softly and turned around within her grasp. "Who happens to love you very much and would like to show you his etchings or whatever that old cliche is." He grabbed her too him in a quick hug and led her to his barracks. "I know we can't do anything but we can at least take a nap together." Meanwhile Kevin had grabbed an extra blanket and taken Casey out back of the barracks into the shade and when he dropped to the blanket, he pulled her down with him. "I. . .uh. . .I just wanted to say thank you for this," he said softly. "Thank you for coming, and I'm sorry you got scared this morning at the jump." "I guess I'm not ready to be the big bad Marine yet," she sighed. "I don't know what I want. I sometimes think about paramedic too. And now I'm realizing I could be a Marine paramedic so I don't know." "What about your dad?" She gave a short laugh. "By then he'll probably be so busy with Heather and a house full of kids he won't have a lot of care where I go or what I do. I just know I don't want to work in an office." Kevin nodded and sniffled slightly. "At least what I'm going to be doing when I grow up isn't a problem. Since I'm not gonna." "If I could trade places with you I would," she whispered, hugging him tightly. They were still like that when Harm and Mac found them an hour later. "Everything OK?" Harm asked, dropping down beside them. "Kevin you feeling OK? I can see you've had some TLC here." "Yes sir. I needed this time but I'm fine now." Casey opened her eyes slowly, no hurry to leave Kevin's arms. "We had a nice nap" she murmured." "I can see that," Mac smiled and ruffled her hair. "And Julie called and said there's a company on the range if you guys want to see what an M-16 looks like up close." "Can we fire?" Kevin gasped. "Once you learn to strip it down and put it back I would imagine so," Mac nodded. Harm leaned down and pulled both kids to their feet and they ran off ahead, anxious to meet Julie. "Harm how old were you your first time?" "What? Hey you don't think they. . ." he gasped. "No of course not. But still answer the question," she laughed. "Sixteen. Vietnam and I don't want to. . ." "When you went to find your dad?" "My mom refers to that as the summer I ran away. Now you, same question?" She blushed softly, "Chris Ragle thank you. I wasn't a run around in high school and then of course he just came and took me away. Old and unpleasant memories for me too. Come on Squid, you going to show me how it's done?" "I thought I did that the night before we left." "You are too cute. You even know which end of a weapon fires?" They spent the rest of the afternoon on the range before heading back to the barracks to meet up with Julie. "I've got a treat for you tonight" she smiled. "Instead of mess hall meatloaf you've been invited to the O'club for dinner with General Gilbert." "Thank God" Harm smiled. "Mess hall meatloaf is not something I'm sure I could stomach." "They've got a billiards room in there and you're welcome to stay and play as long as you want" Julie added. "Sound good?" They showered and changed for dinner and a short time later arrived at the O'club where General Gilbert was waiting. "So have you enjoyed your stay so far?" Nathan Gilbert smiled as he looked at Kevin. "Yes sir" Kevin nodded. "It's been totally awesome. Casey and I have had a great time. She's thinking about being a Marine now." "Maybe" Casey said with a small smile. "I couldn't do the helo jump so I'm not sure I'd make it. I chickened out at the last minute." "You aren't the first. I've seen plenty chicken out on that. That doesn't mean you can't become a Marine one day." "I'd like to" she nodded. "I want to be a paramedic too. Mac said I could do that in the Marines." "Yes you can" he nodded. "So what was your favorite part so far Kevin?" "Going out on the range and helo jump" Kevin smiled. "But everything has been pretty cool so far. " After dinner they found the billiard room and Harm and Kevin took on Casey and Mac in a game of pool. "Should we make a bet" Kevin grinned. "Like the loser has to do something the winner wants?" "You care to elaborate on what that something might be?" Harm laughed. "I don't know" he shrugged. "Whatever we think of. You know we're going to win." "Oh is that so" Casey smiled. "Well I'll take that bet." "Uh wait a sec here" Mac spoke up. "You didn't ask your partner how good she is at pool." "Don't worry we'll beat them" Casey assured her. "I'm really good at this. We'll beat their pants off." "Oh yeah right" Kevin scoffed. "No way. Come on Harm. Let's show them how it's done. We'll even let them go first." "Cool" Casey smiled. "I'll break." To both Kevin and Harm's amazement Casey did a perfect break, landing two solid colored balls in the pockets. "Watch and see how it's done" she grinned. "Hey where did you learn to play like that?" Kevin demanded as she made another a shot. "Three older brothers" she giggled. "You didn't really think you were going to win did you?" "Of course. I didn't think you knew how to play. You're a girl." "Anything boys can do, girls can do better" Casey taunted as she took her next shot. To Kevin's relief she missed and he quickly lined up for a shot. "I didn't know these two were such hustlers" Mac smiled as they watched the two kids. "But at least they're having fun." "Yeah they are" Harm nodded. "And that's all that matters." "How you doing?" Mac asked softly. "You okay? I know today has been kind of rough for you. You've been a little out of it all day." "Sometimes it just all catches up with me" he sighed. "And I know if you weren't here I'd be going crazy." "You're going to be fine, and when the time comes we're going to be there for him and for each other." "I can't watch him die Mac. I can't do it." "Yeah you can. You and I will be there for him, and for Casey and for each other. We're going to tell him we love him and we're going to tell him it's OK. That where he's going is a far better place." "You believe that don't you?" He studied her face carefully. "I sure as hell want to. I mean I've always thought that I'd meet Dad and Gramps again when the time came." "Oh yeah you will," she said firmly. "But not for a long time to come. You and I have a lot of life yet to go through. Remember it wasn't that many weeks ago when we were dancing around a marriage proposal." His face brightened considerably. "And that's a subject we're going to re-visit." "When you're ready to ask, I'll be ready to accept," she whispered and a second later his lips were on hers. "I love you Sarah." "Oh jeez," Kevin groaned, spotting what they were doing. At the same time he smiled softly and leaned toward Casey. "I wish I could see them get married. You know when it's going to be?" "I don't think Harm wants to until after. . ." she started, her voice catching and she turned away. "Casey it's OK. I know it's going to happen and most of the time I'm OK with it," he reminded her, taking her hand and giving her a quick hug. "I'm going to see my dad again. How bad could that be?" "Maybe you'll meet my mom up there," Casey said with a small smile. "I know she's up there somewhere." "Hey are we playing pool or what?" Harm asked as he looked over at the pair. "You two were the ones over there all kissy face again" Kevin grinned. "But I think you're up now." Kevin and Harm took the first game but Casey managed to convince them that a second was necessary for the bet. This time she and Mac pulled out the game and they left it a draw and headed back to the barracks. "Have a good time today?" Harm asked Kevin once they were alone. "Oh yeah." "Good" Harm smiled. "I'm glad. That's what this is all about." "Harm can I ask you a question" Kevin said as he climbed onto his bunk. "What did I tell you the first night we met" Harm smiled. "You can ask anything but that doesn't mean I have to answer it. So ask away." "When are you going to ask Mac to marry you?" "I don't know" Harm stammered. "I never really thought about it. We're together and that's all that's mattered." "But you love her don't you?" Kevin asked. "Of course I do. More than anything in this world." "Okay so why don't you get married then. You love her and she loves you. Why not make it official so no other guys get any ideas about moving in on your woman." "I guess I could" Harm said quietly. "I just hadn't really thought about it with everything else that's been going on." "What's there to think about?" Kevin smiled. "You get her a ring and you ask her. You know she's going to say yes. And then you can get married and hopefully I'll be there to see it." "You think it's that simple?" Harm smiled. "Yeah. I'll even help you pick out the ring for Mac. Or we can have Casey come. That way you'll get her something good." "You don't think I can pick our a ring for the woman I love?" Harm laughed. "Well you probably could but it would be pretty neat to help you pick it out." "Tell you what. When we get back, you and I will go shopping one day. We'll see if we can come up with anything. But you can't say a word to Mac about it. It's supposed to be a surprise." "My lips are sealed" Kevin promised. "Not a word from me." "Good. Now get some sleep. It's been a long day for you and tomorrow we've got a long flight back home." "Thanks Harm" Kevin said softly. "For everything." "You're welcome" Harm whispered. *************************** Four Days Later "How on earth did you lose Mac for the day?" Casey asked as she and Kevin and Harm made their way into the mall. "The Admiral has her working on something this weekend" Harm smiled. "It all worked out perfectly." "I still can't believe you're going to ask her to marry you" Casey smiled. "Well someone made me realize that there's no reason to wait" Harm said as he looked at Kevin. "And with any luck tonight she will officially be my fiancée." "He thinks she's might turn him down" Kevin scoffed. "Can you believe that?" "No way" Casey giggled. "Harm she's totally in love with you. There is no way she would ever say no to you." "Oh she's said no before," he laughed and shook his head "Never mind when. So you guys think we should pick something out here and I should give it to her tonight do you?" "Yes sir and we should get to watch," Kevin grinned only to have Casey poke him. "That's a private time Moron." "It doesn't have to be does it?" Kevin demanded. "I mean we're going out to eat when we pick her up and that would be the perfect time. Harm we're going someplace nice right?" "You think Pizza Hut is nice," Casey scoffed. "I thought we'd do the Big Bowl that does the Chinese stir fry to order," he smiled. "Now let's check for a ring. I know she's a six because I once left her Marine Ring to be sized down." He led them to the mall directory and the jewelry stores listed. "Harm you want a diamond one," Casey told him with annoying practicality. "These other places that sell watches and necklaces aren't going to have as big a choice." "Thank you," he smiled, locating a diamond merchant and heading them in that direction. "Sir how about something that's mixed stones?" the saleswoman offered. "I admit to a personal prejudice, but I'm not a fan of the all diamond ones. May I suggest something like this." She brought a tray from under the counter and each ring was varied. All with a diamond in the center, some with blood red rubies and some with striking green emeralds. "Oh they're all gorgeous," Casey gasped. "How would you ever decide?" "It's this one," Kevin pointed, his voice quiet. "Mac's more of a ruby person, and see this one with the three surrounding the round diamond in the platinum setting. It's her." "You know what, the boy is right," Harm said softly, lifting the ring and slipping it onto his pinkie finger. "Harm it's so pretty," Casey breathed. "So right." "Well it seems odd to buy something this important on the spur of the moment," he frowned, holding his hand up in the light to look. "On the other hand. . .it is gorgeous and when something is right it's right. I think this is right." "Oh yes it is," Casey squealed, her eyes dancing. "I can't wait to see Mac's face." "You may have to wait a little longer than you thought," Harm said slowly. "I think it's stuck. Both kids looked aghast and Harm burst into laughter. "Just kidding." "Haven't heard that one before sir," the clerk groaned. ====================== JAG HQ 1 Hour later "Guys calm down or she's going to know something is up," Harm cautioned as he led them into the building, keeping a hand on each of their shoulders and wanting to squelch their rowdiness which at that moment was running full tilt. "There's Mac and she's got someone in her office," Kevin said, keeping his voice more quiet. "Yeah what a hunk," Casey breathed. "Look at that uniform. What is it?" "Marine dress blues," Kevin spoke up at once. "He's a Captain. Must be doing something special." With a sly look up to Harm he added, "hopefully not with your woman." "Not if he wants to live to see tomorrow," Harm smiled and clamped their shoulders to keep them with him. "Just hold up there. Mac is busy and we'll wait." It was fifteen minutes more before she walked her guest to the main door and smiled broadly when she saw Harm and the kids. "Don't even ask if I'm ready because I'm so ready I'm dying." "I like your new friend," Casey yelped, smiling broadly while Harm gathered Mac to him for a quick hug. "Capt. Elias," she smiled back. "Who by the way asked me to dinner. At the White House no less, which is where he's going right now." "I don't think me and these guys can compete with a guy ten years younger than me in dress blues on his way to the White House," Harm sighed. "You want me to catch him for you?" "By all means," she teased. "Actually I couldn't wait for him to leave. I've missed you Flyboy. Missed you all day." She gave him a quick kiss and looked to Casey and Kevin. "OK you two. Butter wouldn't melt in your mouths. What's up?" "Big Bowl for dinner," the young girl laughed. "And the rest will wait." "The rest?" Mac questioned. "What's the rest?" "Nothing" Harm smiled. "Come on. I'm sure you're starving." "You three are up to something aren't you?" Mac said as she looked at them. "Someone going to tell me what it is?" "Nope" Casey laughed as she and Kevin headed towards the elevator. "They are so cute together" Mac sighed as she watched them. "It breaks my heart to know they're not going to have any more than this." Harm nodded and draped his arm over Mac's shoulder. "Mine too" he said softly. "And I'm surprised at how well they're handling it." "They're amazing kids." "Come on" Harm smiled. "No more of that. Tonight's going to be a good night." It wasn't long before they were stuffed on Chinese stir-fry, and Mac leaned back in the booth, her hand to her stomach. "That was way too much" she groaned. "I'm so stuffed. You're going to have to roll me out of here." "How about I carry you instead" Harm smiled. "I don't think you could lift me" she giggled as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'd manage," he said softly. "Harm" Kevin smiled. "Isn't it about time?" "Time for what?" Mac asked as she raised her head. "What in the world are you three plotting?" "Time for me to do something that I've been wanting to do for a long time" Harm said as he gently extracted himself from the booth and reached into his pocket for the small box. "Don't forget the knee part" Casey giggled and Harm blushed as he got down on one knee. "Harm what are you doing?" Mac whispered. "I'm asking you to marry me" he smiled as he opened the box and pulled out the ring. "That is if you'll have me." "Oh my gosh" Mac gasped when she saw the ring. "Harm it's beautiful." "I can't take all the credit for it. Kevin actually picked it out. I just decided it was perfect for you. May I?" She held out her hand and with slightly trembling fingers he slid the ring onto her finger. "I love you Sarah" he whispered. "And I hope this means you'll marry me." "Of course I will" she sniffled. "I love you too." He leaned forward for a kiss and Kevin and Casey started the round of applause that went through the restaurant. "I didn't know everyone was watching" Harm said sheepishly when they parted. "Sorry." "It's okay" she smiled as he stood up and joined her in the both again. "That was the most wonderful proposal I've ever gotten." "I had a lot of help on the whole thing," Harm said as he looked over at Kevin and Casey. "They weren't going to let me mess this one up." "And I think he did pretty good" Casey nodded. The smile never left her face for the rest of the evening and after they dropped Kevin and Casey off they headed to Mac's place. "So was this really all your idea?" Mac said softly once they were inside. "I'd been thinking about it," he admitted. "But it wasn't all my idea. Kevin was pretty instrumental in that. I guess this whole thing with him has made me realize that I want to hold on to what I treasure most in this world as long as I can. And that's you." "Are we going to try and get married before. . . " Her voice trailed off and he nodded slowly. "I want to give him that. He wants to see us married. And he's going to. I guess I should ask you about that first. Do you mind getting married right away?" "Having you as my husband sooner is something I can live with" she smiled. "I just hope we can pull it all together in time." "So far he's been fine" Harm sighed. "But I know it's just temporary." "Yes it is, but he's hanging tight," she smiled, her face sobering at once when she added, "I just don't want him to linger in pain. It's my biggest fear for how my own life will end and I don't want it for him." "I've prayed about that same thing," Harm admitted, taking hold of her hand. "That when God is ready for him, He takes him quick." ============== JAG HQ Following Morning "Yes good you're all here," Harm smiled, seeing AJ with Harriet and Bud and Sturgis at the table. "This is where we normally are for staff call," AJ glowered. "And I'm overlooking that you two are late. Please don't share with me why." "No sir, but if we might ask the Admiral's indulgence for about two minutes," Harm begged. "We need to say something. To tell all of you something and ask a big favor. You know I wouldn't do this if it weren't really important." "By all means," AJ smiled and shook his head. "I yield the floor to the Commander. . . ." "Look at the ring," Harriet squealed, totally forgetting herself at the sight of what was on Mac's finger. "That's what you're going to tell us isn't it sir and Admiral I just realized what I did. I am so sorry. Permission to begin the paperwork for my demotion to Petty Officer." "At ease Lieutenant, thank you. But I have all the Petty Officers I need. Mr. Rabb you have the floor." Harriet was still blushing with embarrassment when Harm lifted Mac's hand to show the others. "In a moment of total insanity, this beautiful woman has agreed to be my wife," he said softly. "Nice. Well done Harm," Sturgis smiled and Bud reached for Harm's hand in congratulations. "Ma'am I'm so happy for you both," Harriet sighed. "I can second all those emotions," AJ nodded. "And add a best wishes of my own. Is there more?" "Yes sir. You know Kevin and you know he's sick and he's not going to. . ." This was as far as he got before his throat closed over and Mac at once squeezed his hand. "It's pretty simple really," she continued for him. "It would mean a lot for Kevin to see us married and we're going to do that for him. Saturday is the day and we hope all of you will be there-- where ever we manage to have it, and Sturgis, you think your dad would be able to?" "I think my dad would be honored," he said quietly. "And sir, ma'am, we'd be honored if you would have the ceremony at our place," Bud spoke up. "Thank you." Harm found his voice and took a long breath. "I don't know how we can pull this off in such a short period of time." "With a lot of help," Harriet assured him. "This is what friends are for." ==================== BUD & HARRIET's HOME Saturday Afternoon "Chaplain did you order this day?" AJ smiled, gesturing to the bright blue sky and Spring warmth in the air. "You better believe it," Mr. Turner nodded. "I put the fix in last night after I heard the weather report, which thankfully was wrong. Big surprise. So how are the plans going here. Are we on schedule?" "JAG's chief wedding planner would be the best judge of that," AJ laughed, pointing to Harriet who was directing the couple whom she had hired to make the wedding cake and little sandwiches. "Actually I'm totally impressed with how she managed to get everything together and still do her job all week." Harriet barely waved as she ran back upstairs, wanting to see to Mac and Casey who were dressing. In another bedroom Harm and Kevin were doing the same thing under Sturgis's watchful eye. "Kevin, you're going to have to be still or this tie is not going to happen," he scolded. "I swear you're more nervous than the groom and you're just the best man." "Yes sir I know," the boy sighed and then grinned. "Actually sir I think Harm is in shock. He hasn't said a word in ten minutes." "Harm you're not getting cold feet there are you?" Sturgis teased. "Actually I'm thinking what the hell am I doing. I'm about to ruin a woman's life." Harm said the words with such seriousness that for a second Sturgis froze. "Funny Rabb. That woman is so in love with you. What you are about to do is make her happier than she ever thought she was entitled to be." At the other end of the hall, Sarah Mackenzie, soon to be Rabb, was sniffling slightly as Harriet put the finishing touches on her hair. "I look OK don't I?" Casey whispered, turning a circle in front of the mirror. "Honey you look beautiful," Mac assured her. "My maid of honor is beautiful." "Thank you for letting me and Kevin. . .I mean you have friends who could have been," she whispered again. "Our friends understand what it's all about," Mac reminded her, giving her curls a quick fluff. "And I am honored to have you stand up with me. You and Kevin both." The first chords of the bridal march reached them and Harriet rolled her eyes. "Bud has been practicing all week. The beagles next door are hoarse from howling. Shall we?" Mac followed Casey down the long staircase and into the living room where Harm and Kevin stood along with the few guests that had been invited. Natalie and Daunte were among them, as well as Justin and Heather. Casey smiled and gave a quick wave to her dad as she passed before taking her place next to Kevin, who smiled appreciatively at her. "Very nice" he whispered. "You're not so bad yourself" she giggled. "Hi there sailor" Mac said as she took Harm's hand. "You ready to do this?" "If you're sure you want to marry this basket case I'm ready" he said with a small smile. They turned to Chaplain Turner and in a simple ceremony, the professed their love to each other for the rest of their lives. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife" Chaplain Turner smiled. "Mr. Rabb you may kiss your bride." "I'll love you forever" he whispered before taking her into his arms and giving her a long and passionate kiss. "Do you two need a room" Casey teased when they finally parted. "Actually we do" Mac giggled. "But I think we can wait a little while." "Nice job Harm" Kevin smiled as he shook Harm's hand. "You got the lady." "Yeah I did" Harm smiled. "Thanks to you. You weren't going to let up on me until we made it happen." "No I wasn't. I knew you two belonged together from the minute I saw you. And I was going to make sure you didn't end up without her." The others moved forward to congratulate them and afterwards they enjoyed the small sandwiches before Harm and Mac cut the wedding cake. "Mush it in her face" Kevin taunted as they prepared to feed each other the first piece. "Don't do that" Casey groaned. "You'll mess up her makeup and she looks so perfect right now." "Do I dare?" Harm smiled as he held up the piece of cake. "I am a Marine" she smiled as she reached for her piece. "Just in case you forgot." "I think I'll just feed it to you nicely." Carefully Harm fed her the first piece of their wedding cake as Bud snapped pictures of them. She did the same, smearing just a small amount of icing on his cheek. "You know you're going to have to lick that off" he grinned. "More than happy to" she smiled as she leaned forward and removed the icing with her lips. "Bouquet time" Casey chimed up. "You have to throw the bouquet and I'm going to catch it." "Oh you think so" Mac laughed. "Who said I was throwing it at you?" But as Mac stood at the top of the stairs, she turned around and looked back down at Casey before heaving the bouquet down to her. "Yes I got it" Casey exclaimed. "My first bouquet." The festivities finally came to end as Harm and Mac headed off for their wedding night and honeymoon. "Finally" Harm smiled when they reached the suite of the Morrison House in Dupont Circle. "May I have the honors?" She giggled as he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the room, whirling her around once before finally laying her on the bed. "I love you Mrs. Rabb," he said softly as he sank down beside her. "Almost as much as I love you" she smiled. "Thank you. This has all been wonderful. A dream come true." "For me too. I can't believe you're really my wife." "Forever and always" she whispered before his lips found hers in a long kiss. "Sarah. Sarah Catherine Rabb," he breathed as he gasped for air. One breath was all he allowed himself before plundering her mouth once more. It was different as husband and wife. So many times in the past weeks they had made love, but this night it was different and special. In the waning hours of their wedding day they had come together, their bodies locking to each other as if they would never part. At dawn they repeated, and again mid morning as they moved to the soft rug in front of the fireplace wanting each other more than breakfast. "This was so perfect," she sighed, curled in his lap with a blanket around them, enjoying the warmth of the fire. "It's not over," he smiled. "Not by any means. In fact we need to start getting our stuff together. Have to be at the airport by 1330." "Excuse me?" She lifted her head and looked at him closely. "Sailor what's going on?" "Very simple. We're flying to Miami and then cruising to San Juan and back." "No. No way," she gasped. "Harm there's no way you arranged that on this short notice." "Are you kidding. There's entire websites devoted to last minute fill of cruises. They'd rather sell a cabin at half price than send it empty. So I got us an outside cabin and a flight and we're going to have a great time." "We don't even have leave approved." "The hell we don't. Personally signed off by the Admiral. You're stalling Mrs. Rabb. Move that sweet six." ===================== For seven sundrenched days and six glorious nights of love-making the cruise happened. All too soon it was over, and their plane was landing back at Reagan National. "Well Mrs. Rabb, welcome home," he whispered, giving her a long kiss as the aircraft pulled to the gate. "You've got about sixty years to stop calling me that," she sighed. "I do love the sound of it. This was the most perfect week. Thank you for that." "You are very welcome. Now we just have to hope that we haven't had our luggage sent to Maui." It was when they walked through security back to the main concourse that they spotted their reception committee. A somber faced Harriet and Sturgis. Harm at once reached for Mac's hand. "No. Please don't let him. . .Mac he was OK when we called him just two nights ago. He can't be. . ." Mac squeezed hard as she tugged him forward. "Is it Kevin?" "Yeah I'm afraid so," Harriet whispered, holding back tears only with effort. "But he told me he was fine just forty-eight hours ago," Harm hissed. "And he was. He was just like he was last week," she replied miserably. "Then last night he started having bad pains in his back and not being able to pee. The cancer is in his liver and kidneys. It won't be much longer." She managed to get those words out before she dissolved. "I don't understand why you didn't call us?" Harm gasped, reeling from the news. "Harm you were in the middle of a large body of water on a ship and on your way back anyway. What would you have done, swum home the rest of the way?" Sturgis put his hand on his arm. "Bud knew from helping you with the website you were booked on this flight. We'll take you guys there. Casey is with him. Her dad brought her this morning and she's not planning on leaving." "I wish had just an ounce of that courage," Harm sighed. "Let's go." Neither was prepared for the sight that awaited them at the hospital and Mac felt Harm tense as he saw Natalie crying outside the room with Daunte. "Natalie?" he whispered. "I can't watch" she sobbed. "I can't watch my baby die. I just can't." Daunte reached for his wife and she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms. Harm and Mac slowly walked into the room where Casey remained, her hand wrapped around Kevin's. "It's okay Kevin" she whispered tearfully. "Just let go. You're going to a better place. Just make sure you say hi to Mom for me." Harm swallowed hard and Mac didn't even try to keep her tears back. Casey turned around when she heard Mac's sniffle and at once Mac moved forward and hugged the young girl from behind. "I'm so proud of you" Mac whispered. "You're so brave." "I just know this he's going to a better place. Where there is no more pain and hurt. And one day we'll meet up again." Tears streamed down her face as well and a moment later she felt the hand in hers go limp. "Goodbye Kevin" she sniffled. "I loved you. Don't ever forget that." "No he's not" Harm whispered from behind them. "He's not dead." "Harm I'm so sorry" Mac said as she stood up and reached for him. "No" Harm shouted as he pulled away from her. "No." He turned and ran from the hospital room, past Sturgis and the others who were gathered. He needed to get away from the hospital. Away from the fact that Kevin was dead. Away from the hurt he was suddenly overwhelmed with. "Harm" Sturgis called. "Harm what the hell are you doing?" Harm kept running, not stopping as he reached the stairs. He ran down them, finally making his way outside. A cab was outside and he quickly jumped inside and told the driver to drive anywhere. "I'm so sorry Natalie" Mac whispered as she and Casey walked out of the room. "It's over. He's passed on." "My baby is gone" Natalie wailed and Mac wrapped her arms around Casey as she started to cry. "It's okay honey" Mac soothed. "Just let it all out." "I miss him Mac" Casey sobbed. "I miss him already." "I know honey. We're all going to miss him." "Mac, Harm took off out of here like a bat out of hell," Sturgis said softly as he walked over to her. "He wasn't ready for it" Mac sniffled. "Even though he knew it was going to happen he wasn't ready for it. He freaked when he realized Kevin was dead. I knew this was going to be hard for him. I need to go find him." "We'll take Casey home" Harriet offered. "No I want to stay with Mac" Casey sobbed. "Please Mac. I don't want to go home. I want to be with you." "Okay honey but I do need to find Harm. He's very upset right now." Casey nodded. "I'll help you find him. Please just don't leave me alone." They searched the hospital before coming to the conclusion that Harm was no longer there. "Mac we'll find him" Sturgis assured her. "He couldn't have gone far on foot." "He's not in a good frame of mind Sturgis" she whispered. "I'm really worried about him." "Mac he's dealing with a big load of grief right now," Sturgis reminded her quietly. "He knew this was coming and yet on some level at least he was in denial about it too. He didn't think God would do that. He was holding out hope for a last minute reprieve that He didn't answer." "Which brings up a whole other matter of why God would take a little boy, and why God would do that to a man who never hurt anyone," she replied bitterly before she felt Casey's eyes on her. "Mac?" The young girl's lip trembled. "I'm sorry honey," Mac said at once, kneeling down to meet her at eye level. "That's not going to help. Being mad at God isn't going to bring Kevin back." "Maybe Harm needs to hear that," she offered. "Maybe so," Mac nodded, smoothing her hair down and instinctively looking around anxiously for him. "Sturgis I'm worried about him. I'm wanting to grieve for Kevin but I can't because I'm worried about him I want to find him." "And put your arms around him and tell him it's going to be OK?" he asked gently. "Yes exactly that," Mac snapped. "Sorry. But yes I want to do that. I need to do that." "And he needs that too. You're both going to need a lot of that in the days to come," Sturgis said softly, "but obviously for right now, for the present minute, that's not what he needed." "He should have been here for Mac and me," Casey spoke up through her tears." "He knew in his heart both of you were being well looked after. He just wanted a little space and breathing room. Mac, I guarantee you he's going to want grieve with you holding him. But right now he's having a little denial too and that's his right. He'll be back." "And if not? If he doesn't come back to me?" "Mrs. Rabb, that ring on your finger is the answer to that." ======================= "Mister I'm heading for the bridge here," the driver told Harm. "You want to go back?" When Harm did not answer the cab driver slowed and turned around. "Are you OK Mister? You're not going to puke back there or jump out and not pay me are you?" "Just drive," Harm ordered. "You'll get your money and I'm not sick." "Yeah OK that better be true on both counts. Again, I'm at the bridge and I need to know--get off or cross." "We can go back. . ." Harm leaned forward to look at the sparkling Potomac and the Lincoln Memorial ahead of them and knew what he wanted. "No. Cross. Let me out at the Memorial." "You got it, but that's already ten bucks. Before tip." Ten minutes later Harm was standing by the Wall, drawing deep breaths of fresh air. His fingers as they always did when he was there traveled along the slightly sunken letters. "There's a pretty special guy coming to be with you Dad," he mouthed. "Maybe he's already there. Take care of him for me please." ============== HOSPITAL 30 Mins. Later "Natalie, I am so sorry," Mac told her, having found her with Daunte, crying softly in a small seating area in the corridor. Natalie sniffled and raised her head, stifling her sobbing. "Thank you. Where's Harm? I need to talk to him." "He's dealing with it in his own way," she replied carefully. "I'll make sure he knows you want to speak to him." "Just tell him that Kevin was very specific in what he wanted done, and by whom," Natalie said softly, putting her head on Daunte's shoulder. "He didn't want a funeral. He wanted his friends to gather around his dad's grave at Arlington, and Chaplain Turner to say a prayer while Harm put his ashes on the grave. You think he can do that?" "I'll make sure of it," Mac promised, about to say more when her cell phone rang. "It's Harm," she breathed in relief. "Hey Sailor. Where are you?" "On my way back to the hospital" he said quietly. "I just needed some space. I'm sorry for running out like that. How are you?" "I'm a lot more worried about you" she whispered. "Just tell me you're okay." "I'll be a lot more okay when I have you in my arms. Which will be soon." "I'm here with Natalie and Casey is still here too." "I'll be there." They were all still sitting together when Harm finally returned to the hospital. Mac was up at once, taking him into her arms and holding him tightly. "How are you?" she whispered, "talk to me honey". "Numb" he admitted. "I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I don't know what got into me." "It's okay. No one expects this to be easy." He nodded and finally let go of her and made his way over to Natalie. "I'm sorry" he whispered. "I'm so sorry." "He's with his father now," Natalie said softly. "I know he's in a better place." "Have you made any arrangements?" Harm asked. "Kevin was very specific that he didn't want a funeral" Natalie sniffled. "He just wants his ashes to be spread at his father's grave. By you." "Me?" Harm whispered. "Please. This was his last wish." "Harm we'll be there with you" Casey said quietly as she stood up and walked over to them. "It's going to be okay." "I can do it then," Harm said quietly. "For Kevin." *********************** Two Days Later The day dawned bright and sunny, as if Kevin was smiling down on them all from Heaven already. The small group had gathered, Harm nervously holding the container of Kevin's ashes as Chaplain Turner led the final prayer. More people than Harm had imagined were there, including a large number of children from Kevin's class. All too soon Chaplain Turner finished the prayer and he looked at Harm, who slowly moved towards the headstone. "I miss you buddy" he whispered. "But I know you're in a better place. Say hi to my Dad for me will you." He slowly sprinkled the ashes and Natalie's sob echoed through the quiet area. And then it hit him. The reality that the young man who'd been a big part of his life for the past several months was gone finally hit him. He didn't move even as he heard the other's start to leave. "Harm" Mac whispered as she walked up behind him a few minutes later. He said nothing but turned and buried his head against her, allowing his tears to flow as they stood there alone. Her tears mixed with his as she held him, crying both for the young man whose life had been much too short and for the man she loved who was hurting so much. Finally he raised his head and she gently reached up to wipe some of the tears from his face. "I'm sorry" she whispered. "He had his whole life in front of him Mac. Why did it have to end like this? Why?" "I don't have those answers Harm. I wish I did. But I don't." "Do you really believe he's in a better place?" he asked softly. "Don't you?" she smiled softly. "I guess. It's just not fair. He deserved more." "He had a short life Harm but you made the last part of his life special. And for that, I'm sure he'll never forget you." "And I'll never forget him" he sighed. "No you won't," Mac smiled. "He touched all of us in a very special way. You most of all, but me and Casey too. He was part of our family for a while, and he will be part of it again when we see him in the next life. Like when you see your dad and Gramps." "Yeah." He gave another sniffle and reached down to touch the ashes, already some being absorbed by the damp grass. "Goodbye Kevin. I know you're with your dad now." Mac wrapped her arm around his large frame as best she could and led him to the car. It was over. Another soul had winged its way to Heaven. ================ JAG HQ 1 Month Later "Harm I wish you'd come with us. It's just me and Casey and her dad and Heather having pizza. Please." "Thanks but I'd as soon be home I think," Harm replied. Mac shook her head and came into his office, closing the door behind her. "Harm, Casey is starting to take this personally. You haven't had ten minutes of contact with her since. . .You know it's not her fault." "No of course it's not, but when I look at her I see Kevin. Her and Kevin together. With us. A family of sorts. That's not that hard to understand is it?" "No of course it's not, but Kevin is dead Harm. Kevin is dead and Casey is alive. And so am I." She had not meant to put that last sentence in there, but it had slipped out and Harm turned to her with a sharp look. "I've been there the whole time," he countered. "And I know you have for me. I mean you've held me plenty of times since then." "Yes I have," she nodded, keeping her voice as calm and as even as possible. "And I've been glad to do it. I'm in love with you Harmon Rabb. For a very long time now. But I have needs too. Physical and emotional. I sometimes could use some comfort myself." He started to speak and she waved her hand in dismissal. "No. I'm sorry I brought that up because this is hardly the time or place and Justin is coming by here shortly. I'm thinking him and Heather are wanting to announce their engagement. But whatever." "He's going to bring you home right?" "No Harm he's dropping me on his side of the bridge and I'll hitch from there. Yes of course he is. And we're going to be at Casey's favorite, Tony's, if you'd like to join us." "I don't think so. You be careful and safe OK. I can't lose you too." "Harm you're not ever going to lose me. I love you. I'll see you at home." She gave him a lingering kiss, pulling back suddenly when desire stirred. Except for a few times when he had blindly reached for her in the night seeking comfort more than anything else, they had not been intimate. After she left, Harm walked to the window and watched until Justin drove up. Casey hopped out and gave her a big hug, which he could tell Mac returned eagerly, then climbed into the backseat with Casey. "I miss you Kevin," he said softly, his chin dropping to his chest in sadness and when he returned to his desk he picked up the framed picture from his credenza. Taken at Twenty-Nine Palms, it was exactly how he wanted to remember the boy. His arm slung over Casey's shoulder, a broad grin on his handsome features, and not a care in the world at that moment. "Why God?" he whispered again, a question he had asked a thousand times already. =================== TONY's PIZZA PLACE Arlington, Va. "So Harm wouldn't come?" Justin asked as they were seated. "He's not ready," Mac said slowly, watching as he helped Heather into her chair and missing his arms around her already. She would not have come had it not meant so much to Casey for them to be together. "I'm sorry," Justin said quietly. "He and I aren't friends, but I do understand loss." "I know you do. And on some level he appreciates that," Mac nodded. "He'll be OK. It's just going to take some time. He's brooding right now. But he'll be all right." "Of course he will," Casey yelped. "He's got Mac to love and their baby. . ." Her hand went to her mouth and she turned bright red. "Oh my god Mac I am so very sorry. You told me not to tell anyone because Harm didn't know and I'm blabbing like a stuck banshee." With that she burst into tears and Mac smiled and hooked her arm around her neck, pulling her into a quick hug. "Honey it's OK. And the only reason I haven't told Harm is because he worries too much about me now. He lost Kevin, and he's afraid of losing me, and if he knew I was pregnant that would just add to his fretting." "How far are you?" Heather asked gently. "Well three months actually," she admitted. "Obviously it's not going to be a secret much longer." "Congratulations" Justin smiled. "I guess there's good news all around tonight. Heather and I have our own announcement." "We're engaged" Heather said softly as she held up her hand. "Like that's a big surprise" Casey smiled. "You knew?" Justin frowned. "Of course. I am going to be twelve soon Dad. I know these things." "Are you okay with it?" Heather asked. "As long as you don't try and take Mom's place we'll get along fine" Casey said quietly. "I couldn't replace your Mom Casey. I just want us to be friends." "We can do that" Casey nodded. "So did you decide when?" Mac asked. "Not yet" Justin replied. "We just wanted to make it official but it's still down the road yet." "Well congratulations" Mac smiled. "I'm happy for both of you. I'll tell Harm when I get home." "Is he ever going to go anywhere with us again?" Casey asked. "Or does he just not like me anymore?" ****************** Harm and Mac's Apartment Same Time Harm paced the apartment several times after deciding TV was hopeless. For some reason he was restless and he wasn't sure why. Finally he walked over to the bookcase and picked up the picture of Kevin. "I miss you buddy" he sighed. "I hate that you're gone. It's just not fair." He put the picture down and paced some more before dropping down on the sofa. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillow. Suddenly he heard the voice he missed so much. "Harm you're a fool. What are you doing here? You should be with Mac. And Casey." His eyes flew open and he looked around the room. "Kevin" he whispered. "Kevin are you here?" There was no one in the room with him and for a moment he thought he was losing his mind. Until he heard it again. "Harm go to the Pizza Place. Casey needs to know you don't blame her. And Mac has something to tell you. Something real important." "I don't blame Casey," he said to the empty room. "But seeing her reminds me how much I miss you." "Well she misses me too. And she's hurting. And you're making it worse by ignoring her." "I didn't mean to hurt her" Harm sighed. "I guess I just got lost in my own world." "You need to go back to the world everyone else is in. The one with Mac. The woman who loves you. Or did you forget that?" "Never" he said softly. "Then let go Harm. It's okay. One day we'll meet again. I promise." There was silence again and he let out a long sigh as the words ran through his head. Maybe he should have gone to the pizza place with them. He knew he was being unfair to Casey and she didn't deserve that. The young girl had suffered as much as he had with Kevin's passing and she didn't need the guilt he was putting on her. And what did Mac have to tell him? Five minutes later he was on his way to Tony's. It was time to let go of Kevin. Time to go on living. The waiter was clearing their table when he arrived and he hurried to them. "I hope I'm not too late" he said with a small smile. "Not at all" Mac smiled. "Chuck why don't you leave the rest of that pizza. I think my husband is going to finish that up." "Harm I didn't think you were coming" Casey said quietly. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you honey. I guess I was taking some of my grief out on you and that wasn't right. I know you loved him as much as I did." "I didn't want him to die either" she sniffled. "I know," he said softly. "And if I acted like I was blaming you, I'm sorry." "So you don't hate me?" "No I don't" Harm assured her. "Not for a moment." "Good. Cause I still want us all to be friends." "We will be" Harm promised as he reached over and squeezed her hand. "Okay so what's the big change from?" Mac asked as she looked at her husband. "When I left tonight you were in a total funk." "A friend reminded me that the people I loved where still here on earth with me. And that I need to start spending some time with them again. He also told me you had something to tell me." "What friend" she started and then realized that he meant Kevin. "So what's the secret?" Harm asked. "I'm pregnant" she whispered. "I was going to tell you and then everything happened with Kevin and it never seemed like a good time." "You're pregnant?" he whispered. "With our baby? We're going to have a baby?" "Who else's baby would she be having?" Casey giggled. "Of course she's having your baby." "Honey maybe we should give Harm and Mac some time alone" Justin said to Casey. "Why don't we go over and check out the video games for a minute?" "Mac do I have to," the young girl whined. "Actually no it's OK," Mac smiled. "I'll have this guy alone to myself later. Right now I'm happy sharing with you guys. Of course my husband here is still in shock I think." "I. . .I. . ." Harm took a long drink of Mac's ice tea. "Why didn't you tell me honey?" "Because you freak out and she didn't want you to do that any more than you already do so back off and let her breathe a little will you," Casey squealed with typical pre-teen exuberance that wasn't to be controlled. "Casey behave yourself," Justin scolded mildly. "The man has just found out he's going to be a father in a few months." "I'm. . .I'm OK," he said softly. "In fact I think I'm more than OK." He took a long breath and turned Mac toward him, giving her a long kiss despite of their being in the restaurant. "So you're OK with it?" she whispered. "I really wasn't keeping it from you except that it never seemed the right time. And I was also thinking it would just make you miss Kevin all the more." "He told me you had something to tell me," he whispered back in awe. "And just how did he do that?" Mac frowned. "I was looking at his picture. At JAG and then at home and then suddenly he was talking to me," he answered, still in that awed voice. "I don't know how to explain it any more than that. And right now I feel better than I have since. . .well since forever." "I'm glad honey," she whispered, feeling the tension flow from her as she wrapped her arms around his broad chest. "Why don't you take me home as soon as you have your pizza." By the time they had said their goodnights and reached the apartment, desire for each other was at a high not seen since Kevin got sick for the last time. Desire that they wasted no time in expressing as soon as they had locked the door. "Sailor you were amazing," she panted when they were finished. "Didn't you know pregnant women turn me on." "I do now." = = = = = = = = 2 MONTHS LATER "Sailor what is your problem in there?" Mac banged at the bathroom door for the third time. "Harm it's not the President we're going to meet." "Yeah I know. OK I'm coming. I just wanted to shave so I didn't scare him to death. Coming out now. . .whoa, where did that come from?" "It's called a maternity top," she smiled. "As of this morning I decided the button and rubber band stretching the waist band thing wasn't going to make it any more so when I was shopping at lunch with Harriet I bought a couple things. You like?" "I love," he smiled. "I am so proud when I look at you." "Typical male going look what I did. You didn't do it alone remember," she giggled. "No I didn't. We must have both been magnificent that night." "Move Sailor. We've an appointment to keep." = = = = = = = = = OFFICE OF BIG BROTHERS-BIG SISTERS "Harm and Mac it's really good to see you," Stella Lewis smiled. "Please sit. Harm you're sure you're ready for this?" "Yes ma'am. Very ready to meet him. Tell me about him please." THE END