TITLE:  "After the Mistletoe II: The Lost"
     AUTHORS:  Anne R. and Pat Steiner
     SUMMARY: The kiss of Answered Prayers leads to more.  Rated PG for 
mild 
language.  The second of the After the Mistletoe series in which Harm 
and Mac 
deal with the ramifications of the mistletoe kiss.  The arrival of 
Sergei is not a 
factor in this series.
     DISCLAIMER:  JAG belongs to CBS, Paramount et al.  No copyright 
infringement is intended with this work of fiction.
     FEEDBACK:  Yes, if you're moved to do so, to [SSbpmn@aol.com] and 
it 
would be much appreciated by both of us.  However, if your intent is 
only to tell us 
you are not liking our work, please don't spend the time.  While we 
realize our 
work does not please everyone, we do ask that the journey be respected.
     
     NOTE:  All parts of this story will be available at 
              http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories
       No subbing is required to read from the message archives.

    Also, previous chapters, as well as our other efforts, should be 
available at:
    http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag/ 
    or the Harm-Mac shipper archive at-  
    http://www.shipperarchive.com/fanfic/

Previously in ATM:   Mac and Harm slept together New Years Eve, leaving 
them 
awkward at best with each other.  After several abortive attempts to 
reach a 
common ground, Harm accepts a TAD assignment aboard the Patrick Henry.

"After the Mistletoe II: The Lost"

 
 Aboard the USS Patrick Henry
 In the Persian Gulf
 
 Harm stared at the computer screen as he tried to convince himself to 
send 
 the email. It had been a week since he'd come aboard and so far he 
hadn't 
 called or emailed Mac. He was sure that she was mad at him for walking 
out 
 without a word but at the time it had seemed like the best thing to 
do. The 
 way they were going there would have been nothing left of their 
friendship.
 
 "Hey good you're still here" Skates smiled as she walked into his 
office. 
 "Thought you might like to grab dinner in the mess. Seeing as how 
you've 
 avoided me the past week since you got here."
 
 "I wasn't avoiding you," he said as he canceled the email without 
sending 
 it. There would be another time to send an email to Mac explaining why 
he'd 
 left so abruptly. "I was just busy."
 
 "Yeah right" Skates said knowingly. "Come on Harm, I'm sure you have 
better 
 things to do than handle the legal affairs out here."
 
 "Maybe I just wanted a little ship duty" Harm countered.
 
 "Since when" Skates scoffed. "Come on, it's my treat."
 
 "All right" he sighed.
 
 "So why are you really out here?" Skates asked once they'd grabbed 
their 
 food and found a table.
 
 "Captain Ingles needed someone to handle the legal affairs and the 
Admiral 
 thought I would be a good candidate to fill in until they find a 
permanent 
 replacement."
 
 "Okay, what did you do to piss off the Admiral?" Skates teased.
 
 "You know if you're going to give me this kind of grief I'll go eat in 
my 
 cabin" Harm teased back.
 
 "All right I'll stop giving you grief. Though I am still real curious 
why 
 you're out here."
 
 "Skates" Harm warned.
 
 "Yeah I know if you want to tell me you will" Skates smiled.
 
 "Thank you. So how are you and the fiance  doing? Any wedding date 
yet?"
 
 "Probably in the spring sometime. We've been so short of crew out here 
I 
 haven't had time to even think about anything at home."
 
 "Yeah the Admiral mentioned that" Harm said casually.
 
 "You think you're going to get back up there?" Skates asked.
 
 "Have been already. I was helping out at Pax for a while back in 
October. 
 Course that's not the same as being up here."
 
 "Well maybe we'll get together while you're out here" Skates smiled.
 
 "You're still willing after last time" Harm laughed.
 
 "Hey, that wasn't your fault. And I still think you're one of the 
best."
 
 "Thanks you know how to stroke a guys ego," Harm said with a small 
smile.
 
 "I got the feeling you needed that," Skates said quietly. "I know 
there's 
 more than what you're telling me going on and I hope you know you can 
talk 
 to me if you need to."
 
 "Thanks but I can handle it" Harm assured her.
 
 "So how's Renee?"
 
 "Uh married."
 
 "Obviously not to you unless you didn't invite your favorite RIO to 
the 
 wedding" Skates teased. "You're kidding right?"
 
 "No. She is now Mrs. Cyrus Kemper."
 
 "Cyrus?" Skates laughed. "Haven't heard that one in a while."
 
 "He's a mortician," Harm said with a small smile. "And no cracks about 
being 
 dumped for the guy who touches dead people."
 
 "So she dumped you. When did this all happen?"
 
 "Over the summer. See you haven't been in touch Lt. and so you miss 
out on 
 all the happenings in the life of Harmon Rabb."
 
 "Did Colonel Mackenzie get married?" Skates asked.
 
 "Actually no" Harm said quietly. "Mic went back to Australia. He's now 
at 
 RAN again."

"Because she decided she was in love with you?"

"Yeah exactly," he groaned sarcastically.  "That's why I'm five 
thousand miles 
away from her."

"I wondered about that," she said quietly.  "Wondered if you were just 
wanting a 
little variety duty-wise, or needed to get away."

"Mac and I. . .we were trying to pick up the pieces of a friendship 
that was 
shattered when I left to come here the first time," he explained 
slowly.  "But I acted 
like a total fool one night and ruined it completely."

"I doubt that," she smiled.  "That's a male viewpoint.  A woman, 
especially a 
woman who cares about the man, will be upset for a while and then 
she'll get over 
it."

Harm was about to protest when his cell phone rang.  "Rabb."

"Commander this is Jackson in comm sir.  I have an urgent call for you 
down 
here."

"On my way thanks," he frowned.  "I don't know what. . ."

"You better go see," Skates told him.

Concern prickled his spinal cord as he sprinted up three decks and 
accepted the 
phone from the Petty Officer, sitting down in one of the small booths 
before 
speaking.  "Commander Rabb."

"Harm it's Sturgis.  Mac and I are in Pensacola on a murder case and. . 
."

"My god what's happened?  Is she hurt?  Is she OK?  Dammit Sturgis talk 
to me."
 
Sturgis held the phone away from his ear under Harm's onslaught.

"Harm no relax man," he yelled. "Calm down."  At the same time he 
frowned 
broadly.  Here was a man expressing more than routine concern for 
someone he 
worked with, a friend even.  "Harm she's not hurt, and when I last saw 
her, if the 
fact that she could be stubborn to the max is an indicator, she's 
fine."

"Thank God," Harm breathed, wiping his forehead as he spoke.  "You 
scared me 
to death man.  I heard 'murder' and my mind just leaped into outer 
space.  Now 
what can I do for you?"

"Well actually I am calling about her," Sturgis admitted.  "I'm needing 
some advice 
here Buddy.  I just don't know quite how to take her.  I'm sure it's 
me.  I'm sure I 
bring out the worst in her."

"No actually that's my job," Harm sighed.  "Hey when I left she wasn't 
feeling well, 
like tired and headaches.  How's she doing?"

"Nothing she's shared with me," he answered.  "I'm getting cranky, out 
of sorts, 
irritable and looks that would kill.  That I could handle, but that 
she's not willing to 
give an inch on the case is hard to cope with.  Have you even called or 
written 
her?  In fact she said she didn't even know you were going.  That you 
left without 
even a goodbye?  Is this true?"

"Yes counselor," he retorted, the sarcasm heavy.  "I needed some space.  
Which 
is exactly what she did in the summer--Guadalcanal TAD remember; only I 
don't 
plan to be gone three months."

"OK I'm not going to debate that all with you.  That's between the two 
of you and I 
know where I'm not welcome.  My question is, does she expect me just to 
give in 
where we disagree or does she want me to fight back?"

Harm smiled slowly, remembering some of their past professional 
conflicts.  
"Sturgis old buddy, I'm going to let you feel your own way there."

"Thanks a whole helluva lot," he groaned.  "Frankly I think she misses 
you."

"About like she'd miss an inflamed boil."

"No I don't think so," Turner said slowly, his tone now serious.  "I 
think she's upset 
you left--especially the way you did, and OK, now that you mention it, 
yeah she 
hasn't seemed like she feels really well, but the one time I asked her. 
. . well let's 
say I won't make that mistake again."

"Dammit," Harm swore.  "Look I know it's not easy, but as a favor to 
me, you think 
you can take care of her a little bit--at least watch after her and if 
she seems really 
sick make her go get checked?  Please."

 "Harm do you know who you're talking about here" Sturgis sighed. "Only 
the 
 most stubborn person on the face of the earth. With the exception of 
you of 
 course. She's not going to let me haul her six to the doctor."
 
 "I know but just keep an eye on her" Harm sighed. "And if she won't 
listen 
 to you you can always go to the Admiral."
 
 "Oh good one Harm. Then she'll hate me as much as she hates you."
 
 "You really think she hates me?" Harm said seriously. "I mean, did she 
say 
 that."
 
 "I was joking. The woman is probably so in love you with you she can't 
think 
 straight since you up and left."
 
 "Now I know you've lost it. Just keep an eye on her Sturgis."
 
 He hung up feeling guiltier about his abrupt departure from JAG and 
for not 
 at least calling to talk to her since he'd been there. He should have 
called 
 or emailed. He should have done anything besides ignored her.
 
 "Everything okay?" Skates asked when he finally arrived back.
 
 "Yeah but I'm really not good company right now," he said quietly. "I 
think 
 I'm just going to head back to my quarters and hang out there."
 
 "Yeah sure. If you need a friend, you know where to find me."
 
 "Thanks Skates" he said with a forced smile. "I'll see you later."
 
 His intention had been to go back to his quarters but he soon found 
himself 
 out on the flight deck, still abuzz with activity. He found a quiet 
spot 
 overlooking the water and stood there for several minutes, wondering 
if it 
 would ever work for him and Mac. Maybe they just weren't destined to 
be 
 together like he thought. But as he closed his eyes and thought back 
to 
 those two magical nights they'd spent together, he didn't know how 
something 
 that had felt so right wasn't meant to be.
 
 ****************
 Pensacola
 Same Time
 
 "What do you say we grab some lunch Colonel?" Sturgis asked as he 
walked 
 back into the small office he and Mac were working in.
 
 "Not hungry but you can go ahead" Mac sighed.
 
 "Colonel, you know it helps if you eat more than one meal a day."
 
 "Yeah and who died and left you my keeper?" she demanded at the same 
time 
 rubbing her aching head with her fingers. It was all Harmon Rabb's 
fault. 
 She wouldn't be having these headaches and knots in her stomach if it 
 weren't for him.
 
 "No one. I'm just being concerned. Something any good fellow officer 
would 
 do."
 
 "Look I'm sorry" she sighed, realizing that he wasn't the enemy and if 
 anything had bore the brunt of most of her anger at Harm. "I've had a 
lot on 
 my mind and maybe I've taken some of that out on you."
 
 "Anything you want to talk about?" Sturgis asked casually.
 
 "You into counseling too?" Mac said with a small smile.
 
 "Comes from being the Chaplains son" Sturgis said as he sat down 
beside her. 
 "And I've been told I'm a pretty good listener too."
 
 "Can I get a rain check on the psych session?"
 
 "Sure. Offers valid anytime. But I'm not going to take no for an 
answer on 
 lunch. You've been working yourself to death down here and it's 
starting to 
 show. I don't want the Admiral hauling my six on the carpet for 
letting his 
 Chief of Staff get sick."
 
 "All right I'll take a break and we'll grab lunch at the O'club" Mac 
sighed.
 
 "Good" Sturgis smiled. "I think some fresh air and some food will help 
make 
 this case look a lot better."
 
 "You're too optimistic Sturgis" Mac groaned as she reached for her 
coat.
 
 **********************
 Three Days Later
 USS Patrick Henry
 
 He'd lost count of how many emails he'd typed and deleted before 
sending in 
 the three days since Sturgis had called him. Every time he thought 
he'd 
 written the write thing, a word would pop out that he thought she'd 
 misinterpret and he'd start all over again.
 
 "How hard can it be to tell her how you feel" he chided himself. "You 
are 
 such a jerk sometimes."
 
 "Not a good sign Rabb, you're talking to yourself" Captain Ingles 
laughed as 
 he walked into Harm's office. "This place getting to you already?"
 
 "Uh no sir. Just thinking out loud."
 
 "Sounded like you were beating yourself up" Ingles smiled. "Anything I 
can 
 help with."
 
 "Thanks Captain, but I'll figure it out somehow" Harm smiled. "Is 
there 
 something I can do for you?"
 
 "Matter of fact yes. How'd you like to jump back in the saddle again? 
One of 
 my pilots is down with flu. Few others look like they're coming down 
with it 
 and I'd rather they didn't go up. You interested in a little action in 
the 
 no fly zone?"

"Sir, after last time?  I mean you'd trust me with one of your planes 
again?"

"Did you do something wrong last time?"  Ingles knew full well the 
answer but 
wanted to hear it from him.

"No sir.  Not wrong, but I replay that whole thing over and over and 
think I might 
have done something different."

"You're a good pilot Rabb.  Short answer--yes I trust you.  And right 
now I haven't 
got a lot of choice even if I didn't.  I'm stripped bare as it is 
pilot-wise, and these 
guys that are sick are making it worse.  Let me make you an aviator for 
a few days 
until this stuff passes.  I don't want to be caught short up there."

His last words made Harm sit up straight.  "Is there a problem?"

"It's part of the game, but it's still a major pain in the six," he 
sighed.  "Now and 
then Saddam thinks he's being cute and pushes the outer markers of the 
no fly.  
The man's an ass what can I say.  But he's also itching for a 
confrontation now 
and then and we put up a show of force.  That's why I don't want to be 
short up 
there--gives him ideas."

"Well if you're sure you want me sir, you got yourself a pilot," he 
smiled.  
===============
PENSACOLA NAS
48 Hours Later

"Mac, don't hurt me now.  You OK?" Sturgis asked gently, handing her a 
bag from 
McDonalds.  They were in his room working and he had volunteered to 
pick up 
food.

"Yeah just lost in thought," she admitted. 

"Harm?"

"NO," she screeched, and a moment later in a small voice.  "OK yes.  
It's dawn 
over there now right?"

"About that why?"

"Just a really odd feeling is all," she sighed, nibbling on a french 
fry.  "Strange 
feeling to do with sunrise."

"Well I wish he'd write you and put your mind at ease," he groused.  
"The man 
isn't flying twenty four hours a day."

"Flying what. . .what the hell are you talking about?" she demanded 
loudly, 
standing up so that she looming over him where he was perched on the 
end of the 
bed.  "Commander I want to know, and I mean now.  Harm is on flight 
duty?  And 
he told you and didn't see fit that I should know this?"

Sturgis swallowed guiltily.  "Now I'm not going near that, but the 
other---OK yeah, 
yesterday he emailed me and between talk about basketball scores and 
asking 
how you are, he mentioned that the Captain had asked him if he'd mind 
taking a 
few flights because some of the squadron was down with the flu."

"What kind of flights?"  Her eyes narrowed and she pierced him with a 
long look.

"No Fly Zone patrol.  Look Harm's a good pilot.  You know that and you 
know he's 
going to fly if he's got the chance.  Suddenly its a problem?"

"I. . .I don't know."  She willed down a sob of frustration.  "I don't 
know at all any 
more."

"You know you could write to him."

"Yeah I could, but then I'm not the one who up and left without a 
goodbye," she 
muttered.   "And now this is just something else he's not telling me."
=========
USS PATRICK HENRY
Same time

"It's got to be locked."

"You think?" Harm murmured to Skates.

"Sir if it's not. . ."

"If it's not we're going to sling shot off the other end," he finished 
for her.  "Yes it 
probably is.  But if it's not. . ."

"I've seen the training films same as you," she snapped.  "Just do it.  
We're on 
fumes now."

The flight deck grew closer as she spoke.  In ten seconds it would be 
over one 
way or another.  He sucked in a long breath, saying a fast prayer and 
then. . . the 
voice in his ear.

"Nice job Hammer.  And thanks.  We're all breathing again."

"Yeah us too," Harm gasped, turning as best he could to attempt to see 
Skates.  
Her hand over his shoulder in the thumbs up told him all he needed to 
know.  It 
had been close.   It could have been disaster.  

He jumped off the ladder to the deck, Skates following.  For a long 
minute he 
simply leaned against the aircraft.  

"Buy a cup of coffee and pretend it's something stronger?" Skates 
offered.

"Yeah sounds good, but I need to do something first," he nodded.  "Give 
me about 
an hour will you?"

She nodded and watched him amble off, wondering if the something he was 
going 
to do had anything to do with a pretty Marine Colonel several thousand 
miles 
away.

He changed out of his flight suit while we waited for the computer to 
boot, and with 
new determination sat in front of the screen, staring at the blank 
email screen.  
Once he started to type, his fingers seemed to know exactly what was in 
his heart.
       
         Dear Mac,
                   I've needed to talk to you for a long time now, and 
after
 this morning, I need to even worse. I'm on the flight crew cause 
they're 
 short pilots out here and Skates and I had a rough moment this 
morning. And 
 so I think I should tell you a few things just in case. First off, I'm 
 sorry I left without telling you. Actually I'm sorry for a lot of 
things. 
 But mostly I'm sorry I hurt you. You are the one person I never wanted 
to 
 hurt. And that's why I left. Because I didn't want to hurt you 
anymore. I 
 care about you so much and I hated what we were doing to each other. 
I'll 
 understand if you hate me for everything that's happened but I still 
hope 
 that we can work things out. I want us Sarah. More than you know. What 
we 
 shared those two nights was magic. When I get back I want us to try to 
work 
 this out.
 
 I hope you've read this and not just hit the delete button when you 
saw my 
 name. Know that I do care and I miss you more than I ever imagined. 
Talk to 
 you soon I hope.
 
 Love Harm
 
 He debated the word love before finally sending the email. He'd 
finally done 
 it. Finally extended the proverbial olive branch with the hope that 
Mac 
 would reply to him.
 
 "So what did you say to Mac?" Skates teased as they sat down in the 
mess 
 with their coffee.
 
 "Lt." Harm sighed.
 
 "Come on Harm. You can't tell me she wasn't the first thing you 
thought of 
 once we were on the ground."
 
 "Yeah she was" Harm admitted before taking a sip of his coffee.
 
 "And this is the first time you've communicated with her since you 
came 
 aboard?" Skates asked.
 
 "I told you I did something stupid" Harm sighed. "And I figured she'd 
rather 
 not hear from me for a while. And of course I didn't tell her that I 
was 
 coming out here so she's probably even madder because of that."
 
 "You didn't tell your partner you were taking a TAD assignment?"
 
 "Hey I told you I was being stupid. At the time I thought it was the 
best 
 thing."
 
 "To leave without telling her you were going?"
 
 "She did" Harm snapped before realizing he was taking this out on 
someone 
 else. "I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this from me after this 
morning."
 
 "Harm we're better friends than that" Skates smiled. "If you need to 
talk, 
 you know I'll listen."
 
 "Thanks but right now the only thing that will help is hearing from 
Mac" 
 Harm sighed as he stood up. "I've got some work to handle in legal and 
then 
 I see we're back up in a few hours."
 
 "I talked to the CAG and he said Burrows and Rivers came down with it 
this 
 morning. That only leaves a few of us healthy. And you're way too 
ornery to 
 come down with anything so I guess I know I've still got a ride. But 
you 
 should try and get some rest."
 
 "I'll grab an hour or so after I take care of everything. And you 
should do 
 the same."
 
 "Heading to my bunk now" Skates smiled. "I'll see you later."
 
 *******************
 Pensacola NAS
 Same Time
 
 "Mac, let's call it a night" Sturgis begged. "We're not getting 
anywhere on 
 this and we're both beat."
 
 "Yeah I guess so" Mac sighed. "It has been a long day."
 
 "Yes it has. And I for one am tired."
 
 "All right, I'm out of here" she said as she looked over at her 
laptop.  The 
 little envelope icon was in the bottom of her screen and she clicked 
on, 
 bringing up the email. She stared at the screen for several seconds as 
she 
 realized it was Harm, finally focusing enough to read it.
 
 "Love Harm" she whispered as she read the ending.
 
 "You say something?" Sturgis said as he looked over at her. "Mac, you 
okay?"
 
 "I don't know" Mac whispered, finally giving into the tears that had 
 threatened since Harm had left.
 
 "Okay what happened?" Sturgis asked. "One minute you're sitting at 
your 
 laptop and now you're crying. What happened? Harm?"
 
 She nodded as the tears continued to fall.
 
 "Is he okay? He's not hurt is he?"
 
 "No" Mac whispered. "He did say he had some trouble when he was up."
 
 "Okay I won't even ask about your connection with him" Sturgis said 
quietly. 
 "You knew that didn't you?"
 
 "Yes. God, Sturgis what if something happens to him again. How long 
can his 
 luck hold out?"
 
 "About a little more faith in our friend. Yeah there's rough moments 
when 
 they're up in the air but Harm can handle it. You now he's one of the 
best. 
 "
 
 "I know" Mac whispered. "I'm just so scared. There's so much I need to 
tell 
 him."
 
 "So tell him. He's emailed you Mac. He's made the first attempt to 
 reestablish communication with you. Whatever happened between you two 
I'm 
 sure you can get past if you both want to. And he obviously does or he 
 wouldn't have emailed you."
 
 "Sturgis it's complicated" Mac sighed.
 
 "You want to tell me about it? I'm a pretty good listener you know. 
And you 
 really look like you need to talk about this with someone."

"He put 'love Harm' on his email, and well. . .I'm in love with him."

"Wha. . .whoa when I invited you to talk, I expected you to go with 
something 
trivial first," Sturgis gasped.  "I mean you just jumped into the deep 
end off the 
high board."

She gave him a wan smile.  "Well you did ask."

"For how long?"

"In some form or other, since the day I met him," she admitted 
candidly.  "But this 
time--this attempt. . .God I don't even know that.  It sort of started 
again last 
spring--well it tried, but I wouldn't let it. I went ahead with my 
wedding plans."

"You were going to marry a man you didn't love when you were in love 
with 
Harm?"

"Yeah, but when you say it, it makes me sound like I'm a quart low."  
She 
shrugged helplessly.  "Look do you know how many times I've questioned 
my 
actions back then.  But that's all water over the dam."

"Well dammit," he grinned.  "Let me guess, you were heading full steam 
for the 
wedding and Harm crashed."

"Harm nearly died," she corrected him quietly.  "And I was upset to the 
max, and 
then Mic saw it, and. . .short version--it all went to hell from there.  
Mic left, and 
Harm told me to come see him.  He said I knew the reason, and I thought 
I did, 
but. . .no I'm not going into all that.  After that we couldn't seem to 
get it right after 
my TAD.  Then you pretty much know the rest of the story about the 
race.  We 
started again--at the beginning I said and he agreed.  We were OK for a 
few 
weeks.  We got back to being good friends at least."  She paused for 
breath and 
looked at him pleadingly.

"Does the witness need a break?"

"The witness doesn't know why she's suddenly spilling this to her 
partner's best 
friend."

"I'm easy to talk to remember," he smiled.  "And I wouldn't break a 
confidence, not 
even to my best friend."

"OK, shorter version.  We've been since Christmas Eve trying especially 
hard to 
make it work, and but we hit a huge huge roadblock."

"You and him slept together," he said matter of factly.

"Were you there or something?" she demanded in disbelief, two more 
tears 
escaping.

He reached out a gentle hand and rubbed her back.  "No but I figured it 
out. Too 
much too soon."

"Something like that," she said bitterly.  "And we can't get past it.  
Look could I 
have about an hour.  I do need a break if that's OK."

"Sure.  Just please--take care of yourself.  'Love Harm' would indicate 
he cares a 
lot about you--cares a lot for you--and right now you're with me, and 
if something 
happens to you, it's going to work out to be my fault so. . .just take 
care of yourself 
OK?"

"Thanks Sturgis," she sighed.  "I'm going to take a walk and then a tub 
soak and 
after that I promise I'll be ready to work."

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"We're through here for the night.  Go watch a movie, or get some sleep 
or better 
yet. . .write to Harm."

"Uh. . .that's not going to happen.  Not right away," she sighed.  "I 
just have no 
idea what to say to him."

"If you don't, how do you know he won't think you simply don't want to 
hear from 
him?"

"I just need to let it sink in what he said," she sighed.  "I'm afraid 
if I respond right 
away, it's going to be with my heart and not my head."

"Yeah?  Well maybe you should listen to your heart," he said quietly.

"Maybe," she sighed as she left his room.
=============
USS PATRICK HENRY
48 Hours later

"You hear from Mac?" Skates asked as casually as she could as she and 
Harm 
sat for pre-flight briefing.  Saddam had been sending his jets even 
closer to the 
boundary, and if the pattern held there would actually be an incursion 
sooner or 
later.

"No," he answered morosely.  "Obviously what I did was another total 
screw up.  
Because what I said obviously wasn't received like I meant it.  Well at 
this point 
I'm about to give up.  I wonder if I wouldn't be better transferring.  
You think as 
short as they are here, they'd want a washed up old man, at least for a 
while?"

"I think you need to go home and make things right," she told him 
firmly. "Before 
you make yourself and everyone around you crazy."

"Thanks a lot," he grumbled, sinking down into his chair.  "My life is 
crap."  Little 
did he know it was about to get worse.
===================
JAG HQ

"Commander, Colonel, welcome back," AJ called when he spotted them.  
"Hey 
really good job down there.  Well done.  I never thought the man would 
own up, let 
alone plead guilty."

"Yes sir thank you," Turner nodded.  "I had a good partner."  He walked 
Mac to 
her office at AJ's dismissal nod.  "Can I ask if you've written Harm?"

"No."

"No I can't ask or no you haven't?"

"Take your pick, comes out the same," she snapped and was immediately 
sorry.  
"Look I apologize.  I'm tired, I'm cranky, I have a little guy with a 
mallet pounding in 
my temple.  I just want to clear up what's on my desk and go home.  
With any 
luck, I'll wake up as someone else."

"OK, but you let me know if I can do anything," he smiled.

She nodded and went into the office, closing the door and leaving the 
blinds 
drawn.  With a long guilty glance at the computer she sank into her 
chair, wanting 
to write to him, wanting to pour her heart out to him as he had 
practically done to 
her; and yet afraid.  Afraid of her feelings, afraid of his feelings.  
Afraid that the 
gulf now between them could never be breached. Finally she pushed it 
out of her 
mind and began to tackle the pile that awaited her.  

Three hours passed before she realized it, looking up when she heard a 
knock at 
the door.   "Enter but unless it's urgent this is not a good time."

AJ and Sturgis exchanged looks and Sturgis opened the door. 

"Sir I'm sorry," she gasped when she spotted AJ behind him.  "I'm 
sorry.  I was 
working and I didn't realize and. . ."  She stopped talking, and knew 
by the looks 
on their faces even before Sturgis closed his hand around her arm and 
AJ spoke.

"News from the Henry Mac, and it's not good."

 "No" Mac whispered as she grabbed onto her desk as she prepared 
herself for 
 the worst. "He's dead."
 
 "Not that we know" AJ said gently. "But he is missing."
 
 "Missing? Oh god, please don't say he's lost at sea" she cried, not 
sure she 
 could go through that again.
 
 "We're not sure where he is right now" AJ sighed. "There's conflicting 
 reports."
 
 "What kind of conflicting reports?" Mac demanded. "Sir, I need to know 
 what's going on. Please."
 
 AJ looked at Sturgis and Sturgis took a deep breath. "The Iraqi's are 
 claiming they shot him down. That there was no sign of chutes which 
would 
 mean they didn't eject."
 
 All the color drained from her face and for a moment Sturgis was 
afraid she 
 was going to pass out. He quickly reached for her, holding her upright 
in 
 the chair. "Mac are you okay?" he asked anxiously.
 
 She nodded as her mind tried to comprehend what Sturgis had just told 
her.
 
 "You said there were conflicting reports" she managed finally. "Does 
that 
 mean that the Henry doesn't believe that's the case?"
 
 "They know that Harm had some kind of run in while he was in the no 
fly 
 zone. They lost communication with him and Skates shortly after the 
incident 
 but they don't believe that they were shot down. More likely there was 
some 
 mechanical problems and Harm tried to set it down somewhere or they 
did 
 eject."
 
 "Where?" Mac screeched. "The Iraqi desert?"
 
 "Mac" AJ said softly.
 
 "He'd be better off in the ocean" Mac wailed. "They'll kill him as 
soon as 
 they find him. And you know they'll find him before we do."
 
 "They're got crews from the Henry searching both the water and desert" 
 Sturgis continued. "Mac, they'll find him."
 
 "Yeah but will they find him before it's too late" she whispered, 
finally 
 losing the battle to keep the tears at bay as a small sob escaped her. 
It 
 was like that awful May night all over again only worse.
 
 "Mac it's going to be okay" Sturgis said gently as he put a comforting 
 around her as she sobbed. AJ gave Sturgis a curious glance, suddenly 
 realizing there was more going on between his two officers.
 
 "I'm sorry sir" Mac sniffled as she tried to control her tears. "I'm 
not 
 acting like a Marine officer."
 
 "No you're acting like a woman in love," AJ said with a small smile. 
"And 
 who's afraid she's never going to see the man she loves again."
 
 "Sir, please not now" Mac whispered as more tears formed at his words.
 
 "Okay, I won't meddle in my officers personal lives. But you know the 
door 
 is always open if you need to talk."
 
 "Thank you sir. Right now I just want to know what's being done to 
find 
 Harm."
 
 "I'm going to be going out to the Henry in a few hours" AJ replied. 
"I'm 
 assuming you want to go?"
 
 "Yes sir" Mac said quickly.
 
 *********************
 Somewhere in Southern Iraq
 
 Every bone in his body hurt. There didn't seem to be an area that 
hadn't 
 been banged on the way down and Harm groaned as he pushed his eyes 
open, 
 prodded on by Skate's voice.
 
 "About time you joined me again" she teased, relieved he was finally 
awake. 
 "How you feeling?"
 
 "Like I punched out again" he groaned as he moved slightly, pain 
shooting 
 through his back and head. "You okay?"
 
 "Good you remember that. And that's exactly what we did. And yeah I'm 
fine."
 
 "The MIG" Harm sighed as everything came back to him. "You wouldn't 
have any 
 clue where we might be do you?"
 
 "Nowhere good" Skates sighed. "And I think our buddy in the MIG saw us 
 eject."
 
 "Which means we'll need to get out of here," Harm said as he forced 
himself 
 up, Skates putting a gentle arm around to help him. She didn't miss 
the pain 
 that crossed his face as he moved and she knew they wouldn't be 
traveling 
 far.
 
 "Harm you're not in any shape to do anything."
 
 "Skates we have to get away from here" Harm sighed. "They'll find the 
wreck 
 and the chutes and if we're here, they'll find us."
 
 "Okay, let's see if we can get you on your feet" Skates said as she 
wrapped 
 her arm around his waist and gently pulled him to his feet. He let out 
a 
 gasp of pain and she could see the beads of sweat on his forehead from 
the 
 pain.
 
 "Harm" she started.
 
 "I'm okay," he said after several deep breaths, even though he felt 
anything 
 but.  "And we need to get moving. Before they find us."
 
 "All right" she said as she kept her arm around his waist. "Just lean 
on me 
 as much as you need to."
 
 "You'll regret saying that" he muttered as the first step sent more 
pain 
 shooting through him.
 
  ===============
"Sir, Sir I'm sorry to interrupt," Tiner called softly from just 
outside the door.

"Yeah Tiner," AJ said irritably, not taking his eyes from Mac and 
Sturgis.

"Sir I'm sorry, the Iraqis. . ."

"Tiner spit it out," AJ ordered, as Mac stood up to look intently at 
the young man.

"Sir I'm sorry.  ZNN is reporting that they're saying they've shot down 
an F14 and 
that. . ."

"Tiner," AJ snapped with growing impatience.

"There were no survivors sir is what they're saying."

"No.  Oh no please," Mac gasped and sobbed at the same time.

"Lying bastards," Sturgis swore, holding tightly to Mac.  "Hey don't 
you believe a 
word of that.  Harm is much too smart for that.  He either took the 
plane down for 
a landing or he punched out and either way our people are going to find 
him."

"I'm afraid to believe that," she whispered, letting her tears flow for 
a full minute as 
Sturgis held her.

"Tiner, see if you can get me Ingles again," AJ ordered, stepping 
forward to put a 
hand on Mac's shoulder.  "Listen to this man.  He knows what he's 
talking about.  
If they had bodies, or prisoners, pictures would be all over ZNN.  All 
we've got is 
their word, and that doesn't mean squat."

"Yes sir," she sniffled one last long and hard one.  "OK I'm through 
with that.  Now 
how do we get to him?"

"Yes we," Sturgis put in at once.  "I'm coming too."  He looked at AJ 
trying to send 
him a non-spoken message and AJ nodded almost imperceptibly.  Somehow a 
connection had formed between the newest staff member and his chief of 
staff.  If 
this were to turn out badly, she would need someone to turn to.

"Andrews in two," AJ said.  "And we will find out what happened, make 
no mistake 
about that."

"Sir, Captain Ingles requested he speak to you later," Tiner 
interrupted again. "He 
reports there's no news at the moment and he's about to convene a staff 
call to 
redirect the search."

"Thank you Tiner.  People go pack."
=================
"Sir. . .Harm. . .you're lagging on me," Skates scolded.  "We're not 
making any 
progress here.  I wish I knew what to do.  Maybe I could carry you?"

"Oh yeah, little you is going to carry two hundred pounds of dead 
weight," he 
scoffed, scanning the sky for any sign of rescue.  "Nothing so far, but 
we were so 
far off course I'm not sure how long it's going to take them to widen 
the search 
area.  At least the sun is getting low and it won't be so fuc. . .uh 
blessed hot."

"Yes sir," she murmured, shifting his weight.  "And it's a full moon so 
that should 
help us keep going."
========================
It was an outwardly stoic, dry-eyed, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie who 
boarded the 
transport that would take them to Ramstein in Germany and from there a 
chopper 
to land on the Henry.

"Mac. . ." AJ said softly as she settled into the seat beside him, 
Turner on her 
other side.

"Sir please," she begged.  "I know you just want to help--to 
comfort--but really I'll 
be better just left alone I think.  It bothers me greatly when I can't 
hold it together 
in front of you two, especially you sir, and maybe if I'm just left to 
wallow quietly.  
Please."

"Of course," AJ smiled and patted her hand.  At the same time Turner 
simply wove 
his fingers in with hers on the other side.

Two hours later when she got up to use the bathroom, AJ leaned toward 
him 
urgently.  "Turner, you and Mac. . .I don't have anything to be 
concerned about 
here do I?  I'm not looking at some kind of triangle forming or 
something like that 
that's going to give me heartburn I don't need?"

"Oh no sir, not at all," he smiled softly.  "She and I are sort of 
forging a friendship 
that's all.  We did some talking in Pensacola.  Nothing I can share of 
course, but 
she's dealing with some stuff right now.  Personal stuff of course.  
And she didn't 
need this."

"That I'm sure of.  I didn't either."

"No sir.  None of us did."

IRAQI DESERT
Same time

"Stop.  Skates stop now," Harm yelped after they had walked three 
hours.  "Over 
to those rocks and put me down."

"Sir no, we need to keep going," she protested.  "I know it's going to 
be sundown 
soon, but that doesn't mean they won't use choppers with searchlights."

"Skates, I'm not able to go any further.  And I'm exhausting you in the 
process."

"OK we'll take ten."  She guided Harm to where he was pointing and 
pulled the 
water out of their survival bag.  "Easy sir.  Remember too much and 
you're going 
to barf it back up."

He took a short swallow and handed it back.  "Goddamn I hurt.  And I 
can't feel 
my legs.  So this is what's going to happen.  You're going to rest 
yourself and get 
some strength back, and then you're going on without me."

"In a pig's ear," she exploded.

"Skates I'm not kidding here.  That's an order if I need to make it 
one.  I can't walk 
any more.  The pain is too bad--well what's not totally numb that is.  
You'll make 
good time now that the blasted sun is going.  You should be able to 
find some 
help, or get in range to call for it--something.  I know you can do it.  
But sticking 
with me and we're both dead.  Once you get to our people, you can send 
them 
back for me."

"Please don't ask me to leave you."

"It's not a request," he said firmly.  "And. . .and if this doesn't end 
well, please tell 
Mac that. . ."  He choked down a small sob before he went on.  "Please 
tell 
Colonel Mackenzie, in this life, she was loved by me."
 
 "No way Harm" Skates said as she shook her head. "You'll tell her that 
 yourself."
 
 "Skates" he started.
 
 "No" she shouted. "We're both getting out of this one alive. Just like 
last 
 time. Don't you dare even start thinking anything else. You are not 
giving 
 up on me Commander. I will not allow that."
 
 "I'm not giving up," he said with a long painful sigh.
 
 "Yes you are and I won't allow it. There's a woman back at JAG who has 
the 
 right to know how you feel about her and I'm going to make sure that 
you get 
 your pathetic six back there and tell her. Anything else is 
unacceptable 
 Commander." She ended her tirade with a small sob, allowing a few 
tears to 
 escape before angrily brushing them away.
 
 "Thank you Lt." Harm said softly when she finished. "I deserved that 
didn't 
 I?"
 
 "Yes sir you did" Skates said with a small smile. "And I hope 
something sunk 
 through that think head of yours."
 
 "It did. But you know you still have to leave me and get help."
 
 "I know," she said quietly. "And I will go because you've ordered me 
to but 
 so help me god you better be here when I come back with them."
 
 "I'll be here" he promised.
 
 "Good" Skates said with a long sniffle. "I'll be back soon sir. We're 
going 
 to get out of this. I promise. I have a wedding to plan and you have 
some 
 talking to do to a certain Marine Colonel."
 
 "Get going Lt." Harm ordered.
 
 "You'll be here right. I want your promise."
 
 "I promise," he said softly. "Now go."
 
 ****************
 Ramstein Germany
 
 "Sir, there's more information from the Henry" the Lt. said as they 
were led 
 to the waiting chopper.
 
 "What is it son?" AJ said quietly and Sturgis reached for Mac's hand.
 
 "They've located the wreckage sir" the man continued and Mac put her 
hand to 
 her mouth to hold back her sob.  "It definitely crashed."
 
 "Any sign of the Commander and Lt." AJ asked.
 
 "No sir. No chutes to indicate they ejected either sir."
 
 "No" Mac whispered and Sturgis tightened his hold on her hand as she 
 struggled to keep herself together.
 
 "Mac that doesn't mean they didn't eject" AJ said quietly. "They could 
have 
 and then hid the chutes so the Iraqi's wouldn't know they were alive 
still." 
 He paused and looked back at the Lt. " Has anyone been down on the 
ground to 
 inspect the wreckage?" AJ asked.
 
 "No sir. Not yet. But there are several crews scouting the area 
looking for 
 sign of the Commander and Lt."
 
 "Thank you son" AJ sighed as they climbed aboard the chopper.
 
 "Hang in there Mac" Sturgis said as he took a seat beside her. "He's 
going 
 to be okay."
 
 "I wish I could believe that" Mac whispered, tears forming again. "God 
 Sturgis what if he didn't eject?"
 
 "Don't even go there Mac.  We have no reason to believe they didn't. 
Harm's 
 smarter than that."
 
 "Even if he did eject, how do we know the Iraqi's haven't already 
gotten to 
 him and killed him" she wailed.
 
 "Hey, how about some faith here Colonel? You are thinking the worst 
possible 
 scenarios. And thoughts like that aren't helping you."
 
 "Sturgis I'm just being realistic."
 
 "No you're being pessimistic and I won't stand for it. You know that 
Harmon 
 Rabb is a fighter and that somehow he'll get through this. And you 
know why. 
 Because he has a very special person in his life that he needs to work 
 things out with."
 
 "Thank you Sturgis" Mac whispered as he gave her hand a squeeze. 
"You're a 
 good friend. To both of us."
 
 "I just hate to see two people who obviously love each other so much 
apart 
 for no good reason" Sturgis smiled. "And I hope that when this is all 
over 
 with you two stop denying that you do love each other and get together 
 before it really is too late."
 
 "I hope so too" Mac whispered. "Right now I'll just settle for knowing 
he's 
 alive."

 "Faith," Sturgis counseled.  "Faith."  He stepped aboard the chopper 
and held his 
hand to help her follow him up, AJ right behind.

"Thank you for taking care of her," AJ mouthed to Turner just before 
the chopper 
swooped skyward.

The trip was accomplished in silence with Mac sitting stoically beside 
Sturgis, her 
arm tucked around his and leaning lightly against him, her eyes closed 
tightly in 
prayer.  So self absorbed was she that she did not notice they were 
landing hours 
later until the bump of the skids on the deck and the door being flung 
open a 
moment later.

Captain Ingles himself greeted the party, standing at attention and 
saluting AJ, 
with Mac and Sturgis giving him the same courtesy.  

"You're here just ahead of another chopper," Ingles smiled, pointing to 
the S&R 
bird sitting beside theirs.

Mac gasped loudly and her eyes opened wide.  "Commander Rabb?"

"No, Lieutenant Hawkes.  I sent her below to get something to get a 
quick medical 
check," Ingles explained.  "Colonel, she left Commander Rabb alive."

"Oh thank God," Mac breathed, her knees nearly giving way in relief and 
Sturgis 
quickly held fast to her.  "But she left him?  I don't understand.  Why 
would she do 
that?"  Her eyes flashed in sudden anger.  "How could she leave a man 
behind?  
On the desert?  Is she out of her mind."

"Why don't we go talk to her," Sturgis soothed.  "Captain I'm assuming 
she's going 
to take your S and R people back to him?"

"Soon as she gets her breath yes she is," Ingles assured them.  "In the 
meantime 
by all means go on down there."

Both Sturgis and Mac looked for permission to AJ who nodded and Mac 
flew to 
the hatch, Sturgis close behind.

"How could she just go off and leave him?" Mac fumed.  "No Marine would 
ever 
do that."

"Mac please can we hear what she has to say."

A minute later Mac burst through the door of sick bay to confront 
Elizabeth 
Hawkes, propped up in bed, an IV in her arm. 

"Colonel Mackenzie," she gasped, starting to rise only to have Mac 
motion her 
down.

"Commander Rabb?  You left him out on the desert?  How could you?  Why 
Lieutenant, why?" Mac seethed, pulling away from Sturgis's calming 
hand.

Skates nodded numbly, not prepared for Mac's outburst.

"Let's hear the woman," Sturgis urged.  "Go ahead Lieutenant, and you 
are not in 
trouble here.  No wants to place blame.  We simply want to find Mr. 
Rabb."

"I didn't want to," she whispered.  "God knows I didn't want to.  It 
was the hardest 
order I've ever had to follow."  She reached out and grasped Mac's 
wrist.  "Ma'am 
please.  You have to understand, he was hurting and couldn't walk 
another step.  
Not just because of the pain--he literally couldn't walk."

Mac swallowed hard at that news.  "Because?"

"He hurt his back or his legs somehow punching out ma'am. It was 
getting worse.  
But the only way I would have left him was the way he made me."

"Did he order you to go Lieutenant?" Sturgis asked gently.

"Yes sir," she answered miserably.  "Yes sir, and even then I. . . well 
I was 
pushing a DOD charge."

""You did the right thing," Sturgis assured her, "and I know the 
Colonel thinks so 
too."

"I just need to get to him," Mac whispered, digesting the news that he 
was hurt.  
"Skates, you can show us where you left him?"

"Yes ma'am.  Soon as they let me out of here.  I walked a long ways and 
they said 
I'm dehydrated badly, but I'm starting to feel better.  We do need to 
get out there.  
The sun is coming up and those rocks are going to be like a furnace."  
She took a 
long breath and looked at Mac.  "Ma'am I have a message from him for 
you; but 
I'm not going to deliver it unless. . . unless he can't do it himself.  
OK?"

 "He had a message for me?" she whispered and Skates nodded.
 
 "Yes. But I told him he'd have to tell you himself."
 
 "Then we'd better get you to him so he can tell you whatever it was he 
 wanted to tell you" Sturgis said softly.
 
 A short time later Sturgis helped a still shaky Skates aboard the 
chopper, 
 Mac right behind them. Her heart was pounding as the chopper took off 
and 
 she closed her eyes in silent prayer again as Skates directed the 
pilots to 
 Harm's location.
 
 "Mac you okay?" Sturgis asked and she nodded as she opened her eyes.
 
 "He's hurt Sturgis" Mac whispered. "He's hurt and he's alone and I 
keep 
 praying they didn't find him first."
 
 "He's going to be okay. Remember what I said earlier about faith. He 
may be 
 hurt but at least he's alive."
 
 "I know. I keep telling myself that. At the same time all these 
horrible 
 thoughts keep running through my head."
 
 "Well stop them" Sturgis ordered. "We're going to find him and then he 
can 
 deliver whatever message he had to you himself."
 
 "I hope so" Mac whispered.
 
 "How much further Lt.?" Sturgis asked as Skates sank back down beside 
him.
 
 "Not much sir" she replied. "We should be there any minute."
 
 At her words, Mac moved herself closer to the chopper opening, 
straining to 
 see past the medic. Moments later he let out a yell and the pilot took 
the 
 chopper down. Mac jumped out after the medics, letting out a small cry 
as 
 she saw him lying on the ground. Sturgis hurried after her, for a 
moment 
 fearing the worst as well.
 
 "Harm" she wailed as she dropped down on the warm sand next to him.
 
 "He's alive ma'am" the medic informed her. "We'll need to move him 
quickly 
 though."
 
 "Careful of his back" Skates called as she scrambled off the chopper. 
"He 
 was having a lot of pain and numbness in his legs."
 
 Moment's later a still unconscious Harm was carefully loaded onto the 
 chopper; Mac hovering as near as the medics would let her. She managed 
to 
 reach his hand, holding it tightly in hers.
 
 "Harm, you're going to be okay" she whispered as she leaned closer to 
him. 
 "You hear me. You have something to say to me and I want to hear it 
from 
 you. Not from Lt. Hawkes."
 
 "Mac" Through parched lips came the barely audible sound of her name 
and she 
 squeezed his hand again.
 
 "Right here sailor" she said softly.
 
 It took a moment but he finally pushed his eyes open to look at her. 
"Sorry" 
 he managed a few seconds later. "Sorry about everything."
 
 "No, I'm sorry" she said as the tears slid down her face. "But we'll 
talk 
 about that later. You just take it easy."
 
 "Mac I need to tell you something else" he whispered as he grimaced 
from 
 pain.
 
 "You can tell me later" Mac sniffled. "Just hang in there sailor. 
You're 
 going to be fine."
 
 "No, now" he said as he struggled to stay conscious. He tugged at her 
arm 
 and she finally relented and leaned closer to him. He whispered 
something 
 that only she could hear and she choked back a small sob.
 
 "Harm, I.." she started only to stop as his hand went limp in hers. 
"Harm" 
 she cried anxiously. "Harm, hang on please. I need you sailor."
 
 The End....