TITLE:  "After the Mistletoe III: Return of the Lost”
     AUTHORS:  Anne R. and Pat Steiner
     SUMMARY: The kiss of Answered Prayers leads to more.  Rated PG for 
mild 
language.  The third of the After the Mistletoe series in which Harm 
and Mac deal 
with the ramifications of the mistletoe kiss.  The arrival of Sergei is 
not a factor in 
this series.
     DISCLAIMER:  JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al.  No copyright 
infringement is intended with this work of fiction.
     FEEDBACK:  Yes, if you're moved to do so, to [SSbpmn@aol.com] and 
it 
would be much appreciated by both of us.  However, if your intent is 
only to tell us 
you are not liking our work, please don't spend the time.  While we 
realize our 
work does not please everyone, we do ask that the journey be respected.
     
     NOTE:  All parts of this story will be available at 
              http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories
       No subbing is required to read from the message archives.

    Also, previous chapters, as well as our other efforts, should be 
available at:
    http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag/ 
                 or the
Harm-Mac shipper archive at-  
    http://www.shipperarchive.com/fanfic/

Previously in ATM:   Having agreed to take on a few sorties during his 
TAD to the 
Henry, Harm is forced down in the Iraqi desert.  With Skates leading 
the Search & 
Rescue team, Mac and Sturgis locate him and bring him back aboard the 
carrier.

“After the Mistletoe III: Return of the Lost”


"What did he. . ." Sturgis started and then a slow smile formed.  
"Never mind.  I 
know.  He'll be OK Mac.  He's got a whole lot to come back for."

Mac could only nod and she pressed the back of Harm's hand to her lips.  
"I need 
you," she repeated, "I need you in my life."

"Mac, he needs you too," Skates sighed.  "I don't know what goes on 
between you 
two, but it sounds like a lot of stuff that's totally ignorant.  And 
you can write me up 
for saying that."  "Ma'am," she added lamely.

"Not hardly," Mac assured her.  "You got him this far Lieutenant.  I 
owe you big 
time.  I won't forget it."

In a matter of minutes the chopper was setting down on the deck, to be 
greeted by 
AJ and Capt. Ingles.

"How is he?" AJ demanded at once, as soon as the door opened.

Mac could only shake her head, still holding tightly to his limp hand.

"Sir, he needs treatment but I've seen worse," the medic assured him.  
"He's got 
some heat exhaustion, and of course dehydration and exposure.  Now as 
far as 
his punch-out injuries, that's going to have to be evaluated."

AJ stood out of the way as more medics arrived with the stretcher.  
Sturgis 
jumped from the chopper, reaching to pull Harm from Mac's grasp.  He 
was not 
surprised when she came with him, her hand still firmly attached to 
Harm's.  
Skates followed and was quickly escorted away by other medics.

The ship's doctor appeared a moment later, listening to his medic as he 
gave 
Harm's vital signs.  Mac's eyes fastened to the doctor's face, studying 
him 
carefully for some kind of reassurance.

"Colonel I can see this man means a lot to you," Captain Jacob Cassidy, 
USMC, 
smiled when the medic was done.  "I can take care of his heat related 
illness 
without too much difficulty I think.  Now we're going to have to assess 
his back 
and legs.  I don't like hearing that he wasn't able to walk but that in 
all likelihood is 
temporary."

"I can handle anything as long as he's alive," Mac sniffled. "Anything 
else we'll get 
through together."

"He may need that kind of support," Cassidy warned seriously, helping 
them to 
settle the still unconscious commander onto the stretcher.  "Colonel 
I'm going to 
let you walk down with him but once inside, you're going to need to 
leave him to 
me."

Numbly Mac nodded, renewing her grip on his hand as the procession to 
sick bay 
began.

"I don't think I can let him go," she whispered, looking pleadingly 
from AJ to 
Sturgis to Cassidy.

"Yes you can," Sturgis told her gently, carefully separating her hand 
from Harm's.  
"Not to mention how exhausted you are from the stress.  We're going to 
let them 
take care of him, doing what Uncle Sam pays them handsomely for, and 
you're 
going to get some coffee and food and maybe a shower."

"Sturgis don't. . .don't make me," she begged.

He looked to AJ who stepped forward.  "Stand down Colonel.  Consider it 
an 
order."

"Yes sir," she answered automatically.  

"Turner, carry on."

Sturgis slipped his hand around her arm.  "Come on Mac.  We'll be back, 
and you 
know they'll get word to us if they need to."

AJ gave a nod of relief. "Thanks Turner.  Captain I'll be with Captain 
Ingles.  You 
let me know if there's anything I should be aware of."

Mac leaned over Harm, freezing in place for a long moment as if 
considering, and 
then placed a tiny kiss on his forehead.  "I need you Sailor.  Don't 
ever forget 
that."

"You won't let him," Turner smiled and led her away.

With some not-too-gentle persuasion, Turner managed to get Mac through 
some 
food and a clean up.

"OK I've eaten, I've bathed, and I'm about to lose it here," she 
wailed.  "I need to 
get back down there."

"Colonel I was just going to call for you," Cassidy greeted her.  "I've 
completed my 
exam."

She stared, unable to ask the question, and Turner stepped forward.  
"His 
condition Captain."

"Sir," Cassidy acknowledged him.  "He's on an IV to restore hydration 
with 
medication to reduce his fever.  Heat stress.  That's going to be OK.  
His back is 
badly contused from trauma suffered during the punch out.  And there is 
some 
swelling of the spinal cord which I really suspect is temporary, but I 
want him 
medivac'd to Ramstein's hospital."

"As long as he's alive," Mac breathed.

"Alive, conscious and asking for you," Cassidy smiled, gesturing to the 
door.
 
 She hurried into the room, stopping just before she reached his bed.
 
 "Hi" she said softly when he opened his eyes and looked over at her.
 
 "I didn't imagine you earlier" he whispered. "I wasn't sure. 
Everything has 
 been pretty foggy since Skates left me."
 
 "You thought I'd stay in DC while you were missing out here?"
 
 "I'd hoped you come. But after all that had happened, I wasn't sure 
you 
 cared."
 
 "I could never stop caring about you," she said softly, tears 
streaming down 
 her face. "How could you think that?"
 
 "You never emailed me back. I figured that was your way of telling me 
you 
 didn't want anything to do with me."
 
 "I was hurt when you left" she whispered. "You walked away without 
saying a 
 word to me."
 
 "I know and I'm sorry. I just thought I was doing the right thing. But 
as 
 usual I just messed it up more." He closed his eyes again and she 
slowly 
 made her way over to his side.
 
 "No you didn't," she said as she reached for his hand. "I was going to 
email 
 you back. I just wasn't sure what to say. And by the time I knew what 
to 
 say, it was too late."
 
 "What were you going to say?" he asked as his forced his eyes open 
again to 
 look at her.
 
 "I don't know. When Sturgis and the Admiral walked into my office and 
told 
 me you were missing, everything went crazy. It was like I was living 
that 
 horrible nightmare again. Only this time it was worse."
 
 "I'm sorry. Sorry you had to go through that again."
 
 "Not your fault sailor. And right now all that matters is you're going 
to be 
 okay." Her other hand reached to push the some hair from his sweaty 
 forehead, pausing and gently stroking his forehead.
 
 "Am I going to be okay?" he asked.
 
 "Of course you are," she said quickly. "Captain Cassidy is pretty sure 
the 
 numbness is just temporary.  But we're going to be taking a little 
trip to 
 Ramstein to make sure."
 
 "We?"
 
 "I'm staying with you Harm. There's no way I'm leaving you alone now."
 
 "What if it's not temporary?"
 
 "One step at a time sailor" she soothed as she stroked his forehead 
again, 
 his eyes closing once again, only to fly open a second later.
 
 "Skates?" he said anxiously. "Is she okay?"
 
 "She's fine" Mac assured him. "She's the one who got help and directed 
them 
 back to you. And survived my outburst."
 
 "You want to tell me about it?" he asked tiredly.
 
 "Not much to tell except for me being totally out of line and 
screaming at 
 her when she told me she'd left you behind. I couldn't ever picture 
myself 
 doing that."
 
 "She did the right thing Mac" he murmured, his eye's starting to close 
 again. "If she hadn't, we'd probably both be dead."
 
 "I know" Mac said with a small shudder. "Rest sailor. I'll be right 
here."
 
 "Glad you're here" he mumbled as his eyes dropped shut.
 
 "So am I" she whispered as she dropped a kiss on his still warm 
forehead. 
 "And nothing is going to take me away this time sailor. We're going to 
get 
 through this. I promise. And when we do, we're going to work on that 
"us" 
 we've talked about so many times."
 
 She was holding his hand and lost in thought when AJ and Sturgis 
walked into 
 the room.
 
 "Mac" Sturgis said gently and she finally looked up at them.
 
 "Sorry sir" she started.
 
 "Mac, it's okay" AJ smiled. "How you holding up?"
 
 "Fine sir. Sir, I want to go with him to Ramstein."
 
 "I figured you might. And I'm sure we'll figure out a way to manage 
with 
 both of you gone."
 
 "Thank you sir" she whispered as she looked down at Harm. "I can't 
leave him 
 now. Not after all that's happened."
 
 "I know. Just promise me you'll take yourself while you're taking care 
of 
 him."
 
 "I will sir" she sighed.
 
 "Mr. Turner, I'm going to go check on our ride home. I'll see you in a 
bit."
 
 "You really okay?" Sturgis asked when AJ was gone.
 
 "Yeah I'll be okay," Mac said softly. "Thank you for everything. 
There's no 
 way I could have gotten through this without you."
 
 "Just do me a favor. Work things out with Harm while you two are 
together. 
 Whatever it takes. Don't waste anymore time Mac."
 
 "I'm going to try Sturgis. I promise."
 
 "Good. And if things don't work out like Captain Cassidy thinks, you 
know 
 I'll be there for both of you."

She took a long breath and looked down at the sleeping figure on the 
bed.  "I can't 
imagine how he'd react if he couldn't have full use of his legs," she 
whispered. 

"He'll need a lot of support," Sturgis nodded.  "But let's not jump to 
worst case 
scenario here. You're here for him now and that's what counts.  He 
knows he's got 
you too.  And me and the Admiral, Bud and Harriet."

"He's a lucky man then."  She allowed herself a small smile and was 
about to 
speak again when AJ returned.  

"Turner get it in gear.  If we leave now we can go back with the supply 
plane."  He 
looked over to Mac and Harm, her hand wrapped around his, her other 
hand 
pressed gently to his forehead.  "As you can see, Mr. Rabb is in good 
hands."

Gently Mac disengaged herself from Harm and a second later was folding 
Sturgis 
into a warm hug.  "I couldn't have coped without you.  Thank you.  More 
than I can 
ever say adequately.  You have broad shoulders Commander and you let me 
lean 
on them and for that I'll always be grateful."

"People it's getting deep in here," AJ groaned.  "Mac take care of our 
boy there.  
And why I felt I needed to tell you that I have no idea.  I know you 
will.  Keep me 
informed, and call me day or night if you need anything or if anything 
comes up I 
should know about."

"Yes sir," Mac nodded, looking up from Sturgis and finally releasing 
him.

"Me too," Sturgis told her firmly.  "You have all my numbers.  They'll 
take good 
care of him at Ramstein.  You know that.  And he'll walk into JAG.  I'd 
bet the farm 
on that."

"Me too," she sniffled slightly.  "Thanks.  Admiral thank you."
===========
Three hours later Harm was just waking up from his drug induced sleep 
when an 
orderly wheeled Skates to Harm's cubicle. 

"Ma'am is it OK to be here?" she asked hesitantly.  "I wanted to see 
how he was 
doing."

"Of course it's OK," Mac assured her and Harm attempted to sit up upon 
hearing 
his RIO's voice.

"Hey behave yourself Cowboy," Mac admonished him, helping him to put 
his 
hands on the overhead bar which he was to use to move around.  "You're 
not 
supposed to be putting any strain on your back."

"My mother," Harm grinned to Skates.  "Come in Lieutenant.  How are 
you?"

"Doing OK now sir, especially now that I know you're OK."

Harm reached his hand out to her and she took it hesitantly.  "Listen I 
know it 
wasn't easy for you to leave me out there.  You did the right thing.  
In obeying my 
order and in going both.  You likely saved both our lives, and I don't 
plan to just let 
it pass by unnoticed."

Skates flushed with embarrassment and looked to Mac in discomfort.  
"Sir I'm 
afraid the Colonel doesn't think so, but thank you."

"Actually the Colonel is pretty proud of you right now," Mac spoke up.  
"Pretty 
damn impressed too.  You walked alone across miles of desert when you 
were 
sick yourself, and you had the wherewithal to remember Harm's location.  
Not only 
that, you got him away from the crash site, practically carrying him as 
I understand 
it."

"Ma'am please, I didn't do all that much," she said softly.  "And it 
wasn't with a 
good heart that I left him.  I almost didn't."

"In any case, I owe you an apology for what I said," Mac persisted.  "I 
had no right 
to question your judgment or your obedience.  And I certainly had no 
right to 
verbally abuse you."

"Apology accepted ma'am," she nodded.  "But no need.  We're all OK now. 
. .well 
sir you are all right?  Your legs?"

"Not quite," Harm said quietly and Mac's hand tightened around his.  

"They think it's from bruising and swelling.  And that's all it is," 
Mac said firmly.  
"He's being medivac'd to Ramstein for further evaluation, but he's 
going to be 
fine."

"Wish I was as sure as you," Harm murmured to the accompaniment of 
Mac's 
glare.

There was quiet for a moment and then Skates looked to Mac with a 
mischievous 
twinkle.  "Ma'am did you get his message yet?"

Mac blushed fully.  "At ease Lieutenant."

"Message?" Harm frowned.  "OK you two what am I being shut out of 
here?"

Mac cocked her head quizzically and Skates started to speak only to be 
shushed 
by a wave of her hand.  "Girl talk Rabb, that's all," Mac told him.  If 
he did not 
recall what he had said to her, she did not want to remind him.   If he 
meant it, he 
would say it again.  Until such time, just to have him alive and with 
her was 
enough.

 
 **************
 
 Aboard the Medivac to Ramstein
  Several Hours Later
 
 "You know you didn’t have to stay with me," Harm said quietly. 
 
 "Yeah you really looked like you want to be alone" Mac scoffed. "And 
unless you 
tell me you don’t want me around, I'm planning on staying. Already 
covered that 
with the Admiral." 
 
 "Are you here because you want to be?" he prodded. 
 
 "Yes. Harm, whatever happened between us before you left we'll deal 
with later. 
Right now making sure you're okay is all that matters. And when we get 
past this 
we'll work on the first part." 
 
 "Do you want to?" 
  
 "I don't want us to be where we were when you left" she sighed. 
 
 "But you're not sure you want anything else?" he said defeatedly. "Is 
that why you 
didn't reply to my email? Cause I was asking for us?" 
 
 "No. I was still hurt and angry at you for not telling me you were 
leaving." 
 
 "You know why I left didn't you?" he said quietly. "I left because I 
was afraid we 
were going to destroy what little thread our friendship was hanging by. 
And I 
couldn't stand to do that." 
 
 "I know. After Virginia Beach, I wasn't sure we had anything left" she 
admitted 
softly. 
 
 "Do we?" 
 
 "Would I be here if we didn’t?" she said with a small smile "As angry 
as I was at 
you for leaving as soon as I knew you were in trouble I had to come."
 
 "So I know how to get your attention now. Just crash a tomcat." 
 
 "I'd rather you sent me a note next time" she sighed. "I can't go 
through that 
again." 
 
 "I tried. You ignored my email remember?" 
 
 "I know. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things that happened. 
You know none 
of this would have happened to you if I hadn't been so unreasonable 
after Virginia 
Beach." 
 
 "Mac, please don't blame yourself for what happened. It's not your 
fault. And I 
was just as much at fault for Virginia Beach." 
 
 "Maybe we can try and forget about all that" she sighed. 
 
 "All of it?" he asked quietly, remembering the one night of love 
making that was 
now firmly etched in his mind. 
 
 "Well maybe not all" she smiled. "Just the part where we went amuck at 
the end." 
 
 "I can do that. Can you?" 
 
 "Harm, I want very much for us to put all that stuff behind us," Mac 
said quietly. "I 
came very close to losing you again. And the thought of that is very 
scary to me. 
God knows if it wasn't for Sturgis I would have gone crazy waiting for 
word on you 
and the Admiral probably would have recommended me for a psych eval." 
 
 "He's a good friend" Harm murmured. 
 
 "Yes he is" Mac agreed. "And he's promised to be there for both of us 
if we need 
him." 
 
 "You mean if this doesn't go like Captain Cassidy thinks" Harm said 
quietly as he 
avoided her gaze.
 
 "None of that sailor" she chided gently. "You're going to be fine."
 
 They landed in Ramstein and she held his hand all the way to the 
Medical 
Center, letting go only when she was forced too. 
 
 "Colonel we'll take good care of him" the nurse assured her with a 
smile. "As 
soon as we know something we'll let you know." 
 
 "I'll be right outside" Mac said as she gave his hand a final squeeze. 
 
 "Promise?" he asked as he held her hand firmly. 
 
 "Promise" she whispered, before dropping a kiss on his forehead. "Now 
let these 
nice people take care of you so I can take you back home where you 
belong." 
 
 Reluctantly he let go of her hand and she watched as he was pushed 
though 
another set of doors before sinking into a nearby chair. Their talk on 
the plane had 
made her feel better, though she wondered if he would ever remember the 
words 
he'd mumbled to her when he'd been picked up. Or what he'd told Skates. 
 
 "Patience Mackenzie" she chided herself. "One step at a time. First we 
get him 
better than we work on the rest." And she knew he wanted the rest. His 
email had 
told her that. And deep down so did she. Despite her insecurities about 
their 
relationship, she wasn't sure she could ever walk away from Harmon 
Rabb. Her 
fears about him and getting hurt were very real, but at the same time, 
the times 
they'd been together had been unlike she'd ever experienced with anyone 
else. 
That she loved him she didn't doubt. And most likely, he felt the same. 
The real 
question was could they ever make it work. 

An hour passed while she paced, and then a second.  Finally when she 
thought 
she could stand it no longer, an older woman with a kindly smile 
approached her.  
"I bet you're Mac."

"Yes ma'am, uh Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie."

"Commander Rabb has mentioned you a couple times in the course of our 
association," she smiled.  "I'm Elizabeth Hawley.  Dr. Hawley, 
orthopedist."

Mac gasped loudly at that.  "Harm. . .his legs?"

"The MRI is not showing any real physical damage," she said carefully.  
"But 
frankly I've never seen a contusion like he has on his back.  He looks 
like he's 
been slammed with a two-by-four."

Mac let out a long sigh of relief at the apparent good news.  "And 
that's why he 
can't walk?"

"The pain from that and the pressure on the spinal cord, yeah," she 
nodded.  "I’m 
not sure he's ever going to be totally pain free, but I think he'll be 
walking again."

"He's a pilot Doctor," Mac whispered.  "He needs full use of his legs 
for that."

"I didn't know," she said quietly and shrugged helplessly.  "Time will 
have to give 
the answer to that one."

"Just what am I supposed to say when he asks about that?" Mac demanded.  
"I 
don't know?  That's not going to satisfy him."

"No it's not," Dr. Hawley admitted.  "He's not a patient man."

That made Mac smile.  "Try knowing him for as long as I have.  You've 
only been 
around him a couple hours.  Look I need to see him.  What's going to 
happen to 
him now?"

"I want him to have twenty-four hours here in total rest, and then he 
needs to be 
transferred to Bethesda and have another evaluation.  My recommendation 
would 
be a week of bed rest, keeping all strain off his back, and then some 
intensive 
therapy.  He'll need someone to stay with him.  I'm guessing that would 
be you."

"You got that right," Mac answered firmly.  "I'm not going to be able 
to let him out 
of my sight again any time soon after all the hours of wondering if he 
was alive.  
He did the same thing to me before last May."

"Maybe you don't want him to fly again," the doctor smiled.  "I don't 
know if I could 
handle it for someone I care about."

"I can't," Mac sighed. "He just doesn't seem to give me a choice.  
Where is he 
please?"

"I'll walk you, but he's not in real good shape for conversation right 
now.  He was 
in a good deal of pain after what we put him through and he's been 
medicated, 
added to the mild sedative we gave him for the testing.  Still  he's 
asking for you."  
Elizabeth motioned for Mac to walk with her down the corridor.  "You 
know if you 
do take on his care, it won't be easy.  He's not going to take well 
having to be 
inactive.  No man does, plus you know they're babies when they're 
sick."

"I can handle anything he can dish out.  Marine Corps," Mac smiled as 
Elizabeth 
pushed open the door to Harm's room.

He was propped up in bed, his eyes half closed, and a decided scowl on 
his face.

"Are we unhappy?" she smiled teasingly as she walked across the floor 
to him.

His scowl deepened.  "We are unhappy yes.  We hate this."

"Well one of us is just happy you're alive," she answered sharply.  
"You scared me 
to death Harmon Rabb.  I was afraid I wasn't ever going to see you 
again.  So 
maybe you should put that same energy into being a little grateful that 
you're 
alive."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, accepting her chastisement.  "I'm not 
handling this 
whole thing very well.  Just when I think we're on the road to having 
'us' something 
happens.  You and I are without a doubt the two most screwed up 
people--for 
people who care as much for each other as we do--on the face of the 
planet."  He 
gestured helplessly to his legs.  "Now you tell me, where does all this 
leave us?"

"I can tell you, but I don't think you're in much of a mood to listen," 
she said 
quietly.  "And to be honest your legs haven't seemed all that important 
to me.  
Excuse me if I was too busy thanking the Almighty that you were alive."  
Two tears 
and a small sob accompanied her last words and she turned away from 
him.

"Excuse me.  I'll be back in a minute."  With that she fled the room, 
thankful she 
had seen a side door to the outside.  At that moment she simply wanted 
to give in 
to her tears of frustration and exhaustion.

"Mac no, Mac come back," he yelled after her, immediately ashamed of 
causing 
her further distress.  His conscience at once sent up a barrage of 
scolding, 
reminding him that as much pain and stress he had endured, it was no 
easier for 
her.  Obviously all the hours of uncertainty about his fate had 
affected her deeply--
something he should have instinctively known considering how much he 
loved 
her.  "Dammit Rabb," he yelped, feeling tears in his own eyes.  "You 
love this 
woman and you keep hurting her?  What the hell's the matter with you 
anyway."

Mac took a walk around the grounds, finally returning to the door to 
Harm's 
corridor. Stifling a last sob, she took several long breaths of the 
clean cool air.  
"OK Rabb, ready to try it again," she spoke aloud, walking back in to 
the building 
but stopping at the ladies room to put cold water on her face.

Harm's eyes never left the door to his room as he watched anxiously for 
her 
return.  When she still had not appeared after several minutes his 
agitation grew 
and he threw back his covers, determined to locate her, his medication 
fogged 
memory heedless of his legs.  He had managed to get them over the side 
of the 
bed, about to attempt to stand when she appeared in the door way.

"Rabb have you lost your mind?" she yelled as loud as she could.

  He nearly fell forward at the sound of her voice and it was only her 
quick 
 action that saved him from falling on his face.
 
 "Again, have you lost your mind?" she repeated as she pushed him back 
into 
 bed, lifting his legs back up on the bed and pulling the covers over 
him.
 
 "I was worried about you" he sighed. "You didn't come back and I was 
going 
 to go find you."
 
 "How did you plan on managing that?"
 
 "I don't know. All I knew was I had to find you. Look I'm sorry. I'm 
not 
 handling this very well and I'm taking it out on you. Maybe it would 
have 
 been better for you to go back with the Admiral and Sturgis instead of 
 putting up with me."
 
 "I'll remind you again that I can put up with you because I'm still 
relieved 
 that you are still with me. Even if you are being a jerk. I'd rather 
have 
 you be a jerk to me than be standing at your grave. So no matter what 
you 
 dish out, I can take it. And unless you honestly tell me you don't 
want me 
 around, I'm staying. Is that what you want?"
 
 "No" he said in a small voice. "I don't want you to leave."
 
 "I didn't think so. So shall we try this again from the point of where 
I 
 came it the first time?"
 
 "Yeah maybe I won't screw it up this time" he sighed.
 
 "Hi Harm" she said softly.
 
 "Hi Mac."
 
 "Better" she smiled.
 
 "I'm trying," he said with a long sigh. "So how long are we stuck 
here?"
 
 "We are stuck here for another twenty-four hours" she informed him. 
"And 
 then we're going to Bethesda to get you reevaluated. And then you're 
looking 
 at a week in bed probably."
 
 "A week in bed" he screeched. "I don't believe this. And then what?"
 
 "And then some therapy. Harm you're not going to just jump back into 
things. 
 Your back was badly contused. You'll be able to walk but it's going to 
be a 
 while before you're back to normal."
 
 "Will I ever fly again?" he asked quietly.
 
 "I don't know," she admitted. "It's too soon to know that."
 
 He said nothing and she sat down on the side of the bed next to him.
 
 "Harm, it's going to be okay," she said softly. "It may not seem like 
it 
 right now but it will be." She reached for him and for a moment he 
didn't 
 move as she gently wrapped her arms around him, staying rigid in her 
arms. 
 "Harm" she said softly.
 
 Finally he relaxed in her arms, his head dropping against shoulder.
 
 "Mac, I'm scared," he admitted in a small voice that tore at her 
heart. 
 "Scared the doctors are wrong and this isn't going to work out like 
they 
 think. And even more scared that I'm going to completely push you away 
if 
 that happens."
 
 "Neither of those is going to happen," she said softly. "You're going 
to be 
 okay and nothing you do can push me away. We've come this far sailor, 
 there's no way I'd leave you now."
 
 "I don't deserve you" he whispered.
 
 "Yeah well we'll discuss how you'll repay me for this later" she 
teased 
 gently. "Right now all that matters is getting you better. And you've 
had a 
 rough day and it's time for you to get some rest."
 
 He nodded and she gently helped him back against the pillows.
 
 "Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me" he sighed. "At least 
until 
 I fall asleep again."
 
 "I think that can be arranged."
 
 "Thank you for everything" he sighed tiredly. "I know I never tell you 
that. 
 I always forget to tell you how important you are in my life."
 
 "Just rest sailor" she soothed as she gently stroked his forehead. 
"It's 
 going to be okay."
 
 **************
 Twenty-four hours later they were aboard a plane bound for Washington 
and 
 Bethesda.
 
 "Why can't I just go home?" he complained. "I don’t want to be poked 
and 
 prodded anymore."
 
 "Well you're going to let them poke and prod a little more" Mac said 
firmly. 
 "When they say you can go home, I'll be happy to take you there."
 
 "And stay with me for the next few weeks" he said irritably.
 
 "Yes. Is there a problem with that Commander?"
 
 "You have a job to do. I'm sure the Admiral can't spare both of us."
 
 "I'll be working from home" Mac informed him. "Sturgis is going to 
drop the 
 work off so I don't have to leave you."
 
 "You guys have this all worked out I see" he growled. "Did anyone 
bother to 
 ask me what I wanted?"

"You do have an option here," she told him levelly.  "You can do your 
time at 
Bethesda and check into their rehab ward.  Now that doesn't sound like 
a real 
attractive alternative, especially when you have someone at home who 
wants to 
care for you.  It's just for maybe a week that you're on your back 
anyway, and then 
after that when you start therapy you'll be more mobile, and you can 
probably be 
up and around in a wheelchair."

His eyes opened and his mouth dropped at that word.  "Leave me alone 
please. 
Just leave me alone before I say something I may not be able to take 
back."  He 
turned his head away from her so as not to let her see the two tears in 
his eyes.

"Fine," she retorted.  "But I'm not going to apologize for being glad 
you're alive.  I'll 
take you anyway God sees fit as long as you're alive and with me you 
stupid 
stubborn ass."  She turned on her heel and fled to the rear of the 
plane, keeping 
her own tears on hold until she locked herself in the lavatory where 
the engine 
noise would drown them.  It was only then that she gave in and sobbed 
quietly 
with her frustration and exhaustion.

When she emerged thirty minutes later, she walked quietly back to his 
stretcher, 
finding him asleep for which she was extremely grateful.  Squeezing 
herself in the 
to seat opposite him, she gently slipped her hand into his.  "I'm just 
glad you're 
alive," she reminded him in a hoarse whisper before closing her own 
eyes and 
willing sleep to come.

She fell into a deep sleep, and yet was tormented at the same time by 
dreams of 
F14s exploding in mid air, and of ejection seats bursting into flames 
as they 
rocketed from the cockpit and of dying. . .

"Mac--Sarah."  Harm's urgent voice.  "Sarah honey wake up."

Sarah honey?  More dream.  Had to be.

"Mac now wake up."  This time the voice was commanding.  Harm was 
calling her.  
Calling for her. Needing her.

"I'm here Harm," she gasped, forcing her eyes open.  "I'm here.  What's 
wrong." 

"With me nothing, but Mac you're in tears and you were like moaning 
softly," he 
told her, reaching up to stroke her wet cheek.  "You want to talk about 
it?"

"No.  No way."  She blinked her eyes several times.  "No I'm fine.  Are 
you OK?"

"No."

"Harm what's wrong?" Her concern was immediate and she bent over him.

"I'm not OK because I was a total jerk before," he said softly, keeping 
his palm 
cupped to her cheek.  "I hurt the person I care most about in this 
world."

"Yeah you did," she nodded.  "But that just means I'm going to have to 
grow a 
thicker skin I think."

"Or walk away while you've got some sanity left," he offered morosely.

"No.  You can order me away from you, but there's no way I'll walk 
away," she told 
him staunchly.  "Marines don't leave men behind and they don't walk 
away from 
assignments."

"Is that what I am to you?" he asked.  "Some project you've been tasked 
with?"

"You know better than that," she scoffed.  "Don't you?"

He turned his head from her, knowing he had been called on his comment, 
only to 
have her gently bring him back to face her.

"Do you know better?"

"Yes ma'am" he nodded sheepishly.

"Good," she smiled and impulsively kissed his cheek.  "Now as long as 
we're 
talking why don't you tell me what prompted the problem from before 
when you 
were a jerk."

"Wheelchair," he mumbled, "I'm sorry.  It just hit me hard.  I can't 
live like that 
Mac."

"And you won't have to.  All you have to do is what they tell you and 
let your back 
heal.  And I know it's not your best thing, but patience is going to be 
required.  As 
for the. . .you know. . .I mentioned that as an alternative to being in 
bed after your 
initial bed rest is over.  That's all.  It wasn't meant to be demeaning 
in any way."

"I know," he sighed.  "And another thing.  I don't want to go to the 
rehab facility.  I 
want to be home in my own bed, with you taking care of me.  Is that 
OK?"

"It's perfect," she smiled, holding her arms out to him.  "Come here 
you."  She 
slipped her arms around him, pulling him into a soft hug, lifting him 
just enough 
that she could rub his back.  As before at first he was stiff in her 
grasp, but she 
would not relax her hold and a few seconds later he relented, melding 
his body to 
hers.  "Atta boy Sailor," she whispered.  "You're safe in my arms now.  
It's OK to 
let go."
============

  Bethesda Naval Hospital
  24 Hours Later
  
  "Mac" Sturgis called softly as he walked into Harm's room.
  
  "Sturgis hi" she said as she pushed herself from the chair to give 
him a 
  hug. "Good to see you."
  
  "Good to see you too. How you holding up? This guy giving you a rough 
time?"
  
  "I can handle it" Mac assured him with a tired smile.
  
  "You know you're going to need some help when you take him home 
tomorrow. 
  You can't do all this alone."
  
  "Sturgis he doesn't want to go to a rehab place" Mac sighed. "And I 
won't 
  make him."
  
  "I wasn't saying that" Sturgis smiled. "I'm saying you'll need help 
taking 
  care of him. You can't do it round the clock without taking some 
breaks. 
  Which is why I'm here."
  
  "You know what you're signing up for here sailor?" Mac smiled. "Mr. 
Rabb 
  isn't exactly a model patient. He has his good moments but there's a 
lot 
  more of the bad ones."
  
  "I figured that.  Harm's not exactly the type to deal with something 
like 
  this. But I can handle our friend. And I'm just as worried about you 
as I am 
  about him. This hasn't been easy for you either."
  
  "No it hasn't" she sighed. "But he's hurting and I just keep telling 
myself 
  that's why he says the things he says. It's not like he's 
intentionally 
  trying to hurt me."
  
  "Have you and he talked about you and him?" Sturgis asked.
  
  "Not really. Not about what happened before he left. He uh, doesn't 
seem to 
  remember what he said when we found him either."
  
  "Give him time" Sturgis said gently. "He went through a traumatic 
  experience. And I know he didn't just say it without meaning it. 
He'll 
  remember."
  
  "And if doesn't that's okay" Mac sighed. "Right now I'm just happy 
he's 
  still with me."
  
  Harm stirred, moaning Mac's name softly. She hurried back to his 
side, 
  gently stroking his forehead.
  
  "Harm, I'm right here," she said softly. "You've got a visitor too."
  
  "Hey buddy, how you doing?" Sturgis asked as he moved closer to the 
bed.
  
  "Sturgis, what are you doing here?" Harm mumbled as he pushed himself 
awake.
  
  "Came to see what you'd managed to do to yourself this time" Sturgis 
  grinned. "And check on Mac and make sure you haven't been too hard on 
her."
  
  "She deserves a medal for putting up with me" Harm sighed.
  
  "Yeah she and everyone else who's been around you" Sturgis teased. 
"You 
  really know how to get yourself in trouble don't you?"
  
  "Well I guess we won't have to worry about that anymore," Harm said 
quietly. 
  "I figure I'll never fly again so that won't be a problem will it."
  
  Mac opened her mouth to say something and closed it at Sturgis's 
look.
  
  "Mac, why don’t you run down and get some coffee?" Sturgis suggested. 
"You 
  look like you could use a little walk."
  
  Mac nodded and bent down and dropped a quick kiss on Harm's forehead. 
"I'll 
  be back soon," she said softly.
  
  "Take your time I'm not going anywhere" Harm sighed and Mac shook her 
head 
  as she looked at Sturgis on her way out.
  
  "I see we're in a good mood," Sturgis said as he sat down in the 
chair 
  beside Harm's bed.
  
  "Oh no, not you too. If you're going to lecture, save it."
  
  "No Harm, I'm not going to lecture. But I am going to tell you that 
that 
  woman has been through enough in the past few days without you making 
it 
  worse. You have no idea how upset she was when she found out what   
happened."
  
  "Sturgis I know" Harm groaned.
  
  "No you don't. You weren't there. You didn't see her almost fall 
apart 
  several times. You didn't hold her hand the whole way on the chopper 
out to 
  the Henry because she was so afraid you were dead after she'd heard 
they'd 
  found the wreckage. You Commander, have no idea what that woman went 
through worrying about you. And then she finally finds you and you're 
alive and 
this is how you act to her."
  
  "Sturgis" Harm started again.
  
  "Dammit Harm that woman loves you with all her heart. If you hadn't 
  survived, we'd be burying her right along with you. So quit feeling 
sorry 
  for yourself and deal with it before you lose her forever. She 
deserves more 
  than a medal for putting up with you. Sainthood would be more like 
it."
  "Are you through?" Harm glared at his friend.
  
  "Yes I'm through. And maybe I'll go find Mac and have that coffee 
with her. 
  You my friend do not need any visitors until you lose that attitude."
  
  He strode from Harm's room and Harm sank back against the pillow with 
a long 
  sigh. He was doing it again. He was hurting Mac. That was all he ever 
seemed 
  to be capable of doing.
  
  "Mac" Sturgis called as he caught up with her in the cafeteria.
  
  "Five minutes Commander. That's all you could take of him. And here I 
  thought you had that counseling background."
  
  "Okay so maybe I'm not as patient as my father. That's why he's the 
Chaplain 
  and I was a submariner."
 
 She smiled at that and patted his hand.  "You've been a good friend 
through all 
this.  I want you to know that.  And Harm appreciates it too--he's just 
too grumpy 
to know that right now."
 
 "We'll get him through this and when we do, you and him need to 
recognize 
what's happening between you.  Don't waste this Mac.  What he told you 
on the 
desert he meant with all his heart.  He may not recall it right now, 
but it's still there.  
Right now he's consumed with his injury--and very much afraid if he 
doesn't come 
back all the way, he's going to be a burden on those who care for him."
 
 "I guess in his shoes I'd feel the same way; although I don't need two 
good legs 
to use to climb into an F14 and work the. . .pedals or whatever.  He 
had that 
ripped away from him once you know."
 
 Sturgis nodded slowly.  "I know, and I know that's on his mind now.  
He doesn't 
want to fly full time but he wants that option."  He reached over to 
pat her hand 
once again.  "What I do know is that if you're determined to stay with 
him, you're 
going to need the patience of Job, and you're going to have to accept 
some help.  
Promise me on that last one."
 
 "Yeah I can do that," she sighed.  "But really, when it gets hard, I 
just remember 
how it felt--for the second time in eight months, to contemplate a 
Rabb-less life.  
Then it's not hard to summon up another gasp of patience."
 
 He nodded approvingly.  "You ready to go back?"
 
 "Yeah let me get him a cup of hot chocolate and a cookie.  I swear 
you'd think 
they were starving him around here."
 =================
 Following Morning
 
 "Colonel Mackenzie hold up please."  Dr. Simpson stopped her in the 
hallway.
 
 Mac froze mid-step, feeling fear tighten her scalp. "Sir?  Is Harm. . 
.Commander 
Rabb. . .he's OK?" 
 
 "We don't need him here any more," he smiled.  "And I've drawn up a 
rehab 
schedule for him, but I don't want him starting it until he's had five 
more days bed 
rest, no strain on his back at all while that contusion heals.  And 
then we can 
admit him to the rehab ward or you can take him home and bring him in 
for his 
treatments daily."
 
 She nodded thinking that over.  "Dr. Simpson, can he walk--I mean 
right now can 
he walk?"
 
 "Most probably," the doctor smiled.  "But he would be limping and in 
pain, and 
worse, he'd be setting himself up for a lifetime of back and leg pain.  
If he has any 
hope of getting full function back---and of passing a flight physical, 
he'll adhere to 
the regimen we're setting up.  Maybe you can encourage that, because 
I'm not 
getting a lot of cooperation when I speak to him."
 
 "Maybe a swift kick in the six," she sighed.  "Thank you doctor."
 
 "Good morning," she called cheerfully when she walked into his room, 
ignoring 
the semi-scowl she received in return.
 
 "Good morning sunshine," he groused.  "You are here to take me out of 
here?"
 
 "That's right.  Five days at Chez Rabb," she smiled, "and then you're 
ready to 
start getting those legs into shape."
 
 "Five days in bed," he mumbled morosely.
 
 "Yeah so?" she challenged.  "Five days is not going to kill you.  
Unless you can't 
take my company for that time.  I can always hire you a Helga you 
know."
 
 "NO."  The word screamed from his lips with such vehemence she was 
startled.
 
 "Sorry," he added in a more quiet tone.  "I don't want anyone else."  
And in an 
almost audible voice added, "will you come take care of me?"
 
 She smiled softly, knowing how hard it was for him to ask that of her.  
"Yeah I will.  
I'd love to."
 
 He gave a long sigh of relief.  "Then I'd better apologize now."
 
 "Huh?"
 
 "For how rotten I'm probably going to be."
 
 "I can handle you Rabb," she smiled and picked up his hand, putting a 
small kiss 
into the palm.
 
 "And when I'm an ass, please make me stop," he begged.  "Don't let me 
get away 
with it--but it's something I can't seem to help myself.  Like I'm a 
different person.  
And I'm hurting the person I care most about in this world and then I 
hate myself.  
And then I hate myself even more because I feel like I'm tearing us 
apart."
 
 "Why don't we just get through this before we worry about us," she 
suggested, 
"but just in case you've forgotten there is such a thing. . ."  She 
leaned down to 
touch her lips to his, intending to kiss him gently, when he at once 
cupped his 
hand at the back of her head and held her in place for a more 
passionate effort.
 
 "I can see you haven't forgotten how to do that," she sighed happily 
when they 
parted for air.
  
 "Never" he whispered before grabbing her hand. "Mac, I'm serious. 
Please 
 don't let me ruin this."
 
 "You can't ruin this" she assured him. "Harm, we'll get through this. 
And 
 when we do we'll take care of us."
 
 ******************
 Harm's Place
 2 Days Later
 
 It was with a long groan that Mac rolled herself from the sofa and 
headed to 
 the kitchen to make some coffee. Forty-eight hours with Harm was 
pushing 
 even this Marine to the limit and she hoped some caffeine would help 
the 
 headache that had come on with a vengeance. After downing her first 
cup and 
 several aspirin, she headed into Harm's room.
 
 "Good Morning" she said pleasantly. "What would we like for breakfast 
this 
 morning?"
 
 "Nothing" Harm pouted. He'd been this way since she'd gotten him home, 
being 
 stuck in bed and being waited on not setting well with him.
 
 "I'll take that as a toast and juice would be fine" Mac retorted.
 
 "I said nothing" he repeated as she headed for the door.
 
 "Well I'm sorry but you're eating. You barely touched dinner last 
night and 
 I know my cooking isn't the greatest but you still need to eat to keep 
your 
 strength up."
 
 "I wasn't hungry last night and I'm not hungry now" he countered. "So 
just 
 save yourself the trouble."
 
 "It's no trouble Harm."
 
 "Yeah that's why you look like hell."
 
 "Gee thanks for the compliment Commander. You really know how to sweet 
talk 
 a girl."
 
 "Look before we get started again, lets not" he sighed. "Just leave me 
to my 
 misery please. I'm sorry I even considered this as an option."
 
 "You'd rather be somewhere alone than with me?" she said quietly, his 
words 
 hurting her more than he realized.
 
 "I'd rather not have you waiting on me hand and foot and running 
yourself 
 ragged."
 
 "You're right we shouldn't start this again" Mac sighed, rubbing her 
temples 
 as the headache intensified. "I'll bring you some toast and juice and 
you 
 can do whatever you want with it."
 
 She gave him the space he obviously needed, spending the morning in 
the 
 living room going over some work Sturgis had dropped off the day 
before.
 But staring at the paperwork did nothing for her headache and after 
making 
 sure Harm was asleep again, she took two more aspirin and headed back 
to the 
 sofa, hoping sleep would take away the headache that was fast reaching 
 migraine status.
 
 It was Harm's yelling that woke her a short time later and with a sigh 
she 
 realized she'd slept longer than she'd intended.
 
 "Mac, if you don't answer me I'm getting out of this bed and coming 
out 
 there" Harm yelled from the bedroom.
 
 "Don't you dare" she yelled back. "I'll be there in a second."
 
 "I'm counting," he yelled back.
 
 "All right" she groaned as she pushed herself off the couch. The 
migraine 
 had at least subsided to a dull ache and she forced a smile as she 
walked 
 into his room.  "Is there a problem sailor?"
 
 "No problem except thinking something awful had happened to you" Harm 
 retorted. "Why the hell didn't you answer me?"
 
 "I was sleeping. You were taking a nap and I thought I'd grab a few 
winks 
 myself."
 
 "Mac, you never sleep during the day. What's wrong?"
 
 "Nothing. I was just a little tired that's all."
 
 "Liar. This is too much for you isn't it?"
 
 "Harm, I can handle it" she sighed, rubbing her head again. "Course it 
would 
 be a little easier if my patient wasn't always screaming at me."
 
 "You're getting those headaches again aren't you?" he demanded. 
"Because of 
 the stress of dealing with me."
 
 "Well you'll never win patient of the year that's for sure" she 
teased, only 
 to receive a long glare from Harm. "But I can handle it" she added.
 
 "No, you are taking a break. I want you to call Sturgis and I want you 
to go 
 home and get some rest. Before I put you in the hospital."
 
 "It's just a headache Harm" she sighed. "I tend to get them when I'm 
 stressed."
 
 "And I'm sure I've done a good job of stressing you out. Mac, I'm 
serious. I 
 want you to call Sturgis. If you won't, I will. I won't let you do 
this to 
 yourself."
  
She leveled her gaze at him and shook her head.  "I signed on for the 
duration 
here Sailor and I'm not giving up.  Look three more days and you can 
start rehab. 
You'll be gone every afternoon and. . ."

"And you get a few hours of your life back," he interrupted.  "Big 
deal.  Then I 
come out of rehab and what--use a cane if I'm really super lucky."

Little tendrils of headache began to wrap around her temples once 
again.  "OK, 
I'm not doing that with you.  Did you need anything?"

"What?  No I didn't need anything.  Except to know that you weren't 
passed out on 
the living room floor.  Mac I'm sorry, but I just had this wave of 
panic wash over 
me.  You know I'm scared for you and scared for me and scared for us 
and hell 
I'm just plain scared."

"I know you are Flyboy," she sighed, sympathy overwhelming her for a 
moment.  
"And I can say it's going to be OK until I'm blue but that isn't going 
to change 
anything.  A month from now this will all be just a nightmare.  I'm 
going to get you 
some juice and after that I'm going to come in with a few of the case 
files.  If 
you're well enough to be this ornery, you can help me a little."

"I'd like that," he smiled suddenly.  "Anything to feel human again."

"You are very human," she smiled as well, leaning down to touch her 
lips to his.  
The kiss that followed left them both panting.  "Nothing non-human 
about you 
Rabb.  I'll get your juice."

They settled for the afternoon with the case files and worked mainly in 
silence until 
Sturgis arrived for a work session a couple hours later.

"My god you look like hell," Sturgis gasped loudly.

"So I've been told,"  sighed.  "Come in. We're working in the bedroom.  
His 
Grumpiness is helping out, thankfully.  It's starting to get ahead of 
me."

Sturgis nodded and started to follow her, only to grab her arm after 
she had taken 
a couple steps, turning her back to face him.  "Look, this is way more 
than even 
you can handle."

"Is not," she retorted.  "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," he answered angrily.  "I told you to ask for help."

"It's not just physical, it's the stress of it all, and nothing can 
help with that," she 
smiled wanly.  "Come on, Harm and I are arguing over the Jensen article 
32 and 
we're about to come to blows."

"You're not going to back off this are you?" He asked, ignoring her 
work comment 
for the moment.

"No I'm not," she said firmly.  "And if our situations were reversed, 
he'd be taking 
care of me."  She pulled out of his grasp and walked resolutely back to 
Harm.

"Hey it's my friend Sturgis, and you've met my partner, Death Warmed 
Over," 
Harm called.

That received the glare from her he expected. "You don't do cute well 
Mr. Rabb. 
Men, could we work here please."

They did just that for the next hour, at which point Mac gave a sharp 
gasp and her 
fingers went to her temples, pressing inward as hard as she could as 
she doubled 
over, the contents of her lap falling to the floor.

"Mac?  Sarah?  God Sarah what's wrong?" Harm at once attempted to move 
from 
bed, finding Sturgis clamping him down with one hand to his shoulder 
while his 
other hand went to Mac.

"Sorry, I'm OK," she murmured.  "Just one of those headache things.  
I'll get 
something for it,"

"No you'll tell me where and what," Sturgis ordered.  

Harm's arms reached anxiously for her, his concern up full.  Sturgis 
helped her 
from the chair and onto the bed, letting Harm take her in his embrace.  
"OK honey 
OK, I've got you," he soothed, rubbing her temples as he held her.  

"I'm really OK," she whispered, willing herself to relax in the grasp 
of the man she 
loved.  

He rubbed her back and her head while Sturgis got the aspirin and a 
tall glass of 
juice.

"I hate this.  I hate this with a passion," Harm said through gritted 
teeth.  "And I've 
still got three more days before I even start rehab."

"We'll get through it.  Stockdale survived seven years in the Hanoi 
Hilton.  You 
and I can make three more days," she sighed.

Harm looked over the top of her head, meeting Sturgis's concerned look.  
"I 
know," he mouthed.  "Dammit I know."

"I'm better," she announced after ten minutes had passed, "but Sturgis 
since 
you're here I think I'm going to take advantage and take a long tub 
soak.  And 
when I come out I expect to see some progress on these cases.  OK?"

"Good idea," Harm murmured, feeling her start to move from him and then 
pulling 
her back to him for a long kiss.  "At least I can still do that right."

"Your best thing," she smiled, giving Sturgis's shoulder a squeeze as 
she passed 
him.

"You and her a good together," Sturgis said softly when the bathroom 
door closed 
and the water began to run.

"Yeah we are.  And we're going to tear ourselves apart before this is 
through if I 
don't do something," he groaned.  "And I've got a pretty good idea 
what, but I'm 
going to need a lot of help and a lot of secrecy from you.  You game?"
 
 "What are you planning Rabb?" Sturgis said with a long look.
 
 "Sturgis, she can do this. It's killing her and it's tearing us apart. 
And I 
 dont want to do that. The little thread we're hanging by is the only 
thing 
 that keeps me going. If I lose her, nothing else matters to me. And if 
we 
 continue this way, I will lose her."
 
 "All right, what do you have in mind?"
 
 "Instead of going to Bethesda, I can go to some rehab place. Away from 
DC. 
 Somewhere that I can bitch and complain to someone I don’t love. 
Someone 
 who's used to dealing with this kind of stuff."
 
 "She won't go for it" Sturgis said as he shook his head. "She's bound 
and 
 determined to take care of you herself."
 
 "I know. Which is why we have to arrange this without her finding out 
about 
 it."
 
 "Harm, you sure this is a good idea?"
 
 "You saw her Sturgis" Harm sighed. "I can't do this to her. I can't."
 
 "Okay, I'll help you. Just tell me what you want me to do."
 
 "I need to talk to the doctor over at Bethesda and see what he 
recommends" 
 Harm replied. "And then you'll have to get her to leave me for a day 
so you 
 can take me wherever I'm going to go."
 
 "Oh that's going to be really easy to do" Sturgis scoffed. "Colonel 
Stubborn 
 Jarhead is not going to willingly leave your side."
 
 "I'll convince her. Somehow I will. While she's in the tub, let me 
make some 
 phone calls."
 
 He called Bethesda, receiving the names of several facilities outside 
of DC 
 that Doctor Simpson recommended. Sturgis promised to call the places 
the 
 next day and find one that could take him right away.
 
 "Thanks Buddy" Harm sighed. "I know I'm doing the right thing."
 
 "I hope so" Sturgis replied.
 
 "Everything okay?" Mac asked as she walked into room. "You two look 
like 
 you've been up to something."
 
 "Just the Jensen case" Sturgis smiled. "I think I've got Mr. Stubborn 
here 
 to see things your way."
 
 "You look a little better," Harm said softly. "Feel any better?"
 
 "Yeah the long soak helped the headache" she smiled. "Mr. Turner, will 
you 
 be staying for dinner?"
 
 "Only if you let me handle the cooking" Sturgis countered.
 
 "Do I trust you?" she teased.
 
 "Uh, no offense Marine, but I think Sturgis is one up on you in the 
cooking 
 department" Harm smiled. "I've eaten at his place before. Besides, if 
the 
 man's offering to cook, let him."
 
 "You're right. I should not look a gift horse in the mouth. You want 
any 
 help though?"
 
 "No you sit here and relax with Harm" Sturgis smiled. "I'll handle the 
 kitchen."
 
 "I can think of worse things than staying here with you" Mac sighed as 
she 
 sat down beside Harm.
 
 "Why don't you get comfortable?" Harm suggested. "I'm not that fragile 
that 
 you can't lay next to me."
 
 "Don't have to tell me twice," she said as she got comfortable next to 
him, 
 her head resting on his chest. He gently stoked her hair and she let 
out a 
 long yawn.
 
 "You trying to put me to sleep Flyboy?" she murmured tiredly. "Cause 
if you 
 are it's working."
 
 "Nothing wrong with taking a little nap" he whispered as stopped and 
kissed 
 her hair. "Especially when you need it."
 
 "Okay so I'm a little tired," she admitted, her eyes slowly closing.
 
 "A little" Harm smiled. "I'd say more than a little. Even Marines need 
to 
 rest once in a while. You've been in overdrive for too long. And it's 
 catching up with you."
 
 "I'll be okay" she murmured before her eyes dropped shut completely.
 
 "Yes you will" Harm whispered as he kissed her again. "I'm going to 
make 
 sure of it."
 
 "Everything okay in here?" Sturgis asked as he walked in a short time 
later.
 
 "Shh" Harm whispered as he pointed to Mac, still asleep on him.
 
 "Sorry. It was pretty quiet back here so I thought I'd make sure 
everything 
 was okay."
 
 "She's exhausted Sturgis" Harm said softly as looked at Mac. "You see 
why I 
 have to do this."
 
 "I know. And I'll help you get it arranged. We'll have to enlist the 
 Robert's help. We'll get Harriet to take her out shopping for a day or 
 something."
 
 "Sounds good" Harm nodded. "This will work out better. Better for her 
and 
 for us."
 
 "What about you?" Sturgis asked. "I thought going to a rehab place was 
the 
 last thing you wanted?"
 
 "That was before I saw how much I could hurt her" Harm sighed. "And 
I've 
 done enough of that already. I love her Sturgis and I hate what I'm 
doing to 
 her. This is for the best."

"She's not going to think so."

"This is one time she doesn't get a say," he said firmly.  "I'm calling 
the shots here.  
You'll fix it then right, and call me tomorrow."

"Yeah," he nodded quietly.  "It's against my better judgment but 
neither of you can 
go on like this."

"No we can't.  I'm too afraid of the consequences."

Mac stirred in her sleep and Harm leaned down to kiss her soothingly.  
"Thanks 
Sturgis."
=====================
11AM
Following Day

"Harm you've been jumpy all morning," Mac frowned, looking up from her 
laptop to 
see him fidgeting.  "Are you having some kind of difficulty I should 
know about 
Sailor?"

"Hey no--just tired of being still," he sighed, once again looking at 
the clock.

"Well you've only got today to do it.  Tomorrow you get removed out of 
here for 
your first afternoon.  Time to see if these legs work."  She gave his 
knee an 
affectionate pat as she spoke.

"About time I'm out of your hair," he muttered.

"Hey we're only talking each afternoon here," she reminded him.  "It's 
going to 
work out fine.  You'll go to Bethesda, I'll go to JAG and we'll meet 
back here for 
dinner.  Won't be so bad.  Besides I bet when they actually get your 
legs moving 
they find out they're a lot stronger than you think."

Before he could answer the door buzzer sounded and he gave an 
instinctive sigh 
of relief.  It was time.

"I didn't know we were expecting anyone," she mused, getting up to 
answer it, and 
even more surprised when little AJ hurtled himself into her arms, 
followed by Bud 
and Harriet and Sturgis.

"What the hell is going on?" Mac gasped before she could stop herself.

"Harm's sitters are here and you and me are going out for lunch and 
shopping," 
Harriet told her sternly.

"Oh Harriet no I don't think so," Mac answered at once.  "I mean look 
at me.  And 
there's Harm . . ." 

"Harm will be just fine," the patient spoke up.  "Please Mac.  Go.  You 
need a 
break."

"That's really tempting," she said softly.  "You'll be OK?"

"I told you I would."

"OK, give me ten to shower and dress," she told Harriet.

When she emerged, dressed in jeans and a red sweater, she was more 
convinced 
that getting away was a good idea.  "I am ready," she announced, 
walking over to 
Harm.  "Behave yourself Flyboy.  See you about 1600?  I'll bring 
dinner."

"I'll be fine," he repeated and caught her hand before she could get 
away.  "But 
you're not leaving without this."  He gently pulled her head down to 
his and the 
kiss he placed on her lips was both lingering and loving despite the 
audience.

"Now I'm not sure I can leave," she teased.  "There better be another 
one of those 
when I get back."

"When I see you again there will be," he said, and his cryptic words 
brought a 
slight frown to her.  

"OK Flyboy, just behave.  I'll see you soon."  She gave his hair an 
affectionate 
tussle and looked sharply at Sturgis and Bud.  “You guys take care of 
him please.  
He’s pretty important to me.”

“Never would have guessed that.” Sturgis smiled.  “He’s in good hands.  
And 
before you ask, yes I have your cell number.  Just go and enjoy.”  

“OK,” she nodded, still reluctant, but with AJ holding her hand, 
followed Harriet 
out.

Only when the door was closed did he let out a long breath which was 
part sob.

"You going to be able to do this?" Sturgis asked at once.

"Oh yeah.  I have to," he said firmly.  "But that was god-awful hard."

"It's going to be hard for her too," he said soberly.  "You said you 
wrote her a 
note?"

"Yeah to leave on my pillow," Harm nodded and looked to Bud.  "Harriet 
has no 
clue right?"

"No sir.  She would have forbade me to be a part of this.  You know 
that."

"Lets just do it.  Give them about fifteen to be sure they're gone, and 
get me to the 
van."
==========
Billy Joel's
Georgetown Park Mall

Harriet tied AJ's bib on him and put a plate of french fries and 
ketchup in front of 
him.  "OK that should buy us thirty minutes of quiet," she smiled.  
"I've missed 
talking to you.  Though I hear second hand through Sturgis that you 
guys are 
doing OK.  You want to talk about anything, I'm here."

"Thanks Harriet" Mac said with a small smile. "But really I'm handling 
 this."
 
 "You don't look like it" Harriet said gently.
 
 "Okay it's been a little harder than I thought. But we'll get through 
it."
 
 "Something happened between you and the Commander didn't it?" Harriet 
 prodded. "New Years Eve?"
 
 "Harriet" Mac blushed.
 
 "All right. I'm being nosy and I'll stop. But I didn’t miss that kiss 
 earlier. That was no friendship kiss."
 
 "We're working on things," Mac said quietly. "We've just had a few 
bumps in 
 the road along the way."
 
 "Well I hope that you two get everything worked out" Harriet smiled. 
"And 
 you know if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm sure 
taking 
 care of Harm isn't easy."
 
 "No it isn't. He doesn't handle being laid up very well. I think that 
once 
 he starts rehab tomorrow he'll be better."
 
 They stopped at a few more stores before little AJ began to whine.
 
 "We should get back anyway" Mac sighed. "Harm was acting a little 
strange 
 and I want to make sure he's okay."
 
 "He's probably just nervous about tomorrow" Harriet assured her.
 
 "Yeah you're probably right," Mac said with a forced smile.
 
 She forced herself not to run up to his place when Harriet pulled up, 
 instead taking little AJ's hand and walking up with him, Harriet 
behind 
 them.
 
 "We're back" Mac called as she opened the door. "Harm."
 
 She was greeted with an empty apartment and at once she knew something 
was 
 wrong. "Harm" she called again as she hurried into the bedroom. The 
bed was 
 empty, with the exception of an envelope on the pillow with her name 
on it.
 
 "Mac, what's going on?" Harriet asked as she followed her in. "Where 
are 
 they?"
 
 Mac didn't answer as she reached for the envelope, pulling out the 
note with 
 shaking hands. She sank down on the bed and started to read.
 
 "Dear Sarah,
 
 I hope you will understand why I did what I did. I don't doubt that 
you 
 would have taken good care of me. But I love you too much to put you 
through 
 this anymore. You've put up with more than you should from me and I 
can't 
 hurt you anymore. And I didn't want to destroy what little we had left 
so 
 I've gone somewhere else to do my rehab. Somewhere where I can't hurt 
you. 
 It wasn't easy to do this, but I know I've made the right decision. 
I'll 
 call you soon.
 
 Love,
 
 Harm
 
 "Damn you Harm" she whispered as the tears slid down her face.
 
 She was still sitting on his bed holding the note when Sturgis 
returned a 
 few hours later.
 
 "Mac" he said softly as he walked into the room.
 
 "How could you?" she shouted. "How could you help him do this?"
 
 "Mac it's what he wanted. He was worried about you."
 
 "Well what about how I feel," she cried. "Doesn't that matter?"
 
 "Yes it does. But he hated what this was doing to you."
 
 "Where is he Sturgis?"
 
 "I can't tell you" Sturgis said quietly. "I promised him I wouldn't."
 
 "You won't tell me where he is? Dammit Sturgis I have the right to 
know 
 where he went."
 
 "He doesn't want you to know.  He needs some time alone to get through 
this 
 and to get his head back on straight. And you need to do the same 
thing."
 
 "So I'm just supposed to let him do this?" Mac whispered.
 
 "It's only for a few weeks," Sturgis said gently. "He'll call you when 
he's 
 ready. And in the meantime, you're on leave for the next week as 
well."
 
 "What?"
 
 "You heard me Colonel. He wanted to make sure you had a real break and 
 didn’t just throw yourself back into work. So effective immediately 
you are 
 on leave."
 
 "No. I can't. What will I do?"
 
 "You will rest and take care of yourself" Sturgis smiled. "I promised 
Harm I 
 would make sure you did just that. So if you attempt to show up at 
JAG, I've 
 got orders to take you home."
 
 "I hate this" she wailed. "Why did he have to do this?"
 
 "Because he loves you."
 
 The End