Title: A Father's Gift

Author: Val Frey

E-mail: vmfrey@enter.net

Disclaimer: Only the ideas in the story belong to me.
All the characters and such belong to Mr. Bellisario
and various and sundry others. I'm making no profit.

Rating: PG-13; Inspirational Romance; H/M

Summary: With a little help from above, Mac tries to
right the wrongs of the past.

Author's Note: This story will contain an unflattering
portrayal of Mic Brumby. Just wanted to warn everyone.
Also, as stated above, this is an inspirational
romance. Again, just so everyone knows before they
start to read. Enjoy!

Please send all feedback privately to:
vmfrey@enter.net Thanks!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A Father's Gift - Prologue

"I really want to do this, Sir."

"Yes, I know you do, but this is something that is
only performed in very special circumstances. It takes
a great deal of care to pull something like this off."

"I realize that, Sir. I feel that I'm up to the
challenge. Please, Sir, give me a chance."

"All right, but if it gets too hairy I'll have to send
in someone else."

"Yes, Sir. Understood, Sir. But, Sir, if I do a good
job. I mean if it works out the way it's suppose to.
Would it be possible.....? Would you see your way
clear to allow me to......"

Smiling at the hesitancy in the normally confident
voice, the older man answered the unfinished
questions. "Yes, if you complete the mission, you're
request will be granted. Dismissed."

"Yes, Sir, and thank-you, Sir. I won't let you down."

As the door closed quietly, he couldn't help but
smile. That one was a go-getter. He just hoped this
time the going wouldn't get too tough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Father's Gift - Part One

 

Mac's Apartment

December 24, 2001

The lights twinkled on the tree, soft Christmas music
played in the background and a gentle snow fell
outside the window. It was the perfect setting for a
scene out of an old movie or on a Christmas card. It
was the kind of night that made a person believe in
miracles. It was a night filled with wonder and
delight. It was the most miserable night of Sarah
MacKenzie's life.

Jingo looked up at his mistress when she released a
forlorn sigh and rose from the sofa to stand by the
window. He knew there was something wrong, but nothing
he did seemed to work. He had tried belly rubs, for
him of course, licking on the face and finally, sad
puppydog eyes. None of it had worked. 

Spotting something out of the corner of his eye, Jingo
walked over and picked up his leash. Now there was an
idea. Maybe they could go for a walk. If he was lucky,
that big, tall guy would be waiting when they got
back. That man always seemed to make Mac smile, unlike
that other guy who was finally gone. Jingo had said
many a doggie prayer of thanks for that one.

When he stood by Mac, he poked her hand with his cold
nose and received a pat on the head for his efforts.
"What's wrong, boy? Oh, you want to go for a walk do
you? All right, the snow isn't too bad and I could use
a change of scenery. Let's go." Those were the words
he had been waiting for and soon the two of them were
walking down the sidewalk in the still winter night. 

Mac knew Jingo must sense her less than festive mood,
but she couldn't seem to shake this case of the
Christmas blues. All day long she had been remembering
past Christmas eves. Everyone but the last one had
been spent with Harm. Even the Christmas after he had
returned from flying, the two of them had gotten
together after his visit to The Wall. 

Harm had been so quiet that night. He wouldn't tell
her what was bothering him, but she knew it had been
something about his father. After all they had been
through together in the search for Harm, Sr., she had
thought he would have confided in her. The fact that
he hadn't had brought home to her just how far apart
they had grown. Looking back, Mac knew a lot of that
distance had been accomplished by her.

"Well, Jingo, they always say hindsight is 20/20. Too
bad we mere mortals can't see that clearly in
foresight." Mac was so engrossed in her thoughts, that
she didn't see the young woman until it was too late.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I wasn't watching were I was going."
As Mac spoke the heartfelt apology, she reached down
to help the woman to her feet. The walk was getting
slippery and between Mac's oblivious course and
Jingo's weight, they had managed to cause the young
lady to fall.

Brushing herself off with a light laugh, the woman
answered, "Don't worry about it. I obviously wasn't
paying too close attention myself. No harm done."

Her smile was so genuine and warm, that Mac found
herself smiling back. "Still, I am sorry. I hope
you're not going too far."

"No, just around the corner. I just moved into an
apartment on the next street."

"What's your address?"

The address turned out to be the same as Mac's except
for a different box number. "That's where I live.
Here, let me help you with those bags. I'll walk back
with you, if you don't mind that is."

"Of course not. I'll put on some coffee when we get
there."

"Sold." Mac walked with the mystery woman for almost a
block before realizing she had no idea what her name
was.

"By the way, my name is Sarah MacKenzie."

"Please to meet you, Sarah MacKenzie. My name is Rose
Angelos." When Mac stopped in her tracks, Rose looked
over her shoulder at her new friend. "Something wrong,
Sarah?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. It just seems like everything
tonight is reminding me of all I've lost." Mac knew
she sounded melancholy but this woman didn't seem to
mind.

"Tell you what, let's get back to our apartment
building, then you can sit down and tell me why such a
beautiful woman looks so sad on the most joyous night
of the year." Rose's smile once again drew Mac's
attention and soon they were opening the door to
Rose's apartment.

After Rose had changed into dry sweats and slippers,
she prepared the promised coffee and then sat with Mac
on the sofa, surrounded on all sides by boxes.

"Now, would you like to talk about what's making you
so sad?"

Mac knew the woman would think she was crazy if she
told her about the last six years of her life, but
something about Rose inspired confidence. Soon, Sarah
MacKenzie was telling a total stranger about her
friendship with Harmon Rabb, Jr, about her career,
about her childhood and finally about the fatal
mistake in excepting Mic Brumby's ring and the
subsequent downward spiral her life had taken, which
had culminated in Harm's crash and her canceled
wedding. When she was finished, Rose sat quietly for a
moment before speaking.

"Did you love Mic?" There was no censor in her voice,
simply a need to understand.

"No, not like I should have. I cared about him, but I
didn't love him."

"Then why did you want to reschedule the wedding? You
knew Harm was all right. You knew you didn't love Mic.
Why go through with the wedding?"

"I didn't know how Harm felt. He wouldn't tell me and
I was scared. I thought if Mic left, I wouldn't have
anyone."

"What happened when he left?"

"I was alone."

"Were you?" The question surprised Mac so much, that
she glanced up from pondering her coffee cup only to
find Rose gazing at her intently. Somehow, the tide
had gone from Mac trying to make Rose understand, to
Rose trying to clear away the confusion for Mac.

"I..... No. I mean, Harm was there. He told me to come
over to his place. He said he wanted to talk. But,
when I got there, his girlfriend was there and he was
too busy comforting her to bother with me."

"Sarah! Listen to yourself. Harm was too busy
comforting a woman he had been involved with for over
a year. A woman who had suddenly lost her father. To
busy being the kind, caring man you love to bother
stopping to listen to you whine about the fact that
Mic Brumby left you when he realized you were in love
with another man. Honestly, Sarah, no wonder you were
alone. But you know, even through all of that, you
were never alone."

Mac was still reeling from Rose's accurate summation,
but her last statement once again caused her to meet
the other woman's eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Harm was there, but you couldn't wait for him. So,
you ran away, from him, from your life here in
Washington, from all of your other friends, but there
was one person you couldn't run away from, one person
who stood by you through everything." 

At Mac's look of bewilderment, Rose smiled and reached
for her hands. Squeezing them tightly, she said
without a shadow of doubt, "God, Sarah, God has always
been with you. He never has nor would he ever leave
you. You are his child, Sarah, and he loves you very
much."

Mac drew her hands from Rose's and jumped up from the
sofa. "If God loves me so much, why has he made such a
mess of my life."

"Whoa, hold on there, Colonel. God gave you life. He
bestowed you with the gift of his love and guidance.
What you choose to do with that life and if you choose
to except his love and follow his guidance are your
decisions to make, yours and yours alone. God has also
given you free will, Sarah MacKenzie, and I hate to
tell you but your free will has run away with you."
Rose could see that Mac was struggling and as much as
she wanted to help her friend, she knew it was a
battle only Mac could fight.

Suddenly, Mac's shoulders slumped and she turned back
to Rose with tears in her eyes. "God must hate me now.
I've messed up so many times."

Walking over to her, Rose put her arms around the
defeated Marine and held her tight. "No, Sarah, God
could never hate you. He knows you've messed up and he
forgives you. In fact, this very night is a time to
remember the greatest gift God ever gave the world,
because of that love he holds for all of his
children."

Rose could see that Mac was trying to comprehend all
she had said, but she also knew that the woman in
front of her needed to hear what she was saying. "Mac,
God sent his son to earth that first Christmas Eve. He
was the gift to Mary and Joseph, to the whole world in
fact. He was a gift to you. And his life and death
were yet another gift from your Heavenly Father. Those
three gifts ensured your salvation, your eternal life
with him. God didn't send the gift of his son
expecting payment from you. All he wants is your love
in return, but, even if you can't love God just yet,
he will always love you. Christmas is the proof of
that."

Mac walked over to the window and silently sent a
prayer heavenward for guidance from her Father. When
her words were complete, she felt a peace that had
never existed in her heart before. Turning back to
Rose, she offered a timid smile. "I think he heard
me."

"Oh, Sarah, I know he did. Now come back over here. I
have a question for you."

Once Mac was settled on the sofa again, Rose sat down
beside her. "When you think back over all that has
happened between Harm and you, what do you think the
turning point was? Where did it all go so wrong?"

"Oh, that one's easy. I made mistakes with Harm
before. I lied to him when he was defending me on
murder charges. I didn't support him when he went back
to active flight duty. I didn't welcome him home like
I should have. But, the biggest mistake I ever made
was taking a ferry ride in Sydney harbor and then
accepting Mic Brumby's ring." The thought of that
fateful decision still caused her to cringe.

"So, you believe that all of this heartache you've
gone through in the past year and a half could have
been avoided if you had handled things differently in
Sydney?" Rose was giving her a speculative look that
Mac didn't understand.

"Yes, I suppose, but what's done is done."

"What if you could undo what happened?"

"Oh, Rose, that's impossible."

"Sarah, with God all things are possible." 

At Rose's confident words, the air in the room seemed
to change. Mac could sense that something had altered
but she wasn't sure what it was. Looking over at her
new friend, she was stunned to see a soft light
encircling her.

"What's going on? Did you slip something into my
coffee?"

Rose laughed softly and shook her head. "No, Mac, I
didn't give you anything. I know this is going to be
hard to believe, but I'm an angel. God has sent me to
you with a wonderful gift."

"You're an angel? Why would God send me an angel let
alone a gift?" Mac knew she should be running for her
life but for some reason the fear that should have
been present was nowhere to be found.

"The same reason still applies, Sarah. Because God
loves you. He knows how much you're hurting and when
one of his children hurts, God hurts too. The gift he
has sent for you may be able to erase that pain." Rose
waited patiently, knowing from experience that mortals
didn't take quickly to celestial beings. Christmas Eve
not withstanding.

Finally, Mac looked over at Rose and nodded
hesitantly. "Okay. You're an angel and God has sent
you with a gift for me. What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Rose began her explanation. "You
said tonight, as many have, that hindsight is 20/20.
You also said that the events in Sydney, Australia
were what caused your current heartaches."

At Mac's movement of agreement, Rose continued. "God
has granted that you should be able to go back to the
events of that trip to Sydney. If you choose to go, he
will bestow on you the gift of hindsight."

"You mean I can relive those days, knowing what will
happen. That's wonderful? Everything will be perfect.
Oh, thank-you, Rose." Mac jumped up in her excitement
and began to pace the room.

"Sarah, wait. I'm not finished."

"What. Did you forget about the part where you say
this tape will self-destruct in five seconds?" 

"Mac, please, sit down. There's more I need to tell
you."

The peaceful feeling that had been encompassing Mac
slowly began to dissipate and in its place, a ribbon
of dread wound its way around her heart. "I knew it
was too good to be true. What is it? I can go back,
but I won't be able to change anything. I'll make the
same mistakes as before."

"That's up to you, Mac. God has given you an
incredible opportunity. But, there is no guarantee
that things will be different. What happens is up to
you. It's that infernal free will thing again. As much
as God would love to give you a happy, carefree life,
he won't because he has given you the freedom over
your decisions. Just remember, Sarah, one of those
decisions is whether or not you allow God to lead you
or you follow a path of your own design."

Mac sat in silence for several minutes. What she was
being offered was literally a once-in-a-lifetime
oppurtunity. If she went back, she could try and
change what had happened. She could get it right this
time. This time it would be different. Unless......

"Rose? What if I fail? What if nothing changes?"

"Mac, if you go back, whatever happens will effect the
future. You will continue to live the past two years
over again, but after you return from Sydney, your
hindsight will vanish. You will live your life over
again from the trip to Sydney onward. The only thing
God is allowing you to try and change are the events
related to that trip to Sydney. Once you return, you
won't remember going back. You won't remember me. All
you will know is what happened in Australia and you
will have to once again live with the consequences of
those events."

Mac contemplated Rose's words and then suddenly looked
at her with confidence. "All right, I accept God's
gift. I want to go back. Will you be going with me?"

"Yes, I'll be there, but I can't tell you what to do.
Only God can help you with that. Please, Sarah, ask
God to help you. It's the only way that things
can....Ouch!"

"What? What's wrong?" Mac looked on in confusion as
her ethereal friend rubbed her upper arm.

"You don't have to poke so hard. I'm sorry. I know, I
know, no nudging." Rose's conversation was uttered to
the ceiling, but Mac knew it traveled much further
than that.

Looking over at Mac, Rose smiled sheepishly. "Sorry,
I'm not suppose to push you in any particular
direction."

"Why did you?"

"For a purely selfish reason."

"A selfish angel?" Mac laughed softly at the
description.

"Well, we were all human at one point. Old habits are
hard to break. Especially the bad ones."

"Mind if I ask what you were being selfish about?" For
some reason this woman, angel, had found her way into
Mac's heart and she wanted to help her if she could.
Although, what she had to offer an angel was a mystery
to her.

"Let's just say if you succeed in getting your life
back on the track God intended for it, I'll have a
heartfelt request granted."

"You mean God wants me to be with Harm?"

"Oh yes! He picked Harm for you a long time ago and
you for him, but somewhere between the Rose Garden and
now, you both took the wrong roads. Instead of
traveling toward each other, as God intended, you
started traveling away from each other"

"That's an understatement." Walking over to her new
celestial friend, Mac smiled warmly and touched Rose
gently on the shoulder. "I promise, I'll try and make
things work so that all of us are happy."

Rose blinked back tears because she knew just how
sincere Mac was. "You just concentrate on righting the
wrongs in Sydney. If I'm meant to have my wish, I'll
have it." Rose laughed slightly and tried to smile.

Mac smiled back and then grew serious once again.
"What happens now? How do I get back to the past?"

Rose motioned her over to the window. "One more thing
before you go, Sarah. Hindsight is a gift but it can
also be a temptation. You must never let anyone know
about your ability. You cannot interfere in any matter
that doesn't pertain to you. In other words, no
warning Bud to keep his mouth shut while on the phone
at Manly beach. No telling Harm that his client is in
cahoots with his wife and her lover. Nothing like that
or you will be immediately sent back and nothing will
be changed. Do you understand?"

"Yes. I understand. Promise me you'll be there for
moral support. Please, Rose."

"I promise, Sarah. Now, look out the window." 

Mac turned her head toward the window, not knowing
what to expect but knowing that God was in charge. She
heard Rose's voice as though from far away. "It was
snowing that day you found out about the trip to
Sydney wasn't it? In fact it was snowing a lot." At
her words, the wind picked up outside and the gently
falling snow increased in intensity until Mac could no
longer see across the street.

"It was frigid and icy and you had a cold........"

"Ahhhchoooo!"

"Bless you, Ma'am."

Mac looked up to find Bud beside her. "Bud?"

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"What's going on? Ahhhchooo!"

"Gesundheit."

"Harm? What are you doing here?"

"I work here, Mac, same as you do." His flyboy grin
warmed her heart as it always did, even now in the
midst of her confusion. Confusion that vanished as
Gunny approached them, offering to take their coats.

"Sir, Ma'am the Admiral wants to see you ASAP."

Mac heard herself asking even while she knew the
answer. "What about, Gunny?"

"Wouldn't know, Ma'am, but I do know that Commander
Brumby called this morning from Sydney."

Harm and Bud started toward the Admiral's office, but
Mac held back. Looking out the window, she saw the
snow falling heavily. She knew without looking at her
calendar what the year was, the month, the day. She
also knew without a doubt that it was the start of a
new beginning or the beginning of an old nightmare.

JAG HQ

January 2000

Admiral Chegwidden Office

One thing about hindsight, it allowed one to daydream
during the Admiral's lecture and still know what he
had said. As Admiral Chegwidden went on about Seaman
Ian Dunsmore, who had been arrested and P.O. Kevin
Lee, who's body had just been discovered, Mac had to
bite her tongue to keep from correcting him. That was
the other thing about hindsight that Mac was
discovering very quickly, if played havoc with the
lining of your cheek.

I could save Harm so much time and effort if I could
just let him know that Ian Dunsmore is the one who was
killed, not Kevin Lee. That Kevin Lee is actually the
man he is going to end up defending. The one who is a
deserter, killer, liar and all around scum-bucket. Of
course, it would also help if I could tell him that
Kevin Lee is in cahoots with his wife and her lover. I
could let him know that they're setting him up
and....... The reoccurring soap-opera in her head was
suddenly making her dizzy. Mac rubbed her temple in an
attempt to dispel the impending headache.

"You still with us, Colonel?"

"Oh, yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. Just a headache that won't
go away."

"Yeah, that sums up Mic Brumby all right." Harm gave
the observation under his breath but everyone in the
room heard his words.

"Pardon, Commander?" AJ had that
I'd-love-to-laugh-but-can't-cause-I'm-the-JAG look on
his face

"Sorry, Sir. Just thinking out loud." Harm tried to
look contrite but didn't quite manage the feat.

He looked over at Mac and instead of giving him the
glare Harm assumed he'd receive, she grinned at him
and then ducked her head. Maybe things were starting
to look up. Of course, going to Australia to see good
'ole Mic again wasn't going to make his year. What a
way to start the Millennium.

"Mr. Rabb, you and Mr. Roberts will be going to
Australia. Commander Brumby requested you personally."
AJ sat back to watch the fireworks he knew were
coming.

"Me? Mic Brumby asked for me? Why not the Colonel,
Sir?"

"Commander, do I look as though I have the necessary
tools with which to probe the depths of Mic Brumby's
brain?"

"No, Sir. Not that you would want to, even though you
are a SEAL. It just seems odd, Sir."

Looking toward Mac, AJ cocked an eyebrow and inquired,
"Does it seem odd to you, Colonel?"

"No, Sir. I have a feeling Mr. Brumby would like the
chance to go up against Commander Rabb on his own
turf, so to speak." As soon as the words left her
mouth, Mac gasped and waited with breath suspended to
see if she would be hurtled back to the present,
future, wherever. When nothing happened, she silently
breathed a sigh of relief at the same time as her
prayer of thanks went skyward.

How in the world did that guy on "Quantum Leap" ever
know where he was or which end was up? Mac's musings
were cut short by Harm's next comment.

"Aren't you upset that he didn't ask for you,
Colonel?" The look in his gorgeous eyes said he was
asking more than his words implied.

"No, Commander. Any reason I should be?" Her eyes said
if he wanted to know more he'd have to come right out
and ask.

"If you two are through fishing, I'd like to wrap this
up."

Two rather subdued, "Yes, Sirs", were heard in the
otherwise still office.

"Good. Rabb, you and Mr. Roberts leave tonight.
Colonel, I expect that paperwork on the Wiley case on
my desk by 1700. That will be all. Dismissed." Since
all backs were to him, none of the three officers
caught their CO's smile that finally worked its way
free of the iron restraints placed on it.

Mac made it into her office before Harm cornered her.
"Come on, Mac, admit it, you're mad because Mic didn't
ask for you."

A vivid recollection of her first reaction to these
events flashed through her mind. Apparently acute
embarrassment transcended time-travel. Shaking her
head a little too vigorously, Mac quickly tried to
defend herself. 

"I don't know why you think I should be upset, or why
you think Mic would have asked for me, but I assure
you, I am not mad, ticked, peeved or any other verb
you can come up with." She watched with satisfaction
as his expression went from smug to confused
to......hopeful.

"Well, uhm....I figured you probably missed him,
although I have no clue why, and I figured he would
ask for you because it would be the perfect
opportunity to get you alone which is what he's been
trying to do since he arrived at JAG."

At that moment, Mac fervently wished Rose, Harriet,
anybody was there to give her some kind of clue as to
what to say and do. Then, something Rose had said
tickled the back of her memory. Sending a quick prayer
for guidance heavenward, Mac stepped around her desk
and came to stand in front of Harm. She didn't touch
him but her eyes locked with his and refused to let
him look away.

"I don't miss Mic Brumby. The only Sailor I missed
when they left was you. Mic was a friend. Granted, he
wanted to be more, but I didn't. As for trying to get
me alone, the two of us have been alone together and
nothing ever happened, contrary to what you might have
thought." She had to struggle to keep a straight face
because Harm was really adorable when he blushed.

"I...ah...I never thought that. I mean anything like
that. You did go out with him." Blushing, embarrassed
people always got defensive. 

"As I recall, Commander, you know that particular
detail because you were out with Ms. Petersen that
same night. Did you two...?"

"NO!" His adamant response caused both of them to jump
slightly.

"Sorry. No, I have never, nor do I ever intend to
sleep with Renee Petersen. The woman bores me to
death. I never knew anyone who could talk about
nothing for so long and think they were saying
something of earth-shattering importance."

Mac couldn't help but smile at his description of the
Platinum Piranha and Harm joined her with a broad
smile of his own. At that exact moment, it was as
though nothing had changed. Everything was perfect
between them. There were no barriers, no hurtles, no
mistakes. If it could just stay like that, Mac knew,
eventually, they would find their way to each other.
If only life would continue just this way........

"Sir, Ma'am, excuse me, but I have your travel
arrangements, Commander. I thought you might like to
know your flight in order to plan accordingly." Tiner
stood in the open office door waiting for a response.

Harm slowly surfaced from the depths of Mac's eyes and
realized that Tiner had spoken. "Ah, thank you, Tiner"

"Yes, Sir. If you need anything else, let me know."

"I'll do that. Dismissed."

"Aye-aye, Sir."

After Tiner's departure, Mac tried to recapture the
feelings that had been, for once, allowed to flow
freely between them. Glancing at her tall partner, she
found him fidgeting, as though he too didn't know what
to say or do.

"Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"Thanks, but I don't want you driving in this
weather."

"We could take your SUV and then I'll drive it back to
your place and pick up my car there."

"You just want to drive in my nice, warm, comfortable
SUV." His flyboy grin was back and having its usual
effect on Mac's equilibrium.

"You have no sufficient evidence to support such a
claim, Counselor." Her attempt at self defense was
thwarted by a rather loud sneeze.

"Gesundheit and the prosecution rests, Colonel."

"Think you're funny don't ya, Sailor. Fine, take a
taxi. Pay a ridiculous fee. Worry about your vehicle
while you're away." Mac sat down at her desk and
picked up the first file on her desktop, beginning to
examine it closely.

"Oh, all right, but promise me you'll be careful."
Harm was still standing in front of her desk and she
looked up into his worried face.

"For Pete's sake, Harm, I won't hurt your precious
SUV. I happen to be a very capable driv...." Any
further words were cut off by Harm's warm fingers on
her lips. Any further breath was also vanquished.

Leaning over her desk, so that their faces were mere
inches apart, Harm softly said, "I wasn't worried
about the SUV, Mac. It's you I want safe. I can
replace a car, but you Sarah MacKenzie are
irreplaceable. See you at 6:30."

He turned and walked out of her office as though he
turned her world upside down everyday. Just walked out
as though he didn't notice she hadn't drawn a full
breath in the past five minutes. Strolled right out
and into the bullpen with no concern for her heart
that had decided to do barrel rolls in her chest.

She should have been a little perturbed, at least, for
having been pulled into the Harmon Rabb spell. She
should have been annoyed at her traitorous body's
reactions. She should have been slightly miffed at his
nonchalant departure. Instead, Lt. Colonel Sarah
MacKenzie sat at her desk, which was covered with at
least three days of solid work, with the biggest,
happiest, pleased-as-punch smile on her face that
anyone at JAG had ever seen. And the thing of it was,
at that moment, she couldn't have cared less about
protocol or office conduct. Things were going to work
out this time. They could. They would. They had to.

JAG HQ

Two Days Later

5:00 p.m.

Tiner was going to buzz her any minute and then she
was going to have to go into the Admiral's office,
sign papers and beat a dignified, very hasty retreat.
Hindsight was wonderful but it did take a bit of the
excitement out of one's day.

As predicted, Mac's intercom summoned her five minutes
later. She and the Admiral were just about finished
with the mountain of forms between them when Gunny
walked in the door. He delivered the news about the
labs verification of Seaman Ian Dunsmore's body and
then concluded correctly that an NCO officer would
accompany the body to Australia.

Mac sat silently and was about to ask to be dismissed
when AJ's voice stopped her colder than the plummeting
temperature in his office. "Colonel, wouldn't you like
to go to Australia? You could accompany the body back
to its rightful resting place and then try and rid
yourself of that cold."

NO! He can't do this to me. I'm staying right here in
Washington. Good 'ole, freezing, sleety, snowy,
Washington. I will not go to Sydney. If I stay here
nothing will happen between Harm and me and then when
he gets home, we'll talk. Mac repeated the logical
words until her breathing returned to normal. Then,
realizing that the Admiral was waiting for an answer,
she turned her attention back to her CO.

"No, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Protocol only requires an
NCO, as Gunny said, so I see no reason for me to go."

"I thought you'd want to go, Colonel. I mean your
friends are down there. Maybe you could help out with
the case, unofficially of course."

For a moment, Mac would have sworn that the Admiral
was smiling, but knowing that he never did that while
issuing orders, she pushed the thought away. "No, Sir.
I have a lot of work here and going to Sydney would
just put me that much further behind." Hoping she
didn't sound as desperate as she felt, Mac rose to
leave but was once again snared by AJ's voice.

"Colonel, you deserve a break. Your work will be here
when you get back. Is there some reason you don't want
to go, Colonel?"

Oh, boy is there. How about; Sir, if I go my whole
life with spin out of control. I'll lose Harm. I'll
end up semi-engaged to Mic Brumby. And last but not
least, Bud will royally mess up with Harriet, get a
broken jaw and have to use me as an interpreter. Yep,
that ought to do it. The Admiral wouldn't send her to
Sydney after that, he'd send her to Bethesda for a
psych-eval.

Sydney. Little padded room. Sydney. Little padded
room...... "Sir, if I go to Sydney my whole life will
spin....."

"Colonel, you're going."

"But, Sir...."

"Tiner will have your flight arrangements in an hour.
Have a nice trip, Colonel." AJ sat down behind his
desk and resumed working on the file in front of him.
He was so calm for someone who had just thrown her
onto the path of destruction.

Numbly, Mac walked out of his office and over to her
own. She was going to Sydney. It was all going to
happen again. What was she going to do? Just then, her
eyes fell on a picture of her and Harm taken at the
Rose Garden. They were smiling and right in back of
them was a rose bush in perfect bloom. 

Looking up at the night sky and then back at the
picture, Mac closed her eyes and whispered, "You
promised you'd be with me. Don't leave me now." She
wasn't sure if the plea was meant for Rose or God, but
it didn't really matter. With what lay ahead of her,
she was going to need all the help she could get.

Tiner, punctual man that he was, had her flight
arrangements to her in 47 minutes. With the dreaded
trip in front of her, Mac was leaving to go home and
pack when the sight of Gunny talking on the phone
stopped her progress. Something told her he was
talking to Harm. That same something also told her to
divert Harriet from her present course.

"Harriet, may I see you for a moment?"

"Be right there, Ma'am."

"I really need you now, Harriet." Mac tried to sound
desperate without appearing un-Marinish, but saw with
horror that Harriet was reaching for the phone Gunny
was handing her.

"Harriet! Now!"

"Uhm, yes, Ma'am, but it's Bud, Ma'am. What? Oh, hi,
Bud. Yes, I was going to talk to you, but Colonel
MacKenzie needs my help. Talk to you soon. Love you.
Bye." 

Harriet walked over to Mac, looking about ready to
burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Ma'am. That was
inexcusable. What can I do for you, Colonel."

Mac's soft heart melted at Harriet's mournful
expression. "I'm sorry, Harriet. Its just that I
didn't want you to talk to Bud." The moment the words
were out, Mac wanted to snatch them back.

"Why, Ma'am?"

Think, Marine, think. Mac juggled several answers
before settling on a tried and true defense.

"I didn't want you to get in trouble for using the
phones for personal use. You know, here in the bullpen
and all. If you'd like, you can use my office and call
Bud back." Harriet's beaming face helped ward off the
guilt of her good intentioned lie.

"Thank you, Ma'am." Harriet was almost to Mac's office
and Mac had almost made her escape when the junior
officer turned back. "Ma'am, how did you know Bud was
on the phone?"

"I knew Gunny was talking to Commander Rabb and I
heard you ask if Bud was there. When Gunny handed you
the phone, I just assumed he was on the phone."

Harriet looked as though she was going to question
Mac's reasoning but apparently the pull to talk to Bud
won out. After bidding both Harriet and Gunny
goodnight, Mac finally made it out to her car.
Cleaning and scraping her Vette helped to calm her
frazzled nerves. Entering the now warm car, Mac headed
toward her apartment and a date with her suitcase.

Well at least I was able to keep Bud out of the
dog-house with Harriet. Now if I can just keep his jaw
intact. Of course that will mean keeping Mic and Harm
apart. Admiral, I think I hate you at this particular
moment and why do I get the feeling that you're
enjoying this? Mac's thoughts remained muddled until
she was well on her way to retrieving Ian Dunsmore's
remains.

Tomorrow, she would be in Sydney. Tomorrow she would
be back with Harm. Tomorrow history would begin to
repeat itself under the warm sun of Australia. Unless
she could stop it. Unless she learned from the past.
Unless she finally relied on her Father. The Father
who had never abandoned her, and never would.

The Next Day

Sydney Australia

Harm picked up his phone on the third ring and a smile
immediately appeared on his handsome face at the sound
of the caller's voice.

"Hi, Sailor. Break all the female hearts in Sydney
yet?"

Laughing for the first time in days, Harm replied,
"Hardly, Colonel, but I wouldn't mind breaking a few
heads."

"Uh-oh, sounds like you and Mic are still the best of
enemies. At least wait until I get there so Bud has a
chance."

"A chance at what?"

"Uhhhh, bailing you out. If you and Mic go at it, Bud
will need a Marine to back him up in getting you out
of the brig." Mac breathed a sigh of relief when
Harm's laughter fell on her ear.

"Guess you're right. So, when are you arriving here in
sunny Aussieland?"

"My flight should be in around one. Think you could
pick me up?" That didn't sound too hopeful did it?

"Bud and I have to go and talk to our client and his
wife, but I promise, I'll try and be there."

"Well, don't worry if you can't, Mic will pick me up
if you can't make it." Mac felt the change in her
partner as if he'd been standing next to her.

"Harm?"

"Yeah, I'm still here, just like Mic is always there
waiting to pounce."

"Harm, I didn't mean it that way."

"It's okay, Mac. I'll try and be at the airport. Have
a safe flight. I'll see you soon. Gotta go." He had
said good-bye and hung up before Mac could get a word
in on her own defense.

Well done, Marine. Are we back at square one or are we
now entering the negative numbers?

"Jealousy isn't something to play with, Mac." Rose
appeared at her side as Mac started back toward the
departure gate.

"I wasn't trying to make Harm jealous."

"Weren't you? Then why point out that Mic would be
picking you up if Harm couldn't make it. It's not as
though Harm is sitting on the beach soaking up the
rays. He's working on a very sensitive case, opposing
a man who would like nothing more than to see him fall
flat on his face. He wasn't pushing you off, Mac. He
was simply trying to balance his wants with his duty."

Mac came to a stop as she entered the lounge area.
Turning to Rose, she sat down with a dejected sigh.
"Am I ever going to get it right with Harm? I know I
goad him about Mic, but it's the only way I seem to
get any emotion out of him."

"Is that how it's always been. You had to push his
buttons to make him respond?"

"No. When we first met, we talked all the time, about
everything, anything. I told him things about my past
that no one else knows. And, I think he told me things
about his life that he's never shared with anyone. We
were best friends, but somewhere along the line it all
got so messed up. Rose, when did it start? You know
don't you?"

Mac's pleading eyes touched her heart and Rose sent up
a quick prayer that her answer wouldn't hurt her
friend too much. "Yes, Mac, I know when it all started
to go wrong."

"When? Tell me, please."

"Why, Mac? You can't go back again. You've already
chosen this time to try and change things. Why tear
yourself up over something you can't change?"

"Because if I know where it all started to unravel,
maybe I can keep from making the same mistake again.
Please, Rose. Please tell me."

With a slight nod of acceptance, Rose answered Mac's
plea. "You're friendship with Harm started to fall
apart when you lied to him about your ex-husband."
Rose saw the hurt fill the other woman's eyes, but she
knew the truth, though painful, was always healing.

"I was trying to keep him out of it as much as
possible. I didn't want him......"

"You didn't want him that close to you. You didn't
want him to see your failures or your weaknesses. You
didn't trust him enough to give him the truth."

Without looking at Rose, Mac left the chair and walked
over to the bank of windows that look out at what
seemed to be endless runways. Rose came to stand
beside her, waiting patiently for her friend to speak.
When she did, it was in a small voice choked with
tears.

"He'd already seen me drunk. You don't know the awful
things I said to him that day." Looking over at Rose,
Mac had to smile slightly at the other woman's raised
look. "Well, maybe you do know."

"I know he forgave me for what I said, but I couldn't
forgive myself. Then, when Chris showed up, I couldn't
bear to let Harm know how badly I'd messed up my life.
He respected me. He cared about me. He'd shared his
most heartbreaking moments with me in Russia. I
couldn't let him know what I'd done."

Taking her gently by the shoulders, Rose turned Mac
toward her. "Sarah, do you remember what I told you
about God's ability to forgive?"

"Yes."

"God has given us all that same ability, Mac. We can
forgive people just as he does, in fact, God wants us
too. The only problem is, it's harder for us to
forgive than it is for God. Sarah, God has forgiven
you. Harm has forgiven you. Why can't you forgive
yourself?"

Mac finally looked up and as tears poured down her
cheeks, Rose gathered her into her arms. "God loves
you. Harm loves you. Let them, Sarah. Don't push them
away, even if you think it's for their own good. Love
endures all things, Mac. Love never fails."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Mac picked up her
carry on as her flight was announced. Turning to Rose,
she offered her friend a small smile. "I'll try, I
really will, but I'm scared. How will I know for
sure?"

Rose walked with her to the door of the plane. She
stopped Mac just as she was about to hand the flight
attendant her ticket. "Aren't you coming?"

"I'll be with you. Besides, I don't need these
high-tech contraptions."

Mac smiled and laughed at their inside joke. "All
right. I'll see you in Australia."

"In Australia. And Sarah, I want you to think about
one thing. I told you that love never fails. You
wanted to know how you'd be sure."

At Mac's questioning nod, Rose smiled. "If you find
the answer to this question, you'll have the answer to
all the others. Mac, has Harmon Rabb, Jr. ever failed
you?"

"Ma'am, I need your ticket, please."

Mac looked up to find a smiling attendant holding out
her hand. Looking back, she wasn't as surprised as she
should have been to find no one beside her. Handing
the woman her ticket, Mac stepped on the plane and
started the final leg of her journey to Australia, to
Harm.

Same Day

Airport, Sydney Australia

Breathing a sigh of relief, that lasted only seconds,
Harm headed toward the one person in Australia he
could learn to truly hate. At least he had gotten here
before Mac. In a day that was heading for zero, it was
a slight improvement. Hopefully, seeing Mac's
beautiful face would raise it several more degrees. He
stopped near Mic and pretended intense interest in the
comings and goings on the airfield.

"What's wrong, Mate? Didn't you trust me alone with
Mac?" Mic's smug expression elevated his blood
pressure, but Harm refused to give the Australian the
satisfaction of stooping to his level.

"I'm here to pick up my partner, Mic. Whether I trust
you or not is a discussion that's too long for the
time we have to be together."

"Come on, Harm. Everybody knows you and Mac are more
than partners. You can't honestly expect me to believe
that you haven't sampled her wares so to speak."

The crude remarks about Jenny at the restaurant, not
to mention every other woman they seemed to pass, were
bad enough but officer or not, there was no way he was
letting a comment like that go unanswered. Not about
Mac. Especially about Mac. Turning on Mic so quickly,
the other man had to back up or fall on his six, Harm
pierced him with a glare that was as effective as any
choke hold would have been.

"First of all, Lieutenant Commander Brumby, let me
remind you that you are speaking to and more
importantly about a superior officer. Secondly, my
relationship with Mac is absolutely none of your
business, but I will tell you that I have far too much
respect and admiration for Sarah MacKenzie then to
treat her like a Saturday night pick-up. And last but
most importantly, if you ever speak about my partner
and best friend in such a derogatory manner again,
you'll be in need of an extremely lengthy sick leave.
Do I make myself clear, Mr. Brumby?"

Mic for once had the intelligence to keep his mouth
shut except for his hasty response of, "Yes, Sir."

Harm was still trying to regulate his thundering pulse
and breathing, when Mac's plane touched down on the
runway. He waited beside Mic while Mac finished the
necessary paperwork and saw that Ian Dunsmore's body
was returned to his family. When Mac turned toward
them, Mic was half way to her before Harm even blinked
twice.

Smiling ruefully, Harm had to admit that the obnoxious
man bounced back quickly. His smile faded abruptly
however, when he heard the question Mic posed to Mac.

"I was thinking that since I have the day off, you and
I could go to the beach. What do you say, Colonel?
Care to soak up the sun a bit?" Mic was all teeth and
smiles, causing Harm to feel an intense need to
rearrange both for him.

Mac was trying to be polite to Mic while at the same
time, gauging Harm's reaction to Mic's offer. On the
surface, Mic's words seemed to have had no effect on
her partner. It wasn't until she glanced down at the
hand holding her suitcase, that Harm's real feelings
were revealed. His knuckles were so white from
clenching the handle of the luggage that Mac was
afraid it wouldn't make it back to D.C.

As the three approached the terminal, Mic talked
incessantly about all the places he wanted to take
her. He was the first one to the door, but instead of
holding the door for her and Harm, he stopped mid-way
through, informed her that she was going to love
Sydney and continued on into the terminal. Before she
had a chance to catch the door, a strong arm shot
above her head and held it for her.

Turning to look over her shoulder, Mac found herself
caught in Harm's eyes. Her thank you sounded a little
breathless but that couldn't be helped considering the
fact that she seemed unable to get her lungs to
function properly. Harm nodded and gave her that
knee-melting smile of his. If that wasn't hard enough
on her nervous system, he put his hand at the small of
her back and expertly guided her through the crowded
terminal. 

It was just after he hugged her close to avoid a
collision with a harried businessman, that the answer
to Rose's question exploded in her mind.

NO! No, Harmon Rabb, Jr. had never failed her. He was
always there, always defending her, protecting
her.....loving her. He had never turned away from her,
only she from him. He had never judged her or
condemned her. He had always been her staunchest ally,
her best friend. 

Why hadn't she seen it? Fear, mistrust, confusion? Mac
wasn't sure and it didn't matter now. All that
mattered was that she had the answer. 

A movement to her right caught her eye. Glancing over,
she saw Rose standing near the far wall. Mac mouthed
the word no and was rewarded by not only a smile from
her angelic guide, but a thumbs-up was thrown in for
good measure.

"What are you smiling about, Colonel?" Harm's voice
flowed over her like gently rain onto parched land.
His voice held that gentle teasing tone that he only
used with her. Only with her.

Looking up at him as he walked by her side, Mac smiled
and for once let her feelings out in her words. "I'm
just really glad you came to get me. I know Mic wanted
to do it, but I'd rather be with you." For a moment,
she was afraid she had said too much, but than that
smile only Harm could produce spread across his face.

"I'm glad you're glad, Marine, because I didn't want
you with Mic either." He would have said more, but
just then they arrived at the counter where Mic Brumby
was waiting.

"There you are. I was afraid I'd lost you. Now, as
soon as we're done here, we can head for your hotel
and then on to the beach. So, let's get this
show......."

"Mic. Thanks for inviting me, but I think I'll pass." 

Before Mic had a chance to protest, which judging by
the set of his jaw, he was about to, Harm's cell phone
rang. After concluding his call, he turned back to Mac
and gave her an apologetic look.

"That was Bud. Jenny never showed at the jail. We have
to try and track her down." 

Mac could tell by his expression, that he wasn't happy
with the turn of events. She figured God wouldn't mind
if she gave Bud and Harm a little nudge in the right
direction. "Maybe you should try the restaurant first.
She might be hiding out there. You know, use it as an
excuse why she couldn't come. I could go along."

The tension around Harm's eyes lifted at her
suggestion and the grin returned full force. "You
wouldn't mind? I thought you might be tired after your
trip."

His grin was contagious, as usual, and Mac couldn't
help but tease him. "I'm a Marine, Squid. We don't get
jet-lag. We save it for you Sailors."

"Oh, is that so, Miss Marine? Well in that case, let's
finish up here and go meet Bud." His hand returned to
her back and Mac instantly felt ten degrees warmer.

Mic, who was not at all pleased with the turn of
events, chose that moment to make his presence known.
"I didn't realize you'd be working the case, Colonel.
Unofficially of course. I'm sure the Admiral realized
that Rabb could use the extra help."

Mic's snide comments, coming so closely on the heels
of her revelations about Harm, caused Mac to really
look at the man who had been a supposed friend for
many months. His face no longer held the ever-cheerful
grin but instead looked cold and calculating. His eyes
were darting back and forth between her and Harm and
Mac could almost see the wheels turning in his mind.
Finally, she saw Mic Brumby for what he really was, a
small man. Not in stature, but in substance. 

The question arose again of why she hadn't seen it,
but as she had before, Mac didn't ponder it, only
thanked her Father that he had helped her to open her
eyes to the truth before it was too late. Turning to
Mic, she fixed him with her best "Colonel" look and
did something that was long overdue, defend her
partner and friend against false accusations.

"Mr. Brumby, Commander Rabb is more than capable of
handling this case without my assistance, but should
he ask for it, I will be more than willing to give it.
The two of us have been partners and friends for
years. Friends help and stand by each other."

"He wasn't such a wonderful friend when he ditched you
to go back to his beloved Tomcats." The sneer was back
on Mic's face, but Mac ignored it as she turned to
look at Harm before answering Brumby's latest folly.

"No, Mic. I was the one who wasn't a good friend. I
didn't listen or try to understand." The surprise and
happiness in Harm's eyes was worth any amount of crow
she had to eat and apparently her words had also
succeeded in pressing the mute button on Mic Brumby.

"Let's go, Flyboy. Bud will think you got lost." They
left Mic standing at the counter, silently fuming. Mac
knew it wasn't over between the three of them but this
time, she was were she belonged in the war between the
two officers. She was at Harm's side and that was
where she intended to stay.

Mic watched them walk away, all the while determined
to get Harm back for messing up his plans with Mac. If
he hadn't been there, Mic knew she would have gone
with him and he could have gained an advantage over
the towering Tomcat pilot. He was so engrossed in his
plotting, that the woman's voice beside him caused him
to jump.

"My but that pretty Marine Colonel certainly was
looking forward to seeing that handsome Naval
Commander. Talked about him the entire trip. Now I see
why." Watching Mic Brumby storm off, Rose laughed and
then looked upward, defending herself slightly.

"Well, she did!" As she started off in the direction
Harm and Mac had taken, Rose thought she heard
laughter. A Father's loving laughter.

Sydney, Australia 

Same Day

"You know, Harm, that's really disgusting." Mac's
voice carried to him as he stood in front of the
mirror in the wig shop. 

"What is?"

"That you can make even that thing look good."

Harm turned to find Mac grinning at him and he found
himself returning the look. He'd been doing a lot of
that in the past several hours but he wasn't
complaining, not one bit.

"Thanks, Marine. I think I'll take that as a
compliment."

"I would if I were you, Sir." Bud's grin was a big as
Mac's and Harm laughed as he looked at his friends. It
had been a long time since the three of them had been
together and he had missed the closeness they had
always shared. Maybe, if he was really lucky, he could
find some way to get those feelings back with Mac.

An idea began to form in his mind and Harm decided
that the present was as good a time as any to put his
plan into action. While Bud was looking at the wigs,
Harm pulled Mac to the side, after paying for his
purchase.

"Mac, would you have dinner with me tonight?"

Mac didn't hesitate to answer, after all, there was
nothing to worry about. The last time, she had been
through this, her first night was spent having dinner
with Bud. This time, she could spend it with the
person she had wanted to be with all along, Harm.

"Sure. Where did you want to go?"

"I thought we'd take the ferry across to Luna Park.
There's something I want to check out, but then we can
hang out at the park. I know how you love all that
artery-clogging food."

THE FERRY!! He wanted to go on the ferry! But wait,
that's tomorrow night. We're not suppose to go until
tomorrow night. Mac's mind argued while her stomach
clenched and her heart started beating in double-time.
There was only one problem with this hind-sight thing.
It didn't work when only one person knew about it.

"Uhmm, we could do that tomorrow night."

"Why not tonight?"

Because if you give me another 24 hours, I might be
able to come up with an excuse not to go at all.

"Well, ahhh, all that greasy stuff might not work too
well on my travel-weary stomach."

"I thought you said you didn't have problems with
travel." His grin that usually worked wonders only
received a fleeting response.

"I lied. Couldn't we do it tomorrow night?"

"I really wanted to do this and get it out of the way,
and I was hoping you would be able to help me. Tell
you what, we'll go over and investigate what I need to
know and then we can come back and eat around here
somewhere. How does that sound?"

It sounds like you're a very considerate man, which
you are, but I reeeally don't want to get on that
ferry. Everything is going great, better than great,
and I don't want to mess it up. Now, how do I tell you
that without you thinking my mind is not only
jet-lagged but gone completely UA?

Mac realized that Harm was giving her a very puzzled
look. She tried to come up with some type of
explanation, but he started speaking before she had
the chance. 

"Listen, Mac, if you don't want to spend the evening
with me, it's okay. You probably have things you'd
like to see and do. I'm sure if you called up Brumby,
he'd be glad to show you around." He didn't say it
with any anger or jealousy in his voice. His voice was
instead dejected and it was that tone that got through
to her heart and overrode the fear that had taken a
firm grip around it.

"Harm, wait. I told you at the airport that I'd rather
be with you and I meant it. I'll go with you to Luna
Park, but you have to promise to buy me dessert,
something really gooey and choclatey." Mac put her
hand on his arm and felt the tension drain out of him
at her words.

"Thought your stomach was upset?" He was doing that
eyebrow thing of his, but his lips were turned up in a
semi-grin.

"It is, but chocolate is just the thing for it. Didn't
you know that, Squid?"

"No. Can't say as I've ever heard that. Must only be
in the Marine Survival Manual. All the other branches
use Pepto and Tums."

"Well, it's not my fault you're not all up on the
latest breakthroughs. Speaking of which, I'm hungry.
Let's round up Bud and get something to eat." Grabbing
Harm's hand, Mac tugged him toward the door, tapping
Bud on the shoulder on the way out.

"Mac, it's only a few hours till dinner." This time he
was shaking his head but the Rabb smile was back in
full force.

"You don't think I'm going to get on that ferry with
an empty stomach, do you?"

"Oh, no. Of course not. Now, if you were a Marine or
something, I might suggest it, but since you're not
used to being on the water, I won't."

"Stuff it, Sailor. Bud, come on, we're going to get
something to eat."

"Oh great! I'm starved." 

"You had to agree with her, didn't you, Bud."

"Sir?"

"Nothing, Bud. Ignore him. Come on, Flyboy. Let's go."

Bud watched in amazement as Commander Rabb allowed the
Colonel, now dressed in civilian clothes, to lead him
by the hand down the walkway. He was about to ask
about the strange occurrence, when a little voice in
his head caused him to break out in a huge smile. 

Wait til I tell Harriet about this!

After their snack, the three parted ways, with Mac
returning to the hotel and Harm and Bud going back to
talk to Kevin Lee. At six o'clock, Harm knocked on her
door and was momentarily stunned by the vision in
front of him.

When he finally found his voice, he managed to utter,
"Wow, you look fantastic."

Mac lit up the room with her answering smile. "Why
thank you, Sailor. You look pretty darn good yourself.
I always liked that jacket."

Harm gave her a puzzled look before saying, "It's
new."

One more thing about hindsight, it made for awkward
moments.

"Oh, well, it, ahhh, must look like another jacket you
have. Anyway, I like it. I'm ready if you are."

It wasn't until a smile replaced the frown on his
face, that Mac breathed a sigh of relief. As soon as
they were outside the hotel, however, any worries
about her slip were forgotten when she realized they
were heading for the pier. Her tension must have
transmitted itself to Harm, because he squeezed the
hand he was holding and pulled her closer to his side.

"You okay?"

Mac tried to smile, but she knew it didn't quite make
it. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She couldn't think of anything else to talk about, so
she fell silent for the rest of the walk to the ferry.
Waiting on a bench while Harm purchased their tickets,
Mac looked up to find Rose standing in front of her.

"Oh, am I glad to see you. What am I going to do? This
is where it all went so horribly wrong. Help me, Rose.
Tell me what to do." Mac grasped the woman's hands and
pulled her down beside her on the bench.

"Mac, I can't tell you what to do."

"But you said you'd be here to help me. If you can't
tell me what to do, who can?"

"Sarah, you know the answer to that. I'm merely your
guide and friend. I can't give you the answers you
need. Only God can do that. Talk to him, Sarah. Listen
to him. He'll lead you if you let him. Good luck, my
friend." She was gone before Mac could utter a sound.
When she turned back toward the ticket area, she saw
that Harm was headed toward her.

Mac had never prayed much in her life. God had always
seemed too far away and to big to be bothered with her
meager life, but tonight, faced with the possible
destruction of her dreams for the second time, Mac
prayed to a Father who had always been there but was
new to her heart.

"Dear God, please let me say the right thing. Don't
let me mess this up again. I love him, Father. Please
don't let me lose him."

It wasn't a long prayer or even all that eloquent but
somehow, Mac knew her words had been heard. Now, she
had to listen for her Father's answer.

"Ready to go, Mac?"

Looking up into green eyes that had haunted her
thoughts day and night for four years, Mac took a deep
breath and placed her hand in Harm's. This time, her
smile was genuine, if not quite as brilliant as usual.

"Ready, Commander. Lead the way."

The night was beautiful. The stars were brilliant. God
was in his heaven and all was right with the world.
And, on the deck of a ferry in Sydney Harbor, a woman
waited for His voice. The voice that would make
everything right in her heart.

Sydney Harbor

Same Night

It was said that silence was golden, but Harm couldn't
see it. The silence that was engulfing him right now
was dark and foreboding. Mac hadn't said more than two
words since they had boarded the ferry. She was
standing at the rail, waiting. The big problem was,
Harm couldn't figure out what she was waiting for.

Come on, Rabb, you know she didn't really want to come
tonight. She's probably just waiting for the night to
be over. Why was it that the voices in your head were
always shouting when there was total silence?

Looking over at Mac, still gazing out at the water,
Harm took a deep breath and forced words passed his
lips. "I guess you'd rather be with Mic."

Well, at least I got her attention.

Mac looked over at him, total shock written on her
beautiful face. "What on earth would make you say a
thing like that?"

Tired of the pretense and trying to save enough energy
to take her rejection, Harm shook his head in defeat.
"Come on, Mac. You haven't said two words to me since
we got on the ferry. What am I suppose to think except
the obvious, you can't wait for this night to be
over."

Mac couldn't decide how to explain her behavior
without saying too much. "Harm, it isn't like that.
It's just that I was......" Her explanation was cut
off by Harm's voice.

"I know I'm not as charming with words as Mic is
but......" 

This time, he was the one silenced when Mac stepped
close to him and turned his face toward her. "Harmon
Rabb, Jr., you can charm anyone with a few words and
that smile of yours. I've seen you in action in court.
Remember? You charm everyone around you."

"Yeah, everyone but you." At his unintentional words,
Harm tried to look away, but Mac wouldn't allow it.

"You're wrong you know. You've always been able to get
my attention and charm me into the Rabb
train-of-thought. I just never thought you were doing
it on purpose, to me at least. I mean, I'm just good
'ole Mac after all."

Harm reached up and brushed her cheek softly with the
back of his hand before letting it fall back to his
side. He couldn't quite seem to look at her and Mac
let him stare out at the water. Past experience had
taught her not to corner Harmon Rabb when the
discussion turned personal. He stood very still for
several minutes. Mac was beginning to think he wasn't
going to say anything. Finally, he started to speak
and Mac held her breath, not willing to hope for too
much but not able to stop herself.

"You're a lot more than good 'ole Mac to me. I'm just
not very good at telling you how special you are to
me. I can address a Congressional committee and not
flinch. I can cross-examine anyone on the witness
stand and tear their testimony to shreds. I can give
closing arguments that gives a dead-in-the-water case
a chance at new life, but when it comes to telling a
certain beautiful, lady Marine that she means the
world to me, I can't get the words past my frozen
vocal cords."

Harm didn't know what he had expected, but the return
of silence wasn't one of them. When Mac didn't speak
for what seemed like an eternity, Harm looked over and
found tears on her cheeks.

"Mac, what's wrong?"

"Not a thing."

"Then why are you crying?"

Laughing through her tears, Mac shook her head and
smiled at the man beside her. "Harmon Rabb, did you
hear what you just said?"

"Yes. I asked you why you were crying."

His words earned him a playful swat on the arm, but
the confusion still remained in his eyes. "No, not
that! Before, when you were talking about me." His
blank look caused Mac to roll her eyes, but she wasn't
going to let him get away without an explanation. 

"You said I meant the world to you. Did you mean it?"
For the first time in almost four years of knowing
him, Mac saw Harmon Rabb, Jr., ace pilot and lawyer,
blush. He tried to look away again, but Mac kept his
gaze on her with a gentle touch of her hand to his
cheek.

"Harm, you don't have to say something you don't mean
just because you think it's what I want to hear. I
know you could have anybody and that I'm just your
best friend and partner. So, if that's the way you
meant it, it's okay. I'll understand. Really I will." 

Mac knew she was starting to babble, but she couldn't
seem to stop herself. That she had been, was confirmed
a few seconds later, when Harm gently cupped her face
in his hands and gave her a smile that could have
melted steel. "Are you through, Marine?"

Mac only had the chance to give him a stunned nod
before she felt his lips touch hers in a kiss she knew
she would relive until the day she died. There was
passion in this, their first real kiss. After four
years of waiting and hoping, passion was a given, but
there was so much more to it than that. There was
caring, trust, hope and most of all love. It was the
love that Mac felt the most. It sank into her weary
heart and revived it as nothing else could have.

Harm broke the kiss and moved back slightly to once
again look down at her with that grin of his on his
face. "Did that clarify what I meant?"

Mac, still in somewhat of a daze, smiled and nodded
her head. "Mmm-hmmm, and I like your clarification
method. Just don't try it in court."

His hands were still holding her face tenderly and at
her words, he stroked her cheek softly. "I'll reserve
this particular method just for you, Ninja-girl."

Suddenly, Mac's smile faded and a frown took it's
place. Worry grabbed at his heart and Harm tried not
to panic. "Mac? What's wrong?"

"Hmm? Oh nothing. I was just trying to think of
something else that needs clarification.

Seconds before their lips met, their laughter drifted
to the upper deck of the ferry. A young woman standing
by the rail, looked down upon the embracing couple
with a delighted smile on her face. Searching the
clear night sky, she saw a single star streak across
the heavens and her smile grew.

The Father was pleased.

New South Wales Supreme Court

Next Day

This day was going to be miserable no matter how
bright a spin he tried to put on it, but at the sight
of Mic Brumby heading toward him with that grin on his
face, Harm knew it was going to be down right
horrific.

"Morning Mate. Ready to get beaten?"

Not giving the obnoxious man the pleasure of rising to
his bait, Harm looked away from Brumby while asking,
"What do you want, Mic?"

"Just being friendly. By the way, I hear that you and
Mac were seen last night on the ferry in Sydney
Harbor. Guess you decided that while you're away from
D.C., you'll play a little. Can't say as I blame you.
Mac is quite the looker. Wouldn't mind 'playing' a
little with her myself."

Aware of the people around them, but unable to let
Brumby's crude comments slide, Harm rounded on him and
came within inches of Mic's sneering face.

"I believe I warned you about speaking of the Colonel
in such a fashion Lieutenant Commander Brumby. Perhaps
your brain is farther gone then I had assumed. Do it
again and I'll remind you in a way you'll never
forget."

Before Brumby could utter a word, Harm strode into the
courtroom and went up to Bud and Kevin Lee. He saw Mac
out of the corner of his eye. Turning, he gave her a
smile of reassurance because she had apparently seen
his run in with Brumby. He could tell Mac wanted to
talk to him, but court was being called into session,
so he shrugged and she waved before taking her seat.

He'd been right, the morning in court had been nothing
short of horrible. Harm shook his head ruefully as he
headed out into the hallway to find Mac. The sight
that met his eyes, caused his heart to sink right
after it turned to lead in his chest. There stood Mac,
her hand on Mic's arm, talking to him as though he
were a long lost friend.

Mac didn't see Harm come out of the courtroom because
her attention was focused on Mic. She had to get
through to him somehow.

"Mic, I saw you talking to Harm before court. What did
you want?"

Mic flashed her what he thought was a sexy grin and
whispered, "It's a secret. If you have dinner with me,
I might be persuaded to tell you."

Pulling back slightly in disgust, Mac smiled as
someone went by but her tone held no trace of that
particular expression. "Never mind, it's not that
important. Why don't you just lay off Harm. He's only
doing his job. After all, you're the one who asked for
him on this case."

"I asked for him, Mac, because I knew it would bring
you down here. It worked too."

The first time maybe, but not this time, Mister. This
time I fought it tooth and nail. Mac couldn't voice
her thoughts but she did give Mic a look that spoke
volumes.

"Why I'm here has nothing to do with you. Leave him
alone, Mic. Consider that an order." Without waiting
for a reply, Mac walked away.

She saw Harm heading out the door toward the steps
outside and wondered briefly why he hadn't waited for
her. Mic went past her in a blur and it was then that
Mac realized Harm and Bud had Kevin Lee between them.

Oh, no! I forgot. Not poor Bud's jaw again. Mac didn't
allow her thoughts to complete themselves, instead,
she rushed outside and tried to get as close to the
Naval officers as possible.

The scene unfolded in front of her and she felt
momentarily helpless to stop it. She saw Dunsmore's
brother heading for Kevin Lee and then saw Harm and
Mic each grab one of the men. And, there stood Bud in
the middle, just like before. That fact alone caused
Mac's stilled feet to move once again.

Mac made it Bud in time to push him out of the way.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Harm pull back
to swing at Mic and she yelled his name and put her
hand on his chest.

"Harm! Don't!" Whether it was her voice or her touch,
Mac would never know, but one or the other or both
caused Harm to stop in mid-swing and drop his arm.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Mac was about to turn
toward Mic when she heard Harm's outraged voice yell
at Mic. What Harm said to him never registered because
at that exact moment, Mic's fist connected with her
jaw.

Pain shot out from her jaw and radiated into her head
with an intensity that momentarily left everything
black. When the darkness began to recede, Mac found
herself propped against Harm's chest with his arms
cradling her. And, from the sound of his voice, he was
one ticked off Sailor!

"Harm? What happened?" Mac tried to sit up but Harm's
embrace was unrelenting and she quickly decided that
it wasn't such a bad place to be.

Harm took his infuriated glare off of Mic and turned
concerned eyes to Mac. "What happened is this jackass
belted you!"

Mac looked over at Mic who was about one shade shy of
absolutely-no- color-whatsoever. "It's okay, Mic. I
know you didn't mean to do it."

"Like hell he didn't!"

"Harm......"

"Mac, when are you going to realize that this guy is a
first-class loser? And to think, I thought we were
getting somewhere."

Before Mac could answer, Mic's Commanding Officer
arrived and after checking on Mac's condition, ordered
the two officers to appear before him immediately.
After the man had left, Harm gently helped Mac to her
feet and asked if she wanted Bud to take her to the
hospital.

"No, I'll go with you. I think it would be a good idea
if I was there to tell my side of what happened." 

Harm didn't look particularly pleased with her idea
and that worried her more than anything he might have
said. Harm quickly secured Kevin Lee and then ushered
both her and Bud toward the car. It didn't take long
to drive to the RAN headquarters and soon Harm and Mic
were standing in front of Brumby's CO being ripped to
shreds in a manner befitting Admiral AJ Chegwidden
himself.

As if on cue, the phone rang and when Brumby's
Superior discovered it was Admiral Chegwidden calling,
he turned the phone over to Mac after assuring AJ that
the two men would be "dealt with accordingly".

Mac took the receiver with trepidation dancing down
her spine. She knew, from past experience, that if she
didn't say the right thing, the Admiral would be on
the next plane to Sydney and Mic and Harm would be
fighting, literally, soon after his arrival. Taking a
deep breath to steady her careening nerves, Mac
addressed her CO.

"Admiral, this is Colonel MacKenzie. Yes, Sir, I'm
fine. No, Sir, I don't think you need to come over
here. Sir, Mr. Brumby didn't mean to hit me. It was an
accident, Sir. Yes, Sir, I will testify to that if the
need arises. Yes, Sir, I will. Thank you, Sir." Mac
handed the phone back and then looked over at the two
men still standing at attention.

"It seems you were able to pacify Admiral Chegwidden,
Colonel. He won't be coming to Sydney. He's left your
punishment in my hands, gentlemen. What do you think I
should do with you?"

Mac could tell from the furious look in Harm's eyes
that he was about to tell the man exactly what he
thought should be done with Mic Brumby. Trying to save
his arrogant, aggravating neck, Mac stepped in to
answer before either men had a chance.

"Sir, as I said to Admiral Chegwidden, neither
Commander Rabb nor Lieutenant Commander Brumby meant
for this to happen. It was an unfortunate accident."

"So you think that if you hadn't stepped in, that
these two wouldn't have gone at it on the courthouse
steps?"

Truthfully, no. They would have broken Lieutenant
Roberts' jaw and he'd be pleading their case with me
as a go between. She couldn't very well say any of
that, so Mac opted for as much truth as she could
reveal.

"No, Sir, I don't think they would have fought each
other in front of the courthouse." They would have
beat each other senseless after Admiral Chegwidden
showed up and took them wherever it was he took them.
This would have all been so easy if everyone could
have known what she did. As it was, Mac kept her
memories to herself and waited for the decision to be
handed down.

"You can both thank, Colonel MacKenzie. If she wasn't
such a good defense attorney, you'd both be in the
brig for conduct unbecoming. As it is, we're in the
middle of a highly volatile case and I don't want it
interrupted because the two attorneys involved would
rather act like children than the Naval officers they
profess to be. Now, I suggest you both get out of my
sight before I have the good sense to change my mind.
Dismissed."

Mic was the first one out the door, followed by Bud.
Mac waited in the hallway and as Harm emerged from the
office, she approached him, hoping to lighten his
mood.

"Well, that went a lot better than I expected it
would." She smiled up at him, but was met with a
thundercloud expression instead of the grin she had
anticipated.

"All thanks to you and your wonderful "defense". Mic
may need you to defend him, which you're obviously
more than willing to do by the way. I on the other
hand don't, Colonel. None of this would have happened
if you would have stayed in Washington. But you just
had to come here and continue your little game with
Mic Brumby, didn't you."

The force of his attack momentarily stunned her, but
all too quickly anger overrode any shock at his words.
"Hold it right there, Commander. I tried to get out of
coming. I was ordered here." Harm's derisive laughter
cut off anything further she might have said.

"Oh come on, Mac. You can wind the Admiral around your
finger just like every other man you meet. Mic Brumby
and me included." By this time, Harm was leaning over,
his eyes level with hers and filled with anger and
hurt.

"But I'll tell you something, Mac, not anymore. I'm
done playing the fool for you. If you think you can
run from me to Brumby and back again, think again. If
the Aussie is the one you want, so be it, but leave me
out of your little games." Turning on his heel, Harm
stormed off, leaving Mac staring at his retreating
back, fury and crushing defeat vying for supremacy.

Mac knew she was there. She didn't even have to look,
so instead, she began to vent her frustrations over
Harm's cruel words. "I have half a mind to tell that
pig-headed, obnoxious jerk all about his precious
case. How it's not me whose playing games with him but
his client. Then, I can go back and forget this ever
happened. At least before, he didn't think I was a
tramp."

Rose sent a quick but desperate prayer for guidance
heavenward before she began to speak. "Mac, you know
that was his jealousy and anger talking. Let him cool
off and then you two can talk it through."

"Me! Talk to that insufferable lout? Not likely."

"Mac, he saw you talking to Mic before court. Then,
you defended Mic to the Admiral."

"I defended both of them!"

"But why? Mic was in the wrong. Harm stopped as soon
as you touched him. Mic just kept charging. Try and
see what it looked like to Harm."

"I don't want to "see" what it looked like to Mr.
God's-gift-to-the-Navy. He didn't want to hear me out.
Why should I try to see his side?" Mac turned to
leave, but Rose stopped her with her quiet response.

"Just remember, Mac, if God waited until his children
gave him the same respect and courtesies he gives to
them before he listened to them, no prayer would ever
be heard let alone answered."

Mac didn't turn back, but her footsteps weren't quite
as determined and angry as they had been. Looking up
toward the clear blue sky, Rose released a weary sigh.
"Father, you've got to have a lot more patience than I
do with these humans. Which is a good thing, or we'd
all be sunk."

Rose was walking away from the courthouse when she
stopped and smiled. Glancing upward once again, she
chuckled. "Yes, Sir, I know they're made in your
image. I just wish they'd look in the mirror a little
more often before they open their mouths. I know, I
know. It may be a virtue but it sure isn't easy."

Rose knew the Father saw all things and that mere
mortals, including herself, only saw a small sliver of
God's vista, but just this once, she would have liked
to know what was around the bend for her friends.
Because from her small vantage point, it didn't look
good, for them or for her.

Following day

Courtyard at New South Wales Supreme Court

Bud wasn't a man to put himself in mortal danger on
purpose. He had a family to think about and getting
killed wouldn't be an ideal way to care for them.
These facts filtered through his mind as he saw Harm
approach the bench were he and Mac were sitting during
the lunch recess from court. Realizing it was too late
to beat a retreat, he crossed his fingers and prayed
that he would live through what he was sure was going
to be round who-knew-what of the ongoing war.

"I have to admit you did well this morning, Commander.
You took some pretty low shots at Commander Brumby
however." Mac said the words just to get a reaction.
She sighed inside the realization that she was back to
pushing his buttons in order to get a reaction from
him.

"Yeah I did, but it was worth it." He knew he
shouldn't rise to the bait, but couldn't seem to stop
himself.

"I'm glad you're pleased with yourself."

"I have to be. No one else is." The implication of his
words touched a raw nerve and Mac lashed out at him.

"Poor Harm, has to fight in and out of court because
he's not appreciated."

Bud saw the muscle jump in Harm's jaw and knew he had
to do something, or he'd be the one explaining to the
Admiral this time. "Ma'am they were fighting over you
really. You just got in the way, unfortunately."

Harm didn't give Mac a chance to respond. "We weren't
going to fight over her, Bud. We were going to fight
because of her." Harm glared at Mac. Mac glared right
back. Bud prayed for deliverance.

It came in the form of Mac's departure. She got up
without a word and stormed off toward the courthouse.
The silence lengthened between the two men. Each one
lost in their own thoughts until Bud finally broke the
quiet.

"Sir, I think if you just...."

"Don't, Bud. It's no use. Whatever we had is gone." 

Harm looked so dejected that Bud decided to leave him
to his misery for the time being. Walking over to the
wall, he leaned against it, taking in the activity in
the courtyard.

"Your friends seem upset."

Bud turned to find a pretty, young woman standing next
to him, a warm smile on her lips. Bud found himself
returning the smile as well as answering her question.
"They are and I don't know how to help them. I respect
them both so much. I know they love each other but
what can I do to make them see that?"

"Tell them the truth. Sometimes it hurts but coming
from a friend is often the only way it gets heard."

"You're very smart."

"Thank you and so are you. You're also a very caring
man."

"But will caring cut it this time?"

The woman smiled again and placed a hand on his arm,
squeezing slightly. "Not only will it cut it, Bud, it
will cure it." Bud smiled as the woman walked away. It
wasn't until she had disappeared that he realized she
had known his name.

Shaking his head to clear it, Bud looked over at Harm,
who was still seated on the bench, his head held in
his hands. Guess it's up to me. Where's Harriet when I
need her? Bud knew that help wouldn't be coming from
his wife this time, so he sent up a silent plea for
guidance and walked over to his friend.

"Harm? Mind if I sit down?"

Bud knew the use of his first name would be more of an
attention getter than anything else would have. Harm
snapped his head up and gave Bud a puzzled look.

"You called me Harm."

"Yes, I did."

"You never call me Harm at work."

"This isn't about work. I'm going to go out on a limb
here and say some things, some things you might not
want to hear but you're going to."

"I don't think I like your tone, Lieutenant." 

Bud could see the fear in Harm's eyes and it was that
alone that kept him going. "I'm not speaking to you as
Lieutenant Roberts. I'm speaking to you as Bud, your
friend. The one that's been there since the
beginning."

Harm gave a defeated sigh and Bud knew he had won, at
least the first round. "The beginning of what, Bud?"

"The beginning of your love for Sarah MacKenzie." The
fact that Harm didn't protest, gave Bud another
insight into his friends state of the heart.

"You forget, I was there when the two of you met. I
saw the sparks fly between you. Oh, I know, everyone
thinks I'm oblivious and maybe I am to a lot of things
but a person would have had to have been blind, not to
mention dead, to miss the attraction between you and
the Colonel."

Bud waited to see if his words were getting through.
When Harm turned to look at him, Bud knew he'd hit on
something, he just wasn't sure what it was.

"So we had an attraction. So what. Nothing happened
because of it."

"Ha!"

"Ha?"

"Yeah. Ha! Let's see here. I seem to recall a few
incidences where that particular statement could be
proven wrong. The first one that comes to mind is a
certain airplane ride in the Appalachians, which by
the way I still haven't forgiven you for. You took Mac
flying. You never took Meg Austin flying did you?"
When Harm refused to look at him or answer, Bud felt
his confidence growing. "I can't hear you. Did you or
did you not take Meg Austin flying?"

"No." The one word was said quietly and very
grudgingly.

"The defense rests on that particular point. Now, let
me think.... oh yes, there was Dalton Lowne." Bud
almost laughed at the mutinous expression that crossed
Harm's face. Almost, because he liked his job and
rank.

"You were so jealous of that man you couldn't see
straight. Believe it or not, I knew that particular
fact the first day you saw the two of them together.
'Whose that, Bud?' you said and it was downhill from
there. But you know what else I know?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me." Harm tried
to sound disinterested but something told Bud he was
listening to every word.

"That's right. I am. I know that somewhere along this
rocky path the two of you have traveled together, you
fell in love with each other. I'm not sure when it
happened, but I do know that it did. If I had to
hazard a guess, I'd say that your trip to Russia, the
first time, was probably what did it. Up 'til that
point, you'd never had a partner, let alone a woman,
in your life stick by you like Mac did in Russia."

Bud thought he was making his point rather clearly
until Harm turned angry, hurt eyes on him. "Yeah, I'll
give you that, Bud. Mac did stand by me in Russia and
that is when I realized I was in love with her, but
where was she when I had the chance to recapture my
dreams? Where was her love and support then? I'll tell
you where it was. It was pushed aside because she felt
slighted. So, what did she do? She ignored me. She
didn't write, didn't phone, didn't even have the
decency to tell me she'd been promoted. Mac might have
been with me in Russia, but at some point after that,
she started to pull away. I don't know why and to tell
you the truth, I don't even know that I care anymore.
She latched on to Brumby, even after the bastard tried
to pin a murder charge on her. Let him have her."

Harm rose from the bench but Bud's unusually stern
tone stopped any movement he would have made. "You
want to know why Mac pulled away from you? I'll tell
you why. Because when all the garbage from her past
started spewing into the open, she was ashamed. Up
until that point, she'd been able to hide behind the
walls she'd put up. Everyone, especially you, liked
and respected her for who she was and what she had
become. When her sleazy ex-husband showed up, all the
people Mac felt closest to, you being the most
important, saw what she had been. She was angry, hurt,
but most of all scared out of her mind."

If Bud was worried that his words weren't being heard,
Harm's expression at his last statement erased those
fears. "No, that can't be right. I've never known Mac
to be afraid of anything to that extent."

"That's because you've never seen her have to face
demons from the past and risk losing the one person
she cares most about because of it." Bud waited while
Harm took in everything he had said. He didn't wait
idly, however, while he sat, he prayed, for himself
but most of all for his friends.

Harm stood in shocked silence, one scene playing over
and over in his head. I can't face you. Those were the
words Mac had said to him after she had attacked him
in a drunken rage. He had known she was embarrassed by
her actions, but had never suspected the depth of her
fears.

Oh, Mac. I would never judge you for your past. Don't
you know that? I love you. His thoughts suddenly
cleared. That was it! He had shown Mac his love, or
had tried to at least, but he had never said the
words. Turning back to Bud, Harm asked questions he
was afraid he already knew the answers to.

"Bud, did your father ever tell you he loved you?"

"No, Harm, he didn't."

"When Harriet first acted as though she loved you, did
you believe in her?"

"No, Harm, I didn't."

"What convinced you?"

"She said, Bud I love you."

Harm sat back down on the bench and Bud knew that his
friend finally understood. "You see it now, don't you.
Mac has gone her whole life feeling unworthy, unloved.
Then, you came along and excepted her. She found
something in you she had never had before, so when her
past threatened to ruin all she had attained, she
withdrew from you. It's an old trick, if you stay away
from what you want, it won't get any closer to you,
but it also won't go away."

As Harm dropped his head into his hands, Bud placed a
comforting hand on his shoulder. "I went away. I left
her. At least that's the way she saw it. I showed her
for three years that I respected her, cared for her,
loved her, but I never said it, so she couldn't
believe it."

"That's right, my friend, but it's not a one-sided
street here. Mac didn't exactly trust you the way she
should have. You're both to blame for the current
state of your relationship. It's not too late, Harm.
All you have to do is tell her how you feel. Be
honest. Don't let fear rob you of the one thing you
want most. Love is a gift, Harm. Don't throw it away."

Bud rose quietly and left his friend sitting alone,
with his thoughts, his fears, his hopes, but most
importantly, Harmon Rabb, Jr., was left alone with his
love for Sarah MacKenzie. 

New South Wales Supreme Court

Two Days Later

Harm was going to win. She knew that and still she
waited with bated breath for the verdict to be read.
Mic would be dejected, Harm would except victory
graciously, considering how he felt about Mic Brumby.
Mic would ask her for dinner and then.........

Mac sat in the back of the courtroom, as she had
everyday of the trial, her eyes riveted to Harm. It
didn't matter that they hadn't spoken since she had
left him and Bud in the courtyard. It didn't matter
that history seemed to be repeating itself. It didn't
matter that everytime her heart beat, she felt like
crying. None of it mattered because she loved him. She
loved him and he didn't feel the same. 

I guess the song is right, somethings never change. I
could relive this disastrous trip over and over, the
ending would be the same. Mac loves Harm and Harm
doesn't care. So much for Chloe's little rhyme.
Thinking of her little sister brought a small smile to
her lips, but it vanished as she realized the verdict
was being handed down. It was over, in more ways than
one.

After court was adjourned, Mac made her way to the
front of the courtroom. She wanted to warn Harm not to
trust Kevin Lee, but knew he would want to know why,
and as much as she wanted to flee this heartbreak, Mac
couldn't make herself give up the precious time with
Harm. Even if it would only be a quiet airplane ride
back home.

Harm saw Mac approaching out of the corner of his eye.
Halting Lee in mid-plea, he stepped in front of her,
blocking her progress to the front of the room. Her
look of surprised wasn't encouraging but at least she
didn't look angry. Taking a deep breath for
fortification, Harm did something he hadn't done since
he was six, he prayed, then he spoke to the woman who
could make or destroy his future with one simple word.

"Mac, would you have dinner with me tonight?"

Her first instinct of survival told her to say no.
Just go with Mic and make it work, but instead, as she
looked back at Harm, Mac posed her own question. 

"Why?"


"Because it's our last night in Sydney and I thought
we could......." His voice trailed off and Mac saw him
look over at Bud who in turn nodded his head in what
looked like encouragement.

"No, that's not why. I want to have dinner with you
because we need to talk, really talk. Please, Sarah.
Please give me....us a chance." He had never looked at
her quite that way before, as though her words were
more important than his next breath. She wanted to say
yes. She wanted to trust just one more time......

"Hello, Colonel. I was hoping you and I could have
dinner tonight. I want to show you some of Sydney
before you go. What do you say?"

Mac had never felt so torn in her life. She knew what
she would be risking if she went with Harm, but she
also knew what she would lose if she didn't. Then, out
of the corner of her eye, she saw something, someone.
Looking over toward the corner of the courtroom, she
saw Rose standing quietly....waiting, with a smile
filled with love on her face. She didn't speak. The
only movement she made was to touch her ear and then
her chest, right over her heart. Mac understood and
nodded slightly as Rose slowly disappeared from sight.

Feeling a confidence she hadn't felt in months, Mac
turned to Mic Brumby for the last time. "Thank you,
Mr. Brumby, but I'm going to spend my last night here
with my best friend."

Harm's relief was almost palpable and Mac smiled
slightly as she watched Mic walk away. Turning back
toward the tall man beside her, she was surprised to
find his eyes filled with anxiety.

"I'm going to assume by your comment that you meant
me."

Now, it was her turn to feel anxious. "Yes, if you
want to be that is, my best friend I mean."

Harm's light stroke of her cheek brought her eyes up
to lock with his. "Yes, I would very much like to be
your best friend, but that isn't all I want, not
anymore."

His cryptic words were left unexplained when Bud
interrupted, reluctantly, to verify what was to be
done with their client. After Harm confirmed things
with Bud, he turned back to Mac.

"Ready to go? Lee wants one last night with his wife,
so we're done here."

Mac looked at Lee, knowing exactly why he wanted
tonight. She motioned to Bud and the younger officer
came to stand by her side. "Bud, why don't you take a
ride on the ferry tonight? It's really very pretty at
night."

"Not a bad idea, Ma'am. I think I'll do that. Now, if
you'll excuse me, I believe you two have an evening to
begin." With that, he departed with Lee and she and
Harm were left alone.

"Why do I have the feeling Bud knows more than he's
saying?"

Harm's chuckle caused her to turn and face him once
again. "Mac, if there's on thing I've learned on this
trip, it's that our Mr. Roberts knows a lot more than
what he says."

"You going to explain that one to me, Flyboy?"

Taking her arm, Harm led her down the aisle and out of
the courtroom. Still smiling, he stopped on the steps
outside and turned to face her. "Later. I promise to
tell you later. Right now, what do you say we go back
to the hotel and get ready for our evening, as Bud so
aptly put it?"

Mac couldn't help but smile back even though the
action brought pain in its wake. Harm noticed her
discomfort and gently touched her jaw which was a
myriad of colors ranging from dark blue to green to
pale yellow.

"Does it hurt as much as it looks like it does?"

His touch erased any pain but Mac didn't feel quite up
to sharing that particular piece of information. "No,
they always look worse than they feel."

When Harm's eye's clouded with anger, Mac instantly
regretted her words. Seconds later, that remorse was
swept away when he tenderly brushed her hair away from
her face and pulled her into his arms. Her bruised
cheek was pillowed on his chest, and Mac could hear
the steady beating of his heart under her ear. The
world could have ended at that moment and Sarah
MacKenzie would have been the happiest woman in
creation.

Laying his cheek on the top of her soft hair, Harm
whispered, "I promise I'll never give you that kind of
pain. Or any hurt from now on if I can help it. Trust
me, Sarah. Please, trust me."

Mac moved back just enough to look up into his
beautiful green eyes. Eyes that were allowing her to
see into his heart for the first time. Eyes that
promised all the love she would ever need. Looking
into Harm's eyes, Mac found the answer to all her
questions, all her hopes, all her dreams.

"I do. I do trust you."

Four little words, but they were the key to releasing
his heart from the strangle hold fear had placed on it
the past two days. Smiling down at the woman in his
arms, Harm reluctantly released her, only to take her
hand moments later. "Let's go, Sarah. We've got the
whole night ahead of us."

 

Manly Beach

Five Hours Later

Why was it that sunsets were always more beautiful
when you shared them with someone? Or perhaps better
said, with someone you love. Mac didn't know, but at
that particular moment, she didn't care to analyze it.

She and Harm were sitting side by side on the sand,
watching the sunset unfold around them. Their hands
were joined, as they had been much of the evening, and
there was a comfortable silence between them. Dinner
had been wonderful, filled with laughter and smiles.
Then, they had simply strolled along the walkways,
content to be together. Finally, Harm had suggested a
walk on the beach, which had brought them where they
were.

The quiet had been so peaceful, that Mac jumped
slightly when Harm began to speak. "Mac I need to tell
you something. I probably won't say it right but I
need to say it before we go back to DC and life goes
back to the way it was."

Life goes back to the way it was. No! Oh, please God,
no. Don't let him reject me again. I thought he wanted
more than friendship. I guess I was a fool again.
Please, help me, Father. Get me out of here before I
fall apart completely. Her thoughts were so loud in
her heart and mind, that she didn't hear Harm calling
her name until he all but shouted it.

"Mac!"

"What? What did you say?"

"I said I needed to tell you something before we go
back home and things......"

"Go back to the way they were. Yes, I heard you.
Listen, Harm, you don't have to say anything. I don't
blame you for what happened or didn't happen between
us. Let's just go home and try and forget this whole
trip." She was amazed her legs worked. It shouldn't
have been possible when her heart had stopped beating
but it was and Mac started to walk away.

"So that's it. So much for your trust in me. I guess
Bud was wrong. Saying the words won't make a
difference. Honesty doesn't matter, not when you've
obviously given up on us." Harm looked out at the
ocean, so he failed to see the flash of anger light
her chocolate eyes.

"I've given up on us! You're the one who just said
when we get home, things will go back the way they
were. Well, let me be the first to inform you, Mr.
Rabb, there was no 'us' the way things were."

By this time, Harm had walked over to stand directly
in front of her. Giving her glare for glare, Harm went
on the defensive. "I did not say they would go back. I
said before they go back. Which, you would have heard
if you had truly been listening to me!"

"I was listening!"

"No you weren't. You were interpreting, just like
you've been doing for months. Everything I say, you
put your own meaning to. I'm afraid to say anything to
you for fear you'll get the wrong idea. I wanted to
talk to you tonight, but it's no use. You won't hear
what I'm saying. You'll only hear what you think I'm
saying."

Harm started past her, but Mac wouldn't let it go. "Oh
no you don't, Commander. You wanted to tell me
something. Well tell me. I can handle it. I'm a Marine
remember."

"Mac, just drop it."

"Tell me!"

"Fine! I love you, Sarah Mackenzie!"

The silence that followed his less than flowery
declaration was broken only by the sound of waves
crashing on the shore. She might have been a Marine,
but obviously, her knees didn't know that. Mac sat
down on the sand before her legs deserted her
completely.

After the initial shock of his words wore off, Harm
looked down at Mac, trying to gauge her reaction.
Finally, when she didn't look up, he knelt down in
front of her, gently tilting her face up to his. The
sight that met his eyes caused his heart to still in
his chest. Tears ran down Mac's beautiful face and she
looked as though her heart was being torn in two.

Searching her face with tortured eyes, Harm rasped,
"I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't mean....."

Slender fingers cut off his words and stayed to caress
his lips. "You're sorry you said you loved me. You
didn't mean it?"

Pulling her hand away, he dropped a light kiss on her
palm, all the while shaking his head. "No, I'm not
sorry I said I loved you. I do. I have for years. I'm
sorry it upset you. I didn't mean to hurt you. You
don't have to say you love me back. I just wanted you
to know how I felt before we went back to Washington
and the craziness that is JAG."

Mac forced herself to meet his eyes and was stunned by
the loss she saw in their depths. "That's what you
meant. You meant you didn't want things to go back to
the way they were before we left."

"That's right. I've hated how it's been between us
since I came back. I know I'm to blame for that, so I
wanted to try and fix it. But, I never wanted you to
be hurt......"

"What if I want to?"

Harm's look of confusion was comical and now that she
knew how he felt about her, Mac enjoyed seeing the
ever-confident Sailor thrown off balance.

"What if you want to what? Get hurt?"

"No, silly man. What if I want to tell you I love you?
You said I didn't have to, but what if I want to?"

His expression went from confusion to hope in a
heartbeat and Mac couldn't stand to tease him any
longer. She knew her voice sounded shaky and unsure,
but Mac couldn't help either emotion. "Would that be
all right?"

Harm smiled lovingly and framed her face in his hands
before answering her question. "That would be more
than all right. In fact, that would make me the
happiest, not to mention luckiest man on earth."

Trying to smile through her tears, Mac said, "Well in
that case, I love you, Harmon Rabb."

Harm drew her face to within inches of his but stopped
before their lips met. "I'm very glad to hear that,
Ms. MacKenzie."

"Are you?" Mac couldn't quite belief her vocal chords
still functioned this close to having all her dreams
come true.

"Mmm-hmm. Very glad."

Some little imp in her goaded Mac into her next words.
Smiling into his joy-filled eyes, Mac whispered.
"Prove it."

And prove it he did. While Mac's mind was still
functioning, she realized that every kiss she had ever
shared with Harm was different. The kiss in Norfolk
had been bittersweet. The kisses on the ferry had been
tentative and searching. But this kiss, this kiss was
humbling. It was filled with such a mixture of love,
hope and trust, that Mac felt tears slip down her
cheeks.

The kiss seemed to last forever but ended far too
quickly, and when she pulled back slightly, it was to
realize that all the tears had not been hers alone.
Mac smiled while gently wiping Harm's cheek. 

"I'm not the only one crying this time."

"You never were. I was just too afraid to let you see
how I felt about you. I wish I would have. It would
have saved us so much time and avoided so much hurt."

Oh, my darling, if only you knew. But, Mac refused to
let the past interfere with the present, even if now
that past would never happen. Looking into the eyes of
the man she loved and was loved by, Mac sent a prayer
of heartfelt thanks heavenward.

"It doesn't matter, now. We're here, together, the way
we were meant to be. God's given us a wonderful gift,
Harm. Let's not waste it on regrets."

Standing, Harm pulled her to her feet before slipping
an arm around her waist as they started back down the
beach. "Not that I'm disagreeing with you, but how do
you know we were meant to be?"

Stopping, Mac turned in his arms and gave him a smile
that put the stars to shame. "I have it on good
authority from a very reliable source."

"That's all you'll tell me?"

"That's all. Except one more thing."

"What's that?"

"I love you, Harm. I'll tell you that from now
til.......til eternity."

"Only til eternity?"

"Eternity is a very long time, Harmon."

"Not with you, Sarah. And, just so you know, I love
you too."

Their laughter sailed up to heaven and fell upon the
ears of the young woman standing in front of the huge
window in her CO's office.

"You've done well, Rose. I'm very pleased with your
work."

"Thank you, Sir, but it's not as if I did it alone. I
had help both from here and down there."

"Yes, yes you did. However, you asked for that help
and you excepted it. That wasn't easy to do. You
should be very happy."

"Oh, I am, Sir. I'm happy that Harm and Mac are
finally together. I'm happy that they have such
wonderful friends. I'm happy that...... Sir? I don't
mean to sound ungrateful, but does this mean that my
request will be......"

"Yes, Rose. You shall have your most heartfelt prayer
answered. Go my child. Go with God."

"Always, Sir and thank you."

 

Christmas Eve 2001

Rabb Home

Harm and Mac smiled as they watched their friends and
family enjoying the huge Christmas tree and the
bountiful feast set in front of it. This year was a
two-fold celebration. It was, above all, the birthday
of a King, but it was also the anniversary of the
joining of two hearts.

Harm and Mac had been married on Christmas Eve a year
before. The months following their return from Sydney
had been joyous and filled with love that never seemed
to end. Harm had proposed on Easter Sunday, because he
said it was a day to celebrate God's greatest gift to
mankind, and to him, Mac was yet another wondrous gift
from God.

As the couple looked around, they spotted another
treasure that God had given them shortly before their
wedding. She was playing with one of the low-hanging
ornaments on the tree. When she looked up and saw her
two favorite people, her smile lit up the room.
Reaching out pudgy arms, she waited to be picked up by
Mac, who seemed to be her most favorite person of all.
No one knew why, but her eyes always glowed a little
more when Mac was nearby.

"So what do you think, young lady. Is this our best
Christmas?"

"Darlin' she's only one. This is only her second
Christmas."

"The second of many. Isn't that right, Pumpkin?"

"You talk to her as though she understands you,
Sarah." Harm's eyes danced with love as he looked at
his two favorite ladies.

"Well, of course she does. We women always understand
what you men don't."

"If that's the case, why did it take us so long to get
it right?" At his words, Harm saw Mac's smile falter
and was immediately contrite. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart,
I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories."

Mac shifted her precious, but squirming bundle and put
her free arm around her husband's waist. "You didn't,
my love, it's just that sometimes, when I think about
that trip to Sydney, I feel like I'm forgetting
someone important. It's odd, as though I should
remember but can't quite see who's missing."

Harm kissed his wife gently and said, "I can tell you
that right here and now, we aren't missing anyone. I
have you in my arms and our friends and family to help
us celebrate the most joyous night of the year."

At his words, Mac's head came up and her breath
caught. "What did you just say?"

"I said it's the most joyous night of the year. Why?
Don't you agree?"

...tell me why such a beautiful woman looks so sad on
the most joyous night of the year. The words came from
somewhere, perhaps it was her subconscious or more
likely her heart. Wherever they had traveled from, Mac
realized that she had been given yet another heavenly
gift.

Looking down at the beautiful child in her arms, Mac
laughed through her tears as she kissed Harm tenderly.
"Oh, yes, my darling, tonight is indeed the most
joyous night of the year. Isn't that right, Little
One."

The baby girl in her arms looked up at Harmon and
Sarah Rabb with the knowledge of ages in her smile.
She was the fulfillment of a heartfelt prayer. She was
an angel sent from heaven.

Sarah Rose Roberts.....a Father's Gift.

 

 

The End