A Million Tears 
by: CRene E-Mail: jagdays@crene.net 

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG nor the song, A Million Tears performed by Kasey Chambers which is on 
her CD titled: Barricades & Brickwalls. I am having fun, so don’t sue. 

Spoiler: Adrift Part 1 & 2 

Summary: What if the wedding between Mac and Brumby and begun and Harm was still no where to be 
seen? Would Mac go through with it knowing her heart belonged to someone else? 

I stand here looking into the mirror at the vision in front of me. I should be happy. I should be 
ready. Yet, the tears will not stop because I keep thinking of him. He promised he would be here. 
In less than an hour I will be walking down the isle to marry Mic, and I seem to be more worried 
about Harm’s promise. 

The tears, the million tears. I can remember the times Harm took my hand. I remember his smile that 
Flyboy smile of his which would always make me smile. The night of my engagement party he held my 
heart in the palm of his hand. I wanted to leave with him. 

“Mac,” Chloe interrupts my visions of Harm in his dress whites. The nights we spent together 
working on a case at his place or mine. 

“What did you say, Chloe,” I wonder. 

“Daydreaming about your honeymoon with Mic,” she asks. 

“Has Harm arrived yet,” I question her. I need to know. “Can you check for me, please?” 

She leaves me alone once again. She knows that Harm promised me he would be here. She knows about 
the argument we had before he left. Why did he have to have his quals now? Where is he? 

As I pace the room for the millionth time, I hear the knock on the door. Looking up at the clock I 
realize it’s time. 

“Colonel, are you decent,” I hear the Admiral ask on the other side of the door. 

I let him in the room. As he looks in wonder at his officer in white in front of him, he can see 
the desperation in my eyes. 

“Colonel, he has never broke a promise to you, yet,” he speaks. “And he is not going to start now.” 

“I hope you are right. I don’t know what I will do if he doesn’t show up,” I say outloud. Not 
knowing exactly what I meant by it. Deep down within the very pit of my stomach I know that Harm is 
the only one I can always count on. Sure, we have had our disagreements, but that is the fun of our 
relationship. He challenges me like no one else. He knows almost everything about my past and he 
doesn’t judge me. Mic only knows bits and pieces. I am afraid to tell Mic about my past. He tried 
to put me away for life for Chris’ death. What is it with the men I pick? Harm made that comment to 
me once. 

“Mac, I think it is time you and I have a talk. Pretend I am not your commanding officer, but a 
dear friend. Are you sure Mic is the one you want to marry,” the Admiral asks me. 

I look up into his eyes and he can see it. I know he sees it because I feel it. I was never one to 
let my emotions run away from me, but now is a different story. 

“Sir, my hands are tied,” I mutter. “My head is reeling. I have cried a million tears wishing the 
one I want is here.” 

“I am not one to get into my officer’s personal lives, yet here I am about ready to walk you down 
the isle to marry a man out there that loves you. My question to you is do you want to marry him?” 

“Sir, it isn’t that simple. Harm and I have talked about this. Well, sort of talked. I do love 
Mic,” I answer. 

“The way you love the Commander,” he questions. 

He is jumping in some very deep water here. My commanding officer is wondering whether or not I am 
in love with my partner, my best friend and my soul mate. 

“Sir,” I began. 

“You can stop calling me Sir, since you are in a wedding dress and I was supposed to be walking you 
down the isle,” he states. 

“I made up my mind,” I explain. “I have to marry, Mic. Harm had his chance and I believe I gave him 
plenty of times to confess how he feels about me. He has Renee, and I have Mic.” 

“Then let’s get this show on the road,” the Admiral smiles. 

No arguments. He takes my hand and leads me to the front of the church where I am supposed to make 
my grand entrance. This is not how I wanted this wedding. Am I doing the right thing? I am having 
trouble breathing. I can see Mic standing there waiting for me. His smile radiants to me. I am 
doing the right thing. The man that loves me eternally is standing there waiting to become my 
husband, but my heart is breaking for the man that isn’t here. 

Stepping closer to Mic, my mind flashes to Harm to all the times we were together. I can recall 
being in Russia watching him sleep on the couch. His tears fresh from the nightmares of his father 
then a couple of days later he had found out the truth about his father’s death. I remember the 
night I stayed at his place after Clay’s ‘death’. The feel of Harm’s hand wiping away my tears that 
night. I can feel Harm’s lips on mine still from the night of my engagement party. No one had ever 
kissed me like that before. I could feel that kiss all the way to my toes. It took all of my 
strength to walk back into the Admiral’s house instead of leaving with Harm and never looking back. 
It is taking all of my strength to stand here in front of Mic. 

I hear the priest begin the ceremony. I picture Harm standing in front of me instead of Mic as a 
million of tears fall down my face. The priest begins the vows when suddenly I feel his presence. 

“STOP,” he shouts from the back of the church. 

I can hardly breathe. 

“Sarah,” Mic whispers. 

I look towards my groom then to Harm. I catch a glimpse of Renee trying to stop Harm from coming 
any closer to me. Admiral Chegwidden stands there with a small grin on his face. He knows that I 
can’t go through with this. The Admiral knows I can’t marry Mic. He knows I love Harmon Rabb Jr. 

Harm pushed Renee aside and continues to walk up to me. Everyone else disappears when Harm’s hand 
reaches out for mine. 

“Take my hand,” he says. 

Without thinking of anything else but the blue eyed Navy Commander standing in front of me, I take 
his hand. 

Leaving the guests in shock except for the very few who knew this might happen one day, I walk out 
of the church with Harm. 

“I am sorry I am late,” he states on the top of the stairs outside of the church. 

“You were right on time,” I tell him as our lips meet for a earth shattering kiss. 

That is when I realize that even though he has not said the words to me, Harmon Rabb Jr. loves me. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggests. 

I lay in his arms hours after we showed each other just how much we love one another in a hotel 
room far away from Washington DC. I hear a song playing in a distance as I stand on the balcony 
outside of our room. 

Take my hand, 
Break my stride. 
Make me smile, 
For everytime I've cried. 
Hold my heart, 
In the palm of your hand. 
Don't listen to it breakin', 
Just listen to the band. 
Do you wanna ride in my car? 
It's parked out on the street. 
Or just stay with me a while, 
Before I fall asleep. 
Take these tears, 
Wash your skin. 
I'm havin' trouble breathin', 
Since you walked in. 
My hands are tied, 
My head is reelin'. 
My eyes have cried a million tears, 
From wishin' you were here. 
All my life, 
I've welcomed pain. 
I've made up more excuses, 
To bring it back again. 
Now I'm here, 
And I'll drink to the shame. 
I'll drink to the madness, 
That made me this way. 
My hands are tied, 
My head is reelin'. 
My eyes have cried a million tears, 
From wishin' you were here... 
Take these tears, 
Wash your skin. 
I'm having trouble breathing, 
Since you walked in..... 

I can feel his arms around me when the song ends. This is how it should be. This is how it was 
meant to be. After all of the tears, I ended up exactly where I belong which is in the arms of the 
man I truly love. 

The End