TITLE:  "After the Mistletoe X-Dance of Death”
     AUTHORS:  Anne R. and Pat Steiner
     SUMMARY: The kiss of Answered Prayers leads to more.  Rated PG for 
mild 
language. Some chapters will contain mild violence as well.
            The tenth of the After the Mistletoe series in which Harm 
and Mac deal with 
the ramifications of the mistletoe kiss.  Note that the arrival of 
Sergei is not a factor 
in this series.
     DISCLAIMER:  JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al.  No copyright 
infringement 
is intended with this work of fiction.
     FEEDBACK:  Never expected but always appreciated by both of us-- 
to 
[SSbpmn@aol.com].  To those who don’t find our work to their liking, we 
can 
respect that.  In that regard we ask you to respect our desire not to 
have that shared 
with us.

       NOTE:  All parts of this chapter plus previous chapters  will be 
available at 
                 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories
          No subbing is required to read from the message archives for 
registered 
Yahoo users.
     
    Other archives containing our work:
    
    http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or 
http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag
    
    or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at    
http://hmarchive.topcities.com/index2.html  
[sadly, not always up and running]

or BTL-
http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/

Previously in ATM:  Home in D.C. Mac attempted to deal with her grief, 
and she and 
Harm both encountered people who would have a profound affect on their 
futures.

From the close of After the Mistletoe IX— 
 
"No" he whispered. "It's over Sam. She's found someone else. I've lost 
her 
  forever."
  
  Without a word, she reached for him, pulling him into her arms and 
holding 
  him tightly.
  
  "I'm sorry" she whispered as she gently stroked his back. "I'm so 
sorry. I 
  know you love her and she's a fool for leaving you."
  
  He pulled back at her words and for the first time saw her not as his 
  therapist but as woman. An attractive woman who obviously cared about 
him.
  
  "Harm" she whispered as he leaned closer, his lips finding hers in a 
long 
  kiss.  She melted against him before he finally let go of her.
  
  "Sam I'm sorry" he started only to be silenced by a gentle kiss.
  
  "I'm not. Do you know how long I've wanted you to do that?"
**************************** 
“After the Mistletoe X—Dance of Death"

Harm swallowed hard and regarded her solemnly.  "Thank you.  Thank you 
for not 
hating me."
 
 "No way," Sam declared.  "No way in hell.  At the same time I have to 
be realistic.  
There's only one woman you want and need, and that's the woman who sent 
you 
reeling into my arms just now."
 
 "Sam I don't think so.  I don't think it's ever going to be.  It may 
be time to start 
exploring other options."
 
 Sam nodded and kissed his forehead before moving back away from him, 
taking all 
her strength to do so.  "Well I'm not going to be an 'option' as in 
second choice," she 
said softly.  "Because it would be so easy.  You're so here, and so 
vulnerable right 
now, and I'm so much in need of someone like you in my life.  I've 
waited a long time 
to meet someone I thought I might be able to fall in love with Harmon 
Rabb.  And 
you could easily be that person.  Too easily."
 
 "Why do things have to be so complicated," he murmured, reaching for 
her again.  
"Why can't it just for tonight, just for this one night, be you and 
me?"
 
 "Because. . . because it. . ."  She looked up into his green eyes and 
shook her 
head.  "When you look at me like that I can't think."  
 
 "Then don't," he murmured, and his mouth found hers once again.
 =================
 STARBUCK's
  Same Time
 
 "Here drink this," Rudy urged, pressing a cup of steaming tea into 
Mac's hands.  
She was at the very back of the small room, staring into the fire.  
"Drink this.  You 
need it.  And then I want you to try to talk to me.  Please."
 
 "I don't have anything more to say," she sighed, wiping away the last 
vestiges of 
tears.  "I said it all earlier.  And I've cried a river until I can't 
cry any more."
 
 "And you wish a certain Sailor's arms were around you right?"
 
 "Yeah but that's not going to happen and having your hand to hold 
helped, and the 
hug you gave me after helped a whole helluva lot too.  And I thank 
you."  She 
accepted the cup, and Rudy smiled softly at her.  These were the first 
few words 
she had spoken since they left the meeting and he was infinitely 
relieved.  Her 
silence, her total lack of words, had scared him.
 
 "Have you. . .have you told your story yet?" she asked hesitantly.
 
 "No not yet," he admitted.  "I'm holding back I guess.  I keep hoping 
Julie will come 
one night and we can both talk like Leslie and Tommy did last week.  
Did you see 
them this week--it looked like they'd made a lot of progress.  He never 
once let go of 
her hand."
 
 "Yeah.  I'm happy for them.  Seem like nice people," she sniffled and 
fell silent 
again as she savored the hot bracing drink.  "Thank you for this and. . 
. and for the 
meeting.  I couldn't have done it without you."
 
 "Then at some point with your help maybe I'll be able to as well," he 
sighed.  "For 
me, just hearing the others, knowing I'm not alone in my grief has 
helped a lot.  I 
know I should open up too, and I will.  I promise. . .if you'll be 
there with me."
 
 "Maybe Julie will come," she pointed out, with the same hope she had 
for Harm 
doing the same.
 
 "Maybe, but when I'm ready, I'm not going to wait," he said adamantly.  
"So does it 
feel better?  To have spoken out like that I mean."
 
 "Yeah a little bit it does," she decided after a moment's thought.  
"It doesn't feel like 
it's such a heavy weight I guess.  Thank you for everything."
 
 "Are you going to be OK to drive home?  I think I should follow you."
 
 "No that's silly.  I'm fine.  I'm certainly wide awake and really 
driving is therapeutic 
actually," she smiled.  "I think I'll go home and call Harm.  I need to 
hear his voice at 
least."
 
 "OK then, but I'll at least walk you to your car."   Rudy saw to it 
that she was safely 
inside and the engine running before he leaned into the window.  "I'm 
going to call 
you later in the week when I get back from Boston.  We could see a 
movie, eat 
some Mexican or Greek maybe?"
 
 She shrugged helplessly, wanting to say yes, thinking of Harm at the 
same time.  
"Please do call," she finally settled on and he touched her cheek with 
the back of his 
hand before she drove away.
==============  
  The last kiss had won her over, and there was nothing she could do to 
stop 
  herself from succumbing to the charm of Harmon Rabb. They'd gotten as 
far as 
  the sofa before Harm had started to unbutton her blouse.
  
  "Harm" she whispered as her shirt slid to the floor.
  
  "Do you want me to stop?" he whispered. "Because if you do, I will. 
But I 
  don't want to. I want you Samantha Malloy."
  
  Her response was a long kiss as she unbuttoned his shirt, his hands 
working 
  to remove the tight jeans she wore. In a matter of moments they'd 
stripped 
  each other of their clothes and he gently lowered her to the sofa. 
For a 
  moment Mac's face flashed in front of him and he felt a stab of 
guilt.
  
  "You okay with this?" she whispered, sensing his sudden apprehension.
  
  "More than okay" he whispered before his lips found hers again.
  
  Seconds later the phone rang and Harm ignored it until the answering 
machine 
  kicked on.
  
  "Harm it's Mac" came the soft voice. "I uh just called to make sure 
you were 
  okay. You didn't mention you were going anywhere so call me when you 
get 
  back so I don't worry. And I just wanted to see if we were still on 
for 
  dinner tomorrow tonight. Call me soon."
  
  The beep of the machine echoed through the apartment and with a long 
sigh 
  Sam looked up at him.
  
  "Harm we can't do this" she whispered. "It's not right."
  
  "Sam please" he begged. "I need you."
  
  "No you need Mac. Not me. And I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't 
have 
  been willing to spend tonight with you. But in the end, all we're 
going to 
  do is hurt ourselves. And Mac. That woman loves you Harm. I can hear 
it in 
  her voice."
  
  "And I love her" Harm admitted quietly. "But in this case I don't 
think it's 
  enough."
  
  "If you love her why did you want to sleep with me?" Sam asked 
gently.
  
  "I don't know" Harm sighed. "Because I'm a jerk and I just like 
messing up 
  people's lives I guess. And hurting Mac is just second nature to me. 
She's 
  better off without me you know."
  
  "I don't think that's the case," Sam said gently as she stroked his 
cheek. 
  "You're just mixed up and you and Mac are at a bad time and you 
needed 
  someone and I was here."
  
  "It's more than you just being here," Harm said quietly. "I do care 
about 
  you Sam."
  
  "And I care about you. But doing this isn't going to help either of 
us right 
  now."
  
  "Would you have stopped if Mac hadn't called?"
  
  "Probably not" she admitted. "You have a way of turning women into 
putty. I 
  saw it with Mac. And I see it in myself. Course I thought I knew 
better. I 
  was married to one of you flyboys before."
  
  "Did he have a smile that got him what he wanted too?"
  
  "Not as good as you do" Sam sighed. "With you it's different. One 
look into 
  those green eyes and I know I'm lost."
  
  "I'm sorry about this," he said quietly. "If you'd rather never see 
me again 
  as a patient I'd understand."
  
  "Would you stop it" she ordered. "I was just as willing of a 
participant 
  here. And there is no reason I can't continue to see you. You're not 
the 
  only good looking Flyboy that's come my way since Mitch you know. 
You're 
  just the only one who's managed to get through. Like I said before, 
it would 
  be so easy to fall in love with you. But Harm I know you love her. 
And 
  that's not fair to either of us."
  
  "What if Mac and I can't work it out?" he said softly.
  
  "I'll be here for you" she whispered. "And I'm here any time you need 
a 
  friend to talk to. But we can't let what happened here tonight happen 
again. 
  As much as I would love for you to be mine, you belong to someone 
else."
  
  "Yeah well that someone else doesn't want me around" he sighed as he 
reached 
  for his shirt and pants. "She's found someone else to help her 
through her 
  grief."
  
  "Harm what happened between you and Mac?" Sam asked as she got 
dressed. "I 
  see the depth of your feelings for each other but obviously something 
  happened that tore you two apart."
  
  "It did" he whispered. "Something horrible."
  
  "Talk to me Harm" she said gently. "Cause I get this feeling your 
keeping 
  this all to yourself and you need to talk to someone about it."
  
  "I don't know if I can" he sighed.
  
  "Try me. Besides having the best hands I have a real good ear for 
  listening."  She finished dressing and dropped down beside him on the 
sofa, 
rubbing a gentle hand over his arm. "Harm talk to me."
 
 "It would take hours to try to explain the whole thing with me and 
her," he groaned.  
"I fell in love with her the minute we were introduced.  Our C.O. even 
saw it--just 
about the first thing he said was don't get too close, you have to work 
together.  And 
we spent the next five years in denial to make a really long story 
short.  Saw other 
people.  Hell Mac was even engaged for a while to an idiot Australian.  
Then 
Christmas happened."
 
 "Yeah?"
 
 "Well more accurately New Year's Eve.  A kiss led to more.  Too much 
too soon.  
But we got through that.  We had a long period where we were in love 
and happy, 
and then we went to a ship called the Bataan, and Mac was knocked down 
a ladder.  
She miscarried our baby.  A baby I didn't even know she was pregnant 
with."
 
 "Oh Harm I'm so so sorry," she gasped, her hand to her mouth in shock, 
"but I'm 
not sure I follow how that made things bad between you."
 
 "When we were given the assignment I didn't want her to go alone.  I 
was afraid for 
her.  I wanted to be there to take care of her.  My back was really 
bad.  I had re-
injured it in New York see and I kept it to myself.  So when we were 
chasing the 
suspect, I couldn't keep up.  I should have opted out of the 
assignment--admitted 
that I wasn't physically able and our C.O. would have sent someone else 
but I didn't-
-I wouldn't.  So she was there on the guy and I wasn't  . . .and she 
paid for it.  Well 
our baby did."
 
 "I am so sorry," she repeated.
 
 "Thanks," he sighed.  "It was a horrible time.  I blamed myself as 
much as she 
blamed me.  And admittedly I blame her for not confessing she was 
pregnant and 
opting out herself."  He gave a small choking sob and swallowed hard.  
"Thanks for 
letting me dump all that on you.  And now Mac doesn't need me in her 
life.  I love 
her, but I'm poison for her.  I've thought seriously about leaving D.C. 
and I still think 
that's how it's going to need to be.  Tonight when I went to her 
meeting to try to at 
least be there for her and saw her and that guy together, him doing 
what I should 
have been, well it just ripped my heart out.  She told her story, and 
he held her hand 
and that should have been me."
 
 "You do love her," Sam smiled softly.  "I saw your face when she 
called.  I saw the 
guilt in your eyes as soon as you heard her voice.  You felt like you 
were cheating 
on her; and you were, and I was aiding and abetting."
 
 "I do love her, but like I said, she's not wanting me around."
 
 "Funny for someone not wanting you, she called to see if you were OK, 
and then 
seemed like she was attempting to verify a. . .a date Mr. Rabb?"  She 
raised an 
eyebrow and added, "at least that's what it sounded like to me.  She 
was making 
sure you were still on sounded to me.   And it sounded like a woman who 
very much 
wanted it to be, not to mention she's concerned about you."
 
 "I should call her," he sighed in realization.
 
 "Yes you should.  And I need to go.  I had to know you were OK.  You 
sounded so 
distraught."
 
 "Yeah I guess I was.  I need to get a better handle on my feelings.  
Hell I need 
therapy on my head as well as my back."
 
 She knew he was being sarcastic but nevertheless took the opportunity 
to say, "it 
couldn't hurt you know.  Someone totally dispassionate could give you 
some clarity."
 
 "I'll think about it," he promised.  "But you have no idea how hard 
this is.  My 
stomach is knotted just talking to you and I care about you."
 
 "I care about you too, very much," she whispered, "and if there is a 
time when you 
and Mac can't. . .well then you know where I am.  But I won't be second 
in your 
heart Harm.  And I'm guessing that anyone else you were with felt the 
same way.  
You and Sarah Mackenzie are fated to be together; and the sooner you 
both stop 
fighting it, the better off you--and all the people who care about the 
two of you--will 
be.  Good night."  With that she stood up and gave her clothes a final 
straightening.  
"See you for therapy.  Don't ditch me."  She turned away from him and 
then turned 
back, leaning down to place a firm kiss on his forehead.  "You're a 
very special man 
Harmon Rabb."  
 
 He could not get an answer to that out before she had fled the 
apartment, and to 
her credit, she managed to hold her tears until she reached her car.
 
 For a long time he sat in the dark living room, contemplating what had 
happened.  
"Rabb why anyone wants you in their lives is a total mystery," he 
sighed, reaching 
for the phone.
 
 "Harm is that you?"  Her concern was evident when she answered and his 
throat 
closed as he contemplated what he had almost done.
 
 "Yeah Sarah.  It's me."

  "Harm you okay? You sound funny."
  
  "I'm okay" he managed. Hearing her voice sent more guilt washing 
through him 
  and he closed his eyes to block out the vision of what he and Sam had 
been 
  about to do.
  
  "You don't sound okay. Is your back hurting? Do you need to me to 
come 
  over?"
  
  "No" he said quickly. "I'm all right."
  
  "Okay. Well you sound like you'd rather not talk so I guess I'll let 
you go. 
  I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
  
  "Mac I'm sorry" he whispered.
  
  "Hey it's okay. I'm not really up to talking right now either. I just 
wanted 
  to make sure you were okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Harm."
  
  "Night Mac" he said softly before hanging up.
  
  *************
  JAG HQ's
  Next Morning
  
  It took all his will to make himself walk into the building. He was 
dreading 
  facing her. Knowing that when he saw her face the guilt that he felt 
was 
  going to compound.
  
  "Morning Harm" Sturgis smiled to his friend. "How did it go last 
night?"
  
  "I uh didn't go" Harm lied.
  
  "Why not?" You were all set to go. What happened?"
  
  "Sturgis not now please" Harm begged as he walked into his office.
  
  "All right" Sturgis sighed. He hadn't seen Mac before she'd gone to 
court 
  but he made a mental note to catch her afterwards and see what was 
going on.
  
  There was a note waiting for him on his desk and with slightly 
trembling 
  hands Harm reached for it, recognizing Mac's handwriting at once.
  
  I'll be in court all day. I want to still have dinner if that's okay 
with 
  you. If you can't make it, just leave me a note.
  
  Mac.
  
  He let out a long sigh, thankful for the moment that he didn't have 
to face 
  her yet. He had no idea how he would make it through dinner but that 
was 
  something he'd worry about later.
  
  "Commander the Admiral would like to see you" Tiner said as he stuck 
his 
  head in Harm's office.
  
  "Thanks Tiner. Tell him I'll be right in."
  
  Moments later he stood in front of AJ's desk.
  
  "Have a seat" AJ motioned. "How's the back?"
  
  "All right as long as I don't lift anything and don't sit for too 
long" Harm 
  said with a forced smile.
  
  "Is the drive to Norfolk too long?" AJ asked. "A Captain Morganstern 
is in 
  trouble down there.  Had a few too many at a local bar and got in a 
fight 
  with some out of town tourists. He's asking for JAG representation 
and I'd 
  like to send you, but only if you're up to it. I can always send 
Turner if 
  you don't think you can handle it right now."
  
  "No sir, I should be able to handle it" Harm replied. He needed to 
get away 
  from everything and this would provide the perfect reason.
  
  "You sure? I don't want you to over due it. And what about your 
therapy?"
  
  "I'm sure for a few days it will be okay" Harm assured him.
  
  "All right then" AJ said as he handed him the case file. "It's all 
yours."
  
  An hour later he was on the road to Norfolk. He'd called and left a 
message 
  for Sam that he'd been sent out of town on assignment for the next 
few days 
  so not to expect him. Leaving a message for Mac had been harder, and 
twice 
  he'd started a note before finally leaving her a voice mail.
  
  *************
  "Where's Harm?" Mac asked Sturgis, her day in court finally over.
  
  "According to Tiner, the Admiral sent him to Norfolk for a case."
  
  "He's not ready for that" Mac fretted.
  
  "Mac he's a big boy. He'll be okay" Sturgis assured her.
  
  She wandered to her office and found the message light blinking. 
Several 
  messages later she heard Harm's voice.
  
  "Hi Mac. I'm sorry I didn't get to see you but the Admiral asked me 
to go to 
  Norfolk for a few days. Maybe we can do that dinner when I get back. 
If you 
  need me, you know how to reach me. I love you Sarah. I'll talk to you 
soon."
  
  She bit back the tears as she listened to the next message.
  
  "Hi Sarah it's Rudy. The trip to Boston got pushed back a few weeks. 
I was 
  wondering if we could do that dinner and movie sometime this week. 
Let me 
  know."
  
 "Rudy you're a great guy," she said aloud, and was about to add 'but 
you're not 
Harm" when Sturgis supplied those exact words.  
 
 "You following me?"
 
 "Hey pull back baby," Sturgis smiled.  "No actually I came to say good 
night.  Rudy 
would be your friend from the group?"
 
 "He is," she nodded.  "He's a friend Sturgis, like you.  Nothing more.  
OK?"
 
 Sturgis threw up his hands.  "Of course it's OK.  Friends are 
important.  The man 
you love it also important."
 
 "Yes he is but he's not here right now," she snapped.  "Through no 
fault of his own, 
but he still isn't here, and believe it or not, a woman can have dinner 
or see a movie 
with a guy without going to bed with him."
 
 "Amen," Sturgis smiled.  "I never said otherwise did I.  Good night 
Mac.  You have 
my number and permission to call if you need anything."
 
 "Thanks Sturgis," she sighed, her tone much mollified.  "You are a 
good friend too.  
To both me and Harm."
 
 When she was alone, she dialed Rudy's number.  "Hey it's Sarah.  
Dinner and a 
movie sounds great.  Harm got sent to Norfolk so I'm totally free."
 
 With arrangements made for the day after tomorrow, Mac drove home with 
that at 
least to  look forward to.  At the same time she was calculating Harm's 
arrival in 
Norfolk, picturing him in pain after the long drive besides, and as 
soon as she got 
into her apartment dialed his number, only to get his voice mail.  By 
the time he 
returned her call [calls, plural] four hours later she was pacing the 
apartment, eyeing 
her duffel bag and figuring exactly what time she would arrive if she 
made the drive.
 
 "Harm thank god," she shrieked into the phone.  "Are you OK?  Where 
have you 
been?  How's your back?  Do you need me to come down?"
 
 "Mac hi.  Power down Marine I'm fine.  I'm sorry I didn't get your 
earlier messages 
until just now   The traffic was a bitch, and by the time I got here I 
needed to have 
my back looked at so I stopped by the infirmary and got a quick 
treatment and a 
soak, and then I met Lucy for dinner at the O club."
 
 "Well that sounds cozy."  She could not resist the barb, remembering 
how Harm 
had taken notice of her attractiveness when they first met.
 
 "Yeah her and me and fifty other people on prime rib night," he 
retorted.  "Mac, 
Sturgis called her and asked if she would meet me.  He was concerned 
too."
 
 "OK sorry," she said softly, and his words about his back registered.  
"But you're 
OK now?"
 
 "Yeah a little stiff, and I was actually wrapping it up with Lucy and 
I wanted to wait 
until I got back here to call you but I ran into a bunch of guys I knew 
from the Coral 
Sea and we had a drink.  So now here I am.  Now that we've cleared that 
up, are 
you OK?  How was court?"
 
 "Don't be surprised when you come back you have to bail me out for 
Singer's 
murder," she muttered.  "But never mind.  I'm just glad you're OK.  
Promise me 
you're going to get some rest.  How's the case going to be?"
 
 "I expect to be back Friday.  If so can we do dinner?"
 
 Her breath caught in her throat and she was about to tell him about 
her plans with 
Rudy when she bit back the words.  "Let's see how it goes with you," 
she replied 
cautiously.  "I mean if you've driven back all that way, you may want 
to collapse 
instead.  We would have the rest of the weekend you know."
 
 "Yeah OK I can do that," he sighed, hearing the hesitancy in her 
voice.  "OK I'll call 
you tomorrow night.  I promise.  Meantime you know you can get me on 
the phone 
any time you want to talk."
 
 "You be careful down there," she said softly.  "I love you Sailor."
 
 His heart soared for a brief moment at those words, crashing back to 
earth when he 
remembered how they had told each other many times that love was not 
always 
enough.
   
 "I love you too Marine" he said softly. "Talk to you tomorrow."
 
 ***************
 Friday Afternoon
 JAG HQ's
 
 "Mac do you have the Grimmel case?" Sturgis asked as he strolled into 
her 
 office.
 
 "Do I look like I have the Grimmel case?" she snapped back.
 
 "Excuse me did I say something wrong?"
 
 "No" she said with a long sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm just on edge today."
 
 "Anything you want to share? You know I'm all ears if you need someone 
to 
 talk to."
 
 "I need Harm to tell me when he's coming back from Norfolk" she 
sighed. "I 
 set up a dinner and movie with Rudy for tonight cause I thought he 
would 
 still be in Norfolk. And he hasn't called me to tell me if he's coming 
back 
 or not."
 
 "So you only wanted to go out with Rudy when Harm wasn't around?" 
Sturgis 
 prodded.
 
 "When you say it like that it sounds so wrong" Mac groaned. "And it's 
not 
 like it's a date. It's just dinner and a movie between friends."
 
 "Then why do you feel guilty about it?"
 
 "I don't" Mac said defensively. "I just don't want to hurt Harm that's 
all. 
 How do you think he'd react if he knew I was going out with this guy?"
 
 "He'd flip. He wasn't happy with the fact you had lunch with him. But 
the 
 question for you is are you going out with Rudy because you consider 
him a 
 friend or because of what's been happening with you and Harm."
 
 "I don't know" Mac admitted quietly. "Rudy has been a good friend at 
 meeting. But he's married and I know that nothing else would ever come 
of 
 it."
 
 "As long as your both on the same page then there's nothing to feel 
guilty 
 about," Sturgis said quietly.
 
 "I know. And I'll make sure that we are on the same page tonight. If 
Rudy 
 thinks there's anything more to this, then I'll just be honest with 
him. 
 Even if Harm and I don't work out, I wouldn't want to get involved 
with 
 anyone anyway."
 
 "You and Harm can work this out" Sturgis said confidently. "It may not 
 happen over night but you will."
 
 "Thanks for the vote of confidence" Mac said with a small smile. "I 
just 
 wish I had that much faith in us."
 
 ***********
 "Hi Rudy" Mac said a few hours later as she opened the door to her 
 apartment.  There had been no word from Harm and she'd simply assumed 
he was 
 staying in Norfolk another night.
 
 "Hi Sarah. I uh tried to call you at work but I guessed I missed you. 
I need 
 to stop by Julie's for a quick minute and get a few things I left 
there."
 
 "Did something happen?" Mac asked.
 
 "She's filed for divorce," Rudy said quietly.
 
 "I'm so sorry. If you don't want to do this tonight, I'll understand 
 completely."
 
 "No actually I think being with you would help a lot. If you don't 
mind."
 
 "No of course not" Mac smiled. "But do you think it's wise for me to 
go with 
 you?"
 
 "She's filed for divorce because she's involved with someone else" 
Rudy 
 sighed. "A guy she works with at the DEA."
 
 "Julie works for DEA?"
 
 "I guess I didn't tell you that. I probably didn't tell you that 
that's why 
 she lost the baby."
 
 "What happened?"
 
 "She was having problems at the end of her pregnancy and the doctor 
told her 
 to stay in bed for the last few weeks. That lasted all of a day when 
she 
 found out a bust was going down. Some case she'd been working on for 
months. 
 So she went out to make sure it went down right."
 
 "Did something happen at the bust?"
 
 "No. And the guys she and her partner were trying to nail got away. 
But the 
 doctor said her being out of bed put some kind of stress on the baby 
and 
 that's why her oxygen was cut off."
 
 "Oh Rudy" Mac whispered. "I'm sorry."
 
 "And of course I blamed her and that's when everything fell apart. And 
then 
 she calls me today and tells me it's over for good. She wants the 
divorce so 
 she can be with Paul."
 
 "I'm sorry" Mac repeated. "Are you sure you want to go out tonight?"
 
 "Please. I need something to take my mind off what's happened."
 
 "Sure, let's go" Mac said as she reached for her purse.
 
 **********
 It was an exhausted and aching Harmon Rabb that pulled his SUV into 
Mac's 
 lot. His day in court had lasted longer than he'd liked but there was 
still 
 time to see Mac. He'd debated the whole way from Norfolk whether to 
stop by 
 her place or not, finally deciding he needed to see her. The guilt of 
what 
 had happened with Sam was still eating at him and he needed to come 
clean 
 with her. Even if it meant they might be finished for good.
 
 He'd opened the door when he saw Mac walk out, the man from the 
meeting 
 beside her, his hand resting gently on her back. He felt the same 
 hopelessness he'd felt that night when he'd seen her at the meeting. 
And he 
 suddenly realized why she hadn't wanted to make plans with him for 
tonight. 
 Because she had other plans.
 
 He started the car, intending to drive to his place. But instead he 
found 
 himself following the car, desperately wanting to know where this man 
was 
 going to take her.  To his surprise they drove to a residential area, 
the 
 man parking the car in front of a small townhouse.
 
"This is beyond insanity," he groaned as he stopped down the block.  
"Rabb you're 
reduced to sneaking around following the woman you love.  What the hell 
is the 
matter with you."  At the same time he could not make himself drive 
away.

"I won't be long," Rudy assured Mac.  "But I'd really like you to meet 
Julie--if it 
wouldn't be too uncomfortable for you."

"No I'd like that," she decided after a moment's thought.  

She accepted Rudy's hand to exit the car and down the block Harm's 
middle 
tightened again.  She was slipping from him.

Again Rudy's hand went to Mac's back as they walked up the sidewalk and 
a few 
seconds later the door was opened for them.

"Hey," Julie greeted them quietly.

"Julie this is Sarah," Rudy said simply.  "Sarah and I met at the group 
meeting."

"Hi Sarah," she smiled, almost shyly and Mac held our her hand.  
"Pleased to meet 
you ma'am."

"Sarah is a Marine and that 'ma'am' comes natural to her," Rudy 
groaned.  "Julie I'm 
just going to get those papers and we'll be out of your hair."

"Come on I'll show you where I put all that stuff," Julie motioned. 

They had left the door open partway, and Harm could see them moving 
inside.  He 
knew he should drive away and still he could not make himself.  As he 
waited 
another car pulled up, and at once his suspicions were aroused.  Three 
men, all in 
black, alighted and surveyed the house.   Little hairs on the back of 
his neck stood 
up as he watched them approach the building, and cold fear gripped his 
belly 
thinking of Mac inside.

Quickly he grabbed his cell phone and made a 911 call, and then with 
his service 
weapon that had been in the glove box now in his hand, he exited his 
own vehicle, 
creeping up toward the house.

Mac stood just inside the door, hearing Julie and Rudy talking quietly 
in the next 
room, and looking around the small but nicely furnished townhome.  The 
place 
where they would have brought their baby girl home to live.  

A slight noise, almost imperceptible, caught her ear and she turned 
toward the door, 
only to have it be pushed open.  The three men burst inside, each 
holding a 
weapon, and reacting with training and instinct Mac immediately went on 
the 
defensive, landing a kick boxing blow to the midriff of the one closest 
to her.  He fell 
backwards into a small table, sending it crashing to the floor and the 
noise at once 
alerted Rudy and Julie who sprinted toward the door.

At the same time the other two men leaped at Mac who managed to land 
another 
similarly solid blow before the other grabbed her and pinned her arm 
painfully 
behind her.  Rudy and Julie arrived and stopped short in the face of 
drawn guns.

"Rojas," Julie gasped.

"You know this man?" Rudy yelped, looking to Mac and giving a sigh of 
relief that 
she was all right.

"Yes she does," the man she called Rojas replied.  "She has built quite 
a little case 
against me in fact.  In fact she believes her testimony is going to 
send me away."

"To death row," Julie snapped.  "You're going down this time Rojas."

"Big talk for a woman not holding a weapon," he sneered.  "Take her."

"Don't you touch her," Rudy shrieked and started for the man called 
Rojas only to be 
stopped by a gun being shoved into his belly, leaving him gasping for 
air.

"I said take her to the car," Rojas ordered.  

The man not holding Mac reached for Julie who was ready for him, 
kicking him hard 
in the groin area.  Instead of disabling him, the pain simply served to 
anger him and 
he threw himself against her, sending her sprawling. 

The rest happened all at once, beginning with Harm's coming through the 
door, his 
own weapon at the ready.  Julie launched herself at Rojas, who fired a 
single shot in 
her direction.  She fell heavily to the floor, her eyes open in 
instantaneous death.

"Julie" Rudy screamed as he broke free of the man holding him.
  
  In the confusion, Mac managed to land a blow to the man holding her, 
finally 
  freeing herself as she caught sight of Harm coming through the door.
  
  "Harm no" she yelled as he started towards Rojas. The man raised his 
weapon 
  towards Harm and without a second thought Mac moved to intercept the 
bullet 
  as Rojas fired his weapon. As she started to move in front of Harm, 
she was 
  suddenly pushed away by another pair of hands. She heard Rudy's gasp 
of pain 
  as the bullet meant for Harm entered his chest. They both fell to the 
ground 
  and before Rojas could fire again, Harm managed to get off his own 
shot, his 
  shot hitting Rojas in the arm just as Rojas fired again. He dove out 
of the 
  way of the bullet, landing hard on the floor. His back at once 
protested the 
  movement and for a moment he lay there as the pain shot through him.
  
  "Cops" one of the men with Rojas yelled as the sound of sirens 
pierced the 
  neighborhood. "We got to get out of here."
  
  Before Harm could push himself back to his feet, the three men tore 
out of 
  the house. Moments later the sound of squealing tires was heard as 
the car 
  took off.
  
  "Harm" Mac wailed as she pushed herself to her feet. "Harm are you 
okay?"
  
  "I'm not hit" he managed. "Just my back. Are you okay?"
  
  "I'm okay" she called as she reached for Rudy, gently turning him 
over. "Oh 
  god no" she wailed when she saw the chest wound. "Rudy, hang on, 
you're 
  going to be fine." She looked around desperately for something to 
stop the 
  bleeding with and was about to stand up when he grabbed her arm.
  
  "Are you okay. ." he managed between painful gasps for breath.
  
  "I'm fine and so is Harm" Mac sniffled. "But don't try to talk. Just 
take it 
  easy. The ambulance will be here in a minute."
  
  "Julie" he gasped.
  
  "She's dead" Mac whispered. "I'm so sorry Rudy. But you're going to 
be okay. 
  Just hang on."
  
  "No" he whispered. "Going to be with. .them." His eyes fell shut and 
Mac let 
  out a long sob as she realized he was dead.
  
  "Mac" Harm whispered as he finally made his way over to her. "Mac, 
I'm 
  sorry."
  
  Still in shock, she fell into his waiting arms, for the moment all 
that was 
  wrong between them forgotten as she clung to him while she sobbed.
  
  "It's okay" Harm whispered as he held her tightly. "Shh, it's over 
now."
  
  She was still sobbing when the sirens reached the house, the police 
storming 
  in seconds later.
  
  "Freeze" the first officer yelled, not sure what had happened in the 
small 
  townhome.
  
  "We're not moving" Harm said slowly. "I'm Commander Harmon Rabb, US 
Navy, 
  Judge Advocate Generals Office. This is my partner Colonel Sarah 
Mackenzie. 
  I’m the one who called 911."
  
  "Okay, both of you just sit tight for a moment" the officer said as 
several 
  other officers entered the home. "What the hell happened here?"
  
  "They wanted Julie" Mac said quietly as she lifted her head from 
Harm's 
  chest.  "A man named Rojas."
  
  "Oh geez, that bastard did this" the officer sighed.
  
  "Julie worked for DEA" Mac supplied. "She said she was going to put 
him away 
  for life."
  
  "Chambers get on the horn to DEA" the officer called. "We've got a 
hit on an 
  agent." He turned his attention back to Harm and Mac, his glance 
going to 
  Rudy. "Her husband?"
  
  Mac nodded as she choked back another sob. "They were separated" Mac 
  whispered. "Rudy stopped by for the divorce paperwork."
  
  "Okay we're going to need to get statements from both of you" the 
officer 
  said quietly. "Are either of you hurt?"
  
  "Nothing that won't keep" Harm said quietly. Despite the pain in his 
back, 
  he wasn't about to leave Mac at this moment. She was still trembling 
in his 
  arms and nothing was going to make him leave her now.
  
  "Marcus, take the Commander and the Colonel down to the station."
  
  "You okay?" Harm whispered as he held onto Mac.
  
  She nodded unconvincingly and forced herself to leave Harm's arms. 
She 
  turned back to help him up, not missing the pain that was etched on 
his face 
  as he pushed himself up.
  
  "It's okay," he said quickly, noticing her concern. "I'll be fine."
  
 "You look anything but fine," she fretted, pulling him to his feet as 
gently as she 
could.
 
 "It'll keep," he assured her and with them both being on their feet 
the full horror of 
the scene came into view.
 
Immediately she closed her eyes against the scene of death before her 
and he 
pulled her to him once more, pressing her forehead into his chest.
 
 "I will never ever get used to it," she wailed softly.  "Harm he was a 
friend.  I didn't 
know him for long but I cared for him.  I cared about him, and helped 
me. . ."  A sob 
choked off her words and he held her tightly.  

"I know honey I know.  This is awful."
 
 Marcus stepped forward, starting to usher them out, and Harm's arms 
went around 
her even more fully.  She was crying softly now, and allowed herself to 
go willingly.
 =========
 "Commander, Colonel we'll try to be brief here," Captain Marlene 
Tolliver smiled, 
showing them to a comfortable room and offering them coffee.  "I know 
this has 
been a helluva night.  You should also know that DEA is going to be 
wanting to talk 
to you."
 
 "Yeah Captain, we're kind of in the business ourselves and we know how 
it works," 
Harm told her.  "Please whatever.  I just want to take her home."
 
 "Then by all means let's take it from the beginning," Marlene nodded.  
"Colonel 
since you were apparently on the scene at first, why don't you start 
from say when 
you and Mr. Mauer met this evening."
 
 Automatically she reached her hand out for Harm who took it just as 
automatically.  
"Go ahead honey."
 
 ". . . .and then Harm arrived and Rojas turned his gun on him," Mac 
sighed, her 
words slowing as she got to the difficult part.  "Rojas was about to 
fire.  I saw his 
finger move and I tried to get in front of it.  I knew Harm couldn't 
possibly have seen 
it coming in all the hysteria and then. . ."
 
 That was as far as she got before Harm jerked her hand as hard as he 
could.  
"Whoa wait OK no.  No.  You're telling me you were going to take a 
bullet for me?  
What the hell were you thinking?"  His last words exploded from him as 
his mind 
painted that picture, taking it a little further--further to the point 
of where she 
collapsed into his arms dying.
 
 "I was thinking that this man was about to put a bullet into the chest 
of someone I 
love and I wasn't going to let that happen," she retorted.  "I figured 
I could take it in a 
less vulnerable place maybe.  Hell how the hell do I know.  This all 
happened in like 
five seconds time."
 
 "Commander let her finish please and then of course I want to hear 
from you."
 
 "She can finish OK, but I'm not anywhere near done with that topic," 
he warned.
 
 "But Rudy pushed me at the last second and of course he took the 
bullet himself," 
she whispered, letting the words pour out in a rush before she turned 
her face away. 
 
 Harm sank back into the chair in shock, his eyes wide with disbelief.
 
 "Mr. Rabb you didn't realize that's what had transpired?"
 
 "No ma'am not at all," he gasped.  "I just figured it was one of those 
things with 
everything happening at once, and then I was too busy being grateful 
Mac wasn't 
hurt.  Oh god I don't know what to say."
 
 Mac's next words did not make it any easier for him.  "Rudy died 
because he knew I 
loved you."

  "He knew about us?" Harm questioned.
  
  "Of course he did" Mac whispered. "Rudy and I were friends. He knew 
all 
  about us and what had happened. And he knew how devastated I was 
about 
  everything."
  
  "You were just friends?"
  
  "What did you think we were?" she demanded. "My god Harm, you don't 
think 
  I'd take up with a married man. And please don't answer that because 
I don't 
  want to know the answer."
  
  "I didn't know he was married" Harm said quietly.
  
  "Look, I hate to interrupt you two but we need to stick with the 
details of 
  what happened" Captain Tolliver spoke up just as the door opened.
  
  "Captain, the DEA agents are here" the desk sergeant announced.
  
  "Send them in" Tolliver replied.
  
  "I'm Agent Nicholas Myers and this is my partner Agent Susan Riley" 
the man 
  said as they walked into the room a few seconds later.
  
  "Commander Harmon Rabb and this is my partner Colonel Sarah 
Mackenzie" 
Harm replied. "We work for the Navy JAG Corp."
  
  "Good then you're familiar with how this stuff goes" Susan added.
  
  "We want to help as much as possible," Mac said quietly. "I hadn't 
known 
  Rudy for long but he was a good friend."
  
  "Good. Cause we want to nail this bastard Rojas" Nicholas said 
quietly. 
  "Julie worked hard to bring him down and there's no way we're going 
to let 
  her death be for nothing."
  
  They went over what happened again with the two DEA agents, Harm 
reached for 
  Mac's hand when she got to the part of Rudy's death. For a moment she 
held 
  it back, before finally letting him take it in hers.
  
  "So he saved both of your lives probably" Nicholas sighed. "Hell of a 
thing 
  for him to do. But I guess he knew Julie was dead and it didn't 
matter to 
  him. He was pretty devoted to her even though they were separated."
  
  "He told me she was involved with another agent" Mac spoke up. "Does 
he know 
  what happened?"
  
  "Yes he was" Susan nodded. "He's pretty devastated right now. They'd 
only 
  been partnered together for a short while but something with them had 
  clicked right away. Which in this business is good. You need to be in 
tune 
  with the other person. Sometimes you just don't realize how in tune 
you 
  are." She glanced over at Nicholas who gave her a small smile.
  
  "We know how that is," Harm said as he squeezed Mac's hand.
  
  "We'd like to put you both in witness protection until we can round 
up 
  Rojas" Nicholas spoke up. "You both saw him and it's likely he's 
going to 
  make an attempt to take you out so that there's no witnesses to the 
  murders."
  
  "How dangerous is this Rojas?" Harm asked as he tightened his hold on 
Mac's 
  hand.
  
  "Commander this man will kill anyone who tries to bring him down. You 
two 
  witnessed the murders first hand. Once we apprehend him, there's no 
way he's 
  going to get away this time. And Rojas won't go to prison."
  
  "But he has no idea who we are right?" Mac said quietly.
  
  "He wasn't supposed to know where Julie lived and he found her" Susan 
  countered. "We can't guarantee he won't find out who you two are."
  
  "Mac it's up to you" Harm said quietly. "But I don't want anything to 
happen 
  to you."
  
  "Why don't you two talk about it while we go get some coffee?" Susan 
said as 
  she and Nicholas stood up. "We'll be right back."
  
  "Harm I don't know" Mac whispered. "I'm not sure you and I locked 
away 
  somewhere together is a good thing right now."
  
  "I know but I'm worried about you. This guy is dangerous Mac. I don't 
want 
  to lose you. If you won't go to a safe house at least let me stay 
with you. 
  Otherwise there's no way I'm going to sleep at night until they find 
him."
  
  "I guess I can live with that" she sighed. "I'm just not sure I can 
handle 
  forced confinement right now."
  
  "With me you mean" he said quietly. "Mac I'm sorry. I know I've done 
a lot 
  of things wrong recently. But I still love you. You have to believe 
that."
  
  "Why were you there?" Mac asked suddenly.
  
  "I followed you from your apartment" he admitted sheepishly. "I saw 
you 
  leave with Rudy. I wanted to see where he was taking you. Seeing as 
how he's 
  been the one you've been sharing everything with."
  
  "What do you mean he's the one I've been sharing everything with?" 
she said 
  irritably.
  
  "He's the one who was there for you when I wasn't. I went to your 
meeting 
  Tuesday night Mac. I saw you with him. I saw how much he was there 
for you. 
  And I'm just sorry I wasn't the one who you could lean on."
 
 "So am. . .wait, you were at my meeting?  Me and Rudy?  You saw us?"  
Her words 
tumbled out in her confusion.  
 
 "Yeah I was," he said quietly.  "I was in the back, and I saw and 
heard you telling 
what happened to our baby, and Rudy was holding your hand and hugging 
you and 
I wanted that to be me."
 
 "You must not have wanted it very bad," she muttered.  "There was 
nothing that 
was stopping you from walking forward you know.  And I would have given 
anything 
for it to be you right then.  You have no idea how much I wanted it to 
be you holding 
me."
 
 "Ouch," he sighed and shook his head.  "Mac as long as we're being 
honest here.  
About Sam. . ."
 
 "Harm please.  If you're about to tell me how she doesn't mean 
anything to you, just 
stow it OK.  I'm totally not able to do this right now.  I've just 
watched two people die.  
One of whom I cared a lot about in the short few days I knew him.  I 
don't take to 
people easily--you know that--and Rudy and I, well it was almost like 
when you and I 
first met."
 
 She had landed another blow with that and he pulled back away from 
her.  She had 
said Rudy was getting the divorce papers.  If they had felt that same 
connection, 
how long would it have been before. . .
 
 His thoughts were interrupted by the return of Nicholas and Susan.  
"You guys 
decide?" she asked.  "You should also know that Nicky and I have been 
put in 
charge of this whole mess.  It's now our problem.  We're going to bring 
down Rojas."
 
 "Well you've got our help," Mac told her firmly, ignoring the 
horrified look her 
pronouncement brought to Harm's face.  "And we can't do that if we're 
in some safe 
house somewhere."
 
 Susan and Nicholas exchanged looks.  "We can't make you go, short of 
getting an 
order for protective custody and I don't want to do that."
 
 "If we're through here I'd really like to take Mac home," Harm said 
firmly.  "I'll be 
staying at her place.  You can reach us there or at JAG headquarters."
 
 "We'll be in touch then," Nicholas nodded.  "Good night."
 
 Harm took Mac's hand and helped her to her feet, his arm going around 
her waist 
tightly.  She was only too glad to lean on him for the walk back to the 
SUV, and they 
rode to her place in silence.
 
 "You want me to make some coffee?" he asked once they were inside.  
 
 "No I don't think so," she shook her head.  "I just want to fall into 
that bed and 
pretend this whole night was some horrible horrible dream."
 
 "OK I understand."  Tentatively he reached out for her, wanting to 
give her a soft 
hug and to his surprise she went willingly into his embrace, clinging 
tightly to him.  
 
 "Harm I need you tonight please," she whispered after a minute.  "I 
need you to 
hold me.  Can you see your way to do that?  I mean I know things are 
not right 
between us and they may never be, but I need. . ."  
 
 He silenced her with a gentle finger to her lips.  "Let's go to bed."  
He took a step 
forward with her and his knee buckled slightly, causing a pain filled 
gasp to escape 
him.
 
 "Harm I forgot your back.  You need help."  Her own misery forgotten, 
she was 
suddenly all concern for him.
 
 "I'll let you take me to Bethesda in the morning.  Right now just 
getting off my feet 
will help," he assured her.  "That and holding you, being thankful you 
weren't hurt 
tonight."

  "You sure?" she fretted. "I know you're hurting."
  
  "I'm getting use to the pain" he said softly. "I'll be fine until 
morning. 
  Honest."
  
  "All right" she sighed. "We're both spent and need a long night's 
sleep."
  
  "Exactly" he agreed as he led them to the bedroom.
  
  She headed to the bathroom to change and with a long sigh he stripped 
down 
  to his boxers and slid into bed. She emerged a few minutes later and 
joined 
  him on the bed.
  
  "Is it okay if I hold you?" he whispered.
  
  "Please" she murmured, moving closer to him. His strong arms encased 
her and 
  she closed her eyes, allowing the tears to flow.
  
  "Let it all out honey" he soothed as he stroked her hair while she 
sobbed. 
  "You deserve it after today."
  
  Her sobs tore at his heart and for all the world he wished he could 
take 
  away her pain. And he knew her tears weren't just for the two lives 
that 
  were lost today.
  
  "I'm sorry" she sniffled a few minutes later. "It just all hit me 
again."
  
  "It's okay," he said softly as he wiped her tears. "You've been 
through hell 
  today. Make that the past month."
  
  She nodded but said nothing as she burrowed closer to him.
  
  "Get some rest honey" he whispered as he dropped a kiss on her 
forehead. 
  "Somehow we'll get through all this."
  
  ***********
  It wasn't until the first streams of light began to filter through 
the 
  window that Mac finally woke, feeling at once a presence next to her. 
For a 
  moment she froze, before memories of what had happened the other day 
flooded 
  back.
  
  "Mac" he murmured as she slid off the bed.
  
  "Right here sailor" she said as she gently stroked his hair. "I'm 
just going 
  to get some coffee started."
  
  "You okay?" he asked, forcing himself awake to look up at her.
  
  "Yeah I'm managing" she whispered. "How are you? How's your back?"
  
  "Hurting" he admitted, grimacing and taking in a sharp breath as he 
moved to 
  sit up.
  
  "You should have let me take you to Bethesda last night" she fretted. 
  "You're hurting a lot. You should have told me."
  
  "We both needed some sleep" he countered. "I'll be okay. Go on and 
get that 
  coffee started and I'll be with you in a minute."
  
  "You need any help?" she asked. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
  
  "No it's okay" he assured her as he swung his legs over the side of 
the bed, 
  staying that way for several seconds as he waited for the pain to 
pass. She 
  finally left the room, hating to see him in so much pain. She headed 
to the 
  kitchen to make the coffee, wandering around aimlessly until he 
slowly made 
  his way out.
  
  "How you doing?" she asked as she reached a gentle hand to rub his 
back.
  
  "Hanging in there," he said with a forced smile. "Do you think we 
should 
  call the Admiral and let him know what happened?"
  
  "Might be a good idea" she nodded. "He should know we were witnesses 
to a 
  double murder."
  
  Harm nodded and gratefully accepted the cup of steaming liquid from 
her a 
  minute later.
  
  "Nice and strong" he smiled after the first sip. "Thanks."
  
  "I figured we could both use a nice jolt this morning" she sighed as 
she sat 
  down at the table. "I still keep hoping this is all a bad dream and 
I'll 
  wake up and none of it will have happened."
  
  "I wish that were the case," he said softly. "Just because you've 
already 
  been through so much and this is the last thing you needed."
  
  "I feel like if one more thing happens, I'm just going to snap" she 
  whispered. "I don't know how much more I can take Harm. I'm at the 
end of my 
  rope and one more thing is just going to push me over."
  
  "I know" he whispered, visions of his encounter with Sam rushing 
through his 
  mind. He needed to tell her the truth, but now wasn't the time. He 
knew she 
  was hanging by a very thin thread and that his confession would only 
serve 
  to hurt her more. "And I'm sorry. So sorry."
  
  They finished their coffee and Mac helped Harm to the bathroom for a 
quick 
  shower before taking one herself.
  
  "Bethesda first" she said once they were both dressed. "And then 
we'll stop 
  by the Admiral's house and let him know what's going on."
  
  He held his breath as they walked into Bethesda a short time later; 
not sure 
  what he would say when he saw Sam. He hadn't seen her since that 
night and 
  he was dreading meeting her again with Mac there.
  
  "Hello Harm" Sam said as he and Mac walked into the therapy area. 
"What 
  happened now?"
  
  "Dove to avoid a bullet" he sighed.
  
  "Oh my god" Sam gasped. "What happened?"
  
  "It's a long story," he said quietly. "Anyway, do you think you can 
work 
  some of your magic."
  
  "Yeah sure of course" she said quickly before looking over at Mac. 
"Hi Mac. 
  How are you?"
  
  "I've been better" Mac sighed. "Harm I'm going to go take a walk 
while Sam's 
  fixing you up."
  
  "No way" Harm said firmly. "I want you to stay here with me."
 
 "Harm I'm badly in need of a little air and space here."
 
 "Too bad.  I don't want you out of my sight," he snapped irritably.
 
 "Not only do you not outrank me, but you are not running my life.  You 
didn't before 
when we were together and you sure as hell don't now."  Her words 
carried the 
same level of irritability as his and Sam looked from one to the other 
in surprise.
 
 "The only thing that matters right now is that nothing happen to you," 
he screeched.
 
 "Stow it Commander," she retorted, marching through the door.
 
 "Mac.  Maaaaac," he hollered after her and started to follow her when 
Sam caught 
his arm.
 
 "A word of advice Harm," she said softly.  "When a woman says she 
wants some 
space, it's better to give it to her."
 
 "Sam you don't understand," he croaked.  "These people are dangerous.  
She and I 
witnessed a murder on a federal agent last night.  Our testimony is 
going to get this 
guy the death penalty.  He took out one threat and now there's two 
more--Mac and 
me."
 
 A shudder went through her as the seriousness of what he was saying 
sank in and 
she took a long breath.  "OK, sorry.  I didn't mean to minimize the 
gravity of what 
you've been through.  And I do understand that you're afraid for her.  
You love her 
Harm."

 "Very much.  And right now I'm very afraid for her.  The DEA agents 
that are in 
charge of the case want us to go away until they catch the guy.  I 
don't know that it 
wouldn't be a good idea, but you see how she is.  Space and a safe 
house are 
mutually incompatible."
 
 "If you give her a little she may not need so much," she advised.  
"Now get up here 
and let's see what you've done with yourself, and for crying out loud 
relax will you.  I 
can't do anything with tense muscles."
 
 "Damn you Danny Walden," he gasped as a wave of pain shot through him 
and he 
dropped onto the table.
 
 An hour passed with no appreciable results as Sam attempted to coax 
relaxation 
and pain relief into unyielding muscles.
 
 "This is not working a single little bit," she raged finally.  "OK 
let's try the hot tub for 
a while and then we're back to this.   And I've ordered a valium for 
you."
 
 "I'll vomit."
 
 "You'll take it so you can get on your feet.  Rabb you looked like a 
pretzel when you 
walked in.  In fact it's here now.  Open up."
 
 Harm simply clamped his lips together.
 
 "You know what, you look like MJ when he was little and I was trying 
to get him to 
taste something new.  I haven't seen that face since I tried to get him 
to eat tuna 
casserole.  Now open that mouth or I swear I'll use it as a 
suppository."
 
 "You wouldn't dare."
 
 She stood her ground with him, eyeball to eyeball.  Finally he took 
the pill and put it 
in his mouth, grabbing the water bottle she offered and taking a long 
swig.
 
 "You're getting to see the real me," he hissed.  "Not pretty is it."
 
 "No it's not," she replied calmly.  "But I can deal.  I have a child 
at home remember.  
Now let me help you into the tub, and then I'm going to be right back."
 
 "Where are you going?"
 
 "Not that it's any of your business, but I need some air thanks to 
you, and I do have 
a couple of other patients to check on."
 
 Without further hesitation she helped him from the table, being as 
ginger as her 
aggravation would allow, and into the whirling hot water.  "Do not 
move" were her 
final words to him.
 
 Grabbing a cold soda, she then headed for the garden off the rehab 
wing, nearly 
colliding with Mac who was coming back.
 
 "Hey you've got that I've had it with Harmon Rabb face," Mac smiled.  
"I know it 
well."
 
 "I'll bet you do," Sam sighed, raising her soda can.  "You want to 
share this and we 
can be pissed off together?"  
 
  "What did he do?" Mac asked as they walked to the garden.
  
  "He's acting like a child. I swear MJ is more grown up than Harm is."
  
  "MJ is your son?" Mac asked.
  
  "Mitchell Junior" Sam smiled. "All I have left of Mitchell. He's a 
great kid 
  and my entire world. And I don't half the crap from him that I get 
from 
  Harm. He actually locked his lips shut when I tried to give him a 
valium."
  
  "Valium? Do you normally give him those?"
  
  "He's so tense that nothing I did was helping" Sam sighed. "I haven't 
seen 
  his muscles like this since he started coming here."
  
  "He's going to be okay though right?"
  
  "Hopefully the warm water and the valium will help. He's not going to 
be 
  running any marathons any time soon I can assure you of that. He 
needs to 
  take it easy and he doesn't seem to understand that part."
  
  "Not Harm" Mac sighed.
  
  "So how have you managed to deal with this man for this long without 
  strangling him" Sam asked with a smile.
  
  "Lots of patience I guess."
  
  "Well you're all set for children after dealing with Harm" Sam said 
without 
  thinking. At once she saw Mac's face cloud over and her hand flew to 
her 
  mouth as she remembered what Harm had told her. "I'm sorry" she 
softly.
  
  "I guess Harm told you what happened" Mac said quietly. "How I lost 
the 
  baby?"
  
  Sam nodded. She had no clue if Harm had told Mac about their 
encounter the 
  other night but she was pretty sure he hadn't.
  
  "I always try and get my patients to tell me if something is 
bothering them. 
  Course it took me a lot longer to get Harm to open up."
  
  "Harm's not much into discussing feelings" Mac said with a bitter 
laugh. 
  "We've always had this road block when it comes to things like how we 
feel."
  
  "I'm sorry about your baby" Sam said quietly. "And I can't even 
imagine how 
  much you're hurting. But you know he's hurting too."
  
  "Did he tell you why I lost the baby?"
  
  "Yes he did" Sam said slowly. "And I know that the guilt is eating 
him up 
  inside. He loves you Mac and he doesn't want to lose you."
  
  "Sometimes it isn't enough" Mac sighed. "We've been through so much 
the past 
  few months. Sometimes I think we were doomed from the beginning."
  
  "Why do you say that?"
  
  "Because we skipped the important part" Mac said softly. "We made the 
  mistake of having a relationship in the bedroom before we had 
anything else. 
  And now I just don't know if we can go back and start over."
  
  "Do you love him Mac?"
  
  "I'll always love Harm. Until the day I die there will always be a 
place in 
  my heart for him. I just don't know how big a place."
  
  "I'm not going to tell you how to run your life but take this one 
piece of 
  advice. You don't get a lot of chances for happiness in this world. 
And even 
  when you do you don't know how long its going to last. I thought 
Mitchell 
  and I would have the rest of our lives. But we didn't. And the only 
thing 
  that keeps me going now is the memories of the times we had and 
Mitchell Jr. 
  If you love Harm, do what it takes to make it work. I know he's 
willing to. 
  All he talks about is you Mac."
  
  "Easier said than done" Mac whispered.
  
  "I know. And now that I've had a chance to cool off I'm going to go 
check on 
  the child and see if he's any better. "
  
  "I should go back with you" Mac sighed. "I'm sure by now he's in 
super freak 
  mode."
  
  "Not if the valium worked" Sam smiled. "Unless of course he did some 
trick 
  and didn't swallow it."
  
  Mac couldn't help but smile and for a moment thoughts of what their 
child 
  would have been flashed through her mind.
  
  "Mac you coming?" Sam asked as Mac remained standing where she was.
  
  "Yeah I'm coming" Mac said with a forced smile. "Thanks for the 
talk."
  
  "Hey it helped me too" Sam laughed. "Dealing with Harm requires an 
extra 
  set of patience that God didn't hand to everyone."
  
  "I can't tell you how many times the Admiral has wanted to kill him" 
Mac 
  laughed. "He has that way of driving you crazy."
  
  "Never" Sam grinned as they made their way back to the therapy room.
  
  "Where have you been?" he demanded as soon as they walked into the 
room. 
  "Are you okay?"
  
  "I'll assume he's talking to you" Sam smiled. "Harm why aren't you 
zoning 
  like you're supposed to be?"
  
  "I told you I wasn't taking the valium" he retorted. "I do not need 
to be 
  drugged out when there are drug dealers out there who want to see Mac 
and I 
  killed."
  
  "Thanks for using my trash can" Sam sighed as she noticed the 
wastebasket. 
  "You owe me a new one for that."
  
  "Harmon David Rabb" Mac groaned. "I don't believe you. This woman is 
trying 
  to help you and you do this. What part of you need a valium to relax 
your 
  muscles did you miss?"
  
  "What part of there's a guy who wants to see you dead did you miss?" 
he 
  countered irritably. "How the hell am I going to protect you when I'm 
on 
  drugs."
  
  "Did you ever think that maybe I could take care of myself" she 
retorted. "I 
  don't need you to be Prince Charming all the time and come to my 
rescue."
  
  "So I guess that means you would have rather died last night with 
Rudy then" 
  he snapped back. "Excuse me for saving your life."
  
  "You didn't" she whispered. "Rudy did. And he saved yours too."
  
  "Guys time out" Sam said quietly. "Before you both say something 
you're 
  going to regret."
  
  "I think we're way past that," Harm said quietly. "You know what Mac, 
I'm 
  real sorry I'm not Rudy. Because obviously he made quite an 
impression on 
  you. He did everything right. And I do everything wrong."
   
 "You and Rudy are just. . .were just. . .two different people is all," 
Mac protested, 
tearfully now.  "It wasn't a matter of what he did or you did or what 
was right or what 
was wrong.  He was a good person, and he was kind to me when I needed 
someone.  We were hurting and we reached out to each other and we made 
each 
other feel better.  And I liked having him in my life.  I needed a 
person like him.   And 
now he's gone.  Another person in my life I've lost.  And sometimes I 
don't know 
how much more of losing I'm going to be able to handle.  The baby is 
gone, Rudy is 
gone, you and I are all but history."
 
 "Sarah don't you ever say that," he gasped.  "I am never ever going to 
think of us 
that way.  We are going to figure a way to work through this.  I don't 
know how, but 
we are.  If we want it that bad."
 
 "I've wanted it that bad for a very long time," she sniffled.  "And 
love is not the 
question Harm.  Look we've gone over and over this.  Love isn't always 
enough.  
The divorce courts are full of people who loved with a passion but 
couldn't live 
together.  Couldn't make a life together."
 
 "Is that what you see for us?  That I love you--and you love me, but 
we're not ever 
going to make it work?  Because I can only speak for myself, but I'm 
never going to 
give up on us. Never."
 
 "I only wish you had some of that fire and passion at other times in 
our history," she 
whispered.
 
 "Hey there were plenty of times when you weren't ready either.  Does a 
ring in 
Australia ring a bell?"  The bitterness in his tone surprised Sam who 
looked from 
one to the other.
 
 "A ring I took after the man I really wanted turned away from me," she 
spat back.  
"At that stage of my life I'd had it with being alone.  So kill me.  I 
didn't want to be 
alone any more.  And this conversation is getting us no where.  You 
need your 
treatment and I need. . ."  Her face went blank.  "Hell I don't even 
know what I 
need."   She turned to flee once more, stopping after only a few yards, 
her arm 
across her middle as if she was in severe pain and she dropped to one 
knee.  "Yes I 
do know what I need," she sobbed softly, the tension getting the better 
of her.  "I 
need our baby inside me and I need your arms holding me."
 
 "Mac are you OK?" he screeched, seeing her on the floor and struggling 
to get up 
from the tub.
 
 "Harm stay put before you injure yourself more," Sam ordered sharply, 
striding to 
Mac.  She put a gentle arm around her shoulders and helped her to her 
feet.  "I think 
you were on to something when you said you need his arms," she 
whispered, 
guiding her to the tub and helping her to sit on the edge.
 
 "Are you OK?" he asked gently in that soft tender tone he reserved 
just for her.  
 
 "No I'm not," she murmured.  "I'm not at all."  And a second later 
despite the fact 
that he was wet, he had pulled her in to his embrace.  Her tears came 
with that hug, 
and he rocked her awkwardly.  
 
 "I think I'll leave you two alone now," Sam smiled.  "And when I come 
back, I'm 
betting you're in much better shape Harm."

  "I'm sorry honey" Harm whispered as he continued to hold Mac. "I'm so 
sorry 
 about everything. I wish I could make this all go away."
 
 "You can't" she sniffled. "It's happened and we have to deal with it."
 
 "I know," he said somberly. "We can't change what's happened. We can 
only 
 try and make it better from here."
 
 "How?" she whispered. "How do we make it better?"
 
 "I don't know honey. We just find a way. Because I'm not ready to give 
up on 
 us yet. I love you way to much to let that happen."
 
 She rested against him, the tension finally leaving both of them for 
the 
 moment. In each other's arms they could forget about everything, even 
if it 
 was just for a moment.
 
 "Feeling better Harm?" Sam asked quietly when she returned a short 
time 
 later.
 
 "Yeah I think so" Harm sighed. "I'm sorry I was such a rotten patient 
 today."
 
 "You're always a rotten patient" she teased. "I'm used to it remember. 
I am 
 going to suggest you go home and rest today. Don't try doing anything 
else 
 but that."
 
 "I'll make sure of that," Mac said quietly as she raised her head from 
his 
 shoulder. "Is there anything else I can do to help?"
 
 "Just keep him off his feet and both of you try and relax a little 
bit."
 
 "Easier said than done" Mac sighed. "But we'll try."
 
 "And if he has any problems at all, call me. Harm has my number at 
home as 
 well."
 
 Mac nodded and a short time later she and Harm were on their way home.
 
 "What about the Admiral?" Harm sighed, remembering they hadn't 
informed 
 their CO of the prior night's events.
 
 "I'll just call him from your place" Mac replied. "You need to rest 
and it's 
 just as easy to call him and tell him."
 
 Back at Harm's place, she slowly helped him upstairs to his place, 
guiding 
 him at once to the bedroom. Once he was situated, she turned to go 
call the 
 Admiral, only to have his hand reach out for her.
 
 "Please stay for a bit," he said softly. "There's plenty of time to 
call the 
 Admiral. Just lay down here with me for a while. You need some down 
time as 
 well."
 
 She nodded and crawled in beside him, needing the comfort of his arms 
at 
 that moment.
 
 "When did everything go so crazy" she sighed. "Why can't anything be 
easy in 
 life?"
 
 "I don't know Sarah," he said softly. "I wish I had all those answers 
for 
 you. But I don't. I just know that I love you and that somehow we'll 
get 
 through this together."
 
 "I hope so" she whispered as she closed her eyes. Everything was 
catching up 
 with her as well and she found herself drifting to sleep along side 
him.
 
 It was dark when they both finally woke, Mac's grumbling stomach 
reminding 
 her they hadn't eaten all day.
 
 "I guess I should find us some food" she sighed. "You got anything 
good 
 here?"
 
 "Just order something," he said softly. "You're in no shape to cook 
and 
 neither am I. The pizza place down the street is pretty good. Or we 
could do 
 Chinese. Whichever you want."
 
 "Pizza" she said after a moment's thought. "And I still need to call 
the 
 Admiral."
 
 He nodded and pushed himself to a sitting position, grimacing as he 
did so.
 
 "Where do you think you're going?" she asked.
 
 "The little boys' room" he said with a small smile. "If you wouldn't 
mind 
 helping me up?"
 
 "Yes but then it's right back in this bed mister. You heard what Sam 
said. 
 Off your feet for today."
 
 "Yeah whatever" he groaned as she helped him to his feet. She followed 
him 
 to the bathroom to make sure he was okay before turning to go to the 
kitchen 
 to call for the pizza. She'd just hung up the phone when she heard his 
 footsteps coming and turned to him with a long look.
 
 "Wrong direction sailor. Your duty station is the bedroom remember?"
 
 Before he could reply the first of what seemed like a million gunshots 
 shattered the window, glass flying everywhere. Their simultaneous 
screams of 
 each other's names could barely be heard over the gunfire as they both 
dove 
 to the floor.
 
 THE END
	Watch for the next chapter of After the Mistletoe coming soon.