TITLE: "After the Mistletoe XII-The Greatest is Love” AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: The kiss of Answered Prayers leads to more. Rated PG for mild language. Some chapters will contain mild violence as well. The twelfth and concluding chapter of the After the Mistletoe series in which Harm and Mac deal with the ramifications of the mistletoe kiss. Note that the arrival of Sergei is not a factor in this series. DISCLAIMER: JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al. No copyright infringement is intended with this work of fiction. FEEDBACK: Never expected but always appreciated by both of us-- to [SSbpmn@aol.com]. To those who don’t find our work to their liking, we can respect that. In that regard we ask you to respect our desire not to have that shared with us. NOTE: All parts of this chapter plus previous chapters will be available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories No subbing is required to read from the message archives for registered Yahoo users. Other archives containing our work: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at ---- http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html [sadly, not always up and running] or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ Previously in ATM: The murderer of Rudy and Julie Mauer shows himself, sending Mac and Harm away from D.C. with the aid of 2 DEA agents. Stowed in a 'safe house' they are attempting to put back the pieces of their lives when their enemy locates them. From the close of After the Mistletoe XI— "Mac I'm going to take some time off" he said quietly when they stopped in a quiet corner of the lobby. "I've already called the Admiral and requested thirty days of medical leave. I'm going back to Mom's and this time I'm not leaving until I get my back straightened out." "I think that's a good idea" she whispered. "I think we need some time apart anyway." He nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry for everything. I know that that will never be enough and I hope that one day you'll forgive me." "Me too" she sniffled as the tears slid down her face. "I just don't know when that will be. And I'm sorry too." "I know. That's why I'm leaving" he whispered. "I love you Sarah. Don't ever forget that." He gently placed a kiss on her damp cheek before turning and walking away. "I love you too Harm. Always." she whispered before a long sob escaped her. She knew his leaving was for the best. It just didn't make it any easier. . **************************** “After the Mistletoe XII-The Greatest is Love" Mac leaned against the window, sobbing quietly into her hand, glad no one else was around to witness her misery. "Where's Harm?" Susan's gentle voice. "Did he need some space?" "Yeah he did, about three thousand miles worth," she sighed. "And you know what, I've been blaming him again, and this is partly me. I mean who left the cabin in a tizzy anyway." "There's a lot of blame and none at the same time," she soothed. "Yeah OK you ran off. But you were coming right back. You didn't know you were going to get stuck for godsake. As for Nicky, he was doing his job. We took an oath just like you guys did. I know he'll be OK--I can't let myself think anything else." Mac accepted the kleenex Susan handed her and dabbed at her eyes. "You guys haven't talked about how you feel have you?" "Good lord no," she laughed despite her fear. "But it's there. I can't imagine me with anyone else. I've told people I'm involved--guys that have asked me at least. No we haven't talked about it but we just seem to know. Does that make sense?" "Of course," Mac nodded. "Just a word of advice---you don't want to be in limbo forever." "I don't want to be," she admitted. "In fact just before he went into surgery I kissed his cheek and told him I loved him. He was unconscious of course so it was sort of like a dress rehearsal. But anyway, Mac when you talk to Harm again, please tell him I'm sorry. I was scared and upset and I had no right to scream at him like that." "I did some screaming of my own," Mac sighed. "But I'm not sure I'm sorry. I keep holding those things in, and then suddenly they explode out of me. Maybe that's healthier." "It's Rojas who bears the real blame you know," Susan said wisely. "And you know I could blame myself here for not watching Nick's back better too. I don't want to. I mean that's not real professional but that's what I'm feeling." She choked on her last word and Mac touched her shoulder, then brought her into a quick hug. "He'll be OK. At little faith here huh." "Ms. Riley? Susan Riley for Mr. Myers?" Both Mac and Susan spun around to face a smiling if exhausted doctor. "Mr. Myers is doing OK. We removed the bullet and he's resting comfortably." Susan swallowed hard. "Doctor I'm a government agent and I'm paid to sense things. There's something you're not telling me." "We uh. . .yeah we lost him twice on the table." "My god no," she gasped, beginning to tremble and Mac gripped her arm tightly. "Doctor he's all right now though right?" Mac asked firmly. "We're going to monitor him in intensive care for the next several hours just in case there's a repeat of the cardiac arrest. But I think he'll be OK. A bullet is a pretty serious assault on the body." "I have to be with him," she whispered. "He has to know I'm there. He has to know that I'm waiting for him and that. . ." She paused and looked to Mac who nodded slowly. "And that I love him." "This way," Dr. Burns motioned. Mac gave her hand a squeeze before she got away. "Susan I'm going to see about getting home. I'll call you later to see how he is OK? Thank you for everything." "You're welcome. And tell Harm. . .when you see him. . ." Her words failed her and she hurried after the doctor. Mac's every intention was to find a way back to D.C. that night but with exhaustion in both mind and body setting in, she simply asked the desk for directions to a nearby motel. With a phone call to update the Admiral on her whereabouts, she flopped onto the bed, sinking her head into the pillow and let her tears come. How long she cried she had no idea as exhaustion over came her and she fell into a much needed sleep. "Mac?" Pounding on her door. "Mac?" Slowly she raised her head, looking around the room in total disorientation. Her head pounded sharply and her eyes refused to focus at first, and still the pounding continued. "Dammit Mac open this door before you have two hundred pounds of angry Sailor coming through it." "Sturgis?" She opened the door and Sturgis sprinted inside. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she leaned tiredly against the wall. "I got word of what happened. Are you okay?" "Sturgis I'm not sure I'm ever going to be okay" she managed before a small sob escaped her. At once Sturgis reached for her, awkwardly putting an arm around her. "Hey it's not that bad," Sturgis said gently. "Yes it is" Mac wailed. "Harm went back to California and the worst part is that I'm glad he did." "Okay I obviously am missing some information here. Why don't you back up and tell me everything." "Harm didn't just go to San Diego because of his back. He left because we're farther apart than we ever were." "Wait a minute. I thought you two were working it out." "That was before I found out he tried to take a roll in the hay with his therapist" Mac retorted. "He what? No way?" "Yes way" Mac sniffled. "He told me himself. He was going to sleep with her Sturgis. Because I wasn't there." "Mac I'm sorry" Sturgis said softly. "I didn't know. But I do know this. Harm does love you." "Why did he want to sleep with her then?" "I don't know Mac. Because men are jerks. And we're human and make mistakes." "Well I don't know if this mistake can be fixed" Mac whispered. "You don't mean that" Sturgis said softly. "Mac come on." "Sturgis he wanted to sleep with another woman while we were still together. How can I forgive that?" He didn't reply and Mac let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you this. He's your friend too and I had not right to dump this on you." "Mac I'm friends with both of you. And if you needed someone to talk to, I'm glad I'm here." "Sturgis it's just all so messed up. I don't even know which end is up anymore. " "Why don't you let me take you to breakfast and then we'll head back home" Sturgis said gently. "I need to check on Nick first," she said quietly. "He's the agent that got shot trying to get back to help Harm." "Of course. Why don't you get showered and dressed and I'll come back in a half hour." "Thanks Sturgis" Mac whispered. "You are a good friend." ******************** The Burnett Home La Jolla, CA "If I thought you looked bad the last time you look even worse now" Trish sighed as she pulled her son into her arms. "I've been on planes most of the night," Harm said quietly. "Let's get you to your room so you can get some sleep" she said gently. "And then we'll talk about what happened again. I have just one question. Does Mac know you're here?" "Yes ma'am. And so does the Admiral. I'm on thirty days medical leave." "Okay so at least I know you haven't run away again" she sighed. "Actually I did" Harm murmured as Trish helped him up the stairs. "Well whatever it is we'll talk about it later," Trish said softly. "Into bed mister." "Thanks for letting me come back" Harm sighed as he crawled into bed. "You're always welcome here Harm. You know that. For however long you want to stay." "It might be a while" he murmured as his eyes dropped shut. "As much as I'd like that, I hope not" Trish whispered as she gently stroked his forehead. If he planned on staying a while that meant something had happened with him and Mac again. "You sleep," she said softly before kissing his cheek and walking out. ============== "Mac you OK in there?" The half hour had passed and when Sturgis had returned the bathroom door was still closed, the shower running but he could hear her crying all the same. "Yeah I am. Give me a minute," she finally answered. "Just indulging myself in a little self pity, which I'm through with I think. I'm ready to go back yes." She emerged ten minutes later, dressed and dry eyed, her hair slicked back from the shower. "I just need to dry my hair and throw my things in the bag. Sturgis you didn't have to drive all the way down here but I'm sure glad you did. Thank you. You're just what I needed, even if I'm not good about asking for help. You're a good friend. And right now I could use a hug I think." "You got it," he grinned and opened his arms to her, folding her into his embrace, from which she was reluctant to leave. "I'm getting you all wet," she murmured. "I won't melt. Promise. You OK? Long drive and first there's breakfast and the hospital." "Let's go," she smiled, turning her head up to meet his gaze. "Thank you." And as if it had been written into some kind of script, each of them in total synchronization moved their heads just the slightest inch that enabled their lips to touch. For a long second neither moved, and then both moved at once. "I'm sorry," both said at once as well, sharing the feelings of shock and surprise and remorse that washed over them simultaneously. "My fault," she added hastily. "Just feeling a little needy here. And this from the woman who's upset with the man she loves for what he did with another woman. I'm certifiable you know that don't you." "Well I didn't help matters," he groaned. "My best friend's lady, and then there's Lucy. Can we just put it down to stress?" "Yeah we can. And we can say another time, another place--another lifetime," she smiled, giving his cheek a quick pat before grabbing the hair dryer. "You're a special person Sturgis Turner. And I'm thankful to have you for a friend." ================ After a quick breakfast at the local diner, Mac directed Sturgis to the hospital. Not surprisingly, Susan was still there and she came out of Nick's room when the nurse summoned her. "Mac hi," she smiled tiredly. "Hi yourself. How is he? Harm is going to want to know when I talk to him. . .whenever that is. And how are you--never mind don't answer that. I know how you are. I've been there." "Nicky's doing fine. He's awake and already whining to get out of here." "I'm so glad" Mac sighed. "Like I said when I talk to Harm I'll let him know. "Mac I hope that what I said wasn't the reason Harm left" Susan said quietly. "I was way out of line." "No it wasn't you. Harm and I still have a lot of things to work out. And we're a long way from doing that." "Isn't it a little hard to work things out when you're not together?" Susan asked. "In this case it's for the best" Mac sighed. "And if it's meant to be, we'll be together." "He loves you very much Mac. He was frantic last night when we got there and told him Rojas might be there." "And I love him very much. But sometimes that's just not enough in this world." "Well I hope you two can work it out," she said softly. "Thanks. Tell Nick I said hello and thank you for everything." "Just doing our jobs" Susan smiled. "Home Sturgis" Mac sighed as she met him in the lobby of the hospital. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah. Except for the fact that I'm going back to a place I know Harm isn't I'm just peachy." "I'm sorry about that. I wish there was something I could do to help." "Hey just being here listening to me moan is enough" Mac said with a forced smile. "That's more than most people will do." "Well I'm always here," Sturgis said gently. "You know that. You and Harm are both good friends. And I want to see you together like you belong." "You may have to wait a long time for that" Mac sighed. "Because I'm not sure it's going to happen. We've hurt each other a lot and I'm just not sure we can get past it." *************** 2 Weeks Later "All finished Harm" Rachel smiled. "And it looks like we're right on time. Hello Mrs. Burnett." "Hi Rachel. How's he doing?" "Great. Aren't you Harm?" "You are brutal" Harm moaned. "Just brutal." "But you're feeling better aren't you?" "Yes I am," he admitted. "I guess if I'd stuck to a serious program the first two times I wouldn't have had these problems." "No you wouldn't have. But so far you've kept at this time and you're doing much better. A few more weeks and you'll be fine." "Not quite" Harm murmured as his thoughts drifted to Mac. He hadn't called her since he'd arrived and she hadn't made any attempt to reach him either. He knew it was best but at the same time it didn't make it any easier. But it had given him the incentive to follow through with his therapy program. He would not go back until he was ready this time. "Mom just give me a minute to change and I'll be ready" Harm said finally as he pulled himself out of his reverie. "Take your time dear" Trish smiled. "I'm in no hurry." "He really is doing much better" Rachel said as Trish watched him walk out of the room. "At least physically." "I know" Trish sighed. "But the only person that can fix the rest is thousands of miles away." "She must have hurt him pretty bad" Rachel commented. "They hurt each other very badly," Trish said quietly. "It's been a long difficult road for them. I just hope once he's back on his feet again they can work it out." "I'll get him back on his feet" Rachel smiled. "Unfortunately I can't fix broken hearts." "No one can" Trish sighed. "Except them." She waited until they were nearly home before brining up the subject of Mac. "Harm don't you think it's time to call Mac?" Trish said gently. "Mom I thought you promised not to interfere this time" Harm sighed. "I'm not trying to interfere. I just think you might be a little happier if you called her and at least talked to her for a little bit." "She knows where I am if she wants to talk." "It doesn't hurt to extend the olive branch once in a while" Trish countered. "Yes she knows you're here but that doesn't mean you can't call her first. At least then she'll know you still care." "Of course I still care" he whispered. "Mom a minute doesn't go past that I don't think about her and wonder if she's okay." "Then call her," Trish said softly. "And tell her that." ============= JAG HQ Same time "Mac if you think I'm going to allow you to send my client. . ." Sturgis screeched, barreling into her office having taken advantage of the open door. She looked up and frowned, the phone in her hand. "Whoa sorry, didn't know you were on the phone," he gasped. "I'll scream at you later." "I'm not. Come in. But I'm not in the mood to talk about that bozo of a client you've got," she smiled softly. "I was thinking about calling Harm." "Oh yeah?" His eyebrow went up slightly. "You haven't mentioned him and I haven't wanted to ask, but how's he doing?" "He hasn't called," she admitted. "Nor have I called him." "I swear you two have to be the most stubborn people on earth," he yelped, closing the door behind him. "Sarah Mackenzie how much do you love that man?" "A whole helluva lot," she sighed. "But it's not enough Sturgis. Not enough to make a life together. Not enough when all we do is hurt each other." "And this is an improvement? You're here, he's there, and you're both miserable." "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," she grinned feebly. "Well if I were you I'd be on a flight this weekend. A couple days with him, lying on the sand, relaxing, with no pressure, could do a world of good for both of you. You could leave Friday and come back on Monday. Start reconnecting in small doses." "You have no idea how tempting that sounds. But to go out there and be rejected-- well that's more than my delicate psyche could handle right now." "Oh for Godsake Colonel. When he's not in therapy he's moping around for you." "Or he's met some beautiful woman on the beach," she groaned. "Sam back here, some beach bunny out there. It would be too perfect." "That I'm not even going to dignify by addressing. The man is in love with you," he scoffed. "Go see him. Or at least call him. And I'm coming back in thirty minutes so we can talk pleas and trips." "Thanks Sturgis," she sighed and watched him leave. He was a good friend. She lifted the receiver once more and found no dial tone. "Hello? Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie. Is someone there?" There was silence for a moment and Mac could swear she heard someone breathing. Nearly three thousand miles away, the man who loved her heard her voice. "Well is she there? Are you getting through?" his mother hissed. "Yeah I hear her," he whispered. "So talk to the woman. Honestly Harmon. You're so dense at times," she scolded, hurrying from the room to give him his privacy. "Sarah?" With that one word he could reduce her to tearfulness. "Yeah Harm I'm here." "I've missed you," he said softly. "How are you?" "I'm holding it together" she whispered. "How are you? Is your back any better?" "It's getting there. But I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about you. Are you really okay?" "I'm okay. Really. Better than I thought I'd be actually." "I see," he said quietly. "Maybe it was a good idea for us to be apart." "Not forever" she said quickly. "I mean I needed this time to work things through but I don't want you to stay away for good." "Well I'm taking things one day at a time here. When I know my back is up to it then I'll report back to work. But not before then." "I know. And I'm glad you finally realized that." "Have you heard from Susan and Nick?" he asked quietly. "Are they okay?" "Nick is fine. Susan took some time off to take care of him and they're both doing good. This little scare finally forced them to realize the truth about their relationship." "Well at least something good came of all that" Harm sighed. There was silence on both ends for a moment before Harm suddenly blurted out what he'd wanted to say. "Sarah I want to see you. I've missed you so much." "I've missed you too," Mac admitted softly. "But when you didn't call I just figured you were happier with us being apart." "I thought you were happier without me around" Harm whispered. "I wasn't sure you wanted to see me again. Especially after the way I hurt you." "I do want to see you. I'm just afraid." "That when we see each other we're just going to be back where we were" he sighed. "Yes" she whispered. "I can't do that anymore Harm. It hurts too much." "I know. And I have no right to ask you to come out here. I just miss you so much." "Maybe I could come out for a short visit," she said quietly. "Just the weekend. We can see how it goes and then go from there." "That's fair. And I won't hold you to staying the whole weekend. If you're not comfortable with being here I won't make you stay." "I hope that's not the case" she sighed. "Harm I really do want to work this out. I just don't know if we can this time." "Because I messed it up so bad," he said quietly. "Because of what I did with Sam." "Because of a lot of things. That's not the only reason and you know it." "But that was the final straw" he sighed. "And I can't blame you for saying that you're not sure it's going to work. Even though I hate the thought that we'll never be together. I don't know what I'll do without you in my life Mac." "Harm don’t" she begged. "Please let's not talk about that now." "I'm sorry. I didn’t call to upset you. I just called because I missed hearing your voice and I wanted to tell you that I love you." "I love you too" she whispered tearfully. "I'll call you later in the week when I make my plans." "Take care of yourself Sarah" he whispered. "You too sailor" she said quietly before hanging up. Part of her wanted to go to San Diego to see him. But part of her was dreading it as well. It was possible that there was nothing left. That when she saw him again all the pain and anger would resurface. And then she'd have to face the fact that it was over. Something she hadn't allowed herself to do. She was still sitting at her desk staring outside when Sturgis walked in a short time later. "So did you talk to him?" he prodded. "He wants me to come out and see him this weekend" Mac said quietly. "I hope you said you would. Mac he loves you and he wants to be with you. That's good isn't it?" "What if we just fight and argue like we have been?" Mac whispered. "What if we're better off like this?" "Away from each other?" Sturgis scoffed. "No way in hell. You two belong together." "I wish I was as confident as you are," she sighed. "But at least I'm going to make the effort this weekend. I do want to see him really bad. You think I'm doing the right thing don't you?" "Of course I do," he assured her quickly. "It's a step, a baby step but still a step. Go, relax, enjoy his company and try to find what's slipping away from you." ============ LA JOLLA Friday Afternoon "Mom they should have been here by now," Harm wailed, pacing back and forth and looking at the clock. "I should have gone to get her myself. I didn't need to go to therapy today. It could have waited a day. I should have gone with Frank." "Harm you're whining," Trish sighed. "If there was a problem, Frank would have called me. You know what a zoo that airport is. And it was much more important that you keep your therapy than you see her there. Now are you going to peel those potatoes or not." "Yes ma'am," he groaned and picked up the paring knife, only to put it down a few seconds later when he heard the car in the driveway. "She's here," he gasped, looking up in an expression that might have been alarm or fright. "So it would seem," You're not scared are you?" "Nervous," he confessed, walking slowly to the side door where he knew she would be coming in. For a long moment they could but stare at each other. "Sarah," he finally managed. "Harm you're looking better than when I saw you last," she said carefully. "Doing good," he acknowledged. "I haven't felt this well since it happened. They said Sam had gotten me started but I didn't do enough. But I want to know how you are." "Like I told you on the phone, I'm OK. I've accepted what happened. It can't be changed. It's over with. Over and done. Now I just want to find out what happens next." Harm took a long breath, watching Frank slip in to see Trish. "You know I don't have that answer," he whispered. "I just know what I want to happen, and I would hope that you would want that too." "What I want and what's possible to achieve may be two different things," she said quietly. "One day at a time huh. Right now I'm glad to see you, and glad to be here. I would love a long weekend of you and me resting on the beach and maybe connecting some." He broke into a small grin. "Maybe we could start with a hug?" "Yeah." She took a few steps forward and met him half way, melting into his embrace. "I've missed you a lot," she admitted. "A whole lot. More than I want to admit I guess." "I'm glad you're here," he replied, tilting her face up toward his. "May I?" "Gentle Navy." His kiss was just that, soft and sweet as he resisted the urge to press her against him. "You care to try a swim and some beach time before dinner?" "Does that fit into your medical protocol?" "I swim all the time. You brought your suit?" "I did." She gave him a mischievous grin. "But it's not the one you saw in Sydney." "Damn." Shortly they were walking out onto the beach, hand in hand. He in black Knit trunks and she in a maroon one piece. It was not a bikini but it did in Fact show off her curves, almost too well. "Mac have you lost some weight? Weight you could not really afford to lose by the way." "Might have," she replied cautiously. "I haven't really checked but I don't think I've been eating a whole lot since. . ." Without waiting for permission he took her hand as they reached the water's edge. "I want you to take care of yourself," he whispered. "You are the most important thing in my life." "And you are in mine," she whispered back, feeling a sudden tearfulness at his heartfelt words and she gave his cheek a quick kiss. "OK, Sailor, you think you can beat me out beyond the breakers?" "With you having a twenty second head start," he grinned. On the deck fifty feet away, Trish and Frank watched them laughing and teasing. "They're going to be OK," Frank offered, his arm around his wife. "Hey, they're a long way from OK," she corrected. " "But it's a start. Problem is, they've made these starts before. They keep trying to rebuild, and that's good, but each time they try, they're starting from a little further back." "So you think it's going to happen or no," he persisted. "Gut feeling-like the one I had when you asked me to marry you-yes," she smiled. "Why don't you fix us a drink while I check the chicken." "That was good" Harm panted, catching up to her in the smooth water beyond the surf line. "You looked good," she nodded. "I didn't think it was possible." "I'm feeling good I told you. The therapist here thinks at the end of my thirty days I'll just need a little follow up like a couple times a week." "I'm glad honestly I am," she told him sincerely, helping him to spread the blanket and then taking his arm to ease the transition from standing to lying down. "And what about your recovery?" he asked anxiously, staring into those eyes he knew so well. "Physically I'm fine. In fact the doctor told me I could try again." His breath caught in his throat. "We want that don't we?" he asked barely audibly as a surge of hope swam through him. "We have to fix us first," she answered gently. "Yeah I know. But we're going to. It's now my priority in life. You, and having a baby." "I hope so," she breathed, allowing him to pull her into his arms and to lie back in the warm sun. ========== Dinner passed pleasantly and finally Trish coughed self-consciously. "OK guys, I haven't fixed up an extra bedroom and I don't know how to put this delicately so I'm just going to come straight out and ask---Mac-Harm, guestroom or Harm's room?" "I want you with me" Harm said softly to Mac. "But I don't want to force anything." "Harm's room is fine," Mac said after a moment's pause. "Why don't I take you up then?" he offered. "I'm sure you're exhausted." She nodded and bid goodnight to Frank and Trish before allowing Harm to lead her up to his room. "Thank you for staying with me. I'm not expecting anything. All I want is to hold you. I missed you so much." "And I've missed you" she whispered. "And thank you for not pressuring me." "I just want us to work it out this time. I don't want to lose you Mac. Ever." "At least we want the same thing" she sighed. "I should let you get some rest. I know you're tired. I'm going to go watch some TV and then I'll be back." "Harm don't leave" she whispered. "Please. I just want you to hold me. It's been so long since I've fallen asleep with your arms around me." "I can do that," he said softly. "You get changed and I'll be waiting for you." She slipped into the connecting bathroom to change before returning to the room a few minutes later. He was waiting on the bed for her and she slowly slid down on the bed into his open arms. "Better?" he whispered as he held her tightly. "Much" she said with a long sigh. "Thank you." "I love you. Don't ever forget that." ****************** The sun was bathing the room when he awoke the next morning, surprised to see her watching him sleep. "Good morning" he murmured. "How long have you been awake?" "About an hour" she smiled. "I was going to get up but I couldn't pull myself away." "Missed me that much?" "Actually yes" she admitted as her hand gently caressed his cheek. "I'm so glad you came out this weekend," he said softly. "For the first time in a long time I feel like we might be able to make this work." "Me too" she whispered. "So what's the plans for the day sailor?" "You and me doing a little hiking and swimming if that's okay with you. There's this great place called Torrey Pines. You hike down to the beach and I thought we could do a picnic lunch there." "You up to that?" she asked. "Walking I can do remember" he smiled. "And then we'll swim for a while and have lunch and then head back here." "Sounds wonderful. As long as it's not too much for you." "It's fine. Now let's go see what Mom has cooking for breakfast and then we'll get ready and head over there." "You two look nice and rested" Trish observed as they walked into the kitchen. "You must have slept okay." "Best sleep I've had in a long time" Mac admitted as she sat down at the table. "Good. And what are you two planning for today?" "I'm taking her over to Torrey Pines" Harm replied. "Can you put together a lunch for us?" "Of course" Trish smiled. So far they seemed to be doing well and maybe Frank was right about them working it out. *********** Torrey Pines State Reserve "Harm you sure you're up to this?" Mac asked as they started down the four and half mile trail that would lead them to the beach. "And you should let me carry the picnic basket." "Yes I'm up to this and I've got the basket thank you" he smiled as he turned around to look at her. "Would you stop fretting." "I fret cause I care remember" she sighed. "I know you do," he said as he stopped and turned to face her. "But I'm okay. I promise I'll let you know if I'm not. But I want us to enjoy today and you won't if you're worrying about me." "Okay" she nodded. "You're right. I'll stop fussing and worrying." "Good. Shall we then?" He reached for her hand and she allowed him to wrap it in his as they started down the trail towards the beach. "This is breathtaking" she gasped when she got her first view of the Pacific as the water lapped against the sand, the cliffs rising above. "OK that's it. We're quitting JAG, buying a piece of beach front property for our tent and living off your tips from caddying at the golf course over there." "I'd live in a cardboard box long as you were part of the arrangement," he declared in total seriousness. "Harm don't. . ." she began and then looked into his face, seeing nothing but honesty there in his green eyes. "Don't what?" he asked, genuinely puzzled. "Don't tell you how much I care about you? How I miss us being. . .well being us. How much I love you?" "Hmmfff." All she got of her answer as his lips suddenly captured hers. "You're right," he panted when they parted. "Too much talking. Not enough showing. I fixed that." "Yeah I guess you did," she gasped. "You always were a kisser Flyboy. And I can't say as I'm complaining about the spontaneity." "I can be that again," he whispered. "Later." "Red light Commander," she smiled, the sparkle in her eyes letting him now she was kidding. They found a secluded spot among the rocks and spread the blanket out. At once he flopped down, stretching his back out straight, grateful for the hard firm surface of the sand. "You want some company down there," she asked, not turning around from where she was staring out over the water, her thoughts mingling with the crashing waves. "Yes I do. Very much," he returned, holding his arms to her. She was being enfolded into his embrace exactly two seconds later, and two seconds after that his mouth was hungrily on hers. "Not the answer to our problems," she managed to get out before being swallowed by another of his kisses. "Maybe that's our main problem," he offered breathlessly. "We worry about them too much. We don't let ourselves feel. Like making simple things too complicated. Like you accused me of once." "And making complicated things too simple?" "That too," she smiled, pulling back away from him. "You know when we're like this, it seems so totally possible that we're going to work. But out in the real world, when we have to cope with our duties and with life, then that's when it gets complicated." "Only if we let it," he said softly. "Mac seriously now. You and I--we're letting this beat us. A Marine and a Sailor, and we're letting what happened beat us. We're better than that." "I know we are," she nodded eagerly. "But I also know that it's easy to say and a lot harder to practice. Plus I. . ." "You what? Come on Marine. You've got my attention now. Don't quit--you're on a roll." "OK. I can be straight with you," she said softly and seriously. "Harm this is our last chance. I feel that in my gut. We either make it now or we forget it. We're hurting each other too much by trying and failing." "And that's just what I promised myself I would not do," he answered just as seriously. "But for this weekend, please. Let's just enjoy being together. I've missed you so very much." "Yeah we can do that," she nodded. "And who knows, somewhere along the way we may find what we think could maybe be lost." For the next several minutes they lie in silence, she resting against his chest, his fingers making random squiggling patterns over her back. "Shall we walk the beach?" he whispered finally, "work up an appetite for whatever Mom packed?" "Yeah I'd like that," she nodded, "long as you're up to it." "I'm doing good remember. And I'm supposed to keep moving. It's good for me." She helped him to his feet and hand in hand they walked the quiet beach. "Sometimes it's almost like none of the bad stuff ever happened" Mac said softly as they walked. "That you and I have always been like this and always will be." "I want us to always be like this. I don't want us to go through anymore pain and hurt." "Do you think we can do that?" "I don't think it's too late," he said quietly. "I think we still have a chance. This weekend has been proof of that." "Yes it has. But will it work when we're really back together in DC?" "There's only one way to find out," he said with a small smile. "Course I've got a few more weeks before that's going to happen. I was serious when I said I wasn't coming back until I was really ready this time." "I know. And that alone tells me how serious you are." "I never want to do anything to jeopardize your life again," he said as he stopped and turned to look at her. "I'll never forget the reason you lost our baby. I'm going to make sure that never happens again." "I know" she nodded. "But it's not all your fault. And you shouldn't accept all the blame. We both made our share of mistakes. But it's behind us now." "Is it?" he asked. "As much as it can be," she said softly. "I'll never forget about the baby I lost. But that doesn't mean we can't move forward." "And think about another baby one day?" "One day" she smiled. "I think there's a few other steps in there sailor." "And this time we're going to do them all" he said firmly. "I love you Sarah. This time it's going to be right." "I hope so" she whispered. "I want it so bad Harm." "So do I" he said as he drew her into his arms. "So do I." They walked a little further before returning to their spot on the beach. Trish had packed them sandwiches and drinks as well as fresh fruit and some cookies. "Thank you lunch was wonderful" Mac declared when they finished. She was once again lying beside him, her head resting on his chest. "Thank Mom. She put it all together." "She takes good care of you" Mac smiled. "Yes she does. Despite the fact that I drive her crazy most of the time" he grinned. "Never" Mac teased before letting out a long sigh. "This was a wonderful idea sailor. It's so beautiful out here." "Well there's more on tap," he said softly. "I hope you brought something nice to wear because I'm planning on taking you somewhere very special tonight." "And what if I didn't?" she smiled. "Then I'll just have to have Mom take you shopping so you can get something." "Not necessary. So where is this special place we're going to?" she asked. "You'll see" he smiled. "You don't have to do this you know. Today has been wonderful already. I could be content just to lie here with you all day." "Me too" he whispered as he leaned forward for a quick kiss. They spent the afternoon on the beach before finally heading back home to get ready for their evening out. Harm had gotten dressed first and was in the living room with Trish and Frank when Mac finally emerged. Dressed in a short navy blue sheath dress she looked stunning and it was several seconds before Harm could take his eyes off her. "Is something wrong?" she smiled. "No you just look so beautiful" he managed. "You don't look so bad there yourself sailor," she said as she admired him in the dark suit. "I'm not over dressed am I?" "No you're perfect" he whispered as he stepped forward and kissed her softly. "If you're ready, we have reservations." A short time later they sat at a quiet table at the Azul LaJolla overlooking LaJolla cove. "Harm this is spectacular" Mac whispered as she looked out at the water. "You didn't have to do this." "Yes I did," he said seriously. "I want to prove to you that I mean every word when I say I want to do things right this time Sarah." "I think I believe you," she breathed and leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth, then took his hand and kissed the back. "I have something else," he went on, and his hand trembled with nervousness in hers. "And I'm going to probably fumble my way through what I'm going to say so just kind of bear with me OK? I can only do purple prose in a courtroom." She nodded silently. "When Mom married Frank, of course she got a new set of rings, and she put away the diamond Dad gave her when he asked her to marry him Christmas of his last year at Annapolis. She saved it carefully all these years, and she always said I might want to offer it to the woman I fell in love with." Her mouth fell open but she said nothing as she realized what he was attempting to do, her eyes locked to his. A second later he was pressing the ring into palm, closing her fingers over it. "I'm not going to ask you to wear this now, or even to give me an answer. But it's a token of the promise I'm making to you. To show you something tangible about how much I want us." "Harm I don't. . .I don't know what to say," she whispered, opening her hand to reveal the gold band, and the single diamond attached to it. "I know you don't," he smiled. "And I don't want you to say anything at all right now. You've got to go back to DC and I've got to finish here. Then I want to come back to you. To you wearing my ring I pray. But if not, well we gave it a great run." He closed her hand back over the small object. "We won't speak of it again until we see each other again in two weeks. Except for me to say I love you, and I want you to marry me." "I love you Harm. I always have--and always will," she breathed tearfully. "And the ring is beautiful. I know it meant a lot to Trish." He breathed a long sigh of relief. "You know what, we may--just may--be able to pull this off after all. ********************* Sunday Evening San Diego Airport After another day together in the sun they stood together at the airport to say their final good-byes. "Thank you for this weekend" she whispered. "It was wonderful." "Thank you for coming" he said softly. "And I hope that when I come back in a few weeks we can pick up where we left off here." "Count on it" she smiled. "And remember what I said about the ring. There's no pressure. I just wanted you to know that I was serious about us this time. I love you and I want to marry you. But only when you're ready." "I know. And I promise you'll be the first to know when that is." "I hope so" he whispered. "I love you Sarah. It's going to be hell without you for the next two weeks." "You can call you know" she smiled. "Trust me I will" he sighed. "You'll be sick of hearing from me I'm sure." "That will never happen. I love you too remember. It's going to be just as hard for me not to be with you. Especially after all this." "It was wonderful wasn't it" he whispered as he pulled her into his arms again. "Yes. But you'll be back soon. And then we can continue what we started here." "Yes we can" he nodded. "I love you Sarah. Don't forget that." "Love you too" she whispered before their lips met in a final kiss. Moments later she pulled herself away and with one last look at him hurried through the security gate. ***************** Two Weeks Later Dulles International Airport It was a nervous Marine that paced the area outside the security gates as she waited for the flight to arrive from San Diego. When he'd called and told her he was on his way home her heart has soared. The two weeks since she'd returned home to DC alone had seemed endless and despite their daily calls it has been hard to be away from him again. A crowd came down the concourse and she searched the area for sight of him. Finally she caught sight of him and a wide smile crossed her face. He smiled as well when he saw her and moments later they were in each other's arms. "God I missed you" he whispered as he held her tightly. "I've missed you too," she said softly before finally letting go of him and looking at him closely. "You look great though sailor." "As close to my old self as I can get" he smiled. "How are you?" "I'm better now that you're here," she said softly. "And I've got the afternoon off so we've got plenty of time to catch up." "Good cause all I want is to be with you" he whispered as he reached for her hand. As he did so he caught sight of the ring and for a moment froze. "When did you put it on?" he whispered as he lifted her hand. "When I got here today" she smiled. "Does this mean the answer is yes?" "Yes it does" she nodded as the tears started to brim. "It means I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." ================== 24 Dec 02 The weeks that followed were not ones of total ease. Both had their moments when they thought it was not going to work. But it did. The deep abiding love they had held for one another through all the years they had known each other saw them through. Now on a clear and bright Christmas Eve, their love would unite them for all eternity. The little church was bright with the lights of Christmas, and it was a very nervous Harmon Rabb who paced the groom's waiting area. "Harm for crying out loud you're making me dizzy," AJ groaned. "You can't rush these things. When she's ready, they'll tell us." "What if she's having second thoughts. What if Harriet and Lucy are trying to talk her into going ahead but she's resisting. Any second now there's going to be a knock at that door and someone is going to tell me that she left the church and hand me a note from her that says we gave it our best shot but it's not going to work and that she'll be in touch about where to send her stuff soon as she gets settled in her new assignment in Japan where she'll meet. . ." "Commander be at ease," AJ thundered. "Have you lost your mind? That woman in there loves you so much it's pathetic." "Sir she's scared," he sighed. "I should maybe go to her and at least. . ." The predicted knock at the door arrived at that point and Harm actually jumped. "Here it comes." Sturgis opened the door to find his dad standing there. "They're ready for us." "Really?" Harm gasped, both surprised and amazed. It was really going to happen. And happen it did, for a few minutes later Sarah Catherine Mackenzie walked down the aisle to her Sailor. He was resplendent in his dress whites and when she was nearly to him, he touched the gold wings with the tip of his finger and smiled softly. She nodded ever so slightly, blushing in the knowledge that he was referring to what they had planned for later that night. Stepping forward to become the bride of Harmon Rabb, she handed the white bible to her matron of honor. A white bible to which was fasted a small sprig of mistletoe. THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Epilogue Ten months later, in that same church, in front of that same group of friends, Chaplain Turner's clear voice would again be heard. "Patricia Catherine Rabb, I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. May God maketh His light shine upon you all the days of your life. And may you dwell in the House of the Lord forever. Amen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thus concludes the After the Mistletoe Series. To all those who have stayed with it all these months, the writers extend their gratitude.